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Love is the biggest, most important thing you can send someone, and yet it fits neatly on a postage stamp with love stamps. From on post, you can share the love with family and friends. Every time you post for a limited time, you can buy a beautiful book of 10 for the lovable price of just eight euro. So don't delay. Visit your post office today or unposed dot com slash love. Send sandhogs, send happiness and love on post for your world terms and conditions.

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Apply for Stockholm for details.

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It's instead to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's record in the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, welcome to the two Gianni's podcast, bringing you all the mayhem news in the World of the two Johnnyswim, Johnny B. in many ways and Johnny Cmax, welcome to the podcast.

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One hundred and fifty six comedy.

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You like gravy being poured over dinner on this week's podcast, we ask our goals real. Have we ever seen a ghost and would we stay overnight in a haunted house?

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He has been offering to train my dog Gunjan on how to hunt pheasants, rabbits, squirrels, the odd Badger and Galway hurlers and I have politely declined, but not for long. Whether it be here with that nose sheetings.

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Ryan Gosling isn't a man because he shares his chest.

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She still Wardo Maureen is here with her mistress shenanigans and as traditional is not revealing the weird things about you until at least the fourth date we on after podcast.

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What are your thoughts and darts at a week before commencement, we proceed and matters arising from last week's podcast.

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Yes, Mr. Chairman, we were talking about boy bands. Oh, well. And Marty Meehan.

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Yes, yes. Mandy Moore in a boy band. Yeah.

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The history contrabass of Jersey Boys. But they all were Scania jackets. I could see that I was looking. I'm Ashley. I'll be back in a minute. Ringing Do you watch?

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Declan wasn't such a boy.

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He said, I think I can clear up the mystery prick from Westlife on two podcasts to go my granny's hairdresser's friend.

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Oh, well then it's cos it's it's got to be true. This is Declan's granny's hairdresser's friend who we all know is reliable. Yeah, well her dog, she was at the concert in Croke Park.

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She knew someone who knew someone and got her into the aftermath of the gig.

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She went up to one of the lads and congratulated him on the show and asked if he would mind getting a photograph with her. He replied, Who are you?

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Why are you even talking to me all my feet? And this prick was she and fired and.

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Oh, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly. Look, I know really Declan's granny's hairdresser's friend knew somebody who knew somebody who got her into backstage at Croke Park.

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So we've heard great things about you find them. But there's one bad story.

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Now take that with a grain of salt. Elaine was in touch as well. She said, I grew up a huge Westlife fan, absolutely adored them. Their parents friends live in Sligo and will be acquaintances with members of the band. For one of my early teenage birthdays, I received a Westlife biography signed with a personal message from none other than Chen Filin himself. What a nice guy.

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A guy a few years ago, during the years when they were broken up, my parents were visiting their friends in Sligo, the road for the night in a bar.

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And who was there? None other than Mark from Westlife. Multiple times that night my mother was speaking to him in the smoking area as he bombed cigarettes from her towards the end of the night after given him many cigarettes and chatting lots. My mum mentioned that her daughter was a huge fan and asked Could they take a selfie to send to me? At this point, he became rather rude and refused to photo and left Kardon to dislike your friends. The three other bodies are sorted Earth.

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But Mark's been in my bad books ever since.

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Maybe he just didn't want to buy cigarettes. Maybe he only small company is drinking. Yeah, it's not. I mean that's handy. He's not going to spend twenty quid but if, if you're bollman more than two cigarettes you've got to get a photo.

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Yeah I can't, you can't. You can't be turning down. You can be turned down. The photos release Kierra said one of my good friends Emma is a diehard Wesley fan like Westlife know who she is now and everything. You could do a full podcast on some of the stories. I have all about it. She adored them growing up and we thought she'd grow out of it. But now she's turning thirty this year, has a very professional job, a baby and everything, but she's still an absolute superfan girl when it comes to Westlife.

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When they announced they're coming back in 2019, she had tickets for every single night front row and even flew over to the UK for their concerts on the first night of their tour in Belfast. After seven years waiting, she was standing front row for them to come on. She said she couldn't cope, had tears streaming down her face, pure poison. And next thing, her Apple Watch was giving her warnings because she was inactive. But her heart rate had rose over one hundred and twenty bpm.

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That's what they might do to her. I don't really understand it, but love her for having such a passion and sent on a photo. Yes, Apple Watch said to her, Are you having a heart attack?

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Oh, that's boy bands. Another listener said, I remember in the nineties on one Friday and I've been out with the lads and we were hanging on in the local bar for a few drinks after hours, which regularly happened this.

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Particular Friday night, the local Garrity decided otherwise.

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So we decided to go to the nightclub for the King Calfs, we arrived into the night of the CBD on on stage in luminous boiler suits like you see in a building site.

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We made our way to the bar and drank away at the closing time.

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Following night I was out and the rumor was going around that a local lad had talked to one of the boys on Ladds because he made a pass at his very willing girlfriend.

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Allegedly, he left town with a black eye and a busted nose. The nightclub was the Highland in Newmarket narcotic. The night of burnt down since then has been rebuilt.

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I'm not saying boys until this morning he was there. Yeah, fair play. Life's a roller coaster for me over the phone.

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Sorry, but you shouldn't give me a black marker for what's going on. Me and I are the next to each other.

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Well, you can say where you were and it's burning down around half of the state that they have been like, if I am right, OK, I should concede.

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If I don't remember which member it was, he says, I don't remember which member it was that got the black eye because I'm not a fan.

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So at the time the name meant nothing to me. I've asked people with a better memory than me and was told that they all got a hiding in the local chipper Christi's.

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And I mean like, look, if you're not into the music like fair play, but it isn't only to give the lads in the Chipper's.

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He sent me the first half of that and I was like, you got to tell me which one it was said. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. They all got a fucking clip on the ship afterwards.

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And Lo and Trina said, I go to Congress and goes to college in Sligo. And one of her lectures isn't much older than we were working away. One day when she revealed that she had her 21st in Slagle and booked out of floor of the late bar for her and her friends who arrived in only Kiene Egen went over, said Happy Birthday and took photos with her and her friends.

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He asked did she mind if he stayed in their private section for the rest of the night? She said, no, we nearly died when she said this. She explained that she didn't want him getting all the attention at her twenty four jars. We still think she's mad, but at least he was sound out.

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I want to throw it out there. If any members of Wessely, four boys on if coronaviruses as they can happily come to my at May we have a spare room. Yeah.

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For me it's going to be tropica awkward situations. Right. An anonymous person.

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But if you have any more Westcliffe correspondence with anyone, give it to decide even.

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And the cream cake fiasco. You'll remember this from a couple of podcasts back more remembers.

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Well, Ricky message saying you were on a boat. The lad taken the cream cake out of your man's fridge. Oh, yeah, that was it. I have a sister in law, sister in law used to come into our kitchen, open up every door to see what we would have and then proceed to feed herself without asking anyone.

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Wow, that's that's rude.

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She would also put her hand onto your plate and take food out here on her address.

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We've got her. We'll get her taken care. She's not wrong with it and thought it was all OK. This drove me mad. I cured her office and picking food off my plate after I accidentally stock her and a hand with a sharp knife on dinner, she still persisted in pork in our presses, despite the fact her sister, my wife, had told her to stop it. Her husband asked me to do work in their house. So I came up with a plan.

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I was flooring their bedroom and as I heard her coming up the stairs, I started pulling out her underwear from the drawer in the wardrobe.

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She came in and screamed at me, What do you do when you dirty Parve? I said, I'm only going through your pressies the same way you go through mine.

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Oh, Morsey. Her husband obviously liked her to dress up. Oh oh. Oh shit.

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She didn't see the comparison then, but the next time she called over to our house, she didn't go pauken in the presses. My wife thinks it is because of the chat she had with her and I never told her otherwise.

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He said, oh, he said he got down. So I was I was checking out your sister's lingerie, lingeringly and a couple of episodes back.

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We did a special on country music. Oh man.

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Daniel, who has a background in country music email, he said Between working with the country band and started work in Dublin, I was asked to gig with a very well-known Irish band that maybe kept anonymous for legal reasons.

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OK, so just for listeners there, one of the classic, they're very, extremely famous Irish Trag kind of folk band. You definitely know. And they give it to me. No, no, no, no, no.

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OK, thank you for even being a little bit too hasty there. But anyway. OK, ok.

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All right. OK, this guy says it was an honour. I was delighted to be asked and after a few weeks touring around Ireland, I was sent across. Homeland and Europe for a four week tour with the lads. I was 22 at the time and the second youngest on the tour was in his late 50s and the rest of the lads are all 80 years old very soon.

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I want to be which should give you an idea of the audience that would be hanging around for autographs and photos after gigs, which I didn't mind at all during the day.

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Then there was plenty of straight talk. Banter on the tour was about tours and sessions, Viagra, the glory days of partying around the world, which I would find fair fascinate.

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But the most fascinating thing was that after all the years tour and these lads who were hit near 80 years of age still had booty calls in every second city.

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I see now why we're not revealing who they are.

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Sometimes after a gig, there will be old ones in the front of the bus coming back to the hotel with the lads while I sit in the back seat with my gear and my eyes closed with the headphones on.

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One night, while me and a few others are packing up the van after a gig, the lads were still in the teeth are signing autographs for fans. I had a bit of a falling out with another member of the band, the bass player, a proper dickhead, let's call him Mick over where to put the instruments.

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It was only a tough being fair and they didn't think much of it.

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But when the other lads in the band and the management heard about the argument, they weren't impressed. I got on very well with them and they saw it as a kind of Mick picking on the young lad again. I said I'd just leave it. It was only a disagreement that I know the lads held a grudge against Mick.

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A few days later, we were at a gig and one of the lads had another booty call.

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She was a cross between Hulk Hogan and Janis Battersby from Coronation Street, and she even landed backstage before the gig with Creamy Bonds that she begged for the band, which the lads referred to as her cream pies. Jesus.

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I can't believe it wasn't really a booty call going Strongbow, and of course, there had to be romance. And after the next morning in the hotel during breakfast, I was pulled aside by him after he did the deed the night before with Hulk Battersby for conversation. I will never forget as long as I live to remember that queer one I rolled last night when they snuck into the Boss and Roederer beer on Mxit.

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That'll teach him for giving you grief that I was shocked and just said thanks.

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What else do you say to that? A few weeks later I got a job offer which I took sadly forcing me to leave the band. I'm not cut out for the tour in life and I'm happy with having a nine to five with the weekends free for points. I have my tried face and flyers to keep me occupied throughout the year, playing the way I want to when I want it. And life's good.

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But there is always that fear that one of my new work colleagues will happen to stumble on to Celtic Country TV and see me in music videos from years ago, forcing me to leave the job out of pure shame. Look at at least have a pretty extensive catalogue of stories from my experience.

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Totally worth it. Daniela's that is one that is fantastic. HOLC Battersby done it for me naturally.

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I screenplay's on the nights out Aruri email saying I have a story about my friend and his ex too in a relationship will remain anonymous. So he's just, he's just putting their names anyway.

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So Ethan and Grace. Right. Are going out for about a month and it's gone fairly well. It was Monday night, the big SCHMOCK and it was college night. We all had to Desai's what's better than to Euro Desperados and pint of Guinness on a Monday.

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I did it do to your pint of Guinness indices. All pointed to Europe, even to Guinness. Yeah, yeah.

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Yeah I know. Yeah it's OK. As the night went on, my friends and I soon started noticing the grace was fairly honest and she was a bit all over the place.

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Ethan decided to go get some water in an attempt to sober up.

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I mean, my friends and I took one look over Grace dear. She is getting on with another guy.

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Minutes later, Ethan walked back to the smoking area where we were two pints of water in hand, one for her and one for himself.

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As soon as he sets eyes upon his girlfriend shift and another guy, he instantly runs out at the nightclub and runs home towards his accommodation in pure shock after what he's seeing after running all the way to donnybrooks.

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That's a fair I tell you, he's a fit guy, Ethan.

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He decided to get a taxi for the remainder of the journey home. The taxi man asked him why a student was in Donnybrook at 3am, not near town, and what his story was. He soon began talking and ran into the taxi man about his girlfriend, where she was from her course in college, and what she was after doing him. After reaching the accommodation, the taxi man pulled in and asked him if, by any chance the girl's name was Grace.

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My friend never mentioned her name. It turned out the taxi man was Grace Hood from Donegal. It was Grace's uncle.

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Oh, my friend sat in the car for ten minutes and absolutely let rip into Grace and gave her an awful bollocking. And a taxi man listened to some drunk nineteen year old talking shit about his niece. He was the oldest man ever and gave him the fare for free.

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Unbelievable. Yeah, that's automats. Small world of Tony Garth.

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Yeah, I've done it.

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Lastly on the drink Kairouan erm drink when you're talking about like liquid tea or whatever it's drink alcohol.

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Let's drink, drink, drink, drink. I was listening to podcast 125, Kairouan says about the drink, drink and how you could play sports the day after, etc..

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When we were young that drink this took me back to my teens. Cmax and myself played school, herrlein and club football together for a few years. We actually won a school Munster Final together and the local soccer league, which we still haven't got our medals for. That is true currently. So our football soccer goalkeeper, I won't mention his name, would occasionally smash about Six Flags and maybe a drink or two before to warm up at our matches. He was sixteen at the time and would have a Fokin Starmer of a game.

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I don't know how he used to do. I feel if he did that now, he'd probably have a heart attack and die. But he works in mysterious ways. Anyway, that just came to my head while listening. I thought I'd share Cmax myself. Didn't get on very well back in the days. We both had egos the size of Mr to one's head and to be fair, I was a bit of a knob. With all that being said, I love the podcast and what you boys are doing.

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Cohran I hope you keep them. Well, man, I remember coming from school.

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Yeah, he was, I thought he was sound enough times but bollocks now just on the goalkeeper's.

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Well you smoke and more and thanks.

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I reckon it was around for years he was on fire and like literally he was in a different world, you know, remember he was in a different war. He played out his world because he was in a different world from what you smolkin.

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Well, age this under twenty. Sixteen. Yeah. Sixteen's and Utøya, which is er. Soccer goalkeeper would drink for the games. Yeah, RLC PBB from the night before left, but he would be definitely he'd be Stonecrest and you're not selling Rusko as a tourist destination.

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It's a lovely place. Best place in the world.

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OK, Maehara, who do you fancy for two Johnnys more keenly sponsored by KC Sports? Who do you like for Mara?

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I like Daniel and his description of you on as the Hulk Battersby.

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Yeah, like I love listen, I love the boyband correspondence. Yeah. I have to say, your man, like, you know, we know who the band is, which is probably unfair, but that does that is. Yeah.

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So just DM us and we'll tell you who the band is. And Mogis Authority. Daniel. Daniel, email polecats attitude.

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Honestly, you with all your contact details, Margate, that sort of, you know, the weekly round or putting it on this week, John.

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Well not a whole pile. Just a little talk about it. Yeah. Go on. Go on. Yeah. No more.

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A few nasties around the guy.

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The mountain in the conservatory today. You didn't get the door open quick enough.

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Yeah, but I didn't know if there's a strict like four second time limit. The time lock on the dog is literally the dog went to the door and I was like, oh, he's at the door. And by the time I walked over to let him out, he just pissed in the car. Well, that's that's a rarity. And they didn't know what to do then because they know you're like doing proper poppy trainmen. Yeah. So I didn't know how to get his head and smear the piss or what.

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Well, you just have to give out to him.

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Oh yeah, I did. I said fuck off like Paul from Wexford. She hasn't learnt. I was like, hey, fuck off.

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If I was like, OK, let me ask you. He didn't take it in.

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No, um, you know, it's funny. On her television, he's constantly trying to proleague and he never does it to me.

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Yeah, well, like, how does he know I wouldn't hump you?

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And then we're on the couch. He'd be like, ah, he's like developed a foot fetish. The dog is the real thing.

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That's the real thing. Well, if you took off the socks, the dog's just like, oh, drops down right away. There's lipstick comes out.

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The dog is too young. He hasn't got a proper erection yet. But like, OK, he's you know, he's big interface man.

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You want to put me in touch with that band and you design on with their they seem to have Viagra later on and be good for the dog.

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What's been going on with you, John? I've been hooked. Man on not drink, not drugs. Love Island USA. Right.

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It's shown on like, you know, whatever Virgin Media but not like the other channel.

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I don't know if I even know what it's called and it's Sean, but like obviously it's it's like it was shot last year, like six months ago.

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So I could go on and find out who won. But, you know, I don't want to ruin the illusion. Yeah, but I watched an episode and I was like local market and Holderness and look me up, nanny.

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We've gotten all gotten hawkshaw. We're watching every night.

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What's that all about? And some difference between the U.S. and the U.K..

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So first of all, do you see one right? Woman, woman, your man says that you're one kind of pull you for a chat. That's the big UK one, right? You man says I can speak to you for a minute and under UK Wonderlic.

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Oh. So, you know, kind of awkward. Well that's how you get only happen often here. Yeah I, I'm not really I look at I like it.

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Increase the American Sunderer. First question little I can I can chat to you for a second. Yeah.

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In order to sit down. What's your life goals first, it's like when we got there, like you want an answer, like you remember, where do you see yourself in five years time and energy? Like it's like a job interview and any of you like, what are your values?

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It's like what death like was this is Love Island Life. This isn't like SUPERVALU.

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Yeah. It's just the American American guy.

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You seem so straight off I suppose. Is what. Direct. Direct. Yeah, they are very, very direct.

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And then when you're constantly shifting and getting free CDs lads and horn bags, you know, in Long Island traditionally they split up the boys and girls and in this one they sent it halfway through after some couples have developed, separate them, see how they test them.

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So they send the boys off to a place called Casamayor. Right. And like the idea is to send five boys over there and then send in five fresh young ones that boys have never seen before. Yes. And it's like you're still loyal to your partner. Are you free? Are you getting out?

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Well, the five boys taught her on a stag. They shifted every single one of her. Go ahead with your just shifting and frolicking in bed hopping in.

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She says it was it was like a weekend in Verona that there were going Datchet or Righton different writing about like, how do you know they can't show that they legally can show you anymore on any level of violence.

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But they could have been reading, you know, it could have been allegedly and straight away reshift.

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There was one you want to shift nearly all Vlad's. So let me just purely Americans like I was like.

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And did she get a boyfriend or. No, she didn't give it. None of them. And she pictorially that. But the thing is, you know, I think here in Ireland and like it maybe in the UK as well, you know, a shift is like, oh, my God, you know, shift serious enough. Well, it isn't leavelle. Yeah.

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Whereas like in the US, they're just really want to it.

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How are you. Bank shift. They're all getting off and yet they're all just shift and left and I'm enjoying it. It's in Vegas.

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She's making it look. Yeah. It's actually filmed like the Love Ireland thing is in Vegas on top of the water. It's not like out in the middle of nowhere. Well that's cool.

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Yeah, well, like IVC Corvin's of all last week, when what they're doing is wrong, it's on every night.

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All right. Yeah, on that. I'm one of five on unscary whatever virgin media channels.

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Virgin Media Extra is a I don't know.

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Hey you see Sam Bridges. That was week. Yeah. Did you make a cross. I didn't. But there's talks now. Some people want to make St Patrick's Day a national holiday.

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Why not? You know what? We should have a band called everyone. Yep. At the moment with the way covid going.

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Oh, well, like St. Patrick is kind of the patron saint of Ireland. And then Sandbridge, I think, is like the female cousin. I don't think they really had no idea it was better timing the difference.

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OK, she should get it there, shouldn't she? She should, yeah. Be February. Yes, I'll go on.

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You know, it's a perfect bank holiday because our public holiday because you just coming out of absolute misery January and it's like, bang, we're back, you know, I mean, everyone could in January, today, January and back on the gas bridge, it's going to be bigger drinking then.

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And Paddy's that bridges day and he bridges their bridges there during the week.

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Man, I've been having I had one really particularly weird dream. Hey, thanks for sharing.

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I know. And the extra part we're talking about dreams. Yeah. So I just said I chair this one here. It probably bit of a teaser. You want more dreams, hook yourself up.

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But I had a dream that we don't a agree. Right. And I'm not exactly sure where it was, but it was a big city and I think I have a hunch it was London.

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OK, all right. So we're after doing the big gig in London and we walk offstage, someone hands me a bottle of champagne and like, I'm like, oh, I don't really I'm not really into champagne. And then and he was like, drink, drink, drink it. And I drank. Right. And then in my dream, I felt pissed.

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Unproper like, oh, langurs, like I'm wobbly in my dream. Lose the brand. Yeah. I don't know. This is my dream. Obviously lamping this life.

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And I'm freaking out here then like. Right. I fall on a glass table and there's glass everywhere and then like I stick my hand in glass.

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I'm like, oh freaking out like. And then I get Oprey and I knock a disco ball and blast glass as well.

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And that breaks on ground laws glass. And then Ray, I've got a full bottle of champagne in my hand and obviously I fell a couple of times and I get up and open the champagne bottle because I fixed it up so much.

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The champagne bottle and me take off.

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And we're basically flying around this venue like I'm like attached to a balloon that you've just let the arrow go. Yeah, and I'm following around this and I'm like, Jesus. Then anyway, I eventually stop and just fall in the ground. And our managers, Joe and Paul. Right. Bring me back to bed. Yeah, right.

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And then I'm like, oh my God. So I'm sleeping in bed anywhere from brahem to bed, whatever broke up the place.

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And then I start getting I wake up. Like in the dream, no, not in real life. Yeah, and I'm like, Jesus, what am I going to do? So I come over to a hotel room. Yeah. And like, I go down, first of all and get something to eat and chipper.

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Right. And I'm still I'm still drunk.

[00:25:50]

And then I'm like, I need to find Paul. So I go up to Paul's room and I'm like, oh, Paul, man, I'm so sorry, I have I ruined two genies, like I broke up the venue and paper is going to get this going to be over. And he's like, man, don't worry.

[00:26:03]

It's not. Look, there you go. You only got two and a half grand. I don't know, like having a laugh Paul channel.

[00:26:08]

I mean, and then I was like a walk up from the dream and I'm sitting in the bay like upset. And I was like, but I don't have to pay two and a half grand, but I feel bad. Like, you know, I really felt like bringing this imaginary venue and being like, look, I'm so sorry about last night.

[00:26:24]

And I woke up and I was like, what? Anne Hathaway Commenee?

[00:26:26]

And I was like, You didn't have a dream about like Spanish just wants to curl up the moment. I felt very weird. I said, that's like Analise that I'd be saying, you know, an 80s dream.

[00:26:36]

People who can analyze Analise that they blocked off you only dreams. No, no. I'm going to save my job and do my dream. Derian. Yes, yes, yes, yes. OK, no, I just, I just.

[00:26:47]

I cheered when and if anybody knows what that sort of dream means, let me know because I'm a little bit scared and I still think I owe someone two and a half grand I, I can just say as well and love Island USA.

[00:27:01]

Yeah. If there's any American listeners which I is, particularly American males, why do you still have like those Kyenge mix.

[00:27:11]

Have they? No, I'm not talking about the David Brent like in the office, but it's just the bottom part.

[00:27:17]

Oh, you know, like Jordyn used to have the helmet and a chinstrap. This is like that. But like, it's it's just a tuft underneath the chin. A couple of them. Yeah, like, yeah. Just big grounding their chests.

[00:27:29]

Yeah. I'll pour some it during the week, but to me it's just absolutely freaking me out. And also went shopping going to with food future like the week that the food shops gas walkaround Yusufeli.

[00:27:40]

Next time you're in the there it's just ladds talking to each other like in American films are saying it's the only place you can kind of have meet someone that's allowed a scene ladds having like full blown conversations two weeks apart on the bready.

[00:27:53]

Yeah. And our love and life.

[00:27:55]

It's such a social open. No one even I'm enjoying doing the shopping and normally I hate it, but I just respect all the men out there doing the shopping by having a chance.

[00:28:03]

At the time of recording this, Ireland is still in level five lockdown, which is an absolute DORCE. Yeah, it'll be there for a while.

[00:28:10]

It's very, very jealous of everyone in New Zealand. You go nuts if you're listening in New Zealand. Fuck you on your concerts.

[00:28:17]

Now you enjoy Wirrabara.

[00:28:21]

And thank you so much to everybody who signed up to our Thursday Extra podcast available on Patreon on last week's extra podcast. Number 46 on our Around the Town segment.

[00:28:30]

We chatted, I left and something you need to watch it again.

[00:28:34]

And thanks to everybody who signed up to our extra podcast available every Thursday on Patreon on last week's extra pod number 46, we were talking about what makes a lady.

[00:28:45]

And Maura told a story about some very ungentlemanly behavior from a celebrity, a story of what he thinks is lady reminded me of someone that I worked with on the late date who is an absolute lady. She was just so well refined and lovely to work with. She never swore and very elegant and always dress well and tidy and prompt and like really just add together, lady. But I would guess she was looking after I'm going to name your Birchgrove. He was coming and he won't be.

[00:29:15]

Yeah. He came in to do the late Late Show. Right. And he flew in a helicopter so she went out to meet him like the helicopter landed in a field nearby.

[00:29:25]

Some football pitch right over Bear Grylls got over, got off the helicopter, walked and shook her hand, turned around and went for a splash right in front of her.

[00:29:37]

No way. Yeah. Apparently he's known for doing it. Yeah. And then he drank his own piss.

[00:29:45]

This week, we're talking about ghosts and things that go bump in the night. Oh, strange apparitions that send a shiver down your spine and not about ghosts.

[00:29:54]

And which is when lads just, you know, start taking you back.

[00:29:57]

Oh, all those probably equally as distressing. So do we believe in ghosts? Because Strattera.

[00:30:05]

No, like like ghosts. Right. First of all, can I just say what I think? A ghost. I think a like a lad with a sheet over his head or Casper or do you like Casper the friendly ghost.

[00:30:15]

He was good, but he wasn't grare crack but he'd try to party in the bath. Yeah.

[00:30:19]

And this natural thing is a ghost. It's not shit emoji, is it? It is a ghost. What about that movie, Patrick Swayze Ghost? Yeah, it's a bit before our time, but like antima Patrick Swayze, he's pretty good.

[00:30:32]

Yeah, he's he's kinda coming back like genau romancer. Yeah. I think if I was a ghost, I'd come back and do something a bit more worthwhile.

[00:30:40]

Well, like to be playing the county final and then like there's only two minutes left and Wlad has a sideline course and I just pick up the ball field over to where like Jesus, he barely hit that set like the time Yuri Gagarin said he moved the ball just as well as we're taking the penalty.

[00:30:56]

Was it wasn't Yuri Gagarin? No, because he was he was the space man. So it was. Yeah.

[00:31:02]

Play that tomato tomato Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters to film.

[00:31:07]

Yeah, they're the Michelin Man. Yeah, he is the most unscary scores of all time. Was big for one team, but what are your goals anyway? First of all, so just basically five main types of ghosts. There's the interactive personality, which I think kind of describes those two.

[00:31:23]

Yeah, these are we want you to these ghosts can speak and they can become visible.

[00:31:29]

Then there's the ectoplasm ghost, which is the phrase you hear a lot in Ghostbusters. This is like a mist or a fog.

[00:31:36]

Then there's the famous and very scary sounding poltergeist, poltergeist, poltergeist. This is a ghost that can make noise or like knock things over, moving around your corpse, that kind of shit.

[00:31:48]

Paranormal Activity job.

[00:31:50]

I don't watch horror films, orb's. I watch kung fu movies a lot. Orb's that's like you see like a ball of light or something like that.

[00:32:00]

And then there's faunal ghosts, which is like Swerling you know, something like that.

[00:32:05]

So. Oh so scary. Oh well you know I do the sound effects. Yeah. Yeah. Um so it's a big thing in Irish culture. Yeah. The Banshee. Yeah, the banshee, right? Do you know what I've had this theory, Laerke is a, isn't it? There is a teacher, a teacher that was Pooka. Like you said, when you go trick or treat on Halloween, penetrative hooka. This this right here to right Isentress.

[00:32:37]

James Brown Jr., some, like James, don't sound like James Rowlatt. I think that that was not a banshee, that was a fox. That is a vixen screaming sounds incredibly like James Brown isn't really my thing.

[00:33:06]

So they say that vampires are also an Irish thing. This is a small but disputed.

[00:33:10]

But, you know, way, is it? Yeah, sure. Bram Stoker, who wrote Dracula so. You see, there you go. You learn something new every day on this podcast, so we've got a list here of the most haunted places in Ireland. What I want or to hear like is Glen Nolan in County Gerry. This is where the first the original male vampire is apparently buried standing up, Sadoun. Like a bat?

[00:33:40]

Yeah, maybe, yeah, there's the Cork District Lunatic Asylum, where they say the tortured echoes of ghostly inmates have been heard and even recorded in the abandoned decided. It was built in 1798.

[00:33:55]

And the man who built it here, this he was the author of the first book on Irish psychiatry and the inventor of Halogens chair. Well, it's almost like a country song.

[00:34:07]

It does it.

[00:34:08]

It was a rotating chair that spawned the hysterical patient at a hundred revolutions per minute. And this was what was used to treat people in a mental hospital, citizens freaking out, you know, a little spinner spinning like a fucking drill.

[00:34:25]

Bit like this thing is she uses the top five are cool house in County Wexford.

[00:34:32]

Captain Boyd's grave at St. Patrick's Cathedral, Dublin, Belvedere Castle County, Cork.

[00:34:39]

Akram Battlefield is where the Jacobite the Jacobite ghosts in County Galway and the number one spookiest, most haunted place in Ireland apparently is the abbey of the black Hagg near Foynes in Limerick even.

[00:34:54]

Sounds scary. It was. I thought it would be like coughers dancefloor on a Monday morning.

[00:35:00]

There's been a fear of New York's heart to that place. I tell you something for an unknown one. One local place here is Baily's hoteling. Cashel. Yeah, our own Neil. The intern used to work there.

[00:35:11]

I frequented that place for a few steak sandwiches. Never had it. Spooky. Good steak on a very good steak sandwich.

[00:35:17]

Yeah, but the staff have reported seeing weird shit that the staff just wanted a half day. It's like, you know, I mean all I've got on tonight is not if I go home early.

[00:35:29]

No, look, we're very busy.

[00:35:30]

Nobody Lacassine Goldstrike one second because I was asking a lot of people to care about course and anyone who knows care does Caracazo. And then behind that is the park, the field across the river. It's like a real old house. Like a landlord. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there used to be a Col's house there, Colonel Sanders and a burnt down in the 70s. Our hotel group bought it when he died and as they were doing it up.

[00:35:56]

The house burned down and one of the workmen claims that he was thrown into the river by a ghost. Oh, God.

[00:36:05]

Now I sit here on the workmen was on the bottle on the Pantin Dorne.

[00:36:13]

What are you doing in the river? Yeah. So aghost told me that doing he was definitely smoking a fag and fell asleep. And then I was like, oh, let's let's think of an excuse. I know they'll definitely believe a ghost threw me into the river.

[00:36:28]

Danny Sullivan. And that is the story. Yeah, of course. Trumans the river. Oh, my God. I was like asking some of my friends, like, you believe in ghosts or whatever and then won the lottery, remember, like Anacostia's NAM fellow, we went to school. Yeah.

[00:36:41]

And I was like, I tell ya, I could not remember. He always said he had a friend. Whitmont called him like an imaginary friend, Baluchis, and then he said his imaginary friend was a ghost.

[00:36:52]

And like he he came up one lunchtime and then forget, like we're only in primary school, I was like, you're going to win two one. And then we won two one.

[00:36:59]

And everyone's like. He's possessed. You see this item on the Bosler here, the imaginary ghost friend in school.

[00:37:08]

Yeah, so like Plantinga and he was like, no, no, no, the ghost is never going to catch his Eli.

[00:37:18]

How are we going to know who's on then you go to Michelle Knight, the gorgeous gotcha. Yeah. Gosh, I can see it, but at the same time, there is no one going to argue with him.

[00:37:27]

Yeah, because it was quite scary that he's clairvoyant who can see ghosts or else he's just demented.

[00:37:33]

The poor devil. Um, like when I was younger, I was kind of like I wasn't afraid of ghosts for the ghost stories. I remember they were real thing in the 90s.

[00:37:42]

Ghost stories were fake. Yeah. So like we had like a little treehouse then. Yeah. And like you sit up there at night and in the turn off the light that was in there like some Phillies fan or wired up like a light and then they turn off the light and everyone be like your stories.

[00:37:58]

And I used to like I remember I got thirty three ten and text.

[00:38:01]

My modem was like please ring me up.

[00:38:05]

And I was like 12, 13 and I was like, please ring me and rang me. I've got.

[00:38:10]

And then it was dachsie to run home. Yeah. Oh Jesus.

[00:38:13]

I never ran as fast baby like a ghost after me.

[00:38:17]

But like now look I have to say I don't believe in ghosts. Why know. I just haven't seen I say it is not a drawerful can ghost you know what be invaluable.

[00:38:28]

I haven't had an experience myself. No. And I've heard loads of things but I just don't know if I'm to believe like I've seen forswears like look look in the background, you can see the ghost and it's like. That looks very like fog, you know, or it's like there's a photo of the Rocky and it's like, oh, look, there's exhaust and it's not just like don't smoke, in fact, two meters away and smoke as we often in the air.

[00:38:53]

Maybe he's divorced and we just came back from fake. Could be smoking, cause there's there's just there's a bit too much to be. Now, look, I've been places where I felt spooky, right?

[00:39:07]

But I don't think it's because of ghosts like we were in Alcatraz. Yeah. And I live in San Francisco.

[00:39:13]

I don't know. And I've been in Kilmainham, which I got a similar kind of feel. What I don't know, is it a presence or is it just fucking freezing in there? It's definitely freezing.

[00:39:23]

It is very cold in both places. Are you always in Alcatraz?

[00:39:26]

Yeah, I was, yeah. Did did you feel like there was Ghost in Alcatraz noticed. There is.

[00:39:32]

Yeah, I definitely I have seen a ghost story and I think I told you before, I don't think I said it in the podcast. So my first year in college, my aunt had a house in Dublin that she rented out to students. So she rented a room to me. I think maybe the first week or second week I was there like she converted the sitting room into a bedroom. For me, there's like two sitting room. So there's one room at the back which had the boiler in it in the corner of the room.

[00:40:01]

So I was sleeping in that room and the door was ajar one night and. I next thing I kind of woke up, there was this noise in the corner of the room and I couldn't really see like my bedroom door was slightly ajar. There was like but the light wasn't shining over towards the corner of the room. And then. I was like, who the hell is that? Like, I looked up and I was like one of the girls after coming into the room, one of the other girls has left the room to do something with the boiler.

[00:40:33]

And I sat up and I said hello. And I next thing I seen, like, I couldn't see the top half of the person, but it was a girl in pajama bottoms. And just like like she was so real and her hand was reaching to the door to open the door fully, like she just fizzled away.

[00:40:53]

I was like, no joke. Like and I just was like, oh, like it was awful. Like I know I moved out soon after that, like my friends, I just.

[00:41:04]

Were you drinking at the time? No. This is like first year in college was very innocent. I was drinking. Yeah. No, I remember first year in college more and more girls like I didn't make it.

[00:41:16]

The second you go you see and he goes, oh really. And did you say it to the owners of the house?

[00:41:23]

No, I didn't think they would have been just I don't know man. It would have been awkward of ages anyway. So it's like she's a ghost in the house.

[00:41:31]

You still owe me a month's rent. Yeah, yeah. I was just like because they didn't want to I was a bit embarrassed to tell them that was the reason I was moving it. I was just like, oh, the house too far away from college. No, no. I'm going to move somewhere closer to the city center.

[00:41:45]

It's just like pulling people think really quick. But like that happened. Like that happened. And it's like I just remember being amazed that this like I was so angry. It's like, what is this girl doing in my room? And then just her hand reaching for the door and fizzing right in front of my eyes, just like it was just like fizzing like the little light sparkles fizzled out.

[00:42:06]

Nothing like and I was just like, see that ghost knew you were going to get ahead of her. If I see one that there's a house and care that is supposed to be haunted, I'm on the bottom of your own. Did the priest house show a priest either? Years ago, local people were saying it is it's not for sale for half a million. Yeah, but it's you know, the gold comes free. Jesus, get a free ghost.

[00:42:37]

Well, complimentary. I was talking to somebody who lived there and she said to me she was in the room one day singing a song. I don't know what it was. Probably something like, you know, we belong together.

[00:42:50]

But James Brown came in like, no, no, no, she didn't. She didn't underbite, whatever, trying to picture some reading a book, singing a song. Next minute, the radio, which is a good 10 feet away, turns itself on.

[00:43:02]

I saw that song plan. Oh my God. Norway. Yeah, well, that's a fact. And we want to told me today that her father, my grandfather, said he saw a ghost. He was from Chicago. Some cabin, so I'm looking at Lucky Silin. As I said, I'm probably pronouncing that right now, open cabin. And he was young.

[00:43:24]

They would see the ghost of sailors and boats out in the lake.

[00:43:30]

No, I didn't know. Freaking me out. No, I didn't know that boats could have ghosts.

[00:43:36]

But apparently that's how the sailors got around.

[00:43:41]

We were looking up stats, right, on Irish people who believed in ghosts. We couldn't find any. So we don't know. Ron Paul on Instagram. I'll give you the results in a second. But first of all, 60 percent of Americans have claimed to have seen a ghost in a poll of 2000 people. Are you surprised?

[00:43:57]

That is? I thought it would be higher.

[00:43:59]

29 percent claim to have felt the presence of someone who has died, that this is, again, these 2000 Americans, 40 percent said their pet has seen a ghost.

[00:44:08]

How do you know that? So I'm talking to the dog at this point will take absolutely no heed of those. That's what we did.

[00:44:16]

I did say that men are twice as likely to scream when they see a ghost than women are.

[00:44:24]

She began work on our Instagram post, we asked, do people believe in ghosts? And 64 percent said no. Thirty six percent said they do believe in ghosts. That's fine.

[00:44:38]

So, I mean, that's pretty much as I told you. But I can't disprove it. I can't tell you.

[00:44:43]

No, there's no ghost that's got over 20 something thousand votes.

[00:44:46]

I mean, I can't tell you there's no ghosts. I can't prove there is a ghost eater. Should this like religion?

[00:44:52]

Exactly. If so, if I died and then God was like, actually, you know, Lord of the Rings. Yeah.

[00:44:59]

That's what happened to. How would I know?

[00:45:03]

Yeah. It seems like this is just a study here that says possible scientific reasons for ghosts. And number two on the list is mold. No, no, I have to say I have to say going a lot like me and Johnny used to live together in a house that had a lot of mold. So, I mean, if we haven't seen a ghost by now, I reckon they're not real because all the side and base and my bed was completely covered in black mold.

[00:45:29]

Also, you had reason number three, carbon monoxide and you definitely had number five.

[00:45:36]

We drafts dry with all of the above in those rooms and still never seen a ghost. So hopefully people enjoy it.

[00:45:44]

Like if you're in somewhere that spooky and someone says, I heard footsteps, you believed him. I know.

[00:45:49]

But even it's kind of the power of suggestion, too. And yeah, everything from for who has seen it with her own eyes.

[00:45:55]

Yeah. For people. Yeah. And you know what? You know what? I think a lot of it is as well. And it's like if you've lost someone you love and then you're like I've seen a ghost of. It can be comforting. Yeah, it can be, yeah, that's what I mean, it can be confident.

[00:46:08]

I think those people, if you want to see something, you'll see if you get me like that.

[00:46:13]

I was talking to somebody. Oh, here we go. Who was talking to somebody who is clairvoyant, as in taken. They talks to dead people. And she said she's had this all her life and she struggled with drinks and drinking and drugs and all that. She's like didn't want to be listened to these voices. Right. And then she was able to say it here.

[00:46:30]

She was able to tell her things about a relative of hers has passed away that I couldn't possibly know.

[00:46:35]

And I thought this would be like, you know, sounds like you're giving somebody 50 quid and you're like, oh, your dead husband's in the room. Yeah, I loved Testoni, but I ask him about Mickey. And then he'd be like she'd be like, oh, he said, you know, Mickey is cutting the hair wrong and there is no Mickey.

[00:46:54]

That's fucking bullshit. In Phoenix nights.

[00:46:58]

Are they getting a psychic, you know, into the death of, like, you know, this poor woman, the psychic, Stephen Shore.

[00:47:03]

And he comes out and he's he's like, have I got John in the crowd? And then, like, one lad is like, yeah, I'm John. He's like, fabulous.

[00:47:11]

And your wife's name is he's like, Jane exactly what I just said. Yeah, Jane.

[00:47:17]

So I don't know.

[00:47:18]

I don't I honestly don't know what it's like you can call reading, reading and I don't know, but like I don't know to we mentioned in a previous podcast, one of our friends went to pottery, a fortune teller, a fortune teller, and gave a fake name.

[00:47:33]

And she was like, well, you give me a fake name. Wow. Yeah. He said he was freaked out.

[00:47:37]

Everything after that was just the truth. Yeah, that's that's exactly what he said. So he was freaked out.

[00:47:43]

Now, I don't believe in ghosts and I don't know if I believe in spirits. And what I tell you what you do like Spirits by Smirnoff, but I wouldn't play with a Ouija board.

[00:47:55]

No, you don't.

[00:47:57]

I actually say to any unneccessary, would you if I got a Ouija board?

[00:48:00]

No, like, oh, you're the fellow who says he's good at everything and he's going to the Olympics playing table tennis. No. One fight. We you're not going to be good at Ouija boards. No, no, no, no.

[00:48:12]

Said I'm not good at all. I'm saying you don't want to bring that shit on you. That's that's what you don't bring that shit on you.

[00:48:17]

OK, so like, I wouldn't even though I don't believe in it. Yeah.

[00:48:22]

I do not believe in Ouija boards, but I'm not trying them. You salute Magpie's. Yeah.

[00:48:27]

There you go. Can we get on the TV show.

[00:48:31]

Yes, we can indeed. Yeah. Most haunted lads. You probably heard of it. It was on living TV from 2002 to 2010. A lot of controversy. The host the main guy in the show was Derek Acorah. Oh, man.

[00:48:44]

And there's several times when so they'd be going around, be all very dark and it'd be a place that is supposedly haunted. So the owners that house would say are, you know, meet me. Cousin George is haunted by this.

[00:48:58]

Yeah. Yeah. So basically the idea the show was like Derek Acorah would find the ghost for you in your house. That's that was the premise that you're sorry.

[00:49:05]

Well, George, how are you getting on? You're doing a bit of haunted. How's it going for me? And we have a chat.

[00:49:11]

I'm trying to talk to things like Hector, but he find ghosts and then he get possessed. Oh, yeah, he's that Raun.

[00:49:22]

And then a couple of times when people fed him false information. Yeah. About like. Oh like that. Yeah. My cousin Willy is dead and then he's like, oh I can see, you really know.

[00:49:35]

And then I think like there is no way, there is no way they did they sacked him in the end because they fed him on three different occasions, false stories. And he started saying he got possessed by these false stories. But I remember watching it one night and like he was in this real old room. Right. That like looked like it was, you know, early 1980s. And then he was like, give me a sign if you're here.

[00:49:56]

And then I had thirty two inch plasma telly in the corner of the room turns on and I was like, come on now, Derek, you've pulled our legs long enough now.

[00:50:06]

But he absolutely in fairness to him, he wasn't a ghost, but he was a fantastic actor.

[00:50:12]

He was incredible leader before he convinced he was possessed.

[00:50:15]

John Herem Yeah.

[00:50:16]

Guanyu, I've got Derek. Derek is on the ground. No litanies possessed. Oh oh oh oh oh. This is on telly like. They would come forward. Oh, come on. I think all of us really let it get out of hand. Thank you. That is the sound of the camera being possessed. I particularly love he sounds like a crazy scientist in The Simpsons. And I love when he sounds like he's cut my arm off. Well, he certainly hasn't, because he could use it to get off the ground.

[00:51:21]

People did report him to Ofcom saying that what they did, they did rule.

[00:51:26]

They didn't rule against him because they said it was entertainment and it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. Yeah.

[00:51:31]

Yeah, there. But he was lying, allegedly. What a brilliant idea for a show. I'm going to go in. Right. Spooky music. It's all dark. I'm going to pretend I'm possessed and I'm just going to throw myself on the ground and go bananas. I and.

[00:51:46]

And what are you going to pay me for that? Yeah.

[00:51:48]

Oh really? Oh, that's brilliant. That's like Maritimers. He said, I've got to show more scientists and then he just goes in and sits the ghost here from County Clare.

[00:52:00]

Are you. Brilliant.

[00:52:04]

But look, the real thing is we reckon that by discussing this topic, we have opened we may have opened an absolute treasure chest to correspondence.

[00:52:14]

Yes. Related to ghosts. So we want you we want your ghost stories.

[00:52:18]

So baiting that I found I don't like the Catholic Church. And I will have like a strong stance, kind of a. ghost stance. But well, I guess because they had the Holy Ghost kind of cornered that market.

[00:52:31]

But they've already got Neshin this year.

[00:52:32]

So they say there's a big correlation between the greater your religious belief, the greater your chances of believing in paranormal stuff as well.

[00:52:44]

So basically what they're saying is, if you believe our choice, you'll believe and I want to and I am a practicing Catholic, but it's across all religions like they all pretty much believe in some sort of heaven.

[00:52:57]

Yeah. Yeah. So except for like Buddhists and Hindus who believe you get reincarnated. Yeah.

[00:53:04]

But if you get to the top level, it's like computer games. You get to the 13th level, you reach Nirvana, not the band, and then that's it.

[00:53:12]

You're free, you don't get reincarnated anymore.

[00:53:13]

Okay, so if you're one of those people at a key Barry concert when he tells you to hold the bowling ball in one hand and the and the other and you tip over with the weight of the imaginary bowling ball, you're probably more likely to believe in ghosts.

[00:53:25]

Yeah, we went we reequip marijuana in Clonmel Park. You know, Hallier. Yeah. Key areas like, OK, I want everyone to stand up.

[00:53:34]

So everyone everyone stood up and he was like, close your eyes and imagine you've got a bowling ball in your left hand and a feather in your right hand.

[00:53:42]

And like, he was like, do it now for 15 or 20 seconds or all.

[00:53:45]

Doing so after ten, fifteen seconds, I open the eyes and I was like me. Two hands were in the same place.

[00:53:51]

Yeah. I looked over Halema. He was nearly on the ground with the way this imaginary bowling ball.

[00:53:56]

And I swear I remember just thinking that he'll believe in ghosts for sure.

[00:54:01]

Does he. No, I never asked. OK, I have to get out if I have some great correspondence, gets in your correspondence and goes, do you believe in them? Have you seen one?

[00:54:10]

More importantly, we want to know here on the Johnny's podcast. I can't believe you seen a ghost more.

[00:54:15]

Yeah, but I could like just like the thing about like carbon monoxide causing the ghost, like there was a boiler in the room that could have been leaking.

[00:54:26]

I think you should have called Daniel O'Donnell.

[00:54:30]

You know, he's good with boiler's because I'm not afraid to do so. Some of it is now Facebook. Yeah. Could I borrow this organism? Vanimo appear en Español. There is no gather clearance from them in any quantity. Probably won't test. You need to think of any more about this yet, but WhatsApp ethnobotany is rapid avocational sort of covid deserve the equivalent. Please. You're about wifi. Boyka Stateville slash IHOP. These are local businesses like mine, what it means when people shop with us, when people shop locally.

[00:55:10]

It gives us the time to really get to know our customers and to find the things that they really love.

[00:55:15]

When we get that ding from an online order, it's a sense of excitement. There's high fives. We look at each other and we're doing something right.

[00:55:22]

It's such a good feeling when you shop locally. It supports our family business and allows us to build a community of coffee lovers to you.

[00:55:30]

It's shopping. To them, it's everything. Visa, where you shop matters.

[00:55:39]

OK, he's done the Churchgate collection for all types of charities, including blind dogs he Horthy to enter towards and I caught by the poor creators those little sunglasses.

[00:55:51]

It's time for an all four hour long and it's time for Noles News.

[00:55:57]

No news. I don't know where you got him taken today by you taken today like a referee's notebook.

[00:56:12]

Oh, he's on fire, huh? Ticking like a teacher, right? He was our dear boy. And we keep the home fires burning. Well, I got to ride. Look, sex is like mass, you put your good clothes on. You kneel down, you stand up. There's a bit of pretending, but it's only once a week.

[00:56:41]

I know my recent comment is very religious.

[00:56:46]

Yeah, she goes to confession Fahmi, OK, I write it down and then she goes into the box.

[00:56:56]

She'd been there all day. Sometimes I haven't time and time that I am. Time you can get dependent's then on tick. OK, yeah. Jeez I must order priest about 11000 hand marriage initiatives I get. You know, the only reason we haven't a priest don't get on.

[00:57:15]

I don't see eye to eye. He knocked down my dog, the priest, yeah. Not in English, OK. OK. Dixie, Joe, Dixie. OK, that was me, he named after the painter George DaVinci. Oh, know, don't paint the houses. Yeah, it's all paid for by Wednesday after left over to Bear and his father on the games and he was shouting, have I your your Dixie look.

[00:57:45]

And our dog had the same color here as him. Yeah.

[00:57:50]

Brown cheeks. So Dixie.

[00:57:54]

Sure. Obviously didn't a priest knock him down. He didn't even stop him the last rites when I went into confession. Forgive me, Father. I'm about to kick the shit out of a man.

[00:58:12]

He went on asking for forgiveness. He said, Oh, great fighters. Who yonder I'm talking to God, I. Did you ask me for forgiveness? My dog, he's got there. Are you talking to God? Put them on to me. Are that why you have no tell what you did and curse the rovers football team calendars our pricks.

[00:58:39]

They eat meat on a Friday and they're all having sex before marriage or not having sex while eating meat on Fridays and flaunting their own stuff with us.

[00:58:57]

Now, that's true story.

[00:58:59]

A bit of news, but international news, right?

[00:59:03]

China. The City of Angels, China's education ministry said the Chinese men are getting too effeminate. I had to Google that word. It's none of our own here.

[00:59:19]

Tell you even the women or men they beat off. Oh, yeah.

[00:59:26]

You know, beat it actually approached me. Yeah. I mean, see more men than women.

[00:59:34]

I've read that breed dashi more men than any man. She's tough. She wrote a letter to the council about a dangerous dike up the road from her.

[00:59:43]

I said, this is pretty. You can't be talking. Like she said, it's a disgrace. Not why is she a housekeeper? I had Breeda.

[00:59:54]

You didn't state that on your letter to the paper. It is a fucking protest organized outside your house.

[00:59:59]

I don't know if your husband finished it anywhere. Children, he's about as much use as a guardian.

[01:00:07]

Locking that for you.

[01:00:10]

Too lazy to get the flu. Christ Fong worked out an ad from one time did Jesus Brita flagged him and he said he wouldn't be around.

[01:00:21]

He said he wouldn't be around Florida.

[01:00:25]

The Chinese say the problem is celebrities. It would a Fox News I always hated that crowd included celebrities, celebrities best. Do you want more damage which are down here in forecourts, taken as outside the disco?

[01:00:47]

I hate slippers. Yeah, you wouldn't see Christine, we're going to have Communist Liberty, our Packie Bonner.

[01:00:54]

I think there, huh? I wish they weren't celebrities. I think they're so the Chinese celebrities in China, the government said you're not manly enough, I. That buys the heavy by bands, right, bands of buyers forcing them and people have a Chinese expression, freedom. It's in Chinese. I don't speak Chinese very well. So it translates to little fresh meat, kind of squeaky clean young. That's right. That's dichotomy. And one famous singer got in trouble after a picture emerged of him smoking.

[01:01:32]

I want you to smoke, just smoke right now if a heaven above heaven, heaven, and it was in trouble for that. Yes, they're not letting men and women. She did it. The government are giving out saying that let's no longer look up to big soldiers and didn't want to be a war hero is not like you're looking at a Haiti, looking at defenders on the undoubtedly getting all the women and people are saying what's wrong with men having been a bit sensitive?

[01:02:01]

And I said, it's true, but we weren't far off that way, you wouldn't remember I deferred as I went to school. Deon had to come in first. I would never let it be a by.

[01:02:14]

No, I was never a boy. I was a man. Even when I was a baby, I was a baby man.

[01:02:25]

Doctors were astounded as a fact out of the womb on ready for murder offered me to test.

[01:02:35]

I said, have anything stronger? They put me into cortizone communities.

[01:02:41]

Fucking dive. I walked with you. I drove the car home, motored on the pedals. I was born 8:00 in the morning. I was in the yard, a home half night. I walked in. I said, Well, you're my father. I'm sorry I'm late and I've talked to fucking wife. I couldn't get out of here. I couldn't get out of it. I was in the room and let me out to fuck. And now she's like, I don't know what an awful idea.

[01:03:10]

I was a find or a nurse there to greet me. I said, How are you doing? See, baby, get an erection.

[01:03:16]

She cries.

[01:03:19]

I say, give a shout out to the homeless. Raybert his. Now, China now, right, the Chinese, they're going changing the school sports curriculum to try and make it more manly. The president of China, you know, he's a big fan of Manchester City doing to soccer, OK, when Team Hollande, he was over. He wants China to be a soccer superpower and to have a population. If you could get them going right. For could it be hard to cheeseman's them still harvest if you like to open in football.

[01:03:56]

China, if China could get a run at it before GDP fucking could put. That's China, you would not believe they don't even have Google. Did you don't I mean, don't you don't you don't have Google, so you couldn't, you would know be listening to one thing and looking at a different time. You put your what did you tell him? Fran, born across town. Did you tell him in this effect, married your friend Bert?

[01:04:23]

No, no. I don't know. Right. This fella he saw man he wanted he did only that picture and he wanted to own it does sound he too tight. So if I want to ask. I hate to tie this bastard. You ever laid eyes on him? I was in one day trying to get him to county D.A., so I may as well have been trying to sell a butler to tip off of.

[01:04:49]

So did you tell him he was in the kitchen?

[01:04:51]

Oh, I have no money. I'd have a look. So I go over to that sound, change the channel and didn't hit him. So he came back in and he said I wished the he was making a speech to the nation and ah, we could hear was Liam Neeson saying, I will find you and I will kill you. And he turns on to me. Cheers. I never knew when we had Sinn Fein.

[01:05:16]

Oh yeah.

[01:05:18]

He's I said what he was doing for our company of Red in Anders, this Russian vice saying Give me your money.

[01:05:28]

And he turned around to me and says the same thing every night.

[01:05:31]

That fella I just ran out of gas. There's a lot of gunshots going off in the background in tonight's news in there.

[01:05:41]

And he said at that Green Party causing fucking havoc, oh, we're kicking up a fuss. He took it off me.

[01:05:51]

Anyway, I said I'd head to our friend. He said, do the weather forecast look like it's going to be fucking late?

[01:06:01]

That's huge hilleman, right? And Hugh Telemann, 14 Falcone's, so I'm trying to hear he don't believe ever.

[01:06:15]

Don't believe everything you hear on the news. In fact, that that much is in fact, I wrote for Colonel. She loves making us feel awkward, as if we've just addressed the teacher as Mammy.

[01:06:37]

Oh, can you stay with that, Maureen? What's your mystery topic this week?

[01:06:41]

OK, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and I need your help. Basically, my neighbor has been making some allegations about inappropriate behavior by my dog, Ted.

[01:06:53]

OK, so for people who don't know, you're going to say, I don't feel. Yeah, I was going to say against me, I was going to marry her. And I that's how many times I told you about that.

[01:07:04]

OK, for women really don't know.

[01:07:05]

Ted is a 14 year old basset hound who spends most of his days sleeping. And, you know, he he's prereading. He can, you know, wander around the farm, come up to the house, go back down to the farm, sleep. And he does his little, you know, trot and sniff and he just loves nothing about the place. But anyway, my neighbor says that she loves this neighbor, lives about maybe 250, 300 metres down the road.

[01:07:29]

She alleges that Ted wandered down to her house.

[01:07:34]

She had some sheets, some rubbish left at the back door that she is going to throw it into the recycling that Ted had a rifle through. It messed it all up and then did a shit at her back door.

[01:07:48]

So it's like, how do you do? Yeah, it's funny if it does not. Do you, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Now, I asked her, I was like because I was like, oh, Ted's not really like I was like I was like, Ted doesn't shit. Yeah. But I was like I'm sure it was Ted. Did you see him doing it. And she's like, yeah, you left a trail of poop up the road.

[01:08:11]

I was like, they don't think Ted's capable of leaving a 300 metre poop trail like. But anyway, I was bit like she wasn't my dog. Maybe I got a little bit shirty because then she was threatened, put poison down and all sorts things.

[01:08:28]

Oh, handy. She says she did. This one is going full death come. Yeah. So I'm wondering why should I do. Should I reinterred in and be like no more wanderin or like maybe he did this.

[01:08:44]

Maybe you did it first. Right.

[01:08:47]

OK, Maura, I want to ask, does she have a photo of the alleged poo that you can compare to Ted's poo? No, she doesn't.

[01:08:55]

But apparently what I asked, are you sure? She said, I know what his poo looks like. He's been doing it for years and like but this is the first I've heard about him.

[01:09:04]

Like, you know, if there was a problem with him poing, you know, on people's doorsteps, I would have taken steps to tackle it bit like late in the day.

[01:09:12]

Now, when he's fourteen and, you know, you know, he's like 300 years down the road and then up to her back door. Yeah. To me, it sounds like a human neighbor who sees pranking her in her head.

[01:09:26]

He he's really tintern the advice on board don't shoot in your own doorstep.

[01:09:30]

But I was I was making the point that I was like, look, there's a lot of people walking their dogs up and down the road because they're locked down at the minute. I was like, could have been them. And also there is a den of foxes, about a hundred and fifty meters over the lake and the foxes.

[01:09:46]

Yeah, I know. I know the fox. Yeah, I know it's not a nice thing. That's like your dog would be wandering and pooping, but I need to see evidence before I'm going to criticize my little darling Ted.

[01:09:57]

So, um, Martha, you're like one of those parents now, you know? Oh my oh, my son wouldn't do that.

[01:10:05]

My mind is my dress, you know what I mean? Do you need to have, like, a parent teacher meeting with the dog or Ted most shitless on my doorstep?

[01:10:15]

Yeah. Yeah.

[01:10:17]

Um, look, Maura, you're going to have to get a photograph of his do to bring it down to her.

[01:10:24]

Yeah. I've never heard of that before. No.

[01:10:27]

I think your dog you just made this. So I thought this was like maybe a thing.

[01:10:30]

You see, I'm not like your dog has psychological issues that he's if he's doing this, like I remember a fella in Australia was doing work on our house on time and he said to no dog in around the back there, Trish, you know, and just we don't have dogs.

[01:10:48]

And he said, well, I can get rid of it if you want. And she was a what would you rid of it?

[01:10:52]

He was like this with you.

[01:10:55]

The last dog came into my house and I would have spared stuck on his forehead and says what it was like, just maybe just, you know, you could, like, go to the mattresses, as they say in The Godfather, you know, like shit in the back porch or letterbox.

[01:11:14]

But look, more, as I always say, the best place to sort these things out is on the national airwaves.

[01:11:20]

Yeah, I would have. You've done the right thing, Martha, by airing it out to hundreds of thousands of listeners.

[01:11:27]

Labor is listed, you can write into us.

[01:11:34]

We'll have you mahram and the neighbor from next week's Mystery Hot Dog, you just have it out on air like Judge Judy.

[01:11:41]

I'll be like, oh, I know. See, Ted doesn't do it. And Buller's, like, he would never go near a sheep or anything like that.

[01:11:48]

He just brings happiness and joy to the world, tripping over his ears and being all cute and cuddly and like the what if he does the odd erroneous poop like, you know, it's we can all you know, I would be questioning why your neighbor hasn't brought this to your attention earlier.

[01:12:04]

Yeah.

[01:12:05]

If it was like like my other dog, Jodi, like she did kill the neighbor's hens and I did replace the hens and I did send her off to live on a farm. Put on the dog. No, no, no, no. I said the dog was gone. No, no, no.

[01:12:20]

It's that they're an island. So she's over there in the penal colony.

[01:12:24]

Where were you got punishment enough?

[01:12:32]

Would it be possible to have like a trial period locking the dog for two weeks and Cedar's the shit and stuff?

[01:12:38]

Yeah, maybe there's a day that I could put in his food that would color his poop and then we can discern if it's actually his poop or if it.

[01:12:46]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems like a lazy enough dog. Would you even bother. He's asked on two hundred and fifty yards down the road to take a dump.

[01:12:53]

I don't really like. He doesn't like it makes it hard push to get out of Edna. Yeah.

[01:12:59]

You don't want to come out like his day is. Like Ted sleeps in till about two o'clock in the hay and the farm gets off has little snow around the farm. I can see him going over sniffing around the sheep shed in Rand Catullus. Laughs then comes up, starts barking at the back door once a bit of food. It's not as dinnertime. So I just give him a sausage to keep him quiet for an hour or two and then that's going to run it.

[01:13:21]

Even a sausage dog sausage himself. He likes his own really for a while and then more.

[01:13:28]

I think the only way to settle this is you and the neighbor fight to the death.

[01:13:32]

There's only one winner here. I don't know. I've never had an like this with neighbors or anything like that.

[01:13:37]

If you can put food in that is to just do that for the crack anyway.

[01:13:41]

Yeah, that's a bit of crack.

[01:13:44]

Doesn't hurt the dog walking flamboyant or yellow. Pooh. Um, no I haven't.

[01:13:50]

There's been a what has been a wild cat already hanging around recently and he you know, the other two cats are scared but I tunel Mandarin up there today.

[01:13:59]

I didn't get nobody to shoot something for a not literally. Yeah.

[01:14:05]

Yeah. I don't really fight the neighbor. Give us some entertainment. OK. Yeah. Maybe, maybe video it.

[01:14:13]

Yeah. And again on video when at least. Yeah. Yeah they are very smart. That's, that's really great advice.

[01:14:19]

Thank you for run pool and are fighting every year, preferably both our not having yourself you want.

[01:14:27]

Thanks for. Don't forget to read, review and tell your friends about the two Johnnys podcast. Use the hashtag to Johnny's podcast, a number to spread the good word you can get in touch podcast attitudes. Honestly what any future topics you want or correspondence.

[01:14:41]

Amron on Instagram at the two Johnny Right Johnny Smokes. Give me a haircut this week and you can watch it all on our Instagram and also our TV show, The Two Journeys to America.

[01:14:49]

The last episode is on Thursday night. Ten, fifteen an hour two. You can see us in visual form.

[01:14:55]

Yes. You know, this is the end of series one year in Washington, D.C..

[01:14:59]

Very good episode. Yeah, it's one of my favorites. And you will particularly love Captain Billy.

[01:15:07]

Now we're going to end the podcast, as is tradition at this stage.

[01:15:09]

What are your thoughts and darts at the week, Johnny B, what have you got?

[01:15:13]

Oh my God.

[01:15:14]

A couple of years of the week, Richie Kavner demand to meet the legend has sent us facemasks all the way from Carlisle and they say, Stay what her Johnny and it's Cara.

[01:15:26]

I love it. Yeah, No.12 Carlo rally. And then I put it on Instagram and loads. People went to buy them and they're all sold out. So that's my first week. Yeah, but thanks so much.

[01:15:35]

Richie and I also went online on eBay and I bought a Saw Doctors T-shirt of a from other men in the Ukraine for about twenty five euro and he sent it over and then I took a picture of it and sent it to Leo from the doctors and he was like, OK, is this going back. No. And I was like, when do you reckon that was?

[01:15:54]

And then he said, Well it says Paddys there was a Sunday so probably 2006 or was it ninety. I think it was ninety six. Oh. So that's great Krak. That's as good as it got this week. Yeah.

[01:16:08]

I have to give a big shout out to everybody in. You agree. Obviously they can't go mad but they're having a pint of milk challenge on the eggs.

[01:16:17]

It's only the farmers would fair play at home and rains are going to start serving their pint of milk. Now, um, when the real door to the week.

[01:16:25]

Yes. We've got like a kid, you know, we read well, and it is what it's called slopestyle outdoors at home. Yeah. And you've got new locks and all that, but the lock and Ketchum's Dehaene off.

[01:16:36]

So when we first on it it's sometimes you'd pull the door out and it just lock OK and you'd be locked in the kitchen and in any stuffed in a piece of paper to stop it happening. And like I was like that looks stupid.

[01:16:49]

Now around a week or so like that looks you take that piece of paper out and she was like, no, leave it in because we get locked in.

[01:16:54]

I said, look, that. Door squeaks No, you don't. I mean, that was only the heat or something was doing that. So I took out a piece of paper and she went away and in Martin and we're having breakfast in the kitchen.

[01:17:04]

And I pulled out the door, was locked in the kitchen.

[01:17:08]

So I had to and I didn't have the key to the back door. So so I had to open up the kitchen window, climate kitchen window, go round into the bedroom, and I only had to bare top window up.

[01:17:19]

So to get that scale in, open up of the window and eventually go around. Big ordeal this morning. So lesson learned. You know, listen to your wife. I know we paper outdoors. Have you got a yard?

[01:17:31]

Well, there was a mix of a yard and dirt. I do have a make you open.

[01:17:36]

The one gives us that these are words that you wouldn't necessarily find in an English dictionary is a big pity.

[01:17:43]

Or Father G, an old softy. OK, Conille. Soft body and all. Yeah.

[01:17:49]

You know, good work or not.

[01:17:52]

Well that certainly sounds quite familiar. If it Augier you call it. Do you reckon I'm a pit.

[01:17:56]

OK, I'm not, I'm not calling you to put your money on our one but off air. Yes. Yeah.

[01:18:05]

OK, I finished with my daughter to be great. You remember that song with Missy Elliott. Ray called Work It.

[01:18:12]

OK, you know this because I've already done a few and you just weren't impressed. But to me it almost blew my head exploded. So this is a song for anybody who doesn't know what it is.

[01:18:22]

You're embarrassing. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Right.

[01:18:31]

Sounds like she's just talking a lot of gibberish there and chanting bam, bam.

[01:18:37]

Yeah. And like I remember, like, that song would come on the radio and be, like, influent. You just everyone was just like, what? I don't know. She's on of there.

[01:18:45]

Turns out any spot on ticktock. And was like, wait to hear this. And then she played that song to me and was like, oh yeah, yeah. Not a song Missy Elliott. And she was like, you know, she sang. I was like, no. And then she was like Snapchat. So I went on Snapchat and sing into Snapchat. I put my fang down, flip it and reverse it.

[01:19:05]

And then you go into the rewind function and Snapchat and I play as bad as that. So I'll do it now on Snapchat, right? Lay you on it right here, you on. I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it, and then you go into rewind, watch just now, I mean blown by every goal in my opinion.

[01:19:29]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That is that.

[01:19:37]

Now, obviously, I can't do it in Missy Elliott voice on the skin, but if you're a good singer, you can do it.

[01:19:44]

And that's what it is. So it's I put my thing down, flip it in reverse, which is the lyric. Yeah. And then she reverses reverses it.

[01:19:50]

So that's what. That's what that is a permitting they'll flip.

[01:19:54]

That is my bonus class isn't the four years that annoyed me. And I swear like I showed this moron honestly, I met Johnny Weir in after the podcast last weekend.

[01:20:05]

We did we did a couple of things. And I was like, I'm going to show you something now, Johnny, and it's just gonna blow your mind. And I assured him that.

[01:20:12]

And he was like. Chose over the sound. He wasn't that impressed. I hope the people out there and it blew my mind absolutely mind blown.

[01:20:23]

Did you ever hear the one that you can play the Pink Floyd album, Dark Side of the Moon along to The Wizard of Oz?

[01:20:31]

Well. Typed out into YouTube. OK. It's amazing. So the start of the Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon is like all sound effects and voices and stuff. And then the song kicks in at the exact moment that the film The Wizard of Oz goes from black and white collar. And there's loads or think of like that that are on Konica, that's that's going to give me something to do this week. That's our interest in our lives. Yeah.

[01:20:57]

I'm finding, you know, Missy Elliott, amazing mind blowing stuff. We hope you're all staying safe. And look, better days are ahead for the whole lot of us.

[01:21:05]

Yes, for me. Johnny Smack. For me, Johnny B.. For me, Emara. We'll see you next week.

[01:21:09]

Long, alack.