But when I'm on vacation, your girl gets up, has a cappuccino, a machiato, about 4,000 calories. And then I am opening up a crisp glass of pinot gris at about 10:59. And I don't want to hear it, okay? I want no judgment. People like breakfast wine. Yes, it is breakfast wine. You want to know why? Because I'm clocked out. I'm not on the job. And if I have a couple of white wines before noon, you're still going to get great content.

On this episode of The commercial break.

This young girl is like, How are you going to like that? And I said, What do you mean? And she said, Well, where does it plug in? And I said, You mean a cigarette? I said, We're going to use fire. We're going to use a mat. We're like, Somebody else has a lighter. And I was like, These kids just plug everything in and they hit the base. They don't even know how to light a real cigarette.

The next episode of The commercial break starts now. Oh, yeah, Katzicins. Welcome back to The commercial break. I'm Brian Greene. This is the Director of Divitie Debs, Kristen Joy-Hodley. Best to you, Kerzie.

Best of.

You, Brian. Thank you, CK. Thanks to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for coming back. We certainly do appreciate it. So we're back from the big holiday weekend, the big Thanksgiving holiday weekend. And I'm sure everyone had a good time. I hope you had a very nice Thanksgiving with you and yours. Chrissy and I were here doing 6-12 episodes a week, in case you missed it.

Feel free to- We had turkey delivered to.

The studio. We had turkey delivered to the... We were literally here the entire time. Krista, we're intrepid. We don't stop. No. We're here all the time just for you. As a matter of fact, we're so on time and here just for you that we recorded this before Thanksgiving to make sure I got out on time. We're just pretending like we're back from Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a big gobb gobb meal and a big old napty nap. That's what makes me happy. Thanksgiving, for some reason, is just my favorite holiday of the year. I mean, Christmas is the sentimental favorite, but favorite as far as feeling no stress, no pressure. I know no one's going to be working on Friday. No one's going to call me and tell me I owe them money. Friday is going to be a relax day.

Bill a collector take a break.

That's right. Then we just roll into the weekend. No fuss, no must. That's the holiday I enjoy, Chrissy. Me too. The kind where no one's calling for TCB money. No one's calling for the TCB money that we're not making. But I do want to thank everybody who listened to the Vierdas, downloaded the Vierdas episode, everybody who responded so positively on Instagram. I think we had 150,000 views on that TikTok reel that we put out in just a couple of hours. That's wild. It's insane. But he's extraordinarily popular in a place where they have a whole lot of human beings to watch Instagram reels.

That's true. Plus, he's traversing six continents.

Everywhere but Antarctica. Keeps on leaving. Everyone wants to leave out Antarctica, and I don't.

Understand it. I know, for Antarctica.

I know, Antarctica. The old ant. Do you have trouble saying that without saying Antarctica? You can't say just quickly, like Antarctica, because it sounds like a wordy together. I always have to pause and say Antarctica. But maybe that's part of my speech impediment coming back, is that sometimes I have to really pronounce words very well, or my tongue gets lazy and it goes to the side.

Well, some are just.

Tongue twisters. Some are just tongue twisters. That's right. Speaking of twisters, I have a question to ask you about your personal life. You know how I want to be a fly on that wall over the house so much. I want to know what you and Jeff are up to so bad.

I feel like you have this vision that isn't it, but I'm just going to let you roll with it.

Itry to be... My vision is a nudeest resort with a lot of half-songs playing.

It's just a party all the.

Time, a nude party. I just have this.

Vision of Jeff's-.

Henry Fonda is there. Yeah, Jeff's naked ass cooking in the kitchen with an apron on or I'm just.

Going to let you think.

About that. Well, hey, listen, let me have my wishes and dreams, huh? Can I have my dreams? Sure. You could take my money, you could take my house, you could probably take my dog, if you asked nicely. But you can't take my vision of Jeff cooking naked in the house.

We both do.

That's right.

Yeah, everything's flying.

I thought about something the other night. It stuck.

In my crawl. Actually, let me just say, naked cooking would really not work in my house because I injure myself all of the time. Yes. -cooking, burns, cuts, scrapes, that thing. I have a first aid kit and a burn kit specifically in the kitchen. It's ready to get them.

That's a good idea.

What happened there?

Because when Chrissy is cooking, it's probably like this. 2:30 in the morning!

I'm just.

Like.

Go to bed.

Chrissy's late-night kitchen does pop up a few times. It's a.

Pop-up kitchen. Hey, listen, I've been the beneficiary of some late-night Chrissy kitchens, and I do have to say it has come in handy on occasion. Most of the time it was Domino's knocking at the door, but sometimes it was even too late for Domino's, even though they deliver at 8:00 in the morning or whatever it is. So, Chrissy, would whip us up something like ramen noodles with cheese or something like that. It was always so delicious. Not because Chrissy doesn't have better skills in the kitchen, but because Brian has no food in his refrigerator. He just has bags and bags.

I can work with what she got.

So here is my question. Okay. Do you make your bed every day? Yes. Do you make it like a hotel bed? Do you tuck in the corners, tuck it tight, leave it nice, or you just flip the covers up and throw the pillows on?

No, make it nice. We make it nice. However, I do have to say we do not use a top sheet.

You don't use the top sheet?

We went sheetless. Oh, my God. We went top sheetless years ago. It was part of this bedding line. And I thought, you know what? That is a great idea.

No clothes. No false songs. Skin-on-skin, on the Comforter. Do you have a duvet or a Comforter? A duvet. A duvet? Dick-to-duvet ratio in Chris's house is like a hundred. There's a hundred, Dick for every hundred.

It's so much easier, I have to say, I've loved it because you know how the top sheet can get tangled up.

That's what I was.

Going to talk to you about. Whatever. No, it takes that away.

You only do duvet. Just throw it right on you.

Really nice duvet.

So you have a fitted sheet and then you have the duvet, and then you just get under the duvet.

And lots of good pillows and blankets.

You don't feel cold? Do you have a blanket that goes on top of you, on top of the duvet?

It's there in case you want to.

Okay, just in case. Do you like to sleep cold?

I do.

Does Jeff like to sleep cold? Yes. Do you guys turn down like 67, 68 at night? Yeah, so do I. As drive her crazy, she wants it at 70. It's that two degrees where sometimes she'll go and she'll switch the nest on me, but she doesn't realize that I have it programmed on my phone. So I get alerts and I'm like, How dare you turn it down. How dare you turn it up to 69. I had it at 68, the perfect temperature for sleeping.

The way I see it, you can always add.

You can never take away. Exactly. Right. If you're just down to the duvet and then it gets too hot, then really your tits up in the bed and the dick to duvet ratio goes down, way down. Zero dick to a hundred duvet. I was going to talk to you about this because I went into the room the other night and one of the kids was laying in the bed. Sometimes the kids will sleep with us. If they fall asleep on the bed, whatever, we go in there. One of the kids was there and Asard was sleeping in the room with the baby because on occasion, she still does that, right? Yes. Sometimes we're separated. Not because we don't have a lovely marriage. We have a lovely marriage, but we did it right with the most recent child that we have, the 17th child that we have. What we did was leave the baby in the crib. Leave the crib in its own room. Put the parent there and don't make them rely on you to go to sleep. They need to be in their own space. The other 16 children will be fucked during the pandemic by allowing them to sleep in the bed whenever they want.

Everybody in. Everybody in. I think a lot of parents did this. Of course. I think it was important in that moment to hold them tight. It gives them some sense of security and comfort. Hey, the world is a little scoury right now with the masks and the weirdness, but we're here at home, we're together. But so anyway, I go in, I take a shower like I normally do, this three and a half hour shower, and then I come out and I adjust the covers and the pillows and make sure that one of my kids is tucked in correctly and all that other stuff. Then I go to my side of the bed and I hop on and that sheet, that middle sheet, the top sheet is all caffucked up. It's not that I know this because it's so backwards that I can tell. It's clearly twisted off the bed. It's just a little bit out of position and I can feel it on my feet and legs. I got so bothered by this, Chrissy, that I literally spent 20 minutes remaking the bed while my child was in it just to make sure that the top sheet was sitting correctly so my feet didn't get irritated with some weird flap of top sheet hanging out down below the nether regions.

Do you know what I'm saying? You should go topless. I don't know if I could go topless. This seems like a dangerous place to be.

As long as you have a good quality duvet- See, that's the thing. -with the good quality cover for it, it's a world of difference.

I shared with the ask for it the other day. I said, Hey, we should really get a new duvet because there's goose feathers in here. And so after a while, all that extra dead skin and the oils, it all starts to build up. Obviously, you should have a duvet cover on it. Even if you have a duvet cover, it's still making its way through. It's microscopic stuff. It builds up. It makes it heavy and flat, right? Yes. So I say, It's been a couple of years. We should get a new one. She goes, It's been 15 years. And I go, What? And she goes, It's been 15 years since you got a new duvet. I said, I haven't even known you for 15 years. She goes, Exactly my point. We've had this duvet since you were dating the last chick before me. Oh, no. And then I remembered it. It dawned on me. She's right. You've got to get a new duvet. The last time I got to get a new duvet. It's like priority number one. So please donate to Brian's duvet GoFundMe, now available online everywhere.

We're in luck because it's the time for sales right now.

Yeah, that's true. And they are saying that prices for Christmas gifts are going to come down this year because there's over inventory now. Now we're oversupplied. We were undersupplied. Now we're oversupplied, and inflation is coming down, and so it's going to be a little bit better for Christmas. It doesn't really matter when you don't have any money, whether or not the prices are up or the prices are down, it's still all undatable.

Or if you need an emergency new duvet.

Emergency new duvet. You know what my dad and my step mom do, is they say, Okay, X amount of dollars per couple, right? Yeah. The kids are separate, meaning the grandkids are separate. They get their own little budgets in their own little world, and we'll buy presents for them each individually. However, to avoid confusion and chaos between the two human beings are married or boyfriend, girlfriend, or whatever, we're going to do this amount of money per couple. And if you're single, you get all that money to yourself. So we have to pick a couple of gifts that we want. I feel like I'm going to go duvet, Anca.

Oh, you've.

Got to go duvet. It fits well within there. And then I'm going to ask for Taylor Swift tickets in Toronto or something like that to make my wife happy. I want to make sure we use that money as wisely as possible, and I think a duvet is there. Because now I'm ultimately irritated by the fact that this thing is 15 years old and it's sitting on my body. Now I have a whole other level of OCD going on. I can't go topless until I get a new duvet. True. That's all I got to say, Chrissy. I'll keep everyone posted because I'm sure this is going to be the first thing they think about when they get back from their Thanksgiving vacation, is whether or not Brian has a new duvet.

No, it's definitely top of mind.

I'll let you know. We feel super blessed here at the commercial break, Chrissy. We have started taking on guests. We had Veeer last week. The episode did great. Veeer was fucking hilarious. We love us a little Veeer Doss around here. Then right after that, today we get Heather McCann.

Yeah.

Superstar, rising comic. I mean, not even a rising comic. She has made it. Oh, she's made it. Yeah, Netflix special is out right now. World tours. World tours, just like a Veeer. I don't know if she's hitting all seven continents, not minus Antarctica.

But- She's definitely hitting Australia.

She's going to Australia. She's got a couple of dates here in the United States, and we feel grateful just to have her here for a conversation because she's also the guest host of The Today show sometimes. That's insane.

And she's a hometown girl.

Here with us. She's a hometown girl. She's an Atlanta girl. Woman is 36 years old. She's been multiple times guest host on The Today show. She has a Netflix special that just came out called Son I Never Had. She just filmed her next special at the two sold out shows, The Fox Two Sold Out the Fox Theater here in Atlanta. You can go and get tickets to her tour, heatherontour. Com. That's heatherontour. Com. You can go to her Instagram that made her famous. That's the craziest part about Heather's story to me, and I'd like to get into it with her when she comes on the show. The craziest part about this is she goes from Instagram musings to co-hosting The Today show, selling out the Fox Theater, ESPN Game Day. And I can't wait to talk to her because she's fucking hilarious, Chrissy.

She really is. And she's actually been working at this for a long time. But to the public eye, it does seem like it was one day here, one day there.

And that's all that matters at the end of the day, right? Exactly, yeah. And when you make it, sometimes people just light on fire. Much like the commercial break has not done because the opposite of fire. And sometimes you have water thrown on you. That's what happens here at the commercial break, we're happy to take the punches. You need some, we need some. Yeah. So heatherontour. Com@heathermcban on Instagram. I'd also like to tell you that she's got a podcast. She does it by herself. I can't wait to get into this with her, too, because you remember when I tried to do the podcast by myself? Yes. Hi, I'm Brian Greene. I'm a father, a son, a pragmatic, pragmatist, and I want to talk to you about all the things that I've done in my life. Well, over two people tuned into that special episode of the commercial break. It was the least downloaded episode of the commercial break for at least 100 weeks, and then I took it down because I couldn't take it anymore.

You quickly pulled me into your realm.

Yes. Thank God that you were there episode... I mean, officially you were there, episode number one, this version of the commercial break. But unofficially, there was one episode of commercial break by myself, and then, Chrissy came on. But we have 5,000 episodes in, and we still haven't caught on fire. But when it happens, I hope it happens like it did with Heather because what an amazing story. I just love her. And then being a hometown girl, I feel like in some sense, we're already friends. Do you feel like that? Oh, yeah. We have a lot. We're already.

Friendly with each other? Yeah, we had a lot in common. We talked about that.

Yeah. Okay, so this is what I want to do. Let's take our first break. We're back with Heather McMahon after these commercials. Pay attention, kids. This is going to be, what is it?

Epic.

No, the Tiramisu, bitches. I thought you were going to say Tiramisu, bitches. This is going.

To be-.

Tiramisu, bitches. I say Tiramisu because I work at that Italian restaurant where we were giving away bottles of Quiana classico. I heard straight from an Italian man. Brian, table number two with a bottle of old vinegar and some stale bread. Please, Brian, please. Where are your softshell clabs? I charge $50 per grab. Where are their softshell clabs? Brian, you had a class ago. Let's take a short break and we'll be back with more Italian shenanigans, Heather McVan. Yes. There you go. All right, we'll be back.

Okay, Brian, let me get the people what they want, our social media handles. Follow us on Instagram at the commercial break and on TikTok @TCB Podcast. If, like all my hinge dates, you are thirsty for more, give us a call and leave us a message at 626. Com. Ask. Ask. T-c-b-3 or send us a text. No sexting, please. At 855. T-c-b-8383. And of course, go to tcbpodcast. Com to see everything there is to see. Now, let's hear from our sponsors and then the show must go on.

This episode is sponsored in part by our good friends at Uncommon goods. All right, Christmas is coming up. We're all doing the mad dash to figure out what everybody wants, go to the stores, buy online, and all that other stuff. But me personally and my brothers can tell you this, I like to be very unique about my gift giving, so unique that no one has any clue what I'm thinking when I get them a present. In other words, I get gag gifts every year for my brothers and some of my immediate family, and I always love to see their faces when they open up the gift. Disappointed they didn't get anything real, but they get a good chuckle, nonetheless. I am so pleased that Uncommon goods is now making it much easier for me to find these particular items. And it's not just about fun and gag gifts, they have everything: home items, decor, corporate gifts, jewelry. If you need it, they have it. This is a truly unique shopping experience. Everything you see is made by small artists and independent businesses. These items are often very unique and handmade. I was on the website this morning looking for my gag gifts, and they have a whole section.

Of.

Fun and quirky gifts. Two things stood out to me. Number one, they actually have a phone jail. It's like a cage, like a small cage with a phone holder in it for three or four phones. And then there's a lock, and if you have the key, no one's getting their phones. I hope my wife never finds that particular gift. How about this one? An actual game, a board game called Gonjalan. That's going to be fun for all the kids. I really like this company, and they like you to get 15 % off your next gift. Go to uncommongoods. Com/tcb. That's uncommongoods. Com/tcb for 15 % off. Don't miss out on this limited-time offer, Uncommon goods. We are all out of the ordinary, and that's something every TCB listener can agree upon. Again, go to uncommongoods. Com/tcb for 15% off, your first gift. Go to this website. You'll have a ton of fun. And thank you to Uncommon Goods for being a sponsor of the commercial break. And Heather is joining us right now. Hi, Heather. How are you?

Hi, you guys. I'm great.

How are you? We are doing wonderfully. We really appreciate your time today. Thank you for coming on. We have so many things in common, I don't even know where to start. And I mean, we like the collective commercial break. You're here to- Let's.

Make it creepy. Let's go.

Yeah.

Let's do it. Someone's going to jail today, Heather. Someone's going to jail today. I love it. So we're here in Atlanta. You're also here in Atlanta. And you've been here since you were born, right? You're like an Atlanta native.

Atlanta native. I bounced around. I lived in New York and L. A. I seem to go between those two every couple of years. But after the pandemic, Atlanta is home. This is where I... When I am on the road touring, I come right back to Atlanta.

I got to be honest, I love Atlanta. We do. I was born in Chicago, but I came here when I was 13, so I was just a kid. But I do love me some Atlanta. I feel like it's a really cool town. It's a very diverse town. I don't know, I feel like we missed some of the drama that other big cities get into. I wonder if that's just because everyone's too nonchalant to give a shit. We're all just here trying to get along.

Honestly, people are always surprised when they're like, Oh, I'm from Atlanta. It's funny because being in the industry, people from LA, New York, love to talk shit about Atlanta. I'm like, First of all, we have everything that you all have. Exactly. I don't want to hear it. We have great food, great entertainment scene, but we also have a great quality of life, like Southern hospitality at its finest. But we also, like you said, don't give a shit. We're like, Do your thing.

Will you know? Yeah, I agree with you. I don't know, there's just a level of cool about this city that I think you have to live here to really understand. I was so happy to see that you're from Atlantic because I knew automatically we had one connection. But now let's get really weird because Kristen Joy-Hodley here, my best friend for almost two decades. When I started watching you, which, by the way, you flip up on my Instagram all the time, which this is your path to success. This is how you got this. From Instagram to Today Show co-host, it's amazing. It's an unbelievable story. We'll get into it. But instantaneously, I feel like you're a version of Kristen Joy-Hodley.

And then, Chrissy's- She's my better version.

Yes, she's your better half. She's your younger half, that's for sure. Chrissy walks into the studio and starts talking about all these similarities that the two of you have that I think is quite strange. So as not to appear as the stalker, I'm going to let Chrissy discuss that with you.

All right, I've made a list here, Heather. First of all, Tierra Masu, bitch.

Tierra Masu, bitch.

Okay, so we both enjoy a good breakfast wine. I'm partaking right now.

Yes, always. I am having a nice coffee, but I will have wine at about four.

There you go.

There you go. We'll be thinking of you. Thoughts and prayers.

We both have husbands named Jeff, who have great character, just amazing. I love that. Yeah, we both got married in Italy. Oh, what part? Yeah, we were in the Malfi Coast.

Oh, beautiful. It was just there in September. We got married in Tuscany, but a big.

Massive, big way. I mean, the whole country. I love every part of it.

Absolutely.

Tuscany, the Malfi Coast. I mean, we're pulling some short straws at this point.

Yeah, we both love to stress, clean, and organize. I heard you say that, and I'm the same way.

I will have a manic episode in about 30 minutes and tear apart my house. The commercial.

Break is going to drive her crazy. I love it.

Like all our other listeners. I just pulled this out of my work bag. It's just a random T-shirt and a bra.

It's.

A.

Mess.

I love it. Now, I don't have two dogs named after pasta, but let me say, I mean, rigatoni and macaroni are the two best things for two Frenchies I've ever heard in my life. So thank you.

Oh, my gosh. It's the thing. I think you should name the things that you love after other things that you love. So obviously, my husband and I are too heavy set Italian. So we love rigatoni is our favorite pasta. And then we got macaroni from a vet in Mississippi. And I went to school in Mississippi, so I'm like, Macaroni and cheese, macaroni. It all came out on the wall.

Absolutely. And that's the other connection I forgot about my husband went to Old Miss. Oh, Tuddy-Tuddy. Yeah, Tuddy-Tuddy.

I love that. You went to Old Miss, and one of our intrepid researchers here was telling me that you were the orientation person for all the new girls at Delta Gamma, like Gamma Rush? What's going on here? Tell me about it.

So I was technically like, it's called new member educators. So I was in charge of teaching you the ins and outs of what it was like to be a Delta Gamma. I was horrible at my job. I taught them nothing. But I was in charge... So junior year, I was an officer. I was in charge of planning midday, and that was really fun. So I threw the wildest party ever. But I was honestly terrible if I could go back. I would have been far more responsible. But I was partying a little too hard in college to ever have an office or job.

That's amazing.

How weird to you is this journey that you've taken from Instagram to today's show, Co-host. I understand from reading up about you that this was your life's passion. One of the things that really struck me is you said in one of these magazine articles, Atlanta magazine or something, one of those softball magazine articles that when other kids were playing Dress Up or Cowboys and whatever they were playing, you were imagining yourself as a guest of David Letterman or Conan O'Brien, and that resonated with me. That was me as a kid. My grandmother would always watch Letterman at night or Carson at night, and I'm a little older than you, but I always imagined myself being interviewed by one of those people. So when you said that in that article, I was like, Wow, that really resonates with me. This was a life's passion, but it really took off in a weird way.

Yeah. I mean, my friends were always playing like teacher or teenage Mute and Ninja Turdles. And I literally was always sitting on the couch waiting for my sister to pretend to be Jay Lenno to interview me for whatever hit movie I had coming out. I don't know why. I know it sounds so weird, but even as a little kid, people used to ask me, What are you going to be when you get older? And I said a comedian. I thought that or a teenager was.

A.

Full-time job. I thought everybody had a white Jeep and that's what you did. You went to work and you were just like Cher Horowitz from Clueless. I always knew I was going to do comedy. But it's funny now because people see that I'm on this trajectory, but the people forget that it's been like a twelve-year grind. So it's awesome. I love the women of the Today show, Hoda and Jenna. They're so good to me. I love Hoda. Whenever I have a new tour or whatever I'm promoting, I'm always on there with those gals, and they're just the best. But it is out of body for me some days. I'm like, Oh, my God, I can't believe this is my life. But I still feel like I have so far to go. We just had the first Netflix special come out. It was a hit. I'm like, I can't believe this. Now that I can go on Netflix and see my face and I know that I put network for so many years, I'm like, All right, this is wild.

Yes, cheers to you all, Matt. Congratulations. You're so sweet.

Thank you. This special is fucking hilarious. Thank you. I'll put a link in the show notes, and we'll give all the details on the show notes as we wrap the interview. You just finished your second special, too. The first one just came out. Then I read that you were here last week. You went to the Dog's Game. You're on Game Day. You played the Fox Theater, sold out two nights. We have friends that went. They were blown away. They said that you were fucking hilarious.

Oh, good. I'm so glad.

Are you producing this one yourself?

Yeah. So it works the way it works these days is a lot of comedians, we make our own stuff, right? And so then we take it out to market. So I'm pretty sure Netflix will get the first right, the first pass for this next one. I really haven't done a traditional trajectory. A lot of people, they take two years in between specials, but I shot my special that's out on Netflix now a year ago. So this is just like how it rolls. And of course, I knew the first time I performed at the Fox, I said, I have to shoot a special here. The staff is incredible. It's the most amazing theater for me. It's so iconic as a kid. I throw up saying everything, every comedian, every musical act at The Fox. So that was important to me right out the gate. But to answer your question, Am I doing too much? Yes. Right now in the last couple of weeks, I have done too much.

I told Chrissy, I said, I have this dream that we do this version of the commercial break at the Fox Theater. Go do a live show. First of all, we're too chick and shit to do that. The microphone and this cozy room that's supposed to be my daughter's is wonderful, and I get nervous about getting on a stage. But the second thing is I'm not sure we could fill the Buckhead Saloon.

But we're going to do a dive bar tour. Yeah, we're.

Going to do a dive bar tour. I think that's.

Where we should start. Like Northside Tavern. I'll tell.

You what, though. I didn't know if I could either. And you will be surprised if people from your hometown will come out and drove to support. And it is the coolest thing. I think if you build it, they will come. That is how I've done my whole career. I've just been like, You know what? I'm going to throw shit against the wall, see what sticks. If it brings me joy, makes me laugh, I know somebody else is going to connect to it, and it's just been a ride since then.

I feel like we have the exact same attitude here at the commercial break. It's almost bankrupt my family at least three times, and Chrissy has come along on the ride. Yeah, the same. You went to private school, GAC private school here in Atlanta. I went to St. Pious, so I just say that because I love that. I love that. Old rivals. Old rivals. Yeah. Only I was in school 36 years before you were in high school. So you come home, you play your hometown crowd here at the Fox Theater, which when I know that your other special was filmed in Kentucky, I was like, Why didn't she do this at the Fox Theater? This would have been perfect. But of course, sometimes you got to do what you got to do before you head to the Fox Theater and sell out for two nights. You have an after-party, someone shows up pantsless. We were just listening to your podcast, and I swear this funny, this.

Story is so funny. Because it is a trend, but only with people that look like Haley Bieber and Kyle Jenner. Exactly, Kyle Jenner. Not everybody can.

Look like that. I'll tell you right now, not.

My fat ass. Not me.

Not me. So the trend became popular to… I think it was Prada or Miumu, one of those fabulous Italian brands, had this look where everybody just wore essentially a speedo, a tight, and that became a look. Very few people, like you said, can pull that off. Well, a young woman somehow snuck into my after-party, and we thought that that was a look she was going for. She ended up emailing my on Monday, and I read it a lot on my podcast. She's like, By the way, I was not going for that look. I just lost my pants somehow at the Fox Theater.

How did she fucking lose her pants at the Fox Theater?

I think she took an edible and had drank way too much, and then it just went pantless. I said, That is concerning.

Was this at the terrace? Was this across the street at the terrace?

Yes. And she had a body suit. So a lot of women wear these tight body suits underneath the great outfit, but it was a Fong body suit. When she walked into the party, I just thought, Oh, she's got a leotard on. And then when she turned around, I said, That's dead-ass. Yeah, that's dad-ass. Yeah.

You got some wild fans. I love it.

I do. They never cease to surprise me. I am always on my toes. I'm like, What's going to happen today? Women don't get out of the house enough, is what I learned, and.

They're all getting crazy. You got to go check out Heather's podcast, which is fucking hilarious. I know how hard it is to do a podcast by yourself. I did exactly two of them at the very beginning of this program. Now we're like 600,000 episodes in or something. But I did two of them by myself, and it was terribly unfunny. I started talking about I was a father, I'm a son, I'm a pragmatic, pragmatist. I don't even know what I was talking about. I was so nervous.

You jumped the matrix to another dimension.

Totally. The funny thing is, I don't know if we'd get into it, but that's probably one of our more popular episodes at first. But is it difficult to do that podcast on your own, or is it just because you're used to using into the camera by yourself? You feel like you can carry it on your own? I'm just curious from, I don't know, just a minuteia question, is that difficult to carry the podcast on your own?

I'll tell you what, every week I surprise myself. I'm like, I can't do it today. I've had the podcast for four years, where we only recently started doing video elements to it. It was such a safe space for me to sit in this basement office and literally just let it rip for an hour. It was just so cathartic. But now I have to be on camera and pay attention to whether or not my bronzer isn't smudge. Right. That takes it a little bit out of it for me. But I know if, again, I need to see some medical professional, but for some reason, for an hour, I can just let it rip. And it's very fun and cathartic for me. There are days where I'm like, What the fuck did I just talk about?

We do the same thing. We do the same thing. Some people listen. They do. They listen. We cannot believe it. We are beside ourselves that anybody chooses to listen, let alone the amount of people that listen, it's just insane to me. The podcast is really fucking hilarious. You have to go check it out. Absolutely not. But here's another question I have. You were, and it makes me laugh to even think about this, you were telling a story about how you had to record two nights for your special because, of course, that's what you do. You got to do pickups, and you got to make sure that you hit the lines, and you don't want flubbups and stuff like that. But you recorded the first night. One night.

Was.

Different than the other. You had to reprimand the crowd the second night. I love it. Get into this a little bit because I think it's too funny.

It is a little different when you go to see a taping for a special because there's cameras everywhere. I tried to warn my audience, Hey, just so you know, if you're talking about something illegal, the camera can pick it up, right? I didn't think this would be a problem. I still had a great time. I still performed like I'm doing my regular stage show, but at the end, then I'll have to do pickups, which is you just come out. You might, if you flub the line or chewed on your words or resay stuff just to get a clean take on camera. Sure. Well, Thursday night we're going back and we're replaying some of the video. I can literally hear a woman turning to her friend at some point just being like, You want to do ketamine in the bathroom? I'm like, What is happening?

What is happening? Who goes into a K-hole on a comedy show? Who does that?

I could understand taking mushrooms, being on an edible. The ketamine is probably the last thing I'd want to take, and then I have to sit quietly for.

Two hours. Exactly. But it was wild.

And so then Friday, we came out. My director, Jen Zobrowski, she directed my first special. She came out and gave like... It's like a packed house, like 5,000 people. I think she put the fear of God in them. She was like, Do not mess this up. We have one shot. Hilarious. I came out, everybody was sitting criss-crossed, applesauce, like perfect children. I'm like, All right, don't know how to handle this. It was wild.

Where are you picking that up? Is it because you have microphones in the crowd to catch the crowd noise, and then they're just super sensitive, so they're picking up conversation. Yeah, it just.

So happened that these two rambunctious ladies were sitting right next to one of the cameras.

A thousand bucks, it's the two people I knew that went to the show. 1,000 bucks it's the two people I know.

I would have thought it was the lady who didn't have pants on Friday. She came on Friday night.

I only do ketamine under therapeutic circumstances, Heather. I'll have everyone know that. There you go. Under duress. A K-hole is not where I want to be during a comedy show or any other public event for that matter.

I try to tell people it's really different. If you're going to see Harry Stiles, if you're going to go see Drake at State Farm Arena, get as messed up as you want. But coming to see comedy, it's so wild to me. I'm like, you're paying a premium for a good ticket. I would want to hear what people have to say.

A thousand %. Right, take an end. Yeah, you would want to make sure that you actually understand the material that's coming at you. You're there to laugh. Yeah. Christy and I reviewed this video. Heather, it's so fucking funny. I don't know if you've seen this on TikTok or Instagram. There's a guy. He's at the Raiders game, and there's not much context to the video. It comes on, you literally see a guy, he's laughing and giggling, and then the camera pans down toward his lap, and he is taking a fucking bump of cocaine in the stadium, in the end zone, packed house, Sunday Night Football. He is just sitting there doing blow. I'm like, You're ruining it for the rest of us. Stop it. What are you doing?

I mean, it was Vegas.

Yeah, it was Vegas.

Fair enough. Was he picked up on the main broadcast or just somebody on TikTok picked.

Him up? His shithead friend recorded it and then posted it to Instagram. First of all, he's probably divorced without children right now, so he has no job.

And he's also the NFL banned him from anything.

For sure. But my only thought was not about the poor bastard who just got videotaped and put up there or breaking all rules of drug etiquette, is that I don't want to be stuck somewhere sitting with thousands of people, and I'm eye. I just don't. I want to be at home like normal people do, normal paranoid people.

I'm right there with you. I'm only 36, but I now have in my little clutch, when I go to a concert, I've got electrolyte tablets. I've got like, I think it's spices. I have a couple of drinks that I love, like a vacation cigarette. I'm like, You only live once. Who's got a menthol? We were at a party in the Hamptons. My best friend Ray and I were at this place called Surf Lodge in the Hamptons this summer, and I already felt like I was too old. I was like, It was a day party. I'm like, It's loud. Oh, my God. We're going to sit in the theater. And we asked for a cigarette from somebody. So somebody passes over a cigarette and this young girl, and this shows how different the generations are. This young girl is like, How are you going to light that? And I said, What do you mean? And she said, Well, where does it plug in? And I said, You mean a cigarette? I said, We're going to use fire. We're going to use a mat. We're like, Somebody else has a lighter. And I was like, These kids just plug everything in and they hit the base.

They don't even know how to light a real cigarette. I know.

Have they never seen a movie? You got to light a cigarette to be cool and only do it when you're drunk because that's the only time it really matters.

That is the only time to light a cigarette is when you've had 45 dirty martinis because that's the only thing that's going to keep you from throwing up.

I.

Feel like cigarettes and alcohol, just they were made in some heaven together. It's like milk and cereal, peanut butter and jelly. I agree. Speaking of food, I got a quick question for you. F. Mary. Kill. Ready? Okay. The Thanksgiving Day, Sides Edition.

Because we heard your Meats edition. We heard your Meats edition. It was so hilarious. So now I made us think of- The Honey Baked Ham story with you putting it on and letting the neighborhood dogs go crazy.

I love it, too. It doesn't get enough love. I think there's this quiet revolution, though, that everybody is starting to murmur amongst themselves like, Hey, are you guys doing turkey this year? Andsounds like no. I was at the doctor's office this morning and the lady checking my vitals was like, We're doing roast beef. What are you guys doing? I was like, It's like a dirty secret. I'm actually doing filet mignon. We're not even doing turkey. Everyone's revolting against.

The turkey. I'm bringing it out into the open because yesterday on the show, Chrissy and I were sharing about our Thanksgiving. A lot of families, I have a split Thanksgiving because of divorced parents. Right. One of the Thanksgivings, I can't take too much turkey. I'm not interested. Okay, one turkey, good turkey serving, and then maybe a turkey sandwich later on in the evening. But I don't want turkey five times. I just don't want it.

That's.

Too much. I totally.

Agree with you. We did Chile Thanksgiving, and I loved it. I intend to repeat. It was good.

That's a great idea. What am I fucking... Cranberry and killing.

Stuffing, cranberry sauce, yams, also known as sweet potatoes here in the south.

Yeah.

Okay.

Try this one.

I'm.

Throwing fire.

I'm not going to kill cranberry sauce only because it's messy. You know what I mean? It's already a little bloody. It's done.

It's runny and weird.

Yeah. I mean, no matter how you make it, I don't need it in my life. I'm going to marry sweet potatoes with the yams because there's something hearty, grounding. It's always there for you. You can have a sweet potato a million different ways. And then I'm going to fuck the shit out of some stuff. Absolutely.

That's how I would have answered.

Love it. It can be a little spicy. You can add a little rosemary. You can add a little Torino sausage. Whatever your flavor is, you can keep it sexy with stuffed.

Are you so Southern that it is a tradition or has been a tradition in your family or somewhere to put oyster in stuffed? Have you done this?

No, that's not our thing. The funny thing is I'm a Southern Bell. My dad was super Southern, but my mom's from Boston. So basically every meal I eat is Italian.

There's some Italian.

We're supposed to have pan of lasagna at our Thanksgiving.

Well, lasagna, I feel like it'd go well with any meal. Lasagna is just like a good go to. I feel like. That's true. Agreed. Yeah, I'm married now. I have an ex-wife, and her family made this oyster casserole as a substitute for stuffed. I can't get behind that. One time she went to work, and I could see she was stressed out about this oyster casserole she had to make for the family. So I'm like, don't worry, I'll do it for you. And she gives me the ingredients and then the recipe, and was like canned oyster. I just almost threw up in my mouth because I thought to myself, What in the fuck does oyster have to do with Thanksgiving? What in the world does this have to do with Thanksgiving? They assured me it was a southern thing. Even though I'm 99% sure it's not a southern thing.

Well, actually, it is a southern thing. You know what's making a comeback is smoked canned fish and smoked oyster. I actually picked some up the other day at Trader Joe's because I saw a thing on TikTok, and somebody was like, take saltines and mustard and then a smoked oyster, and apparently it's supposed to blow your tooth off. That would be good. But I also opened the smoked oyster and I was like, I don't think I can do that. Sardines are making a big.

Comeback, too. Yeah, that's what I did when I opened the cans.

Sardines are.

Making a big comeback too. My wife loves sardines. She's Venezuelan and half Spanish, half Venezuelan. Sardines, like run in the blood or something like that. My father-in-law eats them raw right out of the can, and I just think I can't even touch them. I don't even want to look at them. They're slimy and gross. I distaste when someone wants to put them on my Caesar salad. I'm like, Please don't put any fish on my Caesar salad. I'm okay just the way the croutons… croutons, please. Right. Heather, everybody here wants to know how's your mom.

She's great. The Golden Bacheloret.

I know. Okay, here's the deal. People are very upset that my mom was not on this new season of The Golden Bachelor. As a contestant, you have to realize Robin said she would never, in a million years over, and I quote her dead body, Would she ever fight with 40 other women for the attention of a man? And she'd be the other way around. I think if they want her to be the bachelorette, then they can call her. But she said, I would never live in a house with 40 other women and then expect to get attention from this man.

Makes.

Sense.

Fair enough. Makes total sense.

Did you watch The Golden Bachelor?

I watched bits and pieces of it, and I do find it pretty funny and amazing because the women clearly just want to hang out with each other. I don't even think they're very interested in him. They're all like, Keke, in the kitchen and they're like, We're good for each other. I think at that age, they just want camaraderie and sisterhood. They really don't give a shit about getting dig down.

Yeah, exactly. I read this byline on Dayline, a Hollywood reporter or something. It said, Golden Bachelor is the sexiest version of The Bachelor ever, sexiest season of The Bachelor ever. I thought to myself, Really? Is there a lot of sex going on on The Golden Bachelor? I watched a few minutes of a couple of episodes, and I'm like, I don't think they're correct about that at all. Because you're right, it seems like the women are more interested in being with the women, which is understandable. I think the guy is a milk toast. Handsome dude, very nice from what I saw, but he's a milk toast.

I agree. Listen, my mom went on her first date, literally her first date in eight years since my dad had passed the other night. And I spied. I was a chaperone on this date. Oh, really? And it was a wild ride. He was a great guy. He got set up through mutual friends. I think she had a great time. But it was one of those things where I, at first I was all gung ho. Then I went through these different waves of emotion because I'm like, This isn't my dad. My dad is dead. Who is this man? And then I was back high because my mom was having a good time. I got home from it and I escorted my mom home, and my husband was like, Do we need to sit down and have a cocktail, discuss all the feelings you're feeling? Because I was pushing her out the door to go do it, and then halfway through, as I was sitting at the bar at Chops down in Buckhead, having a dirty martini spying, I was like, I'm going to kill this man.

You had some murderous rage. I bet that's a funky position to be in. But let's step back just one minute. You went on the date with your mom, or you were just their spying, making sure everything was safe and kosher?

I was spying, making sure everything was safe and kosher. I took her down and they met at the St. Regis. They had a glass of wine there. Then they went and had dinner at the lobster bar. I was just floating around keeping an eye out. They ended up having a great time. But my mom laughs. She's like, At that age, you got to make sure that they bring their heart medication. Their dick medication? Yeah, their dick medication.

You have to make.

Sure that they're not going to die on you at the table. True.

That's true. But you got to give it to the... If he planned the date, I mean, it's a pretty stellar first date, right? You're going to meet at the St. Regis and then head over to the lobster bar? Yes. It's a great place to go.

My mom actually made the reservations, and that's another thing. I've realized we've done too much as women where we just... I mean, I make all the reservations in our family, and there's nothing more. And it's because I just get shit done. I've already thought about it. We just do it. But I'm like, I've got to start dropping little hints to my husband like, You need to take care of this because it is so unattractive when a woman has to make the plans.

Yeah, I don't know. It really is. I feel like, at least the way that I grew up, chivalry is not dead. You should open the door. You should offer to open the door. If someone doesn't want you to open the door for them, fine, fair enough, right? I'm trying to teach my sons that, right? Is that open the door and be a polite gentleman and pay for the meal. That's just what you should offer to pay for the meal, and you should make the plans.

But I- But as girls, you don't want to end up at.

Crabble Banger. Yeah, that's true. You don't want to end up at Crabble B's.

That is it. My husband is constantly like, Well, if I make reservations for Korean barbecue, you all of a sudden have a wild hair of your ass for Vietnamese food. I'm like, Well, Jeff, you should be able to read my fucking mind.

Right. That's what I say to Jeff all the time, too, at my house.

-yeah. -are you and Jeff, like Ashton and I, are you wasting an immense amount of time trying to figure out where you're going to go eat?

Every day, we're like… That is our number one argument.

Every day. I feel like it's the non-stop argument that never stops because we have to eat three times a day. And it's like, do you want for dinner? Whatever you want. No, no, no, whatever you want, I'm asking you. And this goes on for hours until we're both so hangry. What type of.

Food do.

You want? Just give me that. Yeah, the Domino's ends up at the front door and we're like, Fucking let's just eat pizza.

Yeah, I'll end up at Publix by myself eating a pub-sub in the parking lot just doing listening to a self-help podcast. And then Jeff is like, Where did you go? I'm like, I am eating a footlong by myself.

Did you work in the hospitality industry? Were you in the restaurant business?

Honey, I have worked every job in every restaurant. I originally, if you know the restaurant by Ford fry down in Buckhead called King and Duke. I do? Yeah. I worked at that outside patio bar one summer before I moved to L. A. Back in 2010. And or '11 or something. And that was I made a lot of money that summer. But yes, I've worked at every restaurant in Atlanta.

I feel like you probably served me a drink. It was a very popular place to go for a while there. And you worked in a bunch of restaurants in Atlanta, so did I. But I mean, I think we're a little different in ages.

But mostly in New York. I got my start in New York, so I've worked in every fine dining. I've worked in the largest sports bar right across the Madison Square Garden. I have slung drinks and served everybody. That is how I survived.

I also did a lot of fine dining. I was section number five at Chile's in East Cobb. If you're familiar, I may have served you a margarita without asking for your identification.

Or that good chili con quise.

Oh, nothing like an- Blossom, Blossom to get you going. The new special, how much time did it take you to work out that material? About a year, did you? Yeah, about a year. I'm sorry, can I just ask a Minutia question about your comedy?

Go for it.

I was curious, as I'm getting into your story, how different, how much work does it take to move from these short made-for-TV clips that you do on Instagram, and then doing a full 60-70 minutes on stage, like actually set up, punchline, set up punchline, set up punchline. Was that an easy transition for you? Tell me about that.

Yeah, I came from stand-up. That was my original background. So for me, I basically was banking material forever. So then when I got on the road, I was like, I do like a 90-minute show. I have a ton of material. So that transition was not hard. But I wanted this tour to be a real 180 from the first year I went out because the first year was like an introduction to who I am. I just lost my dad. I had gone through this really traumatic experience. I was talking about that in a very funny, cathartic way. But then I wanted this tour to be an absolute rip-the-bandaid. Now you're getting to see the inside of my marriage. I have blow job jokes. I'm talking about your first year of marriage. It's a 180 from talking about my dad's funeral, which is what I wanted. But I like to ride on the road. So two weeks before I'll start a new tour, I will slot myself in the basement and it'll look like an episode of Homeland. I'll have a one-quarter with all these thoughts and connecting. And then I do clubs and I work out the material, and then we just hit the ground running.

I mean, I've probably done 100 shows. And then we shot 90 minutes and the special will only be an hour. So we'll see what then make it and what makes it.

I.

Can't wait to see it. I can't wait to see it either. I was blown away by the first special. I thought it was really fucking funny, like belly laughs. Thank you. Hurt and hard. Do you like being on the road? When you're married, is that difficult or is it difficult for Jeff? Is it difficult for you? Do you guys, is.

That a- Honestly, I think it's why we still like.

Each other. It's a ton of art.

Yes. It's like you come home and you actually miss that person. Because eventually the people you're on the road with will drive you nuts. No, I enjoy it. I will say it is gnarly. I am in eight new cities a weekend. It's really crazy. If the wear and tear in your body is the wildest part. I threw out my back at La Gordia in May, and I had to be wheelchired to my gate to then get on the flight to a show in Pittsburgh. No, I've never been so embarrassed in my life. What happened was I was getting out of my Uber at La Gordia, and there was a K-pop band that was getting out of the Mercedes Sprinter van in front of me. And so I had to break my net, I've jumped out of the car to see who it was, and I threw out my bag. So that was my fault.

That was on me. And you're doing more touring coming up in the new year, and you're going to Australia. Am I right.

About.

That? Yes, we're going to Australia. Now that the Netflix special came out, there's people in Australia asking me to come down under. So I'm very excited to go to shows there. I've never been there. And we're hitting some other markets. I'm going back to Florida, going back to Kentucky, going back to the West Coast. I've done a hundred shows for this past year, but we're going back to some other markets. People are now just finding me, too. When will you come to Pittsburgh? I'm like, I was just there in a wheelchair. Right? I told people, if they want to see me with this material, they're going to have to see me in the spring because then the special will come out sometime hopefully in the fall, and then we'll take some time off and then start a whole new door.

Yeah. First of all, I think it takes a special human to travel that much. You have to have done it a lot, and you have to be the personality that can adjust on the fly and quick. I go out for business six times a year. I'll fly out for three days, and I come home and I act like a big baby for two weeks. I'm like, Oh, my God, there's so much travel, and the air is thin and I'm all dry and blah, blah, blah. A new hotel room. I never get to see the outside. I don't get to do what I want. I just bitch and complain about the travel. But then I think about the reality. When we think about live shows, I think about the reality of going out for five, six, seven, eight weeks at a time and being away from my family. I think it takes a special person like Jeff to understand that, Hey, this is part of the job, and I'm going to be gone. But I bet in some relationships, it's a good thing. It's like, Yeah, we'll take a little break.

It just means that I'm not a while he's playing golf every day. So he can come to as many shows as he wants. He wants you. People get upset. They're like, Why isn't your mom at every show? Why isn't your husband at every show? I'm like, Because this is work. I am in Cincinnati. I just drove 100 miles from Cleveland or whatever. I'm like, I'm on the road hustling, shaking my tits for cat. People think that you go to a fine dinner before the show, and you're drinking a nice glass of wine. I'm like, No, we are usually eating over a trash and then Wolfin' down for taco, and then they're like, I got to put on a glitter suit and be on stage in 10 minutes.

That was my next question is, what are the creature comforts you have when you're on the road? Do you like to go out and have drinks after your shows? What do you do to, I don't know, stay sane?

Unwind. I know people want to hear some sexy stories. I do. I'm always fine. Like a local speakeasy in whatever city I'm in, and I take salsa lessons or something. It's not that. After the show, I eat something very quickly that will then inflate my acery flux. I get on stage 11 o'clock by the time we eat, get back in the car, go to the hotel. You're looking at 12:30. I usually shower because I sweat like Kat Williams. It's not that glamorous. If we could just sit somewhere, like if we're in Chicago doing a bunch of shows or in one city doing shows for a weekend, then it's fun. We get to go out and we really make a time of it. But usually, we're fighting for our lives. I'm usually just like, Let me hydrate and put my feet up so that the ankle's.

Quit swelling. Yeah, Amen. That's how I feel when I travel. Whenever we go somewhere, I feel like I need a day to get back from... A day of vacation... I get back from my vacation because I always feel like traveling just wears me the fuck out. It sound like I'm some 90-year-old man. I'm in the prime of my life, Chrissy, and I don't understand why I get so dehydrated every time.

I get on to the airplane. The dehydration is crazy. What happens when you get in your 30s? There's weekends where I don't even drink because I'm working. And I'm like, Why? My hands feel brittle and my magnesium is low. I'm like, How did we get here?

My magnesium is slow.

What are some of the bad TV shows you watch? I'm so interested in this.

Okay. Housewives at all?

So I'm locked and loaded into the house. Yeah, me too. And I don't think people realize when you become obsessed with the housewives, it's because I need to feel better about my life. Absolutely. That is what I said. Ilike to my husband. They don't get it. They don't get it. I'm like, okay. I love the husbands who also are like, Oh, the housewives are so stupid, so fat, but so shallow. And then I noticed that my husband will be sitting on a chair behind me and he'll be locked in for like two hours. I'm like, Oh, yeah. You don't like the hours.

One hundred %.

I protest about the Bachelor series all the time, like a Bachelor, Love Island or whatever it is, right? And then every time I walk into that room and Astrid is watching one of those shows, I get locked in for at least 30 minutes. I'm like, God damn, this is funny. It's unintentionally, intentionally funny, and I just find myself captivated by all the drama. Of course, I spend my days and nights watching TLC, fucking reality television.

Yeah, you do. Let me tell you what, TLC, 90-Day Fiancé, my favorite is the 600-pound sisters.

I'm a team Tammy.

I'm a team Tammy, too. I'll tell you what, when I'm having a bad day, I turn to my best friend, Ray, and I go, I want some soda. That's like my catch-paste. I need I just want a soda right now. And he's like, Let's get you a soda. Yeah, it's trash TV, and I'm.

Obsessed with it. Heather, my favorite line in that entire series is the very first opening scene of the first episode of the first season when they're sitting around that table with all that junk food, and they're drinking soda, Diet Coke, right out of the bottle. And then, Dammit, he's like, Mama always told us we have to drink Diet Coke to balance out all the calories that we're having. And I thought to myself, You're going to have to drink a lot of Diet Coke. It's going to be a lot of.

Diet Coke. That's how my brain works. That's the braul math I also do. Yeah, so I get it. I've been known to drive through Krispy Kreme and get some hot glaze when you have a Diet Coke. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we came out of the studio the other day and my wife had bought us Krispy Kreme. We were so excited. I know.

It's like, give me seven of those. So good, a warm Krispy Krem.

Okay, we have a producer here. Her name is Christina. She is like fan girl upon fan girl. She was so excited when she heard you were coming on the show. So she dropped a question. I'm going to play it for you. And then is that okay? Can I play it for you? Yes, of course. Because Tina needs the T. So let's get it. Okay, great. All right.

Here we go. My number one question, I've been thinking about this for decades. Dor just kidding, only for a few years. Are you still using the Elf eyebrow pencil? Because I bought it because of you four years ago, and I still use them, and I'm obsessed with them. And my eyebrows, thank you, because good brows, good mood, good day, as a mug says that my mom bought me for my birthday one time. So, yeah. I just want to know if you're still using that. If not, put me onto another product, babe. I trust you with my life.

So people think sometimes that I'm an influencer. I am not an influencer. I'm just a comedian with really great taste. And even though I'm a new money bitch and I started making money, I still have like, I'm an old Navy Girl. I'm a Maximista. They're all by one nice bag a year. But let me tell you this Elf eyebrow pencil, it is literally, I think, like a dollar with inflation and maybe like a $1.49 now. It is the best eyebrow pencil you'll ever use. I use it today. And it is from, I have a lip space. You can buy it at CVS, Target. Yeah, it's a dollar and that's all I use.

Nice. So the answer is yes, Christina. You're onto the right thing. She still backs up that Elf pencil for a $1.49 with inflation.

I'm sure eventually it's got to be chalk full of chemicals and my eyebrows will fall off. But in the meantime, if it's not broke, don't.

Fix it. How do you feel about... How do you feel about the new trend? Christy and I were just talking about this, and I was like, We need to ask her. You were on Game Day, ESPN Game Day, and then a bunch of Yahoo is on the internet are talking about how it's a little cold outside. My nipples. Yeah, you're nipples, right? Christy and I were talking about, now people are paying to buy clothing that have pointy nipples already attached to them from skims. I guess if that's what you want to do, cool.

Here's the thing. I feel like she's a genius. Good for her. Amen. That's great. But now the gig is up, right? Now it should have been like a low key, like where she just emailed people and was like, Listen, you want fake hard nips? Because now everybody's going to think you got the skims bra. I mean, smart. But no, I got roasted. I was standing outside on College Game Day being interviewed in the cold rain two Saturdays ago, and I was jumped on there. I did like a 60- You did.

Great, by the way.

You're so sweet. But I'll tell you what, is wild being opening up to that new genre of 23-year-old frat daddies. You're like, Why is this bitch talking about sports? I'm like, I am not a sports analyst. I am just a comedian who went to Ole Miss. They asked me to come say two words and my nipples happen to be hard. I'm sorry. Yeah.

So.

Crazy. Twenty-three-year-old frat boys, your new genre, that's you. That's your demographic.

Now, 23-year-old. Honestly, I can't wait to bring them into the fold. I always tell single guys. I do have a lot of women at my shows, and I have a lot of dudes, too. But I would say if you're a single guy and you're trying to get laid, come to my shows because if you show up and you're personable and you're buying a... It's so easy to buy a girl a white claw in line before the show, you will get laid. It is not that hard.

I agree, Heather.

1,000 %. I feel like we already know each other. You come from similar backgrounds. We have similar senses of humor. Your Netflix special that's currently available just came out is so fucking funny. You have to go check it out, listener. Please go check it out. Her podcast is absolutely hilarious. It's a one-woman show, and I promise you, no matter whether you have a penis or not, you're going to enjoy her comedy. It's really fucking funny. It just reaches down deep, and I don't think you put anything... You don't hold your cards to the vest. You put everything on the table, and that makes it super authentic. That is the funniest funny is when it comes from a place of authenticity and a little bit of love. We really appreciate you coming on today. You're a comedian. You're a co-host of The Today show. You're a wonderful wife. You're living with your mother. God bless you, child. I hope that never happens to me.

Proud owner of nipples.

And my nipples are hard.

And your nipples.

Are hard.

And a great nip. And she's got great nips. But I'd also like to add to that and say a friend of the commercial break. Heather, you've been wonderful, and I hope we can have you on again soon. Come back after you get done with Australia and tell us about all the things that didn't kill you.

I will. Thank you for having me, and I cannot wait to come back, and I will, hopefully. I'm sad. I just found out that you can't really hug the koalas because they're all chlamydias, so I'm devastated about that. I'm already really upset.

I think they will attack you, too, I read somewhere. They're not all that safe to touch. They look cute. They look cute, but they're really strong and dangerous.

Yeah. So if I don't make it back, just know I was choked out by.

A koala. We will be sad if you don't. We love you, Heather. Best to you.

Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Happy Thanksgiving.

I really appreciate it.

Happy.

Thanksgiving.

Let's cut to the chase. We love you and we want to hear your sweet, angelic voices asking us for advice. So give us a call and leave us a voicemail at (626) ask. Tcb3. If you're not ready for that commitment, which I understand, send us a text instead at (855) tcb 8383. And as always, don't forget to follow us on Instagram, at The Commercial Break and on TikTok @tcbpodcast. And this wouldn't be a TCB promo if I didn't tell you to go to our YouTube channel, YouTube. Com/thecommercial break to watch all of our amazing video edits. You can also go to tcbpodcast. Com to find everything we have ever put on the website. Let's listen to some sponsors and then we are back on track, baby. Love you. Bye.

Hey, everybody. Want to let you know that this episode is sponsored in part by Factor. Okay, do you want to know what the single biggest challenge for me as a single person was? Shopping for, prepping, and cooking nutritious meals. Do you want to know what the biggest challenge for me as a human with 25 to 60 family members living in my house? Shopping for prepping and cooking a nutritious meal. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, it's a big stress point around here. And since I don't really know how to cook, that stress often falls on other family members. But this holiday season, we're going to try something different. Factor, America's number one ready to eat meal delivery service, can help us fuel up fast for breakfast, lunch, and dinner with chef-prepared, dietitian-approved, ready to eat meals delivered straight to our door. Because Factor's Never frozen meals are ready in just two minutes, all you have to do is heat and enjoy. You can choose from over 35 weekly flavor-packed fresh and Never frozen meals that support a healthy lifestyle and meet your meal preferences. And guess what? It's all delivered right to your front door. With Factor, we can be assured that we're making sustainable choices.

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Oh, man, what an interview with... I love Heather. I feel like Heather is a friend of ours. I love Heather so much. Do you feel like whenever we're talking to semi-famous people out there in the world or here on the show that you have this dream that they're going to be your friends somehow, some way, some shape, or form? Yes. I feel like I want to be Heather's friend. Absolutely. She does remind me of you for some reason. The second that I started.

Seeing her shit- That's a good compliment.

-the second I started seeing her shit, her personality reminded me of you, her sensibilities, her sense of humor, it reminded me.

Of you. We have a lot in common.

You guys do have a lot in common. You guys should be best friends. Can you be best friends? I would love to be best friends with Heather. Can you be best friends? So then we can give the show some credibility. I feel like if we show up on a red carpet or two- We'll ride on her coattails. Yeah, is that possible? Next time you're on Today, we should have asked her, but we didn't. Well, we got to build up some credibility in the bank with Heather. But I feel like next time, Heather is on The Today show, they should do some profile on.

Us, right? We'll cut to us.

Profiles and courage with the commercial break. They'll cut to us. Heather's had a rocket ship to the moon on Stardom, and then there's a commercial break.

Where did they go wrong?

Still looking for their big break, 6,012 episodes ahead. What can you do? It happens differently for everybody. Yeah.

Something that never happens for her. I'm so proud of her.

Yeah. And you get the sense that her dad would have been proud of her, too, after he passed away. And now her mom's living with her. So she's watching all this. I'd love that her mom's out on a date. I'd love that her mom's out on a date. She's getting out into the world again. Did I tell you the time? We're bringing my mom on soon, and we got to have my mom tell the story about the first guy that she dated after she divorced my father. He was a little person. He was a little person, and they showed up at my Chile for their first date. You can imagine the surprise on my face.

We must tell the story.

Yes. I felt all the ways Heather did, but I was working at the restaurant where they were having dinner, and it was a fucking chili. I mean, for God's sakes. I felt like, Come on, man, you could have taken her somewhere else besides the place where her son works, and the food is really crappy. Could you not? All right, tcbpodcast. Com. All of Heather's information will be up there, all the links for her tour, heatherontour. Com, @heathermcann Instagram, and absolutely not the podcast, the super funny podcast available on all podcast players just like us. You can also go to tcbpodcast. Com to get your free piggy-front-ing sticker. Hit the Contact Us button, drop-down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address. Tell us if you want us to sign it or say something or whatever, we'll be happy to do that. Then we'll send it off over the next couple of weeks. 626, as TCB, the number-three, that's 1-6-2-6, ask TCB the number three. That's 1-626, ask TCB the number three. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. You want to ask one of our guests a question, maybe we'll have them back on.

You can drop that in there. I'll save it in a file so that next time, if they ever agreed to come back to the commercial break, we'll ask it again. Ask Brian's mom, ask TCB for advice. You know how it all goes. Text us at that hotline. 626, ask TCB the number three, or you can leave us a voicemail if you have real courage, profile and courage, and we might use your voice on the show. At the commercial break on Instagram, TCB podcast on TikTok. If you would please, YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Don't forget, December fifth, the TCB audio scavenger hunt, win a thousand dollars. We're so excited about this. December fifth, episodes 300 through 350. That's where you get your clues. Okay, Krissy, I think it's been a rather eventful day.

I think it has.

I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll say best to you. And best to you. I'll tell you best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for supporting us. We're the best listeners in the podcast universe. Until next time, we always say we do say, and we must say. Goodbye. Goodbye.