Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the car rental studios at the Dave Ramsey Show, where Nat is dumb, Cash is king in the paid off home mortgage has taken the place of the BMW as the status symbol of choice Ramsey personality. Dr. John Delany is my co-host today here on the air, we are taking your calls about your life and your money. Open phones at eight eight two five five two two five. That's triple eight eight two five five two two five.

John, we don't spend much time on the show talking about politics. Oh, because I'm a firm believer that you control more of your life than they do. Correct. And yet where you and I are your have a doctorate in counseling and you and I were discussing that. We are seeing a new syndrome in the mental health field pop up the post-election deranged disorder.

And it manifests itself in one of two ways, depending on who you voted for or you deeply believed in. If you voted for and deeply believed in Donald Trump, you are irrationally depressed and think that the world is coming to an end. Several of my friends are contemplating, you know, where they're going to live other than the United States.

I mean, they're just have lost their dadgum minds. And then if you voted for Biden and were deeply invested in that emotionally, you have the post-election deranged disorder and are irrationally exuberant, as if we were as if you're going to get a car.

That's right. Like like Oprah got elected. You get a car and you get a car and you get a car.

No loans for anybody. Yeah. Yeah, we're just going to we're going to just completely it's communism now. We're all and we're all going to be entitled. No, guess what. They're both wrong. That's this is a mental disorder.

Yes. There's a third one and those are the folks just collecting coffee and bullets as because they think that the currency is going to be that's going to be the new currency. Right. We're just going trade coffee and bullets for food. We're going to eat our pets, which if that's the case, Tennessee is in pretty good shape.

We are going to be in great shape, Tennessee and Texas and Arkansas. That's going to be the note, the no go zone, right? Yeah.

Yeah, well, for certain, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, yeah. In really all joking aside. But not really joking.

Some of you and some of you that would fall within the circle of my personal influence as well as influence from the show, need to get a life you are not dependent upon Washington, D.C. If you are a liberal and you think that Washington, D.C. is going to solve America's problems, you are stupid. If you are a conservative and you think that Washington, D.C. is going to solve America's problems, you are stupid.

And if you think it's going to fix your life, you're stupid. I'm 60 years old. I've been working for 40 plus years earning money, paying income tax, and none of these people have sent me money. I'm. There's been kwassa, socialists and people that were conservative just to the right of Genghis Khan in the White House during these times, and none of them fixed my life or ruined my life.

Just kept plugging along, huh? Well, I mean, yours, too. Yeah, you know, your mom and daddy, my mom and daddy. I mean, it's guys, what happens at your house is more important than what happens at the White House. Why is that so hard for people to wrap their head around, we look, we want the Lone Ranger to come and rescue us, huh? We want to we want this to get easy someday.

That's what it is. This grown up thing is going to get easy someday. And somebody else is going to do the work for us and someone else is going to do the sacrifice for us. And we can be little children again. We all want that life has this hidden lottery card thinking, I'm going to get discovered, it's not going to happen, the Colonel Parker's going to come along and I'm going to be Elvis, that this whole radio and publishing thing and this whole being in the media thing is going to get easy all of a sudden.

But I'm not going to have to deal with crooked. People, right, that I'm not going to have to deal with people who betray you and talk about you behind your back. Who said they were your friends?

I keep thinking this is going to get easy. Welcome to Grown-Up Land, Boys and girls.

It gets harder, harder and harder.

There's a great theologian named Rich Mullins who said the worst part about being a Christian is that it's every single day and you could never memorize all the books of Abraham to where you never had to do anything else. Right. And if you can't finish right and I've rattled that around in my head, that works for exercising.

I can never have such a good workout on a on a Monday that you don't have to then be gone for the rest of month. Right. Well, doughnuts. Yeah. I'm just going to I don't have to. I did this good workout on Monday, so I need a box of doughnuts every morning the rest of the week and I'll think about it.

Doing another one in December, right. Yeah. And it's the same with your money. It's the same with your marriage. You wake up every day and decide I'm going to love her no matter what. Yep. In spite of myself. And I'm going to default to these things that I know. I'm going to let these children live another day.

Well, I don't know, man. I got a four and a half year old. She is pushing on me. Oh, man. You know, you part of being a grown up is nobody's going to do it for you.

And it's every day and it's every day. It's my day. Make your bad wave to your neighbor every day. Make your bed. Yeah. Do your stuff, man. Be kind every day. And guess what, you know, you being a troll. On Twitter is not going to make your life better. No one has ever been convinced to vote politically or to become or to meet Jesus by someone being mean to them. Never it's never happened.

No one has ever yelled and cussed and screamed at me and convinced me to do anything that's ever, ever right.

My whole stinking baldheaded life. It is never happened. No. You know. And so stop it. Stop. Stop it. Be a Grown-Up, what happens at your house, which is what we teach you around here, we help you with you, right. And you're the solution to your problem and you're problem to your problem, just like I am at my house and you are at your house, John.

So the Post arranged a post-election deranged disorder is real and it has to do if you placed your hope on the wrong things. Hmm. Which will always cause your hope to dissipate. Because guess what? If you place your hope on that preacher, he's going to let you down one hundred percent of the time. He's a man. That's right. He's going to screw up some know.

Say something you don't like someday. You place your hope on that. Bolshy people come to work here. They got stars in her eyes. I think Dave Ramsey is the second coming. It takes him about twenty seconds to figure out that's not right.

It didn't take me that long. But I got what you're say. I get what you're saying right now. You were saying three to John, OK? That's right. But yeah, in and it's this.

At some point folks have to go look in the mirror and say, I've got to be responsible.

Yes, there is hard stuff. Yes, there's a ton of things we got to do together. But you can't control the thing that starts with me looking in the mirror and saying I'm going to choose.

It's irrational exuberance and it's irrational depression. It really is irrational, right.

Because it means you place your hope on something that is not logical, that is not going to work, it's not going to work. It never has. So give people one or two things. They can tell me a time that Washington, D.C. fixed your life and I'll shut up about it. You know, I can't think of one.

I mean, it doesn't freakin exist. And yet people are running around hooting and hollering and honking their horns, like Biden's going to send them a car. And my conservative friends are just like they really do. Some of them really are buying coffee and bullets. I mean. Oh, my gosh. And gold bars and other stupid crowd in this morning when I got to work here, someone had put a note in my box that made my whole day start off.

Right. What is it just said, thanks for being you and thanks for some stuff I had done. But I'm telling you, though, it was not looking for somebody else to solve the problem. Somebody wrote me a note. It's that easy to be about change in your community, in your neighborhood, in your home. Be nice because there's a good start on place.

You're hoping the wrong things. Dr. John Boloney, my co-host today. This is the day, Ramsey. If you really want to win with money, you have to learn to spend less. A great tool that's helping my listeners save money is called Honey.

Honey is a free online shopping tool that finds some of the best promo codes and applies them to your cart for you. One listener said, Almost every time I shop online, honey saves me anywhere from 10 to 30 percent and allows me to put that extra cash towards my debt. Add honey to your browser today. Go to join Honey Dotcom Slash Ramsey. Dr. John Boloney Ramsey, personality author of the new quick read that is now out, officially entitled Anxiety Redefining Anxiety.

Oh, that. Yeah, taking a different look, different kind of anxiety if you get the title wrong.

That's right. That's exactly right. No, I'm excited about it, man.

It's it's a quick laser beam of a little book that gets right to the point.

Man talking about all these quick reads are like a chapter to chapter books. So it's like 30, 40 pages, right?

Well, this is about 80 pages in it. It gets right to the point. If you got to finish this picture, they let me go a little bit long. Yeah, we did have some negotiations on how long I can keep running my mouth a little bit.

Yeah, but it is about changing the way we we think of anxiety that it's a death sentence and it's forever and it doesn't have to be. Yeah.

Check it out of Dave Ramsey Dotcom. We'll get a copy of it in here and show you guys on YouTube in a few minutes. Oh, there they go. They pop it up there like we already know what we're doing and everything.

Amy's with us in Albany, New York. Hi, Amy. Welcome to The Dave Ramsey Show. Hi, how are you? Great. How can we help? Well, my husband and I have been together for about 13 years, married for about ten years. I am the responsible financial part of our heritage. And I lost my job due to covid. So I've been kind of feeling, you know, Thomkins referencing anxiety. I've been feeling super anxious, you know, regarding kind of losing my job and our finances.

He is, like I said, the polar opposite of me. And I'm like, this has been a big elephant in the room, so to speak, for our whole marriage. And I'm just trying to figure out how to get him on the same page with me.

What's he do for a living? He works for a municipality doing what he's like a commercial building inspector.

Oh, OK. All right, cool.

Does he share that you are also the responsible one or does he think he is the responsible one and he just let you have some at least to know he he shares that I'm the responsible one and I think kind of sometimes takes advantage of that.

Mm hmm. OK. All right, well, there's a whole bunch of things going on here that that the reason I ask I did for a living is I'm trying to figure out how to connect to him and speak to him in a way that allows him to hear it. OK, when he's a building inspector and he goes in and a building, if they haven't followed the formula to properly build the building, the stupid thing will fall in. And it's his job to throw a red flag.

Right.

You guys are following a formula that has a very, very, very low statistical probability of winning with wealth building and of having a high quality marriage. Correct.

So the the millionaire study that we did for Chris Hogan's book, almost all the 10000 millionaires that were married, the vast majority of them had a spouse that worked as their partner and they work together towards common goals. And so they had shared finances, they were not roommates. OK, so statistically, if you want to be a millionaire, you're doing it wrong, OK? That's kind of what we're saying, right? If you just want to say, look at the day, the data, what's the data say?

This is how you do it. And so that's from a practical guide standpoint. That's me. I'm looking at it that way now.

Relationally, what we have found actually occurs when you share everything, which is what the wedding vows say for sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer. And the old ones in the comic book of common prayer say, and until the all my worldly goods, I pledge. Isn't that a pretty old English kind of feel until the all my worldly goods I pledge? In other words, I'm yours, you're mine. We're doing this together, period, not hey, you lost your job.

I hope you work that out.

Maybe it's a little different.

And so getting on the same page and when you can agree on your spending, you're agreeing on your goals, you're agreeing on your fears, you're carrying burdens together and you're having celebrations together versus high five ing your roommate who just got a raise. Right.

What does that what does that conversation sound like when you say let's let's combine this? What is his reasoning?

So we have we tried that when we were first married. And like I said, I'm usually very responsible one and quickly realized that he could not be reeled in with, you know, spending money or not his money.

Yeah. You're not his mom. All right. Yeah, correct.

So what is the conversation like when you if you were to sit down tonight and say, hey, I want to revisit this, let's let's join let's just get one account. What would his rebuttal be?

I think she would be OK with that because of my financial stability, I guess where my concern is, is knowing that even though I've lost my my job currently, I was in a pretty good financial position, you know, with the balance of my mortgage, my savings account, my retirement account. I think she would be OK with that because he may have access then to what I have kind of saved and earned.

But you don't. You're not OK? No, I'm not especially knowing that.

So part a part of you joining it together means that we are both grown ups and we are both setting goals and we're both agreeing on how we're going to do all our money. He gets a vote, you get a vote, we write it down called a budget, and we pinky swear and spit shake that we're going to stick to the contract. And then if he goes off the rails and goes and buys something that is not on that big, some big item comes home with a 2000 dollar item and says, oh, look what I did.

He's broken the contract, he's lied. And that has to be the new terms of this deal.

And it sounds like you have a I may miss something here. It sounds like you have a pronoun problem. You keep saying that money that you saved and that you paid down. How long have you been married? Ten years. Ten years?

Yeah, I this may be a him problem right now, but it sounds like it's a you problem. It sounds like you are reticent to receive him into this, into this new, like Dave said, this new contract.

Well he has to be willing to commit to the contract and that would get rid of her her problems with this. But then you can't you can't nickel and dime him on the contract. That's not what I'm talking about.

But you say, hey, we are going to lay out a budget. We both have input on it. We both have a vote, and then we are both agreeing to be grownups and stick to it. Ain't your mama.

I'm sure she lives in pocket.

Yeah. And usually that begins with the values, with the destination conversation. Where are you headed? What are you going to do, where do we want to go together?

And I want to have this house paid off in ten years, but where are we going to be? Right. And he's got to be a part of the values, a part of the journey conversation, not a part about the did you follow my rule conversation?

Here's what's interesting with anyone, married couples or otherwise. If you say I've got a group of leaders here inside my company when we can agree on where the money is going to go and what the goal is with the money, we create a different level of spiritual and emotional unity.

Unity. That's right. Unity because you're communicating. Jesus said, your treasures where your heart is. And when you can agree on that, you're combining hearts. And so, you know, I don't dictate to our team what the budget is, they turn in a budget on one of the profit centers and vice president publishing Preston that just did this book with you. He's going to turn in a publishing budget that includes what he's going to make on redefining anxiety and what it costs and those kinds of things.

And then I'll look at that with him. And he and I may have a discussion and make some adjustments or his SVP or SVP or whatever would have that discussion. And I might get involved.

But when we have finally come to agreement on what we think we're going to make and what we think we're going to spend and the profit we're going to have as a result in that business unit, we have now joined hearts.

And you know what? She she she she said something that I want to make sure everybody years she said. And I think he's going to think this we have got to get out of other people's heads. We have to we've got to look at it so strenuous. I know. But we got to look at they're going to be in their heads. It's exhausting.

It takes a lot of energy and other people's always wrong, right? You're almost always wrong when you get in somebody else's head inside. Why they're about to do something that hadn't even done it yet. Right. Join as one. Get on the same page with where you're going to be. Join hearts, join finances and get out of each other's heads. Man One checkbook, one budget, one goal, one set of goals. One set of fears are shared.

And man, when you do that, no stopping and saying, ding, ding, it goes your probability of high quality marriage, your probability of wealth building goes we and the probability of it not being either. Otherwise, we don't have a roommate. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Yes, folks, mortgage rates are really low, and while that's great news, watch out for mortgage lenders with a slick pitch claiming they have the lowest rates.

Those deals often come with bad advice and hidden fees instead. I want you to call Churchill Mortgage to buy a new home or refinance because they think, like I do call today, triple A loan, 200 or Churchill Mortgage Dotcom.

This is a paid advertisement in MLS ID one five nine one in the as consumer access dog equal housing lender 1749 Mallory Lane Sweet 100. Brentwood, Tennessee three seven zero two seven.

Dr. John Deloney Ramsey personality is my co-host today here on the air in the lobby of Ramsey Solutions on the debt free stage. Eric and Tiffanie are with us. Hey, guys. How are you? Good. How are you guys? Better than we deserve. Debt free. Way to go.

Thanks. How much you pay off of 59000, 165? Very good. How long did this take?

About 17 months. Good for you. And your range of income during 80 and a half thousand. What are you going to do for a living?

I'm an electrician for the new electric and I am actually a surety account manager, so I issue bonds. Oh, very cool.

Good for you guys. So what kind of debt was the fifty nine thousand dollars. We had a credit card debt, two vehicles, personal loans.

Kind of like normal. Yeah. Very. How long you all been married. Eight years.

OK, that's about how long it takes to get that normal. Yes. So credit card to car loans, personal loans. Just a little bit. Everything pretty much. Yeah.

So you're kind of bopping along, living the American dream not. And what happened 17 months ago, they got all this started?

Well, I would say from probably the beginning of our marriage, it felt like a lot of things were really within our control. And so pretty early on in our marriage, for the first couple of years, we were actually going through fertility treatment. Mm hmm. And so that didn't work. And we decided to take another step and we decided to become foster parents.

And at times there was some ups and downs, lots of ups and downs. And it financially kind of hit us as well.

Yeah, we didn't make a lot of best decisions when we were doing that. And just because it was really emotional.

Yeah, it's hard because of emotion. Yeah, but we did ended up topping our youngest son Max in 2017 and that's when we decided to we well we were hoping to jump on the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. And we at the time, um, our my stepson, who's and something really hard happened to him, too. So again, another hard thing that really wasn't in our control and we had to file emergency custody for him. And so at that time, it just kept getting we kept feeling we were getting more and more and more.

We actually had to pay it off car at the time that we had to sell to pay lawyer bills. And we had we selling everything. And there came a point where we were looking at each other and we were like, I think we might have to sell our house, borrowed money from our parents. We had to borrow money from our parents. We sold everything we could. And it was just really it was a really tough, hard time.

And so as soon as that ended, we, you know, picked up Financial Peace University. We started reading what we make over and January of 2019. We we were like, that's it. We can't go through this again. We can't there can't be another situation that something happens to us, that we don't have any control.

We've got to have power and we'll have some margin when life happens. Yeah. This being out of control, things scary. Yeah, I hear you. I know exactly how you feel. That's what grown ups do. Way to go. Yeah, thanks.

I mean, you go know, we're going to get the we're going to control the control levels so that when the uncontrollable outcome then we at least have this much margin to absorb the blows when the big bad wolf comes, if we build out a brick, then we get to be the third pig.

Right. So there we go.

Hey, way to go, guys. Think very cool. So you want to financial peace university and dove in, but you and you were both like over it.

You're ready to go, right? More than ready. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. OK, it was really hard.

I don't hear a lot of dads, a lot of husbands use a word you just used. You said it was scary. Tell me about that. So it was kind of like financially terrifying as well as emotionally. So with the emotion, you obviously want to spend more money. So there was some disagreements and I think we work through it pretty well. It took a while.

But did you ever have a night where she was asleep and foster kids sleep and you're just pacing around the house trying to figure it out like every night? Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, night. It was actually more her.

I was more nervous and and about what was going to happen in court on but also like how am I going to provide for my family.

And so you guys get into this, you're rocking and rolling and then the world shuts down. Oh yeah.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Life happens. Tell me what tell me what you guys decided then.

So we actually we kind of hoarded money for a little while. And so we I was home since March. I've been working at home since March. And so we kind of paused our that's not well. And when we realized that neither of us because the city was we live in Cincinnati, I was starting to shut down a little bit. And he is the downtown foreman for his electrical company. And so we were like, I'm not sure if neither of us are gonna be able to go to work and what's going to happen.

So we actually we ordered it for a little while. More piled it up and had to write a 20000 dollar check to pay off the truck. Whoa. So feel good. Felt amazing. But it was also. Do you really want this truck? Yeah.

So I that much I thought about selling because we just went through the whole custody thing.

Yeah. Yeah. It's hard now that you're on the other side of all of this. And you've got that margin and you did it, you climb the mountain house, you feel amazing. Yeah, I feel really great. We actually have finished baby step three now, do you?

Yeah, we're very cool. That was cool. It feels good. Now, you've gone you've gone through the class.

What do you tell people the steps are to getting out of that?

Because, I mean, you were you were I mean, you had everything coming at you, pandemic's custody battles. You had everything coming at you. And you still, you know, draw your sword, fight through the thicket. And what do you tell people?

The key is, I would say sticking to a plan, making a budget and sticking to it even when you don't want to if you really want to go buy something or not cook at home that night, I think making a plan together, staying on the same page is definitely a huge key factor.

How is this helped your marriage? Oh, we can be more closer.

Mm. Yeah, I'm very good. Take frequent date nights now. Yeah. We have the baby sitter and she's awesome so it's great.

Yeah. That's cool. Very, very cool. I guess this first time you been debt free in eight years of marriage, right. Yes. Yeah, very good.

So who were your biggest cheerleaders. I saw the two of you.

Your parents. My parents. Definitely our kids. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. So your parents knew that you were doing all this then? Yeah, they helped us out a lot. I helped us through the custody, the custody, the foster and.

Oh, that's right. You said you borrowed money from them that you had to pay back.

Yeah. Did they tried to just give it to us, but we pay it back. Yeah. Wow.

They were your cheerleaders because they were like, hey, this will get us off the hook from being the bank to right there really you guys.

But yeah, we want you to be debt free. Yes we do.

We actually had something pop up on the house recently and we talked to my dad and I was like, it's going to cost us like four thousand dollars.

He's like, well, do you want some money?

And I was like, Really?

Yeah, I was fantastic. I mean, that's a different kind of dignity there. Yeah. Well done, guys.

We're so proud of you guys. Very well done. You brought the young men with you. What are their names and ages? Uh, Cameron, he is twelve. And Maxwell, he's seven. All right. You always thank you.

Very fun. What a great, great story. Very cool. Eric, Tiffany, Cam and Mae from Cincinnati. Fifty nine thousand dollars paid off.

We've got a copy of Chris Hogan's book for you every day millionaires. That's the next chapter in your story.

Then you'll have the margin to not only control the controllable, but help other people do that.

You know, if you live like no one else later, you can live and give like no one else. All right.

Fifty nine thousand dollars paid off in seventeen months, making eighty two. One hundred thousand counted down.

Let's say you're a debt free scream.

Three to one, live free. Yeah, baby, that's how it's done. You got a couple here who's already about changing legacies, right? The foster kids, step kids, they are have an open heart and open home.

And sometimes when we try to give with money we don't have, we end up weighing ourselves.

We drag ourselves underwater unintentionally. Right. And now they flipped it around. And they are not only changing hearts and legacies, but, man, now they're they're planting trees for those two boys that those boys are going to eat from fruit that those guys are never going to see. But what an incredible, incredible gift you've given them. Absolutely. Hmm. Absolutely. On so many fronts. On so many fronts. So beautifully done. Well done. You guys were very proud of your heroes and real, real heroes, man.

Amazing. This is The Dave Ramsey Show. Dr. John Boloney Ramsey personality is my co-host this hour, open phones at Elite eight to five, five to five as we take your questions about your life and your money.

Boston is with us in Charleston. That sounds confusing. Hey, Boston, what's up? Play defense for taking my call. Sure. How can I help? So I recently just graduated college in May. Twenty twenty. I'm twenty two years old and I was really fortunate my dad had the 9/11 GI Bill, so my first three years of college were absolutely free or paid for out of pocket by my parents. Wow. I yeah, I'm extremely lucky.

What's your degree? My dad always promised me that he would pay for my college tuition. Not last year. We had to take out 40 grand for my last out-of-state year. Who's we? I have to say, I took it out in my name under my credit score because my dad had a worse credit score. So it's technically out under my name and my dad has it. Sorry, my dad has automated monthly payments, so he is paying it off.

But should I just also pay that off because it's under my name or should I take the blessing and I have no other debt? And should I start like snowball investing. Hmm. What's your degree in.

Computer science. OK, and how much you're making. Seventy thousand a year. OK, good for you. Well done. Well, thank you so much. Your dad is a great guy, and I'm really thankful for his. Service and how that afforded you the first three years of school for free, and I'm also thankful for his willingness to do the other things.

However, he has no money. Right. I mean, no, no, is that is that a correct statement? He has no money. You know, I think correct. Nearly a quarter million a year, he makes a quarter of a million a year.

Yes, his military pension is 80 percent. Why is he with. I mean, he got a divorce three years ago. We gave every two years and he purchased houses and thought they were good enough to live with your dad. You know, I just graduated college, so there's no way my mom.

So there's no way we used to and now they.

But if he makes 250000 dollars a year, I would ask him to if he wants to honor this process, I would ask him to pay it off this year. Not over 20 years. Because it leaves you vulnerable. Yes, it does. I mean I mean, I am preparing and the influence that I have to take over it, it doesn't feel like that they will come because now listen, that's not that's not the point.

If he's not going to pay it off in six to 12 months, which he should do.

My God, Boston, something's something's in your soul about this deal. Why are you even asking this question? Do you not feel right taking the money now? No, it's not that I wouldn't accept it. I'm just curious if now that it falls under my name and I know you don't care about credit scores here, but you care about I care about you having a student loan debt of 40000 dollars.

Your dad doesn't have any debt. And you do you're not asking a math problem. You're asking a character question.

Yeah, I just wish it would be paid off sooner. Amen. So if he's not going to pay it off in six to 12 months after you have this discussion with him tonight, then you should.

And that will be an answer to my retirement, 10 percent. Yes, your contribution. Yes. OK.

Yeah, you're in baby step too.

Dude, you have 40000 dollars in debt with your name, right? Yeah.

And it's going to be an uncomfortable conversation and it's going to be a grown up conversation. And you're you're because your dad's your dad, you're making to him 50000.

If you can take care of this within six to 12 months, fine. If you can't, I'm going to knock it out.

OK. Actually, I should say won't. Not can't because he can. Yeah. If you want you I don't want this hanging over my head, it's in my name, I've become increasingly uncomfortable with that dad, and so I get it if something else was going on. But I'm just going to tell you, if you won't knock it out with your 250000 lower income in six to 12 months, then I'm going to because I don't want this over my head.

Yeah, that makes sense, that's not disrespectful. It's not mean you're not wagging a finger at him, you're not throwing guilt trips around, you're not calling up and going, you should really do this because you said you would you're not doing any of that. You're just going to go, Dad, you make plenty of money. I know what your income is. And I know you've been through some hard times in the past, but here we are today.

I am feeling stressed and uncomfortable, this weight of 40000 dollars across the top of my trapezoids and I can feel it on my back.

And if you won't get rid of it in six to 12 months, I'm going to.

And if he says no, just go to it, go do it and I'm accountable. Don't give him the side eye at Christmas. Yeah, just forget it. He had a plan. You're choosing to accelerate that plan, which I think is the right thing to do and then go do it.

And for future reference, OK, and this will help you with other conversations that'll come up another time. That because I've had to learn this the hard way, is that.

Good people with good intentions who handle money poorly, never have any money, and therefore always put themselves in a position to not keep their word.

And it's weird, but I mean, like like I know this guy, he's a good man and just let him move in your rental house and he'll pay the rent. No, he won't, because he's never paid rent on time. His freaking life, you know. So why am I going to all of a sudden reinvent this guy in my mind just because he's a good guy, you know? And the weird thing is he can actually be a good guy but suck at handling money.

Right? I was that guy.

I was a good guy, but I sucked at it, you know, and therefore, it left me not being a good guy sometimes, you know, because I couldn't keep my word, because I didn't have enough money to keep my word.

And I know people who make 250 grand a year who run out of money before the month is over.

I want to double it. I mean, and put any number up there. I can find somebody who spends more than they make. I mean, I just act like they live in Congress or something. I mean, my God.

So I just spend it like it's water, but, you know, and it's out of control, disorganized, chaotic. And so the point is, don't the lesson to be learned for you in the future, sir, and for all of us in the future is if there's a pattern in someone's life and you ignore that.

And ask them to accept their promise, then that's on you, right? And when you sign your name to it, assume you're paying it back. Yeah, assume you're paying it back. And if money comes in the mail, then that's right.

And again, that's not to chide you. Boston didn't do anything wrong. You're 22 years old. You're trying to figure this stuff out, man. You're stood for even calling and putting this stuff forward. So thank you for doing that. But the thing is, I quit expecting you know, this guy said people change, but not much.

You know, that's not true. They do transform.

People do change. You have the ability and the power. You know, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I can change if I choose to step into it and change. Right.

But but if somebody's got a pattern of doing something and just because you like them, you don't want that pattern to be there, it's still there. It's not going to just magically go away. Yeah.

And I had to learn that because it bit me so many times. Like, this guy's broke. He has no money. He's disorganized. He doesn't pay his bills on time. But he promised me.

That's right. And that's what I do. And he just he's turned it around.

Let's let's talk show he promised me. Oh, yeah.

It's it doesn't work that way. You have to get yourself in almost like our last debt free scream. He said, you know, we had to get to where we got sick and tired of not being able to control the uncontrollable, the variables when pandemic knocks on your door and huffed and puffed and wants to blow your house down, which it will.

Yeah. When whatever it is, the what was the you know, the child custody battle knocks on the door when infertility knocks on your door, when cancer knocks on the door. Car wrecks knock on your door. Lay offs knock on your door when 2008 knocks on your door when nine one one knocks on your door when Black Monday 1987 knocks on your door. When September 23, 1988 when I filed bankruptcy. Knocks on my door, you know, are you ready?

Right.

When the big bad wolf huffs and he pops, are you ready? Be the third pick. Say Never again, never again. This is you're never again. You're twenty twenty. It's not good for much of anything, but it's a great never again. Yeah. It's a great line in the sand. It's a great never again. Yeah.

This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Dr. John Boloney, my co-host this hour. James Childs is our producer. Kelly Daniel is our associate producer and phone screener. I am Dave Ramsey. And we'll be back.

This is James Childs, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen to Dave, Rachel Cruise, Chris Hogan or the rest of the Ramsey network anywhere with the Ramsey network app on your smartphone, catch all of our full shows, browse by topic or sing clips to your friends, head to the App Store and download the Ramsey Network app.

Didn't feel like you're in a rut and living life, just going through the motions, build confidence in yourself and learn to trust the God who created you. Check out the Kristy Wright Show, where Kristi inspires you to break through your limitations and create the life you're proud to live. Hey, all, I'm Kristy, right? You know, it's so easy to feel stuck. You live life just going through the motions, doing dishes, doing laundry, carpool lines and a whole list of commitments that bring you no joy.

Why do we live like that? That's why I want you to check out the Kristy Right show. Each episode will help you build confidence in yourself and the God that created. You hear more from the Ramsey network, including the Kristy Wright Show wherever you listen to podcast.

Hey, it's James, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.