Dec the halls with vows of Pauline. It is the season to be jolly. Don't we now are gay or perile. Join the ancient Ultide carol.

Oh.

Lord, yeah. On this episode of The commercial break- Chris-ie, did it cut? Hit. It hit hard. It hit fucking hard, man. Tunnel vision, Zaza Zulu, Wawawee, the whole nine yards. I was out. I was gone. I was in a different human. I was a different human being. I loved it. I was so fucking high. The next episode of The commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The commercial break. I'm Brian Greene, and this is the director of Dancing and Prance and Kreston Joye. Best and joy of the best of you, Kreston. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for joining us. Appreciate it. Well, it's Christmas. Time, season. How are you feeling? Tell me about what is on your gift list this year so I can know what I want to get you but probably won't be able to afford. Even if that list includes M&Ms. Only just your friendship. Oh, Krissy, you know all the right words. But I do not want only your friendship.

What would you like?

I don't know, $20,000 check, something like that. Oh, okay. Maybe you could call the podcast Overlaws and tell them to deliver us a $20,000 check here at the commercial break. I'll work on that. Okay, barring any of that, what do you want for Christmas? Honestly- You're at a loss? You have everything that you need? I am at a loss, yeah. I know.

As we get to be.

Adults, it's harder and harder to buy for those that you love that are also growing in age, which is everybody, by the way. Everyone's growing in age at all times. It's just a scientific fact. I looked it up. I Googled it. Yeah, I find it really difficult sometimes to.

Buy for.

Certain people because I don't know what they have that they could not want. Right. Exactly.

Do you know what I'm saying?

Exactly. It's like they have everything.

That they need.

A gift card is a ridiculous gift, but one that often is given in lieu of any good idea, and then I'm just at a loss. We decided we were going to do a Happy Slappy Santa thing. Everybody gets a name, pulls out of a hat or some website. Nice, that's fun. They have a website now you can go to. You input the names, and then you give the email addresses, and then that website is in charge of telling everybody who they are getting for Secret Santa, or Happy Slappy Santa, or whatever you want to call it. That's convenient. It is convenient, and that way there's no one key holder of the information, there's always that one asshole who knows what everybody's going to get. You know what I'm saying? Who's getting for who? And so to take that pressure off anybody in particular, we just use this website. But we're going to do Happy Slappy Santa in this sense. We are going to give away or buy for one particular person, but it has to be a ridiculous gift. It has to be one of those gag gifts. Those are fun. Totally agree. Yeah, I like those gag gifts.

And I've been doing this for years without prompting. You have. And my fucking family hates me for it. This is their chance to get me back. I have a feeling that no matter who they got in that little website thing, they're still going to get for me. They're still going to.

Get it. One year, I.

Put a dirty.

Ashtray, some rangeballs, like.

Golf balls, some rangeballs, a T-shirt that I had been wearing since I was 13 years old that had seen it's better days and smelled like it had seen its better days. And then what else did I put in there? I don't know, like a decapitated GI Joe or something like that. And I gave it to my brother, and I just thought it was the funniest thing in the world, and they did not think it was funny. They thought it was a way for me to get out of me spending money on their kid. Which in a way, it probably was. When you don't have money, you get creative. Yes. I thought a dirty ashtray that had, by the time I got over Christmas Eve, festivities had spilled all over the inside of.

The gift. It didn't hit right, Chrissy. It added to- Yeah.

It didn't hit right. This one hits different, you know what I'm saying? I think I got that for Patrick, and I'm sure that he's going to get me back. I know it's coming. I know it's coming. I'm going.

To get a used condom.

I hope not. I hope not also. But when you have children, too, you can forget about anybody caring about what they're going to get you. It all becomes about the children. Exactly. I love buying for my little nephews.

Listen, I'm.

With you. There's nothing like the joy of watching children open up gifts under any circumstances: birthdays, Christmas, Easter, whatever it is you celebrate. There's nothing quite like the.

Joy until you realize that that thing requires batteries.

Has multiple pieces that some children can't put in their mouth, and it makes noises. Noise. The noise thing, I learned early on to not give those gifts. God bless you, Chrissy. I would be at the house with them, and after a few hours of those noises, like the fire truck or whatever, games, things that make the noises, I was about to lose it. Lose your shit.

I was like, I'm never going to do this. Swear to God. Yeah. Swear to God. Every gift they get, this is- Stop. Please stop. Please stop it. Stop the madness. Stop giving my children stuff that makes noises or things that are going to certainly kill them, and you don't realize it because you're not a parent. You know what I'm saying? Exactly. God bless him.

I love him to death. He's one of my favorite human beings on Earth. But Gustavo bought the kids this ever loving, mother fucking tunnels. The tunnels.

The collapseable tunnels.

You know what I'm talking about? And then you attach them. I think I saw those earlier. Yeah, you saw them because my kids decide every three or four days that that's what they have to play with, but you take days to set it up and they play with it for one minute. But the worst part about this is it came with these little tiny plastic balls, the kind you would find them like a ball pit. You know what I'm saying? So it came with these goddamn balls. I mean, balls, balls, balls, everywhere balls. Speaking of balls, we'll get to that in a minute. But balls everywhere. There are balls everywhere around this house. Oh, yeah, under the couch, behind the plant, wherever. I find them in the dishwasher. I find them stuck in the dog's ass. I mean, I find these balls fucking everywhere. I really do find them everywhere. And so anytime they ask us, it's like... We tried to put them away in a corner one time in a closet, and my son found it in lickety split seconds. He had a ball detector.

On him. He was like, Where are those balls? Let me go sniff those.

Things out. And he found them, and then they cry, and they whine, and they want the balls and set up the fort, and do the whole thing, and then they don't even play with them. No. We have more toys than we know what to do with. We're trying to teach him a lesson this year. This is what we said to him. I said, Hey, kids, listen, there are so many children on this earth who never get to play with any of these kinds of toys for whatever circumstances. Of course, my kids are in that why stage, so they're like, Why? I'm like, Well, some parents can't afford to buy their children toys. It's really important that if we have more than we actually need, let's go ahead and let's give some of these away. Share. Yeah, share the wealth. I don't want to do my toys. I like my toys so much. I want my toys. It's like, Guys, you have 6,000 M&F and Mother-freaking toys in this one room. You play with none of them because you find that.

A screwdriver or an empty electrical socket is the best thing to play with.

Or a stick. That's right. Or a stick. We just learned. We just had a whole meltdown about a stick that is certainly going to poke someone's eye out. But hold on. So this one child says, I want a stick. I need that stick. I need this stick. I lift her up. I said, Hey, look, all these toys right here. Look, you got so many toys. They're sticks. They're just not of the same shape and size and pokeyness as the other one. Can't you just play with one of these? I want this stick. I need this stick. Why do you need this stick? Because it's frozen. What does it have to do with frozen? It makes the ice with it. No, you don't make the ice with it. There's no real ice. She was using it as a wand. As a wand to make frozen. Well, you got 50 fucking thousand frozen toys. Go play with the frozen. It's not like this.

Thing that tick, that tick makes ice.

It doesn't make ice. It makes bloody bylaws is what it makes. It makes ambulances show up at the house is what it makes. It makes my deductible go through the roof. That's what it makes. Stop it. Hey, stop with the toys. Can you please? I'm gathering the children around. Hey, kids, let's go ahead. Let's give some of these toys away. Let's do that. You pick the toys. Yeah. You pick the toys. But let's give a fair amount of toys to them. So you know what I get? I get all the shoes that we can't find the dolls to. I get the broken glasses that go on whatever, the toy story thing. I get the hat from Woody. I get some pine needles from my fake tree. I get those in the box, and I'm like, God. Or I get somebody else's toys. You know what I'm saying? One of my kids is bringing the toys of the other kid and putting it in the box. The other kid's throwing a fit, and she's like, These toys. I'm like, Those are not your toys. Those are somebody else's toys. They're for the kids. They're for that kid, not for you.

You try and teach these kids lessons. It's just like they don't get it, and I don't understand. I mean, they're five, don't they know? Don't they understand? I think my one wish is that at least once a day for 15 minutes, we could have a moment of clarity. If I had a genie and I could rub a lamp from its belly, I got blue, I could rub her belly, and she's still barking me. I wish I could have rubbed the lamp, had this genie come down and the genie says, Okay, what are your three wishes? I would say, number one, can this stupid podcast make some money? Number two, number or two, I want an extra two hours of sleep each day. But number three, what I would really like is 15 minutes in which that 15 minute period of time each day, my children were kids with the mind of a 45 year old. Do you know what I'm saying? So I could reason with them, so I could logic with them, whether we could hash it out in a way that I know how to communicate. Some people might argue, I don't know how to communicate, but that's a different story for a marriage therapist.

Now, listen, I just want my children to be able to understand the words that I'm telling them in the way they're intended to say because you say you're taking toys away and it is literally like you- It's like a punishment. Yes. It's like they have to go to a fur colonoscopy. It's like, Guys, we're five, and six, and four, and one, and.

Zero, and how many of our.

Kids I have. Don't you guys want to do something good for other children? Literally, this is the response that I get. I do not want to do anything good for other children. Fuck you, peepie-pooh-pooh. I knew from the second that I met that ugly mug of yours, you are going to be taking things away from me.

Now, dad, listen, this is how it's going to go. You're going to give me an American Express. I'm going to go to Target, and I'm going to have three hours to get whatever I want. No, you're not. I want to- Okay, you can go for 15 minutes. Three hours. Twenty minutes. Three hours. Half an hour.

Three hours, or I will shit myself in that Target, and I will literally sit there and scream and yell, and my daddy doesn't change my diaper.

Okay, three.

Hours, but you can.

Only spend $3,000. But I'll spend what I want. Thank you very much. Beepee, boo-hoo. Just remember, peepie-poopie. Baby, Dante is a little shit. That's what he is.

I just want that 15 minutes. I just want.

To be able to communicate with my kids like a.

Regular adult does. You know what I'm saying, Chrissy? I do. But you got adult.

Children.

So you know. I do. I'm very much enjoying it. Can you reason with them?

Can you reason.

With those kids? Yes. Okay, that's good.

The reasoning comes with.

The age. There is hope in the future that I might.

Be able to reason.

With my children for sure. If you could have anything for Christmas, anything, I'm talking just knock it out of the park, what would you want? You know what I want? A private island. That's what I want. I want a private island. A private island. Tina and I were talking about that. I want a private island. I would have a driver. You would have.

A driver? Oh, yeah.

I know you would have a driver. What happened to you? That's right.

What happened to you? That's why I texted you. I know, but.

I didn't get the whole story because we haven't talked in person.

What happened? Atlanta traffic, it's just nuts. It's crazy. It's insane. People are.

So angry.

And aggressive. Yes, yes.

Cut and left here, there, everywhere.

There's five bracks. I know. It takes me 30 minutes to get here. No problem. Breeze right on up. Yeah. The way home is a whole different story. Because traffic starts at two. Yeah, it doesn't stop. What do you mean it starts? It started in 1989, and.

It hasn't stopped. Yeah. So anyways, Waze always takes me on a different way. Sure. So I'm like, okay.

And then it tells me to take one way. In Atlanta, on this certain stretch of the Connector, as they call it here, there's how many lanes would you say? 10? There's 12 on each side. It's like a 24 lane. 12 lanes. So the Waze is telling me.

To go one way, and I'm in that left lane.

I'm all the way ever, because I know where it goes and how it works. I'm going to go around the traffic that's going on that side, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Last minute, it all of a sudden says, Never mind. Get off. And it's all the way on the right. Oh, Lord. I can't.

Cross.

All of this traffic. Well, you can.

Lots of people do. They're also known as assholes. I was like, Nope, I'm just.

Going to stay on the track that I was on. Good for you. Well, good for me, except then it's taking me down, and there were these busses, like these college busses.

Oh, like the Georgia.

State busses? Yeah. And it was winding me around through this part of town that has these busses lined up. One was jetting out to the side and at a weird little angle. So I went around it. And then all of a sudden, as I'm going around it, it starts up. And then all of a.

Sudden, I hear, boom. Oh, you're kidding me. He just pulled out right in front of you or right inside of you? Yeah. I was like, Oh, my God.

Oh, no. So, yeah, everything was okay. I couldn't stop. Stop at that point. There was too much.

Traffic around me. Yeah, now you're.

Stressed out that you've got to go. Yeah, and I was stressed out What is this looking like when I get home, whatever. And there was a little scratch there, but it.

Wasn't as bad as it could have been. But this is why I would have the driver. Oh, my.

God, Chrissy. Holy shit.

He just pulled out.

Right in front of you, and you just kept going. The side. The side of me.

The side you just kept going? Yeah, well, because there were all these lanes of traffic that were still coming. Well, I hear you. If it wasn't your fault, then who really fucking cares? You deal with it, right? Listen, I also did this one time, driving, first meeting with the first meeting with this company that I used to work for, I got into a horrible car wreck with him. We spun around, we hit another car, a truck hit us. It was a terrible, terrible car wreck where luckily no one was seriously injured, but should have been, could have been. Then that was the time the guy told me to hide the gun. Remember? I was with my boss. We went to a meeting. We're on our way back from the meeting. The guy is driving like a total fucking moron because that's how he drives. I was literally scared shitless to drive with this guy. He also did this whole number where he pulled over 12 lanes. He's like, Oh, I'm missing the exit. He just went for it. He hit a truck, and then the truck came swinging back around, hit another car, then another truck hit us.

It was terrible. We get out. I'm in a fucking days. I'm like, Oh, my God, what just happened? Am I alive? Am I bloody? What happened? Airbag's a whole nine yards. The guy gets out of the car. He's like, Hey, I need you to do me a favor. No, how are you doing? Everything okay? I'm like, What? He's like, There's a gun in the console. Put it in your bag. Put it in your computer bag. I'm like, I'm not going to put your fucking gun in my computer bag. Are you insane? I've been working for this company for one week. Do you think I'm going to go to jail with a gun for you? And he's like, I can't be caught with this gun. I'm like, Well, that makes me more concerned. Why can't you be caught with this gun? Okay, you got a gun. Tell the guy you got a gun. I don't know. Do they usually check cars when they.

Get to accidents? No, not.

Unless you've been drinking or driving. They're not going to go through your car. Just leave it there. Tell them somebody else did. Tell them when you got hit by the truck, the truck driver threw it in there, closed the door. So there were two bosses in this company. And the second boss, the very first meeting that I.

Went to, I'm driving my.

Soon to be wife's car. And it's an Audi. It's like an Audi A6. It's a nice car. And I took it so I can impress the boss. I didn't want him to drive the shit in me. Of course, he was driving a bicycle. I didn't even have a driver's license. But little did he know, neither did I. I also did not have a driver's license. That's a different story for a different day, but they had taken it away from me. You don't have a valid driver's license. No, they decided I couldn't drive for probably good reasons. But anyway, so we're getting off an exit, and as we get off the exit, I realize I'm not in the right exit. I have not even pulled all the way into the exit lane yet. I'm straddling the lane. When I realized I got to swerve back a little bit to the left because I got to go one exit down. When I swerve back the 18-wheeler with one of those studs on his tire, you know what I'm talking about? Where the lugnuts go? But some of the trucks, they put these studs on there. I think they do it to just kill people.

I'm not even really sure why they do it. But this thing tore all the way down the driver's side, and you could literally see outside. Oh, my God. You could see outside. He tore a hole in the door so deep that you could see daylight coming through. It was the craziest noise.

I've ever heard, scariest thing. I felt like.

As he was tearing through the car, I got stuck against him. So there's nothing I could do. But then eventually I disconnected from him, and I managed to swerve off the exit because I was like, Oh, shit, we got to stop. Well, that truck kept plowing. He did not even hit the brakes. He was just like, I'm going. See you later. He must have felt it. He must have felt it. But he just kept on going. And I.

Was like, Well, I guess.

I'll keep on going, too. And considering I don't have a driver's license, it's probably a wise idea to just keep going.. My former mother-in-law, she was so sweet. She's like, well, it's just a car. And I'm like, it's an Audi A6. Let's be real about it. It's not just a car. It's a really expensive car. Well, that's why we have insurance. Unfortunately, you're not insured because I'm also not a licensed driver.

Well, Bryan, you've just managed to make this whole situation miserable. I was just going to say, It's okay, hon. I was like, Okay, let's do that. Yeah, let's get back to that. Yeah, so we went back to that and everything was good. When in doubt, hide your feelings. That's all I got to say, kids. Any therapist will tell you. When in doubt, shut your mouth. Shove them down. Yeah, when in doubt, shove them down. Hey, let's take a quick break, and then I'll get back to talking about more balls. I'd love to tell you about my balls just as soon as we get back from this break. Look, I know you guys are getting really sick of me, but that is too bad. It's my job. Now, go to tcbpodcast. Com for.

All of our audio and video content and get your little bootyie over to YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited video episodes. Want to chat? Leave us a voicemail at 626-ask-tcb3. Too embarrassed for your voice to be on the show? We understand. Text us instead at 855-tcb-8383. Can't even do that? No worries. Just follow us on TikTok at Tcb Podcast and on Instagram at The Commercial Break. And if you can't even be seen doing that, just listen to these sponsors and let's get back to the show. Hey, everybody. Want to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Factor. Okay, do you want to know what the single biggest challenge for me as a single person was? Shopping for prepping and.

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50% off. We also want to thank Factor for being a sponsor of The Commercial Break. Hey, I wanted to mention, did you hear about this baseball player, this Japanese baseball player who got offered $700 million? Yes, Jack was telling me about it. I was like, what? I thought baseball was in a bit of a slump, like people weren't watching it anymore. I love baseball, by the way, and especially love it when it comes to the boys of Fall. I love watching postseason baseball. And living in.

Atlanta, you get a.

Lot of postseason baseball here, right? So it's exciting almost every year. But $700 million. That's a lot of money. Does one man really bring that much revenue to the front door? I guess. It must make some ROI, right? Right. Yeah, somehow they've looked at the math. $70 million a year. I mean, this guy, good for this guy, good.

For him. Who knew you could just make that.

Much money for throwing balls and strikes? You know what I'm saying? Is he a pitcher? I don't know if he's a pitcher. Is he a pitcher? I don't think he is. I don't think he's a pitcher. I don't know. It's like the highest thing, right? It's the highest. Showhey Ohtani signed with the Dodgers on Saturday for the biggest total contract in sports history, with 20 million to 30 million in deferred money every season. Here's a look at how it stacks up against other big money deals. Showhey got 10 years, $700 million. Messi, last time he signed, got $674 million for four years. Holy shit. Wow. Cristiano Ronaldo got $536 million for two.

And a half years. What in the good fuck?

Yeah, I mean, that's just so much money you don't even know what to do with it.

You have no idea, Chrissy.

We have no idea. We'll never know this money, will we? No, not at that. I think we'd have to be on episode 1,644 to even get in the million dollar range, let alone the $700 million range. Or Christiana. Christiana Ronaldo is making right at about $180 million a year, $200 million a year. Christy, that is insane money. Run around the field, kick a ball? Yeah. God damn, I picked the wrong fucking life.

I know.

We both did. I picked the wrong body to show up in. You know what I'm saying? I show up in this like weak Irish sickly body, just craggling along. Christiano Ronaldo is my same age, making $200 million a year, kicking some ball down the field. God damn it. What are you thinking, Brian? Next time you come back, come back as one of those sports guys, Tiger Woods type or whatever. Tiger Woods clearly has made more money, I think, than Christiano. I don't know who fucking knows. They all make a billion dollars. All we're asking is to support the commercial break with a small donation to our GoFundMe page. I'd take one-tenth of that salary, send it our way, and we could be making episodes till we die if someone would just give me $5.36 million. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, we'll.

Keep cranking them out.

Hey, listen, are you hearing me, podcast universe? I'm willing to work for you like the little bitch I am for just a small amount of money. Speaking of little bitch, I guess we're not having any more little bitches because I did it. I went and got the big V. Yes, you did. My V day was last week, and I went and got those little tubes tied, my twigs and berries. They're still in contact, meaning they're still relatively close to each other. But I got to tell you, I didn't know what to expect. I know Jeff had had this. And Jeff's been very sweet, by the way. He's the guy who contacted.

Me the most. I know, I told him about it, and then he was like, I'll be the lifeline. I'll be his brother.

In arms. He did, honestly-.

Brother in arms.

It was really, really sweet. -brother in balls. -the brother in nuts. Our DD canters are forever tied together. Yeah, so I went and got a vasectomy, and it's been long planned, and I put it off a couple of times, but I finally got around to it. And I'll tell you what, I don't know what I expected to expect, but I think the whole process was a little surreal and very strange. The guy tells me when I first go in to see him, I go in to see him for a checkup, right? A prostate checkup, because I'm a guy of a certain age and you got to check those things out, and I have a history of prostate cancer in my family. I go and I see him. Then as just like a throwaway line, just make friends with the guy. By the way, the guy, not that this matters, but it'll become funny later. It doesn't matter to me that he's gay, but he's gay, right? Okay, he's got a partner. He told me this while we were having a conversation while he was holding my balls. So while he's holding my balls as just like a throwaway line to make small talk while someone's checking on your testicles.

Yeah, a little nervous chatter.

Yeah, a little nervous chatter, cold hands, the whole nine yards. And by the way, my doctor goes in, he raw dogs it, no plastic gloves. He washes up and then he just goes for it. He says, I feel better without the gloves. And I said, Hey, listen, you're the professional. I trust you. You do you. You do you. At least you wash your hands. Most people have touched my balls did not wash their hands beforehand, so I do appreciate that. So I say, Hey, well, what about a vasectomy, Doc? And he says, Oh, you want to get a vasectomy? I've been doing a couple of thousand of those in my career here. I know how to do that. We can do that. Fifteen minute procedure. I said, Fifteen minutes? He goes, Fifteen minute procedure. He goes, The procedure is 15 minutes. You might be there for an hour. He says, Listen, I do this thing. I give you something called pronox. It's something some people have, some people don't. But I give you pronox. He's ever had laughing gas at the doctor, at the dentist? Oh, yeah. I don't go to the dentist unless I get laughing gas.

It's the way they get me in the front door, they say, Hey, you want to get high for a couple of hours? Sure, no problem. I'll go. I said, Oh, really? And he goes, Yeah, but the difference is at the dentist, you get that little nose thing. Well, the gas is leaking out all over the place. You don't really get deep breaths. Sometimes your nose is stuffy. And they only turn it on a certain amount. He's like, They don't give you the good stuff. They just give you some stuff to relax you, right?

Right, that makes sense. He's like, Here.

The prognost is a revolutionary way of doing nitrous oxide. Well, I don't think anything is revolutionary about nitrous oxide. Hippies have been doing it since the '60s. I don't think there's anything really revolutionary. But what he says is that I get to hold this tube that I put in my mouth, and I suck as I feel it necessary. Oh, okay. It's got a little bite on it, so you can bite down. And I guess basically the thought is, if you should lose consciousness during the procedure, the thing will fall out of your mouth, right? Yeah. So you won't be in any danger. Because I do know when I've been to the dentist, I've said, hey, I don't think this is working because I don't feel like it. Maybe it's just my constitution from years of narcotic abuse, but I'm like, I'm not really feeling it. Yeah, exactly. My dentist always says, she says, listen, if I turn it up, and I'm happy to, if you want me to, you're paying the bill. If I turn it up, I have to have someone stand here with you because I guess you can get too much nitrous oxide.

Like that one time my friend did Freon and landed in a TV, which is like nitrous oxide, just deprives your brain of oxygen, essentially. I say, Oh, okay, great. He goes, Listen, it's great. You control it, and that way we don't have to worry and all this other stuff. I said, Okay, sign me up for the pro. Let's do it. Whatever, 100 bucks. 100 bucks. I said, That's like two years of commercial break episodes, but I'm going to go for it.

Splurge. So, big day shows up and he says, Oh, and the good news is you can drive. I don't have to give you any like, Xanax or anything like that to settle you down. I just have this pro nox. Okay, great. So day arrives. I show up at the little surgical center. I'm there, and as I'm walking down this really long, nondescript hallway, there is a lady, an older lady, pushing a man, an even older man, in a wheelchair. Chrissy, I'm guessing 90. That's my guess, 90. She's pushing him in a wheelchair, but she's looking around and swerving him all around. I'm walking down this hallway and I say, Oh, are you looking for the urologist? And she says, Yeah, I can't see that. I don't know if it's on the door or whatever. I said, Oh, yeah, I'm looking for the same thing. If I find it, I'll let you know. I turn a couple of corners and I find it. I run back to the hallways and, Hey, right down here. I go I help give this guy a push into the office. That's nice of you. And of course, last good deed.

Last good deed is I'm sealing up my penis from additional pain and suffering of children, which is not my pain and suffering, by the way, it's Astrid's. I just have to deal with giving the toys away. I push him in there, I roll him in there, 90, 90, right? He is in bad shape. I mean, his hair is all over the place. He looks like a 90-year-old man is what he looks like. A typical 90-year-old man in a wheelchair, sneakers, pajamas, pants. You know what I'm saying? The whole night guard. So she goes in, she's checking this guy in the small waiting room, and we all sit down and writing down the papers. She says, Do you think I have enough time to go park the car? She says this to the old man, and he's like, I got to go park the car. I got to go park the car. All right. Then she says to the lady, Do I have enough time to go park the car? The lady goes, Yeah, he's getting a vasectomy, so you really don't need to be here in this office. You can go and we'll push him back and all that other stuff.

I'm thinking to myself, This motherfucker is getting a vasectomy? For what fucking reason would this 90-year-old need a vasectomy? He can't even put his slipper all the way on. He's going to be fucking some people and making babies?

What is the point? Well, was it a Charlie Chaplet?

Charlie Chaplet.

Way.

Late.

Al Pacino. Yeah.

Oh, God. I just thought to myself, This poor bastard, he's 90 and someone's telling him he needs a vasectomy. He's either had a life that you cannot forget, like that life you want to sit down and talk to him about, which I'm not sure he could communicate to you, or he's causing problems at the retirement home. He's running around chasing the nurses, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, Well, I guess I'm in good hands here. We got a bunch of it. There's a couple of other guys, too, that are like my age, and I can only imagine they're there. We're at the surgical center. Right. But not the surgery, not like a surgery room, a surgical center. You're not getting your prostate taken out here. You're getting your balls clipped. They call my name. I go back back there. It's all female nurses that are running around here, and the lady comes in, she said, whatever.

Did you do your exfoliation?

Oh, Chrissy, I got to tell you, all the prep work. Because there's a whole process. I did all the prep work. Yes, I did. I had done prep work a couple of times now because I pushed it off a couple of times. So my balls were already pretty clear. They're in good shape. They were in good shape, but I did need to do a freshen up on the razor. I take the same razor that I use for my face, now I'm using for my balls. It all makes much sense to me. I thought to myself, I should probably change the razor, and I just shaved my balls with it. But I shaved my balls, which is a very precarious task, I.

Might add. You have to do it carefully.

Yeah, your balls, it's like shaving Sarand wrap. Imagine you're shaving Sarand wrap. Hi, I'm Brian Greene. She comes in, she takes my blood pressure. She says, Okay, now I'm going to listen closely because I'm going to give you instructions. Before you get the pro dox, I'm going to give you instructions. You can't get up out of bed, try to stay in bed for at least two, if you can do three, do three days. You can't lift anything over 10 pounds, which there's nothing in this house that doesn't weigh at least 10 pounds. I'm like, Okay. She's like, You can't lift over 10 pounds. If you can keep that for 7-10 days. She goes, You're going to have some discomfort afterwards. That's why we gave you some medicine. They dole out the pain medicine now. I don't know, like it's the last chocolate on Earth. They're like, here's one tablet. Good luck, sir. Ice is your best friend. Ice on and off. Ice on and off. Every 20 minutes on, every 20 minutes off. Do that as often as you can, because that will really help the discomfort and the swelling. I'm like, The swelling? I'm going to have swelling?

She's like, Yeah, it's possible. You're going to have swelling. He's going to go in there, he's going to cut around. There's going to be some swelling. Okay, fine. No problem. She takes my blood pressure, it's through the fucking roof. Of course, I'm sitting there with my huge Starbucks cup of coffee, my Baba. I'm sitting there with my Baba. Baba, peepie, boo-hoo. I cannot go anywhere without a glass of water or that fucking.

Goddamn cup. I take water everywhere, too.

I do, too. I just look behind me and I left my water outside. I know, doesn't that suck? Let's suck where we're in the middle of an episode and you're thirsty and you're like, Fuck, I can't do this. I don't want to stop the whole episode. That's just a big pain in the ass. I'm drinking this coffee. She's like, Wow, your blood pressure is pretty... It's not super high, but it's elevated. Let me go talk to the doctor. I'm like, No, don't talk. I don't want to do this a second time. Please just - Just do this. Just do it. Yeah. Just get this over with. I have this coffee. I'm a little bit nervous. I'm getting my balls chopped. I don't know what to expect. She says, Okay, well, I'm going to give you five minutes. Let's take it a second time. Second to second time is a little bit lower. Okay. They bring me into this room. She brings me into the room and she says, Okay, Mr. Green. It's like a little surgical room, right? And there's a table. But, Chrissy, that table is the size of this table. It's not a full bed.

It's a half table. It's a table for either small people or small children. It's not a table for adults. If I lay with my head at the end of it, my ass is hanging off the bottom of it. You know what I'm saying? So she's like, Okay, I need you to disrobe everything from the waist down. If you want to leave your socks on, leave your socks on. Of course, I'm leaving my socks on. What animal do you think I am? I'm going to walk around a surgery center with my bare feet? Bare feet. Come on, man. First of all, second of all, I couldn't be in a more compromising position. Who the fuck cares if I'm wearing socks? I don't give a shit. Your feet will be warm. That's right. I want my feet to be, or my toes used to be warm. I get everything off, and I'm in my T-shirt and these things, and they give you this paper thin piece of paper to put over you, right?

Oh, yeah, it's the doctor paper. Yeah.

I put it over me, and I'm just uncomfortably trying to sit on this thing. I'm trying to relax a little bit, but I can't. I'm in one of those weird, quizical, what is the right thing to do here? I really want to use my phone because I know it's going to be 15 to 20 minutes before we actually get started. I really want to use my phone. My phone's all the way.

Over there. Yeah, and you've already got yourself on the table.

Yeah, I've got.

Myself.

Strangely situated on the table. So my balls are just hanging off the end of the table. I thought maybe that's how he was going to go in. I'd have to spread my legs and he'd just dangle my balls over the edge. Top, top. Yeah, it's a missile toe or something. I don't know. He's just going to hang the missile tow over the threshold and just get to it. So I'm like, Okay, all right. But what I was really concerned about is what if the nurse comes in and here I am, Jimmy Jammin all around the surgery room.

With socks and.

A T-shirt on? Just to get your phone. What if I'm bending over to get my phone on the chair? I'm in the chair, and she comes in and then she sees my balls from the back? Is that the way they go in? Do I have to lay over the table? I'm wondering. I don't know. I don't see any stirrups, so I took that as a good sign that I didn't have to put my legs or anything.

It is curious, though.

It is curious, yes. I don't know why. I still got no answers to this. But eventually they pulled out a little thing so I could.

Stick my- Like an extension.

Yeah, but it's short enough that the only thing you can do is stick your legs up on it like you're in stirrups. Yeah. I'm like, Okay, fuck the phone, Brian. You know, for 15 minutes in your goddamn adult life, you can just stare at the ceiling, right? I can hear the gas going right next to me. I'm like, Pretty soon they give you gas and I won't need the phone. It's probably best that I don't have the phone, actually, now that they're going to give me nitrous. So I'm sitting there, a little piece of paper over me. My twigs and berries, just one thin piece of paper away from showing the world. And of course, I go into instant massage mode like, Please don't get a bowner. Please don't get a bowner. Please don't get a bowner. Why I would get a bowner? I don't know, but please don't let it.

Happen here.

Just as I'm talking myself out of yet into a boneer, the lady comes in. You know what I'm saying?

I'm talking about it so much.

It's.

Happening. Yeah.

Just as I'm getting a little softie, I'm like, okay, all right. I keep on adjusting in my seat, by the way. I'm so uncomfortable. It's maybe a short episode of the commercial break. Yeah. So the first lady was just a lady. She was just a lady, nondescript lady. She came in, she was taking my blood pressure. It's a very nice, sweet, obviously efficient at her job. The second nurse who came in, well, of course, you've got Nurse Pamela Anderson walks in the door saying, Nurse Lepa, dua Lepa. Dr. Lippa comes in and she's like, Hello, I'm going to be your nurse today. I'm like, okay, great, fantastic. She's like, sir, what we're going to do first is let's go ahead and we're going to start the prognost for you. If you feel any discomfort at any time, you just take a deeper breath. She's like, The more you breathe in very deeply out through your nose, the better you're going to feel. Okay, you got it? And I'm like, Okay, I got it. Yeah, I got it. I've been to a few fish concerts. I know I got to do nitric oxide.

I'm excited here. Let's go. Where's that strong?

Do you have a.

Balloon I could use? Yeah. I'm going to.

Get the second hand. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't want to waste any of it. So she goes on, she grabs a little thing, she puts on a new thing. She says, Hey, okay, you hold this to your mouth. If you want to just bite on it, you can just keep it in like that. She goes, But hold it. And that way, if anything happens, it'll just drop out of your mouth. Like, if you get a little bit too much nitric oxide, it'll just drop out your mouth. And I'm like, can you tape it to my mouth? Is that possible?

I know, right?

I just wanted it taped to my mouth. So it's this tube. And shes just give me five, ten good, deep breaths. I'm like. Of course, I'm like, this ain't working. This ain't fucking working. This ain't working. This ain't working. This ain't working. This ain't working. I'm in a different zip code.

All of a sudden it's working.

I'm in a new zip code. Chrissy, did it hit? It hit hard. It hit fucking hard, man. Tunnel Vision, Zaza Zulu, Wawawee, the whole nine yards. I was out. I was gone. I was a different human being. I loved it. I was so fucking high. I mean, higher than I've ever been at any dentist's office, higher than I've ever been at any.

Fish concert. I've got to get one of these.

They sell it right across the street. The only thing I could think of when I was high was, I got to go across the street and get me one of these. Then I thought it'd be a little weird if I was running out to the pool shed every 15 minutes to came back stumbling. My kids might take notice. Chrissy, this pro nod shit, I'm telling you what, it is the jam. If you ever get a vasectomy or if you're just looking to get high, get a vasectomy. Ask for the prognoste. You know what I'm saying? They give me this prognoste, and I am sucking. All I keep telling myself while I'm sucking, even though I'm in this tunnel vision, black hole, K-hole, I'm down in Middle Earth right now. Even though I'm down to middle earth, the only thing my brain keeps saying is, Keep on breathing deep. Keep on breathing deep. I'm not going to get higher.

It's like a mantra.

I'm breathing. Then I don't understand what's going on because I'm really just concentrating on how fucked up I am.

Had the doctor come in?

The lady is still in the room. This feels like 30 minutes. It's been 30 seconds. And she's like, Are you feeling it now? And I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm feeling it a little bit. She's like, it looks like it. Okay, I'm going to get you prepped now. And I was like, okay, what is that? And off goes the little thing. She just rips it off. She's like, like she's unveiling a new car on Christmas Day to the disappointment of everybody, it's a Mazda-Mianna from 1997. She was looking for a Range Rover. She got a Mazda-Mianna. It's an '87. Yeah, or a Honda Accord with no hood. Probably was it. So she just rips it off. There's no one else in the room. I thought that was not a thing. I thought you had to have other people in the room when you were touching somebody's private parts. I don't know.

I guess that's the way to think. I've never gotten to the fact to me before.

Well, I've never gotten to the fact to me before either, but I've had people touch my nuts. I think it usually is like if you're somewhat of the opposite sex, there's some rule that she wasn't adhering to, but whatever. I know why she gave me the pro nox first. She's like, Fuck it, I'm going to touch this guy's dick. He's going to be high as fuck. He ain't going to care. I probably wouldn't have cared in the first place, but let's be high as fuck anyway. She ribs it off, and then she starts fondling the twigs and berries, you know what I'm saying? I say fondling. She wasn't fondling. She was being very professional about it.

Lifting and checking.

She's like, I got to clear out the tubes one more time. Hope you don't mind. Take a deep breath for me. She was being very professional about it, right? To the point where she was grabbing the head, the twig, with her fingertips, which that's how most women have grabbed my penis with the fingertips. There's not much to it. So she grabs it. She makes sure it's in the right place. Then she tapes it to my stomach.

Oh.

She flipped it up. She tapes my twig. Yeah, she flipped it up, taped it there. Now I'm thinking to myself in Middle Earth in a different zip code, please don't get a bonus. Please don't get a bonus.

Please don't.

Get a boner. Please don't get a boner. I was like, Oh, no. Then, Chrissy, I've never taken a nice bath. I'm not one of those guys. I hate cold showers. I'm not one of those guys. The only time I've been in really, really cold water is when I was jumping in after Nico when he blindly just ran into the pool when it was middle of January. That's the only time I've had that sensation.

I know I admire the people that like to do those cold plunge. So do I. I love them. I think they always look really fit, too. And I'm like, maybe that's it.

Yeah, maybe that's it. Or maybe you have to beef it in order to do that, in which case that's probably unlikely to happen. And the truth is, I love watching those people take those ice baths from YouTube. I do not want to do it myself. I have no interest in being around cold water. So you know what happens next? I'll tell you right after this break. Sorry, I know I got to leave a little cliffhanger for you. Look at that. Okay, so let's take a short break, and then I'll finish my story about how my twigs and berries got disconnected in just one moment. Okay, I'm just trying to think what to do. I'm just trying to think what to do. I'm just trying to think what to do. I'm just trying to think what to do. I'm just trying to think what to do.

Hello again, my little podcast, pals. It's Christina. And I am just here to remind you once again to go on over to tcbpodcast. Com, because that is where all of our episodes live. Want to get involved with the show? Leave us a voicemail at (626) ask. Tcb 3. If you don't want your voice played on the show because, look, I get it, I'm only here under duress, you can text us instead at (855) tcb 8383. And as always, please remember to go follow us on Instagram at The commercial break and on TikTok at Tcb Podcast. And also don't forget about our precious little YouTube channel, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. I promise those videos are worth your time. Now, let's listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to whatever they were talking about.

Okay, so cold water, cold liquid is not my thing. I don't like it. I don't want it anywhere near my body. I'm just.

Really- You don't want to dip your balls in it? No.

So she says at one point, Okay, I'm going to put some Iodine on you. Is that Iodine that they put? That red stuff? I think so. Yeah, okay. She says, I'm going to put some Iodine on you. I can't even understand what she's saying because I'm so wawa in my head. But she's like, I'm going to put some Iodine on you. This may feel cold. May feel cold. May feel cold. I have never in my life felt something so cold as the washcloth full of iodine that she was rubbing all over the shaft of my penis. It was so fucking cold. Even as high as I was, it felt disturbing to me. But then the next thing that she did surprised me even more. She took the bottle of iodine and she poured it all over me, all over my crotch, just dumped it on my crotch. It went directly into my nether hole, you know what I'm saying? Directly into my hapienes, which I just puckered right up. I was like, Oh. She was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The only thing that I could think is, I'm Brian Greene from the commercial break.

This is a perfect time for a joke. I said, It's okay. I just don't know how you look at a penis any other way after you get out of work. She says, How do you know it's penises that.

I like? There you go. Then she.

Goes, It's just medical to me. It's like an organ. It's just another organ. I see so many of them, so many shapes and sizes. I was like, How does mine add up? And she goes, I'm not going to go there. The doctor will be in in a minute. I'm not doing an episode of the commercial break, as I had suspected earlier in my NO-2-induced coma.

I.

Must have been sitting in that room for 10, 15 minutes. I mean, no one in there. I am just breathing as heavily.

As I can.

I can picture. The Iodine smell, it's so cold. It's in my asshole. It's all over my legs. It's everywhere. I'm so uncomfortable. But I managed to take enough deep breaths that I get out of that zone, and now I'm just right back to my happy place. I'm at a fish concert, divity-dabs, zingity-zing-ers. Trey is going to come out and play something. I don't know, Goose. You know the new band Goose? Oh, yeah, Goose. I feel like I'm at a Goose concert. That's what I feel like. Finally, I hear a knock at the door, Mr. Green? I'm like- Come in. Who else would it be? By the way, you know I'm naked from the waist down. Why are you knocking on the door?

With your.

Penis trapped. Yeah, with my penis taped to my belly button. Why? I'm in the most uncomfortable position of my life.

I'm still confused on the short tape. People for you?

I don't know. But when he came in, he pulled it. Yes, my ass is just hanging over. I got my legs down on this little holdy-uppy thing. All right, an extension. I'm high as a fucking hike. Yeah, the whole thing is just weird. So he comes in and he's like, Okay, I'm really sorry I was running late. I had a little thing to deal with. I'm like, I hope you're not having a bad day. You know what I'm saying? A little thing to deal with. Isn't that what you do for a living is deal with little things? Here's a little thing you can deal with. But I'm thinking to myself, take your time there, Doc. Take your time. I'm going to join the ride over here. He says, Okay, I'm going to dope you up with a little... It's like Novocaine for the skin. It's whatever it is, lightacane. Yeah, lightacane. He starts sticking a needle into my ball. Wow. Needle, needle, needle, needle. Probably 12 times. Shot, shot, shot, shot. I don't care how much N-O-2 you're on. When someone starts sticking a needle in your dick, you know about it. You know what I'm saying?

You're aware. I was well aware. Yes, I had definitely... Let's what's going on in my brain? Someone's touching your penis in an uncomfortable way. You may be high, but just be aware. Things may not be going well down there. This is not the sensation we're used to. He starts sticking this needle in and then he's like, Okay, I'm going to give it about five minutes to warm up, so just keep on breathing. Remember, the deeper you breathe, everybody in this office is geared toward getting you as high as possible. They're all saying the same thing. By the way, I'm all for it. Yeah. If you're going to pay $100 for the nitrous oxide and you want it to work, go ahead and suck that baby down as.

Hard as you can. Get it in.

Yeah. I have a regulator on there. There's some safety measure, I think to myself as I'm sitting in this K-hole, I'm like, Clearly, I'm not going to die. But I feel so out of body, like I'm in some weird universe.

I'm sure.

He comes back, he slices and dices. You can feel it a little bit. I'm just thinking to myself, don't look down. Don't look down. Yeah, you don't want to see that. Don't look down. No, I don't want to see that. It's like that time of the Astrid was giving birth to our first child, and the doctor is like, You want to see? The head's coming out. I was like, What do you say in that moment? Don't I'm an awful father and I can't handle it? No, you say, Of course, I'm a man. I'm going to pull up my balls and I'm going to take a look. I should have never looked. I should have never looked. I'm telling myself, don't look, don't look, don't look. But I'm high as a fucking kite, too. At one point, I try to sit up, raise my head a little bit, and the doctor literally takes his elbow, because now his hands are covered in my blood and semen. He takes his elbow and pushes my.

Head back down.

He goes, Let's just stay still right there. Nothing here you want to see. Let me deal with this end. You deal with.

That end. I love the gentle elbow.

I know. So then he's going through the procedure, and Brian's doing another episode of the commercial break in his head, right? And I'm like, so I go, so hey, Doc, is this the best looking penis you've seen today? Do you know what he says to me? He goes, You don't want to hear my truthful answer to that. I've got your balls spread wide open. I was like, Fair enough, Doc. Fair enough. And then I wanted to... Never mind, I'm not going to tell that joke, but I wanted to say some other joke, but I didn't. I'm doing a whole episode of the commercial break in my head.

Yeah, your.

Head's spinning. That's right. Sows me back up, says, Okay, you're done. Nurse comes in five minutes later. I'm still sucking on the hose. Comes in five minutes later to clean up and do this and do that. And she says, Okay, whenever you're ready, just go ahead and throw that. You can throw that pipe down on the ground, get yourself dressed, and go, I am covered in Iodine. Red as a rabbit. I mean, I swear to you, Red as a rabbit. Is there a rabbit, Red?

I don't know where you came.

Up with that. Red as a rabbit, I think, is what I should have said. Red is a rabbit. So, Chrissy, I'm like, Nope. Not going to let go of the hose. Not until someone comes in and tells me I have to. She said, Whenever you're ready. Well, I don't have to be ready right now. This is all going on in my very high mind right now. So I keep sucking. I'm laying there. I'm sucking. I'm laying there. I'm sucking. I'm laying there. I'm sucking. I'm sucking. I'm laying there. I'm sucking. I don't know what it was because I didn't have my timetelling device, also known as my iPhone on me. But I must have been in there, I'm guessing 10 minutes, getting ever more high, ever more high, ever more high, sucking on this thing until Mr. Green, are you okay in there? I'm like, I'm like, Yes. And she comes and peeks around the corner and she's like, You didn't get dressed yet? And I'm like, No.

Why?

And she's like, Well, we do need the room for someone else. Why don't you go ahead and take the pipe out of your mouth, and whenever you're ready, you can get dressed. Okay, come on.

Give it to me.

We're wrestling back and forth with it. I'm going to shut off the valve.

No, you're not. I paid a hundred bucks. I want my money's worth. And I.

Was like, Yeah, just a minute. I'll be there in a minute. Like that whole number? And she's like, why don't you give me the hose and we'll start there. And I was like, Oh. I was like a little dejected baby. Get cleaned up as much as I can. She's like, here, here's some whipes. Well, the whipes don't take iodide off. Nothing takes iodide off. It sticks with you for days. It does. Chrissy, I'm telling you what, I got home and I was so hepped up from my hour-long adventure on NO2. Your dance rope. Yeah, and the light of Cain was still in effect. I'm just dancing around the house. I'm walking up and down. I got to make a phone call. I got to do this and that. Worst fucking thing I.

Ever did. Yeah, you should have come home and went to bed.

It says right on the piece of paper, go home, get in bed immediately. I ice it, immediately get out of bed. I did not do that. I did not take the doctor's advice, and man did I pay for it the next day. I have never in my life seen a hematoma, also known as a bruise, like the bruise that my both of my testicles had that's still here today, by the way. Chrissy, black is that screen. Swear to God, my balls are black as that screen. And it really freaked me out. And that's why Jeff came in handy because Jeff was like, don't worry about it, dude. Yeah, that's perfectly normal. But ice, ice, ice. And by the way, I could feel the pressure of them swelling up. I felt like two baseballs were down there. So here I am, I'm in bed being a bad patient, as Asha will tell you I always am. She's saying, Lay down, lay down. And I'm feeling bad because the kids are running around, screaming and yelling. The dog's barking. You're wanting to help. I know, I wanted to help. And she's like, if you get an infection-.

Yeah, no.

You do not. -you're going to be down for weeks, fuck you. Lay down in the bed.

Right? You do not want an.

Infection there. Yeah. Astrid doesn't care whether or not I'm really healed. She cares whether or not she has to do extra days with the children. Exactly. So she's smartly telling me to lay down so I don't get an infection. Well, I will tell you what, at some point during the evening, I get up and I got to eat something. I'm like, okay, now I'm hungry, I'm nauseous. It feels like you got kicked in the balls, but the feeling never went away. It's like this persistent feeling that you've just been kicked in the balls. I'm walking in the hallway, about to get in the kitchen, and my son is standing at the stairwell right next to the door to the kitchen. My son swings around and he goes, Stop. Like he's playing a game and he smacks me right in the penis. Chrissy. I fall down. I fall immediately down, down on my butt, then on my head, like a real fall. Not one that you pre-plan, not one for exaggeration, one because the pain level just went to 70 out of 10. As I fall down, Chrissy, I swear to God this happens, and my son will tell you this when you walk out the door, a roach falls on the floor.

It's been raining here for days on end, and whenever it rains, we always get this random palmetto bug that.

Shows up. Right, quote-unquote, palmetto bug. It's a freaking roach. It's a.

Fucking roach. Don't call it a palmetto bug. I don't care, Florida. It's not a palmetto bug. We don't have palmettoes. So this roach falls on the floor right next to me. But the whole family is now run up to see what's going on. So it's Astrid, all the children, the dog is barking, the roach is right next to me, and my children start crying bloody murder. Literally tears coming out of their face. They're running away. They're scared. My son, the one who hit me, thought that he had hit me in the penis, the boo- boo on my penis. That's what we called it, the boo- boo on my penis, and a roach had come out. That's what he thought. That's what was in his head. Oh, my God. The roach came out. It took me three hours to convince my son that roaches don't come out of your penis. That's not what happens. And by the way, even if I tried, roaches couldn't come out of my penis anymore. It's disconnected. Can't make babies, can't make roaches.

I'm glad you made it through.

Well, I'm not there yet, but I'm working on it.

Yeah, it.

Takes a little while. It does. And then when you look back on it, you'll be like, Oh, it was- It was a couple of days. I told Jeff, I said, if you remember, it's a.

Little bit more- It's a little bit more of an ordeal. And you think it's going to be- Everyone makes it sound like a day or two with ice. Yeah, boom, boom. Yeah, it's like when women get pregnant and that chemical goes in their brain, they forget the actual birthing part, you know what I'm saying? Well, all the men who have gotten vasectomies have forgotten the actual part, where you got to watch out for your son smacking you in the ball. By the way, he slept with me in the bed that night, and he's just a kicker. That's what he does. He's just kicking me all night long in the potato. I'm like, Ah! He's like, Daddy, are there bugs coming out? No, son, there aren't. But you keep on kicking me and you might see something you don't want to. Like two volleyballs attached to dad's ping-pang. All right, TCB podcast. Com. That's where you find out more about my penis. All the audio, all the videos right there in one location. You get your free piggy-fronting sticker. Go to the Contact Us button, drop-down menu, I want my sticker. Give us your address. We'll send it off in seven to 10 days.

1-6-2-6, ask TCB the number three. That's 6-2-6, ask TCB the number three. Toll free from anywhere in the world, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. We are taking them all. We'd love to hear from you. Please give us a text message. Drop us a review on your favorite podcast player. That's always a helpful thing to do. I'm not sure why, but that's what they say, so go ahead and do that. Add the commercial break on the ever-growing Instagram, ever-growing, because when you go from one to two, that's 100 % growth, right?

Yeah.

We're exploding. Yeah, we're on four. So add the commercial break on Instagram. Tcb podcast on TikTok. And please do us a favor, go to the YouTube page, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. We did that episode with Steve-O, and we must be shadowbanned from YouTube. I know we are, actually. And someone left a comment, I fart and get more views than this Steve-O video. I wanted to say, yes, you're right. That's true. That's true. All right, Chrissy, that is definitely all I could do today. All this hopping around has got me sore. I've got to go take care of my baseballs. I love you.

Yeah, I love you.

Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we always say, and we must say, good balls. Good balls. I take a dick in and keep on licking.