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Welcome to the Big Sway. Presented by DraftKings. Why are you listening to this show? The podcast that seems very similar to the other Dan Lebitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, the only difference seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to you guys? I've done it. And now, here's the marching man to Nowhere, Fatface, and the Habitual Liar. Today's episode of the Dan Lebitard Show with Stugas is brought to you by Peloton. We welcome all of our viewers on Max. And if you have Max and you're watching us right now, I encourage all of you to watch the docuseries Quiet on Set. It's a docuseries about some real tawdry stuff happening involving children and...Fame.Fame and...The.

Dirty side of the business.The.

Dirty side of the business, sex. As always, with a Nickelodian, and Nickelodian's heyday years of all that and this- Amanda Show. The Amanda Show. Drake and Josh. Drake and Josh. Is it Sweet Life with Zack O'Cody?

It's Zoe 101. Zoe 101. Sweet Life was Disney.

I'm sorry. Icarly, that's another one. So all of these shows were showrun by this guy named Dan Schneider. And Dan Schneider, by all accounts, was a real piece of shit. Was he a piece of shit on head of the class? They talk about that. That's how he got his start. That's how he got his start. And I didn't know. I'd never put two and two together. I remember the fat guy on head of the class. Then I've seen the Dan Schneider stuff in recent years, where people It was like, Dan Schneider is an awful person, whatever. I never put two and two together. That's who he was.

Everybody noticed Robin Givens. They never noticed the fat guy.

Is there a more vilified name than the name Dan Schneider?

What are the odds? What are the odds, man?

People named Dan. Just as a villain? Right.

The Washington Commander.

Dan Schneider. Dan Schneider.

Wow. There's got to be some Dan Schneiders out there. Like, Oh, come on.

I'm a good guy.

It's pronounced Schneider.

Get him out of here. No, I'm good.

Get him out of here. Come on, man. I'm just trying.

It's a hat trick today, man. Go quickly enough. You might come back. We're still talking about it. But what was the... Tony, let me start with you. What was the most damning thing that you saw in this?

It has to be the Brian Peck, Drake Bell.

It's insane.

Situation.

For those of you that haven't watched, Brian Peck was a acting coach, linguist coach that was on the set of a bunch of different Nickelodeon shows.

And there were some red flags that were brought up about him throughout the run, his tenure on shows. And then it really started with Drake's dad, who was his manager at the time. And he was like, Hey, there's something up about this guy. I don't know. He gives me a bad vibe. He's just too involved with Drake. I don't like this too much.

And too touchy.

And they tried to hide it with saying that he was gay, as if that was an excuse to be overly touchy.

So when things start happening, he drives Brian Peck, the acting coach, drives a wedge between Drake, his dad, his parents are divorced. He starts talking to the mom and like, Hey, the dad's not doing a good job for his career. He's taking money, he's doing whatever. So he drives that wedge, and then he basically steps in as, Hey, I'll take Drake because he lives an hour away from the studio. Hey, I'll take him here. I'll take him there. We'll go to Disneyland.

A lot of weird things start happening. We'll run lines at my house. Right.

And Drake's dad was like, he told the Mom, Hey, under no circumstances, Drake allowed to be with this guy by himself. Period. Full stop whatsoever. And I guess the Mom, not really present.

Well, there was a tension also between them. Obviously, they were divorced, so there was a tension. So they weren't on the best of terms, so she like, disregarded whatever the dad said. Because, again, the acting coach is telling her and telling everybody, The dad's bad for the kid's career. You got to put your child ahead of all that pettiness, though. But in her mind, she's already primed to not trust or believe the dad. Now here comes this person who works in the business who says, You care about your child? You care about your child's career? Well, this guy right here, the dad, he's messing it all up. And so anything he says is automatically taken as, Oh, man, you're just salty because we're successful without you. I'm not going to give away the details.

He really doesn't go into detail either. This is the first time he's talked. Yes, but it's the first time ever he's spoken about it publicly, about the assault, about all the things that happened to him. But he doesn't really go into detail of what happens. He just says, Hey, whatever the worst things imaginable are, that's what I went through. Which is enough. There's actually been an addendum here because they're going to come out with a fifth episode where Drake's going to talk more about certain things or whatever, but it's another interview with Drake Bell.

That was really bad. Again, this is on Max. It's called Quiet on the Set. You should all watch it for sure.

That's like the subplot, though, of the entire thing.

Yeah, because Dan Schneider created this atmosphere where it was cool for anyone to try anything. When you say, Oh, how does he do that? I'll give you another example. I thought this is the most egregious one. There's a production assistant, right? And he's the guy that when the kids show up with their parents, he takes the kids.

Jason Something? Is that what his name was?

He takes the kids to the green room, whatever. He takes the parents over here, and he keeps them company. And everyone's like, Oh, what a nice guy. What a nice guy. One of the moms who's on the documentary says her daughter exchanges emails with the guy because it's like, Oh, and he's telling them, This is what we're doing on the show. And And it's a very innocent thing. And then one day, her daughter's crying. And what happens? Jason emailed me, and he sent her basically dick pics. Not just dick pics. Full body. Full body of him doing his thing, rubbing it out.

Yeah. This makes my skin boil.

No, Juju, that's not the worst part. Listen to the worst part. She gets worried about like...

She's also nine years old.

I'm going to put that on.

She's nine years old.

The girl is nine years old. Juju, listen to the worst part. So the mom thinks about, should we report it? And then doesn't report it. But then it happens with someone else and It comes out, and when they do the background check, this MF-er is a multiple-time offender sexual predator on a Register of Sexual Offender list, and he was hired to work on a children's show.

One of multiple people on sexual offender's list.

They had more than one guy who was an RSO working at a children's network on a children's show. It's insane. No background checks on that.

But you're ruining kids' lives. This is so disgusting. I'm not going to say too much because this is beyond me right here.

It's the worst of humanity. It is the worst of humanity, someone who would do this to children. I'm trying to remember, do one of you all have a spouse who's a teacher? Nobody here. Okay. So in order to be a teacher, public school, private school, you have to obviously do all the tests or whatever, but then they fingerprint you. They do background check. In order to be around children, In a scenario where there is no privacy, it's a very public thing, you got to do all of these background checks and fingerprinting, and you got to be in a database.

You're coaching high school baseball. I coached high school baseball. Every year, I had to go to the city, get fingerprinted, do another background check. Yeah, they're good about that stuff.

And this is for activities that happen within daylight hours, again, in front of a bunch of other adults and other people. These people here were employed to work on a children's show at a children's network and had already all this past stuff. By the way, the acting coach that Tony was talking about, so he gets caught, he goes to court at sentencing. He has all of these people, Hollywood people, famous people, coming up and saying, he's a good dude. Don't give him too much. He's been through under a lot of stress. A lot of stress to sexually assault a A child repeatedly? Because it wasn't the one time. It wasn't twice. It was multiple times. It was multiple times. The way it got out, basically, was Drake was dating some girl, and when he started dating the girl, he was staying at her house a lot. Anything so I don't go over to that dude's house. And so the mom of the girl was like, Hey, man. Because the dude started to call him and say, Hey, man, we're supposed to go to Disneyland. And Drake was like, Yeah, I got caught up. I can't go today.

And so then the dude started blowing his phone up.

And the mom noticed? The mom was like...

No, not only that. He stopped calling the cell phone, started calling the house phone that he was at, the mom's house. So the phone's just ringing off the hook, off the hook, off the hook.

The mom was just like, What is going on here?

A 50-year-old man does not call a 16-year-old boy like this.

40 times.

This is the behaviors of people who are dating.

The part that is so sad and disheartening is that this is all because Dan Schneider made a ton of money for Nickelodeon, that this behavior was allowed to happen. So you talk about teachers or coaches at a high school or what have you, where there's all this background and all of this stuff done to make sure that's because those aren't majorly profitable businesses for other people. Dan Schneider, who had this horrible... I mean, some of this stuff seeped into the content as well, which we haven't even really talked about, that within some of these shows, there are clips that are now contextualized.

It's adult content that's made for kids.

Yeah, you could look at... There's a clip that circulated with Ariana Grande, who on her own has been through enough since Nickelodeon, right? And some of the stuff that Dan Schneider had her doing with... And what's weird, or not weird, but on Twitter and elsewhere, and I'm a child of watching these shows, right? Drek and Josh is still one of my favorite shows ever. I would still say that for years. And for a long time, people have been talking about, Dan Schneider, did he have a foot fetish? Because there's weird stuff with that. But what's come out now about what was really going on on these sets is just It's heartbreaking. At the end of the day, the reason that all of this was allowed to go on is because the people who made money were perfectly okay turning a blind eye.

But this is the part I don't get. Dan Schneider, you're going to hook up your boys. You can't hook up your boys who aren't registered sex offenders. But look at his own behavior. But even his own behavior, deplorable. The guys that he had on staff were crossing way past the most deplorable things that Dan Schneider was doing. I'm not trying to defend him. I'm just saying-No, you're right.

He had no shame. That's what it is. He thought he could do it whenever he wanted.

Yeah, that's exactly right. That's a scush, man. That's horrible. Juju, I'm telling you, he would write stuff, and the other writers were like, Bro, what? And he was like, No, man, but don't tell anybody. That's why we do it.

It's funny, dude. It's funny.

It's funny. The inside joke among us is that this is actually a sexual joke, but we don't need to tell them. And the reality is all those shows, I don't know if you guys know this, but network shows, you have to go through standards and practices. There's a department that watches everything and says yes or no. It's the reason why, like Chapelle show, a lot of those jokes are worded a certain way because he's like, They wouldn't let us say this. Shapel Chapelle has a stand-up where he's like, They had no problem with us saying the N-word, but I couldn't use these other slurs. Why are these other slurs radioactive? But this one's okay. And by the way, that's the same company, Viacom. There's people sitting here who are seeing this, who are watching this, who are watching Jamie Lynn Spears get squirted in the face. So obvious a reference that the other young boys on the set, the teenagers are like, Oh, it's a cum shot. And the actresses in the scene were like, didn't I don't know what that meant. It's so obvious. They had Ariana Grande putting her foot in her mouth, all types of stuff that's just deplorable.

And this dude got away with it forever. Watch it. It's on max right now, quiet on the set.

For Bridget Christ, the road to love was not so straightforward. Bridgie, I forbid you for marrying that spendthrift youth, Miles car.

What the devil is that?

I'm setting up an N50 video account on my mobile cellular telephone, thus procuring a discount on the M50 highway tow a path.

Very prudent, Mr. Carr. It seems I've misjudged you. Eflow presents accounts and accountability. Pay your tolls automatically and get a discount with a free M50 video tolling account at eFlow. Ie.

Don Lebetard.

You're getting started on the Breakfast Flaunt.

Oh, man. I've been singing a song to myself all morning long. Breakfast Flaunt. Stugatz. Have you never heard the Breakfast Flaunt song? No. Hit me with it. Okay. I wish I had some Breakfast Flawn. Breakfast Flawn. Where can I find a breakfast like that?

This is the Don Lebatard with the Stugats.

The big fight's coming up. Tyson versus Paul. I still don't know which one. Is it Logan or Jake? Jake.

People do that. I feel like most people know. I don't know.

It's Jake. Jake, okay. All right. I mean, I don't know. I'm sorry. Because they're both doing it, right? That's the problem. And they look the same. You know what?

They don't look the same.

They're not twins, but they look similar enough where it's like, I can't place the name to the right one. I just feel like, Hey, man. Hey, Logan, go find some other shtick. Jake is the one that has the bigger draws, right? Logan, go do something else. Go play hockey.

I think Logan started boxing first, right? Didn't all the KSI stuff happen before Jake got into it? It feels like it. Jake followed his brother into it, but he's better than his brother. So that's why.

Okay, got it. Okay, well, then guess what? You just got rolled. You got rolled, man. It happens to us. Go find some new. But anyways, we got the big fight coming between these two. I'm torn between saying that, look, Mike Tyson, for him to do this, he must be needing the money. If he needs the money. One might imagine that he'd be all right taking a fall, right? On the other hand, I have to believe that if Mike Tyson snaps, even knowing what the deal is, if he does the Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction and just snaps, he will kill this guy. One hit from Mike Tyson can stop your heart for sure. I don't know where to go with this. Because You brought up the subject. No, I'm not talking about the subject. I don't know where to go with this fight because on the one hand, Mike Tyson is 57 or somewhere in that.

It's a lose-lose for Jake Paul, no?

No.

If you knock out Mike Tyson and he looks really old, everyone's going to be like, you just...

No, it's not a lose-lose for Jake. It's a win-win.

Jake Paul is a big favorite in this.

It's a win-win for Jake Paul.

The odds are telling you that this is not going to end well for Mike Tyson.

Guys, it's a win for everybody. This is a win for everybody, including Netflix, including Mike Tyson. I'm with it.

I already ordered it.

There is no way to lose. Even if you lose, Hey, I'm 57 years old. Yeah, you're going to beat me. Okay? If Jake Paul loses, Hey, it's Mike Tyson. My bad. The greatest fighter of all time. Everybody wins. Everybody's making hundreds of millions of dollars. Everybody's happy.

If Jake Paul, Nate Robinson's Mike Tyson, everyone's going to be like this old man. I just feel like it's not a great look.

I'm going to tell you I'm going to tell you right now. First of all, he didn't go on Nate Robinson, Mike Tyson. No. Mike Tyson-The odds? Mike Tyson knows what he's doing in a boxing room. Regardless of how old he is, he knows what he's doing in a boxing ring. Nate Robinson did it. Nate Robinson went out there to fight.

A guy in a different weight class, by the way.

Yeah, that's the other part of it. But more importantly, there is a loser in this. There is a loser in this. And it's not Mike Tyson, because I believe Mike Tyson, based on everything he said, he's He's disassociated. He doesn't care. Reputation means nothing to him at this point. He talks about not wanting to be that guy anymore. And then in him talking like that, he says, I miss it or whatever. And I'm like, yeah.

Once it starts hitting those heavy bags all of a sudden.

That guy starts to come back out. So there is a loser, and that loser is Jake Paul. And I'm not talking about him winning or losing the fight. I'm talking about if Mike snaps and hits him One time, really, really hard in the face. You might win the fight, you might got paid $50 million, whatever, but I cannot believe you will walk away with your boyish good looks after Mike Tyson hits you in the face.

It'll be Mickey Rock after this. The losers here are the boxers that have been grinding at this and are professionals that no one knows and can't sell any fight so they don't make money. The people that have dedicated their life to boxing. You're saying the sport of boxing is the loser? Yeah, I'm saying the boxers that have been grinding at for 15 years and never made a lot of money, then they hate Jake Paul. They just resent him. I'm not saying they hate him.

But that's like anybody who's a guy who's in the G League trying to make it in the NBA.

Jake Paul, because of his social media following, skipped the line, essentially.

Well, he didn't skip the line because, first of all, none of his fights are sanction. We start there, they're not sanctioned, any of them. Number two, I think Mike Tyson might be the first actual boxer he's boxing. Everyone he's fought has been like-No, I think his last couple have been against guys we've never heard of.Actual.

Boxers?yeah, boxers.

Tommy Fury, yeah.

But even before, I think his last fight was some guy who was a boxer.

Some guy. The guy from Love Island is a great...

He was a tomato can, the last guy, I think.Tomato.

Can, there it is.It's.

A tomato can. But to that point, it's like getting in the water with the great white shark, even if you have a cage. You're like, at some point, this shark, again, not what he used to be, but if he just gets one good bite into that cage, I've got an issue. You know what it is?

It's even better. It's Siegfried and Roy. Tiger wins Tiger. Yes, the Tiger. He's like a little kitty cat. Oh, he's on his back. He's so old. And then at one point, the Tiger is just like, I'm a tiger.

Wait a second. This is the easiest thing to bet, though, because obviously everyone's rooting for Mike Tyson. He's a huge underdog.

What are the lines right now?

Right now, I'm seeing Jake Paul minus 360. It's actually gone down. I'm seeing Mike. Yeah, DraftK I'm seeing Mike Tyson plus 300.

It opened that Jake minus 500. Right.

So it's moved to the middle a little bit.

Because they're trying to get people to bet. You start with one thing and then as a bet start with another.

But I would feel like the public would be on Tyson already. So the fact that they're giving this money on him makes you feel like he's not going to win this fight. As much as you guys keep holding out this, he's still Tyson. If they thought it was going to be close, he would be favored because isn't the public going to want to bet with Mike Tyson on this? I feel like they would be making his odds lesser.

I just feel like... I don't know, man. I watched my workout videos and stuff, and I'm like- Those 30-second little isolated clips.

Yeah, but he probably gets gassed. That's all you need.

That's all you need, though.

No hit back. Okay. Also can take hit a lot better than human being.

When he was 30.

I'm not talking about the videos when he was 30. I'm talking about him, gray hair and a beard, bald head. This is how I just exercise on a daily basis.

He was on a daily basis.

Exactly I bet you won't say nothing to him about it. It's crazy. Who else out here at that age still inspires fear in human beings? We're still scared of Mike Tyson.

Even though-Ruiluis? I wanted Michael Jordan. It'd be funny if he was still releasing videos where you see a 15-second clip of like, my man can still play.Don't see that.Don't see that.

Stone Coast, Steve Austin.

Still stunning people.

Vladimir Putin.

Great hockey player. No, what I will say about Tyson is his arc of his Q rating was so down in the early 2000s, the face tattoo, him not showing up to the fight, all the legal trouble he's been in. And then it almost feels like the turn for Mike Tyson being in the good graces of everybody in pop culture again was the hangover.It.

Was absolutely the hangover.It.

Was like, Oh, wait a second. Mike Tyson gets it.

Because he had been off the radar for a while at that point.Legal.

Troubles, the fight, all that stuff.

He had a bunch of stuff, but then also disappeared. I don't know if you guys remember watching it in the theater, I watched it in the theater, and the moment they walk in, and everyone's strewn about and you hear Phil Collins playing, and then Mike Tyson comes out and punches my man in the face, which, again, wow. I was like, there's no way Ed Helms would be alive if he actually him. It would have been RIP, Ed Helms at that point. To be a guy, an actor in that scene and say, Okay, and then Mike Tyson is going to pretend to hit you.

Pretend, right? Pretend, right? Everybody, pretend?

How do you know he doesn't have an acid trip in that moment and just like, Oh, I'm going to- That happened Jake Jelenhaw.

In the Roadhouse movie, Conor McGregor actually smacks him. Oh, for real? Because Conor is not an actor. He's not like, I'm going to miss this guy on purpose. I think he punched his shit out of Jake What's going on?

Taylor Swift fans, Rejoice.

I've told you guys this story before. I'm going to tell it again. I met Mike Tyson four times in my life, and every time was completely different. But one of those times, it was in a bar in Scottsdale, a very crowded bar. Think of like bottle blonde here, but in Scottsdale. Ip? Is it done? Oh, man. I think so, yeah. Anyway, walking through the crowd, and it's crowded, and I got drink in my hand. And you know, when it's crowded, people just be bumping into you. And so somebody backed in to me, bumped into me. My drink went like this, and it splashed all over the back of somebody, and the somebody turned around, and it was Mike Tyson. And all of a sudden, this crowded-ass bar, everybody was gone. It was just nothing but space and opportunity, so to speak. And I'm staring at him, and he's short. I don't know. People realize Mike Tyson isn't tall. He's like 5'9, maybe. So he's short, and I'm looking down at him, and he's looking at me and them eyes are burning holes. And this was his tattoo. His face tattoo was still fresh. It was still new.

The black light was hitting off of it, and it was glowing in the dark. And I was like, Holy shit, I'm going to die right now. And so my mind is just racing. What can I say? What can I do to diffuse the situation? And something in my head said, I mean, I read somewhere that Mike Tyson is a Muslim.

So I said, Like Greeny?

I said, Salam aleyküm, brother. I had my hand out like-In with the big dog? Yeah. I was like, and he dapped me up and then pulled me close, fast. I was like, literally, I'm pretty sure my body was like this. Body forward.It.

Was the Jeremy?Limbs back.

Me falling back when Billy tackled me?

I zoomed into him and he held me close and his mouth got right by my ear and he said,, brother. But it was so close that I thought he was going to bite my ear. So my response was, I just jumped away. And then he released, and then I just scurried off into the night. And I bring it up because now Mike Tyson, who's in the edible game in the THC Gummies, has come out with Mike Tyson's Mike Bites, and they're shaped like ears.Wow.It.

Looks like they taste good. They look delicious. I ain't going to lie to you.

Just sent them to the studio. What is that?

Snoshberries?

Tyson, Mike Bites. I'm a little uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable, dog.

I see the flavor is Black Eye Berry.

Black Eye Berry?

Do you get it?

I feel like if I took that, he'd come out the door and whip my ass. Just like, Okay, I'll give it a try. Next thing you know, it's a Black Eye Berry. What do you think this was, he's going to kill this kid. I'm putting my name on it. Everyone in your age bracket thinks that.

Yeah, absolutely. Dan, the other day, went on like a... He was just like, he doesn't have a chance. I don't care how old.

Chris, I'm going to say it like this. It's two possibilities. One, he murders him. Two- He wins on the card. He takes a dive. Dude, but we've- He takes a dive.

What we've learned, if anything, recently is money talks. I feel like if they... He He's a huge underdog.

Can Jake Paul legitimately win? Not taking a dive. Can he legitimately win? Yeah. Juju.

I don't think so. Me either. I think it's going to be a body shot from this world.

Chris.

I think he can. He's old.

Roy. Tyson's winning. There you have it.

What about me?

Don Levatard. I mean, they used to call me Chris Carrioke. Stugatz. That back row is bringing it today.

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stugatz.

Strangely enough, going off that conversation, I've had in my notes for several months because of a conversation that was happening about the time Mike Tyson bit off Evander Holyfield's ear.

You made this top five then? Yeah.

Top five, Losing your ear moments in world history.

Okay.

So We have a top five if we want to do it.

I want to know when you wrote this. I'm confused. Probably- You made it seem like you just wrote it after Tyson bit Holyfield's ear off.

No, this was written... We were having a conversation on the show probably three or four months ago about Tyson biting off Evander Holyfield's ear.

I like it better if he did it when you were six.

Yeah, it's like, One day I'll be on this show.

One day I'll have use for this. They're not good, but do you want to hear them?

We have the fan for ready. Okay, here we go.

Number five, The War of Jennifer's ear. War from the 1700s. A little girl lost her ear.

Some exposition. That was it. They had a war over it. They started a war over a girl's ear.

Over a little girl losing her ear. Yeah. Number four. When Mark Anthony said, Lend me your ear.

No, not Mark Anthony, the singer.

No, Mark Anthony. Okay. Yeah, there you go.

All right. Number three, Fred Weasley in Harry Potter.

Wow, that's iconic.

If you didn't shed a tear. A fictional-If you didn't shed a tear, when you saw Fred Weasley in his ear.

What's this list about? I'm going to need you to bring this list home.

I wasn't paying attention. What's this list about?

Number two, Van Gogh. That man cut off his ear. By the way, Van Gogh, incredible.

Okay, and number one?

Number one, Evander Holyfield. A huge omission.

A great omission. A huge omission. A great omission.

A really good list?

Mick Foley is not on... Yeah, go ahead. My bad.

Mick Foley is not on this list. He lost an ear during a wrestling match. Come on, man. Who's Mick Foley?

I would also like to submit a brother named Max Griffin out of the UFC. He sent a punch to his brother's ear, and it almost came the hell out. That was a national...

Also, Peter in the Garden of Gethseman, he cut off the soldier's ear. Jesus put it back on. There you go.

Also, I'm Jewish. Then go to the penalty box. Oh, wow.

Get out of here.

You can't make a pun to send me to the penalty box. That's my shit.

You wrote this month ago. You had months to tinker and streamline and make it better and add-You're not even my real Dan.

Go to the sombrero.

Why does cauliflower ear happen?

Buildup of blood in the ear that doesn't have anywhere to go because it's so high up on the body that the blood can't circulate.

Is there a progression to it, or do you just wake up one day and it's fully there?

No, there's a progression to it. You can see guys in the UFC, you can see guys in boxing, wrestling, whatever, that have the formation of it. But then there's guys like Dustin Poirier. If you look at Dustin Poirier's ears, they're basically almost closed. It's a constant rubbing of the ear on the mat, right? Yeah, that on the ground.

Wow, really?

The other head of the guy. That's why they were those hip phone type of situations in high school.

I thought it was because people was hitting them on their ear.

No, it's rubbing on the mat.

Grit of death punishment. You have to rub your ear on a mat until you get a cauliflower ear.

Steve-o tried to give himself cauliflower ear. Look at that. If you look at Dustin Poirier's ears, basically, almost closed.

But let's see if we can find a video. That has to hurt, right? Does that feel good?

It has to be numb, right? You don't have any feeling at that point.

Yeah, it's cartilage, right? That's what the ears are.

Is that something that it will just go back?

You can't even dream.

Is that forever?

Yeah. You think if Dustin with all the money that he's made in the UFC.

Would have reversed that. To me, that looks like swelling that if you don't wrestle for six months, it might start to look better. So it's just going to look like that forever.

So no drainage on it.

Are there ear jobs? Can you get an ear job?

If you have If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

You can't afford it, buddy. I feel like LeBron would have found the cure to being bald or balding.

I know what happened to LeBron. Lebron did the procedure before they got good. If LeBron had waited a little bit longer, but then he would have had to look a lot crazier, a lot sooner. But if he had waited till turkey came around, LeBron would have like...

It's like the BBL. It's like the iPhone 1 BBL. Absolutely. Some men and women was getting cement put in them.

Absolutely. They had caulk. I'm just saying. That's what was happening back there. But yeah, man, it's just one of those things where your need for the technology was a little too fast for the technology. They wait just a little bit longer.

It would have been fine. You have my boy looking crazy out here as you wanted. Lebron looking crazy.

I mean, he tried cutting it low that one summer. You guys remember? And he took the picture and then everybody roaster him and he was like, not it.

He was doing a rap video. He was rapping The guy from Detroit.

What? M&m? It was T-Grizzly. Oh, it was T-Grizzly.

First day out, T-Grizzly.

It was a good jazz, I guess. Guys, I got a question for you. What's that? I'm in the elevator the other day, and a couple of people get on the elevator with me, and we're going down.

Is this one of these modern-day elevators? I don't like elevators.

It's an elevator right here in the Elser.

The ones where I like to get in an elevator and push the buttons.

No, I like programming it. You know why? Because I want to know, Where's everybody going? Don't put them in the air with me if they're going all the way here and I'm going there.

We've lost the art and the communal thing of, What floor are you going to? No, I don't want to talk to them.

Don't care.

Or And I also don't want people to rush in like, Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold the elevator. This eliminates that. You don't hold the elevator because-The other thing, too, is you don't have people going, what floor?

Oh, seven. Oh, no, my bad. It's 10, actually. And then you have 14 people stopping. No, not happening. Why are you getting the floor are you on? People get the floor wrong every single day.

Roy, listen to this. So I'm here in the Elser, the fabulous Elser Hotel in downtown Miami. I'm in the elevator. Two people come up. I'm coming down here. I know they're going to the lobby because it says El, right? The elevator stops at 17:00. Machine. They proceed to almost walk out, and they go, No, this isn't the lobby, and they come back out. The elevator stops at the pool level. They proceed to leave and walk out.

They have no sense.

And then the elevator is-For the buried in a phone. Don't say the next level.

Don't say the next level. I know.

The next level is the level where we're at. And you thought I was going to say the level.

I got you back.

Sixth floor. No. And I walk out and they start walking out with me. And I'm like, Look, it's got a screen. It's a beautiful digital screen. It says what floor we're on. One time, I get it, sometimes you make a mistake. You're not paying attention. You walk out like, Oh, snap, this isn't the lobby.

Were they in the middle of something? Were they on the phone? Were they distracted? They were together.

They're friends.

They're talking. They're talking to each other. But after the first time you walk off the wrong floor-You got to be scarred from it.

You need to be like, Next time I move, I'm making sure it's the right floor.

I went ballistic, not to them, after I let the doors close. I I literally, I swear to God, from the moment I walked at the elevator all the way till I got to our front door. Steered him down? No, because he was in the elevator. I would have stayed as the doors closing, I'm walking around like, Turn around? I talked to myself out loud the whole time.

You did this segment.

That's why it's on the sheet. I literally said, Do you not look? It's right there. Do you not open your eyes? Is there no part of you, like I said, that's scarred from the last couple of times? Just think. Just take a second. Burn a single calorie. Look up. Is this my floor? No. Just follow along like a stupid lemming. We're all going this way.

I love the idea of hearing somebody or watching somebody overhear you have this conversation with yourself. Somebody did.

Out of context. There's one of you people charging their cars.

What's your guys' favorite elevator banter? Mine is when I'm in a crowded elevator where there's seven or eight floors hit on the thing. I'm like, What? Are we taking the local? No? Loser game Get out of here. What are you guys saying elevators? What's your banter?I.

Don't talk on the elevator.I look at my phone.

You guys don't have a like, I love your banter?

Instead of whacking off the elevator. Have a nice day.

There you go. That's money. That's great banter. That's great elevator banter.

I treat my elevators like I treat my Ubers. You don't talk to me. I won't talk to you. We all good.

I like a little head nod. Sometimes you don't have to say anything, but just a little acknowledgement.For.

What?for who?

Just because you're two humans in a place for the next 20 seconds. Why Why does it have to be weird where there's no communication?

I'll tell you what's weird. I got stuck in an elevator once. I had to do oddball. You did oddball? I did oddball from the elevator. That was weird because it was packed. It was stuffy. Are you like, All right, folks, so I do a show? No. At first, I was just communicating via sign language because they had me on FaceTime or whatever. So they asked me questions. I'm like... And then after a while, I would just whisper answers, slowly but surely. And then after a while, I just started talking. It's awful. Being in an elevator with people is awful.

I feel like that's an overstatement. No, it is awful. I feel like they're...

It's bad. You mean being stuck?

It's bad?

Chris, there's nothing I love more in the world than walking in an elevator and, No, this is my elevator, nobody in here.

I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth here because there is something about a nice... I like being alone sometimes, and it depends on my vibe for the day.

But every once in a while- You should have dogs on the elevator. If you're about to bring your dog on the elevator and he licked these $250 mother truckers on my feet. Bro, how can I not be mad at you or the dog? He's a good boy, but can you please get your dog off me? I don't like dogs.

Juju, I famously am not too fond of dogs, but I'm going to say this. It depends on the owner. You shooting your shot there? I'm a little flexible there. I'm like, Oh, what's his name? Okay. Noodle? Okay. Noodle.

Hey, speak-I'm like, Your fine ass owe me $250.

Speaking elevators.

In a dinner.

The NBA standings are like an elevator. Some teams are going up.

Transition.

Some teams are going down. And, fellows, I want to look at the Eastern Conference, and I want to go through these teams, and I want you all to tell me, is their elevator going up or is it going down? We start Milwaukee Bucks. Which way is their elevator going? Up or down?

I think their elevator is stuck in the middle of the 14th floor because the 13th floor don't be in buildings no more. That's right. You feel me? So, yeah, they stuck.

Especially in New York. New York is really superstitious when it comes to 13. Phoenix, they got 13s everywhere. But New York, 12 and 14. All right, speaking of New York, the Knicks. Mitchell Robinson came back last night. Coach Darko of the Rafter said it was like watching a giant out there. Are the Knicks elevator going up or is it going down?

Theirs is going up. Theirs is going up for sure because this is not only the best season they've had in God, who knows how long, but in this season in particular, look, they've been moving up the standings with Cleveland in particular moving down.

Don't jump ahead, man. All right, fair. Everyone's got their own elevator. Fair. What's he doing? He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it. Cleveland, Tony, is their elevator going up or Is it going down?

I think it's going down.

They got a bunch of injuries.

I think it's going down. Donovan Mitchell might be coming back soon, they said, but I don't know. When he gets back, he's going to be ready to play. The role players are... I think they had their run. They almost peaked too early. They were going up too early. Now it's only but down.

Orlando. Is their elevator going up, Juju? Is their elevator going down?

Their elevator is going up. They have a lot of young guys on their team, but dare I say, a couple more years together, that camaraderie might prove to be successful.

Indiana. Is their elevator going up or it's going down? I'm talking about the season. You all are trying to make this big picture. I'm talking about right now in their season. Down. Their elevator is going down, man. Way It's falling apart. It's shaky, man. It's like, Hey, man, the weight limits. All right, here's the kicker. Miami. Is their elevator going up or is it going down? It's on the bottom floor. It's in the basement. It's in the basement.

It's got to be going up because it can't go down anymore. All right, you say so. Watch the next several games.

It's one of those where they're like, all right-They're going to win four out of five. Put this one down for a second. We got to go to another elevator. We can't use this elevator right now.

Out of order.

Out of order. Out of order, yeah. Out of Last one, Philadelphia. Tough loss last night. Is that elevator going up or down, Juju? We have news that Embiid might be back by before the end of the regular season.

Exactly. All the way up. All the way up. Salute to Remy Ma. I see you, sis.

For Bridget Christ, the road to love was not so straightforward. Bridgie, I forbid you for marrying that spendthrift-yield Miles car.

What the devil is that?

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