I'm off-putting. I'm an embarrassment. But I'm also a legend, broadly.

Possibly a legend for being embarrassing, but I'll own that.

On this episode of the Commercial Break. I was speaking with someone a couple of weekends ago, someone that we don't know, someone I haven't met. I'm speaking with someone- You met someone without me? I did meet someone without you. Well, listen, I'm I'm looking for that sister wife, Christie. I'm looking for that sister host.

The sister host.

We're looking to bring in an extra sister host. Wanted sister host. Thanks.

Yeah, put it on next door.

I will put it on next door. Let's see what happens. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Hi, I guess, again. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is definitely the alien of the show, Chris and Joy. Totally best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Still can't get rid of that alien.

I was going to say, I missed it.

I know.

We used to do it before every show.

Every single episode, season 3, probably most of season 4. Well, yeah, definitely all of season 3, we did the alien's noise. Then I had this diatribe that I would go on for six and a half minutes before anybody started getting interested in what I was actually talking about. So dumb. So dumb. 112 episodes or something along those lines, ruined by Brian's five-minute diet trip. Thanks for joining us. Welcome back. Thanks for joining us on yet another episode of this, The Commercial Break. The only one you did. Not for everyone. The only one you did. But my news or fiction, five minutes of this, are you running back? Guaranteed. Hey, you heard her here last. Cheesecake Factory podcast. Thank you. I added that to our show notes, to our actual podcast notes. The Cheesecake I'm just going to change the show, the what's it about on Apple and Spotify and stuff. I'm just going to change it every month or two and just add something else funny in there. I like it. While we're speaking of Apple and Spotify, I wanted to say thank you very much to all those who are leaving nice reviews about us on the Apple podcast system.

And even those who are not, that's okay. You're not so nice. I can take it. I cry at night, but I'll take it alone.

And It means you're out there.

Yeah, luckily, I don't have a conjoined twin. We have to cry together. G. Hammock says, Chrissy, Brian, Tina, Mom, Astrid, Jerry. What a bunch. I don't know who Jerry is, but you're welcome.

I wonder who Jerry was. I know.

Who's Jerry? Jerry? Well, whichever other podcast Jerry's on, Jerry's doing a great job, too. They have me laughing, On the road, at home, on the subway. I need more laughs in my life. It's perfect. Thank you very much. Boom Giggle says, Venezuelan propaganda.

I love that one.

It's my favorite review ever. Super funny and a great listen. It usually makes me laugh, though it might be produced by the Venezuelan government in an attempt to soften American attitude toward their culture.

We were just talking about Venezuela earlier.

Yes, I know. But I don't... No, I have nothing to do with Venezuela. They sure do think they're funny. That's what someone said. I have no idea who's giving good reviews for this boring podcast.

It was the call us on an off day, which is three out of the four times that we recorded.

Who ha, who not? This guy says, I agree with the others in the reviews. I can't stop laughing when these two start with who's not. I will knock TCB a little bit for, I'm assuming, busting on the religion, but I will forgive you this time. Fuck you. This is just two people talking about nothing. Not I don't know what the hype is. I give it a star for the effort. She gave me two. Thanks. Heard of this on Konan and so intrigued. I sampled a few episodes. I don't see how this is funny or even improve. Well, it's definitely not improving. I'll give you that. More like ADHD ramblings of a middle-aged white guy. Basically, Brian talking and doing voices. Exactly. You got You did it. I'm putting that synopsis next month on Apple.

Basically, that guy talked.

You win. I guarantee that guy is still listening. Guarantee it. He hates me. He hates me. People hate me. They do. When they write reviews, it very rarely mentions Chrissy. It always mentions me. But that's okay. Fuck you. The truth is, I'm surprised our rating is as high as it is because it's usually the ones that dislike the show that I can't leave the reviews.

I mean, there's certainly- Well, that's with anything. Bad- Anything. Yeah. Restaurants, that thing, whatever.

Restaurants, all that other stuff. But thank you to those who are leaving reviews. Even if it's a bad review, I'll take it. We can take it off the chin. We can give it, we can take it. And that's exactly what this show is, ADHD Ramblings of two middle-aged white people. Like every other podcast on Apple. That's it.

Exactly. Yeah.

There are very few that are not the middle-aged ramblings of white people. I'm just sharing that with you right now, just in case you didn't get what a podcast was. That's why I'm so interested in podcasts that don't have middle-aged white people on them. Those are the good ones.

We should turn to true crime.

Yeah, I thought about doing like, we did Handbone and Holy? I was thinking about doing a true crime where we dissect a crime that we have committed. You know what I'm saying?

That we committed?

Yeah, like murdered the comedy podcast industry altogether. I like it. But you know, onward and upward. I do have to say this. I'll share that for a long time, I did not look at the Apple reviews very much because when a bad one would come in, I feel hurt. It's hard not to feel just a little bit upset when you have five reviews and three of them are about how awful you are. But now that we've got a couple of thousand of them, I learned to take it on the chin.

Yeah, you have to take the good with the bad.

Yeah, you take the good with the bad. I don't take the good all that seriously. I don't take the bad all that seriously.

I look at it as a positive that they cared so much to actually write something.

Yeah, that's the other thing. And they were listening. Every time that I read a bad review, I am always reminded of the movie, Private Parts with Howard Stern, where they're reviewing the beginning of his career. He goes to New York. And not that we are Howard Stern, so don't write a fucking review saying, You guys comparing themselves to Howard Stern. Fuck that. Well, fuck you. Okay? Sorry, Howard's too woke for you. In the movie, he's on at night. He does some horribly chauvinistic bit or whatever it is.

God, that show used to really be pretty bad. Oh, yeah.

It was a different time, just a different place. The manager comes in in the morning, the phones are ringing off the hook, and some guy comes up and says, Hey, listen, we've had Howard's show has received, whatever, a thousand complaints. The phones won't stop ringing, blah, blah, blah. He goes, That's it. That's the ammunition. We need to fire this asshole. He goes, Well, that's the strange thing, actually. We did some polling, and the people who like the show, listened for whatever, 10 hours a week. The people who dislike the show listen for 20 hours a week. I actually think it's a good thing. You know, when someone takes the time to write a review, they've at least listened to the show, and that's all that matters. Exactly.

So thank you. That's what I think I have.

Thank you. Our sponsors, thank you, by the way, also. Could you do me a favor while you're leaving the bad review? Drop our sponsor's code, drop our specialized URL in our sponsor's web page so it makes everybody happy. Speaking of bad reviews and general bad internet writing. I thought we would take today and we would review some next door posts. What do you think? Next door. Next door. Do you need me to pull mine up? Speaking of middle-aged white people.

Ranting. Ranting.

The ramblings of middle-aged white people. This is more, I think, the ramblings of old white people. But that's okay. Either way, next door is the whitest app I've ever been on. People are worried about Snapchat. Oh, let me do a little sidebar here. Snapchat is now paying. You can now rank your friends on Snapchat, and if you pay money, you can see how you're ranked with your friends. This is about to destroy the psyche of some teenagers.

As if it could get any worse.

It just got 10 times worse. With likes and dislikes. Because Snapchat, I don't think, is figuring out a great way to make money. So now they're just charging their users to see these analytics, which are going to depress everybody. God, I know. That fucking sucks. You want to get depressed, read my reviews and stay away from fucking Snapchat. Okay, that's it. That's all you need to know. It's absolutely insane. And there are so many- It just keeps spiraling worse and worse and worse. There's a big backlash. Listen, there's a lot of local governments, city governments, state governments. Maybe the federal government has been talking about this for a while. It's affecting the mental health of our society. It is. I think people are starting to get a little bit more serious about putting some guardrails on what's going on.

It's all about that. That's what everybody else is doing, so you feel like you have to be there. I was listening to another podcast. I think it was The Hidden Brain. I love that one. Yeah, that's good. Was Shankar Vidal? Or how do you say his name?

I don't know. I don't want to slaughter it, so I'm not going to say it.

He had on talking about this exact thing, and he said that he took a poll with these college-age kids that said, Well, do you... They feel like they had to be on there, basically, because everybody else was. But if everybody else wasn't on there, they wouldn't feel like they had to be Sure.

Yeah. Well, it's... Listen, the state of Florida just made it illegal for anyone under the age of 13 to have a social media account. It's illegal for the social media companies to give an account to anyone that's under the age of 13. It's damaging. It's I will keep my children away from it as long as I possibly can because... I'm hoping... There was an interesting article that I read that said that the babies that are being born today will not be social media babies. They won't be iPad babies is what they really called it, because parents, us, have been through this, and we see that social media and that sticking an iPad in front of a kid 24 hours a day is just terrible for their psyche. It's terrible for their brains. I I do what my parents did. Instead of sticking my kids in front of an iPad, I stick them in front of the TV. That's the way you're supposed to do it.

Right. Yes. Go back to the way it was.

Go back to the way it was. Back in the old days. Social media, what's that? But let's get back to next door. Yes. Because this is the application I think we should all truly be worried about. I think we're all open arms about Snapchat and all the other TikTok and all that other bullshit. This is what we should be worried about. The Crazy human beings, which is most old white people who are on next door asking questions that could be answered by literally anybody. Ready? Yes. Who? Okay, I wanted to start with this one. Hi, neighbors. Hi. Trying to plan a trip to Portugal. Does anyone have any idea how I look for interesting things or plan itineraries? Google. Google. I know. Fuck.

Or a travel agent even. Yes. Those have been around for a while.

Yes. I can't remember if I fed my dog. Does anyone have an app that helps you keep track? A picture of dog included.

I think I forgot.

What was the other one? Do not pay for a triple A Membership. We've been waiting for a tow for almost an hour. We requested tow at 10:00 AM, now 11:25 AM, and there's still no sign of it. Save your money. Okay. All right. Got it. 10, 4. Looking for someone to help blow leaves off my roof. Is there any tall person or someone with a ladder? A tall person. A tall person. They don't make them nine feet yet, I don't think. What are you doing? Go to the Hawks game. See if you can get one of those guys to come over and blow your leaves. Blow your leaves. I lost my driver's license, and I'm looking for a number to call to ask what I need to do to replace it. When I use the yellow pages, I call the number and all they give you is the run-around. Does anyone know where the office is? Better yet, a real phone number I can call. After searching all scenarios as to where I might have lost it, I finally just realized I need to replace it. Please help. Thank you. Marlene. Marlene. Please help. Please help me.

Please help me.

Oh. Yeah, it's like, what world are they living Please be aware of deer at night.

Of the neighborhood, she's saying the name of the neighborhood, has been seeing many deer at night. I saw the cops with one the other night. What are the cops doing with the deer? Uh-oh. Scandal is rocking this neighborhood. Cops are going around fucking deer in Georgia. I saw the cops with One. I call fake news. I saw the cops with One. What? I'm just reading them. I'm just scrolling. I'm not even trying. I just picked up this email. Where do you pick up an email from? I have AT&T. This doesn't look legit to me due to address. Am I right? The address is dwight. Markin@regan. Com. Starting April fifth, customers are yet to update their account, will no longer be able to log in. Please click here. Well, Nancy, you got that one right. You saved yourself some drama there. Hi, neighbors. A small portion of my door frame is rotten, and I am looking to get it fixed. Okay. Yes. Does anyone know where I can get a small piece of a door frame or a handyman with one. Do you think handyman? Just carry around door frame. Pieces of door frames. Yeah, just pieces of door frames.

My wife spotted a bald eagle flying overhead. No, she didn't. There are no bald eagles in Georgia. What the fuck are you talking about? This is so much fun. I just want to do this for the rest. Hello and happy people. Well, that's not even great English. Looking for a reliable bathroom that has a standing shower.

A reliable bathroom.

Thanks in advance. That's helpful. Yeah, why not? Refrigerator repair. Our freezer went out last night and I had to call Mr. Fix it for backup recommendations, whatever that means. Does anybody have experience with this? We will need someone quick as the water is starting to flow from the freezer.

Well, good thing that you're checking He's working in on an app.

Oh, this day spa on this road is closing permanently, effective immediately with no notice. The issue is that my wife and I recently received hundreds of dollars in gift certificates from family and coworkers, which are apparently now worthless. I've spent so much money and I've tried to contact them with no luck. Very, very upset. You didn't spend any money. You got it. That's a gift, you asshole. To which some other neighbor says, Oh, no, that's too bad. I also have $200 worth of gift certificates. We should call together. Let's call together. The number is not active. He just stated. But let's call and get a dial tone together. Does anyone have a recommendation for a chiropractor? Google. Powerball Jackpot, $900 million. Alert. Powerball is now $900 million. Does anyone want to go in with me? Sure. I'll buy the tickets and split it with you. No problem.

Just a random I'm just sharing this post to let everyone know what's going on and how very close it is.

It's not my post. Human trafficking. Sorry for any confusion. I'm all confused. Thank you for apologizing because actually, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. He just writes human trafficking in all capital letters. Human trafficking. By the way, that got 150 hearts. That's That one knows something. Does anyone know why the police just drove by my house with the blue light? Human trafficking. Didn't you just read it? It's human trafficking. Oh my God. I think we're going to have to do the whole episode just me reading it next door post. This guy names a restaurant, he names where the location is, and he says, First time, shame on me. Second time, shame on them. No third time, not ever. Terrible coffee, poor service, food was marginal, bathroom's dirty, no one even said hi.

I think it's reversed, though. First time, shame on them. Second time, shame on you for returning. Yeah, he was trying.

He was trying. He's lonely. I need someone.

I mean, if there's a restaurant that even remotely looks like it is not good, I'm not going to continue. No.

I mean, you get one chance. That's it, right? I need some help with a little tile project. I had a plumber in here, and he has caused several issues, including tracking mud in my front door.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Names restaurant, names where it's located, Names the other two restaurants that are next door to it as if the address wasn't enough, just so you know exactly where it is. If you decide to go there because of the following. Last week, I ordered 15 wings. I picked up the bag and it was so light. I was wondering if any actual wings were inside. When I got, why didn't you check there? When I got home- If something seems off, go ahead and check. If it doesn't seem like there's actual food in the box, then you should probably open it and check.

And I drive off.

I get home and these wings were no bigger than the end of my index finger. Baby chicken wings. They're selling baby chicks? Little chick wings? Oh my God. Cockadoodle, fuck you. Sorry to hear that. Then they cook them, and they're even smaller than that. So disappointed. We work hard for our money to get food like that. My point is, if you go in there, ask to see what size the wings are so you're not disappointed.

Well, because everybody wants to rush down there now.

Oh, yeah. We're all heading to this place. We'll report back. There's literally 20 comments on this. Let's see what they have to say. Thank you. Have a safe day. Used to be good went way downhill. The pizza place is better, the one next door that she names. They have been really nice. Good Trash cans overflowing, says one comment.

Add that to the list.

Yes. Dawn says, We actually love smaller wings, in my opinion. By the way, the Philly cheese steak is really big. Try that. Try that. I remember the one that I used to go always, always open them so you could see them for yourself. Oh, they did a presentation for you? I don't get that at the Chilli's when I go get takeout. Just a minute. Yeah, sir. Yeah.

Please review our wing selection.

Your double bubble fart burger. Sir, sir. Extra chili and blooming onion sauce. Yeah, that looks exactly like the slop I wanted. Are those baby chicken wings? Because I'm morally object to that. Try ordering more wings next time. That's a good one. Ten is not enough. Don't go there. Worst food ever. Wow. Who knew? There is such a- So much activity. I love it. I love it. I just love it.

Can you get a different one out here where you are, too, than I do downtown.

Well, maybe in downtown, it's a younger crowd in general.

Well, I was just like, did you hear that shooting? What was that? Was that fireworks or guns?

Wow, that was fun. No, I've been downtown and I had next door and I read the ones. It was a little different. It was a little different. I was like, Anyone knowing a good ecstasy? Currently sitting at the Flat Iron Bar, right? It was a little rougher. I live in the neighborhood. There's lots of young folks that live here, but there also are some retirement homes around, and I imagine that's where a lot of the dismay is coming from, on those retirement homes or people who should be in the retirement home. This is crazy. It's like almost every one of these posts could be answered by Google. Just googling it like good plumber, and then you could read the reviews and go from there. But these people seem to want to go five steps. Like I've been told many times, you went around your ass to get to your elbow. It's so stupid. Oh, my gosh. All right, let's take a break. Maybe we'll come back with more next door because I am enjoying this, quite frankly. All right, we'll be back.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at T-C-B podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3-TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212-433-3-TCB. And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break. Do you wake up in a cold sweat from your work dreams?

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Oh, my God. I just found the best next door post ever. And I am really hoping that Joseph is joking here because it's a really funny joke, but let's check it out. Joe says, I'm so excited. I just found the best new wine decanter. Picked it up at Goodwill. It is literally a piss jar from a hospital. That's what you piss in when you can't get out of it. Oh my God. He's pouring wine with it. Okay, there's a lot of laughs, so I think that's it. Yeah.

Maybe that was in April Fools.

Has anyone ever painted furniture? Are you happy? Thank you. You mean in life, generally?

Yeah.

Am I happy? Is there a specific thing I should be happy about, or am I just... Jessica says, Hello, we has an athlete in need. They have a place to live, but nothing... They have a place to live, but nothing but an air mattress. I don't even know what that means. We have given them pots and pans and a king-sized bed frame. Wait, they have a place to live? We are in need. They're asking if they can pot off their kid to another human being. We have an athlete in need. He's been a great kid, and he's got some pots of bed.

A frame for the bed. Yes.

Looking for a pool company. Recently had a squirrel in the pool. Got him out. Thanks. Hey, Niebers, just had a question for the general public. Would you all be interested in a used chair? I'm thinking about getting rid of it, but I just want to see.

Kind of interested.

Hey, Niebers, just wondered if you're interested in my old chair, because I'm not. But if you are, then I'll tell you where to get it. Okay, one or two more, then we'll move on. All right. I had one here. Hold on, let me see. Okay. Looking for a recommendation for paving company. Had company resurface my driveway, accidentally drove over it. Can't get a hold of original company. Thanks. Anybody know where I could get a good cell phone? I'm pretty sure Verizon will sell you one.

Oh my God, there's only cell phone commercials every other time it's on.

Listen to this. There's literally no link here. Ben is fantastic. Good for Ben. When we asked our neighbor for a good garage door guy, everyone said, Ben is the best. He is prompt, fair, and does a great job. He went above and beyond and replaced the motor, upgraded our hardware. Now the garage door is so quiet, I can't even hear it from a bed.

The kids will be excited about that. The kids will be excited about that.

Thank you, Ben. No link included. No last name, no phone number. Ben's doing a great job. Thank you to Ben.

Like an old garage, Ben.

Oh, Ben, the two of us need to look no more. It's all done for us. It's all done for us. Oh, my God. That is so much fun. I will literally do that all day long.

That is crazy.

Oh, I was reading them last night as I was waiting for an edit that I had to render on video, which takes a fucking ever. But I was reading them. Chrissy, I just could not stop laughing. I mean, it's old people in a can. Everyone makes fun of that old person who can't text or everyone has the meme pages about the old people. Oh, yeah. Literally, go to next door. It's alive and well. The meme culture is alive and well, but it's not a meme. They're actually asking. They actually need to know, Have you seen my cat? No name, no picture included. Yeah, I think I've seen a cat. I don't know if it's your cat. But if you want to come by and take a look, it's right outside my back door. Then some people put their actual addresses on there. I know. I'm like, You are being dumb dumb. You remember a couple of months ago when we Speaking of old white people, you remember a couple of months ago we talked about how people were... There's like a trend. I don't say it's a trend, but maybe people are being more vocal about it, how they do not co-sleep with their partners, their wives, their husbands, their boyfriends, for whatever reason.

I can understand if Astrid had a terrible snore or something like that.

Snoring or hot, cold.

There was just nothing we could do to fix it. Or you have a twin. Or you have a conjoint twin.

Or you have a conjoint twin.

You have a conjoint twin, and you just desperately want to sleep in the next room. Yeah, wouldn't that mentally fuck with you a little bit? If you know you could never get away from this person. I guess when that's all you know.

That's all you know, yeah. But how do you decide which side to sleep on?

I get they must sleep on their back. Yeah, they have to. I mean, one person can't just be floating up there in the air. You know what I'm saying? Can't sleep on the side, just have one person just got a dangling about. Oh my God. Just a visual of that just got me funny. Reminds me of my kids when they're crawling all over me. Sometimes I take that time to just close my eyes real quick to take a nap. Sometimes I'll go, Hey, kids, let's go play in the bedroom. And then I just lay down. I swear to God, I do. I just lay down and it's tackle daddy time. Then I just close my eyes, take a quick power nap, and let them just kick me around. It's so much fun. There's a little parenting trip from someone who's got a lot of kids. When you're really tired, you can still take a nap. You close the door, just make sure they're safe, put them on the bed, tell them to crawl all over you, and take a nap. Yeah. Okay, so you remember we were talking about this, how some people are now admitting that they don't co-share a bed with co-share.

That makes no sense. Co-sleep with a co-share. I think if you're sharing, it's co by nature. I'm just realizing that I sound like one of those next door people. Co-sharing. Anybody know where to find a co-sharing for more than one person bed? Yeah, sure. Barbara Corcoran of Shark Tank Fame, said she has kept her 35-year marriage to Bill Higgins, fresh through unconventional methods. I don't want to get too deep into this. Well, appearing on Thursday's edition- One of them being a billionaire, or however much- I'm pretty sure they're both billionaires. That's a badass bitch She was like the queen of New York real estate agents for a while. Yeah. She says she keeps the relationship hot and fresh by sleeping in separate bedrooms in order to keep things fun. I've had a separate bedroom with Bill for like 40 years, she said. I've had to invite him in, and he invites me in occasionally. Well, listen. Okay. That's what he said. Yeah. While others may find this 19:00 AM routine a little strange, the 75-year-old real estate mocal said that her arrangements add a bit of intrigue and sexiness now that they are able to be here.

You may enter my boudoir. Yeah, you may enter my boudoir. Excuse the fresh stink as I just dropped a double deuce in my private- I'm picturing a swirl of lace and feathers. Feathers. And then you walk into his and it's like old pictures of L. Mcpherson half naked and Ferrari posters and old Nintendo. Yeah, come on in. Bring some Doritos. Yeah, listen, Barbara Corcoran, if there has ever been on television, the picture of independent businesswoman, setting a great example, I think, if you're into Shark Tank, she is sharp as a fucking tack. She's great. She takes no shit. She takes no prisoners. She makes wise deals, as far as I'm concerned, as they all do. Actually, they're all pretty smart about that in general. Yeah, One of them are hurting for cash. But this screams to me.

I love that show. I need to get back to watching it, actually.

Well, now Mark's leaving, so I don't know. Oh, he's leaving? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's run its course.

Yeah.

I'm sure they will. Well, it's been on for years and years. It's been on for years. I think the first season was the year I got my divorce, so 2006, 2007. Yeah, it's been on for- It's been on for 18 years, 17 years. I would share that I think most people who enter the shark tank at this point are pretty well-versed, which is a good thing. People are learning how to be entrepreneurs and how to get in on the action from this show. But I would have to imagine that if you've been on the show a long time, like Mark or Barbara or any of them. Laurie. Laurie.

Damon.

Damon. Who else is on there? Damon John, Robert Herjavec.

Yeah, and then Mr. Wonderful. What's his name?

Kevin O'Leary. Kevin O'Leary. Kevin O'Leary.

You know, he's the that actually has the earpiece in. It's like the- He runs the show. He runs the show.

Yeah. Well, it's obvious. He stands out as a natural leader, and he's the shit talker. He's like the Simon Cowell.

He is. Yeah, he is.

But I don't know. Kevin O'Leary, something about me, something about him just rubs me the wrong way. I'm not into him. It's always been that way, and especially not recently. I don't know. I just don't. Kevin O'Leary seems like a capitalist at all expense guy, which is fine because that's what capitalism is. There's no feelings. It's just money. It's actions. That's it. Make as much as you can, whatever. Okay, that's one way to look at the world. Anyway, when you walk into the shark tank, I think you're already well-versed. They're getting a piece of your business the second you walk into there. I have to imagine if any of these people were to actually go to the books and say, did I win? Did I lose? They won because now they are rich. Then when they got on the show, they're richer by default because of all the sponsorship opportunities, the money that they're making, the few wins that they get here and there. But I would imagine that on a net cash basis, probably most of them have actually lost money. You can't imagine that most of those businesses actually work out to be phenomenal success stories.

Now, I think there's some standouts, but I think for the majority- Squady Polly.

Squady Polly is a standout. The old Squatty Potty. And I love my Squatty Potty. Me, too. This episode is not sponsored by Squatty Potty.

But we did have them as a sponsor. We did.

We did. We were actually the only podcast that they had sponsored for a long time, which was so great. And then I don't know what happened. They just They said, Well, that was fun. Well, it lasted. No shark tank. There's no shark tank over there at the commercial break. We didn't move the numbers like that. But I did like the people at Squatty Potty. They were nice. Yeah, we did a number of commercials with them. I think they were with us for a couple of months. Anyway, so Barbara Corkran, sleeping in her own bed, does not surprise me so much. But what surprises me is Astrid and I have talked about this, and even though we don't always sleep in the same bed because we have children, and it's a little complicated what's going on in our house right now because of the ages of the children and trying to get some of them to sleep on their own, and some of them need mommy and daddy, and we do co-sleep with some of the children. It is a little complicated. At the end of the day, I think sleeping in the same bed is one of those perks of being in a good relationship is that you get to cuddle up.

Personally, yeah, I do, too. But that's me. But whatever works for I don't really care.

Yeah, I don't have a dog in the fight. I don't give a shit. Barbara Corkon sleeps in her own bedroom.

Yeah, but I agree with you.

But then there's people that don't even share the house. Remember, was that one celebrity that was sharing? Yeah, that's definitely weird. They had their own house. That is strange. That is when his sister-wife makes sense. When you're not in the same house- Yeah, you need multiple homes. And you're barely married to that person. You don't even care what they'd be eating for breakfast. Who was that?

Was that- It was somebody who had a lot of money, right?

Was it Gwyneth Paltrow? No. No. Was it Tori Spelling? No. She just got a divorce. I don't know. It was one of those people, the people. And by people, I mean, celebrities. It was one of those people.

Oh, yeah. It was somebody that had enough money to buy two nice homes. Yeah.

But then I was speaking with someone a couple of weekends ago, someone we don't know, someone I had met. I was speaking with someone. You met someone without me? I did meet someone without you. Brian. Well, listen, I'm I'm looking for that sister wife, Chrissy. I'm looking for that sister host.

The sister host.

We're looking to bring in an extra sister host. Wanted. Sister host. Thanks.

Yeah, put it on next door.

I will put it on next door. See what happens. I'm going to start writing my own next door and see how the comments come out. Yeah, I was looking for a sister host, and I was talking to somebody, and they were sharing that they don't co-sleep either, and that they... Not married, but they haven't the last three serious that they have had. They have spent the night in the bed together, obviously at the beginning of the relationship when things are hot and heavy. But then he made a decision that he was going to ask someone to sleep in the guest room instead. I'd be like, what? I'd be out.

I know what you're talking about.

I'd see you later. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, no. Hell, no. I would just be like, I'll check you later. Yeah, exactly. Because that is where the intimacy is built, I think, in a lot of ways, don't you? Yeah, for sure. Like, at the beginning of the relationship when things are hot and heavy, when you're making love 2-3 times a year and you're just having... You're just having a lot of fun. That bed is a place where a lot of the intimacy happens. What's going on? A lot of conversations, a lot of whispers, the sweet nothings in your ear and all that other stuff. That's where it happens. So when you... Maybe there's a reason why he's three relationships deep.

Well, I was going to say, and not married.

And not married or in a long term relationship currently because he's asking everybody to leave the room after we have sex. I don't know. Do you mind spending the night in my guest room? I got hot ass right now and I'm just going to be farting all over the place. I mean, there's a situation, too. If there's some personal, weird, not weird, but medical condition that you have, because I know snoring can tear a relationship apart. I know that for a fact. I have a friend who got a CPAP a long time ago because the wife seriously sat him down and was like, I can't sleep. I'm miserable. I'm waking up stressed out and tired. You're waking up stressed out and tired because you're not getting a whole night's sleep. You're breathing miserably. This has got to stop or We do have to seriously talk about how this relationship looks moving forward. Got that CPAP machine, cleared it right up, and everything seems right as rain. Of course, there's nothing quite as sexy as a CPAP machine. I know. But it saves lives. That's all that really matters. My mom has been supposed to be wearing a CPAP machine for like 15 years, doesn't wear it at all.

I'm like, Mom, you can't do that. You got to wear your CPAP machine. It looks so weird.

Who are you looking for?

You're not out on the dating scene. I'm like, You're swiping right on Tinder, mom. No one cares if it looks weird. You're the only one that's looking. That's it. Don't worry about it.

It does really help sleep.

Yeah. Does Jeff wear a CPAP machine? No. You don't wear a CPAP machine, do you? No. No. Do either of you snore? Like on a regular basis? No. No. No. No. Either Astrid and I don't either. But sometimes she, and I'm sure I do this, too, but sometimes she will snore and I will have to wake her up. Just give her a little push right off the bed. Then when she hits the floor, she does it's time to wake up.

Was that snoring again?

Was I snoring again? She's bleeding profusely from her head. Yes, you were. Why don't you go bandage that up, go to the emergency room and come back around 8:30 AM. We'll be ready to go. All the kids will be ready to go. But hey, listen, best to Barbara Corcoran and her both. Best to you, Barbara. You're making a decision that's good for your relationship, and that's all at the end of the day. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter with the commercial break thinks because... And never did. Yeah. No one's listening to us yet. Why? Why? Start now. Except for the guy who thinks we're in a grand conspiracy with a Venezuelan government. What's up with that? That's probably Maduro writing that himself. That's my guess. Yeah, he's listening to the... Well, so many Venezuelans listen to the commercial break that I would bet you somebody out there has heard it. I don't want to tell this story yet. We have Joanna. This is a great time to let you know. Joanna Hausman joining the show again this month, and we're super excited because Joho is our favorite. She's a lovely woman. She's Venezuelan, and we're super excited to have her.

I want to talk to her about traveling to Venezuela. Oh, yeah, that's right. Without pissing off the Venezuelan government. I am a plant for the Venezuelan government, actually. I'm softening up all the ideologies. It comes down to it. Yeah. Fuck you. That's how it goes. Hey, let's take a break. We'll be back.

What? Oh, hi. It's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at tcbpodcast. Com. Podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last T-C-B phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3-T-C-B. E. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

It's Master's Week. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. It's Master's Week. For those of you who don't know, the very prestigious golf tournament is the Masters. Have you been invited to the Masters yet, Christie? Have you gotten to your invitation?

Not yet.

Well, Blarny Stone. I don't know why. I thought all Irish people an invitation to the Masters. It's the Masters week, and so super excited to get into watching the coverage of the golf tournament. It's the one time a year, basically, when I will dedicate a few hours to a sporting event because I do like to watch golf, and I love to watch it on that course because it's so fucking green. It's beautiful. And CBS has been handling it for a long time, and they handle it in a certain way, and there's very few commercials, and you get to watch all the coverage, and it gets exciting always on a Sunday or a Saturday. Or whatever it is. But they got that live golf thing that's going on right now, L-I-V golf. What a shit show that is. And it's hard to figure out. I don't want to bore everybody with a bunch of sports talk that it's not the most popular sport in the world, so I don't want to bore everybody with the talk. But here's how it goes. Just a little bit. I'll give you a little refresher. Saudi Arabian government gets together with a former, very notable golf star, Greg Norman, who also owns wineries and all this other stuff, right?

South African businessman. This guy, Greg Norman, has been trying to start an alternative professional golfing league for a long time. He teams up the Saudi Saudio... I'm just going to sit here away from my mouth to catch up. Saudi Arabian government who has more money than God and decides to put together his own league funded and backed by the Saudi Investment Fund. Again, more money than God, hundreds and hundreds of billions of dollars. They start offering huge paydays to what I would call notable, but maybe not currently the best golfers in the world. Some of them are good, Dustin Johnson and a couple of others. There's a couple of defectors who certainly have been great on the circuit over the last couple of years, but not the meat and potatoes of the PGA, but they're picking them one at a time.

Because they're giving them so much money.

They're giving them so much money. Saudi Arabia has obviously a human rights record that is not super fantastic, even though we consider them an ally. I mean, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that the Saudi Arabian government and SBF, not Sam Bakeman Freud, but what's his name? Prince- Salman. Salman bin Fiat or whatever his name is? Yeah. Okay. He has been a nightmare for some people living under that regime. And so people are saying, You can't take that money because it's blood money, so to speak, and you can't take it. Well, Phil Mickelson becomes the first to sign an official deal with them for like $300 million and says, Fuck you, I need the cash, right? Or whatever his line of thinking is. He claims it's because he's been telling the PGA to get their shit together for a long time, blah, blah, blah. A disappointing end, generally, to an otherwise awesome career. Yeah. He runs over to- Legendary. Yeah, he takes the $300 million. And listen, I can't say what I would do if someone would offer me $300 million. Right now, if someone offered me $300, I'd probably go work for Maduro in the Venezuelan government.

But I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing. I'm not in his shoes. I don't know why, if, when he might need $300 million. That's incomprehensible to me. But they have now picked off quite a few players from the PGA, and now they're playing this LivGolf. Livgolf is available for any of you that want to watch it on the W W-B. The W-B. Do you even know where the W-B is on your dial? Because I sure as shit don't.

I know. I actually wanted to watch. So did I. At one point, and then I lost interest. I never saw where it was.

It's not all that interesting.

It's played differently, too.

There's teams and there's points, and you can get points for playing on the team. Then they can have their own franchises, so to speak. So like, Dustin Johnson could put together his own roster of players. He's trying to turn it into a franchise that maybe he can sell down the road, or a basketball team or a baseball team. It's pretty fucking complicated. Livegolf and the PGA go at each other. They go just a lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit, lawsuit, back and forth. It's going to blow up in court, everyone thinks, until a couple of months ago when they make the announcement that they're actually going to team up with LiveGolf, start a separate organization that's for-profit, because the PGA is nonprofit, for-profit, and then they're going to team up and all these play. The other thing is that anybody who went to LiveGolf can no longer play in PGA events or the European version of the PGA. They can't play in those events. Except the Masters. Except, well, that's an invitation. So that's different because you can get an invitation. And in a lot of cases, if you've won or placed highly in last year's competition, then you can come back by automatic invitation.

Now the Masters is the time when some of these players are going to come back together. I'm really interested to see what happens and if any of these players from LiveGolf actually do well. Has scuffles? Yeah, I want to hear. The fucking thing is, it's the masters, and it's so highly protected. I don't think CBS is going to show any of that shit, but I'm really interested. I don't even think they're going to talk about it, but I would be interested to see how they do handle it during this. I'm not opposed to a little MMA action right there on the 17th. You know what I'm saying? I agree. Get Dustin Johnson to wrestle it out with Jordan Speef. Swinging clubs with heads.

Yes.

Chasing each other down, throwing clubs at each other. Like me and my play, kicking each other's balls across the... Throwing a ball in the pond. You know, stuff that merely makes golf interesting. They're those little arguments that you get on on the course. Or when you know somebody else is like, What did you get there? Ah, par. Really? You mean in just when you were inside 10 feet of the hole? Or was that the entire length of this particular hole? Oh, no, no, no. It's a par. Definitely a par. I play with some motherfuckers, and I swear to God, I'm like, Are you sure? Because I was counting. But I also know, because I've heard it, I've heard people question me, too. Are you sure? Did you count all of those? And I'm like, I'm not having trouble keeping up with myself. How do you keep up with me also? But you do because you oftentimes pay more attention to the other guy than you do yourself. I'm like, I don't know how many shots I took there, but I know you didn't take four. It was twelve. Don't lie. And we play snowman rules.

Anything above eight, you just consider it an eight, right? Because once you get to twelve or thirty. So it's snowman rules. So if you get a snowman, okay, a snowman and you pick your ball up and you hope you do better on the next hole. That's the competition I want to see. I think we should start our own league, Chrissy, the TCB PGA or the TCB Golf League of America. Here's more interesting shit being thrown in the mix. Now Tiger Woods and Rory McElroy, I think, have started their own exhibition PGA, where they do short courses, little putting greens. They also have interactive, essentially VR golf, and they're going to play these tournaments live on ESPN and have all this shit going on. Tiger Woods is invested in some business that's like top golf, but instead it's all putting and all this other stuff. The PGA is in a really weird place right now where everyone is trying to get that cash. And so they're all bifurcating these different parts of the sport and different players for the sport. And one of the only places that they will come together now are at these invitations.

So they make them, in my opinion, more interesting to watch than maybe in other years, because now you're like, well, these guys that I don't ever see play because who the fuck knows where the WB is on your goddamn television? I don't. I have no idea.

I didn't even know they were still around. That was still a channel.

Oh, yeah. They're playing on the WB. They're playing on YouTube. But so far, the crowds who are watching at home or in person have been underwhelming, to say the least. They got 200 220,000 people to watch one of their big tournaments? 220,000 people is nothing to shake a stick at. I take 220,000 people all day long. But it is certainly not something you would expect from a professional sporting event. You would expect a million people would tune in or something like that. They're having a really hard time gaining traction as far as revenue is concerned, but it doesn't fucking matter because the Saudi investment fund has a kabillion dollars, and they are happy to throw that cash for as long as they need to until they get some traction. That's what's a little bit scary if you care about the PGA is like, oh, well, they could just bury them in cash. And so when they agreed to merge, the two of them agreed to merge, everyone was like, well, how the fuck are you going to twist yourself up into that one? Now you just said that no one should go over there. It's a morality thing and the SPF and the whole nine yards.

That guy who runs the PGA was saying, I would never talk to the Saudis about anything. Then the next day he's like, oh, we're going to merge. And it's like, Okay, you're totally full of shit, but okay, at least we'll have all the best players back in one place. Well, then a month ago, they announced that they have their own line of funding that has nothing to do with the Saudi Arabians. It's all these guys who owe these big sports teams here in the United States. They're all going to put together three or $4 billion and give it to a new venture that the PGA can go on as a for-profit company. It is a crazy time for- Oh, wow. That is a crazy time. Isn't it nuts? It's a professional. Golf is in a crazy spot right now. Again, this is what only old white people talk about. But I'm just sharing that I'm excited about the Masters because I'm excited to see how this is handled in the coverage. What happens? Who's talked about? Is there any additional information? Who's hot? Who not? Who hot? Who not? Spf, on the blog. There you go.

That's for you, that one bad review that said, At least I laugh when they say, Who hot? Who not? Oh, yeah. Pcb, on the blog.

It will be interesting.

I could talk about this all day long, but before I put everybody to sleep, I figured I'd wrap the show. I'm so into this. I'm so into reading about it and all the drama. Oh, Chrissy.

It's good stuff. We had some good times watching the Masters together.

Oh, yeah. We've watched a lot of the coverage. It's a tradition unlike any other. It really is. I mean, if you're into it, then you know. If you know, you know. And I think it's the one week a year that probably more people watch golf than any other week. Oh, it has to be. It's like you can be not a golf fan at all, have no idea what's going on, care less about who's shooting what, what golf clubs people are using or whatever. And then you can watch the Masters and go, Oh, I see why this is exciting. Yeah. It is. And it's so green on TV. It's so green. It's so pretty.

It's so beautiful under the Azaleas or the Azalea Road or whatever there is. Again, it's going to be a beautiful weekend.

I know. Coming up. I wish I had tickets still. I I used to get tickets. I know. But then I got a divorce. I've been hearing about it since you lost them. I know. I hear it every year. Listen, I love my ex-wife. I really do. She's just such a lovely lady and her whole family. They had tickets, and therefore I had tickets. I lost the tickets in the divorce. I asked for them. I asked for them. And they said, well, maybe. We'll see. We'll see how things work out. I'll tell you what, if we're not using Tuesday practice tickets when no professional golfers are on the course, you just get to walk around and stare at the trees, then maybe, maybe we'll call you. Still waiting. Still waiting. Come on, come through. I'll take those tickets. Even though we've long since been divorced, do a bro a favor. Do a bro a solid. You want to be a sister-wife? One week a year. We can do this. I think we can stand each other. Now there's a show. Now there's a show.

Sister-wife.

Sister-ex-wife. Sister-ex-wife. Sister-ex-wife. One week a year for the masters. Brian gets remarried to both women, or probably remarried to my ex and then divorced from my current, and then back with my current and divorced from my ex. We'll see how it works out. Tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go. More information about the show at the Commercial Break on Instagram. Tcb podcast on TikTok and 212 4333 Tcb. To be on the show, questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we'll take them all. Okay, Christie, I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. And best to you. Best to Best to you out there in the podcast universe, if you're still hanging around the end of this episode. Until next time, Christie and I always say we do say and we must say goodbye.

I take a dick and keep on licking.