We are not a middle aged lesbian couple, and we're not gay for each other. Yes, we kissed one time, and yes, it was awesome, but that's in the past. Now on this episode of the commercial break. Oh, that's a really nice thing for you to do on a first date. Yeah, you figured. You figured.

I don't want to do any work.

I don't want to deal with all the personal details. You figure it out, and I'll show up with my dick hard and ready to go. The next episode of the commercial break starts. Aw, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green, and the queen retakes her rightful place on the throne. Chris and Joy Hodley, my best friend, my co host. Best to you, Chrissy. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. She's back. You don't have to text anymore. She's back. She's back. Nothing has happened. You don't have to call a Hollywood.

Reporter or look in your crawl space.

Yes, you're doing. What was that called?

What?

What were the people who were, like, living in people's houses?

Yeah. Frogging.

Frogging. You weren't frogging. She was just frogging in my crawl space.

Sneaking around when everybody's asleep.

Well, you did that back when we were single and ready to mingle. You were creeping around my house in the middle of the night. You and my dog. Yeah, you and boss. I was just following you, eating a meal. She was like, oh, the kristen's back. Oh, that means I'm going to get a late night dinner.

My parents dogs did the same.

That boss was the dopeiest dog. She had, like, those big droopy eyes and jowls, and she would just follow you around like. And she was just a sweetheart.

She was.

She was a sweetheart because I think someone beat her into submission. Not my ex wife. She said, here's the story. So bots, which was a dog that my ex wife brought into the relationship. The dog was like a year old when I met Julia. A year, a year and a half old.

Yeah.

So the dog was so well behaved, and from the first moment that I met the dog, the dog was absolutely attached to me. It wouldn't leave my side almost ever. And so she lived in this condo building. And I'll never forget the first night I spent the night there. Her trash was full, so I took her trash out like a gentleman. I go down to the trash chute, and as I get to the trash chute, which is, like, all the way at the other end of the hallway, I turn around, and there's bots just right behind me. I didn't even realize. And I was like, oh, my God. Just supposed to be out of here, blah, blah, blah.

Slipped out the door.

So I'm like, wow, this dog is so well behaved. And she's like, well, that's because she went away to a training camp. And I'm like, what's a training camp? And she's like, I don't really know, but my mom sent her off for three weeks to a training camp, and she came back so well behaved. And I'm like, she'll probably beat the shit out of that dog. But the story was, the reason why the dog went to the training camp is because Julia left for work one day, and she would leave bats locked in the bedroom or otherwise the dog would get into the couch cushions and knock stuff over. And she had an apartment with some nice stuff in it, so she was just trying to keep the dog safe in the house. She came home one day, and the dog, she had closed the bedroom door, and the dog met her at the door. And when she got home, and she's like, what the fuck? How did you get out? Like, no one was in the house. She walks to the bedroom door, and this dog, bots, had chewed a hole in the door and let herself out.

Literally chewed a hole in the door. Got so anxious that Julia had left that she chewed a hole and walked out the door.

I haven't heard of the chewing. I have heard of, like, the scratching.

I think that's probably what she did. She probably scratched, got to go that way, and then just used her mouth. She was a lab, and you know, those labs, they have the worst kind of energy when they're little because it's so cute to watch them kind of fumble around themselves.

So cute.

But they will destroy the shit out of your house.

Yes, and shoes. We used to have labs, too, and I remember.

Did they eat your shoes?

Yes, all of them shoes had got eaten.

The wood on the high heels was just too much. They had to take it. But the dog ended up being the sweetest dog in the world. I mean, really, by the time I knew it, she was just fine. Probably because she had PTSD. I don't know what they do at those training. We tried to send blue to a training camp, but the guy was like, I remember that he was, like, not.

Doing so excited, too. We were, this is it. We're going to solve all our problems. We're sending it away.

We're sending blue away. She's going to come back and reform.

That was all I heard.

That's all that ever happened. Because the guy refused to take her. He asked for a few videos of the behavior.

There's nothing to be done.

He said, listen, bro, first of all, I got all big dogs here, and I'm a little nervous about that small dog running around the big dogs. Second of all, the little dogs, no matter how hard you try and train them, oftentimes they just don't take to it because they're little bitches. They're awful little bitches. That's right. We're playing with the dog the other day on the floor, and we're playing, like, a little push and pull. The dog's old now, and she's not really old, but she's like eight years old.

Eight, yeah.

So we're playing a little push and pull with her. Like this ring.

They love doing that.

I know they love it.

And then they shake it around.

So she's being like a puppy again, right? And ever she hadn't since she had that knee replacement surgery. That's the stupidest thing I've ever said. The $20,000 knee replacement surgery for my dumb dog. So we're playing with her, and then she's, like, playing with the baby, and she's being real sweet about it. And then 15 minutes later, she's just walking around the house with that hind leg up in the air. And I'm like, fuck, I just paid $20,000 to get that knee replaced. Well, I didn't pay it. The insurance did. Thank you. Insurance?

Pet insurance?

Yes, all pets insurance. Thank you very much. This episode sponsored. I should be pitching them for the rest of my life, right?

Was it the same leg?

No, it wasn't. But I had to actually go to the surgery center and bring her in there to determine whether or not it was the other leg because I could not fucking remember and even get after it. And so I take her to this place. It's like Saturday afternoon. So, of course, I got to go to the emergency vet, which is where she got the surgery done. So I go in there and they say, oh, no, it's the other leg. Okay. But they.

Great.

Yeah, great. So you mean there's no coverage here? And she's like, no, they guarantee the knee for a year.

Oh, wow.

They guarantee the knee for a year. As long as you take care of her in the first six weeks of recovery, then you're good. Like, after that, it's on them. It's their work. It's parts and labor parts. So I take her there, and as soon as the doctor vet walks into the room, blue is perfectly fine. She's running, she's jumping, she's not putting her leg up whatsoever. It's like you call the doctor because you're super fucking sick and you walk in the door and you feel great, right? You're like, I feel so much better. Or you take your car in because of that noise and it refuses to make that noise.

It doesn't do the same thing.

So I'm like, God damn it, blue. This is $200 wasted there. And then I bring her back home. And then Monday, my regular vet called. Hi, herd. You went to the emergency vet? You want to bring blue in here? We'll check her out. And she's got her leg way up in the air. So I'm like, yeah, you know what? Actually, it's not fixed. So let me bring you in there. That was supposed to be this morning. I wake up and blue is bouncing all over the place. She's fine. Chrissy walks in the door. She got that leg up again. I'm like, fuck blue. Stay consistent. I will say this about blue. She is not a bitch. She will not complain. She has literally had her head run over by a stroller and she didn't win. She's a tough, tough chick. That dog's a tough chick.

She is.

I could use a little bit of that in me because I get the flu and I cry for three days. I want my mommy. Actually, I don't want my mommy. I want asterisk. Poor dog. When you had labs, you had dogs all your life?

Oh, yeah. Growing up, well, my grandparents had labs, had a bunch of labs, like two at one time, and then one died, and they got another one and kind of continued on. And then we had a lab too. My mom was a big animal lover, so we had cats, dogs, fish. We didn't do birds, but, yeah, birds are tough. They're a different if.

I think I hate blue for all her barking. Get a McCullough in here. Whatever those fucking things are.

So, yes, I grew up with dogs. All kinds of them. Cocker spaniels, labs, little dog shih tzus.

Did she, like, foster them or did she bring them in and you owned them?

Yep, we owned them.

Oh, okay.

It was a little surprise for my dad whenever he would get home.

Well, your mom and your dad got married like seven times. Surprise. We're divorced.

Yeah.

Surprise. I want to marry you again.

Surprise. We're divorced. Dad would be like, oh, my God, another one.

Another fucking.

Really? Please. I mean, he had to spend as much food, a lot of money on, like, food and vets and all of that as he was doing on the three kids.

No shit. It's expensive to own animals and they are children. But there's one big difference that I've noticed between the twelve children I have running around here and the one dog I have. The children actually get to a point where they can tell you what's wrong and share with you what's upset, and you can manage occasionally to calm them down with a soothing tone of voice. However, the exact opposite of true is true of the dog because she can't tell you what's wrong. So when her hind legs up in the air, she can't say, it hurts here, it hurts there. And she just barks incessantly when she wants something, she can't actually say words. So in some sense, the dogs become more difficult to raise than the children, and they're just as fucking expensive.

Yeah.

Luckily, the kids live a lot longer than the dogs do. Or at least you hope that they do. Yes. So while you were gone, we interviewed Steve O.

That is incredible. I'm so excited. I hated to miss it. But I know that you guys did a great job in my absence.

I really wished that you were here. But Tina did a great job sitting in the seat and I wanted to share with you that. Did you hear, have you heard the episode yet? It just came out a couple days ago.

No, I have not.

So Steve O shares this story about how he goes to the Ringling Brothers circus clown school, okay. With the intention of getting a job. Of course he did, because it's Steve Fuckado. He goes to get a job at Ringling Brothers. That's why he went to the clown school. But they refuse to hire him because not many people like him. He's just kind of acting like an idiot. So he manages to get a job in a new fledgling division of the Royal Caribbean cruises called like, guest activation, which means that they're going to bring clowns and other magicians and people, and they're just going to walk around and make people. So. But Steve, while he may be good at his job of activating guests, whatever that means, he is not a well liked person amongst the other clowns. So the clowns get together and they vote him off the island. They say, if Steve O continues to work for Royal Caribbean, we are leaving. But Steve O's agent gets word from the management at Royal Caribbean Caribbean. They're just trying to give him a heads up, like, hey, we're not going to renew his contract. It's not working out.

But we will let him live out the rest of his contract, which includes going to train on the brand new Royal Caribbean. What? A princess of the seas, the largest cruise ship at the time in the world. So he has to go for two weeks and train with these people on all of these activations. But he knows he's getting fired. And he also knows who fired him. Like, who got him fired? These three. Steve is like, fuck these clowns. I'm never going to be on this ship again. Fuck these clowns. So as his last hurrah, he calls Jeff Tremaine, the producer of, he calls the guy from Big Brother, which is Escape magazine, otherwise hooligan magazine back in the 90s, right? He calls him and he says, listen, I'm not going to have this job anymore. I've already been voted off the island. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get on a cruise ship and I'm going to start walking around on stilts, and then I'm going to set myself on fire and do a Pratt fall. And I was like, oh, my God, can you imagine? They didn't end up doing it on the Royal Caribbean cruise line.

But I was just thinking to myself, can you imagine? Steve O is like, walking on stilts outside Royal Caribbean cruise. And I had this last night, I had this dream that Steve O and I were on a cruise ship. And we were like, I don't know, having a beer at the bar or something like that. And Steve O goes, hey, Brian, watch what I can do. And he gets up on these stilts and he's on fire. His legs are on fire. The stilts are on fire. And he's walking around the cruise ship. And then out of nowhere, one of my children comes and pushes him off the cruise ship. His unfortunate demise. And I was crying and yelling at my kid, like, why did you kill Steve O? What do you have against Steve O? What did Steve o ever do to you? But I don't know why my brain works this way. Why was. Dreams are funny.

Yeah, they really are.

I have the weirdest, strangest dreams sometimes.

I do, too.

Did I tell you? And I think we talked about this one day, ten years ago, twelve years ago, I have this dream about Lisa Kudrow. But like, the friends version of Lisa Kudrow, right? So I have this dream that Lisa Kudrow and I have a night of hot, passionate sex.

Wow.

It was so all encompassing, so deep, so intense that it took me three days to shake the dream. Anytime I thought about Lisa Kudrow, anytime I looked at another attractive woman, all I could see was Lisa Kudrow and having sex with Lisa Kudrow. It was this weird three day period of my life. I call it the Kudrow days, where I was just like my Kudrow Era and I could not shake this dream. Chris, if you ever had a dream you just can't shake, have you ever had a sex dream you cannot shake? Yes. And it's usually about someone that's way unattainable, like Lisa Kudrow. Yeah.

Something that's really bizarre.

Listen, Steve O's management made the poor decision of allowing him to come on the commercial break. But if Lisa Kudrow's management ever makes the decision of having her on the commercial break, I'm telling her about the Kudrow days because I must tell her about the. Yeah, I think I went around.

She'd be flattered.

I know. I think I was dry humping couches to be thinking about Lisa Kudrow for like a week and a.

It. Do you get a little hot now when you see the. Because I noticed on HBO now has like the know library of all of the friends.

Oh, really?

Shows up in my featured thing. So I'm going to think about that. I'm going to think about your Kudrow days.

Think about me fucking Lisa Kudrow like an absolute porn star champion. That was one of those know where I had her up against the shower wall and I was like, you were.

Able to lift her?

I was able to lift her. Now I just have to ask Astrid to stand up on the step that we have inside there. Can you stand up there? Can you do all the work? Because I'm a little bit older than you and I'm not feeling so sharp right now. Is that at all possible? No. Okay, well, then let's just have regular sex like normal married couples do. Let's take a short break. I got a fun one for us today. You're back. I want to ease you into it. Back for the second time in two months. I know. And so happy to have you back, by the way. And I know the listeners are, too. We got a lot.

I know. Thanks for all the love and support. It was a sad reason I was gone. But we'll tell that story.

Yeah, we'll get back whenever you're ready. You can tell that story, but for now, let's keep it light and fluffy. Let's talk about dating back then versus dating now. And what I want to more specifically talk about is dating shows back then versus dating shows now. So we'll look at the cut. We'll look at love connection. Today we'll do love connection. Tomorrow we'll do the cut. All right, let's take our first short break and then we'll be back with more fun here on TCB. My Chrissy oldie's back, everybody. Woohoo.

Okay, Brian, shh. Let me give the people what they want. Our social media handles. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. If like all my hinge dates, you are thirsty for more, give us a call and leave us a message at six two six. Ask TCB three or send us a text, no sexting please, at eight. Five five. TCB 8383. And of course, go to tcbpodcast.com to see everything there is to see. Now let's hear from our sponsors and then the show. Let's go on.

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All right, so we have reviewed both the love connection and the cut. A version of a dating game, televised dating game or video dating game. Back in the love connection with Chuck Woolery. Some of you may or may not be aware of. And then a very right now in the now, the cool thing is to watch the cut, okay? On the dating game, you actually had to go on a date with someone before you judged whether or not they were one for you. You had to spend time with them. Right now, all you have to do is just look at them or get one word out of their mouth and you can decide to press the button and they have to leave. It's so fucking shitty. I don't understand. And tomorrow we'll review the cut. And when we do that, you're going to see just how quickly judgmental these folks are. And it amazes me, like, how do you survive the dating world when literally you can say hello and somebody goes, nope, not for me. See you later. Spend a little time with me. Right? Just spend an hour with me. Now, on the other hand, at the love connection, you had to meet some stranger at their front door and then go spend a night with them.

I don't know. There's some kind of middle there that makes sense, like a coffee date we have to go on, isn't it?

And then on the other extreme, there's naked attraction.

Oh, naked attraction.

You just straight up are naked.

I'm thinking that's the best one of them all.

Maybe.

Let me show you my dick. Is it good? You like it? All right. I got no ass, but my balls are fine. Cool. Let's go on a date. I really want to know how those things work out. I wish they had. Follow up episode, maybe they do, of naked attraction. I just never seen it. But Today, let's review how dating was back then. And then tomorrow we'll get into dating how it is now. Okay, here's Chuck Wallery with another episode of Love Connection. I was strolling on the Internet as you do. Oh, man, do I like to. And here we go. Another fantastic episode of what the fuck, Chuck? Let's see what Chuck has to say. Welcome to Love Connection, where old fashioned romance meets modern day technology. Oh, yeah. Where you hear all the intimate keys. Yeah, modern day technology.

I guess it was just video.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure television had been around for about 60 years at that point. I'm not sure what he's talking about. But just like today, people use the word technology. It's like people use the word AI now. Right. Well, infused with AI, right? Really? Is that really a selling point? You don't have AI. Don't lie to me, sprite. You don't have AI in your cans. That's not true of a first date. Sometimes our dates have a happy ending, and some other times there's just an ending. You know how you know this is from 1980. There's literally a minute and a half long intro, right? Anybody watching this today is already bailed. They're already like, I'm not interested. Like, many people are bailing on the show right now. There you go. But it's always unpredictable when two strangers meet trying to make that love connection. And now here's our host, Jack Wallery.

You've got to love the set design, too. That looks like it's like Valentine's Day.

Yeah. It has big, huge hearts and two sectional couches. It looks like your typical 70s sunken in family room. Did you ever go into a house back in the day when they had the sunken in family room? They had, like, a big circle in the middle of the family room, which.

When the kids went to bed, the adults played.

That's right. Everybody threw their keys in a bowl and started giving each other hand jobs.

Yeah, lay out the drugs table.

Hey, Steve, great job coaching the kids on soccer. Kids are asleep. Can I give you a hand job, Steve? I guess so. Let's go to the Sunken family room and get it on. My wife's gonna put a bunch of blow in the kitchen and pillows in the sunken family room. Wow. They're showing a crowd shot, and two guys got really excited. They, like, stood up and clapped for Chuck. Yeah, maybe Chuck's been to a couple sunken bedrooms. Oh, yeah, I bet Chuck was wild back in these days. He's got to be nationally so famous when the love connection was on that, you know, you probably have to assume that Chuck was know a lot of people fucked Chuck. That's just probably what happened.

Or did he get the questions like we were discussing the other day that people get that are in the, like, I'm really trying to get into podcasting, Brian. What do I do? Or our friend Rachel. Voiceover people really want to get into that. Jeff, my husband, people come to him with the music industry stuff I still can't get. I wonder if, you know, like, hey, can you match me?

Yeah. Hey, I really need to meet a woman because I've never had one. Hey, after all those criminal convictions, I'm having a really hard time meeting ladies. And since the Internet's not around and no one will find out, you might set me up on a blind date. Or I want to be a tv show host. How do I do that? I won't get over this. We met at Chrissy's house the other day in the morning and Jeff was telling the story. He runs this huge music festival called Mempho in Memphis. And every year the artists get bigger and bigger and bigger. It's like a bona fide big festival now. And some people will call Jeff and be like, hey, my kid's got a band. You think he can play Menfo? Yeah, sure, no problem. We'll have. Yeah, he could sing for dinosaur Jr. Maybe he can come up and play a couple solos.

Nice to see you all. Let's get started by meeting our first guest. Now he's into scuba diving, skiing, dancing. He dates at least twice a week and he says that most of the women he meets are always complaining about their problems.

Randy Blanchard is in car sales. He's 34 years old, looks 62 years.

Old as they all do.

Yes, they all do. And also looks like a mass murderer, if I don't mind saying myself.

Welcome, Randy Blanchard.

No one pays attention to their hair that much unless they're ready to kill somebody. Sure.

Well, everybody's got problems, I guess. What kind of problems do these women?

Well, basically, you name it, they've got it. I mean, insignificant things, work, private lives, relationships.

I mean, work, private life, insignificant things.

Vaginal discharge. I mean, these ladies got it all. Chuck, I don't want to deal with it. I want head. While we're driving down the 101, and that's it, quite frankly.

Problems?

Yeah. Listen, clean my laundry, do my cooking, give me head on the 101. What else do I need to know? I don't want to hear about your private life. Can you imagine being married to someone.

Like this, like he's divorced?

Oh, that's true. I don't want to hear all about your private life. That's your life. I can't imagine. I think I have a friend who acts like this.

Still to this day are nothing. I mean, there's something that you should just be able to throw off to the side and forget about, but they want to dwell on them. I don't know if they just like.

Wallowing in wants you to help them.

Ah, those broads, they're always wallowing in their own personal problems. Let me get my problems out first. And then if we have time later on, maybe we'll talk about your private life. He's like Ron Burgundy. He's like Ron Burgundy. I think will Ferrell may have studied this guy.

I do. I just saw him. Snap out of it. Put 1ft in front of the other and go for it.

Can't dwell in it. Shut your fucking mouth.

Get over it.

Yeah. For the third time in this conversation. Do you have to talk so much? This guy is such a chauvinist. Oh, my God.

Forever.

Okay.

Remind everybody what happened.

Yes. Chuck says, okay. This is going over like a lead balloon. Let's get on to something else, because I don't want to ask tough questions. Chuck never asks tough questions.

Oh, no.

He never pushes on. Well, there was that one episode where he kind of pushed Back on the guy.

Studio audience saw Randy's three choices. They voted for one. We're going to take a look at all three women and catch you up today. First, it was Sharon. She prefers dating men with blue eyes and a college education. Nancy avoids men who wear gold blue.

Eyes and a college.

A. She wants to Hitler Youth. That's what she wants. Blue eyes on a college education. All right.

Canes and use hairspray. Kristen describes herself as.

Wait, the second lady? Her name is Nancy. She's 29 years old, and she works paging company sales.

Yeah, the old pagers.

She's probably still at that job today.

Self confident, but gullible. Now, the audience vote was recorded yesterday. We'll get to that a little later. Right now, Randy's going to tell us who he chose.

I chose Sharon.

Chose Sharon. She's backstage.

Say hello to Sharon. Yeah. Sharon looks lovely.

She does. Let's see if she's got any problems.

Let's see if she's got personal life problems I don't want to deal with.

Hi, Sharon.

Hi, Chuck.

Welcome to the.

Oh, she's already pissed. You can just tell by the way she said hi to Chuck. Hi, Chuck.

Don't make shovel at home.

Okay.

All right.

Tell me about the date.

Well, I'm basically new down here from northern California. I moved down a couple months ago, so I called Sharon up. She lives all the way down in Costa Mesa. I'd never been there before.

All right, stop talking about your personal life and get to the date.

So basically, I told her, look, I'm putting myself in your hands. Just pick something for us to do. We'll have fun.

That's about an hour.

Oh, that's a really nice thing for you to do on a first date. Yeah, you pick it.

I don't want to do anymore.

I don't want to deal with all the personal details. You figure it out and I'll show up with my dick hard and ready.

To go one and a half hour away.

Something like that. It's a little bit of a cruise. Yeah. So I hopped in the old mobile, I drove down, came over to a house about eleven.

Mobile? Mobile, what's that? Two square wheels and a horse. Came all the way down from northern California. Took me six years. I did the Oregon trail in four weeks.

One of the biggest problems I was running into is she was wearing the same perfume that my ex mother in law wore. I hate my ex mother in law. She hates me. So it started off on a real bad note to begin with.

But I figured what I instantly, she said to myself, what am I doing here? I should be back selling cars and not worrying about her personal problems.

Heck, let's go ahead and try and make the best out of this. So we hopped in the car.

What the heck, let's try to make the best out of this.

Thank you, Chuck. Thank you for finally getting a pair of cajones and saying something relatively subversive but kind of passive aggressive to the absolute asshole who's sitting on the couch.

The heck, let's see what happens.

Yeah, let's see what happens. I figure I drove all the way down there. Let's give this poor girl every chance.

What? Give this poor girl a chance just.

Because she was wearing a weird perfume.

Perfume. By the way, she doesn't know your ex mother in law. They didn't cooperate to make sure she had the same perfume on you. Asshole. What a dick.

Yeah, we hopped in the car and she said, well, I've got this real nice restaurant picked out. And we drove down to Newport beach and we go to this restaurant. I knew we were in trouble the minute we arrived because we were like the only people there.

Hang on just a minute.

Hang on just 1 minute here.

What is she going to say?

Let's talk to her for a minute. Don't worry about her personal problems, Chuck. There's nothing interesting over there.

Say, she remember any of the conversation in the car or was there anything that's.

Yeah. Randy complimented me by saying of the girls he chose. One was a beautiful blonde girl that looked like Elizabeth Montgomery. And the other was no competition at all. And then he liked my personality. So between beauty and personality, he chose personality. So he started scoring points right away there.

That's how I do it, Chuck. I like to tell him how it is right off the bat. Listen, you're ugly, but you got some dick sucking lips. So I decided right off the bat to choose you. And here you come with all your personal problems, your perfume, your vaginal discharge. Why do I have to deal with all of this?

I look Pepsi on the video, but scrawny in person.

Well, I figured I'd tell her what's on my mind and what I'm thinking.

So you get to the restaurant.

Only two there. Menu was real limited. She picked out the restaurant. She's a little ditzy, which is a lot like my ex mother in law, too.

Oh, my God.

Wow. Well, he's just hitting on all cylinders right now, isn't he?

Firing away.

I see this as a. If you were single, this is the kind of guy you would bring home. Is this Jeff? What a dick. Yeah, what a dick. God, guys were terrible in the know. Every episode we do, it's some machismo chauvinistic jackhole who thinks he was born to service women.

We go to this restaurant, it had about the world's best service. I mean, there's, like, one waiter there. We're the only people there. And he'd ask us silly questions like, would you like a fork, something to eat with and what have you. So the service was really poor, and it wasn't going very well.

But considering Randy had suggested we go on a picnic and showed up without a picnic basket or anything else in hand, it was what we were supposed to do on a moment's notice.

You just picked up on a moment's notice, is what you.

Right, basically.

How are you? Well, thank God he didn't bring the picnic basket. He probably would have left you tied to a tree somewhere.

I would not go to a park with that guy, for sure.

I wouldn't get in the car with that guy. Especially if he told me that I don't like you because you're wearing the same perfume as my mother in law.

And you'd be like, you look hefty on camera, but in person, you're scrawny. Yeah.

Is that a compliment? I guess it's kind of a compliment. You're a lot skinnier than you look in your.

How are you feeling about his personality at lunch now?

Well, let me tell you, Chuck, he's not the most exciting guy in the world. In fact, Randy was about as much fun as watching paint dry.

There you go, girl. Go get him.

Get him.

But anyway, I thought, well, hell, let's try Kissner and see what that's like.

Now let's try fucking her and see what happens.

What?

Oh, my God. This is classic. Well, I figured I drove all the way down here, bad service at the restaurant, and she smells like my shit. Al's ex mother in law. You know what I'm going to do? Have sex with her. That should solve all the problems. Let's put my dick in her mouth and shut her up. Oh, my God, Chrissy, this is crazy.

Well, I didn't know what to do. It was either swim or let him kiss me. So I let him kiss me.

You did?

Just a little one on the right here. Because I didn't know what else to do. I was a woof. I should have just jumped in the water. I know.

But anyway, well, shame on you too, then. Shame on both of you.

I was getting really bored and I suggested, well, let's go back to your place and wait. Maybe we can go out dancing later and do something.

Let's go back to your place.

I'm bored.

I'm bored.

Let's go back to your place.

Can you get naked for me? No, not right here. What about your place? Do you have any more of that perfume? I can throw it out the window.

For you with some kind of thrill somewhere. So we went back to her place and she checked the answering machine, which was lit up like a Christmas tree. And she started making all these phone calls. And the epitome of the date was I was sitting on the couch watching afternoon game shows. The typical of what was happening with the date.

Afternoon game shows. What time does the date start? 09:00 a.m. You start off on a bad foot anyway. You got to do dates after 04:00 p.m., coffee, blind dates at 01:00 p.m. You know what I'm saying? Okay, if you're going to go on on a date date, go after 07:00 p.m. Or if you have children after 04:00 p.m. But here's the thing. You can't expect to have a fantastic date that starts at 09:00 a.m. And you're going to a restaurant where you get bad service. It's the afternoon crew. Never go with the afternoon crew.

Probably like switching. It was probably a switch out at like 230 or three right before the evening crew comes in.

That's right. Evening shift, they're still selling last night's special. You don't ever go to a restaurant during the afternoon. During the afternoon, never do it.

I just interject here that at this point. Randy might have thought it a wise thing to perhaps leave if he was just sitting on the couch by himself. But no keeping.

Yeah, well, I considered it, but I figured I had driven an hour and a half. I figured try and make it work somehow. I mean, it was a long drive, traffic was real bad, and I didn't feel like going.

Well, how did it end?

Oh, wow. She just planted himself on her couch and didn't leave. What the fuck, Chuck?

All right, she's totally ignoring him.

I know.

Doing answering machine stuff, calling people back.

He didn't pick up on it. Oh, he actually did pick up on it. He just made the actual in the moment decision that it doesn't matter what this woman does. I'm not leaving this couch because the afternoon game shows are on. All right, let's take our second break. We'll be back in two and two with more love connection.

Hello again, my little podcast pals. It's christina, and I am just here to remind you once again to go on over to tcbpodcast.com because that is where all of our episodes live. Want to get involved with the show? Leave us a voicemail at six two six, asktcb three if you don't want your voice played on the show, because, look, I get it. I'm only here under duress. You can text us instead at eight five five, TCB 8383. And as always, please remember to go follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at tCBpodcast. And also, don't forget about our precious little YouTube channel, YouTube.com thecommercial break. I promise those videos are worth your time. Now let's listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to whatever they were talking about.

All right, back with more love connection here on the commercial break.

Or no love connection or no love connection.

Well, he's trying desperately by just planting himself on her couch and not leaving.

But all else fails, just sit on the couch and watch tv.

Well, listen, I did that a couple of times, but the only reason why is because I wasn't legally allowed to drive. I had to wait for the taxi. All right, let's hear more about this date.

Well, how did it end? It ended basically the same way it went, just mediocre. And as I took her out to dinner, figured, let's take her out to dinner. Before I go, she had a phone call. Was an emergency from work or what have you.

You know what I've got. Emergency.

You know what? Someone just shat on my desk at work. I got to go clean it up before my boss comes in. I'll see you later. Feel free to watch the afternoon game show.

Took her phone call. It was an emergency from work.

Oh, yes.

She had one of an emergency meeting.

Is it really? What kind of.

No, that was actually a fake. And that was plan B of plan a. Plan A? Plan A was my girlfriend's car broke down and I had to go pick her up. But Randy loused it all up by offering to go with me, so that didn't work.

This is classic.

Good for her. She had to try two.

She had to try two. She had a car emergency with her friend and then a work emergency, and he's like, no problem, I'll go with you. Can I bring your color tv? Can we record these afternoon game shows on your vhs machine?

Then I had plan B, which my boss, who was also coworker, pretended that we had a meeting. So he came and picked me up to go to this meeting.

She had to get her boss to pick her up. And did he leave at that point? I'm guessing not. How much shittier can this situation be?

Head up against the wall. Sometimes you don't. But anyway, it worked out pretty well anyway because I ended up going to a club pretty close to her house and I met a nice woman there and ended up.

Oh, I bet you did.

Club in time.

It's 05:00 well, it's cocaine o'clock. Let me get in there. Oh, my God.

And it was nice.

Well, let's take a look and see who the audience picked. Yeah, let's see what happens here. Kristen. 85%.

Wow. They picked that one girl by a bunch. I wonder why. I don't know. I didn't see actual.

Should have picked the blonde.

I think she was blonde.

That was the blonde.

See how Elizabeth?

Well, I just murdered four people.

Look, he's got little chiclet teeth.

No. God, he's creepy. I'm not going to say it. Never mind. I bet I know what the current version of this guy looks like. I bet I know if he's alive, what he's doing.

If you want to take her on.

He'S in the villages. I promise you he's down at the villages.

Ice and go out with Kristen.

Yeah, that sounds like a why not.

It didn't work out with the first girl who kept talking. Let me go out with the second girl. Probably keep talking.

Sharon, we're sorry that things didn't work out. We do have a nice gift for you.

Thank you.

And maybe we'll see you again.

All right.

Thank you. And Randy?

Perfectly nice. Sweet. Yes.

She just got hooked up with a real asshole. I hope they don't give him, like, a second show.

I know. Well, they're going to ask him to do the second date. He said he would, but I hope they revoke that.

Yeah, I hope they do, too. I hope they give this girl a warning about what's coming down the pike.

Let us know what happens with that, and we're going to come right back with another couple right after this.

Stay with us. Oh, my God. Okay, so that is the 80s version of a dating show. They sent you out on a date. You actually had to spend time. Good luck getting the guy off your couch. I mean, imagine in 2023, a dating show saying, go to someone's house and pick them up on a blind date. You'd have to have three or four security guys with you in 2023. No one in their right mind would do this. No, I think. Didn't Andy Cohen try and revive this show, the love connection?

Right. I think there was.

Or blind date or something like that. I think I remember watching it and feeling like it was good. Like it was. Oh, that's funny. That's good. But it never came back, I'm probably sure, for security concerns.

Right?

This is insane. And then to have such a douchebag. But we've reviewed so many of these episodes. I mean, probably six or seven to eight at this point over the 400 episodes of Love Connection, and every guy seems like the same guy. They're all chauvinistic pigs who just think the world of themselves and can't stand the fact that the girl has a personality.

Oh, right.

Yeah, that girl had a personality. And that's what he didn't like. I guarantee it. Feelings, what are those? Put those back away. I don't like those. Big and scary, like the dinosaurs. I don't want to see that. What is all that? All right. So glad to have you back, my friend.

I'm so happy to be back.

And I know, I hope you're back the whole time, but if you have to take some additional time off, we're here for you. We love you. You do what you got to do, girl. We'll be right here slaving away, making 600 episodes a week for five listeners. That's how it goes.

That is.

I don't know if you've heard, with the podcast industry not doing so hot right now. Spotify just laid off 18% of their workforce. 17% of their workforce. That's insane. Yeah, that's insane. But of course, they paid all that money to all those podcasters. Yeah, I'm not sure all of them worked out. Yeah. Because now I see them in different networks and I'm like, oh, I guess it didn't work out with Spotify. All right, tCbpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more about the show. Chrissy and I, you can watch all the video, you can listen to all the audio. The entire library is right there in one location, tcbpodcast.com. You want your piggy fronting sticker, go to the website, hit the contact us button, click that drop down menu, give us your physical address, and we will be happy to send one to you, or Astrid will be happy to send one to you if you want us to sign it or something like that. And a lot of people unbelievably do why they think our signature is going.

To be worth anything in the future.

Or maybe they just like the fact that we sign. Who knows?

We do. We do sign them.

Yeah, we do. We do sign them. Sacks of them at a time, actually, which is kind of crazy. So go get your free picky fronting sticker series number five in our series. Listen, audio scavenger Hunt postponed until January because I want Chrissy to be here while we do it. So that's postponed until January. Some people have texted and asked about that. We'll get back to that and I promise we'll let you know when that happens. Six two six. Ask TCB the number three. That's six two six. Ask TCB the number three. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, ask Brian's mom. Ask TCB. Send it all there via text message. It's toll free. Or leave a voicemail. You can go to our Instagram page. It's getting millions of views right now for reasons I don't. That's right. Commercial break TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash the commercial break okay, Chrissy, I guess that's all we'll do for right now.

I think so.

But man, do I love you.

I love you and best to you. And best to you.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say, we always say, and we must say goodbye, heart.