What exactly are we supposed to be doing at work.

Between now and Christmas?

Everybody's talking about deck in the halls, but I'm about to deck a bitch. I'm Ding-Dong-Dun. On this episode of The commercial break. One, they had seven, seven, seven, cars for Bryan. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, cars for Brian. Donate your car today. And anything else you might say, because that's tell you. The next episode of The commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to The commercial break. I'm Bryan Green. This is the executive chef of T&A, Kristen, Joy, Hodeley. Best to you, Kirsten. Best to you, Brian.

And best to.

You out there in the podcast universe. Always wondering about that kitchen of yours. Now I've seen it. That's right. You did come over and see it. I'm like, Oh, okay. I didn't touch anything. I was... I was careful not to touch anything for fear I might get, you know. I don't know, maybe Jeff's putting his DD cancers up on the...

I just love this idea you have of what is happening in that house.

Listen, I don't do shit around here, so I got to imagine everybody's life is exciting. I'm out the other day. I'm out the other day, and someone goes, Oh, my God. I interviewed Steve-O, brother. I'm like, Yeah, I interviewed Steve-O. Dude, the life that you live, can you have even imagine? I'm like, Dude, you have a completely wrong impression of the life that I live. It wasn't like I was in Steve's trailer hanging out. He literally showed up on my screen for an hour, and then I walked out the door and had to wipe shit off the bottom of my shoe because blue pooped right outside the studio. Trust me. Any chance that I have for my head to get inflated gets deflated the second I walk out this door. And I like that.

I like that, actually. No, it does. It keeps you humble. Yeah.

Because if I would have talked to Steve-O when I was 25 in a situation like this, I just would have knocked my head. It would have been a lot more possible for me to get in the door of a restaurant. My head would have been too big. I would have been like, Yeah, I interviewed Steve-O. The waiter would have been like, Can I get anybody anything to drink? Appetizers? And I would have been like, A Paul? A Paul? Diddy Canter? Who not? Appetizes on the block. I was like, Hey, listen, a whole round of appetizes for everybody. I just interviewed Steve-O. Oh, Yagadud? Cool. I would have told everybody. But now I'm hiding it from people. You are? Yeah, the kids are trying to get into these schools. And I'm like, Oh, right. So we go to one of the schools for the kids to get into one of the schools. It's just like, Hey, how are you doing? Meet the parents thing. And one of the people that was there was saying, Oh, yeah, we keep the kids on the straight and narrow. Even the language. We don't like that bad language around here.

And in the back of my head, I'm like, Please don't find the commercial break. Please don't find the commercial break. Please don't find the commercial break. What do you do? I'm in media sales. That's right. Oh, that sounds exciting. Oh, it's much more exciting than you imagined it would be. We're really bad at media sales, but we do it. We try to do it. That's the cover. So anyway, so I go over to your house, and I'm just like, in my head, I'm like, Oh, this is where the naked apron happens. Right here, right on this counter.

Heels, stockings, naked apron.

And I just licked it. I was like. I just want to see what's going on. I just want a little tasty teater. Just a tasty teater. Hey, Dee, what about me? I think I can taste the teater. I want a tasty teater of Jeff's little Walnuts. His little fruits and berries. That's like a good dick joke to start off your day. That's right. Wednesday, whatever day this is.

Yeah, what.

Day is it? Who fucking knows? I don't know. It's all blending together now that we're doing 150 episodes a week. I don't even know where.

We're at. And the holidays and family stuff.

It's so much. I know. It's a lot, isn't it? It's a lot. I love this time of year, but I inevitably get overwhelmed.

This time of year. I think a lot of people.

Feel that way. Yeah. And this year, more than others, it feels a lot more stressful. There's a lot going on. A lot going on. So stay tuned, kitties. And for those of you who have been texting me, just like my friend from my Venezuelan friend who was asking me why we said for years we would not have guests on the show, and then all of a sudden, just guests start popping up, is because shit changes and we change our mind. We have to keep ourselves.

Interested, too. We're ADD, obviously, by the fact that even if we write stuff down on the notebook, it doesn't get done.

One of these days we're going to go through that notebook. We are. It's going to be an episode. Remember the notebook. Maybe the beginning of season five, we'll just go through the notebook. But you're so right about this. But I'm like, Listen, we got to change. Things got to change. We got to do.

Things- Thank you. Thanks, Prash.

Plus, let me just share this with the audience, breaking the fourth wall, as I always do. When you have a show like this and you have nobody listening- The Juggernaut? Yeah, the Juggernaut, as Felicia Day said. By the way, she was wonderful. When you have a Juggernaut show like...

Is it Juggernaut or Juggernaut?

It's.

Juggernaut. Okay, yeah. There's a Juggernaut. But you're calling it... Or is it Jerk----a-naught?

I don't know. It's called Jeff. And maybe he's in his twigs and berries apron and cooking you some steak for today.

I would hope so. That's expected.

It's expected? Wow. What if I show up with you?

He's.

Got his balls wrapped in a red ribbon sticking out of an apron. Like a gory-hole apron. Yes, you. Hey, you! I'm home. Oh, shit. Put the DD character away. Green's here. Fucking asshole. Takes my wife four days a week. I think it's Juggernaut.

I think it's Jeuganot.

Okay, whatever. That was Felicia's words, not ours, by the way. But when you have a show like this, the guests that we got at the beginning, Jeff was one of them. He was. The ones that we actually ran. And by the way, I listen to that episode. It's pretty good. It's a great story. And Rachel, that's right. And Dr. Sin and a couple other people. Oscar came on a couple of times. Oscar was great.

I loved Oscar.

But when you have a show like this, I just had this feeling that we probably needed to try and get the groove ourselves before we brought anybody else in. Plus, and no disrespect to anybody who was on the show early, but when there's a certain type of guest that's coming in the door and you don't even get excited about them, right? Then you're like, Well, maybe we just shouldn't do that. Right. When you get Steve-O to show up, then you're like, Oh, okay, now maybe I should interview. Even though we're really bad at it, well, at least we're.

Trying, Chrissy. At least we are trying. And there was also the technical difficulties that we were very scared of.

Oh, yeah. Well, go listen to the first three interviews, and you'll see that those technical difficulties still persist. Yeah, that's true, too, is that we just didn't know how to do a Zoom call during the pandemic. But, I mean, listen, we just felt like it was time to shake things up a little bit. And I'm glad that we did because I've been really enjoying myself. Me too. I like having people come and talk to us and enjoy it. And the feedback, by and large, is very positive, so I'll take that. And then we have a couple of Nudnicks, like my Venezuelan friend. Why would you have to guest on the show? Because I wanted to.

It's not your show, it's my show. There's enough days that there's no guests that you can listen to those.

For God's sakes, there's 300 fucking episodes a year. If 10 of them have interviews, okay, just settle down, everybody. I know. No one said anything bad, by the way. Just a couple of people were just curious as to- Why we changed up? -you said this.

Then you did that. But isn't that the whole premise of the.

Commercial break? It is the whole premise of the commercial break. It's an ever.

Evolving- We say things and don't do them. Or we don't say things and do it.

Or we don't say them, and then we do them. I think it works out a lot better the second way, actually. We just don't tell anybody and then we show up and things are there.

Low.

Expectations. We have always had low expectations, and we have hit that mark every single time. So don't be disappointed. We are still the same mediocre comedy podcast that we worked two weeks ago. We just managed to get a few people to come in and agree with us. I think I'm going to stop drinking caffeine again for the second time in my life. You're a coffee drinker.

It used to- Are you doing tea now? I do tea now. Yeah, I love coffee. Coffee doesn't necessarily love me anymore. I think it's the acidity.

It gives you a heartburn?

Yeah, it just hurts my stomach a little bit. I love coffee, but I have switched to tea. I usually do a tea or.

Green tea. Yeah. That's why I drink coffee, is because it does hurt my stomach, because that's what I want. Oh, you want that. I want to be regular. I want to be on the regular. Okay. And I think I told you the second I see the coffee, then I just already have to go to the bathroom. Right. Right. Yeah. The Astrid has to hand it off to me in the kitchen, and then I run down the hallway. It's the diuretic. It is. Yes. And the kids are like, Da, da. And I'm like, Got a shit. See you later. Beep, beep, boo, boo. The kids come into the bathroom. I don't know how they stand it in that bathroom. They're always in there. I don't know. They come in. The second I sit on the toilet, I got three friends in this tiny little water closet, and they're always like, Dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, and I had just answered questions in the morning. I feel like it's my morning press conference. Okay. It's really what it is. Oh, the toilet. Yeah, it's my morning press conference to the kids. It's a family meeting while I'm taking poop, poop, poop.

I'm sure this is familiar to anybody, but the reason why I say the caffeine is because I'm finding myself having those... In the afternoon, I just get wasted, tired. When the caffeine wears off, the crash happens. I don't know, it's starting to really affect me. I get this hour during the day when I feel so ineffective. It's usually while I'm doing the recording of the commercial break, which is why it sounds so shitty. But I do feel like this crash is coming. I've weaned myself off caffeine one other time before, and the caffeine headaches and the whole nine yards, it went on for two or three weeks. But I'm ready to do it. And I'll tell you why I'm ready to do it, is because I think having your heart race like that every morning, too, might be detrimental. Did you hear about that fucking Panera bread bullshit?

I saw that pop up in my news feed. Is what.

Made me start talking about caffeine. Something to do with a lemonadeade? Crazy Is it what made me start talking about caffeine?

Something to do with a lemonade, a.

Crazy lemonade? Lemonade boost or something, or raspberry-aid boost. It was like lemonade. Yeah. I'm not kidding. Two people have died. I know, I saw that. Now they're trying to connect the dots. Listen, they died, they died. That's a terrible thing. Terrible, terrible thing. And they are blaming it on the... What the thing is that Penara has this new line of drinks that they have at their soda machines, and it's called, I think it's called Penara Boost Lemonade or something. And what it's supposed to do, or what it says it does, is give you that fresh, clean, organic boost you've been looking for. There's nothing fresh or clean about Penara's fucking Jizzy Jazz Lemonade coming out of a soda fountain. If you're looking for organic stuff coming out of a soda fountain, you are a nutnik. You're a dumb-dumb. That's not what these two people were doing. They would just like to drink. They went there, they drank for the caffeine. But they got so... One of them had a heart condition that she should have never been drinking it in the first place, but they say it was mislabeled. And then the second guy, he had been up for 35 hours drinking this Boost Lemonade, and he passed away.

But apparently, this stuff is super kick you in the dick, fucking caffeine.

I never got into those. A lot of people did.

The energy drinks, Red Bull, the.

Super Red Bull, the Monster, and then everything was super carbonated. I didn't need it. It was too much for my system. It made.

Me anxious. When I first drank a Red Bull, I was like, This is fucking cough syrup. This tastes disgusting. It was awful. But I quickly got over that when we put it in vodka. With the high. When you put it in vodka. Or when you got that boost. But also I got used to the taste really quickly and I liked it. There was a few months there where I was drinking Red Bulls, but they were very expensive at the time and whatever. I never got into Mons or anything like that. But caffeine is a serious drug. And I remember a story where Dave Groel had to go to the hospital because he was totally addicted to caffeine and he was drinking the Red Bulls. He drank, I don't know what it was, I'm saying this number, it's not true, but I'm saying this number for exaggerated purposes. He drank like 18 Red Bulls in the morning when he was going to studio record. He ended up having a heart palpitation because of it, and he had to go to the hospital. I can imagine. I don't know, but at the time, at least he said he was going to swear off the Red Bulls or take it down a notch.

That caffeine, man, it's just.

Like- You know what I've heard about it? It's the mushroom coffee, not the psychedelic kind. Don't get all excited.

I was.

All excited. No, you had to have heard of it. It's everywhere. It's the mushroom coffee. I tried it one time, and it was good.

I saw the advertisements on Instagram or whatever for the mushroom tea. I was with that girlfriend I had, you know the one, okay? I don't even need to say her. I don't even need to say her name, and Krissy already knows what I'm talking about. We went to San Francisco one time, and we went to San Francisco. Oh, that trip. Oh, God. I had to drag that poor girl through the airport. Let me tell this story, and then I can tell the airport dragging story before we get into the meat and potatoes. We went to this tea shop in Chinatown in San Francisco, where they did a tea tasting, and the guy behind the counter could not have fit the part more than an older Chinese man doing a tea tasting. He was funny. He was engaging. He was telling you about the teas. It was so authentic. I mean, I don't know, I've never been to China, but it felt to me to be so authentic. I got really excited about this thing. Then he says, You drink coffee? I'm like, Yeah, I am actually a coffee drinker. How did you know that? Your yellow teeth.

I was like, Oh, okay. That might be the cigarettes, too. But all right, I get it. Okay, there we go. And he said, I'm going to give you the perfect tea to replace that coffee. The perfect tea. Have one of these. Have one small cup in the morning. You won't have the crash. You won't feel all crazy. I promise you, this is the thing you need to do. I'm like, okay, he makes me this tea, shows me how to make it with the tea, the whole nine yards.

Was it the.

Loose leaf? The loose.

Leaf tea. I love the loose leaf teas. Yeah.

So he made me this tea. I don't know, it was 11 o'clock in the morning. Chrissy, I felt wonderful. I was dancing down the streets of Chinatown. I'm telling you what, I felt like, what's that guy's name? Kirk Douglas. Who's the other? Michael Doug. Who is the guy who did that? Chinatown movie. Oh, yes. The guy who was in Overboard. Overboard, yeah. Overboard. Oh, overboat. Kurt. Overboard.

Kurt Douglas, right?

Kurt Douglas. No, not Kurt Douglas. Yeah, Kurt Douglas. Kurt. Yeah, he's married to that lady, Goldie Haun.

Yeah, they're not married, but yes, they've been long.

Time partners. They're not married. Oh, Goldie Haun and Kurt Douglas, right? No, not Kurt Douglas. We're thinking of it wrong. Anyway, that guy, I felt like that guy dancing down the streets of China time.

He's at the Christmas Chronicles today.

Yeah, shit. Google that shit. God, we are old. I know. Our brains don't work anymore. This is why I probably don't need to stop drinking coffee.

It's because I can't remember anything. We drink the mushroom coffee. That's true. It's supposed to be very clarifying.

So he makes his tea for me. I'm bouncing down the streets, and he was right. I had a really great, caffeine feeling, and I didn't crash, and I didn't get a headache, and I didn't feel all jittery, and I took a whole big tub of this thing home. And it lasted, I don't know, maybe about- Kurt Russell. Kurt Russell. There you go. Kurt Russell. I felt like Kurt Russell in China. I was jumping all over the streets of Chinatown. So this guy, he turned me on to this. I'm telling you what, it really did replace the coffee in a snap. I didn't have any of the withdrawal symptoms of caffeine, and I felt really good. I like the ritual of making the tea in the morning. I love tea. But I will be damned if I lost the original tin can that it came in, and I'll be damned if I cannot remember or find a tea that did that the same as that.

I think I've got you covered.

Do you?

Will you bring me some? Yes.

You're so sweet. If anybody has any tea recommendations out there, I want it highly caffeine. I want it to taste like Coca-Cola, and I would like a BMW inside of the.

Tin can, please. You have to try this kind that I have. It's really good. Is it? Yeah, and I'll get you the little sampler kit because there's four different ones, and it's all sustainable and done very well.

When all hope is lost, your best friend is there for you. That's right. You're the best, Chrissy. I love you. Love you, too. Let's take a break. We'll make out for a little bit, and then we'll be back. And then we'll be back with more commercial break. Look, I know you guys are getting really sick of me, but that is too bad. It's my job. Now, go to tcbpodcast. Com for all of our audio and video content and get your little booty over to YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited video episodes. Want to chat? Leave us a voicemail at 626-ask-tcb3. Too embarrassed for your voice to be on the show? We understand. Text us instead at 855 tcd 8383. Can't even do that? No worries. Just follow us on TikTok at tcd podcast and on Instagram at the commercial break. And if you can't even be seen doing that, just listen to these sponsors and let's get back to the show. Hey, everybody. Want to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Factor. Okay, do you want to know what the single biggest challenge for me as a single person was? Shopping for prepping and cooking nutritious meals.

Do you want to know what the biggest challenge for me as a human with 25-60 family members living in my house? Shopping for prepping and cooking a nutritious meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it's a big stress point around here. And since I don't really know how to cook, that stress often falls on other family members. But this holiday season, we're going to try something different. Factor, America's number one ready to eat meal delivery service can help us fuel up fast for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with chef-prepared, dietitian-approved, ready to eat meals delivered straight to our door. Because Factor's Never frozen meals are ready in just two minutes, all you have to do is heat and enjoy. You can choose from over 35 weekly flavor-packed fresh and never frozen meals that support a healthy lifestyle and meet your meal preferences. And guess what? It's all delivered right to your front door. With Factor, we can be assured that we're making sustainable choices. They offset 100 % of their delivery emissions and source 100 % renewable electricity for their production sites and offices. Hey, look at that, a company who's trying to do some good. So head to FactorMeals.

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Okay.

I'm ready. A large 30-ounce mango, yuza, citrus, charged lemonade. So they're called Charged drinks, not boost drinks. Charged lemonade contains 390 milligrams of caffeine and 124 grams of sugar. Grams of sugar.

That is- A hundred and.

Twenty four? A hundred and twenty four, on top of the 390 milligrams, for reference. I wonder if it's charged. A large cup of Starbucks coffee has 180 milligrams, and as does most energy drinks, as do most energy drinks that you drink. So they are doubling the content of caffeine in this large... I mean, 30 ounces is a big fucking drink. Who needs 30 fucking ounces of chargedjust use a citrus tea? Come on, guys. Be cool. Just settle it down. Can't you do 15 ounces? That's three more than a big drink. Why do the drinks keep getting bigger? Why do we need... And you put ice in there and it's all watered down by the time you can drink it. Who drinks 30 ounces of anything? I know. I don't know. But the cream, I drink 30 ounces of.

Cream in a night. I don't know, but for some reason, I have those gigantic cups at my house.

Oh, yeah?

You know.

Those- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The big plastic things, you just collect them, QT, BP, McDonalds.

The game.

Whatever game. Yeah, they make them plastic like they're collectible. I know. And then everybody has those shitty cups that you only bring out when best friends come over to support your extra large wine and so you're not embarrassed. We only bring the good glasses when family's around. But when your friends come over, just take a plastic cup. Take a shitty plastic cup, because that's what I think you're worth. A shitty.

Plastic cup. I know, and then they always have to. They always have to, because they've been in the dishwasher a couple of times. They're always melted. They're half, yeah. They're melted, and they don't say what they used to say.

Yeah, we got these cups.

From- The Brave.

Schedule is half. The brave schedule from 1992.

Yeah, it's half right there.

But when baseball only had 30 games a season. I know, totally. So reminding me about that trip to San Francisco, I'll tell this story. So I go to San Francisco for a business affair. It's a business team meeting. I'm consulting for this consulting company. I'm consulting for a consulting company. They have me come to their big... Bring in the big consultant. Yeah, let's bring in the big consultant. The guy who knows the least about what we're doing. I swear to God. That was my first big job.

Yeah, I.

Remember that. Where when they told me I had to go to their house to get this job. It was a husband and a wife that owned the company. Sweetest, the loveliest people. I loved working for them. I really did. Husband and wife. But they had a company of 200 people, and those people just spread out all over the United States. It was a remote company. So when they told me they had to come do a face to face interview, they gave me their home address here north of Atlanta. And so I was like, Oh, shit, the Honda. The Honda.

You had.

To park on the other side. I know. I had to park on the other side of the cul-de-sac the wrong way, so they couldn't see the shitty part of the car. So I go in there, I do the interview, and at the end of the interview, they're like, This is wonderful. We love you. We want you to come work with us. And I'm like, Yeah. And she's like, the wife is like-.

Does it come with a company car?

That's what I said. I got you a company car that I actually need right now. Or can I just borrow yours while I get this one towed? Because unfortunately, my left headlight just fell out.

You can give it to cars.

For kids. One, eight, seven, seven, cars for Brian. Seven, seven, seven, seven, seven cars for Brian. Donate your car today. And anything else you might think it has value. One, eight, seven, seven, a hood for Brian. One, eight, seven, seven, a hood for Bryan. She says the number to me, she says the number to me. She says, Well, we can pay you this much over the course of 12 months. And I was like, Holy Ding-Dong, Captain Crunch, get me to the church, Mama, Holy Roller. I was so excited. It was like a big-boy job with a big-boy paycheck. And I could finally pay my rent only 15 days late, as opposed to 45. I was like, I was so excited about all.

Of it. Ahead of kicking out? Yes. Whatever the eviction? Yeah, ahead of the eviction. Just ahead of the eviction.

Right when they put that red sign on your door, you go pay the red, make them happy. They knew the drill. They gave me a few extra days. So I get hired in November and in early December, they're like, come to this big company meeting in San Francisco. It's the one time year that we get together. So we all fly out there. And the girl that I was dating at the time was so upset that I was going to go to San Francisco without her. And I'm like, it's a company meeting. What do you want me to do? I don't think it's appropriate. First of all, I really have never had a job like this, so I don't know what's appropriate or not appropriate. But she was so insistent that she wanted to come. And in my head then I felt like, Well, okay, if she's out there and what's the big deal? I already have the hotel room. Can't she just stay there and do her thing during the day? I told the company-.

That would be fine with a normal girl.

Yes, that would be fine. It mean, listen, that'd be fine with a normal human. But that didn't turn out to be the case. So we get there first night, and we got there a couple of days early, actually. I asked them to fly me out there early so we could hang out. So we get there a couple of days early. And the first night of the conference, they have a welcoming party in the bar of the hotel. I go downstairs, and of course, the girl that I'm dating is just so upset that now I'm leaving. Why are you leaving me? You're leaving me. You're not paying it. I'm like, Listen, it's a fucking company event. What do you want me to do? I don't know that anybody else's wives or girlfriends are here or boyfriends, whatever. Let me at least scope this out. Please, can I scope it out? I'll text you. I get down there, I have a few drinks, and then I mentioned that she's with me. And the CEO of the company, as polite and nice as he was, was like, Well, tell her to come down. There's a couple of other people in the group here that brought their significant others.

Come on, just tell her to come down. It's not a big deal. It was a big deal. It ended up being a huge deal. And in the middle of the fucking night, I had to take her to the hospital because she started to vomit and shit at the exact same time. Chrissy, I've never seen anything like it in my entire life. We did not have too much to drink. There was no drugs being taken. All of a sudden, she started to vomit and poop everywhere. It was like on theeverywhere, all over the hotel room.

It was disgusting. And you know it wasn't food poisoning because.

You never realized it was. Yeah, probably you got to eat food to have food poisoning. That's terrible. I shouldn't say that. So end of trip. So now she's sick for the next couple of days. Yeah, it's sad. It's sad, and it was tough, and she really.

Was ill. But, God, here you are stressed out. I mean, it's your new job.

I know, and I had to leave meetings early because she was in such a state that I had to go and calm everything down and make sure everyone was okay. It was so stressful. It was so stressful.

How long did that job last?

Not long. When it became clear, I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about. I actually left the job because I said to them, I said, Listen, this isn't working out, and I don't want you to spend all this money. I was so stupid. I should have just wrote it out. But I felt they were really nice people, and I was in way over my head. Way, way, way over my head. Get to the end of the trip. There's a lot of drama in the next three days, but let's fast forward to the end of the trip. We got to get on a plane early in the morning. It's eight o'clock in the morning, so I get up. She is still sick, right? I'm just praying. I'm praying with everything that I got that I can get through this airport experience. Right. I have to carry her to the cab. We get in the cab. She's laying down in the back of the cab, so sick, and I'm just mortified. I don't know what I'm going to do because I know that with someone else, I may have been able to just rally her, just say, or rally them.

I might be able to say, Hey, listen, come on, we just get on the plane. You could sleep it off, take a Benadryl, sleep it off, whatever you got to do. But that was not the case with this person. She literally sat like a child in the middle of the airport, refusing to move because she said she was so sick. After a while, this started to draw some attention. Like, people were like, Is everything okay? Is there a physician?

Are you okay? I got involved?

There was no physician that got involved. I wish a physician or mom got involved. That's what happened. Okay, so now the clock is ticking. The time is there. We got to get through security. I'm like, Please, listen, please, we can get through security. Once we get through security, I promise it's going to be okay. You can lay down. We'll find some seats for you. You can lay down. But the reason why we had to make it home so quickly is because my twin brother was ill. He had just had surgery, and I wanted to get back to him. I'm like, Please, can we just get through the security? Chrissy, I am going through security, and this girl is faining, passing out every couple of seconds, and this starts to draw attention from the security. We get up to the front where they check your ID and stuff, and the officer is looking at what the TSA guy is looking, and he's looking, and he's looking, and she's pretending to pass out and doing this whole number. I'm like, Stand up. Stand up. Stand up. The TSA guy is like, Is everything okay here, sir? I'm like, Oh, everything's fine.

My fear was if she was really sick, they may not let her on the plane because they may say, We don't want to get everybody else sick. That's liability for us. But I'm a dumb-dumb and what do I fucking know? No one's going to tell you you can't get on a plane when you're sick. Everybody gets on a plane when they're sick. I start to go through the security and I'm holding her bag. The next TSA agent is like, Sir, she has to carry her own bag. I'm like, Oh, no, she's sick. I don't care if she's sick. She got to carry her own bag. She can't carry her own bag. You got to take it somewhere else. Take it somewhere else, just feels better. I'm like, Holy shit, please carry your bag. I can't carry my bag. Please carry your bag. I can't carry my bag. I'm like, Oh, my God, what am I going to do? We are standing there holding up all of FSO, SFO because someone got sick a number of days ago. You know what I'm saying? We get through security. We get to the gate. We have an hour to go before we're going to get on this plane.

This person is such a state, making such a scene all over the place, I don't know what to do. My phone rings. It's her mother. I don't think I've had five phone conversations with this woman in my entire life, but I pick it up and I'm like, Hello. Hey, I know you're with her, and I know she's in a moment. She's having a tizzy. Her mom knew, right? I was like, Oh, yeah, it's really bad. I don't know what to do. I don't know in this particular situation how I handle this. We probably need to get on the plane. We're going to need to get on the plane atsome point, we got to get going. And she's like, Listen, go to a little store, buy yourself some Benadryl or Tylenol PM, get yourself a Gatorade, and put that Tylenol PM, that Benadryl, and that Gatorade. Mix it up real nice. She'll go back. She'll go right to sleep. And I'm like, Wait, are you telling me to drug your daughter? And she's like, No, I'm not telling you to drug my daughter. I'm telling you to help her go.

To sleep. Just help.

And I'm thinking to myself, I think this is illegal. I'm pretty sure this is illegal, probably immoral, but I'm going to do it. I'm like, I'm going to do it. I go, I buy a Gatorade.

Her mom said it's okay.

Her mom told me to do it. I go, I buy a Gatorade. I get a Benadryl, like a packet of Benadryl capsules. I am standing there, probably like 50 feet from her, and I'm standing there, and I'm getting ready to put that capsule inside of the drink, and I'm like, No, no, no, Brian, you can't do this. You can't drug somebody without telling you. You just can't do it. I go up and I'm like, Listen, I'm going to give you some Gatorade. Let's put some Benadryl in there. That way you'll feel relaxed and you could take a nap on the plane. And after much Ballyhoo, she says, Okay. She swallows the Benadryl, takes the Gatorade, we get on the plane, we go to sit on the seats, and she passes right out. She goes right to sleep. And I'm like, Okay, thank God. At least she's comfortable now. She's comfortable. Chrissy, I had to literally carry her off the plane. I had to throw her on my.

Shoulder and carry her off. Yeah, because she was so passed out. I was like, She.

Was so passed out. And then we got home, and of course, she woke up. And all night long, it was like a whole debacle. It was so... Have you ever been sick on a plane?

The hard ones with the hard ones.

The hard ones with the hard ones.

I remember following me after this whole trip. Oh, my God. And I was like, Brian, come on now.

Christy, you told me so many times. I mean, how many people told me so many times? Listen, I'm sure she's a lovely woman, but she's not for you. Get out. Every time you go somewhere, it's a whole fucking deal. We all got to deal with it. And I'm like, obviously, there was some pain and suffering that she was going through internally, right? There were some things going on with her.

You wanted to be the fixer.

I did want to.

Be the fixer. We've all been there. I wanted to be the.

Fixer, too. That's why I got Blue. Yeah, you want to be the fixer, too. That's why I continue to go with blue, because I'm like, Well. I know. If I can't raise my children, at least I can fix.

The daughter. Right, I can do something. I can feel accomplished.

Yeah. It was thing after thing after thing. At the one time, she locked me out of my apartment. I literally had to call the police to ask to get in my apartment.

There were many instances of things. Please. That era is.

Behind you. I think what would we call that in the Taylor Swift era? Which era would that be? What's wrong with Brian era? That sex must be good era. Right.

Yeah, the heart ones with the.

Heart ones era. Even my dad said it to me, The hard ones with the hard ones, it is what it is. My dad even told me one time. He's like, I sure hope the sex is good. I was like, Wow, Dad, did you just say that? He's like, Well, I don't want to point it out, but I'm just saying I sure hope the sex is good.

Something's good. Well, it's good, I guess. All right. Speaking of the sex is good, you know I've been on a kick about Corey Fieldman for the last couple of months. When Steve-O was here, I really wanted to ask him if he believed that Corey Fieldman really believed that he had had some conspiracy theory, executed, not a conspiracy theory, but a grand plan by all the big media companies, executed against him so that he would be made fun of and they would tear down his musical career, if you could call it that, because of his show, because of when he went on The Today show and made an ass of himself, right? So I have been totally infatuated with Corey for the last, I don't know, let's call it seven or eight years, ever since the musical era of Corey Fieldman. Corey Fieldman, for those of you that don't know, was a child actor, and he starring in movies like Stand By Me, Goonies, The Lost Boys.

, licensed to drive, I think.

Licensed.

To drive. Well, it was he, Corey Fieldman... Corey Haim.

Yeah, those two were always in a lot of movies together, and they were best friends. They called them the two Corys, and they went around. Now, Corey has a troubling life story, but let's put that aside for a second. I don't want to get into that part of his life. What I want to get into is the musical part of his life, where all of a sudden, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever, he starts showing up on the scene, dressed as Michael Jackson, singing in some weird falseto, and making incredibly weird dance moves. He's been doing this for, I don't know, 20 years. He's been doing this musical career. You got to give the kid a little bit of credit on the persistence. But the substance is absolutely ridiculous. My thought is, I go one of two ways on this, Corey is completely oblivious to the fact that he's just not a fantastic musician under any circumstances. He is completely clueless as to how people are seeing him, their perception, right? Because he's selling out concerts, but people aren't going there for the right reasons, Chrissy. They're going there because they know it's going to be a shit show.

Despect the call. Yeah, they want to get views on YouTube by recording whatever shit that Corey does on stage. And he's always up to something on that stage. He loses a tooth. The guitar guy didn't do something right. The is out of place. He's always making excuses as to why the music is not as good as it should be. But the truth is, the music just isn't good in the first place. It's like the commercial break, under the best of circumstances, with all the technology working, the show is still not going to be all that great, right? Right. So don't blame it on the technology. Just admit you're not all that good at what you do. But Corey persists, and he continues to do these shows and put out these albums over and over and over again. I am really interested in this part of his life because the other part of me says, Corey is a master PR person, and he is making money by pretending like he is not in on the joke. There's this other part of me that says, Corey knows exactly what's going on. Hes he knows that people are making fun of his music.

He knows that people are coming to his show because it's a side show. It's a circus show. But he doesn't care because he's making money and he's selling out shows. He's getting the attention that he wants. What say you, Chrissy Hodeley?

I say that some people are delusional.

Yes, like the girl I dragged through the San.

Francisco Airport. I think some people are very delusional and very not self-aware. No. And with the troubling past that he has had between allegations of sexual abuse, definite drug and alcohol problems, failed relationships here and there, and everywhere. His best friend, the other Cori died. Died of drug overdose. Yeah. So I think it might at least... May have let you- Mise. I would say you, Mise.

What say you?

Me say. Me say that I think he's.

Just delusional. Me say, moe so, on the same of the Sama Makusa as Michael Jackson would have said. And Michael Jackson, by the way, was a friend of Cori Haynes. When was seven, right?

Yeah, they would hang out.

There has been some speculation that he was one of Michael's boys. You're just being silly. You're being silly now, Chrissy. Me and Cori were just friends. You're just being silly. I think anybody who was caught in that trap over there at Never, Never Land was probably never, Never had a chance of having a normal adult life because that was a weird world. And so you take that into account. I tend to sway that way. Sometimes my mind goes to master PR person, but I tend to sway to he is just delusional.

Yeah, I mean, I think he wants it to be good. It's just not.

It's.

Just not. But in his head, it is, and it could be, and he wants it to be.

If he just keeps trying.

Just.

Keeps trying. Or he just pretends. Sometimes you're in your own echo chamber. Yeah.

And there's probably a lot of people around him. People around him that are saying, Yeah.

It's good. That's right. A lot of people around him like the attention.

And maybe those are the people that are the master PR.

That's right. That's right. It's probably his agent is like, Corey. Yeah, what's going on? I'm ready. Okay, Corey, settle down with all the musical stuff right now. I just can't take anymore. But I want you to know that someone has booked you for a wedding. They want you to play at a wedding. I'm going to play my new song, all my new stuff. Okay, great. All they really want you to do is they want you to just stand on stage and pull out your teeth. I said, No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to sing covers of Lost Boys. Okay, Corey, listen, if we want to keep on making money, you can't sing anymore. Can we get a backtrack? I'm not going to do that. It's against my music. Okay, Corey, listen, you got a bank account that's dwindling, and you have very few offers to do television or movies. So tell you what, let's go to the birthday. Let'sgo to the birthday and wedding circuit. Do you think you can do that? Yeah, I do. No problem. Corey is like... Corey is just... He's not in TVs. He's not in movies anymore.

Yeah. He's just desperately trying to hang on to one thing that gets him the attention that he rightfully deserves. And why he rightfully deserves it? I don't know. I just said that to make myself feel better about busting out of Corey feltman. But when we get back from this break and through the next episode, we are going to take a musical journey with Corey feltman. Are you ready for.

This, Chrissy? I don't know.

Listen, I know it's been a tough couple of months for you, and I don't mean to pour salt in the wound here, but if you can make fun of Corey feltman, who can you make fun of? Am I right?

All right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. All right. Let's take a break and then we'll come back with a journey into the imagination of Corey felt, the musical imagination.

This is where we're at.

This is where it's all come down to. Felicia one day, Corey felt in music the next. Oh, my God. This is why you love the commercial break, admit it, because we are also not in on the joke. Sometimes I wonder if all those people listening are just there doing the same thing, the people are doing a Cory show. I go one of two ways. Either we're really good and we're just not aware of it, or we're really terrible like we think we are, and people just like to tune in and see what a shit show it's going to be. Either way, jokes on you because we're making seven dollars an episode. Oh, yeah. And you know what? We got to pay those bills right now. So we'll be back after these words. Hello again, my little podcast pals. It's Christina. And I am just here to remind you once again to go on over to tcbpodcast. Com because that is where all of our episodes live. Want to get involved with the show? Leave us a voicemail at (626) ask. Tcb 3. If you don't want your voice played on the show because, look, I get it, I'm only here under duress, you can text us instead at 855 tcb 8383.

And as always, please remember to go follow us on Instagram at The Commercial Break and on TikTok at Tcb Podcast. And also don't forget about our precious little YouTube channel, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. I promise those videos are worth your time. Now let's listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to whatever they were talking about. Okay, let's start our musical adventure with Corey in its rightful place. Corey is, I think this is like 2016 or '17, or '18. Corey wants, or '19 or '20, I don't know, you figure out the year. What do you want me to do? All the homework for you? Come on, guys, get it together. Look at Chris. She's like, Oh, my God. I can't believe we do this for a living. Corey is begging people for money. He gets on. He wants to do a GoFundMe or a crowdsource funding for his next album. He has apparently been hiding for 10 years by his accounts. He's been hiding away, building this masterpiece. He now just needs your money in order to make that dream come true. Why?

I don't know. Because no one else would give him the money to.

Make that. That's right. Because unfortunately, the record companies were busy with talented people making actual records. Corey goes online and he appeals to the fans. I don't know who's listening to this, but okay, let's go here first and then we'll go listen to some of his music. Are you ready? I was trolling on the Internet.

As.

You do. As I do like to do. And the long-awaited Corey feltman episode is here. Episodes are here. Here we go. Here's Corey back some year. You'll figure it out, asking for money for his brand new album.

Hi, I'm Corey feltman. Welcome to my Indie Gogo campaign, Elevator to Ascension. Welcome to Fieldmanion Studios. This is where I've been locked away for the last, well, decade, but...

Welcome to the Fieldman Mansion Studios. I fucking ass clouded that to mention you're in a mansion. The Fieldmanmanion. It's going to be like, Welcome to the TCB Double-wide Studios.

I know. Well, you're in a mansion, but you're asking for money.

Yeah, why don't you sell the mansion if you're so passionate about this decade-long project? Who takes a decade to record an album in their own mansion?

Really, for the last few years. So if you haven't seen or heard of me much, that's because I've been in here working on this decade-long.

Album project. Well, we have been so concerned about you, Corey, for the last decade. By the way, how many years is a decade? It's a Baker's dozen.

Now, that's not all I've been doing, obviously. In that time, I put out another album with my band Truth Movement. We toured the United States, and I put out a couple of Lost Boys films and a couple of seasons of a show called The Two Koreys and a few other movies along the way. So I have been very busy.

I haven't really been that busy, but let me share with you all the busy things I've been busy doing. I'm an ass clown. I think I said that one of these people I just can't take. You know what I'm saying? It's like, Oh, I really haven't been up to much. I made a couple of movies, more TV shows. I made a lot of money. I've got a Ferrari in the kitchen. Listen, I haven't been doing a lot, except a lot that I've been doing. You know what I'm saying? I just want to humble. What do they call that? It's a humble brag. I'm humble bragging.

But anyway, enough about that. Let's talk about Angelic to the Core, my new album project. Angelic to the Core is an exciting new musical journey, like a concept album.

Kind of like a concept album, only it's really bad. It's like Pink Floyd, The Wall, minus all the talented musicians playing on.

The album. It's just a bad concept.

It's a concept album. The concept is shitty music all throughout.

But instead of telling a story, it takes the listener through a musical experience, a musical journey through all types of sounds, from EDM to pop to rock to hip hop.

To a screaming band she also known as my voice. I mean, a musical experience, Cori, that you're taking people through a musical journey. Really?

Honestly. I mean, I am intrigued at this point to hear this.

Oh, don't worry, we're going to get to that.

Everything in between.

You're going to be so intrigued you're going to beg me to stop.

It's literally.

A sound- We're going to go ahead and do a whole other episode.

We're going to go do another 62 minutes of it. Don't worry. If it isn't good fun, I wouldn't do it. I'm not just going to make you sit here and listen to Corey's album because that's not going to happen.

The Ages and the songs, well, there's 22 of them. It's a double album. It's a very big project. It also happens to feature some of today's greatest names in music.

Oh, please. I can't wait for this who's who list of musicians that Corey's got in his Korefeld mansion or whatever it is.

Snoop Dogg, Fred Durst, B. Howard, Nia Jones from The Pussy Cat Dolls, Rick One from BlackEye and Pease, Scott Page and John Karen from Pink Floyd.

The list is end. When was there a Scott Page in Pink Floyd? I don't.

Know, but I don't know enough about Pink Floyd.

I'm going to tell you right now. I know enough about Pink Floyd members that any of the good albums they did, there was no Scott Page hanging around. At least I hope that's correct, and I don't get a bunch of emails about it.

We have some really great people involved. It's a really great project, and I'm really.

Excited to be back. Also, Snoop Dogg appears on every single person's album ever and has many wines and tequila and things. That's right. He puts his name on everything. That's right.

That guy knows how to make a dollar. He knows how to make a dollar. You can make it one of two ways: put out very little and make it super good or put out a whole shitload and don't really worry about the quality because you're trying to hit the numbers. That's us. You're so right about that. The listeners know it's true. Yeah, I mean, Snoop is a name. I love Snoop. No doubt. Oh, Snoopy Snoop. Snoop Doggy Doggy Dog. I'm all.

About it. Snoop Doggy Dog. I'm all about it.

He will put his name on anything. Snoop Doggy Dog. That's the one thing I could say.

You hear it. The only problem is I'm a little tiny record label, and I need you to.

Hear me. You're also a little tiny person. The guy's like four foot nine. Do you know that? Yeah.

On the mainstream, I need to make billboard. I need to make the top 40. This is all the big goal. I need to get this album heard, promoted, marketed, publicized, and big enough to warrant the size tour that we want to bring to you.

In order to sell out Wimly seven nights in a row, I'm going to need your cash to market it to pay off the billboard people to get on the billboard charts. That's just a musical fact. Everyone else does it. If we can- Why do you need money? Do you know what I'm saying? Do you think that Cory would have enough connections to get an album published? You would think so that somebody in his universe, over the years and years and years he's been in Hollywood, would say, Sure, we'll put this record out for you.

What about one of the other musical people.

That he just mentioned? What about Snooby, Double-D, and Dr. Dre, and Dr. Dre-w-d? I know people. What about him? Snoop, Doggy Dog, puts out an album every second? Why not to call that guy?

Pull all this off. If I can get on the billboard charts, which is very hard to do. Now, just to give you a little bit of history, with this album, when I first released Ascension Millennium as the first single, we released a video to MTV. That video made buzzworthy status within 12 hours. Within six months, it had been seen by a million people worldwide. It was an instant viral hit.

What? No. I don't remember that. Never even heard of it. No, no, no, no, no, no. It wasn't an instant viral hit. You're not Charlie, Bit my finger. Come on, give me a break. You're not Bored Ape, NFT. What are you talking about? Mtv hasn't played music videos since 1989. Did you see a music video of Corey Fieldman's? No.

Now, the second single was called Duh. We made another video. The third single was.

Called- So prolific. Yeah, Duh.

We were a buddy featuring Doc Ice, and we promoted it to radio. And for the first time in my life, we were able to get a number 13 song on independent and digital radio. That number 13 song, everybody held for three consecutive weeks.

Back in your digital radio days.

Back in your digital radio days.

Did you hear that you were playing Corey?

On the HD channels that no one listened to? Yes, I did. You kids may not remember this, but back in like 2008 or 2009, radio really pushed for these HD radio stations. They were going to be the newest, greatest, latest thing. You had one station and then one half turn of the dial. There was a digital version of that. No one listened to it, which is the reason why you don't hear about it today. It did not take off like wildfire, as everybody had anticipated. But he made number 13 on the list.

Of-it's something.

-the people who don't listen to music on HD. It's something.

The next single was called Remember 222, and it was a tribute to my dear friend, Corey Haim.

9/11, the day that John F. Kennedy died. Two, two, two. -two, two, two. -remember two, two, two.

Released it on the five-year anniversary of his death. That song was lucky enough to make it all the way to number 23 on the Cashbox charts and number one on Lucky Star Radio, which is an international and digital radio station which goes all the way from Los Angeles to Sydney, Australia.

Okay, so, in other words, it's an online radio station that no one listens to. Got it, 10-4. And when you go from L. A. To where? From L. A. Australia. To Australia, it's an ocean. There's no one listening. There's no people there, Corey.

We made it to number one there. If we can cross over and get to the billboard charts and we can get in the top 40, then suddenly the promoters, the agents, the booking people around the world will see that we are worthwhile. We can come and fill their venues, their theaters, their stadiums, their arenas. We can do this all over the world. And once we do that, it gives us the opportunity to put on the concert, the tour that I've been waiting to do my entire life.

So wait, you want me to give you money so you can get in the billboard 40, so then you can make additional money by selling tickets that will profit from?

It's to realize his.

Dream, Brian. That's it, Chrissy. It's for him to realize his dream. Duh. Hi, I'm Brian Greene. I'm a father, a son, a pragmatic, pragmatist, and I'm also looking to make additional seasons of the commercial break. You got to understand how it works. If I could just be number one on the international ocean charts, then I can put on the show that I really want to. So please donate to us at tcbpodcast. Com/iwantyourmoneysoicangetrich. Com. And then we can do the show that we really want to put on. If, Chrissy, if we could just get to number one- If only. -on the International Digital Ocean charts.

And the thing.

Is- Number one, International Ocean charts.

I don't believe in taking something for nothing. So I think that I've created a campaign here that really has amazing perks that benefit everybody and makes you feel that dollar for dollar, if you're giving something, you're going to get something in return that's totally beneficial and mutually beneficial and worthwhile for all.

Well, the music that will affect humanity positively for eons to come. That's what we need. We just need it out, Cory.

All of us. So please do whatever you can. Join me on this quest. Help me realize my dream and give me an opportunity for the first time to fight against the big corporate record companies that all my life have told me, You're never going to get a shot because you're an actor. I didn't choose to be an actor. If I had my choice, I would have been making music my whole life, and I would already be out there on the road.

Thoughts and prayers, Chrissy. Thoughts and prayers to Corey feltman, who made millions of dollars as an actor and just really wanted to be a superstar musician.

And.

Performing live for you. If I had my choice, I'd also be a musician touring around.

I wouldn't be here. Maybe you and Corey should get together and join four of.

Your forces. We asked him to come on. We asked him to come on, but he needed money.

Now it's my turn. It's my time to take Destiny into my own hands.

And I believe it's time for me to take Destiny in my own hands by putting it back on you and asking you to give me your money. It's so stupid.

That if you support me, I can make my dream come true, and I can come out there and perform for you the way that I've wanted to for a long, long time. So let's make this dream a reality. This album is called Angelic to the Core. And I think what it really should be called is Angelic to the tour, the Feldfam tour. Tour that I plan.

To create. Just like the Fish Pham or the Deadheads.

He's delusional.

He's completely out of his brain. Why would anybody, and I mean, anybody, give money to Corey feltman so he could make the album he's always wanted to make so he can do the tour he's always wanted to do? You want me to cut to the chase? It didn't make the billboard. I'm just going to cut to the chase. It didn't make the billboard top 40, but it's only to be expected.

Yeah, there's always Cashbox, whatever that is.

Sounds a lot like another... I'm not going to get into it. Cashbox, international digital sales. What does that even mean? I don't know. Back then, I think it even meant less than it does today. Is it still around today? Oh, I don't know. Probably not. The second Corey put the name out there. They were like. Traffic's down by 40 %, boss. On the ocean? On the ocean. All those people in the ocean are not listening to their digital cashbox anymore. Good old Corey. Listen, I got lots more for you. That's just the beginning of our adventure into Corey Fieldman. Tune in tomorrow if you can, if you'll stomach it, if you're able to. Feel free to tune in tomorrow. We'll get more into Corey Fieldman. We'll listen to some of his music. We'll take a look at a couple of his appearances where he continues to be delusional. It's so much fun. I sure hope Corey is on the joke. He's in on the joke. That's my hope. Okay, tcbpodcast. Com, that's where you go. You find out more about the show. You can get all the audio, all the video right there from one location, our entire library.

You can also get your piggy-fronting sticker. It's free to you. It's a bumper sticker. We'd love to see the pictures of where you put them. Some people put the 21 EPMs and the Frankie B sticker on the back of their car. Brave. That's brave, kids. That is brave. I give you credit for that. So you go to the website, hit the Contact Us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address. We'll send it off to you in a couple of weeks. Also, we'd love it if you would contact us. 626, ask TCB the number three. That's 1, 626, ask TCB the number three. Hold free from anywhere in the world. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, send them our way. We would love to hear your opinion on what we should be talking about. Listen, the only reason why I'm talking about Corey Fieldman is because you didn't tell me what to talk about, so tell me what to talk about, and I will. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok, and YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for all the fun on video. Oh, man, Krissy. Well, we're not quite done today, but you know what?

We're done for right now. I'll say I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Krissy and I do say, we always say, and we must say, good bye. Good bye. -chipping Panies. -i have it.