Whoo! I'm concerned and welcome to another scintillating lead, tantalising episode of The Bald and the Beautiful, featuring also Mitch McConnell, who was in the room.
Thank you very much. The board at the mothership. I am at the board. And we have sound effects now. A college rock we got. Something creepy happens, and there's plenty creepy happening because today we have our very first guest on our second episode of our podcast, The Bald and the Beautiful. That's right. Somebody so gorgeous and influential, who knows both of us very personally, very personally, very deep down. Someone really great, somebody who's really perfect, a little better than you.
She came from Jan Schachner. She came from China. I know that a bit about China's. I was the doctor. I got a virus of China. Cleared it. Right. Oh, I hate that. It's really good. I hate it. It's kind of good. It is really good. I've been working on. Yes, I can tell. It is gross. It's sad and awful. Yeah. It's gutted and rotted 12 more years.
Condoleezza uses Squeezer. This is someone who is not bald, not at all bald, but they are beautiful.
Beautiful. I did I did try the bald during covid.
What are you talking about. I shaved. Oh, she shaved her head. I shaved my head. Well, hold on. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage of the complex multi talents of the only dog seizure medication, drag queen extraordinaire. Professional phenobarbital.
Oh, shit. Not me trying to bring you on with laughter. He said it was trying to bring you on with cheering and it was laughter. I mean, what better to. Yeah. And you were really last minute today. You were out shooting guys.
Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. Quick dinner. Dinner. Yeah. We're speaking beautiful. She was very beautiful in the studio today. We're doing headshots and promo looks for Miss Barbital.
I was talking to somebody on Grindr and they were talking about they said we're not we're not hunters either. We just go once a year. And I said, no, that's hunting. Hunting is going hunting. Yeah. Thank you.
Oh, if you go once a year, you're not. That's apparently me trying to get laid. I can't you to shoot guns. Who are you hunting on Grindr with the girl.
I got stuff going on. I got stuff going on. The gays in West Hollywood.
They'll try anything. Yeah. Oh yeah. Dixon asked. Not worth anymore. They want to MUSKETT Exactly. Want a colonial MUSKETT.
What's the thing where they start. They shoot the ski, the ski skeet shooting, skeet shooting, skeet shooting, all this clay pigeon clay pigeons in my ass. Yeah. Yeah.
You're from the country. Oh. Huh. Oh yeah, yeah, yes. You Sophina your makeup and beauty professional.
I, I am, yes. I worked in, I worked for Mac Cosmetics for 13 years, 13 years, 13 years.
It was, it was a lot also in between. I worked for many other companies, but Mac was the you know, you know, I still have that Powlett brush. Yes. Give me a little brush. About fifteen years ago. Still got it. You still got it. Yeah. Brushes it's your own destiny. There's that sugar pill lip brush that I use for my nose. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like that's a lip brush.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. One line trace the white line.
Yeah, it's a broad stroke. There's plenty a lot of people do white lens under the nose.
You do it right on top. Cocaine, cocaine, cocaine.
But she's killing it, folks. She's really just letting him have it today. He wrote that where she said, you live right by the Laugh Factory. You'd think that it would rub off on you, but it's a half a block away.
Yeah, you could go do a sat there. I did a show at the hall. I did. When I was getting ready for grown up, I went and did little gigs and I was in full drag at these comedy clubs backstage.
And there was like normal, normal famous L.A. comedians being like, so just starting out. I'm like, no, I'm talking thousand seat venues starting next week. Are you just starting out? Yeah, take that, Mike.
There was there was this one show where I walked on stage and everyone was I was like, oh, I'm sure you guys have had a long night because, you know, the straight comedians, hoodies, hoodies, adult straight melody, jeans.
Oh yeah. Skinny jeans, hoodies, dirty jeans, even dirty jeans.
And then the girls are in the beautiful hair and makeup and then the men are just fucking bottom of the barrel pig shit. Bottom of the barrel. Yeah. Big shit. Clay pigeons. Well, this show's called The Baldwin the Beautiful.
And I'm excited to have you on because you're a real life beauty professional.
Yeah, well, I try. Yeah. Yes.
Was that your first cosmetic? Was your first, like, beauty industry job? It absolutely was.
I was eighteen years old.
That's a hard job to get it at. Oh, let me tell you that the bumpiest road to get there, I used to like skulk around the counter and like dirty, you know, black eyeliner.
And one of the women gave me an application like fill it out, bring it back. We'll see what happens. I did it. I got hired to be on the freelance team. And I don't think that they really liked me at first because I just got booked. Oh, so you have to get booked and they send you out to different countries to freelance, as you know. But I didn't get booked right away, so I had to kind of, you know, transform myself.
I went to my interview wearing jeans, I. I interviewed in jeans and like it was my first job interview in my whole life and the I'll never forget Gerard Billey, who was the GM or whatever, sat on the other side of the desk when he sat down, he didn't get shorter.
And then one of the questions why he was so big and tall. He was a big tall. I was like, yeah, I think I think about it. Oh, the wall is closing in. Like, I know I feel like a full Alice in Wonderland. Like he so slow down.
Oh, that's screaming.
So, so, so he sat down.
He didn't get any shorter. It's big, huge man. And he asked me, what do you think a professional makeup artist would wear to work. And I did not it didn't click in my head that I wasn't dressed.
And he was reading you. He was reading. You read. Oh my God. Is I think that's cruel.
Well, I believe I believe the verbiage they use at that company was image and like being fashion forward. Yeah. It was like a pro way of saying, how do you dress like shit at that point?
It was like you can wear whatever you want as long as it's black and all your bits are covered.
Oh, but I still got it. You still got the job.
I still got the job. Wow. Lord knows how. Damn.
But you know, from there it just kind of, you know, scribbled and scribbled. And so I moved to Boston a year later. Yeah. And started working more regularly. Mm. And and now I depressingly do try.
What are you doing drag at the time. Yes. Because if you've been doing makeup since you were 18, you've been doing makeup about what, 15 years.
I'm 36. You did the math, just put those numbers out there for me. I really just went out here. No, I.
But I also mind you, I started dressing in drag in high school. I was 16. I'll tell you about the hairnet or the snood.
Oh, my God.
The snood, of course. So I also had long hair, shoulder-length dyed black, platinum, platinum hair at the time because my friend, I had this trans boy who didn't go to my high school but would sometimes come to school with me. Is that ever happened to ever happen with you?
Oh, wait a minute. No, this is this is but opinions. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yes.
There was just a young man going to school with you and you said, this is my young ward. Hello.
He would he would dress like Kurt Cobain and I would dress up like Courtney Love.
I'm talking a little baby doll dress, my curly, messy blond hair, smudged eyeliner. And this is what I would get like make from, like Halloween makeup. You're the white foundation, you and your teachers. Oh, yeah, I wish, but that was like the beginning of the end.
Well, we didn't really introduce you correctly. You're one of those drag queens. I mean, before you moved to Los Angeles, especially on the East Coast, everybody knew you. You booked all the shows, you booked all the girls. You unfortunately, are responsible for the career of this piece of shit to. Oh, I can't take responsibility for that.
Oh, but like, when you guys first started doing drag together, did you book her? Were you were you in the one in charge.
No, both we were. Yeah we were. Because she was she was in the like would you call it. You were in like the I was an actual scene. The weekend shows I worked at all like the the major clubs and bars.
Yes. I was I never did that.
I was in the one little the one little hookah bar and then she did all the nightclubs as well as the hooker bar and then we both worked at jox. Yeah. But you did perestroika. Yeah. And then they liked Cookie worse. They put you on the weekends. I hate that word Cookie.
Yeah, it's so cookie. Yeah.
Especially by today's standards. We're talking like ten years ago Cookie was like you did a song that wasn't top forty. You know, this is like twenty six. Yeah. We met in twenty five. Six. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Oh yeah. At a Boston market.
I was in high school.
Yeah, yeah. Wow. She's thirty six. I'm thirty eight. Boston's a huge city. I mean did you guys feel.
No it's tiny, it's tiny city.
It's tiny, it's not tiny. Very small city. So manmade. Maybe manmade. Yeah.
But I mean like you guys are both really famous even without TV. You both were pretty famous in Boston. No she wasn't.
No, she was. She was like if she went out to any gay night, she everybody knew her. It was nobody knew me. I was I was a troll. I was a troll, a goon and a goblin.
And she was getting free drinks and being the life of the party. And I was just a troll.
Now, I swear to God for first. True for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Until drag race. Until drag race. So drag race. And then it was a little I was it was a literal flip. Nobody knew who I was.
Nobody. But I remember when we were on Drag Race together for the first time, you were like the one person that nobody had figured out was on drag on Reddit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was a nobody because me and Miss Fame were the only like semi social media. No notable.
She was next level. Yeah. Well I think a lot of this was back when people didn't follow drag queens unless they were on drag race.
And so you could just disappear for by the way, it just goes to show you how easily a young woman who's a prostitute like you could get murdered. Yeah, you disappeared from social media for a month and no one noticed nobody. No, there was no social you weren't at the gigs and no one noticed.
Three hundred followers. Three hundred miles. Yeah.
I didn't get Instagram until 2012. Are you serious? I'm dead serious. I was one of the last ones to the game.
That's why everybody else that got on early bought their followers and, you know, had that big, like, you know, turn up. And I was late to the game. And it wasn't until I started posting pictures of you guys as assholes that I started getting more hungry. I just reached thirteen thousand.
So I'll make sure I tag you guys. You might get a thirteen thousand. Thirteen thousand. That's a lot. Not a single one, but not a single shot. Thirteen thousand home grown, home grown. And you know what? I'm blown.
It's good to have thirteen thousand people who follow you because they want to watch you rather than rather than a bunch of Russian bots.
Yeah. Scams and schemes, scams and schemes. I'm not opposed to that either. So if you are Russian born, you're looking to follow someone I'm scamming.
And schemin when you when you know, when you start when you first started doing drag, who did you want to look like.
Like who is the fantasy? Who is the icon. Who was the goal.
The very first it was Courtney Love, Madonna. I think those are definitely both good starting places.
Courtney Love and Madonna, I mean. If it wasn't for Madonna, I wouldn't be doing drag, really? Absolutely. She came to your house. She said my earliest available for looking down at the hamburger. Mary, you have to do the British accent. All you that level down at the hamburger marries my Boston. Are you available at the Humbucker Marriage Center? Which Massachusetts. Plymouth we need you to come down to do? No, all the time.
I'll come down to Marlboro Marlboro.
Yes, I was I the my first time ever in drag was a talent show in elementary school where I borrowed this girl's bellbottom pants and I did holiday in front of my like fourth grade class. Did they live?
Did they turn up? I don't remember. Thank God I don't remember.
Later on, my mother recalls getting a phone call from my summercamp saying, hey, your son just came out of the closet to everybody by performing Vogue on a picnic table in the middle of a park trailblazer route. Rule breaker, risk taking. I have pictures of it with my sister. How old were you? So you came out, you stomped out of the closet and said, I'm gay.
I didn't even know. I didn't I didn't know what gay was. I knew I wanted to be Madonna. OK, that's gay enough that. Oh.
I didn't know what gay was, but I knew I wanted to be Madonna, that honestly it's one thing to be like I had a crush on a boy, right. That's child's play. How did you want to be Madonna or Buckenham?
I wanted to be Madonna before Lady Gaga wanted to be there.
Well, to be fair to Lady Gaga, a lot of people rightfully want to be Madonna. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
Because Madonna I mean, getting to be friends with you, I learned a lot more, but I learned a lot more about Madonna.
She sees it. She sees it. I learned a lot more about Madonna than maybe I had ever thought because I explained to you for somebody who is my age, my first memory of Madonna was her walking down that fake road with the hat on. And I'm like, that's I mean, that's cool.
Don't have to tell me that's your first. Yeah. Madonna that or die another day. Oh, my God. Thank God I stayed up. I can remember staying up to watch the justify my love video on MTV and writhing around.
So it was a two parter because it's Madonna, but it was also Carrie Fisher in Star Wars. So I would dress I would pretend I was her in the gold bikini on the gold bikini, and then I would have capital over my head like it was the ponytail. Oh, yes. And then the couch was Jabba the Hutt. And I would dance on the couch, was on the couch, his job.
But did you ever fuck did you ever get in under the cushions like you're being eaten? Oh, my God. Tell me about the. Because do you guys ever switch roles. Have to now. I could no longer fit the costume. Well, there was a video to remember.
You were at my house and we were watching you were showing me the performance of Madonna Vogue as she's Marie Antoinette. Oh, yeah. And I'd never seen it. And I was kind of blackout drunk.
And I was like, do people know about this? Does everyone know about this girl?
Like everyone knows I'm talking at that at six years old with a fan, a hand fan in my room practicing the tossing it in the air and catching it. Wow. Back. Yeah, I got on to her during the bedtime stories era and I remember Wade watching that behind the scenes, making the music video for Take a Bow and bedtime story.
And she was so hot at bedtime, she was eight times during the TV with the bull rider. What can I ask? Can I ask in the room, in the room and in the room who what is your favorite Madonna songs?
Only one Madonna song for the rest of your life you can listen to.
Oh, God, Vogue. I mean, yeah, it would have to be vogue, you know. Absolutely. I mean, OK.
Yeah, I think mine is beautiful stranger. I knew that. I think that was your favorite.
Oh yeah it is. It is a good song. It's super 60s which I love and it's the Austin Powers. And you could cover that song.
Oh it's so good. I don't know. Looked beautiful in that area to red light. Right. It was, it was a round ray of light. But she was remember when Courtney Love threw the compact and it was that blue blouse, the blue with on hair.
Oh yes. Barella. Oh, I love that hair. She looks so beautiful in that.
So beautiful. Yeah. That's I miss I miss. The one thing I miss the most about Madonna is Madonna at the VMAs. Oh yeah. Because we always knew the VMAs. I look forward to always she always gave it to you at the VMAs. Shows came through Britney into Britney and Christina. Yeah.
Kissing them. Yes. And up on the girls, one of the one of the probably the most iconic moments.
Well, when I watch the Truth or Dare documentary, which I hadn't seen until FENA. Well, when we dame. Yeah, I hadn't seen it either.
So when we did moving parts, the director and and the producer, they were like, it'll have elements of truth or dare you should watch. That's, you know what it is. And then FENA I watch do we watch it together. Watch on tour. Yes. Because Beina toured with me on moving parts and then she toured with you and help me, I'm done. And then we watched it on there. We watched it again.
And I didn't know at the time how it was even a conversation for a woman like her to have to explain herself doing numbers that are almost like closer to musical theatre because she was doing things that I guess maybe women singers hadn't really done, like the whole conversation about her masturbating on stage.
And then she was asking her not to write. I mean, sadly, that probably still could happen today. But like, I never occurred to me that, like when I saw Britney doing stuff like that when I was a kid, that was that came from something. Britney saw a Madonna concert once in her life.
You don't know that it can keep me from rubbing my gosh live. I don't think they tried it because they need proof that the devil exists to show people that the not the lot exists. They hear Biden in his blood and Biden is Biden. But I'm soaked in the solution. I dipped in the divine. How come you think Madonna never done a I know she has a skin care. Isn't it surprising she never did like a Mack collection or something?
She did actually.
So in nineteen ninety. Her blonde. Ambition tour, they created the color Russian red for Madonna and Lee and Face and Body Foundation was created for her dancers. Yeah, I love that Russian red it. Yeah, it's a good one.
And in her the girly show, she wore Viva Glam one and Russian red. And those were her colors.
Wow. Oh yeah. Favorite lipstick. Red and wild, your favorite favorite, let's say you only wear one color lipstick for the rest of your life.
I mean, I stopped wearing red so much because I it was your thing. It became your. She did invent. I did.
And I didn't I would say Russian red, but I don't know.
I feel like really I feel like you're the queen of the new. Yeah. Now now I feel like it's it's a flesh part. Flesh part or bubble. Bubble bubble hot. We're very proud of it. Sold out. By the way, I don't know what any of them do, so I'm just taking off, that's the way to do it.
Can I ask when you started doing makeup, when you started doing drugs, then so when you saw Madonna and Courtney, what elements of that were you pulling first, like the red lip? I mean, because they both had white white skin. So back in about 2006, a friend of ours worked at Shoe. Oh, my God, I did last time. Yes, Nancy. At least a new car least needs a new car. A great drag.
Yeah. Just so good at Lisa. By the way, I didn't get it when you guys told it to me at first. I think for three years. I get it for three years.
It's incredible. Lisa, you worked at Shoom or which is a makeup company, Japanese and Madonna's then makeup artist, Gina Brooke. Gina Brooke worked with Sumar.
She was their color designer. And so when Madonna was in town, she came in to do a class at the store.
So I met Gina Brooke. It was incredible. It's like meeting your idols. Oh, my God. And how old were you? Oh, God. It was like early 20s.
I mean, you're still young enough that meeting somebody like that can just shake you to your skeleton.
And I mean, it was it was unbelievable. It was like it was like being one degree separation from Ryan. So meeting her, she talked like she did a makeup in front of us. And it was beautiful. And she was so sweet.
And she literally that this is this is what led me to wearing no makeup back. Oh, yeah.
I thought you could tell me where you had no makeup for six years. You couldn't tell me I wasn't Madonna. She was a pussy.
A little background on FENA. Your look is pretty much like I'd say it's like fish, but showgirl. But because of covid with the mask you've been doing, the drag eye makeup says, oh yeah, because we can't go paint down. I paint up. Yeah, right. You know, but she would I mean when they go.
There we go. Hi. That's what Michelle Obama meant. She was talking about eye makeup. I thought she was talking about my breasts. The nipples are facing down. The nipples are facing down from east and west, east and west. Oh my God.
So you were doing the drag shows at night and you were working at the makeup stores during the day, which is kind of like the dream combo.
It really was. And back then, this is pre when this is before Druggers really got kickin. So we were still working and making the money and like I think around when twenty eight came and like the, you know, the financial crash. And I actually lost my job back in 2008. I then started working for a couple of other brands here and there.
And you know, you do what you can. You had you work for. I actually freelanced I think twice or two or three times for Shiomura. It was a dream. Another time with Gina Brook Farm Cosmetics, I was maybe a rep for cosmetics inside Victoria's Secret and Sephora. Oh, wow. And I was a sprayer for John Varvatos. Oh, hey, try this.
Try to John Varvatos. Yeah, we got John Varvatos, Vince Camuto. And if you buy it, you get a free tote. I and we do validate. We do it. And my daughter got the pink Friday, Nicki Minaj. I was a sprayer for the Britney perfume when it first came in. Curious. Yes, I was. But I came in the nude, a nude cat suit with the rhinestones.
Wait a minute. No, you did. In a Macy's. I'm not joking. But you did know it was a Filene's. Yes, it was a Filene's before Filene's.
Wait a minute. You were in a nude catsuit? I was much smaller than Macy's. No, how skinny I was. She was getting. She was. Are you in drag? Yes. And you were spraying people with perfume? Yes.
Yes. You should have seen this, but she would be like she was skinny, mini, no makeup, couldn't tell if she didn't have X X chromosomes. Oh my goodness. I didn't.
You were just a little like a wing liner, a white knight where my real brow. Why didn't you wear makeup?
Because she had a uterus that was sitting underneath a vulva that was on top of the way to the ground.
She was she told me I didn't it to you. She was a woman.
There's you have to we got we got a poster. I don't know if there's somewhere to post this. We're going to post a picture of you from. I remember the there's a flyer where your real hair snatched up. Oh. Speaking of which, she used to do this thing that I was so jealous of because she has this full thick, lovely blonde head of hair. And I used to look how she would snatch up the front and this gorgeous blonde gangly.
And I was like, I tried to do it.
One day three, I got a picture. She sent me a picture to everybody out there, bald. You need to ruminate on that.
And we will be right back. And we're back with phenobarbital tricks until I catch it. Now tell me about this, the head snatch, the hair snatch, because you because she's got a hairline. Yes. The right place. Yeah. And lace front technology. It not No.
One. It was years ago, years away because the only girls who had the good hair lines were the ones who grew out their real hair. Yeah.
Yeah. You know, and it was, it was lawless.
It was taught to me because destinee my roommate is incredibly gorgeous transwoman who is a performer. She has nice long hair.
She, she showed me Asian. Oh yes. I met her. Yes. Definitely, definitely.
She's like more short. Yeah. Oh yeah. She's incredible. She could not. She was the diva of Boston dancing diva.
Like when you have a friend that beautiful though in drag doesn't at least take the pressure off. No one wanted to go after her.
No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand that. You don't understand the boiling resentment, the pressure clowns. We were the big goof clowns that we were just goons like we want to do comedy. We had to we were trying to come out and do loosen up my buttons, if you like. Literally. Literally, yes.
On Friday night, Sophina and I never worked together. Jox hardly ever. The only time when we were vibing was when Destiny called out and one of us was replacing her.
And then we could really be fierce. Oh, we had our own show. We had a blast. Yeah. Klima laughter on Wednesday nights. But so if you're on a weekend with laughter, it's a long story. Yes.
And that's what the show was called. Cream of laughter. The cream like Lautaro. Like Cream of wheat.
Yeah. Yeah, I know. I get it just now. I know. But listen, that's the point. But I predrag show though sometimes you inherit those drag shows and you don't think about who named it because that's just the name we we know we do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We go a party it's called, it's called like, you know, Dancing with the Dollies brunch.
And you're like, who am that lovely brunch we had? I had one show, my one month show where I got to book it and I just always book Shane Kim.
And it was called I was it called I think it was called Dreamhouse and it was like and then the vibe was always like a dollhouse with because you know, back then to the flyer making technology was not what it was.
So OK. And I love shocks, but every time I go to Boston, some of those flyers are relics. Girl, I realize it is an oil painting of someone.
Yeah. And it's twenty Fantz. Yeah. Fifty different size picture. Yeah. It's like the pageant, the pageant promo. They never do nothing, they never advertise because all of their stuff was word of mouth.
Did they ever have a website. Oh finally I think towards that, towards the end where they closed permanently I went know they're shut down right now.
That's not shady. I'm just you know, the cameras are dropping like flies. I think they're I think their days are numbered. Machine is closed. Oh, for good. Yeah, that's done.
Yeah. All right. Box was a jox was a destination. We had some time. Oh, God.
After the show. The post show. Wiggill. Yeah.
Will you really start to like learn how to do drag once it's your bar and you're comfortable to do numbers you know might not work. I say Wednesday nights I loved because no one would show up. Nobody we would still have to perform. Yeah. So that's where I really learned to hone in on the microphone stand in that whole biz. Yeah. I would just stand on the stage with the microphone and the prop mic and the lips. That's where I learned how to do the concert.
Realness, how have you adapted your look as.
Oh I feel like we've all. You know, I just got a baby filter. I just did a baby, so I did a new filter every other week.
I think you wear more makeup nowadays for sure.
Well, no, I feel like back in the day you were the colors I used to do top and bottom lashes, other lashes, colored contacts, collagen, huge ghost, white, ghostly white, no control.
We all wear ghost white. Yeah. What can I ask that I didn't. I think I missed that. Like age wise. How come every drag queen before a certain point just had a white face.
Well, social media. Yeah, Instagram. We didn't have any of that. We were growing up. We weren't posting on Instagram.
There are there are no videos or photos of us like way back in the day that can really document how horrible we looked.
I looked fucking rotted and a three year old.
I feel like I'm gorgeous.
I'm going to show you a picture, a little bit of me and jujube from back in western Mass when we were like 18 years old. That's right.
Because you guys did shows at YouTube. You see, she's known her for longer.
Like, what, 20 years? Oh, yes. Oh, God. Yeah.
Because she was the first, like, Boston famous drag queen. Yes. She got called Radil. She got rapped. She got the girls rabid. Really sharp. Yeah. Yeah. I saw this girl just be like a superstar overnight and you were like, yeah, no kidding. That mall clothes bitch. Yeah.
Overnight successful where you guys like oh my God, it was not overnight because I remember we were doing the the, the viewing parties at machine and no one would come. And then the last night we all a bunch of us girls went to New York City for the finale where they crowned Tyra. And that was the one night that anybody went to machine for The View.
And think about it, this is season two. No one cares what year nobody cared. Two thousand nine, nine, ten.
Yes, the show started around twenty eight or nine. Yeah. Nobody cared about the show. We only even at the first season. Right. Nobody did care.
I didn't care about it besides the one we had to watch it on the on the on the. Yeah. On the internet.
Nobody had, nobody had logo because I was doing drag like maybe two years before it started, maybe a year. I never was in the true wild wild west where like no one had seen drag queens on television.
The time I was twenty one like I could go see at a club. Oh really. Yeah. See we were like we had been doing it for years already and like I think I remember being skeptical about it and thinking was kind of lame when it came out. And then I remember Diamond Dunhill was was nuts about getting a whole campaign because you have to get on the first season, you had to drum up all this support. Really, like you said, it was a voting system.
Yeah, it was very strange and very it just seemed very desperate. It seems like the the window of opportunity to get on the show in a reasonable way has closed. Really, it seems like now like I've tried out almost every single year. Yeah. And there's no rhyme or reason. They're really there really is. And I don't care. I'm not one of those people that cares. I do. Well, I don't hold a grudge. I think girls hold a grudge.
Young casting is in many ways amorphous and crime and reason lists. Yeah. So in theatre school at least they told us like it's not your job to decide whether or not you're getting it. It's your job to just show up, do a wiggle and leave.
And I have a very early, early learned lesson about casting. My parents sent me to a camp summer camp for acting OK, which is just run by my school and we put on Charlotte's Web. Oh.
Now, I know by looking at me, you're like a spider. Clearly, clearly, you were the. But you were. That was the role I was. It's not fair. I thought you were the. That's the true role. The true role that I did. I wonder what role did you get?
I was not cast as as well.
But the animal, the Charlotte Charlotte show said you're not even ugly enough to play the spider, but it was not cast as the pig. I was cast as the fatter pig at the end of the bluegum wins the blue ribbon for being the fattest pig.
Are you familiar with E.B. White's Charlotte's Web? I am not.
He goes to the fair finally at the end and he and the big, big fat pig spoiler alert wins the blue ribbon instead of him and then Charlotte. And that was the thing. That was the role I was given as the bigger and this little fucking blonde fucking got the role of what was Wilbur. I don't want government name versus zero one zero six five six forty two butter cookie. Way better. It was, I think.
Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Yes, Doctor, this is.
This bitch has been done, I've been dockside, if you want to know where we record, look at us and come kill me. My front door just rang while we were doing this, and I was like, I don't care what it is, I can't answer it.
No murder and murder mutilated. Yeah, but that experience led me to not feel bitter.
Were you may I ask you the question? What were you I was your last year. I was a big fat guy because what I was she was a great big fat kid. If you want to hear from great big fat kids.
Stay with us. We'll be right back. And we're back. Thank you guys so much for joining us. We're here with Peanut Barbasol for the blind and not the blonde, the bold and the the the one more cut the blue. Well, I am blonde. You are blonde.
I still to this day covet I covet your full head of thick, luscious, natural hair.
I took quite a risk when I shaved it off.
Did you really think it just wasn't going to grow back. I did. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes. Give me a break. What are you talking about? What do you talk to? Some people, it doesn't come from shaving from it.
It grows back thicker. OK, well, thicker also, I'm going to expose you because you've you've long maintained, for as long as I've known, a rigorous, thorough, deep and vicious based care skin routine. Oh, yeah.
She has her skin is bent. She one of those roller balls with the pins on it. What kind of skin do you have? I have combination.
And what's your favorite type of skin products? Well, I know I started using skin care when I was 18. Really like serum's when I worked at Filene's, I started using serum's creams and all sorts of stuff. I like trying new things. I know every six months your skin changes. It gets used to whatever you're using. For some of us, it gets worse.
Why are you looking at me? I'll never forget. Why are you looking at me the whole time on tour? I'm like trying to I'm trying to, like, switch Katia's her on out for like a real eye. She's got me on an orange thing that I'm the one that I got you on from Lancôme. The orange face. You like that.
So I use it like that, Don. I don't like I use it after the done, but it's an oil close. You don't smell it, Bones. It foam's.
I have such a process. It's a makeup wipe and then it's a cleanser. I'm getting out of drag. I'm on. Yeah right. The skin care every day. I don't feel like I'm fully. I can't leave the house without a shower.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But that's different. Showering is different even when we're on tour though.
Yeah. I never felt like I couldn't. I feel like when I'm on tour it's a work. I can't start my workday unless and unless I if I can't work around either of you.
And I smell like I'm sorry, but fat people, we have we have folds, we have ruckuses creases that run off, run off, running off where they go to places you cannot return from. I've got to clean out my gutters so seriously. Well, when I was on tour with Venus, she got me turned on to the gold bond medicated powder. I just and she said she had me put it my tucking panties for my quote unquote.
What's gone sour, my what's gone. I just told someone was handling my wet panties so often she was like, this has to stop. I had to put it in.
I yeah, I started using it during the summer jox. And did it absorb when you get a bite of the biscuit. I just I, I just told someone the story about the flour in your chicken. Oh yeah.
I would stand there in my dressing room with the door open. I'll just make sure everyone could see me and I would say I'm going to flour my chicken now and I would dump it on my my long, long pubes. I just like somebody else, dump so much powder on just like in the wiggle it around, boiling around like rubbing it on my butt naked. Yeah. FENA and Brandon Eye Opener would be like just stop. And then, but then I kind of got over, I started using bare minerals.
Then I would just you know, I would do like a medium beige bear minerals all over the Boilesen well them to even things out.
But the problem is that the bare minerals I we get a flashback. So I was taking my dick pics, you know, it would photograph later.
Well that's why you got to go in with the the bronze one and all that Mike.
I mean I think that's the best hand-me-down tip that I will that and I, I can say that I introduced you to the next jetliner's, the Nick Lachey whiners, which have changed your makeup game forever.
They're the best thing. They're discontinued there.
They try to change it into something else. I think it is. It's a moose now.
But next, cosmetics, if you're listening, if you don't bring that product back, we need we need to have me tell my I'm on my last jar. Yeah. And had like 30 last year sets off and I go through them. We have a challenge for you next. I have a challenge for. Yes. Can I ask, as a veteran woman of drag, how many years I've been doing drag.
Twenty while sixteen. Thirty six. Twenty years mama. Yeah. Oh shit. Twenty years.
Eighteen years professionally, OK, 18 years old, I got my first gig at a nightclub, I guess it was Diva's nightclub, which is close. What I did, I did Jerry Halliwell's. Bag it up. Wow. I get up.
Can I ask what is your tip for the new girls? Yeah. Tell us as a drag veteran or what could you tell yourself as a baby drag queen, like, you know, drag queens out a picture of her as a child on the runway.
It just after with your trauma, we just take your little baby picture back to the picture of John Candy. Now, what would you say the little fella planes strains of?
Because, you know, when you first start doing drag, there's so many things you think you're supposed to be doing. And looking back, you're like you are an idiot. Yeah, I used to not even brush wigs. I used to wear it until it was gross. And then it became a bottom wig and then it became a bump and that's it. I didn't know how to brush wigs.
I know how to do anything. I know how to I know how to safety pin them together.
Yeah, well that was that was like the big thing back in the day. It was just like putting one on top of the other.
Yeah. Because that's eighty dollars. Eighty dollars a month. A lot of money. Yeah. Those wigs had a short lifespan but too much before they were gross. Yeah.
When I went for that time period I thought I was Madonna. I would come in and they would never have the exact wig so we'd have to get something. And that's where I taught myself how to style a wig to be, how I wanted it to look like a character.
So like when she had, like the Farrah Fawcett, I had to try these wigs and, like, cut it. And Destiny was a hair stylist. She showed me a lot of like so I kind of had to that's where I started and then, you know, steamrolled into. Yeah. And then she the birds. I don't know if anybody's purchased the book. Trixie and I just got out of womanhood. But you better believe that all the hairstyles in that book were style by.
And God, how many episodes of do so many fricatives most probably at least at least thirty.
I think whenever whenever I started coming I think in twenty seventeen is when I started because you kind of became like Handmaid's Tale backstage on because you would watch for flyways, you would do most of your wigs on the spot.
What happened was when I episode when we first moved here and I didn't have like a job or a gig, she just had wigs. And I was like, let me play with these. And I just like, you know, tease and styled a bunch of them. And then it kind of, uh, turned into a thing, gotten really good at it, I think. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you think. Yeah. I like you first.
I'd like to think so.
All the ones all the times I've ever looked the best has always been by her.
You know, it's always so fun because, you know, with you it's, you know, a little bit of an inspiration from you and it's really creative freedom.
Yeah. Yeah. You really let her kind of like, go for it. Go for it. Yeah.
On tour, she and I, I mean, like we would be a little bit like it's five pounds. Not for Delores. I mean that's kind of how I. Yeah. Yeah.
Because you would just be smoothing a wig and I would be like. OK, but I would do it this way like this, literally the same thing. Yeah, got the same thing. There was one wig that you had on to her that I think we tried fixing every day for like three months, like the main wig. It was the first wig, the open moving parts of the opening wig. And it was like we tried fixing it like every night.
And there was one time you were like yelling at the wig in the mirror. And I was like I was like, just tell me. I did it horribly just so. And she's like, No, no, I'm mad at the wig, not you.
It's like good deflection. Yes. I'm cutting her inner thigh just like, you know what I feel like all the time. And the movie Carrie, the remake, Julianne Moore using a seam ripper, stabbing it to her thigh, crying and going.
These are godless times, which she was a simple for me. Julianne Moore. Yes, she was.
Because I touring with me is kind of difficult sometimes because I'll admit it usually have to make me think something was my idea or me to go along with that.
That's the best. You have to go, Trixie. I like this thing you said. And I go, oh yes, I did say that. Let's do it first. If someone suggested to me, I'm like, I don't know, it's kind of like so it's kind of like I would buy things and put them at your makeup counter.
I would put them in front of you. That's the truth. I'm so glad I found this so that I bought this when Brandon would do my records, he would be like, I love that idea you had for this.
And I'd be like, oh, yes, that idea.
Let's do it like a fucking freak. She's the she's like the opposite. I'm she's like, if I come to work, period. Well, she also can't brush that wig. So anything is, you know, any holds a goal you want to be. I mean, I did a lot of the hair for Netflix.
If you watch Queens who like to watch, there's a few episodes where you step in the episode where she and I have big hair and you step in and go, they're merging together.
Yes. Yes. Literally got the Mason Dixon, by the way.
I know we're probably running out of time. You also are really good at fake eyebrows. Yes. What's the secret? Oh, the secret is a secret. She's been getting into fake eyebrows, you clockmaker.
Yeah, well, I think I've been doing it. Not today. The secret is the finding I've had to find the right product on the of Anastasia Beverly Hills, their little tiny eyebrow pencil to do. And what I do is individual hairs. You just kind of find the way practice, practice, practice, and you can do them. You know, they don't have to be the same. They don't have to, you know. No, because my eyebrows are not even cousins.
Like, they're totally unrelated to each other about color. Yeah, the color matters. Yeah. Also the waxy consistency powdering. It's a it's a process. Yeah. I learned a lot actually from Laila McQueen. Oh well.
Her brother and saying if you guys don't know if you don't follow him on Twitter, Instagram, those brows in or out of drag. Yeah. In upclose. Yeah. In real life. In the sunlight. Yeah.
I grabbed her by the neck. I was like, you're going to draw those on me.
Yeah. There and even when she has because she'll also match her color of her hair to. Yeah. Perfectly. Yeah. So good. I think she's the best drag makeup artist living right now. I really do. I really did agree. Yeah. We're doing something. We're using her for Trixie Cosmetics coming up for something.
I'm really excited. She's really amazing. Remember, you die your hair a lot to do remember.
OK, so when we were making moving parts, the film and there are certain parts were FENA said, really important things that we couldn't take out of chronology because this horror had different hair colors every two weeks and no one would be like, yeah, but we can't use it because suddenly she has pink.
No one told me if they had if they had said, yeah, stacks like this.
Oh, that was right. You got a good one. Good, good.
Well where do people find you on the Internet. Yeah, I'm on Instagram at Phenobarbital and on Twitter at phenobarbital. And I also just started my own Instagram for my wig 026 for doing, um, wigs for people taking upstaters taking a customer.
Now let me go now I jump in customers. Are you really. I am.
I do not happy about I do not do your typical Marcel finger if that's not my judge. Yeah. Go down. If you're not a shitty birds you want to upside down building burning. Yeah. You.
How about the Eiffel Tower. Remember the Eiffel Tower Tower.
The way you want that you remember when you guys did the the Christmas one with the other nativity scene and everything you want. You like bird are you. Bird fan was Bird's Nest but I don't have like a small handful of celebrity clients that will also be done here for beside us. Oh, God, I did a meatball fun I've done. Martta beat you on my girl Maranda back home. It's so nice when they're in L.A. because you don't have to mail them or crush them in a Victoria's Secret.
I did one for her recently. Yeah. Sent out all the way. The UK took like a thousand months. Fears finally got there.
There is sort of a magic hour not to be like, OK, Boomer, but there was sort of a magic hour with Dragon. None of us were famous and no one cared about any of us. I know. And you could do anything.
And because you didn't have that much more ambition than on a Saturday, Sunday at the gig, it did get to the point in Boston where I was so popular that if I was on Grindr, everybody knew who I was and I would go on a date and someone was like, well, I really like you, but I just I can't be referred to as Mr. Phenobarbital.
My right girl got a girl. You thank God for Craig's. You're like, I don't go by that name anymore.
They certainly can't get candy. Maybe Biden will bring back Craig's List.
What's the Hare Krishnas, what do you call precious promise. Promise and Candy.
Promise. Candy promise. Oh, well, thank you, Phenobarbital, for joining us on this day.
Absolutely. Everybody follow at phenobarbital on every single platform. You are so wonderful and we love you very much. Thank you. And goodbye and goodbye.