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Adventure Auto at Advanced Auto Parts and participating Carquest locations see stores for details. Welcome, Dan Levy, to really being honest about just a giant piece of shit to the big, silly Bald Eagles, a podcast exclusive that none of our bosses ask for more support, more work, less pay.

I haven't stopped talking in a month.

I mean, I tell you, just when you thought the show couldn't be more diluted than last time I listened to this show. I haven't listened for years.

Now here's the marching band. No way am I missing something.

What am I missing? The end of the story that face Chris Fallica. It's Fallica man on the penis and the habitual liar.

I didn't ask for any of us for all of it.

The big I'm Chris Codi BSP. And we didn't get to this the other day.

And I think this is exceptionally twenty twenty. I don't know what would be a better symbol for twenty twenty than the one I'm about to give you. But got in New York and I want you to think about how horrifying this had to have been in New York. A sinkhole opened up and some guy just landed on a pile of rats, just landed on a giant like a giant pile of rats.

Like your body right now is reacting the way I did when I read that story. Go ahead. Go, go. Go ahead and Google search. I want to Google search at your leisure. I actually want more details on this, if you don't mind, even though you're wincing right now. Oh, and you look like you're profoundly disgusted.

Just Google Sinkhole Rats and New York and see what it is that comes up in terms of news possibilities. The Jets came up.

Sinkholes are so scary. I don't know if you guys are like me. Did you guys have the phase where you were scared of sinkholes? Because I had a paralyzing fear of sinkholes for the longest time. And there's nothing you can do about sinkholes. Right. And you don't obviously know when a sinkhole is going to form and you could see little things. But, man, there was a time where I wouldn't go play like it seemed like Orlando every week was getting eaten up by a sinkhole.

And I'm like, I don't know how I got to Orlando because it was there was a weird face.

Right. There was a time in Florida for some straight reason, a strange reason over like two week period where there was just an abundance of sinkholes.

It was Beatlemania. But for sinkholes, there was a craze, a fad in Florida in particular of sinkholes for whatever reason. And every time I take a step, I was wondering if I was going to step in the wrong place and activate some sort of sinkhole, like if I was Indiana Jones stepping on something, you know, a temple that was going to kill me.

I just saw the footage of this. My God. I mean, that is the it's so scary. It's not a sinkhole like the ones you have traditionally seen on TV. It's a very small sinkhole on a sidewalk that only one man fell through your right where he landed. Was it a pack of rats? I mean, it's it's frightening.

Gearman put it on the pole, please. What's scarier? Falling into a sinkhole or falling onto a pile of rats at Libertador Show? Because both of those things happened in Stuart and I are both soothing ourselves, like sort of rubbing our arms, wondering what kind of horror that would feel like to just be walking along. You're eating a knish, you're just hanging out or you're thinking about I'm going to go over there and get a dirty water hot dog.

And next thing you know, you're you're on a pile of writhing rats that, you know, are underneath the surface in New York at all times and also running Wall Street. But you don't expect to land on them when the Earth opens up. Billy, the idea that you would have a paralyzing fear of sinkholes for a period is kind of amazing. Do you know how you conquered it? Ah, yeah, it's not really amazing. I fear a lot of different things.

So, of course, you meteor's is another phase that I had where I was constantly looking up at the sky because we had like a couple of weeks back to back, like, well, there's this crazy meteorite or asteroid or what. I don't even remember the difference, but I was looking at them a comet or something that's like this thing just came over and I'm like, oh my God, they're going to come in. They're going to start knocking out power grids and satellite.

I trust me, there's been lots of phases of fears. There's the meteorite, asteroid one, there's the sinkholes. I'm sure there's more that I could think of. If you give me time, can you put it on the pole?

Do you know the difference between a meteor and an asteroid?

This guy, like he said, he's traumatized. He's in the hospital. He said that he kept falling and falling and falling and falling. And then he landed on something that was kind of soft and it was rats and the rats there.

He actually got. No, no, he he caught a little bit of a break because the rats are up higher than normally. He would have kept falling. The rats are up higher than normally because of covid and they're looking for food. They found it.

Yeah, they are hungry. They are hungry rats. That I don't think that they reacted in time because they weren't expecting a human being to land on them. Can you guys explain to me why it is that me, Stuart and Chris are rubbing ourselves and soothing ourselves? And I think many of you in the audience are doing the same thing right now. But many of you might be like Roy and Tony and Billy and just staring stoically ahead. I'm surprised, Billy, like you're you're hiding your fear very well if you are afraid or disgusted by the conversation we're having.

Oh, yeah. No, no, I'm not afraid. I'm not a fan of rats. But now I'm back into thinking about sinkholes and meteors on time for the rats right now.

But, Billy, here's what's going on. Let's just play this out. I think when you first off, you fall through a sinkhole, you're walking down the street, you're on the sidewalk, you know the sinkhole happens. That's traumatizing enough. But then you're in the dark many feet under there and you have no idea what you've landed. Well, you have a pretty good idea, but you don't know for certain what it's going to be. You've got a pretty good idea.

That's the point. And I'm rubbing my arm. If you're thinking clearly and it starts moving beneath, you've got a decent idea what it is you're falling on.

But that darn is when the heart attack factor comes in. And obviously, I've had a fear of heart attacks as well.

Well, Billy, what do you think about getting that guy on? Is it possible at all like this? Seems like a great Allison Chase of a guy who can tell this particular story. It's been a while since we've made Allison Chase a random guess, but don't you guys have a thousand questions about this? Like, I have a lot of questions about his name is Leonard's Shoulders, and he has done interviews since since the incident. So we'll look into it.

I just remembered that in the sinkhole craze of, let's say, 2011, we had a sinkhole expert on because sinkhole experts were such a big deal at the time.

I remember it was a weird it was a weird proliferation, but it was only like three weeks, right, Billy? Like, it was just three three giant sinkholes popped up and we were like, what the hell is going on? They all seem to be they were all in Florida, right?

I think so. I mean, it's taken some of us longer than three weeks to get over the big sinkhole, whatever you want to call it.

Would you guys rather be walking down the street and you fall into a sinkhole onto some rats, or would you be walking down? Would you rather be walking down the street and all of a sudden you start falling into quicksand?

Billy, were you about to say the Great Sinkhole, Exodus or experiment? Where were you headed with that before you just went into a sinkhole conversationally?

It's a good question. I don't really know. I was going to say expedition, but we weren't really on an expedition for sinkholes. They were just kind of finding us.

Chris, I think the better question is, if you fall through a sinkhole, which would you rather land on? Rats, snakes, something like that. Like, is there anything worse than rats? Because I think snakes for me would be the worst. But from what you say about quicksand, you're going to die if it's quicksand. Like this guy lived to do interviews like it's horrible, but it's good to hear this guy's doing all shoulders, is doing a media tour.

I tell everybody about that time he fell through a single lonesome ranch like we wouldn't be able to interview old shoulders, Léonard, shoulders, Lindland if he had fallen into quicksand.

I've seen Princess Bride. You don't always die when you fall in the quicksand.

Well, you have to have the vines, right, because that's that's the key to the quicksand of the vine that can that can yank you out. Yeah, I think when just got a book tour, too.

All right.

This is the this is the guest of the day. We want to see if we can hunt down old Lenny's shoulders. Who? He's thirty two. How is this going to go over with Alison? Because Alison is a bit squeamish about these things. This is Alison. When you when you reach out to Alison, Billy, and ask her, we need to get on. It's an emergency. We need to get on the guy who fell through some sinkhole and landed on a bunch of rats.

It's been a minute since we sent her on a sinkhole. What was it? Expedition? It's been a while. So do you think, like, how was that one going over?

We'll find out. I just started out the process saying strange gas requests. So this is how we're kind of easing into it. All right. Baby steps, though, you're right.

Without her, she even have the time anymore. And given that she's doing the guest booking for just about everybody, does she even have the time to sort of drop everything and go on one of our silly goose chases for two hours?

I guess we'll find out. We'll see if Lenny's busy today and what he wants to talk about.

I think, Lenny, I think this is in her wheelhouse. These take for her. It takes like less than thirty minutes. If you send her on a goose chase for a big celebrity, that will take longer. Lenny shoulders, all Lenny shoulders, as you like to call him. I think she'll get that done. That 45 minutes I do, she's that good at it. There were a number of funny things last night if you needed some funny in your life as the election felt unpleasant, stressful.

We still don't have a decision.

I thought you were talking about that Joey Gallo, Gold Glove again. And so as you guys were experiencing this, a couple of the funny things that I that I saw last night was, one, this is a thing that actually happened. I'm not making it up, even though it seems like it's something from The Onion. Somebody was elected to the North Dakota to a legislative seat in North Dakota who died from covid in October. OK, so that person died from covid and and won the seat.

And it's actually one of the things that I've been worried about during this election. Our boy, John John Mulaney there, the comedian went on Saturday Night Live and basically said it's just an old man off. We're having an elderly man off where we're just going to choose between two elderly men. And at the end, one of them is going to be an elderly man who has more power. It's a contest involving elderly men. I couldn't believe that happened in North Dakota.

And the other thing that was funny. It's I'm watching the election, and I thought, OK, it couldn't be any dumber than having Borat sponsor the election. OK, I thought that it couldn't get dumber than that because it was the election coverage was being brought to you by Borat, which I'm assuming in the marketing meetings at Amazon. They chose that because it would be funny. And I'm like, OK, they can't be funnier than this.

But I feel like they were by accident because at one point I'm watching and it's like this election coverage is brought to you by calm, by calm, which is evidently like the happiest app on Earth.

Calm, oddly enough, also sponsors a podcast called Histeria, which doesn't make any sense at all. It's a meditation. Right, right.

Right. I guess maybe it does make sense. It does. I guess. I guess if you've got histeria in your life, you need some calm.

That's actually pretty creative marketing right there. A night like that where no one is calm for them to sponsor that, that's pretty funny. And for them to sponsor that type of vodka, they're very creative. I want to try to get come on here. It's smart and yeah, it is smart marketing. I am really surprised that you have the app. Com. I believe it's the is it called the happiest app on Earth. I think so.

It's that, you know, everyone knows just to give people an idea, it's that commercial where it's just raining and they say do nothing for 15 seconds. Yeah.

The comment this almost 30 seconds that all of a sudden I'm watching TV, I'm on my phone, and then I just hear rain. I'm like, where is that coming from?

And then I'm looking at the TV and it's just rain trickling on on a roof, like a tin roof. And it's like, do nothing for 30 seconds. It's actually got the count. And I was like, you know what? I feel pretty calm.

It's delightful. Where did that sound come from? And can we get it behind the rest of what we're doing here? I just heard the raining. Was that your app? Was that.

Yes, I was listening to when you turned on. This is what happens. All right, leave it there. Oh, it's I sleep to this magic, it is. It is. You have a number of options there when it comes to sleeping. I don't know whether we have rights fees when it comes to using calm. I just saw Mike get skittish. Oh, yeah, I'm a little worried about that because I pay big money to have like Jeff Bridges and LeBron James voice stuff and Peristyle.

But it's just I mean, it's just the sound of money. You know, if they went to a studio and had some sort of sound guy produce this exclusive rain sound, I really thought that Billy's fear of meteors and sinkholes would be the greatest fear in this segment.

But it's, you know. Yeah, it's his fear of flying.

It's no, it's my it's honestly my fear of chain emails with attorneys from Disney.

Yeah. OK, a perpetual fear around someone needs a name that.

So help me with with this. As it relates to the sleeping apps. Do you guys use the sleeping apps? You guys you guys don't have to worry about this stuff. It's funny because when Mike Ryan came in here today, all right, he was moaning about his body and he was complaining about being thirty five years old now. And I guess is his knee hurt because he was taking care of his one year old last night and his knee locked up on him after playing some soccer?

I think he was putting together some sort of bookcase or something. Yeah, it's just it's bordering on disrespectful. The stuff that my wife buys that I have to assemble every time I do it, I'm on a bookshelf. And for the life of me, I can't figure this thing out. It is ridiculous. There's a million pieces. It's insane. I got to put hinges and wheels. The last time I assembled something I swore would be the last time.

But she bought this before I uttered that statement. So I've had this bookshelf in my home just sort of haunting me. I turn a corner, I'm drinking my coffee and I try not to see it.

There's very little in life that I like less than putting something together. It's one of the many things that make me less of a man than most of the people listening to that.

It's terrible when you get things with so many parts to it that you get to the double letters like you have things A, B, C, D, and then you get to like twenty six things. So now you have GGG and JJ, it's like, all right, there's too much shit involved with this.

If we need the double header, is it a cost cutting measure to not actually put words because they have these illustrations and it's a bookshelf. Right. And I have this wooden plank and it's supposed to be 3D, but I can't tell which side this thing is supposed to be facing. Is it supposed to be facing up or is it supposed to be facing down? Also, it's impossible for one person to put this together. Impossible.

There's probably holes on one side of it that, like the holes go on the top side because that's where the screws go in.

Now, the holes in both sides, Chris, there are holes on both sides. What is the purpose of saying some assembly required? If you're going to need somebody else to hold it in place, it's it's too much for one man. And my knees lock up because I've been on the floor for four hours. It's just it's a nightmare. Why can't we just buy an assembled bookcase?

As a guy who has had the build many things in this house, can we stop using Allen wrenches, please, for the love of God?

You're right. Oh, I love Alan Wrench.

Although if you have your screwdriver there, I had the screwdriver that has a bunch of different pegs. Oh, that is. Yeah. And it has one of those wrench pegs within the screwdriver. So I don't have to have my thumb and my index finger get old raw because I'm turning this L shape thing from hell.

All right. This will never stop. OK, I'm telling you guys right now I'm giving you advice. This will never stop. Your wife is always going to buy stuff unassembled either deal with it, assemble it yourself, buy it assembled, or hire a handyman to come to the house and help you out with the assembly. OK, I think I said that right. But here's what I want to show you. Not not everyone can afford that. OK, well, they could well that you could buy it assembled or you just have to eat it and do it and try it.

Right. It's a puzzle. It's an adult puzzle. I probably I have many things in my house and we're just getting progressively more difficult. I'm at my wit's end with this one girl.

Put it on the full on the pole, please. Do you love a good Alan Wrench? Because I don't believe that that's something that the audience is going to love. I don't know why Chris loves it and Roy hates it. And which do you like less? Doing less assembling furniture. Or moving, assembling furniture or moving, so I'm getting on my because he's complaining guys that he's thirty five years old and, you know, his knees hurt, his back hurt, and he's assembling a bookcase for his child.

And we've all done that. And what I was made the point I was making to him was, hey, do me a favor. I am now forty eight years old. I would give a body part to have 10 years of my life back, 10 years, and I think damn would give a body part as well. Now, I offered up a hand. I think that's a bit extreme and I have to rethink that. I think Dan was maybe thinking a finger to a couple of digits.

I watched the entire Chris just and this is this is the plague of youth. Chris was just horrified by the idea of losing a hand, and he immediately started pantomiming a golf swing and how he wouldn't be able to golf anymore if he lost lost a hand. It's not a good point. It is. It's no, it is not a good point to say that if I can't golf anymore, I wouldn't want ten years of life. That is not a good point.

I was more saying that as to God because he was so quick to give up a hand. He plays golf like four times a day. So I was just like that's what I was doing with the golf swing.

I mean, look at it this way, Jim. Have a no hitter with one hand. That's a good point.

It's a good point. An incredible hand.

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Hey, it's your homie. Sorry, it's your home.

I know you don't like it when I call myself your old man, so I have some favors to ask you. Could you get rid of a few chairs in the living room? My floorboards are tired.

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I'm not creeky because I just assemble the bookshelf, all right? I was edited, it was said that then be talking about a bookshelf, a baby, and that your body was heard.

So it took me four hours to get it in position to where I was frustrated and I was like, I can't deal with this anymore. But you ever sit crisscross applesauce for a while and you're just like I to to make it less or takes a minute.

Right. To untie yourself. Right. I had scheduled my Tuesday night soccer game at CASPA. It's already like hard cardio vascular, like, well, easy for me, cardio vascular.

It was hard for me cardiovascular largely because I'm wearing a mask the entire time and I'm a little bit out of shape. I'm trying to work myself back in there. Also, I have this four hours of being on the tile floor trying to assemble this thing. I was terrible. I was getting beat near post left and right. I couldn't make a save to save my damn life. Right.

And I walk in here and now I'm wearing just the soreness of assembling myself and soccer. And I realize you just don't got it anymore. You used to be it. You decided I'm not. I am past my peak. I am on a downward trajectory in terms of what I can do on the soccer field. And part of me is really I'm sharing my own mortality in the face right now and I don't like what I see. It's just like, man, I'm never going to get better.

It's just all down medically or physically, physically, physically. It's it's it's me reconciling with the fact that this is life now. Life is me being so if I'm on the floor for four hours and not being able to shake it right away and I use like this hemp oil to make my joints better, I don't.

Does it work? That's just old people. Shit. Who does that? Old people.

Well, there's an old person. Ask it if it works does it not. I'm so sorry Mike. I broke my eyes afterwards.

I was just like Mike. I think most people, no matter what their youth is for hours on the floor, there's going to be some soreness like for four hours in a position that you're not used to before the pandemic.

I could shake that off. I wasn't getting beat in your post. That's embarrass you. Just hang them up if you get beat in your post. As much as I got beat on a corner, darn it, bounce off me in in of a corner.

Was a rolling chair too high for you to use symbol in the bookshelf? Yeah, I need to be on the floor for this one because since I'm one person, I need the floor to hold the bookshelf in place. It's as wide as my as my wingspan. Basically, I can't get the leverage without being on the floor where the lot is like.

Are you saying that regardless of age, that if you're on the floor for hours putting together a bookshelf, you're going to be sore afterwards?

You tell me if Yoni's did the same thing, he would be sore for hours in a position that your body's not used to being in, no matter how I think, no matter how athletic you are, if you're for hours sitting there, let's say criss cross applesauce for four hours, unless, I mean, maybe you've got incredibly flexible hips. Maybe you're maybe you're someone who has, you know, a lubricated body that isn't impacted by.

I have been a bit I'm just super creeky always. Even at my most flexible. I am shockingly unflexible.

The fact that you're exercising in a mask is interesting because I can't imagine a whole lot of people are doing that, though. You have to. I guess if you're in a bit of a contact sport.

Yeah, you have to. That's the protocol at Kendall Soccer Park.

But exercising so exercising of any kind to playing soccer or not running around. Well done.

The gym, L.A. Fitness in Westchester, where I frequent. Now you have to work indoors. Yes, but I thought outdoors exercising a mask was not required unless you're going to come into contact with other people while it's kesby protocol.

There's this other park that I played at once and they're a little bit more relaxed and I prefer the Caspa way no matter what. I'm wearing my mask. But it's so hard, man. I'm huffing and puffing. I make like a combo save and I distribute the ball. I'm just like, oh Jesus, Jesus Christ, he's doing that.

It's got to be doing that on purpose. At this point. The rules are different part Park County to county, even parks within the same county, like what youth sports is trying to do to play games, even outdoors. I don't think you could do it in Dade or Broward right now. Like official like Little League games. You have to go up to Palm Beach because they're allowing it up there. It's it's crazy to try to find Veals space.

And every role is different for every park right now. It's nuts.

Gismo a couple of things. Can you please put on the pole or is anyone sore if they're on the floor for four hours? And also, how would you answer that question game? I don't know how old you are, whether you're 30, 32 or 33, but age does matter when answering these questions. Would you give up a body part? And I don't know if the answer is different or specifically your hand in exchange for ten more years of life?

He's too young, huh? So I go back 10 years or I live to just get you get 10 years, I'm promising you 10 more years than you were going to get. And I'm not saying you're going to get 10 years at the back end where you're wandering around in pain and stuff. I'm saying you're just going to get if you were going to die at 65, now you're going to die at 75.

What am I dying of? See, either the better way, if you get to forty five, you go right back to thirty five. That's what I'm clamoring for. I don't want ten extra years because those are lousy years and I'll be in bad shape and bad health. I want I want to go back to when I was 35.

I'm weird because given the right circumstances, I may fast forward five years of my life. And that's probably just because I'm younger now. Right. And when I'm older, I'll be like, I'd rather, you know, give me back those five years that I fast forward to. But if I can fast forward and see what my life was like in five years, I think I may take something for that. Right.

Maybe you're the only one doing that. That's like one of my fingers or something.

So wait a minute. You would give the tip of your finger to find out what your life looks like at thirty eight.

Yeah, maybe I might.

I might do that. It's on the finger. Right. What does anyone know what this second knuckle is called. Does that have a name or are we just calling everything a knuckle.

Depends on your finger or what do you mean. The second knuckle knuckle up by the finger. One in the middle is just a knuckle.

Yeah, but what's the top one right underneath your fingernail called one that goes in. Kind of. Right. It's like I think that's also a knuckle.

So hold on a second. You guys are saying that each hand has two knuckles because I think of the hand as having each finger has two knuckles.

Yeah. Go back the thumb. Yeah. Good. What none of them know that thumb has to know.

The thumb only has the one. No. Oh wait. The thumb does have the two if you wait a minute.

So now wait, hold on a second. I might be three now it might be. No the thumb does not have two knuckles if you get some different hands.

I know because look look at the base of look at the base in everyone put their hands up to the screen right now.

Let's look at hands here. Oh yeah. The base has another. Well know the base base. Yeah. Hauner Yeah. No, because their base is a finger. Has that to listen. There's two knuckles on every finger. No.

Sometimes tiny bit in that kind. The base logic of the thumb. That would mean every other finger has three. Exactly. Yeah. I'm with you.

This is one of the great questions ever asked around here because I now believe I believe that each finger might have three knuckles. And I'm making this a pole. I put it on the pole. How many knuckles does each finger have?

One, two or three men that hemp oil was strong as shit. And each finger contains three joints, more commonly known as Nuckols.

The thumb is two knuckles putting a bow on our local our conversation. I texted Tim Kurkjian excellent to get a definitive answer most professional header Embiid Oh that's great.

So we've got to have him on and ask him that question. I had the answer. We also have to ask him. Oh wait a minute he just answered it already.

Timeout, timeout. I want to hear how you phrased it. Please tell me the exact word. We don't have the qualifications.

Yeah. OK Coach you good. Excuse me of leading the witness when I was just offering up an example. I want to I want to hear how you how you worded it.

I want to stop this segment right now and promise people Tim Kurkjian in the next segment. That's what I want to do.