Being a slut sounds so fun. You go slut. I have every ambition of a slut with none of the follow through. Whenever it gets hot and heavy, I go, Well, I could just sleep. I love to sleep. I'm a sleepy slut. My pillow doesn't have bad breath. My blanket doesn't have daddy issues. My sheets aren't going to try to choke me. But being a slut sounds fun. Going into town, tearing everything up, walking away in slow motion while the city explodes and my crotch is on fire. But I'm too tired. Does anybody want to have a sexy nap? Sexy nap?

On this episode of the Commercial Break. Out of some nobility, like Brian has some man nobility, right? I go, It's time to get Chrissy to safety. I go from Clark Kent into Superman, and I'm like, I must get her to high ground before the tide sets in. The tide of yingling and whiskey. I'm buked. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, Captain Kitten. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is my dear friend and the co-host of this wonderful show, Kristin Joy. Hold lay best to you, Kristin.

Best to you, Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Hey, speaking of podcast universe, I just wanted to shout out to a couple of our listeners who have I've been writing in diligently, like homework. Homework, we've assigned them, and they've responded accordingly. Most of the class is failing, but there are a few of you ass kissers out there, teachers pets, if you will, that are dialing in. I love it. I love to see it. I woke up the other morning and I saw a slew of text messages, and I was like, Oh, what did I say now? We have this phone. After years of complicated machinery software installing phone lines into the floor, I thought, Well, there's a newfangled thing called a cell phone. I should probably get one of those. Who doesn't have a burner phone? It's 2024, right? I got a burner phone for the studio. Very nice burner phone, by the way. Yeah, it is. Yeah. Am I going to have to sell this, actually? Pay for a new microphone. I got this burner phone. 212-4333-3-tcb goes right to this phone, and then one of us will check it. One of us here at the studio, there's other people to check the text messages, too.

That work with the show. Don't worry, your information is not going anywhere. Crazy. But the other morning, I walked in just to fiddle around. It was the weekend, and you press your phone to see if you have any messages. Then I saw all these messages, and I was like, Oh, shit. What did I say? That's what stresses me out. Mondays on this phone because there are a few people who are not afraid to call us out and have done so on a number of occasions.

We welcome that.

Yeah, sure. I'll talk about it as long as it's not making me look bad. I'll about it. It makes the show look bad. Whatever. Who cares? But as my wife points out, the show is you, partly, Brian. You know that? Did you realize that? I said, Hey, listen, I'm not splitting hairs with you, babe. All right, so I want to shout out to our good friend, Kaden. Caden has been writing in for the last couple of weeks. Sounds really like a nice guy. Yeah. Caden had lots of nice things to say to the show. I just want to read, if you don't mind, one of the text messages he sent.

Go right ahead.

He said, I know I'm just one of tens of listeners that you guys have. I love you and Christie's camaraderie so much. I love the Mountain Monster episodes. Honestly, it's a toss-up between Frankie and Mountain Monsters, but I have family that are a thousand % bumpkin, so I can relate, too. Since you guys have done Mountain Monster episodes, I've had friends over, and we listen to you guys, and we rave about the Chuck, Buck, Huck, and Fuck episodes. One of the times recently, we actually had a Mountain Monsters watching party, and we drank 40 to 50 beers listening to you guys. I'm not even kidding. I really want to see you guys succeed in the podcast. This is incredible. Ethos, and looking forward to how much you grow. Much love, Caden. Much love to you, Kate. That's all I got to say. Thank you, Kate. That's all I got to say. Listen, we're also rooting for ourselves in the podcast ethos. We're also hoping we see some success. It's only Take it five more years, and we're going to get there, I'm sure of it.

We also have bump in relatives somewhere down the line.

We absolutely do. Say hello to our good friend, Darren, who was recently listening to the Scuzzie Guys episode. Hey, Darren. And please tell Brian and Christie that the Scuzzie Guys special episode is Comedy Gold. I've enjoyed the interview episodes, but listening to Brian tell a long story is always a perfect episode.

Was that the Chuck? Was that the Chuck? Jockels?

Yeah, that is the Yockels. I think. That was the first episode that we did of that guy. What was his name? Yas or Yon or whatever his name is, the guy that's super down on his luck. All right. Actually, I feel like when I look at Yon or Zon or whatever his name is, I feel like I'm seeing me five years from now. I'm on some podcast conference stage. Selling your book. It took me five years to make this podcast, and now I'm giving it away for free. We want to say hi to our good friend, Braden, who listens with his girlfriend, Allison. Allison loves you guys. We've been so confused at how many children you have. So are we. Yeah. Somebody here wrote back. They said, First, thanks so much for listening to the show, and thank you for the kind words. The number of children Brian has is a closely guarded TCV secret. But it's safe to say he has more than one, less than five. Obviously not 23, 16 or 11. I'll address this right now. Then he also says that our YouTube channel is a little confusing, so let me address both.

To which I completely agree. Let me address the first one. Let me address the last one first. Okay. So YouTube, recently, they invited us, like a lot of other podcasts, they us as a noted podcast. I mean, we noted that we were a podcast, they invited us to import our RSS feed, just like you would listen to us on any other podcast channel, like Apple or Spotify, Google, which is going away, or you know, cast box, podbean, whatever. There's so many of them out there. Just like you would listen on any of those players, YouTube is now allowing you to just import your show, just like we do on every other player, to YouTube. But what that does is it creates its own video with a static image, and then you listen to it. What's happening is those videos are getting mixed up with the actual videos, the videos that we record here in the studio with cameras. Is that what's going on? That's what's going on. So now it just looks like a big mishmash, and it's hard to tell which videos are videos and which videos are audio. So what I did was I turned off the RSS feed just to deconfuse it, because he's not the first person to say something about this.

And my wife actually has said something about this, too. Astrid, who is, quite frankly, 75% of why this show even gets on air at all. And she was also very confused by it. I don't understand. Why are you doing this? It looks ridiculous. I was like, okay, so we had a big tit for tat.

Why is YouTube doing that? Because I get it that maybe a lot of people listen through YouTube, but don't you just automatically think moving video? You do.

When you think of YouTube. You do, but what was happening previously during the pandemic Like, shows like ours would come on, and then we would start uploading our audio. We would make a video out of the audio. You just put an image, say our cover photo. We just put an image, and then you upload a file with the audio in it. That's how millions and millions of people were getting podcasts where they were listening through YouTube. Some people think YouTube is like the second or third largest podcast player out there, just the audio. So YouTube, in an effort to invite the podcast world onto YouTube, said, Let's make it easy You don't have to do anything. Just import your RSS feed. As soon as you release an episode, we'll update it. Blah, ditty, blah, diddy, blah. It's very fucking confusing. I love YouTube, but I don't want to do that because I want people to see us in all our glory, our beautiful faces, our faces for radio with you and Chrissy.

I think I might like the RSS.

I know you do. Chrissy would rather us do this show in the dark, actually. I know why, because of me. She's like, I don't want to be associated with that guy. Listen, I turned off the RSS feed and we'll figure out a way to fix it. We'll tape it together like we do everything else. Is that right?

Get the electrical tape.

We'll get some super glue and we'll fix it. But for right now, you don't have to worry about it because it's off. That's first. Secondly, yes, I have a lot of children. Yes, I'm constantly making a joke. It started off as a joke, and now it continues to go. Let's just keep rolling with it. Why not? There is It's a little bit of me that gets a bit concerned about overzealous listeners, if you don't mind. You know how people could be driving down the street and you'll see a sticker, a bumper sticker on the back, and it'll be stick figures. Just the family? The family, yeah. Then some of me put the names below, and I'm like, What in the fuck are you doing? Like, your information is already not out there in the world enough. Now you're publicly and showing people how many children you have, what ages they and their names. It's silly to me. I mean, I guess maybe there's a point to it. I don't know what that point is, but it's silly to me. At first it was like, Well, I don't want to broadcast about my children. I made that decision a long time ago.

That's their life. I don't need to be sharing their names and their information and all that stuff. But now it's just so fucking funny watching everybody guess. This is not the first time we've had this question. We've had it a lot, actually. So just know my 12 to 22 children are doing just fine, and soon I will let you know exactly how many children I have. The last episode of the Commercial Break. As they turn 18. Yeah, when they turn 27. I'll let you know how many of them I have. So stay tuned. That's 1,622,000 more episodes of the Commercial Break. You asked for it, you got it. There's so many more wonderful listeners that I want to shout out. I don't have time for all of them. I had someone that mentioned, They also love Walmart sweat pants. Oh, right. You remember we were talking about that?

The very, very comfortable ones. Yeah.

All right. So Jessica says, Hey, Brian, since you shared about your ultra comfortable sweat pants from Walmart, I'll share with you the secret of their leggings. They are ridiculously soft and comfy, and they're between $8 and $13. They have solids and patterns. Not sure if they have them for men, but trust me, you need to get to ask her to pair of these today. Chrissy, Tina, and Brian's mom will all want some, too. I'm not sponsored by Walmart. A pics of the couple of patterns, the best of leggings. That's Jessica. She sent those in. Some interesting patterns. Oh, I like that. She sent me a picture. She's got some space stuff, some tie-dye.

I need some new leggens. Leggins?

What do we all going to twang today? We're all got a twang. What happened? It's like our Southern accents all of a sudden just fell on the show.

The bumpkin just came out.

Well, I'm almost so broke. I'm about to start putting old cars in my front lawn and selling off the spare parts. It's a true story. A true story. I'm out back wondering what I could sell. I'm like, Well, there's Blue. She's not going to sell. No. There's a lot of kids. I recently heard about some lady trying to... Did you hear of this story about the lady outside of a CVS trying to sell her kid for $500? No. Oh my God. Yes. Then there was another story. I mean, these are terrible stories, right? Luckily, the kid was taken by, I don't I would say, luckily, but taken by defects. Everything turned out okay. The kid did not get kidnapped or sold. But because the person who she offered to sell the kid to obviously went straight in and was like, That lady's trying to sell a child out there. Some other dude offered $100,000 for some lady's kid at a Walmart or something. I'm telling you, that Walmart, their pants may be comfy, but I don't know what's going on in that parking lot. Walmart. Go ahead, sell your kids here. Walmart. We have delivery.

Your groceries will be there soon. We promise. Let me tell you about Walmart grocery delivery. One time we had a grocery... This is over the pandemic. One time we had a grocery delivery. This is not targeted at Walmart. This is targeted at this specific human being. We order Walmart groceries, right? Like a lot of people did, all ordering groceries. No one went to the grocery store for a minute there. We order groceries, noncontact, leave it out in the driveway while it's raining. Saying, Please make a circle 15 feet around the groceries with Lysol. You know what I'm saying? We were all spraying down our groceries. Yes. I'm probably going to die of some chemical-related cancer from all that shit I was putting all over my body. But anyway, so we do this, noncontact delivery the whole nine yards. We're waiting and we're waiting and we're waiting. It's supposed to be here by, let's say, five o'clock. It's getting up on nine o'clock. It's dark outside. Walmart closes at 11:00, so we were like, Wow, when are the groceries coming? We hope they come because we were really hungry. Finally, they come like 10 o'clock at night.

It has been raining all day long, Chrissy. Raining all day long. The person, I didn't see if it was a guy or a girl, comes up, drops the groceries off as prescribed, then gets in their car then does not one, not two, but three, 360-degree drives through my grass in order to get the proper position position to get out onto the road. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. I was so pissed. First of all, I don't have grass, so you're ruining what little grass I have. Second of all, anytime it rains, it's just a mud pit back there. Third of all, I really don't care if you got to make yourself... I'd rather you be safe than me have grass, right? It's a very busy road I live on. If you got to be safe, you got to turn yourself forward so you don't have to back out on the busy road, I get that part. But you could have done that in the first circle. You didn't need the second in the third circle. Mother fucker. I was on that phone with that Walmart, lickety fucking split.

You know what they did? Not a fucking thing.

Right. Well, you were at the mercy of just having somebody to make a delivery.

Yeah. Listen, I just told them. I said, Hey, I understand the guy or girl wants to be safe, but could you please next time, could you put a note on our account? Please don't drive three times through the grass. I mean, literally, the guy was doing 360s in my grass. I thought for a second, I thought, Oh, here we go. I'm a part of one of these crazy videos. I actually have a video of it because I was like, Okay, here I'm going viral. I'm going viral. No, I didn't go viral. I don't even think I posted it. But anyway. She says these leggings are more comfortable than even the sweat pants, which I find hard to believe because those sweat pants have now been washed at least three times. I'm telling you what, they're still maintaining.

They're maintaining. That is a consideration.

They are maintained. Now, they got some spots and stains because I bought the white pants, of course, and I'm a dumb ass. I spill everything all over myself. I have this coffee cup, this lovely commercial break coffee cup, the tumbler, right? Oh, I love those. They're so good. They are. They keep everything cold. They are. I use them every day. Me too. I go nowhere without my commercial break tumbler. By the way, I've never been asked once what the commercial I got that commercial break. Never done once. Oh my God, I'm going to spit out my water. I got that commercial break tumbler. What I do is, if the coffee I like a lot of cream in my coffee. So if it sits there for a couple of minutes, it's going to shake it up just to make sure that you don't get any weird clumpy cream on the top of it, right? And so I shake it up, but there's always just a little bit of coffee left on the lid. You know what I'm saying? So if you walk anywhere in my house or look on any of my clothing, there's just little tiny little coffee spots everywhere because I shake that damn thing so hard.

The coffee goes flying everywhere, but it's not a lot of coffee, so I really don't notice it. The other day I'm walking around, I'm cleaning the house, and I go down the hallway and I just notice splash pattern after splash splash pattern after splash pattern. It's not really visible unless you're looking hard for it, but I was looking hard for it and I was like, Oh, my God, Brian, this is five years of you just splashing coffee all over the fucking wall.

Meanwhile, the kids have left no marks.

No, I yell at the kids anytime they look at the walls. I'm like, No, no, no, no, no, That's just her style. She just love... She will literally take a napkin, wipe her mouth off, and then throw it on the floor in the middle of the house. I'm like, Young lady, is that where the trash goes? This is a response, Yes. I'm like, Oh, okay. All right. Then good luck getting him to clean up anything. Why, yes, it does. Why, yes, it is. Thanks for asking, dad. You can now pick it up if you like to. That's where I put it.

If you need it somewhere else, then you do it.

That's my trash fan. Her perspective is everything. I love it. I love it. I love that she's so independent. She She has such a fighting spirit. Yes, she does. Anyway, I have to go around the house with that Mr. Magic fucking Eraser thing, just scraping up my own coffee and shit like that.

How does that thing work? Because it really does work.

I'll tell you how it works. Would you like to know how it works?

Okay, I would love to know.

It is extremely fine sand paper. Okay, that makes sense. What it does is it doesn't really clean more as it does take off the very top of the paint. Hundreds of a millimeter.

I've noticed that it It does come off, but I still, I was like, How does it just do that?

It just works. It just does. It's like very fine sand paper. That makes a lot of sense. When you scrape it on a wall or something that's got paint, it doesn't take off all the paint. It just takes off It has to like a millionth of a millimeter of that paint, but enough of it to make the stain go away. This is Mr. Wizard's World with Brian. Yes, it is.

Let's go get out to the yard and explode something next.

Hey, listen. No, Because I had a friend that got charged for that.

I know. I'm kidding. It's so weird.

I remember that. That cured our woes. But he was also trying to destroy a piece of heavy equipment. When you're trying to bomb something, when you're actually trying to bomb something. That's a different story. Okay, so what I'd like to do right now, Chrissy, is I'd like to take a break. When we come back, do I have a story for you? Oh, okay. Straight from the headlines. I can't wait to discuss it because it's something I've wondering about for a very, very long time. Finally, we have some people making sense at the top. Somebody out there in the world is making sense. Finally. Finally. I'd like to discuss this with you when we get back. Let's do it.

We'll be back.

What? Oh, hi. It's Christina again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at T-C-B And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last T-C-B phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3-T-C-B. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show. It's after bedtime.

The kids are asleep and the moms are out to play.

We're Dina and Kristin, the duo behind the Instagram account, Big Little Feelings. I'm Dina. I'm a child therapist and mom of two who nerds out on all things neurobiology and psychology. And Kristin is a parent coach who wrangles three kids on a daily basis, here to give it to us like it is. We weren't meant to do this parenting thing alone. Consider After Bedtime, your village. Follow After Bedtime with big little feelings on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast.

All right. Ever since I heard this story in 1995, four or five, Let me back up a little bit. It's going to be one of those Brian's stories. So get your cup of coffee, kids. Don't shake it, though. Don't shake it because it's just going to have that magic eraser for two days. So there's helicopters flying over the house.

I know, and we think we just heard a gunshot.

We thought we just heard gunshots. Not in this neighborhood. I better go check on Blue. If he's Blue, he's just like,. That dog is fucking crazy. I'll tell you that story, a different episode. Remind me to tell you about the same... By the way, Happy belated St. Patrick's Day.

Oh, happy St. Patrick's Day.

Thank you. Remind me to tell you the story about the St. Patrick's Day party we had here for birthdays. You did? Birthday/st. Patrick's Day party. Oh, okay. Yeah. Don't worry, you weren't invited. You wouldn't have liked it anyway. So there you go. All right.

I was speaking I'm thinking about St. Patrick's Day. I was musing on the years of celebrating St. Patrick's Day, over the years. Yes. And as a kid, it's fun. You're pinching people if they're not wearing green. Peace me, I'm Irish. The people with the green eyes were just automatically grandfathered into that.

They win. They're Irish.

They're Irish. Or they just had green eyes. But I was thinking about the different parties. I mean, you and I attended that one when we were at the radio station. Oh, my So huge, huge party. Blowout. Everybody, I mean, it was crazy. I can't even begin to explain how fucking insane this party was.

I have pictures, and I don't think one time, both of my eyes were looking in the same direction. I'm being dead serious about this.

I remember getting there early because it was my client that was sponsoring it. Yling. Yling. Yeah. I mean, that's about what I remember as getting there. And then the the rest of it's a blur.

It was absolute insanity. I'll tell a little bit of this story. I think the year was, let me say it's 2009? No, 2008. Eight. Yeah, seven or eight. Yling, the beer company, the great beer company from up in the northeast, Boston, right? Are they from Massachusetts or Maine? Yeah. Somewhere. Okay, they're somewhere up in there.

It's not Maine.

It's not Maine? No. Okay. In the Eastern half of the United States, Yling has a brewery. Yeah. Okay, so Yling has a brewery, and they are going to bring their beer down to Atlanta for the very first time in their 125-year history or whatever it is. Everybody was so excited. Everyone was pumped about this because everyone who had ever been to the Northeast and had a Yling fell in love with Yling.

It is a good beer.

Yeah, it's a good beer. The moratorium has been lifted. Yling decides- And I get the client. She gets the client on behalf of the radio station. Their first big splash into the Atlanta is going to be sponsoring well north of Atlanta. We're talking 40 miles north of Atlanta. They're going to be sponsoring a St. Patrick's Day party that spans three different parking lots. Yeah, it was huge. A huge bar. It's raining, so there are tents everywhere. It's cold, so they have heaters out there. I mean, these guys did it up. Right. This was a big fucking party.

Music, party. Yeah, it was a big deal.

We knew this was going to be the party of the century. How did we know that? We We rented hotel rooms.

We did.

In one of the parking lots that they used was a hotel parking lot, part of a hotel parking lot. We rented a room in that parking lot.

They did.

I'll never forget. We get there at whatever time. We go throw our bags into the hotel, check in into the hotel room, walk on over. I forgot about the hotel. We walk on over, we get in one of those tents, and instantaneously, it's shot, shot, shot, shot, beer, beer, shot, shot, shot. Not the regular size beers. Those beers that are like the yard beers, they're making yard yingslings.

We're shooting whiskey, like Irish whiskey.

We're shooting whiskey. They have three different bands playing at the same time. They were shooting Irish Whisky. Who does that? No one. That is a recipe for puke Apocalypse. I mean, that is just gross. We probably have no food because the only thing we ever put in our bellies was beer until after 3:00 in the morning. Yes. And they have three different bands playing in three different little areas. There are other people at the radio station that are there also, and we're all having a good time and laughing it up and yucking it up and listening to the music. There's one guy that's playing in this one particular tent, the least populated tent, has one guy in the corner playing, but I know the guy. I'm like, Oh, I know that guy. I know that dude. He's an old buddy of mine. Let me go up there and I'll tell him to sing some song. This guy put on a string of terribly depressing music. I mean, he just went on. It was like, nothing compares to you into, I don't know, into old Smoky Robinson of sad songs, into country music. I mean, this guy was depressing the entire place.

We were like, Jesus Christ.

Hence the least populated attempt. Yes.

But luckily, one of the people I was with knew exactly the cure for this, and that was to throw up directly. They had these tables, like these bar tables, these rent a bar tables. The taller tables. The ones that go up to your chest. And this guy had just been drinking like we had. But as this music is playing, I'll never forget what he says to me. He looks at me. We're all standing around this table. There's three or four of us. He looks at me and he goes, This is fucking depressing. And I was like, What? And he goes, Fucking music. It's making me cry. You've seen the videos. You've all seen the videos on YouTube of the guys are just sitting there, and then all of a sudden, the puke just starts rolling out their mouth, and they're just trying to wipe it off like nothing happened. Oh, God. This puke just goes right across the table, down onto the floor. Without a bit of irony, without a bit of irony. Without a bit of irony. This guy says, I need a glass of water. I'll be right back. We're all left there with suppressing music and puke on the table.

It was gross. This party just got crazier and crazier. It ended in a hotel room where the ultimate craziness happened. Now, let me explain. We're with a good friend of ours, a rather popular radio disk jockey that was here, a lovely woman. I won't mention names because I don't know that she wants this story on there. But I'm just going to share part of this story, by the way. It's probably 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. I think the party probably goes till 4:00, I'm going to say, probably wrapping up at 3:30 or 4:00, something like that. It's getting late, and there are still plenty of people there, and everyone is just as drunk as they can be. He wasn't the first person to puke at that party, and he certainly wasn't the last.

Oh, yeah, there were multiple.

The later it got, the crazier it got. The bartenders are now drunk. The waitresses stopped coming around. Now they're drinking with everybody. It's all debauchery. It's like society just fell apart inside of this, right? It's being held together by some fabric of trust that no one's going to murder anybody else yet. Bar tents. Yeah. In these huge We're all just trusting. I think the bartenders are trusting someone's going to pay their tab. I think the waitresses are trusting they'll still have a job in the morning. I'm trusting that it's just going to take me 15 yards to the hotel.

That's all I got to do. Oh, I guarantee that next day there had to be plenty of people that had to come back for their credit card.

Oh, yeah. I mean, if you're a bartender, you know. If you know, you know. You oftentimes have many credit cards at the end of the night. You just know they're coming back tomorrow. At some point, I look I see Chrissy, and she's got her head is almost on one of these bar tables. It's just swaying back and forth. I'm like, Out of some nobility, like Brian has some man nobility, right? I go, It's time to get Chrissy to safety. I go from Clark Kent into Superman, and I'm like, I must get her to high ground before the tide sets in, the tide of yingling and whiskey. I'm being puke. So I grabbed Chrissy and I'm like, Hey, you got to go back to the hotel. I'm taking you over there. And you said to me, I think I'm going to go home. And I was like, Home? Where are you going to go? How are you going to get there? I'll drive. You'll dry my ass. So I walk Christie across the parking lot and I go upstairs. I open the door and I literally drop her on the bed. I'm like, Drop her on the bed, face first, fully clothed, shoes on.

Oh, yeah. There were two queen beds, and yeah, he deposited me on one.

But I was like, The party's not over yet. I can still hear them. I can still hear them talking a bit. Are you okay? Are you okay? That's what I said. Are you okay? You didn't respond. I was like, She's fine.

Drive on.

I go back to the party and we wrapped it up. Chrissy, when I got back to the hotel room with our friend who was coming into the hotel room with us, when the two of us got back in there, we were literally putting our hand in in front of your face to see if you were still breathing. We were concerned because you hadn't moved. Not one single hair. I was out cold. You had not moved. You were done for it. You were toasted. You were fried. It was unbelievable. I mean, we've seen each other in a lot of states of disarray, but this was one of the ones where I got concerned. I was like, Oh, did she drink too much? She's going to be hurting in the morning. And I was. And you were hurting in the morning. But didn't we all go out to breakfast the next morning?

I feel like we did. I think we did. We had to check out and go get our credit cards.

I know.

That parking lot was crazy. I just, Oh, wow. But so really back to the whole the years of St. Patrick's Day. So that's one thing that was craziness. That might have been the height of the crazy St. Patrick's Day parties I've ever been to. Oh, yeah, for me, for sure. I've been down to the Savannah one and some different ones around Atlanta. But yeah, that one was really crazy. But as of now, I just didn't do anything. Now, I Jeff and I were like, Cheers.

We took our baby to the hospital at St. Patrick's Day. Oh, God. That's what we did.

Oh, God.

Yeah, we didn't take Christie to the hospital. We took the baby to the hospital. Oh, no. I'll tell that story in a different show, but it's too long to tell right now. But I have been to Savannah on a number of occasions for St. Patty's Day. I remember the first time I went to Savannah for St. Patty's Day, I feel like I had just turned 21, or maybe I was 20 or 21. Yeah. It's definitely like a spring break thing.

Well, it's around spring break, too.

I remember feeling scared, scared of going to Savannah's St. Patrick's Day because of how crazy I had heard it could get. People could push, shove, fight, stuff like that.

Because they used to do the green... They They do the greening of the fountains now. They have a ton of fountains and these squares in Savannah, but they used to turn the river green.

They do that in Chicago and Boston. I think they do that in Savannah.

I think they stopped for environmental reasons.

Well, they still do it They do it in London. I saw pictures of it being done in London. Then maybe they still do it in Chicago. If they don't do it in Chicago, that's a damn shame. But you're right. I mean, pouring all that dye into a river can't be good for you. It can't be good for the fishes. They can't see anything, right? They have to see something. I mean, I don't know what a fish does, but doesn't a fish have to do something with his eyeballs? I guess? I don't know.

They help.

One day a year, they're just really confused fish. But when I went to Savannah the first time, it lived up to the expectation that I had of it. It was absolute debauchery. I mean, debauchery. It was at a time when Girls Going Wild was the most popular DVD out there, and there were so many tits, so many guys making a fool of themselves, so many people throwing up so much drinking. I mean, just honestly, just crazy drinking. The second time I went there, I got brave and I took LSD on St. Patrick's. That's one way That is one way to do it. Let me tell you, it's not the right way to do it because I did not last long down in Savannah. I actually curled up in a ball in an alley about half a mile away from the most populous part of this party. I literally found my way to an alley, and I hid there until I knew it was safe to return back to the hotel. It was insane. It was insane. But now as an adult, it's like New Year's Eve. It's like a lot of Halloween. I I'm never really into Halloween anyway, but New Year's Eve is always...

I like New Year's Eve, but I never wanted to go pay $900 to be at a hotel party. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I feel like St. Patrick's Day has lost its luster just a little bit. For me, certainly, but I feel like it's lost its luster in general, just a little bit.

Yeah, I agree. Or maybe I'm just not tuned into it anymore, but I used to see way more celebrations and parties and things going on.

Yeah, but it was also on a Sunday this year. It was. But I'll tell you what, I went down through one of the local squares, the little township that are around here, the little cities that are around here. Were people partying? They were partying. Okay. Yeah, they were partying. Still alive and well then. Still alive and well. There was a lot of families, so it didn't look like that craziness. But then I look on Instagram and I see the regular post, Who is it? Flogging Molly, the Flogging Mollies. Who's the other big Irish band?

You Two.

I lost my leg. Well, I lost my leg. I should know this as an Irish person, but I have no idea. Yes, You Two is the other Irish band that I could think of. Schneid O'Connor. There you go. But she just passed away. But listen, as you get older, I think you start to realize that oftentimes the things you think are going to be the most fun, turn out to be the least fun. It's really the nights that come out of nowhere that are the most fun.

That's true. Yes. That really is true.

So now in my life, when a new episode of Love is Blind drops on a day I'm not expecting, I'm like, Fuck, yeah. Got my fee when I lost my leg. Come on, babe. Get in bed. Join the other 10 kids that are already here. And let's listen quietly. We'll watch Love is Blind with the closed captions on.

I know. I know, it's true. I come home- Also, I tend to think like, Okay, been there, done that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is nice.

Yeah, leave it to the young kids.

Yeah, exactly.

Leave it to the 21-year-olds. Let them discover- Yes, absolutely. I don't have that much piss and vinegar anymore.

That you don't feel good in the morning.

Yeah. And the way that... I hate to say this, but I just got to be honest. Crowds for me right now are a big no-no unless I know everybody's going through security, right? Because it just makes me a little bit nervous. There's so much bullshit that goes on these days. You can't go anywhere without some moron taking out a gun and popping off.

Which might have just been what happened down the street.

Yeah, it might have just... I don't know. But apparently the helicopter is just flying around my house. Maybe they're coming for me. I don't know. Who knows? But the commercial I'll break down and walk outside with your hands up and your microphone's off. We've had enough.

You've had many complaints.

We've had many complaints. You're under arrest for disturbing all peace. You're under arrest for disturbing any chance of peace. Can you please go back down to one episode a week? Put the microphone down and go back to one episode a week. Where's the fun in that? Where is the fun in that? I didn't even get to tell you my story that I wanted to tell. I know. I'm sorry. But that's the way the commercial break works. No, I'm glad we addressed it. No, no, No, it's good. It's good. I'm glad. I'm happy. I'm happy about how it all turned out. See, it's the best days that come out of nowhere. It's the best stories that come out of nowhere. But I do want to talk about what I have to talk about. Okay. Because I've got some important things to say about this, and I think the world is changing for the and I'd like to share it with the rest of our audience, with the other three people that are listening to the commercial break right now. But let's do that after this. Take a break and we'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCV, and you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast. Com. Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are.

All right, you ready for me?

My little story here? I am ready. All right.

We're just laughing at something going on in the studio. Don't mind us. We're just being a bunch of idiots. All right, so let's back up to the year 1990, if you will, Chrissy. Okay. I'm a young buck. I'm just starting my life here in Atlanta.

I'm picturing you as a horse.

Or a dinosaur with short arms.

Calloping free around Atlanta.

I'm in the car, and it's probably 9:00. No, it's got to be earlier than that. It's maybe 8:00 in the morning, 7:30 in the morning. Like almost everybody else in Atlanta, we are tuned in to the International Olympic Committee's announcement of who will be hosting the 1996 Summer Olympic Games. To almost nobody's surprise, but it was nice to hear it anyway, Atlanta. You'll never forget these words if you lived in Atlanta during that time. The window is the city of Atlanta. We were in traffic and all the horns start honking. People are pumping their fist out the window. I think I was in school. I was on my way to school. I know that much because I was in my dad's car. My dad was like, Oh, wow, that's really exciting. That's going to be a big deal for the city, right? We'll get some tickets to go. We'll find a way to go to some of these events. I'm like, Six years from now, shit. I mean, That's a lifetime. That's like half my life at that point, right? But I was excited nonetheless because I felt like this was going to be a great thing in general.

I didn't know why, but I knew it. But then as we got closer to the Olympics, I learned about something that I thought was rather strange, and that is, they build these Olympic villages. Anytime that someone gets a bid for the Olympics, one of the things that they do is they build massive infrastructure projects to support that All the events. All the events, those games, that one or two weeks in the summer or in the winter when those things are going to happen. Here in Atlanta, we built stadiums, we built swimming pools, we built aquatic centers, we built equestrian centers. We built hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of apartments in downtown Atlanta, referred to as the Olympic Village that are now Georgia Tech dorms. All this construction, the city was just growing right in front of your eyes, and it That has never stopped, by the way. It hasn't. If anything, it's gotten faster. The pace has gotten faster. The buildings are getting taller. It's getting more dense. But anyway, what I heard really surprised me. I heard this when I was in the car with our friend Paul. You're still at the age where you're scared of pussy.

The guy that I was painting for, right? That was going to get me a job at the Olympics selling T-shirts that changed colors when you got water on them. We sold zero T-shirts.

But you did hook up with two models.

I did hook up with two models. That's right. For a few minutes until they kick me out of bed. What I heard on the radio was controversial in my mind. That was, there was no sex allowed inside the Olympic Village. Oh, I forgot about that. None. It was a rule. You could not have sex with other athletes. You could not have sex at all. If you were an athlete staying inside the Olympic village, you were not allowed. It was non-permissible for you to have relations with anyone inside of that Olympic village. The prevailing thought, I think, was, number one, there's this weird notion that's out there, maybe it's true, maybe it's not, that you hold your shot, you compete better, right? And make of that what you will. Then there was this other fear that STDs were going to run around the Olympic village. Now, my thought was, you're asking a bunch of really kids in their prime, some of them in their sexual prime, to not have sex. This is like the best thing that will ever happen to them. You got to have a little icing on the cake. You're about to meet other very fit people who understand what you've gone through, nonstop, practicing and all this other stuff.

This has got to be like a big party for you. I mean, show up ready for game time, but party your ass off the rest of it. It's supposed to be a big party, especially for the people who are making it interesting for the rest of us. You made it there. Yeah. It really surprised me to hear that this was a rule. Now it's been a rule ever since. Only last Olympics did they start dispersing some condoms outside the Olympic village, knowing that this was going to happen anyway, in the hopes that they would be keeping people safe. Well, the Paris Olympics have finally... Leave it to the Parisians.

Leave it to the Parisians. I was just about to say, yes. Leave it to the fucking Parisians.

Yeah, they know. They know everyone wants to get their dick wet, right? Even if you don't have a dick, you still want to get it wet. That's what you want to do. Because That is what you do when you're young and fun and having a good time. That's what you want to do. You want to hook up with people. And what a great opportunity to hook up with people from all around the world if you choose. True. Right? So finally, Paris. The Paris Olympics, they have lifted the intimacy ban for athletes inside of the Olympic Village. You want me to read this to you? From TMZ Sports, one of the most reliable investigative reporting out there. Don't be fooled by the TMZ in front. This is hard-hitting news right here. I don't know why I actually like Harvey. I actually like that guy, Harvey. I don't know why. I find him to be I'm sorry. Okay. 24 Paris Olympics lift, intimacy banned. 300,000 condoms now available for distribution.

300,000? Wow. If you're going to go...

If you're going to go, Go hard. Yeah, do it. Literally. That's insane. That's insane. I mean, I don't know how many actual athletes there are, but I can't imagine more than 10, 12,000. I don't know, Probably less than that. How many sports are there? What are you expecting? Jeez, I hope you got your sewer systems ready.

Everybody that's affiliated with them, too. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess they're just assuming- A 300,000 is what they are assuming. Everyone's getting laid 10 times. Yeah, that's... Whoa. Wow. Well, I guess you got yourself covered, literally. Okay. Sex is not prohibited at the Olympics this time around. The intimacy ban has been lifted, and the Olympic village will be stocked with over 300,000 condoms. And Harvey put four exclamation points after that. That's what a good journalist does.

That makes it true.

Journalist does. That's right. It makes it true. Remember, banging was banned at the Tokyo Olympics due to the COVID-19 pandemic where athletes had to practice social distancing. To enforce the rule, Jimmy Hats were provided, but they were not told to use them. They were told not to use them. What? They were told not to use them. Here, hey. I'm going to give this to you to stare at.

I'm trusting that you won't use this.

I'm trusting you won't use that. This is for whacking off only. We want to keep the jizz stains to a minimum on these rented beds. But coronavirus regulations have largely been lifted, giving the competitors a green light to get busy this summer. It is very important that the conviviality... What is conviviality? Conviviality.

What does that mean? Conviviality. That means happy, celebrating. Oh, okay.

That the conviviality here is something big. I guess you're expecting a lot. Yes, said the director, Laurent Michal. Laurent. The village, which will house over 14,000 athletes and staff, will give out 300,000 condoms, enough for each person to sex multiple times per day in addition to other amenities. What other amenities are you giving them? Lube? Is that what? Lube, strap-ons? I guess. I don't know. Yeah. Handcuffs. Yeah. Working with the Athletes Commission, we want to create some places, some places where athletes will be able to feel very enthusiastic and comfortable. Wow. With sex dens? Yeah. It sounds like Michaud here is encouraging it. This guy has been planning the whole village around a big, a Sibian or something. He's ready to get a big sex swing in the middle of the park. With all that sex, with all the sex and competition, the village is making sure to provide beds that can support 550 pounds and a lot of food. Speaking of the food, the village director says they'll have nearly 400 yards of buffet stocked with food from across the world. Fucking and eaten, fucking and eaten.

Yeah, and competing.

That's it. That's what they got. 400 A hundred yards of buffet. That's amazing. That's four football fields of buffet. Where are they fit in that?

I don't know.

God damn. I should have paid more attention as a child to my sports activities. I wish I had. I swam for a while, right? I don't know if any of you have ever been on a swim. Were you in a swim club? Were you on a swim team?

Yeah, I was. You were?

Do you remember the endless days of practice and then the meets that went on for six hours in the afternoon in the nighttime It was fucking so hot. Never. But now the 400 by 100 by two under sevens. Now the 400 by 400 by 100 by two under ones. It goes on forever. It does. They do like a hundred different competitions at these meets, and they do these meets every fucking week. It was obnoxious. I was never- Jeff was the announcement for his daughters.

Oh, he was?

He was? Isn't that gone for hours? He does. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. But I should have paid more attention. Now, I think I one time came in fourth in one of those competitions. I was like, as close to the glory as I got. But if I had just tried a little harder, if I just swam a little longer. Practice a little longer. Practice a little longer. If I had towed my dad's boat more often across Lake Alatuna here in Georgia, then I just would have been a little bit closer to that dream of being an Olympic athlete, because this really sounds great. You know what? After giving your entire fucking life up to to the sport, to the glory, to your country.

Oh, so much.

You should have 400 yards of buffet and 4,000 condoms with a tub of lube ready to just get licked every night. I mean, honestly, this should be the moment.

I can't wait to hear the stories that come out of this.

Well, you know there's going to be one. Well, Ryan Loctee ain't there, so it's not going to be that interesting. Remember when Loctee was around, sucking and fucking and getting... When he got mugged one time in a gas station and they figured out that he was trying to buy drugs or something? That was in Brazil. It was in Brazil. Listen, you can't be at a random gas station in the middle of Rio de Janeiro trying to buy blow off somebody. You're going to get hurt, and that's what happened. But he said, They stole my cell phone. They stole your cell phone. They stole your cell phone because that's where you were texting somebody to buy drugs, and you threw it down the sewer or whatever. Anyway, I think you go your entire life just focused on one thing, and this one moment presents itself. That two weeks or three weeks or whatever it is, should be the absolute time of your life. Get convivial. In every way. Conviviality all over the place. I didn't even know conviviality was a word.

I love that word, too.

You do? Mm-hmm. Oh, well, look at that. Why are you so much smarter than I am? Why am I the one talking on this show so much? Why don't you talk? Here, your turn.

You do it now. I like just interjecting.

What did you call me? You said one time, I'll be your emotional support host. Yes. I thought that was pretty funny, actually.

I said, I will be here for emotional support if you need me to.

She's my emotional support co-host. Why don't you just... We'll put on a vest for you. I'm going to get you a vest. Please don't touch the emotional support co-host. But I do think this is an idea whose time has come. I mean, obviously, I Remember, these bands have pretty much been- It's high time. Yeah, installed at every summer Olympics ever. Let's be honest about it. I mean, God bless the Winter Olympics, and I love to watch the Winter Olympics. Oh, I love that, too. I love that fucking looge and that goddamn curling. I mean, I'll stay up all night long watching that crawling. I don't I don't know why, but it fascinates me. Can you imagine if you're a curler, you're an Olympic athlete, and you don't even have to look like an Olympic athlete. You just can be whatever. All you have to do is get on one knee and slide that thing down, right? Yeah. And do a lot of sweeping.

Yeah, the That's right. There's a specific person that does that.

Takes all kinds. What about those guys who do the big shot put, right? They look like athletes, certainly. They're big boys and girls, right? But the weight on them also helps them throw that thing down there or whatever they're doing. But let's be honest about it. The Winter Olympics doesn't get as much hype as the Summer Olympics for one reason and one reason only, women's gymnastics. Oh, right. That's it, right? Now, there's so many other sports. I mean, there's a million other sports they play. I like watching the water polo What do you like?

I like the gymnastics, and I do like the ice skating for the winter.

For the winter? Yeah.

I like the snowboarding, the skiing, the looge, and the bobsled. I like all of those. But yeah, the summer ones.

Summer ones is the big of trouble.

I mean, the track.

Track and field. Oh, yeah, that's another one. Track and field and gymnastics. I love track and field. I love it. I get excited about the Olympics. I really do, because I know at least for two weeks, I have something to watch. 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It's on all the time, too. Oh, yeah, of course it is. And now it's in Paris, so there's six hours ahead of us. So it's going to be on from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. It's going to be nonstop coverage. You know that MBC paid whatever it was, two and a half billion dollars or some shit like that for coverage through 2030? I can't remember. That was big. I bet they make every dime back. I bet they make every dime back.

Yeah, because then that's how it's also running on everything because it's CNBC, NBC.

Msnbc. Probably on Peacock. I think MSNBC is going to be probably preoccupied this summer with the rematch between... I saw a post today. I don't know who it was, but there were two old wrest one time. They got back in the ring one time for an exhibition. It was like, Hulk Hogan and somebody else. They took their bodies, like the picture of them, the pre-fight or the pre-wrestle. They took their bodies and they put Biden and Trump on top, their heads on top. I was like, Yep, that tracks.

I know.

The rematch, the rumble in the jungle. Yeah, I get excited about the Olympics because there's something about it that makes me happy. I turn on the TV and I'm like, Oh, look at these people. They're doing great things.

Yeah, it's the one time, too, when all of these different countries come together.

Yeah, people generally are a little bit more convivial, if you will, when the Olympics is on. Let's hope that stays true this summer. I hope so. This is going to be an Interesting summer, kids. An interesting summer indeed. Yeah, good luck to the athletes. I hope you all get to use your allotted 10 condoms. Well, no, that's 10, that's 15. That's 20 condoms per. 20 condoms per. You got to stay careful.

Yeah.

I don't think I've ever used 20 condoms in two weeks. Have you? No. No. That's a lot. Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. 21 EPMs, but that stretched out over a month. We're talking about two weeks here. That's really compressing my timeline. At my age, I shouldn't be lifting anything. Farris Buhler, he's quite a little asshole. Hey, I want to Thanks again to Margaret Chow. Thank you. Go back and listen to the episode. It was just yesterday, so you can't miss it. It's right there. It's right behind you. Oh, no, it wasn't. I got confused. It wasn't yesterday. I'm sorry. But thanks to Margaret Cho. But thanks to Margaret Cho.

She'll be on soon. Yeah. Thanks to Margaret show.

Margaret show came in, and we had a wonderful time with Ms. Cho. You'll get that episode next week. I'm sorry. I'm totally confused as to where I'm going or what I'm doing. Don't mind me. I'm just an old puttering man. I'm just puttering around.

Margaret likes to put her.

Yeah, I like to put her. She likes to put her. She's a putterer. That's right. And you know what? I could be the third presidential nominee. I could. Honestly. I could talk in circles and say nothing. I could do that all day long. Don't worry about me. All right, go to tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you get all the information about the show. You can watch all the video, listen to all the audio, all there, one location, tcbpodcast. Com. You can also get your free piggy fronting sticker. Piggy fronting. Piggy fronting. Piggy fronting sticker.

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Get your legs on. Get that piggy fronting sticker.

Get to pop, pop, pop.

Get to pop, pop, pop in that limping village. I tell you what, this is going to be a hooting good time. I got a bunch of rubbers. Rubbers. That's what we used to call it. Hey, you got any rubbers? Yes, I do. I was 14 walking around with a condom in my wallet? Yeah. Why? Why?

Just in case.

Just in case. So get your free piggy front sticker by hitting the Contact Us button on the website. Then give us your address. We'll send you a sticker. It's that easy. We would love to be on the commercial break. It's your turn. Now you talk. I'm done. Now you talk. 212 433 3TCB. That's 212 433 3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. But most importantly, we want you to come on the show, ask for our advice, tell us a funny story. Just generally have a good time. You got to text us and let us know at the Commercial Break on Instagram, www. Youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. For the interview episodes. Okay, Chrissy, I love you. I love you. And best to you. And best to you. And best to you outside there, out in the podcast universe. Until next time. We will say, we do say, and we must say goodbye. The Gourmet in the Morning.