Couple of drinks and you putting your wiggly woggly in her shugly boogly, y'all hanking and spanking. A few months goes by, now she's calling and squalling. Next thing you know, you slaying and paying while she's still sliding and riding. So before you go licking and sticking or digging and diving, be sure you wrap your woogly boogly in a rubbly doubly so one piece of that nunu. Don't come back to bite you in your boo boo, baby. On this episode of the commercial break, she's at the most expensive of restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the first of classes. She's doing all this stuff, but she posts it with all of making like humble bragging, right, right. So grateful for all my beautiful friends while she's drinking champagne in like her a private plane, you know. So grateful for all the wonderful people around me, you know, God is good. Look at what he does for your life. You know, I am blessed with beauty beyond skin deep. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. The journey of the morning. Oh yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green.

This is the bingo to my bluey, Kristen. Joey oatly. Best to you, Kristen.

Best to you Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Okay, let's talk about it because I have resisted for years talking about this. Well, I think I've mentioned it once or twice, but not in depth. And now we're just gonna lay all the cards out on the table. As a guy who has 40 to 60 children and all of them small, I have to talk about flui because I think now it has broken the children lexicon and is now in the general, I don't know, mind. Think of humanity, especially here in the United States. If you are dead, living under a rock or taking a cold plunge, then you will not what I'm taught. No, not what I'm not know what I'm talking about. But otherwise you must know that there's a show called Bluey and it is for children and it runs on Disney Junior and sometimes on Disney Channel. Check your local listings. And this show has taken the world by storm, Chrissy. It has taken the world by storm and with good goddamn reason. And now I'm going to share with you that I do not care if you are an adult or a child or an adult with a child or children.

You must watch the show Bluey. Bluey is an amazing cartoon created by an australian animator.

Yeah, it's been around for a while, right?

It's been around for about five or six years, I think. But we're only on, like, season number four or five, something like that. And they're ten minute episodes, and they run back to back, usually. So, you know, you get one and then. Commercial break. And then the second one. And my children started watching this. My oldest child started watching this. Yeah. Five or six years ago when it came on, and I thought, oh, that's cute. It's. It's based on, let me tell you, the characters. The characters are bingo and Bluey, the two girls that live with their parents in Australia. Bandit and chili. They are australian shepherds is what they are. Australian shepherd dogs.

Dogs. Okay.

And every creature in their world generally is a dog. Right? Right. But they talk and all that other stuff. So Bluey is this young girl. I don't know really how old she is. I think she's, like, in the show, she grows as the show goes. So I think she's, like, 3456 and seven and her younger sister and the world that they like the world through their eyes and through the eyes of their very interactive parent parents, bandit and chili. So let me give you an example of an episode of Bluey. It's a rainy day outside. The girls are upset because they can't go to play outside or whatever. So Bandit decides, okay, let's make a fort. We'll make you guys a little fort.

I used to love to do that when I was younger. What child didn't?

Right. And I think this is what Bluey gets so. Right. It's hyper realistic in the sense that if you, you know, you can remember being this young, you can remember doing the things that. That these parents are doing for their children as a child. It's a. It's a snapshot of a moment in time. But what Bluey really gets so wonderfully correct is that they do it from the eyes of the children a lot of times. But the parents are. Are pulled in. They're engrossed in it. So instead of having a fort with a couple of blankets on top, you know, with some toys inside, all of a sudden it becomes a mall or a huge house. And then they just kind of. They just kind of go into this world.

The imagination.

The imagination. But the lessons that the parents and the children learn along the way are real. They are sometimes sensitive topics around death or friendship or caring for others. Whatever it happens to be, they do it in a way that it's hard as a parent not to get engrossed in the lesson, because the way that they're telling it, you remember it as a child, and then you see it as an adult, and you're like, holy shit.

Makes her heart all warm. It does, but fuzzy.

I am going to admit, like, a lot of people are on Instagram right now. Bluey has brought me to tears on many occasions because sometimes the lessons are so heartfelt and. And story told so beautifully and so touchingly that you can't help but just, like, break down like a little. Like a little child. It is reaching your inner child in a way that is entertaining to an adult. And I'm gonna share this with you now. I don't know. I think it was months back when we were. You know, when you were taking a break because you had family issues and everybody was going through things. I got a book for my kid based on a Bluey episode, and the episode was this. Bluey, the girl that the show is based on, goes to a campground, like, where they have a trailer, you know, and it's this. Everything is in Australia. The accents are australian, so they're out in the outback somewhere, and they're in this kid campsite. And Bluey meets another dog, another child, essentially, a friend. Jean Pierre.

A little friend.

A little friend. Jean Pierre is French, and he doesn't speak a lick of English, and Bluey doesn't speak a lick of French. But somehow, through the magic of imagination, play, and friendship, the international language of play, they connect and they build a friendship over a couple of days. One of the things that they do when they're playing around the creeks and, you know, exploring through the trees and the outback and all this other stuff, they find a seed for. And they plant the seed and they water it. They're pretending that they're doing something. And it's a very short little montage. And you catch this little scene of them planting the tree. And then a couple of days later, inside of the episode, Bluey wakes up to go outside and find Jean Luc or Jean Pierre or whatever his name is. And he's gone because he left. His vacation was over. But because he didn't speak the language, he didn't. He couldn't tell Bluey goodbye. Bluey didn't understand that. He was saying, I'm leaving. Goodbye. And so when he woke up, she was very upset. She was upset. And mom came and said a few very beautiful words and explained to Bluey, that's this is how life is.

Sometimes we have a short period of time with people. Sometimes we have a longer period. I'm not going to get choked up just talking about it. Sometimes we have a longer period of time with people, but what really matters is that they'll always be right here in our heart and that moment in time will always stay with us. Right. And it'll grow and you'll grow because of your time with this person or this dog or whatever.

Yeah.

And so blue is sad cries, you know, walks around the campgrounds and then they show this beautiful scene at the end where Bluey sits by the tree that they planted. As the tree grows, so does Bluey. And the music behind it, it's. The music is so wonder. Chrissy, I just wept. I was reading this book to my child and I couldn't get through it. I was crying. And my kids like, why are you crying, daddy? And I'm like, because it's so beautiful. And he's like, bluey. And I'm like, no, no, no. The whole lesson. And he's like, what's the lesson? And I'm like, you know the lesson, right, dude? And he's like, yeah, don't go to the campground because your people are gonna leave you. I'm like, no, not really, but okay, that's true, too. Never go camping. Parties in the woods. Always end up in tears. That's what.

See, you need the real lesson, Chrissy.

I wept like a child. Then I saw the actual episode that it was based on it.

Sweet, cute show. I know my nephews used to watch it, too, and it was very sweet.

So why is everybody talking about Bluey.

Now over my news feed?

So why is the Instagram TikTok, everyone, by the way, I just learned, and I. And I want to make sure that I'm saying this correctly, but Bluey is the second most streamed television show in history. In history. With, like billions of minutes streamed. So that Disney plus, they got a real incentive to keep this going. But why everybody is talking about it now over the last couple of weeks is because Bluey came back with a new episode and the season finale was a 28 minutes episode, which, first of all, is unlike any other Bluey episode because they're all ten minutes long, but.

Right. It's like the Sopranos.

Yeah, it's like the Sopranos, yes. And everyone's getting upset because they think it's ending because Bluey, the. In this episode, there's a wedding or something like that. And then I actually haven't seen the whole episode. I've just watched bits and pieces while I've been, you know, with my kids watching it. But there is a. The final scene or the final storyline is that Bluey and the family are going to move from this magical house that has been the bait, like, the home base for all of this wonderfulness throughout the years. And bandits gonna sell the house. They're going to move, you know, whatever. And the kids are really getting upset. So in the end, spoiler alert. In the end, spoiler alert. On a channel.

I know I was going to watch it.

Okay. Spoiler alert. They don't end up moving. But a lot of people suspect that this is the creator's way of soft finale ing the show. And he has explained that he has a daughter, and that that daughter has been the basis for all of these episodes, largely his interactions with his daughter. And if you could be one 10th the parent that Bandit or Chili were to their kids, you are a fucking superhero. Because Bandit is like, it doesn't matter what's going on. Bandit is always up for some playtime, and. And I just love it. I think it's just. I would, you know, I think we all wish we had a dad exactly like Bandit. So people think that the creator. And he said out loud, I don't know how much longer I can tell these stories, because they come from a place of honesty and transparency into my own. Into my own parenting and my own childhood. But as my children age out of the bluey age, what do I do next? Do I grow with them? Does Bluey grow with them? Or. He's afraid, essentially, I think, of jumping the shark. He's afraid of just keep on doing it till it dies.

Right.

Until he pounds it in the ground. I think just like the Sopranos, he wants to go out on top. And you can hardly blame the guy. I mean, this little australian show that no one even cared two shits about all of a sudden became this super rock star hit, and everyone's talking about it. I can understand that there's a lot of pressure, and he doesn't want to repeat himself, and he doesn't want to make the stories, like, dumber and dumbed down, and so, you know, how many.

Content.

Yeah, content, exactly. He doesn't want to be, like, the commercial break and beat it into the ground with four episodes every three minutes.

Yeah.

So I. You know, I'm just really taken with this show, and I'm seeing all this stuff on Instagram and TikTok about Bluey, and it's not the children that are talking about it. It's the fucking adults. They're having watch parties. They're crying together. They're going to their therapist over it. I mean, it's insane. I don't think I've ever seen a show, especially not a children's show, affect the general population like this. It's really quite amazing, and I encourage you. I guess the point of my whole rant here is not rant, it's just sharing how beautiful this show is. I guess my point in discussing this is that it doesn't matter if you have children or not. You should be watching Bluey from the beginning. Episode number one. There's, like, I don't know, 70, 80, 90 episodes now. You should. They're ten minutes long. Can you spare ten minutes a day? Can you spare ten minutes a day to become a better human being by watching a show about australian german shepherds in the outback teaching their children a little love?

Yeah, it probably would be the, you know, serial killer murder show I was watching watching yesterday.

Yes, Chrissy.

So I'll turn that on instead.

As Neil Brennan said, women make such great television choices as they're going to bed. I know. True crime shit. I mean, I should be one to talk. I'm, like, searching out BBC comedies. I'm now, like, back in the eighties watching dumb comedies, but I should probably be watching more bluey.

Yeah, there you go.

I encourage you. Watch it with. With the boys.

Yes, I have watched it before.

Yeah.

Super cute.

Yeah, I don't think it's super cute. I think it's super important. Super important is what it is. It's a show whose time has come.

All right.

We all need a little bandit in our life. That's what I have to say. Yeah, I think we need to get that bandit. And, you know, I. Bandit for president. That. Hey, if Bandit was for pre. I'm gonna write in Bandit for president. That's what I'm gonna do this time.

Yeah, that's a good choice.

Should I start a campaign? We should start a campaign. Bandit for president. Because if Bandit was our president, I think things would be a lot better. He just seems like a better. I don't know. He seems like he'd be better at making decisions than some of the other choices that we have. I was watching this guy on Instagram, and he's like, what did he say? He's like, comes on, you know, he's laying on a couch. He's, like, tears streaming down his face. Fuck you, Bluey. I was like, oh, I got to watch this. And he explains. He turns the camera around. He's all these moving boxes. And he explains that his family is going through the exact same thing that Bluey and his family were going through also, which is sell their home a move. And he's, he's like, I felt so awesome about the storyline when the show started because I thought this is a great way to have the children make a soft landing around the fact we have to move from their childhood home. But at the end, the last seven minutes, as they decide they're just not going to move, he's like, do they not under sales?

I know that's one of the scenes is like, blue, he's trying to pull the for sale sign up. So, I mean, Chrissy, like, the guy is like, he's crying. He's explaining that it took two and a half hours to put the children to bed because they couldn't understand why they could just not move either. Like, how could they? Why can't they pull the for sale sign out of the front yard and not move? And the guy's like, does Bluey or ban, does Bandit not understand finances or reality or jobs or, you know, I'm like, it's a cartoon, dude.

I know it's a cartoon.

I mean, there's a lesson there, too. Not everything is a story. You know, not everything is a fairy tale. Actually, most things are not a fairy tale. Just when you think everything's okay is when things blow up. That's how it goes. Just ask the guys and girls from the commercial break. We'll let you know. Speaking of storytellers, I wanted to share this with you. I read an excellent article. I think it's still up@vulture.com. Vulture reviewed Kyle Kinnane's latest special, which 800 pound gorilla channel on YouTube called Dirtnap. They reviewed it, and, man, did they give it, like, an excellent review. And one of the things they shared is long live the long joke. Right? So, and I kind of summarize that by saying long live the storyteller, because the storyteller who can really get into it and do it correctly are some of the funniest people out there. Chris Rock was a storyteller, you know, some of these comedians. And if you go watch his special, you'll see that he's really good at weaving a tail. It takes all kind of, you know, turn twists and turns. He ends up back at a punchline. But he's so good at that.

He's so good at just, like, taking, you know, 20 minutes and weaving something together. And I appreciate it.

I enjoyed getting to know him, at least for an hour. Did you text him I did not text him yet. No, did not. But you got a text that you.

Thought was from him, but it was from his name.

They have saved me.

Look at that. So kylekinain.com is where you can get tickets to his shows. I encourage you to go watch the special dirt nap on 800 pound gorilla, the YouTube channel. There's a lot of great other comedians that have done 800 pound girls.

Yeah, I didn't really know about that too much.

I saw that Matt Rife did one. Not that I don't know the first thing about Matt Rife. Do you? No. I don't know. Everyone's all, either you love him or hate him, apparently. But I want to.

People love him or hate him?

Well, I think the girls love him because he's got good looks. I think the guys didn't really get into it until. I mean, I don't know. Who knows? There's a lot of stories out there about Matt Rife. I don't know. I don't want to pretend that I know. I don't know. He's a handsome guy. And, you know, then there's other people that are saying he's not talented. People just like him because he's good looking. But I think he's been doing this for. Even though he's young, I think he's been doing it for most of his, like, mature life, you know? And some people didn't like his Netflix special. But you know what? I don't give a shit. Some people don't, you know? Watch Bluey. That's what I have to say. Just go back to Bluey. If you don't like Matt Rife, you can lick your fucking paws and watch Bluey. Bluey. Bingo. Bandit chili. Remember that? Because when the aliens come down 50,000 years from now, we have long since perished, and they're digging around the sand trying to find, you know, remnants of what our world was like in 2024, which I'm sure is the last year we're going to be here in 2024.

I hope what they don't find is, you know, my 600 pound life. Even though I like that show, too. I hope what they do find. It's Bluey. That's all I got to say. And they can go. These people were compassionate and kind, and they loved each other, and they taught their children lessons instead of, you know, another Big Mac, please.

Right? I like it.

What are you gonna do?

Yeah. Bluey. Long live bluey. I hope it doesn't end.

I think he's got one more season like one more season in him, and that's selfishly, I say one more season, but I mean, after 70, 80, 90 episode, what are we on, 550? After 70, 80, 90 episodes, maybe he should hang it up. Maybe we should take a lesson. Maybe that's the lesson for us from Blue.

That'll be the lesson.

Yes, absolutely. All right, let's do this. Let's take a break, and we'll be back with less cartoon talk.

How's that? Okay.

All right, we'll be back.

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Do you remember, I mean, you know, you remember this. The Instagram nipple roll.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yes, I saw something about this.

We've talked about this many, many times. The Instagram nipple rule, which is basically, you cannot, women cannot expose their nipples in any kind of, in any kind of way, really. I mean, I think they have some exceptions for art and stuff like that, but for the main, for the most part, you can't expose your nipples in any way. They need to be covered in some way, shape or form, I believe is the rule. So a lot of people on Instagram, women on Instagram will cover them with sheer tops or pieces of plastic or stuff that clearly doesn't hide the nipple whatsoever. But I have now been served up something on my personal Instagram account that just blew me away. They have a breastfeeding rule. You can show breastfeeding. So now the hot to trot Instagram trend of the day is hot girls breastfeeding dolls breastfeeding fake dolls so that they can show their nipples on the camera. So there are very beautiful women, clearly not. Clearly not real babies. I mean, I don't know if they're mothers or not, but clearly not real children putting plastic dolls to their bosoms and then, you know, pulling their tops down, which I thought was just an ingenious way to get around this.

I mean, you know, I looked at one of these accounts. She's got like, 357,000 followers, and the account does, and it's like pro breastfeeding, roastfeeding, and it's all just Instagram models top list with fake dolls to their boots.

How people have time for this?

Well, you know, you got 357,000 followers. You're probably making some change on this, but it's just all leading back to an only onlyfans breastfeeding page where I'm sure the kind of breastfeeding that mothers do not want to watch is going on in there. But I mean, wow, sex drives everything on the Internet.

Oh, of course.

Drives all evolution in so many different ways, whether that be technology, emotionally, spiritually, physically, sex. I mean, I guess it makes sense when you think about it. Sex is the purpose, you know, it is one of the things.

That's how life happens.

You think? Teach me. Would you be embarrassed to give your kids, have you ever had to give any children that have been in your orbit? Like the talk?

No.

No. Lucky you. That's the one thing I'm afraid of. I'm like, I just don't even know where to start. You know what I'm saying? I mean, my children are entirely too young to even start thinking about that. But it's like, you know, I just don't even know where to start. This is the kind of stuff to keep me up at night.

Yeah. So they're gonna get a lot of it from outside. Yeah, from outside the house. But I think you need to just.

From daddy's browsing history.

Yeah, exactly. They certainly already know how to work your phone.

Oh, yeah.

And your computer. So, yeah, they're gonna figure out some stuff on their own. I think the. The best way to do it, which is like, kind of what my mom did, which was like, if you have any questions, please come to me and I'll tell you the truth.

Okay.

And so. Yeah.

Did you have questions?

I did.

Did you ask her?

I did.

Did she tell you the truth?

She did.

Well, like, the unvarnished truth.

Yeah, I think so. I mean, you know, back to. And I know this dating myself, but, you know, pre Internet, it was magazines. There's a lot of magazines. A lot of, like, cosmo and stuff like that.

Yeah.

And so you kind of pick up on stuff there, too. But, yeah, I mean, I guess now Internet, the kids are gonna just. You can just google it.

You can just google it. Yeah. I think the Cosmo used to have.

Those articles, like, a browsing history of our child one time that said, what is my morning wood? Because they'd heard it from school, from some boys at school or something, you know? So, yeah, you can just Google things now. The kids will know.

Ah, the good old morning.

So you don't have to have the talk. Actually.

Yeah, maybe I don't. I mean, I could just do what my parents did and put down some extraordinarily clinical book on sex science. Book on, like, some medical journal about sex. Because that's what they did. And I remember I was in the. I think I was probably, like, slipping.

Into your room or.

No, we were sitting at the kitchen table.

Kitchen table.

I know. It was so weird.

Oh, God.

I think. Here's what happened. I'm piecing this together because, honestly, I think I was a little too young to remember every detail of this. I don't think I even had, you know, all my memory facilities available to me. So I'm guessing this was seven, eight, nine years old. They used to get National Geographic, the magazine, and then they had these encyclopedias. We had, like, two different versions of encyclopedias.

Yeah, we did, too.

And I started searching out, like, you know, the National Geographic. They would go out to Africa or wherever and be with the tribes. And the tribes were naked, right? I mean, the women had no tops on. And sometimes the men were not wearing any kind of cloth or nothing.

Yes.

They just had their penises out like that. And I think I started seeking out the pictures of the women that were topless. And then I think my dad or my mom may have caught me, like, looking at the word breasts in the encyclopedia, where they had real pictures of boobs. And so I got very excited about that, probably physically and mentally about excited about that. And I believe I started asking some questions, like, where do babies come from?

How do they get made?

Yeah. And so my mom and dad, in their infinite wisdom, decided it was time to sit an eight year old down, which is probably the appropriate time to start having the conversation. But at that time, I just remember it was weird. And Kevin and I were sitting at the kitchen table, and I will never forget, my dad had, like, a book, and, like, my mom opened it up. She's like, remember how you're talking about baby? Oh. And it might have. She might have been pregnant with my, with one of my brothers, too.

There you go.

I'm very sorry, baby. And a penis and a vagina. And the semen goes up here, and the tubular's over here.

I was like, whoa.

I know. And also, I think, and I don't know this, but I think at that age, you start to kind of, like, become physically aware of what's going on. Yeah, right. You're not masturbating. You can't jizz, but you can, like, you know, rub up against a door frame or something. Yeah, you can rub up against a door frame. It feels good, right? And so I think that's what happened. But I just never forget, like, this weird conversation that I don't remember all the details of, but there was flipping through books, and there were medical journals. It was a medical journal, and there were, like, pictures of, you know, weird looking penises and very hairy vaginas. And I was. I got scared. I was just scared. I was like, ah, that's. I think that's where the. I think that's where all the being scared of pussy came from, quite frankly. You know, if I only had my June popcorn doo sea that I could have played with back then, but they didn't have popcorn deuces back then, that dune version. But I just, you know, I get nervous about having this, this conversation. And so that's why I had to follow a couple of these breastfeeding pages, so I can save it.

Yeah, I got to teach the kids when they get older. I got to say, hey, kids, check out these tits. That is some breastfeeding right there, kids. That is some breastfeeding. That's how mom grew you right there, babies.

Hey, daughter. Don't do that on instagram.

She got to be careful.

You're in for a treat.

No, I'm not. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm in for payback, is what I'm in for. I'm in for karma, is what I meant for.

You can't do anything to pass a certain point, and it's just like, well, you're gonna have to be out there doing that thing. I remember getting so upset the first time I saw one of ours. You know, the stepdaughters with a very risque outfit on Instagram. It was bikini. Oh, you know, yeah.

Like one of those super thin bikinis.

They're all wearing them. And, yeah, we're getting very upset, but then you just have to kind of roll with it.

Yeah, I just. I was such a different man before I had daughters. I mean, not that I was, like, you know, drooling over every breast I saw. I drooled over most breasts I saw. Not all of them, but the. My. I guess my perspective changed, as I guess it would with anybody, but my perspective changed. It used to be that Astrid and I would go visit this beach often. There's a beach that we like to go to very often, right? And we go there repeatedly. And then there's a big hotel there, and you can go to the pool if you're in this neighborhood. And so we used to go to this hotel. And before even I met Astrid, it would go to this hotel. And, you know, there would be the, you know, women running around in various bikinis, and some of them younger, in their late teens, 19, 2021, 22. And you'd look, and you'd go, oh, that's a. That's a good looking woman right there. And now I scan for appropriate clothing. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no. Where are your parents? Put your ass cheeks back behind cloth, please. And Astrid goes, you're such an old man.

You are such an old man. This is what the girls are wearing these days. And I'm like, you tell me that one of my daughters comes and she's wearing that at the pool, and you're gonna be okay with it. And she's like, I'm gonna have to be okay with it.

You have to.

Yeah. And she goes, by the way, I grew up in Venezuela, right? They're wearing this at, like, age three.

Yeah.

She's like, this is not about. She's like, Brian, you've been to Spain a million times. Like, no one wears anything there. And it's just, you shouldn't be so ashamed. I said, listen, my catholic guilt is now coming back to haunt me because I don't have any interest in my daughter showing her ass cheeks to anyone. Period. End of sentence. And I'm talking about the weather more, and I'm worrying more about what bathing suits my kids are going to be wearing. That's where I'm at in life. That's all of a sudden where I showed up. I woke up one day. All of a sudden, I'm concerned. I'm no longer drooling over the hot bikinis. I'm trying to cover them up. I'm, like, running around with a hot. With a hotel pool. Like, put some clothes on. You're setting a bad example for everybody around here. What are you doing? Is any. That kind of establishment. But that's. But it is what it is.

It is what it is.

It is what it is.

You'll get. You'll. It's a hard bit of a, you know, jumping off of the ledge, but then once you do it, you're kind of like, okay, well, I know where we're at.

I know if I create a storm.

Yeah.

That I'm just gonna suck them into the storm, and it's gonna make them be more determined to do whatever the fuck they want to do. And I had this conversation.

Should be more concerned, really, about the predators that are online that are, you know.

Oh, yeah. Going after those kids are not gonna have social media.

That's the thing that we. Yeah. That's the thing we had to talk to our girls about, was like, okay, you're posting these pictures, but what. Look at these reactions. Look at these. What some of these comments are. And you have to be careful.

Absolutely.

Of all of the people and, you know, that are out there and especially people you don't know.

I am currently building a basement where I can lock my children down there, and I'm gonna let the. I'm gonna let them all out at age 35. And whatever they choose to do is at that point, is there death or 35? If I die, cool. If you turn 35, cool. You guys can be out in the world, and then you can have a social media account, but otherwise, hail to the no. And then to put these pictures up there that, I mean, just. It's just insane to me. It's really insane to me.

And you've got a little time.

I don't have much time, Chrissy. It feels like it's slipping away slowly. It's like Bluey. I'm phasing out. I'm phasing out of the. Oh, that's sweet. Into the. Get the what? Get. Avert your eyes. Avert your eyes. Young man. What are you doing? It's my daughter. I know I'm gonna be that dad I know I'm gonna be that dad that comes in and caught, you know, has a stir. And not because, you know, I feel like I'm extra overprotective. I want to be extra overprotective of my daughters. I don't want to be. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but I just like. Life moves so fast.

It's hard not to be.

In some sense, it's hard not to be. What can we do? What can we do to save our children from string bikinis? How do we. How do we do this? How do we do this?

I don't think we can.

I gotta start putting pictures around the house. We gotta start exposing them to, like, full one piece bathing suits with the little, like, tennis skirts around it, you know?

Right, the ones from the fifties.

Yeah. You know, like a running jacket. Like, that's a good August at Florida sun kind of look for you.

I know. I look back sometimes on those pictures you could see of the bathing suits from those eras and how they were so scandalous for them. And, I mean, they're not at all scandalous. Not at all.

I see, dudes, you can see your knee. I know. Oh, my God. Look out. It's a knee. Put your knee nipples away. I go to Publix and I see people more scantily clad at Publix at 08:00 at night than you ever would in a picture from the fifties or sixties. It's insane.

It's insane.

You should have seen. We were taking the kids to swimming the other day, and we come out of swimming and there is a convertible parked right out front in the handicap space with no handicap sticker, one of them lovely tops down. And there's a lady in there and she has these huge sunglasses on. She has got. Her hair is multicolored and it's frizzed out probably three and a half feet over her head. This lady's probably in her sixties by now, frizzed out. She, you can see she has these, I don't even know what to call them, like feathers taped to her eyebrows. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like some people, like, they do these little wispy things on their eyebrows. Oh, they're like little white wisps. And you can see. She takes off her sunglasses and you can see the. Yeah, it's the craziest thing. It's, like, attached to their eyebrows. And it's just. Oh, she had those too. And they were a mile out of her head. And then she had this clown makeup on, and she had a big fur coat. It's 82 degrees in Atlanta right now. She had a fur coat on.

The most ridiculous multicolored look, like it was spray painted fur coat. And she is sitting out there and there is some music playing in her car. And I. I just was like, what in the good fuck is going on? It's Tuesday afternoon. What are. Where are you going? Where are you coming from? Is probably the better question. What is going on with people these days?

Your publix is quite the place. Because we've talked about some other things.

No, this was swimming class.

Oh, this was swimming class.

But it's right across the street from up. Publix.

So there you go.

I think people are going crazy in the suburbs. I think that's what it is. I think people go crazy in the suburbs. Like Kyle said. Like, you know, he said I had no problem adjusting, but he'll go crazy. He'll be like me someday. He'll just be sitting here talking about the weather and crazy people you see at Publix. But then she stood up and what she had on under was like a. Like a bikini. That's the best way to explain it. She had a bikini.

Is she taking swimming lessons?

I don't know.

The swimsuit.

I'm pretty sure she would drown. Because if all those eyelashes just pull her straight down into the pool. I mean, she had these huge eyelashes on. Huge. It was crazy.

She had a bikini on under a fur coat. Under tree with the fur coat.

Let me see if I can give you an example of eyebrow.

Somebody's, like, crazy aunt that came to pick him up from swim class.

I think that's what it was. I think you're right about that. Right? I think it was like a family member of a family member. Eyebrows, extensions. Crazy. Let me see if I can even start. Describe, like, try and give you a picture of what this look like.

Be white. I haven't have not seen that.

Okay, so this is what her eyebrows look like. Those like the crazy. That's what the eye. Excuse me. Eyelashes look like.

Oh, well, yeah, I've seen those plenty.

Those are insane. Why would you do that? The kind that curl up. Yeah. And. Oh, here's a good example. But they were stuck to her eyebrows. Do you see that? They were like, on her eyebrows. It's really. But it was like they were all white. And I thought to myself, what are you doing on a Tuesday afternoon that you have to be dressed like that in a bikini with a full fur coat, sandals on, hair all multicolored and frizzed out? And I either want to arrest the woman or find out where she lives so I can party with her.

One of the two. It's very intriguing to me, but if.

The 60 year olds are dressing like this, what chance do I have with my children? What chance do I have?

Just let it go.

None.

Let it go.

Let it go. Let it go. Don't get me started on that one. Don't get me started on that one.

I won't.

Alright, so let's take a quick break and then I want to talk to you about one more thing. Okay?

All right.

We'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212433 TCB. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and dm us on Instagram at thecommercialbreak and on TikTok ecbpodcast. And of course all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com dot. Now I'm going to thank g one more time that we have sponsors. So thank g. And here they are.

Our fog machine.

That's a fog machine in the background. Do you. Have you been on Facebook lately?

Lately? As in the past year?

I was thinking more like the past two weeks. No, I don't blame you. I was on Facebook the other day, just.

Although I heard all the kids go to it for the marketplace now.

That must be the only thing still available on Facebook worth a shit, because I went on that fucking Facebook for the first time in probably two, three, four weeks. I don't know how long. I don't check it very often because I just don't give a shit. We have a commercial break. Facebook page. I think it's got even less followers than our TikTok. It's got like seven. We haven't made a post there since 2024 years. We haven't made a post there. And I don't intend to make any additional posts because Facebook is really like, it's, it's like the old people's social media at this point. And I'm just not that old yet. Even though I claim to be so old. I'm really not that old. But I will share that. When I went on there, they updated it, upgraded it. I'm not sure what they're doing with it. But Chrissy, almost every other post that they served me up was some AI bullshit. AI generated bullshit. Some person that I don't follow, some magazine, you know, online magazine or they use Facebook as their online magazine or whatever, links to articles. This all that, it is just trash.

Everything is AI generated. And so it's my belief, and I don't know this to be the case, but it's my belief that Facebook is now using AI. Really pushing out a lot of content to AI to me.

I just listened to a thing this morning about it.

Oh, really?

Yeah, a little Apple news audio.

Okay, what did they say?

Yeah, they said Zuckerberg is. He was all in on the metaverse.

Yeah. That failed like a fart in church.

Yeah. So. And now he's all in on AI.

Well, I bet he is all in.

He had just created like a little small team to kind of look at it, you know? And now all of a sudden, it's everywhere. And so he wants to be in on it too. So this is his big focus.

Well, okay, thanks, Mark. Let's dig our heels into yet another corner of, of technology that's going to destroy the world. Because Facebook is just trash now. It's just trash. And I don't know too many people who still use it. And the people who still do use it. God bless you. I'm, you know, good for you. But the people that I know that still use it are the people I least want to hear from. They're the people that only post on Facebook about all the wonderful, awesome they are and how shitty you should feel that they have all these beautiful things and take all these wonderful trips and their families are perfect and all this stuff. Right? There's nothing. Yeah. Then you hear they're getting divorced. Well, I think they're getting divorced because only people who are getting divorced post shit like this, trying to make it seem like their life is better than it actually is. There's one woman on my Facebook I know, I've known this girl since I was 13, 1415 years old, something like that. 15 years old. I guess because I had started working in the McDonald's and so I met her through a web of friends at McDonald's.

And when I knew her, she was a very innocent. She was like, I don't want to use the word prude because I don't think that's. I don't think that's, like, the right word I want to use. She wasn't a little wore.

Straight laced.

She was very straight laced. Very straight laced. No smoking cigarettes, no drinking, no alcohol, no. No drugs, no. Nothing like that. But at 15 years old, I guess that's how you're supposed to be. I just happen to be a lot worse. But she was also very sweet, very humble. Like, you would have believe that this person would have grown up just to blossom into a beautiful, self aware human being. That's the vibe that I got back then. I saw her a decade later. I still got that vibe from her recently. Probably, say about six or seven years ago, I saw her at, like, a mall, and I met her husband, who was a nice guy, and I was like, oh, good for her. You know, things. She. She deserves this. She deserves a beautiful family. Like, she's always been a really nice person until we connected on Facebook. And when we connected on Facebook, I was appalled at actually what I saw. I was like, this. This is. This is the same woman that I, that I known all these years. Yeah, this is the same girl. She is a real housewife of Atlanta. And when I say real housewives of Atlanta, I mean a real housewife of Atlanta.

Okay?

She lives in the ritziest neighborhood. She drives the ritziest car, she goes to the ritziest places. She has the most. She has friends with the most amount of cosmetic surgery. She. It's like total new money trash. That's all it is in every single nouveau riche, so. Right, Chrissy, as. As my former mother in law used to say, there is a considerable difference between new money and old money, Brian. And the sooner you learn to tell the difference, the better off you're going to be. Okay? She used to say, new money shows and old money grows. That's what she used to say. So when I look at these posts that she's making, she's at the most expensive restaurants, the most expensive hotels, flying in the first us of classes. She's doing all this stuff, but she posts it with all of making, like, humble bragging. Right, right. So grateful for all my beautiful friends while she's drinking champagne and, like, her, a private plane, you know, so grateful for all the wonderful people around me, you know, God is good. Look, at what he does for your life. You know, I am blessed with beauty beyond skin deep.

Yet this is your fourth fucking Botox session this week at the most expensive cosmetic surgery place in Atlanta.

And there's so many of those, so.

Many thinking to myself, what hole in your fucking soul? Maybe you should have been taking lsd with me, because look how I turned out. I'm a poor podcaster, but at least I don't try and hide it. At least I'm not trying to cover it up. I'm pretty transparent. I am a poor podcaster without a dime to my name. And I have a tough life. And always, just like you, I'm exactly like you, listener. I'm exactly like you. I talk to these people on these. On this phone. Sometimes, you know, sometimes asteroid answers or other people answers, or sometimes I answer. I'll pick it up and I'll read through, and I'll go to say something. I am just like every one of those people, just trying to make a buck, just trying to get through life, just trying, doing the best we can. Just doing the best you can. Trying to be a good person on occasion when it happens, when I'm feeling in the mood, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just doing my best. But these fucking yahoos out there on this fucking Facebook, the people who are still left, at least in my circle of friends, they just can't wait to tell you how incredibly rich they are with all their fucking bullshit.

And it drives me up a wall. I hate look because I hate look because I just want to remember just how terrible of a person that is. So when they're in bankruptcy court, I could remind them of all the bullshit that they were posting on Facebook not but two years ago.

Yeah, it's kind of a slippery slope, right? Because, I mean, once you start, you kind of have to keep that up. And if something bad happens, then you've got to then show that, too. Or I guess just go dark.

No, you go dark.

Yeah, you go dark.

Yeah. Because I've had friends that have done this. You know, they humble brag their way to, you know, I'm a real estate fortune and fame. And then it's like they're gone for ten years. Just got out of sing sing, doing well.

Grateful. Grateful.

Rikers island. Hashtag grateful. I know.

And it seems exhausting to me. I mean, I. You know, I like, I enjoy seeing kind of people's lives, of the kids and the milestones and maybe grandma turning 90, something like that. But, you know. Yeah. For all of the other stuff. I don't care. I really don't care that you went to that restaurant. Great.

Yeah, for you. You know, the more that this girl posts, the less her husband, who, by the way, I'd say, like, I don't want to be this guy, but I'm going to be this guy because it's a commercial break, and who gives a fuck? No one's listening anyway. He's like a four, and she's probably an eight, right?

Yeah.

And so he's like, looks like he's, like a little squeaky kind of dorky dude, but he works in science. He's like some kind of scientist or something, you know, that's like, he just looks like a scientist, right. And I'm sure he makes great money doing that. And I think, by the way, I think she does. I think she is a successful businesswoman herself also. At least that's what she says on her Facebook page. You know, top of class and the MLM I'm currently working in, I guess.

I don't know.

But the, the more it seems like this started right after I saw her at the mall. Like, I was looking at a few of her posts when we first connected on Facebook, and I thought, oh, there's a cute picture of her and her kids. Oh, there they are at the park. Always with her husband, always a family picture, you know, oh, Judy's going to this college or whatever the. Whatever the deal was. The more she humble braggs, the less her husband is in any of those photos. Like, her husband has not appeared in a photo in when I was looking the other day. In probably six months, her husband hasn't appeared in a photograph.

Yeah, he's like, stop.

Yeah, he makes one appearance, like, two weeks ago, and it's like she's standing around these women who I don't even know how she got in the picture because their lips are so big. But I swear to God, I know these buckhead Betty sometimes, man, but she squeezes herself in between lips and tits, and it's like, so grateful for the beautiful friends I have. They're so amazing. Their hearts are so big. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, shout out to my hubby for watching the kids. It's like that, right? And I'm like, oh, my God. What the fuck is going on in that household? Now? I'm actually want to put cameras more in her household than I do in yours because I want to see what kind of misery they're all actually living.

You never know what's going on behind closed doors?

Oh, there was this one post. There's like two ladies in her kitchen cooking, and she's standing with a glass of champagne, and that's like one of her friends. And then you see one of the kids that's behind them and it's like, you know, so grateful for these ladies making it all happen at the house, you know, and it's like, Maria and, you know, Annabelle. And then it was hashtag amazing nanny. Hashtag amazing maid. And I'm like, what the fuck would you ever post that for? Why in God's great world in the universe would you ever say hashtag nanny? Hashtag made. Why did you need to do that? To make sure that everybody else knew that those were not actually your friends. Your friends wouldn't be makeup list cooking behind a, you know, $50,000 sub zero wolf Viking range, right? God forbid. What you're putting that for is to let everybody know how much money you have to spend on hired help. Whatever, fine, hire the help. Cool. I don't care. You don't have to humble brag about it by putting hash amazing maid. That is the most degrading, superfluous bullshit I've ever seen coming from one of my friends.

I swear to God. And I don't even know that I call her a friend anymore. Now I'm like, she's so out of touch. I don't get it. I don't get it. Yeah, but can I borrow $100,000 to.

Do, you know, you have to one up each other and she's probably her. Her Facebook group. Everybody's doing it.

Yeah.

You know.

Well, yeah, that's the thing, is that you gotta keep up with the Joneses once you get in that rat race in that circle. My wife and I were just talking.

That just seems exhausting to me.

I know. We are not keep up with the Joneses. Jones is kind of people because we've taping our Honda together just to get.

It over to the school. But no, Jeff and I like to have what we like and are happy for other people.

But I'm happy. I'm happy if you have the private jet and the nice cars and your flight of fancy hotels. I have also done those things on occasion. I don't post about it because I just feel that's really insidious almost. It's like, why am I going to make other people feel bad? And why do other people need to know that I'm staying at a dollar 500 a night? Dollar 600 or whatever it is I don't need to do that. I'm here to enjoy this moment that I have saved for, you know, thank God on earth some sponsor decided to pay us kind of thing.

Yeah. And posted nothing.

I know. Why would you. For what? For what? You talk about it on the show. It's funny. On the show and then move on.

Exactly. I have my own pictures. We took a ton of pictures. Yeah, but I don't need to post them.

No, they're for you.

Yes, they are. For Jeff and I. So you can remember the good things for our family.

That's right. So I can humble brag to my family. That's what's important, is that you're better than your family. It's not. It's not about people on Facebook. It's about your family.

It could be true.

It could be true. I was sharing that, you know, we have some friends. It's like, you know, they came into some money and all of a sudden things got different. They were all crunchy and granola until they showed up with some money, and now it's like all free people. Yeah, that's easy.

I feel you, though. I'm glad that you're not like that, too.

Oh, I think we wouldn't be friends if you started posting about your in a five star vacation in Jamaica. I probably would have jumped off the roof. Well, I'm here cutting lawns for extra money.

No more.

What?

No more.

No more, Juan. Speaking of, wine has shown up in two weeks. I don't know what happened.

He scared him off.

I probably did. Come back, Juan. Come back. I texted him yesterday. He didn't respond. He's probably listening to the show. Not show, that motherfucker. Here's your twelve to three, bitch. Come back, Juan. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, you know, I'm not too humble. I'm not too big to cut my own lawn, let's put it that way. I do, however, need a lawnmower, so if someone's got one, I'd like some.

Post it on next door.

Yeah, or I'll be out there with nail scissors, nail trimmers like Chink, chink, chink, chink, chink. All right. Well, hey, listen, guess what? We want to have you on the show starting in June. We're going to have callers calling in. We've already set some up.

Love this.

I'm so excited about this. One story is quite amazing. I don't even know how we're gonna do this, but, I mean, I don't even know why we're bringing this onto the commercial break, but it's, if what they've written is what they're gonna talk about, I think if you.

This is the one that you told me about. Yeah.

It's quite the amazing story. Yeah. Actually, I think that'll be late. May we'll release that episode. So they're gonna come in here. But if you want to be on the commercial break, we would love to talk to you. Questions, comments, concerns, ask for our advice. You know, beat us up, talk about all the wonderful things you have in life, all your cosmetic surgery and your private planes. Love to hear it. 212433 tcb 2124-3383-8221-2433-822 text us or leave us a voicemail. Let us know you want to be on the show and someone will get back to you on how to do that. Also, we'd love it if you would go to the website tcbpodcast.com. All the audio, all the video. Get your sticker at the contact us button. Give us your address. We'll send you a sticker at thecommercial break on instagram and YouTube.com. Thecommercial break. All right, chrissy, that's all I can do.

I think so.

I love you.

I love you.

Best to you, bestie. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say, fly private if you can.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Why are you so radical? Close.