You're listening.

To.

Draftkings Network. Welcome to The.

Big.

Suie.

Presented by DraftKings.

Why are you listening to this show? It's a podcast.

That seems.

Very similar to the other Dan.

Levitard podcast. I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize for that.

In fact.

The only.

Difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys?

I've done it.

And now here's The marching Man to Nowhere.

Fetface, and The Habitual Liar. I am unable to find anything that resembles order around here. Every time something gets taken off of the wheel, I see something else ends up on the wheel. There was a number 89 playing quarterback for Syracuse last night in the Boca Bowl.

Tough game for Syracuse.

What a color clash, though. They scored zero points. Oh, I love bowl games.

Happy for the bulls. My bulls.

I need UCF and Georgia Tech to go over 66 and a half points in the worst way. It was a $4, 15 parlay. I can win 392 bucks. I'm being offered a cash out. This was not on the wheel. I'm not going.

To take it. None of this was on.

The wheel. I'm a big believer in Haynes King right now. I like the kid.

How did you land on four dollars?

It was all I had left in the account. You're not going to have an account of four dollars.

That's embarrassing. I walked out of the Magic City casino the other day with 58 cents left on one of the slot machines because I'm not going up to the ticket window to get it.

That's where you went after.

That's right. It was one of the sad... Cash me out, please.... Ever done. Yes. Me and my wife, she wanted to pull the stick.

Been there.

Wow. Well, yeah.

Do you ever... I'll leave it in the minute. I'll just leave it. If I have 42 left, I'll leave it. I'll just leave it for the next person. Let somebody else.

Come along. Some of my is like, How is their day made? Then when I.

Get to a machine, sometimes it's like, Oh, there's 28 cents on this thing.

Sweet. Pay it forward. It's like, take a penny, leave a penny.

Sometimes, Jessica, it pays to wait just an extra second there before you get in. Small windows. I know it is. It's very difficult. Let's go ahead and spin the wheel again. I mean.

It's a weird one. It's like to score a point in UCF total. Those are the last two legs.

It's a weird one. Can you guys explain this part to me? Because I don't understand and maybe you don't have the backstory on this. Western Kentucky, when they came back against Old Dominion, they just inserted a quarterback who threw five touchdowns.

Cadeveld Camp.

It felt like he had just arrived in the portal at that moment. That the portal was a magical flume. What is the backstory?

Is there a third-stringer?

He was in the portal, I think, but he still played in the game. Yeah, that's right. Because they wanted to play tight end or something.

Yeah, there was two different approaches to the game. The old Dominion Coach, Oh, you want a portal? Get out of here. You're not allowed to play in this esteemed famous toastery bowl. Western Kentucky is like, Yeah, let's let a ride. There's a lot of portal players that are playing in bowl games. I, full disclosure, I did not know you could do that. I thought that once you portaled, you dosed. But it's not the case. A lot of guys are using the bowl games to showcase their skills and get that bag.

The craziest thing about that comeback was the penalty Western Kentucky got because the ref tripped over a old Dominion coach on the sideline, and it set them up for a touchdown late in the game. It was one of the craziest. There were so many pass interference penalties at the end of that game. It was just insane.

I have to admit, it is the greatest, famous, hostery bowl ever.

That's a bad job by the getback coach.

I wasn't even on the wheel.

Do any of you understand? Well, what was on the wheel is number 89 playing quarterback.

For Syracuse. Usually, if the San Jose Sharks are playing, just go to the player props, take the opposing team. The Big Dog eat usually against the San Jose Sharks. That's been my logic all season long. Oh, we're playing the sharks. Big dogs eat. You want to put that on the pool?

I don't want to put any more.

Do the big dogs eat against the San Jose Sharks.

Put it on the pole. Fine. At Levitard show. But spin the wheel, please, because also on the wheel now is more people are leaving New York than any other place in the United States. Don't come.

Here, please.

You made me.

Oh, my God, polls.

They're.

Brought to you by dollar-shaved club. Epic, Razors, epically affordable. Find them in-source or online.

If you're a dick or the kicker, should you lean into the dick? 92 % say yes. Should Matthew Stafford be in the Hall of Fame simply because playing in Detroit didn't make him quit? 89 % say yes. When someone says they don't care, do they actually care? 84 % say yes.

Are.

You surprised that the third-string quarterback at Texas is making three times as much as Brock Purdy?

That's crazy. Come on.

It's 61 % not shocked by that.

Really? Come on.

And finally, is it could care less or couldn't care less? 89 % say couldn't.

Those are the polls. So what is it?

Is it couldn't.

Care less or I could care less? Well, they both mean their own thing, but people use it incorrectly.

Can we circle back on the sharks one once we have representative data?

The sharks one wasn't on the wheel. You put it.

On the wheel. Do the big dog Z-eat against the San Jose sharks.

You put it on the wheel because you had four dollars left in your account and you decided to 15 team parlay.

Should I cash out?

Should you hedge against $392?

You should take a.

Couple of.

Hundred dollars. Yeah, it's like a $170 payout for a four dollar investment. I feel like that's weird then because I can think about all the $4 parays I can make with that.

Do you hedge by half or do you hedge by less than half? Because the way I generally hedge is I try to get my money back, but in this case, it would be four dollars. So all I'm trying to do is make sure I don't lose money as my hedge.

Yeah, you can tell by the four-dollar parlay, I'm not the guy that likes to hedge. If I got four dollars left, we're letting that sucker ride.

I have one more poll from the week to update. Is play action and football considered a lie? We have three options here: yes, no, and small Fib. That one stole the show. 50 % say small Fib.

It's definitely a small Fib. It's not a lie.

Mike Ryan, what can be said on air about what happened with you, the Chargers and Jacksonville? Because you took a season's worth of all or nothing on that game because you were so confident that the Chargers were going to beat Jacksonville in the playoffs and they were up 27-nothing at the half. It was.

All a very legal pool with friends where you pick against the spread. I had done well all season long, and there are tears. Had the Chargers not blown that 27-0 lead, I would have finished in considerable prize.

My Miami would have Cam Ward right now.

Miami would have a natty right now. Keon Coleman would have been here. Basically, Cameron, Dicker, Brandon, and Saylee changed the trajectory of college football history, and they didn't even know it.

That's the worst loss you've ever felt, right? The worst you've ever felt about the game.

In that loss, it wasn't necessarily the money that I had writing on it like, Oh, this hurts. I can't lose this. It was the potential earnings being ripped away. It doesn't sting as bad, but that could have helped a lot. I'd like to send Juliet to college.

You mentioned Cam Ward. Since we're still in the local, our live on YouTube, give us Cam Ward information, please.

Cam Ward, I think it's not about leveraging other schools right now in terms of... He's still talking to Miami. Miami is still talking to all these quarterbacks that are available. But it's not necessarily the way that you would think watching this from the outside is he's leveraging other schools against Miami. He's actually leveraging the NFL because according to the advice he's getting, he thinks he might be a day two, early day three draft pick. I've talked to some NFL personnel people that is not the grade that they have on him. They have more of a six round draft pick, and I think he maybe overplayed his hand a little bit. Well, I think right now if I were handicabbing it, I think he ends up going to Miami over the NFL or another school. But he was never going to have more leverage than he had on early signing day because as the Jeremiah Smith stuff was going on, they were also still working on Cam Ward. And if you had the Cam Ward announcement, that's a lot of positive traction on the road to Jeremiah Smith. And the fact that he didn't make a deal and sign on that day, now Miami is incentivized to let this thing play out.

Okay, you want to leverage the NFL? Go talk to some more NFL people and see where you are. So I think he made a miscalculation, honestly, in not signing on early signing day because that's the most leverage.

He'd ever had. Sounds like Miami is trying to ward off the NFL.

And Loser.

Game Show sound came in before I even finished the joke. You're like my dad. You have that tone where we know where.

You're going. We know where you're headed before you've started.

I have one more poll here just because we like to have fun. Mcdoxie. Is a week enough time for you to get a single turkey? 81% say yes.

We should make that a grid of death punishment. Find a turkey inside a week because it was so laborious for Roy.

Roy had more than a week to do it. Who is going to the bucket of death here? I can smell.

No, let's spin the wheel.

I could smell the reaper, but go ahead and spin the wheel.

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

What.

Are the changes?

Who is going to the wheel here? How many different people?

Well, we're going to the bucket, Dan. Sorry, my bad. Not going to the wheel. It's all right. We've got a lot of things on that wheel. It's very confusing. Trying to jam a lot of things here into this show at the year end. Basically, everyone here outside of Jessuah, who has a Golden Helmet of Life, everyone here is going, we got to pick for Stugats, and that's it. Okay, anybody you want to pick for Greg Cody? Let's pick for Greg Cody.

I'll pick for my dad. Yeah, you pick for Greg Cody. I think.

Greg might have already picked. Okay, well, then just Stugats.

Whatever, guys. Let's get my dad two helmets. He has to.

Win both. Jeremy has the Broncos, I think, right? The Broncos are six and a half point favorite at home against the Patriots.

I think Willow take over the bucket. I'll take that. I think Willow goes to the bucket. Then if she loses, we'd dress her up.

Okay. Let's make this even more complicated than it already is. This is a good.

Idea, Tony. This is a good idea.

We're.

Running against the clock. No, no, no. I want Willow to reach in and grab it. Wizard of Oz.

Lion, tigers, bears.

I'll take the lions at.

The Vikings. They are a three-point favorite at the Vikings. Her cousin's wife says he will be available for.

The Super Bowl. Take your time, Reaper. I mean, Jeez, just centering.

Over the season.

The Reaper is afraid of Willow. Willow is agitated by the Reaper. Willow does not like the Reaper. The Reapers had a rough year in general. I did not have the Reaper being as death--and-died, scared of Willow. -fighting Willow. But that's what's happening right here.

See, rummaging. Tony is picking out the Packers.

-i've got the Packers. The Packers are a... -what are the Packers?

-they're playing the Panthers. You should take that.

-favorite. -five-point favorite at the very bottom.

Jeremy with a helpful Jordan love.

Yeah.

That's who, Tony loves him. I love that.

Hey, thanks, Tony. -no looking in. Good joke. Hey, no looking in. No looking in the bucket.

What did.

Willow pick? She picked the jaguars. Now, the jaguars is a one-point spread. They're a one-point favorite at Tampa. Willow is putting it back. This is good fun.

Oh, no. The dog's picking from a bug. Willow got.

The raider. You lose, Willow.

They.

Are a.

10-point dog on Monday.

Against the Chiefs.

Willow likes dogs.

Hey, Rice is stepping up there for the Chiefs. Looks like they found.

The number one. She, Rice, is really good. Willow has.

No clue what she just did. No, it's a 10-point underdog, Willow.

She.

Seems fine with it. I've got the Buffalo Bills. Turn the mic on. She has something to say.

I've got the Buffalo Bills. They're playing a game on Peacock against East and Stick. I'm keeping them.

The Bills are a 10-and-a-half point favorite. That's about as good.

As you can get in this bucket today.

This went well with Claire. I think we let Willow talk here.

What I am going to do, actually, is, Reaper, have a seat next to me here real quick after I pick and put the headset on. I got the Falcons. I don't think I want that.

Green Lizard.

Is back. Taylor Heineke against the Colts, one-point favorite. Now I got the Commanders at three. The Common War. Dog against the jets. They are on the road. Sam Howe. Reeper's had a rough year. Reaper has never been allowed to talk publicly or privately, but the Reeper has a very strong opinion he wants to shred Tony with. Go ahead, Reeper. You know, Dan, as an angelous, timeless merchant of death like I am, I've heard and seen some wild shit. But the other day when Bully, Gil, and Tony said that the movie Jaws, the Steven Spielberg Classic, sucked, that for me was just too much. Disrespectful. Yes, very disrespectful, especially coming from people who have never seen Terminator 2. They've never seen Terminator 2 judgment day, Dan.

Dan Lebertard. Yes, you can't talk about double-digit national titles when every single call of you winning the national title sounds like this. Oh, there's Jubby Jack running down the sidelines.. That's not true. Yeah, and there's a World War II veteran pitching into another white guy, and he avoids another white guy. Oh, my God. Not a name. The fighting Irish have done it again for the eighth time. They're paying white people. Spugots.

Chubby.

Checker. I'm sorry. He's black. He's black. I was really like, What's a white man? Chubby Checker. I picked him like, I'm sorry, man. I'm improving here. This is a pretty cool riff. He's a pretty cool riff. I thought I didn't hear you talking about a clear white Chubby Chucker.

Running down the side.

He spells it differently. All right. Maybe you didn't hear me correctly. His name is... After you then hit me correctly, his name is Travis Chukars. There's an S at the end.

I feel like that.

Should be the largest of fun. Yeah, Chubby. Hey, Chubby Chucker. It sounds like a college.

Football name. This is The Dan Levator Show with the Stoo Kats. Paul Behrer has now taken off all of his makeup. He is just showing off chest hair, an uncomfortable amount of chest hair. Not usually something that Mike Ryan does a whole lot around here. Usually, he's very guard about these things.

It's an appropriate amount for me.

Is it?

Yeah, nice.

Amount of chest hair. Worst part about the punishment was discovering that there was only one makeup removal wipe because Dan's so goddamn kinky. We're always dressing up around here, so I had to apply baby wipes to my face. Just white little dingle berries all over my beard. Not fun.

I don't want you guys to ever be able to get the costumes off. I want you to be perpetually in costume. Mike. Mike, sure, called me last night with a terrible idea. We are now going to attempt to execute. He believes that his dreams, his sports dreams are ripe for our analysis. Mike, sure, thank you for being on with us. We will get to your stat of the day in a moment. But can I get you any imaging? Can I do anything to dress up this segment? You are somebody who works at the height of entertainment. I should just trust your judgment on what's going to be good and what's not going to be good. What do you need here to support the dream that you had last night?

Honestly, what I really need is just some help. I need help interpreting this dream because I find dreams abstract and confusing and surreal. I had a real dream that I found very hard to interpret and understand, and I thought if I brought it to my friends here at MetaLark, they could maybe help me. This is an actual real dream that I had two nights ago. Can I just tell you the facts? I'll just tell you exactly what it was. Then I think if we put our heads together, we can figure out maybe what's bothering me.

All right, we can do that. But we will support, as soon as you begin, we will support it with something. Mike and his chest hair will summon something.

Okay, great. I'm going to tell you the dream. I will say that, again, this is a real dream that happened to me. Also, unlike Amin Al-Hassan's dreams, this one will not take 40 minutes to explain. Here we go. Here's my dream. Ready? I'm walking along in a large crowd, and I somehow understand that I'm going to see a sporting event of some kind. I'm nervous. I feel like anxiety about what's going to happen. I'm with a group of people, but the group of people keeps getting lost in the crowd, and I'm trying to catch up to them and keep us together. There is an earthquake. Everyone screams. People start falling into large holes in the ground. I fall. I reach out and grab someone's arm, and I look up and it's Jimmy Butler, the power forward, small forward sometimes for the Miami Heat. You probably know him. Jimmy Butler is holding me. The ground under me has opened and there's an abyss under me. He's looking down and smiling at me. I try to make a joke. I try to make some funny joke about how he plays for the heat. I have said things about him in the past that he might not have liked if he heard.

I can't form the joke. I can't come up with the witty quip to say. He's just staring at me and he's holding me up. Then in a flash, it becomes extremely clear to me that he is going to let go of me and I'm going to die and there is nothing I can do. Then I wake up. It's so hard to understand. Dreams are just so maddening. I just wish that there was a way that I could understand what this dream means. To be clear, I'm.

Hearing this for the first time. He's not making any of this up. This is not from his creative mind. This is a nightmare that woke him up.

This.

Is like this is the end meets Lion King.

Was Jimmy Butler in uniform as he did that?

Yes, he was indeed. Well, he was in a warm-up, a red heat, warm-up, uniform-y thing.

Odd time for a joke, by the way, right when he's trying to save you.

That's the thing is I was like, maybe hopefully you'll forgive me for the things I've said about you. I was trying to do that version of a joke.

You were trying to please him. You were trying to have him save your life.

Also an odd time for that.

I was like, no hard feelings, right, bud? Kind of thing. You know what I mean?

What he's trying to do, you're right, it's an odd time for that, Chris, but what he is trying to do is summon what he believes to be his singular talent in order to save his life. He can't even summon what is the- That's right. He's trying to please Jimmy Butler with the only thing that he does that brings anyone pleasure. That's right. Hey, yo.

No, he's right.

He can't do it. Jimmy Butler laughs at his pain and then does let you go. You have the feeling of falling that wakes people up. He has let go, and that's when.

You wake up. In Dream, Jimmy Butler's defense, he did not actually let me go. I just, in my head, was like, Oh, I'm dead. He's going to let me go. And that's when I woke up.

That's even worse because it's just showing in your dreams that you're so fearful of what he's going to do to you in the future that he doesn't even have to do it to you for you to feel that same sensation of fear repeating itself over and over again.

Yes, thank you, Jeremy Tashay. That's an excellent analysis.

What just happened? I have more questions. I have more questions. How many people are around? Are all of them falling into holes?

Big crowd, large crowd. I, again, knew that there were several people who were in my group, but I could see them in the distance. I was trying to get to them. I assume one of them was Bill Simmons, one of them was Mike O'Malley, and one of them was Kevin Hedge. But I don't know.

Are there family members you love here? Are your.

Children around? No, this is purely sports tribalism at play here.

How many holes do you hear the screaming of death and whatnot? How often do you have dreams that involve you falling great distances? Because those are some of the worst. I would say that some of the worst dreams I have, I wake up from because I'm falling.

No, I don't remember my dreams very often, but I don't recall another dream where I was in an earthquake or any hole or abyss opening up underneath me. This is a first.

Dan, do you still have that dream where.

You're stuck in a tube? Because you said you have that dream a lot. Upside down, yeah. Upside down with stuck in a tube. Like the bank tube? I mean, but my size. Pneumatic tube. I'm stuck and I've got my hands... I'm doing a handstand, but I'm also stuck.

Where's Jimmy Butler at this time?

Well, I'm not going to be able to-Yeah, where's Jason Tatum? Is Tatum there?

No. God, no.

The cell thing? He doesn't strike any fear. Who are.

You pleasuring? Why would I have trouble sleeping because of the cell thing?

I just assume that when people have nightmares, it's always that their opposing rival basketball team members are there. That's based on my experience.

That's what happened. If it's Jalen Brown holding you, just force him to turn to his left.

Who do I dream is pleasuring me is the question.

No, because he was trying to please Jimmy Butler. So I was wondering in your dream, who are you pleasing?

Can you tell me more information about whether there are any other Heat Players involved in this dream? Are there any other people you recognize? Is he holding you by the wrist, by the hand? How flimsy is his grip? Are you feeling safe while he's holding you?

It was an action movie. It was one of these deals, like an action movie, hand to mid-forearm a deal. And it was very clear, just so everyone understands this. It was very clear that Jimmy Butler could easily pull me up and get me to safety. I was like, Oh, if he wants to, he can do that. He's a large, strong person. And then I just realized he's not going to do that. He's going to let me go.

But did you feel initially safe? Then his face came into focus and you realized it was Jimmy Butler? How did that unfold?

I felt relief because I hadn't fallen. Then I looked up and saw it was Jimmy Butler and was like, Oh, no.

It's a reveal.

You're saying- Yeah, it's a reveal.

Wait, are you scanning up on his body? The realization that this is not a dream, you're not being saved, it's a nightmare, how does that unfold?

It was like, falling, looking down, seeing the abyss, getting caught and immediately looking up and just right at his face and seeing like, Oh, it's Jimmy Butler.

I'm dead. Well, this is like your own creation within the good place slash the bad place with everything falling into abyss and everything spire-were spiraling out of control. Except in this case, it would just be giant Jimmy Butler's walking around, saving you from what is supposed to be a good ending here, which is, Hey, I'm saved. I'm not falling into this pit. Yet here we are, Jimmy Butler staring me in the face, laughing at me as he always does.

Yeah, I think that I thought when I woke up, I was like, Oh, the nightmare is that I'm in a world where Jimmy Butler is a god figure, and he has the ability to decide whether I live or die or am happy or sad. Then when I woke up, I was like, Oh, that's the world I actually live in.

That's right. It's not a dream. It's only your reality all the time. The playoffs are always... Let's go ahead and play the state-of-the-day music. I'm hoping, too, he can give us some illumination on everything happening with the Dodgers. Start of the day, start of the day. This here, start of the day. Start of the day, start of theIt is the start of the day. This here, start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of.

The day.

Start.

Of the day is brought to you by Venmo.

You know I'm not scared of the Pistons. Pistons have lost 25 straight games. The all-time record is 26. Their last win was October 28th against the Bulls in the third game of the year. So if the Pistons lose to the Nets in Brooklyn on Friday, they will both tie the record for longest losing streak in the NBA history. And also, they will have gone from before Halloween to after Christmas without winning a single basketball game.

That's crazy.

I'm going to see them in Boston on the 28th, and I'm terrified. I'm going to have another nightmare about this. I'm terrified that that's where the winning streak will end. That there's not going to sit, everybody. Come on. And that the Fist is going to win. I just told you what I was dreaming about. You don't think I'm scared of things like that?

You don't know me at all. You have less than a minute left here. And last time we talked, we said Atlanta is better than the Dodgers, and that the Dodgers still need pitching. The Dodgers no longer seem to need pitching. What do you make of them spending more than a billion dollars before the Marlins have spent a dollar.

It's truly wild. And also, by the way, I think the Red Sox have spent a one million dollars, and they are a large market team. I think the Dodgers amazingly still need pitching. They have multiple guys with multiple Tommy John surgeries. They got glass now, which will help, although he hasn't been healthy in two or three years. I think they still crazily need pitching because of all of the injuries to all of the guys that they've had over the last few years. So this is great for me because it keeps him out of New York. The Yankees have gotten them. I think they would have walked away with the East. But it's pretty amazing. I tried to look this up, but I couldn't for the state of the day. I believe that the Dodgers have spent more money in this offseason than the Marlands or maybe Rayes have in their entire history. See you later, Ray. I think it's very possible.

Good talking to you, sir. Good seeing you. Happy holidays, buddy.

Thanks for helping me with my dream. Sweet dreams.

It's a great dream. Don Lebertard. He, for some reason, would do a Gary Stevens impersonation of the offensive coordinator of the Miami Dolphins and the University of Miami. Go ahead. Do you want to do that for the people? Your Gary Stevens impersonation? You want to give people some of that? 30 years in the making.

Spoogots. What?

Who needs me? Oh, that?

I can do that my whole life. You're going to go to Buffalo and win with.

Bernie, Palmalee? Who needs me?

This is The Dan Levator Show with the Stugat. Around here, over the holidays, we had a whole lot of family members milling about Claire. Well, Willow the Dog was the first one in the building, I feel like. Willow opened a portal to, We're going to have a work environment that allows children and animals.

And she'ss really marked her territory, if you know what I mean. Wait, she did? She's pissed everywhere.

Oh, no. Where is she right now?

She's sleeping underneath my feet like an angel.

Okay, that is nice. I would like to spend more time with her. I would like for you, like... Man, Mena Kymes used the power to get Lenny some real fame, some legitimate monetizable fame. I believe that Willow should be a show character, and I believe Willow deserves percentages, and Willow needs to spend some time around here, except that Mene doesn't like Willow, and it's a human resources hazard.

Now, I'm just spitballing here. This just came to me as you said it. What do we think about the first ever dog-led podcast with Willow and Lenny?

Wow. Oh, my God. Actually, I've been waiting for Angel to send me a cartoon mock-up of Willow's face so that we could put it on merch for two years. I don't know where it's been. He's busy making touché touché T-shirts, I guess.

Who gets top billing, though, is the.

Only debate. I think Lenny does, right? I mean, a couple of.

Dogs gotten it up.

Lenny is a veteran in the space. Yeah, Lenny's had a podcast for what, five years now? It's been a long time. I don't think Willow would be insulted, but I will have to run it by her agents, and of course.

80-20 her way. Now I've got Willow as the Stugats character for some reason. I don't know, because the co-host, I don't know, is Willow as big a liar as Stugats is.

Lenny with Willow?

Yes, featuring. The thing that I wanted to get to, Stugatz, before dogs and children and family members, the conversation about them interrupted, is that for one of the few times in our history, I'm going to dare say maybe the only time recently your wife and champion daughter came in here and spent some time listening to the show. Didn't seem to be very interested in anything that we were doing. No. But you have been...

I offered his wife to come in and listen to us.

She's just like, no.

Well, but Stugats is an interesting time in his life. Wewould have skipped right past the idea that he lost his mother and that was hard. He had to send girls off to college. Now you're in a home with your wife after many years of marriage, and kids aren't around anymore. Now it's just you and your wife. It's you and your wife, and you got to figure out after many years of marriage, all right, what do we still have in common? We've been about this for 15 years. You got to do all the assessing that people do in marriages when they arrive at this point in life. Why were you playing horse with your wife, though? Under what circumstances did that happen?

We discovered, Dan, and it took our kids leaving to college, as you said. We discovered that we both share a passion for the game horse. What we have started is a weekly horse game. I don't know what you do when you go out for your weekly horse game with Valerie, but for me and Abby, when we go out to play horse, we take it seriously. We also take a gummy, but we take it seriously.

I'm picturing some fun.

Stuff here. Well, yeah.

We'll see. Strip horse?

We play horse. She goes by the standard, H-O-R-S-E. You're a freak. I go H-O-A-R-S-E. Okay? So I mean...

Are you cheating? Yes. That's funny.

But here's the thing, Dan.

Every.

Once in a while, they get off a good wordplay. Your father the other day said, Hey, guys, did you hear Deion Sanders? He had hype replacement surgery.

That's good.

Every once in a while. That's a good one.

I like that. So anyway, I don't know what to do because now to make the game just to even out, because I'm really good at basketball is what I'm trying to say. The jumper is so pure, Dan. I still have it. I still have the form. I could still shoot from half court. I could still go behind the basket on the baseline, throw it over the basket, put it in. I'm trying to win these games, but I'm also at the same time trying to take my wife's temperature. Is she mad at me? Is this ridiculous? So now I'm down to Elk, okay? E-l-k. She's still at Horse, okay? Gives her a better chance of competing with me and trying to win the game. But I'm also wondering, do I give her the game? Do I allow her to win? Because keep in mind, our weekly horse games, Dan, Sunday afternoons, and you know what happens on Sunday night, and it hasn't happened as recently as it used to. I'm starting to wonder, do I let her win at the game of Horse?

That's what I'm thinking. You got to throw those. This is on Sunday night.

I got to throw them, right? That's what I'm thinking. But I'm not. I'm competitive. I want to win. I don't want to show off.

The J.

At what cost, though?

Wait, this is what happens when you get an empty nest? I was thinking, in my mind, maybe things slow down a little bit when the kids are in high school and stuff. But once they leave, baby, you're telling me it's just less of that just.

Playing horse. They've been gone for nearly two years.

Do you have it being some sensual horse like Stugat's, a sweaty and trying to win? Strip horse.

I've had him in the back. I half-corded in.

His backyard. Let's think about this for a second. Because the way that you have strip horse, and I'm not saying that we're not as a country and as a globe possibly repressed in some areas. But you think it's sensual to have Stugat's remove items of clothing one by one? You think that's going to create a scenario where a great deal of desire fills anybody who's.

Across from this? I've got them both at the end in sneakers only.

And she begs me to leave them on. Better group?

To answer your question, yes, Dan. I mean, when he said me and my wife were playing horse, I was like, fist me.

Chris Cody, it might be the horniest person that I've ever met.

What?

That's a T-shirt. You just said fist me.

That's a different game, too. You just said fist me. You're just like, fist me. That's a T-shirt. That's like, Roy, fist me. Come on, get your mind out of.

The gutter. No, I'm good. I got it.

I want, Roy.

Fist me. I'm good. Angel, I am ordering something that I want up by the end of this segment. I want fist me as a T-shirt that we immediately sell for Chris Cody because he just wants a pound.

I'll wear a shirt that says fist me. There has to be a fist there because Roy.

Just fist me. No, no. I'm good. So you can get pounded.

Exactly. Anytime Roy wants.

How about a T-shirt with me just in my sneakers?

Even better.

And the show.

Logo just- Even better. -and a discount code. -perfect. Angel, by the end of this segment, I would also like a T-shirt.

With horse spelled?

H-o-a. You did not.

Spell it, did you? H-o-a-r-s-e's across his... And then people will think it's a horse penis, but no, it's just screaming and horse because it never gets sex on Sunday night because it thinks strip horse is a good idea.

Stroarce. There's something here, guys.

Yeah, there is. A T-shirt and nothing more.

Chris has multiple horny T-shirts. The entire Cody family has butt stuff.

Chris with a rhino horn saying horny or something and now fist me.

Yeah, dominating. I would also like, at the end of this segment, Angel, a I love tworking type of T-shirt with Greg Cody's face on it. By the end of this segment, I want that T-shirt. I want our T-shirt company to get faster and better about printing art instantaneously.

So do you let Valerie win? What do you do? I mean...

On Horse? Yeah. Well, I will tell you the honest story that a long time ago, God, I don't even like looking at this. It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. But 19 years old or something, and I'm dating someone I deeply care about who used to be a Rutgers basketball player, and she was great. And she kicked my ass, and I couldn't handle it like-.

The Scarlet Kites.

Yes, thank you. She crushed me. The crossover got you? I mean, the whole game got me. I thought I was Stugats at basketball. I can hit jumpers and stuff, and she just annihilated me.

There was a pitch.

Of a softball pitch. You take a swing and then you fell down. Then that happened too? Yes, that's good. They can find that video on the internet. Did you know they.

Were on the third base?

No, I think her name was Claire, too. If I'm not mistaken, she was like an Olympic softball player, and she threw me a fastball. I'm like, no, I got this now. Then she went change up, and I stumbled all the way down the third base line and fell down because I was not like, I'm like, Okay, I got her time now. But change up on the second pitch.

That is.

Not fair. That is cold. She knew I was going to go up there with all the male ego. Yeah, I fall on my face.

To answer your question, no, do not let her win. Lehman and I play pickleball and tennis with each other all the time, and nine times out of ten, he beats me because he's incredibly athletic, and I'm struggling to keep up.

But you're athletic and.

Competitive, too. I'm extremely competitive, but it'll be a fun game, but he'll always win. But there's one time where I will win every 20 games, and it feels amazing, and I get so excited about it. No, dude, it's patronizing. Do not do it. She'll win one of these days. No, she won't. She's going to gloat in.

Your face. You can't be that good.

I mean, I'm good.

I'm not saying you... I'm sure you can hit a jumper.

We've seen her play golf, no offense.

This is horse, though. I mean- But- That's a.

Different game. You painted a picture of you're going like, reverse layups.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying that. You did say half court.

I'm draining them from half court.

No, I can reach from half court, so I take that shot. If it goes in, Abby can't even reach. I mean, she just can't. She tried because I drained one right in.

Her face. Didn't you hit six.

Three-pointers in.

High school? I did in a half, yeah. Long Island record at the time. I'm not certain it still stands. I did that against Long Beach at Schreber High School. Six threes in a half. I was cold in the first half, came out cold. But once I warmed up, six consecutive threes second half, high.

School record. Jessica, you are right to roll your eyes at this. I'm actually.

Appalled by the.

General idea of Roy going that lazily to one of the old hits. Just toss to God's the question that he most wants to talk about.

Here's a softball like I changed it that you couldn't hit.

Okay, all right. I'm going to make a change up in the studio. Get your ass.

Out of here. What did.

I do? This is content.

Don't waste your time. Bad content.

Let's look at the screen right now. We got Dan hitting against the softball.

Oh, my gosh. Young Dan.

I'm staying for.

This one. No, you're not. No, you're not.

Out.

Roy, out. Your hair still looks great, by the way, Dan. I don't think people tell you that enough.

They don't say nice to things to me about anything, about how I look.

Good eyebrows, too. You got a good set of eyebrows on you, Dan.

That's true. He does. They're figuring out where in the video is exactly you hitting. It's a 20-minute video, so give.

Us a second. All right, so wait a minute.

Who's the guy with you, by the way? That's Dave Barry and a legend.

A Pulitzer.

Prize.

Winning. Dave Barry? Yes. Humorous.

Yeah. Wow. He had a great dedication in the beginning of Greg and Ron McGill's book. Look better than yours, Dan.

He's one of the best writers of any kind I've ever known in my life because he can write funny, and that's the hardest thing. Nobody can write funny. It's so hard to write funny. We will see if we can get this up here as the punchline to wherever it is this segment ends. Oh, here we are. All right, we are there in the area here. Hold on. Stop it there. Oh, wow.

You're dancing. No, but.

I'm okay. No, see, I'm okay. All right, you got me with the first one. Okay, but this is-Oh, please pull it up. Yeah, here, watch this. Oh, yes.

Oh, Daniel. Oh, she pulled the rug.

You're sitting fastball and you're.

Waiting for it.

I love that.

I need.

That on a loop. I need that on a loop. Here comes again. The fastball blows by him, and then the very next pitch, Dan's sitting red. Watch this. Change up. Oh, and then he falls down the line.

I'm stuck in.

His heels. You got to watch this on YouTube if you're not.