I want to speak to those of you who are lactose-intolerant. I have had so many of you asking me, Kathy, would you please do a prayer for lactose-intolerant? In the name of Jesus, I come against lactose-intolerant right now in Jesus' name. I speak and decree that your digestive system receives and processes dairy properly in the name of Jesus Christ. No bloating, no diarrhea, no upset stomach in the name of Jesus Christ.

On this episode of the Commercial Break. 90% of podcasts don't make it to episode number 5. Hoping that that would also be us, but look at us now. We just got dragged through. It's been a wild ride. I feel like I'm hanging on to the success bus by the back and it's just bouncing me along the road.

Like 10 cans?

Yeah, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding You're going to get there soon. Next stop. Success. It's been five years. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Yeah, boy. Yeah, guys and Kitts. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the Batwoman to My Robin Thick. Kristen Joy. Totally best to you, Chr. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Interesting reaction to our Holy Water, our Peter Popoff breakdown the other day. Yeah? Yes, we had an interesting reaction. Someone actually wrote in a story about their uncle who used to... Their elderly uncle who used to idolize Peter Popoff. He would drive thousands of miles to see him in person. He would watch every special. He would tape the infomercials. He fully believed in the Holy Water, that the Holy Water was going to cure him. I guarantee that Holy Water came from the tap of a Peter Popoff assistant, but let's neither here nor there. She explains the story. I'm going to just, not preface it, but I'm going to shorten it up a little bit. I'm going to abbreviate it. I'm going to abbreviate it.

Thank you, Christie. She says that her uncle got diagnosed with prostate cancer at one point. The prostate cancer was not a very serious form of prostate cancer, the type of prostate cancer that a lot of men will just live with. So he got the holy water before he went to the doctors, before he went to an actual oncologist or a prostate specialist or anything like that. He got the holy water and told the family at a function that he was using the holy water and sprinkling it all over his Dee Dee canters on a nightly basis and praying to the Lord that Peter Popoff's magic spring water would indeed cure him of his cancer. And that after years of not seeing a doctor, went back to the doctor and the doctor said, The prostate cancer has not progressed. You are in the category of men who live often with prostate cancer for their entire lives, especially elderly men. And we just don't do anything about it because it's not that aggressive and it can be a rather It's not actually benign, but it can be a benign form of cancer. Well, he now, for the rest of his life, swore up and down that the magic holy water was doing it.

So he believed in it so much that he would call repeatedly and repeatedly and repeatedly and make donations so he could get Magic Springwater. She says to the point where Peter Popoff sent a gallon, or the Peter Popoff enterprises, sent a gallon of the Magic Springwater to her uncle. And then one Thanksgiving, they caught him sprinkling it on the turkey. Oh my God. And I was like, this is either a totally made up story or very fucking funny. It's your crazy uncle.

That seems pretty specific.

It does seem pretty specific that your crazy uncle was sprinkling magic holy water on top of the Thanksgiving feast.

You sprinkle it everywhere. Yeah, why not? Hey, listen. You can't hurt.

Listen, I've been through some Thanksgiving. I've had some Thanksgiving turkey that I wish I had magic spring water to make it moist. To make it. To make it moist. Yes. I take it. I take it. You just can't get that Thanksgiving turkey right. I don't care what you do. We even fried it one time. And besides almost setting the entire neighborhood on fire, it didn't do a damn bit of good for that fucking turkey. It didn't taste Did the exact same as it did the year previous when we baked it. I mean, okay, it was a little bit more juicy, and the skin was a little bit more crispy. I guess it was a bit more enjoyable, but I just put- Krispy skin. Yeah, crispy skin. That's the only part of the turkey that I give a shit about is that skin. And my dad, too. It's so good. Yeah. It's like that Christmas story when my dad was a turkey skin connoisseur, well known across the Midwest. So was my dad. My dad, he just would start eating the skin. And if we tried to have some, he'd be like, No, no.

Then he'd have a little bite.

It's unhealthy for you. Yeah. Then I had a little bite one time. He finally gave me a little bite, and I was hooked. It's like the first time you have bacon. I know. We just gave our youngest, bacon for the first time. Oh.

Bacon has to be one of my favorite foods, I do have to say. Who No.

Amongst us doesn't count bacon as one of their favorite foods? If you're not, like religiously not eating it or for some reason, some moral or ethical reason that you're not eating, a religious reason you're not eating it, bacon is fucking delicious.

It makes everything better.

It really does. When I worked at that Mickey D's, way back as a skip young teenager running around, causing trouble with everybody. When I worked there, I liked the morning shifts for one reason and one reason only, bacon. Because we just cook bacon in mass. It's like pounds and pounds and pounds of bacon. It went on every sandwich. People would order it with their hotcakes or whatever the fuck was going on at that time. And so what I would do, as strange as it may seem, but I think some people may agree with me, is I would take a toasted English muffin, just Lightly toasted, right?

Okay.

I'd put as much bacon as I could stuff on that toasted English muffin. Lightly toasted. I want to make that clear to everybody. I don't want anybody to think I'm one of those guys who likes burnt English muffins. I don't want to be put in that category, Chrissy.

Who does?

No one. If you like a burnt English muffin, you're a weird motherfucker. I'd put as much bacon as I could, and then I'd take the pickles, and I'd put them all over the top of the sandwich. Wow. So you got that. Pickles and bacon. Pickles, bacon, and English muffins. I still crave it to this day. Pickle, bacon, muffin. Pickle, bacon, muffin. I still crave it to this day, and I'm sure that there's still plaque hanging around somewhere in my heart. It's from two years of eating Pickle Bacon English muffin, sandwiches. A Pickle Bacon McMuffin. That's what it was. It was delicious. I got a bunch of people hooked on it. They were like, What are you doing back there? Like, Pickle Bacon McMuffin. Just try it. Yeah, just try it. I'm surprised they don't have this on the menu yet. It's on the secret Super Secret menu. Have you ever ordered from a Super Secret menu?

No, and I've heard about them for years, and I have never I've never tried it.

I never either. I just don't have the balls to start bothering people at my fast food joint. I don't go to fast food joints a lot anyway, but if I did, I always feel like... I don't know.

Also, I don't want them to be like, What are you talking about?

Yeah, what are you talking about? You've been had by the TikTok. You've been had by some TikTok trend. I feel like when I go to a fast food restaurant, I'm really ginger with my behavior at a fast food restaurant. Sure, that makes sense. I'm I'm usually super nice to everybody, but I'm extra super nice about my fast food workers because I understand that that is a fucking thankless job for almost no money, and there's a lot of assholes. I mean, all you need to do is just peruse Instagram or TikTok to find out that airplanes and fast food establishment are apparently ground zero for the undoing of the fabric of society altogether. I mean, it's just fucking insane how people behave in some of these places. But if I did have the balls to do it, I would say, Give me a bacon, pickle, McMuffin, please.

I say you should just try it.

I'm not going to go my entire life without at least one or two more bacon, pickle, McMuffins.

Well, I'll make one for you. You will? Yeah, because I've been experimenting with making English muffins.

Making them yourself Dough? Yeah.

Handmade English muffins, sourdough English muffins. Really?

And how do you do that? They're delicious. How do you get all the air in there?

It takes a while, the air.

Yeah, like the little pockets in there.

How do you get those pockets in the bread? I know. It's the way the yeast and the rising and the whole thing happens.

Come on up for the rising. So you have to just wait a while so the air can get in there?

Yeah, it takes a little while to do the whole process because you have to make the dough and then let it rise and then cook it.

Then you slightly cook it and then you cook it again when you're ready to eat it?

Is that how it goes? No, no. You just take the dough, cut it into the pieces, and then cook it on one side, cook it on the other side, and it cooks on the inside.

No shit. Who knew? I'll get some bacon and some pickles. You and Tom Papa. I'd like to ask Tom Papa if he's ever had an English muffin baking session at his house.

No, I actually mentioned it to him, if you'll remember on the- I don't remember, shit. On the interview. I don't remember anything. And he said he hadn't tried it yet, but he was very interested and wanted to do it.

Well, maybe you should reach out and tell Tom that you have this super secret English muffin bread recipe that you're looking to make. That would be great. I'm sure Tom would go, Who are you? We actually have a lot of great compliments about the Tom Papa interview. I really enjoyed it. He was great to talk to. A lot of people reached out and said that he was one of their favorite interview episodes so far. I said, not Virdas? And they said, no. Hey, listen.

You'll always remember your first.

You'll always remember your first, and it'll never be that great. Not because of Vierdass. Let me make that clear. Love to Veer. Because we were in here running in circles for two hours beforehand. I think we were just tired ourselves out. I think we were by the time with the actual event. We were so nervous. Yeah. It's like when you come during foreplay. It's like, Well, I don't got much to give you, but I'll try my best. Good old Veer does. I wonder how that guy is doing. I see him all over the Instagram. He's out there. People love that guy.

He was on a world tour, right?

Yeah, he was doing 300 nights and 100 days or something like that. He was out. A lot of the comedians that we have on do. I guess it's just part and parcel of the life that they live. If you're not making content, then you're not surviving. It's just like this show. Only, Vera actually has people that want to come to his shows. We just do this under duress.

With that being said, we're coming up on our 500th show.

Now that you mention it. Yes.

Now that you mention it. I can't believe it. I heard it here last. I can't believe it. We've got something special.

We're not going to say what it is. Yeah, we're not going to say what it is, but we do have something special. Tune in to 500. I think this is airing on, I think, the Friday before the 500th episode. So very excited about that. Why? I don't know. It's just- It's a milestone. Yeah, it's just an indicator of how lonely and desperate we really are. We have to put out so much content to nobody. But we're thanking you for being here and taking a listen. We really do appreciate it. There's no doubt about that. If it wasn't for the people that write in on occasion, that write in and say nice things, that's the fuel in the tank right there. It is. It ain't the cash. I'll tell you what, right now, it ain't the money. I'm not doing it for the money. But it's been a wild ride to think of where we've been over the last- It really has. 490 plus episodes. It's insane.

I know. It's around that time, too, where I'm starting to see a lot of the stories of four years later, after the pandemic, it's right around the four-year mark. So there's a lot of reflecting on how things have changed.

It was a very Very interesting time when we got started. I think what lessened my anxiety and paranoia about it all was the ability to get in here and laugh. There was at least some semblance of normalcy once a week, or twice a week, or whatever it was. Once a week, then quickly twice a week, then now 10 times a week, or however many episodes we're putting out. It's fucking ridiculous. But I will say that it gave me some sense of purpose and drive and motivation.

It always does. Throughout a lot of events in our life, I've had some recent deaths in the family, and so that's been a big... The show has been a really big source of comfort and love and laugh.

Yeah, well, I was telling a friend the other day, they were asking how you were. It was my chiropractor, actually. He was asking how you were because I know you don't know him, but him and I are best buds twice a month for an hour. He's also one of these guys that I was like, I listened to the show, and I'm like, Oh, you did? He's like, Yeah. That's a podcast. No doubt about it. I listened to it. It was a podcast. You're making money with that? You're making money with that? How do you guys make a living doing that? Because I turned it off immediately. I'm pretty sure I'm your target audience. I turned it off immediately.

Maybe he caught the chiropractor episode. Oh, he may have.

Where are we? He may have. Yes. I'm slowly losing people in my life because I come on here and act like an asshole. But he asked how you were, and I said, Yeah, she's doing good. I think she's great. She had to take some time off, of course. That's understandable. He said, That's got to be some form of therapy going on in the room there. It is. I think I've realized, because I've been in real therapy for so long, I think I've realized that therapy doesn't always show up in a neat hour long package with an independent therapist. Sometimes it shows up as laughter, sometimes it shows up as sex or medicine or crying or whatever. It shows up in a lot of different ways. I do think in some strange way, the commercial break has been therapy for both of us.

I think so, too. I know so.

We actually had someone that wrote in the other day, I wish I could remember their name, but they said something along the same lines. It's like, I've been listening to you for a while now. I've had some ups and I've had some real downs over the period of time that I've been listening to you. But this show has given me a break at least a couple of times a week from the stress and pain and life drama that I'm seeing.

I mean, we're consistently mediocre, so that's what it is. You know what you're Just like meditating, nothing.

Your brain is supposed to be full of nothing. You can listen to this show and do the same thing. You'll learn nothing, but you'll lose nothing. We're not taking anything away. We're just not adding anything to your life. That's how it goes. Like any good therapist, that's how it's supposed to go. We're not adding anything. No, we're not an additive. We're not a dietary supplement for your brain.

Yeah, you can just check out.

Yeah, you can just check out. I enjoy that. But yeah, It's a great accomplishment. Congratulations. There's a lot of podcasts that don't make it to episode number 5, let alone 500. I think that was the stat I was always touting around Clubhouse, is that 90% of podcasts don't make it to episode number 5. Hoping that that would also be us, but look at us now. We just got dragged through. It's been a wild ride. I feel like I'm hanging on to the success bus by the back and it's just bouncing me along the road.

Like 10 cans?

Yeah, like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding You're going to get there soon. Next stop. Success. It's been five years. I would tell my kids, Well, get there when we get there. Yeah, so nice words about Tom Papa and lots of people writing in. You know who else wrote in? One of our fans, Caden, wanted to tell us that he enjoyed the Fantom of the Opera episode where I was telling the story about how I had accidentally left a Fantom of the Opera CD in a car. I went and picked up a blind date, like a first date, and how before the night was over, she had ghosted me into my face, ghosted me. Not even on the phone. She just laughed. He wanted to say that... I assume this is a he, Caden. Caden wanted to say that that is awful familiar to his childhood.

That specific sound track.

That rang true. Yeah, that rang true. Well, listen, there's like 62 million copies of that fucking album has been sold. So I mean, it's not an unknown album. It's not like, I don't know. It's not like Will Smith's daughter's fifth album. What was her name? Jaden? Jaden? Jada. No, Jada is his wife. Yeah.

They did start with a J.

It did it. Remember we were singing her song for a while? You really liked it. Oh, I got into it. I was so into it. But I haven't heard... I mean, I'm sure she's still out there, but I just haven't heard anything as catchy as that one. And I'm not sure what this has to do with Peter Popoff. No, nothing. Nothing. Here we are. Started with Peter Popoff, ended with Will Smith's daughter that we don't know the name of. Another episode in the books. That's number 496 for you, folks. There you go. In joy. Quality. Quality, through and through. I think we should do this. Before we get into the actual good part of the episode, let's make you listen to some commercials, and then when we get back, we'll do it. What do you think, Chrissy? Let's do it. All right, let's do it. We'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB, and you can text us anytime you want. Or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, All of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast. Com. Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are.

This episode is sponsored by Better Health. If you've been listening to the show for the last 6-9 months, then you know Christie and I have both had life events that have been very difficult for us. But that's the way it goes. Sometimes life takes unexpected turns. Christie and I both use therapy as a way to learn coping skills for those big life events, but also for the day to day difficulties that we all experience. Therapy isn't just for people who've experienced major trauma. I found that it can help in the best of times, the worst of times, and everything in between. Therapy really is a part of my health routine. I actually look forward to therapy appointments now. But if you're like me also, you probably have a very busy schedule. Betterhelp is designed to make that process a little bit more flexible, a little bit more convenient, and suited to your schedule. It's entirely online. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire, and then you get matched with a licensed therapist. And by the way, you can change therapists at any time, no additional cost. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with Betterhelp.

Go visit betterhelp. Com/commercial today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P. Com/commercial. It only works if you work it, as they say. And taking the first step is as easy as going to betterhelp, H-E-L-P. Com/commercial. Then you'll get 10% off your first month. And if you're If you're not here for anything like me, you'll start to look forward to the therapy appointments. And we want to thank Better Help again for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break.

It's after bedtime. The kids are asleep and the moms are out to play. We're Dina and Kristin, the duo behind the Instagram account, Big Little Feelings. I'm Dina. I'm a child therapist and mom of two who nerds out on all things neurobiology and psychology. And Kristin is a parent coach who wrangles three kids on a daily basis, here to give it to us like it is. We weren't meant to do this parenting thing alone. Consider After Bedtime, your village. Follow After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast.

All right, right before the break, we said we were going to talk about this television, televangelist named Jonathan Bell, who I had found social media clips of, and then I had found an entire video of. He had done two episodes of public access television. I'm actually going to let you go find that on your own if you want to, because Christie and I just reviewed some of the material before we wanted to put it on air. I got to be honest with you, it's actually rather depressing.

He says he's targeting people that are depressed, and he's going to help uplift them, but no. But that's not what's happening on this video.

It didn't turn out to be the...

The laugh factory?

The pot of gold of comedy that I had hoped for at the end of the rainbow. It was actually pretty awful. Blue hates it, too. Yeah, Blue hates it, too. But in good news, Blue has now made her appearance on every episode of the commercial break, I'm sure of it. We were just five minutes from the lawn guys making their appearance on it, too. But I got to give the guys credit. They actually came during the prescribed hours. Okay, good. In that sense, I say thank you to them for finally listening to anything I had to say whatsoever. Let's move on from Jonathan Bell and the whole thing. It might be triggering to some people, and I'm not interested in doing that to anybody. Do you drink kombucha?

I have before. Okay. I don't regularly.

I read this nightmare story where some lady opened the kombucha, put it back in her refrigerator, and then went to go grab it, and it exploded because of the gas that's in there. It exploded and caused a bunch of glass to go into her body. Oh, my God. That sounds fucking dangerous. Should that be legal? That's like a bomb, right?

It It does have that gas. Yeah, you have to watch out for it.

It's got that rancid stuff that's like, what is kombucha?

I don't know. I forget. It's tea. Something fermented.

It's like ice tea with some fermentation in there. Am I right? It's different than bubble tea, right? Yeah. Let's get this all right in our heads. Bubble tea is tapioca, different flavor tapioca's inside of a tea. I've had that before.

Yeah, it's good.

It's really good. Tapioca is not something that I ever thought that I would say I like.

Really? No. I like a good tapioca pudding.

No, it reminds me too much of the old folks home. Do you know what I'm saying? Did you ever have a grandparent that was in an old folks home? Did they give them tapioca pudding? I think so. Yeah, because they gave my grandmother tapioca, my great grandmother. I remember she shared that with me one time. Forever in my head, tapioca pudding and the smell of the old folks home is together. Tell me what kombucha is.

Okay, so it is a fermented, lightly effervescent sweetened black tea drink. Okay. Yeah. It's also tea mushroom, tea fungus.

Oh, it's tea fungus?

That's what it says.

Oh, I don't want that.

I don't know. I guess it's good for your gut.

Well, it's good for your gut?

Unless it explodes.

Unless it explodes. How could that be good for your gut? Honestly.

Yeah.

All right.

So- Bacteria and yeast.

Do you like mushrooms?

I love mushrooms.

Do you? What's your favorite mushroom?

Cromini.

Cromini mushrooms? Okay. I think Cramini mushrooms are good, too. I like certain mushrooms. But when I eat them, instinctive, in my brain somewhere, I know that these are ground fungus or tree fungus or whatever it is, but I don't want to think about it because the thought of eating fungus to me makes me sick to my stomach. So I do my best when I'm enjoying my mushrooms, not to think of where they came from. That's good. I guess I should do that with steak, too, actually. Steak or bacon, pickle, and bacon, pickle, sandwiches.

Like, pickles are safe.

Yeah, pickles, whatever. Pickles grow on the ground. They don't have feelings. They're pickles. I mean, they've already been sitting in vinegar for a couple of years or whatever it is. I mean, it can't be that bad, right? Yeah, I don't think that I would want to drink something that I'm sure I've had kombucha before, but I can't remember. But I don't think I want to actively go seeking stuff with fungus in What do you think?

I like it.

You like it? You're going to get maimed by a kombucha bottle. It sounds so dangerous to me.

I mean, that's like anything, though. You could put a bottle of champagne back into the refrigerator and then it could explode.

It could explode, but the champagne bottle is made in a way that it's not supposed to explode. Now, does it happen? I'm sure every once in a blue moon, a champagne bottle explodes. When I was a kid, You remember Mr. Wizard? Yes. Okay. Yes. That's for Wizard. For those of you that were born after the year 2000, Mr. Wizard was a science teacher who got a public-access television show. What he would do is he would take science and make it real. He would take scientific principles, and then he would go into a kitchen or a backyard. This was on a set, by the way, in a house somewhere. He would make these science experiments that you could also follow along at home and make, most of them anyway, these science experiments. It was always the coolest thing. Something was blowing up, something was setting on fire, some kid was floating off into outer space. I mean, he did the wildest shit. I can't think of the... Maybe it's like a modern day myth Busters, maybe, but with a more educational spin on it. Mr. Wizard, when we were young bucks, he had an episode where he explained how carbonation could make something explode.

What he did was he took... I'm not going to give the actual recipe out here, actually. I think that's a bad idea. You took some rather benign household ingredients. You put it into a two-litre bottle that was empty. You shook it up, You toss it and then it explodes. We did this, and we did this quite a bit. We had fun with this, right? We would do this in the backyard. You and your brothers? Me and my brothers, and some of our friends, when our parents weren't home, we would take these, we would throw them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But one of our friends took this too far. He went out in the middle of the night with some other friends, and he threw one of these at a tractor that was sitting on the side of the road getting ready to do road work. It exploded, and I guess it caused some minor damage. It's plastic. It's not going to cause that much damage, but caused some minor damage. He was caught in the act, and then he was prosecuted as a child. He was prosecuted for Like bomb-related activities. Now, the case ended up getting dropped, but they took it very, very, very seriously.

I'm thinking to myself, if kombucha can explode like that, right, isn't that pretty serious that kombucha could explode like that? And shouldn't it be put on the terrorist watchlist? I mean, I'm just asking. I'm not trying to poke anybody. I'm not trying to start any controversy where there isn't any. But I think kombucha should officially be classified as a weapon if it's exploding like that.

I mean, it could be people make their own kombucha. So I wonder, was this from a certain brand?

That's probably what happened.

Or was this a homemade concoction?

Oh, I know somebody. I know somebody had made their own kombucha. And I'm telling you what, I didn't like the looks of that. One, No, you do have to be careful. No, you do have to be careful. Yeah, no, it looked really odd. I remember it was in a tea... You know the person. It was in a tea jar sitting in the window. There was like...

Fermenting.

Weird fish eyes growing out of it and stuff. I'm sure small creatures were breeding in there, but I just didn't know it. But it was weird. I just always... I will remember seeing that and going, What's that? Oh, I'm brewing my own kombucha. I was like, Oh, whatever the fuck that is. Cool. She was like, Oh, in a couple of weeks, you can have something, or a couple of days, or whatever. I was like, I'm good. I'll pass on the dirty ice tea. It's like you stuck your shoe in the ice tea. What is the nastiest thing you've ever had to drink?

Ever had to drink? Yeah. Oh, you know what does pop to mind is that It's the liqueur. It tastes like licorice. Jägermeister. Well, not Jäger. I've had some of that, too, and I don't like that.

Oh, Zambuca. Yes. Zambuca.

Yeah, it is not my thing at all. I don't like licorice, so Not at all. I hate licorice. Especially black licorice.

When I worked at the Italian Trattoria, I'm sorry. Let's take a moment here. Let's acknowledge that me, Chrissy, and Tom Papa were all wrong. It's a Trattoria. It's not a Trattoria. My wife called me out the moment she heard that, but then we had listeners that called us out, and Chrissy figured out also. It was coming in all directions. It was like, Brian, you got that wrong. I'm like, I was just talking to Tom about it. It's Tom's fault. Blame Tom Papa. Trattoria. When I worked at the Italian Trattoria, Zambuca, two Espresso beans, set on fire to make it warm, blow it out, and then that was the drink. That was the after dinner Apertief. Is it Apertief?

No, Apertief is before.

Then Digestief?

Yeah, Digestief.

Brian, send them some Digestief. What are you doing, Brian? You got to send them a bottle of Chianti Classical. Make sure you put it on the bill. Charge them extra. To send some softsheil crabs to my good friends and charge them twice. Thank you very much, Brian. That's Zambuca. I mean, we went through bottles and bottles and bottles of Zambuca.

People love it. I do I thought it was okay, but I didn't necessarily like drinking it.

But if someone said, If we were around the Italians and they were having one, I would have one. But they would swallow the- The beans? Espresso bean and everything. Yeah. But I do like some chocolate-covered Espresso beans.

Oh, I love those.

Nastiest thing, I mean, besides sour milk that you drink accidentally or something like that, nastiest thing I have specifically put into my body, liquid charcoal. Liquid charcoal.

Yes. How did that come about?

Alcohol poisoning.

Oh. So you had to do it.

It didn't seem like a choice at the moment. No, I just had to swallow it down.

Where do you get liquid charcoal?

At a hospital. Okay. Yeah, at a hospital. It's something they put on their, coats your stomach, and then they pump you out or they throw you up. That Ipikak stuff. Do you remember what Ipikak is? No. Okay, I think I'm saying it correctly. I'm probably saying it wrong. Tratoria, Tratoria. You say Tratoria, I say Tratoria. Ipikak was like a... You could get a small bottle of it. You just took a few drops of it, and it didn't take but three or four minutes for you to throw up. It was an instant, almost an instant I don't know, like something that would expedite the process of throwing up. If you were nauseous, I don't know why my mom had this at our house, but she had it at our house when we were kids.

Maybe in case you ingested something like poison or something.

But possibly, yeah. Maybe it was like a safety mechanism. Maybe it was something you just buy off the shelf or your doctor ordered for you and said, If there's ever any... He swallows more batteries, just tell him to throw it up. Yes. We had this Ipikek stuff, and because it made you throw up within a minute, three minutes, whatever it was. The taste was not that bad, but I always remember the taste of that Ipikek, and it became quite the tool when you wanted to get out of school. You could just take some Ipikek, run into your parents' room, and just throw up on the floor. And that was it. You're staying home.

Oh, no. That's right.

Judge Wapner.

Price is right.

Price is right. Yeah. At General Hospital. It was going to be a day for you. You just do it. It was going to be awesome. You're going to have crackers and Sprite, possibly ginger ale, if you're into that thing, and you were just going to lay and watch TV all day long. A little Ipikek will do you. Just a little, just a couple of drops. But liquid I think the charcoal is probably the nastiest thing that I've ever had to drink on purpose. Now, it's not that the taste was super horrible, it was the consistency that was super horrible. I imagine a warm, tasteless, like charcoal. Charcol-y taste milkshake, right? Like a real thick, syrupy with bits and pieces. It was disgusting. I put myself in that situation by drinking French, which is not champagne at all. It is cognac. But I thought it was champagne. So I just kept drinking it. I didn't think I drink that much, but it was also 27 years old when I drank it. Oh. Yeah. Well, dad and mom had a liquor closet, but they never drank liquor. My dad would have rum and Coke on occasion.

Sometimes if my dad had a bad day at work, you would know it because he would come home and at the dinner table, he'd open up a Pepsi. Excuse me. He'd open up a Pepsi, he'd pour a in there, and then he'd pour a shot of rum in there. That was the most I ever saw my dad drink in one sitting until I got much older. He had this liquor cabinet that was actually our pantry. I don't think he ever suspected that we were curious about any of this stuff. I just don't think it ever went through his head. But he had this box, and in the box there was a bottle. In the bottle, it had this fancy writing on it, but it said Champagne or something along those lines. Yeah, to where you thought it was champagne. I interpreted as champagne. When I got curious, I decided that I was going to go drink some of this, figuring I've seen people drink champagne all the time at weddings and events and whatever. I downed probably not a ton of it, but enough of it that it just made me very drunk and very sick very quickly.

To my father's chagrin, he yanked me by the back of my coattail into the car and we went to the hospital and they're like, Well, stomach He's not like dying. I even remember some of this. So it wasn't the worst alcohol poisoning, but they were like, There's a couple of things we can do here. I think because of the age of the alcohol, they were like, We better just be better be safe than sorry. Okay. I did not get my stomach pumped. I did, however, drink charcoal, and then I had to throw it up immediately. And neither were pleasant experiences. I'm just going to tell you that right now. I don't know if they still do this. I hate to throw up. You do?

I hate it.

I don't know.

The passion.

I hate it. Remember when I had the flu last summer?

Yeah, I just had that bug, too, not too long ago, and I hated every minute of it.

I had the flu last summer, fall, right before you had to take some time off. I had it, and The whole family had it, and I was the last one that got it. I will never forget, going to bed not feeling well, particularly well, but then getting up an hour later and having the overwhelming nausea that I knew it was coming and it was quick. I literally darted to the bathroom. It's one thing when you're drunk and you got the spins. You've got plenty of... Your body is giving you plenty of notification that shit's about to go down. At first, you get a little wobbly, then your stomach starts turning a little bit, then here come the spins. You've got, I would say, a good 30 to 45 minutes of work in. It's like an intro, right? You've got an intro to your disastrous night is coming, and sometimes when you throw up, you feel better After drinking, right? I know people who threw up and then they just carried on drinking.

Boot and rally.

Boot and rally.

I've heard it said before, throw up and rally.

I think some people do that. I say blow and rally. That's what I say. I say snort and rally. That's how I get it done because that'll so be right the fuck up. If you're really, really drunk, and even if you're getting into that point, your body's working up to get pukey, if you do a little bit, I'm not suggesting you do cocaine. I'm just sharing with you that if you should do cocaine, it'll straighten you right the fuck up. As long as you do enough of it, you got to do enough. So do lots of it. That's what I'm... I'm not giving you advice. Uncle Brian. Uncle Brian. Sharing with the kids.

Let's do your Uncle Brian.

Listen to Uncle Brian. So when I got that sick, it was the sick that was uncontrollable, and there was little to no notification. I knew I didn't feel well. My head was hurting. I felt a little nauseous. But when it came on, it came on so quick. It was like, I got to go. I hadn't been sick like that since I was a child. I know.

I can't remember. I think it's been going around between last year and this year. It's still Jeff's brother just got it, too. Oh, he did?

Don't tell me that because I'm not feeling all that well, so I don't want to... Now I feel like I'm going to puke. Oh, no. No puking in the studio. That's not allowed. We'll never get rid of that smell. No. Remember when you're in school and the January? We used to come along and put that orange stuff on there to absorb the... Oh, that never made it smell better. It always just made it worse. It's like Febreze. If your house smells shitty, Febreze is just going to make it smell fruity and shitty. It's not going to actually solve any of the problems. Let's get rid of Febreze altogether. I mean, if you want to be a sponsor on the show, I'll gladly tell everybody Febreze is wonderful. However, if you don't want to be a sponsor of the show, Febreze, they say it eliminates odors. Yeah. Maybe the The actual Febreze spray does, but that stuff you plug in the wall- The spray.

The spray is actually good. The original, the spray. The original, yeah. But the stuff that's on the wall, yeah. Or that's like the Hawaiian- Yeah, or the- Glade.

Glade plug-ins and all that. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back. What?

Oh, hi. It's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at T-C-B Podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last T-C-B phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Special break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

I wanted to talk to you about something.

I always wanted to talk to you about it.

I talked to Astrid first, but then you're my second go-to. Okay. I'll throw it by Astrid to see if it's good, and then she'll be like, I'm not prepping for the show because I don't actually do that. But what I'm doing is I'm just seeing if I can get a conversation out of it, right? And if I can, then I take it to you. Okay, got it. If I can talk with them about Astrid, I can talk with them about you. Yes, it's a whole system. So Astrid knows all the shows beforehand because I just do a show to her every day. And so now she's realizing that her original plan to have me do a podcast so I would stop talking to her about the silliest of shit has actually backfired. Now she hears it twice. Right. Once when I talk to her about it, and then once when I talk to you about it on the show. I don't understand hotels, and I don't understand how we get charged in hotels. Let me explain. How many of you, meaning how many times have you- How many Chrisies? How many Chrisies out there in the universe have paid for extra time or an extra night in a hotel room, even though you do not intend to stay the night, just so you can get the full 24 hours out of it?

I don't Hold on. That you specifically- Okay, you check in in advance. You book it in advance, an extra night.

An extra night, even though you're going to leave that day. But just so you don't have to be inconvenienced by checking out at 10:00 or 11:00 AM.

Oh, got you. I don't do that. I just call and ask for the late checkout.

But late checkout till seven o'clock at night, four o'clock in the afternoon, they don't let that happen, right? No. I'm realizing over the last couple of years that when you pay for a hotel room, you only really pay for 16 hours in that hotel room, even though you should be getting a full day in that fucking hotel room.

Because it's mostly check-in after 3:00 or four.

Four, and check-out between 10:00 and 11:00 here in the United States. Then in Europe, it's usually noon when you check out, and it's usually 2:00 when you check in, so it's closer to the truth. But I have specifically said to myself, Well, I can't get a flight out till 7:30, or I need to leave at 7:30 because that's when the conference is over. I will book another night in the hotel room and check out before the night even begins.

Oh, really?

I'm realizing what a fucking rip off this whole system has been the entire time. I'm wondering if there's anything that we can do to remedy it because this is shrinkflation.

You can just check out at the normal time and go to the airport bar.

I could if I didn't have to be doing things. Yes, that's true. I could do that. I have done that. I almost missed my flight because of that. Listen, I don't want to spend any more time in an airport than I have to, if I'm being honest. There are certain airports that are better than others. Sure. But the Atlanta airport, fine. You can find something. It's a huge airport. You can find something to do for a couple of hours, but seven hours, six hours? That's a long time to just be sitting there waiting for everyone to then hurry up for then everyone to wait. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy?

I do.

I think the hotels have been giving us a raw deal for a long time. I don't know where this started. I don't know when it started. I do understand the reasoning behind this. We have to get the prepped and ready for the next person to come in. But is that my problem? Is that my problem? If I agreed to make the bed before I leave, can you give me the full 24 hours? Can I stay till 4:00 if I make the bed and clean up really nice? Because I can do that. Because if I got some extra time- Yeah, you should just ask.

Yeah. You never know until you ask.

Like a make your own bed discount. You know what I'm saying? It's like a make your own bed discount where you get to stay an extra four hours. That's what I think. Listen, I'm not doing anything too exciting in that bed, so who really cares? Most That's what I'm doing is 21 EPMs. That's the most that I'm doing. Listen, who can't live with a little jizz in their life? You know what I'm saying? It's all over the place. I'm sure it's on dollar bills and walls and bathrooms and toilet seats. Guys are coming all over the place. I just know it.

Well, that's a good thing for your prostate.

It is a good thing for your prostate. Maybe not for the next person checking into my hotel room, but it's great for my prostate. But I'm saying this has been... I don't even think we think about it like this. We don't think about, Can I have a full 24 hours in the hotel? What we're really getting is just a very rather... What we're getting by math, because I did the math, is that we're getting a reduced day at a full price. So next time I go to a hotel, I am going to ask for the 16-hour rate. That's what I'm going to ask for. I want the 16-hour rate.

Maybe that's the secret menu.

Yeah, you might be right about that. Maybe they do have a secret menu where they say, Well, you got us. You got us. 16 hour rate is actually $200 less.

Right.

We busted. Would you like a Bacon, Pickle, McMuffin on your bed when you check in? Yes, I would. Yes, I would. I think this is such a... There is... Nothing drives me crazier than when you go and you travel and you're on that last day, last night, right? And then you got to get up and you got to hurry up, hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry, to pack everything in and make sure you get out of the room by 10:00 or 11:00. Now, I understand that's flexible and you can call and ask for the extra hour. I always do. I always do, too. But even with the extra hour, I still feel rushed, right? I still feel rushed with the extra hour, and I hate it. Therefore, I always get the early flight because I'm like, Well, I don't want to go sit in an airport forever, so let me get the early flight. I always get these ungodly flights, like 6:15 in the morning. I was like, Fuck, I got to wake up at 3:00 and get dressed, get ready and go sit in front with a bunch of other miserable people to get on this fucking tin can.

It's probably the door is going to fly off because goddamn Alaska Airlines, fucking 737s are falling out of the sky. If you could just give me until four o'clock, I would get the late flight, and then I would be a much happier person. And feel like I got what I paid for. That's all I'm asking. Put it on the treaty, the great hotel scam treaty of 2024. Along with the great walkway treaty and so many others, these things need to be implemented immediately, if not sooner.

I do have a list of all of our treaties.

Maybe we should review those one day and actually do something with them. We really should. Yeah. Give me an example of it.

Well, there's the sidewalk. That's the original. That's the original.

Sidewalk Treaty.

Yeah, there's the Febreze Treaty.

The Febreze Treaty.

We just thought we just brought it back up.

We just brought it back up.

That's right. The Yellow Light Treaty. Oh, that goddamn yellow light. Something happened with the yellow light.

Well, yeah. In Atlanta, yellow light means 50 more cars is what it means. People now just drive straight through the red light, too. And I'm like, holy shit. We've lost all decorum.

The Cologne Treaty.

Oh, yeah. Please, simmer down with the fucking perfume and cologne. Holy shit.

The Date Night Treaty.

What was the Date Night Treaty?

I don't remember that one. I wrote to stick to what you know because I think you and Astrid had gone out. Oh, yeah. And you were trying a new place.

We did. We tried a new place. We tried the place we always wanted to try. We had a miserable experience, and we got one date night a year. So it's like, go to Applebee's.

The Men's Three-Shirt, Three-Button Treaty.

Oh, yeah. No, don't go any further than three buttons, guys. That's a problem. Right there. You're bordering on creepoy at four buttons.

The airplane Gate Treaty, which again, we touch on. Oh, that is very important. Very important. The Toilet Paper Replacement Treaty.

You must replace the toilet paper. If you're leaving that little extra, the thing that gets stuck on the cardboard, that extra piece of paper, that's not enough to wipe anybody's shitty asshole. I'm telling you that right now. Nor Tuchia. It's just crazy. Leave it alone.

The World Disaster Treaty, which is that has to be limited to one per week.

Yeah, if we can get... Can we just reduce the disasters to one?

I don't know what the Gander Treaty is.

Oh, take a gander? Instead of take a look, we start to say, take a gander. Go ahead, take a... I don't even know what a gander There is. Oh, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. That's what I think it is.

Oh, okay. The Boss Treaty. Chief or boss. Hey, chief.

What's up, boss? Anytime someone says that. I got you, boss. I got you, boss. So my landscaper says to me all the time, I got you, boss. No, I mean that. I know that means you're fucking me.

Wait, I love this one. This is the Brian eating out treaty, and that is to pay for him so he doesn't feel bad about Oh, Tipping.

That's awesome. I like that one. I'm in.

The airplane in children's seats treaty. A lot of these are involving travel.

Yeah, because That's where I find the most pain in my life.

No making a home in your airplane seat.

No, stop that. Stop taking off your shoes. No talking on planes. No, don't talk to me, please. I'm uninterested.

There's a Theresa Caputo-Dinglebury Treaty. I don't know what- I don't know what that is, but the Dingleberry Treaty.

I don't know if I want to have anything to do with.

Doggy bags left on grass.

Oh, that's the most ridiculous thing. If you're going to carry the goddamn doggy bag, put it in somebody else's trash can like the rest of us.

No shoes on beds.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You cannot have shoes on bed. People who put shoes on beds are just their absolute nightmares of human beings.

This is basically just a list of- Of grievances. We should read this at Festivus.

Oh, yeah.

Festivus. That's where you hear your grievances.

Okay.

Well, listen- Wait, there's two more gym attitudes and noises. Yeah. And influencer vacation shots, sweetie.

Oh, yeah.

What was the one I was supposed to write down?

What we just talked about. The 24-hour hotel room night. That's what I want. I want a 24-hour hotel room stay. Yes. Please. I'm realizing it's causing me a lot of agita when I'm traveling that I can't stay a full 24 hours in any particular room. Then what really drives me crazy is if I get there and you say, My room is not ready yet after I come after checkout. It's like, Well, isn't that the whole point of having me check out early so everything could be ready by a certain time? And now you're telling me it's not ready by a certain time? I remember one time I went to Louisiana. Louisiana. Louisiana. I went to Louisiana one time, to New Orleans, and we were staying at a super nice hotel. Paid for by somebody else, of course. We were staying at a super nice hotel, and we got there at 5:00 PM, and they said our room was not ready yet. You don't understand how much that pissed me off. I was like, You got to be kidding me. Checking times at 2:00, and now it's 5:00 and you don't have the room ready yet?

Somebody, some high roller, some guy who got in front of me on this one, said, I'm staying the full fucking 24 hours. That's what he said. I have to say- Or there was a big mess to clean up.

I mean, it's New Orleans.

Yeah, you're right. It could have been a murder scene or something.

Too much partying.

You know there's an Instagram channel for a lady who does that for a living, that sunshine cleaning. You know what sunshine cleaning is? Sunshine cleaning is after murders or some bad happening explosions or something like that. You have to go, like kombucha explosions, and you have to go there and you have to clean up.

Get the orange powder out.

Yes. Get a lot of the orange powder. You're going to need more than orange powder. She does Instagram videos when she can. I think there's probably, sometimes she can't because it's just... But she oftentimes does these Instagram videos. It's completely morbid, and so many people follow her watching her do this. And so I watched a couple of the reels. I don't get crazy, freaked out about blood and guts, but it was just a little bit too much for me. I was like, I don't want to see that. I'm trying to have a good day. I got kids. I don't want to see the back of people's brains, walls, and stuff like that. That's not interesting to me. Speaking of brains on walls, did you see the Love is Blind reunion? No, it came on. It came on. It came on.

Don't tell me. I have got to watch it now. I'm so excited.

In full disclosure, after taking a look at the series, the last season as a whole, I don't think it's the best season of Love is Blind. You You made me watch it. Well, now you got to finish it.

You were counting it as the best one.

Listen, okay. That's the other. Yeah, but taken in total, there are some good episodes of this season, but taken in total, in some The parts are better than the sum. Let's put it that way, because I look at it as a whole, and I think last season was much better. But anyway, that's just my personal opinion. I'm just sharing that with you.

Oh, my God. I was talking to somebody yesterday, and they... Okay, we've got to talk about this at some point, but it's somebody that Jeff works with and has become a friend of mine. She was here visiting in Atlanta. Her friend that she was visiting was on the first season of Love is Blind. No way. No, I'm sorry. Married at first sight.

Married at first sight. Yes. No way. Yes. Really? Yeah. Good old maps.

It didn't work out.

Yeah, no, it doesn't work out. There's a difference between maps Australia and maps America. Maps Australia, everybody wants to be famous. They don't give a shit who they put together. Maps America, they're trying their best to put people together that are actually going to work out. And that's why the show is often boring. It's because it's like, I don't want to watch actual relationship problems. I have them. I have them. I don't need to watch them. All right. Well, listen, this has been mostly Brian bitching. Thank for this episode.

Grievances.

Sorry to Jonathan Bell that we couldn't make fun of you today, but man, you are depressing, bro.

You are depressing. Yeah, he's got some issues.

Yeah, he does. So let's hope that wherever he is in the world- Sending our best. Sending our best to him because clearly he has issues. All right, tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go. You find out more information about Christie and I, all the show notes, all the links, audio, video, everything, all available at tcbpodcast. Com, including your free Piggy Fronting sticker. Hit the Contact us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker, and give us your address. We'll send it to you. 212-433-3tcb. That's 212-433-3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, or if you would like to be on the show, So asking us or telling us those comments are concerned, come on. At the Commercial Break on Instagram, youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. All right, Christie, I think that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you.

Best to you. Best to you. Best to you out the podcast universe, I'm Jonathan Bell. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.