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We are inching ever so closely to the most wonderful time of the year, bowl season. I love bowl season. And yes, it's been diluted by players jumping to the draft and protecting their bodies or players deciding they're going to get early start on the portal and just forego the postseason treasure that is a bowl game. However, bowl games still matter. Mario Crystal Ball gave voice to this in a press conference earlier this week. Postseason awards matter and a lot was made out of bowl games in the 90s about the commercialization of these bowl games. Remember, these bowl games had prestige. They didn't have corporate sponsors attached to the name the Peach Bowl. It was the Peach Bowl. It wasn't the chickfila peach bowl or the chickfila bowl. It was the Peach Bowl.

Tostita's Fiesta Bowl was pretty memorable, but.

It was just a Fiesta Bowl.

Before that, it was just the Fiesta Bowl.

And people miss that. However, I like where we're at right now.

The Tostitos, by the way, when it morphed, like whatever objections I have to commercialization and the brazen greed in sports, when I got to Arizona and they would just give the media unending tostitos like I was like, okay, full sponsorship, sell me out, I'm sold out. What are you making faces about, Jeremy?

No, that sounds incredible. That is perfect to be able to walk in as the media and just.

Get an unlimited they bought the media with wonderful salty chips.

Right? But that was all there was to these things until these companies decided, okay, we hear people aren't fans of this, but let's just lean all the way in on this. And now we're here in 2023 and the best bowl games are the ones that feel the most commercial outside of the granddaddy of the mall, which actually doesn't have the sponsor on the top of the name. It's a Rose Bowl game presented by corporate sponsor here. Everybody else has a corporate sponsor.

Rose bowl is still holding on to we're the granddaddy of the mall. Granddaddy will not allow anybody to put their corporate name over granddaddy.

Yeah. And depending on who's the CFP, I would argue that the Rose Bowl still to this day matters in an old timey way. We'll see what happens next year when there is no more Pac Twelve. But the tradition rich Rose Bowl is still a thing.

It's one of the playoff games this year. So I've gone to the Rose Bowl, like when my team's playing. That's an unreal environment. So, yeah, that will always last even without the Pac Twelve.

But I would argue right now the bowl game with the second most prestige is the Duke's Mayo Bowl.

No.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Already.

Yeah, because they bought their way in the game with Mayo just by dumping it on announcers for a couple of years, three years and they've already escalated to we're the bowl. Who does it a little differently. Will slather it in mayo.

Yes. Mike willock jr.

Became they can thank gojo for that.

A megastar when he started dunking Oreo cookies into mayo. And then part of the tradition rich Mayo Bowl prestige really blew up when they decided to, instead of dumping gatorade on a winning coach, dump mayo on a winning coach. Now, we've seen this before with a famous Idaho potato bowl where the gatorade container would be filled with French fries, something that Dan does every weekend. Not a lot of people know that.

Don't limit me.

The occasional Wednesday too.

And Monday morning for breakfast.

It's also his salad crouton.

But the mayo's really kind of overlap that even though they totally swagger. Jacked the Idaho potato bowl, the mayo is just far more it's grosser.

It's more I mean, you can't think of a lot of edible things more disgusting than that to slather on your.

So what food item will come for mayo's stuff?

Well, I'm glad you asked because pop.

Tarts I didn't believe there was an answer to that question.

Pop Tarts have a bowl game. And Lucy, can you inform the audience of the latest development with regards to the Pop Tart Bowl?

So the Pop Tart bowl, I believe, was originally the Cheez Its bowl. And they dumped Cheez Its. And they had a giant Cheez Its. It mascot served cheese. They didn't get the level of press at the Mayo Bowl, so they have course corrected. They are now the Pop Tarts Bowl. And if you win, you can take a bite out of the edible mascot.

And you guys are alleging that basically what we have done to soil the legacy and history of college football's bowl games that used to be just the Peach Bowl, the Orange Bowl, the Cotton Bowl, no corporate sponsors. You say that if your food item is good, you could skyrocket right to the top of being the most prestigious bowl other than the granddaddy.

You should have cheered when I told you that information. I don't understand what this is about.

Dan, there's going to be a dancing mascot, okay? Bowl games are in a golden era right now. If you give yourself over to free market capitalism and commercialism because you had the Jimmy Camel mascot of the Jimmy Kimmel Bowl this year, the La Bowl is brought to you by Gronk.

I thought that was weird. I didn't understand. They did the press conference and Gronk's whole thing. Basically, it's the La Bowl brought to you Gronk's not really a marketer the way that Charisma would market. So it's like we're going to get lit. And that's the slogan that will skyrocket to the top.

An interesting note. Now, the Gronk bowl is taking no from the Pop Tart bowl. You can bite Gronk after you win the game as well. But Dan, there's going to be a dancing Pop Tart. And at the end of the game, there's an ACC tie in. Can you imagine Dave Doran in a celebratory fashion taking a bite out of a Pop Tart mask?

Where's this bowl gonna be?

Orlando?

I'll bite this tart send me. I don't know if I'm allowed to, but I'll bite it if it walks by me. I'm taking a bite.

Now, they haven't clarified who can eat the Pop Tart, but I'm hoping for a Walking Dead scenario in which a team just ravages a Pop Tart and.

Are all Thanksgiving like Thanksgiving, where they're all running around as gluttons. You're saying the team that wins just devours the Pop Tart.

Is there going to be a human in this Pop Tart?

Yeah. Well, I would assume I would.

Just a large Pop Tart. It wouldn't be the mascot.

That's kind of what I'm thinking is I feel like there's probably going to be a version of the Pop Tart that's dancing around as a mascot in a costume, and then there's going to be a separate giant Pop Tart for everyone to eat.

I think the mascot like chasing a guy running away from me because I want to bite him.

The mascot. I think the costume is edible.

That is an edible the whole thing.

Is not an edible sugats.

It'S being sold as this is an edible mascot. There must be if it's an edible mascot, at some point during the game, people will be taking bites out of the mascot. What's the point of having an edible mascot unless someone's going to eat parts of the mascot?

Precisely, Dan. And it's not so much the action, though, that in itself is comical, seeing a generic football coach take a bite out of a Pop Tart.

How big is the Pop Tart?

It's a mascot size.

But how big?

Do you see any small mascots?

But how big is it a giant Pop Tart?

We have an animated graphic. It doesn't necessarily if you look at the scale with a football, if that's.

A real football, those legs are not real. Those are not human legs. I don't know. What do you mean? If that's a real football? Those are clearly not human legs. Those are not human arms.

Maybe it's an AI Pop Tart, but.

It'S not an AI human it's an AI Pop Tart. It's an AI Pop Tart with cartoon skinny legs.

Why the attack? Why are you trying to poke holes in this? They've said it's an edible mascot. Why can't does the Pop Tart bowl not have enough credibility with you that you're not going to take them at their word?

They can't show us the mascot ahead of time because we don't know what this bowl matchup is. It could suck. We need a reason to tune in right. And see the edible mascot.

And the hope is you have a coach that is funny eating a Pop Tart, because, yeah, Shane Beamer had a moment where they accidentally clocked him in the head with a canister mayo and there was an interim head coach wearing an oversized hat, which was cheating.

I saw that. You just played that. The mayo, the oversized hat to dump mayo on your head.

That's cheating.

That's worse than horrible.

These are both ACC tie ins, and I'm really sincerely hoping that Mario Cristobal, provided he wins, as an opportunity to take a bite out of a live mascot.

I've done some digging here. Dubbed the first of its kind, the Pop Tarts Bowl mascot will interact with the crowd during the game, but by the time the final whistle blows, the toaster pastry character will transform into a snack for victorious team to feast on.

I've got a quote.

Feels like it's going to be a.

Mascot, and then they're just going to switch it out for a large Pop Tart.

Yep.

The VP of Marketing for Pop Tarts. Sarah Reneke. Here's a quote from her during the grand entrance, and for the entirety of the game, there will be a traditional mascot costume made from fabric, non edible materials that a person will wear.

You can't get the food dirty.

The edible mascot will only be revealed after the game ends. Have no fear. No humans will be harmed in the enjoyment of the Pop Tart's edible mascot.

Why not?

I'm out.

You already took the outback bowl from us. Don't take this too.

Bring back cheese it.

He needs to be put in a toaster alive or she it's 2023.

Thank you.

I'm not sure what gender the Pop Tart is.

Poor cheesets bowl gone. I wanted a world where the Pop Tart Bowl and the Cheesets Bowl were here.

The Cheesets Bowl used to have certain players that would stay in, like, a cheese it room. I'll show you a picture. You'd love it.

I mean, technically, any mascot is edible.

Whoa. That got don't.

We're getting all excited about edible mascots.

Yeah, but here wait a minute. You've gone descended into cannibalism, and we didn't even get to enjoy this for ten minutes?

If you win the Fenway Bowl, you get to eat a Kobe ellsbury.

Yeah, we didn't get ten minutes into celebrating the edible mascot and the joys of the edible mascot before it was revealed to be a fraud. And then Jeremy immediately took it to technically, all mascots are edible, which only.

If Army Hammer is your head coach.

They're cannibalism jokes. I can't work with cannibalism jokes. We started at Pop Tarts. Pop tarts are delicious. Human beings, to my knowledge, are not delicious.

What's your favorite? S'mores. I said it. I love the s'mores.

Brown cinnamon sugar, for sure.

The brown cinnamon sugar. That's the top one. They make Pop Tart little puffs now. Have you tried those?

Am I an asshole for just liking.

The.

I got a hot take.

Am I an asshole for just liking the strawberry Pop Tart?

No, not at all. That's a really good one.

You don't have to toast your Pop Tart, though. That's my hot take.

You eat brown cinnamon temp.

Yeah.

Wait, what? No toasting?

I mean, toasting is fine. Toasting them is fine, but it becomes.

Like a fig Newton if you don't toast it.

Like a little cookie with a little filling in it's.

Nice.

Toast it. No, I completely disagree.

Yeah, I'm room temp with Chris over here. Room temp for me. My favorite version of a pop Tart. Get it out of a vending machine, and it's like, a little soft.

Oh, you monster.

And you don't even get a snap with it. It's kind of a soft chewy.

I wanted to be with you on this, but that's crazy.

No, it's not. It's not crazy. It's delicious. It's edible, and it's wonderful.

Well, you like cannibalism, so all things are edible.

I don't like cannibalism.

Put it on the poll, please. Juju is Jeremy Pro cannibalism. And also put on the poll your pop Tart toasted or room temperature? This is an important I think you're.

Going to be surprised by the numbers here. Denim.

It's got to be toasted.

I completely close to split. I'm not saying you won't win, but it'll be close.

In fact, I'm not sure since the first time I toasted a pop Tart that I've toasted a pop Tart.

Since you're talking, would you like to.

Hear complicated legacy Joe Zagaki reading some text from Army Hammer?

Sure, please.

Yeah. This is a weird kink that some people might have on reddit helplessly horny. And I just need to tell you, it's been so long since last time I've been more and I'm so hard, I'm screaming. My legs are going to be I don't know what that one is. Yeah. I'm dying to send you pics of blood. I just want to eat you already.

That was Army Hammer's. DMs.

Would you let me take a bite of you? I'm serious. I want to eat you.

Nailed it.

Took a dark turn.

I am 100% accountable.

You started with Pop Tarts.

I've cut the heart out of a living animal before and eaten it while still warm.

Didn't get enough complicated legacy. Lizagaki, today was the happiest you were today.

I lived the same neighborhood as a cannibal. He got arrested.