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This is the Dan Leviton Show with the Stugartz Podcast.

There are many confidence crushers that come with age. One of the things that I hesitate around is I feel super ridiculous saying the name of the rapper Twista at my age. Just doesn't feel right to have to avoid the ER and hit the Twista.

How often does Twista come up in conversation with you, Dan?

I'm just saying generally, some of the names of the rappers when I'm talking about pop culture things, I feel ridiculous. It doesn't feel like it's age-appropriate for me to be talking about Twista. I'm trying to go hard on it here. I understand. So I have to accentuate the A a little extra, and I have to say Twista. But the reason I'm bringing all of this up is because I'm surprised that a rapper hadn't thought of this before now, which is Twista is doing his wrapping while accompanied by machine gun fire, by someone nearby who has just got an assortment of guns in America that has way too many of those. But if you're going to use it to make a little music, I'm surprised to mean that this hasn't been done before, that this video is something that's novel. I would have thought somebody would have done this because this sounds pretty good.

We'll all know how you want me right I'd to make you a celebrity, know or not. Play some toes or lie. Dry whips, don't lie. Twist or you toe or lie. I'd make you a celebrity, know or not. Get you ice like toe or not. We told you like don't...

Tony is awed by the gunman. Jessica, I just saw her mouth. What the fuck? Just saw it. Jessica didn't have any use for that music.

I'm going to grab the steering wheel and veer it in a different direction. Again, those guns remind me of a new addiction that was an old addiction. You ever have an addiction, and you kick it, and you're clean, and you're like, I can be around this. No problem.

Porno. You know when you see it?

I thought I was clear and clean and living good off of Red Dead Redemption. And then I was- I thought.

You were going to say Kanye.

Oh, man. I was having a conversation with my kid about like, Oh, there's this game. My kid's like, Oh, yeah. I was like, Yeah, I'll show you. I go hunting in it. Fast forward Thanksgiving, the entire day, eight hours a day of just mindless Red Dead Redemption playing. I love that game.

Eight hours a day? Yes.

But you were.

Your kid. Me. Oh, wow. My kid just sat there and watched as I try to get legendary moose. It is.

Fun to watch.

Oh.

My God. I could watch it for.

Eight hours. The worst part is, Jessica, I wish it was just hunting, but the problem is there are several bounties on my head from the last time I played. I get these bounty hunters that always come up. I'm like, Hold on, we got to pause the fishing for a second. Daddy's got to pull out his rifle. I've got the little sniperscope, and I'm picking up these bounty hunters from like, miles away. They're on the top of the ridge and they're tracking, they're looking around. I'm like, I got your ass now. One guy, I shot him so hard, his hat flew in the air and my kids had to laugh.

This doesn't sound like great parenting.

That's what I'm saying. This is terrible.

No, it's a soothing game.

You can just gallop.

Yeah, you just ride a horse around.

They like to gallop. It's like that tractor simulator.

I need to explain to the audience the sheer horror that just swept over the face of a means partner, Charlotte. Her eyebrows shot into the sky. Just horrified by you playing a game.

No, no, not horrified. What was going through my head was I have no idea how to play. I have never experienced Red.

Dead: Redemption. It's amazing. If you've ever wanted to be a cowboy, this is the game for it. My favorite thing is when you get a perfect headshot, sometimes you get this little Cinematic, where they replay it in slow motion, and they show the bullet going through the guy's face. And soThe first time I did that, my kid is like, Whoa. I'm like.

Yeah, it's cool. Again, not great parenting.

It probably felt pretty good, though, to be impressing your kid with, right? Yeah.

It felt amazing. That's the problem. If it felt bad, I would have stopped. But if everything, all those feelings came, I don't think you know this, Dan. When I worked at ESP in L. A, I had Michelle Beatles' old cubicle when she went to go do get up. So I set up, I had a monitor, and I had to place my PS4 in there. So I would go in the morning and I do my morning stuff, and then I do the show. I do sports nation. Then when I was done, I'd go to the cubicle. This is about like 1:30, two o'clock. From that time until literally, it was nighttime, and people left.

The nighttime- So you're proper addicted. You're talking about something that calls you right back in. You feel a little gross doing it afterward, but you feel good doing it. But you thought you would quit. You thought you had gone cold turkey.

Then I don't feel gross afterward. I feel like, Oh, man, I have to get up now. No, you don't. You can keep playing.

Are you in withdrawal right now, or did you somehow bring it with you?

Oh, no, I didn't bring it with me. I should have. That's just a lot to pack. I don't want to have to go through TSA with a huge PlayStation. I always look down on people like that.

So watching Twisted do that made you want to play Red Emption again. You watch that video and it's, I guess, a cool idea. The gun sinks with the bead.

I'm sure it's been done before.

Well, yeah, by Tupac and bone thugs is an original.

Oh.

What a banger. Yeah, it was a banger. Bone thugs my number one on Unwrapped. So happy Crazy Bones. Really? Yeah, I've went through it like such a huge phase. This year? This year. Yeah, they were just so far ahead of their time. Thoughts and prayers to CrazyBone were we're thinking of you.

Dan, how do you feel about the Spotify unwrapped?

But what I wanted to talk about real quick, I was getting somewhere, prior to the Red Dead diatribe- Is it Twissa? -was that Twissa is actually... That's a bit of marketing for Twissa because he is a certified gun instructor. Wow. Good for him. And you can take-.

Exercise a.

Second Amendment. I like that. You can take classes here, as we found he's a gun coach. You can get concealed weapons classes delivered from Twista. Are you familiar? You're obviously familiar with Overnight Celebrity and what is perceived to be his day job. He's got this side hustle. Do you know what his other side hustle is? Nope. He's a ventriloquist.

Really? Yeah, I've seen these videos.

That is good. I'm interested in that. Tell me more about that. Does he have set little puppets.

That he- Well, hold on a second. He does. We have Tinytwist and Twista together here, and I can't wait to see how good he is as a ventriloquist. All right.

Okay, all right. Well, let's see what you can do then. I know the beat. The beat go like this. It ain't a lot. What? You're talking about the bass line or something?

Yeah.

Well, how does the bass line go?

Okay. Okay.

Okay, we can do it together. Okay, we can do it together. Okay, you think we can do it together? Yeah.

There's no way you can, Twissa.

No. Okay, I got you.

You did.

What can't he do?

Who is the song with then?

Hilarious.

I was fairly ready to pounce on him. That's not a ventriloquist. Not good enough as a ventriloquist. He needs to be better. He does not have range. I suddenly became both a Twista expert and a ventriloquist expert. But then he unleashed that ending, and I had no answers. He silenced me. Tony was odd. How did he do that?

How indeed? I want to see the puppet shoot a gun. Then I'll be impressed.

While the puppet is wrapping overnight celebrity.

A meme just showed you what a terrible toxquist he would be. Who?

It does make you want to try that. It does make you.

Want to try that. What? It doesn't make you want to try that? It makes me.

Want to try it. Kind of. I think I'm good at it. I don't know about you guys.

They're like a jazz man in sneakers.

Okay, Mike is actually pretty good.

Second Amendment. A jazz hand?

Jazz. All right, you know what? I want.

To try something. I'm like a jazz.

Antiquado. No, you've gone.

Too far. I'd like to try something, actually. What's that? Can I get Ameen Al-Hassan's expert commentary on the sale of the Mavericks to Mark Cuban, but only talking to Ameen Al-Hassan as a ventriloquist?

You're going to have to hold your hand up as a puppet.

No, I got to hold it right here. Hold on.

Do you want me to get just- You have a puppet? You have a puppet? What do you need to get me?

You have a puppet? Yeah, he.

Has a puppet. Okay, he's got a snake of some sort.

No, he's got the Ron... Oh, no, he's got a fish. I thought he was going to go with the Ron McGill.

Wait, I think I've got a better thing than that. Let's see what we've got here. But we're going to seed the floor to you to give you- Hey, dad. I'm dead. I'm dead. That's really hilarious.

Because.

I want to.

Sign you. Okay, that doesn't really work.

This is going well. We've been weaponized by the right, and I don't want to give them this ammunition. What's that? This is just bad stuff. Is it?

Hold on. I'm getting a shot here. He's got a snake. I'm scared of snakes.

The degree of difficulty on what you're doing in going to squeaky voice and a fish. Wait, he's got another pocket there. Okay, he's got a shark now. He doesn't need like that.

Well, exactly a shark.

All right, talk about Mark Huber.

Oh, this guy. You get it? I can't do... I can't say his name because his.

Name- It has a B in it.

Yeah, N-N-N. Bull-bull-bull. Not N-N, the letter that comes right after that.

Okay, I'm going to bail on this as a concept. Let's bail on it. -on this as a concept.

No.

Bad spitballs. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I know-.

It's what the production meeting's for, I think.

But I know that he's got good thoughts on.

Mark Cuban. Looks like a Venus.

It looks like a what?

You should see a doctor.

I wish I could say peas, a poorly circumcised one at that.

Can you give me, though, because I do want your good analysis on something. Please stop talking like that. What? I've given up on the idea of you talking without your lips moving. I'm sweating an embarrassment on your back.

What were you going to do with the snake?

Well, I was going to give him the snake to replace the fish because I thought he was going too much squeaky voice, and I was going to make it easier because he made the degree of difficulty too hard. It was hard enough as it was. Now he had to do it as the voice of the character.

Here's.

Twista.

Done Libertard. How do people always go missing in the mountains? Don't go to the mountains. By the way, I don't want to bring race in this. This is the most white people thing ever, going missing in the middle of the mountains. It's the strangest thing. You go by yourself. You don't take a radio. You don't take a phone. You're missing for four days, and they find you 10 years later covered in snow. It's like, Don't go by yourself. If you're going to go on a trail, don't go by yourself.

Stugats. Put it on the pole. Is it the whitest person thing ever? I believe is what you called it, going into the woods by yourself. Is going into the woods by yourself?

I can't.

Disagree with that, man. So black people don't camp?

Yeah, black people don't hike.

They don't camp. They don't go out.

Into the woods. This is the Dan Leavator Show with the Stugats.

The college football coaching carousel keeps spinning, and one of the news items that made a lot of people chuckle and curious was that Bobby Petrieno, who was at Texas A&M and no longer a part of Jimbo Fisher staff because there is no Jimbo Fisher staff, has found his way back to Arkansas, a place where he used to be the head coach, and now he's going to be the offensive coordinator for Arkansas. I love the way that it was reported. Arkansas is now vetting Bobby Patrino as a potential offensive coordinator. What exactly does Arkansas need to vet? Did something happen when he was there before that I wasn't vetting?

Is this Metallark doing the vetting? Because historically, I'm not very good at that either.

How can that happen? It happened on their watch. The motorcycle accident happened on their watch. The person riding behind them on the motorcycle, happened on their watch. How do they need to vet that? Google? There's no button left over there? And I have done some reporting that if, boy, does Bobby Petrino in that offense, that runs in direct opposition to the team that Sam Pitman was recruiting and the style he had been playing. That's not necessarily going to work out because when you have years of recruiting and sacking classes for a certain style to all of a sudden change it, K. J. Jefferson, who I rate and is a brilliant athletic talent- I.

Didn't understand why they were- Just went.

In the portal. Well, A. A. Is actually refuting that. He posts in an IG story. What? Yeah, he says he has not made his- He's the reports. I'm all over the Arkansas Razorback beat. Why is that? Yeah, it's weird. It's the weirdest fan base I've ever encountered, but they care deeply about their team. Why are.

They so bad at offense, though?

Former offensive coordinator was let go after he was emailing back fans that were mad about the way that their offense was performing.

They backslid. I actually, low key, think Arkansas is a great job. Moneybag, boosters, and they operate in a state, and we're already seeing it with their basketball team because they did damage in the portal where the institution can essentially pay NIL directly. Missouri, if you're wondering how they became a top 10 team, it could be very well because they have a good staff and a good program there, but they are also aided by they essentially have a base salary. They can go and offer in-state kids. Missouri, Arkansas, good jobs, and we now know that with Missouri, Arkansas is going to be a good job. However, this is not Sam Pitman's call. This was forced on him by the administration. That's a little report there for you. But I cannot believe I understand how Petrino and his offense, which gets results, ends up at other places. This is awkward. He used to be the head coach there. Now, Vance Joseph is killing as defensive coordinator for the Denver Broncos. There is precedent for this stuff, but you're vetting him. He did something as a lead administrator of your athletic program that you don't often come back from.

One of the most famous coaching photographs ever taken is him at a press conference with a neck brace, his face bleeding, trying to explain why it is that he crashed a motorcycle with a young woman who was not his wife, but worked in the athletic department, I believe?

Yeah. She was a former volleyball player who he hired to his staff. And then he... I might get the details wrong, but he was lying about the nature of the accident. And then when the police report about the accident came out, that was how people found out that he wasn't alone when he crashed the motorcycle. And so obviously, it was a scandal because it was an affair with a employee, but...

But it's most.

Memorable for the photo. Also, yeah, he went to this press conference with a neck brace on with his face all bloody. And we all have seen the.

Photo before. And the All-State Sugar Bowl hat to remind everybody that's assembled of his accomplishment.

And he's just gotten a lot of second, third, and fourth chances since then. And this is despite not just the Arkansas debacle, but also everything else he's done in his career, whether it was Louisville or the Falcons or the way that he's left other jobs, like he has just gotten a lot of chances to coach places.

There is only one time in my life I have felt what Bobby Petrino must have felt or a feeling of it as he had to walk to the microphone and give the press conference in that condition. And I was a young person in the Bahamas, and I wrecked a scooter I had rented, and I was going to lose my deposit. It, and I wanted to conceal that I had blood on me and conceal. I didn't wreck it badly, but I damaged it. And so I wore a long sleeve shirt, and I was clearly bleeding through the elbows of the shirt, which I didn't know until it was pointed out to me from the person who said, No, we're going to keep your deposit. You clearly wrecked this. And I'm like, What are you talking about? But that wasn't walking into a press conference where I had to explain something like this to the public, to my fan base, to my wife, where I'm covered in blood. And again, I'm wearing a neck brace. But, Mike, you mentioned the ability for these guys to rehab themselves. What are the latest groomers?

That's fascinating. There's a whole bunch of fascinating things in this college football cycle. For one, Jeff Levy getting a head coaching job where, I guess, are we forgetting about that? And how Jeff Levy is associated with that? Another great name. But, yes, John Grooten has creep back in to the rumors. I wish we could go back a couple of years ago because I'm like, It's only a matter of time, John Grudin pops back up. Whether it be a radio broadcasting gig, just like Tesla Waters and get you used to seeing John Grudin back out there. John Grudin is one of the rumored names in the mix for this Indiana job.

I think that also has been refuted since. I think Bruce Fieldman tweeted that he was being considered another reporter. That's just not true.

Bruce Fieldman is as close to the gold.

Standard in this. I feel like this is one of those times where you throw out that trial balloon. Hey, if we said Grudin, how do you guys feel about that? Then the public's like, Oh, no. Oh, yeah. No, that rumor is- That could.

Be- That was crazy. Yeah, no, testing the waters, that.

Could be part of it. I mean, that is part of the whole coaching carousel thing for a lot of people who want to throw their names into the ring, or their agent will throw their name to the ring and be like, Look, this is a covetated hire. And then other people will see it and think, Oh, this is someone who maybe we should look into hiring. That's how the whole ecosystem works around these different guys getting promoted and hired different places. Only guys that are, I think, really close to the beat generally know who actually is being interviewed or not. And the rest... You just see names get thrown out that years later you'll find out, Oh, that person was never actually even considered for this. This was completely separate. This was maybe an agent trying to get them.

In the conversation. Yeah, there's a lot of that, too. And a lot of hires actually get made because the and the head coach share an agent and there were people theorizing that was what was going on with the Mark Stubes thing. Did we ever get down to it? Because there were conflicting reports. Did he actually get in an airplane and land in Texas and then was told-.

Give me five minutes. I'll let you know.

And then was told. It's been reported because it's one of those things where this becomes the truth because we like it so much. The rumor is that Stupes, after that rivalry, it is a tough word to say. Win over Louisville, he essentially hopped on a bird and was on his way to become the new Texas A&M fighting aggie head coach. And then the response to that, and I understand as a survivor twice of a Mark Stubb's head coaching rumor. I understand why it's not sexy enough for you. But then to be like, Well, here's something sexy for you, Mike Elko.

If he got to Texas A&M and they're like, Oh, never mind. And he got himself to College Station, that's it.

Oh.

My.

God. That's it. Then he fired off that tweet after much reflection.

That's an all time sad tweet. After much reflection, I could never leave Kentucky. After seeing my team upset our in-state rival who had won loss this whole season, biggest game of our season. I could never leave these guys. And it's like, We all have eyes.

I have a funny tidbit about, is it B York, the AD? Yeah, Ross Bork at the AD. Miami, in their search, the search firm did rate Ross Bjork as the AD. And when I was doing a report on the AD and head coaching search, Bork, I mean, through the age and I just got to Texas A&M. It'd be awkward to leave. I'm very happy. And then reports came out substantiated or unsubstantiated that Miami was... This was a salary that they were looking to pay the AD. Guess who came kicking around the job again? Hey, I remember when I told you I wasn't interested. Are you actually paying this?

Let me ask Amin this question because- About York? Not about, no.

I just have the ADB and someone with a swan outfit on.

Something not unlike what I am wearing right now.

That's.

Brittany Spears.

She's incredible life, by the way. It's odd, but she's great.

Zach Taylor. Amazing pipes. I don't know if you guys have seen what the Bangles Coach record is without Joe Borough. It's 428 and 1. The Bangles were a laughing stock franchise. Zach Taylor gets there. Now, after many, many years of laughing stock, they've got Joe Borough and they're not that. I know that coaching and culture and these things are important, but when you start telling me that Grudon can be back in the game, I'm like, Why are we doing that? Brian Billick, he had the same career record as Brian Billick.

He's always my example, too. He was a Super Bowl winner. People just stopped calling Brian Billick. I actually do think we're not done with John Grudon. I think in a broadcast capacity, some radio syndicate is going to give him an opportunity and he will find his way back into the public eye.

Look, Grudon's 117 to 112 in the regular season as a head coach, which is 0.511. He's above 500. I feel like the only way you don't get hired again as a coach is if you're really bad. I feel like you can do pretty much anything and people will be like, Well, did he have a winning record? He did? Okay, that's why Josh McDaniels will never coach again. Bobby Petrino gets the Arkansas.

I thought Josh McDaniels would never coach again the first time.

See, well, also, he will. He'll be in Charlotte in three years.

But Mike's point, and this is not an irrelevant one, it's not a great job for a former NFL head coach to become an offensive coordinator. But for that school to bring him back, when the disgrace we're talking about has resulted in not one but two paid grid of death punishments to shame him for that school to come around and say, You know what? Kind of missed what the offense looked like when Petrino was here.

Never mind that we have a bunch of plotting power guys. We're going to do this air raid Petrino thing.

I thought you were going to say you felt most like Petrino when you had the neck brace on.

Don Lebertard.

Do you know what a razor is, Dan?

I do not know. I don't know what a motorola razor is. You don't?

No. I bet you you had one.

I did not have one. Really?

Let's walk through your phone history. What phones did.

You have? I never had a motorola razor. Let's go backwards. I did not have a motorola razor. What was.

Your first phone?

Not a motorola razor. Not a.

Telegraph machine after that.

The motorola razor, Dan, was the one that was really, really thin that it flipped over, but it was as thin as a razor blade. That's why they called it the razor.

What is a telegraph machine?

I don't know. They had one in Down Abbey. Still got. The Titanic stop. Has sunken, stop. John Jacob, stop. Is missing, stop.

You think that was my phone? You think that my first phone was the Titanic's emergency signal?

This is the Dan Levator Show with the Stugats. When a player is cleared to practice, it activates a 21-day window during which the player must be activated to the 53-man roster or placed on season ending an injured reserve at the conclusion of the three-week period.

That's what's happening here with this window opening, Billy?

They could also be released or traded. Things are getting.

Juicy now. Well, he can't be traded at the deadline.

Aaron Rogers to the Patriots.

A.

21-day.

Practice window has opened.

It's open, Dan.

Put it on the pole, please, JuJu. Did you know there was such a thing as a 21-day practice window.

21-21.

Have you seen the report that Aaron... It used to be tied to the playoffs, and I know he went on McAfee, and he acknowledged that it is tied to the playoff chances, which is a little change of pace from what they were reporting, what Jake Laser had reported on Fox, which is, No, Aaron wants to do this to prove people wrong. It doesn't matter if they're mathematically eliminated, which just feels dangerous. Why not just make sure he's fully healed up? Because the Speed Bridge operation, they showed graphics of it. We've never seen someone come back this way in this fashion. I do think skepticism here is safe, though he lament it openly.

Has he talked about what he's going to do next year? Is he going to play again somewhere?

There. He's got a two-year contract there.

Is he going to play? That's not the question I asked.

Well, the way that he's been talking recently makes it seem as he's got a refreshed view on things and he misses it greatly now that he's gone and that he's obviously reinvigorated. It's not an unreasonable question for you to ask.

Did he take a shot at you yesterday? That's where a lot of people are going with this. Yes, Dan.

Everybody's taking shots at my dog. Leave my dog alone now or else.

Whoa. Or else. You dropped an or else there. I especially thank you, JuJu, for doing that. I am especially broken here today because at the end of our two here, I've been lamenting about Greg Cody's stamina, our two. I've just realized today this realization came that the days that I wear the costumes make me super tired late in the show where.

I fall apart. I saw that kinky sex you're having with your wife in it. Here's a video, courtesy to the Pat McAfee show, was Aaron Rogers talking about Dan.

There's still people that don't think he tore your Achilles. Will we ever get a photo of the Achilles being just ripped? Listen, we're on YouTube now, so let me just say to anybody out there that I throw my Achilles, G-F-Y. Whoa.

What is that?

First word is go and the last word is yourself. Figure in the middle. The middle is probably what you're not doing living in your parents' base.

I think it might be a dose.

Okay. That was what happened with COVID.

Yes.

Got.

It. All right.

Well, GFY to all of them.

That's what I say.

Go finger yourself everywhere. Amen.

All over.

The place. Do what you need to do. That's right. But just keep your stupid, ill-informed opinions out of our universe. Please. Ain't that right, Aaron? Yeah. Do your own research.

Oh, no.

Nice. Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Rogers.

Do your own research sounds like more of a confirmation of your stance.

Now Aaron Rogers knows that we don't have basements here in South Florida.

He doesn't know that I've been having sex with my wife in costumes, though. That's something that he would have only learned if he was listening to this program right now.

Yeah, you're cool.

The look on Charlotte's face.

Right now. Well, yeah.

There's a.

Lot of things that are- There's a lot going on. But when he says, G-F-Y, wait, is that what it was?

Yes, that's-.

Yeah, when he says that and then looks at the camera as though it's the meanest thing anybody's ever said. He's like, like a little kid learning to swear, but not swearing. Then he drives me crazy. He drives me absolutely insane.

Then my man says, What does that mean?

But he's going to come back before anyone expected him to come back.

That seems- Well, maybe not, because we found out the 21-day practice window. He doesn't actually need to come back. I had someone tweet at me, and I don't know why I've become the center of this conspiracy. I had someone tweet at me that they think that what's happening here is that he wanted the jets to lose and not make the playoffs, and then have the jets be the ones to come in and stop and be like, No, just come back next year, right? So then he can play the position of, Well, I was going to, and I did beat it before anyone else could, and I was going to do it, but they didn't let me. So I'm just going to come back in a year instead.

Billy, this is exactly the theory I've had about him for years now. He doesn't want to have a good team. He doesn't want to be in a position to win. What he wants is for people to say, Oh, poor Aaron Rogers. Look, he does so much with so little. He's always angling for that. This theory that you just said, Billy, works perfectly.

Not my theory.

Someone just got me. But I like it. I like it.

Andy's going to get blamed for all of this shit you all are saying, and I don't like it. Billy was the person who said that. Aaron Rogers, I got something for you.

Ygfy. Yeah, I like it. Ygfy.

I shoot you.

Cuddly, everybody. Yeah. Dan Levitard, YGFY, Dan Rodgers.

Or else and a YGFY. Is there.

Anything better than an or else? When you tell someone to do something, you say, Hey, you better get your ass up out of here or else. You don't have to finish it. You don't have to say what happens or else.

No. I mean, because then the other person goes, Or else what? Then you go... No. Then the argument's over.

It works every time. No, only certain people can pull off the or else. I cannot.

I also cannot.

I don't think a lot of people are trying to pull off the or else anymore. I think of that as something from Westerns. I don't think of that as a modern phrase.

Are you.

Calling or else 20CB? I'm asking at Levitard show. Are people still using or else as a threat at Levitard show? We're going to throw this out to Tony in a second. He's somewhere in Miami with a top five football observations. But before we do that, I just asked Ameen and got the answer I was expecting. I asked him, Hey, were you on the set of The Jump and on ESP and all the time thinking about playing video games back in your cubicle? He's like, Oh, absolutely. I was full-blown addicted.

Not video games, that video game, Red Dead Redemption. Absolutely. I'd be staring at the clock, the way I'm staring at it right now, waiting for it to tick down at 1:00 PM Pacific Time, and I'd be like, All right, guys, good to see you again. I'd take off my mic and my earpiece and then rush into my cubicle. I wouldn't even take off my suit jacket sometimes. I literally sit there for hours.

Still wearing my suit. There is a very specific thing that where you get really addicted to a game, and it's all you can see, and you close your eyes, and you're playing the game, even though you're not really playing the game. Unless you've been there and experienced it, you don't know what it's like. You just have to play the game. That happened with me with the mobile monopoly game two and a half years ago, and I could not stop playing monopoly on my phone. Every waking minute, I just wanted to play monopoly. I would be sitting in my chair at the Cleveland or playing monopoly while you guys were talking to me, and I just couldn't stop doing it. I didn't even win that much. It was just addicting.

You seem to have, based on the history on this show and what you've told us, like a Monopoly-adjacent addiction, right? Because you had Monopoly Go, you had the Monopoly mobile game. I don't think you'd be able to sit down for full-blown I.

Played it recently, actually. Really? For five hours. Yeah. Oh, goose bumps. No one ever wins.

It goes on forever.

What? You've never played Monopoly with me then. Oh, there's a winner, all right. Gauntlet, lay down. Yes.

We should do a Monopoly deal off.

No. Yes, we should. No, I played full-blown monopoly and no other version.

I need paper. Honestly, the other versions are better. No, they're not. Yes, monopoly deal is better. It is the greatest game ever made.

Monopoly is a game of attrition. It's a game of where bring down your opponent. I played monopoly with my family. My sister literally either could have accepted a very generous offer from me, which was, Hey, let's just skate on this rent that you owe me, but I get free rent anytime I land on any of your properties from here on out. And she looked at me. She said, I would rather lose this game and let her just declare bankruptcy right there. That's the greatest feeling in monopoly, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, we got it done in 15 minutes. No, 15 minutes? I don't want to play no quick-ass monopoly.

I'm going to make a lot of shit. You can play more monopoly. You don't understand. It's not like it's less dramatic because the games are four and a half hours shorter. No, no, no. No, you don't understand the tension of monopoly deal. You've never played it. You don't understand. You just don't.

Get it. I don't. Amina wants to slowly break a person. Yes, thank you. You can.

Do that in monopoly deal. It's just as satisfying. And then you gang up on them and you beat them seven times in a row.

No.

No, no.

Is the only one that thinks fingering yourself in that context felt more graphic?

The thing about monopoly is you get things like, you know how you have to go around the board once before we can start buying things? And you get people who get all the way up to that last chance or community chance, and then it's like, go to jail. Go directly to jail. And they're like, no. I'm like, yes.

I hate going to jail.

I love.

Going to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

I'll reach a point...

No. Oh, come on. Guys, this.

Was our best segment in a year. We weren't done.

There's so much meat left on this bone.

We weren't done. I wanted to know if the person at ESPN who has to bleep McAfee has to bleep has to think to themselves, do I have to bleep?

Finger?

Yes. Don't finger yourself. That's a bleep.

I would have bleep it. Yeah.

Probably shouldn't be.

Allowed to say that. But they were on YouTube there, which is why we...

Were on YouTube, right?

Went off the rails.

We should say that every time we start a segment.

Tony, where are you right now?

Dan, I'm right here in the cut, right next to the AAA. I've been, not accosted, but I've been told by security guards that I can't stand on this buoy thing that holds up these giant yachts. I was standing over because I was looking at a manatee that's in the water right now, and they told me I couldn't do it.

Go on the boat behind you.

That would be good if we had a mobile camera to look at a manatee. That would be your cohost being a manatee. You would usurp Mena Kainz's football segment with merely a dog.

Guys, two-minute warning and we have to hit this hard out. So please.

Don't let me yad, Tony.

You got two minutes.

He's under there, though. He's under there. I'll see if I can find him.

Two minutes starting.

Right now. We'll start at number five. All right, let me do my thing. Cj Strauss has entered the must-watch QB category for myself. He's an excellent quarterback and he's entered the must-watch QB category.

For yourself?

For yourself. Number five, number four.

Number four, keep an eye on what's happening in Denver. Keep an eye on them. Hottest team in the league right now.

What's happening is they're getting the ball at the opposing 46 a lot.

A lot of turnovers and- What's.

Happening is there are five wins in a row and they're the hottest team in the NFL.

Except for the Eagles. Billy also has that on Monday on Godless Football. This is Wednesday.

Number three.

I had it Sunday. I had it Sunday.

That's fine.

80 seconds. That's the Jared Goff we know and love.

That is him. Yes, it really was. That's him. There he is. A little Thanksgiving observation. Number two.

A little done. It's a long weekend, Dano. Number two, a master class of coaching by Bill Belichick this year. I'm sorry, they're taking pictures of me. I don't think I'm supposed to be here. Matt Jones and Bailey is a pure disaster. He loses to the passing Pison. Two and nine slated to have the third overall pick and a shot at Caleb Williams-Drake May or Masarati Marv. You know what that's called, Dano? Bishop to Rook 9.

Number I still got it. Number one. Number one.

Number one, there's bringing more security guards.

You can do a walk.

And talk. You can go.

You can.

Walk and talk. Walk away from security. You don't want to be messing with security in Miami, near a dock. That's a lot of rich people. Just give us number one, 30 seconds or less.

Number one, Calabasa, Calabasa Award of the week goes to none other than Josh Dobbs, the pastronat. More like.

The.

Astronaut. Oh, no.

More like the astronaut.

You get it, Dan. In Spanish.

G-F-Y. Is...

.

Why G-F-Y? Pumpkin.

Or else.