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Listen to the secret syllabus on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. See you after class. Well, hello, everybody, welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show. I'm Trevor Noah. Today is Thursday, the 15th of October, which means that if you're watching this right now in Virginia, you have one hour left to register to vote. And I know most of you on your phone right now anyway. So just go to vote.

Vote, vote dot com right now and register. Register now before it's too late. Use your phone. Otherwise, you'll have to tell your grandkids that you stayed at home and let Kanye win anyway. Coming up on tonight's show, Governor Andrew Cuomo joins us to talk about the next wave of coronavirus. Rudy Giuliani has the world's least surprising October surprise and why President Trump is still looking for Osama bin Laden. So let's do this, people.

Welcome to the daily social distancing show from Trivers Koch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the Daily Social Decency Show with terminal illness.

Today marks exactly seven months since March 15th. That was the day when I first started doing this show from my apartment. And I'm not going to lie. I did not think we would still be here in October. I hope someone's been going to the office to one of my puppy, but the sad truth is the global pandemic is not only still with us, but in many places it's actually getting worse. In fact, cases are rising again so fast in Europe that Paris just imposed a curfew from 9:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., which means French men will basically have no time to see their secret families and people.

Things aren't looking that great in America either, where we are seeing the start of a third wave, which is really concerning. I mean, you never want to chop the corona would be proud to show it its shareholders next board meeting. And by the way, can we stop calling this shit a wave? Waves make me think of beaches and relaxing. It doesn't sound severe enough. A third wave of about a third tsunami of Korona, third monsoon of Korona, third deadly bitch slap of Corona.

On a hopeful note, it is good to remember that it's not the size of the wave that matters, but it's the motion of the what or the size does matter. Oh, so the motion doesn't it doesn't affect it at all, so we're screwed, but while things are starting to get worse again, the crazy thing is the Trump administration is pretending that the crisis is over. Not only is the super spread and chief running around the country breathing on everyone in a mega hats, but Rudy Giuliani, Trump's top lawyer and White House Halloween decoration, actually told a rally the other day that, quote, People don't die of this disease anymore, which is easy for him to say.

I mean, he's been dead for 12 years. None of this is surprising anymore. Trump and his people have been in denial about this virus from the beginning, or at least in public.

They've been in denial because now we're finding out that while the rest of us were still preparing for a normal year of movies and haircuts, Trump's rich friends were getting a heads up about what was really about to happen.

The New York Times is reporting that as the virus was first spreading last winter, reports about White House briefings on the potential impact of the pandemic fueled a sell off among the wealthy. The Times reports it this way. The president's aides appeared to be giving wealthy party donors an early warning of a potentially impactful contagion. At a time when Mr. Trump was publicly insisting that the threat was nonexistent, elite traders had access to information from the administration that helped them gain financial advantage during a chaotic three days when global markets were teetering.

Wow, that is really disgusting. And it just goes to show you that if you want the real scoop on what's really going on, you have to pay attention to what Wall Street billionaires are doing. If the government says everything is fine but everyone on Wall Street starts building spaceships, well, then you might need to get your ass to another planet. And now I know some of you might think that this is unfair. All the billionaires got the information that everyone else could have used as well.

But, guys, clearly you don't understand trickle down economics. You see the wealthiest one percent. They get preferential treatment and then the rest of America gets valuable jobs in the nursing and grave digging industries. The system works now with three weeks to go until Election Day and millions of votes already cost coronavirus remains the top issue for America.

And any normal president would be laser focused on getting Korona under control, helping businesses stay afloat, keeping schools open. But Donald Trump is not a normal president. So instead he's focusing on this.

With weeks until the election and trailing in the polls, President Trump seized on a report in the New York Post published Wednesday, claiming files and emails were taken from a laptop that allegedly previously belonged to Hunter Biden. The report alleges that the former vice president used his position to advance his son's business interests in Ukraine and that both Bidens were not truthful about that relationship. The story sourcing has also raised questions about its authenticity as the files were given to the post through an attorney for the president's personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.

Twitter and Facebook have limited the distribution of that Hunter Biden story. And last night, Twitter appeared to suspend the Twitter account of the White House press secretary, Katie McEneaney, when she tried to share that story.

Dan, you know, a story is shady when Facebook is saying, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, maybe people shouldn't see this because think about it. Usually people are posting about how vaccines did 9/11. And Facebook is like, OK, wait, wait, let's hear them out. Tell me more. And honestly, it's insane that Trump's people are even going off to Biden by targeting his son.

If these were my sons, I'd maintain a strict kids off limits policy. Look at them. They always look like they've done some shit wrong. And they should also go without saying. But obviously, people should be skeptical of anything where Rudy Giuliani is the source. I just, as a rule in life, never trust a man who Dinham dashed on his dentist halfway through the job. You just don't trust those people. Look, I'm not surprised that Rudy Giuliani is trying to come up with something before the election.

I mean, I get it. What I am disappointed by is that the Trump campaign is using the same story, really hacked Russian emails. Again, I'm just going to reuse the same October surprises last election. It's called an October surprise. Not in October. Hey, I know this one. It's not a surprise if we can see it coming. A surprise has to be a surprise. But I got to say, I don't think this plan to get people caring about the Christmas scandal is going to work because who even knows?

What worries me is I mean, Trump himself can't even pronounce it eight months after his alleged meeting with the Burmese executives. So these. Michelle amusia, they say, pronounce it Barisha, a real beautiful company.

Oh, man, that was painful to watch. You know what that looked like? That was like watching Trump's mouth, trying to walk down a ramp. I mean, how does Trump not know how to say charisma when that's all he's talked about for years? This should concern people.

If Tony the Tiger was like Frosted Flakes, they're going to be like, I hope this guy's brain is OK.

You OK, Tony? Yeah, I'm. The best part is after Trump mispronouncing the word, he then tells everyone that, no, that's how you actually supposed to pronounce it, which is the oldest playground move in the book. I totally meant to do that. That wasn't a mistake. Where they do, you wanted your pants to split open so we could all see your Spiderman undies. Yeah, that's how that's how they say you do it on the Internet.

But you know what I say. Enjoy it while you can people. Because Donald Trump is the Michael Jordan of mispronouncing words.

We're going to have to wait a whole nother generation to get someone messing up words at this level. Even then, I still think that Trump is going to be the greatest of all time. You know, I'll be that old dude in the barbershop like it is youngblood mispronounced shit. All right. But Donald Trump invented not making sense. What you're trying to say. Tell me he's not to go say what she said. She you ain't never seen anybody mispronounce words like that.

But what we've heard Trump talk about charisma and Hunter Biden a million times before, don't worry, he's still looking around for new material. In fact, he seems to have stumbled on one previously unreported issue that might just blow this election wide open.

President Trump is now leaning into another fake conspiracy theory in an attempt to discredit former President Barack Obama. The Washington Post reports the president used his Twitter account to promote an absurd claim that Osama bin Laden wasn't killed by US special forces in May 2011.

President Trump alleges that the Obama administration killed Osama bin Laden's body double, not the terrorist leader. During SEAL Team six, 2011.

Raid boss says the president even retweeted an allegation that the Obama administration deliberately shot down a military helicopter with US Navy SEALs as part of an elaborate cover up.

Well, now this is what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about of this boring shit with Hunter Biden's Emilian worries me. President Obama killed a secret bin Laden body double and then killed SEAL Team six to cover it up. And then he managed to keep it all quiet for eight years. Honestly, guys, if that's true, then I'm impressed because that sounds way harder to pull off than just killing bin Laden. To me, the best part of this conspiracy is that at some point Obama had to hold auditions for a bin Laden body double to kill.

You understand? That's what this means, right. Thank you so much for giving me this part. I'm so excited. So is this for the TV series? Actually, it's more of a one time thing. I also noticed there is no script. Yeah, I was just going to shoot a little thing. We'll just shoot something. See what happens. I'll also say this if Trump loses this election, I think Twitter should hire him because they can find out what conspiracy accounts to suspend just based on what he tweets.

Well, this tweet says Obama started to distract us from his wedding to George. Great job, Mr. President. Suspend that account. You did it again.

So look. America has a real decision to make in this election. I know that coronavirus has killed two hundred and fifty thousand people and is killing more every day. But just imagine how many Americans could be killed once Osama bin Laden teams up with Hunter Biden and Burma MIA. I think the choice is clear. All right, it's time for us to take a quick break, but don't go away, because after the break, I'll be chatting to Governor Cuomo and he's going to tell us what to get ready for if you were in New York.

Stick around. This episode of The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, Year's Edition is brought to you by quip, When's the last time you got rewarded for brushing your teeth? The quip smart brush for both adults and kids connects to the quip brushing app with Bluetooth. Now you can track when and how well you brush, get tips and coaching to improve your habits. Earn points for daily brushing and bonus points for completing challenges. You can redeem your good brushing for rewards like free products, gift cards and discounts from quip and partners.

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Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. Earlier today, I spoke with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. We talked about his new book about leading New York through the coronavirus pandemic and about learning from your mistakes. Check it out. Governor Cuomo, welcome back to The Daily Social Distancing Show.

Good to be back. How are you?

I'm doing a lot better now, and I think a lot of New York is as well. It has been a trying time. The last time you were on the show, I mean, we were going through one of the most, I think, chaotic periods that most New Yorkers have ever seen figuring out how to fight the coronavirus. I think the question I have for you is, how are you doing? And from your perspective, how is New York doing?

I'm doing much better than I was doing. I think we're all doing better than we were doing.

And, look, it was it was frightening. There's no other word besides that. You know, we were we were right up on the edge. I think we were close to the edge dreaver than a lot of people realized. New Yorkers, God bless them, went from the lowest from the highest infection rate in the United States to the lowest. And that was all New Yorkers. That was all social action. You want to talk about social action?

That was it. And we're much smarter for it. And we now do more testing than any state in the United States. And we are looking at this, Trever, on a micro level that frankly, no other state is is analyzing this situation. We're tracking this virus on like a neighborhood level now and attacking it on a neighborhood level to make sure that we stay ahead of it.

Well, let's talk a little bit about that, because, you know, we have seen throughout the country that any part of the government that seems to be fighting to prevent the spread of covid-19 invariably clashes up against some people or some communities who feel like their rights are being infringed upon. You're currently in a dispute with the Orthodox Jewish community in New York, where some of them have said, we can't go to our church services, we can't practice our religion, and we feel like we're being targeted by the state.

Now, I know you've disagreed with that, but what exactly is going on there? And as a leader, how do you convince people that you're trying to do something for their good, even if they feel like they don't want to do it for themselves?

No, you're exactly right, Trever. That is the question. And by the way, that's been the question from day one. And it's become the political divide from day one. That's I'll wear a mask. I won't wear a mask. Right. The mask has become the symbol of that. There's a school of thought that says this is not the problem. You make it out to be. I'm not worried. I'm not going to succumb to this.

And I don't want government telling me what I can do without telling me what I can't do. Right. There's a very real school of thought there. The alternative school is this is real. It can kill you.

And what you do affects me.

And it's not about just you in life anymore. There is community, there is connection, there is a responsibility to other people. And we have to act intelligently to protect ourselves. I now have a situation in specific where when you do this, all the testing we've we can test, we can target down to literally the block level where the cases are coming from. And we have identified several small communities and there happens to be an ultra orthodox Jewish community that has not been following the rules for cultural reasons, religious reasons.

And they have like five times the infection rate that the state has. And we've imposed restrictions and it's not comfortable, and especially when you get involved in in religious tensions. But it has it has nothing to do with religion. It's a public health law. And I apply it all across the board equally. I've had issues with fancy fund raisers in the Hamptons. I've had issues with sweet sixteen parties, with Catholic gatherings, Jewish gathering. Right. But it's that same tension.

Some people just. Neither virus, and they don't want government telling them what to do in any manner, shape or form. Period.

Your book has come at a time when you have been looking back and even processing the present of what's been going on. You you led people and people appreciated your your tone and your people appreciated your I guess your being vulnerable with them. You're being forthcoming with them. But there are some people who would say, oh, well, Governor Cuomo, is this the time to celebrate with a book? How do you see the book and what are you trying to achieve?

I see the book as a caution sign. I think, Trevor, we're at halftime at best in this game. And I'm trying to say, let's look at the first half and let's look at what happened, because we have to play a whole second half. And we scrambled in the first half. We didn't we didn't win, but we didn't lose either. Right. But we have a whole second half. The fall is coming. They told us the fall was coming.

They said the infection rate was going to go up in the fall. This virus is not done with us. And these there's this attitude of complacency or the fatigue, covid fatigue. I'm tired of dealing with the virus. The virus isn't tired of dealing with you. And it's alive and it's well and it's spreading. And more than anything, to inform yourself, you know, who's going to keep you safe? You're going to keep yourself safe. You have all this political noise, all this political chaos.

Just know the facts, get the information so you can keep yourself safe. And that's that's what the book is trying to do. It's trying to spur a factual conversation about how we get through this.

Don't go away, because when we come back, we'll have more of my interview with Governor Cuomo.

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Listen to Labyrinths on the I Heart radio app, on Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. Here's more of my conversation with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. As Governor Cuomo, one thing people always loved about you and still love about you is that you go the buck stops with me and I'm a leader. Some people feel like in the book it seems like you are telling us about the problems. This happened at nursing homes.

This happens in hospitals that happen here, but didn't feel like the buck was stopping with you. Now, when you look at that as a leader and you go, huh, we've got another wave coming up, things might get worse. What are some of the things you do differently? What are some of the mistakes that you acknowledge where you say we're going to we're going to do this a lot better next time?

For me, look, I say hold me responsible. Nobody holds me more responsible than I hold myself. It doesn't matter how distanced I am from it. I believe when you sit in the seat, you're responsible, you know, and I take total responsibility. And a big part of that book is about this is what happened. Let's learn from it. When I look at that game tape and I see how the game progressed, I go through every play of how I could could have done it differently.

You know, in the very beginning, the federal government said that they were in charge of testing and they were doing the testing and it was taking a long time. I should have said, forget it. I don't care what you say. The state should have started the testing earlier. We got ambushed by the virus. We had no idea that it was coming from Europe. It had been coming from Europe for three months and everybody missed it. But that that put New York in the hole.

They kept calling it the China virus. It wasn't the China virus. It was the Italy virus in the France virus in the Spain virus. It came here from Europe. They said there was no such thing as a symptomatic spread.

They said that you only spread it when you had symptoms, you had a cough, you had a sneeze, etc. That was all wrong. It turned out that you could spread it even without symptoms, and that's how it got into nursing homes. The staff were walking into the nursing homes in February and March. No symptoms, but they were carrying the virus.

And how do you respond? You're a compassionate person. That's that's who you are as Governor Cuomo. When you talk to families, you say, but Governor Cuomo, why did you force nursing homes to take these people? And how do you speak to them? How do you how do you console them whilst also reconciling with with your actions based on the information that you had or didn't have?

Yeah, the it's a good question. The and you're right, part of it is you can only deal with the facts that you had at that time. They told me that I was informed by all the experts that you have to have symptoms and that's they were wrong. But I based it on incorrect information. The unfortunate thing is, Trevor, there's then a heavy dose of politics that is injected into this. The states that happen to have the highest number of covered cases happened to be Democratic state.

So you have this whole Republican disinformation campaign. We never forced anyone into a nursing home. We never forced the nursing home to accept anyone. That is just not a fact. And yes, there are a lot of.

Well, the order. The order. I mean, look, we are now in a moment of respite. So going forward, are there ways to clarify the messaging on that? Because the nursing homes thought they did have to take the people. And so that is a tough place to be in.

Yeah, and the truth is, look, we have we're still losing people in nursing homes. Part of it is never going to change because this virus preys on the weak and the old. I still lose people in nursing homes. We now have the strictest guidelines in the country. All staff members for nursing home get tested once per week, and nobody else tests every worker once a week. Having said that, it's still not a bulletproof plan because even if you get a test once a week, you can get that virus in between the tests and you can show up for work the next day.

No symptoms. You don't feel anything and you can bring that virus into the nursing home. It is it is an imperfect whatever we do is going to be imperfect. It's really an impossible, impossible situation. Once the virus makes it to this country, you're in trouble. And that's one of the lessons that I focus on.

We knew we know that these viruses were developing. We had. We had SARS, we had Ebola, we had dengue, we know these viruses, what they call zoo tropica viruses, from animals to human beings, we knew they were coming out of wet markets in China. That's been happening for 20 years. How how did we let our guard down as a nation where we just let it happen again? We had no notice all these agencies that are supposed to be international global health watchdogs.

But once that virus is in your house, once it's in your country, it's virtually impossible to stop the infection.

Now, more than ever, New Yorkers are going to be looking to you to say, Governor, what is the plan going into the winter? What is the plan going into the time when the numbers might go up again? And I know as a New Yorker, I've been hearing a lot of people concerned because maybe Mayor de Blasio says one thing and then you say a different thing. For clarity's sake, what is the plan going forward and what do you think New Yorkers need to focus on considering covid fatigue and all of these issues that we're dealing with?

Yeah, on the first point, it's important that people get clear information and they have they know who to listen to and look at politics. A lot of people have a lot of different opinions, but a lot of people have a lot of different opinions. And you have mayors who say one thing, county executives who say one thing. There's a lot of politicians in New York. First point is the state is in charge. You can have an opinion forever about what should happen, what should not open, but frankly, it's irrelevant.

The state makes the law and the state makes the policy. And that's that's the way it is. The law says we make the policy for the entire state going forward. The full we do have to be very careful. Our infection rate statewide is very low. Still one of the lowest, thank God, about one percent. We are doing this obsessive testing that gets us into these neighborhood clusters and we then attack these neighborhood clusters like fire fighters stamping out embers.

And that's what we're doing in some of the ultra orthodox communities, fund raisers in the Hamptons, bars, restaurants, etc..

One bad situation, one bad party can create 30 or 40 cases. Right. Wow, that's going to continue. And then we have to move to the next stage, which is the vaccine. This is not over until there's a vaccine. We did a letter to President Trump. I'm head of something called the chairman, the chairman of the National Governors Association vaccine. First you have to develop the vaccine. Then Americans have to believe it's safe and then you have to administer it.

And how do you administer 20 million vaccinations in this state? Who's going to do that? How long does it take? This is a massive logistical exercise that we have never done.

And I want to right now from the White House. What do we who is going to do what on this vaccination program and what is the federal role? What is the state role? And let's talk this through and let's understand it. And let's not have the same chaos that we had in the beginning before I let you go.

And I appreciate your time today on a personal level. Again, I just wanted to touch base with you as a human being. I remember you being single and now the weather is changing, which means it's going to be a lot harder to go out for a date because you can't be inside with strangers. Have you taken the time to just at least have a socially distant meal with anybody just in life? Did you did you take the time? I know you were very busy, so I just wanted as a person, if you've taken the time to do that for yourself, Trevor, on a human level, on a social level, nobody wants to have dinner with me.

I have I have no offers. The only way you get us, you get us through the second or third wave.

And I'm telling you, a lot of those offers will come rolling in. Governor Cuomo, thank you so much again for your time.

Thank you. Thank you. I really appreciate you. Thank you very much. All right.

When we come back, I'll be talking to the hilarious Nick Offerman about his brand new comedy special, You Don't Want to Miss It.

Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. Earlier today, I spoke with the multitalented and hilarious Nick Offerman. We talked about entertaining people during the pandemic and what it's like to be a cultural icon for conservatives. Check it out. Welcome, Nick Offerman. Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.

Thank you, Trevor. I have been watching you and I'm so grateful to see you.

It's good to see you. Still as a human being functioning, enjoying yourself. You know, I see. I see the beard is coming alive. You're enjoying it. How's quarantine treating you?

We're hanging in there. You know, it's we're lucky enough to have our rent paid. And so Megan has become an incredible chef. That's the that's the headline. And and I'm working on a new book, actually, so I'm grateful to have something to do to keep me occupied so that I don't become any more of a drunk.

Nick, you played one of the most beloved characters on TV and Parks and Recreation, Ron Swanson. Is it even weird for you that people use your face and your character as a conservative and like a far right sometimes icon where people go like, yeah, this is this is our dude. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm very much not your dude. Is that of a strange for you?

It's very strange. It's I mean, it's a good problem to have. It means that that character is ubiquitous enough that people can I say, like I claim this icon for my own or for my tribe. And I, you know, Ron himself. And and the conundrum you're talking about are part of what's wrong with our society is everyone is that complicated. Like, you can be someone who loves hunting and is really into gun rights for that reason, but isn't necessarily a freaky assault rifle Second Amendment person like I think that's I always say that about American politics is they make it seem like there was one or zero only.

It's just binary. And because you're going to go to parties, it has to be everything. But people are a lot more nuanced than anybody gives people credit for.

Everything lacks nuance because of our short attention span and the amount of characters were allowed on Twitter and so forth. And that's what my show it's what All Rises is actually all about. It's saying we're all idiots. There's always start there. Like, you know, with all the hearings going on right now, it's like, do you somehow think those guys were weird, less of jackasses than we are? They weren't. We're all human beings trying to, like, not shit ourselves every day.

The show is pretty much you sharing your views on everything. I mean, toxic masculinity, just mundane things that happen in life, relationships, men, women, food like you. Just talking about everything in the special. Why did you choose to release it now? Well, I was supposed to be touring right now, you know, supposed to be that's one of the jobs I love to do, is travel around and perform it for people in theaters.

It's my favorite way to deliver that particular brand of medicine. And since since we can't get together in theaters, I was very grateful that actually my book publisher says, let's put this out is like an audio book original, like a collection of essays. Right. For me, being involved in the arts is about, you know, chasing human rights, basically. And some of us do it with drama, some with comedy. I do it by slow talking and then singing like really dumb songs.

I have a song about called I'm Not a Scientist that I, I wrote before the pandemic. And it's, you know, it's like it's the anti maskers. It's like I'm I'm no scientist, but I like to question what I'm told. So tell me if this world is heating up, how come my beer is still cold, taking taking that attitude of, like, believing science? I have an anthem to Brett Kavanaugh called I like beer. You know, it's celebrating what jackasses we all are because we make we supposedly get to pick what happens in this country and look what we've done, what we've done.

I mean, look at the mess we've gotten ourselves into.

It's the gift and the curse of freedom. That's exactly what it is. You've got all rise out. What I'm really excited about is that you're offering all your stand up specials on your website, but for a really, really special cause, tell me a little bit about that.

I finally got around to putting my specials online. Right. But it was the pandemic. It started. And I just was like, I can't I can't do this self-serving, like, mercenary move of like, hey, everybody, sorry about all the death and stuff, but here's some, you know.

Yeah. Some comedy specials. We are putting all of the proceeds from those specials towards America's Food Fun. Amazing. And it's you know, it's not a big deal for me. I'm I'm lucky I, I get paid well to do my work. And so there are little places where, like, I can do that and hopefully some people will be fed and someday I'm going to need a sandwich and hopefully I'll have planted the seeds of mercy so that I can find a meal myself when I find myself in need.

Well, hopefully you'll just need the sandwich because you're hungry and you're in your house, not because things have gone horribly wrong. Thank you so much for joining us on the show again. Good to see you. Nice to see your face. Say hello to your lovely wife and stay healthy out there, my friend.

I will treasure you to thank you for your beautiful work. Well, that's our show for tonight. But before we go, if you're registered to vote in this election, then it's very likely that you're eligible to vote early. So do it. Go to vote, vote, vote dotcom to check your early voting options and make sure that you get your voice heard until next week. Stay safe out there. Wear a mask and surprise. See.

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