Hey, guys. So if I had a dollar for every time somebody comes up to me and asks me what my morning routine is, I'd be, like, a billionaire. Here's what my morning routine is. I get up, and then I brush my teeth. Welcome to smart list.

Smart liars. Smart letters, smart liars.

Will had a dinner party the other night that I was invited to. Sean was invited to. We were both there. You were invited to as well. But you were working down in Atlanta, and about halfway through it, maybe halfway, someone said, yeah, Sean and Scotty left. They're gone. So now's your chance. I haven't seen you, talk to you since. Did you have sickness or something?

I have this thing about the dog. I have this thing about, like, leaving the dog for more than 4 hours.

The dog that he left for eight months in New York, he's worried about leaving for 4 hours?

Yeah, exactly. Sean.

Same dog.

No.

Same there.

No, because the dog was left alone. The dog was left alone. So when the dog's left alone here.

At the house, who doesn't leave their dogs alone?

I know, but not that long. I have, like, a thing about it.

Well, you got to get over that thing because that excuse is so outrageous.

That it's not an excuse use.

And it's a long life. It's a long life you can't be tethered to your house for.

When you tell people, I got to go because I'm worried about leaving my dog for 4 hours, they're just going to think you're rude because no one's going to believe that that's a real thing.

Well, I'm telling you. But what if I'm telling you it's a real thing?

Well, then they should say, you should go to therapy because it's an irrational fear.

Well, I don't know.

Well, what do you think people do?

You ever seen anyone go to work?

Have you ever seen real people go to a job before?

Like an eight hour job, which is.

All those people that you see filled on the busses, and you're wondering, like, fuck, why is this bus holding my lane?

It must be so they're all going to real work. The dogs are dying while they're on the bus.

Must die all day.

Jesus Christ.

All those busses that are filled with people going to do real hard work.

While you're a bunch of dog murderers.

You'Re rushing to go get your fucking eyes checked.

They don't have a healthy relationship with their pet. They have left the pet in the pet.

You know what? It's a little lower on the list of priorities, you know what I mean?

No, Sean, if had you stayed, you would have seen me have one of my low points.

Yes, well, Amanda told me, so I told our host.

I've told my host a few times. Anyone that'll listen. I've probably bored you guys with it before that my kryptonite is giving toasts. I just can't do it. There's something about it that doesn't make. It's not comfortable for me.

Why you should keep trying.

You got to think about somebody else, I guess is the first part.

Well, I guess so, yeah. Instead, I'm thinking about me and embarrassing myself, and I should just be kind of just channeling love for the other person. But that's a great note. I'm going to use that next time. But anyway, I didn't think about it at the time, and the host drops a microphone in my hand and I totally froze up.

No.

And you forgot where you were.

I didn't even think I could have just bailed out and said, you know what? Happy birthday. I didn't even think that. I thought I had to come up with a bit. I thought I had to do it like a set.

So what did you do?

And I literally said out loud, oh, my God, think of a good dad joke. And I couldn't even think of one of the many that you've told me. And I just looked up at him. I must have looked so horrified and pathetic. He looked at me with such pity and just slowly pulled the microphone back out of my hand and moved on to someone else.

Yeah, well, it's not for you. It's not your thing.

I can't do it.

That's interesting. I mean, if we think about it, considering how you've been performing since. Yeah, you were such a little kid.

But I get it different about a microphone, a spotlight, and a stage.

I'm not comfortable with it either. But you know what, though? I have a good friend who forced me to. Anytime I went to her house, she would make people stand up and give speeches. And your birthday, like, two, three years ago, I started the speech thing, remember, at Richard's house? And I was like, oh, get up, everybody. Say something nice about Jason. And I do it because I'm scared of it, because I'm like, I have to work through whatever this.

Leaning into the public.

What's that?

Leaning into the fear?

Yeah, leaning into the fear. And every time you do it, it gets better and better.

Well, I hope so, because that was very humbling. Let's get our guest take on how fucking rude Sean is and what a baby I am.

I pulled a batgirl.

Here we go. So, guys, today we got a fellow who is funny, okay? But he's not just funny. He's also smart. He went to Georgetown, for Christ's sake. His mom is a nurse. His dad's a doctor. But he's not just smart, either, guys. He also is our least favorite word. He's a storyteller.

No kidding.

But a real one.

I like it.

Some folks have referred to it as a comedic monolog, but he's not just that, either. He's also an actor, a director, a writer, a husband, a dad, and right now, he's our guest. Please welcome the man of many things, comedy. Swiss army knife, y'all. Here he is, Mike Burbiglia. I think Will was just saying the other day, you know, we should get Mike Burbiglia on the show.

Wait, you've been on my list for, like.

We have talked about getting Mike on the show and. Mike. Hi, Mike.

Hey. How are you?

I already had him.

I'm really good, man. It's been a minute.

It's been since we were in pop star together, I think.

No, it's been. I've seen you since then. Oh, no. We did that benefit from Canada. You came.

That's right.

Kindly did that benefit. Talk about a guy who stood up in front of people during the pandemic, when you guys were all worried about when the government was trying to depopulate. I forget what they were trying to do, but they were trying to do something. The government had this crazy plan to get us all. And Mike kindly. We did this charity for this hospital in Canada, and he very kindly showed up and did a set virtually, which is so fucking hard.

Oh, wait.

And I had such admiration for what you did. You were so funny and so fucking good, Mike. And doing it into a camera. It was.

Honestly, it was like, via Zoom or something.

Yeah, via Zoom.

And all the people, thousands or hundreds and thousands of people in Toronto for this thing, were watching him, and he's got to do it with no crowd in front to the camera. And I thought, man, that is, first of all, you got to be really funny to pull that off.

Thanks a lot, man. Yeah, it was fun.

It was very kind of.

You know, the other thing about that gig, it ended up being a seminal thing for me because Steve Martin also performed.

Yes. Well, Steve came and did A-Q-A with me, which was also kind. Yeah.

And then I did a joke that he. So I had a joke that's in my new special, the old man in the pool. And I say, I love pizza so much, I get excited when I see the word plaza. That's a great joke because the word pizza is exciting. It has pizza in it. Each of the Z's is two slices. The a is a slice. It's five slices in one word, which is a rarely used literary device I invented called Anamata pizza. Now, the reason why I bring this up is that Steve Martin was on the zoom with us, and he wrote me a side note and he goes, hey, I love that animata pizza joke. And I immediately put it in my show, and it's in the final show, and it's because of him that I put it in.

No way.

Yeah, true story.

Did you grow up loving Steve Martin? Were you a huge fan?

Oh, my. Great. The mean, honestly, like born standing up.

His book, one of the best.

I read the great books about comedy, and then when I was starting out on the road, driving around the country and listening to Steve Martin albums, I mean, that's all I was listening to. He was in the audience for old man in the pool. And when he is in the audience sometimes for my shows, I feel self conscious because I'm looking at him going, I have stolen this all from.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, will you know him a little bit? Why haven't you gotten him on the show yet?

Well, we've talked about, I know Steve a very little bit, and Sean does, too, and he's very good, obviously really close with Marty Short. And first of all, I thought Sean, when you said Mike, I thought you said, did you grow up loving, I thought you were going to say, did you grow up loving pizza like I did. But, yeah, I feel the same way. I love Steve as well. And I read his book like you guys, and was just blown away by it. And just everything he says, and he's Steve Martin. What do you mean?

Well, that he can write stand up, he can write books, he can write.

Specials, he can write, he can play music.

But also, what I love about him, too, is he has such a wider view. There's so many people we know who do what we do, but have such a, who really kind of, that's what they are. They're a stand up comic or they're an actor, and that's kind of what they do. And Steve has such a broader view of the know. He collects art, he's interested in music. He does a lot, and he is truly a well rounded person. I don't think you save this for.

When you get him on the show.

Mike appreciates him in the same way because he read his book and appreciates so. And I think that, Mike, a lot of your stand up also is about. Not just about, it is kind of like you are a storyteller. I hate saying it.

Oh, God, I can't believe you said it.

No, I don't mind that word.

You don't?

Well, in this context, it's filmmakers that are called.

We have a tough time when filmmakers go, as a storyteller, you want to.

Yeah.

Okay.

But you, Mike, that's what you. That's. It's not joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. You're walking people through a situation, and in that situation are many funny things. Yes.

Yeah. Because I think it started out when I was in college. I was studying screenwriting and playwriting, and then I was doing stand up at a comedy club in Washington, DC, and I was working the door and I was kind of watching all these comedians come through. And then at a certain point, I kind of merged those two things, and I started telling stories. Started telling stories on this american life and on the moth. And then I created what my first one was called Sleepwalk with me, one of these solo shows, and Nathan Lane presented it, and it really actually kind of changed my life. It was 2008.

I love that.

What are you doing studying screenwriting at Georgetown? Isn't that supposed to be like the law capital of the world?

It is, but in my class, in my screenwriting class was sure went on to write the prestige and memento and all kinds of amazing stuff.

I'm going to look those up. I'm going to look those up.

Jordan Ardino, Brendan O'Brien wrote neighbors. There were a lot of writers who ended up in this. It was this class taught by this guy named John.

Glad to go, JB. You've offended a lot of great writers.

I'm just saying it's sort of a backhanded compliment. I mean, that place is a very difficult school to get accepted to. You also have a law degree.

Yes, exactly. I also have a law degree. I picked up a lot of degrees there. But, no, I agree with you. Storytelling is one of those things where when you say, I'm going to tell a story, people, oh, God. But I think the key to it is it just has to be funny all the way through.

Yeah, I love stories.

I think it's a very unique skill. And there are a lot of different kinds of comics, and some who just are like, we know them. Some are just like, absolute. Just a joke, just a line, just a turn of phrase or whatever, and that's their thing. But to be able to tell a story and hold people through a story and be kind of funny the whole way and then pay it off, it's really satisfying as an audience member.

Now, let me ask you this, because.

It'S tough to do.

It is tough. What would you say, since you've had these great one man shows, what would be the difference, considering your stand up style is much like what one would consider maybe a one man show would be like. What would you characterize the major differences between your one man shows and the work that you do, the writing that you do for a stand up set?

I just think a typical stand up is basically built on the premise of you have a series of set up, punchline. Set up punchline, set up punchline. What I've learned through the years is those jokes can be part of a five minute story. And if you have ten five minute stories that add up to a single story, that's really the goal of all my shows. And if there can be an emotional payoff at the end of it, like, the last show I did on Netflix was called the new one. It was all about how all the reasons why.

Hang on a second.

It's all about how I never wanted to have a child, and then essentially how I had a child and why I was right, and then ultimately why I was wrong. And that's the emotional turn of it. But I've always just felt like it's kind of a matter of, what do you want to pack into your 90 minutes? That's why I love movies. I love movies.

One of those big tens of caramel corn. A Star wars movie. Sorry. I'm sorry. I thought you were saying, what does she want to pack into 90 minutes? Big tins. It's like a big tin and it's caramel corn.

By the way, I relate to Sean going home early from the party.

You do, too.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding?

But you would have stuck around, Mike.

Mike. You would have stuck around.

But, Mike, just to close this. So if one were to go to one of your Broadway or West End or all these other places you've had such success with your one man shows that are different than going to see you do a set at a comedy place doing a stand up, what is the difference between your one man show and doing a stand up special?

When I do clubs or, like, I'm going out on tour right now with my next show, which is called please stop the Ride. And it's like, 25 cities, and that'll be stand up. It'll be the early stages of what become my one person shows are stand up. It's like a bunch of jokes. It's a bunch of stories. It's free form. There's improv. Anything can happen. And those shows are fun in their own way. And then at a certain point, less scripted. Yeah, and at a certain point. When I first started out with these shows in 2008 with Sleepwalk with me, I started working with this director, Seth Barrish. And so over the years, we'll construct what I get from what you're saying as a story is this. And I'll go, oh, okay. I wasn't intending that. I was intending this, and I'll rewrite it. And it's kind of like a series of revisions and revisions and revisions until I'm actually conveying the story that I'm intending what's in my head, basically.

And that one, sleepwalking with me, was motivated. Birthed by. Prompted by. Tell these fellas, I've done my research. Tell these fellas. That's a literal title.

So sleepwalk with me is based on a story that happened to me, which is that I have a very serious sleepwalking disorder called REM sleep behavior disorder.

I want to ask you about that.

It started out years ago. I was in my. Was living with my girlfriend at the time. I started having a recurring dream. There was a hovering insect like jackal in our bedroom. And I'd jump on the bed, and I'd strike a karate pose, and my.

Girlfriend Abby would go, did you know?

No. I had the books from book fair when I was a kid, but I never took it. But I jump on the bed, and there's a jackal in the room. And she goes, there's no jackal. And I go, okay. And I go to bed. And then it got increasingly worse, and I had this incident. I was in Walla Walla, Washington, which is in eastern Washington, where it all happened. And I was at La Quinta Inn, and I had a dream that there was a guided missile headed towards my room.

Sure.

And there's all these military personnel. I jump out of bed. I say, what's the plan? And they say, I'm very action oriented. In my dreams, I'm a hero. Dreams.

Were you in the pose still?

I was in the pose. I was in the pose. Yeah. Fuck. And they say, it's come to our attention. The missile coordinates are set on you. And I was later diagnosed with this thing REM sleep behavior disorder, where people act out their dreams. And so I decided in my dream, and as it turns out in my life, to jump out my window so as to detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon.

My God, sure. And you remember the dream that vividly?

I do, yeah. Literally. It's funny you should say that, Sean, because I wrote it down that night. I took photos of. Know. I post some on my jumped. There's two important details. One, I was on the second floor. Two, the window was closed. It was January, so I jumped through a second story window. Like the hulk. Like the incredible hulk, yeah.

Now, this was going to help your situation. In what way, though? You said to detonate yourself.

Yeah. It's a very great question, Jason. It's to detonate outside the window for the sake of the platoon.

But the missile was incoming.

Yes, indeed.

Yeah, but it was coming. It was on him, dude.

Oh.

Got you.

Yeah. Okay, so I jumped through the window.

And these are guys that you've been in the shit with, so you want to save. Obviously, you guys have been through a lot. You're like brothers.

Yeah. We're a band of brothers in Walla Walla, Washington.

We got you.

We'll be right back. Our thanks to liquid IV for supporting smartless. So, it's new year. It's 2024. I'm trying to figure out the new me for the new year. I know what you're thinking. I know what you're saying, Sean. You don't need a new you. Just be you. But I need a new me. So maybe you're right. Maybe I don't reinvent myself for the new year. Maybe just rehydrate myself with liquid iv. With three times the electrolytes of the leading sports drink, plus eight vitamins and nutrients for everyday wellness, liquid iv hydrates two times faster than water alone, all in a single sugar free stick. So you can feel like a hydrated new you ready to take on 2024? You know, after the gym, or more importantly, after a podcast like smartless? I just kind of sweating. I need to replenish. I need to rejuvenate. So I pop a liquid IV into some water, and it tastes delicious, and it does the trick. Seriously. Liquid IV is a hydration game changer with a single stick, transforming 16oz of water into a hydration Powerhouse. Plus, it's non GMo and crafted without gluten, dairy, or soy. The ultimate hydration companion.

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So you decided to move the target away from whoever you were sleeping with and the other people are going to.

Yeah.

So you land in the parking lot.

I land, actually, on the front lawn of the motel, two stories. I take a fall and I get up and I keep running. Oh, my God. And I'm running. And I'm slowly realizing I'm on the front lawn of La Quinta Inn in Walla Walla, Washington, in my underwear, bleeding. And I'm like, oh, no. But in that moment, I was relieved that I hadn't been hit by the missile yet. Sure, I remember that. Yeah, exactly. I thought that would have been a disaster. At least I'm still in the game.

Wait, so the fall didn't wake you up?

Fall? The fall sort of woke me up.

Well, hang on. The going through the glass window didn't.

Wake you up or the big gash?

No. I went to the front desk and I said, hi, I'm bleeding. I'm in my underwear. And I go, hey, I'm staying at the motel. I had an incident wherein I jumped through my. By the way, years later, I got an email from this guy at the front desk saying, hey, I was the guy, oh, my God, I'm at the motel. I'm staying here. Jumped through my window.

I'm going to need a second key.

I'm bleeding. I need to see a doctor. Need a second key. And he goes, all right. And so I drove myself to the hospital and I checked the. I had to explain three times what happened. The nurse, the receptionist, the doctor. I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk. I'm the Hulk. One guy was like, no, you're Bruce Banner. I was like, point taken.

You still think you're.

No, no. At this.

No, no. At this point, he just thinks he's the Hulk, dude.

So I explained what happened. The doctor took glass out of my legs. Literally took glass out of my legs. The glass was about a centimeter from my femoral artery. And if it had struck there, I would have just bled out on the front lawn and died. And then I flew back to New York and I did what I should have done when I saw the jackal and everything. I went to a doctor who specializes in sleep disorders, and I was diagnosed with this serious thing fuck. But that story. So that story in the context of my first solo show, which was called sleepwalk with me, and it became an independent film. And everything that you directed, that I directed. Thanks. Thematically and in real life, truthfully, it really was. It's really about denial and about being in denial of the fact that I have this sleep disorder and not dealing with it.

Do you still have it and suffer from it? And what do you do?

I was diagnosed with REM sleep behavior disorder. I was prescribed medication, and I still had sleepwalking issues. And I said to my doctor, like, hey, I still have this sometimes. And she goes, well, one thing you could do is you could sleep in a sleeping bag up to your neck, and you could wear mittens, so you can't open the sleeping bag. Great. And so I did that for a period of time. I don't really do that as much until summer. Yeah.

Probably dropped a lot of water weight in there.

So she said, do that, and then that worked for a little while.

So what do you do now?

And then what? Then just meth? Just fuck it. I'm not sleeping ever again. I've been up for two years.

Strap you down, right?

I've been up for two years.

I've been up for two years. And fuck it. I want to fucking beat this thing. Hey, first of all, Mike, I would just want to go back real quick with the missile. How'd they get your coordinates?

That's a great question. I think about this all the time. I don't watch shocking movies. I don't watch things late at night, because I worry that it's going to affect my dream, of course. But that day, it's not even like I watched anything shocking. I was just driving through the Cascade mountains. This is a period in my life in my 20s where I was performing at colleges. I was performing in gymnasiums and cafeterias. It was in the grind. And I was just listening to an NPR report on the radio about missile defense. Of course, that's what invaded me.

Can you take a nap? And will this happen if you take a nap? And now how do you sleep? Do you sleep rest? Like, do you feel rested?

I sleep a lot better. I'm one of those people where I have the thing, and all my friends know I have the sleepwalking thing, and when they have an issue sleeping, they call me like, I'm a doctor, and of course I'm not. And so I always recommend this book that was written years ago called the Promise of sleep. And a lot of it's like, sleep hygiene stuff, like my sleep is better because a few hours before bed, I shut off my phone, I stop watching the news, whatever it is, and I sort of like, I think about landing. One way to look at it is like landing into sleep as opposed to crashing into sleep.

Yeah.

But honestly, in a real practical way, is the medication that, that doctor prescribed you sufficient?

Adequate.

Have there been no more episodes? Do you not worry about going to sleep, that you're going to start walking around and do stuff like this or murder someone?

Yeah, no, that's definitely a concern and I monitor it very closely. And the truth is, I don't want to take the drug. I have to. Recently I actually looked up the side effects of the. It's conopin. Yeah, I've taken the drug. I take. Yeah, and it was like the side, you know, it was just recently, it was like the side effects, I looked like it was like, know, poor motor skills and you know, something else? And I was, oh, that's. I thought that was my Sean.

I think you're taking too much Sean.

Yeah, exactly.

Well, but, boy, but I'd be so worried about falling asleep that I never would be able to fall asleep and I wouldn't want to take that medication. I probably would like strap myself down, but then you wouldn't be able to roll over. So I'd probably devise some sort of box over my bed. I'd like build a box like a cage to sleep in, something like that.

And I talk about the cage.

There's a period of time where my wife, Jenny, has, of course, had to deal with this for many, many years. I know Jenny. Jenny comes for so many reasons.

Jenny walks in the room, she's like missing an eye.

She's got like, she's walking on crutches. She and I listen to the podcast all the time. She's going to be devastated that this is her mention in the.

No, she's a poet.

You're a hero.

She's a poet in her own right.

How did you meet Jenny?

I met Jenny in St. Louis.

He strangled her once, midnight, in St. Louis by the bus window.

Settle down, settle down. We met in St. Louis many years ago. And yeah, it was one of those things for me, it was love at first sight. We were both on work trips and I just fell in love with her immediately. And I'm in love with her to this very day. You know, it's a great thing that I loved from your McEnroe episode recently is he said this thing about he and his wife, which is that they let each other be who they are. And I was like, oh, that's such a beautiful sentiment. I said to Jenny, I go, oh, I think of us that way. She's a poet and I'm a comedian. And those are two people who don't know how heating and electricity work.

Yeah, sure.

I like that he said that, too. And I was thinking about it, too. You guys would agree. Jason, for sure. Amanda lets you be who she is, and I think that that's one of the great things that makes it work for you guys.

Now, Mike, you've got a podcast to your own called working it out. So it's an exercise.

It's just at the gym.

Similar, just interviewing trainers on the treadmill.

Similar to smart list. Working it out was a pandemic, baby, because I couldn't perform as a stand up in front of audiences. So I started asking my know, John Mulaney and Bill Hader and Conan O'Brien, different people, to work out jokes live on the show. Now we're 115 episodes in, and it's like a big part of my life. Like, I just love doing it.

That's great.

Yeah.

What's one of your earliest jokes that you wrote and that's tried and true?

Always works from my whole career or from this show, either. Well, it's funny. The first joke that made sense to me as, like, I feel like with comedians it takes you years to find your voice and figure out what's authentic to you. There was a joke I did early on where I said, my girlfriend and I are living together, and she's starting to think about having kids, which is exciting because we're going to have to break up. I've decided I'm not going to have kids until I'm sure nothing else good can happen in my life. And it was one of those jokes where it was the first time where I was like, oh, it's not even a punchline. It's just a thought that sort of has an internal twist to it.

Right.

And that's sort of how I try to think about jokes is like that. If they don't even have to strain credibility even. You know what I mean? The turn is authentic and the setup is authentic.

Have you ever told a joke about something in your life and someone in your life who's mentioned, obviously starting probably with your wife, but, like, other people or anything like that, where somebody's gone, like, hey, man, were you talking about this? And that they were put off by it.

I have it all the time. Every time I'm on stage. Wow. In other words, I think about that constantly. The sort of, what can I talk about? What can't I talk about? I have that with my daughter, for example, because right now she's eight years old, which is an amazing age, but I'm incapable of living in the present. And so my brain goes to when she's 15, and she's going to be like, my dad is garbage. You know what I mean? Because I'm ready for that. I'm open to that. It happens. Yeah, but my dad didn't have to deal with that. I grew up in the 80s. We said it, but they didn't listen. They were just like, is someone talking? But when my daughter's 15, she's going to be like, my dad is garbage. And I'm going to be like, you're so brave. That's so true. How can I amplify your voice? You know what I mean? So I think about that all the time. Even I have a joke about my daughter that I've been saying recently where I say, jenny and I went to see my daughter, her ballet recital, and we're in the audience, we're just crying and crying because she doesn't have.

And I could tell right away. And it's one of those things where I'm doing the joke and I'm thinking to myself, eventually, una, my daughter is going to see this joke, and what's she going to think? I don't know.

Right? I made the mistake of working my kids and my wife into some stuff I was talking about on talk shows every once in a while. And my wife eventually just pulled me aside. I said, no more.

No more. No more.

Come up with stuff that is funny but has nothing to do with me or the girls. But that's your life. Your wife and your daughter, they can't take that off the table for you. Right?

I was going to say, I go through the same thing, too, and I've done it before on talk shows as well. And my kids are older. Like Jason's. My older kids are older. And so you do that thing. And a couple times we've talked on the podcast and I'm driving with my. And my kids are like, well, listen to it. Or they've driven and they go like, are you? It's just a weird, because they are at that age now. And then they're kind of like, hey, man, not even my partner. It's my kids looking me like, hey, dude, are you talking about me?

Sorry.

And of course, you embellish a little bit to kind of make it funny, but no one knows that. But they know that.

I said this before Mike on the show, but I tried to do stand up years and years and years and years and years ago. Horrible at it. Didn't know how to write. And one of my jokes had to do with ballet, my opening joke. Know, they say ballet is one of the most difficult things you can do. So I say, just don't do.

Like, I feel like the non laughter was intentional from Jason and Will.

Well, we've heard that one before.

Yeah.

I keep waiting. You know what I say to Sean? One day there'll be a punchline.

Well, first of all, Sean, first of.

All, a lot of people come on the show and say they saw good night, Oscar and loved it. I've got the program in my office right here.

You came to the show?

Yeah, and it's unsigned. I stood by the stage door.

Sean doesn't like the people.

I'm such a big fan of yours.

Thank you so much. I'm just intimidated. I always feel like I'm going to be in the.

But I'm so honored that recently we.

Talked about that recently, Mike, you probably.

Felt it would be presumptuous for me, just knock on the door and say, hey, I'm famous. You're famous. Let's talk.

But had I known, I would have invited you.

I had somebody sign it for you.

Mike, are you the funniest guy in your family growing up, or was mom and dad, or mom or dad someone that gave you the funny gene?

Close call. I mean, it depends on who. You know, a lot of times people will ask my mom, they'll go, was he always funny growing up? And she'll, no, he's very serious. And then she'll say to me, she'll go, you know, you comedians are so serious. And I'm like, how many comedians do you like? Are you texting Ronnie Chang? Are you on an email chain with, what is. What is happening? My brother. But my brother Joe, I feel like, has the reputation as being the funniest one in the family, and he and I work together and collaborate on writing and everything, which has been very cool.

Oh, that's cool.

It's a funny family. I don't know who's intending to be funny and who isn't growing up. My dad's very funny, but he would get very angry growing up. He'd be like, God damn it, I'm eating Pretzels and be like, is he angry? Is he hungry? What is the emotion being expressed there's a lot of fireworks. It was a loud house.

Yeah.

Where was this house? What part of the world were we?

Massachusetts.

Massachusetts.

And how many siblings?

I'm youngest of four. So I was sort of like the. Is there another child?

Hang on. What part of Massachusetts?

Shrewsbury.

Shrewsbury. Yeah.

And what's Burbiglia? What nationality?

Burbiglia is italian.

Great question. Great question.

Well, just because you're youngest of, like.

Why you like to put people into.

Boxes, Sean, you got it all.

What kind of box do you want to put them in? A pasta box? What are you going to do? What are you going to get some elbow macaroni? You want him to forget about the question? F you, Sean.

Mike, I'm sorry.

Now, Mike, being a guy who does what you do.

Hey, Will, I'm not offended. Just so you know. I'm not offended.

God damn it.

Doing what you do, literally, you work alone, except when you're collaborating with your brother.

Your brother.

When you did the directing stuff or when you're acting on something. And it's much more of a teamwork. Right. A team sport. Are you able to switch gears easily, or is it kind of like.

I love that. I love the collaboration side of the field. I started when I was in college. I was cast in the improv troupe, and that was sort of like at Georgetown. That sort of changed my know. I loved your Mulaney episode. He was talking about it. So Mulaney basically was cast by Nick Kroll in the same improv group that I cast Nick Kroll in like a year before.

Oh, wow.

No way.

Yeah. So Nick and John and I have been friends for years and years, and then when John moved to New York, he came on tour with me. And so we've just known each other forever. But the improv community, I feel like that sort of formed my entire approach to creativity and creation and all the rules of. Yes. And, like, I made a movie about it called don't think twice with Keegan Michael Key and Gillian Jacobs, where it's a bunch of best friends in an improv group, and then one of them gets cast on sort of a Saturday Night live type of show and the rest of them don't. And it's sort of about what happens in life when people realize that not everything's fair.

Were you guys doing, like, heralds and that kind of thing? Yeah. Okay.

Believe it or not. Yeah. When I was in college, we were doing was improv. Olympic actually came and did workshops with us. There was a group across town at GW called Recess and UCB Four with like Amy and Matt. And Matt and Ian came and did workshops with them.

Oh, they did. Who came down from Improv Olympic.

So it was this group called Frank Booth. And they were fantastic. So Sharna Halpern came, Sharna of was and Liz Allen, who ended up years later being, we hired her as the coach of our fictional improv group in this movie. Don't think twice the collaboration I love.

Well, speaking of that, Mike, you're so funny and such a brilliant writer and such a brilliant performer.

Truly.

Do you have aspirations? What's that?

There's a but.

But you seem like a dick.

Like a dick? Like a dick.

But like other Italians I've met. Is that where you're.

I have it. As a fan of the show, can I ask Sean something which is, are these guys ever too much on you?

Are you joking?

We get pages of texts afterwards like, you want to know what you guys, when you. I feel it's all that it is true.

It is true a lot of the time.

Yeah, it's pretty bad.

And we will be right back.

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All right, back to the show.

I'm sorry, chef. What was your question? I apologize.

Probably, wait, can I do it? Have you ever forgotten a joke when you were on stage? Did you ever go up? Did you have somebody have to throw you a line?

You have a podcast. Have you ever forgotten your question during your podcast? What's your funniest podcast moment?

Sean, these are great questions. These are really spot on, cross the.

Nation where they say them, if this was the were as brilliant as you are now, they'd hand you a sitcom. Right. And now people aren't really doing those, that kind of thing anymore.

Yeah.

So are you doing the dream that you've always, which is stand up and writing and touring and all of that, or is there more that you want to do that you haven't done?

First of all, I auditioned once for the role of Buster. They gave it to Tony nails.

Buster.

Yep.

Yeah.

So Jason and will, just, sorry to put you on the spot, but do you feel like they went in the right direction with that one?

No, the show would still be on the air if you.

I'd love to see, I mean, I don't know because I don't know what you did, and if you remember at all what you did, I'd love to see it.

Mike, let's improvise a scene right now. Will you play? Was it Michael? Yes, Michael.

There he is.

There's busty. What are you. Hey, Buster, bud, could you please take your shoes off before you bring that mud inside the house?

For know, I don't know if I can. I think I'm already inside the house.

Yeah, well, just.

Of course you're inside. Look around you. What is this, your first time in a.

I'm. Oh, I seem to have taken off my shirt.

Oh, yeah. No shoes, please. Just undo the. And take them off.

There go my pants and job.

What are you so upset about? Did your segue run out of gas?

See?

Okay, sorry.

But, John, to answer your question, yeah, I auditioned to play Jim on the office. I auditioned to play Jonah on know. I don't know what happened to any of those shows, but I'm fine with.

You're doing just.

You know.

What happened to all those shows, Mike? They all went off the air eventually, you know? Who's not off the air? You. On the air.

Well, truthfully, in 2008, I got, like, a CBS sitcom, and I think that if I had had my druthers, it would be like, something like arrest development, where it's, like, off the wall and improvisational and nuts. And at was not on the menu.

No.

Right.

And so it became a very watered down Mike Verbiglia. And by the end of it, I was just like, we shot the pilot, and the cast was incredible. Nick Kroll played my cousin, and Bob Odenkirk played my brother.

And it was amazing.

It was as good as we could do within the constraints of network tv at that time. But then it didn't get picked up for air. And honestly, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I was crushed at the time. But then I went back to New York, and I mounted my first solo show. Then I went on to make all these solo shows, and you were doing.

Something that was an absolute bullseye for you and your sensibility, as opposed to the other show, wasn't right.

Yeah, it was sort of watered down.

Really wasn't. Everything happens for a reason that way. I had a similar experience doing a multicam. That would have killed me and had a similar experience.

Which one was it? The one before.

Right before rust development.

Yeah.

And it had that happened, the Michael Malley. No, it was this other one called still standing that I did anyway, and I got fired after the pilot.

You would have been unavailable for.

I would have been unavailable for arrested development. And at the time, Brian Callan said to me at the time when I got fired, because I knew Brian from way back in the day, and he goes, oh, what? You're mad that you're not the fucking fifth lead who every other episode walks in, goes, hey, what the hell happened to my couch? Okay. He goes, you're fine. Just be happy and don't fucking worry about it. Literally, he was like, God's doing you a favor in fucking six months. Anyway.

Now, Mike, when you went in and helped out our friend Jimmy Kimmel, and you hosted his show for a week when he was suffering from COVID he.

Got an attack of the great Mike vicious.

Now.

Thanks. How was that taste? Is that something that you would want to do?

Maybe. I loved mean. Jimmy is the greatest, obviously. And I. Was Kimmel lying?

No, Fallon. He's talking about Fallon. Now, stay on my question. We're talking about Jimmy Kimmel.

Okay, if you say so, Mike.

I don't know.

I debate him. Get Kimmel in here.

So I was in Chicago, as a matter of fact, exactly the same time Sean was in Chicago with good night, Oscar. I was at Steppenwolf, and they called. I was going to fly out to be a guest, and I was on Southwest Airlines, and I get a text from Jimmy Kimmel, and he goes, I'll.

Switch you to private if you host for me.

Yeah, exactly. He goes, I might have Covid. And then five minutes later, he goes, you're going to be the host instead of the guest. And then five minutes after that, he texted me, you're interviewing Tom Cruise. And five minutes after that, he texted, Tom Cruise has. Which means, apparently, he's not willing to do all his own stunts. He's not willing to go the distance from Kimmel to Berbiglia, right?

No.

Well, they should have allowed Matt Damon to finally get. But no, they still bumped.

Huh. But I loved Kimmel's amazing. And.

But doing a talk show, hosting a talk show, and being able to improvise, basically, with guests, even know a lot of that stuff is sort of predetermined. What questions are going to be asked and roughly what answers are going to be given. You still, I would imagine, would just soar in that environment.

I appreciate it. I mean, I love being able to do working it out as a podcast, and then also do my stand up and solo shows and touring. I don't know. I feel good. Thanks. I feel like I'm lucky, especially.

Just say you want to do the late night show, for Christ's sake. Okay? Why are you fighting this shit? You come in, you're combative.

Because it's CBS. Never going to work for CBS.

Take the late night gig. I don't get it. What's your game?

Do the late night gig.

First of all, will I be remiss if I didn't mention that will and I were in pop star together? And this is something will you'll never hear because you're you. But I lived at the time the Lonely island was making that movie. I lived next to Yorma takone from the Lonely island. And he was writing that movie with those guys, with Andy. And he said to me, he goes, we're going to know. He gets riled up, Yorma. He's like, we're going to get the funniest guys to play this group that's like a TMZ kind of group. And it's going to be like this person. And one day he came to me, he's like, we got Will Arnett to play the know character. And he was so happy. And then on set, I don't know if on set. And I feel like, you got to take this compliment. You broke a lot of takes because people were laughing so hard on the set.

I need to see that movie. And then I want to watch hot rod, too. We should do a double bill.

I thought you were going to say that Yorma, whom I adore. Yorma is one of the all time greats. And, you know, as a neighbor and friend and such a funny dude. I love all the lonely island guys, but let me finish on talking about.

Hey, Sean, cool it, huh?

I thought you. Mike, I thought you were going to say, yorma said, we're going to get the funniest guys to play these guys at the TMZ. And then the next day he goes, okay, the funniest guys weren't available. We do have.

Mike. First of all, I'm just remembering we dm'd each other after my show.

Fucking cool it, dude.

I wasn't going to bring it up. I wasn't going to bring it up.

Okay, thank you. And thank you for saying such nice things about it. But I did want to, because it's me. I want to say, worst heckler. Worst experience ever.

Worst heckler. Oh, God. I feel like, honestly, speaking of Steve Martin, I feel like his born standing up and interviews he's given over the years are the best advice about dealing with audience gone wrong stuff. And he always says, just react honestly in the moment. If someone shouts condom or some bullshit, just like, sir, I'm doing a show, and thanks for being here, but that's actually not helpful. I have something prepared. And what I find is that when you do that, is that it ends the thing. Because people just go like, no, I know. Oh, yeah, that guy's the asshole. And this guy knows what he's doing.

Let's move on. Rather than challenge or be challenging or aggressive? Back to him, you mean?

Yeah. And early in my career, I was not good at this. I mean, I remember, like, 20 years ago, I remember performing in a casino, and there were these two guys in the front row who looked like maybe some kind of organized criminals, and they weren't smiling or laughing. They were very angry, and they were with these two women, and they were just talking and talking and talking as though I wasn't there, as though there wasn't a show of any kind, right? And so I kept being like, hey, maybe don't talk. Maybe go talk somewhere else. And they just kept talking. Finally, I didn't know what else to do, and I was inexperienced, and I said, hey, gentlemen. Yeah. I said, gentlemen, I feel like maybe you should take your prostitutes. I'm not standing behind this story. This is not. First of all, it's nothing I would say today. I won't recommend this. Maybe you guys should leave. And the guy looked at me in the eye, and he goes, I'm going to fucking kill you. And no one laughed. I didn't laugh. He didn't laugh. The audience didn't laugh. We were all uncertain of what was about to happen.

And then they escort this guy out. I'm with my brother Joe, after the show. We're gambling at blackjack table, and Joe yells at me. He goes, Mike, you can't do. You know, and you can't say that to people. You can't say people's wives are prostitutes. And I go, Joe, it wasn't my best moment. I get it. And at that moment, these two women come over and they go, are you guys looking for dates? And they're the two women from the front row of the show.

Oh, my God. No way.

Professionals.

Yeah.

Wow.

So you'd called this guy out, and maybe I was indeed about to be murdered.

Mike, have you always had an eye for hookers?

Yeah. Be able to just pick them out of a crowd, literally, just because it.

Seems like people have a savant for different things. Mike, didn't you have a show called spot the pro for a while?

It's awful that he said that, but it's kind of fun to say, I'm going to fucking kill you.

I'm going to fucking kill you.

When somebody says, I'm going to fucking.

Kill you, fucking kill you. It's unbelievable. Horrible.

But it's fun to say.

Have you guys ever been threatened? Has anybody ever said that to you in that way or something close to that?

I think I've seen that said with someone's eyes, but never verbalized.

I had a guy once. This is a true story. I was a teenager, and I remember I was in a McDonald's in Toronto. And there was a big line, two lines for the fuck. It was pre, whatever, a hundred thousand years ago, but there was a guy in line in the other line, but ahead of me. And there was something about him. He had the worst energy human I'd ever seen up to that point in my life. And he looked like he was just, like, going to fuck it. There was something up with the dude. And I was talking to my friends, and I remember this like it was yesterday. And I was looking at him because I was like, in my mind, I'm thinking, this guy's a fucking murderer. Like, this guy's fucking just the craziest looking dude. And I swear to God, I don't know how he was facing forward. I was behind him. He turns around and he goes, don't fucking look at me. And then turned back around. And I almost. For real, for the first time in my life, I almost shattered my pants.

He said, one happy meal, please.

Yeah, I remember to this day, don't fucking look at me.

You imagine what kind of nightmares Mike would have had if that happened to him?

Oh, my.

He's taking himself out of top floor. Not a second. We're. We've kept. We've kept you six minutes over.

We appreciate. This is a dream come true. I listen to the show with my wife, Jenny, and it's like listening to your three funniest friends. And you don't have to talk. And today I got to talk, which.

Is cool, but barely. While you were listening with her, little did you know we had plans to bring you on here.

Yeah. Little did you know that we had talked about. And hopefully you're listening to it now with we again. We want to say hi to Jenny. She's a fan. We love your poetry, and we love your poetry, and we're a fan of yours.

And, Mike, I mean it when I said, you truly, truly have been on my list, too, for, like, a couple of years now.

Surprise.

And will, where were you on that?

Yeah, will, I'm going through a canyon right now, man. You're kind of breaking up.

Okay.

You're kind of breaking up.

We'll call you back. We'll call you back, Mike. Thank you.

I knew you were on somebody else's list, is how we don't know who's on whose list.

Yeah.

Wait, let me say one more thing, too, because I listened to the show in my special, the old man in the pool on Netflix. I talk about how my family wasn't an I love you family growing up. Like, we didn't say I love take. We said take care, which is sort of like a passive aggressive command. Like, I'm going to need you to do something for me. Take care. But you guys always say I love you to each other, and I find it so sweet and meaningful.

I just want to say that, well, you know what? We love you now, Mike.

You're part of I love you, too.

We sure do. Anything you want to say to Tracy? I mean, if you know the show.

Is there anything, Tracy I could recommend some of my Netflix specials and my movies. And thank you for being. Supporting Sean all these years through all that he's been through.

Yeah, she's the best. I love her.

Mike, do you have a recommendation for us for a good word to work into our buy, because we've never done this. Yeah, we're pretty tapped out. And since you're a listener of the show, you ever thought, why don't they ever use this word? That would be easy.

You all have children, right?

Sure.

I would just say, just think of your favorite song or lullaby. Michael, goodbye.

We love you.

Love you, Mike.

Bye, Mike best. Love you, Mike.

Goodbye, goodbye.

Bye. We are clear, Mike. Burby Glia.

Very good.

It's for Biglia.

I'm just saying for the bye as a buy, you stupid ass.

Stupid. Okay, you're dumber than me.

Good.

You know what? Then I get to say, it's so stupid.

Let's see if you can work it.

In smooth if I'm so stupid to you.

I love that guy Jay.

He's so fucking funny.

Yeah, I watch his stuff all the time. And I'm like, oh, it's like new but old school. Like his comedy, like you were saying, like storytelling stuff.

I call you out on this, and I don't want to do it on the show because Mike's listening. But that's not true. The other day I said, hey, do you know Mike Berbilia? And you said, who's that untrue? And I showed you his special, and you go, what am I watching? And I said, you're watching microbial special. And you said, I don't see anything.

He's invisible to me. He's worthless and talent free. Turn it off.

No.

He's so fucking fan for so long.

I agree. He's so fucking.

But a lot of comics don't do that anymore. I mean, some of them do, but.

I love that he does the one man shows on Broadway. I think it's really fucking cool. And it takes. That'd be fucking hard as shit. Think about it, Sean. You just got off Broadway. Imagine doing a one man show every night. I mean, forget, can't do it. Did it.

Don't want to do it again.

Yeah, Jay, you were just saying you're.

Going to do it.

You can't even make a speech at a fucking good friend's birthday party.

Well, but a one man show, you.

Can'T make a speech at a good. Nah, you can't.

I'm not good on my feet with a microphone in my hand and a spotlight in my face. That's it.

Jason and I will. The other night at this party, ran into Gustavo Dutermel.

Yeah.

Did you really?

Yeah.

Who orchestrated that?

Oh, wonderful. Aren't you good?

Wow.

Somebody took a nap. And somebody's home from Atlanta.

Am I happy to you know what?

But he's going to be tired soon, and then hopefully someone is just going to put him right to bed and sing him a nice.

Know who. I hope the person who sings it to me is who? Mike Bur.

You got a double bye. You got a bye bye.

I got it from somebody else. I got that from somebody double bye.

Double bye bye.

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