Hey, guys, listen, I'm getting the sense that the listener really wants to get into the episode.

Yeah, they just want to jump right in.

We want to skip all this. Do you have anything you'd like to say before we get in the pattern?

Get it out now.

Forever hold your peace because we're about to jump in. No, I'm good. We're going to talk.

We're going to get your pod on. Let's jump in with it.

Let's pod the shit out of this. Let's jump in.

Let's pod it. Here we go.

Here we go. Welcome to SmartList.

Smartlist. Smart. Lies. Smart. Lies.

Sean was asking me Before we came on, I decided to save it for-For the P-Cast. Yeah, I was at the Emmys recently to present an award and didn't do the red carpet sitting in the audience thing. Just drove there myself and went through the back door, presented, and then left right after that. I said to Franny, Tracy, this is my 17-year-old daughter. I said, I'm just going to go in and out there. Do you want to come with me and see what it will be? She said, Sure. We drove down there together and we went in there. I said, and then we were in the green room and then they said- Did you take Olympic? Olympic was part of the route. Then I said, Come with me to the wings there because they said it's time to present. I said, Franny, come walk with me right to the edge of the stage. As you can see how it all works. She walked in and the stage manager said to her, said, Hey, you want to walk the award out there?

Yeah.

She's like, What do you mean? She said, Well, instead of the awards gal walking it out there, the trophy gal, do you want to walk the There's a word out there? She's like, Sure. Franny ended up walking out on stage with me with the award in her hand and handed it to the winner there. And stole the show because she looked gorgeous. She didn't steal the show, but It was very cool that we were on stage together at the Emy. When's that ever going to happen?

I know. That's really cool.

We were with your wife, Amanda. Yes, that is her name. And Sean and I, they were there with Scott and some friends. I think I can say Amanda and I are dating now. Wait, hang on. Yeah, we can say that.

Yeah, you can say. You don't have to say that.

I'd love it if you said it to me first, privately.

You walked out and you were there with Franny. We were like, Oh, my God, it's Franny. We were like, rewinding to see. We kept rewinding.

The camera didn't catch her too great, but we looked at it.

The camera didn't catch her great enough, but it was so sweet.

We looked out into the crowd and there's Kimmel and Molly sitting right on the aisle. You could see the shot. They were like, Oh, my God, that's Franny. They pulled out their iPhone and took some pictures.

Isn't that sweet?

But it was wild. Right when you walked out to present, I looked over to your other beautiful, gorgeous, amazing daughter, Maple. I looked at her and she was staring at the screen with a big smile on her face. She was like, She didn't have to say anything. I was like, What's going on in her head? Like, Oh, my God, that's my dad.So cool.So cute.

It was really sweet. I will say, Mape has, I don't know what's happening. It's almost like since Christmas, and it's not been that long. Seems so much older now.

Yeah.

Like in the last two weeks. I haven't seen her in two weeks before the other night.

We bought her some growth hormone for Christmas. That's nice.

How do you-It's a cream.

It's a cream.

I remember you saying We were like, We're going to take her to this institute in the Alps. You guys went to Switzerland. Yeah.

Well, you got to do it outside of the country. It's too experimental right now. But yeah, she's really growing. Four inches since Christmas.

No, it's really sweet. Yeah, she is.

She's really great.

I love her. All right, well, thank you for the family indulgence there. Do you want to get to our guest or do you guys have some fun chatter?

Can I just ask you a quick question?

Yeah, Capricorn.

Does that do it? Well, it's part of it. Do Capricorns wear their headphones over their hoodie? Because that's what I want to know.

What is the deal? Chilly in the house here. Hold on.

It's right. Jason. Look at that.

Jason just took off his hoodie.

By the way, Jason, your hair. I will say this, the other thing I loved about, and I said it at the time when we were all watching, and Sean, you can back me up. You came out, you presented, you did your little bit, you referenced the photo. It was the perfect... I was like, That's how you present. You were the absolute example. Honestly, it was so good. It was tight, it was great. You look great with the long hair. I think I told you that Louis, who would sell you that, Louis is like, out of the other day, says to me unsolicited, Jason's hair looks amazing. I was like, Okay, man.

Yeah, Louis put his hands on me earlier. Old Louis K. Yeah, I mean, like, Come on, man.

But you came out, you looked great, and then you just did your bit, it was funny, and then you... I don't know, there was something really classic and simple about it.

I know, I love that. It was great. You didn't try too hard. It was great.

Not just because you're my friend.

This is one of the best parts, though. One of our friends that we all know that I was sitting next to, they start playing the theme to the Will & Grace program, and she leans over to me and she goes, What song is this?

She's a funny one. She should go into comedy.

It's the theme to my show that I was on. Listen, her name, Rimes with Jennifer Gannistan.

But we're not going to tell you.

She goes, What song is that? I go, That's from my show.

She was like, You're an actor? I remember hearing her just faint naked. I remember hearing her say, You're an actor.

I I love how because Frannie and Maple have grown up with Jens since they were little kids. They thought that she just sold... That she was a water salesman and a shampoo salesman until about five or six years ago. They just didn't know.

Remember Nash came over before Christmas, and he thought that Jen's house was a really nice restaurant.

How do we always have this restaurant rented out?

He's like, I like that restaurant. We can always get a table. It's not a restaurant.

Guys, today I've got for you a big brain. I know you like it when we have folks on the show that can fill us in on all the things we have trouble figuring out, people that can make us smarter. After all, it's called Smartless.

We have a long way to go on that. We don't want anything.

Now, they might not be our most entertaining guests or the funiest, but they are important to hear, and sometimes you just have to take them to the medicine. So today we got just that person, so settle in. She's been studying human beings and society in general for decades decades. What? She's been sharing her findings with audiences all over the world. She delivers her lectures live or on podcasts or television and books. Often, her lectures cover issues ranging from equality, religion, politics, relationships, and even procreation. For her work, she has been recognized with numerous awards and admiration, including a Peabody Award. Lately, she has shocked the world, tried her hand in the entertainment world, too. She's found herself on the receiving end of one nomination from the Golden Globes, two from the Grammys, Tony's, one from the Tonys, 13 Emmy nominations, and ended up winning one of those. She has also hosted the Oscars. Guys, it's the girl with the lower back tattoo. It's America's own, Amy Schumann. Amy Schumann. Guys, I thought it was some academic stiff.

Hi. Hi, Amy.

Hi, guys. You guys.

You guys.

I could just feel you seething going, oh, fucking Bateman's got himself another academic guy. I I got to say- You look so sad.

That's his resting sad face. Can I just say I'm a little disappointed, Amy, because you were going to be my guest a long time ago? What? Yeah. Yeah, I'd be. Then Bateman stole you from Out Under.

That often happens on the show. I actually just texted our producer the other day, a couple of names, and he's like, in process. I was like, Oh, okay. Somebody else got- Can I just say this is my first actual first time that two men have ever fought over me, and I just want to relish it for just a second.

I'll fight over you. Really? Yeah. Okay. Two and a half.

I'm a half. Amy, I'm such a huge fan. I've never met you before. I've always felt like, God, I just love you. I just love you.

I've never met you. What is your problem? What's your problem? Nothing. I can hear all of you. I'm walking in the impediment. I'm thrilled to be here to promote my lectures. My lectures.

I thought you were going right into a plug for your new project.

Oh, my gosh. No, I'm done. Did I tell you? I just left the business.

You're kidding.

We're making news. This is it. Go ahead. What are you going to do? I'm just going to be a fit model, I guess.

You might as well.

Hello?

You.

No, we're still here. What if we explain that incredibly gorgeous background you've got there?

Now, look at that. This is my first-is that a house? This is honestly my first time anybody's ever seen the back of my thing, you would think.

I'll say that better. You got another chance to say that. Okay.

Still rolling. I haven't podcasted from this room ever. Oh, got it. This is my first exposure, and I didn't think it through. This is my office. This is my office.

That looks real tasteful.

Yeah, it's not good.

No, it's good.

Is it a home office? Are we talking to you from a home office?

Yes, this is my home office, according to my taxes.

I don't want to get you in trouble with the IRS. But no. That's not my goal.

Yeah. No, this is This is my little home office. It's not big, but it's mine. As you can see, I started color-coding my books, and then I stopped.

Yeah, it's exhausting.

My book.

I'm sorry.

My book. Sean color-coded his books, right? It took It's like, better part of 15 seconds.

Yeah. Well, it's not worse than my book.

They're all children's books. Well, audio books are tough.

But a lot of people have home offices. Do you actually sit there and work from your home office?

I haven't That's why. I mean, this is truly my first podcast from here. How's it feel? I feel exposed. I feel humiliated. I just am realizing I left this door open and you can see a sad pile of stuffed animals.

No, I can see your tasteful windows and couch and rugs.

I will say that, Amy, that pile of stuffed animals, it does look like it's from a horror film. I will just say.

If you saw these things up close, you would really question the rest of this interview. It's really terrifying. Should I grab them? I wanted to say, of all regrets, which is, of course, doing this podcast at all, but mostly not wearing a bra.

Okay.

I'm going to just- We're fine with all. That's fine with me. I've got one on.

Okay, good. Now, Amy, what about working from home? What does work look like for you? I'm not being a shitty. How does a stand-up, or well, you're beyond You're more than that. But when you're doing stand-up work, this is the part that interests me. You're not just walking around town with a little pad of paper and jotting down shit you think might be funny, right? It's harder than that. You're sitting down, you're trying to craft actual word sequencing on a joke set up. But does that happen in an office for you, staring at a wall, or is it more collaborative?

I don't really write. I think I used to write. I now just will say something to a friend or my husband or my son. I'll go, Is that funny? And then I write it down. Then I-Right. Yeah. I've never had the discipline to sit and write. I sit and write scripts in bed. I sit up in bed and I mostly write in bed. I don't know what I'm doing in here. I don't feel comfortable in here. Thank you for pointing that now.

When you say in here, do you mean this planet or are you talking about your audience?

But when you're up on stage, you're not ripping off of bullet points, are you?

No, that's from I'll have a premise, and I'll just say the premise on stage at the Comedy Cell or something, and then just work it out.

Let me ask you about the Comedy Cell and all that stuff. For you now, you're an established comedy star, but you'd still have to do... You still go and you work stuff out. Just tell Tracy what that process is like for you. Tracy is Sean's sister.

Tracy Morgan?

Tracy Morgan. Okay.

He's a listener.

Because he's doing that. But what is that like for you? You're talking to your husband or your friends or whatever, and then you end up having some material. You're like, All right, I've got a bunch of stuff. Then you go, what? You're like, It's a Thursday night, like tonight. You go, I'm going to put the kids to bed, and I'm going to go to If you're a comedy seller at 10:00, you just show.

I only have one kid, but you're one of my best friends. One kid, sorry. So you know that. I know.

I say kids because I'm trying to shame you. Because I know you've been trying. Do you- Actually, No, but totally have, which makes it real good, and that's what makes it funnier.

But do you think you go like, tonight- Wait, actually, can I show you something? Because Jason asked me one time very rudely about… Because I actually had my uterus removed. Is that true? He was like, Did you save it? I was like, I actually did save it. I had it bronzed because of how difficult my pregnancy was. I can't believe I… I didn't even think of this, but I get the chance to show this to you.

No way. It's pretty good.

Don't look at this. Not my son wipes on my pants when I get up. Okay. This is my uterus.

Is that really it?

Oh, my God.

Can you call it closer to the camera? That's crazy.

Wow. Okay. I take my joke back because I literally had zero idea.

No, it's fine. It's fine. Time's up. Honestly, time's up for you.

Check your email, Will.

Yeah.

You're done. How are you tweeting? I didn't even see you leaving the screen. I do apologize. I had zero idea, obviously.

It's all good.

What I What you want to know is, so you write down your joke ideas. It's a Thursday night, you put your son to bed, and then you go, Honey, I'm going to go to the Comedy Central at 10:00 PM. I'm just going to walk over there, or you show up. How does that work? How do you go and just work stuff out?

I would usually. I really haven't been doing other stuff, but I would actually say, I'm going to do a surprise show at the cellar, and I would go and do however much time I have, 45 minutes or something, and just try new stuff. I do day shows, so the audience doesn't feel too bad. It's like 4:00 PM. They pay like five bucks.

That's a great idea. Yeah. That's a great idea.

It's like, I'm like, seriously. You hear of comedians like Joan Rivers or Rickles They would be doing some casino show at 11:00 AM, and you're like, what? Now that's me. Really? Yeah, that's my dream is just to get- Yeah, that's perfect because everybody wants to be- This seems stupid, but you call them in advance and go, Hey, it's Amy Schumer.

I'm showing up at 4:00 PM, and I'm going to do an hour. Or no, you just show up.

Well, no, I just text Liz, the manager, or SC, the booker, and I say, Is today a good day for me to come and do? They would write secret girl show, and Liz would post a picture of her pug, and that really means it's me, and some people know that. 60 people would come at 4:00 PM on a Tuesday.

I'd be right there.

I can't imagine. Lunchtime comedy.

Look after that pug. Yeah, but that's how you know. Then I work it out, and I take out the stuff that's bombing everything on this podcast so far.

No.

No, it's fine.

What about- No, shut the fuck up.

I'm just vulnerable. You just shut the fuck up.

Excuse me? Will, your son, Will mentioned your son. It reminded me Okay, so guys- I have a daughter. No. Her son's name is Jean. Oh, come on. She named his middle name Atell, right? After Dave Atell. Then she realized, well, say the first and middle name quickly together. Sean, go ahead.

Jean Atell. Yeah.

Gina Tal. She changed it because she thought it might sound like genital.

See, Sean didn't put it together like me as a new mom until it was a month in. Then I realized... My husband's last name is Fisher, so I named him Genital Fisher. Genital Fisher. Not to be funny.

She did a little switcheroo on that. We had the same thing with Maple. We had Maple Sylvie Bateman. She One of her friends, older sisters said, Wait, maple Syrup, bacon? We're like, Oh, shit. We got to go downtown and we got to change that.

Is that the same as naming your kid after cock and balls?

Yeah. What about this?

What about Amy? What about his middle name? Naté.

That would have been perfect.

That would be fun.

We changed it to David. We played it safe. He sounds like a lawyer.

Smart. Yeah. All right. Now, Amy. Yes. What was your first introduction production to stand up? Why did you get started in that world? Is mom or dad funny? Did they take you to comedy shops? Why that? What happened?

Actually, we did watch a lot of comedy. I grew up watching you. Just kidding. Don't you hate when people say that? Because I'm like, your age. Okay. I just remember being one years old watching you in your prime. I loved Gilda and Lucy, and Whoopie Goldberg, and Common Relief, and SNL, which wasn't branded SNL then. I did plays. My parents were both really funny. But then I did improv after college.

Were they show...

Were your parents in entertainment? No. My mom's a speech and hearing therapist for the deaf, and my dad sold baby furniture.

Wow.

Really? Yeah.

Did he make the baby furniture?

No. They imported it from Europe, from Italy. Parents who wanted fancy baby furniture for some reason.

The furniture, not the babies.

Yeah. We did not import the babies.

We will be right back.

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What was that first time, Amy, that first time you were on stage? I'm asking just because I've never had the balls to do any stand-up or monolog type of thing. Never? I did once with Willy at UCB, but it was a total blackout because I was so nervous.

But I can't imagine-He can't even do a toast.

Come on. He can't even do a toast. Is this true? He can't even do a toast. I really lock up. When you're on stage there, the first time you decided to, Okay, I'm going to do this set or this series of jokes I think are funny, what was that like and how old were you?

I was 23, which means I've been doing standard for 20 years. No, I'm 42. Never mind.

Where were you? Where was this? Was it at college?

It was at the Old Gotham Comedy Club. I did one of those improv groups that you pay to be in, just a straight up hustle from backstage, that paper. Yeah, it was $50 to go to a freezing theater and meet other mentally ill people. One of the women in it was like, I'm doing a show at Gotham. You just had to bring four people. I watched her and I just thought, I could maybe do this.

That's how you get up on stage is if you brought four people to pay cover?

It's still like that. Yeah.

Really?

It's like amateur night, but you got to have four people. Okay.

Yes. You can actually get in front of real audience. It's not just like, right to open mics because... And generally, a real audience will laugh at some point because they feel bad for you.

Did you trust that the stuff that you worked on was working?

No, I decided that day that I was going to do it.Wow.And.

I-so you had no material?

No, I wrote out a set. I just came up with what would Fuck me.

What was your first joke? This is fascinating.

It was about how sky riding is a stupid way to get engaged because it… It was so sad. I talked about taking the Crosstown bus in Manhattan. It was just like...

You trusted your ability to just rip on stuff and that there would be a shared experience with something.

Yeah, and it went well enough. I think this is a lot of comedians experience that your first time you do really well, and then the second time you die on stage.

What if it hadn't gone well? Do you think you would have said, Okay, screw this. If so, where do you think you would have gone career-wise? What are you drawn to?

Oh, my gosh. I was always going to just perform. I never had a thing. I went to college for theater and had no goals, had no backup. I waited tables and bartended for a long time. I get that. But you You could see that, me being a rude waitress.

Do you miss theater?

I got to do a Broadway show.

What did you do?

I did a Steve Martin play called Meteor Shower.

Oh, yeah.

I'm on Shonswick.

Is that what you got the Tony nomination for?

Yes.

That's so cool, Amy.

Thank you. I've seen now twice, Prayer for the French Republic on Broadway. It's so good. You guys have to see it.

I heard that's great. I used to wait tables, and my one joke was I would bring the food to the... I was a runner. I wasn't a waiter. I ran the food to the people. Story's falling apart already. Anytime, I would have the plate. I would have the plate.

You'd just come in, kissing, Hot shit, hot shit, Hot shit.

I would come in and right before I put the food down, somebody would inevitably say, Oh, that looks fantastic. I'd point to my shirt and I'd go, Thanks, I just got it.

Come on.

Yeah, it worked every time. You get it in a Do you get any repeat customers?

We're like, You did that the last three times. It's the fucking sweatiest joke. Please fucking stop.

I feel like I didn't gush to you, Sean, for how funny and how much I love you. Oh, that's okay. My joke that I do at I have nauseam, and I cannot stop myself, is whenever somebody I'll order a drink, a cocktail, and when the waiter rings it over, I go, Who sent this?

I do it all the time. Damn it.

Okay. That's it.

Okay. I do it all the time.

Who sent this?

I What? Like a bar right there, anywhere. I do that all the time.

Shad also does something that never doesn't work. He'll grab whatever clutch or purse he sees around and throw it over his shoulder and distractedly look up from rifling through and going, Guys, does anybody need anything from CVS? Right back.

Or anytime there's a candle, he holds it up and then guards the flame and goes, Guys, right this way. I think.

Yeah. Does anybody know where the bathroom is?

Another of the favorite one that we do, a lot of comics I'm friends with, we'll just… This is probably another bit everyone does, but we all act like we're going to pay the bill. We go like, No, I got this. And then we'll put a Metro card or just something that makes no sense. Or our favorite, this is my favorite bit we would do, is we would go, maybe you've heard this, too. I don't know if this is a bit, but it's like, comics go like, Oh, my God, did you guys see me last night? I was amazing. Have you heard this before? I was amazing. I don't know what happened. Everything was just firing. And then one of us would go Keith, we were there. He goes, Well, they were mostly from out of town. They were barked in. They didn't know where they were.

Sean, did we already talk about this in the part? Sean had this really funny bit where he and his friend went on a trip once, and they had to borrow a fan because Sean needs a fan in order to fall asleep because he loves a fan. Yeah, so just grab anybody. Anybody who's seen Will and Grace or whatever, but he just needs a fan. Oh, a fan. No, sorry. I'm kidding. But a fan. He's at this hotel, and they bring in a fan. They go, of course, because he's Sean Hayes of Will and Grace, and they love him, they're a big fan. They put the thing. They give him a fan, and it says, Do not take out of the office, it says on the fan. So he and his friend, they were on this, and they spent the whole night doing bits about the person who comes back to the office-And the fan is missing.and notices the fan is missing. Then a month ago, we were at dinner, maybe two months ago, and we started doing it. Everybody had to do their version of the boss coming back.

You had to say, Where's my fan?

Where's my fan? The line was, you couldn't change anything. You could do whatever you want, but you had to say, Where's my fan?

Yeah, you can come in super happy. You can come in super mad.

Fuck me. We did an hour on it.

Where was this and where was I?

It was funny. You had already gone home. It was after 7:30 PM, so you had already gone to bed. I don't know where you were, JB, because Amanda was there.

So you come in. Amy, you come in and you do this. You go, so you come in and you go, Hey, guys. We're going to start the date. Four through six has a real big issue with their sheets. We have to change their sheets. Where's my fan?

So fucking… Then Sean and I started doing this bit where we go, Where we go? Yeah, man, of course I know where that is. Hello. Hello? Then you answer yourself. You surprise yourself.

Why is it so fun?

We're dumb. It's so stupid.

We're very dumb.

Speaking of dumb, what What happens when you get some real dumb ass lippy audience member that wants to just start talking to you or commenting on your joke, or at worst, heckling or something like that? You got me like, anything ever go really sideways? It's a Sean Hayes question. You ever punch anybody from stage, get down, walk down into the stands?

I have never physically assaulted anybody in the audience.

We're not lawyers.

Oh, all right. It was... Okay. Look, it was one time, fucking Yeah. No, I have some YouTube videos showing me with hecklers over the years. Really? Oh, really? Yeah. Every comic, I think, is because they had a bad labor, childhood experience. Trauma. Yeah, just trauma, trauma. I think people get into stand-up because of the control of it. They like that. It's a one-sided conversation. When it goes wrong, you're already You're pretty defensive. You're ready. The goal is to get a big laugh. But some comics will take it too far, and it ruins the show because you just see that they're really sad and angry.

They're too affected by it.

That's the thing you've got to avoid, I'm guessing, right? Don't make the audience tight or tense.

The best thing I've seen is just to diffuse use it, honestly. I think that's the pro move. They go like, You suck. You go like, Thanks, dad, or whatever. Just try to keep the show moving because it's a fun little… That's the best. I think that's the pro move.

Sean, are you crying?

A little bit.

When you're not doing it, Am, do you…

I cut everybody's name short. I love it. When you're not doing it, do you miss it? Do you crave it? Do you crave going back on when you're not on tour or not Are you seeing it?

Yeah, I do. I really miss it. I mean, it's hard because it's like, within your family, no one is interested in your career. Or your jokes. No. It's like to go on stage. If I went to the cell right now, I would go up and I would get a long applause and people would be excited to see me. I just can't really get used to that because then you start thinking that they're right. Why is it? Am I important in my household? As you all know, you're not.

No, you're nothing. The last person to give it up anything for me is inside my house.

Of course. It's like, yeah.

Same.

It's great though. It's great though.

It keeps it- Not the same. What about... So you might miss that.

I'm a real hit at home, to be honest.

Is that true? I don't see that for you. That's what I do.

He does pretty well.

Why not?

Why don't you see that for me? No, I don't know. Let's just keep the conversation It's a movie.

Okay. But I do say... You know what's funny is I totally hear that because it's not real and it's outsized from your real life, meaning that we all have our relationships with our family, et cetera, and then you go on stage or you interact with fans, and that adulation is not normal. But I will also say that people say, Oh, you like people who like you, and I go, Yeah.

What's wrong with that?

Of course What the fuck are you talking about? Will on Sunday was making me pee my pant. My stomach hurt so bad from laughing. I turned to Alessandra, his baby mama, and I turned to Alessandra and I go, God, I'm crying, laughing. I go, It just doesn't stop. She goes, From 6:00 AM till bedtime.

This is while she was cleaning her gun or was she loading it? While you love the immediate gratification and feedback of a stand-up stage, you're doing way more on-camera stuff now than you ever were before, almost more so than stand-up work. How are you able to get the same amount of gratification with it just being in front of a crew and hoping that later the editor and the marketing and all that stuff comes? What's the gratification of doing the on-camera stuff? Is it equal to it? Is it more?

I love the process. I like, I know. This interview is over. We don't find that word. I know. I hate myself. That word's okay. Okay, I'm allowed to say process? Okay.

Don't say storyteller.

Okay, I will not. I will not. Contact the snipers if you have a shot, take the shot. Just to be so honored to just be part of telling. We're storytelling. That's what you know. That's fucking it. Take the shot. No, I I love a writer's room. I love collaborating. I love...

How do you like directing? You've been doing that, too. Do you like that collaborative process?

I love it. I was doing it before I was credited to do it. That's the truth. I love doing it with my crew. I always work with Dan Pal, Kevin Cain, and Ryan McFall, and we all do it together. But directing, I love it. Yeah.

As opposed to that solo thing of being on stage. It's a completely different thing, right? But you love it just as much, huh?

Yeah, it's isolating.

Then what about the writing process of scripts versus stand-up stuff? You're in your bed. Like writing Trainwreck, for instance, which, by the way, is one of my favorite movies of all time. I love you guys. It's so great. That Jud just crushed that. Was that a fantastic experience or was it a lot more work than you had anticipated?

And if so, was it It was totally fun and it was completely worth it and amazing. I was afraid of becoming famous, but it's been okay. What do you guys think about it?

I loved it. And I also think- Is that a trainwreck?

No, I mean being famous.

I think you're a great famous person, by the way. Really? Yeah. I like the way... No, I do like the way you treat Fame. You're very unprecious about it. You're very humble about it. You're hilarious about it. You don't take it too seriously, yet you're very serious about what it is you're doing. You seem to have an incredible- You're very honest.

You're very open and transparent and very honest about how you feel about stuff. You're not held captive by it. Sometimes people can be so nervous about losing it or presenting the right way or whatever. You seem to be very honest. I, again, don't know you that well. I didn't even know you had your uterus removed. But I do- That's not my view.

That's a It's not actually uterus, by the way. That's not actually uterus. That means a lot. I can't believe I just back myself into these compliments. No, but it's true. Sean, did you want to add anything?

I actually had a question about that.

It's not really time for questions.

Sean has been very vocal about that. He does not like the fame on you. Yeah.

Well, you said Sean is famously quoted, Women aren't funny.

Famously.

It is.

It is what it is. By the way, he pre-made his gravestone to say that. He had it made years ago. It's waiting for him to die.

You already sleep under it, which I think was a strange choice.

I'm just trying to get acclimated.

Two each. That's what they say.

Do you think, Amy, will women ever be funny?

No, it's just not.

It's Sean's question. It's Sean's question.

Okay, Sean, thank you for that question.

I just texted Will, my question. No, Amy, my question was about that, though. I was just starting to write down a question about how open you are, about being body positive. You seem to always be on the right side of every issue. At least I follow you on Instagram, and I'm like, yes, every time you post something-Thank you for your support. Yes. Oh, God. Every time you post something about an opinion, I agree with it, and I love your voice, basically. Thank you. Were you ever not like that? Was there a It was a defining moment when you're like, You know what? I got to get out of my shell and start... Life is bigger than just me and my career and my family. I have to actually start expressing myself about bigger issues that include everybody. Was there something that pushed you that way, or was there like, Wait a minute, I got to get off the couch and do something.

No, I'm on the couch, as you know. That's for me. I'm in the bed. But no, I was always like this. I was always open in my yap. Really? Couldn't really... Yeah, I didn't know what it meant to be a feminist like Will. It just means thinking of women equally.

But at some point, you didn't care what people... There Was there a shift?

No, everyone always... I care what people think. It's like, no, what an actual sociopath doesn't care?

Right. Well, that's my point. It's not that you don't care what people think. It's that you're willing to risk saying what you believe in and be honest and no matter what people think. Of course, as human beings, we all take that shit on. I don't care who you are. You can read a comment, you can read a review, you can read a thing, and it'll hurt your feelings because we are human beings. But the ability to continue to be honest and true to what you believe, I think, is very admirable, considering that it's much more you're in a high-profile position. So there you go. Well, thank you. Sean doesn't say, Fuck all. I wish he would, but he doesn't take a position on fucking anything. You know what? We're all like, Hello? You That's Sean's big causes. You know what? He made a big position last year. He said that a G550 was way better than a G5.

Yeah, that was you. That was you.

No, I think that was a good sword to fall on, Sean. That was brave.

We'll be right back. Smartlist gets support from Audible. Audible lets you enjoy all your audio entertainment in one app. You'll always find the best of what you love or something new to discover. They offer an incredible selection of audiobooks across every genre, from bestsellers and new releases to celebrity memoirs, mysteries and thrillers, motivation, wellness, business, and so much more. Audible is your destination for thrilling audio entertainment with highly anticipated new releases and next listen recommendations for every type of thriller listener. As an Audible member, you could choose one title a month to keep from the entire catalog, including the latest best sellers and new releases. I love, as you well know, Sci-Fi, and I saw the sequel to Dune. I love the first one. I loved the sequel. It was so good, but I never read the book. So what I did was I went back on Audible and I started listening to Dune by Frank Herbert. It's narrated by a ton of super talented people doing lots of different voices, and it's a to listen to. If you don't know Dune or you might be interested in listening to it on Audible, it's an awesome sci-fi adventure that has mysticism, environmentalism, and politics, and all these great themes.

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Is your cousin, Chuck Schumer, helpful in- My son. Your son, Chuck Schumer? No shit. That's your son. The great Senator Chuck Schumer. Fuck, I got a Wikipedia of you.

My baby boy.

I've got to Google you right now.

Is he helpful at all in navigating that place of like, you can care what people think, but It's okay to bake in the fact that some people are not going to like what you think, and that shouldn't prevent you from, in his case, enacting legislation that serves a lot more than some.

We've never talked about it, actually. No? He very much is with me, calls on Jean's birthday and whatever. We have talked about things over the years, but we've never talked about the hate that comes with it. I think the way he feels, I'm just projecting, is how I feel where it feels like more of an opportunity to help than the responsibility to use my voice.

Yeah, utilizing the platform. I It would be so tempted. It's like, Will, you're buddies with Shana and runs the Toronto Maple Leaves. I don't know how you're able to avoid calling him every day with an idea for a new player. I would be calling Senator Chuck Schumer every day with an idea for how we can make this world better. They'd be dumb ideas because I'm not bright, but I would just like, I got a bat line to somebody who's- I tell him about the maple leaves, actually.

I call him- You do? That's the advice I give him.

You've just, oh, my God, I I can't even stand up.

I can't stand up right now.

Did you just ejaculate without.

Is it apparent? Wait, is it true that his name is Chuck? It was never Charles. He was born. It's just Chuck.

No, his name is Charles. Okay. I'm going to cross that off. Yeah, his name is Charles.

What websites are you on?

Yeah, wait a minute.

During the pandemic, I... Fuck. Sorry, guys.

Oh, wow. He used to play stickball with my dad. He's just like a sweet Brooklyn dude. Is that true? Yeah.

What is Is your whole family very involved? I mean, obviously, but is your whole family very much involved in... I don't know. Have they always been involved in politics, or is he an outlier?

Yeah, he's the only one. My family... But it's cool. I did that show, Finding Your Roots. Did you guys ever do that?

I haven't yet.

I did Who Do You Think You Are, which is probably the same thing.

I found out my family when they came They were early garment workers on the Lower East Side and reforming workers unions and that stuff. They were in that way political. But no, nobody else is in office.

How far back did your research go?

Where did it go to?

Where did they- It went 1500s. Really? Wow. I guess that's not... Is that that long? I mean, for Europe, they're like, oh, great. But for us, it's like, wow.

Anything super interesting or stuff you didn't want to hear? Where were they?

Where did they go back to?

We were in what would now be considered Ukraine. Viznyitz is the town for the Jewish side. Then the other side was London. Came over settled pretty early in Massachusetts. That side of my family, back then, they were A couple of them were stolen and brought into slavery with these... This sounds so problematic, but this is really what happened. They were stolen and brought into slavery up in Canada for a couple of these different tribes. Wow. Yeah. And- Are you part of the Arnett tribe? Yeah. We are, yeah. Yeah, this is really true. Then 30 years later, my family made enough to go and try and rescue them. When they got up there... This is so... I'm serious. They were- This is fucking crazy. When they got up there to rescue his two brothers and his sister, who'd been stolen and sold into slavery, they were running the tribe. They didn't want to leave because now they were in charge of the tribe.

They became Colonel Kurtz.

Yeah. That's wild.

That is fucking crazy. No way. Wow. Isn't that wild? Did they stay in Canada running the tribe or whatever?

Yeah. I reached out after that show, and I reached out, and I'm in touch with some distant cousins now. Oh, that's wild. Because of that show. Yeah.

Then I do have- You're like, fucking never call here again, eh?

We're good. I mean, seriously, wasn't that Danny McBride's thing in some movie? That's really what happened with my family, which I do come from a long line of people who are fighters. I have Holocaust survivors in my family. Wow.

Unbelievable. Sean, what about your family?

When I did Lisa Kudrow, produces a show called Who Do You Think You Are? I did it. I had to go to Ireland and learn about all my Irish ancestors. For the most part, they were all drunk, disorderly, and in jail. Really? Yeah. It was pretty wild.

Wait, so you're saying your whole family, they were all in jail and they were all what?

Drunk and disorderly and got arrested over and over again.

They were drinking in Ireland?

Yeah. That's fun. Did you get to read any of the charges? Were there specific charges in the paper?

What was it? One in the paper in the middle 1800s or late 1800s. There's a little article in the paper that he had some... My great great grandfather, great great great grandfather, I remember, had some sarcastic quip to the courtroom. I don't remember what it was, but it was funny.

Oh, and you know what I wanted to say? Yeah. Just to piggyback off that, my great grandma was... She just died a couple of years ago. She was a bootlegger, and her liquor store is still on 54th Street, Schumers Lickers.

No way.

No freaking way. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. But it was crazy. That's pretty good. She sold... Tennessee Williams was a regular customer.

I hate to do this, but I love to do this, too. Do you have any funny theater stories from Media Shower? Oh, my God. Anything that went wrong or just like, Oh, my God, one night, this horrible thing.

Okay, this lets you know about my behavior a little bit. They film one of the nights of the Broadway show for the Performing Arts Library up in Lincoln Center. Yes. The night they were filming us, I had a monolog in the middle of the show, and someone in the front row took out, as they sell in most Broadway shows, peanut M&Ms. They're sitting five feet away from me, and they open up the M&Ms, and they start eating them. I'm trying to get through my mouth. You're saying the words, but you're... Then finally, I just looked at them, and I was like, peanut M&Ms right now.

Wow.

Did they just freeze chewing?

It was this young guy, and he gave me a look like, You're right. This was This wasn't good timing. We just carried on. It wasn't a very serious play.

That's really funny. I had the same thing, Amy. I was doing a one-man show called An Act of God, where I was playing God. Long story. But anyway, in the front row, swear to God, same thing. Peanut M&M. Yeah. I looked at him because in my head, I was like, I can't keep going. I have to... And watch this guy. I just said, I stopped and I looked at him. I said, This isn't a movie.

No, they really don't. They really don't know that.

This is a live show, and there's the fourth wall that is not there.

Oh, my God. Well, Seeing Prayer for the French Republic, it's this amazing play. Yeah, I heard it's great. A lot of the audience for Broadway shows are 90 and above. You can hear the play, but you can also hear it through the hearing aids. They go, It's not working. So, Broadway.

What about hosting the Oscars? Anything that we didn't see that went no good? I think you saw it.

I think you saw the headline on that night.

I apologize. I'm not remembering anything specific. Are you referencing something I should know?

Oh, okay. There was a little bit of a disagreement between... Have you heard of Will Smith?

Oh, yes.

Okay. He's an actor. Yes. Yeah. He got into a little thing with another comedian. I can't remember.

Yeah, I remember his name. Yeah. I remember us all being really knocked out by that. No pun intended. Yeah.

Can I just say, this is out there, but I'm just going to say it. I was surprised.

Yeah. I think everyone except one was.

Fuck. I can't believe you went out on that limb.

No, I don't want to be like, this will be the pull quote, but I was taken aback.

Fuck.

Dude, you and your controversial positions never stopped. I'll say it.

Was it a fun experience aside from that, or was the whole thing just have drowned out by it?

No, it was totally fun. It was totally fun. It was like, I just wanted to do it. And doing it with Regina and Wanda was so fun. I love preparing jokes. When somebody else is going to host something, I love helping them with jokes and putting on a show. It felt like we were putting on a show. It was so fun. And I got to fly. I was like, I want to go up on flies. And I did a very stupid thing. But I feel like we did a really good job, Honestly, I think if that hadn't happened, thanks. I think a takeaway would have been that we did a good job.

Yeah, I hope they do that again. Have they done three before?

No, but-I don't think so, right? Yeah, but when it's women, they paid us altogether the same as one man. No. No, I'm just kidding. No. But what do you get for hosting that?

Who knows? You're going to have to tell us. You should do it again.

You would never do that?

I don't know. I mean, earlier we were saying, I just don't know if I would be able to survive that. I'm just not great in front of a live audience being myself. Really?

Don't you guys do this show in front of live audiences?

No, this is just us. No.

We have.

No, you have. We have.

Yeah.

Well, right. That. Yeah. Well, it wasn't comfortable. I mean, I had a good time, but that's very nerve-wracking for me.

Yeah. Well, and when When you asked me to do the show, the timing just didn't work out with the road, but I was so honored. You guys are all the funniest people ever. Everyone I know loves this. No, they all love the show. I know nobody likes compliments, but I love the show. They love the show.

I saw you at our mutual friend Jane's house House. Yes. Sweet Jane Buffet. Sweet, sweet Jane. We talked about it, and then I inquired, and then it didn't work out tummy-wise, and then I see you pop up today. It's taken me most of this show to recover from that. It's the equivalent of being slapped in the face with an empty glove. Is it? Yeah.

Wow. With an empty glove.

Yeah. You know what I mean? I know I have very old-fashioned images, but anyway, I'm now over it. But of royalty. I'm just glad you're here.

Very royal metaphor. I am.

I'm very regal. You didn't ask me about my lineage, and I didn't want to do it because I don't want to sit here and fucking make everybody feel bad.

Oh, my God.

Are you a king? Canadian What's your loyalty?

No, what's going on? Are you descended from somebody? Maybe. Wow. Yeah, maybe. Wayne Gretsky?

Wayne Gretsky. Amy, all the accomplishments-I wish. All the accomplishments you've had and everything that you've succeeded in all these years, is there something you haven't reached yet?

Is there something you'd like to bury right now from your high position?

My uterus.

Oh, for fuck.

I'm sorry. I'm having fun. I swear to you that it never offended me for one second. But the idea that you think that maybe it offended me is like, it makes me feel good.

Well, we play around, but you never ever really want to actually hurt anybody's feelings.

I can really barely manage having one, and I cannot imagine if it had worked out to have another one. I don't miss my uterus, and I still have my ovaries, so I'm not in menopause. Okay. Yeah.

Well, hang on. There go my next five minutes. I'm tapped out.

I'm tapped. Speaking of tapped out, we are past the one hour mark, and that's our commitment to you, our guests. You only have to give us an hour, and we love you and already miss you. Amy? Yes.

Am I canceled after this podcast? No. Again.

Did you get canceled once before?

I've been canceled many times.

Truly? Of course. You've said some controversial things.

I don't even think- What was the first time we met, Amy? Do you remember?

The very first time?

Yeah.

Was it James?

This is where feelings get- No.

Oh, no. We met at Kimmel's.

No. That's why I'm asking you this, because we'd met before and at Kimmel's, this is why I'm burning you because you burned me back then. We had met before, and you and I were talking to Konan, and I said, Hey, blah, blah, blah. And you go, We fucking met like six months ago. I go, Sorry, blah, blah, blah. What a bitch.

I hate when people do that.

Now you think that that was the first time we met.

I did not. No. Did I really do that? I I hate when people do that.

You weren't shitty. You weren't shitty. We were laughing.

You and I met first time we met. Was it Kimmel's? I think it was Kimmel's.

It was that same time. It was that same time.

Amy, do you remember the first time we met?

Today.

It was today.

It was today on this podcast. It was today. It was today. On this God. Okay, I know we're wrapping up, but really, can you just tell me? I really think.

Oh, no, we laughed. Now we both don't remember the actual first time.

Maybe I was just messing with you. Maybe you were.

It's okay. The first time Will and I met, I I don't remember. I told him one day after I'd stop drinking for a while. Or no, it was after you would stop drinking. We'll stop drinking before me. I think I said something to him until like, Boy, our timing's terrible. I would love to just get slammed with you. It would be great if we'd party together. And he said, Oh, no, we have.

We did. We had like six, seven, eight years before we had gone out one night.

And I went ahead and got a little over served. Oh, my gosh.It.

Just didn't Oh, you know who I have to say this before I forget is that I work with someone that you both work with. Do you remember Michael Sara? That's right. We have our second season of our TV show, Life and Beth on Hulu.

Yes.

People should know.

On Hulu. On Hulu. With Michael Sara that you can watch right now. Just go to Hulu and watch it.

And watch it. What's your problem? That you're not watching it.

Michael Sara.

Let's do a watch party.

A little lover.

Love Michael Sarah. He's a little lover. Amy Schumer, so funny, so talented.

You're the greatest. Yeah, you're great.

Oh, God.

I love you guys. In your handsome house back there.

Yeah.

Wait, I just want to show you this stuff to animal before it's over. Okay.

I want to see the haunted toys.

This is my real stuffed animal. This is my real stuffed animal.

Oh, my God. Listener, this is a stuffed panda bear that looks like it got dragged behind a pickup truck.

That is the scary. It's not even a pin.

It's not a joke. This is my actual stuffed animal from growing up.

Does it look like that because when you're angry, that's where you take it out?

Did your parents hate you?

This was my mom's when she was a little girl. No way. Yeah.

Did she have claws?

It's like a hundred. It's filled with straw. I don't know. All my stuffed animals. I like old antique stuff down. I don't know.

It's something's up. It's like, show me on the doll where he touched you, and it's just everywhere.

Feathers everywhere.

Oh, my God.

Amy, love you. Love you. See you soon, I think. I hope. Amy Schumer. The one, the only. The only.

Okay. All right. Also, go on Blue APrin and get an APrin, right?

Wait, no, that's not what they sell. That's not what they sell.

If you want an apron, make it blue. Get the blue one, strap it on and Don't strap anything on.

Nobody's-what? All right. Bye. Bye.

Thank you. That's Amy Schumer, everybody.

That's Amy Schumer, everybody.

Wow. I've always wanted to meet her in there.

She's the greatest. She's super funny. You just sit down and start talking to her like you've known her for 45 years.

I've always been a fan of hers ever since she came on. I remember her. The first time I think I saw her was on Ellen, the Ellen Degenera Show. She just was naturally funny would tell stories, and everybody was dying laughing like, Who is this girl? How does she have the confidence? She's really smart. She's smart and confident. The boss just say whatever she thinks and feels.

This is known, this is public. She was going to be Barbie. There was going to be a version. They were going to be a Barbie movie with her. That's right. I was so excited about that. I mean, obviously, the Margot Robbie one is incredible, and congratulations to all their success on that. But I'm I will always be curious what her version would have been. Sequel. Yeah, just her sensibility and her approach and the irony of playing that iconic glam part would have been pretty cool and smart, I'll bet. Anyway.

Well, never say never.

Never say never. What could have been? I'm sure there'll probably be at least two or three more Barbies. Yeah, for sure. She should get in there.

She should be one of the Barbies. Yeah.

Any parts that you guys decided not to do that other people did and that you're like, I could have done that, or that people might not know that you passed up?

Yeah. I mean, the famous one that you guys know that I always bring up, which is, it's not that big of a role, but it was Madagascar, the Giraffe in Madagascar.

You were going to do an iconic role.

I passed.

I know that the audience is-Who ended up doing that voice?

David Schwimmer did a wonderful job of playing that.

Did you just not see a way into that character, Sean?

Is No, it was... I don't know why. I was actually advised to pass because they didn't have a script or anything. Who advised you? My manager at the time was like, Don't do it. I was like, Really? Okay. I didn't do it. Then they made me five of them or something.

Yeah. Well, did you- You would have made so much money from that.

Well, it would have been fun.

Did your agent- You would have made so much money?

Okay.

Did your agent pass on it for you or did you call the director personally and just say, Yeah, you know what? Bye.

Does that work?

That's good. Smartless.

Smartless.

Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant-Terry, Rob Armjardf, and Bennett Barbegou. Smartless. Smartlist. If you like Smartlist, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wundry Plus in the WNDRI app or on Apple podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wndri. Com/survey. Hey, listener, it's Will. Of course, you knew that. But I wanted to highlight one recent chat and giggle of Smartlist that I really enjoyed with the great Mike Hr. Biglia. I can't believe Jason actually has me saying chat and giggle now. If you are a faithful listener, you know one of our big pet peeves is how everyone nowadays claims the mantle of a storyteller. But if anyone is actually worthy of that title, it would be Mike Hr. Biglia. Mike has put together multiple one-man shows on Broadway that have received critical acclaim. Fun fact about Mike is that he auditioned for, but obviously didn't get the role of Jim in the Office, Gary in Veepe, and the role of Buster in Rustive Element. In this episode, Jason and I actually slip back into our Arrested Characters and improvised a scene with Mike as Buster, which was very fun for us.

Less fun for Mike, but fun for us. We also cover everything from Mike's extremely dangerous sleep walking and why he likes the word Plaza so much. Give a listen if you haven't. It's worth it.