You're listening to Comedy Central. Corona virus. The only thing in 2020 that still hasn't been canceled. Yesterday, New York City recorded zero koban 19 deaths for the first time since March. And that's truly amazing news, guys, because if this continues, then hopefully New Yorkers can get back to dying from the usual things, you know, like being kicked in the throat by a subway dancer.
But unfortunately, across the rest of America, things are worse than ever.
Breaking news tonight, staggering numbers out of Florida. More than 15000 culvert cases confirmed in just one day. Miami-Dade hospitals are at 94 percent ICU capacity, with the mayor confirming six are now full. If the Sunshine State were its own country, it would rank fourth heist in the world for new Kofod cases. In Texas, confirmed cases continue to climb. Nearly 6000 reported today. Hard hit Michigan now seen an uptick in cases.
Hundreds attended to my fourth lake parties and we've seen the stunning images of testing lines stretching for miles. Thousands waiting weeks for results in Arizona. Some labs facing a 30 day backlog. Thirteen states are reporting testing problems.
You know, I don't know what's worse. Honestly, the fact that so many states reopened too early or the fact that they are now facing problems that should have been solved months ago, surge, surging cases, PPE shortages, testing backlogs, these are all the same problems America was dealing with back in March. So clearly, other than Corona virus getting some attention. Nothing has changed. And these states saw what happened in New York. They saw it happen here months ago.
They had time to prepare. And they're still not handling it right. You know what a horror movie when the teenagers run upstairs away from the killer instead of running outside. This is like if they don't even run, they just stay on the couch watching TV. Always, Daryn. He's dead. All right. What's the next episode? I mean, at this rate, America is going to solve its testing issues. Eight or nine months after we have a vaccine.
And while hospitals are filling up and more people are getting sick. Mickey Mouse has decided the show must go on.
Disney welcomed guests back to the most magical place on Earth Saturday, the biggest test yet of a major corporation opening its doors in the middle of a pandemic. There are strict safety and social distancing protocols. Visitors are required to wear masks. And we'll hear this message for the health and safety of everyone.
He's wearing a subway. Wash your hands often and thoroughly. Cover your mouth and nose when coughing and sneezing and maintain physical distance. Thank you for your cooperation.
Basically, what we're saying is, why are you in a Disney World?
It's crazy that we're in the middle of a pandemic that's killed hundreds of thousands of people.
And there are still folks out there like life isn't scary enough. Let's let's go on a rollercoaster.
I mean, look, when my time comes, my time comes. But I'm going to do all I can to make sure that my obituary doesn't say cause of death Space Mountain. And this isn't just dangerous for the visitors. Think about the risk this poses to all of the Disney employees. I mean, the safest job they have right now is the one inside of 200 degree rat costume.
Like what? Dad is so cheap that this vacation is worth the risk.
Honey, it's 15 percent off Disney tickets. But Harry, isn't there a pandemic right now? 15 percent off. You go get the kids. I'm going to load the van. Now, Mickey Mouse isn't the only cartoon character people have been imploring to take the coronavirus a little more seriously, because for months now, people have also been begging President Trump to at least lead by example and wear a mask in public. And for months, he has flat out refused.
But then this happened.
Breaking news tonight, a huge shift for President Trump wearing a mask in public. Six months into the coronavirus pan that and President Trump finally wore a mask for the first time in public. He did so while visiting Walter Reed Medical Center this weekend. This image, again, about the president wearing the mask will stick out to a lot of people in the days and weeks ahead.
OK, guys, I don't know about you, but I think this is the day Donald Trump finally became president. And look, I'm glad that Trump finally put a mask on, but it's got to be confusing for his supporters who have been mocking face masks this whole time. I mean, to them, this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with AOC. And I know that part of the reason Trump resisted wearing a mask for so long is because he's very self-conscious about his image.
That's why he didn't want to do it. So let me go on record as saying President Trump. Don't listen to any of the haters out there who are saying you look like diabetic bane or shred it from the Ninja Turtles, if all he shredded was cheese. You look great. So please keep wearing that mosque.
So the good news is that Trump finally seems to be catching up to the reality of the pandemic. But, you know, Trump now he has to pretend that he was doing a great job the whole time, which means he has to find someone else to blame for doing a bad job. And you'll never guess who he picked.
The president and the nation's top infectious disease doctor are not on speaking terms. Now, the White House is trying to discredit Dr. Anthony Foushee.
She thought she now says he hasn't briefed the president in over two months and hasn't actually seen him at the White House since June 2nd. In a stunning development, some administration officials are treating him like a political rival, releasing what they say is a list of questionable statements by Dr. Foushee, even though many of them were taken out of context or widely accepted in the early days of the pandemic. Last night, Mr. Trump view the apparent feud between him and Dr.
Dr. Brown, she's a nice man, but he's made a lot of mistakes, unlike me, who's not a very nice man but has never made any Miss Blake. She's positively insane. Donald Trump is spending more time trying to defeat Dr. Pouchy than defeating the corona virus. Can you imagine doing actual opposition research about someone on your own team? It's like if Ben put out a press release saying that Jerry personally sneezes and every pint of Chunky Monkey, you both lose and don't get a twisted.
I'm not saying Dr. Foushee never got anything wrong. I'm not saying that every expert in the world got some thing wrong when Colvard 19 first emerged because it was something they'd never seen before, hence novel. It's like when you first start baking bread, you don't know how to prepare yeast properly. But then after three months of baking it, you've got enough experience to know that you can just get that shit at the store. I mean, we're four months into a global pandemic and the leader of the free world just started wearing a mask.
Does the same person who is thinking about bleaching his lungs and now he's trying to point his tiny fingers at Dr. Falchi. But if you ask me, the worst part about all of this is that the White House isn't just attacking Dr. Falchi. They're doing it like cowards with leaks to the press. If you're going to go off to someone, at least give them the respect to be upfront about, it's like this as the corona virus pandemic rages and cases rise uncontrollably.
There's one man to blame. Anthony Fouchier. She says he's a doctor, but one doctor doesn't wear a stethoscope.
And if he's really a doctor, why is he so short? We don't need leaders to adjust their assessment when they get new information. We need leaders who stick with their gut assessment despite new information that's going to say it's going to disappear.
If ouchy care so much about saving lives, why didn't he do anything about the Spanish flu?
And if he loves Americans so much, why is he palling around with suspicious immigrants? Anthony Foushee definitely the only person to blame for this whole situation. Oh, boy.
I think Trump is going to do pretty well against Dr. Foushee in November. California, home to the most gorgeous Emmy voters in the nation. Sup, yo?
One month ago, the Golden State announced that it was doing a good enough job fighting the coronavirus at restaurants, stores and other businesses could welcome customers back in. The bad news is one of those customers was Corona virus.
California, the home state of nearly one out of eight Americans, is making an abrupt U-turn to try to roll back a surge in Corona virus infections. California has recorded nearly 110000 new cases in the last 14 days, including another 8000 yesterday.
Koven 19. It's not going away anytime soon. Just over one month after reopening several sectors of California's economy, Governor Gavin Newsom is reversing course. Yesterday, he announced gyms, churches and hair salons would be among those forced to close in 29 California counties, while bars, indoor restaurants and movie theaters will close across the entire state.
And the state's two biggest school systems said today they will only do distance learning in the fall.
That's right. I might have taken a while for California to blow up again, probably because Corona was stuck in traffic on the fall five. But now they've become the biggest state to roll back. They're reopening because you see, even though many of us have become bored of the corona virus, the corona virus is not both of us. Coronavirus doesn't care about the news cycle.
People are like, wow, did you hear about Will and Jada and Cronos? Like, the only thing I'm trying to get entangled with is your lungs. And what's happening in California is a preview of what the next year is going to look like for a lot of places. Gradually re-opening and shutting down when things get dangerous. This whole thing without a vaccine, without tracing, without enough testing.
It's like it's like trying to have sex in your parents house. You know, things are ramping up. Then you hear something creak. Your dad getting a snack in the kitchen. You gotta shut everything down till it's safe again. Pull your pants back up. And California's on. Opening is also a good reminder that Corona virus is playing the long game, people with no skyrocketing around the country. Some of those very cocky statements that people were making just a few weeks ago haven't aged so well.
Florida got it right.
Texas got it right. And guess what? Now it's time for all those states to follow their lead.
Governor DeSantis now looks like a genius. Ron DeSantis of Florida, the governor doing a fantastic job in Florida governor.
Those dire predictions have not come true. He looked to Florida and they look at Texas that have reopened and it hasn't led to a massive second wave and a very real sense of Florida's leading the way.
It's been two months and Florida has figured out how to manage this pretty effectively. Governor DeSantis, who's doing a phenomenal job. State of Florida, which happens to be my great home state.
I can't get to Florida or Texas fast enough. And I think there's plenty of people thinking the exact same way.
How much longer are you going to keep me out of your state? I would like to go visit. When am I allowed back in? We're glad you're opening up. We're ready to have some sunshine and get out of our.
It's great to be in Florida and I'm going to be back here in a week. And I've always wanted to move to Texas. Now I think I have to.
Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott. He knows what he's doing. He's a great governor.
Governor Greg Abbott, we can learn a lot from you and a lot from Governor DeSantis, but we can also learn a lot from Governor Cuomo and Governor Murphy what not to do because they did the opposite of what you guys that Texas, Florida gave us clues. Take the success clues, the successes of Florida, Texas, the failures of New York, New Jersey.
We've got to get the whole country open like Tennessee and Texas and Florida.
He's got it in great shape. Texas. Florida is doing very well.
How did you do it? Because we need to learn as we reopen. Great job down there. Keep up the great work. He did a great job. You saved a lot of lives. And there's a lot to learn from your success.
Yeah, maybe not a great idea to take a victory lap in the middle of a pandemic. And I know there's a lot of politics tied up with who's rooting for which states and policies to succeed. But people we need to understand Corona virus has no politics. It doesn't give a shit what state you live in.
Corona virus is the most bipartisan thing to happen to America. Since hating Jussie Smollett and celebrating too soon and letting its guard down could basically guarantee that America is not going to beat this virus. Yeah, and if you want a visual representation of what that means. Here it is.
Assaults. Yes. You see, you're not flattening the curve, you're flattening your face.
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America has been waking up to the way police specifically target black people. And now some Los Angeles police officers are facing the consequences.
Well, State Attorney General Harvey. But Sarah has revoked access to records generated by the LAPD for the Cal gang database. LAPD chief Michael Baugh withdrew from that program after an internal audit uncovered significant misuse of the gang tracking tool. Criminal charges have been filed against three officers accused of falsifying records. The department believes those people that officers stopped were labeled as gang members or gang associates. More than a dozen officers are still under investigation. Holy shit.
Cops in the LAPD have been charged with putting innocent people into a gang database.
And the reason they allegedly did it is that the officers performance reviews were based partly on how many gang members they dealt with each day. So to make their bosses happy, they just said everyone they stopped was in a gang. And this is basically the equivalent of putting your Fitbit on your dog to get your steps in. Except instead of cheating yourself, you're cheating innocent people's ability to get jobs or housing and undermining community trust in law enforcement. And you don't think about this.
But this is bad news for the gangs, too. I mean, think about those gangs. They put a membership was way higher than it was.
Recruitment is to the roof, guys. Now, we can finally afford that pool table.
And you see, this is one of the biggest problems with policing in America.
Police are incentivized to create criminals and crime because they get paid. If they do. If you pay them more, if there's more crime, they want to create more crime and more criminals. But if they lived in a system where they were trying to just protect and serve, they wouldn't need to do this. And this is the reality of being black in America. It's almost impossible not to get tangled up with the legal system in some way. At some point in your life and a new story out of Michigan shows how it can even happen to children.
A Michigan teenager reportedly had her probation revoked after she failed to complete online coursework for school. The 15 year old, only identified as Grace, is now in a juvenile detention center. ProPublica reports that she has been there for over a month and was originally sentenced to probation for stealing and fighting with her mother.
The judge in her rulings that this wasn't punishment. This was a way that she thought Oakland County could best help this girl. This student was placed in detention on May 14. She remains there today.
This is truly one of the most fucked up stories I have ever seen. A fifteen year old steals something at school, gets put on probation. And now months later during the pandemic, she gets arrested and locked up because she didn't do her homework online. I mean, it's crystal clear at this point that the system is set up to punish people rather than help them, because I don't know about you. But when I was in school, kids didn't get arrested for stealing.
Like when I was in the seventh grade, Darlington Mutchilba stole a Gameboy from Feast and Pilly.
But the school didn't call the police. The teachers just made us hold a fake trial in the classroom to see who was guilty. And then once we reached the verdict as kids, we decided that the punishment was death. I look, in hindsight, I was a little extreme, especially considering that I was the one who actually stole the Gameboy. But the point is, we handled it internally as a school. No need for police. If you ask me, the root cause of all of this is that in America, black children are not seen as children.
Whether it's a 15 year old girl in Michigan or Tamir Rice in Cleveland. American society acts like black people don't have children. They just give birth to small black adults who are born criminals. So, look, it's clear that as much progress has been made recently, there's still a very long way to go in this country. And it doesn't help that the guy at the very top is still very much in denial. President Trump attempting to shift the focus once again.
He now says when it comes to police shootings of black Americans, white people have it worse.
Why are African-Americans still dying at the hands of law enforcement in this country? And so are white people. So are white people. What a terrible question to ask. So why are white people, more white people, by the way? More white people.
OK, OK. Setting aside the fact that black people are disproportionately stopped, arrested and killed by the police. What is Trump's argument here? Because this reporter was like cops are killing a lot of black people. And Trump's response was, no, you idiot. They're killing everybody.
These cops, you lunatics, blacks, whites, browns, all lives don't matter. I mean, it actually almost sounds like Trump is one step away from defunding the police because of how they treat white people. And you know what? I don't agree with his logic, but if it gets us to meaningful police reform, I'll take it. I call it defund. Plus plus.
Twitter Social Media Network. And Trump's longest serving press secretary on a normal day. That's a place where people can share ideas with each other while also getting yelled at by neo-Nazis. But yesterday was not a normal day.
Today, Twitter is scrambling to recover from one of the biggest security breaches in Internet history after Bitcoin scammers apparently compromised some of the platform's highest profile accounts for hours Wednesday, targeting companies like Uber and Apple and wealthy public figures like Bill Gates, Elan Musk and Jeff Bezos. Even former President Barack Obama and former Vice President Joe Biden. Many of the hijacked accounts posting similar language, inviting users to submit Bitcoin payments to a single account promising to double their money. Several hundred people quickly responded, sending in tens of thousands of dollars.
Twitter revealing the hack was a coordinated social engineering attack by people who successfully targeted some of our employees with access to internal systems and tools. Twitter also confirming they prevented some verified accounts from tweeting Wednesday evening as they investigated the attack.
That's right. Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Kim Kardashian. You yo, if you were famous. That was a good chance. You were hacked on Twitter yesterday. Now, for some reason, the hackers missed my account, which makes no sense because I'm famous. But whatever. Probably like a second round or something. I don't care.
So Twitter released a statement saying that luckily the president's Twitter account was not hacked. But how would they know? I mean, this is the same guy who tweets about Beane's, Iran and the Confederacy in the span of ten minutes. He prehaps himself. Don't way you'd know if a hacker got Trump is if the spelling was correct. Guys, Trump spelled coronavirus, right? I think he got hacked. So in response to the hack, Twitter actually disabled tweets from anyone with a verified accounts.
Yeah. Blue checkmark couldn't tweets. And I've got to be honest, as someone who has a verified account because I'm famous, remember, it was hard not being able to post for a few hours yesterday and I had to resort to some drastic measures at Anna Kendrick.
I have a great voice and I would love to be in the next Troll's movie at seven.
I told you to leave me alone. Lots of reported at Anna Kendrick.
Thanks so much for responding. Big fan.
Moving on to some political news. Last week, Kanye West, hip hop superstar and permanent residents on everyone's prayer list announced that he was running for president. And then a few days later, one of his advisers said, actually, he's not running for president, but now maybe he is.
Kennedy was unconventional. Presidential bid is showing signs of life. Oklahoma officials confirming that he will appear on the November general election ballot. The group called Connew Twenty Twenty filed the first federal election forms for W's candidacy.
OK, I'm sorry. This is just crazy. Kanye West is actually running for president. I mean, I guess he reversed his position on whether one man should have all that power. Now, a lot of people are worried that Kenya will be a spoiler for Joe Biden, but I don't know. Men think about it. Who is Kanye West? He's a man who goes on long unintelligible rants, constantly flip flops on his positions, brags about the size of his penis.
I mean, if anything, Kenya is Trump, but with better beats. And I mean, this all goes to show you how much things can change. Who would have thought 10 years ago that one day you'd be thinking who came?
I'm scared that Kenya could become president. But at least Kim Kardashian will be there to bring some serious news to the White House.
Before we go.
America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage, and it's because most poll workers are over 60 and Colvert is still in the air. And so, understandably, they're not showing up. But fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open.
And that means there's going to be longer lines. And not everyone can afford to stay and wait in those long lines, especially in communities of color. But the good news is most poll working is paid. And in some states you can be as young as 16 to do it. So if you're interested and you have the time, this is your chance to save your granny, protect democracy and get paid. Sign up at the link below to learn more.
The Daily Show with Kurbanov. Here's a dish, watch the Daily Show weeknights at 11:00 pm, 10:00 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central, watchable episodes and videos at The Daily Show dot com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to The Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast.