Well, people doing stuff around comedians always makes me wonder if they know they're going to be talked about. For instance, when we were in Colorado and that lady rolled the side-by-side.

I mean, is that what it's called? It's called side-by-side. I think.

You're calling a dune buggy. It is a dune buggy. That's what I've been calling. I've been calling it both.

But I do. I've had so much. We should tell that here right now, unless you don't want to do it.

I'm fine telling it. It was... What a dude-to-dude. Jay and I have cornerstone moments of laughing at things where I would say, like nick Cannon, how much he paid Pete Davidson to open for him.

-yes. -do you remember that? -that's a biggie for sure.

Pete told us... This is years ago. This is before Pete was on SNL. He was opening for nick Cannon.

-for SNL, yeah. -and he came -He had maybe done an episode of Wildin' Out or something.

A couple. And he came to the cellar. And Jay, I was still smoking cigarettes. So it was over ten years ago. And Jay and I were smoking out front. And Pete started telling.

Us about how -He's come back from a weekend with -With.

nick Cannon. -nik Cannon. -who's doing... I mean, nick Cannon has been famous since I've been a child. But he was on all that since I was a child. But we asked Pete, we're like, How much did he pay you? What did he say? $50 a show?

$200 for the weekend. He said, $200 bucks. And we were like, Per show? I go, Five show. Theater. I don't know. He's a young kid. You know what I mean? I'm like, All right. And then he was like, No, I was like $200 for all week. He's like, I was.

The full run.

Total bucks. And we're like, Yo.

He has a candy store in his house.

And then he told us that. That's what he told us that night. He goes, Yeah, that was weird.

This is when he was married to Mariah Carey.

He.

Goes, He has a fucking- The Cannon was.

Married to Mariah Carey. It's been on TV since. Do you know that?

The candy store? Yeah.

You can find video of him walking around his candy store.

It's stark white. Well, Jay and I spent about 30 minutes talking about being an employee at that candy store. Because it's a.

Functioning candy store.

Yeah, where he comes in, he's like, But nick Cannon's also the manager. He's like, Hey, Mark, we're a little high on peanut M&Ms. And he's like, Yeah, you have a peanut allergy.

You're the only one that's chocolate. Guys, we have heavy inventory here on Red Hot. He goes, You don't like them. You said out loud, you're the only customer. You're the only customer.

You're the reason we have them, but you don't eat them. You're tormenting me. It would be crazy to get hired.

Anyway, Mr. Cannon, can I have a smoke break? Because, unfortunately, you're the only.

Employee here. Sorry. Do you have someone to watch your register? He goes, No, I'm the only person here. Well, then you can't. Well, then you can't.

nick Ken coming down in his own house and seeing a will be back in 15 minutes. He has to do that, he goes, We're taking a dump, right?

We're definitely taking a dump. Better not be taking a dump in the.

Downstairs bathroom. That is only because I know because I worked at 7-11 very, very briefly. It's dump a clock sign on the door and waiting for it is even the worst for you. You're putting a real clock on them. You get angrier the longer they take due to this close to 7/11, you're like-I.

Don't think that's an enjoyable dump as an employee because you're on the clock.

First of all, you're shooting at 7/11. There's no way at its best. It's great.

Someone's bathed in there. Without a doubt. Like, full bath.

I've never once gone into it. They go, It's for employees only, but go ahead. I've gone back and been like, What? They used to have H&H bagels up on-Yeah.

Upper East Side?

Upper East Side, yeah, I re-smoke tuna. We went there so much every weekend if I had to be like, Hey, can I like, pee you? Or like, Carl or some of my ex-wife had to pee. They knew us well enough to be like, Yeah, go ahead. It was downstairs in the bagel factory, by the way. Really? But you walk through these... Dude, it is a stone four by four, just little square. And I mean, the toilet was like...

It was like the-Like what they let... When they kidnap, when terrorists kidnap someone, like that's the bathroom?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The room they put them in. Yes, it was really, and you're like, these are the employees. These guys do have to shit here.

Yeah, treat them better. They're like, You can go in the Stone hut if you need to shit.

Do you remember they said that Wawa's were doing blue lights in the bathroom so you couldn't find veins to push off. But I've never seen that. I've never seen that one time.

I've gone-Really? Out of all the Wawa's you've been there, you've never… Now is the blue noticeable? You would walk in.

And-oh, maybe it's like the hue of the light.

Yeah, because it might be a subtle thing that you don't even understand. Like, no, it's happening.

Dan, maybe we have to go into a bathroom together with you because you're very vascular. I myself, yeah, I could fuck it. I could boot you off easy.

Look at me. You would light me up.

I'd let you right up. Me, on the other hand-I couldn't find it. I don't know if I have tattoos, but I'm telling you, if I didn't have tattoos, I don't know what burlap skin I have over these veins, but I always... I mean, a nurse or somebody, if they get it on the first shot, it's a miracle. They usually have to fuck my arm with a needle and I have to look away.

If I was injured and you needed to administer a shot through my veins, you would be able to do it. I would be that nurse where I'd be like, Oh, sorry.

You would wake up just Swiss cheese'd up. Just your whole arm. You're like, What did you do? And I was like, I don't know, allergy test? But we lost track of telling the story about when we were in Colorado because we can absolutely tell this. We said Cornerstone moments, and we started talking about Pete's underpayment.

From the beginning. That was a Cornerstone laugh?

That was a Cornerstone laugh. There's been.

A couple. Corey Fieldman has given us a several.

Corey Fieldman has been that. We were opening for Bertin Red Rocks. Denver? Dent in Colorado. Jay had gotten there on the shows on Wednesday. Jay got there Tuesday.

What brand is this?

I can't tell you that. We're working out sponsorships, Jay. What brand is this? Hey, Jay, you're about to fuck my money before we take off. Because I'm trying to launch my own water brand. I don't think.

Those things are just blurred out. He goes, I have too much tape on your shirt. What brand.

Is that? I go, Hey, Jay, not right now. Not in the process of building our capital.

We're trying to build it. We never know who's.

Coming on board. We have no idea what next week could hold. So we go to Colorado. Katie and I fly out. Jay and Christina already burnt rented this whole place that he normally rents when he does Red Rocks every year.

Yeah, it's like a little resort. Yeah, it's cabins.

Small cabin place. Yeah, in Evergreen, Colorado. Jay and Christine are up there. Kath and I get in late afternoon, and we're like, Oh, we'll just go stay at Trisha's, drive up the next morning. We go to Trisha's. We have dinner. I mean, dude, the funniest. My mom gives us her body count at dinner just randomly. We're talking to Katie and I. Maybe we'll tell the full story.

On-there's no point I haven't seen yet where I haven't done...

Well.

I think-You might.

Have to do that with Cass. She's the next episode. Don't even wait to tell me-Because I want.

To get waste on me. Because I want to get to the red box. But when you go back on this.

Dude, can I tell you right now? One of my favorite hangs was me, you, Katie, and Christine just up at that place. It was one of the best decisions. We had dinner with my mom, and then Bert's people texted like, Hey, we're going to go shoot guns tomorrow. I was like, Yeah, I'd love to do that up in the mountains with Jay and Bert. Katie was like, Well, why don't we just drive up there? It's not that far. They have a room for us. Let's drive up there and thank God we did. We drove up there and stayed. The place was amazing. But the next morning we woke up pretty early, so we eat breakfast, and then we load up in the SUV to go shoot guns. We'll leave names. We're redacting names from this. Names are out. But this guy, former current NFL player- Former.

-has an injury that might-.

He ain't.

Come back. I believe in him. I believe.

He's going to come back. You know what? I believe in him, too.

I.

Believe in him. You know what? Hard at it? I believe in him. I mean.

Slam on that edit. I don't want you to say you lay.

On that edit. He goes, The guy is... He's really good, and I'm hoping he does come back. But- Very.

Great dude. I mean, unbelievable. How nice they were.

The whole, yeah. The family was very welcoming.

The whole family, they were unbelievable. We went to that. So he's a fan of Bert's, invited us to his land. He owned, I think, 200 acres near Evergreen.

Hundred and some.

Acres, yeah. -it was unbelievable.

-almost 200, yeah. -beautiful drive. He meets us badass laying down looking at the sky on an ATV.

-with a sidearm on it.

-a sidearm. Just a hand cannon on his hip.

And he's gigantic. He looks.

Like a guy where he would be the scariest guy to catch with his wife.

He's one of.

Those guys. Where if you walk in, you'd go like, It'd be like a bear with a gun on him. I'll tell you this, too.

You'd be like, No, no, no, no, no, no. He's a ginger, too. And I will say more times than I would like since even when I'm saying the story, Christine, a few times have interjected with, I mean, just a big, burly- Tossing around. Yeah, and I'm like-He.

Tosses men around. So ladies will be... That's light work. So we go and hang out and they are... They give a tour of their house, which, again, Jay and I's relationship.

We're not good at-You broke kids from single mom times for a long time.

We have boy brain. We don't want to go to adult stuff. And adult stuff is going through an unbuilt house, acting like you know what's going to be made. We're being like, Oh, okay. And this is going to be the sauna.

Okay. I think this was both of us. I don't want to speak for I don't know we even spoke about this because this gets so much wackier. But I don't know if we even talked about this. We're one of the construction guys was outside.

Oh.

Yeah. And he goes, Yeah. He goes, What do you think that trust up their ways? And me and Dan just open-mouth looked at where he was pointing. I don't know what he... I still know what he meant. I still don't know what that trust. He goes, What do you think that trust weighs? And we just start looking in the area that he's pointing. We're like. And he goes, 3,000 something pounds. And we're like, Well. Sounds all right. And then he goes, and we need... He's like, Hes that we're not getting hype. Then he goes, Just that one metal bar right there. I was like, Oh, that is crazy. Okay, yeah. We thought the roof. Yeah, I'm like, You're like, This part of the house is 3,000 miles ago.

Is that it? You go, Yeah. Buddy, you're lucky I know how to change a light bulb. And on a refrigerator, it's real down to the wire moment. I don't know.

We were walking on wood floors and I'm like, Are we going to get electrocuted? What? I don't know. Is this done?

Bert's recently built a house. And so he was like, he's fresh with that lingo. They were going through and talking about trusts or load-bearing. There's a lot of load-bearing talk. Jay and I are just...

He also showed us, though, the only thing that was done in this house, one thing was finished, as far as.

Structurally, one thing.

It was his John Wick room that is going to be of lit-up guns. It's going to be a badass though. It was a vault door like you've never seen. It was a bank from the 20s. It was badass.

It was badass. It was badass. It was like if every nine-year-old boy would see that and go like, cool.

Panic room.

For sure. Also, that's one of those things where you see the bad guys coming out of the woods, fluttering over the fence, and then you go and you turn that open and you're like, Wrong house.

I'll tell you this, too. The guy's wife, who was awesome. I've done this a lot. This has been a lot of times in my life that I have been interested in the wrong... I've gone to boot stores many times or a Jurnys or something like that where I'm looking for boots. -what are it? -even like...

-boot.

Hunting. But even boots like just the Timberlands, basic boots. And even at Timberland's store, I will go, I go, Okay, these I like. And they're like, Those are women's. All right. That happens a lot.

And I'll tell you what- Sir, those are stiletto Timberlands. And you're like, Oh, son of a bitch. I love feeling sexy.

The husband guy had that sidearm always in there. But I always, for some reason, it always looks scary to me and awkward.

I will.

Say that is coming from a career fat guy who all I think about right there, I go, What if I'm wearing that gun and I try to sit down in a movie theater or a stadium? That gun is going to get ripped right off my thing. My ass size touched the side.

You go, That belly is going to push that gun right out. Yeah, I'm.

Like, This is not going to look cool. I don't think I look like the fat sheriff who drinks too much.

I'm the sheriff of candy town. Everyone eats delicious food here.

This gun, it's just.

For fun. Oh, this shoots syrup for your ice cream Sunday.

This is.

A whipped cream gun.

But the dude when I saw the one thing the wife put on at her, she goes, Yeah, we have to always.

Carry our bear guns. Dude, first off, just the name, bear guns.

-it's just a style. But it's just like a heavy caliber, a pistol.

And.

She had four straps and it goes right in front of her chest. And I was like, Yo, that is the holster right there. And then the guy was like, It's like a woman's holster. I was like, Oh.

Specifically pregnant women. That's for.

Pregnant women only. I literally was like, That is the coolest holster. That's how chicks hold guns.

I'm like, Right.

Yeah, I'm saying it's.

Cool for chicks. That was me picking up the pink ARor 15 where I go, This is my speed.

I would have shot that the whole time. The pink, the pink camo, that's the one I'd buy. If I was at a ghost, I'd go, Oh, give me that pink camo.

That's awesome, dude. I go, Look at the drip on this. What I want?

Just.

Like a black gun. Yeah. Oh, okay, cool.

Okay, it's any gun in the world.

No one's going to see me fire, popping shots unless I got my pink camera.

I got an Uzi. Does it say Supreme on the side?

Yes. Yes, it does. Does it say nasty bitch? Then give me that one.

Just with name brand.

Yeah. Hey, everybody. Hope you're enjoying the first episode of the podcast. This is where we're going to break down and do reads. We might change it as it goes. We have no idea what the fuck we're doing here at this podcast, so we're going to learn. But if you're in San Francisco, I'm going to be at Cobbs the 17th and 18th of November. Then Albany, New York, I'll be coming to The Funnybone. I haven't been there in a while. I'll be there November 29th for one night, Albany, Fuddy-Bone, and then Vermont. I'll be at the Vermont Comedy Club. I don't know why I said it that way. That sounded weird. I've never said the word Vermont before, but I have. Vermont Comedy Club, I will be there the 30th of November through December second. Then, of course, December eighth, Royal Oak Theater in Royal Oak, Michigan. Buckhead Theater in Atlanta, December ninth. Then the following week, I will be at the Vogel Red Bank. Early shows sold out, we added a late show. You can get tickets to that. Then December 16th, the Filmore in Philadelphia. Then that's it for 2023. Go to danceorder. Com for those live dates.

Again, we hope we're enjoying the podcast. Martyl is at the door. She thinks Jay is still in here because she's obsessed with them. They show us the house, but Jay and I as boymen.

We're literally outside kicking rocks.

We really are. With Jay smoking cigarettes, I'm kicking rocks. Just being a little.

Train trip. I think we're smoking joint. We're not even sure if they're cool with that.

They might not be cool with that.

It was that thing. Absolutely, I want to be cool. I've been around professional athletes that were new. I was Dustin Keller. I remember one time what he'd be like, Dude, he's like, Just be careful blowing it near me at all. If I fucking pop, I'm in trouble.

Yeah, you need NFL.

-i'd go, Oh, that's a good reason.

I remember NFL players getting caught smoking weed and their whole thing was like, No, my friend blew it in my face like a dog. We hang out and they do a full tour of the house. We get a stepdad in that construction worker that was telling us about load-bearing walls.

I don't know if you guys at home noticed, but that truss was over 3,000 pounds. Truss. Truss. Which is a metal thing. Yeah, a metal beam. On a part of a house.

I would call it a metal log in the Lincoln Log.

It was a metal log in the middle of some other logs, but it was 3,000 pounds. You heard right.

And then they went up and got a truck and brought it down to a field. They had pumpkin set up on a dirt mound. It was awesome.

It was an awesome sound. And by the way, me and Dan were like, I knew what that pile was for. That pile of those pumpkin on the dirt things. I knew that was where we're going to be shooting. I was like, Let's go over there. -let's do that right now. -we're doing it. I mean, Bert and I were literally inside going, he's like, You can probably throw in a bay window in this bar.

I'm like, Is this going to be a nook? Who cares? I want to play GI Joe Geiger. I want to play Army Man.

You didn't come for this.

I want to feel tough. Then he goes up and.

Gets-you're like, This house is 18,000 sqft. I go, Oh, all right. I don't even know what that means. Is that big? Is it.

Too big? We really were getting those complaints. Let us play.

With the poopoos. We also have no vision of a framed house, so it's just frame.

Also, I know I'm an apartment guy for the rest of my life. I'm lucky if I get a house.

It's just frame. Yeah. We're walking, I don't have a vision of this. I'm like, This seems weird. Why are there so many pieces of wood?

Are you going to sleep on.

The wood? Yeah, where the lights go?

Where do you play your PlayStation?

Yeah, where's the TV wall? That TV wall goes, Yeah, the big one for the TV.

He's like, God, Bert, you really brought some pussies to my house. We go and finally he brings a truck full of guns, a full truck bed.

Full of guns. We walk down.

We walked down.

Me, Jay, Bert, Cyfa. We had to take the wrong sneakers for the day. I don't know why.

I got some slamming white Air Force 1s on. I got some crispy YTS. To walk through a mud pile.

And I go, and I now I have to do this down this guy going to go, Is there like a pilot? Is there like wood planks or something you have to walk across this? And I just walk over the thing. I go, It's just I'm not going to say it out loud. I was like, It's just that this guy doesn't want to.

Do this. We were like ladies getting on a boat. I'm surprised they didn't hold our...

I should have. He goes, Can you make sure...

His wife is holding our hands like we're a dankie. We're like, Thank you. And then, by the way, that family was so gracious they brought out snacks and drinks.

-and had sandwich.

It was awesome. -sandwiches, everything. And then set up the guns. He was explaining us the guns. I watched him do one of the most badass things I've ever seen in my life, which is shoot a 50 caliber gun standing. It's a gun that Bert, me, Jay, Seifah, Christine all had to lay down to shoot. It was a gun where they set up one of those ones. -it's likeI.

Was bullied to it. But before we even got to that, though, before we showed the 50 call, he started pulling out, and he starts... The first thing he does, he pulls out a handgun. So it's blasting away, hitting. -i mean, accurate. -making real connection.

-yeah.

-then the shotgun? -then the wife comes, picks up her AR, her pink AR. -fierce. -i mean, guns hits one up top, a pumpkin that rolls down the hill and she blasts it the whole.

Way down. Like Annie Oakley just shoots it on the roll down. Just like, and we're.

Like, Okay. Soda did about the best with the guns they ended up giving us. I'll do it again, for sure. I'll absolutely do it again because I do want to get comfortable, but I genuinely don't like it. The whole thing is so scary. It's so loud. It's so violent. I know we're not doing any violent, but it just feels like I'm just scared. I don't know. What made me nervous? -it doesn't get me, man. Maybe a handgun, I think, is a little more fun.

Yeah, but what made me nervous was when Bert was talking about the 50 caliber, and he went like, Oh, the last time I fired this, it gave me anxiety for the rest of the day. I was like, Hey, we're about to do Red Rocks. I grew up here. This means a lot to me. I don't know if I want to have crazy anxiety while I'm opening the shell being like, Huh. Just Credence is playing.

In my head. They've also said they're like, Oh, be careful, too. My nephew, his arm actually was ripped from his body from shooting this thing.

If you don't press your shoulder about that, it'll dislocate your shoulder and break your jaw. You're like, No.

Yeah. Another thing that comes to problem a little bit later. The shotgun was so big and loud. Then he picked up a sawed-off shotgun and started fucking one-handing him.

It was like one-handing. And he's like a big guy. So he did that thing of like Arnold, almost like Arnold being like, it was like, you could handle. I mean, he stood up, standing, shoted at a 50-calibber.

50-calibber. So then he put the 50-cal on the ground.

Then the ladies had a turn at it.

Bert shoots right away, hits the keg. It's the coolest-looking.

Thing of the day. Yeah, he's probably had to have used it, or he will use it on promo because that was the coolest thing I've seen. It was so fucking cool. He blew up a keg with a 50 caliber. And then-Full keg of beer. It was awesome. They set it up.

Who went second?

I did. You did. I missed.

So Dan.

Goes-i shot at twice and missed.

Yeah, Dan shot it twice and missed. And then they get me like, Come on, Jay. And I was like, No, no, no, it's okay. And I'm telling you, most at one, I'm like, I could get hurt. It's scary. It's loud. It's huge. And also on top of all that now, again, single mommy guys. I'm like, If I lay on the floor-I'm going to get dirty. -i mean, we have to go back to the place. I'm going to be really dirty.

Yeah.

And then they're like, Come on. I'm like, Okay. So then I try to lay in a way that's not... And they go, It's so ridiculous. I'm like, what do you call? Perpendicular, almost, to the gun. I'm holding like this. And I'm like-You're doing a pose. They're like, Now you have to lay down next to it. I'm like, Okay. And they go, Keep that thing on your thing.

Look through theScope.

-scope, and shoot. And then I shot the first time. It wasn't so bad, actually, but I missed everything. And then I lie back. And then they go, They're like, I'm like, That was cool. Thank you. They go, No, come on. You got to shoot. Shoot me one more. One more. I'm like, All right. They go, Just be careful now because again, I don't know if it's the way I'm laying or my shaking my face. They're like, You want to look through the scope, but you want to keep your face away from the gun. And I'm like, That sounds like you just told me two impossible things to do. So I looked through the scope. Do you remember this? Yeah. And then I went...

And he caught it on his shoulder. He didn't get hurt.

I didn't get hurt at all, but they were almost just like, up. You can't do it like that. And then Christine, my girlfriend said, I'll do it. Had no.

Problem twice. Well, he held her in place.

But she's also mentioned several times.

Yeah, he held her to the gun, and she was like... It was weird. She made this noise.

Definitely, yeah, he had one on the hip and one on the shoulder. She's like, Can I shoot five more?

Five, I'm going to shoot again.

Here we are. Now everyone shoots the 50 cows.

We do the guns thing, and everyone's like... And Bert starts talking about the property, and he's like, Oh, it'd be cool to film a promo somewhere on your property. I know you got a ton. The host is like, he's so, like we were talking about, he's so gracious. He's like, Oh, we've got these dune bug side by side.

We're going to go get our, they call them the side by side.

We're going to go get our side by sides. Which are doombuggies. -which are doom, like doom buggy thing, all-terrain vehicles. We'll drive up on the property and we'll find something.

Cool for you. Slow down on the story here because we're both going to... I don't want to jump too far ahead without somebody missing a thing.

Well, I'm going to make sure. I will make sure. First, he shows up.

No.

No, he comes down first and comes down off the terrain. It was her?

Yes, I'm saying that's why I can't remember. Do you have to.

Remember-because he drove up and drove away. And then.

That's what happened. He was gone. -he was gone. -he was not there when.

She arrived. -he was not there.

When she arrived. That's right, because he came by. He was listening to Kill Shot by Machine Gun or Eminem. Yeah.

And then he showed up, and these things are like... It's like for them to drive around on their property, but they got to blast in tunes, like he said, Eminem. And then he drove up, showed that he could go everywhere, and he drives up into the trees. He's gone. She shows up, and she's like, Hey, where are you going? The wife shows.

Up-the wife comes hauling down.

And then she's like, Oh, something, and then revs it and starts doing donuts. And she does one doughnut. And on the second doughnut, she's going so fast. You see the car tip. And then as she's going around, it rolls and then flips.

It rolls two times and goes ass overhead twice.

And then it lands and she's holding the roll bar on the hood of the car like, Oh, you guys just showed up.. I'm here. I'm just.

Looking on my own.

She taught me to train. She tiny to tame.

Her way out of the car.

We immediately, the first thing.

Our reaction was like. I'm pretty.

Certain she's dead. We were like, Are you okay?

Oh, my God. It was like-It's a death accident. When you watch that accident, you go, Oh, that's how Ryan Dunn went. That's how they all go. It would just be- Paul Walker and now this lady.

If it would have been that serious, I think we all would have understood. We were prepared. We were preparing ourselves.

For that. To console this man about the loss of his wife on his brand new property. -or at least the mangling of her face.

And body. Something that we were waiting to see what happens. This is what I was talking about when Jay was saying about people talking about being swingers or whatever, and they just come out and they're like, Sometimes around comedians, it's best just to be as honest as possible, because if you're not honest, I think we'll pick up on that, and that's what we find funny. And we did.

I think she said, I'm pretty sure the reason we know she was alive and didn't spend much time worrying about her death is because she almost had like, Oopsie, huh? Something like that. Like an oopsie-doodle. It landed. Like a real like, Oh, well, I think she's like another day on the-It might have...

Well, she might as well have gone Mondays, am I right? Yes. It was that what? Me worry? -hang in there. -it's like one.

Of the...

She was like, Hey, guys, hang in there. Kind of like that cat. I come to that roll bar, but she lands and it settles. And we're all like, Are you alive? And she's like, The Japs that built this thing.

Now the best.

It was like one of those things where you're.

Like, What? Now the husband comes up and does a... He said, Right next door. And his first words are, Why are you wearing your seatbelt? And she's like, I don't know. And she's dusting herself off.

She's completely dust herself off. By the way, there's a lawn chair that gets just flung from the car.

Oh, yeah, yeah, stuff flew out of the car.

Pete, the bird's tour manager, just went and picked up and was like, Hey, I think this goes in the car. She's like, Aaron.

I was looking for that. Oh, yeah. Did I fling that 50 yards away?

The thing that the whole reason we found this so funny, and it made Jay and I laugh for the rest of the day, was that we saw her be like, Fine. I'm fine. And we're like, I don't.

Think you are.

She's like, I'm fine. And then we noticed she put her hand in her pocket and she was like, So what are.

You guys doing now? And it was like the rest of the arm wasn't attached. She stuffed arm in her pocket by fingers. She was white-knuckling because the arms falling. But like the fingers were hard. She's like, What?

Remember in Desperado?

This is how everybody walks.

Around on a ranch. You know when Antonio Bandare gets shot in Desperado and he's walking along the wall in the blood tracing? That's what I thought about. But the way that she was.

Like, Right arm, in pocket. She was just like, She's like, So you guys going to be hanging out for a while longer?

Yeah. Did the jokes come to you or do you have to sit out and.

Write them? And Bert had like, I mean, if you're okay, I really would love to get some of this footage.

Up on the rocks there. I forgot.

About that. We're there for 45 more minutes. It's cool. You know what the coolest.

Part is? The nearest.

Hospital is an hour away. A couple of fun facts. We got 45 minutes to the hospital. Also, because it's dirt road access to their house for two miles, they're going to build a helipad because it is not easy to do hospital run. It's an hour away.

That was all said as we got there, not knowing what was going to transpire.

Yeah. Then she just hangs out, dude. They go and they hang her up to film this thing on The Rocks.

The point that we were convinced when we left their house and went back to where we were staying. We were convinced she was not injured, but we were laughing at whenever you've had the wind knocked out of you and tried to act like you're fine. We were like, No, I'm okay. I'm completely okay. It was like that energy. She was like, No, just.

Give me just a second. She was.

Bringing up random stuff that doesn't make sense. Do you guys eat strawberries often?

Do you guys, hey, how about those Cosmac Brownies? How Little Debbie's really is the motherfucker. Shes like, Hey, he goes, Hey, I really want to thank you for being... She's like.

Sorry, sorry. I just remembered a bunch of stuff I didn't.

Get done today. Oh, man, I'm so angry at myself.

I just remembered I forgot to order paper towels.

So we go back to the place. We talk about it in the car with Bert. We were like, you know. And then we go back. We go back, we get ready.

Wait, also at one point, her and one of the assistants or something, he goes, Hey, we're going to go ahead in the town for a little bit. It was great meeting you guys. They left about five minutes before us. The wife and another girl.

Then we leave.

But they're real like we're going to market vibe.

Yeah. You know what? I just feel like a ginger ale. You ever feel like a ginger ale? I'm going to go buy one at the corner store or at the general store, whatever they have. We go get ready for the show. We go, we're at Red Rocks. We're looking around, taking pictures. It's unbelievable. I'm downstairs, Katie and I are hanging out. The guy and his wife show up, and his wife is in a sling. Her arm's a sling, and I'm like, I knew it. I knew it.

I'm not a way to sling. I mean this as many straps as the bear gun. It was actually the coolest sling I've ever seen in my life. It was a badass sling. It was a really.

Badass sling. I'm like, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Seeing how serious it was, I was like, I got to tell Jay. Jay has to know this. Jay is upstairs talking to his agent.

-my manager. -his manager. I'm telling him a funny story.

It's.

Not about that. It wasn't that. We had to recap him real quick when you came on.

Because I.

Show up. -just the interest of I remember seeing Dan. I'm on the. The back stage of Red Rocks, you go down a ramp. It's all outside. It's like a down a ramp. I just see Dan coming or I want to give you my perspective on this because I'm talking to him and I'm looking over the shoulder of my manager and see Dan come around the thing with what I can only describe as pissy pants. Dan's like, he's like, Jay, Jay. I see him coming, I go, Wait, just give me one second.

Do you know how many times have I done that to my mom on the phone? She's gone, Give me a second. How many times that same energy? I haven't felt that energy since I was a child. I was.

Like, Hang on. I'm going to tell her. And Dan just goes, he goes, Okay. And then borderline was spinning in place. And Dan goes, Okay. And I went, so. And then I just went, I didn't even get to the next instance. I go, So you know this looks as going to be better than the thing. Dan? Yeah. You go, She's in a thing, dude. It's like.

She is. She actually was injured. And he's like, No way.

And we look it up. It's like a fucking.

Gnarly injury. Yeah, Katie looked it up. It was like a serious recovery. Well, the funniest part is when Katie looked it up and she was reading me what it was, she goes, It's crazy how many times they mention the extreme amount of pain that comes with it. Katie is like, Every third sentence, she's like, You will know if this happens, there is a lot of pain. And the.

Fact that she- Immeasurable pain. That's not going to be simply solved by a couple of digits in your pocket.

Don't put your hand in your pocket. It will only cause more pain. But the fact that she was that cool and calm about it, about such an injury that was going to take weeks to heal, we hope she's all right. If you watch this, we were impressed with her pain tolerance. And sorry if any of this story offended you. It shouldn't have fed you. Yeah, it was hilarious.

You were rejected from a car and you got an injury that's going to set you back a little.

But Jay and I were talking about, and I talked to her about it because I was like, Why didn't you tell us you were injured? And she was like, You guys are having fun. I didn't.

Want to. I'm like, Don't ever do.

That again. It was wild. She really was being so pleasant. She didn't say that she had a major shoulder separation. I don't.

Want to ruin the party. I'll tell you.

What though.

Have you- Have I don't know. I think it's such a good topic. I know we got to wrap it up. But like, dude, have you ever seen your chick, or even if it's a date or something, embarrassed the hell out of herself? And you got to like... And that's what happened there. She was embarrassed. She was very, very embarrassed. And he was like... And then the guy's like, She's fine. She's totally fine because he's embarrassed because you want... If nothing else, look, I know that you don't want other guys lust after your chick, but you want to think your chick's like everything from cool, awesome. You don't want them laughing at her. And there's that thing, dude, I brought Christine early in our relationship to a black comedy show. I was doing Kareem Green, Ranet. It was in Jersey City, in a hotel room. They had a set-down there, and it was a fine room. It was like a hookah thing going on. It was Hispanic and black. And I remember going up there, and I hadIt was a fun set because it went right away. They tried to test me right away. When I went on, it was like, Man, you better be funny.

I was just comfortable enough at that point in the comedy to be like, Oh, I mean, what's the worst going to happen if I'm not? We're just having this... And I made them laugh. I'm having a really good set and Christine's in the back of the room, and I just see her silhouette get up. I know there was just a small step down from one back area to the next. It was just silhouette, but I don't know what she hit something else. But it was just like I seen her go. And I was like, Also, where is she going? And then it was like, She ate shit. She fell so hard and smashed at something. And you hear people.

Around you go, Damn. Oh, my God.

I had to be like, Oh, somebody ate shit. That's cool. So I said move on. I couldn't give her any care or affection or like, Oh, my God, are you okay? Because I'm just.

Like, You're.

Looking away. You're a.

Dumb bitch.

But you also just turn on her also.

But then you.

Feel like- Asshole.

Hey, guys, everybody.

Yeah.

Asshole. Or you're feeling like you do need the supporters, you go, Anyways, what's up with you? I hope your chin's okay. I used to have that happen to me when I would get drunk and I would fall at friends. I remember one time in the city I was drinking, I think, with Julian McCullough, and he met these Australian girls, and they were like, Oh, let's go back. We're having a party at our hotel room. It was like a cool people party. I was so drunk I didn't know there was a glass table right when you're walking off the balcony. I nailed my leg in full, fell, and rolled, and got up so quick that my balance... I had to do that thing where I was like, I'm fine.

I'm fine. He goes, No, ding. I think you may have splintered your chinbone. He goes, That's crazy.

I went out to the elevator and opened it, and it was just a gash. I was like, What a fun party. Whatever. I'm going to go get ice.

This lady. And then if you recall, the guy was texting Bert because I don't know if you heard me say it in a bunch or something.

But the guy was like-That was the one I was going to end the story with. Yeah. Yeah, he texted. Well, he said to Bert. He goes, By the way, she didn't get thrown out of.

The car. No, the word was he goes, She wasn't ejected from the thing. I go, Bert, which you weren't there.

No, you and I were both there. Me and.

You were there. She was injected. She was on the hood. She was on the hood, dude. The only thing missing was Coverdale, dude.

I wish I could get music licensing now that this podcast is just on YouTube just to Slam into that video and that's how the podcast ends. I love you, dude. And thanks.

For coming on this. I love you too, man.

Thank you for having me. I miss you every day.

Good luck with the solo broadcasting venture.

Bigj comedy. Com.

Bobby Kelly sends his love.

Bigj comedy. Com for live dates, Legion to Skanks, Bonfire, SDR. Dogbelly. Dogbelly. Dogbelly on YouTube. One of the best specials of the year. I love you.

Shut right up. I love you, buddy. Thanks for having me. Yeah.

Bye.