Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of a new podcast called Tosh Show. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities and certainly not comedians. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. Listen to Tosh Show on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, welcome to The Shortstuff. I'm Josh, and there's Chuck and Jerry's here, too.

Get ready for a contentious Shortstuff episode.

I don't think it's going to be contentious because I think it's just right. I think that once you learn this, you actually feel like if it was contentious to you before, you might feel like a bit of Jackass. I know I did.

Well, I'm going to have some things to say.

Well, let's get into it. Okay. You know, Chuck, when you see a sign, you're cruising down the highway.

Yeah, baby. You got the wind blowing through your hair.

You got the wind.

Blowing through your hair. You got windows down.

You got bugs in your teeth. Yeah. The whole shebang, right? And then all of a sudden, there's a sign up ahead that says, The lane you're in right now, buddy, is going to be closing in about 1,000 or so feet. That's verbatim, by the way.

Yeah, you jam on the brakes and you get over.

Yeah, as fast as you can. Probably knock another car out of the lane next to you as you get into it. But right after you do that, you come to almost a complete stop because everyone in the lane you were just in did the same thing. And by merging suddenly with another lane, it basically brings traffic to a halt. And it actually is a fairly dangerous thing to do, especially at higher speeds.

Yeah.

There's another way.

Well, as you put this one together and you said there are two ways. That first way, which you just mentioned, just getting right over. The second way, which is to wait until that lane basically runs out and then hop over. Now there's a third way, which is just drive until you see someone sitting on their phone leaving a seven-car gap between them, and then you just pop over there. Yes. It's a joke, but it's really not.

No, because the people who stay in that lane that's being shut down and are able to get way far ahead of everybody else in the lane, the through lane that's not being shut down that everybody had to get over into, they're not actually jerks. Okay, they may be jerks because they might not actually know this is the thing you're supposed to do, but they're actually know it or not doing the thing you're supposed to do. It's called zip merging. You're supposed to essentially stay in that lane that's getting shut down until the last possible moment. You're not supposed to get over before then because when you do all sorts of bad things happen, you just stay in that lane and somebody in the next lane lets you in and you just zoom on through.

All right. So here's my first problem with that. Okay. What happens is you get to the end of that thing, and it's called an alternate merge, which means you alternate and everyone goes, you go, I go. You go, I go. That's not what happens in today's America, though. People are jerks and they hug the bumper in front of them and say, You're not getting in front of me. Right. And that's what gums up the works, is people wait till the last minute and then get into a battle of wills because people don't take turns. If people took turns, this would be as beautiful, as the Germans call it, reiss verschlus, which means zip. The reiss verschlus system, the zip merge, it is beautiful and elegant, except for the fact that Americans are jerks in their cars and don't let people in and don't take turns. Do you know what I mean?

Kind of. I mean, I know what you mean, but I don't fully agree with it, I guess, is what I was trying to say.

That people do that?

No, I think they definitely do do that, but that's not the thing that holds everything up. Let's take a break and we'll come back and I will explain my position, okay? All right.

Well, now when you're on the road driving in your truck, why not learn a thing or two from Josh and Chuck? It's stuff you should know.

Stuff you.

Should know.

All right.

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Hi, I'm Daniel Tosh, host of a new podcast called Tosh Show, brought to you by iHeart Podcasts. Why am I getting into the podcast game now? Well, it seemed like the best way to let my family know what I'm up to instead of visiting or being part of their incessant group text. I'll be interviewing people that I find interesting, so not celebrities and certainly not comedians. I'll be interviewing my plumber, my stylist, my wife's gynecologist. We'll be covering topics like religion, travel, sports, gambling, but mostly it will be about being a working mother. If you're looking for a podcast that will educate and inspire or one that will really make you think, this isn't the one for you. But it will be entertaining to a very select few because you don't make it to your mid 40s with IBS without having a story or two to tell. Join me as I take my place among podcast royalty like Joel Olstein and Lance Bass. Those are words I hope I'd never have to say. Listen to Tosshowe on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

All.

Right, explain.

Away, buddy. Okay, I'm explaining. Get this. Yes, that causes a slowdown for the people in the right lane, the lane that's being shut down. But that is generally insignificant for that person because that one jerk who's hugging the bumper of the person in front of them and won't let them in, purposely won't let them in. There's maybe three or four of those people in a row before somebody, like you said, is either not paying attention or is kind-hearted enough to be like, All right, go ahead, get in. Yes, it's a bit of a slowdown for the people in the shutdown lane.

But not like it would be if everyone just tried to jump over. Yes. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah. That's the problem. That's the slowdown. The people who are getting over from the lane that's being shut down prematurely, when you get over at any point before the last possible point to get over, if you get over at any point before then, you are shooting yourself in the foot and everybody else because you are causing the slowdown. You are the reason that this lane is suddenly bumper to bumper because you shouldn't have gotten the through lane that everybody in the close down lane had to get into. You're the reason that that's slowed down and that that's bumper to bumper and that people are kicked off because an unfair advantage has just been created for the people who are doing what you're supposed to do in staying in the closing lane until the last possible minute in zip or merging.

All right, let me ask you this. Is there any data on... Because there is some data that you found that says if you zip or merge effectively, which never happens, but let's just say it does, it cuts congestion by 40 %.

Yeah, it's huge.

It's huge. It is going to reduce crashes because people are getting, I have an issue with this one, people are getting over at the same rate of speed as the people in the through lane. But Id generally think this happens when traffic is pretty slow. So it's not like you usually don't see a zip or merge happening when people are going 70 miles an hour.

No, some people really haul and then zip into a spot all of a sudden, and they have to basically slam on their brakes because they just made a really quick movement over. That's forced by the fact that people in the through lane aren't zipper merging. They got over too early.

Well, my question, though, is if you're in the, and you may not know this, but if you're in the through lane- I probably do. -and you see them zippering over and non-zippering over. Should you get over one lane to the left or does that come up the works? Or should you hold the lane?

I don't understand fully. Say again in.

Slightly different words. You're in the through lane, you're driving along.

The lane that's not being shut down.

Yeah, and people to your right are either jumping over right in front of you or zip or merging correctly. Should you jump over a lane just to decongest?

Yes, that's one thing that you can do.

I try to do that because I just don't want to be a part of that.

Whole scene. Yeah, well, not only that. By getting over as far as you can away from this terrible, mis-zipped merge, you're actually saving yourself a lot of time in heartache. You're just getting away from the whole ugly mess, right? Yes, that's one thing you can do. You can either slow your roll a little bit to let somebody zip or merge in front of you, or you can move over to create space for them to get into at that zip or merge point. Either one is totally acceptable and a nice, good thing to do. So, yeah, I did know the answer to your question.

Okay, good to know. Here's my deal. As I used to get over early, but I wouldn't stop the traffic in that merging lane to do it. I would just see an opening and do it. And if it was early, it's early. Now, I like, there's so many people on their phones now, now I tend to wait to the end because you can generally get over without causing any issue. My big problem is not when it's like a legitimate alternate merge and a lane merging. My problem is when the person is like, Hey, the highway splits if you want to go on this highway, you're going that way, and you've got a bunch of people waiting because traffic's backed up, and someone just rides to there's basically no road and tries to jump over, which is not the same thing.

So if you have a lane that runs out, right? A lane, I mean? No, I'm not.

Talking about a.

Lane running out. Then yeah, you're talking about a jerk for sure. Okay. For sure. They're being pushy. And we should explain to some of our listeners who aren't in the United States, because I don't know that this fully applies. I know in Germany, it sounds like people are zip or merging like there's no tomorrow and they're doing it really right. But the reason people get over prematurely rather than zip or merge on American highways is because that seems like the fairest thing to do. If you're doing that, if you're not taking your rightful place in the back of the line of this long, unnecessarily slow line of traffic, what you're doing is jumping in line. There are very few things that drive Americans crazier, especially ones who have a finely tuned sense of day-to-day justice, like somebody jumping ahead in line, cutting in line. So even though you're zip or merging correctly, you're going into last minute and getting over, you're not trying to jump in line. It's just no one else knows what you know. There's a real danger that somebody might try to shoot you in the United States. It's very, very slim.

The incidence of road rage that result in gunplay are really hyped and talked about in the United States, but statistically speaking, it's really rare. But there is a real chance that you might anger somebody by being so unfair, by cutting in line, that they might chase you in their car and shoot at you while you're driving your car. This is another reason why people don't do this.

Yeah, I mean, beyond that rarity, it is just out of hand in the United States, where if you accidentally cut someone off on the highway, people in the United States will get out of that lane, speed up, get in front of you, and slam on the brakes to pay you back and potentially wreck themselves. It's nuts how people act in their cars. It's so out of hand. And God, everybody just needs to get it together. Australia is, my experience driving there, they drove the speed limit. If you came up behind someone on the highway, they're like, Oh, let's get over out of your way then. It was everyone, that's more New Zealand, but everybody was just so civil on the roads. We might have Aussies right in and say, That's not the deal, mate, in the cities or whatever. But when I was driving around the highways over there, I just found everything from moving about in the airport on foot to driving around. People were generally just like, No, go ahead. It's fine.

Canada is very similar to that.

Nicer.

People. Yeah, it's almost like Americans are like, deeply angry and divided for some reason. It's weird.

A lot of states, though, as you found, have put a lot of money into educational campaigns, signage, for instance, use both lanes to merge point until you get to the merge point, stuff like that. They're trying to get the word out by spending money and saying, Hey, the Zipper merge is where it's at, if you're doing it right. But it's just like you point out, there's much habit and muscle memory and how people drive and not wanting to risk getting flicked off or whatever. By the way, don't shoot birds in your car either. That's too '80s.

Don't do that. Yeah, and if someone tries to pass you at a normal rate because you're going slower than they are in the lane that you shouldn't be in, don't speed up so they can't pass you. That makes you literally the worst person on the road in your area. You're a terrible person right then. You might not be in general. The car brings terrible things out in people. I get that. But in that moment, you're a terrible person, a jerk.

And get out of the left lane for goodness sakes.

For sure. Some states actually have instituted zip or merging as a rule. In Illinois, if you keep somebody from merging over into a through lane from a lane that's shut down or that's ending, you could be fined. You could be pulled over and they could smack the back of your cabs with their night sticks just for doing that in Illinois.

Because there's always a police cruiser there when you need them in traffic, right?

Exactly.

Like when you're going 75 miles an hour down the highway and you look over and you pass someone that is literally staring in their lap on a cell phone going like 47 miles an hour.

I know, and I'm sure we sound old, but listen up, everybody who drives looking at their phone, like watching video on their phone, stop doing that. Please stop doing that immediately.

You're going to kill somebody.

There is one other thing about this, though. States have found that if you put up an extra sign or two that says literally use both lanes to merge point, most people will figure out what you're saying. They actually do the zip or merging.

Yeah. Hey, I'm down. Luckily, I don't have to drive on the highway very much because even when we were commuting to the studio a lot, it was just back road. Since we moved out of Buckhead, I don't have to get in Atlanta Highway traffic much. But I'm going to zip or merge from here on out.

Me too, buddy. We should also say, I don't know if we said the reason why they call it zip or merge is if you look overhead at that merge point, it looks like the cars are zipping up. One of the orange construction cones looks like the tip of a penis caught in the zip.

Is that short stuff out? Yeah.

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