That's unfortunate that you've never eaten one ass. That's not a good guess.

I'm going to be vulnerable for a second.

I have a thing called inverse psoriasis, which is I get psoriasis in the cracks of my body. So my butt crack is actually...

It's flaky, like dandruff on the head, but in my asshole crack. So if someone were to just go chompe it down on my ass, they would just get skinflakes, like sprinkles right down their throat, and it's not pleasant. A pet egg.

You want me to pummel stuff on my asshole? On this episode of the Commercial Break. If anybody was looking for this old ass body, I would be on there in a heartbeat.

There's something for everybody.

There is something. Well, I'm not going to get into the hundreds of thousands. I'm going to have 10 really horny women and four extremely horny dudes in their mid-60s that are going to be like, Show me that wrinkly cock again. I want a wrinkle-tinkle. Show me your wrinkle-tinkle. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this crazy show, Chris and Joyotily. Best to you, Chrissy.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. All right.

All right, all right, all right.

Here we are again. The The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round.

And fall off sometimes. Yes.

Get flat. The paychecks always come with zeros on the line, zeros on the line, zeros on the line. And yet, here we are.

Our little passion project. Yes.

Against All Ods is our theme song by Phil Collins. How could I just let you walk away? Leave, leave without a chase. Oh, good old Phil Collins. Good old Phil Collins. What happened on my microphone? It got scratchy there for a second. It did. Sorry about that. You had more stuff falling apart here at the studio. Please send donations to DCBpodcast. Com for Brian's new microphone so you can actually hear me during the show. Or maybe send donations and I'll keep the same microphone and I'll slowly just fade away. It'll be Chrissy laughing. Exactly. Oh, all right. Hey, I wanted to talk about something. I think we've talked this before, not 100% sure. But I recently heard somebody on a vodcast talking about the very popular Roman ritual of Soaking. Do you know what Soaking is? It is what it sounds like.

Wait, I think we have talked about... Wait, is this where somebody else is in the room?

Yeah, where someone jumps on the bed. Yes. So Soaking, because Normands, like a lot of other religions, don't believe in premarital sex, they have decided that there is a way around that, that only the friction equals sex, that if you just stick it in and leave it there, then actually you're not having intercourse. I don't even know how that works in your brain. But Catholic believe do it in the butt and that's not sex. I'm not here to throw stones. I'm just sharing the information that I know. This is a very odd thing. The Romans get in bed together. A couple gets in bed together. He slips it in. He soaks it. Then at some point, a friend will come in the room and then jump on the bed because if you're not thrusting, then it's not sex. However, if the bouncing up and down causes a little action, then everything's good.

Yeah, you can't get pregnant that way, right?

You not to get pregnant that way. It's been proven. It's science, baby.

It's a little parental planning.

Ask the scientist about this one. I just wanted to tell my kids, I'm going to say, Just soak it. Don't poke it. Just soak it.

It's a little parental planning. Ask the scientist about this one. I just wanted to tell my kids, I'm going to say, Just soak it. Don't poke it. Just soak it. It's Soak it. Then soak it.

Oh, yeah. Soak it. Don't poke it. Or poke it, then soak it.

Then then don't stoke it.

Don't stoke it. Yeah. Make sure you don't stoke it. This is Soak it, don't poke it. Soak it, don't poke it is the new Commercial Break theme tagline. We've changed our tagline so many times. Currently, it's the Cheesecake Factory podcast, but I'm going to say, The Commercial Break, Soak it, don't poke it. But when I I remember this. I think we talked about this episode number four or something. It had to be so long ago. It was a long time ago. Yeah. But this just is a crazy thought to me.

You just rethought of it?

I just rethought of it. I'm old enough that after a couple of years, it just leaves my my brain altogether. Then when it comes back, it's like a fresh idea.

What made you think of it?

These two people talking about it. They're like, Do they really do this? Do they really do this? The answer is, Yes, they do this. Yes, because I know Roman folks, and my best friend for a long time was a Roman. She was on her own little room springa journey or whatever they call it. A room springa has nothing to do with Normans. I'm totally full of shit, by the way. Just ignore me. It's just the thought of being in a girl and then having my best bud, like Raphael behind me or you just jumping on the bed.

It's not that far out of the question once we're talking about Raphael's world.

Yeah, that's true. Raphael probably has bounced down a couple of ends. He's probably had to. Yeah. I love Raphael. I'm going to spread your butt cheeks so the stars, so the star light can get in your hole and then I'll bounce.

That's what I love about him. He's always trying to be different and new.

He is. Raphael, who I haven't talked about enough, probably on this show, but he is my other best friend. He is the male version of Chrissy. But Raphael and I actually have had sex, and Chrissy and I have. We didn't have sex. He just soaked it.

He just was soaking it.

He just jumped on the bed. No poking. Yeah, that's right. He jumped on the bed. Raphael, I love him, and everybody loves him. There isn't a person- What's not to love? There's not a damn thing. There's not a damn thing wrong with the guy.

He's always happy, and he's always trying something new, and he just explores life.

And he's intense about it. He's like a true renaissance man. He's like, Whatever it I'm going to give it a try at least once. And he usually drags me along with him, kicking and screaming. He's like, Come on, let's try this. I'm like, I don't want to. And he's like, You'll regret not doing this. Every time Raphael has some kookey idea, I don't know, ayahuasca or come down to Costa Rica for a month and live with me, whatever.

We did that.

We did that. Come down to this Tantra seminar. Let's sun our bum holes or whatever. Anytime he has an idea.

The cold plunge.

The cold plunge.

The fasting.

All the fasting. He has all the ideas, and usually long before it becomes popular. But Raphael will tell you that this is the one thing in your life you cannot miss every time it is the thing that you have to do. Raphael is really good.

And he's very convincing.

He's very convincing. Actually, he doesn't take no for an answer. He just says yes. He says yes for you. He's like, We're going to this party in the woods, bro. I've been inviting you for 12 years and you've never shown up. You're doing it. So I paid for you. I got a ride for you. Picking you up at 9:00 AM. We're going. And I'm like, I have no interest in a party in the woods. 10:00 AM, I'm sleeping in the back of a car on a four-hour drive to some waterfall in North Carolina. I mean, it's No, everybody in life needs that friend. You do. They need that friend that just drags you along. I feel like Raphael is my that friend. I'm that your friend. I'm like, Come on, Christie, let's go to Costa Rica for two weeks. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about your job.

And then I'm that person for Jeff. Yes.

Yeah, you are the- I'm like, Come on.

Come on, honey. We're going to this festival, man. We're going to do this. We're going to do that.

He's like, Oh, roll, roll. We're going to do this. We're going to do that. Me and Jeff are like the same. I don't want to go. I just want to sit here and watch the Masters.

That's right.

So Soaking Let's go back to Soaking because I think it's a really interesting prospect that you would have. What is the conversation you have with the friend who's going to jump in the room? Hey, listen, I'm going to go soak my dick for a couple of minutes.

I mean, apparently it's a thing. So maybe you just come out and say it. I need you to help soak. Is that what helps?

I need a soak host, a soak co-host.

Dude, would you be a real true friend.

By the way, Soaking does happen with people outside the Mormon religion, too. It's called regular sex with Brian. You don't thrust? No, there's no thrust. I'm too old for all that. I'm going to break my hip. Don't get on top of me. I'm going to break my back. I'm not going to thrust. I'm going to break a hip. What is that conversation that you have with a friend? By the way, I have a Norman friend that I was friends with for years. Like I was saying, she was on this- Journey? Journey. She was trying to figure out if Norman was the only thing out there for her. But she mainly stuck to the Norman rules, including wearing the garment. Some people refer to it as a magic garment, but it's not a magic garment. It's a garment that signifies purity that they wear underneath all their clothing all the time. She would wear the garment. She explained to me one time that this is a phenomenon that happens with the teenagers. I don't think she referred to it as soaking because I think I clearly would have remembered that term being as funny as it is.

But she said that there is a version of sex that doesn't include actual action. It's just literally slip it in and then that's it. Listen, I've had sex lots in my life, mostly with myself, But on occasion, I convinced somebody else to come along on the journey with me. I will tell you that you could soak and probably still get off. I mean, men could soak and probably still get off.

There's probably a big build-up to it.

You got to imagine. You're so pent up.

Yeah, we're going to do this. Do you take off the magic garments?

I think you have to. I think you have to.

What's that saying, though? That's violating something.

Well, I mean, they have to bathe, right? So maybe you it in the bath and then you have a friend come and push you up against the wall.

That makes more sense with the soak. What if you had like- Let's take a soak.

Let's take a soak. In the tub. In the tub. We all know water sex is bad, but I'm imagining these kids are too young to know the difference. They're adventurous. They still think the shower scene works, right? Right. Okay. They'll get older and realize- Or the pool. Yeah, or the pool. They'll get older and realize that that doesn't work at all. Sex in the ocean is the worst. Oh, God, no. That's the worst. That is the worst. I had sex in the ocean. I'm not going to... I had sex in the ocean, and I'm telling you, it was not the most pleasurable experience in the world, the waves crashing up against you, and we were at a crowded beach. What? Don't ask. We were just being a little adventurous. No one knew. I don't think.

Sand is going everywhere.

Sand, salt, all stuff. Fish. There's probably a small octupus in someone's vagina currently. What if you did the soaking in the bath and you could get multiple friends to help? What if you had one friend that held up one leg and another friend that held up the other leg and then Is there some guy who just on occasion came and rammed you up against the side of the wall, like the pusher, he just pushed you every once in a while?

That seems dangerous. It does. First off, second off, not comfortable.

But the reason why I bring this up is because I want you and Jeff to try this and tell me how it all works out. You guys are adventurous. Soaking- Or adventurous moving forward.

This seems like a step back or- Well, not when you have a third person in the room jumping on the bed.

That's all adventure. What are you talking about? That's true. Will they talk dirty? Do you want to be the friend? No, not really. I don't want to ruin it. There's some things you can't come back from.

Ashton has one leg, you have another leg. You just give Jeff a shove.

I just jump Jeff in the back every once in a while. What if I just slap his ass? I keep slapping his ass. I do a little tickle on his date, and he's like, We got to do this for the podcast, honey. Yes. What if give him a prostate massage while Astrid's holding up both of his legs. I just go deep in there. I'll press that button. You know there are a lot of men, and this is proven. This is a fact that there is a special G-Spot for men in that prostate, too. Of course there is. And you touch it and there, off you go. It's like, instant come. Soak it, don't poke it. Remember that, kids. For all those kids listening in the car. Your horrible parents are allowing you to listen to this show on the drive home.

They're like, Next episode.

Soak it, poke it.

This is fun.

I like thinking about this. Yeah. Okay. So you and Jeff, me and Astrid, in the shower. I think we should probably do it on the bed. So you guys get in there on the bed, you put the covers over your head, to your shoulders. And then when you're ready, you just yell. You just be like, Brian.

I don't know why I'm picturing this happening in a weird hotel Oh, I was hoping it could happen right here at my house in a weird hotel room, like the Motel 6.

You just text me when you're ready. Hey, Brian, all ready? And I'll come in with a cape and a mask.

You'll come in your Magic garment.

Yeah, magic garment. Magic garment and a mask on, and I'll start jumping. But because you want to make sure you respect the Lord, I'll have to do the dirty talking for you. So I'll be like, Oh, yeah, Jeff, right there. . Oh, Oh, Carissa. Oh, Carissa.

Oh, yes.

I'll text to you guys some things to say. Okay. Also, I can record it for posterity's sake because it's nothing if it's not content for the show. We need content for the show. Exactly. I think Jeff will be up for this. Talk to him. Talk to him when you guys are doing a naked cooking session and just say, Hey, Jeff, we got a new idea for the show. I'll slip it in there. Yeah, he's literally. But he'll slip it in there. You tell Jeff, while you got that frock on and your ass is hanging out, you say, Hey, Jeffrey. Brian had a great idea for the show, and I know since you're so supportive, you'll do this for us. Yeah. You mind just soaking it while Brian jumps in like Superman?

This could actually make us money, honey.

This could make us money. I bet if we... There's got to be soaking porn out there.

Oh, God, probably. There's every porn.

There's every porn. Every single porn.

Maybe we should start the OnlyFans.

I'm telling you what, man. Sometimes I'll get those. On the Commercial Break feed, we took all of the followers off except for the people that we interview. But now I'm getting these random suggested for you. So since my commercial break account is filled with just half-maked women, I get this constant feed of these girls. They are in various states of undress, looking super sexy, super hot, good for them. Then they have their- I'm sure that's actually them. Well, it is some of them. Most of them, most of them. But I don't know. Who cares? I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit if it's them or not. I'm not a detective.

You watch episode after episode after episode of catfish.

Yes. Okay. I'm ready to get catfished. I've never been catfish. I feel like I'm being left out.

I know. We could do that for the show, too. You could throw it a line for the catfish to bite.

Oh, that's true. I never thought about that. What if I put a Tinder profile together with some hot fake AI photographs? And I just say, I'm ready to soak. Soaking, welcome. I'm a super soaker. That's what I am. I'm a super soaker. I'm a double down poker. Okay, so I'm scrolling, and then a lot of times you'll click and it'll be like, OF account, link here. When you click onto the OF account, OnlyFans account, when you click onto the LonelyFans account. There are some women that have been served to me, mainly women, that have 900, 700, 600, people that are on their OnlyFans account, 399 a month times just 100,000 people, and you are making a holy shit fuck of money. I know. It's insane how much money you can make. If anybody was looking for this old ass body, I would be on there in a heartbeat.

There's something for everybody.

There is something. Well, yeah, but I don't... I'm not going to get into the hundreds of thousands. I'm going to have 10 really horny women and four extremely horny dudes in their mid-sixties that are going to be like, Oh, show me that wrinkly cock again. I want a wrinkle-tinkle. Show me your wrinkle-tinkle. I just don't want to take weird requests from even stranger people. Do you know what I'm saying? I imagine the fan mail, the fan email that those people get. It's got be outrageous. That's the part that makes me think twice about ever doing anything sexually related on the internet. Not that I'm above it. I am not above it. But first of all, no one wants to see me. Second of all, I don't have particularly great skills in bed or on camera, if this show is any indication. I'm not looking to be a superstar in that realm. But then number three, I don't want to deal with the feedback that you would get being one of those only OnlyFans models, cam guys or whatever you call it. I think you're going to have to take this one on the chin for us.

I've said I'll do the feet.

Yeah, Asher and I were talking about that, too, and she was like, Well, let's put... Let's do it. I said, You got pretty feet. Let's go put your feet on there. We started thinking it all through, right? Probably no one would ever know it was her feet. You could put a fake name. You only have to show the feet. That's it. Smoishing stuff, bananas and all that shit. But at the end of the day, you've got to go into a really weird head space to get where these people are going sometimes. That's probably has to do with any sexual activity, not just feet. I'm not knocking on foot fetish because apparently millions and millions of people have these foot fetish. They do. Foot fetish because there's people making millions of dollars on that fucking site. I know. But the thing is, when someone asked you to squash a banana or an orange or a dick or whatever it dildo, whatever these strange requests are, you're going to have to get in the space to respond to that. If you really want to make money, you're going to have to oblige to some of that stuff that you are willing to do.

I see nothing wrong with squishing a banana with my toes.

Yeah, but imagine the email that comes with that.

Well, that's when you just have an automated response. I'm imagining- Thank you so much. I appreciate.

Yeah, that's true. You could do that. You just have AI respond to it. Yeah, exactly. I just read one of these emails. I imagine your toes have nipples, and I want to stick it on my tongue and roll it around. Then I want to spit, spit, spit, spit on me and kick my balls make them bleed. I'm coming in my own mouth.

Wow. You've really thought about that. Yes, I have. You've gone down the road.

Yes, I have. Crucify my dick, put nails right through the head. I love you.

I was thinking just about a little toe playfulness.

Yeah, you think it's going to be friendly in that place? You think it's going to be friendly? Forget about it, Chrissy.

Friendly fans only.

Friendly fans only. That's a good one. Friendly fans only. Ffo. We're starting our new website right after the gambling site for the NFL. Brian's sister co-host idea, and then FFO.

Everything that's in the notebook.

By the way, we got a few people that said they were willing to be a sister co-host. Oh, good. Yeah, a few people responded to that. If you ever want to take some time off, let me know.

I do need to do that coming up. Yeah, that's true. Jeff's got a couple of festivals I'm going up there for.

I would say that it might not be a bad idea, a terrible idea, to put together a raffle or a contest of some sort where someone gets to be a guest co-host for the day when you're out or I'm out. Then they just come in and you just randomly have a conversation with them. I've already picked that person, and they're going to be here for the next 6-12 months. And go. Let me know if we have any paycheck that can show up. And see you later. Christie's like, Bye.

As Jeff says, whenever I leave to come here, be careful and be funny.

Be careful. Yeah, be funny. That's my favorite part. Now, I'll be funny. I know. I've got this friend, and I love him to death, but he is so... And we were friends before the podcast became popular. I'm not close to that quote unquote, whatever that means. And now you're not friends anymore. So we've been friends for a while. I'm friends with him, but I get a little shy because whenever anybody else besides him is in a room, I told you that one time we were somewhere and he introduced one of his friends. He's like, This is Brian. He's I guess it's so fucking funny. You got a video. Steve O was on his show. Margaret Charles was on his show. He makes it a big deal. It's not a big deal. I'm just a dude with some kids, and I'm trying to fucking hang out, right? But he does this, but it gets a little...

I don't know. I know. It's hard to respond to that because what are you supposed to be like, Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm the best.

That's right. Yeah. Everything he's saying, more.

I have women come up to me and they go, Soak me, poke me.

Poke me. Women want to be me.

Men want to fuck you. No. Men want to be you. Women want to fuck you. You're Brian Green. Look at you. Look how you cried across the strip club floor. I'm gliding because I'm so fucking high on cocaine right now. My feet won't touch the ground. That's why. Shut up.

That was a funny night.

Yeah, it was a funny night.

But hey, back to your friend.

Okay. In what I say, sometimes then you...

Are you going to be like, Oh, No.

Shox. No. I'm so embarrassed about this show. I just turn red and walk away. What am I supposed to do? Because the other thing is then he's like, Oh, you have a comedy podcast? So what comedy do you do?

I get that, too.

This one guy was like, Oh, so you do jokes and stuff? Give me an example of a joke. And I'm like, No, I'm not going to do that. I'm not a fucking monkey. Knock, knock. Who's there? Shut the fuck up.

That's the stuff we do.

That's the stuff we do.

You should I'll see that next time.

No, I just open up my Apple app and I'm like, Here, you can listen yourself. What do you want me to do? Do you want to dance around? It'd be funny for you? I'm not even funny on the show. Dance around. It'd be funny. Do you have a cane? I do. I spin it around with a top hat.

You got a cane? I'll show you.

I have a big coat on and a top hat and I spin the cane. A moniker.

I know it is.

Have you heard How about Rosie Rita?

It is like an awkward- She's got super sexy feet.

It's hard. It is.

It is. It is awkward.

It's such a hard life being a podcaster.

No, well, I do the same thing, though, where I'm like, Here it is. That's what I do. You can listen to it. That's what I do. Then I say it's not for everyone. Just to preface it.

I always have to be careful about who I'm.

It's not everybody's brand of humor.

I know. At the school, sometimes I'm like, Oh, God. I mean, I've said this a million times. I love almost everybody at the school.

Your secret's safe.

I know your secret's safe with me, but everybody has said that. It's a big secret that everybody has a secret that I have a secret podcast that no one can talk about out loud because it's really not funny. He's quite obnoxious, and he says stuff that's way not cool with the school. Now there's like, I'm not even going to get into this. I shouldn't get into this. Okay, all right. Let's do this. Let's take a break. I have got a dating show that I found that is outrageous. It's a TLC. I can't believe I've never seen this before. What on TLC? It's on TLC. It's called Date at First Kiss. Oh. Can you believe this? We have to take a listen to this. I would love to. This is right up our fucking alley. Never seen it, not seeing the video. It was submitted to us. How? You're a TLC fan. I know.

I can't.

You're a TLC fan. I'm not a super fan. I know. Sometimes they run shit late at night. And by the way, there's like 12 different TLCs around the world, like the UK version, the Canada version. And so there's a lot of those different shows, and I'm not sure sometimes where they come from, but someone actually submitted this to us and was like, You got to review this video.

It's really funny. Yes, keep the content coming. Yeah, please. Please, please.

Yes. If you literally think of anything, I should be on your favorites on the text message, 2124333TCB. Just send it. If you fart loudly, record it and send it Jimmy. It'll fill five minutes. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

Hey, podcast universe. It's Astrid. While Brian and crazy are here messing around in the studio, I am here doing the important work behind the scenes. So who better to tell you where to go than your favorite Venezuelan producer? That's me. First, go to tcbpodcast. Com and check out the website I helped design. Then, hit the Contact Us button and send us your address to get your free a T-C-B sticker that I also designed. You can text us at 212-433-3-T-C-B, and it's likely I'll be the one to respond. And one last favor, follow us on Instagram @thecommercialbreak. It takes me a lot of time to create all those posts. You can watch the show at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak and see how I made Brian and Crece look good in that studio. See, Brian, you're not the only one I boss around. And now, let's hear from our sponsors while I go back to work. Do you wake up in a cold sweat from your work dreams?

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How am I supposed to bring this up to him without hurting his feelings? What should I do?

I want to skip the pleasantries without being in a hole.

Careful. Money and friends, they don't mix, babes.

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All right. So a listener submitted video from TLC, the noted favorite channel of the commercial break. Brian. Catfish, TLC, and old white people pontificating about political news.

That's what Christie and I watch here. No, that's what you watch.

No, that's what you watch because I have an eye on you. I know.

That's what I have to watch. That's the only way I know on any of those things.

Oh, you love catfish. Don't lie. You love catfish. You get into it. You're like...

Well, it's hard not to see what happens.

Of course. See what happens. Now, you know how Jeff feels when he walks in and he catches you in one of these shows or I walk in on Astrid in The Bachelor. I'm like, Oh, Fuck, now I'm sucked in. What am I going to do? I can't get out of here. I know. So a listener submitted video from TLC. I don't know when this was done, but it's called Date at First Kiss. I'm as unknowledgeable about this as anybody in the room. So let's just put it on and we'll see what happens. I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. Here's a handsome young fellow looking to spray some of that shit in his mouth that never makes your breath smell good. It just makes it smell worse. Remember that stuff? Yeah. Bianca? Is it Bianca? Was What is it called?

Something like that. Bianca? Bianca? Bianca? I never even see that in the checkout lines anymore.

No, because I think it had like heavy metals in it. Everybody's spraying it. I know. You're just spraying like asbestos in your mouth or something. And by the way, never made your breath smell good. You did two squirts for one. If you happen to kiss someone within three seconds of putting that in your mouth, maybe they, too, would taste that weird metallic-y taste. But besides that, it wasn't doing you any good. All right, let's take a listen. Let's see what he's up to.

It's going to be great. I'm Josh. I'm 27. No pressure. And today, I'm going to kiss a girl for the first time.

I can do this.

I'm ready.

No, you are not, bro. You are definitely not ready. Look at those eyes. He's so scared. He is. This has got to be a tough one.

It's nerve-wracking, your first kiss.

Oh, it's his very first kiss?

He said he's 27. He's never kissed anybody. This is my first kiss.

Jeez. Yeah, you got to get the first kiss in under 27, I think. You do. I think under 21, actually.

Otherwise, the pressure just builds and builds.

Yeah, it builds builds, and then you're just talking yourself out of it all the time. You're anticipating something. I mean, honestly, I think a good first kiss time is 14 to 16 years old. That's my opinion. Don't write in. Stop with the stupid Apple reviews about every fucking thing I say, please. Thank you.

Well, I wonder if he's one of these guys that's actually done everything but kiss.

Oh, yeah. Everything but, no pun intended. Everything but. That's what they teach sometimes in some of these parroquial schools.

I don't even know how I made it 27 years without kissing a girl. It's really crazy, actually. None of my friends have waited that long. I don't think anyone, probably in the human history, have waited that long. Oh, no.

I know a lady who just turned 100 years old last week. You know her? I know her personally. She turned 100 years old last week. She has never, ever, according to her, ever been with a man in any in a romantic way. She is likely to die without ever having touched a man in a sexual way.

Some people are asexual.

Yeah, I don't think that's it. I mean, I could tell the whole story, but I won't. But just know that- You continue to amaze me, Brian.

I know. I mean, we've been friends for so long and you still- Yeah, you know her, too.

I do? Yeah, you do. You know of her. You've met her. I do what? Yes. I'll tell you after the break.

Is it a family member? What's that? Is it a family member?

No. Family member. He has my twin brother. He's 100 years old. He's never kissed anybody. And by the way, he's a she. So there you go.

He's shy when it comes to talking to girls. So hopefully this can lead to something. Might be a little bit of a freak.

Okay, that's enough.

Spray. Yeah, dude. Whoa, that's twelve sprays in there, bro. You're going to open your mouth and like, hot ass is going to come out of there. I mean, that can't be good. At some point it starts working against you.

Kiss in the world are my mom and grandma, but there's no way I'd kiss my mom and grandma. Like, I'm going to kiss this girl.

Are you sure? Come here, mommy. Can I practice?

Practicing and trying to watch videos of people kissing, grabbing the cheek and face. It's a big thing. Wrapping the arms around, maybe do something with the hair.

Oh, no, no, no, no, grab, right? So you've got some tender touching. Make sure your hands are warm. And then stick your tongue, just start darting your tongue directly into her mouth. Yes, like a snake. Make sure it's forceful and heavy. You want her to choke on your tongue. That's how you do it.

Yes, I'll pucker my lips in. I don't know. I just...

Oh, my God. He's in a TV studio. Just to let you know, those who are listening, he's in a TV studio, big white backdrop. And this has got to be so nerve-wracking. Yeah.

I I don't know what I'm doing. My heart is actually racing. My palms are actually sweaty. I really want to follow him up. Also, he's on TV.

What if she's the one? Yeah. Why did you agree to do this on TV, dude? You obviously have a little anxiety around this.

Why does every- Let me get a camera crew.

Yeah.

To watch me do this.

Let me get TLC and millions of viewers to watch me fuck this up. Why does everyone think it's a good idea to do stupid shit on TV for the first time?

I'm Lisa. I'm from Beverly Hills. Am I an experienced kisser?

She's an experienced kisser.

Oh, my gosh. This girl is gorgeous. She is.

They're bringing in the heavy.

Why did she agree to this?

What is she up to? To be on TV. To be on TV.

That's right.

I was 13 when I had my first kiss.

She's taking a shot of tequila. Good idea. Yeah. She is an experienced kisser. She knows. She knows. I'm going to have to be a little drunk for this one.

I made a to myself. That I was going to be a great kisser. Took a lot of practice, trial and error. I must say I developed a couple of tricks in my bag. So I'm a bit confident.

I love Amanda. I think you think a little bit too much of yourself here, young lady.

That's aggressive, and it will pull me in and just grab my face and just kiss me. I'm ready.

He is literally going to faint when he sees her.

Well, right. Yeah, she's got on strappy high heel shoes, short shorts, tight short shorts, tube top. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. She was applying lipstick, getting ready for the kiss.

Wow. This is like me and Tiger Woods going to Augusta National and saying, Hey, it's my first time. It's my first time playing here. He'd be like, Cool, dude. See you later. She's walking down the stairs. He's sweating like a maniac.

I haven't had experience, so I don't know what my body is going to react.

His palms have to be so sweaty.

Why is he in an all-white room? Are they in a padded psychiatry room?

Because they're trying to make it anxiety-inducing. They have to get good TV here, so they just make it as un-natural. No one's going to kiss in front of six cameras and a white backdrop that looks like you're filming fucking Avatar 4. It's never going to happen. Then they're going to bring in the sexiest, sultriest woman you've ever met in your real life. I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm sorry I'm going to put it like this, but I'm not sure this guy would naturally meet this woman and kiss her on his own. I'm just not sure they're in the same zone. Yeah, I'm not in the same league. He's not in the same league.

Do it.

It? Wow. This could not be more panic-inducing right now. Okay, here she comes.

It's the weirdest set.

It is.

Hi.

Hello. Hi. I'm literally about to blow your dick off. Hi.

Oh, he's frozen. Do you mind if I give you a kiss?

Yes.

You mind? Yes.

Yes, please. He's had full attention. He's like, I've never felt this way about anybody before. This is going to suck for him. You know, want to know why? He's going to fall in love with her instantaneously. That could be the truth. Well, I never forgot my first kiss. He's 27. He's been thinking about it all this time. This gorgeous woman walks in, he's going to kiss her, and you think he's just going to forget about that? No, I see a restraining what are coming in this girl's future. What's that? Kiss and run. Kiss and run.

No, no. I don't mind.

Oh, they just went straight for it. Oh, my God, dude. No. What?

Bro.

Chrissy, let's watch the replay on this. I'm going to explain to them. But they're not even doing tongue.

It's just she's just kissing him on the lips.

Because he's not opening his mouth. He's not even opening his mouth. He's not even moving his body. His eyes are wide open. This is the worst kiss I've ever... Look at that.

Okay, so let me explain to the listener. His lips are pressed tight together. Yes.

She walks in with that sultry walk. He is frozen. His eyes are big as saucers. She walks right across the room and says, Do you mind if I give you a kiss? Can I kiss you? And he says, Yes. And she goes up, grabs his face, pulls her toward him. His lips are locked. His eyes aren't moving. They're wide open. And she's got her eyes closed. She's obviously an experienced kisser. She knows what's going on. She's a pro. He can't believe this is happening to him. He's taking mental pictures right now. Instead of focusing on what he needs to focus on, which is actually kissing. Poor guy, poor bastard. Chrissy, I feel so bad for this guy.

Are you nervous? Yeah. Don't be. Okay. Can I try it one more time? Yes. You sure like that?

He's enthralled.

This is awesome. Let's try. Okay, loosen them up a little bit, dude.

Okay, the lips are coming open.

Loosen them up. There you go. Loosen up. Thanks. What? She just walked away. He said, Thanks.

Now there's a breakdown. She's talking to the camera.

I love this show. How do we get more of this? I want all of it. All of it you can handle. I think this is awesome.

It felt like I kiss his teeth. Kiss tells everything.

She's like, I can't work with this.

No, I got it. Where's my manager? I can't work with amateurs like It's unprofessional.

He wanted me, not that he was terrified of me.

I was hoping it would go a lot better. I feel disappointed at myself and wish I would have done things a lot differently.

Oh my God, Chrisy, this poor bastard. His mind just went blank. This poor bastard.

He forgot everything that he was learning.

He literally forgot everything ever. I mean, like...

His name.

Yeah, I can't imagine if I was this guy. It's hard for me to put myself in his shoes, but let's just try for one minute. You're standing there, first kiss, anxiety all over the place. Obviously, you haven't had a lot of luck with women in your life. You're a nice, plain-looking woman, right? What do we say here? Like a six, right? He's a cute guy. He's cute. He's not bad looking for sure. But he's obviously a ball of nerves. They come in here, they put 75 huge bright lights in front of you, put you on a white backdrop, throw five cameras in the Probably no one's saying anything to him. It's just dead silent. She walks in. Now go. Now go. She walks in and without any conversation just comes up and says, I'm going to kiss you, and then grabs you and pulls you toward her. I can't say that I would have done any better at 27 years old had I never had a kiss before. But now the regrets. I mean, I might as well have gone and done two eight bottles of cocaine and three bottles of tequila over a three-day period and had less regret than this guy did about this kiss.

Poor bastard. I want to have this guy in the show. Yeah. Chrissy, kiss this guy. Show him how to soak, Chrissy.

I think I would have felt more confident if the first kiss went well.

Hopefully, he gets another shot.

I think he's going to get another shot. You should have embraced her. You should have just wrapped your arms around her.

Yeah, he was just standing there still. With his arms at the side.

Yeah, he just with his arms down. Yeah. Oh, man.

Maybe she sees potential like, Oh, he's actually a good guy. Who knows?

How does she know? You guys didn't even say anything to each other. How would he know? He's a good guy. Yeah, he's a good guy.

Hopefully, it develops into a relationship. Maybe even my wife. I told you.

I told you this was going to happen. Maybe even my wife. No, no, no. You're telling me there's a chance. No, there's no chance. There's zero chance. I'm not sure you I want this girl as your wife, bro. You're a nice guy, and I'm not sure you're getting eaten up by this one, eaten alive by this woman. All right, let's take a break. We'll watch the end of it. We'll see what happens, okay? Okay. All right.

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina again, here to mind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at T-C-B podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last T-C-B phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433. 333-tcb. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

All right, we're back. We're watching, what is it? A Date at First Kiss here, and we've got our friend who's never kissed anybody, 27 years old, just had his first kiss with a very sultry, very sexy, very beautiful woman. It did not go well, to say the least. But I guess what can you expect from a 27-year-old in his first kiss? Yeah. Let's see if he gets a second bite of the apple. I hope he does.

Amazing.

Now he's sitting on the couch in a more relaxed I mean, that was just weird, though, with the white room. I don't know that I- In a huge TV studio like that? Jeff and I might be awkward as well. That's true. That's that setting.

You didn't have a big wedding. I mean, you had a wedding, right? Yes. But you didn't have a huge wedding. Right. Did you feel awkwardness about your first kiss? No. No? I didn't either. I felt no strangeness whatsoever about my first kiss, even in front of a hundred and twelve people.

Yeah, everybody's rooting for you.

Yeah, no one's rooting for this guy. They're all rooting for him to fail because that makes good TV. Now, they put him in a green room to sit on a couch, and he's probably just has to sit there and just like, replaying his head over and over again. Come on, give him a second chance.

I It would be really disappointed for sure if she doesn't show up to the speed date. Hopefully, we can salvage it.

Oh, now they go on a speed date?

Oh, now they go on a speed date? That's an interesting twist. I like that.

Okay. You start with the kiss, then you do a speed date.

Start with the kiss, go backwards. I like that. Here she comes, I think, down the hallway. Right.

Yeah, that's her.

She's nice. She's not going to bail. She's going to be like, Listen, I just kiss this, dude. I might as well spend another 15 minutes. Plus it's camera time for my- Right.

And I've been paid.

It's camera time for my reel. Will she? Won't she?

She's opening the door.

She did. Hey. Oh, good for her. Hi. Hey.

How's it going? Good. How are you? How are you doing?

How are you doing? Let's not kiss again. I just found it. Let's just hug.

Yeah, let's take it a little slow. Let's walk this backward all the way to when we didn't know each other.

So cute. He was nervous. It was different. It was awkward. It was sweet. One thing that people don't realize about me, I love a nerdy good guy. And when I saw him like, oh, my gosh, he's so cute.

One thing that no one knows about me, including the guys that date me or any of my friends or my family members, is that I really love a sweet guy. I don't actually want to be seen in public with him, but if I happen to meet on a television set, I'll be happy to hang out with him for five minutes.

How are you feeling? It was very nerve-wracking for me, I must say.

Yeah, that was actually my first kiss ever.

So you've never done a random kiss before?

I've never kissed anyone before. Stop it.

Oh my gosh. What? Did she not know what show she was doing? Yeah.

Did not someone not prep her for that? Wow, that's weird. That's even weirder. Love that first kiss. Date at first kiss, whatever. It's like you could give a brother a heads up. I'll give a sister a heads up. Hey, we're literally throwing this guy to the wolves, and you're the wolf. Okay? Go out there. Do a good job. See you later.

Josh's first kiss ever.

Yeah, we heard.

Ever. I can't even tell you how I feel. Wait, so this is your first kiss. I can't get over it.

First kiss, yeah.

First kiss ever. How do you feel about it? Was it at least exciting?

Definitely something that I got out of the way, so it was good. Definitely something I got out of the way.

That is not the answer. Will you marry me? Yeah. I see he was my wife. Will you marry me? What if he just gets down on one knee?

Here's my grandmother's ring.

Here's my great grandmother's ring. She stuffed it in her ass on the way to Ellis Island 300 years ago.

We have those fireworks, so that was a big thing. Yeah, it'd be cool, I guess, to try again.

Okay. Would you be willing to? No, not really. Now that I know.

This again?

You know... Are you looking at that time? Oh my God, time reset. Yeah, it's so fast. We can't press replay? What?

We had a good conversation. It was only two minutes, but she wanted to reset the time, which was definitely in my favor. It was such a pleasure meeting you. It was great meeting you, too. I hope she wants to get to know me better. And best case scenario is she's my first girlfriend.

Oh, God, dude. No, that's not going to happen, bro. I'm sorry.

I mean- Is she looking for love, too? Is this that show?

No. I'm a little confused. She got paid 50 bucks to kiss some dude. Okay, but that was it. I don't know for sure, but that's my guess. My guess is, hey, you can be on a- So it's not like an actual dating show? I wish it was. I don't know much about this at all. Like I said, it was sent to me. I said, You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to go in blind because that's what I always do. So I'm just going to go in blind. I just said, I'm going to go in blind so I don't spoil the magic. I just want to see it first take. And that's what we're seeing. But if we can find more of this show, we will certainly I'll put it out there for you guys.

I'm really looking forward to actually seeing Annalisa today and meeting with her and talking to her and hopefully knowing her on a deeper level.

Oh, they're going on a second date? Wow. He's outside, too. I was wrong. Yeah.

Ready to do this. I can do this. I had my first kiss with her, and it wasn't what I expected.

It's just so weird.

I thought it was wonderful.

He brought a rose. He's bringing roses. Good for you, dude. Your mama taught you well.

Today, I'm meeting Annalisa, and we're going to have this full date, not two minutes. So maybe I'll kiss her for a second time, and maybe it will be more passionate than even the first time.

I wouldn't count on it, but okay, it's nice that you started with the roses. We probably shouldn't tuck in your flannel casual shirt, but that's okay. It's your first date, obviously.

On the speed date, she wanted to reset the time, which was a good sign. I'm really just hopeful she shows up to this.

Oh, I thought he brought a ring. He took something out of his pocket.

No, he's wearing this ring, the strips.

Oh, the strips are even worse. God, he's upset. Yeah, dude, don't be so obsessed with your breath. It's okay. Unless you got really a chronic problem, you're going to be okay. Everybody has a little off-breath here and there. It's part of the kissing process. You're going to kiss people that have off-breath.

I know what it feels like to get stood up, and I don't want that to ever happen again. I mean, I didn't really get a practice last night, but with this second kiss, I'm going to take more control. I think I want a little tongue action today.

He just like, grabs her head and rips it off. I'm here to destroy you.

Annecy just waiting here.

He's waiting in a nature reserve or something.

Yeah, he's in a park. He's on a bridge. It's a very beautiful setting. I sure hope she shows up. I wish I understood a little bit more about the premise of the show.

Because it could be that they're both trying to find love.

It could be. Maybe she really does like sweet guys, and maybe Josh fits the bill. Oh, don't say she stands him up. Please don't say she stands him up.

Well, they're going to make it seem like it. Yeah, of course. Then she's going to pop her on the corner.

It's taking so long.

I'm waiting here for Annalisa to come in. I'm going from really excited to anxious, nervous. She's not showing, so the nerves kick in.

Oh, no. Oh, Oh, here she comes.

We think. They changed the music.

They changed the music. Oh, it's three old ladies. Three old Karen's coming in.

Out of power walk through the park.

Can I kiss you? I've never been kiss before. Oh, poor bastard.

Am I going to go on a full-leg date with this guy? Is that even a question? No.

Oh.

God, that's cold. I Josh's kiss, virginity. All I can say is, you're welcome.

Oh, bitch. Well, all those nice things you had to say about, I like nice guys, I like sweet guys, and you're sweet. Can we reset the Timer so we can have some more time to talk. The truth was, you were never going to go out with him in the first place. Poor bastard. He was ghosted.

Analisa not showing up. It's definitely taking me by surprise. I don't know why she said she wanted to get to know me better and then not show up. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt my feelings. Honestly, I'd rather have her told me she doesn't want to go.

Yeah, for sure. Just send a brother of text and say, Hey, listen, it was great meeting you on the set, but it's obvious this is not going to work out between the two of us. I don't have those feelings towards you. But I wish you luck and thank you. This is why dating these days, and I mean, this is a weird way to date, so don't get me wrong, but this happens all the time on all those apps. We hear about it all the time. It's happened to me, it's happened to you. Everybody gets ghosted like this, and it's a terrible feeling. So if everybody knows that getting ghosted is a terrible fucking feeling, then why do we continue to do it? A text message could save the day. It really could. It could save someone's psyche. It could make someone feel just a little less shitty about the fact that you're not going to go on a date with them. That's all you have to do. Just send a text.

Yeah, because now I bet he feels worse than he did when he started this whole journey.

This bro took 27 years to get up the courage to kiss somebody He had to do it on a television show. It obviously wasn't a great kiss. It was not hard to see that. Listen, if the roles were reversed, if this was guy, guy, guy, girl, girl, guy, whatever it was, I would say this exact same thing. Don't ghost a bro. Don't ghost a bro.

Second day, really, then to not show up.

Thank you. He's giving the ladies roses.

He's giving the old ladies that are doing the power walk roses. Well, maybe one of them is up.

Maybe one of them is divorced. That's what I was thinking.

Yeah, that's what he needs. He needs a good sugar mama is what he needs. He needs a lady that's a mom, a date. Because obviously, I think guys like this are very sweet. He's very sensitive. He's very anxious. He needs someone that's going to take that mom control, right? I know that's not everybody's favorite type of role to play in a relationship, but there are some people that do like to be more matriarchal, I guess.

The teacher. It just has to be the right person. But at least finally, I can check off the list that I've kissed a girl. So something under my belt. I finally did it.

Well, that is a great attitude to take you through the roses down on the ground. He has all those nice words to say, but the truth is, feelings being hurt are feelings being hurt. That's all you got to say. All right, there you go. Quick little episode of the commercial break. I like that. I like that. I'm going to find more of that. There's got to be more.

There's also the show that Paul Sheer was telling us about, like Sex Box.

Sex Box.

Oh, yeah. We need to find some like that because we were talking about the- Text that to me.

Don't put it in the book because then it'll never happen.

That's true, but I think I wrote it in the book when I had them on. Oh, you did?

Is it Sex Box or Sex Bot? Sex Box?

Because they go into a box and they have sex.

Oh, that's right. Paul knows all the good stuff. I know. Paul was doing like an old... On his show, he was doing old tape Remember the voice messages on the actual voice machines? Yes. And how they had those tapes, you could play the funny ones? We did a show about that many, I don't know, many, many years ago. But I say many, many years ago. We've only been doing this for four years. But then Paul did it, and I saw an Instagram clip of it. It's so much funnier than us. We should probably just change the RSS feed to just direct right over to his podcast, which is so much better than our podcast. Got to love me some Paul Sheer. Got to love me some Paul Sheer. All right. Hey, did you go check out Neil Brennan's special yet? Check it out. Neilbrennan. Com. You go to Netflix, you can watch it. It is wonderful. Thank you very much to Neil. Thank you to this week's guest, Preacher. Preacher Lawson was just on. Jimmy Kimmel. I saw that. Yes, that's right. Good for Preacher. He's really making quite a name for himself.

I really liked him.

Preacher was so cool. Yeah, he was so cool. Where was he? He was on a balcony in Las Vegas or something when he did the interview, I feel like. Yeah, somewhere. I feel like.

Isn't that true? It was a hotel somewhere. Okay.

Anyway, So check out Preacher, PreacherLawson. Com. He's on tour currently, forever and ever, like a lot of the comics we talk to are. Check out his Jimmy Fallon special. And he's also got some material out there on YouTube that he wants everybody to watch. So besides all that, tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go find out more information about Chrissy and I, all the show notes, all the audio, all the video, links to all of our guests shit you can get at the website, plus your free TCB sticker. Go to the Contact Us page, hit the drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Send us your address. Away we will go. 212 433 3TCB. 212 433 3 822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. You want to be on the show, let us know at the Commercial Break on Instagram and youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. I laugh every time. All right, Christie, I love you. I love you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye. Yeah, boy.