I really can't stay. But, babe, I got.

Crab Rangoon.

Fuck. Why did you not start with that? Let's go. On this episode of The commercial break. It wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. Everybody tells, a couple of days of ice, you'll be fine. A couple of days of ice, you'll be fine. And your husband, Jeff, was wonderful. He also guided me through like a nut-sooth-sayer. You know what I'm saying? Like a. A Buddha of balls. Yeah, he was the Buddha of balls. I said.

Hey, buddy, how are you doing? One of the Sherfas that take the people from.

Their homes. That's right. A scrotum-sherfa. The next episode of The commercial break starts now. Good morning. Oh, yeah, Katzagins, welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is our main Mistle toe manager, Krista Joy. Totally best to you, Krista.

Best to.

You, Brian. It's best to you out there in the podcast universe. Tiz the season, Krista.

What is.

That season? It is the season for a story time with Brian. What do you think?

Fireside Chat? A Fireside chat?

A Fireside chat. No, they're offline now. I don't know what happened to them. Actually, they're back to doing the rooms again. I don't see the TV anymore. Now it's the room. We're talking about Fireside, the rocket ship application that took off during the pandemic. Oh, no, that was Clubhouse. I'm sorry. Fireside, the rocket ship that like Elon Musk's rocket ship just fell sideways and exploded. No, I'm kidding, Elon Musk is doing great work. Thank God for Elon Musk or we wouldn't be going to space at all. You know what I'm saying? I don't see NASA flying anything into space right now. But I'll put Elon aside for right now. This is a touchy subject. Here's what I do have to say. When I was just an e-witty-bitty restaurant boy. Back in the days, back in the crazy hey days, I was working at this fine steakhouse, Apah, hooh, hoonah, apua, moneyjock. That's right. Okay, so it's just little waiter, Brian, running around, bartender, running around, causing problems, spending way too much money on kids margaritas. You know what I'm saying? Hoping to pay my rent by the 40th of the month. I was dating a girl, loosely dating a girl.

I think we were more friends who were trying to force something to happen, but it really wasn't happening. I think we were attracted to each other, but it was clear that we just weren't on the same wavelength. She had wanted nothing to do with Kids Margaritas. She wanted nothing to do with my shenanigans. I don't think it was a perfect fit for the two of us. Yeah, you were a wild. I was.

Just a little bit.

Of a wild. You were a wild. I was just a little bit of a wild. You're the bad boy. Yes. You're asking your customers if they have any drugs you can have, and I think you're off of it. But unbelievably, at a very high end restaurant in the bar area, it was the customers who often supplied the narcotics because time and money is an addix of worst enemy. True. This girl goes out of town for whatever reason. She leaves for a couple of weeks or a month. I'm not sure. A period of time. It's probably three days, but I'm just going to say my head. I was about- A long time. Yes. One of these crazy nights turned into a long morning at my townhouse, the townhouse that I was living in. There was another girl who worked at the restaurant who I had never given two thoughts to. I actually didn't care for her all that much. I thought she was, I don't know, obnoxious and high, strong, and scattered, all the things that I was. I saw the mirror in myself, actually, and I just didn't like it. It wasn't for me.

It repelled.

Like two magnets. Two magnets together, repelling. This would become my future wife, by the way. So she is at this party in the wee hours of the morning, and I'm wrapping it up. I'm telling everybody they got to get the fuck out of my house because I have to sleep because it's eight o'clock in the morning, and I have to be at work at 10:30 in the morning and I have had not a wink of sleep. I got to throw some cold water on my face. We're saying goodbye. I'm upstairs in the townhouse. I thought everybody had left. I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth. When I get out from brushing my teeth, the girl was standing there. She's just standing outside the bathroom. Then all of a sudden we're making out. It's just like one of those moments. I don't know what happened. I don't know how it happened. I guess I just assumed if she was standing outside my bathroom door for 5-10 minutes, that there could be no other reason why she was up there. She just went in for the kiss, and then all of a sudden we're making out. Here's the point of the story.

Her and I started dating pretty soon after that, and I had to tell the other girl on the phone, and we weren't exclusive, just to be clear. I wasn't cheating on her. We were dating other people. Even though we weren't dating other people, we just did something we said to each other to make each other feel good about the relationship pace. So you know how you do. Oh, no, no, no, it's Lucy. Let's keep it Lucy Goosey. Once we put a label on it, it's all over. The good times are gone once you put a label on it.

Right, let's just have fun.

So Lucy Goosey, you do what you want to do. I'll do what I want to do. And when we come together, we'll fuck, right? So it was an uncomfortable conversation I had to have. But the most uncomfortable part of this was then going to events, functions, and parties afterwards. For work. For work, after work, parties that just happen to appear every single night after a restaurant shift. I also was a bartender at the restaurant where both of these people were waitresses. So it was a little bit uncomfortable. Those social functions were uncomfortable to me for the first couple of months because everybody gave me the side eye. Because there's the truth, there's my side, there's your side. There's three sides to every story. And so it made me very just uncomfortable to walk into these situations. I still can feel that feeling when I think about it.

Who do you go to first to.

Say hello? Well, you go to the girl that you're having sex with currently to say hello because that's the right thing to do. But I'm talking about the other people in the room. You know what? I feel like they all were looking at me with a side eye. I had done something inappropriate or wrong, even though no one ever said that to me.

Even though this happens too at every single restaurant, every ever. Every single restaurant.

It's so nepotistic. I don't mean nepotistic like your uncle hired your cousin. I mean nepotistic like everyone is scaring everybody all the time. That's what goes on. Occasionally, there's a couple that rises to the top. They become the couple you want to aspire to. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. If we can be like them. That couple, the couple in the restaurant, they got it down. Look, he was dating one girl, then he dated another girl. It all worked out just fine. They're together. Look, they're married. Oh, they're divorced. They're married for 15 days. Now they're divorced. And I say this because I'm reading this story. You remember the big Good Morning America shakeup that happened with that guy, TJ Robuck? Yes. Is it Robuck? I forgot his name. Tj, let me see here if I can. I want to get the names right. That's the least I can do for our listeners, Chris. He has finally got something right. Tj Holmes and Amy Robuck. The two of them were co-anchors on Good Morning America, I think it was. They're co-anchors. Word gets out that they've been sleeping together, and they both have a significant other.

Yeah, there's definitely a scandal.

It has scandival written all over it, Chrissy. It's our own little reality show happening in the morning news. It's like, what's that show? The Morning Show? The Morning Show, yeah. It's like a real version of The Morning Show. It's so much like the real version of The Morning Show that even Matt Lauer is getting involved in this. Now, let me explain. There is a big wedding for one of the Good Morning America hosts, and everybody from far and wide. It's like the siren song of The Morning Show. They gather everybody together. The bed signal goes out, all the morning show people come, including TJ and Amy. They come as a couple to gather to that wedding.

Yeah, because they've left their respective spouses.

I'm about to get into the craziness about this. And guess who else shows up? Matt fucking Lauer shows up, who has been hiding in a hole for five or six years ever since they found out that he had a blow job button under his desk? I mean, the guy shows up with his new significant other, his new fling. So this is quite the drama around the circles. The craziest thing that has come out of this that I'm reading about is the two that were left, the man and the woman who were divorced so that Amy and TJ could have a relationship, now have a relationship. They are now together as a couple.

That happens. I've heard about that happening. And also, too, isn't it Andrew Shue, who she was married to?

I think so. Yeah.

And he was on... He was back in the 90s, he was on Melrose Place.

Oh, yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, I think you're right about this.

Yeah, they were married.

So you've now got two couples that have been created out of this situation. You got Matt Lauer attracted to shit like Fly. I think the guy's just coming in for the kill. I only can imagine. I went to parties where there was five or six people, and I felt a certain level of discomfort, not because I had done anything wrong, because I thought people thought I did something wrong. Can you imagine walking into a crowd of hundreds of people at this huge gala, this wedding, this event, photographers and everything? Then not only that, but then your photograph next to Matt fucking lower with the blowjob button? What level of discontent or embarrassment must you feel? On some wavelength, you must feel some.

Sense of- For these people.

Yeah. I'm just imagining myself walking into a room where I publicly, clearly, no doubt about it, was in the wrong. I cheated on my wife with my co-host at a workplace environment, who then also cheated on her husband, and then somehow Matt Lauer showed up. But somehow Matt Lauer is getting back into the game. Now those two are together, the two we divorced are now together. There must be so much drama going on behind the scenes.

Yeah, it's one of those things if you're a guest at the party.

How much chitting and chatting must you be doing? So much. Oh, God, I would just love this. I know. Look at that. Look at that. It's TJ and Amy. Right, they're here. Yeah, they showed up together. Oh, it's fucking Matt Lauer. Get the blow jaw button out. Matt Lauer is here. Matt Lauer is trying to make a comeback. Trust me when I say this, Chrissy, you will mark my words. Episode 3,000, two months from now, we will hear about Matt Lauer making some comeback. Some Netflix television show like the David Letterman Sitdown Talk show, some Amazon streamer, some morning news program on a fledgling news network, CNN is going to hire him, he will be back. Msnbc, put somewhere, wherever, he will be back. He's going to plot his comeback. And I'm not particularly sure if the guy with a blow job button should be the guy that's reading my morning news. No. But he's been sitting out for five years. And I think coming out in this public way with his new love, he's trying to get back into some sense of normalcy. I was just a guy with a blowjob button. I mean, who doesn't have a blowjob button?

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Blowjob.

Well, he was also pressuring women into the whole, yeah, terrible. I'll promote you if you do this for me and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, the sleazy. Yeah, listen, there's lots.

Of sleaziness. There's lots of sleaz that goes on everywhere, right? And I think that guys are probably more guilty of this than women are. But it happens all the time. We know this from personal experience. It's not just the guys. The girls are up to it, too. Personal experience, we know this. Verifiable. There's just some ratchet ass bitches out there, bosses out there that are just pressuring people to do shit they don't want to do. But when you have a blow job button and you're using your incredible wealth, fame, and money, which is the same as wealth, so I said it twice, when you use that to pressure somebody, or maybe not even pressure them, but give them the impression that if you do this, then that will happen. I think there's a lot of people out there that are young and impressionable or not young and impressionable who would probably succumb to that offer, right? Me, I would succumb to that offer. It just seems to me like, I don't know, even if the guy wanted to make a comeback. I'm not particularly sure that that's the guy I would trust with my morning news.

Not that I trust anybody with my morning news. It's all bullshit. But it feels to me like.

A comeback- I don't think he'll ever do morning news again.

You don't think so? No. Okay, mark my words. Okay. Maybe not morning news.

I'm putting that.

In the notebook. If you put it in the notebook, it's not going to happen. Exactly. We just have to put it here on Celluloid so that everybody knows. And there's a.

String of.

These, like Charlie Rose apparently is trying to get back into doing something, too. Didn't he also have a blow job button or something, Charlie Rose?

There was some scandal, but there were so many there for a string of time.

Well, good. Cut out all the bullshit, I say. Amen. Amen. Tj and Amy are completely like, I don't want to negate the relationship because sometimes you just run into the hard ones with the hard ones. The hard ones with the hard wants. The hard ones with the hard wants, Chrissy. It is what it is. I love when people say that because I said it for a very long time. The hard ones with the hard wants. I'll be right back. The police are currently arresting me for breaking into my own house. It is what it is. It all has a purpose, Chrissy. Could you call the bail's bondsman for me? I certainly would appreciate it. I just know. I know deep down, and I feel the ebb and the flow of these kinds of things. Matt's trying to make a comeback. That's why he showed up at the wedding, face first with his new love, because he hasn't been seen anywhere for five years. Then all of a sudden, he shows up at this morning show wedding. Then TJ and Amy are definitely on the track, the normalization of cheating on your husband in a way because they got divorced and everything ended up happy for them, too.

Now, they're together also. Have you ever been in a situation where you've dated someone close to the other person that you dated? No. No? Never. How do you do that? You just never run in the same circles?

You run in the same circles, but they're off limits. They're the person's friend, or they're my friend's ex-boyfriend, or something like that.

Your friend's ex-boyfriend would definitely be one of those situations where if you came into contact with them at a party or something like that, wouldn't you feel a certain sense of like, Oh, my God. I feel weird about showing up to.

This party. Oh, I thought you were saying, Would I ever hook up? Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no. No. What I'm.

Saying is- Oh, yes. Yes, I.

Have been- Yeah, I was wondering how many circles of friends you have because I have like... I don't know. I have a- I.

Thought you were saying, have you ever been in a situation where you've hooked up while you've had a boyfriend or a girlfriend? No, no, no, no.

No, no. Okay. No, we're not cheaters. We're not cheaters here at the commercial break. Please, we can just have you to get late.

I'm saying- Yes, I have been in a situation where there's been tension, weirdness, whatever.

Strange. Strangeness. Yeah. It feels really odd to walk in. But I was thinking about this last night. You don't have 15 circles of friends. I mean, some people do, but you don't really have 15 circles of friends. I have more like a crecent moon of friends. I don't even have one circle of friends, right? I have a quarter of a circle of friends. But it's in that pile of friendships, in that extended pile of friendships is where normally you would find somebody that you would date. I mean, I guess if it's not 2023, you're on every app in the world.

Well, I was going to say, yeah.

But even then, if you're 25 something and you're here in Atlanta and you're on the dating app- You're on the scene. Yeah, and you're on the scene, aren't you going to happen to run into the same people? Every big town is really just a.

Small town. And there's probably more of that now, actually, because of just all the hookups that happen on the app. Yeah, I got to imagine. And then the next thing you know, you're at a party with a guy that you hooked up with, and then he's with somebody else.

He's with somebody new.

You're with somebody else. You just saw him last week. I don't know.

Do youWhen you were out on the scene in the bars and stuff like that, did you ever walk into a bar or a club and then see an ex-boyfriend, and you were with your new significant other?

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, like music. I would go see music or something.

And how did you handle it? Just hello or you ran away? Yeah, I.

Didn't say anything.

Yeah, okay, good. That's good. That's the best policy. The best policy is to run away from your ex. I saw that one girl that I dated, like Esra and I were just brand spanking there. We were here back from Switzerland, and we decided to go to a movie locally here. We go to this movie, and there's two doors. It's like an L-shaped building, and there's two doors. There's one on each face of the L, right? And so we are walking into the entrance, and out of the exit on the other side of the L walks who I think is my ex-girlfriend. I could not have gone faster to open that door for Asher to hustle her in the door, and she got it right away. She was like, Is that your ex-girlfriend? I was like, How did you know that? I go, I don't really know because I didn't take a second look, but the first look indicated that it clearly might be. She's like, Are you scared of her? I was like, Actually, yes, I am scared of her. That's the part of me that, yes. There's a part of me that doesn't need to ever be in that particular circle of friends again.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I always feel like the best policy, unless you have just a good level of communication... There are some exes that I see I'm perfectly fine with. I still interact with to this day. It depends on how things end. I mean, that's it. Yeah, it always depends on how things end. That's it. Well, everything ends shitty, but it's how quickly you get over the shittiness, is it? Because it always stinks when you get broken up with. Yeah. It's how short is the shitty period?

That's my indication. Well, it's like what happened to you? Was there a cheating situation? Yeah. Was there a stealing money situation? Stealing money. Was there a police involved?

What happened?

There's levels there.

That's true. I try and stay on the level. I usually am friends with my exes, right? Usually because they realized that I wasn't quite the man they had hoped I was going to be and decided to back out easily. And so I'm just always in this like, I don't know, not forgiving mood, but I'm in a rather equitaminous mood about my exes. I'm like, oh, we had a moment, and there was a reason for that moment, so I want to respect the moment. But at the end of the day, there are certainly a few that if I never saw again, I would be perfectly okay with that. Yeah, you're fine with that. And if I see them out, I am going to run away from them. That's right. That is the TJ, Amy situation. How much you want to make a bet that the other two on the other side of that equation have a run, don't walk away from TJ and Amy when we see them out on the streets.

I can't believe the other two came to the wedding.

They didn't go to the wedding. Oh, they did. They did not go to the wedding. They just announced around the same time the wedding was that they were together.

Oh, they were together. And that does happen quite often.

Yeah, well, you're grieving and.

You find solace. Exactly. You find that. You have that bond.

Who knows better about being cheated on? Than the spouse of the person who you've been cheated on. Exactly. There's some reasoning there. There's some.

Reasoning there that makes sense. Well, they probably all hung out together anyway. Oh, yeah, they did. They were co-hosts.

Apparently, the husband.

Of the- The couples were.

Hanging out. Yes, they were hanging out with their own children. They were close, the families were close, apparently, according to really trashy magazines that I read online. According to those magazines, they were close, like TJ was Uncle TJ and this other guy was Uncle Ron or whatever his name was.

Call.

Him dad now. He went from uncle to daddy. Listen, it's just a name change. And he's sleeping with mommy. And don't mind those noises in the bedroom. That's just Mommy having good sex for once. And good for them. I don't accrue for the cheating. But now that you're there, you might as well make the best of it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. That's not exactly probably what a therapist would say. Brian's philosophy on cheating. Well, it did work out, but now that you guys... Listen, I'm really sad that you cheated on me. But now that you're there, make the best of it for me, will you? Please? I want to be friends. Can we all be friends? Can I still be Uncle Brian? Not Daddy, Brian, of my 12 to 13 children. All right, let's take our first break. We got some good stuff for you today, Chrissy. You're going to want to stay tuned. You have to stay tuned. They're going to want to stay tuned.

Sounds good.

All right, we'll be back after these messages.

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Commercial break. Hey, people are asking, so I thought I would give an update on my balls. Fantastic. Hey, it's my nuts, my Diddy, Canter. I will tell you this. The vasectomy, I didn't expect anything because I have no reference point. And I've never had any major operation except for the back of my throat while I was wide awake, and that was a nightmare situation. This was, by comparison, rather pleasant compared to them sticking a scalpel down the back of my throat while I was breathing and awake. But I will say this, it also wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. Everybody tells you, a couple of days of ice, you'll be fine. A couple of days of ice, you'll be fine. And your husband, Jeff, was wonderful. He also guided me through like a, I don't know, like a nut soothsayer. You know what I'm saying? Like a- A nut- scooby-go-go. A voodoo of balls. Yeah, he was the voodoo of balls. I said, Hey.

Buddy, how are you doing? One of the Sherpas that take the.

People up the mountain. That's right, a scrotum Sherpa. A scrot Sherpa. He was a scrot Sherpa and a ball Buddha sitting way up on top of the mountain. Hey, buddy, how are you doing? I got Jeff's voice down. Hey, buddy, how are you doing? Yeah, I'm good, Jeff. How are you? Yeah, good, man. Listen, Ice is your best friend. Ice those potatoes, buddy. Get them real nice and cold. Nice and cold. Every 20 minutes, nice and cold. I said, Okay. The thing that I thinkthe thing that I think is most difficult with a vasectomy is having all these fucking children around with a.

Vasectomy and the dog. Well, yeah, you did mention how. It is like I'm- One of them is squarely.

Yes. One time, 30 fucking times, this kid who is the apple of my eye. He's my first. I love him. We're buddies. He's my best friend. I love the kid. But the second I said, Boo-book on my balls, it was as if a magnet was on my balls, and his hands and his feet had the opposite magnet. You know what I'm saying? He slept in the bed with me the other night. He comes running in whatever time, midnight. Okay, come on up here, buddy. Sleep with me. He is just throughout the night, no matter which way I lay, he is finding a way to keep me in the fucking. Son, stop doing that. Stop it. I never realized how sensitive one's nuts could be until they're swollen black and blue. Now I just feel like two baseballs being knocked around by my kids. This is the most difficult part.

Yeah, I can only imagine. It's the children.

And then they tell you not to lift anything over 10 pounds for a period of time? Well, there's nothing in this house that weighs less than 10 pounds, including the jug of milk that I carry. It even says that. Do not carry jugs of milk. It's giving you an example. I'm like, jug of milk? How is that going to hurt me? But I picked up one of my kids for three minutes, and it hurt me. I don't know how your balls and your arms are connected. I guess when I lift my arms, did my balls lift? No, not really. My balls and my arm- Well.

They're all related to your core, right? That goes down. Yeah, I.

Didn't know my balls were part of my core. I know that I would have been working out a lot sooner than that. Please get your son's feet away from those goddamn vesicles. We're already cut up and sliced up, black and blue, feeling sickly. Can you just please keep those feet off there? I'm doing my best. I'm trying- You're not trying hard enough. The whole situation down here is inflamed and upsetting. Can you please stop? Okay, listen, I'm going to try and keep my kid away from you. I promise I will. While you're at it, that fucking dog, that goddamn dog jumping up into your nuts every chance it gets. Yeah, it's just exact thing. It's revenge from all the years of me yelling at it. Tell it to stop shitting on the floor. Every time you bend over, we start bleeding. Thanks. I appreciate it. It's Brian's nuts. See you later. Brian's DD and the panter's checking it. Yeah, the dog is the other one, too. The dog, anytime. Here's the thing about the dog. She's just so lovely with the children. It's the only reason to keep her around, quite frankly, and the fact that I own her, so probably can't just throw her out in the street.

But one of the only reasons why I do have affinity for this dog is she is so goddamn gentle with these children. She honestly is. She is. They plug, they pull, they push, they punch her, they kick her, they throw her across the floor, they open doors in her face, they roll over her with strollers, and she doesn't do a thing. She's just so freaking sweet about it. However, one of the things that I dislike-.

She knows those children feed her-.

I know. From the drop food. Yes. Oh, my God, that's what I was just about to say. She knows where her bread is Exactly. Exactly. It is not with me. I give her treats all day long, but where the real good food is my smallest one on that high chair. And every time we turn our heads, she's like, Feeding the dog. They have a communication. They talk to each other. They're not saying a word, but they talk to each other. I see my daughter, she's staring at the dog as he's walking around. As soon as the dog comes close, she just leans over a little bit and gives her- And gives a little peace. Yeah. Then I'm like, Uh-uh-uh, wag my finger. Now she's doing it back to me with a smile. She's like, Ha-ha-ha. I'm like, Hey, listen, you can't feed that dog. That dog is bad enough as it is. We don't need any additional drama with that dog, but they have a level of communication. Anytime I sit the small one on the floor, the dog instantly attacks her, like licking her face. If they're, God forbid, they're snot coming out of her nose, apparently that's like a fountain of new treats or something.

The dog is eating the boogers right out of her nose. I'm like, Blue, please stop that. Can you please leave it alone? But here's the issue with the vasectomy and with that particular problem, is that any time that I sit down, the dog jumps instantly into my lap because she wants to get in between me and the kid, because I think she believes that's where the attention is, or some new boogers or something, I'm not sure. But she jumps on me and, Chrissy, it hurts so fucking bad. I mean, it really does. I feel like I'm going to be in Perma flinch. Do you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, you need to have some protection.

They said.

You could.

Wear a cup. I didn't even wear a cup when I played football for one day in high school. I didn't wear a cup. I found them to be really uncomfortable.

Well, which is going to be more.

Uncomfortable, Brian?

Wearing a cup for a few days and letting things heal naturally or having complications.

True. Okay, true. But I feel like if I wear a cup, then anytime I put on pants, I'm going to look like Donald Trump with that little scrunchle-bunchle right in his penis area. You know what I'm saying? I don't know.

What that is. Around the house.

Even around the house. I don't know. I don't want my kids to make fun of me. I feel like I'm at high school. I want to be the cool dad. They're at that age where they say everything. We go for the vasectomy, and I come home. I hadn't thought about this before the vasectomy, but when I get home, I'm like, My kids can never see this. There's no more taking a shower with Daddy for the next couple of weeks at all. They can't see this. This will disturb them for life. Also, I got to be careful about how I position this. If I say, Oh, Daddy got his balls snipped, they're going to go to school and say, Daddy's got his balls snipped. That's what they're going to say. I say, Oh, I have a boo- boo. Oh, where did you get the boo- boo? Well, I got it from the doctor. Why did the doctor give you a boo- boo? Well, it was planned boo- boo. We planned this.

Boo- boo. Yeah, you're going down a wrong path on this, I think.

One of my daughters is in.

Full- Now the doctor gives booboos.

Yeah, the doctor gives booboos. Roaches fly out of those boobos. And my daughter is in full penis mode. And I don't mean, she just can't stop saying the word. She's like, Daddy, how's your booboo on the penis? And I'm like, Okay, listen, kid, you can't say that word out loud. That's an anatomically correct word, but I would really appreciate it if you didn't go around repeating that. But how's your penis? Okay, stop it, because this is what she said. She goes, I don't want you to have a boo- boo on your penis. I'm like, Listen, I don't want to have one either, kid. But you got to stop saying that word. Drop them off at school.

Uh-uh.

Excuse me, pick them up from school. I'm not standing outside. Principal comes out, takes all the names of the parents that are waiting outside so they can shove them out one by one or two by two or whatever it is. As soon as she comes running down this little walkway, she's like, Daddy has your penis? And I'm like, Oh, no. I had a thing. There's a thing that went on with my penis. We didn't teach her that. That's a thing. I'm explaining to people who aren't even there. I'm like, She never seen my penis. She doesn't like my penis. That's not a thing. She just said the word penis, okay? You got it? Ten-four. I don't want to get a note from that fucking teacher. How's your penis? Kids and vasectomies. There's a whole level of complication. So if you're thinking about getting that procedure done, plan accordingly, especially if you have small children. Put little like, I don't know, put little like... You know how you get that styrofoam sometimes? That soft styrofoam and packaging materials? Oh, yeah. Save those for when you get a vasectomy. And then what you do is you wrap, you tape that styrofoam around your children's hands and feet and knees.

That way when you're running down the hallway, they don't smack you and the penis too hard, which is the favorite game to play now. I don't know what happened, but every time I turn around, my son's like, Stop, Daddy. Right in my penis. I'm like, Stop. What are you doing? I already told you. I have a boo- boo on my Nether Regens. Daddy, how's your Nether Regens? No, they don't know about my Nether Regens. It's just a family joke, inside joke, family joke. Everything's fine. I did pay for the school, right? Okay, just checking. We're good for the next couple of months, right? Yeah. You can't kick them out for any reason. One of the teachers came out the other day and she goes, Your secret is safe with me. I was like, What? And she goes, I talked to your wife. Your secret is safe with me. I'm like, What are you talking about? She goes, I know you have two lives. You have the one here. You're so sweet. Then I hear your show. I was like, Oh, and she's like, Two different people. I don't even know about it. I'm like, Well, clearly you do.

I don't even know about it. Chrissy, my kids are never going to get to college. This is going to live on the internet forever. People are going to be like, Nope, out. Talked about the boo- boo penis out. Penis boo- boo now.

I mean, everybody's got something on the internet at this point. That's true.

I think you're good. That's true. I feel like everybody does have something on the internet. I feel like our future Supreme Court justices are currently doing only fans, you know what I'm saying? Just to get by in life. I guess in some way, I appreciate that that we're all naked and afraid at the end of the day. We're all just stripped out. We all have a boo- boo on our penis in some way. True. But I don't know, it levels the playing field in a way. It feels like it levels the playing field in a way. It gives us an opportunity to see things we otherwise wouldn't see. Speaking of that, my son walked into the... I was taking a shower the other day, and he walked into the bathroom, and he instantaneously was like, Is that your boo- boo? I'm like, Yeah. He's like, Okay, bye, Daddy. He walked right out the door.

That's one way to get them out of there.

Well, listen, that is one way to get them out of there, because normally if any of those kids walk into that bathroom and I'm pooping, peeing, or taking a shower, or any other activity that's going to take me a few minutes, you know what happens? I get the conversation that never ends. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why do you brush your teeth like that? Why do you floss like that? Why are you pulling your pants up like that? Why does your shit smell so bad like that? Oh, my God. Guys, come on. This is not the time to have the conversation. But I told you it's my morning press conference. It is. I'm there to let the kids know what's going on, that everything's okay. I'm trying to answer their questions. Why is Mickey Mouse not talk at Disney World? What's the one that I got the other day? We were watching some movie. Why does Mickey Mouse not talk? I was like, Well, you know how I've been lying to you this whole time that Mickey Mouse isn't real? Oh, you don't know that? Well, let me tell you now, Mickey Mouse isn't real, and I've been lying to you the whole time.

It's the hardest conversation to have with those kids. Like I said, rub a lamp, 15 minutes a day. I just want them to understand what a 47-year-old understands. And that way we can have communicado like two adults. Yes. But it doesn't happen. I'm still just a guy with a boo- boo on my penis.

You're learning as you go. You're doing the.

Best you can. I am doing the best that I can. That's all we can ask. And I know that Christina is going to name this penis boo- boo. I know she is. I just know it. Sometimes I have to tell Christina. I'm like, You got to settle down on the titles a little bit. We do want to have sponsors at some point in the future, so just settle down on the titles. She's good at it, but then sometimes she gets... She goes a little extra commercial break. You know what I'm saying?

I think we should just title it doing the best we can.

Doing the best we can with a boo- boo on our penis. Let's take our second break, and we'll be back to talk about some Christmas stuff if you want to talk about Christmas stuff. Let's do it. I mean, why not? It's Christmas. We should talk about Christmas stuff.

Hello, again, my little podcast pals. It's Christina. And I am just here to remind you once again to go on over to tcbpodcast. Com because that is where all of our episodes live. Want to get involved with the show? Leave us a voicemail at (626) ask. Tcb 3. If you don't want your voice played on the show because, look, I get it, I'm only here under duress, you can text us instead at (855) tcb 8383. And as always, please remember to go follow us on Instagram at The commercial break and on TikTok at Tcb Podcast. And also don't forget about our precious little YouTube channel, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. I promise those videos are worth your time. Now let's listen to some sponsors and then we'll get back to whatever they were talking about.

What Christmas decorations you guys do over there? I mean, I went inside your house. You got some Christmas decor. You guys go outside, inside, inside, outside. How do you do it?

Yeah, we do a little bit outside, and then we do a tree and mantle, stockings, and stuff inside. This year's been a little crazy, obviously. There's a lot of stuff going on, so I haven't gone all out. But yeah, we decorate.

Yeah, we do the inside. But then the outside feels.

Like- Your tree is beautiful.

By the way. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I did not a goddamn thing. Even if I wanted to, Astrid would back me away from it. I tried five years in a row to get involved in the Christmas tree, but after the first year where we did it together and she had to go behind me and redo it the way that she... Well, that any other human being would have done it. She has a vision. Yeah, she has a vision that says that maybe we should put lights on both sides of the tree, right? I was just stringing them up where people could see them, and then the whole back was just blank. And she's like, Hey, listen, why don't you to let me handle this, and you sit and make some hot chocolate. Actually, I'll make the hot chocolate.

You just sit.

You just sit. We don't do a whole bunch. We do a lot inside. But then outside, I feel like, is a little bit overkill given the fact that we have so much going the fuck on. I can't spend all that time outside, and I don't have any money to pay somebody to do it. So I think inside is a... That's good. I think so too. You walk inside, it feels like Christmas. You walk outside, it doesn't feel like anything. But that's okay. My neighbor's got plenty of decorations. I'll look at their house when I feel rather sad about my front of my house. But there are people that take this way too far. We all know these. There are countries, there's a country in the Philippines, I think, that celebrates Christmas all year round. I think we actually reviewed some videotape from that first couple of episodes. But there are people here who also take Christmas. It's like anything. They just take it too far. It's like me and the Dick, Tracy, collection, or my kids and Mickey. It's just too much. They take it too far. There's too much of it out there, right?

I thought for Christmas, what we should do is we should find one of these people, and we should see what they're up to, because if there's anybody gets into the Christmas spirit, it's the people who never take their Christmas trees down, which I find to be rather strange. You want to take a look? Sure. All right, let's take a look at this lady who loves gingerbread and Christmas. Oh, wait, hold on, Chrissy. I was trolling on the Internet. As you do. As I do like to do. Sorry, I'm still waking up.

How to make a gingerbread house. Oh, this would be fun, Ms. Ginger. We could let this be your house.

So for those of you that can't see this because you're probably not watching it on YouTube, thanks, guys. Thanks, everybody, for not watching it on YouTube. She's got a Gingerbread recipe book, and then standing next to her is a six-foot-tall Gingerbread man.

Yeah, like made of cloth or something. Yeah.

Whose grandma is this? Come pick.

Her up. And I'm Gingerbread obsessed. I feel like I'm defined by my Gingerbread collection. Lots of times when I meet folks on the street or whatever, they recognize me and they tell me, You're the.

Gingerbread lady. No, what they say is, You're the crazy lady. And then to your face they say, Yeah, that makes the Gingerbread stuff.

Don't give me flowers. Don't give me chocolates. Give me a gingerbread. Mom's passion for gingerbread, I think, is a good thing. It's sweet, it's innocent, and it's not scary or freaky in any way.

I'm not sure that's how definition of a problem with something works.

Well, after all the fetish things and whatever strange addictions that we've done, maybe she's right.

Well, maybe she's right. But, Percaset seems all warm and fuzzy, too. But eventually you have a problem.

This clock is really special to me. My daughter, Tiffany, gave it to me, and I think it's very cute. Oh, my God.

Do you like gingerbread? No, I don't like gingerbread. I don't know. There's something about gingerbread houses that doesn't scare me. There must have been an accident with gingerbread when I was a kid. I swear to God because there's something about gingerbread that turns me off a little bit. It's not that it makes me nervous. I just don't like it. When I see Gingerbread Heights, I'm like, I'm not interested in that.

The Ritz does like a big, a big, a huge Gingerbread village thing.

Huge Gingerbread village. That's taking it way over a kill.

After just five years collecting gingerbread items, Tamara Holland of Alta Vista, Virginia, has amassed an 800-piece collection worth almost $3,000 and an all-consuming passion for the popular Christmas trip.

Five years. She's only been doing this for five years.

Eight.

Hundred pieces. Eight hundred pieces. And the dollar amount of the total value of them is $3,000.

Yeah, it doesn't look quite equate.

No, meaning you can get $60 for it on eBay. That's what you got.

Great.

Every time I have a day off, I'll go and look for Gingerbrand. I'll go to Thrift stores. I'll go to name brand stores. It doesn't really matter. I got a bad dreaming of where I'm going to place the items.

Where exactly is a thrift store carrying gingerbread? Isn't that something that has got a finite life on it?

Yeah, fresh gingerbread. I don't know, this might be more of a permanent gingerbread situation. Make gingerbread?

I don't know. Yeah, like gingerbread related items that are plastic or metal, because I don't think you could just walk into a thrifts store and go, Where's your gingerbread section? Excuse me, I'm looking for your gingerbread section. Oh, honey, we're all sold out of gingerbread.

What I'm on the look for? I think about my collection 24 hours a day.

The doctor prescribed Xanax for this lady five years ago, and her whole world changed her something. How do you just get into gingerbread at such an advanced age? I don't know.

We'll started for Tamara when one very special gingerbread lady entered her life.

This is Miss Ginger. She's my pride and joy.

Well, the OG Ginger.

Well, she needs Christine over there to help her name things because the Gingerbread Lady is not very original. It's a little old.

I saw Miss Ginger at an antique store that was going out of business. At the time, she was on clearance. I came home and asked my husband if I could get her.

She came home one day and she told me that she wanted a Gingerbread Lady, and she told me it was $45, and I asked her, Well, she crazy. I just don't see giving $45 to this gingerbread lady, but she act like she want it very bad. I just went ahead and gave her the money for it, made her happy. Well, happy wife, happy life. You know what they say. She came home and said she wanted to spend 30 cents on some gingerbread-related materials, and I said, Who the fuck spends 35 cents on gingerbread-related materials? Well, I was at the strip club at the Cash Machine, and I got her out next to the dollar. I was putting oil in my brand new Harley, and I said, Well, I guess if you got to spend 35 cents take it out of the coin jar. She came home one day with an eyeball popped out, and she said, It's going to cost $3,000 to put this eyeball back in. I said, You got to tell what you're worried about, woman.

I really don't have a way to describe the love that I have for Miss Ginger. I just know that I love her. She means so much to me. She's like part of my family.

I mean, if somebody- I can see why, after meeting your husband, you might fall in love with a Ginger lady.

Exactly, I can see how that.

Would be. You have the permission to spend $45 on something you enjoy. Now I'm feeling bad for this lady.

Come and offer me a million dollars for Miss Ginger? I would not let her go.

Oh, I think your husband have something to say about that. If he got offered a million dollars.

While Miss Ginger may be her most prized piece, the doll is just one element of her extensive and often edible gingerbread collection.

Oh, it smells so lovely.

Tamara bakes about 300 gingerbread cookies every Christmas. And because each one is special to her, she preserves several each year to become permanent members of her gingerbread family.

Hi. I decided to keep you as a souvenir.

Now I'm picturing her like lackering it up or something to preserve.

I know those poor Gingerbread people. No, no, no, no, no, no. I want to be one that got eaten. Don't put me in the freezer.

Please don't put me in the freezer. Oh, no, it's good to go into the wicked witch of the gingerbread. No. I feel so bad for those gingerbreads that never get eaten. And why are you keeping them in your freezer? For what occasion?

Well, she's giving those away.

Oh, I thought she said she kept them.

She just keeps a few from.

The collection. You think they locker those up?

Yeah, that's.

What I was thinking. As you can see, I have many in here. I even have a batch in here left from the year 2009.

She has become so obsessed.

With the space. Well, those are old. You should.

Throw those away. Yeah, those are old, and all those look very sad. Listen, I'm not fooled by the smiles on the gingerbread.

You could only freeze things for.

So long. Yeah, that's true. Well, I guess you could freeze stuff forever, but while Disney's still frozen.

She adds it to nearly everything she eats.

There's a lot of things that you can do with ginger, and sometimes I experiment. Well, I am a smoker, but I read.

Some- I put cigarettes in my gingerbread occasionally. I put some cowboy crystal meth in there. Whatever keeps the kids coming back for more gingerbread.

-well, that you could smoke ginger. -what? As a substitute for tobacco. -what? The first thing I did was I chopped up some ginger root, put it in the sun to dry. Now I'm going to roll this into a cigarette.

Huh.

She's smoking a doobie worth of ginger. She's fucking smoking a JJ. It's a JJ, you know what I'm saying? A ginger joint.

Yeah, I know that ginger is good for you to eat, but smoke.

I think we have found out why this lady started collecting gingerbread all of a sudden. It's because she likes to get high on the stuff. Who knew? Should we try and smoke ginger and see what happens? No. I used to smoke bamboo. Can't be worse than that, right? I think she's missing the point of, Well, how you quit cigarettes to then go smoking ginger. I'm sure that's not good for your lungs either.

That's what I was thinking.

It's got to have a weird taste, too.

Her homemade ginger cigarettes are just one of the many ideas she has for using her favorite spice.

Can you bathe in ginger? Would it be like some people use lilac or caramel or something like that? I'm wondering if the ginger would have a soothing, relaxing to.

The scent. Sting the back of your throat, open up your nostrils wide open scent, you know what I'm saying? I'm sure that people put ginger in baths. They must. Sure. Yeah. Why not? I've got that powder, Ginger. Let's see what's up to it. I'm going to go sprinkle some in my kid's bath later on and see what happens.

It would be like aromatherapy.

Even though she has incorporated Ginger into just about everything she does, Tamara still has one Gingerbread dream that has yet to be fully realized.

Gingerbread sex. I knew it. This girl is into Ginger fantasy. She's into Ginger fucking.

Right now, my home is just a normal home. Not anything to do with Gingerbread. What would really make this home become a Gingerbread house?

Oh, no, she's not going to- I think.

She's going to try and do it around the house. Well, she's in a trailer, but….

It's probably her husband. Her husband is probably not.

Going to allow this. Tamara saved close to $4,000 over three years with the dream of turning her home into an actual Gingerbread house. Today, she's about to get one step closer to.

Her dream. By the way, Tamara lives in a trailer, like one of the ones that's attached to the ground. Here comes a general contractor to tell her how she can change her house into a gingerbread. This guy sees someone coming a mile away. Do you trust the contractor who also does trailer Gingerbread renovations? I don't. No, sir.

No. As she meets with a contractor to discuss the logistics.

Thinking about really wanting to paint my house.

Can you maybe give me a description of what you would like to do?

Well, I want it to be a brown, possibly a golden brown or a honey brown. It's very important to get the right shade of gingerbread because I feel like if you get the right shade of gingerbread, it's going to be enticing. It's going to be like you want to pick off a.

Piece and eat it.

Oh, God, that'll be- She brings what she's eating next. I know. She'll be picking off pieces of her house.

You're in the middle of the fucking sticks. Exactly who's going to drive by and want to… I bet your husband has something to say about people coming up trying to pick pieces.

Off your house. He's called visual aid, so he can see the exact color she's looking for.

This is what I want my house to look like.

Okay. I have never had a request like this in over 22 years of painting. This is very unusual, but I think she's going to enjoy it. But I need the paycheck, so I'm going to do it.

Now, Tamara has found the perfect shade of gingerbread. Mike and his team get to work on painting the house.

Oh, my God! That is doodoo brown, like light doodoo brown. That's like coffee and cream.

Oh, my God. I can't believe that it's happening. It's pinched me.

Well, I say, Oh, my God! But then they show a background scene of all the other trailers. They are also all colored the exact same color. It's a Gingerbread… It's a little neighborhood.

Wake me up. I feel like I'm in a dream, but it's actually, it's going to be true.

She thinks the transformation of her home is complete, but her daughter, Tiffany, knows it's only the beginning.

My mom's been staying with me while I had a Gingerbread.

House painted, and I snuck out.

Super early this morning before she got up and did all the decorating.

Let me ask you a question. Why do you have to stay somewhere when they're painting the outside of your house? Well, I guess just for comfort. And now they go and put all the Christmas decorations up front.

Now I'm going to give her a big surprise.

Tiff, I can't wait.

Oh, my God. I thought.

She was driving. Guys, you have to see this. In the television show, the daughter is driving her mom to see this, and she's got a blindfold on. When the initial shot came out, I thought the lady was driving with a blindfold.

I'm so excited. It's very exciting. I can't wait for you to see it. You're going to be so happy. Don't let me pass out. I'm not.

Okay. What if she just falls over when she gets, Oh, my God. It's Do Do, Brown, just the way I want it.

Can you walk? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm so nervous. I hope I got the color right.

Okay, Mom, we're here. Are you excited? Yeah, very. It's finally time.

Oh, gosh.

Here we go. Okay.

I'm so happy.

Holy shit. Oh, my God.

Do you like it? A dream come true. It's beautiful. I've never seen anything.

It, except at every other Gingerbread House I've ever seen. Oh, my gosh.

I'm so glad you like it.

Isn't it pretty?

Oh.

My gosh. When Tiffany took the blindfold off and I actually saw my home. I can't explain to you how it made me feel. It was just so overwhelming. Is this.

What you thought it would look like? It definitely is overwhelming, I will give you that. Your house is a literal gingerbread house. It's Christmas all year round.

Most definitely. It's what I visioned in my dreams. Is it your perfect gingerbread color? Perfect. I'm glad you like it. Our family too, this. I've been more than happy to put it up.

At my house. Wow. Well, I got to tell you this. Not for me. Yeah. But she's not hurting anybody.

No, and she seemed extremely happy.

God, sometimes I wish it could just that little could make me that happy. Exactly. I'm so complicated. I'm so complicated. I need so much just to feel a little bit of happiness. And then I watch someone like that. Just look at her doodoo, brown house with some candy canes thrown across the front lawn. And she was so happy. And she's just crying. And I'm like, Wow. Part of me is really envious at how quickly that lady got happy. Send us some money, will you? So I could just have a moment of happiness. Could you do that? Could you do that for Uncle Brian? Can you send some money for my boo- boo penis, please?

Oh, the boo- boo.

The boo- boo penis. We're all going boo- boo penis hunting. Okay, listen, I don't want to drag it out. I don't want to keep you here any longer than I have to. Guess what? Go to tcbpodcast. Com. Find out more information about Chris, you can buy our Gingerbread Houses and Gingerbread-related materials. We're also selling G-Joints if you want some G-Joints. I'm going to start rolling those myself and selling them on the internet with the TCB logo on them. So get your Ginger joints, kid. Also, you can get your free piggy fronting sticker. That's true. They both sound ridiculous, but one of them is true. You can get your piggy fronting sticker by hitting the Contact Us button. A little drop-down menu says, I want my sticker, send your address, and ask her to send it off in 7-10 days. If you want us to sign it, we'll be happy to do that. We've done that lots. If you want us to say something nice, send in some money, and then we'll be happy to consider the offer. All the audio, all the video, you know what to do? Go to tcbpodcast. Com. 626, ask TCB the number three.

1, 626, ask TCB and the number three. Toll free from anywhere in the world. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas. Ask Brian's mom, ask TCB. We're taking it all. We're getting ready for season number five, so load up the questions, send them to us. We might do a year-end review on the not a year-end review, but just call out all the stuff that we didn't talk about from the TCB voicemail.

And.

The notebook. Oh, the notebook is going to take a couple of episodes. And the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok and YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. If you want to watch our videos because you don't watch our videos, go watch our videos. Now I sound angry. I won't be angry. I'm happy. All right, Krissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. And best to you. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrisie and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Goodbye. I get ass.