We'll be friends. Talking about friends. Always be there forever. Always be friends. You'll be friends again forever. Yes, we always. On this episode of the commercial break, like, once you see it, you can't unsee it. Do you know what I'm saying?

Children, lock your doors.

Shit. Lock your doors. That's it. I'm going to have, like a little. I think I'm going to get like a little sign made.

Use the scrunchie roll. Yeah.

EPM in progress. You know what I'm saying? And just. EPM in progress, hanging out the front door. Next sticker. EPM in progress. Write it in the book. There it is. The next episode of the commercial break starts again. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the director of tyranny, Christina. Sorry, Tina. Tina. Best to you, Tina.

Best to you, Brian.

Oh, my gosh. With so many people, you know, with all the seats changing, I'm having a hard time keeping up with the name.

We got Christina's and Chrissy's.

Christina's and christina's. Yeah. And there's something like, embedded into my brain after 6000 hours of this stupid show that I'm just like, best to you, Chrissy. Best to all of you. Best everybody, whatever your name is. So thanks for joining us back in the program. Chrissy's taking a couple additional days off to be with family, and so Tina has joined me in studio. Thank you.

Happy to be here.

Happy to have you. So happy to have you. I want you to take a guess on something. If the Beatles were to sell one of their Grammy awards, of which they received, I think, a bunch. If they were to sell one of those on the open market, take a guess at how much the open market might pay for a Grammy won by one of the Beatles.

20,000.

20,000? I don't know. 20,000? Even living under a rock, I'm not talking 20,000.

Another zero.

200, maybe. 20,000. Really?

I wouldn't pay that for it.

Okay. I would have thought 20 million. Like, I would have thought. This is clearly a prized piece for any collector. A Grammy won by the Beatles handed to one of the Beatles. But I am wrong. I am closer to you than I was. Closer to my own guess, which is they say it's going to go for about $500,000. Half a million bucks.

Wow.

To me, that seems like a rather small amount of money to pay for a Grammy won by the Beatles, wouldn't you think?

I don't know why. I mean, it's who does it actually have any value? Mean besides the Beatle himself?

What is it? A pixelated dick pic have value, and people pay that shit on NFT all the time.

I don't value things the same way other people do. I'd rather have a beach house. Honestly.

I'd rather have a beach house, too. But if I'm buying a $500,000 Grammy, it's likely, chachky. It's likely. I also have a beach house. Do you know what I'm saying? Probably there's some expendable cash running around. Could be a huge investment. You never know. But I would think that it would go for a lot of money.

It's only worth what someone's willing to pay for it.

Goddamn. Get on the stick, guys. Someone pay some ridiculous amount of money so we can talk about how you waste your cash, please. It's like that girl who did the 69 $59 million wedding at the palace Versailles out of control. And then the guy was going to court. Yeah. He's going to jail, maybe for the rest of his life.

Insane.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine? But I think you're right about this. There's a huge collectible market, and there are a lot of people, including professional athletes, investors, hedge funds, all kind of people who get in on this action.

Sports memorabilia is huge. Yeah.

They're selling Pokemon cards for millions of dollars.

I hope my kids have some of those.

Oh, my God. I go to McDonald's. I don't know. It was like four months ago, five months ago. Whatever we go through McDonald's, I get the happy shit a meal or whatever the kids are eating. And they have Pokemon cards that they're giving away as the happy meal. So the kids are, with their greasy ketchup fingers, are trying to open those things, and I'm like, God, slow down.

I got to look this up.

1St first of all, let's put on some cloth gloves. Let's disinfect the entire area. Let's get a magnifying glass out. I need cameras with four angles. Get into the studio.

Give me the Pokemon. Eat your nuggets.

Yeah, don't worry about the Pokemon. You're too young to understand it.

You can't even read.

Yes. I was just hoping. I know. My kids are like, what's a dottle boodle? And I'm like, I don't fucking know. But it's worth a million dollars.

We're going to put it on eBay.

That's right. This is my next Dick Chasey collection.

That's right.

Happy meal Pokemon cards. I am flabbergasted that people are paying this kind of money for these Pokemon cards, but to the Pokemon collecting world, of which a lot of now professional business people are getting involved.

So crazy.

It's a thing. If a Pokemon card can go for $14 million, why the fuck is Paul McCartney's Grammy not worth at least a million dollars?

Yeah.

I just don't understand. I would not pay that. That wouldn't be where I would waste my money.

No.

But I have 26 children, so I got quite the college fund.

I need to get plenty of places to put that money.

Even if I wanted to, Astrid would be like, I don't think so, Brian. I don't think for one fucking second you're going to buy anything that is not approved by me first, because those kids are going to school. And I don't care what you say about your stupid Grammy, she would also say, why are we buying a Grammy? Yeah, I know. She said the same thing about the Pearl jam posters. For a hot minute, I was like, ooh, I want to buy this one. Ooh, I'm gonna buy that one. You know how much they're worth? Much less than what I bought them for.

Yes.

Yeah. I'm keeping track on that. The only collectibles in the world that lose value are the ones that start collecting. And I'm just glad I stayed out of the NFT world because that would have been a hot disaster had I done that. The NFTs, those NFTs, I never understood in the first place.

No.

And I think a lot of people are now coming to the realization that the NFT concept has a lot of value. There's value there. Something's going to happen with the NFT world. It's not gone away. It's not going away. However, trading pixelated art for millions of dollars makes little to zero sense because I can literally take a picture of your board ape and keep it on my phone if I want.

Yeah.

And the only thing I understand, there's perks like parties and get togethers and all that other stuff. Yes. That's the whole thing about those board apes is you get to be in the board ape yacht club, I think is what they call it. Or board ape.

You have to have a yacht.

I would highly doubt that most board ape collectors have a yacht. Maybe they have a glass bottom boat. Maybe that's a thing they have. Party barge in Texas. Really? That surprised me. We were talking about a friend who had a job once as a glass bottom boat driver.

Party barge captain, was it a party barge? It was a party barge.

But was he like in Galveston where you could actually go out into the ocean?

Victoria.

Victoria?

Yeah.

Isn't that like brackish, weird water in not.

I mean, it's not beautiful.

Like, when I think of going to the white sand beaches of Okalapa, Florida or something like that, I don't think of going to the white sand beaches of Galveston, Texas. Isn't it just like an oil refinery or something? I'm so misinformed. Somebody correct me, but I don't think of the beaches of Texas. So glass bottom boat, you're just going out there to drink? Essentially, yeah. You're going to hope that you find a dead body. Let's be honest about it. Everyone's hoping that a dead body shows up and you're all of a sudden a part of some true crime podcast that you can break down. We'll find who killed this lady. So the whole concept around board apes and why they are so still very expensive is because you belong to an exclusive club where you get exclusive.

Can't you just join a country club or polo fields?

Yeah, I think this is our new polo fields. You know what I'm saying? I'd be surprised if the country clubs survive much longer. I mean, it's a horrible amount of money to pay to show up. I mean, I guess you have a bar, I guess it's like your own bar, whatever people are into, I guess. But I don't know about the country club. That's not for me. But then again, I don't have enough money to get into a country club.

Yeah, me either.

I just don't ever think about country clubs.

Also not sure that's where I would waste my money if I could.

Only if it was like there was a good reason to do it. You know what I'm saying?

All of my friends were already part of the country club.

Every single one of my friends was already part of the country club. There was a blowjob station or some glory hole in the clubhouse or something like that. Yeah, the blowjob karaoke. That's right. Cocky. Ok. Somebody would have to present me with some kind of fantastic perk in order for me to pay a yearly fee. And then on top of that, annual dues and all this other stuff, we belonged one time to like a beach club. We had some property and we belonged to the beach club that was in the neighborhood. And I just didn't, at the end of the day, see the value in it.

It had a pool community association.

Yeah, the community association. But it was, like, a little bit more exclusive than that. Like, you had to pay a little bit of extra money to get into this particular beach club. And, yeah, you had beach chairs whenever you needed them. But you can go to Walmart and buy beach chairs. You know what I'm saying?

You can, but you have to drag those out yourself.

Well, I've been known as a very lazy person, but I think I can drag the beach chairs.

I'm that, dad, I'm paying the $40. I'm not taking the chairs. The cooler is enough.

Well, when I go, well, we had a home there, right? We had a place there that we were renting out when we weren't there. Or a condo is probably small, shitty condo built in the 50s. But I was that, Dad. I was carrying everything on my back.

I did that for a few years.

But I'm with you. If I go on vacation, this is where I spend my money. Not on a Grammy, but I will not for a second think twice about paying that person $10 on the beach, $20 on the beach, so that I can go ahead and get my little corner of paradise.

Yes.

In the front row.

Set my umbrella. Give me the chairs.

I want shade. If you can bring a cocktail to those who want one, I certainly would appreciate it. But that's not your style. That's okay. We'll bring our own. Like when we went to Spain. You go to Spain, and there are some beaches where the local government allows a private company to sell the chairs on these beautiful beaches in Spain. Right? So €10, €10 per chair. Maybe you can get €40. You can get a little umbrella with a couple of different chairs, like a little area. And then they have the government run chairs, which are out 24 hours a day, and they have someone that comes around, cleans them up and makes them appropriate. But you actually put the money in a box like you would in an old parking lot. Right? Okay, tell me which number. Yeah, the honor system. And then you get a little key, and then that key has a little locker on the back of the umbrella, so you can do the whole thing. That is like, €2. It's nothing.

That's crazy. I wish our great United States would do that.

Our great United States would not do that. This is why we need America to be great again. Kids, speaking of nfTs, Donald Trump's on his second NFT collection. Did you see? He's like, you know, help support my legal defense fund. Help support the legal defense fund by buying these great nfTs. And they're all like, caricatures drawn of Trump. But the difference in this series, too, I read the fine print, by the way, and I want you to hear this. So these trump cards are announced sometime over the last couple of weeks. Go to this website. You can buy one or you can buy 47 of them because he was the 47th president, right? If you buy the whole collection, which is 47, then you get a piece, a strip of the clothing that Donald Trump wore to be jailed here in Atlanta. So he took the suit and he cut it up. Yeah. My beautiful suit is sitting everywhere. My beautiful suit is in tatters, and I'm ready to send it to you.

Somehow is more entertaining to me than the Grammy. A piece of Trump's jailwear.

A piece of Trump's jailwear. He says it's the single most important artifact in american history because he will never surrender. However, I think he fails to understand that the suit that he wore to surrender to jail, never surrender doesn't work. I don't care what your political leanings are, that's just clear as day. You did surrender, and now you're shredding up the suit and selling it. Okay, whatever. You got some legal bills that are clearly mounting.

Yeah.

So fine, whatever. 47 cards, piece of the clothing, and you get to go down to a party at Mar a Lago. Okay, now, there you go. This is an NFT. This is what we're talking about, right? There's perks to this, okay? And I can clearly see this is going to sell out lickety split, surely. I don't know how many pieces you get out of a suit. It's like $99 per card or something like that. Okay, so you spend $5,000. Yeah. You spend $5,000, you get an invite to Mar Lago. They make it clear they're paying for nothing except for the dinner that you attend. They also make it clear that you cannot resell the cards, at least for one year.

What about the piece of the suit? Because here's where I think the real money.

This is where the money is. Because how many pieces of a suit could you really get out, honestly? I mean, he's a big boy. That's true.

And is it the shirt, the tie?

He says the suit, just the suit. That's what he said in this video that he made to introduce it. But I've got to imagine that if they sell well, he's going all the way down to the underwear, you know what I'm saying? And that's where the real money is then you got to pay like $10,000. Socks, the confiscation, shoelaces. That's right. Depends. Whatever it is, he's going to go all the way. He's going to go all. She's coming after Donald. Be careful, Donald. There are some weird people out there that might go in your favor. You could sell that one thing.

She would smell that for at least a week.

That goes for $500,000. That goes for half a million. And I can see paying half a million for that. The diaper that I pissed in as I was surrendering to never surrender. And that's as close as we get to politics on the show, kids.

That's right.

Guys, listen, I get it. He has to raise money. He should have a legal defense. That absolutely should be something he should do.

What piece of clothing could you sell to raise money?

I don't know. The save Ferris shirt that never seems to get off my back, that has permanent sweat stains and smells like my deodorant even after I wash it. That's what I could sell. And unfortunately, I just don't think we're getting $99 for that. I mean, I guess we could cut it up. We could try. I'd give it all to charity. I don't know what charity. This charity. The commercial break. Charity. Commercial break. Feed the commercial break. I think I could probably sell the save Ferris shirt. I think that's one thing that anybody who watched the YouTube, but unfortunately, no one watches the YouTube.

146 views.

146 views. I fart and get more views.

It's my favorite comment.

It's my favorite comment of all time, to which I really wanted to respond. I agree. Tell YouTube to stop shadow banning secret. Yes, tell the YouTube to stop shadow banning us. I think this is a thing. I think we got shadow banned for some reason or another. Maybe it's all the TLC shit that we put on. I mean, I don't know. Who knows?

But it's very strange.

It's very strange. So we put out this video on Steve O and over the course of a couple of days, it just didn't go anywhere. Like it did nothing. One of our videos has like, I don't know, 170,000 views. But most of them, a large majority of them, get less than 5000 views because either no one watches it or we're shadow banned. That's the only thing I can think of. There are much dumber podcasts out there to get much more views. And I'm saying that knowing how just how terrible we are, very mediocre. Extremely mediocre. We ride the edge, I think. Sometimes we get a laugh, but most of the time we're just dumb. And so some guy is a couple of hundred views and some guy says, I get more views when I record a fart. I agree with you, bro. I agree with you.

Unless he's actually recording the actual patootie tang.

Yeah, the patootie tang.

The saint.

Listen, I get it. And by the way, I think that's going to be our. He's our new lead writer on the show. He's funnier than we are. All right, let's take our first break. I got lots more to talk about and Tina's here with me. So grateful to have you on the chair, Tina.

So happy to be here.

Okay, we'll take a short break and then we will. Yeah, we'll come back. Why not?

Look, I know you guys are getting really sick of me, but that is too bad. It's my job. Now go to tcvpodcast.com for all of our audio and video content and get your little booty over to YouTube.com. Thecommercial break for fully edited video episodes. Want to chat? Leave us a voicemail at six two six. AskTCb three. Too embarrassed for your voice to be on the show? We understand. Text us instead at eight five five. TCb 8383. Can't even do that. No worries. Just follow us on TikTok at TCb podcast and on Instagram at the commercial break. And if you can't even be seen doing that, just listen to these sponsors and let's get back to the show.

Hey, everybody. Wanted to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Factor. Okay, do you want to know what the single biggest challenge for me as a single person was? Shopping for prepping and cooking nutritious meals. Do you want to know what the biggest challenge for me as a human with 25 to 60 family members living in my house, shopping for prepping and cooking a nutritious meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a big stress point around here. And since I don't really know how to cook, that stress often falls on other family members. But this holiday season, we're going to try something different. Factor, america's number one ready to eat meal delivery service, can help us fuel up fast for breakfast, lunch and dinner with chef prepared, dietitian approved, ready to eat meals delivered straight to our door. Because factor's never frozen meals are ready in just two minutes. All you have to do is heat and enjoy. You can choose from over 35 weekly flavor packed, fresh and never frozen meals that support a healthy lifestyle and meet your meal preferences. And guess what? It's all delivered right to your front door.

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Oh, I think it should be pulled from the market.

You think it should be pulled from the market? You feel that strongly about it?

Yeah, my cousin passed away at the top of the year from an ozempic situation.

You're kidding me.

No, I'm not.

What happened, if you mind sharing?

Well, she was on it. She started having, like, heart flutters.

She's 38 years old, palpitations and stuff like that.

So her dad is my godfather, actually, a surgeon here in Atlanta. And he was like, stop the ozempic immediately. She stopped it. The heart flutters went away. She thought, I'll start it again.

Yeah.

And she went into cardiac arrest and they couldn't get to her fast enough because her dog was out of the crate. So when the paramedics showed up, he.

Tried to attack them?

No, they waited for animal control before they even went in the house.

Oh, Jesus, Jones, you're kidding me.

Nope.

Isn't that like a dereliction of duty or that's. Is there a lawsuit? I hope sometimes. With someone. No. Okay. All right, well, I understand. It's a tough situation. Sticky. Know, I have friends that are on Ozempic and I've not used it, and no one that I know super close.

You're saying like twelve people a day are dying from it?

I just watched a special on 60 minutes Australia about a gentleman who had a wife. Their daughter was getting married. The wife really wanted to fit into a dress. And so for six months she was on Ozempic, and she was constantly throwing up, constantly having diarrhea, constantly having problems, headaches and stomach issues and heart palpitations and all this other stuff. And she went to the doctor. The doctor was like, you got to. Went to the doctor that was not prescribing her Ozempic. And he's like, listen, I suggest you stop the Ozempic, because we don't really know all the ramifications of taking it in this manner, and it may be causing a lot of your issues. But she just refused because she wanted to get in that dress and she was losing weight. So, husband, I think the story goes, woke up one day, makes some coffee, get some breakfast. Wife's not out of bed yet. He goes upstairs, and she's aspirated on her own puke. And he just was just too late. He had to save her. And I have friends who are on Ozempic who also are. One of them made a joke. She said, I don't know, I was going over to see Chrissy or something, and some friends were coming along, and one of the friends was on Ozempic.

And I said, hey, listen, I'll stop by and get some donuts. You can bring some coffee, whatever. And she said, yeah, bring the donuts. I shouldn't eat them. But don't worry, Ozempic will take care of it. And she had, like this, she put this emoji or this picture of poop sliding down a slide, right? And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I guess that's okay. Yeah. So I don't know all the medical ramifications of taking Ozempic, but now I've got friends that are taking it. So I know it's a very popular thing to do, because when my friends start taking.

Its way.

Yeah, that's right. But lots of people are losing weight on it also. And one of the people who has been questioned about that is Oprah. And so Oprah recently said, listen, I'm done shaming other people. I take Ozempic along with eating right and doing exercise, and I don't want to be shamed about it. I'm not going to shame anybody else about it. It's part of my medical, part of what I do is my medical regimen, my health care. And who amongst us wouldn't like to lose ten to 15% of our body weight? Sure. Right. But I also sense that there probably is no good shortcut to that. You just probably have to eat right.

Exercise, a little exercise, move your body around. Yeah.

And then I think there probably are medical cases where it's clear that some kind of medical intervention, I think Ally.

Is one of the better ones out there.

Ally? Yeah. We're not pitching these, by the way.

There are some things you can take that are not as tragic as Ozempic.

Yeah. Well, here's to hoping they figure out what's going on with Ozempic so that they can.

I just don't know how it got on the market with all these problems.

It's a diabetes drug, and people realized that they were losing weight on it, like, they were losing their appetite, and we didn't want to eat as much. They were losing weight. And so there you go. Off label. I think it's still off label, isn't it? I don't think that the FDA has approved osempic for weight loss. I don't know.

No, not for weight loss. For diabetes.

For diabetes. Right.

Type one diabetes, if I'm not mistaken, because that's why my cousin was taking.

And isn't there people who actually need that medication? You know what saying?

Yeah. It's just being erroneously prescribed, perhaps.

Well, if good luck to you on your weight loss journey. I'm not here to determine whether or not that's good for you or not good for you. And I'm not here to tell you to take it or not take it. And I don't care. My personal feelings are, if that's where you feel you are, go for it. Just be aware that there may be some side effects. So here's what led me to think about Oprah in the first place. Did you see this Drew Barrymore interview that Oprah did?

No.

Oprah went on Drew Barrymore's show, and I don't know if you. And by the way, love Drew Barrymore. Drew is just as kind, gentle soul. She's a scattered, hot mess, but so am I. So the both of us are peas in a pod. But she goes on this, Oprah goes on Drew Barrymore, and Drew has this couch where she sits with some of her guests. And when she sits with those guests, she gets, like, really super close to them. She puts one knee up on the couch, and then she moves in. And on occasion, she'll do, like, the touching the knee or the shoulder, whatever. She grabbed Oprah's hand at the beginning of the interview and would not let it go. You could even see at one point, Oprah pulled her hand away, and Drew grabbed the other hand. She just adjusted her grip. And now Oprah claims that she did not feel any discomfort. But I think it's pretty clear from the videotape, which I'm not going to show here, because it's the Drew Barrymore show, and I don't want to cease and desist notice. But it's clear to me that Oprah looks uncomfortable by Drew.

Pull your hand, you draw back. That is definitely a sign of discomfort. How strange.

How strange. Oprah is probably not used to having people physically interact with her.

Probably not like that.

Right. I'm sure Oprah has this probably pavlovian response to people reaching out to touching her, which is leave me alone. Because when you're that famous. Yeah.

No touchy.

No touchy.

No touchy.

No ticky, no tacky, no touchy, no know. That's why she bought a whole island in Hawaii or whatever. She wants to get away from people, not be near them. And she's like probably the most famous woman on earth. I would probably and maybe the most famous people on earth. And this whole interview is just a little bit cringe. And I wonder what's going through Drew's head. And not that she can't touch Oprah. I mean, that's up to them, I guess. But I just wonder what's going through her head, why she has to get so physical with her guests. She did the same thing with Jada pigment Smith. When she came on, she was like really up in our face, very close.

Like needy for human connection.

I think so.

Yeah, she might be.

Drew kind of had a, like, she.

Had a rough start. Yeah.

Was she doing blow at nine or something?

Yes. Yeah.

When you do blow at nine, you're definitely going to have some adult therapy issues. You know what I'm saying?

She had to hang out with ET. That had to be traumatizing at four.

I am traumatized by ET to this day. There are scenes in ET that I don't want to watch because it takes me back to my childhood when I was really scared. All those tubes coming out of the house. That made me just kind of like shuffling around. I always felt it very unnerving. But she also grew up in the 80s when she was a child star. In the 80s, there was like a whole brat pack of kids that were running around just doing drugs and drinking at such a young age because all.

Their parents were at the party and nobody was paying attention. Yeah, she was in like rehab at 13 or something.

Yeah. Chrissy and I just watched. We did like a little Corey Feldman breakdown. And Corey was talking about. She was saying when I got sober, you weren't quite sober, but you were there. For me, it was a safer place than some of the. I could go to you because you were a safer place than some of the other people that I was around. And Corey was like, yeah, I went into rehab, out of rehab, into rehab, out of rehab. Not permanently out of rehab. He must be. But to be given cocaine at age nine.

Yeah, I think that probably causes some attachment issues.

Some attachment issues, yes. And then I think she had a rough relationship with her mother or her father or something like that.

Probably all of them.

I love Drew. I think Drew's good for her and the show and kind of like a renaissance of her career.

Sure.

But you don't have to be so fucking close to people. I don't like touching people.

Especially after the COVID times. We don't do that anymore.

It's so weird to think that just two years ago we were 6ft apart with masks on. Everywhere that we went, hugging became a no no. Hugging, touching. I thought the handshake would go the way of the dodo bird. It did. It has.

I still know a lot of people that only do the knuckle bump.

They only do the knuckle fist bump. No more shaky hands. Yeah, well, when you think about it was probably a bad idea in the first place. I mean, people's palms, they wipe their butts with it, they whack off with it, they touch railings with it.

My brother calls those coke freestyle machines dick finger machines.

Dick fingers.

He's like, you know, somebody just came out of that bathroom.

Oh, I didn't even think about that. Thanks, Jason. I will never use one of those machines again. Yet another thing, now I can't touch out in public.

You will never look at one of those and not call it a dick finger machine.

Never ever not call it a dick. As a matter of fact, I have an image of my own dick just touching that. Like sharing dicks. Yeah. Now I have a vision of multiple people using their dicks to just control the. Hey, what do you want, Bob? Give me a coke. He just takes out his dick and just starts banging the machine, holding down the ice button with his half hard. You want some ice in that? Yeah, do me a favor, give me some ice in that. I appreciate. Hey, nice schlong there, Tommy. Thanks, budy. I got a half hard back on the mellow yellow. I got a little peepee poopoo in your drink. I hope you don't mind. Shit, I don't care. What do I give a shit? I'm shaking people's hands. Why do I care? I do agree that shaking people's hands was kind of a weird thing in the first place. You think about it. But I go to meetings or I say hello to people, or I'm at the school and introducing myself, and people put out their hands pretty regularly.

Give you a hug, to be quite frank, because this has not been.

Moms have been. Yeah, that's true. You know, I had my morning press conference with the kids in the shitter.

In the Poopoo peepee room.

And I was reading this article about how this lady was saying. She was saying on TikTok that when you leave the toilet seat open and flush the toilet, it's just about the worst thing that you could do. It flies everywhere. Yeah. Fecal matter. Just everywhere. And so I think I'm pretty religious about putting the toilet seat down in.

General and shut the door to the water closet.

Shut the door.

Toothbrush doesn't end up with.

That's right. But then my kids just come sliding in there. They're just crawling all over the place. My youngest one started to crawl, and she opened the door this morning, like, with her head, like, push the door open. And she was like. And I was, oh, God, don't be on that floor, please. For God's sakes, you're getting peepee poop. And then I thought to myself, what do I care? Full of shit anyway. Do you know what I'm saying? She's got diapers. She's literally sitting in her own stink for half the day. What is it, really? Yeah. But I'm thinking about moving the morning press conference to some other area because it's just got me really disgusted after I just.

Family cooties, though.

Yeah, that's true. You all share the same coot.

I mean, they cough, right? My niece and my nephew right into my mouth. Just right into it.

The baby has like a cold or something.

Yeah. You're eating, though.

I know. And then the other day, I was watching her, and I had her on my belly. I was laying down, recovering from my balls getting snipped, and I had her on my belly, and I was just kind of bouncing her, and she fell forward. And when she fell forward, this green snot that was just sitting in her nose just expelled right into my mouth. And I was like, if she hadn't been laying on me, I would have jumped. Like I saw a cockroach. You know what I'm saying? I grabbed her, I jumped up. I'm spitting, I'm listering. And now I'm thinking to myself, she came from me. What's the big fucking deal? She came from me. I literally saw her full of blood and guts right when she came out, I held her. When she still had sticky and placenta on her. What does it really matter at the end of the day? I just told my vasectomy story on air. There's not much that's left up to the imagination.

Nothing is sacred.

You know what I'm saying? Nothing is sacred at all. I love that girl, but I don't want her snot in my mouth.

I know. I raised three. I've got a niece and a nephew now. I love them more than anything. I don't want to eat their boogers. I just don't.

I just don't. I'm just not interested. And, you know, then the kids get to that age where they're starting to get their finger in the nose.

Oh, yeah. They're exploring.

They're eating it. And I'm like, hey, guys, hands in.

The pants, hands in the face.

They touch their butts, everything. Yeah. They're so interested. I know they're so interested. They're exploring every part of their body, and then they want to give me a hug or feed me. That's one thing. One of my kids wants to feed me. And I'm like, I just saw you put your finger in your asshole. Could you not give me that chicken nugget? I certainly would appreciate.

Yeah, I want the cookie you're about to hand me. But why is your hand all wet? Why is it slimy?

Yeah. Why is there all that green stuff all over your hand? Hey, what is that? I just picked my nose. I had one of my kids one time when he found that the nose had things in it. He grabbed it, and he's like, what's this? Daddy stuck it right on my nose. Stuck it right on my nose. And I was like, oh, my God. You got to understand, I'm not a normal person when it comes to bodily fluids. I could walk up on the scene of a car accident where someone's head exploded, and I would be in full get it done mode. Like, I wouldn't care that there was blood and guts everywhere. But I cannot handle peepee poopoo and boogers. I know. I just can't handle it. It's not something that I can do. And this is another reason why I'm never going to be on Osmpic is because I don't like the fact that I. Shit. You don't want to accelerate that. That's right. I've got Ozempic. It's called my morning coffee.

It's coffee?

Yeah, it's coffee. The second that I look at that coffee, I'm running down the hallway there's a handoff that goes on in the morning. It's like, I run to the kitchen, and then someone hands me the coffee, and then I run on the way to the bathroom with my boxers, I'm already pulling my pants down. I don't even have to drink it. And I'm already in the mode where I'm going to poop. And that's when the kids run behind me like it's a parade. It's the morning press conference.

We're going to be late.

Yeah. What's daddy watching on instagram? Let's see. I know. And I'm always telling them, guys, go get dressed. Go get dressed for school. My dad went over saying, I have questions.

What are you doing?

I know. Why? That's what I get 24 fucking hours a day. Why do you eat your boogers? Why do you stick your hand in your butthole and then put it in my mouth?

Why do you do that stuff always coming out of your face?

Why are there boogers all over your bedroom wall? Why? Because I told you. Please, do me a favor. This is my rule. Explore, knock it out. Cook your boogers. Eat them, cook a meal, stir fry, snot, I don't give a shit. But you do it in the bathroom and you wash your hands after you do it. That's where you go. You go, be neat. Yeah. There are some things you just do in private. It's the same rule I'm going to have about whacking off. Close the fucking door.

Please lock it.

Please lock it. I don't want to walk in on you. You don't want me to walk in on you?

I can't undo it.

I can't undo it.

Scarred me for a long time.

That's right. It's like looking at the business end of a natural birth. Like, once you see it, you can't unsee it. Do you know what I'm saying?

Children, lock your doors.

Lock your doors. That's it. I'm going to have, like, a little. I think I'm going to get, like, a little sign made.

Just use the scrunchie roll.

Yeah. EPM in progress. You know what I'm saying? And just EPM in progress, hanging out the front door.

Next ticker.

EPM in progress. Write it in the book. There it is. EPM in progress.

That's amazing.

That's as good as. I love it, but I'm going to do it because I want to be as honest with these children as possible. Did you take this road like, hey, kids, this is perfectly natural. Normal. Go for it. Knock yourself out. Jizz away, kids. Jizz away.

Please. I'd rather you take care of it yourself and seek the help of others.

Don't do it into a t shirt. Leave our good towels alone. Find yourself a nice raggedy ass cloth and you're in charge of washing it. Let me show you how to do the laundry.

That's right.

Because that's where I'd prefer that if.

You'Re old enough to epm. You're old enough to wash the laundry.

Yes. I'd like your protoplasm to go somewhere besides my work shirt. Do you know what I'm saying?

Don't make me peel your socks.

You can use my save Ferris shirt.

That might take more money after.

That's right. If you pay for my save Ferris shirt, you can use my save Ferris shirt as a whack off cloth. I don't care because, yeah, everyone has one and everyone's got to get to this. Did you just tell your children? Hey, listen, this is perfectly normal. Natural.

100%. Well, my daughter. I let my ex husband handle the talk with the boy. Good, because it's just awkward. But yeah, I bought her a bullet.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

The kind you do cocaine with or the kind that you. Okay.

And then I did her laundry and washed it. I was like, shit. So I ordered another one. Just like, left it in her.

You were like mother of the year. You bought a bullet for your kid?

Hell, yeah.

Maybe I'll get one.

Listen, like I said, I'd rather you do it on your own.

Good for you.

Figure out your own body before you go sharing it with other people.

Agreed.

So understand yourself first, and then if you can always take care of it.

Then why do you need anybody else?

Honestly?

Honestly. Well, the kids aren't having sex these days.

They really aren't.

They aren't.

I know. It's all crazy.

We're going to have a whole problem with this, mark my words. If we're still here in 20 years, and we will be, because this show makes twelve cents an episode. But if we're still here in 20 years, mark my words, there's going to be a birth rate problem because there already is. The kids aren't having sex.

There already is.

And I say kids. I mean, like late teens, early 20s. Yes, they are not having sex.

And they don't want kids.

No, for this, I don't blame them, actually.

No. They can barely afford to feed themselves.

Barely afford to feed themselves. They really feel the doom and gloom. They don't want to bring children into a world that they already see as unfair and fucked up. And in a lot of ways it is. And I totally understand. So don't worry. I got it covered for you because I had 22 children. So don't worry about it. You're good. I got at least a few of you covered out there.

That's right.

All right, let's take a break and then I want to talk about the Pogues.

Okay?

You want to talk about the Pogues?

Let's do it.

Let's talk about the Pogues. We'll be right back.

Hello again, my little podcast pals. It's Christina, and I am just here to remind you once again to go on over to tcbpodcast.com because that is where all of our episodes live. Want to get involved with the show? Leave us a voicemail at six two six. AskTCb three if you don't want your voice played on the show because look, I get it. I'm only here under duress. You can text us instead at eight five five, TCb 8383. And as always, please remember to go follow us on instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. And also, don't forget about our precious little YouTube channel, YouTube.com thecommercial break. I promise those videos are worth your time. Now let's listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to whatever they were talking about.

All right, so the Pogues, what do you know about the Pogues? 90s band, 90s grungy punk band. And actually they were back in the think is when they really started. And Shane, the lead singer writer of the band, he just passed away. And there's a lot of people that are giving their, it's very viral right now. I don't know a whole lot about the Pogues. I like the music that I've heard from them. It's kind of like, I don't know. What's the best way to describe their music, do you think? I think you would probably call it like irish punk. I don't know. Okay, let me give you the wikipedia. So for those of you that don't know who the Pogues are. So the Pogues are an English or an Anglo irish Celtic punk band. I was right. Okay. Irish punk band.

Right.

Shane McGowan and others founded in Kings Cross, London, which is where I stayed, actually, when I went to London, I stayed at Kings Cross. And so then they had this band, they formed in 1982. They were only around for just a couple of years. And then they did some like, you know, comeback tours and stuff like that or whatever. They were trying to capitalize on it. By all accounts, Shane McGowan was good, man. He was like a super sweet, empathetic human being. So super sweet and empathetic that he left a $12,000 blank check for his funeral bar tab. He wanted his friends to have a good time. That's right. That's the kind of guy I like.

Yeah.

I can drink on your dime even when you're dead. Yes. So he passed away. I think he was ill. He was fighting, I think, cancer. He passed away. But there is one song during Christmas time that I cannot wait to fucking hear. There are a couple of them, but there's one that just can't wait for around Christmas time. And it's the Pogue's New York fairy tale. Have you heard this song?

I don't know. I can't.

I know you have.

Yeah.

I'm going to play it for you. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is because it gives me a chance to play one of my favorite Christmas songs, quite frankly. And I know there's copyright and all that other bullshit. I just want to play a little bit of it. You'll know it when you hear it. You ready?

I'm ready.

Okay, here we go. So we're watching the video here in the studio. And that is Matt Dylan. That is, in this video. The rare old mountains, you a turn left west away undream the belt got on the lucky one. He's such a great man. Such an awful set of teeth. But here, for the first 3000 times I heard this song. I have not a fucking clue what Shane is singing about. Not a clue. But it's like there's some weird, beautiful art happening here. And I just don't know what it is. But chime and I send someone I've got a feeling it's years from beginning so happy Christmas I got that part. So happy Christmas I can see a better time when all our dreams come.

True close.

Of New York City when the fun finish playing they hung out the mall sinatra swinging all the jokes they were singing we kissed on the corner then dance through the night the boys of the animal and the bells are ringing out for Christmas day I mean, it's like such a beautiful song. Yes, such a beautiful song.

Lifting now in the beginning, not so much. Yeah, there's some stuck in the drunk take pretty fast.

I don't understand a fucking word he's saying. In the beginning I mean, I do. I know the lyrics now, but I didn't understand a word that he was saying. But it's just such a brilliant song for Christmas. I just love it. I don't know why. And the boys in the NYPD are playing whatever. I don't know. But it's beautiful and I loved it and it touched me. I don't know in a way that no other Christmas song has made me feel. And when I first heard it, long, long time ago, when I first heard it, I was like, who is this fucking band that put this beautiful song together? Well, it happened to be the Pogues. Well, now Shane's passed away, but I hope this Christmas song lives on forever. I really do. I love it. You think so?

Yeah. Because you know how Christmas songs live on is you play them for your kids and your kids are nostalgic about it.

Then they play it for their watching. I was reading about Mariah Carey, you know that this lady who sang, was it rocking around the Christmas tree or something? That became the number one hit single.

I know that song, but I don't know the lady.

I think I'm not mistaken that rocking around the Christmas tree was a song that was like 30, 40, 50 years old.

Yeah.

And the lady who sang that song has never had a top ten hit until I think it's called soundscan. The people who keep track of the charts started allowing songs to come back on the charts, like perennially so Christmas songs. So Mariah Carey's is of course, always up there at the top, I think with that wham song. What is that wham song that they sing? George Michael's Christmas tune that he's got there. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I think it's just George Michael. I know it. It's on my Christmas.

Yeah. Okay.

All right.

Anyway, so all these people are starting to pop back up on the charts. Well, this lady, after almost 50 years, gets her due when she's a number one single. I only hope the same thing happens for Shane and his delightful pogues because he paid the bar tab after you're dead. That's the thing to do.

I think I'm going to do that.

Need to do this. If I had $12,000. Listen, $12,000 saving now. Yeah. First of all, it's going to take a lot more than $12,000 for my.

Friends, my friends, that's for sure.

Because the bar tab is going to turn into the coke tab is going to turn into the hangover tab is going to turn to the more coke tab. I just know it's going to go on for days. So I'm going to have to get a lot more than $12,000. But to think about that as a human being before you pass away, to say, I really want you guys to have a good party. The bar tab. That's right. I don't want you to go broke doing it. So I'm paying the bar tab. And the most beautiful thing was, they're in this big, huge church. I'm sure it's somewhere in England or Ireland or something. They're in this big, huge church doing the service. The casket's there in the middle. The priests are all standing there, full regalia, and they're singing this, you know, everybody in the church is singing the song. How they know the lyrics, I'm not sure, but I guess they gave a copy out beforehand to let people know in the program, to let people know what to say. But that's the way I want to go. Not at the Church, but that's the way you send me out.

Tina, when you're there, just tell everybody who wants to frill me up and say nice things. I don't know who's going to have nice things to say about me. But when they want to do that whole number, just remind them, Shane McGowan, please. Please, Shane McGowan. I want people singing. I want them dancing. I don't want priests in full regalia, but if priests want to come, that's. I would. I'd like to do it at a dive bar.

Actually, I think that's the appropriate thing to do.

Put the urn right in the middle and say, brian Green, play something on the jukebox. A pragmatic pragmatist, a terrible guitarist, a mediocre lover, sometimes funny. Made way too many episodes of the commercial break, but he paid the bar tab. Can we give an applause for the guy who paid for the bar tab? That's for sure. That's for sure. What's your favorite Christmas song?

Oh, I don't know. That's a tough one. I grew up listening to Christmas records, and so we would take turns playing the Andy Williams Elvis, the chipmunks, the peanuts. I love the peanuts.

My grandma had like, this old hi fi system. You know what I'm talking about? Like the cabinet.

We had the speakers taller than we were.

Yeah. For those of you who are, it.

Looked like a piece of furniture.

It was a piece of furniture.

It was like a space.

It was like, imagine just a big. I don't know, chest. Something you would put in the front of your house. Like in an entrance of a house or in a bedroom, but instead of having drawers in it, it had speakers on the side that were knobs. Yeah. Like ornately decorated. Right. And then the top popped up and there was a record player and usually knobs so you could turn on. And my grandma had one that had the eight track in it, too. So we had all these eight tracks of Christmas songs and she'd just keep putting another Christmas album, other Christmas album. It's such a good time. And I think one thing so unique about Christmas time is that the most popular songs tend to be the ones that are very old.

Very old.

Very old. It's like we got stuck in some kind of Christmas stasis and no one is making good Christmas music anymore.

And there was a time when, yeah. Artists wanted to. I remember when Christina Aguilera put out her Christmas album. Okay, I did go buy it. Yeah, it was pretty good. It was pretty good. But it used to be a thing like, that's when artists felt like they made. It was when they put their Christmas album out. People don't do that anymore.

They don't do that well. I think they think of it as kind of a dud.

Christmas music's already been done. There's nothing more to do. I don't know.

It's already been done. I just don't know how much original content is out there.

They're just re singing the same old.

Songs that it's Christmas, it's Christ's birthday. You can't make a statement like that because you're going to get canceled or whatever. And so you either sing the classics, claiming that I didn't write. I'm just singing maybe it's cold outside. I get it. I totally understand. The lyric is a little disconcerting. It's a classic.

We can't go changing. It's Christmas.

Yeah. There's a lot of stuff from a long time ago that we're not going to agree with today, but that doesn't mean we have to erase history. Right? That's my opinion anyway.

How much more sensitive.

What's that?

I said, how much more sensitive are we supposed to get?

Well, I don't know. Now you can't sing that. And now every time I watch Elf, I think, oh, elf's going to get canceled pretty soon because they sing that song in the shower scene, remember?

No, I love that movie.

Baby, it's cold outside and he's just met that girl. Okay, I can't remember who plays which actress plays in that. I can't remember. But anyway, will Ferrell's character elf meets the girl at the department store, and then he goes there early to set up for Christmas and he decorates the whole department store and all that wonderful Christmas decorations. And then he's in the bathroom and she's taking a shower. I don't know why a department store has a shower and why she's taking one there, but okay, let's just run with it. And she's singing baby, it's cold outside and he starts singing the other part to it. And then they have a little duet going on before she realizes she's being sung to by a creepy elf that's standing watching her take a shower. And. Yeah, okay, I get it. So every time I watch that scene, I think to myself, oh, yeah, this is getting canceled. This might be elf's out the way, out the door. I think my favorite Christmas song is either the Pogues, but I've always had like, I don't know, like a little soft spot for little drummer boy.

Carol of the bells carol the bells.

I always felt like I was the little drummer boy when I was a kid, you know what I'm saying? I was that kid who would come give little catholic Brian some good cocaine.

Bottom bum song.

A little Rochambo. Bottom I know it's cold outside bottom bum, bum, bum why's a good time to get high bottom bum, bum, bum, bum, bum I love that song.

It's a fun song.

It's a fun song. All the Christmas tunes are fun to sing.

I know. And aside from the pugs, you can normally make out the lyrics. Yeah, but as a kid, you can sing along.

It's true. It's true. You can be in the little Christmas play. Were you in the little Christmas play ever?

Yes. I went to a christian school, believe it or not, for my first two years.

Oh, you did? I didn't know that.

Smyrna Christian Academy.

Oh, really?

I sure did.

And so did they send you to church every once in a while?

Chapel every day.

Oh, really?

After lunch.

Wow. That's very serious.

It was.

Yeah, we went to mass at least once a week, probably more like twice a week when I was going to catholic school. And not my favorite part of the day, if I'm being real honest, because those teachers, it was nap time. Only the teachers were keeping an eye out specifically for the nappers, of which I was one. And all the sitting and kneeling and standing and sitting and kneeling and standing and sitting and kneeling and standing.

Yeah, my school didn't do that. It's more protestant in Nature.

Good for the Protestants.

After lunch, you won't expect a bunch of six year olds to pay attention to some.

No. Because you know when the worst time in the world to have a meeting or anything you have to pay attention to is right after you're 30 minutes before you eat. Or 30 minutes after you. A scientific fact. That's why I don't eat before I do these episodes. Because if I ate before I did these episodes, they would be much worse than they already are. And I just don't want to subject anybody to that. So I don't eat. I like to be hungry when I get in here. It gives me fuel. It makes me drive. So I could talk about Christmas songs for 30 fucking minutes. What was that one song? It's not a Christmas song. It's actually a New Year's song. I can't remember it. It's like a cheesy love song.

I don't know New Year's music.

I didn't know it was a played during Christmas. But I think it's really about New Year's. Okay. Oh, my gosh. Now I'm forgetting how it goes because now I have in my head. Is that fucking post or little drummer boy? That's right.

Just sing some more of that. It'll come back.

Anyway, there's a song sung by some cheese yacht rocker in the just love during Christmas time, too always brings a little tear to my. Christmas time is an emotional time. It can be, it can be, it can be. And you know why it's an emotional time? Because I know I'm going to go broke every Christmas, buying 22 children Christmas presents.

We're all crying right before everyone files.

Bankruptcy in February, right before the credit card companies start calling us.

It is peak season, by the way. February is peak bankruptcy season because everyone.

Just says, I'm going to blow whatever cash I have on Christmas. I'll deal with it in the new year. Yes, this is peak denialism season is what it is. And I do have to say this. December 11 is the day when more breakups happen than any other day of the year.

That's pretty crazy.

It's pretty fucking shitty is what it is. You're trying to get out of the relationship right before you have to buy a Christmas present. You're feeling the pressure. You know the relationship's not working out. You're going to have to buy a Christmas present. And you say, you know what? Let me do it. Before Christmas.

I know somebody that actually did do a breakup.

I do. I remember. Oh, was that December 11?

Not me, but someone else I know.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Seriously? Wow. See, I read it and it's true.

It's true. Confirm.

But you know what? Then I always say to, like, I say to people who are, my relationship is so shitty, but I don't want to break up with her because, no.

Never drag it out.

I say, listen, there is no good time for a breakup. There is never a good time for but Christmas fucking day, there's never going to be a good time. It's always going to be a new season. 4, July, Easter, Christmas, vacation, holidays, birthdays, birthdays. There's always going to be an excuse. If you're making excuses to drag it out, it means you still want to be in the relationship. If it's December fucking 24th at 1158.

And you realize it's, and you realize.

It'S over, break up with them right then, yeah, trust me, everyone's going to be better for it. And then one guy told me, this is just recently, actually. It's like, well, Christmas becomes a shitty occasion for her because I broke up with her. And I'm like, you're thinking way too much of yourself.

One Christmas might be shitty.

Yeah, you're thinking way too much of yourself. I guarantee you're not going to psychologically damage someone's Christmas for life if you break up with somebody during Christmas season, because we're all big boys and girls, we can handle it.

And it's true. Maybe she didn't buy you a gift yet and you're saving her the hassle.

That's true. You know what I often find? If you're looking to break up with her, she's probably looking to break up with you. Yeah, for sure. It's a fact.

Yeah.

I very rarely in my life have experienced a breakup that wasn't expected or anticipated on both sides. You know what I'm saying? On the occasion.

Feel it.

Yeah. There's the occasional sneaky like, oh, I've been sleeping with your sister. This whole that kind of crazy story.

Been falling from my lies.

Yeah. I think that Christmas song from the Pogues is about a tortured relationship, by the way.

Yeah, he was serenading her from the.

Drunk tank and then he was fistfighting her on the video. I love it. Christmas cheer, 1982. It was a different time. Most of our listeners probably weren't even born in 19. Probably not, but that's okay. All right. Tcbpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more information about the show. You can also watch the video and all the audio. It's right there from one location, the entire library. Don't go searching all over. Just go to the website and hit play. There you go. For those of you that have been asking, we will pick up on the audio scavenger hunt. That will happen in January. I'd like Chrissy to be here when we do that. So that's the reason why we've pushed it back. It will happen. We're just going to do it in January. It'll be the beginning of season five as opposed to the end of season four. TCb podcast on TikTok at the commercial. The commercial break on Instagram. I'm going to cut that clip so we can have that here. The commercial break on Instagram. YouTube.com thecommercial break if you'd like to watch any of our videos, we put out our full interviews there clips every single day of the week.

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Anytime.

I love you.

I love you.

Best to you.

Best to you.

Best you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Tina and I always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

Hell yeah. Close.