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Happy New Year. What you're getting right now is a taste, just a taste of a share and tell that I love. This is one of my favorites, at least. You're not going to get the whole thing here. You have to go to pablatoria finds out the podcast feed or our YouTube channel for the rest of it. But this is This is Dan, and this is Mina, and this is me, and a surprising dose of Chris Cody as a bit of just a tease for you. Also, by the way, on yesterday's episode on Pablo Torre Finds Out, we have John Skipper telling us what it was like to testify in a federal trial about FIFA bribery. It's really good. It's an insane look behind a series of locked doors. That's all over there. But for now, please enjoy.

I read this article in the New York Times. The headline is, and this will get people to read, They Sold Everything to Go on a Three-Year Cruise: How It All Unraveled. Excellent headline writing by the New York Times. Then I I'm going to start to read the story because I can imagine in the dystopian last three years that there are a lot of people who have had thoughts about, How do I get away from everything? How do I remove myself from the dark realities that surround us and create all this anxiety? So I've seen nine-month cruises, and now I see the three-year cruise. And before I get started, because I don't know how Mina feels about cruises or Pablo, but neither one of you strike me as cruise people. The Coties, though, are our resident cruiseline experts. They love a buffet.

I've never been on a cruise.

They love... I consider both of you hygienic people who don't want to be on a floating disease.

Do you hear us talking about our teeth earlier?

Now we don't- All the blood in my- A floating disease vessel covered with food at midnight and unlimited drink packages that have Greg Cody careening into you on day two because he's had 16 beers.

But Chris Cody is a cruise aficionado. What is, Mina, your cruise history? Because my brother, keep in mind, my brother was always going on cruises. My brother traveled the world, saw the world, sold art on cruise ships, very difficult profession, saw the world and thought it was the greatest. Like, yeah, massages. All the time, things are taken care of. It's a floating hotel. I don't have to take my bags out. It seems like very comfortable, easy way to see the world. That's the argument I would make on its behalf. Chris Cody, can you do better than that?

The Cruise is the perfect place. The way I would sell it is by asking you, Mina, when you go on a vacation, just start listing some things you're looking for. What are you trying to get out of a vacation?

The freedom to move around as I please in a country and not be restricted to a boat.

Well, luckily for you, we have six stops on this cruise. In the span of a week, you will see countless places spending many hours in each place getting a chance.

Not that many hours.

Not that many hours. Maybe seven hours. You got to be back on board by 5:00 PM.

You have to hurry back, and they'll leave without you if you don't get back. But you get about seven hours of a place.

But what else could you be looking for? A little relaxation. Well, I could find you on deck six in the spa. If not, maybe after that, we Head up to deck 9 for a nice relaxing afternoon at the pool. Oh, you're hungry, Mina? What's that? You're in the mood for a nice meal? Well, on deck 5, we have fine dining. But if you're ready to gorge like the Cody's do, head up to deck 11, the Windjammer. My God, you'll eat like a queen. Bar food.

The Windjammer feels like the consequence of Chris Cody eating the meal he just described.

Oh, what's that, Mina? You want to have some fun? You want to get out and dance a little bit? Let loose? Well, there's a dance club on deck 8. This is all an elevator away, Mina. In New York, you need to get in 70 Ubers, a million cabs and trains and take in this train. No, no, no. Hop in the elevator. Hey, and guess what? In this elevator, it tells you what day it is. It's a new world. You look down at the floor, it's Tuesday. Tomorrow, it'll say Wednesday on here. It's a beautiful place, Mina.

It's so dystopian what you're describing.

Oh, what's that, Mina? You want to gamble a little bit? You're feeling a little wild? No.

Zero interest in gambling.

You want to hit the blackjack table? Well, deck four, it's waiting for you. I got the best part. I haven't even said it yet. You said you like alcohol. There's a bar on every floor. Mina, it's It's a perfect place.

It's heaven. It's not sad at all.

Now, the bathroom is sad. All of them.

All of them. All of the bathrooms are airplane bathrooms. All of them.

I've been on one cruise. My family took my husband and I, my brother and his wife on a cruise to Iceland and Greenland, which was really cool. But it was a little bit unique. It was like a National Geographic cruise.

Were you going for the Northern Lights? Were you trying to do some Aurora Borealis?

We saw the Northern Lights. Greenland was like Mars. It was interesting. I want to do that. Really interesting. I think this was a bit of a unique cruise. It was also a bunch of old professors. It's like the clientele was a little bit different.

A bunch of non-gronks.

Yeah. I will say, though, like... Okay, so here's my stand, Stan. Old Mina, this is the worst. I didn't like the Cruise or the concept of Cruise for the same reason that I don't like Vegas. I hate having my food, my enjoyment, chewed up for me and then spat into my mouth. I like to make my own choices. I like to have freedom of movement. I like to pick out restaurants on my own. I don't want everything planned for me in the way that a cruise does for its patrons. I also get a little seasick. I'll throw that out there, too.

But you get to pick, Mina. You get to pick when you go to Deck 8, when you go to Deck 6.

You get to choose it. Okay.

Chris, I said however. Are you in the mood for Bingo? We got that on however.

There's a roller coaster in a game room around here somewhere. Really feeling frisky.

I'll quote Chris on this. I have a child, and now the idea of being able to voice that child upon people and have everything all set up for The presence of the child and everything being made easy for me, especially as he gets older, has appealed now in a way that it did not before. It's like how everything is easy for you. Everything is laid out for you. I used to know. I'm like, I don't want to be challenged on vacation. I want my entertainment chewed up and spat into my mouth. I want my child taken care of. I want options for him so that I don't have to think of them. I don't want to think. I don't use my brain anymore. My brain is compromised in a way that it wasn't before. So put me on a cruise as long as there's a kid's place, and I will happily spend my vacation.

Unlimited soft serve ice cream.

I'll take it.

Now, I should point out that this particular story, while we got derailed just our love or lack of love for cruise ships. This particular story is selling your home, uprooting yourself, and getting involved in a scam that, not surprisingly, has a lot of tentacles in Miami with with the idea that it's almost impossible to get a ship to function as a three-year economy, but you have to pay for it on the front end. Some people sold their home and now can't get out of this situation because they've been defrauded, because they can't actually pull together a three-year cruise, even a nine-month cruise, which is being done by someone here locally. I don't know whether it's Royal Caribbean or Norwegian, but a nine-month cruise is pretty hard. And all of this, by the way, as the cruise industry takes an unholy beating during the pandemic, because one of the risks involved is if you go out to sea, you might stay there if a country has another virus problem and be out there for three years, whether you want to be or not, because you can't get back to American citizenship at a turbulent time. So your thoughts there on the craziness of selling your home in the dream of, Well, I'll just float around for three years.

Well, it's part of, I think, a human instinct is to want to see the world. It goes back centuries like the grand tour. You would go to another continent, you would see as much as you could because what it means to be human is to explore the planet that we have dominion over. And so this premise, and I'm reading this article about the three-year It was supposed to be a three-hour tour. The three-year cruise is sad because there are these people, many of whom had never been on a cruise before, but they were sold the dream by a Chris Cody-like Firefest adjacent salesperson, allegedly, who was like, We're going to give you all of this stuff. Expand your life. All these decks.

Expand your life.

You can work remotely. There will be Starlink. You can see countries. We'll take care of everything for you. Expand Except it turns out that such a premise of a three-year cruise is like a sci-fi movie that, of course, goes bad. Luckily for them, maybe it went bad before they ever departed. But you see in the nine-month cruise, which is a thing that's happening simultaneously, perhaps because of the economic pressure, as Dan is pointing out, that they got to reconfigure how do we sell cruises to people. What they're doing or finding is that all of the people on the nine-month cruise have become essentially Essentially, TikTok reality television stars. There's this headline in the Washington Post about how this is the number one reality show is all of these people who are, I guess, organically, in scare quotes, realizing that they can post updates on their own. Because, of course, on cruises, apparently, I've never been on one, the ecosystem of characters, of egos, of the old people, the young people, the people who want to fuck, the people who are hoping to find love, whatever. All of that shit is happening in a nine-month cruise.

I don't like how you said that. I was made on I was made uncomfortable by how it was. None of us needed that.

The voice, the deepening of the voice.

What just happened? You pelvic thrusted. It was uncomfortable.

What are you doing? I had Rob Gronkowski in mind. What are you doing? You weren't.

You did it again.

No one wanted to do it again.

You didn't have to do it again. Why did you do it? It sounded like you were going for something monster trucky. What are you doing?

Do you think he says that in his regular life? When he's talking to people- Why would he do that? When he's talking to one of his boys, he's like, Did you fuck?

Yeah. Is that what you're doing? Am I really getting no backup from Chris Cody here?

When you're talking to Wyatt Sanat and Esra Edelman, are you like, Yeah, did you get some last night?

Did you? Fuck. What are you doing?

I invited Chris Cody to participate on this program, and the one time I need him as backup, he's completely silent on whether anyone- That was weird, dude. He was the one who incited me.

He was always producing. He's like, He said, While you were talking, he said to me, Why did he say it like that? Then I wondered, Why did he say it like that? I was going to let it slide.

It's the root brew, okay? I'm hopped up on root brew. There's a lot more than that over on our YouTube channel at Pablo Torre Finds Out or our podcast feed. Truly exclusive and invasive Mina Kheim's teeth content. That's not a metaphor. That's actually what you'll get. See you over there.