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You're listening to Comedy Central now. Hey, what's up? This is Adam Devine andas home Blake Anderson and Kyle Neurotrophic, and you might recognize these sweet, sultry voices from the hit television program, Workaholics.

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And we were sitting around and we were bored and quarantine. We're always on these dumb calls and we thought, hey, you know what? This is important. Totally. These are important conversations we're having and the world needs to hear it.

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So please do yourself a favor and listen to this is important on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast, wherever you get your podcasts feeling lost.

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And we've got the podcast for you, Laborites. I'm Christopher Robertson. And I'm Amanda Knox. I know what it's like to be stuck to wind up in a life I never expected. But your Maise might be a cruise ship or your Midnighter a terrorist husband. So come on, get lost with us as we step into the personal labyrinths of people like Andrew Yang, LeVar Burton and Malcolm Gladwell. Listen to Labyrinths on the I Heart radio app, on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Learn from their election fallout shelter in New York, The Daily Show with Trevor Noah presents from some 20 20. What could go wrong? Yo, what's going on, everybody? Welcome to a live election night show of The Daily Show. That's right. We are live. And you know how you know we're live because I've already thrown up on myself and I've had time to clean it up. Usually I'll be coming to you from my apartment. But tonight, because we're live, we're celebrating the end of democracy, we decided to be here in my special election fallout shelter, which is stocked up with everything I need if it goes down, which it probably will.

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I've got a bottle of hand sanitizer, safe, clean my hands, and then I've got another bottle of hand sanitizer over there, clean the first bottle of hand sanitizer. And if the power grid goes down, I got boardgames. Yeah, I've got some ball games. I also got some marli, which is the closest you can get to a PlayStation if there's no power. Oh, and I've also got that boombox over there. Yes. It's just for sentimental value.

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It was my grandfather's iPod. Most importantly, I've got this place locked down tight. Election Fallout Shelter is grade five military bunker level people, which means it's impenetrable to nuclear weapons, chemical attacks and even the most Raywood Junior it was.

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No, I was doing it. How did you get into my election fallout shelter? I'm doing I'm doing a show live, a top level security. How do you get in and get your password? Wauconda. One, two, three. Don't say it out loud.

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It's also of my email password. What do you want me to leave just so you will not. I don't want to got a problem. I want you to leave. I just like. No, you're in the bubble. Just sit down.

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Do I look like I'm thing. Did you get tested by the way.

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Oh man. We got No. Five G my neighborhood. I'm good. OK, you should still get tested man.

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I think it's a joke. Calm down. Calm down on a night like tonight. All right. Well, since you here, are you ready for some election results?

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Yeah, man, I'm in. I'm in you here. You are nervous. But then go and get me like they got me in twenty sixteen so I got some stuff to keep me calm. I got my pink stuff and you know, I got to lick.

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Got a little tequila right here man and you know and getting up off this couch either that's why I got this one, this one for my year.

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So I got one, you know.

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I this is the tequila. OK, that's my bad, I'm will put it and we'll put a P on this one for please drink this one.

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I don't think your system is going to work. We think that's all right. But you might need that booze because I don't know if you've been seeing the results from tonight, but Trump has started out strong because he's looking good in North Carolina and he's probably going to win Florida. And I don't know, Roy, I was I was actually hoping that maybe Florida would surprise us, you know, like they did with Obama. But I guess they really like Trump.

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I don't know. Why are you so surprised about Florida? First off, I went to college in Florida. That's what you don't remember. I know. And tell you about Florida. Two good things in Florida, South Beach and Disney World. The rest of Florida is just strange people and pickup trucks trying to sell you baby alligators. So, of course, they. But do you think maybe alligator.

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Yeah, but I thought I thought maybe like, you know, I mean, it makes sense. It makes sense because Trump is like he's the ultimate Florida mascot. You know, he's got the tan. All these friends are in jail.

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Somehow he has money. Oh. And he also has a much younger wife who I don't know if you saw dressed up really nicely today to go and cast her vote.

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As we mentioned a minute ago, we just saw First Lady Melania Trump at that polling site down in West Palm Beach, Florida. You can see here on the left side of your screen, she just finished casting her ballot, one would assume, for her husband and one of the three crucial southern battleground states. We are watching very closely.

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You know, I'm pretty certain Melania is the only first lady where people can only assume she voted for her husband because, I mean, she could have voted early, but instead she waited for Election Day like I'm an undecided voter, was like, but Melania, what about all the things I did for Venezuela? I'm from Slovenia.

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Close enough, maybe because of the way Melania voted for Trump me. He gave her Corona.

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Trump didn't give a corona they wouldn't have in the same room. Don't spread rumors. OK, you're right. You're right. But I know I say she voted for Trump. I think Bulani voted for Trump. You know why? Because if he wins, Melania is married to the president of the United States. If he loses, she's just married to Donald Trump.

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That sucks. You know what? I honestly, I don't even think that's really about Donald Trump. I don't think anybody really want to vote for this spouse. I love my girl, but my girl put the knives in the dishwasher, blade up, reaching behind, I think trust her with the nuclear codes.

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Well, you know what? I don't know if Melania voted for Trump, but what we do know is that he's winning a lot more votes from Hispanic and black people than he did in twenty sixteen. And I don't know if this has anything to do with it, but he's had a lot of rappers come out to support.

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At a rally in Florida, President Trump introduced Hispanic rapper Lil Pump, although he incorrectly referred to him as little pin.

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And speaking of sound, music and other things, one of the big superstars of the world, Little Tim. There he is. How is it going? Do you want to come up and say something? OK, a pump and a pump, a very different things. If your basement is flooded and a pimp shows up, that's not going to end well. We need a hose.

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Well, I brought you some hose cinnamon grab a bucket, which you know is great.

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Is it? Just today, Eminem came out and endorsed Joe Biden, right. That's the world we live in. I thought in twenty 20, but the white rappers would be with Biden and the black rappers would be with Trump. It's the first time black people have appropriated something from white people.

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Well, you know, it did. With things looking so uncertain, we may as well just go to one of the Trump campaign headquarter events happening right now to catch up with Desi. Desi, you're there live right now. Any news to report? Thanks, Trevor. I am here at the Trump victory party. And right now there's no news to report. But if a winner is declared, then the reporter who's on camera gets to announce it. So I'm just going to keep on talking, talking, talking, talking.

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Any minute we could learn who the winner is. And I could be the one saying who the next president is on TV making history. You know, it's not about me. It's really about the American voters. Now, take them away. We know what voters look like. Yes, that's better because tonight is about democracy, Trever, democracy. Let's think about that word for a minute while we wait with me on camera. Now, Webster's Dictionary defines democracy as a system of government by the whole population.

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It's a noun, a Greek origin. I believe the word is based on the democracy, which was a Greek dragon who lived in ancient Athens and would pick the president. Wait, hold on. You're making an announcement. Could this be it? Desis, one shining shit. Now it's just the waiter announcing they're out of crab cakes, huh? Something else. Something else. Oh, you know, Trevor, sometimes it can be hard to put nights like these into context.

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And as so often is the case, we turn to the words of poets. And I think my feelings right now can best be expressed by Al Pacino's four and a half minute locker room speech in any given Sunday, which I watched in my hotel room on TNT last night. On this team, we fight for that inch on this team. We tell ourselves and everyone else around us the pieces for that inch we claw with our fingernails. What an inch are.

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Oh, hold on, Trevor. They're making an announcement. Could this be it? Yes. Crab cakes are back. I'm going to grab them. Do not go back to Trevor. You stay on me. You stay on me. I'll be right back. You stay on me.

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No, no, no. OK, ok, that's. That's enough. That's enough. I'm not waiting around to see Dez. He gets crab cakes, you know. Let's take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll have more election results and we'll check in with some of our correspondents who are around the country. Plus, two of my favorite people are joining us on the show, Don Cheadle and Dr. Tracie Macmillan. Cottam will stop by later to give us their perspective on everything that's gone down so far.

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So stick around.

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I don't want to drink any of that. So on September 17th, 2009, 24 year old MIT Chris Richardson disappeared without a trace in the woods near Malibu, California.

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She had been arrested at a beachside restaurant for failing to pay a tab and taken to the Lost Hills Sheriff's Station. You know, I mean, she's not from that area. And I would hate to wake up to a morning report. Well, lost somewhere to a job that the police released her just after midnight with no car, no cell phone, no money. She doesn't know the area. She's never been in your area. Well, I think she said, Chris, that's what happened.

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That's more than just her.

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OK, my trees disappeared into the darkness and was never seen alive again. I'm Catherine Townsend, host of the podcast Houngan, we're going to try to find out what really happened to my Chris Richardson School of Humans and I heart radio present. Helen, season three. Listen to and gone on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to The Daily Show's live election night coverage.

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We've got a few more results coming in, so let's just jump jump straight into it. In the Senate, Democrat John Hickenlooper has beaten Republican incumbent Cory Gardner. But in Alabama, Republican challenger Tommy Tuberville has defeated Democrat incumbent Doug Jones. And in Kentucky, Mitch McConnell has defeated Democrat Amy McGrath. So it appears, unlike his hands, Mitch McConnell's seat will not be turning blue. Know, if there's one thing we cannot deny, about 20, 20 is that it has sucked balls.

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Also, coronavirus has made everything weird. You've got a face mask draw right next to your underwear drawer. Your delivery guy throws your food at you like he's a broadcast quarterback. And even your creepy aunt doesn't kiss you on the mouth anymore. And voting, it turns out, hasn't been spared.

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With the coronavirus pandemic making, social distancing amongst sporting venues have been transformed into polling locations across the country from the KFC Yum Center in Louisville, Kentucky, to fill Union Stadium and Atlanta's State Farm arena, to name just a few arenas and stadiums aren't the only places being repurposed for voters this year.

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Voters in Los Angeles can also cast ballots at the city's famed La Brea Tar Pits in Texas. This drivethrough location allows people to vote without ever leaving their car. And in San Francisco, the historic Neptune Society columbarium, home to 8500 cremated human remains, is now a polling site.

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Goddamn people are even voting in crematoriums. And it probably still smells better than a middle school gym.

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But, man, oh, no. I think, honestly, life is more strange to vote at a sports arena. You know, sports arenas aim for vote in the sports arenas where you go to argue with people who because they don't support the same team who support you, fight with people because they own a different team. You're right. It's probably a good place to vote.

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Well, you know what, dude? No matter how weird the place was, people have turned out to vote. People have turned out to vote in record numbers this year. So we actually sent Jordan Klepper to speak to some of those voters in a special Election Day edition of Fingers The Pulse.

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It's Election Day, I'm here in Park Slope, Brooklyn, where the lines are around to three people, I'm guessing it's because people already made a plan and voted early. Either that or our democracy is crumbling. I prefer the first one.

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Oh, yay. Voting gay.

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I assume you voted for a hometown boy and Donald Trump has no hell no. If his balls were cut off today, I would be happy.

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The reason I'm not so fond of this administration is because I believe in a true system of governance based on honesty and fairness, equity, egalitarianism, all that good stuff. You must have had a shitty four year, pretty shitty four years. Yeah. Why did you vote today? Because I hate Donald Trump and I want him to get out of office.

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No, I mean, why did you vote today and not six days ago when all the cool kids were voting?

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Oh, because the lines were really oh, I didn't marry my Valentine. You're not going to get Paul Rudd voting today. Today, you might get Andrew Garfield like a mid-range Spiderman walking by. But that's what I like that.

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So some people waited until Election Day to cast their vote and some people waited until Election Day to think about the election will decide you're an undecided voter.

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I thought undecided voters to be like unicorns. I don't know if they actually existed in the wild. Why were you undecided up until this point? Nobody really speaking towards my interests. Have you officially made the decision in your head when I got off that train in the Bronx? What do you expect to happen on the train that I help you make up your mind? Because using my experience on the subway, I'm not doing a lot of thinking. I'm mostly just trying not to sit and chat about this effort because.

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All right, heads, Trump loses. Tails Biden wins. Hey. Hi. How are you today? I'm kind of smart to drop by to. By the way, that's more about four hundred years of campaigning and a coin flip now that that's decided, were folks prepared to avoid the heartache of 2016?

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How are you keeping expectations in check on a day like today? I am not keeping expectations in check. I am fully sold into hope.

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That's so 2008. Did you have a voting strategy not to jinx it this year?

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No, I have a voting strategy to get through the night tonight, which is basically just to drink. You're taking my strategy as well. Yeah, it's election day. You got to take an I vote itself. Yeah.

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Eddie, why do you think people so much need to leave that ship right away?

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Because you don't want to jinx anything.

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This could stretch into very long days or even weeks. Are these people patient enough?

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Of course, however long it takes, it takes. And if these guys do not count every absentee ballot vote, every vote needs to be counted. I think you need to let democracy play itself out. And if people voted, you should give them a chance to cast their votes. So I do think it would be more satisfying or satisfying to count all the votes. Yes, Donald Trump does won the election results to come right now and then he rolls over.

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The rest of us don't even get started. Donald Trump wants to finish tonight. I know. I mean, he's someone I think it was and thinks early.

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It's more satisfying if we count all the votes, right? Yes, absolutely. Explore the entire electoral map. Democrats need to experience tantric democracy. Right. I mean, that sounds great. And it didn't last long, I hear.

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And after a stressful election, we all know it's important to decompress. Of course, I'm going to take a mindfulness walk. This is something I need today because the election is so stressful.

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Talk to me about this mindfulness walk, because I think I need some of this shit. Oh, yeah.

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I'll tell you all about it. We do some breathing techniques and walk around and think about, like, the present moment and try to stay in that present moment. All right. Walk me through or I'm closing my eyes. I need to breathe in. Breathe in with the fact that our country is in bad shape right now. Breathe out that our country will be in better shape.

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OK, I'm breathing out the last four years with the idea that people will probably start campaigning for the next presidential season and about a month and a half exactly depress America.

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You can do this. Thank you so much, Sean Callebs. We're going to take a short break, but when we come back, I'll be talking to the man himself, Don Cheadle.

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Stay right there. This episode of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, year's edition is brought to you by cowbirds and their new line of Trena shirts and coats, Obote's is on a mission to leave the planet in better shape than they found it. That's why they've introduced a new line of tops and outerwear made with premium natural materials and intentional design so everyone can tread lighter on the planet. All birds apparel features for wardrobe staples that are evolved from nature like the Torino Exo t, a T-shirt so soft and comfortable you'll want to wear it every day.

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All birds blended merino wool and eucalyptus fiber with Chitose on a naturally occurring fiber to reduce odor and keep you fresh all day. Albats is also bring their signature merino wool to life in sweater form with the wool jumper and wool kadee and the merino puffer, which has all the warmth and comfort of your go to cold weather jacket with premium natural materials in place of synthetics or down. If you're looking to get a head start on holiday gifting this year, head to all birds dotcom today for the perfect gift to give and receive.

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Welcome back to a live election night episode of The Daily Show. I'm still here with my good friend Roy Wood Junior. Roy, you're doing good.

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This is how I'm doing, OK? Stressful. This is I'm doing what I don't understand. Roy, if one of those bottles is urine and one is tequila, how come they both gone down?

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I can't tell the difference, man. I lost my sense. It takes a couple of days ago. So I just been hitting both of.

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Can you really smell it either? I'm beginning to think this was a terrible idea anyway, here are some more results coming in and these are the more interesting issues that are on the ballots. Right. Florida has officially passed a 15 dollar minimum wage. Congratulations on that. New Jersey has legalized marijuana and D.C. has decriminalized mushrooms. Oh, right.

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Yeah, but please trust me, D.C., tonight is not the night to try shrooms for the first time. And can I just say this, people, if Trump wins again, all drugs should just become like everything should be legalized. We kind of go through the next four years sober. I need heroin gummies at least. But before we get carried away before that, let's catch up with Dorsay Sloan, who voted earlier today to get her analysis. D.C., where are you right now and what's going on?

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High drama just waiting to vote. I've been standing in this line forever, and that's how, you know, I'm voting in a black district because the state only gave us one voting booth. Mm hmm. You know, this is worse than the time that I was waiting for my trash to pick me up after I got my hair done. I mean, how are you going to be late to pick me up when the only reason you are riding around town is because you borrowed my car key?

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But it's fine. I mean, it's folks out here grilling and dancing. I mean, you know, Trevor will even turn voter suppression into a party. And you might you want to check out my mixtape. All right, I told, you know, no one even has a CD player anymore anyway. Trevor, you know the craziest thing? I'm not even here to vote in the 2020 election. I'm still trying to vote for Hillary. I got to go.

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Keith, Keith, I know you did hit another mailbox. We really need those today. Wow.

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To say sorry you have such a stressful day and good luck with the Hillary vote. Spoiler alert it doesn't end well. It's time to introduce you to my first guest tonight. He's an award winning actor and an activist who, you know, from Black Monday and The Avengers. Tonight, he joins me to talk about his self-proclaimed role as a single issue Dem voter in twenty twenty. Please welcome Don Cheadle.

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Why are you finished that you don't want any spoilers?

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Is that what it is?

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Yeah, most of it. I would be like, wait, wait, wait.

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OK, so. So what's the plan for you then? Are you not going to get any results until it's all done or do you want to just wake up tomorrow? Like how long. What if this goes for like two weeks.

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It's probably going to go like that and more tonight. So I don't want this tonight. You know, that time I heard that we got to an extent.

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But you're currently on set. You're doing a new Steven Soderbergh movie. You're Showtime series is coming back on Monday. But it must be weird for you like you're working. You've got to work tomorrow morning. The election is coming up. You can't even really focus on that. Did you vote early? Did you vote today? What was your voting strategy?

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Actually, why? If you came out and visited and she brought my ballot, signed it, she took it back to California, stuck it in a mailbox, it didn't put a fire bomb in a real one. There was a real. Oh, we got the results back in a minute.

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I've loved how you described yourself as a single issue Dem voter, which is an interesting one for twenty twenty.

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What does that single issue for Don Cheadle, whoever it is on to do so? That's what I did early in the primaries. I didn't really step in and and back anybody really trying to figure out who it would be, because anyone on that stage that night was better than who we have now. So I was just really hoping the front end and throw my energy behind.

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Right. You've been you've been really vocal from the very beginning. I know you were a big Bernie Sanders supporter. And then when when Joe Biden won the nomination, you started helping out with campaign events for Joe Biden. Some people criticized you, but you were quick, just like Bernie Sanders to say, hey, guys, there's a bigger issue that that's on the ballot here and we have to come together. Do you think you've got through to some of those people?

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Like I know some people talk to you. Do you think you managed to convince some people about the greater good? I hope so.

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Right. I mean, we can see what the results of that is pretty soon. And I would never try to say it was as a result of me personally being someone in one direction. I just want to be consistent about what I believed was important. And I missed all of the candidates together and made one big conglomerate. But yeah, I think clearly the things that separate those candidates, all of those candidates, Warren, Bernie, Joe Biden, all of them, the degrees that they were separate were very small compared to what we're dealing with on the other side.

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So, you know, again, I was just going to throw my energy behind whoever comes to the top and try to get them and whatever could.

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Yeah, I know one of the biggest issues you've been passionate about has been voter suppression. You know, you've teamed up to to, you know, with events or with organizations that have been fighting voter suppression. You've been outspoken. You've been trying to move the needle in a direction where more people get to cast their ballot in the way that they should because it is their right. Have you seen any signs of progress or is there any optimism that has come from the work that you've been part of over the last few years?

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Well, I think it's always a situation where it's going to be a continuing fight, right? People are always going to try to game the system to to make it work out for it's it's always two steps forward, one step back. And that's not going to stop me. If we prevail and we have a Biden Harris presidency, I think then another form of work will begin. Another level of work has to we all have to pick up the ball.

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We continue to push the things that we want, continue to be progressive. So I think the voter turnout this year for today is. And I don't know what's it. It's unbelievable. So clearly, people are inspired and they're energized and that energy is going to have to keep going. It's not over no matter what happens. It's kind of like the fight to start another fight start.

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It's a fight that feels like it continues from generation to generation. And I know that you've got two daughters in their twenties who seem as passionate as you are about the world that they live in, whether it comes to climate change or when it comes to who's running the world, what do you wish for them and what do you talk about to them about maybe not politics, but what the politics of the world should be? What do you like what do you hope that they'll do that maybe your generation hasn't?

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Well, I think, unfortunately, it's become incumbent upon them to take on a lot of responsibility and what our generation has ended that unfortunately, they've got to deal with the fallout from climate change. And we haven't think that how that exacerbated and how to deal with the financial weight. We've had to deal with the big disparity between the haves and have nots getting larger and larger. So they're very, very aware that we speak about all of these issues. And it's a continuing conversation with not like we've come to a solution.

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It's it's like they understand that they are committed. Like you said, this is the second thing. They're committed for a long term commitment into a long term fight. And they them that all of us we're always talking about these issues. And this year was a huge, huge issue, just not a huge issue, but huge events that happened one after the other. You just always check. And so I'm glad they understand what's in the throat.

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Well, hopefully there will be no spoilers, only pleasant surprises when the results come in. Good luck.

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Good compliment is a compliment. A black man you have. That's a great hat that you got on there. Roy said, I should say that's a that's a dope, Hank.

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Thanks.

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And I want to end the year and other things that I find is that was really done.

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Congratulations on the season three of Black Monday. Thank you so much for joining us. I appreciate you. Thank you.

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All right. Stick around. When we come back, more election results and we check in on elections that are not in America. Yeah, they have those.

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We'll be right back. When Law and Order is the headline, what does it really mean for us now, Eboni K. Williams, an attorney and former public defender, I'm also a broadcast journalist and host of a new podcast. We're going to cross-examine newsmaking cases and famous faces to help better understand the facts and the context of the narrative. That's right. And I'm Dustin Ross. I'm a TV writer and a cultural observer. And more importantly, I am thrilled to be cohosting holding court with Eboni K.

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Williams.

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This is not a legal podcast and it ain't no true crime podcast. No, we're helping you understand how to navigate a rigged system. That's right. This show is for the people, Dan, to help us understand how the laws impact our lives. So we're going to break down the so-called law and order headlines and get to what it really means for the culture. That's right, you guys, let's get informed. Let's get talking and let's bring some light and insight to our community.

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Listen to hold in court with Eboni K. Williams on the I Heart radio app, on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Welcome back to a special live election edition of The Daily Show. We've got a few more results coming in. And here they are in the presidential race. Joe Biden has won the state of Vermont. The state of Georgia is still too close to call, but Trump has nabbed Alabama. And you have to see that coming.

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I mean, Alabama loves football, which is Trump's exact body shape. So that wasn't really a surprise. Don't you think, Roy? All right. Anyway, now, despite this being one of the highest turnouts in American history, voting has gone surprisingly smoothly. Good news, but there are a few voting places that had a few hiccups.

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The risk of getting your vote roon from too much hand sanitizer is real. In cases in California, New Hampshire and Virginia, the sanitiser has been smearing the ink and making ballots unreadable and also causing soggy ballots to shred and clog electronic machines from Georgia.

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Apparently at the State Farm arena, they were delayed for hours because of a water pipe burst in that room, one location.

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So Creek Elementary will stay open until seven twenty p.m. after a poll manager overslept this morning.

[00:30:47]

Really has a pool manager going to oversleep. You had one job that's like bumping into the Easter Bunny at a bar on Easter Sunday. And he's like, oh, shit, was that? Today, politicians are working so hard to disenfranchise people with voter ID laws, gerrymandering. All they need to do is cook, pull work as a rack of ribs on election eve. Can't believe they should overslept every election.

[00:31:10]

That's what they do. Pull a new rabbit out. They head over, slip a pipe, burst into the ballot room. Then I'm so sick of this voter suppression man.

[00:31:20]

Well, I don't like it was voted on. It was just a burst water pipe. Yeah. Who doesn't like to get to the hair with black women?

[00:31:30]

I need to have whatever you're drinking, man. But before I do that, let's catch up with Yabuki Young White, who's reporting live from Trump Tower in Manhattan.

[00:31:38]

What's going on, Yabuki? Forever. Yes, so I was going to be reporting from Trump's headquarters and then I was walking there and I thought, what if I just put myself into a coma until all this was over? And I decided to do that just because there's no good option here, Trevor, either Trump wins or it's too close to be decided tonight or Biden wins and Trump refuses to leave the White House and is the first White House squatter and boards up all the windows of the White House.

[00:32:05]

Actually, he's probably going to get Bill Barton to do it. I don't think he'd do it himself. But anyway, man, you know what? I just want to sleep through all this shit. I don't have enough money to get a private island, so I'm just going to get a private island. In my mind, I was going to go the traditional way and just get some edibles and some ketamine for my drug dealers. But they're all social distancing and being responsible.

[00:32:28]

And you know what? I'm just going to say drug dealers, you guys are cowards.

[00:32:31]

And I say that with no fear of repercussions. So I decided to do it the safe way. I was going to go to my pediatrician. I go to Doctor Garcia. Doctor, I see. It tells me that he doesn't induce elective comas. Can you believe that? I'm his oldest patient, literally his oldest patient. So then I said, you know what, forget Dr. Garcia. I'm just going to go to the hospital. I go to the hospital.

[00:32:52]

Trevor, did you know our insurance policy does not cover elective comas sick? That's why we need Medicare for all. Because just because you get cancer or you want an elective coma or you get a little lip filler while you're there, I don't know. You don't really need it. But just a little something to give them, you know, doesn't mean that you should go bankrupt today, Occulus. Anyway, I'm fine. Don't worry about me, Treva.

[00:33:21]

I locked the door. Make sure no one is around. I'm just going to induce this bad boy myself. All right. Colma button has got to be on here somewhere up. There it is. And lift off. All right, I'll see you in February.

[00:33:50]

I should probably tell Yabuki that I couldn't afford to get him real medicine, so that's just sailin. But I mean, I don't know what sleep if he won't sleep, I guess you let the boy sleep.

[00:34:01]

Let's just be careful, Yabuki. You'll be really hydrated in the morning. Hopefully Michael Costa hasn't checked out of the election on election night because he's supposed to be over at Biden's campaign headquarters right now. Costa. Thank God you're there. What's the mood over there right now?

[00:34:18]

It's hard to say, Trever. Everyone's in waiting mode. Just a few minutes ago, Biden came out to address the crowd. He seemed positive, confident, firm.

[00:34:29]

His eyes scanned the crowd until they rested on his wife, Jill, her trim body glistening with the sweat of anticipation. He drew her close, probing her mouth with his tongue. He didn't care how many people were watching.

[00:34:43]

He needed her right then and there. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Costa, Costa, dude, what the hell are you talking about? There's no way that that actually happened. Of course it didn't happen. Dreaver, nothing's happening. We're all just sitting here waiting for the votes to be counted. I have nothing to report. So I figured I'd write some erotic election fan fiction.

[00:35:02]

Well, Michael, no one wants to hear erotic fan fiction on election night. If there's no news out of Biden's headquarters, find some other news to report. Like, I don't know what's the news over at Trump's headquarters without fanfic? It's the same thing.

[00:35:17]

Trevor Trump is waiting for the results, just like the rest of us. It's tense. He's nervous, pent up.

[00:35:26]

All he can think about are those swollen ballot boxes aching to be emptied. And then his eyes rested upon Ivonka. He didn't care how many people were watching.

[00:35:37]

He needed her. All right. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Custer Custer, please.

[00:35:40]

This is just Grossman also. It's bad writing. Your metaphors are so obvious. Like there's no nuance. Like, I feel like you could work on being a bit more original, you know?

[00:35:50]

Wow. You you really let me have it, didn't you, Trevor? And now I'm embarrassed and humiliated like I've I've been a real bad boy, Trevor, a bad boy who needs to be punished. And Michael knew that Trevor Noah was just the man to punish him.

[00:36:10]

All right, that's that's enough. Just just leave. I'll email you the rest. I don't I don't want to send it to my Gmail. All right.

[00:36:17]

When we come back, I'm going to be talking to Dr. Tracie Macmillan Cottam about how the results are shaking out so far. Don't go away.

[00:36:28]

Who out there is looking for a little hope everybody raises their hand look no further than committed? The only podcast that dives into the stories of couples who go through the most difficult things and still want to get up and face the next day together. We're back for our fifth season.

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That is five seasons of ups and downs, good and bad failure and triumph. We have spent the past three years interviewing couples like Amy and Vick, who met when Vick was homeless and living under a Bush, Marion and Tommy, who both have Down syndrome and have still been married for nearly four decades. And Catherine and Jay, who found their marriage, only got stronger as they coped with Katherine's near fatal brain stem stroke. One of the most incredible things to me every day is that we're still finding new couples.

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And I'm biased, but I think this season is the best season yet. And I know I say that every season nothing makes you love your own marriage again, like listening to stories about other people's marriages.

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And if you've never listened before, get caught up. Right now, there are more than seventy five episodes of committed binge as we speak. Listen to the committed podcast with new episodes each Wednesday on the radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to a special live election night edition of The Daily Show. I'm still Trevor Noah. He's still Roy.

[00:37:39]

Would you know you're Roy Wood Jr.. Anyway, the votes are still being counted.

[00:37:45]

And here are some of the latest results that have just come in. Trump has officially won the state of Kansas. Meanwhile, Joe Biden has won the state of New Hampshire. And in South Carolina, Republican Lindsey Graham has defeated Democratic challenger Jamie Harrison. Not really a big surprise. The South has continued to keep a Confederate monuments. Makes sense. But while we wait for more numbers to come in, let's go to a woman who is always number one in my heart, award winning author, professor, sociologist and 20 20 recipient of the MacArthur Genius Grant, Dr.

[00:38:20]

Tracy McMillan, Kontum. Hi, Trevor, how are you? How are you? I feel like that should be a title from now on, Dr. Genius, if I work for those titles, forget my name. I'm Dr. Genius, and that's all you shall refer to me as. Congratulations.

[00:38:37]

Thank you so very much. It's been a wild ride, hasn't it?

[00:38:40]

It has been a crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy ride. What do you make of everything that we've seen so far? I mean, obviously, results are still coming in, but it's been an interesting year where Trump is winning more black men than Republicans before him. And the vote seems to be swinging in a strange direction. Hispanic voters going for Trump. What do you make of everything that we're seeing?

[00:39:03]

Well, you know, so far tonight, it's going mighty Whiteley and I think that's how many of us expected it to go for all of the impressive get out the vote that happened on the Democrat side, which I do think we will continue to see the fruits of over the next couple of days. The fact remains that we are not going to see a clear repudiation of Donald Trump by the Republican Party. And that means something that means that no matter who wins today, tomorrow, next week, whenever this thing finally ends, we are still living in the United States of America, where 40 to 45 percent of the population thinks Donald Trump has been doing a really good job.

[00:39:46]

And that's going to be really difficult to govern no matter who is elected. In many ways, Donald Trump has made a mess that only Donald Trump can clean up. And that's kind of terrifying.

[00:39:56]

It really is strange because on my side, I sometimes believe that I think America is like all hope is lost for America. But then there are times when I think if you only have a two party system doesn't mean that inevitably you're going to have people voting for one of two parties because some of the issues are going to be on one side. Some of them are going to be on the other. Like, do you think there's ever going to be a time when America isn't split down the middle?

[00:40:20]

No. The only thing that can't happen, we're not actually split down the middle. When you look at the popular vote, actually, people in this country, despite what shows up in the polls, agree more on some of the big things than they disagree. What happens is that the way the Electoral College, of course, appropriate votes makes it look like we're split half, half and half is really just a very vocal, not quite small minority is a sizable minority.

[00:40:49]

But there is a significant part of the population that just has an outsized influence on who is elected relative to their actual size. And then there is this really complicit sort of mushy middle that just doesn't see a significant difference between either parties or either candidates. And because they don't see a significant difference, they tend to go along with the flow. And right now, that's the most vocal, virulent part of the voting population, and that's the Republicans for whom being a Republican has become their identity.

[00:41:23]

So what the Electoral College allows to happen is that there are voters who vote Democratic or Republican. They become a Democrat or Republican for six months, every couple of years. But then there are people who similarly identify with their party. And on the right, that is a much stronger impulse than it is on the left. And those are the people who end up driving the narrative and makes it seem as if it's inevitable that there will always be this sort of, you know, evenly divided conflict about all of the things that matter.

[00:41:56]

And it's not exactly true. It's allowed to be true because of how we elect this country. Right.

[00:42:01]

It feels like a I mean, a lot of the information is skewed, but sometimes it feels like that has a self-fulfilling prophecy effect to it. You know, one of those things has been black men voting in large numbers for Donald Trump, black women staying consistent. As a sociologist, do you have any idea of why this is like what could it possibly be about Donald Trump that more black men than usual go like?

[00:42:28]

Yeah, I'm going to go with him, man. Cocaine is a hell of a drug I like. It's there is for all that we talk about race in this country and it is significant and it matters. And for all that we talk about class, it is significant and it matters. What we have learned is that gender also matters. And there has always been a conservative streak or impulse in the African-American community. It gets drowned out by our shared oppression relative to white people.

[00:43:03]

But there has always been a conservatism that runs parallel to what is just, frankly, patriarchal impulses. And I think one of the things that you see is that there has been enough time that has passed between civil rights movement and today's especially young or young, middle aged African-American male voter that. They think they can actually vote their class interests separate from their race interests, when really what they're doing is voting their gender interests. They are attracted to the same thing that a lot of Cuban American voters are in Florida that white rural voters are attracted to.

[00:43:41]

In Idaho, they are attracted to the presentation of masculine strength. And Donald Trump, despite what the rest of us may think Donald Trump looks like, is bluster, looks like strength and masculinity to a lot of people. And I just think there are a significant number of black male voters right now feel like that strength is an indicator of what might be possible for them under President Trump in our historical memory is so short they don't realize that a.

[00:44:12]

Well, I can tell you this. I will hope to talk to you again after this election has been fully done. I hope we get to sit together in person once the pandemic is over. And hopefully you can help me make sense of all of the craziness that's happening right now in the United States. Thank you so much for joining us.

[00:44:28]

Always a pleasure, Trevor. Thank you. Thank you so much. When we come back, more election results on live election night. So don't go away.

[00:44:37]

A nice bookshelf. Extremely active brothers and sisters to you already know what it is, the gangster chronicles the land from Oregon all the way down to Mexico, to all my brothers and sisters, people that ask. The Gangsta Chronicles is a weekly podcast hosted by former gang banger and inmate James McDonald, rapper MCE and myself, Norm Steel Weekly. We get together and have conversations with everyone from former gangsters, drug dealers and bank robbers to police, rappers and politicians.

[00:45:10]

The Gangster Chronicles podcast is a glimpse into a world where society is rarely allowed access. Nothing is ever scripted in this 100 per cent real. We don't glorify the game. We simply educate, inform the world on what goes on in the streets of urban America. Gangsta Chronicles podcast is available on our radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. The Gangster Chronicles is run by the podcast network. Welcome back to The Daily Show's live election night coverage.

[00:45:45]

We've got a few more results that are rolling in right now. And here they are. Donald Trump has won the states of North Dakota. Joe Biden has won the state of Oregon, and Biden has also won California. Wow. Despite Donald Trump picking up that last minute endorsement from the wildfires. Unbelievable. But let's move on. We've been hearing all year now about how difficult it is for many Americans to vote. So it's not surprising that the U.S., the United States has one of the lowest voter turnout rates among democracies in the world.

[00:46:17]

But Wendy Chang has a report on one drastic solution that could fix this problem if Americans would accept it in the last presidential election.

[00:46:26]

Forty four percent of Americans did not vote. That put you in twenty six position among developed countries. That's pathetic. You should be ashamed of yourself. That's garbage. It's so garbage day in 2016, Trumka elective only a quarter of eligible voters supporting him. That is a broken system. Some politics nerds are proposing a solution. Jury duty and taxes are mandatory, so why not voting? But America is the land of the free where the whole point is to do anything you want, even dress up as fat ironmen in Times Square on a Tuesday afternoon.

[00:47:02]

So can you really force Americans to vote?

[00:47:04]

Do you think in America voting should be compulsory?

[00:47:07]

I think it should, but it's not going to happen because people won't even wear masks. We were told to do something at this point. Exactly if we want to do it. Do you think America would ever accept mandatory voting? Definitely not. Why not? Americans are lazy in general. America is the land of the free. People come here because it's a free place and that includes the freedom to not participate. Yeah, pretty much. Do you think mandatory voting can happen in America?

[00:47:35]

No, not. I do not. I think that American values are like a toxic version of what freedom is. Isn't that what makes America great? It's not so great at the moment. Maybe Americans think it's impossible, but mandatory voting does exist in 22 countries, including one that's even drunk, crazy and whiter than the US. I'm talking about Australia, where they've had it since nineteen twenty two.

[00:48:02]

It was quite a small step for Australians to think, well, we want the majority of people to be selecting our government and that gives a greater legitimacy.

[00:48:12]

So basically in Australia, you force people to exercise their democratic rights. That's right.

[00:48:18]

Yes, that's right. I don't think people in Australia regard it as a particularly big deal. You've got to turn up on Election Day, which is a Saturday. You know, it might take you like 15 minutes and Parents and Teachers Association will be there selling sausages. And that's where we get the term democracy sausage.

[00:48:33]

OK, for Americans, the term democracy sausage has had a bad taste since the Clinton administration. Before Australians consuming, tried and tested meat on bread has been a voting tradition since the 1940s. But what about the people who don't think a sausage sizzle is enough incentive to vote?

[00:48:51]

What kind of punishment do you have to enforce to make it so that over 90 percent of people don't vote? What jail time public spanking you have to wear? I didn't vote sticker. It's a 20 dollar fine.

[00:49:07]

That's it. That's that's a bargain. I think, look, there's big advantages in our system because the political parties don't have to get the vote out and that means they don't have to appeal to the base. So you don't get the same sort of extreme ideological appeals. And so it makes our democracy, I think, more moderate.

[00:49:30]

Doesn't that make the election process very boring, boring? Look, I don't know that that's a problem for me. What democracy means is that the majority of people participate. And I find the extent of voter suppression in the United States truly shocking.

[00:49:47]

I don't understand how the Americans can call themselves a democracy at all.

[00:49:51]

Damn, political science wall is going to love this, but how do everyday Australians see it? I took a twenty five hour flight and spent two weeks in quarantine just so I could talk to them myself in sunny Brisbane, Australia. What do you feel about the fact that voting is compulsory in Australia? I feel very proud that it is. And for people who don't want to vote, they should go and live somewhere else.

[00:50:16]

Everybody has to decide and it's mandatory to vote. So if the result doesn't go your way, you can't complain if we lose. We said at least we've had a chance to vote. And that's it, brother. Dumb shit.

[00:50:29]

Just do what it takes. Five votes you just got. We need to get out. No time now. We just shut the fuck up and vote for what you guys think about mandatory voting in Australia.

[00:50:41]

So we don't care what we want. We're just going to give you boxes and fingers crossed we get the right one. Why are you guys drunk right now? Yeah, we ought to be able to be here with Brekky, you know, man, why do you think voting is a mandatory in America? Or maybe I mean, I think it actually maybe there's a purpose for America. Australia, we tend doing better. I feel like I'm a witness to cavemen discovering fire, right?

[00:51:08]

Yeah, that's fair enough.

[00:51:09]

Actually, even drunk Australian brose can see the benefits of mandatory voting. But for America, the good news is that voter turnout in twenty twenty is on track to hit record levels.

[00:51:21]

All we needed to get people to vote was to elect Donald Trump. And then guess what? People turn up. We don't need to force people to vote.

[00:51:29]

Well, that's a pretty big price to pay. I'd rather pay twenty dollar fine than have to put up with President Trump for years to show Judith.

[00:51:38]

But hopefully one day Americans will also learn to enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of democracy sausage as much as our drunk vote loving mates down under.

[00:51:50]

Oh, good on you, Ronnie. All right. We've got to take a short break, but some final thoughts when we come back.

[00:52:03]

Welcome back to a live election night edition of The Daily Show. Roy, you want to hear some more results? No. All right. Well, I'm going to give you some more results.

[00:52:14]

Joe Biden has won the state of Illinois. Donald Trump has won the state of Utah. And this is big news. Fox News has called Arizona for Joe Biden.

[00:52:27]

Oh, Joe Biden, you're crazy. You want to stand up for your baby? Oh, baby. We stole one from. Did you just mix the urine with the ticket, don't you, man? A man who said this is crazy.

[00:52:39]

That means Trump hugged all those cactuses for nothing. Oh, shit. That was wild. Oh, man. All right. Before we go, let's check in one last time with Ronnie Chang, who's at a live polling location in Brooklyn. Ronnie, what's the latest? Matute?

[00:52:52]

Actually, Trevor, I'm here at King's County Jail. Did you know you have to be an American citizen to vote in America?

[00:53:01]

Because no one told me that. All I've been hearing for months is celebrities telling me I had to vote. Jennifer Aniston yelled at me for The Avengers, reunited. Chris Rock's texted me. And they all said one thing, though, so I shot this morning. And some poll workers like you don't live in this precinct, sir. And I said you don't want the Hulk told me to be here. So take it with him, old man. Next thing I know, I'm in jail, not signed the question.

[00:53:27]

Everything celebrities have been telling me, I mean, maybe recycling is bad, maybe bullying is good. So they actually be doing drugs more than I already do. I don't know anymore anyway. Lesson learned. Don't show up to vote on Election Day if you're not a citizen, although hopefully all the absentee ballots I mailed in still count. Back to you, Trevor.

[00:53:53]

Well, thank you so much, Ronnie. I'm so sorry about that. We'll be sending someone to bail you out in a few days. Well, that's our show for tonight. Thank you so much for tuning in on night one of our seven week Election Day coverage, because this is going to go for a while. People brace yourselves. A bunch of states still haven't come in every day. We're going to be counting the votes and then after that, we're going to be following the lawsuits.

[00:54:13]

So get some rest, sober up and sober up and we'll catch you again tomorrow. Now, here it is, your moment of Zen.

[00:54:27]

What could go? Somebody order some pizza? Does anyone know how the Electoral College even works? I mean, what the with the Electoral College don't look at me. I was against that. That's James Madison, James Madison thing. Also, you can't look at me because I had. Don't move. The Daily Show with Criminal Lawyers Edition wants The Daily Show weeknights at 11:00, 10:00 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central Watch full episodes and videos at The Daily Show Dotcom.

[00:55:03]

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