There's two or three urinals that are way up here, and there's always one that's way the fuck down there.

That's mine.

That is my urinal. You do not use that urinal. That is reserved for me. That is reserved for your five year old son, Zachary. And that is reserved for any man with a two foot dick.

Okay?

That is all. Now, in this airport bathroom, it's all open urinals. It's a cornucopia of urinals. One might even say they have a plethora of urinals and they're all wide open. Only one is being taken up. Guess which one your nose being taken up.

Mine.

All right, so now I'm behind the guy. Got to do this, like, dwarf. I got a pea dance, like, right behind him. Now other people are walking into the bathroom. They see a dwarf dancing right behind a guy. You see a dwarf dancing behind someone, you think I'm casting a spell on them or some shit. And then I just had this moment where I couldn't take it anymore. So I just looked at the dude. I was like, excuse me, sir. He turned around, and this is exactly what he did. No exaggeration. He just turns around and goes, no fucking way.

On this episode of the commercial break.

Man, the kid that makes fun of her first. That's not going to go well because I'm literally already doing it. I'm already writing these, like, roast joke style comebacks. So if some kid walks up and goes like, you're a midget, she could be like, yeah, I am. And I'm here because my parents love each other. You're here because your mom doesn't know how to swallow.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. You. You look good. You look fresh and ready and ready to go. The opposite of what I'm feeling.

I heard.

Yeah. We have one kid who. All of our children have been relatively good when it comes to going with strangers.

That does sound funny.

That does sound funny, doesn't it? Yeah. I'm father of the year award over here.

Fine with strangers.

They're completely fine with strangers. They literally run right up to them and say, mommy, daddy, do you mind watching them for a few minutes while I head into the tit club? I'll be right back as soon as I drop a grand. Making it rain. Now, they've been good when it comes to, like, even though we don't. I don't know about any other parent here, but as a helicopter parent, I don't like to leave my children with actual strangers. I won't hire a babysitter out of the fucking yellow pages. That's not how it works. I don't care how many background checks you've done. You have to be connected in some way to my family. And I have to understand a little bit about who you are. And then, even then, because we have small children, you got to spend some time with us together before we leave any of our children with you alone. So we've only really had a good.

Rule of thumb, I think.

So we've only really had three or four babysitters in the entirety of our. We also had pandemic babies, too. A lot of them. Many of them. Many more than science would suggest you could have during a three year period. I don't know how that happened. But Astrid's double fertile, I think. So we have this babysitter. She comes in, and she's a friend of the family. We've known her. She's been with the children before, at least some of our children before. And we have this newest one, and that kid just does not want to have anything to do with her. As a matter of fact, the other day, Chrissy and I were recording, and I had to take a 40 minutes break because the babysitter, who was here to watch one of the children while we recorded, could not get the kid to settle down. I mean, screaming bloody, fucking murder. We do this, like, exposure therapy, where now I have to go in the room, then send the baby over, then bring the baby back and all this other stuff. But she just will not send the baby back. I wish.

Send the baby back.

Hand her back. We're like playing hot potato with a baby, right? When she looks like she's about to get upset, we pull her back, and then we throw her in, and then we pull her back, and she just will not calm the fuck down. And even after the babysitter left, she would not calm down at all. She was screaming bloody fucking murder. It's like, okay, the lady's gone now. It's all good. You're back here with mommy and daddy. Maybe that's why she was screaming in the first place, like you two fucking morons. I actually wanted to go with that lady. I was screaming because she wasn't running out the front door with me in her arms. And then on top of that, then we have blue, the dog, who is. So I asked this babysitter, I said, hey, listen, you want to take this dog? Because I ask everybody who walks into the house, would you like to take the dog. And she goes, oh, no, never again. And I was like, never again what? And she's like, never again will I have a Yorkie ever again. And she's like, and it gets worse as they get older.

And I thought to myself, that is exactly correct, because blue is getting worse as she gets older. This is a dog who was on psychiatric medication for her behavior, and she's getting worse and worse. I think I'm going to double the dose. I'm not even sure the fucking medication works at all. I think I'm just paying $80 a month for nothing.

Placebo.

It must be. It's like a sugar pill to her. She just wants the pill pocket that it comes in because it's a treat. But then I do have to say that one time early on, we were like, maybe six months into giving the dog. By the way, this dog has been through many training programs, had many, like, dog therapists, dog psychologists, dog psychics.

We've had everybody hopeful, too.

Yes. At every time. Until that one guy just dragged her across the pavement. And I was like, okay, all right, I don't like her, but don't drag her across the pavement. Let's not do that.

He thought the old pavement therapy.

Yeah, the old pavement therapy. Lift her up, throw her down, drag her across the pavement. That guy.

Told vet him like you vetted the.

No, but he was doing a television show, and then he asked if he could bring these other two ladies with him that were going to be part of the television show. They were like dog therapists and training or whatever, and he got so irritated by Blue's behavior, literally lifted her up and then put her back down. And then blue was, like, dragging across the thing, and I was like, that's exactly what. Hold on, bro. I don't know, but this ain't the way to do it. So let's just part ways amicably, because I'm not going to have you torture a dog in front of me. That's just not going to happen. I thought you were like Mr. Fucking dog whisper or something. Yeah. You know how many times I've written into that caesar whatever name his name is to try and get him here to the front door to take care of.

Fantastic. If anybody could do it, he could.

But I think even he knows because I sent videos. I submitted multiple. He's like, yorkies. They can't be helped. And this one's out of her fucking mind. This dog can't be helped. So a year into taking or six months, a year into taking this medication that had been prescribed to her to hopefully calm her anxiety down a little bit, which is why they think she barked so much. No shit, Sherlock, by the way. No shit. So we missed two days. Two days of giving her the medication because we were just kind of getting into the routine, right. Whatever. The deal was, new baby. I forgot what happened, but we forgot to give her the medication for two days in a row. And I'm telling you what, that dog started to twitch.

It was like, really?

Yes. And I thought to myself, oh, shit, I'm putting that dog through withdrawals. I remembered. And then I was like, oh, my God. You can't just take the dog off psychiatric medication. You can't take anybody.

Maybe it is doing something.

Yes. Not making her twitch, but it's not the twitching that bothers me. It's everything else. All right. It's a TCB infomercials episode. That's what we've decided to name our new. When our guests come in. TCB infomercials.

Okay.

I like that.

I like that, too.

We thought about it last night. I'm telling Chrissy about the change right now. Well, to be fair, you just walked in the door. We started recording TCB Infomercials with Mr. Brad Williams. He is a comic. He's got a new special on veeps.

He's doing a 780 is the Ticketmaster platform and not the show that was on HBO. That's what I keep thinking.

Yeah, I know. Why would they name it veeps? I don't understand. And it's spelled the exact same way, too. It's V-E-P-S. Yeah, I don't understand. Whatever. Anyways.

But still, that's very close.

Yeah, it's too close. It's like you're on.

Congratulations.

Yeah. I didn't even know that they had a new season.

They don't.

Good for you. But now this is, like, our third comic who's been in here with a veep special. So Brad Williams new special is on veeps. You could go. You could order it, download it. You can also go to one of his 787,000 shows that he's like the commercial break he's doing Monday through Saturday every single week for the next number of months.

He's going everywhere.

Yeah. So you can get those tickets. And he's going everywhere. Not such as the big cities, but the small cities, too. I'm sure he'll talk more about that when we get him on in here, but let's do this. Why don't we take a short break, and then we can visit with Brad and know we'll wrap it up afterwards. We'll come back. We'll talk independently to you, the listeners. We'll whisper behind Brad's back after we get done with that. Sound like a good one?

Sounds good.

Okay. We'll be back after these messages. We'll be right back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212433 TCB. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and dm us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com. Now, I'm going to thank g one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

Hey, Brad, how are you?

Hello. Good.

Thank you very much.

Hello.

Good to have you. Thank you very much for joining us here on the commercial break. You've certainly hit the top now, Brad. There's no place else to go. Conan invites you. You have to decline. That's right.

I've always said. I've always said when people have asked me, like, what are your career goals? And I go, you know, podcast, commercial break. Like, I don't really care about a Netflix special, HBO special, sitcom. I just want to do this podcast. It's so great. It's so wonderful. And that's what I want to do. I don't want to demean you guys. You guys have established yourself and you guys put out a good product, and.

We have no idea how that happens. I often say we're the best little mediocre podcast that could. And I don't mind that, because I think average is like, when you're down the middle, you're with the rest of the people, so why not? You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, because some of these podcasts come out and they have these huge corporate entities behind them, and then they still stink. So when you have all of that and then you suck, it just sort of exaggerates the suck. But if you guys suck, you're expected to suck.

We suck on our own.

So anything that you do, anything that you. Which now sounds like a completely different kind of description. But now, if you guys are any good at all. It's just like, hey, look at them with their little podcast.

Brad, you're a man after my own heart. Because I'll explain this as I've explained it to Chrissy at our audience a million times. If no one expects anything out of us, then if they get a laugh or two. Fucking ain't right, dude. Then it's great. But if they don't get anything out of it, and one person wrote a comment the other day and they said, I like my podcasts with purpose. This does not have it. And I was like, me and my friend talking about shit.

Yeah, man. Low expectations. Low expectations. Set them low. That sounds like a name of one of my comedy specials, to be honest with you. But, yeah, I can enjoy any movie as long as I go in with the right expectations. One of the most fun I've had at the movies recently is, do you guys see the film cocaine bear?

Yes.

My God, I was dying laughing.

It was so good.

I went and saw it with a bunch of friends. Of course, there was that one friend that walked out of it. Like, it was just dumb, like, okay, so a bear is on cocaine. It's like, yes, it's a cocaine bear. They told you in the title. Who watched the previews and was, like, looking at that, you expected Sir Lawrence of Olivier to come out there and deliver us soliloquy. That's not what we're doing here. We're not making a Kurosawa film. We're making cocaine. Fucking bear. Did the bear do cocaine? Yes. Was it a bear? Yes. Did the bear kill people that were not on cocaine trying to run away from the bear? Yes. Cameo from Ray Liotta.

Done. Okay. Yes. People came in there expecting Daniel Day Lewis. It wasn't Daniel fucking Day Lewis. They took a news story clipping from a South Carolina local article and then made an entire movie out of it called Cocaine Bear. Go in expecting.

So here's a fun fact about me. I've actually seen the real cocaine bear.

No.

Wow.

Because the real cocaine bear is stuffed in a small tourist shop just outside of Louisville, Kentucky.

No way. Really?

I was in Louisville. Louisville. I don't know how you pronounce it.

But either way, I don't even think they know how to pronounce it.

Yeah, you kind of have to put a cue ball in your throat. I was there. And this is about a month or so before. A month after the movie came out and I had seen it, and I found out the cocaine bear was there because I did a joke on stage, and someone yelled out, you know it's here, right? I'm like, the hell it's here. And it's stuffed bear. It's a taxidermied bear. And people have left offerings like bags of cocaine. Yeah, there's quite a few bags of flour.

Flour. Flour.

Yeah. It's one of the best. I bought so many chotchkis from that damn gift shop.

Oh, I would have too.

Oh, coffee mugs, stickers.

The story, if I'm not mistaken, is bear finds a load of cocaine that was obviously meant for someone else, like a drop off point or something. Gets into the cocaine, then runs around for a few minutes and has a massive heart attack. Right. Is that basically like the story?

That's what actually happened? Yeah, but they're like, how can we make this into an hour and 20 minutes feature? Let's have them kill people. I love that they said, based on a true story. At the beginning, it's like, okay, based.

On a true story. Like, Fargo was based on a true story. Remember, I got. Everybody got me for years. That's crazy.

And this will lead me into a different topic, because now it's like you have people that tend to be coming after comedians, like Hasan Minaj, saying, like, oh, he made up stories. He told stories on stage that weren't exactly true. Yeah, no shit. That's what we do. You exaggerate. You elaborate, you make a point. Did you hear the story? Did you feel something? You felt something? Did you feel good afterward? Fantastic. Then we did our job. Who watches cocaine bear and goes, and when it says, based on a true story, goes, well, I did some fact checking. Turns out the bear did not actually go on a murderous rampage while on the colombian bam bam.

I know. Talking about this with Chrissy the other day, my dad was asking me, how do you get all the content? We do four days a week, which is way too many episodes of the commercial break, but that's another story.

Way too many days.

Way too many. So leave them wanting more, but we decide to give them the most, or.

People can't even keep.

So my dad says, hey, how do you come up with all the content for the show? Do you literally walk around your entire day, like, thinking, this could be a good story for the podcast? I say, no, it doesn't work like that. I reflect at the end of the day, find out if there's a little nugget somewhere that then I can bloviate about for another 30 fucking minutes. Because if I told the story exactly as it happened, no one would laugh because generally people's lives aren't that funny. I don't walk around. I'm not Larry David. I don't walk around making everything.

I mean, yeah. Although you may punch Elmo as well.

I would love to punch Elmo. I have small children and I would love to punch Elmo. And a couple of the other ones too. Peppa Pig. While we're at it.

Peppa pig.

Peppa pig. It's big in my household. Don't get me started on Peppa Pig. Brad, I have a question for you because Chrissy and I are talking about this last episode and I know that you have some loose connection here. You just got off the Jericho cruise, is that right? Like a week and a half ago? Something like that.

That is completely incorrect because it has to be called by its proper name.

Go for it.

This is the Chris Jericho rock and wrestling rager at sea.

Your videos. I saw pictures. I went on other people's instagrams. It looks like a hairy good time. I mean, music meet and greets and.

Live as I would expect it to be.

Wild wrestling careers, wrestling on a boat and wrestling fans on a boat. And they do stand up comedy. They don't do it. I do it. Thank God they don't do it. And I bring a bunch of comedians with me and it's unbelievable. It's amazing. I got to check off definitely a few things on my bucket list. There's so many times that in my adult life, I just turned 40 that I wish I could go back, find 14 year old Brad Williams, just be like, dude, it's going to get sweet.

Here's the preview.

Shit's going to get really cool. I would go back to my 14 year old pubescent self and if I can catch myself in between masturbation sessions, I would say, hey, you know how you like to watch pro wrestling? Yeah. Do you like the Dudley boys? Yeah, I love the Dudley boys. Well, guess what? You're going to be in the ring with the Dudley boys and do one of their signature moves, which now don't get me wrong, the signature move that I did on the Chris Jericho rock and wrestling rager sea is. It's called the what's up headbutt. That involves me going to the second rope diving and then my head landing on the genitals of another wrestler. So that was fun. As I say, what a signature move.

Yeah, you're going to go out with nuts in your face.

That's how we do it. And I'm pretty sure all those people, they saw a dwarf give a head butt to the nuts of a pro wrestler. At that point, do you need three wishes? They've already been accomplished. But it was awesome, man. It was truly amazing. And wrestling fans, I want to take these wrestling audiences with me everywhere. They were so encouraging. For those unfamiliar with wrestling culture, fans like to chant. Fans do like chants. Like, if they see a match that they are really liking, they'll go, this is awesome. That's what they do. So they love chance. And that's a real basic one. Some of them get really.

Yeah, yeah, got it.

Okay. Whenever I do the Chris Jericho rock and wrestling rage at sea, this was my fourth time, I always write roast jokes about the wrestlers.

Sure.

And this time I wrote a joke. And thankfully, the news about. I mean, not thankfully, but you'll understand the news about Vince McMahon had just broken before the boat. So I did a roast joke about Vince, and to hear a theater of about 900 people chant, holy shit.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

I want all joke. Tell the joke. Tell the roast joke.

Hold on. I actually have it here.

That's what I was going to ask you about. You were heading in the direction I was.

Hold on.

Take your time.

Let me find this.

Great news about podcasting is you can edit if there's lulls, but there's no lull with Brad. Brad is awesome. I love having comedians on.

Okay. Yeah. All joking aside, AEw wrestling is amazing. They have accomplished wonderful things. They hold the record for the most attended wrestling show of all time. This year they set it 80,000 people in Wembley Stadium. Only way WWE could do that is if they filled an arena with Vince's accusers. There you go.

Have you ever met Vince McMahon? Have you ever been in the same circles as.

I mean, I've never met him. It's kind of like. So there's a few people in this business. I was actually a part of a documentary one time that the name of the documentary is everyone has an.

I know this. I know this.

Yes. And because if you meet Andy Dick, you have a story. You don't just say, hey, Andy. And he says, nice to meet you. And then you go in your separate ways. There will be.

He pulls down his pants and he sticks his dick in your ear. Something along those lines. Yeah, that's wild.

It's funny you say that. That's how I got a couple of gigs. Not because I did that, but because Andy did that, so he got fired. So then they brought me in. That's true. So it wasn't dick in the ear. It was balls and a drink, but.

That'S besides the point, Andy. Geez. Radio to balls and a drink.

What are you doing? So from what I've heard, that is kind of how Vince is in that you never just have an interaction with a basic interaction with Vince McMahon. You will always have a story, whether it be. It could be something as horrific as the allegations in the lawsuit and now the federal probe, or it can be something where you're afraid for your life, like Bob Costas, although he handled that very well. Or it could be hilarious, or it could be life threatening.

Yeah, he runs swings one way or the other. So if you understand the wrestling world a little bit. So we were just talking about Vince. We were talking about all his drama.

I don't know much about it, so fill me in.

And I'm like a child of the. Wrestlemania was the event you had to watch, right? And we're talking about Jake the snake and iron sheik and all those great wrestlers. So do you understand why everyone's so upset that the rock all of a sudden showed up in the ring? Do you understand this? Do you get this? Do you see how people are threatening his daughter? Like, death threats against his daughter? For what reason? Because someone else earned it and he didn't, or something along those.

Let me try to put this in terms that the casual person would understand. Let's say you're watching the Marvel movies, right? And you're watching it from day one, and all of a sudden, you've built up these relationships with these characters. You know Iron MAn, you know Captain America, and they're going to defeat thanos. You have watched ten years of Marvel movies, okay? You're in it. You're invested in these characters. You're invested in their stories. You want to see iron man finally defeat thanos? And right before Iron man fights thanos, WOlverine comes in and goes, don't worry, I got this. Now, would you have liked to have seen Wolverine Fight thanos?

Yes.

It sounds great. It sounds awesome. But I was invested in iron MAn. I was dedicated, and I wanted this. And I was into WOlverine 15 years ago, 20 years ago, when those X MeN movies came out. I'm not necessarily into WOlverine right now. Got YoU.

Yeah.

That is the best way that I could tell you. What's happening is that Cody Rhodes is the baby face of baby faces. Everybody is into him. They all ThOUght he was going to Win the title last year at WreStleManiA. It's been another year. And his thing he keeps saying is, I'm going to finish my story. Finish my story. And as fans, we're all just like, we want YoU to finish the story. The TERm is over. But he's the most popular baby face in modern era, the most popular good guy. He literally comes out dressed kind of as CaPtaiN AmErica. And now we're going to know Cody Rhodes versus Roman. Cody's going to finally win the belt. EvErYOne's going to go absolutely nuts. This is what we want to see. And then right before you hear the RocK's music and you're just like, that's great. Like, rock Roman would be good, but.

Didn'T the rock move on to movies?

Can't we just leave it so that, so that's why people are upset. That's why people, it's hashtag, we want cody. So that's what's happening in that woRld. Now, if you read WresTLInG twitter, which I do because it's very entertaining.

There are entertaining.

There are so manY. If you thought ALeX jones had conspiracy. Yeah. There's a lot of stuff about why they're doing this, what they're going to do, what the plan is. Some sounds great, some sounds very nefarious. So it's really interesting.

I see this as the plus and the minus of the WWE or wrestling in general is that I honestly, I was talking to and I'm like, I think it's the most honest sport because you already know that it's dishonest. Right. You already know what it is on the surface, or at least you should know what it is on the surface, right? I don't think death threats is necessarily a great way to get out your anger about a storyline. But I get it. People are upset. But then also, that gives people license to then go and have their own storylines going on in their own head. And I think some, obviously it's a soap opera. People take it. It's a soap opera. That's what it is. It's a soap opera. It's a sport. But people really do fucking wrestle.

I mean, they get hurt the same way. If one of the bacheloretes picks a bachelor, that's not the one that they all thought that she was going to pick.

Totally.

The fans go apeshit.

Right?

Like this is that. This is that.

So this is a crazy story that you bring this up and it's a great example because my wife is watching the bachelor and I hate laugh. Watch it, right? I think it's hilarious. I just love to watch. The silliness of it all is interesting to me. My wife gets into it. So this year, the Bachelor there's two girls, they're sisters. It's the first episode of the Bachelor, and the two sisters have met with the Bachelor, and one of them is a real haho, and the other one's very sweet and very nice. And so my wife is like, oh, he's definitely kicking off that mean sister. Everyone hates her. She's a bitch. They didn't even connect, blah, blah. And I said, esther, you have no idea how this works. The producers have predetermined that these sisters will make it pretty fucking close to the end because that is the kind of drama that drives ratings. And when it came time for Rose ceremony or whatever it is, of course he picked the sisters because the producers said, we can't miss this opportunity to make a great story.

Exactly.

Maybe they're jobbing you, maybe they're jobbing everybody by throwing the rock in the ring and saying, meet me at Wrestlemania. And everyone's like, fuck, I like the rock, but I don't like this.

Yeah. The thing about wrestling, it's kind of like comedy in that you never know what's real and what's not. You never know what's a bit, what's a work. You just never know. So I just like to sit back and enjoy the fireworks. That's what I like to do. Kind of like you touched on earlier, wrestling is a sport that, because it's predetermined, people feel like they have a little more control over it and a little more ownership of it. But really, it's like, guys just sit.

Back, relax and watch the show. Watch the show.

Watch the show.

Yeah. That's what makes it. If it always turned out the way you would like it to, then you.

Would never watch it because you would never watch it.

Yeah, it's like an episode. It's like an episode of Breaking Bad that always ends with Brian Cranston getting away. Well, when's he not going to get away with it? The fact that you never know if he's going to get away with it or not makes it interesting. So I totally agree.

It's something, and I'm glad you brought that up, because it's something that I like to tell people when it comes to joke writing, when they're like, I didn't like that joke. Why did you do that joke? Or why did you expand on this thing? It's like, here's the thing. The intent is always to entertain, but like you said, if you don't have conflict, there is no punchline, there's no risk.

Yeah. You're not falling off the edge.

Yes. So you have to create those risks. You have to create those circumstances. You have to stretch the rubber band and get the tension as tight as possible, because then if you could hit that joke, it's a release. It's such a big release where if you just tell the average story of, like we said earlier, if I just did jokes about what I did every day, it's boring as hell. Today I have woken up, I have had a tea, I walked my daughter to school, and now I'm talking to two yahoos in their basement. That is my day so far. Now I can expand on that, and I can make it like, yeah, I walked my daughter to school, and we're both dwarves. And so people that are driving by see two dwarves walk to school and.

They'Re like, oh, let those two kids.

Yeah, they say that. They say, oh, do they go to a special school that's just a mushroom with a door in it? What do they do? And it's raining in southern California, so, oh, my God, do they have their floaties? Because those puddles look dangerous for them. It's like you expand, and that's how jokes are written. That's how story is created. That's how conflict is done. Nothing is going to be exactly as you want it to be because if it is, it's going to suck.

That's right. And you have to walk that line sometimes. We understand this, doing a lot of content. There's some places you never want to go. Right. If that's your brand of comedy, you never go there. Right. And then there's some places where you walk the line, because the risk in the joke telling is that you may offend some people, but that you're going to make a lot of people laugh, but that's also how you push the envelope. I think there's a real psychology to comedy and joke telling, and I do believe that societally, since the age of gestures, comics have helped us expand what we think is okay, not okay or right, because they have been telling stories in a way that takes risks and allows you to think and laugh at stuff that otherwise is just too serious to wrap your head around. And so that's why I think comedy, not what we do, we just sit behind a microphone to nobody. You go up on stage and you actually have to take the risk of laughed or not laughed. Right. We don't get to hear what happens in people's cars or their jog or whatever, but I think that the storytelling in and of itself, the risk in and of itself is that you fail, but then the reward is that you open people's minds in a way they don't see it.

I think one of the things I appreciate about your comedy is that you don't shy away from the fact that you're a little person. You don't shy away from it at all. You really talk about your life in kind of sometimes brutal terms, right? I think you were telling a story about how your dad was your first bully. He was like, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen here where we can practice, right? Yeah. When you said, I wish I could go back and talk to my 14 year old self, I actually do this sometimes. I actually sometimes tell my 15 year old self, it will fucking get better. Machado is a little rough around the edges. It will fucking get better, Brian. Just hang tight. Hang tight. Don't jump off the cliff. Don't do that. Don't do this. Just hang tight, right? It will get better. It's going to take a very fucking long time, but it's going to get better. When you were a kid and did you see what your dad do you now see what your dad was doing as noble, or do you see it as tough?

Thankfully, he was explaining it to me as it was happening, so I got it kind of in real time.

Okay, got you.

So he was telling me, no, I'm making fun of you as a kid because you got to understand, my dad's not a dwarf. He was average size. So he would tell me like, no, I'm making fun of you. So when other kids make fun of you, you're ready and it doesn't phase you. And it would. So it worked. So he and I would literally sit down and write jokes together, write comebacks. So then when a kid came up to me and said something mean, boom, I had a response. It was quick, it was good. And then the kid cried. And then I would go to the principal's office. It was a great thing. So I look back on and go, it was genius. So now with my daughter, who is also a little person. Man. Man. The kid that makes fun of her first, that's not going to go well.

Because.

I'm literally already doing it. I'm already writing these roast joke style comebacks. So if some kid walks up and goes like, you're a midget, she could be like, yeah, I am. And I'm here because my parents love each other. You're here because your mom doesn't know how to swallow.

With each age that she gets at you could accelerate it a little bit.

Oh, no, I'm going to go with that one. When she's five, I'm going to make sure that every kid that makes fun of her pays for it and knows that that's not a good idea. I'm stoked about that, and I think that that's a healthy way to look at the world. I said it in my special daddy issues, where my father prepared me for the world that is and not the world that should be. The world that should be is a wonderful, amazing place where no one gets made fun of, no one gets hurt, and everyone looks out for each other. The world that is is fucking cutthroat as hell. And you have to be a good person, be considerate to others, but you got to look out for number one. And there's scammers out there, and there's so much bad out there that you have to be aware of it so that when it does happen, you are prepared for it.

True or not true. You got your start because you were at a live Carlos Mencia show, and he started making fun of little people, and then he started directing that toward you. He was essentially roasting you there in the audience, and you were like, well, if I'm going to get roasted, I'm going to banter back and forth. Is that true?

To some degree.

Okay.

He was on stage as at the Braya improv in 2003. I want to say, yeah, March 2003. And I was in the audience, and he started making midget jokes, not knowing I was there. And half the audience was laughing. And the audience that was sitting by me was like.

This guy?

And he noticed that. And he's like, he's like, why aren't you guys laughing at these jokes? And he actually said the line. He goes, what is one of them here? I raised my creepy little hand in the air, like. And he called me up on stage and he started asking me questions. And I didn't try to be funny. I just answered the questions honestly, but my answers got laughs. I still remember the question that did was he said, what do you do for a living? And I grew up in southern California. I was living in orange county, and I did what a lot of teenagers did when you grow up in Orange county is. I looked at them and I was like, I work at Disneyland. And then I got laughs like that, like little Snickers. I stopped, looked at the audience and went, fuck you. I'm not one of the seven.

That was it.

And I got that laugh, and I was like, oh, that felt good.

Yeah, that felt really addictive.

Then I started doing that. Then I started looking up open mics and doing that. And here we are 20 years later, talking to you guys, which was my plan the whole time.

That's right. All come together.

And then he took you under his wing, and you were on his show, too, right? And then. So that kind of furthered your career, I would imagine. When you're on the Carlos Mancia show. It was hot for a period of time.

It was great. It was wonderful. I got to be his opening act, and then that was my version of college. And then I sort of spread my wings, went out on my own, and got to make little money performing for no people. But you do that for a long time and you cut your teeth.

Oh, we know.

Yes.

Build the audience. Because people say, people have asked me before, like, oh, what was your big break? And the answer is, I don't have a big break. I have about eight little breaks, and each one led to the next one. So I could tell you a few times where it's like, oh, cool. That happened. So now I raised up a level. It's like when someone loses a bunch of weight, they always get asked, how'd you do it? People ask because they want the answer to be, I did nothing.

I took Ozembic.

Yeah, I took Ozembic. I kept eating ice cream. There was no side effects.

Shit myself to Sunday. But I made it work.

Yeah, I lost 40 pounds and I got rock hard abs. That's what they want to hear.

But that's not the truth.

That's not the truth. The truth more often than not, especially with weight loss as well. I had to diet. I had to exercise. I had to really watch what my caloric intake. I had to avoid fats and sugars, or not fats, but sugars and carbs, sure. Stuff like that. So that's the answer. But we don't want that. When people say, what was your big break? They want me to say, like, oh, I was at a gas station, I told a joke, and the vice president of show business was there, and he decided to make me a star. That's not what happened.

All right, sweetie. You're going to be a star. Come on with me.

Yeah. Heather McMahon was just saying the same thing the other day on her show. She was like, people just all of a sudden think that it just happened overnight. But it didn't. And I've been working at this for years and years and years.

Well, I think we all want to believe in our heads that all the dreamers and all the people who are out there that want this some kind of. In anything that they do, I suppose it could be guitar playing. It could be shoveling shit. I don't know. And you want to be the best shit shoveler that ever lived. You want to believe that you can walk into your first day at shit shoveling and that you're the best that ever lived. But that's not how it happens. It's not one big break. It's many small breaks that break in your favor. And by the way, as we've learned on this show, oftentimes the big breaks are followed by huge disappointments that then you have to pick yourself up and get. And do it again. Right? And. Okay, now we got to go again, I'm sure still to this day, probably you walk. Some nights are great, and then some nights you're like, fuck, man, I just didn't have it tonight. Right?

Yeah, absolutely. In terms of the overnight sensation with comedy, I'll give you a perfect example, is right now one of the hottest comedians in the world, and I call him the Taylor Swift. Yes. Matt rife. And he's selling out shows all over, and people are like, oh, my God, this pretty boy with high cheekbones just started selling tickets. But all the comics out here in Los Angeles know Matt has been at.

This since he was a teenager.

Like, teenager. He was the opening act for Dane Cook for years. He's been broke. He's been at the laugh factory. I saw Matt. So in 2020, when the lockdown happened, the laugh factory started doing these virtual shows where they would put tvs in the laugh factory that would have the zoom. So we kind of had an audience, but not really. And Matt was hosting those shows for nothing, just to get the time and keep the reps going. So that dude has worked so hard. So it is not an overnight success with that guy. And you can look at almost any comedian and find very similar stories.

I think those overnight sensation stories, they are so few and far between, and there are a few of them. You walk onto America and it's got Talent, and you got a record contract the next day or whatever. There are stories like that, but that is not the norm. That is the exception, ridiculously, sometimes. Oh, how did your podcast get so popular? I don't fucking know. 600 hours of content? Like, 600 hours of content. I guess with just blunt force trauma to the head, people all of a sudden started listening. Right. And that's the way that it is.

Yeah, it's Malcolm Gladwell. Stuff, but 10,000 hours. But thankfully, now you cut your teeth. So when you get to the point where you're popular or you start being successful, you're prepared for that. So now when I just put out my new special on veeps and then we have this whole tour that's, like, insane coming up, 200 nights or something.

Crazy.

And that's not all of them. We haven't even announced.

Wow.

We haven't announced the overseas dates yet.

You have a wife and a kid. How does this work?

At some point, I would like to meet them.

That's a novel idea.

I hear they're wonderful people. This next year is going to be crazy, but I'm prepared for that because of all the work I've put in previous and now. So when I had to write essentially a whole new hour in about seven months from when the recording of the new special to the current hour that I have on tour, I was ready because I've learned how to do that. So now I'm really happy with the hour it's been getting. Great response on the tour date so far. I'm giving the people a good show. I don't want you to watch my special starfish on veeps and then come see me on this crazy tour and then see the exact same material. I want it to be different. So thankfully it is.

So let me ask you a question. So veeps is the new Ticketmaster live platform. Am I right about that? Okay, so we've had a couple other comedians who have veep specials. I think Blair saki was on. She has a veep special. Yeah, Blair's great. Blair is. So when you go out and do these back to back to back to back to back, have you done this kind of back to back to back traveling before? Are you excited about it? Do you find it to be very stressful?

Listen, it's all of those things. It's very stressful because I'm used to going to a comedy club and then just being in that comedy club for three, four days where I'm in the same hotel room. My home becomes the Hilton Garden Inn in Tulsa, oklahoma, that weekend, which, by the way, I'm coming to tulsa, buy tickets. I'm used to that. This is more like, all right, this day you're in Charlotte, the next day you're in Atlanta, and the next day you're in Savannah.

It's like, okay, let's fucking go.

Yeah, it's a lot. But whenever it seems to be a lot, I always try to sit back and go, but this is what I want it. This is what I work for. I'm being compensated very well. I can't be mad about that because I'm doing this all for my kid and her future.

Her future.

And I get to see the country. It's amazing when I meet people and they go, yeah, my mother in law has been to, like, three states total, and I've been to all 50, and I've been to 18 different countries to do stand up. So it's like, wow, I've really gotten to experience things, and I love going out and seeing our country because especially with, I won't get too political, but especially with the upcoming election, there's a lot of people that think that this one part of the country is so different from this other part of the country. These people are good. These people are just bad. And there's a lot of that mentality right now, unfortunately, going to get worse. But when you actually go to these places, you find out, hey, everyone wants the same thing. They want to earn a living. They want their kids to succeed. They pay their taxes, hopefully, and they want safety and security for their loved ones. That's what everyone wants. They disagree slightly on how to achieve that safety and security, but the goal is the same. And I've realized that touring the country as you go and people go, what's it like when you go to Alabama?

And then it's like, that's fun.

There's humans there. There's humans there.

They laugh at jokes. Jokes are good. And then the people in Alabama are like, what's it like up there in New York City? Are they just a bunch of cuckold lib tards? And you're just like, no, they're cool, too.

Yeah, they have a few of those, but they're mainly good people.

My wife, thankfully, comedy for the most part, there's always exceptions, but thankfully, comedy, for the most part, kind of weeds that out because you kind of know what you're getting into. Very few people walk into, because I'm doing a lot of theaters on this tour. Very few people buy a ticket for a comedian at a theater, and then when they hear a joke go, what?

Because they've already seen that. Yeah, there's so much research out there.

That they know they want to come to your show.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

And I find, like my father, I'm married to a venezuelan woman, and her father, who's still in Venezuela, has said this from the day that I met him. He wants to talk about politics, Brian. That's what he says to me, you fucking moron. But he also says this. He says extremes on both sides end up in the same place. Right? You end up in the same place no matter which way you go. Left, right, it's a circle. You're going to end up in the same place. But 9% of people are not there. They just want to live their lives to be happy and to feel like they're free and secure. That's it. We all want the same things. There's a lot of reasons why we're so politically divided. But when you do go and you travel, you realize that humans are just humans all over the place. They're not much different from each other. Regardless of your skin color, your size, your weight, your hair length, everybody just kind of wants the same things. And then, of course, there are always outlying dipshits that just make trouble for everybody. But I guess that's the risk you take.

Just like when you get on stage and you make a joke. Brad, I feel like we covered exactly 1% of what I wanted to cover with you in this 45 minutes period of time.

Unfortunately, that's what kind of happens with me.

I feel like I could have got it done. An hour with you about Cirque du.

Soleil, the AVN awards, I wanted to know about.

All right.

Other things.

I'll do all that. Cirque Soleil was awesome. I was the first comedian ever. First stand up comedian in a Cirque du Soleil show. I did stand up comedy. I didn't get fired out of a cannon and yell wee wee. The show was called Matt Apple. It's still going on to your New York hotel and casino. I'm not a part of it anymore. I've moved on.

But you did mad Apple. Is that the sexy version of the Cirque du Soleil?

It's the new.

Aren't they all kind of sexy?

Yeah, it's all been in New York. New York. Right.

I've seen the. So the sexy one was the one before us that was a show called. Yeah, there was nudity on, so. But it was very challenging. Whereas a stand up comic, I had to go on after the two guys that juggle each other with their feet.

That's new. All right.

But it was a wonderful experience. I like doing things that challenge me. Whether it be that, whether it be going on a 70 city, 200 show date tour or launching a special on a new platform and helping them get off the ground, I like doing things like that. I like doing things that challenge me. Now, you mentioned AVN awards. Now those are like the porn oscars, right? Maybe, I don't know. My own bio. What does it say about me and the Avian awards?

You were like a host, a part.

Of it at one. They asked me to host one year.

Yes.

Okay. They just asked.

I was not able to do it because my wife.

Yeah.

Not a huge fan of me being around a lot of very attractive women that.

Sexually liberal women.

Sexually liberal women with very low self esteem and they want to try things. And I totally get that. It's probably a great idea because I love my wife very much and I would like to keep half my shit.

And she's a black belt writer of fourth degree black belt.

She is. If I turn the camera, you'll see the awards.

I was right up there.

Fourth dawn black belt. I have to say, not just black belt. Fourth dawn. So I sleep in between a fourth dawn black belt and a 90 pound pit bull. I sleep like a baby.

Yeah, you are protected.

All right.

Brad Williams is on an epic.

Coming to Atlanta.

Coming to Atlanta where we are. So we're in Atlanta for two nights. Two different theaters, actually. I saw that you were in two different places in Atlanta. I'm going the mean just wherever you can get them. Brad Williams is on.

Does the check clear?

I'll go there.

People are like, oh, so you're going to all the major cities like Atlanta, Denver, New York, La, Seattle, Miami. Yes, I'm going to all those, but I'm also going to Indiana.

Right?

Terra Hoat. I didn't know what that was.

I didn't know what that was either until you just said it.

But I'm excited, though. I'm stoked to go there. So, yes, I'm excited for the big shows, like in Nashville. We're doing like the Ryman auditorium.

Beautiful place.

The home of country music. I might cry on that stage. I'm not going to lie.

It's amazing.

We're also going to Grand Rapids and like I said, terrahode, Indiana, and Omaha, Nebraska, and all these other cities that maybe a lot of people kind of pass over. I don't care.

I'm going there. You're going to fill it because they're going to find it extremely fun that someone's coming to their town that's going to make them laugh. And I think that's a smart move, actually. So he's going on an epic tour of the country. Check him out. Get tickets. I believe you can get them through Ticketmaster, through your local Ticket broker, veeps. His new special is out. You can go watch it on veeps. There's a bunch of comedians, but Brad has got a new special out and we hope that you go watch it. Brad, you must come back because I will. I asked one of the questions and I had 30. I know, but that's the sign of a good interview. We just wrapped.

That's it. We'll do a rapid fire at some point. But yes, I would love to come back. I've got some exciting stuff that's coming up that I'm really not allowed to mention.

Why don't you check in when you're coming back to Atlanta and that would be good. Maybe you even come to our basement. That's not a basement.

Buckhead theater.

That's right.

Okay.

That's right.

So yes, I will. We'll talk about the world of Coca Cola. We'll talk about Ted Turner. It'll be great.

Nice.

Brad Williams on beeps. Go check it out or live at a locale near you. Thanks, Brad. We appreciate it.

Thanks, guys.

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and tcV. Give us a follow on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212433 TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212433 TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel@YouTube.com, the commercial break. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

Wow. Cool.

All right.

Like Brad. Brad was cool. Yeah. Brad's got so, yeah, in case you didn't know, he's got a lot to say. But in case you didn't pick up on this, I'm sure you must have. But if you don't know Brad Williams, you didn't pick up on the interview because we didn't focus on it because there's no reason to focus on it. But Brad has dwarfism. He's a little person. And so that's why we were talking about when his dad was bullying him. And I found that to be really fascinating to me. I don't know that I would necessarily take that direction with my children, but I also don't have children that were born as little people. Right.

He was trying to prepare him for what other kids might say to him and then come up with comebacks.

Comebacks that he could, so that it's like a natural instinct, a response. And I see, like diffusing with humor or a comeback, how that could be a really good trick to just make people think, wow, he's just like me. And actually he has better comebacks than I do. He has better insults than I do. And I did want to ask him one thing, and we'll ask him this, maybe if he ever comes back, but maybe if he ever comes back, like any of our guests, they all agreed to. And then one of our producers pointed out, of course they do. You ask them on air, Brian, like they're going to say, no, we'll see.

He is coming to Atlanta.

He is coming to Atlanta. So maybe we'll hook up with him then. One of the things that I wanted to ask him is whether or not he thinks that television shows like the ones that I watch on TLC fetishize little people or do they break barriers down? And I bet he would say both. Right. But I love those shows. And the reason is because the personalities are fascinating and I do like to watch how they navigate the world. Yeah. And they navigate the world like anybody else would. You have a problem? You can't reach the top, you get a ladder. Right. It's like anybody would do. I can't change the light bulb. I grab a step stool. Well, they have to grab cups out of the house. That was made for normal people.

Differently maybe. Yeah.

Oh, man, I wish I could have asked him that, but I just didn't get a chance but I didn't get a chance to ask him anything that I wanted to ask. There's one thing I do have to say about Brad is that guy can fill the dead air. He knows how to do it.

He does.

And as a guy, it was all very interesting.

I didn't realize that it breezed through.

42, 48 minutes, something like that. We said, hey, can you give us 30 minutes? He said, yeah, 48 minutes later. And I feel like he was just finished wrapping the first question.

Exactly.

But as people who have to fill dead air for a living. Yeah, that feels really nice, actually. I'm like, okay, all right, somebody else do the talking for once. I like that. And also, what you didn't see, or you might see if you watch it on YouTube.com slash. The commercial break is that he had a painting of Robin Williams behind him done by a fan. And his last name is Williams, too. And Robin and him have actually, I believe met.

I read that.

Yeah, because he called, what did he call him? Like Robin Williams called him Prozac with a head.

Yes.

I don't even know what that means, but it's kind of funny, isn't it? All right, well, there you go. Little Brad Williams for you. Thanks to Brad for coming in. We do appreciate it. Go check out his beep special. Go see him live in concert. He is coming to Atlanta and he is playing two different theaters. Isn't that weird? Yeah, but maybe he couldn't get one theater. He got the other theater. Or maybe he sold out one, and then he decided, let me book a second gig on. I don't know how all that works. We're trying to get into that. We're, like, thinking about doing live shows, and it already feels like too much work for me. I'm like, really?

Can't we just show up?

Yeah. Well, the promoter was like, well, first of all, we asked a question, like, how much money do we have to spend to do this? And he's like, oh, nothing. And I was like, thumbs fucking up. Tell me where to be, I'll be there. I mean, we're talking about $200 check, right? We're not talking about big money. But then he was like, yeah, all I need you to do is go ahead and tell me which cities that you think you could fill a room. And I'm like, what kind of room are we talking about? And he's like, well, let's start small. And I'm like, a bar with three tables, or are we talking like 200 people? And he said, well, that really depends on how many people are actually listening to you out there.

And then we realized, yes.

And then we realized this is probably never going to happen if someone pays me $200 to show up to a bar and tell some jokes. I will do that, though, no matter where it is. Even if I had to spend $700 in airfare to get there, because that was the other caveat. They're not going to pay for your travel. And I was like, oh, so you want me to pay to show up? How does this work? So it's already a headache to me. I'm like, such a good idea.

But think about it.

Let me be like so many other people who do this for a living and never leave the studio for fear that something different might happen, something wrong might happen. Anyway, tCbpodcast.com, that's where you go. You find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the show notes, the video and the audio, all there at one location, tcbpodcast.com. We would appreciate it if you would go there and also get your free piggy fronting sticker. Hit the contact us button drop down menu says I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address, we'll give you the sticker and everything will be right with the world. Six two six. Ask TCB the number 31626. Ask TCB the number three questions comments concerns contents ideas Ask Brian's mom. Ask TCB. You can send them all via text message or voicemail at the commercial break on Instagram TCb podcast on TikTok and YouTube.com slash the commercial break wow, that was a mouthful. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all.

I can do for today.

I'll tell you I love you. I'll say best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Chrissy and I do say we must say and we will say goodbye.

Close.