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This is the Dan Levatore Show with the Stugatz podcast. So, Dan, you know Stugatz and his ways of being, behaving, and just things, the way that he is.

Scams and lies.

Yeah. Well, I mean, yes. But the weirdest part is this part where it's an unnecessary lie and an unnecessary scam because some of his scams and lies lead to personal gain and benefit in some form or another, right? You're like, I guess that's an understandable scam lie. He's getting something out of this, right? This one didn't benefit him in any way, was absolutely unnecessary. We all knew, except the person he lying to, that it wasn't going to happen, and yet it still occurred. So at the live show- Just so you know, though, his scams are always necessary.

They may not always be productive, but he does scam for the sake of scamming. It doesn't have to- Just for the thrill.

That's correct.

I love a good scam. That's correct. Just to go on the joy ride, whether it results in anything of gain or not, the gain, it's basically enjoying every morsel of life the way that people who are enlightened enjoy life, except the reverse of it, where just the act of scamming itself allows him to live his best life.

You guys are too kind. Listen, I just like to see where a scam goes. I mean, I do.

The thrill of the scam.

It's like a lazy river. Can I ask you a question respectfully, because I know that this is going to not be well received.

Me or Dan. You.

What is the scam that you've gone down, that you've gotten in over your head and you realized I've gone too far?

The one you're about to tell.

No, because there's another one that's worse than that that's also currently going on, and it's presales to a book you haven't written yet. Because that seems like we're down a path that you need to now deliver a book that doesn't exist.

The book is written, though.

It's not written. I haven't written the foreword yet.

Well, that part of the book isn't written.

A couple people have written some things.

Better get on that, Dan. Okay.

I mean, the book is written, though.

But it's not written.

Well, your book's not written, but you assured me you would do it after the Super Bowl, and now the Super Bowl is over, and so I expected this week.

It's just a copy and paste. That's all we're missing, copy and paste.

A couple of loose ends.

Get on it. He asked me to write the forward, and he spelled it... Instead of reverse forward, yes, he spelled it incorrectly. What's wrong with that? Just write it.

Anyways, so the scan that I'm talking about, we had Kara Karatop on the show on Friday, the live show, and Karatop revealed that he did not have a Super Bowl ticket. He wanted to go to the game, but he did not have a Super Bowl ticket. My sources have told me, and I'm sure you guys witnessed this, that when the show was over and Kare top was done, Stugats went out of his way to promise Kare top he was going to get him a ticket to the game. He said, I got you. I can get you a ticket. I got you. It got to the point that Kare-The guy was hanging around forever. So you told him this so he'd go away?

Well, I just wanted him to leave. I love Kare top, but he was just hanging around waiting for Dan to get him a ticket. And I'm like, Carradale, I got you. Okay? I got a ticket for you. I was really taking the heat off Dan. I was doing it for a teammate.

But your plan to To get rid of him was to get him a Super Bowl ticket. That would make him move away from you.

Correct. I'd hoped that it would not come back to haunt me.

Well, what happened next, to my understanding, is Carradale then gave Stugatz his Carradale business card, which is delightful when you see it. He gave him his Caratop business card in contact for his assistant.Parno Jeff.Yes. Then that was passed off. Then the person that the card was passed off to said, Why Why are you giving me this card? And Kare Top said, Because Stugatz promised me a Super Bowl ticket. So then now there's other people involved, and there's layers that to God's has created between him and Kare Top and this empty promise for a Super Bowl ticket, right? Yeah. Now, at some point someone reaches out and is like, Do you have the Super Bowl ticket? And then that person has to reach out to Stugatz and says, Stugatz, are you getting this person a Super Bowl ticket? To Stugatz replied, I'm not getting that person a So you never intended to get him a ticket, but assured him you would get him a ticket.

He was in the game.

That's the thing. So now everybody hears that you assured him that you were going to get him a ticket. He somehow found his way into the game. He was in a booth with all the celebrities. And then the assumption is, wow, Sougats came through. He got him a ticket to the Super Bowl. He's welcome. When you did nothing. What do you mean? Why would you promise him that when you had no intention of delivery?

What did you get out of it? I told you the reason. He was hanging around. I felt like he would have hung around forever. And so I just said, Gareth, I got you. And then he left. That's all. I mean, he was going to eventually ask Dan after the show for the Super Bowl ticket. I don't think so. I think he was.

I think he did his thing. You think that Dan would have more connections in that town than Kare Top to get into the game? I mean, he got in.

Well, it is odd that Kare Top needed me or Dan to get him into the Super Bowl.

I assumed it was just all a bit to do like, comedy around.

No, he didn't have tickets. In fact, Valar and I went to go see him Friday night. He still does a great show. Mike Ryan thought that the Kare Top we got Friday morning was coming in off of a bender and was in bad shape. I thought he was in bad shape only because he had done 70 radio row interviews, not because he was coming in off of a bender because he was just tired of making jokes for whoever it is that was doing an afternoon show in Des Moines. I sat next to him.

It looked like he had gone through it. Just being honest.

Love carrot. He always looks that way. I was going to say we had him last year, the superboy. He was like that, too.

Okay, but he did end up in a suite with a A lot of celebrities. He ended up with Gordon Ramsey and Guy Fietti and whoever.

I pulled some strings.

Was Chapelle there?

Wayne Newton was in that booth.

But the internet thought it was Jean Simmons. There was one clip of it's Carrot Top and Jean Simmons. I saw that, Chris. That's clearly Wayne Newton.

He didn't watch the Leventhal show on Thursday, I guess.

That happened to a lot of people. And I got to be honest with you, it's insulting to Jean Simmons. No offense to Wayne Newton, who's 81.

This is the second time you've now offended him in four days.

One of them is 81, and Jean Simmons is not.

Can we talk about when Wayne Newton almost fell out of his chair on our set? Tony, who was sitting right next to Wayne Newton. I had to hold him down. No, Tony, I had to nudge you. I don't know what you were looking at. Wayne knew an 80-year-old man is like a high... It was like a barstool-sized chair. He was a little awkward for him to get into, and it started to do where he just leaned into it and it was going back. I don't know what Tony was looking at because I was just like... And I nudged Tony to save him. And luckily, at the last second, Tony got his hand. I'm telling you-Put aaw in there. If Tony didn't put hisaw in there, he was going down. And that's how we were kicking off our energy with him.

Dan was talking, so I was listening to him to see what he was going to say. And then Chris nudged me. I look over-I'm like, he's going.

Luckily, it was a slow fall back. It was almost horrific.

I still have my top Top 5 tops.

Let's do it.

Jean Simmons is 74, by the way.

Top five tops from Stugats. This is how he was going to introduce Carrot Top last Friday.

I have O-L-I.

All right. O-l-i.

Carrot Top.

Any other O-L-I? No. Number 5.

Rocky Top. Number 4. Muffintop. Number 3. You eat, right? Sportscenter Top 10. Number two. Stofer Stovetop.

Should be number one. It's going to kill a live audience, Dan. Callback. Because you remember?

Number one.

Top Gun.

Apparently, Stugatz's personal record book is right now the number one best seller on Amazon Sports Essay's list. Boom.

Thank you, Artie. It's stugatzbook. Com. Books almost done. Is that image not available? She's waiting on Dan. You know what I mean?

He's not on a cover. Number two, Steven A. Number one, Image Not Available.

How great is that?

It really speaks volumes.

People, I promise a book is coming, okay? Ten months from now, but it's coming, okay?

It speaks volumes. However, the volumes are not in any way written yet.

I'm a head of Greeny.

I would love to hear the audio version of this where you're reading the book. I think I would pay more for that than I would pay for the book, where you're reading a book to someone. Well, I'll charge it up.

I'll jack it up, Billy.

$49.99, just for you. He should only be allowed to read the parts he writes, which is none of the book.

Billy, can I get the other scam that Stugatz is running next?

Stugatz here, when you love someone, you protect them in the best ways you can. That's why I recommend Simply Save Home Security. It's an advanced system that protects every inch of your home and back by 24/7 with professional monitoring for fast emergency response for less than a dollar a day. Guys, I have had Simply Safe in my home for many, many years now. I swear by them, the peace of mind it gives me when I am away, the fact that I could see everything happening in and around my house is amazing. Simply Safe offers everything you need for a whole home protection. Hd cameras for indoors and outdoors. The system is easy to set up yourself without any special tools or know-how required. Don't want to do it yourself? Not a problem. You can get one of their expert technicians to come out to your house and install it for you. Right now, you can get 20% off any new SimplySafe system when you sign up for the Fast Protect monitoring. Just visit simplisafe. Com/dlb. That's simplisafe. Com/dlb. There's no safe like SimplySafe.

Don Lebatard. How do people always go missing in the mountains? Don't go to the mountains. And by the way, I don't want to bring racism. This is the most white people thing ever, going missing in the middle of the mountains. It's the strangest thing. You go by yourself, you don't take a radio, you don't take a phone, you're missing four days, and they find you 10 years later covered in snow. And it's like, Don't go by yourself. If you're going to go on a trail, don't go by yourself. Stugatz.

Put it on the poll. Is it the whitest person thing ever? I believe is what you called it, going into the woods by yourself. Is going into the woods by yourself.

I can't disagree with that, man.

So Black people don't camp?

Yeah, Black people don't hike. They don't camp. They don't go out into the woods. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugats.

Tony is lamenting a bit the throwing of a Super Bowl party, the hosting of a Super Bowl party. I think we can agree that it is much better to go to someone else's Super Bowl party than it is to have to host your own and then deal with all of the cleanup and all of the insanity. Tony, how did you go about making this decision to decide to host a Super Bowl party?

So, Dan, I'm a bit of a control freak, right? So I like when things are done on my terms and I get to dictate what gets done. The thing is, if I go to somebody else's house, then I got to eat what they're eating. Then I got to do things that cater to them instead of cater to me. So I like to have all that stuff under my roof. So my parents graciously allowed us to do the Super Bowl party there. So we invited, obviously, my family, my wife's family.

Billy, why are you making faces about that?

Because you didn't host the party then.

No, buddy, I hosted. I was going to invite you, but I knew you were going to come.

If it's not your problem to deal with it at the end of the night, you didn't host it.

No, it's my problem because I'm the one hosting. It's just the house is being rented to us to have the Super Bowl party, essentially. So I have to make the burgers. I got to make the dogs. I got to make sure that the furniture is all set up. Everybody comes out, has a great time. But then at the end of the night, we got to pick up all the stuff. And it's almost like, look, I want to sit front and center, but I can't. I want to drink some alcohol beverages, but I can't. You know why? Because a good host never drinks alcohol beverages. They're making sure that everything's happening. Hey, are you good? You need something over here? You need something over there? You want another hot dog? I got you. So I'm a gracious host, and I like hosting. The problem is it's exhausting. I'm exhausted today.

And by 11:00 PM, now everyone gets to start powering down. Paul Ass. Powering down, and you do not get to power down. So overtime arrives, and now you want everybody out of the house, but now this is the longest game ever played in the Super Bowl. Six hours long. What are we doing?

He's got an extra hot dog. I need one. And then there's kids running. We had Louis had three kids. His brother brought three kids. There's another three kids. So there's a lot of kids running around. So I have to make sure there's no guard in the pool. The dog's running around crazy. So I have to make sure that the dog is not getting little kids because they're running after everybody. Then I got to make sure the kids aren't in the pool.

Billy and Jessica are getting stressed out just looking at you talk about this.

Who needs any of that frustration in your life? What's the benefit? You get to see your people you work with. You'll see them today.

Did you even get to watch any of the games?

I was locked in on the game. How? Because I had to stand around the- Screaming kids everywhere. Well, they were screaming a little bit further out. I just had to look around, make sure they weren't falling in the pool. You know how to stand on kids.

This is coming off a weekend in Vegas or week in Vegas. I was exhausted. Oh, boy.

I was exhausted. But we made like 40 hamburgers. I was slavy over the grill for like 45 minutes to an hour for each one of these batch of hamburgers.

Nobody had hamburgers. The party I was at had a two TV situation. So I was like, I had to go outside very early on before the game started and establish dominance over that TV. I turned the volume up. Because one TV had Taylor Swift songs playing before the game. I was at one of those parties. And outside had the pregame show on, but the volume was muted. So I jacked up that volume and I established This is going to be the commercials and the halftime show TV. If you're not into that, get inside. That's where the non-serious people are. This is where we're taking it serious. This is where we're keeping it down a little bit at the right times. You got to establish dominance over a TV.

We were talking earlier about the idea of if you're having a very strong reaction to the Super Bowl halftime show, Chris Cody was alleging that you have your mind made up before it even starts, whether you're rooting for this or not rooting for it, and then it's going to form your opinion. The question I want to ask you is, do you believe anyone listening to this or any of the millions and millions of people who might have been fence sitting on what their opinion was on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey as a relationship. Do you believe many minds were changed watching them embrace at the end of that, that people could believe in the idea, however cynical they were about love, that they were enjoying moment together in a way that was obvious to me. I didn't have much an opinion either way on Taylor Swift, anything related to it. But when I saw them together at the end of that, I'm like, How sweet for them that they're able to enjoy intimacy in public with America and get their private moment or as private as it can be, given the circumstances.

You love love, huh? You do. You love to see. I thought it It was a nice moment as well.

I'm not asking you if it was a nice moment or not. It was, though. I'm asking you if people changed their mind. I think you can count on one hand the amount of people that were like, Man, I was so anti this, and now I'm all in.

Right. I agree with Chris on that. For me, it's been great. I don't think many people had their mind changed last night, but I have been a fan of this story the entire season. It has gotten my daughters into football in a way they've never been into football before, and that's a really cool thing.

I feel like it's the same with my opinion of Brock Purdy after the game. I feel the exact same way about him I felt last week. I'm like, did a good job.

That Brock Purdy thing is a weird... I don't think anyone knows how to talk about him after this game. It's like everyone's like, he was fine. He had some really good throws. A couple of bad moments. It's just like everyone just... Like she just said, it feels like everyone is exactly where they were on Brock Purdy.

Well, Brock Purdy didn't lose the game. He was not the reason, which is a great case scenario for Brock Purdy. He didn't win it.

He didn't lose But he did lose it.

Well, yeah, but he didn't. But he did. Technically, he lost the game. But he did. You heard Jamal, if you could understand her earlier, it was Kyle Shanaher.

Shanaher seems to be wearing it more. People were criticizing what he did.

But he did lose the game.

Brock did lose the game, but was not the reason they lost the game. That's all I'm saying. Not the reason. If he were the reason, that'd be a different story.

He was the reason in that they didn't score a countdown at the end, and then Mahomes did because Brock Purdy didn't score a touch down.

But the Chiefs' DBs are so good. I don't know how much you put on Purdy for the Chief's defense being so good.

Oh, but I'm just playing with the spoofy idea of you're absolutely right. He's not the reason that he lost the game, but he lost the game. And Stugatz's quarterback analysis is always, did you win the game or did you lose the game?

But he didn't lose the game. But he did lose the game.

But he lost the game forever. No, not technically. He lost the game forever.

We're going to have to check out Stugatz's book a couple of months from now and see if he went or lost the game.

Bingo. Or Patrick won the game. I mean, you could say that.

Patrick win the game, though?

Patrick won the game.

Patrick did win the game.

Yes, he won the game.

Decided to. The rare overtime, win the coin toss, lose the coin toss decision. Yeah.

Right. Whoever we blame-With your genius head coach not knowing the rules.

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That is the one thing we can agree on. Absolutely. Which moment.

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Dan, I think Cam was right.

About game manager versus game breaker.

On display. Gave you the game manager, Brock Ferdee, who was okay, didn't lose the game, didn't win the game, didn't really do anything.

That's what the manager does.

And then all of a sudden, the game breaker on the other side. Fourth and 1, runs for 22 yards, makes things happen, throws the final countdown. Kam's right.

Did you guys hear Jim Nance? I think it was Jim Nance. If I heard this wrong, this is what I heard, and I'm sure someone else heard this out there. He said something along the lines of, I think the conversation about Brock Purdy being a game manager has come to an end. He's a game executive. Or something like that. I'm like, What the hell does that even mean? He did say that.

He's been promoted out of middle management.

What does that mean? The American It's a dream.

What does that mean?

He's got equity now.

He can afford a house. He lost, but he's a game executive now.

He was giving him a bus. Wasn't the reason they lost.

Nance worked that out, though. Nance was cooking that all week. You know what some of the rejected ones were? He's like, He's no longer a game manager. He is now an executive vice president.

He's got stock options.

What'd you think of Jim Nance being the Travis Kelsey Hypeman on the stage where he was trying to set him up for a chance?

Travis yesterday, man, between shoving Andy Reid a little bit and then screaming himself horse on the stage, I'm like, Oh, my God.

I would have thought that the whole dating Taylor thing would have made him not do the screaming thing on stage. I feel like that's something you do before you're dating Taylor Swift.

You got to do it.

I mean, he's just being himself, I guess.

No, they already said the L word. He can be himself.

I just imagine Taylor.

That's who she fell in love with.

I imagine Taylor reacting internally to him doing that and being like, Oh, does this work with my brand? You know what I mean? Just a quick moment of-Agressive. I hope he keeps this... We don't want to go viral for the wrong reasons here.

I'm surprised that all of you are so cynical that the moment that they shared on the field is something that you just shrug your shoulders about.

I I'm just screaming about Kyle Shanahan being a fraud for 20 minutes after that game ended because Stugats has brainwashed me, Dan. I just don't think us five are the right audience for-Not cynical, just desensitized.

Loving love. I just don't We've had a season full of love. We get it. You love each other. We've been talking about Taylor Swift for months. Exactly.

With all due respect to the Swifties. But that's as happy as they've looked together.

No, I think the AFC Championship game, she's like, This is the proudest They had audio because the cameras are closing up. She's like, This is the proudest I've ever been of anyone ever have me.

He was like, I'm going to celebrate with the boys. She's like, Okay, I love you.

Do you guys think she has a breakup song in the holster? Yeah.

Or if they lost. Now we're in repeat.

Absolutely.

She has a breakup double album.

That's where you're taking it after what I brought up.

I'm just wondering if that's what you're doing.

We worked this out in God bless football. We did. We tried to figure out, she has a new album coming out in April. Did she record a breakup song? Just in case it didn't make it until album release. We just sneaked that one in there.

It's something to ponder.

It's not even that it's not original in any way and not the place to take the conversation. It was original earlier. I brought it up. Today, it's not just something people-We're all one show.

I mean, same team here.

It's not just that people for three months have been saying that same tired shit.

No, this is new because there's an album coming out.

But it's also the same tired shit that he already did three hours earlier on God bless football. So it's not even reheated tired shit. It's already doubly reheated from the tired shit that he was doing earlier this morning.

Also stolen because someone else brought that up earlier.

Oh, man.

Okay, I do think she wrote a song about if the Chiefs Lost.

Same team, guys.

Gambling girls are helping me beat the odds. All because of you, I'm taking the Chiefs at minus three.

Oh, I believe in Travis, Kelsey. He's going to skate on almost knocking Andy Reid over. If he had knocked... You know what? The thing that I- Now we're pondering, boys. I'll tell you. I will tell you what I was pondering and what I was hoping. This is what I was hoping, that two things had made that situation exacerbated. One, Andy Reid falls over and has trouble getting up, which is what would have happened to Wayne Newton if Tony hadn't rescued him. Put a pie out there. Atta boy. But this part, and I don't think anybody considered this, Andy Reid immediately getting up and then benching Travis Kelsey for the rest of the game.

Don L'Hébitard.

Do you know what a razor is, Dan?

I do not know. I don't know what a Motorola razor is. You don't? No.

I bet you you had one.

I did not have one.

Really? Let's walk through your phone history. What phones have you I never had a Motorola razor.

Let's go backwards. I did not have a Motorola Razr. What was your first phone? Not a Motorola Razr.

Telegraph machine? After that.

The Motorola Razr, Dan, was the one that was really thin, that it flipped over, but it was as thin as a Razr blade. That's why they called it the Razr.

What is a telegraph machine?

I don't know. They had one in Down Abbey. Stugatz. The Titanic, stop. Has sunken, stop. John Jacobaster, stop. Is missing, stop.

You think that was my phone? You I think that my first phone was the Titanic's emergency signal?

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Bright light city, going to set my soul, going to set my soul on fire. Sin City, banging like my Hall of Fables, so get those eggs up higher.

Viva, Greg Cody. Viva, Greg Cody.

The Lady luck, please, you're going to smile on me. Keep those logos rolling hot, I know. We're going to have more fun than the law allows, like an episode of The Greg Cody Show.

Viva Greg Cody. Viva Greg Cody.

Oh, there's a black Jack I'm going to take a table and a roulette wheel, a fortune to win with every spin. I'm going to conquer this city like it's PMPI, so let's let the winning begin.

Viva Greg Cody. I will tell you, Stugatz, and I know You caught me a couple of times over last week crying, and I will tell...

I didn't talk to you about this, but I will tell you the things that were making me cry the couple of times that you caught me crying. When we were going under and through the duress at the end with ESPN, and there were a handful of times that Greg Cody was coughing. I'm not even talking about on air. I'm talking about off air when I was on the phone with him.

This was before I knew that my brother was sick and dying.

I thought almost every time that I was talking to Greg Cody, time is short, I'm going to have to bury my friend soon. It was a very strong feeling that I had on me all the time that was reminded like an alarm, like a siren all the time that he was having trouble breathing and enjoy these moments. When I saw him on the screen, happy than I've ever seen him. Keep in mind, my career in radio began with him as the singing sports writer. It was a stupid thing that we were doing, and he ran out of songs like he's running out of Back in My Day ideas. But he was so invigorated, so lively, so youthful, breathing so well, drinking so much. It's the happiest I've ever seen him being able to do all of that in front of people, youthful, invigorated, to be able to give a a mentor of mine that. When I feared like he was dying two or three years ago, it was palpably moving to me in ways that very few things ever doing this have been. Just to see the size of it all, the scope of it all.

Like him, that ESPN forced us to do it ourselves, and we did, and that the result of that was the result of his son being let go, resulting in that particular particular triumph was just deeply moving to me to be able to see him steal the show in Las Vegas, us doing it differently than any other media outlet was doing it with a 69-year-old guy singing to Wu-Tang and introduced by Flavor Flave and singing- And singing in front of Wayne Newton. Singing in front of Wayne Newton. All of it was just wildly gratifying.

Greg Coat. I mean, he crushed it. He had a great weekend. Chris, I hope you know, and I know you know this, but your dad is a godsend. We love him. It was so great for, I think, all of us to be able to spend some quality time with your dad outside of these studios because he's just one of those people that make you smile.

Honestly, more than half a dozen people came up to me individually and was just like, I had a really cool moment with your dad. Like, behind the scenes people, in front of camera people. It was really cool to spend time with everybody and just bond and not as much trauma bonding. To me, I It felt like it was... What's the opposite of trauma bonding? Regular bonding. Just regular bonding.

Just bonding, yeah. That's what it felt like to me.

Those are fake bonds. Trauma bonds are the ones that really last, I'm telling you.

Top five bonds?

You've gone through it together. Go bond. Barry bonds.

James.

James, yes. 007.

Stocks and bonds.

The chief. Munis.

I want to entertain with you guys the hypothetical. We'll talk more with Greg Cody tomorrow about these things, but can we for a a second.

I'm sure he won't want to talk about himself.

I'm sure he'll be real reluctant. It'll be a real arm twisting to get him to say he's so dying to run into the studio right now and then talk about all the things that involve him.

He'll be here at 5:00 AM tomorrow. Yes.

Never more prepared than tomorrow. Just to relive the whole thing. I've never seen him so ready to do the Greg Cody show featuring Greg Cody.

With? Fine.

I want you guys to entertain with me the hypothetical right now. Let's see if we can do this for the last six minutes of this show, hour two here together. This is the hypothetical that I want you to entertain with me, and I want to now talk about it as if we're coming onto the air for the first time today. Travis Kelsey has indeed bumped Andy Reid and knocked him over. Andy Reid gets up and benches him. The chiefs lose- Wait, bench press? No. Well, there's someone that is getting up here. He gets up with the help of others, like when he was on with Chris Jones, on top of Chris Jones. Almost a hunk. He has reacted to Travis Kelsey bumping him the way any God-fearing American of a conservative football league would suggest you have to react, punish the labor for being bad. Now he's benched and the Chiefs lose the Super Bowl. Let's do that show.

And then Belichick calls.

Right now. Can you just leave Belichick Belechek out of a conversation for six minutes?

He's calling, though, Dan. He's calling.

That is when Belichick is calling. You need a coach who won't bench Travis, Kelsey, in that circumstance.

I didn't bet you were her name.

If he calls the hunch, Dan, what do you do?

Now, I don't want to do this.

I love sports fanfic.

But you're saying he benches Kelsey and then he loses the game?

What I am saying is- He's getting crushed today. Stugant.

He'd be a wanted man. If he bench Travis, Kelsey, I I would... Just for his safety, I wish he wouldn't do that.

Does Taylor dump him right on the spot if that happens? I can't have this.

This is bad PR. Again, you guys are losing sight of one portion of this hypothetical. The Belichick call.

No.

The visual image of Andy Reid tumbling to the ground because of the rage of what everyone will then recognize. Oh, he's big and strong, this Frankenstein who rules this league. He's so big and strong that an old man has been toppled and is having trouble getting up because the tight end is really big and strong.

So he's 65. It's the physical appearance of Andy Reid is what you're talking about. It's all of it. If he does it to Dan Campbell, not a big story, and Dan's not falling.

Is it a Don Zimmer type fall?

It's a great call. Dan, that is a great question.

The type of fall matters. How you tumble matters. Is there a little blood on his head?

You guys are ignoring the parts of the hypothetical I have placed in here that are most important. This is an important part. Yes. America has a visual. The Swifties have just seen an old man knocked over by the rage of someone who's got one catch for one yard.

Carted off, broken hip.

Torn ACL.

Did he come out? Oh, my God. What if he coaches the second half in the hospital bed up in a suite? He'd watch his face. He'd freeze. Yeah, that's the guy.

But as we learned early in the show, Andy Reid can take a fall if we can put this video back up. He can do it. He can fall with the best of him and get right back up.

Let's go. Let's see this thing. We didn't answer Dan's question.

No, this is a fall of Andy Reid's choosing, though.

We didn't spend enough time here.

He was pushed over. He chose to fall. Well, he chose to fall. Come on now.

Help me.

Oh.

So close. I could watch this for the rest of time.

What was he thinking?

I think in the moment, he's like, I want to hug this guy.

He was just standing over him. He was pushed into that. Billy, he had no intention of going missionary position. How's your uncle? None.

Dan, does a stretcher come out? Yeah. Is he in a wheelchair?

How about the blue tent?

Does he go to the blue tent? The Blue Ten. The Blue Ten.

What if he deadlifts, Kelsey?

Tony is right in saying this was so close to him putting his hand directly on the junk of Chris Jones.

I could watch this for 10 years.

Grope in it.

I I love it.

See?

That would have been a different story. Pedro threw him really hard.

That was three rolls. We're now looking at Don Zimmer.

Thank you. For the audio crew, we now have video of Pedro throwing Don Zimmer by the head to That was more of a...

That was like an O'Lay. He fell on a bat, too.

I've never seen that before.

Don Zimmer rolls three times.

Yeah, bad visual on the roll.

Man, let me see here. One, two.

One, two.

Wow.

He had it coming. He charged him.

Yeah, exactly. But, Roy, the bad is not Pedro's fault. It just happened to be there. Yeah, it just happened to be there.

For those of you not watching, an 80-year-old Don Zimmer charged at 165-pound Pedro Martínez forehead first.

The police officer starts patting him on his shoulder.

Pedro then grabbed a charging 81-year-old Don Zimmer by the ears and laid him onto the ground, whereupon Dom Rimmer Don Zimmer. Don Zimmer rolled two times on the ground. I will now ask you the question and ask you with two minutes left to do the show with me. Travis Kelsey has knocked over Andy Reid. There is not a stretcher. It is simply Andy Reid knocked over.

How about the blue tent?

Did he struggle to get up?

Yes.

He floundered like his arms and legs.

No, Billy. Like a beetle on his back. Andy Reid jumped up off his back like a dancer in the usher. He killed him.

Like a boxer.

Andy Reid had no trouble getting up whatsoever. He sprung up like one of Usher's dancers off of his back, never using his legs.

Dan, I'll do this show with you. He could have killed him.

That's pure-No, no, no.

What's up, Coach? Thank you, Jessie.

That's pure out of control, rage and violence. They've heard a million jokes about them. Oh, wait, that's Judd Apateau.

That is Judd Apateau.

Let me do it again.

Assault. Does Kelsey help him up?

I imagine it being a thing. No, it's not Kelsey. He knocks him down. Then Andy Reid does that kick thing where he gets up, and then he turns into like, Hulk Cole. He's like, and he starts doing that thing. Then Travis Kelsey goes and he starts hitting him. Then Andy Reid's like, and then he hits him and he's like, No. Then he gets one of these.

The Mutumbo finger.

Really? Boom, boom, boom, boom.

He was like, kick, and then he bounces off the wall, and he goes, Oh, leg drop on him.

Billy's going to be really hurt after this stand.

Yeah, just like Don Zimmer.

I think he's hurt now.

I think he needs help up, too.

Can we just end with the old Andy Reid? Andy Reid just doing that. Put the Andy Reid thing up there.

Do the thing. Do that thing right there.

Do it. Oh, man, do I love this video?

Billy's not breathing.

I'm going to watch this for the next month. Come here. Now I've fallen completely. Now I'm going to try to back... How's your uncle right here?

He looks down at it to see, Am I in the right spot here?

Get on up here. So you guys aren't going to do what I wanted you to do. What'd you want to do again?

Super Bowl week, Daniel.

In any way.

He hit him in the penis.

Whoa. Go.