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Punkai I'm Ara Madison II.

And I'm Louis Vertel. This year we're excited to bring you new episodes of keep it covering the holy trinity of awards season, Emmys, Grammys, and the granddaddy of them all, the Oscars. It's like the Super bowl for Hollywood, but with more sequins and fewer concussions.

And we are continually blessed by iconic guests like Michelle Yeo, Tori Kelly, Andy Cohen, and Jinx Masoon.

New episodes of keep it drop every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts or subscribe to keep it on YouTube. For access to full episodes and other.

Exclusive content, you're listening to Comedy Central.

Yesterday I'm having my usual afternoon down at the orphanage. I was making soup and darning clothes. Fox News is on in the kids'dayroom, and I see this tonight, Stewart slams Fox again. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Go yourselves. Now Bernie Goldberg fires back at the funny man. Don't miss an explosive O'Reilly tonight. I was like, oh, man, that funny man is screwed. And then I was like, wait, that's me. I don't want to be fired back at. You see, funny story. Last week I mentioned Fox was upset about the media generalizing who the tea parties are. And I agree with them. And I may have at that point then shown some of the very same people at Fox giddily generalizing about liberals and the left. And I might have, when presented with this rather bald hypocrisy, I may have told them to go, and now they want to respond. All right, what did Bernie Goldberg have to say about me?

So does Stewart have a point here? Are we being hypocritical by generalizing about some people?

I'll just speak about me. He does. I am pleading guilty, and that's a Sincere plea of guilty.

You're welcome. I win again.

But let me speak directly to John Stewart for just a few seconds. And I know he watches. He's a big fan of the show.

Ts charged.

I watch it every night with all my friends. Continue, Mr. Goldberg.

If you just want to be a funny man who talks to an audience that will laugh at anything you say, that's okay with me. No problem. But if clearly, you want to be a social commentator more than just a comedian, and if you want to be a good one, you better find some guts.

Okay, two things. One, not all of us have your guts, Bernie. It takes a tough man to walk into O'Reilly's lion's den and criticize liberal elites. And two, to say that comedians have to decide whether they're comedians or social commentators. Comedians do social commentary through comedy. That's how it's worked for thousands of years. I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

But I assume I'm just doing what.

Idiots like me have done for thousands of years. But I assume that you have evidence that I've betrayed my craft.

When you had Frank Rich on your show, who generalizes all the time about conservatives and Republicans being bigots, you didn't ask him a single tough question. You gave him a lap dance. You practically had your tongue down his throat.

Guilty as charge.

Was that televised? I don't want to say anything, but Frank Rich hasn't been on the show since 2006. I mean, since I gave Frank Rich that lap dance. I don't know if you noticed, but I went back in the champagne room with Bill Crystal, like, five times. And if you watch this show as it appears you have, you must remember me and McCain like bunnies. But I guess that's besides the point. Here's the point. You can't criticize me for not being fair and balanced. That's your slogan, which, by the way, you never follow. Which brings us back to the essence of the whole go yourselves piece.

Guess what? You're not nearly as edgy as you think you are. You're just a safe Jay Leno with a much smaller audience. But you get to say the f bomb.

Okay?

That's gonna leave a mark.

Yeah.

Okay, that one stung. I'm not gonna lie on that one. I took that one right in the testicles. That was. Look, again, two things. Whoever said I was edgy, I never said I was edgy. I never thought I was edgy. And number two, if you think I'm Leno with the f bomb, you know less about comedy than you do about media and politics. This is Leno with the f bomb.

Look, I mean, can you believe this typo judge? What kind of ass makes that kind of mistake? Goddamn second stick, you hear me? With the fault I can't stand myself. Wow, he's so dirty.

No wonder primetime couldn't handle him.

You're just a safe Jay Leno with a much smaller audience. But you get to say the f bomb, which gives your incredibly unsophisticated audience.

The illusion you generalize, the illusion that.

You'Re courageous and that you're renegade. But it's only an.

Wait, wait.

I'm not a courageous renegade, but I've always considered myself the Lorenzo llamas of late night. And as far as my audience being unsophisticated, Balderdash. Wait, I'm sorry. Who said that?

It is I, your biggest fan, Toppington von Monacle. Unsophisticated. How dare he? If I may quote, catalys pericabo ego vas et irimabo.

I'm sorry, Mr. Von Monacle, I don't speak Latin.

It means I will sodomize you and face you.

Here we go.

By the way, I thought my audience was elitist. Are they elitist or unsophisticated or unsophisticated in their elitism? Look, I'm sorry I told you to go yourself last week. In that other time, like six months ago, I told you to yourself. I know that I criticize you in Fox News a lot, but only because you're truly a terrible, cynical, disingenuous news organization.

Oh, wait, no, you know what? No, that's the wrong approach. That's the wrong approach.

I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to be confrontational. I want to take a minute to talk directly to Bernie Goldberg. Baby, I don't want to fight, baby. And I know you've been hurt before by them liberal elites.

They've done you wrong, Bernie. Don't let that close your heart, brother.

I don't hate you. I mean, you're not Dick Morris.

Yeah, what is wrong with that guy? Yeah, seriously, he's starting to look like that guy from men in black.

Which one?

You know, from the first one. The guy who came down and walked around in other people's skin.

But, shalu, you talking about? No, the Vincent Dinafrio guy.

That's the one. Yeah, that's right. Okay.

You see, I've learned people are complicated, Bernie, and hard to categorize. I mean, I've got some conservative views.

He's a pro military mother, peace to the troops.

I've got some libertarian views.

Legalize it. Gay marriage. Uh huh. Pot. Uh huh. Gay pot marriage. Now, you make.

And I know that I can be.

Intolerant, lactose, and otherwise. Don't let this man eat any blisses.

And I believe this country should provide some kind of social safety net for our most vulnerable citizens.

Communists.

And I also believe power should be passed down to the firstborn son of the reigning king.

Monarchists. And I believe in ghosts. Boo. But I will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg. Oh, Bernie Goldberg, I will tell you this. Oh, yeah. Bernie Goldberg, you can criticize my interview. Yes, they can be here. That's the editing. Not funny.

I try to be funny.

Why don't you watch the movie? I don't have time to watch all the guest movies. My point is this. He's got a point. Now. He's got a point now. He's got a point. Now, Bernie Goldberg, I don't need to.

Satisfy your version of what fair satire is or should be.

I'm not fair. I'm not balanced. He's unstable.

That's not what I meant.

He's Coco loco. Thank you.

You're criticizing me for not living up to your tagline.

Oh, Lord. And you dismiss any criticism as further.

Evidence of how the rest of the media persecute you.

You like to pretend, Bernard Goldberg and.

Fox News, that the relentless conservative activism.

Of Fox News is the equivalent, all.

The equivalent, of the disorganized liberal influence you find on NBC, ABC, and CBS. But Fox News, you may be able to detect a liberal pathogen in their.

Bloodstream, however faint, but Fox News is.

Such a crazy overreaction to that perceived threat. You're like an autoimmune disorder. I'm not saying the virus doesn't exist in some small quantity, but you're producing way too many antibodies. Fox News, you're the lupus of news.

So I guess. I guess what I'm saying is this. Go. As long as fair and balanced is how you sell yourselves. Guess what I'm saying is this yourselves. Don't.

I'm Ara Madison II.

And I'm Louis Vertel. This year, we're excited to bring you new episodes of keep it covering. The holy trinity of awards season, Emmys, Grammys, and the granddaddy of them all, the Oscars. It's like the Super bowl for Hollywood, but with more sequins and fewer concussions.

And we are continually blessed by iconic guests like Michelle Yeo, Tori Kelly, Andy Cohen, and Jinx Masoon.

New episodes of keep it drop every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts or subscribe to keep it on YouTube for access to full episodes and other exclusive content.

I think if there's one thing everyone can agree on in the entire country, it's that Barack Obama is the worst.

President we've had in my lifetime. He's the worst president, the absolute worst president.

The worst president in history.

Exactly.

Barack Obama is objectively, arithmetically the worst president in history, and that includes our 30th president, Calvin Coolio. Remember then, when America had descended into a bit of a gangster's paradise? Anyway, Obama's place as the worst president in history explains why he is getting so crushed.

President Obama is leading Mitt Romney nationally by five points among likely voters with support.

Crushed with support. Well, Romney's inability to trounce history's worst president was all scheduled to change this week with a very announced campaign reboot, which, as you know, involves Mr. Romney taking a clip and putting it into a hole I don't want to talk about it. Brings back memories of when I used to have to reboot rough men at the genius bar. Unfortunately, Romney's reboot was thrown off just a tad. There are 47% of the people who vote for the president no matter what, who are competitive bond government, who believe that they are victims, who believe that they're entitled to health care, to food, to housing, you name it.

Entitled to food, medicine, roofs.

That's the republican candidate for the presidency, seemingly characterizing a broad swath of Americans, which would include veterans, the elderly, the working poor, and much of the middle class as a bunch of lazy freeloaders. It touched off a firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at Romney campaign headquarters, where it triggered something I like.

To call chaos on bullshit mountain.

Exploding bullshit dust you've all heard so much about. In the 48 hours since the Romney video first gained wide exposure, turd containment crews have been working overtime on Bullshit Mountain.

Keep in mind it was posted by a left wing website, Mother Jones. Mother Jones, by the way, put this tape out. Mother Jones, the magazine no one reads.

We'Re hearing word that Jimmy Carter's grandson.

Might have played an instrumental role in getting this video. Oh my God, your campaign got blown up by Jimmy Carter's grandson?

Oh, the habitat for Humanity.

So word one from Bullshit Mountain is. Well, yeah, he said it, but you only found out about it because of people that we don't like. What's word two? The way he said it, it was not the best way of saying something like this. He confused a lot of things he messed up in that it's not the most ideal language to be eavesdropped on, wasn't criticizing them.

He was saying that the american dream should be open to everybody.

You're looking and hearing the cynical, condescending, plutocratic words he was saying, not the aspirational, optimistic message he, in retrospect, should have been meaning. It's like Romney Jazz. It's the words you don't hear so.

Inartful words from a dubious source.

This is really just inartful words from a dubious source. Oh, and one other thing.

This is factually accurate, what Romney is saying.

If I'm Governor Romney, I run with.

This all day long.

It was the truth.

He's a boss who says the truth, but the truth often hurts.

I think this will be seen as a win for Romney.

Let me sum up the message from Bullshit Mountain, if I may. This inartfully stated dirty liberal smear is a truthful expression of Mitt Romney's political philosophy, and it is a winner. Let me tell you something. You don't summit bullshit mountain unless you know your way around a turd or two. All right, so this very popular, definitely effective, winning political argument that Romney's making.

It'S another perfect distraction from the 14% unemployment. Instead of talking about the major issues of the day, like 16 trillion in debt and the Middle east is burning, instead we're sitting around going, did Romney insult the country or not? You can't actually discuss serious issues today in the campaign. You have to move on to secretly recorded videos.

You guys just want to talk about real issues. So have at it.

A new recording surfaces. This time it's President Obama who gets caught.

It's President Obama's turn to be haunted by something he said once upon a.

Time, are there no rules on bullshit Mountain? I mean, I expect this kind of behavior from people living at asshole Cove.

But not.

So recorded videos are a distraction. Here's one from Obama. The Obama video is pertinent, but the Romney video is a distraction. Why?

It features Governor Romney speaking to supporters at a fundraiser way back in May.

Oh, this video is from way back in May.

May.

Oh, my God.

Holy.

I mean, that was like, before June. Who even remembers May? Grandfather, may I sit on your knee and hear you tell tale of what.

Life was like way back in May? Well, Jimmy, hold on now, Timmy. I remember it like it was yesterday. The iPhone five was but a glimmer in the iPhone four s's eyes. It was an incredible time.

Now, in Hannity's defense, four months is typically enough time for Romney to radically change his positions. By the way, what about this new, very pertinent video of Obama that fox has made hay of all day. When was that video recorded?

That was recorded in 1998.

My God, that's more than 14 maze ago. Look, obviously bullshit mountain has many, I guess you would say, peaks and valleys, nooks and crannies. Really? You all know what bullshit looks like. Look, why am I telling you people, let's drill down to the core of.

This thing and tonight it is Romney, unplugged as the GOP presidential nominee delivers one of his sharpest critiques yet of President Obama and the entitlement society that he enables. According to the Census Bureau, in 2011, 49% of Americans lived in a household where at least one person received a government handout.

This is the core of bullshit mountain, the 49% entitlement society Obama enables. That is the core of the bullshit nation. Fiction that somehow only since Obama, the half of Americans who love this country and work hard and are good have had the fruits of their labor seized and handed over to the half of this nation that is lazy and dependent and the opposite of good. I'm sure there's a better term for that now, in that 49%, Hannity is including those on Social Security and Medicare, or as I like to call them, his audience demographic tv audience slam. But perhaps Mr. Hannity is understating the problem, for there are many more of those on the government dole than even his 49% accounts for. Like those welfare queens at ExxonMobil, at and T GE et al. 250 corporations that from 2008 to 2010 got nearly a quarter trillion in federal tax subsidies. Although to be fair, at least ExxonMobil and at and t give us back cheap gas and reliable cell phone service.

Or how about this? Here's one.

The Wall street firms who were given access to the discount borrowing window at the Federal Reserve. Or the 5 billion in direct federal payments to America's moocher farmers. Or the incredible tax breaks the government gives the investor class whose money is taxed at a capital gains rate of 15%, as opposed to ordinary having a job income, which can be taxed up to 35%. Boy, I wish we had a poster boy for that element of the mutocracy. Oh right, in 2010. In 2010, Governor Romney had an adjusted gross income of $21.6 million, yet paid only $3 million in federal income tax, or 13.9%. Without the preferential investor tax code, Romney would have paid $7.56 million, a government subsidy of four and a half million dollars. Or to put that absolutely fair tax break given to a job creator in muture class dependency terms, enough food stamps to feed Mr. Romney through the year 48 70. By the way, that's no bullshit. That's the math. The biggest problem with the denizens.

The.

Biggest problem, the biggest problem with the denizens of bullshit Mountain is they act like their shit don't stink. If they have success, they built it. If they failed, the government ruined it for them. If they get a break, they deserve it. If you get a break, it's a handout and an entitlement. It's a baffling, willfully blind cognitive dissonance best summed up by their head coach in what is perhaps my favorite sound bite of all time I've been on.

Food stamps and welfare. Anybody help me out?

No.

Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast universe by searching the Daily show wherever you get your podcast. Watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount. Plus, this has been a Comedy Central podcast.

I'm Ara Madison II.

And I'm Louis Fertel. This year, we're excited to bring you new episodes of keep it covering the holy trinity of awards season, Emmys, Grammys, and the granddaddy of them all, the Oscars. It's like the Super bowl for Hollywood, but with more sequins and fewer concussions.

And we are continually blessed by iconic guests like Michelle Yeo, Tori Kelly, Andy Cohen, and Jinx Masoon.

New episodes of keep it drop every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts, or subscribe to keep it on YouTube for access to full episodes and other exclusive content.