You're listening to Comedy Central. From the most trusted journalist at Comedy Central, it's America's only source for news. This is The Daily Show with your host, Michael Kosta. Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Michael Costa. We have a great show for you tonight. We're going to talk about Michigan's commitment issues, the Supreme Court debates how much gun is too much gun and the worst thing to happen to Willy Wanka since Johnny Depp. So let's get into the headlines. Let's kick things off with the Supreme Court. Where the nine justices sat down today. And after Clarence Thomas put out his tip jar, they heard arguments on whether it should be legal to essentially turn ordinary guns into machine guns.

The Supreme Court is hearing arguments on bump stocks. The attachments functionally turn semi-automatic rifles into automatic weapons.

Donald Trump banned them in 2017 after the massacre at a Las Vegas Music Festival, where a shooter aiming from a hotel room fired 1,100 rounds in just 11 minutes.

Everyone no one agrees that machine guns can be banned. The arguments here hinge in part on the very technical issue of exactly how bump stocks work and whether their mechanism fits the definition of a machine gun under the law. The justice has really grappled with that today. What we heard was broad agreement that preventing guns from firing hundreds of rounds per minute made a lot of sense. But there was disagreement about whether the ban was justified by that machine gun law. Hold on. The Supreme Court is trying to decide if that gun is a machine gun. I'm not a machine gun expert, but if a gun makes you go, That's a machine gun. The court spent all day throwing around very technical questions about trigger functions versus trigger pulls to determine what a machine gun is. But I'd like to suggest we approach this case with my new legal theory. It's called Looking at something with your F-ing Eyes. For instance, if a gun can fire... If a gun can fire 5,000 rounds a second, you can debate firing mechanisms Or you can look with your F-ing Eyes and see that it's a machine gun.

Are the shells flying out of the gun at a machine gun rate? Look with your fucking eyes. It's a machine gun. This doesn't just stop with guns. My legal theory can be applied to all sorts of issues, like IVF. You could debate viability or conception, or you could just look with your fucking eyes and see if this is a cluster of cells in a petri dish, not a person. Do I have to take Do I have to take this petri dish to the playground and give it snacks all day? No, then it's not a person. I've seen sourdough starters more alive than that. But no, the Conservatives are saying it's not about how it looks. There's a very specific trigger mechanism, blah, blah, blah. They have the same approach to guns that snobby liberals do to wine. Unless it comes from the machine gun region of France, it's only a sparkling rifle. Look, I don't even blame gun nuts. I blame the forefathers. They should have been clearer. The Second Amendment is only 27 words. You think they'd put a bit more detail into the amendment that gives killing power to everybody? But no, they just did 27 words.

Even the amendment that gives women the right to vote is 39 words. That could have been three. Women be voting. Done. All right? But, yeah, Let's move on to a country that doesn't have gun problems. Scotland. Don't get me wrong, they have equally big problems of their own. Now, to furious parents in Scotland who thought they had scored a golden ticket to an amazing Willy Wanka experience, but instead, wound up with something closer to the Friar Festival. A new event in Glasgow, Willy's Chocolate Experience.

Ai-generated images promising a whimsicle day for kids with an enchanting garden, live performances, and their appearances, including Oompa Loompas, all for about $45. Instead, a near empty warehouse, a bouncy castle with wooden tables set up, some janky props of candy, reports of kids crying.

You paid money.

There's children here.

One actor who played Willy Wanka and described the event as a place where dreams went to die.

I hate to say it, but if you're an actor who's playing Willy Wanka in a warehouse, your dream's probably already died a while ago. Look, I don't know why everyone is so upset that the kids were traumatized. Have you seen the movie? Traumatizing Kids is the authentic Wanka experience. They should just be thankful they didn't have to get rolled out. Oh, I'm sorry. You had to drink a plastic cup of lemonade. Violet Beauregard has to buy three airplane seats from now on. People are comparing this thing to the fire festival. Come on, guys. It's not the fire festival. For one thing, none of the parents offered to suck an oompa loompa's dick for a bottle of water. But I do get why the parents are upset. They marketed this thing with these incredible AI pictures. I mean, it looks nice. Unless you looked at the AI written words, and maybe that should have tipped the parents off. I mean, look at the actual text on the website. Cat cageting, Karchitans, Exacerge-dre lollypops, a passadice of sweet teets. Who reads that and thinks, Oh, this this seems legit. On the other hand, in Scotland, that's just what English sounds like.

Finally, let's move on to the political news in our ongoing coverage of Indecision 2024. Yesterday, my home state of Michigan held primary elections, but the big story was who Democrats didn't vote for. This morning, President Biden and former President Trump coming off huge wins in Michigan. But it's these voters who shook up the Democratic primary.

If he doesn't get it together and change what he's doing, we will not vote for him in November.

Overnight, an extremely unusual watch party for voters who cast their ballots not for a candidate, but for uncommitted in protest of President Biden's handling of the Israel Hamas war. The effort's organizers had set their goal at 10,000 votes. They got more than 10 times that. Wow. 100,000 people went outside in Michigan in February to say they don't like you. That is a lot of commitment to uncommitment. Reminds me of my single years. Anyways, it's horrible what's happening in the Middle East. And ceasefire supporters are sending Joe Biden a strong message that if he doesn't push for an end to the war, they won't vote for him. And I'm glad they're making their voices heard. This is how you get attention of politicians. You threaten to kick them out of office if they don't listen to you. Of course, in this particular situation, the guy who would take his place is Trump. Not only is he not sympathetic to your cause, he said he's going to add Gazans to the Muslim ban. It's like convincing your sister to break up with that guy who's no good for her, and then the next Christmas, she shows up with Pennywise.

He's got kids in the sewer. That's a red flag, sis. For more on the Michigan primary, let's go live to the state Capitol with our own Jordan Klepper. Jordan. Jordan, what's your take? What's your take here?

Well, Michael, I can speak to the feeling over here because I'm actually a Michigan native myself. A Michigander, if you will. No kidding.

Same here. Where are you on the hand?

Over here on the Western Pole.

Oh, interesting. I'm just a little southeast of the thumb.

You simple, stupid thumb folk. I had no idea. Must have been wild cutting class to snort car grease in that abandoned Pontiac factory.

All right, okay. You guys had it so good in the West selling tulip bulbs so you could buy tickets to Minor League West Michigan Whitecap Games.

You take the name of the West Michigan Whitecap, it's out your mouth, dumb boy.

Okay, look, Jordan, let's put our obviously universal Michigan references aside for the moment and focus in on the primary. It seems like A lot of Democrats express dissatisfaction yesterday.

True, Michael, but that embodies the beauty of our democracy. No matter who you are or where you come from in our country, you will be heard as long as you live in a swing state.

Just the swing states. That's only 10 states.

Not at all. Five max. Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, Georgia, sometimes Arizona. Everything else might as well be Okay, well, what about people who live in New York? They can shut the up. No one gives a shit what those people think.

Okay, I see what you're saying. So really, we, Michiganders, hold a lot of power. Whether we come from the East or the vastly inferior, dim-witted pea-brained West.

Yes, even you, the bizarro Eastern Michigan Jordan Clepper with worse hair and a strangely smaller forehead has power. The point is, we've got the Democrats by the balls, and we need to squeeze them like sweet Michigan cherries for everything we want. I like that.

Yeah, like peace in the Middle East.

Yeah, sure. That can be part of it. But also, we need to build a wall on the Ohio border. Keep the Buckeyes out.

I love this. We could put M&M on the Supreme Court.

Yes. We'll need a federal holiday for Jeff Daniel's birthday and retroactively make the lions this year's Super Bowl champions. I don't know how Biden does that, but that's his problem, not ours.

Yep, we could declare, Lakes are better than oceans.

Yeah, and Lake Michigan is obviously the best Lake.

I think you mean Lake Huron.

I wouldn't be caught dead in that pill-infested sludge pool you call a Lake. Lake Michigan is clearly superior.

Lake superior is superior. You moron, you're as useless as Ohio State's defensive line. You're not wrong about that.

Fuck the Buckeyes.

Absolutely, fuck the Buckeyes. Jordan Klepper, everybody. Good guy. When we come back, we'll take a look inside our leader's brains. Don't go away. You look tired.

Yeah, owns eczema is really bad.

We were up most of the night trying to stop him scratching. That's terrible. Sounds like you need double bass. Double what? Double base emollient gel. It works quickly to soften, moisturize, and protect my little girls dry skin.

That sounds perfect.

Double base emollient gel. Nothing looks, feels, or performs quite like it for childhood eczema. Ask for Doublebase Emollient Gel in your local pharmacy. Suitable for all ages. Always read the label. Visit mydoublebase. Ie to find out more.

Mtv's official Challenge podcast is back for another season. That's right. The challenge is back, and so are we. I'm Devon Simone. And I'm Devon Rogers. Now, you all know we had so much fun covering the Challenge USA one together that we thought, why not do it again? So we are joining forces to dive into this brand new season. Season 39, battle for a new champion. Yes. Yes. 24 contenders will compete to win their first championship. They know the battle, but not the victory. Thank God. I am ready for a new champion, a new one. Okay, give us some fresh faces, people. Girl, I couldn't agree more. So every week after the episode airs, come hang with us as we break down all the challenges and eliminations And of course, get the inside scoop on all the drama. And we got all the tea, okay? We will be joined by the cast members themselves every week, you all. Listen to MTV's official Challenge podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Welcome back to The Daily Show. Some big news today. One week after turning 82, Mitch McDonald, the longest-serving Senate leader in US history, unfroze long enough to make a big announcement. We have some breaking news from Capitol Hill to tell you about Senator Mitch McDonald, says he will step down from his position as Republican leader come November.

Mcdonald is the longest-serving Senate leader in history.

One of life's most underappreciated talents is to know when it's time to move on to life's next chapter. Next chapter? I don't think there's that much left in the book, my friend. I think you're looking at the acknowledgements page right now. But yes, this is the end of Mitch's reign in the Senate. In an honor of all that he's done to stop mass shootings, there will be a 21 gun salute at an elementary school later this month. But this does raise a question, how do aging politicians know whether they still have it together enough to keep doing their jobs? Well, we found the doctor who lets them all know. Take a look. Chuck Grassley, turned 90 years old.

America's ruling class is composed mostly of old people that work tirelessly to ensure our country is running at full speed. Good morning. Sunday morning. But despite them passing a full yearly medical exam, some people wonder, who is the doctor evaluating the mental fitness of America's top leaders? Let's put it this way, he has two thumbs. My name is Dr Dennis Lowry-Stein, and I am the US government's chief neurologist. It's my job to evaluate our leader's brains. And the good news is, they're all perfect. Let's take a look at President Biden.

America is a nation that can be defined in a single word. I was the foothills of the Himalayas with Xi Jinping.

That's amazing. His brain is switching languages mid-sentence. That is muy bueno. Or should I say muy bueno? As someone who suffered from multiple brain injuries myself, I know just how important mental health is. And I know that because I've suffered from many brain injuries myself. I came in for my leg. Okay, Hey, Senator McDonald, I'm just going to ask you a few questions to check the old noggin. Okay. What is this a picture of? Yeah, I guess it does make you think. Good insight, Senator. I'm going to clear you for another six years.

I check every part of the brain.

Portside, the Mizzuza Einstein's taint, and the Lisa Loeb. The back? How did I get this job? Well, I'm Nancy Pelosi's nephew. I mean, I'm not, but she thinks I am. I haven't personally met all my patients, but you don't have to. Neurology is something you can just eyeball.

Five minutes later, and they say, Go back to that. They don't tell you this. Go back to that question and repeat them. Can you do it?

And you go, person, woman, man, camera, TV.

That's more words than I know. The best part of my job is reassuring the public that their leaders are okay. No, wait. The best part is writing my own prescriptions, but after that, reassuring the public. What do you think about the mental capacity of that? I know a lot of you have expressed concerns for the senator's well-being, but I have his test results right here. 100%. That's what he said when I asked him what year it was. You know what? To me, that's close enough. Wait, what is your college special?

That's actually the way it works.

Bottom line, if you were worried about the mental faculties of our highest-ranking officials, just remember, you've got a professional making sure everything is okay. Yes, hi. I just wanted to inform Senator Feinstein that her brain is cleared for another term. Oh, she did. No, no, that doesn't change my diagnosis at all. You have a good day.

When we come back, Sloan Krazy will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.

Mtv's official Challenge podcast is back for another season. That's right. The challenge is back, and so are we. I'm Devon Simone. And I'm Devon Rogers. Now, you all know we had so much fun covering the Challenge USA one together that we thought, Why not do it again? So we are joining forces to dive into this brand new season. Season 39, battle for a new champion. Yes. Yes. 24 contenders will compete to win their first championship. They know the battle, but not the victory. Oh, thank God. I am ready for a new champion. A new one, okay? Give us We got fresh faces, people. Girl, I couldn't agree more. So every week after the episode airs, come hang with us as we break down all the challenges and eliminations, and of course, get the inside scoop on all the drama. And we got all the tea, okay? We will be joined by the cast members themselves every week, you all. Listen to MTV's official Challenge podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Welcome back to Derry Show. My guest tonight is a best-selling author whose new book is called Grief is for People. Please welcome Sloan Crosley. All right. Hi. Hello. How are you feeling?

I feel pretty great. How do you feel?

I feel great. I'm excited to talk with you. Thank you for having me. This book is beautiful and wonderful. You write before this book, a lot of essays involving humor. This is a memoir involving loss and grief with a lot of humor in it. I laugh, but how do you strike that balance between grief and laughing?

I know. I can't believe I'm here talking about It's a sad book. No, I think that the topography of grief that everyone experiences, the people you miss, you miss because they're so specific. In this case, the person I miss was very dark and very funny. You have both my cylinder of humor going and his going at the same time.

You mentioned Russell, but really, when you start this book, it's about being burglarized.

I know. So many bad things happen.

So many bad things happen. Again, there's a lot of laughing. There is a lot of laughing, for real. But one of the most interesting parts of the book is how it turns. Tell me a little bit about how you approach that from being robbed to then this next bad thing that happened.

Basically, on June 27th of 2019, I left my apartment for one hour to get a hand X-ray, so I took all my rings off. What are you going to do? And came home to find all my jewelry gone, burglarized. And not particularly flashy, just gone. And then a month later, my dearest friend, unfortunately, died by suicide. So that first loss, obviously, became the more minor precursor to the second loss. But as a human being, I am deeply unlucky. But in this case, I am. But as a writer of this book, I knew this is a suspensful story about grief, and it's a funny story about grief, and I don't think you get a lot of those.

Yeah, and it's easy to grieve at first for these items, right? If you have been-It sucks. It sucks. We had some winter coats stolen, and I'm almost embarrassed. Winter coats stolen. Yeah, we had winter coats stolen. I'm so sorry for your loss. Exactly. It is humorous in a way, but also you feel violated made you feel mad. Then as soon as anything real happens, you go, That's the important thing.

Yes. Well, it's also the only commonality that these two losses have is the sudden nature of them. It just felt like a real demarcation of before after, which you don't always get with grief.

Tell me about Russell. You tell a lot in the book.

A national television. Yeah, please.

Share Russell with us.

Just like anyone would about their friend. I used to work in book publishing. He hired me. I worked for him for 10 years. He was a wildly generous, funny, brilliant, brilliant publicist and deeply inappropriate. I'm really hesitant to repeat some of the lines in the book. But he fit less and less, I think, in a world that he had helped built in a way. Part of the challenge of this book was how to memorialize and pay tribute to someone like that without sounding like a frustrated septuagenarian white man who's like, It's just not the same. The world has changed. The world has changed. But he was just a wonderful, well-read human being who really was almost like, he's my partner in crime. I felt like that. People have that with work relationships and friends.

I I love when you talk about some of his offensive, whatever they were, remarks, actions. He sent you an email once as your cat or something. Was that what it was?

Oh, yeah, the whole account.

Yeah, the whole account.

It would say, Mom, Tell me, why are you wearing the same thing you wore yesterday? Mommy, why didn't you come home last night? This is my boss, just so it's clear.

That's so awesome.

But also my dear wonderful friend.

Yeah, and what HR doesn't get is-Won't kill them.

Right.

Well, when someone is gone, it's these hilarious, sometimes they cross the line moments that we think about and we laugh about.

Yes. Now, having said that, I'm not trying to be permissive over some of the behavior that he exhibited, but also it didn't come... Those things that we're talking about, they weren't attached to abuses of power or lording sex over people or anything like that. He fought everyone's raises.

You talk about a lack of self-help books or grieving groups for loss of a friend.

Yes. Why is that? Well, I would say it's not like anyone was trying to take my grief away from me. Nobody was like, Well, you don't get to grieve. Too bad. Just a friend. Yeah, you don't get to do that. You don't get to sit in the corner. No, but it just felt like the structure of life, of the self-help books, of the Internet, is very much loss of a spouse, loss of a child, God forbid, loss of a parent. In addition to being so confused and hurt by his death, I had this extra patina of thinking, Do I ever write to this? I'm trying to get purchase on it. How much of it is mine? It turns out about 200 pages worth is mine.

It can feel very serious, but there's humor. Are you looking for the humor, or are you a person who writes your truth, the world you're in, and humor's there?

This whole thing?

Yeah, that whole thing.

No, I mean, the truth is I have always been humor right now.

I'm asking not for them because I'm curious because it's like, do you try to be funny? Not for them. Yeah, not for them. Do you try to be funny in this serious situation?

No, I don't. I think that what I have and what I imagine you have as well, in replace of poetry, maybe, are analogies and observations and this abject example exasperation at the world, and that's how I see and describe the world. The humor in my more traditional humor essay is there's a better alignment, I suppose, between the topic and how I'm telling the story. With a grief book, I think it hopefully gives the book more texture and/or will offend massive amounts of people. No, it won't.

It's not. It's an excellent read. Why are we afraid to say grief? Why are we afraid to talk about it? I find talking about death, especially North American culture, it's like, Keep it down. Why? Tell me the answer to this existential question. Oh, that I am- That's why you're here.

I'm specifically- No, but you have a good input.

You have a good thought on- On how to speak to people who are grieving? Yeah. Why? Sorry. On why it is that we talk about it so little. Why is there a little bit of an air right now? A squamishness. Because there's grief and there's sadness.

Well, especially the death this is is very scary. When we say, we don't necessarily say your cancer, our cancer. We do say our suicide, or your suicide, his suicide. It's like we give it. It's like hot coal, and we give it back to the dead person as fast as we possibly can. I think because we're frightened for ourselves as we well should be. But I think the only way around that is to discuss it more and to talk about it and to be asked questions about it. In the wake of Russell's death, people would often say, Did you know? Which I personally don't have the best reaction to because I don't know if it's for me or for him. But I like to talk about it.

What should you say?

Well, I mean, first of all, you should say whatever the hell you want to say. As long as it's... I'm not trying to police people's reaction to grief as long as it's authentic and it's sincere and not just rubber necking it a horror story and using your grief for this. I think you should just go with declarative statements. You did. I did? Well, Okay. Where you said, Tell me about him. I wish I knew him. He must have been wonderful. What a big life that's more than this one moment.

That's beautiful. I've heard you say, Part of grief is becoming on the side of the living once again. Explain that to me.

Well, if you've ever grieved someone, you know that especially right away, there's this almost embarrassing thing I felt, which is I was receiving all of these wonderful condolences, and I felt like I was ill-equipped or did not have the shelving to accept them because everybody had committed the sin of not being able to bring my friend back. I just wanted to do whatever he wanted to do. We had a memorial service. I turned into what I call in the book, a funeral zilla, where I was just like, Is it hard to shut down Fifth Avenue for an hour? Why are these programs not bound with ribbon? Where is the gold I'm like, Okay, somebody needed to pull me aside and say, You know he's not going to be going to the memorial service. Honestly, at that moment, no, I did not know that.

Right. Is it changing that focus back to present tense? Yeah. Yes.

Also changing to what he would want. Because again, even and especially with someone who dies by suicide, they are more than their last act of free will. We had an entire friendship, an entire life together where I know that he wanted more for me than to just focus on him. Yeah.

It's a beautiful book. You will laugh. You will think, I promise you. But it's also a tribute to your friend Russell. Thank you for chatting with us very much. I appreciate it. Grief is for People is available now. Sloan Crosley, everybody. We're going to take a quick break, and we'll be right back after this. Thank you. Thank you so much. Survivor 46 is here, and so is On Fire, the only official survivor podcast, and we have a twist this season. The winner of Survivor 45, Dee Viadoris, will be joining us every week. We're going behind the scenes of the biggest moments, the how and the Why where things happen, and the strategy and analysis you can only get from someone like me, a survivor winner. Listen to On Fire, the official survivor podcast on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. That's our show for tonight. Now, here it is, your moment of Zen. My blood type is very negative. That's his problem. I don't know what to do. I mean, even phone sex. I tried it once. I got an ear infection. Is that good, George? Because of that, I'm so frightened of getting close to somebody.

I have this fear of intimacy. The best I can say to anybody now while I'm making love is, I love you, ladies and gentlemen. That's the best I can say. I love all of you, and you, you're the king. I'm flattered to be here. Explore more shows from The Daily Show podcast universe by searching The Daily Show, wherever you get your podcasts. Watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11:10 Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount+. This has been a Comedy Central podcast. Survivor46 is here, and so is On Fire, the only official survivor podcast, and we have a twist this season. The winner of survivor45, Dee Viadoras, will be joining us every week. We're going behind the scenes of the biggest moments, the how and the why things happen, and the strategy and analysis you can only get from someone like me, a survivor winner. Listen to On Fire, the official survivor podcast on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast.