In a house fire, what item would.

8% of Australians run back in to save?

1St? 8% as low. I'd say 100% would run back in to save a child, but only 8% would run back in to save a redheaded child.

Don't go. Please, Luke. Luke, don't go. Redheaded children are actually immune to fire.

On this episode of the commercial.

Universal break, I take my hole and I stick it toward the sun, and I say, rart, rarf, magic fart. Make me a quantum computer, and wa bam. Now you can see tits on porn 3.5 times clearer. Look at those nipples. I suck up every Instagram post with a nipple on it, and all of a sudden.

That'S quantum computing.

Quantum computing. That's right.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now.

Oh, yeah.

Categories welcome back to the commercial break.

I'm Brian Green.

This is the co host of this Crystal Meth powered podcast, Kristen Joy Hoadly. Best to you, Chrissy.

See you, Brian.

I'm gonna see you out there in the podcast universe. Quick, quick, before I take apart the.

Tv and put it back together.

Or get your eyebrows tattooed.

Oh, eyebrows tattooed.

The reason I say this is because Jeff and I've gotten into watching this show on. I think it's Netflix, okay. It's lockdown. Have you seen this? Where they open up, they start reintroducing privileges to the prisoners. Oh, and an experiment. Oh, I think it's happening out in Arkansas. Or did happen. So, anyways, we're, you know, about halfway through, but there's, you know, some of these prisoners, or, you know, they. They have interesting looks. One of them. It's a man's prison. One of them has very tattooed eyebrows.

On, and hell, no.

How did that happen? And Jeff said, meth. And I said, is that what you do on meth?

Yeah. There's a lot of interesting things that I think you do on meth. One of them is orgies. I know that. I've been really. You remember I went to the chiropractor orgy, crystal meth, where they were smoking crystal meth and doing crystal meth as if it was something you just do on a Tuesday afternoon, like, hey, we're all gonna get naked and whack each other off. Do you remember that?

Remember that story? I don't remember it, but I remember you telling the story.

Yeah, you went to a pool party, and the pool party went back to an apartment, and then when we got to the apartment, women started getting undressed, and then someone. And then there was this weird smell. And then I just realized that everyone was just doing meth because then they offered meth to me. I said, thanks, I'll take a pass on that.

I'm good.

Yeah, I'm good. And then I, you know, some of the girls were pretty. There was like three or four women and two guys.

Chiropractors. Chiropractors are hot.

Chiropractors are hot. Yeah, they are if you're hot. But you don't want to go through all the education of a doctor. Just become a chiropractor. You can crack people's backs, smoke crystal meth, have an orgy. You have none of those people worried about what you're doing all the time with the regular medical science shit. But I do love. I do attend chiropractors. I do too.

And I love mine.

I do too. My chiropractor, I'm 99 sure has nothing to do with crystal meth.

Yeah, no, I don't think mine does either.

No. But it was a wild day. It really was a wild day.

It sounds like.

Yeah, I decided against getting involved in the orgy, but, you know, I could.

Have just back on it. You might have. Might as well.

I think I probably should have. You know, these are opportunities that you miss and you look back on and you go, well, shit, I should have never left when I had those two models staying at the Olympics. I should have never left for beer. Cause I never got back into the room. I never got back into the threesome after I left. Never got back in. They just took it the rest of the way. I probably should have had sex with the cry. I could have declined the meth, but stayed for the sex.

But maybe you needed the meth to get into this.

Well, I think some of the guys were looking at me a little weird too. And I just decided, nah, not today. Someone's gonna take my cherry. Let it not be today. If someone's gonna take my anus cherry, let it not be under these circumstances with a very beefy, messed up chiropractor who's gonna fuck me from behind, and then I'm gonna need him to crack my back to get it all straightened out again.

Yeah.

But, you know, I've been in some weird situations where I thought, well, I could have done that differently. I could have done that differently. There was one time.

Hindsight 2020.

Yeah. There's the one time we went down to the New Orleans jazz fest and decided that rather than stand in the two and a half hour line. Cab ride. Cab line. That I would pick somebody that had a porch in the lower 9th ward that was sitting on their porch and asked them for a ride. Oh, they were happy to offer the ride. And then the seven people that were with me, we all packed into this, like, you know, 1988 yukon, and the guy literally had a gun right there in his console. This is back before guns were a thing you would just carry around.

Right.

And that's not too long ago, so that's really crazy. But everybody was so scared, but I wasn't because I was drunk and high, and I was like, this guy's friendly. Look at him.

He's fine. Yeah.

There's a couple things I would have done differently, and probably the meth sex was one of the things I would have done differently. I could have made. You know, I could have said no to the. To the anal pounding. I just could have said, hey, listen, I just. Is it okay if I just stick with the girls over here? You guys can watch. Feel free to do whatever you want, just not in my line of sight, if you don't mind. I'd like to keep tits in my line of sight, and I'll be good.

But you didn't see any eyebrow tattooing happening?

No eyebrow tattooing, but meth heads, I think they do. You know, I think they get into, like, a weird space.

Yeah.

I've seen a lot of television shows, and I've been around some people who are doing meth. They like to take things apart and put it back together.

Okay.

That's the thing they want.

Maybe that was the shaving of the eyebrows and then tattooing on.

Yeah, I think that's one of the things, too. Is like, you get, like, the hair on your body is bugs. Have you ever seen the movie bugs?

No.

With Michael Sheehan. Is that his name? Let me. I'm going to show you a picture of him. You'll know who he is.

The guy from the shield.

No, that's my. I think that's his actual name. Oh, Michael Sheehan, the actor. Yeah. No, that's not him.

I'm glad we're actually trying to verify things.

I've decided I sound like a real fucking idiot all the time. So that even if I have to stop and look it up, I'm going to Michael Shannon, not Sheehan.

Close, close.

You know, a couple extra e's and an a. Let's see here. If I can show you a picture. This guy, you know that guy, that actor.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. He's always playing, like, those real creepy, weird dudes in all the movies. Yeah, he does okay, so he's in a movie called Bugs.

Okay.

And it's a real strange movie, and it must have. And I think there's some drug use in it. But what it really is is this guy convinces a girl that he's staying with, who's played by. Let me check that one out, too.

Ally Sheedy.

Ally Sheedy. Ally Sheedy. Ashley Judd. I was about to say Lisa Marie Presley. I think that's right. So Ashley Judd and Michael Shannon, and they get stuck in this house, and for whatever reason, circumstances.

Is it kind of like a horror movie?

It's kind of like a horror movie because he starts convincing her that there's bugs in her skin, and they start picking each other apart. Like, it's, like, really weird and creepy. But I found it entertaining at the time I was watching it. But I think that's also what happens, is you start seeing things that aren't there. And that's why a lot of, I believe, crystal math addicts, they have little spots all over the place, because first of all. Yeah. They picky, scabby. Yeah. They feel like there's bugs crawling on them. And I think that's part of the experience. Yeah, it's part of the experience. It's all part of the crystal meth experience. Here at the commercial break, who doesn't want to pick apart their own liver? Because I feel like there's cockroaches in there. It's probably the drano doing its work. You know what I'm saying? It's cleaning things out. Yeah, but, yeah, stay away from the meth kids. I don't. I don't think it's. It's all that great. But, you know, I say stay away from the meth. And then there are a lot of things that we do in society, pharmaceutically, that are almost twins to methamphetamines, like Ritalin and Adderall and, you know, vivance or whatever that shit is.

And so all that stuff chemically, you know, from a chemical standpoint, is very close. It's very similar in nature.

Has some of the same ingredients, maybe.

Absolutely. Novocaine, I think, is like a derivative of cocaine. So that's why when you get that shot of novocaine, they say you might feel, like, out of breath for a second, you know, because we're just getting. We're just putting cocaine straight into your gums.

Makes sense why it numbs it.

Yeah. So I think a lot of people do weird things on meth, and I don't think shaving off your eyebrows and getting a tattoo is really out of the ordinary.

Okay.

In that. In that way.

I don't even know how I thought of that. What were we talking about?

I really don't have any idea. What were we talking about? How did we get on crystal? Oh, because I said, it's the crystal meth powered co host of this show.

That spurred my memory. Okay, now we traced it back.

Ah, no, you're just giving back.

It's an interesting show, though, that show. And they slowly let people out, you know, have certain privileges. So they originally start off as, like, being locked in their cell 23 hours a day. Can you imagine?

No, I can't. I think that's torture, actually.

Yeah, 23 hours a day. So the sheriff of this jail, you know, comes in and says, let's. Let's open up the doors. He lets them police themselves, work it out themselves. So they have to kind of, like, you know, come to. Come to terms and come to an agreement. Not fuck it up.

Yeah, not fuck it up.

Yeah. So. And it kind of shows them they get phone privileges and they get this.

So as a guy who has spent time behind bars, I just don't find that I can watch those shows. Yeah, it's. It's too close to home, and I only spent three days there, so it wasn't like I was there for any extended period of time. Well, no, that's not true. I did spend a little bit more time. I've been twice. And I don't want to get into all the details, but I didn't kill anybody, let's put it that way. It was really having to do more. With me driving after 17 Bud lights, it was not a good day for me. It was not a good day. Don't drink and drive. But ubers, I'm not excusing it. There's no excuse for my behavior. None. I'll never do it again. I don't even drink anymore. And not because of this experience, just because I'm too old. But I'll share with you right now that there is absolutely no reason in 2024 to get behind a wheel after having drinks at all. One drink, ten drinks. And I'm not trying to be like. I'm not trying to pontificate here, but I'm just sharing with you that is real fucking moronic to get behind a wheel after.

After drinking. Because whether you think so or not, you're not a better driver after you've been drinking.

Absolutely true.

But when we were younger, sometimes the options weren't as clear right. It was like, okay, leave my car here all night, take a cab 20 miles back to my home, then call another cab in the morning. An hour and a half before I know I have to start getting ready for work, and I'm already gonna be hungover. Like, there was just these. There was this mental gymnastics going on about why it's okay for me to drive home, right? And, you know, I had that bar across the street, right across the street from my house, and nine times out of ten, I just walk there because I was like, you know, I don't even want to take the chance driving across the street. Mainly because I'm, you know, I'm like a magnet for trouble. So I was like, that, I'm just gonna leave it there. Can we talk about for a second? Because it's just. It's just ending now. Can we talk a minute about Coachella?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. What is going on with Coachella? Seems like there's a lot of, like, a lot of weird stuff happens at Coachella. Like, a lot of weird people get to get, you know, musicians get together in weird ways. There's all these weird stage things that are happening.

It's always a big event.

Yeah. I saw vampire weekend, and I'm not sure if this was. I don't want to be mistaken for this, but I just saw this reel. I assumed it was at Coachella because it looked like it was at Coachella. That vampire weekend is playing at Coachella. Am I right?

I don't know.

You don't know? I thought you and Jeff were all up on that stuff.

No, we've got other festivals to think about.

Okay.

But I saw some stuff in the news.

It was at Coachella.

Okay, okay, okay.

So vampire weekend at Coachella, and in the middle of a song, guess who they bring out to play cornhole while they're playing? Paris fucking Hilton. So Paris fucking Hilton comes out, says, that's hot, starts doing cornhole, and poorly, I might add, very poorly doing cornhole while they're playing the backbeat of a song. And I'm thinking to myself, what?

Why is this?

Why you pay $10,000 is what you pay $10,000 for.

And you buy a whole new wardrobe, and you glamp it, and you spend $3,000 a night on some hotel 60 miles away from Coachella. You fly in on your private helicopter. Is this what you pay for? You pay to have Paris Hilton throw some beanbags with vampire weekend?

Yeah.

It seems so strange. I don't know. Not that I would. I would love to be gifted a free ticket to Coachella so I could experience it. But I don't think I'm paying for Coachella because it's so terribly expensive. And what it seems like is a little bit of an overblown fashion show. That's what it seems like to me. Everybody goes there dressed to the nines, all in those bikinis we're getting so upset about. Right? They all go there for two separate weekends and then they see some very popular artists. I mean, Coachella does. Usually does.

I would have gone to the Beyonce one. I really liked her performance.

Oh, you did? Now they. Now I think they stream Coachella for free or something on YouTube.

I think so, yeah.

But. So I was just like, I'm googling around to see what are the, like, iconic Coachella performances. What's going on this year that Paris Hilton and Beanbags have been beat out by in previous years? Well, you know, almost everybody that's anybody has played Coachella at some point. But what I saw was Princess doing Radioheads creep.

Oh, yeah.

In like, 2017 or something. When did Prince die?

2018, yeah, when did he?

Or did he. No, no, it was like 2020, wasn't it?

No, no, no, it was before then.

1617, Prince, Coachella, 2008. So I only got it off. I was only off by ten years.

Well, that's when he played Coachella. But you were saying, when did he die?

Oh, I don't know when he died. Yeah, he died.

Prince 15, I want to think. 15. For some reason.

Prince death 20. 1616 is when he died. 57 years old. Such a young guy.

Oh, no.

But I watched that performance and I'm like, incredible fucking shit.

Yeah, he was just incredible. I mean, like, I don't. It's hard to beat.

The older that I get, the more that I'm starting to believe that prince may be the closest thing we'll ever see to a musical entity, like a musical God, like someone who was clearly channeling some kind of power out there in the universe, some creative force, something at every performance that he gave, and he gave a lot of them, but most of them are not on celluloid. You cannot watch them anywhere because he would do it up at his compound, right? He would just show up on stage on a Thursday night with all the other musicians that were just hanging around his compound and they would just play a set or two or ten or whatever it was. And sometimes he was known to turn off, like, I've heard this story before that someone went and saw him and he requested that all the lights be turned off in the entire facility except for the exit signs. And he played the entire show with the lights off. But when you are that good at playing the light, you don't need the lights, right?

And then he played every instrument.

He's just. And he plays guitar so much better than most of the people we would normally associate with great guitar players. Like, you know, I think. And I think of a lot of great guitar players, like, let's just name the. The ones that are in the lexicon, like Slash or David Gilmore or, you know, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix. But he just blows the dick off, those guys. Honestly. He blows the dick off and he doesn't even look. He doesn't even look at the guitar and he's just like. But the thing that I think makes that more impressive is that he does it in a way that is so incredibly creative, soulful, and always in the pocket, never missing a beat. A lot of times he's playing the guitar with just one hand, but it sounds like he's strumming the other. He's so good. 57 years. I haven't been on earth that long, but to have known him, I guess in the eighties when I was just a child and his music was first coming out, purple rain and all that stuff, I always thought his music was really good, but I don't think I've really started to appreciate it.

Except for the last 20 years, maybe. And in the last five years, every live performance I see on YouTube is another stunning event. Stunning event.

That's true.

There's a video out there. You guys can google it. It's on YouTube. He is playing purple Rain in Milwaukee. He comes out, he is dressed in God knows what I mean. The guy is four foot one, dressed in some silver garb that he comes out.

Loved his costumes.

Yeah, he comes out literally like Queen Elizabeth. He walks out, people are bowing to him and stuff like that. 20, 8100 thousand people in the audience. Who knows? And he plays like a ten and a half minute version of purple Rain. And oh, my word, I get chills, like on my balls. Honestly, my entire body goes numb because I can't even describe or understand what kind of musical genius is coming through his vocals. His fingertips, those tiny little shoes he had. I mean, the guy was just amazing in every sense of the word. And again, we can have his colors.

There with our logo.

Purple. Look at that. You know how he came up with Purple Rain? He was on tour. I think he was on tour with Bob Seger. He was like, opening for Bob Seger. Back in the day. And he opens for Bob Seger and he wants to write a real rock song. He decides, I want to write a real rock song like Bob Seager, like night Train or something like that, you know, night moves or whatever it is, you know?

Come on, night move.

Bob Seger, another underrated artist, I think. And that other guy.

What would you do if I sang attitude? Would you stand up and walk out on peace?

I think I watched a documentary about him. I can't remember his name.

Joe Cocker.

Joe Cocker, yes. He didn't write any of his songs.

No. Why would he not? Why would he? Yeah. When you could go out there, scream at the top of your lungs and move like a man who's been electrocuted.

I mean, what else? I've done nothing. All the key. Ah, there, you know, ah. Little ill for my hel.

But the one thing Joe Cocker did, I was a finished apprentice. The one thing Joe Cocker did that impresses me more than anything is he wrote one of the. Or he sang one of the most beautiful love songs ever, which is, you.

Are so beautiful to me. Can't you see?

And I'm like, wow, where did that.

Falsetto voice come from?

I think he had, like, electric underpants on. I really do. And he just turned it up every once in a while. Where did that come from?

Electric hunter.

He goes from Bob Singer to Michael Jackson in one key. He's like, do me. It's so gorgeous. It's lovely.

It is.

So he was right. So he said, I want to write a real rock song. I want to, like, rock it out. Right? And he comes up with purple fucking rain. Purple fucking rain. What does that even mean? No one knows. It doesn't even matter because it's. It doesn't matter what he's saying. It doesn't matter the lyrics, because the music is. The music is the thing. Right. And the way that he sings it is the thing. And you can't distance yourself from that by putting meaning to those lyrics. Put whatever meaning you want. It's really about what he's playing, what he's doing, how he's singing. That's the true inspiration. That is the creative moment. And I'm sorry to Bob Seeger, which I think is a fine rock and roll star, but Prince took your song, or took your, you know, inspiration and turned it into something world fucking class. I mean, one of the best songs maybe ever written. Purple Rain.

Yeah.

I was reading the Rolling Stone and how I got on all this was I was reading the Rolling Stones top 500 songs of all times as voted on by a number of producers, artists, and. And it's all horseshit. I don't believe. I mean, I subjective. I certainly agree with a lot of the songs that are in the top 500. I certainly agree with them. And Aretha Franklin's respect was number one, but then Purple Rain was, like, number 19. And I'm like, nah, nah, nah. I mean, you gotta put purple rain in the top ten, right? You gotta put purple rain in the.

Top, I think so.

You can't get away. Aretha Franklin, respect, great song. And I have a lot of respect for respect. Don't disrespect the respect, but in my personal and humble opinion, purple Rain would have been in that top five for sure. Yeah, you would have. You would have not liked the top five. If I would have told you, you would have not liked the top five. I'm telling you right now.

Well, again, it's subjective. And some things don't even compare to others. They're not in the same group.

No. Let me see here.

So you're telling me that Princess Purple Rain was better than Will Smith coming out?

Oh, that's the other one.

That's the other one I wanted to talk about.

What are we doing? What are you doing? You just paid $10,000 to be at a music festival. I have seen better music. I have seen less, uh, weird musical coincidences are coinciding at my local arts festival that did a coachella. I mean, it is so weird. Why did Will Smith come out and sing? I guess he's gotta. I guess he's got to make his comeback somewhere. After slapping Chris rock, I wanted to share with you the top ten songs. You know what we'll do? Let's take a break and I'll share with you the top ten songs. What do you think?

You want to go through?

That's good. Let's do it.

All right, so what I have to do first is I have to ask you, is it okay if we take a break?

Say yes, please, and then we'll be right back.

Okay, we'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212433 TCb. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year. Of course. Anyway, you can also find and dm us on Instagram, at thecommercial break and on TikTok, ecBpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com dot. Now, I'm going to thank g one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are.

Okay, and we're back, and we're talking about music. Okay, let me actually go. Why don't I go through the top 20 here real quick? You ready?

Yeah. Let's do it.

Number 20, Robin dancing on my own from 2010. Do you even remember this song?

Mm mm.

I don't either. Let me. Hold on.

This is of all time.

This is of all time. I have never even heard that song.

I've heard it. It's a good song.

You know, the funny thing is, I ran through this entire list over the course of two nights, right? And as soon as I read the name, I could sing the song of 95% of those songs. So they're generally very popular songs, right. In the consciousness, in the lexicon. But I don't. I don't even remember hearing the song, not once.

I did.

You did?

Yeah.

Well, you're more of a club girl.

Than I am, right?

You're not a club girl.

Don't tell me you're a club girl. No.

Drop half song, hoadley. Drop the next song.

Number 19, John. Legends. Imagine. Of course. Of course. That deserves the top 20 spot. I agree there. Number 18, purple rain.

Number 1818.

You got it. There could be no one in front of that. There should be. Number eight at the least. Number 17, Queen Bohemian Rhapsody.

It's a great one.

I agree with that. Okay, that's a very popular song. Number 16. Crazy Love by Beyonce, featuring Jay Z. Crazy in love. Excuse me. Number.

I'm gonna go top 20 of all time.

No, I don't think so. But that's my personal take.

Yeah, right, exactly.

I like the song.

I think it's a great song.

Should be in the top 100. I agree. Okay. But not number in the top 20. Number 16. I don't know. The Beatles. I want to hold your hand. I can think of better beatles songs.

I can too.

I want to.

It's like they're fifties, bibby Boppy, you know, Bibsy Bopsy twins. I don't like that shit. No? How about Eleanor Rigby?

Yeah, she came in through the bathroom window.

Number 14, the Kinks. Waterloo Sunset. Now, I know this song, but I guarantee that most people do not know Waterloo sunset by the kinks do you know it?

I like the kinks.

I love the kinks.

Yeah.

Let's see here. I'm trying to see if I could play a little bit of it here for you. Because I don't want the audience to go, what the fuck?

What the fuck, Brian?

Okay, well, it's not working, so fuck off. The Rolling Stones are number 13 with give me shelter, which is a fantastic song. The top 25. Certainly. That deserves a top 25. Certainly. In my opinion. Stevie Wonder superstition at number twelve. I don't disagree with this. Everybody knows superstition. Yeah. I think just the amazing bass line that he's playing with the keyboard there, that's. If that doesn't make you get up at a wedding, throw up on your shoes and have sex with your best friends wife, then I don't know what will. The Beach Boys, God only knows is number eleven. Okay. I think the Beach Boys have some songs that deserve top 50 for sure. I don't know if. God only knows is the one that I don't.

I don't know if that's the one I would choose either.

Okay.

That's a good song. I do like that one. All right. But I don't know about number eleven. Outcast. Hey ya comes in at number ten. I think this is one of the greatest songs of all time. I agree with its placement. I think so. I think they are. They have. They're like such wall breakers, trendsetters. Like, they were ahead of their time in almost every way. And that hey ya song, I mean, there wasn't. You couldn't go five fucking seconds?

No. I remember dancing with my sister in the living room of our apartment. Just dancing to it. It was so fun.

Dare you to remember. I dare you to take time, travel back to 2004. And make it five minutes without hearing that fucking song. Number nine, Fleetwood Mac dreams. I do like the song dreams. I don't know if I would agree with number nine. A Fleetwood Mac should be up there.

I love reading autobiography of Fleetwood Mac stuff, too.

Oh, yeah. Who doesn't want to blow a little cocaine up your ass? That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my entire life. I guess it works, though, right?

I don't know.

Have you tried it?

I have not tried it.

Wait, I thought you were the club kid.

Drop your asshole onto my straw.

But like your meth knight, maybe I should have tried it looking.

Hey, listen. If I could. If I could. If I did one thing wrong in all of my time with hard drug abuse, it was I never got cocaine blown in my ass, mainly cause I didn't think anybody wanted to see my ass and certainly not be that up close and personal with it. You know what I'm saying? Who wants my hairy ass in their face while they're like, how you feeling, bro?

I don't know.

I need another one. Plus, when I started doing cocaine, I just wanted to do it more and more, so I didn't want it to bother anybody else by being like, hey, man, can we go to the bathroom real quick? Your mind's sticking your nose in my ass again. Maybe I could have combined those two things and had sex. And while I was having sex with one of those chiropractors, one of the male chiropractors could have just blown crystal meth in my ass. That's where I went wrong with this. Number eight, Missy Elliot, get your freak on.

Okay.

I like it. I like it. We all remember it.

Yeah.

I think certainly one of the more memorable songs of all time. For sure. That little ditty right there. Number seven, the Beatles come back with Strawberry fields forever. I mean, who are the people who are making these decisions? Of all the great songs the Beatles have written, strawberry Fields forever. So stupid. It really is. Number six, Marvin Gaye's what's going on? And this I agree with 100%. You have to put this in there. Yeah. It's such a. I mean, I don't know, because I wasn't alive when this song came out, but there was so much political turmoil and civil rights unrest in this country, and so much going.

On on the backs of the Vietnam war encapsulates time.

Yeah. And he did it in a way that's just so smooth and sultry that, you know, I think I've made love to what's going on.

Yeah.

Yeah. Which is probably not why he wrote the song, but, you know, he probably didn't write it.

I'll just get it on is what you made love to.

No, I think I made love to what's going on? Not let's get it on, but what's going on, which, you know, that's like Donald Trump wanting to play born in the USA by Bruce Springsteen. You ever heard the song, you numb nuts? It's not about being proud to be born in the USA. Nirvana smells like teen spirit comes in at number five. Now I'm gonna take.

Nirvana always comes in the top.

They do. And I'm gonna give you a hot take here. I don't think Nirvana's catalog has aged as well as a lot of other rock bands that might be considered, you know, top 100 or whatever. I don't think it's aged as well. Smells like teen spirit will always be emblazoned into my mind. I will always get a feeling when that song comes on of being, oh, yeah, 14 years old, riding around in and older kids cars and smoking cigarettes. And that time in my life when it really. That song was talking to us directly and we felt it and we knew it and we connected with it. But I don't feel that. Smells like teen spirit is one of the top ten greatest songs ever written. I feel like it is nostalgically one of those songs you have to put in there. But I'm not sure that it, like, holds up to a lot of the other songs that are in this top 500, if you will. If you don't mind.

I don't mind.

Okay, thanks. Bob Dylan. Like a Rolling Stone is number four. Gotta give it a. I think you just have to give it to him. He's old, you know, he doesn't say, hey, listen, I know you're on the backside, but, hey, look, look, number four on top 500 songs. But I do like that song for sure. Number three, Sam Cooke. Change is gonna come.

Oh, that's another one.

I agree.

Yeah. Politically. Okay, listen, I love Sam Cooke. I love all of his music.

Ugh. Just those lyrics. It's been too hard living, but I'm afraid to die. Geez, Sam Cooke, his voice is so good. Yeah, he just gets into your. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, we bought, like, a vinyl box set of his a few years ago, and we play it quite frequently.

It's. That's like. I don't know. He gets into my gut like Sam Cooke. That voice, it's like eating a bunch of taco Bell before you go on swimming. It's like, you know, you get bubbly gut. He just rips you apart. That voice is amazing. Number two, you ready for this? Public enemy. Fight the power. Hmm. Again, a song that is of the time of the moment. Still very prescient today, by the way. But fight the power was a song that took the young world by storm when it came out in 1990, I think. 1980, 919, 90. And I was all in on public Enemy. Africa. Boombata, that's Brian, was wearing the brightly colored african cutouts on necklaces on the weekends until I was told by somebody to stop wearing those. You look like a fucking moron by a black guy. Nonetheless, he was like, stop that. You look like a fucking moron. I was like, what?

What? Public enemy. He does it.

Yeah. Okay. Fight the power in your white suburban neighborhood. But it was certainly a song of the moment.

It's still a great song.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Yeah.

But, I mean, I know most people heard it.

Number two, though.

Number two, I don't know.

It was 1989.

The reason why I'm playing this, not through the actual thing is because I don't want then all these record companies to then try and get me to take this episode down. So I'm just. That's why I'm sharing it.

You gotta bop your head to that. And it's got some great lyrics.

Listen, if you miss it, y'all.

I love Chuck D. Yeah, I think.

I heard Chuck D say one time. He's like, I knew we really made it when most of the audience was white.

Yeah.

And young white kids. He's like. But that's also, you know, a sign that we were on our way out to and. Yeah, okay. And number one, Aretha Franklin's respect.

A fantastic song.

I have respect for respect, but I'm just not entirely sure. I wouldn't put it number one.

Well, that's the thing. Maybe we need to come up with our.

You want to go with top ten songs of all time?

Not right now.

Why? Just wing it. We're on a show.

I need to think about it.

You don't need to think about it. Just do it.

Okay, I'll help you. Ready?

Well, you've already said Prince.

I already said prince, so I'm going to put Prince's purple rain. I'm going to put that at number five, but let me go from ten down. Okay, are you ready?

Yeah.

Number ten. White snake.

No, I'm kidding.

Molly Cruz.

Poison.

Unskinny bop. Unskinny pop pop.

That was poison.

Oh, it wasn't.

Was that.

Yeah, it was.

Was it?

Oh, no. Was it?

I don't know.

Who was it?

Was it, like, warrant or something?

Oh, warrant. That's right. Okay. Warrant. Unskinny bop shows you how much I.

Know about poison and warrant.

Unskinny pop bop bop blows you way doodlee dot dat. Skiddiddiddly dot dat. Skinny.

Number nine, Aerosmith loving an elevator number eight, Corey Hames.

Yes. Oh, God.

He's the king.

The king of the comeback king.

I'm the king.

The comeback king.

What was the motley crew he reviewed that time?

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow. When I get high, I get high on speed rubbing on my dick, you know? One, two, three. My God. My God. Kickstart my fart that's number seven.

A number six is reggaetoni. Get your mama. Get your mama, mama. Yeah, mama.

Commercial break.

Commercial smash mouth comes in at number six with whatever. Yeah, whatever song they had. Creeds higher is number five. Number four is sunny side up by 33 penis. I'd have to put number two, I don't know, theme song to seven little johnstons on TLC.

I agree.

Okay, now we gotta come up with number one. Number. Yeah. Number one, I think, has got to be for sure. Without any doubt. Mmm bop. He wants to go there. So someone put this.

Also crash does dummies has got to be in there.

We just blew the listeners ears out with our incredible harmonizing.

Once. Once there was a girl had no head.

Cause she was in a really bad car accident.

I never understood that song when it was out.

Then they showed it back on. She was okay.

But they all laughed at her. They all made fun of her. Oh, oh.

Crash down still be. I saw that crash. Here's my mom calling for the fifth time this week during the show.

Hey, mom.

Hey, mom.

Crash has dummies. I think, if I'm not mistaken, they have a little tour going on in Canada.

I do, actually. I know somebody that just went to go see them. He said they were great.

Oh, really? I saw them and it was the worst concert I have ever. I mean, not the worst concert I've ever seen, but it was pretty bad up there. Cause they had the one song that you knew and then a bunch of songs you didn't know. And I guess that was just the. You know. I guess that sometimes you have the one hit wonder and you make the mistake of spending that $80 to go see them. And you realize that they're one hit wonders for a reason. You're hoping that things are gonna turn out in your right way. But you end up spending most of the time drinking and talking to your friends, which is fine. You're at a concert, you're having fun. You're out on the lawn or whatever's going on. But I do remember going out on the lawn and seeing them. And I don't remember being super impressed by everything.

They had gotten better as time's going on, maybe.

Yeah. And listen, sometimes it works like that. Like, you get better with age. I don't know many bands that get better with age, but, you know, there are some. Listen, Neil Young got better with age. Bob Dylan got better with age. Who else got better with age?

Prince.

Prince got better with age. Yeah, he certainly. Now, most of his hits were in his early years, but he got more talented as he got up. And he was so pretty. He's just a pretty dude. I wish I had skin like that. Chrissy, why can't you get me skin like that? Can't you give me skin like that?

You might want to talk to your mom.

I'm not going to talk to my mom about that. She's interrupting my show. How rude. I do want to have my mom on, but not quite yet. You know, she's going through some health issues, so I want to make sure she's okay before that. So let's do this. I'm going to call my mom. Y'all take a break. Listen to our sponsors. Do us a favor. If they give a specialized URL or code, I just want to share this for one moment because we had someone that was texting us that was so nice sharing that they had bought a number of products that were on our show that they needed, but that they used our specialized URL's and codes. And I just wanted to share that. That's like, besides, this show is really funny and it helped me through the day or whatever. The second best compliment you give is that you bought from our sponsors because that means that we're doing the job for our sponsors. And those are the people that really keep us able to do these many episodes this frequently, quite frankly. Now. Well, I'm not gonna go. I'm just gonna leave it there.

Yeah, yeah.

Find us on the odyssey app I love odyssey odyssey, odyssey, odyssey find us on the Odyssey app go download it. All your favorite radio stations, streaming music, and all the podcasts that you could ever want and more. It's our home. It's odyssey. Go download it on your phone or you can stop. It is great. Actually. It's a really pretty app. I'm. I feel like since we got to the network is when I actually downloaded the app.

Me too.

I hadn't. To be honest, I had never thought of it before. But now that I've downloaded it, it's where I listen to the podcast. I'm like, oh, great. I like to listen to myself all the time, 24 hours a day, which is. I like to either. I'm either watching Bluey, watching weird coachella.

Moments, reading about looking at breastfeeding, looking.

At breastfeeding videos, or arguing with Rolling Stone about the top 501 of the two. But let's do this. I'll call my mom and I'll talk to her. We'll ask her top favorite five songs. I'm going to guarantee it's gonna be not. It's gonna be phantom of the opera, all five songs. We'll be back.

What? Oh, hi, it's christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video, and tcbeedio. Give us a follow on Instagram, hecommercialbreak, and on TikTokcbpodcast. And guess what we have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212433 tcb. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212433 tcb. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel@YouTube.com. Thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

All right.

And we're back real quick. Just off the top of your head. Cause I'm curious, now that we've been talking about it, what is your favorite music video of all time?

Music video?

Mm hmm.

Like, what do you think the best music video of all time is?

I don't know.

Blue has an opinion. Let's let her jump in on this one.

I mean, I haven't really watched music videos in a long time.

I know, but you were like, you're an MTV child. Like, you don't. Can't think of one.

No, I mean, there were a lot, I guess, maybe, like, the thriller one.

Thriller was okay. Yeah, I thought that was a little hokey with all the.

Yeah, it was such a production, such a big deal.

Yeah, and then they had that guy talking at the beginning. When you come within 10ft, you'll get us all.

Vince Price.

Vincent Price.

No, Vince McMahon. That was Vince McMahon. The guy from WWE. He did the reading. Yeah, no, it was Vince McMahon. Look it up. I'm kidding you. It's Vince McMahon. I'm gonna name the best video of all time is one of two videos that I like from the same band. I think Pearl Jam just Jeremy was maybe the best video.

Or. Or.

Loving an elevator. Cause I like that video. Janie's got a gun was a good one, too.

Loving an elevator.

Yeah, it was a good.

Aerosmith had some good videos.

Aerosmith did have some good videos. They were hot for a minute there. Like, they were like.

For a minute. Like 40 years.

Yeah, like 40 years. But, I mean, they were hot, like, for the young kids. For a minute there, remember? We all just like that, we dove back in and even though they were much older than the average rock star, we were like, oh, they make really good. Me, Tom Petty. Tom Petty. All of a sudden, Tom Petty doesn't have one song.

Tom Petty doesn't have one song in the.

At 20.

Come on. All America an American.

Yeah, that's a great one.

Okay, so you remember we were talking about the Facebook posts, about all of it being AI, right?

Yes.

Okay. I just want to make a promise to our listeners right here, right now, there will never, ever be AI commercial break episodes. And I think it's. I think it's important to make that distinction because there are some people now that are putting together AI based podcast episodes. Yes.

It's hard to come up with content.

Well, I mean, actually, it's really not hard to come up with content. You just. I mean, we say that all the time, but the truth is we could probably talk for days about anything, so it's really not. We pretend like we stress about it, but I never do because I'm like, I just open the microphone, we'll figure it out. I give myself some guide points, and we'll figure it out. But you can be assured when you listen to the commercial break that we are 100% authentic. No AI ever. Because quite frankly, I don't think any computer supercomputer out there right now, not even the top of the best kind of computers, the quantum computers, could mimic the mediocre comedy that we're putting together here at the commercial break.

No, that's true. Nothing could replicate us.

Nothing could replicate us except for maybe a replicant, which is a different thing altogether. That's like a fakey b type thing. And maybe they could, but I was watching this thing, and what got me started thinking about this was like, I was watching this whole thing on quantum computing. Do you understand quantum computing? You're better than I am because I don't understand a fucking thing.

I've been reading about it, too. Isn't Microsoft. They're putting all this.

Microsoft, Nvidia, Google, I think, Facebook. For what reason? They're getting into quantum computer probably so they can post more bullshit fake ass posts out there. I'm just really not liking Facebook anymore. I really think that Facebook is just trash. I really do. But anyway, the quantum computing is not something that I necessarily understand. But it sounds very exciting.

It does sound very.

What is your take on quantum computing? Like, could you explain it in just a couple sentences?

Uh, no.

Well, then, thanks, everybody, for coming on board.

Supercomputer. It's a super compute, very smart it's.

A very fast, super charged.

It does everything.

Yes. It's like your MacBook air, by the way. Two times faster and bigger and bigger. It's like your Android. Like your Nokia.

Yeah, behind the curtain.

It's magic science. A little bit of this and a little bit of that beside. Sure, I'll explain it for you. Have you ever heard of wizardry? That's what it is. Bigfoot and Chupacabra get together and they fuck, and they have a little baby, and then they take the fluid from the amniotic sack and they put it into a cauldron, and then we stir it up with some atoms and wa bam.

Quantum computing.

Quantum computing. Now, you could go into the metaverse and see almost realistic, lifelike people with their little heads bobbing up and down like a south park cartoon. It's amazing. You can do your Google searches 3.5 times faster. Science. I put a little COVID vaccine. I put a COVID vaccine, and I take a little bit of Bill Gates eyeball juice, and I put it in there with the chupacabra and the bigfoot, and then RFK is somehow involved, and then I mix it around and wait.

Yes.

Little magic stardust, little meteor from anal sungazing. I take my sun and I take my hole, and I stick it toward the sun, and I say, rart, rart, magic fart. Make me a quantum computer. And wha bam. Now you can see tits on porn 3.5 times clearer. Look at those nipples. That's eight k technology. I suck up every instagram post with a nipple on it, and all of a sudden, what?

That's quantum computing.

Quantum computing. That's right. Now, you'll get your Amazon packages faster with quantum computing.

That sounds about right.

But in all seriousness, I think that is what quantum computing is, because I have watched hundreds of videos, and I still cannot explain it to you, as most of the people who do the videos can't explain it to you. Time in a relatively simple way, because it's not simple. It is incredibly complicated. This has something to do with neurons and protons and how they're at. You know, they're in one state if you're not looking at them, but if you're looking at them, they're in another state. I think the bottom line is, let me try and explain it in a little bit. There are particles. Particle physics, right? Astrophysics. Not astrophysics. Astrophysics. Particle physics.

We're off to a great start.

There we go. When you look, are you explaining quantum physics? Quantum physics.

Okay. I don't know if you.

I said astrophysics. I meant quantum physics, astrophysics. I guess it's all the same. At the end of the day, it's.

All about asses, I think, and stardust. Stardust and asses.

When you look at a particle apart, like, let me start here. Everybody has seen a version of the two slot experiment, haven't you? Where they take a light, they sh. Or they shoot particles through two slits and a cardboard piece of cardboard. And the expectation is that those particles will land where those two slots are. Like, if there's a white sheet behind those two slots, you would expect that all the particles would go through there, and they make a nice, neat, organized little line. But when they're not being observed, they don't act like that. They end up all over the back of the white sheet. Well, how did they get there? That is, they are not necessarily particles. They are waves. So they are one thing and they are the other.

Yes.

And they're only one thing or the other. If you are observing them or not observing them, which is really strange to think about.

I know.

Like, it's Schrodinger's cat. You put a cat inside of a box. Is it dead or is it alive? When it's in the box, it's actually both. It's dead or alive. You don't know until you observe it. So it could be both. It's both at the same time. It's dead and it's alive or it's licking its balls. I'm not really sure.

But in any case, it's doing something in there, right?

It's doing or not doing something. So quantum computing uses the power of the atom being one thing or the other to not to break the walls of ones and zeros. Now, it's not just about ones and zeros. It's about millions of different combinations and possibilities when not observed, right? So these quantum computers have to be, like, at absolute zero, close to absolute zero, the coldest thing ever in. In the universe. And then they have to somehow make those particles move around in a way that it can make a computer. I don't know how, but I really don't. I don't understand how, but I'm telling you right now, whatever they're doing, it sounds very important.

It does sound very, very important, and.

Apparently it is going to change the course of human history. And now they are getting to the point where these computers are actually usable. They're functional. They're doing calculations. They're doing things that what they call digital computers are already doing at millions, thousands, millions of times faster, better than digital computers can do. And so this is really interesting to me because I'm like, oh, quantum computing, that could change the way we do it. But one person was saying that once quantum computing comes into play, then AI is really going to take off, because the power of AI, the power of AI with the power of a quantum computer is going to really change the entire world as we know it. And so I just wanted to make a promise to you here that if you turn on an episode of the commercial break one day and it is funny, then you will know that AI has taken over this show and turn it off, because we'll be back with real episodes just as soon as quantum computer. Quantum computing is a fad, just like the Internet was.

Yeah, I'm even. I'm looking it up, too. And, yeah, it's very hard to explain.

Yeah, yeah, you can't explain it. That's the problem. There's no way to explain classical physics.

Cannot explain the operation of these quantum devices.

That is the weirdest part about quantum physics in general, to me, is that there's even the smartest people in the world, they don't have computers yet that can really understand quantum physics, because they don't have the power to. Only a quantum computer could really start to explain quantum physics.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that. I'm going to throw in Michael Jackson's thriller with smells like teen spirit for nostalgic purposes. And then Janey's got a gun, the 1990s classic by Aerosmith.

I like this explanation better.

And then I am taking some tantric yoga, the snake move, where you go like this into your partner's anus, and I'm throwing it into a pot, a soupy pot of Frankie B's avocado eggs and the girl with two vaginas.

Mountain monsters.

Mountain monsters. No, no, I'm sorry. I'll draw the line there. That has nothing to do with quantum physics.

No, just buck.

Yeah.

Oh, buck. Fine. I'll throw him and his big belly in there, too. And Doctor Nowzarden from 600 pound life for good measure. We're going to need someone to explain this to us. And Doctor Nausardin is better than anybody at explaining things in his weird affectation. So we mix it all up, we freeze it to absolute zero. We microwave it. We microwave it in a ramen noodle packet. And then quantum physics magic happens. And soon you will know the power of quantum computing. No more dillying or dallying you need to put that.

You need to do a little YouTube.

Oh, don't you worry. Once I get this quantum computer working, I'll take over YouTube. I'll be 40,000 times more powerful than all the YouTube explanations combined. Have you heard of this? Must see that you're doing it wrong the whole time. This is the last video you will ever need. All that clickbait in the world won't stop me.

The last video you'll ever make?

Yes. And my first job is going to be punishing everyone who named their video the last video you will ever need. Because it's not true.

It is not true.

Quantum computing has led me to discover that it's not true.

I needed more videos.

I tried your way. I tried it your way. Now I'm going to figure out how many more videos I really need because you lied to me. You said this is the most definitive explanation of the challenger disaster ever, and yet I left with more questions. But you did not answer, you silly person. That's what AI's doing to us. It's ruining us. Let's get to quantum level. I'm the quantum witch. And I'll be back, you pretties. I'll be back. I'll be back with more simple explanations.

The last one you'll ever need.

Yes, this will be the last one you ever need. Once I get my quantum computer working, I'll get it to literally go into your brain and explain all of it. It'll be like an ayahuasca trip for years.

That's what the quantum computer needs. Little ayahuasca getting on its way. You know what?

I pulled that. Some of that in there, for sure.

Put all 90 episodes of Bluey into a cauldron, mix it up with some ayahuasca, and he'll figure out the keys to the light.

Yep.

Oh, my gosh. What fun we have here. You can't manufacture. You can't replicate this with AI. It's just not gonna happen.

No, no.

This is pure gold. Comedy gold here. Oh, my gosh. I was laughing so hard. Back of my ears hurt. Maybe it's that weird voice I was making. But the quantum witch will be back.

Yes.

I promise you. I think that one's a keeper.

Yeah, yeah.

Quantum witch. She's coming back. Oh, my gosh. All right. You want to talk to the quantum witch here on the show, ask her a question. I'd be happy to oblige. All you gotta do is let us know you'd like to be on the show. What would you like to ask the quantum witch? Tell me in a text message. 212433 TCV.

Those things at the fair where you ask the whole thing and it gives you a reading.

No, not today. Keep trying. You can do anything you put your mind to.

I always felt gypped by those things anyway. 4321-2433 TCB. That's 212433 TCB. Text us. Let us know you want to be on the show. What do you want to ask the Quantum Witch? Just text it to us. Someone will get back to you and schedule a time to come on the program. Add the commercial break on Instagram, TCBpod, on TikTok and YouTube.com thecommercialbreak. Also visit the website tcbpodcast.com, comma, all the video, all the audio, and your free sticker at the contact us button. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all the quantum computing explanations I can give for you today.

The only one you'll need?

Yeah, that's right.

The only one. I love you.

I love you.

Best to you and best to you in the podcast quantum universe. Until next time, we always say, we do say, and we must say goodbye.