Hey, did you guys know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die?

No.

Is that correct?

Yeah, they dilate.

Oh, that's incredible. Do you know the last thing to go through a bug's mind before he hits your windshield?

What?

His asshole. Welcome to smart list.

Smart. Less smart.

So will you have expressed that? You just. You're not in a great mood today. But it is surprising because it is our 200th, so it is cause for celebration. I'd sing you both happy birthday, but it's not a birthday really.

It's just kind of.

It's just a 200 celebration.

I thought. It is 200 celebration. You know what it is? It's a great day for us. And I got to remember I had a bit of an okay start, and then you have grumpy moments, and I just remember this thing, which is like, just cause you have a grumpy start doesn't mean you can't have a great finish.

That's right.

Look, we don't. We don't need a bumper sticker or anything right here.

Okay?

What about you just tell us what the problem is and then we'll tell.

You how silly you are. You look like your current look with your beanies and your beard. Look like you've got a million bumper stickers and a lot of them say, co exist on the back.

Does my beanie and my beard put you in a deeper bad mood in my Sally Jesse Raphael?

Yeah. You know why? Because it puts you deeper into Vermont.

Okay. Yeah, no, it looks. Looks like you're from Seattle.

Oh, God, if you could smell my patchouli right now. Willie?

Willie, what's wrong?

Yeah, yeah, tell us what happened.

No, nothing. Nothing. I just. It's just so much. It's just been a lot of administration and admin. Stuff gets me pissed and.

Because as you. Administration.

No, not domestic. Just work admin. And I have a certain way I like doing things. And then when people fuck it up, I'm like, my patience for stuff is like, I go. I go, fucking what? You've just. Things got more. Why didn't stuff just go the way? Let me. My.

I thought this is relatable complaints about having too much work. Is that what it is? Getting a lot of sympathy from the.

No, no. These are relatable things about that everybody has with just life. When life gets away and you just go like, ah, you know what I mean?

I get that way, too. I get that way, too. When people can't, like, get inside your head, I'll walk into a room and I'll go, I don't know. I don't know why she said that. And Scotty goes, you have to catch me way up.

Yeah.

Like that's the first thing I'll say.

Yeah.

I'm so far ahead of my. In my brain.

And you just assume that everybody's in your brain.

Yeah.

And everybody is. You all caught up.

Can't they just read your mind?

That's right.

Yeah.

Anyway, this is wonderful.

It is.

It's a great day of celebration. Can you believe we can't? Does that mean that it's been 200 weeks since we debuted?

Kind of.

Is it clean math like that?

I think it's a pretty clean math. Once a week. Yeah.

Does it feel like it's been 200?

It does not.

It does not. It feels like we've been doing it two weeks.

Feels like 2000. Okay. Yeah. Two weeks, 2000. 2000. But. Sorry.

So the math is tough for me. But it does that sort of correlates to, what, four years?

Well, if it's one a week. Right.

Yeah. That's 52.

And we've done 200. Right. Yeah.

It's four years.

It's 200 weeks. Right. Yeah. Do you want me to keep saying right?

Is that not four years?

Well. 208. 208. Right. Would it be four years?

So in two more months, it'll be four years.

Right. So, like, we're.

No. No. Smart. No, because 52 times four is. Is 90. What? No. Oh, 50.

You're really getting stumped on this.

Wait, what's 52 times four?

Oh, my God.

Eight, five, four.

What have I done? What have I done?

Yeah, I'm worse.

208 men. Yeah.

Yeah.

So we're not there yet, but soon.

It'Ll be not four years, but we're 200. Sorry.

Just real quick sidebar. With you spending so much time away from home, you must be, like. You must be really building up a little stockpile of crusty socks. Am I right?

Oh, yeah. No, I've got them all standing up. I've turned them into little side tables.

Sure.

Yeah.

It's quite a collection of socks, by the way. Have we already discussed this? We don't need to get too blue. But I didn't know what the sock. I didn't know about the sock method until. I mean, I'm 54 years old. I didn't know about it till, like, two years ago.

Okay.

But that you use a sock instead of Kleenex or something.

Yeah. It's just genius. It's.

Wait. I didn't know which way you were going with that. I thought he was about to go it's just disgusting knowing.

No, no, it's. I wish.

You can toss it in the. In the.

In the wash. Oh, I would have saved so much.

I mean, this, I guess, for you. This is your answer to, if you could turn back time. Right?

I could turn back time. My masturbation technique would just be so.

What a burn of a time.

I was watching Oprah decades ago, and they did this.

Did she cover this?

She did. No. No, she didn't. And she did this piece on this college kid, and they took her whole crew there, and they went inside the college kids dorm, and with no irony or joking around, they were interviewing this kid and his roommates were like, yeah, and he's got this and this and look. And they opened up his side drawer right next to his pillow, and there was tons of Kleenex in there, used Kleenex. And they go. And the guy goes, yeah, he gets sick all the time. You don't get, like, sick.

Sure. He's always sick. Every night. Yeah.

And I was, like, sitting at home.

Going, they actually believe that this kid gets sick?

Oh, bless it.

Oh, well, he does. He doesn't get. But his dick barfs, you know. Hey, now, Will, that's an old school.

Shawnee, what's your mood like today on our. On our 200?

I'm better now, by the way. I feel much better now that I'm serious.

Of your buddies.

I know, it's true.

I'm good. I'm getting my teeth cleaned later today, so I need.

You're getting your teeth clean? So that's a joyous day for you.

It is. I like getting my teeth clean.

So what happens? You just fedex him off and then they return him a couple days later? How does that.

Work those out and put in the weekday set.

You just have a guy. Do they come to your house or is there a box. A drop box near you picking up?

I forgot to put him back in.

Oh, yeah. Make sure you.

No, no, no. We're speech and boarding. You don't need to put those in just for an hour. Keep them out.

No, I gotta leave them in all the time.

Abel was late getting in the car. This is this morning. Fucking teenagers. It was part of the thing. And I got into this thing. Cause the kids, I wake him up, and then they're like, no. And then I'm like, we gotta go. And I know we have a record. I can't drive to the valley.

I love the way they fall back asleep.

They fall back asleep.

Hey.

And I'm like, what are you doing?

You're gonna be late for school.

You're gonna be late for school. And I'm not in. An Uber is expensive. I'm trying to, like, make them feel bad, and I'm like, you gotta get going. Abel goes inside, and I'm like, what's going on? I'm, like, backing out. He comes running out of. And I go, what did he say? I hate to get my rubber bands. He's got the invisaligns. Like, you're shining. I hate to get my rubber bands. Cause I got my new rubber bands, and I was like, oh, my God. What is happening?

Are they dealing with the wax, too? They gotta put the wax over the hotspots.

Archie has to do. Cause Archie has the old school ones. And then Abe's got the invisalign. They got to choose.

Well, yeah, mine's not called. Mine's the same thing. But they put those permanent things on the back of your teeth that they hook onto.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

So is headgear no longer a thing? Is this the new headgear?

It can be.

I still wear it.

It's still a thing. Yeah.

You have headgear as well?

Oh, no, that's for a different thing. He's thinking of a different headgear. Sorry. It's more like a ball that's attached to it. Sean, I don't want to speak.

No, no, you got it. That's right.

Is there a harness at all involved in this?

But it's fun. It's fun on the outside. It says, Chicago Cubs. Like, he tries to make it kind of homey. I hurt the cubs.

Okay, it's enough because we got fancy guests. Let's go. So let's tighten it up. It's. You know, I figured since it was the 200th episode and just happened to be my turn for a guest, I figured, you know what? It was 200. We need two guests, right?

Yes. Yeah.

It's not 100, it's 200. Double the power here.

Where? To give Sean more math. You're killing it.

What's 100?

And it's not just two guests. It is a duo. This is a duo. That Captain Tenille. Well, very close. And it's not sunny and Cher, either. But we're getting closer, and they're so fancy, and they're so accomplished. There's so many awards, there's so many credits. There's so many things that I didn't even. This is the first guest I've not written an intro for. Cause it just would be too long longer than this bullshit. So here they come, guys. Steve Martin and Martin short. Now, what's it mood like now, Willie?

It's a little bit better. It's a little bit better.

This is wonderful. Hi, everyone.

Hi.

It's too much.

First of all, I have to just jump in.

You gotta go and say, yeah, I gotta go.

I gotta jump in and say how great it was.

Here.

You guys try to figure out what 200 was.

And the closest thing it is four times 50, right.

The closest thing I can come up with is that you think 200 is 208. And I'm thinking that you ought to contact NASA and give them this new information.

Well, you know, we're not trying to trick anyone to thinking we're smart. You know, we're smart less, which makes me think how I get it.

Yeah.

Oh, Marty finally gets it.

But, you know, and by the way.

Four times 52 is like a 85, 80.

It's in the eighties.

Right?

But, you know, it struck me with all the brilliant titles you guys have had. Have you ever thought about doing Steve Martin short?

It's. And I don't mean this negatively, this.

Is going to hurt.

No, it's not going to hurt. It's so obvious, right? We've been reviewed that way so many times that we expect more from our audience every day.

I get an email, hey, what about Steve Martin short? And then I'd see it on any Twitter thing I'm on. What about that?

What Marty should know that it's so obvious is also Jason DeDalva's memoir. So that's why it was taken.

No, we've had many. We've had many different titles. One of my favorite was two for the price of three.

Depending on your seat. But what about these titles? An evening you will forget for the rest of your life. Yes, now you see them. Soon you won't. The funniest show in town at the moment. You won't believe what they look like today. And number one is walking. Steve's new book is for Tracy. That's what they call it.

Two years old.

But is it? Why do they say new? You know, Wikipedia is just not what it used to be.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, I know.

Also, your dreams are not as informative as Marty.

Do you have. Do you have excellent lighting or is that new work?

You know what? Have you ever heard of the word combo? Marty, you must admit, I. Look, I. You know, I am so. I'm so angry by the press when they keep saying the word timeless. And I think I have to live up to it on some level.

Yeah.

The great thing about Marty is he has it all done at once.

Right?

The hair, the eyes, the nose, the teeth.

It's true.

And you heal all at once. You heal. Six weeks and it's over.

Well, you know, I didn't get much from that book about Liberace, but I got a few pointers.

I would say that the last time I saw Marty was at the opening of Sean, your play. And I was walking, I think I told this, and I was walking by the bar to go upstairs, and he was, like, 50 people away from, and he yelled across everybody. Why can't you have talent like that?

Oh, I have to add, I have to add a line from your earlier conversation about Kleenex, because Lenny Bruce had a line. It's like the mother, and she goes in her son's, you know, room and picks up. She goes, oh, oh, look, Sonny blew his nose on the Playboy magazine again.

Oh, is that funny? Wait a minute. You know, guys, you know, Selena was on, Selena Gomez was on our show a while ago, and she said, steve, she brought you up, and she said that, you know, I always wonder if we're gonna keep doing more seasons. And Steve says, I want to do the show. We're standing on the set, and Steve goes, I want to do this show forever. When do we get out of here? Today. Uh huh.

First of all, we pay our compliments to Selena. She's lovely to work with. I love Selena, and, you know, she doesn't mind us. Oh, that's Marty.

But is someone Marty to get the door?

You're such a. You know what? I. This is gonna ring ten times. Like, having a little. What?

It's a good location for your.

You know what? We should have removed it.

Uh huh.

Is there a little cuckoo bird that's gonna come out at the end?

No, no, no, but keep talking. But just remember, it's not 09:00. It's ten.

So the, so this, this, this incredible duo started with the three amigos. Yes. Is Wikipedia correct on that?

Correct.

Yes, mostly correct.

Now, were you aware of each other at all beforehand? Who was, who was in a better position career wise at that point?

Who was who?

Steve was, remember, a major star.

Yes.

And I was still in the 9th grade.

Did you say was?

Yeah.

Wow. You still got room to go back. Still rolling, Marty?

Yeah.

Wow.

No, Steve, as you know, is a big, big star.

There you go.

And. But even then. No, I remember being aware of Steve. I met Steve quickly backstage of the new show, and he was hosting it. Lorne's show 84. January 84. It started, it was just one season, and the new show was kind of the idea of SNL in primetime. And Lorne was the host, and Kathryn O'Hara was on, too.

Wait a second. Lorne Michaels was the host?

No, no, no.

He was executive producer.

Yes.

Steve was a host. Gotcha.

And so Kathryn O'Hara was also on the show, and we were friends with Katherine. So Nancy and I went and visited Katherine, and Steve came into his dressing room doing quick change and was very friendly in that kind of icy way. That is so Steve.

I see.

It was friendly as far as I can go.

Yeah, you maxed out.

But I first met Marty at my house, and he came over to get a copy of the script for three amigos.

Really?

That's when I first met him. And I, of course, knew who he was. And I loved. Since then, I learned more. Cause I always enjoyed him. But I also watched him do specials and create new characters. And I've realized that his characters are so bizarre, they have nothing to do with humanity. They have. They have to do with, like, you know, aliens coming down and saying, hey, I think this is the way they act.

Well, thank you.

Right. It's like human behavior done by somebody who's never seen humans behave. Exactly. Right.

But so was it. Was that part of the. Part of the thinking, Steve? Was it? You know, this is. This is a fella that mixed in with what I'm doing and what John would be doing, that it would be a great third element, creating sort of red, blue, green.

Here's exactly. Here's exactly what I thought. I gave Marty the script and I said, now, look, when you read this script and you come across Rick Moranis's name, just cross it out and write yours in unavailable.

No, no. I was definitely the cheap amigo. I was the, you know, carrot top that said, let me think about it.

Wait, what about. And then Chevy was what?

Well, no, it was gonna be Steve and Chevy.

They were the.

I think the original, wasn't it? Wasn't it John Candy?

I think it was John Belushi.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I think it was John Belushi. And then it went to John Candy. I think you kind of know what we were going for there. But anyway, both were unavailable. And then the name Martin Short. Martin Short came up, and after there.

Was a pause, and then Chevy was last.

No, Chevy was in. Me and Chevy were definitely in.

It's actually Chevy and I, but whatever.

Marty, what was that? Speaking of doing, Steve was talking about characters I never knew. Like obviously, I was such a huge fan of SNl then and now, but your character, Jackie, somebody with the blonde or the white.

Jackie Rogers Junior.

Jackie Rogers Junior. I've never known who that is or was, and I just.

I'll tell you exactly who he was. I had done a, an alien, a piece on SCTV called the idea that Jackie Rogers Sr. Had been killed shooting a special called Old Mother Nature. She loves me. And he was attacked by a cougar and killed. And it had been on the show for eleven years. And then they were going to air it. But at the end, I needed someone to pop on and say, I miss my dad. I hope you won't. Thursday's at seven, and I've seen a picture of Mickey Rooney junior who looked Albino, so I made him albino.

Okay, got it. So wait, Jackson, I love that you.

Have a character backstory like you're Marlon Brando. What's your backstory?

Really funny, uncle.

What was the name of her?

Mother Nature. What?

Old Mother Nature. She loves me. Yeah, there'd be a scene with me singing to a squirrel. Pardon me, mish, but I never done this with a real live squirrel. But then you saw a cougar lurking and he attacked me and killed me.

Marty, tell him the title of your tv special that I love so much.

I, Martin short goes Hollywood.

But that reminded, it reminded me of something I read years ago, of this funniest book title I ever read. And then I thought, oh, I wish I had thought of that. And then I researched it and there is no book called that. And I thought, maybe I did think of it, but it was a kind of a comedy biography of a fictitious actor called I a actor.

I, a actor.

I, a actor.

That's hilarious.

I don't know whose joke that was.

And we will be right back.

Thank you to Macy's for supporting this episode of Smartless. In case it slipped your mind, Mother's Day is May 12. That's right. It's right around the corner. If you're scrambling to find something special for mom, don't worry. Macy's gift finder is here to help. They have taken the guesswork out of shopping and curated lists to help you find the right gift. You can shop by price and check out gifts $25 and under or $100 and under. If you're thinking to yourself, my mom has it all. While you're in luck, they have a gift list for the mom who has everything. With such a wide variety of fragrances, handbags, tech gadgets, you'll be sure to find something mom will love. I can't wait to go to the website. I'm gonna get something from my mother in law. She's gonna be so excited and I can't wait to surprise her with something from Macy's. She's gonna be like, ooh, it's Macy's. Head on over to Macy's dot Giftfinder to make this mother's day an especially memorable one. That's Macy's dot Giftfinder.

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And now back to the show.

Was it clear to you guys doing that first project that there was going to be a long life to this, to this friendship and this work, collaboration? Or did that just kind of grow on its own?

No. I mean, I think it happens when you're working together. I mean, sometimes, as we all know, you do, you know, you're in Romania with a group of people for three months and you make a film, and then you never, ever see them again. But with Steve, I thought, no, I want to keep this going. You know, I want to. So we would do amigo at dinners and.

Go ahead.

Can you see me raising my hand?

Yeah.

No, I was just saying that, you know, you're right. Usually work with somebody, then you, you never see them again. But in this case, we continued to work together, kind of coincidentally through father the bride movies. And did we do another movie together? Was that.

Yeah, we did.

But.

But that's not, I think, the point of it.

Was it.

No, no, we did Prince of Egypt.

Father of the bride, too.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the scenes that were cut from Schindler's.

No, that you were not supposed to talk about, Marty. You know, you're not supposed to mention it.

Just tonally. Tonally. It was not.

It was a swing.

No, no, no.

But Steve, Steve, father of the bride, was five years after three amigos, we continued to be great friends, and we were together.

Yeah, well, that's like you guys. You're constantly riffing off each other.

It's fun.

And when you work together, you start doing that all the time. And then you develop a kind of a, not only a kinship, but a style.

And you guys had, and you guys also. Right. You have a style and you have socially, you have a lot of friends. Right. In common. So you're sort of in the same circle. You're kind of in each other's orbits on a lot of levels. Right.

Well, let me add something. Only Marty has friends.

Right? That's my fault.

I benefit from his friends.

That's not true.

But he's very social. Everybody wants to be with Marty. And I've told this before, I'd say, you know, if you're, if we're, for example, or someone is plotting a dinner party in Hollywood, and you invite these people and you invite Marty, and if Marty can't come, you cancel the party.

Marty is the party.

But, but back then, and certainly after the success of three amigos, you guys could have, if you wanted to, start to generate your own sort of two hander kind of vehicles or whatever, you know, much like you guys are doing today with your live stuff. That didn't really. Did you think about it? Did that start?

No. Steve was a massive movie star, and I was just kind of there, you know, so he was, while he was doing Roxanne, I was doing the love boat reunion or something. So it wasn't always equal. And I think it was, as Steve said, it just so happened that we were both cast and in father the bride and the father bride two, and then other things. But it wasn't until around 2011 that we were asked to interview each other on stage for the closing of the just for last comedy festival in Chicago. And that was successful and that evolved into our live show.

So that was the impetus for this whole other thing that you guys created.

But I have to add something. Jason said, after the success of three amigos, dot, dot, dot. You really mean 20 years after the success, the three amigos, did it become a success? It was a minor success at the time, and then it had an accumulation, it accrued value. And then I remember, like, ten years ago, a magazine from the UK, I think it was called Empire magazine, they called, we want to put you, Chevy and Marty on the COVID And I said, why? And they said, well, it's the 25th anniversary of three amigos and it's a huge hit. You mean somebody cares? I didn't think anybody even ever thought about it.

Wow.

Yeah.

But the next year they did the COVID of 25 years later from Ishtar.

It's a magazine of flops. Yeah, I see.

Now, now for a couple of fellas that usually with your level of success want to do, the last thing they want to do is start bopping around the country on the frequency that you guys are staying in hotels, going up live every night like that is. It's a big thing that you guys are doing all the time to massive success. And you probably do more, put it that way. But, I mean, I just think it's just incredible that you guys are. Is this is the. Is it getting. Is it tiring? Are you. Are you sorry that you've got so much momentum built up with this and all the fans that you would disappoint if you stopped? I mean, you're screwed now.

Well, the truth is, if I enjoy working with Marty, and I think it's vice versa, so we actually enjoy it and all that other stuff, sitcom, you.

Know, you get 6 hours a day and you're just, you know, down the street.

Well, I mean, that's a good idea.

No, you know. You know, it seems like way more work than it is. It really is. Because we'll do maybe four shows, and then we won't do it again for two weeks.

Right.

And they are fun. And then we. I mean, Steve and I will then, you know, have a glass of wine afterwards and discuss the show. And everyone kind of loves each other because we have the steep canyon Rangers and we have Jeff Babco, my piano guy, and everyone and the stage manager. It's all become very close. So it's fun.

Yeah.

There are no pricks allowed.

Our max is six, maybe seven shows a month.

Okay.

So it's not, you know, I couldn't do it. Cause I got a family and I love being home.

Yeah, me too.

Steve, is it true, years and years ago, Steve, that you. I've always heard this. I've never had the fortunate opportunity to have one. But did you used to have cards made when people came up to you, asked for a photo or an autograph, and you would just hand a card that said you've.

I thought it was funny. This is in the seventies when I was getting asked for a lot of autographs. And so I made up a card and it said, because I thought, what do people really want when they get an autograph? They want to say that they met you. That's the main thing. And what was he like?

Yeah.

In the 12 seconds that they met you, what was he like? So I wrote this, certifies that you met me and found me warm, charming, intelligent and funny. And then I had a printed signature on it. And then I found I'd give the cards out, thinking it was hilarious. And then they'd say, could you sign this?

No way. Yeah.

So I said, well, that's over.

Oh, wow.

This. When you guys come together and you think up another show. Cause how many of the live tours have you guys done. It's four, five, six.

Well, you mean different titles? I mean, but we keep changing the material all the time. We always.

Well, in fairness, it's slowly evolving. We never throw everything out and then bring everything new in. It would be impossible. So it just slowly evolves. Yeah.

Like, what is that process? Like, would it be like, what the process would be, I'm assuming for standup, where you've got to spend a bunch of weeks or months accruing brand new material, observations, jokes, et cetera, and shape that into a set that you like. Is that the same process you guys go through, or.

No.

You saying it's sort of the same core, and then you just kind of update it?

Yeah, yeah. We change things one line at a time, and then every once in a while, we'll come up with a new idea and we'll put it in whole.

And is there a formal process when you guys will get together and write? Will you do it via Zoom? Will you just sit there?

Zoom. We'll do zoom.

Yeah, we'll do zoom. And we'll have a bunch of material in front of us, and we'll. But, you know, we'll do that at the beginning of a tour if we have a lot of new material to go over.

Would you guys consider doing, like, Google spaces or Microsoft Teams? I don't want to fuck with your process, your creative process. I'm just saying.

Now, Marty, is it. Is it true, Marty, that you originally saw yourself more as a singer and an actor, and if so, at what point did you feel it was a safe pivot to go into straight up comedy? Screw the singing. Screw the. I'm not gonna be a.

Do you regret it? And do you.

And what were you thinking? No, I think it wasn't until I joined Second City in Toronto that I started to develop characters and realize that I could improvise and all that stuff. But up until then, I thought I wanted to be Sinatra Frank Junior, oddly enough, not the father. And I wanted to, and I used to. You know, I used to do musicals and I would do plays.

But I'm sure you must have been. You must have had some comedic success in high school, right? Junior high?

Well, no, no, I was funny in.

The class I killed in St. Catharines. I heard that you would kill in Hamilton and say, catherine's. Is that true?

You know, the hungry lion in Hamilton? No. I grew up in a very funny family. My brother Michael has won many Emmys and awards, writing everything from SCTv to Schitt's. Creek.

But.

So he was the eldest, and it was very funny family. My father was funny, so it was kind of natural to be funny, but I never thought of it as something I would do until later on.

And as you know, Marty is an incredible singer.

I mean, I listen to him on stage.

No, sorry. I listen to him on stage every night. He's never flat. He's never sharp. And curiously, he's never on the note. But no, he's incredible. He never misses. He has beautiful tone.

Is he a better singer than you are a banjo player?

Absolutely.

Is he? That's high praise, because you know what you're doing on that thing, right?

Well.

Oh, Steve's good.

I do in a way.

There could be some Grammys there.

In fact, whenever Steve plays the banjo.

I've won Grammys playing the banjo.

You've won many grammys, Steve, haven't you?

Playing the banjo?

Hell, yeah.

Whenever Steve plays the banjo, I like to just close my eyes and pretend I'm on hold with cracker barrel.

Do you guys do a bit of a singing slash banjo playing piece in the live shows?

We don't. We don't actually sing and play together. We do some songs, but we use piano and we use our orchestra, but we don't have a banjo number.

Jason, have you not seen it?

No, I've never been.

It's so good. It's so funny. And so it's with the show.

I've never, I haven't seen it either. I've been busy. I've been, in my defense, I'm very busy.

Yeah, I know. You've mentioned, I hear, I listen to smartness all the time, and I always hear you've said many times, I'm busy.

I'm very busy.

Just not sure at what country.

Wait, wait, Steve, I want to ask you, actually, you mentioned Grammys and you've won Grammys for your banjo playing, but you've also won many Grammys for stand up over the years. And do you, I don't know if you do any stand up more anymore at all, ever.

The only stand up I do is in our show.

Yeah.

You know, I call it stand up with Marty. But there's a set, we each have a section in our show, and I just sort of do monolog jokes and play the play, introduce the song on the banjo and play it. But I love doing it. It takes, and it took me as long, as much time to work out that ten minutes as it used to take to work out ten minutes. You know, you realize you're three years into this, and you've got one little area that's weak, and you're trying to fix it, and now it's feeling really good. Now that it's old and overexposed.

Is there. What is the oldest joke that you still include in your set? Like, the one that just never fails. It goes all the way back to Carson, perhaps, you know, appearances there. No. Anything?

I don't. I don't. I mean, there's. There's jokes that, you know, for example, when we did our Netflix special, that we. Then we really started trying to change things out, and then three years later, we're talking. We're going, you know what? I missed that one joke, right? Blah, blah, blah. And then we would put it back in, and then no one knew or cared.

Marty, you're famous for really loving, preparing very deeply for talk show.

I thought you were going to say, Marty, you're famous for using the same old joke. Which one is your favorite?

Which one of the things.

How is it to deeply prepare using.

Old material, but you enjoy. Did I hear this right? That you enjoy preparing for talk show appearances, whereas some of us.

Well, I just have a philosophy about it. I mean, I just kind of. It's like, it's work, and you've got to prepare. I just don't want to go out and fail and feel it was my fault. So if I send in, you know, 15 pages, and then I go out with Kimmel or Letterman or Fallon, whoever, and they're off, or I'm a little off, but if I go out gunning for bear, I feel like whatever happens, I can still toast myself, because I did everything I could do.

I feel the exact same way. How's it going today for you? Did you prepare today?

I did, and none of it is working.

You should toast yourself. Cause you did your best. You should toast yourself.

You know what? I should.

I should.

I mean, I got the lighting again.

This sort of. The portion of the interview hash relatable. Talking about talk show appearances, I find that I get. I start to feel sad and like I'm losing my soul. As I start to. Like, the two weeks before the talk show, I start to really try to log things in my life. Oh, this would be good to talk about, or this would be good. And they're like, deeply personal, cute moments, like with your children or whatever, and you think, well, fuck, why am I logging this for a talk show?

I should be.

Yeah, but it all works out.

I should save it for a tv.

Show, but it works out because. No, really, you're working. You're working. You're feeling. You're losing your soul. You feel sad and depressed, and then when you do it, that's what the audience feels. So it's a free journey.

You transferred to the audience?

Yes.

I'm not sure what you mean. You mean you feel like you're giving away your private life to do a talk show anecdote?

No. I feel like I should be more present in my moment with my children or whatever, instead of thinking, oh, this is funny, what she's doing. I'm going to talk to Kimmel about this. That's just.

You're doing the right thing. You're doing the right thing.

Yeah, but don't you. It's interesting, Marty, we've talked about this before, where people don't realize those kinds of on camera interviews on those talk shows are kind of performances, and it's like we've all seen them and all witnessed them, so we know what the good ones look like. Every single person in show business. So don't you want to do a good job?

Show I ever did was in 1982 on Letterman. And I kept thinking, what do I like? Same thing you're saying, Jason. What do I talk about? What do I think about? And then I realized, oh, I get it.

It's.

You've got to. It's like being at a dinner party where everyone's had some drinks and you're kind of on and telling stories, but somehow you have to lift that six minutes because you don't have an hour and a half ramp or the booze.

Yeah. You know what I can't stand, though, is when people go on who are funny, like, considered funny people in the business, and they just like to talk about something serious, and people at home are judging them, and they go, oh, I saw them on Letterman or Fallon or whatever. Kimmel. They're not that funny. They're not. Yet a dramatic actor goes on and says one funny thing. People at home go, and they can do comedy. It's amazing.

I used to really resent.

We're so bitter.

Yeah, I know.

When I was young and dumb and really super duper full of myself, I used to think, oh, you know, I'm going on this talk show. Like, they're lucky to have me. I don't have to prepare anything. Fuck that. You know? And they're not paying me to write. And of course, you know, the appearances were terrible, and I would see them, and I just like, oh, my God, you. You punk. And then as I got older and wiser, as we all do, then you start really working on stuff. And that that pre interview with the producer for Tracy, a lot of this stuff is, is talked about beforehand so that there is a cohesive six minutes where you're going to get to a few questions, and not that the answers are prepared, but you've got sort of an angle that might be entertaining for the audience.

But they.

All the hosts. All the hosts vary. I mean, you know, some of them go. Sometimes you go, but when I would do Letterman, I swear he would hit one quarter of what I'd prepared.

Right.

One time he said, tell the Tony Randall story. And I said, I was on two months ago and told the Tony Randall story, Dave. He said, I don't care. Tell it again.

I have a secret fantasy, which is to go on a talk show totally unprepared and just to see what happens.

Yeah, but you could do that, and you could do. And there are certain hosts that could definitely do that and not need them because sometimes the notes are really almost there. More for them.

Right.

You know, and it's. But a lot of them, like Kimmel, for instance, like, you just go on there and you can just go right off the questions. You sit down. How you doing?

Great.

And you guys are just both riffing. You're having a conversation like we're having.

I mean, we're barely prepared.

I'm certainly barely prepared. What's my next question here?

I want to talk about only murders. Did you guys, when you. First of all, we share a mutual friend, John Hoffman, who I love.

Yes.

The bright. It's always cheery, always sweet, always kind. Would kill the house.

He stabs you in the back.

Yeah. Did you guys know when you were developing it together? Not. I hate that question. Did you know it was gonna work? But did you have a sense that with the writing and you guys, and, like, the first table reads and the first kind of days of shooting, like, yeah, this is. We have something here, or were you still kind of unsure until the season was wrapped?

Didn't know a thing. Didn't know a thing. You just write it according to the premise. And then when it started to hit the air and you started to get back word that, by the way, it's the biggest debut that ever. And, you know, that sort of thing. I don't know how accurate that is.

Yeah, it's huge.

And that's when you start to get excited, but you don't change anything because of that. You just. Oh, and then even a year and a half later, you start to go. What is this?

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

We'll be right back.

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Now there's word that you guys are going to be going to Los Angeles with it. Is the whole show switching to Los Angeles or no?

Well, that's one of those news stories because we're shooting two days in Los Angeles that it's mistaken for they're moving to the entire season, you know.

No, it's just, it's like a location shoot.

I gotcha. But it is shot in New York, right?

Yes.

Do you both live in New York?

Steve lives in New York. I rent in New York.

But, you know, you rent while we're shooting. You don't live in New York.

That is correct. That is correct, sir.

Would you guys like for it to be shot in Los Angeles 100% of the time.

That was my, you know, when I had the idea for the show, I pitched it to them, to the producers, Dan Vogelman and Jess Rosenthal, based on not, I wasn't even in it and said, I think this is a good idea. And we liked it. Then they called me and said, would you do it? And I said, well, I can't. I could only do it if it shot in New York.

Right.

And then that's what, you know, that. That's why it was shot. And also, it's a New York show, which would make sense.

Well, I mean, that's the thing.

It's.

It's great that it shot in New York. It feels a hundred percent like a New York show.

And you just added Molly Shannon.

I read Molly Shannon.

Yes. That's super fun.

People on that show, so fantastic.

Yeah.

And that's what, when we get somebody that we can really like. We worked with Matthew Broderick, and it was, it was, like, so easy. And the comedy is so good. It's like you've worked together all, you know, your whole lives.

Yeah. Matthew's great. I love him.

But talk about an out of the box piece of casting with Selena Gomez just obviously seems incredibly genius now, but, like, the two of you with her is so unexpected. How did that come about?

It came about after the fact because I originally pitched it as three older people who have a lot of time on their hands. And, you know, we were busy. And then. And then I think that the studio suggested. What about Selena?

Actually.

What about Selena? And we, and we met her on Zoom, and she. They actually cast her, and we met her on Zoom, and Marty and I, after the zoom, we call each other go. She's perfect.

Yeah. Wow. She's so sweet.

Well, I still wasn't sure I was saying, okay, maybe a female, but what about Kathy Lee Gifford?

She's a local hunter.

You pull out names from. From an old hat, from the Harry Potter sorting hat.

Now, talk about another thing that you would think would be unexpected, because, Steve, you have, you've lived a very private life. It's very, very cool, very mysterious. I love that about you. You don't seek attention, Marty, and yet you've got this. But there's this documentary coming out that is covering you from soup to nuts or already out.

Yes.

And was that pulling teeth to get you to be a participant?

No.

No.

Morgan Neville as a director would probably be a huge draw for you, but yes.

Morgan Neville.

So glad.

What's it called?

It's called Steve, exclamation point.

Okay.

Yeah, Steve, exclamation point. And it. I got a call from Morgan Neville about this documentary and his credits are, won't you be my neighbor? And 20ft from stardom, so many. You know, he did a thing called cool school and I met him, we got along. And when you do a documentary, you have to open up, first of all, your archives, which I happen to have. They told me, he said, you have a lot of archives. And I didn't realize I had a lot of archives. So they went prowled through my archives for months and months and months and found things that they found, like an old sock, a photo.

A photo of an old sock gets the photo, not the sucked.

I love too, that you didn't know you had had archives. You were just like, who was saving them?

It was a cherished sock. Anyway, they found a photo of my father in Germany in 1943 doing a USO show.

Oh, thank God. That could have gone a different direction. That could have gone a different direction. Wait, Steve, Steve, let me ask you, did you, did you have, did you start archiving years ago? Hire one of these people to do that to come?

I did not archive. I saved things. And I realized later I would take things like, oh, I'm on a magazine cover, I'll save it. And I'd throw it in a thing. I was saving all the wrong stuff. I should have saved photos, which photos were hard to come by then you just didn't snap it. You had the photo that, in the thing, you know, change, film, the whole thing. So. But when I wrote my autobiography, I did have one little plastic box where I just threw things in and that had things like a receipt from a hotel in Salt Lake City in 1971. So you knew where you were at that date and you could resurrect.

You remember her name, though.

It was like, it was like archeological, because you could, as it went down, you would go past and go past time.

Go through time.

Yeah, I went. Speaking about receipts, I went to the, when Marty's biography came out, he didn't send me one. So I went to the bookstore, bought it, and while I was at the cash register, put the book and the receipt, took a photo of it, emailed him and said, that's okay, I got it.

Very good.

By the way, you can buy Marty's book on Amazon. I mean, you won't, but if you.

Needed it, it's there.

Marty, what about a documentary biography for you? Like a documentary can't make his deal.

No, there's going to be one.

Oh, really?

Lawrence Kasdan, the legendary director, is doing it for imagine.

Really? Wow.

Great.

When does that. Are you. Have you been shooting it?

No, no, no. It's. They're just, again, accumulating stuff.

Yeah. Well, that's gonna take years.

Yeah.

They're making the final decision on who it's about.

They're trying to decide the ending. Yeah.

How long are you in town, Marty? Are you in? Are you in?

I go to New York in about two weeks for, you know, we start shooting.

All right. And is it. Is it that. Are you in the middle of production, or.

We don't start shooting for two weeks.

Yeah, we're a new season.

I mean, or.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll start. We'll shoot a couple days in LA and then the bulk of it in New York.

Okay.

And how are you guys enjoying that? The process of being, you know, locked onto a show that lasts? I mean, how long is your season to shoot? Four, five months?

Yeah.

For.

It's about four months. And I actually love it.

It's. Yeah.

You know, the studio's 20 minutes from my house, and also, you're working with two other co stars, and so you're not shooting every day. And when we work together, it's really fun.

Yeah.

And I would say that it is definitely Steve's philosophy, my philosophy, and it turned out, luckily, Selena's philosophy, to make the set as much fun and joyful as it can be. So there are no pricks allowed, and so it's fun to go to work.

It's just stunning how people don't enforce that rule, commonly on a set, because the hours that you work, the cast and the crew, are often many more hours than you spend with your family. So why would you tolerate anything short of a family dynamic on a set?

Right, JB, you've always been good about that. You're a crew guy, and you've always had that rule, no pricks on set but me. And you've. You've adhered to it, you've stuck by it, and you've always. You've never deviated. And there's the only one.

I've said this on the podcast before, but any job I get the very first day I say out loud to everybody is if you look around and you can't find out who the asshole is, it's probably you.

Yeah, it's true.

Well, you guys have been very, very nice to help us celebrate our 200. A very significant book.

What a thrill.

If we added up our ages, it'd probably be around that.

What a thrill.

Yeah, it'd be close.

I worked with. I worked with Jason in 2004, you know.

Yes.

And will.

Oh, unrest.

Yeah.

Played a character, a rich fella that had lost the. The use of his legs with a weightlifting accident, and so wealthy that he and hated wheelchairs. He hired a big meathead, a big, big, heavy fella, to carry him around like a little baby. Marty would bark directions at him, you know, shoot me. Yeah, shoot me. Take me this way to the nuts. And he'd have to dip him down to grab a handful of nuts. And then they did a flashback of the actual accident where he's lifting up a barbell. He puts it over his head, and he just says too much, and his.

Legs snap underneath him.

And then we cut back to the present time.

The funniest joke of that, though, was when I'm being carried by dragon, his name is. And I say, to the nuts, to the nuts. And he puts me at Jason's crotch, and I against his crotch. I'm going, bridge mix.

I want bridge mix. Where did Mitch.

Was that your joke, or was it Mitch's? Mitch the great Mitch Hurwitz.

It must be Mitch's. Yeah.

Oh, my God. The crap he'd come up with is great Mitch Hurwitz.

I remember doing Maya and Marty, the Maya Marty show with Marty you. And we were rehearsing something in the hallway, and I said, should we just, like, should we just kiss after that line? He said, yeah, let's die. And he goes, let's rehearse it. And you just grab me and kiss me.

There we go.

Oh, he kisses that a lot.

Then I had to give you one note. I just said, you know, it's a comedic kiss. We don't need the tongue.

It was great. I mean, you know, there's times in your. In one's life where you get to meet the people that inspired you, and.

And that moment has not come yet.

And you guys are the two reasons.

I was literally gonna. Gonna tease you. I was gonna joke and say, don't you start crying. You're literally crying. Yeah.

Because a lot of the times, you don't have these moments.

Yeah, I hear you.

We're very, very fortunate I'm with you.

Meet some real heroes on this show.

Hands down. You two are the. Are the two reasons.

You're serious, aren't you?

He is deadly serious. He's very soft and chewy on the inside.

Yeah, that's true.

Thank you, Sean.

And you guys are incredible and incredibly generous to say yes to doing this today. So thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. I love your show. I love. I love your. When you're joking around, it just feels like you're with three friends, you know? Not you guys.

But I'm sure you guys enjoy working together all these years. We certainly feel that way.

I remember I was on one of the early shows, and you didn't even have a title yet.

That's crazy.

And I suggested the Maguire sisters.

You did? We got so close. We got so close.

Sorry for getting choked up there, but, I mean, I meant it.

No, thank you, guys. Thank you, Sean. That's why you are so lovely, because you are 100% human being.

Well, thanks. Likewise.

And he's got great taste.

Yeah.

You guys are the best.

Thanks, you guys.

You guys are the best. It is such a thrill for us.

I thank you for having us. We've loved it.

Yeah.

And I'll get the address. Give you the address for the check.

This will never air. This will never air, by the way. This will never.

It can't.

No, it can't.

There's nothing usable.

You guys.

We'll punch it up later.

The great Martin Short and Steve Martin. My gosh, thank you guys for doing our 200 episode.

What a thank you. Brilliant show. Love. Have heard everyone.

Love your show.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

Love you.

Bye, guys.

Thank you, guys.

Bye.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

So I'm a sense. I was at this dinner at our friend Ted's house. Yeah. And he had about 30 or 40 of the funniest people in his business, and I was fortunate enough to be there. And Dave Chappelle stands up, and he gives this incredible speech about how everybody in that room means something to him and has meant something to him. And it was just incredible. I was blown away by his speech, and I thought, good on him for making that speech in the moment while it's happening. And so I had this conversation with myself. I'm like, do I say it? Do I say it? Do I wait till we're done? And I say it to you guys? And it's like, no, embrace the fear of saying that. The thing that you feel in front of the people you want to say it to.

Of course.

And so I seized the moment.

It's just so lovely. And I guarantee you that just drilled them right in their heart and probably meant the world to them, because I guarantee you they feel at least half of that going back to you.

Yeah. You know what? I will say this. I will say this, too, is, and I'm with you, that those two guys have had or two people that I as well have as a sort of comedic actor, if you will. I don't consider myself a comedian, but as a performer. Two guys that I look up to as being at the sort of the pinnacle, again, gold standards of people that I think are funny, who have created funny things over the funny characters for.

Years at the top of their game forever.

And so the idea that I'm in a conversation with them, that they're doing our podcast, to me is not the novelty of that has not rubbed.

And I hope it never does, right?

And I never want to.

Right?

And I never want to get to ever get to a place in my life where I don't recognize things like that. And I take them for granted because we've all been in this business for fucking 100 years and you don't want to just pass moments by. We're like, oh, yeah, they're so and so. They're so and so. It's like, you know them, and it just takes a beat to go, wow, how did I get here? And those two guys, as soon as.

The novelty wears off, you stop enjoying and appreciating exactly how fortunate you are. I still remember, I think I was like, I don't know, 13 or 14 or something, and I'd been going for a couple of years and one of my, one of my buddies at school said, well, you, what's the most famous person you've ever met? And I forget what I said, but I remember there was like one person, you know, that I thought, well, this would be a great answer. I still remember that, like, it was yesterday. And I think about it all the time on this show because we are so fortunate to be able to talk to people at the zenith of this business. And I feel, I mean, my pits are sweating right now. They sweat every time we record this show. Cause we're talking to someone that I don't feel like I really have a right to have on my show, our show. Like, what am I doing hosting a show that they would be a guest on? It's just bizarre to me.

Jb, I played this thing yesterday, you know, that thing that you can be at. And one of the guys I played with said to me, said, oh, man, that bono. When you guys had Bono on last year, and he knows Bono, he's like, that was such a great interview, and Bono had such a great time, and he really felt really comfortable with you guys and he really had such a great experience. And I'm thinking, like Bono told you that about hanging out with us fucking morons. Like what?

Yeah, well, none of this is lost on us, clearly.

And. No, and then we're lucky. We're fortunate. We're not lucky, but we're really fortunate. And we. As much joking as we do about our lives and all that kind of stuff, that we get to do it, that we get the opportunities to do it and then.

Yes. And now that we're talking about all this stuff on another level, that we get to do it together and that I admire you guys and love you guys just like I did them, you.

Know, it's really cool how those. Yeah. Then that. Those two guys, we were talking about it, they. That's why they're bopping around together, because they just love being with one another and just like, you know, we love being together and how this whole thing started.

It's so. It's so funny, you know, doing this thing and, you know, we do it together and people have opinions on it and opinions on our relationships, and people come up to us and say stuff and whatever, and it's odd. Right. It's very kind of revealing sometimes. It was part of it that I never expected.

Which one's the best, which one's the funniest.

No, but they talk about, like, what we do, and it's very. It's exposing in a way. Right. In a way that I didn't anticipate before.

Yeah.

About being so open. And I feel very lucky. Like you were saying, sean, that I get to do it with you guys. I feel very safe doing it with you guys. And I love you guys a lot. And we, like anybody, we have moments that are tough as well, and we do stuff, and because we're friends and we. And we're in business together and we do stuff, but as, you know, we are. I think of you guys as my for real brothers and friends. And I love you guys a lot.

I love you, too.

And that we're doing this 200th episode, it's fucking crazy, right?

It is crazy.

It's fucking crazy, dude.

The other cool thing is that while we do hang out with each other away from this, this is not 50%, but it's to say 35% of the time we spend with one another. And we shared this relationship, basically, we share 35% of our friendship with the people who are listening. So I know.

That's what I mean.

And thank you for being, you know, a part of whatever this three headed beast is. It's, you see, and you live with us 35% of our friendship, which is.

Kind of cool and spin off podcast called 35%. Willie, you started this podcast today. Kind of down. How do you feel now?

I feel a lot better now.

Good.

It always works.

Yeah, it always does work.

It always works. It's wild.

Fucking show up with the right attitude next time.

No, I'm gonna show up as me every time. It's true.

Wherever I am, I don't try to flip a switch at all. Right. We just open up the computer and away we go.

Yeah.

You're at where you're at. And it's true. Like I even said, I anticipated that you start here and you can always end up up here, always.

Right.

And that any day, any given day doesn't have to be a bad day or a good day. You can have lots of different things on every day, and that's just the, the color of life.

Yeah. You know, people come and go. You say hello, you say, you say.

Goodbye, you say bye bye. Boy, I wish we had some of those recommendations for buys right now. Right now. Will, are you trying to google one right now?

We went to, we went before. We were just going to say a.

Bi, like, I feel like there's something we could do, like in a bicentennial type of thing, because it's 200 years to a j.

It's our bicentennial. Do it.

It is our bi, it's our, this is happy, happy bi, bi, bi centennial.

By. Is it really bicentennial?

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