What are you doing out here with all this ass? Double cheeked up on a Thursday.

Afternoon.

Hella ass. On this episode of the commercial break. Hey, here's an idea. Let's order a whole other plate of giosa. We can go outside and panhandle for the money. What do you think? I'll do a little strip around the restaurant to see if we can gather a few extra dollars. I'll show my tits for another giosa. What do you want me to do here, dude? The next episode of The commercial break starts now. Hey, back on the ground, boys. Oh, yeah, Katz and Kittz, welcome back to The tertiary of The Warshow Break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the director of Witchy Ways, Kristen Joy, Haudley. Best to you, Krista.

Best to you, Brian.

And best to you, Smooky Dookies out there. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. It's Halloween when this episode will air. We're recording it in March, but it's... I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It is Halloween time, and it's Halloween Day. So happy Halloween to you. Happy Halloween to everybody out there. What are you going to be? You're going to be something? Got any big plans for the Halloween?

No, I think that this is the first year we were usually in an apartment in the past. So this year we've got the house. Oh, that's so cool. And I got all decorated out.

Do you live in a neighborhood? Because I haven't been to your house yet. Do you live in a neighborhood? Yes. Okay, so you think it'll be kids. And there's going to be chipper treaters and stuff, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, we don't get it because we have the busy street out here. So we don't get it. We just get teenagers that eventually take all the candy that I put out there with a little sign that says, Please take one, and don't knock on the door because of the goddamn dog. That's true. Because of Blue.

That is true. Andso now I'm excited to hand out candy.

Yeah, I like it. I enjoy it. When I lived back downtown in the house, in both houses that you've now... All seven of my residences, but the ones that were not apartments, we always got trick-or-treaters, and I always really enjoyed it. I like to open up the door and saying hi to the kids, and scaring the parents and all that stuff. Hey, kids, you want a button light? Hey, come back. Come back. It's a little straw. I'm handing out little straws, clean straws for the kids around town. Yeah.

No, my sister, I think adults do get involved in this. My sister's neighborhood is a big, huge neighborhood, lots of families, lots of kids. And they've got a golf cart. So they just ride along drinking the beer. The kids come to each house.

I did notice we visited one of the neighborhoods around here because we have the busy street, and it's not great for small children. And since we have 40 of them, I don't want to put any of them in danger because I can't see all of them at one time. I'm like, Let's go over to one of the neighborhoods. It's such a nice neighborhood and everyone's so nice and they all do Halloween. It's like a neighborhood thing. They all get together and do Halloween right. But there is that one house. There's always that one house that looks like the house should be good for Halloween because it's naturally that way, 364 other days of the year. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes. I know that same.

Thing because there's a house down the street for me, too, and I'm like, That's their season coming up.

Yeah, it's like the house from Home Alone. You know what I'm saying? You're like, That's a scary house. That should be the Halloween. That should be the guy who does it up right, guy or girl who does it up right. Well, last year there's a big sign in the one fucking house in the neighborhood because one guy has got to be an asshole, right? And it says, No trick or treating. That's what it says. There's a big sign, No trick or treating. Stay off the lawn. And there's a fucking guy sitting up there on a, I don't know what you call, like a big old rocking chair, rocking, drinking a Coors Light and smoking cigar, sitting up at the top porch. And it's like, up a hill. What an asshole. What an asshole. So wait, you want to watch everybody walk by your house, but you want to be an asshole by putting a sign in front of your yard? Then the neighbors across the street used to do this huge Halloween get up. I mean, huge, haunted house the whole nine yards. Youe people would come from miles around, park all up and down the street.

For one day of the year, I decided not to be a prick and not complain about it. I'm like, Okay, park on there. I even let some people park on my lawn one year. I'm like, Yeah, whatever, go ahead. Go do your thing. The kids are having fun. It's a great place to go. We had been there. Well, one fucking neighbor complained about it, and every year that one neighbor would literally put a rope around his lawn. He would stick posts in the ground, put a rope around the lawn, and it said, Stay off the grass, no trick or treating, or no Halloween-allowed or whatever. Well, he complained to the city. He went to a city council meeting to complain about the traffic, the noise, the kids, the neighbors are demented, the whole nine yards. Guess what? The city council voted with him, and they busted him on a city ordinance, like too many kids at one time or some shit like that. Too many kids at one time. What the fuck is that?

Like a daycare?

Yeah, like a daycare.

Like a home daycare. He had to have some license to put out Halloween shit. I find that to be so fucked up. You don't want to celebrate Halloween. I guess it's not everybody's thing. It's not my thing, really. I don't like dressing up. It's not my thing. But for one day a year, it's not about fucking me. It's about the kids, mainly, until you get those older assholes who come to the door and they just steal all your candy while you're gone. I got a ring doorbell and they don't even care. One year, a kid waved to the ring doorbell while he took it and then put all of it in his little...

That's pretty funny, actually.

You know that a teenager is going to be an asshole when they have a pillowcase.

As a thing. As a costume?

Yes. You know that that's when... Not as a costume, but as a bag. They don't have a Halloween basket or a bucket or something like that. They bring a fucking pillowcase. It looks like they're about to beat somebody up in a jail cell. You know what I'm saying? Those are always the guys who take my candy. But whatever. Okay, I bought the candy, and I don't need it in the house, so I just let it go. Because we only have one or two trigger treaters every year also. And so I'm pretty sure it's the same teenager who's been robbing me of candy every single year as I catch him on the ring doorbell. He does have big balls to actuallyyou know, wave and stuff like that.

I know I've got to go get candy.

What are the top costumes this year? Do we know? Do we know what the top costumes are? I don't know. I haven't looked. Let's see here. You want to learn? Yeah, of course. Top Halloween costumes for 2023. 37 of the best pop culture Halloween costumes for 2023. We may not get through all of them. Of course, who's number one? Take a guess.

Trump?

No, a pop culture. Well, Trump. I'm sure Trump is up there every year since 2015. That's scary. But that's for sure. It looks like a pumpkin. Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is number one. Travis and Kelsey, if you're going to be a couple. Beyonce, number two. Oppenheimer and Einstein. Huh. What kids are going to dress up as Oppenheimer and Einstein? I know. Well, take that back. What kids are going to dress up as Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey? That's a little advanced for their age, don't you think? Tanya from White Lotus. Oh, I think these are adults. Let's see, succession.

Yeah.

These aren't kids. Yeah, these are lame. Ariel from The Little Mermaid, one of my daughters is going to be Ariel.

That's always a favorite. Barbie. Oh, Barbie.

For sure. Barbie, for sure. Lokey. Lokey. If you're into that thing. Adonis from Creed Three. Didn't that come out 10 years ago? Why are we still talking about that movie? What's Creed Three? Creed Three. Creed is like the-.

The band? No, but.

That would be cool. Can you turn me a year old?

Can we just talked about Creed.

We just talked about Creed. Yes, we had a whole episode about Creed where Brian did his best Creed impression. Actually, they released some footage of them practicing or whatever. It's going to be terrible. We should go to the show. We should. We should go to the show. That Nekhorie feltman show, it's on my top list for 2024. Let's see, let's see. Let's read a couple of other ones. Pink Lady from Greece. I guess that's always a popular one. And then who else? One more. Let's see here. Evelyn from Everything All at Once, everywhere. Okay, that.

Was a good movie. That was a good movie.

Yeah, and then Super Mario Brothers, which some of my children are going to be Super Mario Brothers, too. Yeah, listen, I don't get the whole dressing up thing. I never really have. I didn't even like it.

As a child, to be honest with you. I've loved it ever since I was a kid, so I'm excited. I get really just tingling.

What did you dress up as a kid? I know you're a dresser-upper. Yeah. Yeah, you like to put the.

Costumes on. I do.

And then play drums at the end of the night for the local.

Cover band. I had a big bag of Boas for years. I need to get another Boa.

Oh, really? Yeah. You had a big.

Bag of Boas. Boas, feather Boas.

But when you were a kid, what was your.

Favorite costume that you remember? Well, one that stands out of memory, and I think I've mentioned this before, I was a magician. Oh. And I had a sparkle top hat. You did? Yeah. And I wore a black outfit with fish nut. I was like, I can't believe that my mom let me wear this in seventh grade. Jesus, settle.

Down.

Mrs. Houdley. I had the magic stick.

Yeah, I have a magic stick too.

The.

Wand. It's not always in wand fashion, but yeah, I have a magic.

Stick also. So that was a good one from when I was younger. But then, yeah, just all throughout high school and college, it was about the parties and things. I was the Jasmine one year.

From the Latin? Yeah. All I remember is that, Kevin and I were twins. My mom likened herself Martha Stewart when it came to Halloween time and the costumes, and that she would get the patterns at the local cloth store. I think everybody's talking. Then she would cut out the patterns and she would make the costumes herself. Well, one year I was Dracula, and she put this blood capsule in my mouth, so it would drip down, and it just looks like I spilled Kool-Aid all over my face. I was supposed to be Dracula, but I look like Bozo the clown because now I just have this big red spot on my face. Then she painted the rest of my face white with dark circles around my eyes. It was a terrible costume. I got made fun of horribly at school. When you're seven or eight, I just remember the kids didn't like that one. But the next year, my mom and her infinite wisdom decided to dress me up.

As a hobo. That's right.

The hobo. The guy who rides the train with the stick on his back. You know what I'm saying? He's got a little stick with a satchel. I'm riding the train all day, all day. I'm riding the train all the way. Well, no one understood exactly what I was.

No, no. Because that could be interpreted.

A lot different ways. It could be interpreted a lot of different ways, and probably horribly insensitive. But as my mom showed us on the last episode, it was a different time and place back then. But then no one at school understood what it was because also in my mom's infinite wisdom, she decided to dress me up like a hobo, which is basically holes in my clothing and this flannel shirt with overalls and these whole nine yards that she weathered herself. But the worst part was she dressed me up as a hobo from the neck down, but from the neck up, she painted me like a clown. So I was a clown, hobo. So no one knew what I was. They were all like, What are you, a clown? And I was like, No, I'm a hobo.

A what? A homeless clown?

Yeah.

Excuse.

Me, a de-housed clown. That's what I was. I was a de-hosed clown, and no one got it. No one got it, no one understood. And ever since then, I have disliked dressing up for Halloween.

I can see why.

Yeah, it was mortifying. I got made fun of 10 years in a row. As an adult, I just don't enjoy the process of dressing up, and I don't like wearing costumes. It's not my thing. But I understand that just because it's not my thing doesn't mean that everybody else has to suffer. I'm not going to sit on my front porch smoking a cigar, drinking a Bud Light, telling children, Go away.

This is not going to happen. No, I want to play spooky music, and I've got this thing that's going to, a.

Gould that's.

Going to cackle out from the yard. Exactly. I've got the tombstones, little lantons, I've got a skeleton, I've got the hand from the Adams family. Oh, is.

It going to.

Walk around? Yeah.

I wish it walked. Well, somebody last year at one of the houses had one that was.

Walking across the floor. I've already decided. I told Jeff ahead of time. I'm like, right after Halloween, when the sales are, I'm going all out. Go do it. I can buy a bunch of stuff for next year.

And let me tell you something-.

Because it was the.

Last minute this year. The day after Halloween at one of those hobby places, I'm not going to mention their name because I don't care for them, but at one of those hobby places, you know what I'm talking about? Is the day to go get Christmas stuff, because the day after Halloween for 10 days, they have these really great sales. Now, Christmas is something I can get into.

Oh, yeah. I can't wait to decorate for Christmas too.

Oh, my God, it's going to be so exciting. I'm so happy. Good for you. I'm so happy. Having a house is so much different than having an apartment. It really is. And living in an apartment. It's so much different. There's so much more bullshit that you have to worry about. And I understand that in a lot of places, just living in a house isn't a possible thing. You got to live in an apartment. But living in a house on days like Halloween, it's just a whole different.

Experience, right? It is. I'm so excited.

I can't wait. But when I lived at the apartment, I did have some trick-or-treaters, too.

Yeah, we didn't really. Ours was more an adult apartment complex. They didn't really bring the kids there. But I would try and do a little decor.

Thong girl didn't show up to you.

Thong girl might have been around. She was probably out at the pool party.

I know. Of course, when I was single and living in an apartment, when people knocked on my door, I hid in the corner. I'll have your rent tomorrow.

Or it was the drunk kids looking for.

Uncle Brian. Looking for Uncle Brian, yeah. They were drunk kids. That's what they were. I mean, compared to my age, they were drunk kids. Well, good. I hope you have a really nice Halloween. You guys aren't doing anything. You guys aren't going to any parties or anything.

Like that? We have been going so hard for the past couple of months. Yeah, that's true. We're just excited to chill out, nest in, and enjoy our house because we've only been there for three.

Four months. Congratulations. I think that's just so awesome that you guys have a house. I want to come trick or treating at your house.

Please, come down.

I do want to come trick or treating at your house, crazy oldly. It's me, Emily Fanda. What do you wear to the front door? Does it or does it not include pasties? Because if it includes pasties, I'm there.

It includes pasties.

Wow, sweet. A free show, tip or treat.

You know what you and Ashton should dress up as? As Frankie B and the girl he had on yesterday.

Oh, yeah. Well, like Ashton and I. Maybe I just dress up like Frankie B, and she can just be my young hot wife. Right. So Astrid can dress up as Ashton, and I'll dress up as Frankie B. What a fantastic idea.

You could probably getthink about that. You could probably get an Elvis wig or something that you could mold into his hair.

Oh, my God. Chris, it wouldn't be hard to find a wig to fit that. I mean, that's already a wig. I just have to ask him to borrow it.

Oh.

My God.

Frankie's.

Follicles. Oh, Frankie's follicles. Okay, let's take a quick break here on the commercial break, and we'll be right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it. But back to me. I mean, this TCB promo. Leave us a voicemail at 626-ASK-TCB 3, and you might just hear yourself on the show. Want to text us instead? Lucky for you, we also have a number just for that. Text us at 855-tcb-8383, and give us compliments. You can also always go to tcb-podcast. Com for all of our audio and video. Find us on Instagram @thecommercialbreak and on TikTok @tcb-podcast, and find us on YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited episodes. Now that that's done, let's listen to a few sponsors and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. So you've been dating someone for a little while. Maybe you've been in a relationship for a year or two and you're starting to hit some of those rough patches, those bumps and bruises, miscommunications. We've all been there. I've been there. And sometimes we're not equipped to handle those miscommunications, those little bumps and bruises. It's difficult to see the forest through the trees, even with someone we really care about.

It's 2023. There's no shame in therapy. As a matter of fact, I've used couples therapy to help me communicate more effectively and deepen my relationships. And here is the crazy part, at least from my perspective, relationship therapy has actually been just as effective when everything is great in my relationship, and it certainly has helped when things aren't so great in the relationship. An experienced and licensed therapist can help you walk through those rough patches and give both you and your partner some clarity. I swear by therapy and couples therapy is no different and better help. The leading online therapy brand now has Regained couples therapy. It's private, it's online. You can do it on your own time, your own schedule, in your own way, from your own home, or wherever. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and then you get matched to a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for free. Some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard was go to couples therapy. Because the best relationships are worth fighting for, try something new in therapy. Visit regain. Com/bty today to get 10 % off your first month.

That's regain. Com/bty, as in best to you. Regain. Com/bty. Have a licensed therapist help you work through some of the rough spots. Regain. Com/bty. And thanks to Regain couples therapy from BetterHelp for being a sponsor of the commercial break. This- Okay, we're back to the break. Chrissy, let me ask you a question. Do you pee or poop in the dark? Wait, hold on.

Hold on. Before I answer that, I just wanted to go back to Halloween for one minute. Okay, go. Because I thought about you. Oh, you did? And I almost got it, but I didn't. But I think I'm going to get it for next year, and that is the smoke machine.

Oh, my God. Do I want a fog machine? You got it. Did you find this fog machine? Yeah.

You're not-.

Chrissy, if we could put a fog machine in here and I could press that every once in a while.

I was like, I don't want to just get.

It for Brian. Yes, unlike the balloons that are showing up randomly on our feed, we can then put smoke in it. I just want a smoke machine. And if we ever do a live show, it's going to include many, many smoke machines. So if you have allergies or- And curtains. Yeah, and curtains. Cartons and smoke machines. When the curtains open- We're here. Yeah, we're here. But just like the podcast, you can't see us. We like it that way. We like it when we can't see you. That's just better that way. We're funnier when you can't see us.

Who has a question in the audience? Who has-I have a question? Does somebody yell something out?

We can't see you. I'm sorry, I can't hear you because the microphone is not plugged in because we don't want to hear you either. We're funnier when we're just by ourselves. Oh, my God.

I know, it's the fog machine.

Do you pee or poop in the dark? Yes. You do? Oh, okay. This is a very interesting thing I find out about you. And why do you pee or poop in the dark?

Not normally. It's not my normal thing, but if it's in the middle of the night, I.

Don't necessarily- You fumble around and just sit on the pod and do your thing and then come back. Yeah, I have started this habit in the last couple of years, especially late at night. I feel like turning on the light resets some clock in my head that makes me more awake. And obviously, when you light, you get your circadian rhythm or whatever gets all fucked up. And so I have started to pee in the dark.

Yeah, I don't go into the bathroom and turn off the light if it's on. It's not that I have to do, but if it's already dark.

Yeah, if it's already dark, sit there and do it. Yeah, I mean, what's the difference? And sometimes when I'm really, really extra tired, because here's what happens. When you're a guy and you go into the dark and you go to pee, you end up with a big mess you got to clean up the next morning when you can see everything, right? You're just pissing all over the fucking place. And so now I have, you.

Know- The one time, being a woman peeing comes in handy because you don't get.

In the loop. Yes, you sit, right? So sometimes at night I sit because I don't want to have to clean up my own piss in the morning. Right. And also I got male children who also peach all over the place. Now I understand my dad's fucking absolute frustration when we.

Were kids. Oh, my God, I can only imagine four boys.

Oh, my God, Chrissy. And I realized that I was just like this, too. It's as if it's a contest to see how much pee you can get outside the toilet until it absolutely drives your parents crazy. Because one of my sons, he just flings his dick around, just swinging piss all over the place. He thinks it's fun. He's like, Look, Dad, Yeah. I'm like, Look, son, I'm going to teach you how to use a fucking mop. Stop that. Now, sometimes, but I realize also that this is not just a problem that afflicts children. It's a problem that afficks adult men, too, because it's hard to aim in the dark. You don't know where you're looking. You don't know what you're doing. So on occasion, if it's dark and I decide to choose to leave the light on, I'll sit down and I'll pitch also. So the other night, one of my kids is in the bed with me, and we've been asleep for a couple of hours. I wake up, I got because my prostate is the size of a softball, and I go in and I sit down. And when I sit down, I fall asleep.

I fell asleep on the toilet. On the toilet, yes.

A la Elvis?

Yeah, a la.

Didn't.

Happen to Elvis. Yeah, but he died.

On the toilet.

Okay, got it. I'm still here, I think. Then all of a sudden I hear, Daddy? Huh? Hey, dad. Hey, what's going on? I didn't realize where I was.

Yeah, you're disappointed.

I don't know. You've been gone for a really long time. Are you okay? Yeah, I think so. I'm just going to be. You're sitting. Are you pooping? No, I'm just peeing. Why are you sitting? Because I want to. But only girls sit. Why are you sitting when you pee, Daddy? This is weird. I'm like, Son, it's okay. I just was peeing. I start standing up. Then my son, because he doesn't know what's going on, he decides to turn on all the lights in both... There's four lights in our bathroom. He decides to turn them all on. I'm like, No, no, no, no, no, turn them off. Why, Daddy? You have to pee. Don't you have to stand up to pee? I'm like, No, I don't. I can sit down. Can I sit down when I pee? No, it's probably not advised at this age. Well, if you're sitting down, why can't I sit down? I got to go peep now, too. I'm like, Oh, my God, please, son. He sits, and then he's just sitting there waggling his feet. You know that whole number that the kids do? They're waggling their feet. We have a squatty-potty, but he doesn't push it.

He doesn't stand on it, so he's just waggling his feet. I'm like, Hey, buddy, are we done now? Now all the lights in the fucking house are on. Everybody's awake. The dog is running around the circles looking for a treat. He's like, No, I'm just going to pee here for a minute. I'm like, buddy, are you done? Because I can't hear any more poop coming out. Yeah, I think I'm done, but I might have to poop, too. Do you really have to poop? Daddy, can we watch your phone? No, we can't watch your phone. You've got to get up off the toilet. Do I wipe my penis? Okay, go ahead. Wipe your penis. Daddy, can you hand me a cloth so I can wipe my penis? No, use the toilet paper. I don't like the toilet paper. Just use the toilet paper to wipe your penis if you got to wipe your penis. I don't want to wipe my penis anymore, but I think I have to go poopy. Can I stand here for a minute? Sure, buddy. Can I stand up and poop? Is that possible? No, you can't, not unless you're in the woods.

But, Daddy, can we plant hend? We're in the woods, so I can stand up and poop? No, you can't. Daddy? Yes, son. I'm thirsty. Oh, my God. I think I'm sick. Can I have some medicine? No, you can't. My son is now taken to asking for medicine directly. He's like, Daddy, I'm sick. Really? What's going on? How are you feeling? I don't know, but I'm sick. Okay, well, you don't need any medicine. But I do need medicine because I'm sick. You don't need medicine. Can I have some Advil? It tastes really delicious. No, you can't have Advil. Where did you learn that name? I read it on the bottle. Okay, son, you're not sick. You don't need Advil. Can you please do me a favor? Finish your shitting and let's get on with life. I have to pee again. No, you don't. This went on for 30 minutes, Chrissy, this.

Whole number. Yeah, then you're up at that point.

When you get the kids up in the middle of the night, they never go back to fucking sleep. That's it. That's why the old term, the old phraseology, never wake a sleeping baby, really should be never wake a sleeping anybody. Just don't wake anybody that's sleeping. I hate it. I know. I hate it. But I have become a fan of peeing in the dark. I don't know why. It's just one of my things.

It's another experience.

Well, I figure if I'm getting older, I'm afforded a few liberties, like peeing in the dark and working in the dark.

Yeah, you can do a lot of things in the dark.

Oh, hey, listen, don't you know it? I was reading this article, and I think it was, I can't remember the name of the actor, but it was an actor, and his famous actor and his wife were going through the basement of their house, and she found a bunch of old trophies that he had kept as a child. She was going through and she started this debate on Instagram in the comments section about whether or not you should keep trophies from your childhood. I think this goes along the same route as the high school class ring. There is no inherent value in those trophies, and they're just taking up fucking space. Like, anyone cared that you were the player of the game in tee-ball, baseball in 1986. No one gives a shit.

Right.

So I don't know why we would keep these. I had some of these mementos and things.

I did too.

I just threw them away. I did too. My dad keeps a few of them, but I threw them away. I threw mine away too, recently. I don't find any value in them. No. I barely find value in my high school yearbook. I looked at my high school yearbook. I'm in exactly three pictures in the entire yearbook. It's 412 pages long, and I'm in exactly three pictures. But one of the pictures, I'm standing behind somebody, so all you can see is my hair. That's all you can see, it's just my head. But they named me, which I thought was pretty cool for 1992. Someone actually identified the back of my head in this. But I just don't find any inherent value in these- It's just nostalgia. It's nostalgia, it's junk, it's crap, you.

Don't need it. I have my high school yearbooks, too. I enjoyed recently looking through them. It was a big deal to write in each other's yearbooks. Oh, yeah. See you next summer or see you next year. Have a great summer.

See you.

Next summer. You've meant so much to me this year.

Thanks for.

Taking my virginity. Yeah, exactly, this type.

Of thing. I would have rather done my first bump with anybody but you.

That day we did Acid. It was so.

Much fun. Thanks for getting me arrested. I'll never forget. The old yearbook. Oh, yeah, the old writing in the yearbook might be... Do you still have a yearbook? Yeah, I have two. You do? You should bring it in. Let's read some of those old comments. I will. I'll bring them in. I would love to hear some of the.

Old comments about you. Oh, God, you should tell me some of them.

I don't think I got any of... My yearbook is not signed by anybody. And I don't know, maybe I got kicked out of school or something and wasn't.

There that day. I have a bunch of messages. Oh, you do?

Guys and girls. If you were in high school, and I'm sure this happened to a few of us, I know what happened to me, when you were in high school and you got that yearbook back, did you ask people that you had dated, or someone that you had previously had interlude with? Did you ask them also to.

Sign it? Yeah, of course, and my best friends and different... I noticed that I had sections for people. Oh, you did? This is for Catherine. This is for Ginger or whoever.

Oh, really?

You'll see when you.

See it. I'll bring them in. It sounds all very organized. I don't remember that. I just remember walking down the hallway and asking someone to sign it. Even people I didn't know, you sign my yearbook just so I look cool. I didn't want to be the guy without any signatures, but I am the guy without any signatures. That's what the crazy thing is. But here's what I do remember about, and that's my junior yearbook, but in my freshman yearbook, in between eighth grade and freshman year, there were a number of us that were going to the same school. We were transitioning from the grade school to the high school. A number of us were... We went to private school, private Catholic schools. There are two private Catholic schools here in Atlanta, big ones. Some people were going to one, some people were going to the other. A bunch of us that were going to go to the school I went to, we all piled into a car toward the end of the summer. Remember that the guy that I was telling you about, the guy who would drive us everywhere, whose car we egged that one time?

Oh, right. Okay, poor guy. Poor bastard. So before all of that drama, he drove us to Six Flags for a night at Six Flags. So we got there in the afternoon. Bright Night? Well, it was the middle of the summer. Oh, the summer. I don't think it was Friday. I think it was one of the last days of summer. But I'll never forget it. So we're there and there's this girl, and this girl has just been a classmate of mine the entire time. Never thought anything of her. She was just like a friend, like a friendly girl. The guy comes to pick us up from Six Flags, and he has this Mitsubishi van, this three bench passenger van.

Is it Silver?

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Those old Mitsubishi vans are slid open. There's three benches. It's basically a bus, but a much shittier version. There was no hood on the car. You know what I'm saying? The engine was underneath you. Yes. So basically a-.

A blow-up waiting to happen.

Yeah, a driving bomb is basically what it was. So he picks us all up. We'd now been at this Six Flags all day long, and this girl was with us. Let's call her Katie. Let's say her name is Katie. Katie and six of us, seven of us were all there. This guy comes to pick us up. Katie and I get on the back bench, and all of a sudden, she leans over and then we're making out. So everybody is making out. Katie. Yeah, Katie got aggressive. I think maybe basically she just wanted to get it out of the way before she went to high school. You know what I'm saying?

One last chance.

Yeah, let me just try this. One last chance.

Brian's an idiot. Practice. Practice. Before the real thing happens.

Brian probably hasn't kissed anybody either. Let's get to it. So now we're making out in the back of the car. Six other people watching us make out in the back, including an adult, right? And everyone's like, woo, all right, get it. So we make out the entire ride home, which is like 30 minutes. And I am just so excited about this. I had never thought about this girl in this way. Yeah, I'm getting all tingly. I'm getting all tingly. I'm about to go to high school, and now I got to make out session under my belt in front of a bunch of people. I'm like a porn star. I'm a real live porn star. So we go to school, and this girl, we never talk in any serious way again. We're just again, classmates, and we say hi to each other in the hallway or whatever. Nothing comes of this at all, which befuddles me a little bit, but it's high school, and I got lots of other things to pay attention to, like drugs and other women and older girls and all that stuff.

It's a whole.

New world. So the end of the year comes and the yearbook comes out, and I'm walking down the hallway and I see Katie, and I'm like, Okay, let me have her sign my yearbook. I think it's the right thing to do. We had a good make out session. Maybe we'll have another make-out session this summer. I'm hoping to rekindle some of that make-out energy that we had. And she put in my yearbook, this is what she put. She put, Hey, Brian, you're the worst kisser in the entire high school. Love Katie. And then she was like- The JK. But you didn't have to actually spell it out on the yearbook. You could have just not said anything whatsoever about the kiss. You know what I'm saying? Like, Hey, Brian, great year. Can't wait to hang out with you more. No, she put, You're the worst kisser in this school. I was like, That's fucked up. That is. That's fucked up.

So.

A couple of months goes by. Summer, I'm hanging out with one of Katie's friends. I mentioned this because it was hurtful. Even though the JK was there, it was hurtful.

It's like one of those just kidding. Oh, you're ugly.

Just kidding. Yeah, you're so fat. Just kidding. But really, you're just big-boned. You're just big-boned. I was so hurt by this that my bruised ego couldn't help but mention it to anybody who would mention the word making out or kissing. I had to tell them this story like I am now. I'm still bruised. I'm still feeling upset about this. Katie, whose real name is not Katie, but you know what I'm talking about. So I say to one of her friends, I go, You know, it's like another fucked up thing. She put in my yearbook and this whole thing about the bad kisser. This is what the girl says to me. She goes, Oh, yeah, she's been saying that all year. I was like, She's been saying that all year? And she's like, Yeah, she says it to all the girls. I was like, Why did she say that? She goes, I think she's really upset that it never happened again. I'm like, It never happened again because the girl never talked to me again. She never said anything about it. She never called my phone and my home phone and asked my mom to talk to me.

She never approached me. She never said anything. She was.

Waiting for you to make the next.

Move, Brian. Yeah. You didn't pursue. I didn't go for second base. No, I didn't. I didn't go for second base because it was a-.

You had no follow-up.

No follow-up whatsoever. Well, I mean, I was available. I was around. She could have said something, you know what I'm saying?

But she was waiting for you to call her. Well- Then you never did. I was 15. And then you were the guy that kissed and- Kissed and ran.

I.

Ghosted.

Her, kissed and ran, tongued and ran. Hey, don't French and run. You're still at that age where you're scared of pussy, Brian. I'm just starting that age where I'm scared of pussy, Paul. Never happened again. So fast forward to some period of time later, and there's another friend that I'm talking to. I'm repeating this story. Now I'm.

Telling her- How many years later is this?

No, we're talking... This is the summer after she had signed the yearbook, right? Got it. I'm talking to another person that she's friends with, and I'm like, I can't believe this. And then this girl said that it was because she was hurt, and she's like, No, no, no. I don't think it has anything to do with her. I don't think she really thought you were a good kisser. I'm like, You motherfuckers. Is everybody so hurtful around here? I'm still bruised over this.

I can't believe it. Meanwhile, you keep reminding everybody about the story. Exactly. You should have just started making out more so that the other girls could tell the other girls that you were actually a good kisser.

Well, I did. That's when I started racking up the body count. Okay, good. I was thinking about this when I looked at my yearbook the other day because I saw her picture, and I was like- All the.

Memories.

Flooded back. Yeah, what a bruised little fuck nut I was just running around telling everybody that she had upset me in this manner. So transparently insecure. I mean, I'm 15, of course I'm insecure. But so transparently insecure, I couldn't get over it. I had to learn how to kiss better. How does she know I'm the worst kisser in high school? That's what I want to know, Tady. How am I the worst kisser in school? How do you know that? It was just like one of these random flings that turned into this ordeal in my head, and I kept making it a big ordeal because I kept telling.

Everybody about it. I felt like they had better help. Com back then.

Did you ever have anybody tell you you were a bad kisser, bad lover?

No.

No? What would you fucking do to you? Thanks for making me feel better. I thought you were going to be like, Yeah. No, I mean.

Along.

The way- Clues.

Along the way, you fumble here and there, but.

You know. Oh, my gosh. The balloons. The balloons. The balloons are back. See, it happened over there. It happened over there. It happened on that camera now. What in the good fuck is going on in this town? That's my camera.

You, Will, you just did a noise thing. That's over there.

I just did a noise thing. Hold on one second. Okay, surprise. No, no balloons. Okay, so to explain to you what's going on, and if you were listening to the last episode, you probably heard this also because it completely derailed the whole episode. We're being haunted. We have new cameras in the studio, and then we use a program called OBS to record those cameras, those camera angles. And for the last two episodes, Chrissy and I are seeing random, as if you were sent a happy birthday text message to somebody and the balloons came on your screen. And sent with balloons. Yeah, and sent with balloons. It's happening, but it's happening on our camera angles. Brand new cameras, wired to only one computer, no connection whatsoever to the internet.

We're also getting a thumbs up, emoji. Yeah, we're getting a thumbs up. It's just very random, too.

Chrissy, I wonder what's a ghost on the machine.

It's a haunting.

Maybe it's Katie sending me balloons. Sorry I offended. Sorry I broke your ego for 32 years. I apologize about that. But back to the conversation. Is the appropriate thing when someone asks you what lover they are, is it the appropriate thing? And I think, of course, it is to say, Oh, no, you're a super great lover. You can't offend somebody in that manner, right?

Yeah, I know. So why did Katie? Well, I know you're still hurt about this.

Chrissy, I'm way but hurt.

About this. But if you really want to get.

Into- Brings up.

All the old- -relationships. I mean, hopefully, if you're in a-.

Long-term.

Committed relationship. -long-term committed relationship, you will be telling each other what is good and what is bad and what's...

Yeah, I've only had besides that particular experience, which who knows? And by the way-.

That was a stupid high school thing.

That was a stupid high school experience. I'm not hurt.

About it anymore. I tend to think that she was. She was being proactive and telling everybody that because she was hurt that you.

Didn't pursue her. That's right. She was on the PR front. She was doing the Donald Trump thing, offense, not defense, you know what I'm saying? But I've only had one other person, at least in my intimate history, tell me that I was not so good in bed. It was the same woman. I told this story a long time ago. I was dating agot involved with a woman who lived in New York. She came down to visit me one time without much notice, showed up at my apartment while I was working because I let her in the door. Oh, right. The second that I walked in the door, she's like, I want to masterpiece with you. I was like, Oh, okay, great. I'll let her Okay. Get in the bed and we'll do it. She's like, No, I want to watch you masterpiece, and you can watch me cultivate. By the way, not Nari a hello was said before she said this. So you can imagine. Wow. We haven't seen each other in a long time because we started dating when she was living in New York. She comes to my house, she wants to masturbate immediately, but not distribute each other.

She wants us to masturbate ourselves, and then she can watch, and I can watch. I was weird about this. She had a fantasy. She had a fantasy. She was the same person who told me I wasn't so.

Fantastic in bed.

Maybe that's why she wanted to watch me motivate.

Let's not actually have sex.

Let's not actually have a lot of sex.

Let's just flesh for our own selves.

Let's skip the part where you desperately try to give me an orgasm without a clue. It's true. Let's just make sure we could get off on our own, and then we'll go from there. But I also thought that to be highly rude because when someone asks you how they are in bed, you say, Fantastic. Best lover I've ever had. That's the appropriate thing to say. Yeah. Maybe not the best lover I've.

Ever had. Yeah, you don't have to go that far.

You're one of the best lovers I've ever had. Unless it's true. You're one of the best lovers I've ever had. Or you're in the top 50.

Last night was amazing.

You're in the top 200, at least. I've only slept with 50 people, but you're in the top 200, no doubt. That would be the appropriate message to send to somebody. I didn't ask her if I was good in bed. She told me I wasn't so fantastic in bed. She just said it.

How did she bring it up?

She was always talking about sex. Always. She was highly sexualized. And that was fine, because I'm highly sexualized, too. But it was so aggressive sometimes that maybe I was just plain intimidated by the aggressiveness of this. It wasn't something that I was used to. But I rolled with the punches.

I mean, were you talking on the phone or was.

It in person? Yeah, it was in person.

Oh, over dinner?

We were on a walk, actually. I'm not on a walk. We're on a walk. She gave me a 25-page letter. She had read the stars or something. I think you know who I'm talking about. I'll talk about it off air. But she gave me this box she had bought at one of those huby-jubby hippie stores. You know what I'm talking about? It was like a box made of some special wood from-.

It had moon juice in it.

Yeah, it had something- Moon juice. Moon juice. Yes, it had moon cycle juice in it. And then it was a 22-page letter, of which I read six pages. That's a long letter. We were walking around, and I was just sharing with her that it was going to be difficult, I thought, to continue the relationship when she was living in New York, which was my way of backing out of the relationship. I was like soft pedaling my way out of the relationship. Somehow, some way, we got to talking about sex, and she was like, Well, we can all use a little practice here and there. We could all use a little direction here and there. She's like, I think you're perfectly fine in bed, but it's not the best sex I've ever had, and I feel like I could give you a little direction and make it better. I was like, Oh, my God. Really? Are we really having this conversation right now? You just wrote me a 22-page letter. Is that information also in the letter? Are you also telling me I'm a bad lover in the letter? I'm not saying I'm some Don Juan Parihon.

I'm not thinking that I'm the best lover that ever hit the earth, as evidence by- I think.

That's subjective, too. I honestly do. Totally. I think it's very subjective as to who is the best lover. There's no best lover. No, there is no best lover because it's who's the best lover for you.

Who's the best lover for you? And not all of us, as Christy and I have described on this show before, have the strength, the will, or the experience to throw someone up against the shower wall and bang them till their head is silly. It's just.

Some- That's why you need the walker.

That's why you need the walker. Come on over here and get on to my dick.

That's why people in the assisted living are having so much sex. They can get into this position.

That's right. As long as you don't break something.

I feel like one of those reclined chairs that sits all the.

Way up. Oh, yeah, you've got all the bells and whistles.

That's it.

You put in your- beds can go up and down, walkers. You've got stuff to do in the bath. You've got handles.

Bedpan, you've got handles. Handles in the bathroom. You've got handles. Maybe you have one of those fancy walk in baths, and you can just put them on that chair that sits in there. That's right. I imagine you just put a young lady on the walker, and then you sit yourself down in your recliner, and you press up, and then you press down. And then you press up, and then you press down.

Yeah, seems like there's not a bad idea now that I think about it to get a few Hey, listen. -elderly AIDS, but use them in a new way.

Put some Judge Judy on and have yourself involved. Like my mom. Oh, my God, that story she told the other day about Irving and his diapers.

Oh, my God. I've got a surprise for you. I'm wearing a diaper.

I got a surprise for you, Vicky. I don't find the best pair of Nickers I've ever worn. Unfortunately, they're full. Can you change them?

I know I was not.

Expecting her to say that. Oh, my God. I was not expecting her to even talk about.

Her intimate life. I have no idea. No, her face was going red. Oh, my God, Chrissy. It was.

Pretty embarrassing. I was mortified. Totally mortified that my mom would bring that up on the commercial break. All right, we're going to take a short break, and we'll be right back. Okay, podcast besties, time for one more quick break, and then it's back to the drama. Check out tcbpodcast. Com for all of our episodes and YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited video episodes. Find us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB Podcast. And of course, if you want to get in touch with us, which of course you do, leave us a voicemail at (626) ask_tcb3 or text us at (855) tcb8383. Now let's listen to some sponsors and get this show going. All right, Anne, we're back. I had a situation the other day, and I wrote it down. This is actually a couple of months ago, but I had a situation. I thought I'd get your advice on it.

Okay.

I went to a dinner with friends and colleagues. Let's call it friends and colleagues. There was four of us at the dinner, and it wasn't necessarily a business dinner, so it wasn't necessarily something one of us was going to pay for altogether, right? We sit down, order a couple of appetizers. One of those appetizers is particularly delicious, and maybe there were four or five pieces of that appetizer. It was like one of those giosa. You know what I'm saying? You know where I'm going with this? Okay, so I had two of the five giosas. You already know where this is heading. Everyone already knows where this is heading. I don't even need to tell the rest of the story. So this cheap asshole at the end of the meal, it starts dividing.

This appetizer. I didn't think it was going to go that far. I thought somebody else was going to be mad that you had two.

Well, no, I guess he was mad that I had two because he wanted me to pay for both of them.

He divided that up individually?

Chrissy? Oh, my God. I am not even kidding you. The guy starts calculating.

If you're sharing things, you just split it four ways or whatever.

That's it. You split it four ways, which is what I told the waiter when he came. He comes and he says, One check or you guys want separate checks? And I said, Why don't you just put it on one check and we'll divide it four ways, right? Give four cards. And then the guy that's sitting next to me is like, Yeah, I can do a little calculation and figure it out. I said, Yeah, I think it's 2023. I'm pretty sure they have a program that will divide this in half for us. You know what I'm saying? I don't think we have to worry about the tough math. Twenty-four divided by four, we each owe six dollars. And so... We're at a place where the appetizer cannot cost more than seven dollars. I mean, I don't know where the exact price was, but it's not expensive. And so the check comes and everybody throws their credit card down and this guy grabs the check, grabs his calculator off his phone and starts dividing the amount of food, the amount of appetizers we have all eight. And he's like, Brian, I think you had two of those, Giosu, didn't you?

And I'm like, I might as well have all the Giosu. You want me to pay for all the Giosu? Give me that check. Yeah, if you want me to spring 79 cents for your fucking Giosu, I'll be happy to do so. You goddamn cheap asshole.

I think you had two. What?

What he said? What did you say? I don't remember. I was so offended. I got instantaneously defensive. I'm usually a pretty cool cucumber, right? But I was like, I don't remember. I would, too. I might have had three, I think, is what I said. I go, no, no, it's okay. I'll pay for the giosa, right? I got it. Don't worry about it. I'll pay for the fucking giosa.

Those gios are good.

Oh, my God, are they delicious? That's why I had two. I know. They're delicious. I'm a picky eater. Something came to the table that I liked. I want to have another one. Is that okay with everybody? Hey, here's an idea. Let's order a whole other plate of giosa. We can go outside and panhandle for the money. What do you think? I'll do a little strip around the restaurant and see if we can gather a few extra dollars. I'll show my tits for another giosa. What do you want me to do.

Here, dude? I think you had two.

I think you had two. And how.

Did he work that out? Like, hey, you owe this.

You can get this. Eight dollars, right? Let's call it five dollars divided by five. Brian had two. He owns two dollars, and the rest of us owe one. He had the extra giosa. Did you have the extra giosa? Was that you?

Did you have that? It's not like you had extra steak.

I didn't take home a BMW. I had a giosa.

It's a steam supplement. Yes. One more.

Steam dumpling. It's not like I asked you to divide our Disney World vacation. I asked you for four ways. What are you paying? An extra, it's 76 cents for my extra giosa? Are you really that upset? Do we really have to do this here?

Oh, wow.

Wow. Chrissy, I was just mortified, incensed. What did.

Everybody else say?

Of course, everybody else like a bump on the log because now they're agreeing. They're like, Well, you did have two. I could use that dollar.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Times are tough. Well, I think you did have two, didn't you, Ryan? No one's backing me up here.

Oh, my God.

So finally, I was.

Like- Yeah, I would have been like, just forget it. I'll pay for all of them.

That's what I did. I said, forget it. I'm paying for the meal. Congratulations. Yeah. And he's like, No, no, no. You don't have to do that. Oh, I don't?

Yes, I do. When you just try to divide up a giosa plate.

Oh, I don't have to pay for all of it. You're so fucking cheap that you want me to pay an extra 79 cents for a goddamn giosa? And you're not happy to take me paying for your meal? Is that what I'm getting here? Is that what I'm picking up? Because you could have just said at the beginning, Guys, I'm a cheap asshole. Can you pay for my meal? And I would have been happier with that.

Yeah, or let's all get our own food.

I should have said split it four ways and put the gios on mine.

I'll take.

The gios on. Imagine telling the waiter that. I had two gios out of the five. He also took one of my French fries off my plate. Can we figure out how that works out? I asked for extra ketchup, you put it on his plate. Can you charge him for that? The fuck. Come on, dude. He's got to listen to this, and I know he is. Dude, that was totally the wrong thing to do. It was totally the wrong thing to do. That was cheap. It was wrong. It was wrong to call it out like that. You should have just split it four ways like every other fucking human being in the world.

And or you should have just gotten split C's on the four ways. Yes. If everybody got around the same thing, I don't know if you guys had a meal as well, like dinner. We did, yeah. Everybody had.

Something different. Everybody had burgers. It was just like.

A burger place. Okay, well.

Giosas is a burger. Burglar and giosas. Don't ask.

Okay, well, also, too, if you know you're the person who is watching their money, then just say, I'm going to order and put... For myself. For my own check. You should have.

Alerted me to that in the beginning. That's right. I like to do my own check. That's right. I'd like to.

Do my own check if that's okay. Yeah, you said that from the beginning. I'm on my.

Own check. I'm on my own check. And if I want an appetizer, I'll pay for my own appetizer. Exactly. And if I'm gracious enough to give Brian an extra giosa, we could throw it on his check. Fuck, dude. But, I mean, am I wrong about... Right in if I'm wrong about this, but I don't think I'm wrong about this. No, you're not. It's not about whether or not I actually owe the money. Okay, I ate the extra giosa. I get it. At the end of the day, it went down my gullet, not his. But there is certain just human decency, like common sense- Yeah, social norms. -social norms. And I also get that I told the waiter to split it.

For waste. It wasn't a whole thing of stone grabs.

No, it wasn't, and I paid for those. No, we split it. We did split it. You're right, we did split it. That's the point. We did split it. We split it for waste. Even though none of us ordered 300 Stonecrab at $49 a piece, it was fine. We never complained about it because we just looked at each other and we're like, Yeah, let's split it. What's the big deal? Okay, Chrissy had a good time. Who cares? She's like, Stonecrab. Great. If you ordered $10,000 worth of champagne and you didn't ask anybody ahead of time and then wanted me to split it four ways, I would be like, Okay, no, hold on one second. I don't even drink champagne, so I'm not going to pay for the $10,000 bottle of champagne. But that's not what happened. No. We were all having a good time. That's because I just have fucking gios. You found something that you liked and you ordered a bunch of stonecrab. I found gios. I liked it. I shared it with everybody else, got a piece. If you want me to pay for it, I'll pay for it. But don't be an asshole right there at the table and say, I think you had to gios.

Were you really watching me that closely? One thing that really fucking pisses me off is when people watch me eat. Stop watching me eat. Stop it. Don't do that.

Jerk off. Somebody else mentioned that to me the other day. They said, I don't like to be watched when.

I eat. Yeah, I hate it. It drives me crazy.

It's actually a thing. But I don't know who's... I don't specifically sit there and watch somebody else eat. I'm eating my own food and talking to the other person, but I don't know that I'm watching.

There's a family member that I have. It all goes back to me being a child, like everything in life. It goes back to me being a child. And of course, there's four kids in the household, two parents. My dad is lower, middle, middle class guy, has a job at an office. But he's not a billionaire. He's not an executive at the company. He's just trying to make ends meet, sending his kids to school, all this other stuff. So, of course- My family is the same. -you can't have people just running ribshot on all of the food in the house. At least that's the way that my dad saw it. And I understand his perspective now that I have children that are running ribshot.

Over my food. And boys that eat a lot.

And teenage boys that just consume a mass amount of food because.

Their dad's out of their belt. And have friends over, and then the.

Refrigerator is empty. We had friends over. They're all down in the basement getting stone. Well, yeah, there you go. They're all over in the basement.

Getting stone. I didn't think that's what he meant with the food.

So my dad would, I don't say monitor the food intake, but at times he would make mention. And then my mom would also make mention of the fact they would like, Did you have two... What are those things? Ding-dongs. Did you have two Ding-dongs? Because we noticed that two Ding-dongs are gone. I was like, I don't know, maybe I had two Ding-dongs. I'm not even sure I was so high. I don't know.

Probably. Probably did.

No, I did cocaine last night. Probably didn't eat my Ding-Dong. That wasn't me. It was Kevin. But they would just monitor food intake a little bit, and it caused me to take food and run up to my bedroom. I didn't want to be watched while I was eating because I knew I would be judged for what I was eating, or at least that's the way I interpreted it, as a child, a very insecure, bad-kissing, teenage child. Bad lover. It's a terrible lover. High on Schmicky-schmank, digity-dank, which was really just shitty dirtweed. But I would take the food up and I would hide and eat. That is an eating disorder. That's what it is, right? So I had the same doors. Now into my adulthood, I don't like when people watch me eat. It really drives me crazy. I have this family member that God bless her. But every time that I eat, she has to make mention of my eating, and I don't- Really? And I don't...

Yes. What? What comments?

You should sit, right? Okay. All right. Oh, that's not enough food. Or why do you eat it like that? Or what are you having? Or aren't you going to eat the rest of that? You need food. You look so skinny, you should sit down. You all look so skinny, I should sit down? What, am I frail? I'm going to fall over? Who am I? Oppenheimer? I mean, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's just like this constant conversation that's going on around my food.

Well, food is a big cultural thing, too. In my family, we had the Italians, and so it was a lot.

Of- Eat more.

Eat more and more. Mange, manje.

Oh.

My little squizini. You didn't eat all of your food. Why did you not eat at all?

My little squizini. Why aren't you eating the dungue? Sit down. Have yourself a bottle of Ciante Class. Ciante Class. And some old bread from the table over next door. I totally understand it. It is a cultural thing.

And I see how that feels like somebody would be watching you. It feels terrible.

It feels like somebody's watching you, right? But for me, it was the opposite, because we're Irish, and so we come from the potato famine of scarcity. And I understand also that my parents came from a time when there was scarcity, or their parents came from a time when there was scarcity, so it gets passed down from generation to generation.

Yeah, they were thinking about their grocery bill.

Absolutely. And you understand, right? You get it. And when you're dropping $500 a week on groceries because your kids just can't stop eating it along with their totally wasted friends down in the basement doing six-foot-bong rips, coming up for air every five hours and eating ding-dongs till they're blue in the face. I get it. I understand. As a parent now, I also know that groceries are a huge bill around this house. They are. I don't even have kids that are eating a lot yet. So I get it. Not until my adulthood did I realize that hiding and eating, this urge to get away from people when I'm eating, is an... It's a disorder, right? It's disordered thinking. It's disordered eating. Yeah. And so I admit I have some version of an eating disorder because it really bothers me. It makes me anxious when people are watching me. And then on top of that, to have people that are just nitpicking about everything that I'm eating and what I'm doing while I'm eating, it drives me nutty. And I keep telling Astrid, I'm like, Astrid, I just can't handle it. I just can't take it. And she's like, I know.

And Astrid knows much better. One of the things I really love about our relationship, Astrid and I, is that we know each other's insecurities, and we refuse to bounce on them on purpose for marital points. We just don't do that. Did someone just break in the door? I think so. What is going on? This whole recording studio has become a haunted mansion. I swear to God, it has. The door is open, things fall, balloons on the- The.

Printers go off.

Oh, is the printer going off? I had to tell my father-in-law about that one. My father-in-law is currently doing a renovation on that side of the house over there, which he does every time he comes in. He does. And so he's printing out these directions on how to do something, and it's like 30 pages long, and he's printing it every three minutes while we're recording. So yesterday I go at it, I go, Hey, Dad, listen, we're recording in there, and so if you could just not press print while we're recording. Hi, Brian. He's stupid. He's stupid. Pinchy gringo. Pinchy commercial break. Oh, my God. He's noise professional. No, commercial break. Oh, my God. Our content creators. The content creator is my pingo. Oh, my God. Content creator in my Kulo. He's stupid or episode number pingo. Oh, my God, Brian. I'ma man trying to do real man work over here. Right? I'm sorry I upset her vagina. I'm sorry I messed up your Gucci. Gucci, Gucci, Gucci cool.

I'm a real man trying to.

Do something. I'm a real man trying to do something for the earth. Trying to leave something of value. What are you doing? I'm doing an episode. I get to do the episode. Itry to do the episode to hurt up my feelings. I get to do the episode to hurt up my feelings. I'm going to go get a ladder, like a real man. You want to help me? Oh, no, your poor rib is broken. I deal with you. My rib is broken. I can't carry anything heavy. He's stupid. Peachy son-in-law.

That's true.

It's funny because it's true. Yeah, I know. He doesn't say it, but I know he's thinking it. All right, too much fun. Too much fun.

Here at the commercial.

Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Be safe out there, kids and creatures. Remember to, I don't know, don't stranger danger. Remember to have your parents check your candy for razor blades.

Oh, God. I know. I was reading something that said it was 1980 is when that happened. Yeah. And it set off a.

Huge thing. It set off a huge thing, but it was like one dude accidentally dropped a razor blade in somebody's basket. He was working on the house or something and was like, Oops, there's a razor blade. No one ever got hurt. No one ever actually ate a razor blade. It's so stupid. It's just like these people that are saying that they're dropping fentanyl in your.

Kid's candy. It's something.

Every year. Yeah, it's something every year. I got news for you. People want you to pay for that fentanyl. They're not giving it away to children for free. Plus, it's not a good look when people start dying from your candy because it's laced with fentanyl. Okay. We'll talk about this next episode. Did you hear that the major cartel down in Mexico is now killing drug dealers who are selling fentanyl? And they're putting up signs all around Tiawana on the bridges and stuff that says stop selling fentanyl or we'll kill you. Good. Yeah. Amen. Hey, listen, I'll take the help anywhere I can get it. I know. I agree. All right, tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go. Find out more information about Chris, you and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. I want you to do us a favor. Get your piggy-fronting sticker for free. Hit the Contact Us button. Drop-down menu says I want my sticker. Send us your address. We'll send out your piggy-fronting sticker. Send us a picture of where you put that piggy-fronting sticker. It's a bumper sticker. It doesn't necessarily need to be on your bumper, but just send us a picture because we do love that.

Also, we would love it if you would leave us kind words or reviews on your favorite player and subscribe so you get the newest episodes when they download. Four episodes a week now, that's it. That's all we're going to do. There's no more time on Earth to do more episodes of The commercial break, so four is the max you're going to get four episodes a week starting now. So please download every episode. All right, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak, fully-edited episodes. 626, ask TCB the number three. 626, ask TCB the number three. Comments, questions, concerns, content ideas, you can text them or leave them a voicemail. If you leave a voicemail, your voicemail may be played on air, so be mindful about the information that you give us, including your real name. Be careful about that, kids. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. Well, Chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I will say that I do love you. I love you. I will say best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.

Goodbye.