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Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Darling Radio Studio, this is the Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. I'm Chris Hogan, filling in for Dave and cohosting. With me this hour is Dr. John Boloney. And I'm going to tell you what, we're wide awake and ready for your questions. Bring them home. Bring them. If you've got relationship situations and you go, you know what?

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This has been going on a while and it's time for it to get fixed or maybe being in proximity. covid-19 has helped you to kind of see where, boy, we have some issues or I've got some issues with some in-laws or I don't know what it is. But listen, I got a man in here that can help you. Just give us a call. Eight eight eight eight two five five two two five. Again, that's triple eight 8255, two to five.

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And if you got a money question, we can dive into that thing and talk about how to blaze your way to your future so you can become an everyday millionaire.

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If you've got a question about the baby steps, relationships, retirement.

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I know a guy, Chris Hogan, we can talk. Chris Hogan, we can help. He's here to help. All right, listen, so we're going to dive off into the calls. Dr. Lonely. I'm going to tell you, this guy's ready and he's not scared to dive into the hard stuff, whether you're dealing with anxiety, stress, relationships. And so guess what? Coming right off the gate. We're going to James. James is in Dallas, Texas.

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James, what's on your mind and how can Dr. DNA help?

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Thanks for taking my call. You're welcome, buddy. What's on your mind, man?

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So I'm just going to question I'm just wondering the best way that I can kind of help walk through a situation with my fiancee and her her mom right now. So when she was young, her mom had some issues with drug abuse. Actually, she was, you know, in and out of jail. So you haven't had a relationship for the past ten or twelve, thirteen years. But here, about two weeks ago, our mom reached out to our Facebook and she wants to she wants to meet up basically.

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And as of right now, three days with my fiance, she doesn't really want a relationship with her. But before that's done, I just wanted to kind of get some maybe some insight on is that the right thing to do? Or you know what? This is something I don't agree with.

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Wow. You know what? I James, you must care about your fiancee. Yeah. How long have you been dating?

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I've been dating about a year and a half.

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OK, that's pretty strong. Now, how old is your fiance? Say twenty three.

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OK, and so she hasn't had a relationship with her mom in ten or twelve years. Right. OK. Oh all right. Dr. Guilani. I mean mom reaches out of nowhere. Right.

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And you know what James and Chris both have this is happening all over the country. There's some there's some conversations about there's no such thing as a closed adoption anymore. 23 and me has those kind of genetic have blown the lid on, you know, family secrets all over the country. Right. And mom's circle and back and being able to track down their kids that that they shifted and changed.

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So, James, to answer your question, brother, there's not a right way to do this.

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And so I don't want you I don't want your fiancee to think there is a thing you have to do in this moment other than protect yourself and be honest with yourself. And so whenever somebody asks me about reconnection, about connecting with a parent that, you know, disappeared, that divorced my mom suddenly and I never heard of them, and now all of a sudden he's emailing me or Facebook or me or you and me, whatever. The three things I want to ask is if I'm considering reconciliation or not is why do I want to meet my just curious.

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So I just want to know or do I want to have that conversation that I've been replaying in my head over and over? I'm going to let them have it, which I'm going to tell you is an utter, complete waste of time. You won't feel better. They're not going to feel any more shame than they already do. Right. The second thing is, is make sure you kill the fantasy.

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Somebody pops back in your life after twenty years.

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You don't get all those Thanksgivings back.

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You don't get the Christmas vacations back.

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And so, James, I would sit down with my wife or my soon to be wife and let her know if you do want to have this conversation, you're not going you're going to be starting this to adults who don't know each other going this way, not reclaiming all the past stuff.

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And then the third thing is like like I started this with if she doesn't want to talk to mom, she'd have to talked to mom. She does need to feel any guilt about that because that woman gave birth to her. Yeah, but not has not been Mama. Right. And I don't want to blame her sons like she had some addiction issues. Sounds like she had her own traumas to deal with. My guess is that mom did the best she could with the tools she had, but she gave up the right to be mama.

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She chose not to live that life or her addiction dragged her down down a hole that made it impossible for her to be there. I'm not going to judge mom back then. I'm going to take care of my. 23 year old self right now. You know what? You said something that it struck a nerve, which is kill the fantasy. Now that I don't want to get by that, because a lot of people, all of us, if you're alive and breathing, create the fantasy of the best case scenario.

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I'm going to have this this conversation that I'm in right now, going to let you have it. There's music is going to swell, right? My my mom or strange dad's going to get tears in their eyes. We're going to hug and. All right.

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And then all of a sudden we're going to just snap our fingers and we're going to be in our hour long pigmies around a Christmas tree open and presents with the grandkids. That's not how that's going to play. Well, mom's probably going to come out and say, hey, I need to borrow a hundred dollars or mom may come out and say, you're beautiful. I want you to know what you did to me. Right. That's how that plays out.

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Wow. Or Mom comes out and says, you know what, I screwed up.

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I'm trying to rebuild my life one Lego brick at a time. And I want back in your life. I want to know my daughter. You're a beautiful woman. You're about to be married.

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I wanna be a part of whatever's next. And then that's when the 23 year old James's fiancee, she is an adult. She gets to decide. She makes the boundary. She makes the rules. That's right. You meet on my terms at my restaurant. I pay for my meal. You pay for your meal. I don't give you money. I get to decide if we're going to move forward. I am pro reconciliation. I'm big on forgiveness.

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Right. Big on reconciliation. But I'm also real big on being safe and not getting bit by the same rattlesnake twice, though, you know what?

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And I had a friend whose mom had been out of his life for many years and caught up. They met at a neutral site. And lo and behold, it was within two weeks. It was a money request. That's right. You know what broke his heart so quickly and so killing the family. That's why I said that struck a nerve with me, because in our minds, we do want it to go, right?

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Yeah. We watched the movie. We should have seen them. You know what movies I'm going to tell you. So I didn't want to talk about this.

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What movies are frustrating and irritating because they take an insurmountable issue and put a bow on it in 60 minutes. That's right. And we somehow in our minds feel like it should happen fast for us in real life. Right. And it's not reality.

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It's not reality. It what is reality is that James fiancee has been asking herself, both consciously and her body Vandar Cowpokes book by the name. The body keeps the score. Her body has been asking for 23 years.

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Where's my mom? Where's my mom? What did I do to separate myself from my mom? And so when that when that Facebook comes, who it's tempting to jump right back into that.

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Well, I would ask this. What advice do you give James as a fiance? He's not a husband. He's a fiancee.

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So year and a half, I'm going to I'm going to generalize James, because he's a Texas male. Texas men want to jump in and solve the problem. You know what you need to do, honey? This, this, this and this. James, don't do it.

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Be quiet. Hold your fiance's hands. Look her in the eye and say, I love you. This sucks and I will support you wherever you want to go. That's some sound advice right there, people. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. We're always looking for ways to save money, and that's why I'm a huge fan of Honey Honey is a free online shopping tool that automatically finds the best promo codes and applies them to your car. It's so easy.

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It's saving more than 18 million people over two billion dollars. Shopping online ad honey on your browser today for free. Make sure they know you're part of the Ramsey tribe by going to join honey dot com slash Ramsey.

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Hello, everyone. You are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show, I'm Chris Hogan and hosting alongside me is Dr. John Delany. We are excited to take your calls about your life as well as your money, your relationships, your drama, whatever it is you've got going on. Give us a call. We will try to help you guide through, walk through and understand the path to get to where you want to go. And so that number to call is triple eight eight two five five two two five.

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Again, that's eight eight eight eight two five five two two five. We'd love to take your question. All right. We're going back to the phone and oh, Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. I know exactly where this is. We've got Mary on the line. Mary, what is on your mind? Yes, hi, thank you for taking my call. It's a pleasure to speak to both of you. Well, thank you, ma'am. You're welcome.

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I listen every day.

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I have a relationship problem that I'm trying to break up with seven credit cards, you and I recently I recently paid off.

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So I'm I have no credit card debt. Good. And I just I just got off the phone with city cards to close the account, OK? And the ladies, like, are you sure you want to close? I've been with them for 18 plus years.

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Wow. Marie, they're not your friends out there. And I'm like, oh my God. I said, I have to sleep on it, you know?

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OK, Laurie, listen, listen, if you had cancer for 18 years and you went into the doctor and they said, I can solve this today, would you say let me sleep on it?

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I've gotten to really love this giant tumor that I carry around with me that's poisoning my heart in my life and my relationships.

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No so hard. I have to know, after eight years of being in the I am that debt score, credit card gang, fan club, what causes you to get serious about paying them off? Well, I recently lost a house, then I was renting and then that property was sold and I had to move again and my credit was awful so I couldn't get a mortgage. So I took money out of my IRA, which I just got done paying the IRS income tax on that money.

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So I, I, I bought the house cash my home paid for.

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So Mary, what's what, what is what's the this is me being serious. What's the fear. What are you scared of? I guess the fear is, is, you know, old habits die.

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It's not old, it's fear of what's the fear meeting.

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There you go. Needing the card. Yeah. Do you have an emergency? Maybe needing. I, I only have a thousand dollars right now. OK. What about of debt. Except for a personal loan for seven thousand which I plan to pay off by. What's your income, April. I'm retired, so I get pension and Social Security, which is two thousand seven hundred forty dollars a month.

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OK, so you can have you've got a paid off house paid off. I paid off 10. Including the IRS, and since February. Up until, what, July 15th, I had to pay my taxes ten thousand six hundred one dollars. OK, well, listen, when the IRS and credit card I'm proud of you now. I have seven cards to close. Right.

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And you're going to have to listen. You're gonna have to stand your ground. OK, Marina, I don't know if in your history were you ever married at all? Twice. OK, did you date a lot to. Yes. Did you ever date anybody that was crazy? Yes. Do you remember now? Hold on a minute. Do you remember trying to break up with him? OK, you remember that it wasn't easy, right?

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Because they would keep coming, wouldn't they? Yeah, yeah, it wasn't easy. It was very difficult. Yeah, I'm telling you this because you try to close out these credit cards. It's like you trying to get away from crazy. But here's the deal. You don't you don't just tiptoe away from crazy. You run. And I mean all out tracks you down low run in the wind, OK, you get away from it.

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And that's exactly what you're going to have do with these credit cards. They're going to offer you to drop the interest rate. They're going to act like they're your best friend, like they give you a kidney if you needed it. You and I both know what's a lie. Listen to me. Keep the clarity of mind open. Shut them down. Get it out of your life. It's paid off. You have a home outright. You've put yourself on a path for different psychologically.

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You're going to have to get ready. It is scary because you've never done it before, but can also be awesome. You don't know. You've never done it before. Trust us, you going on this path, you're not going to regret it. And I would tell you, you're close out the credit card. You move forward if two years down the road, your life just is incomplete because you don't have it, then go get another one.

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It's the wrong Deagon move to take. Almost said a different word. I'm glad it didn't, but you don't need to.

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So let me ask you this. This is a baby steps question. You're going to learn me because you're a math guy.

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I'm I've got a paid off house. I've got no debts. In February on a fixed income, I still manage to manage to pay off ten grand. I've got these seven empty cards out there.

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I've fallen in love with them. They're beautiful. I love them in my life. They feel good in my wallet. But I'll have a thousand dollar emergency fund. Do you want somebody getting that three months before they cut all these up? Nor do you want someone getting six months for college. I want you. You've paid them off.

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Cut them up, close them down and get them out of your life. You have the thousand dollars there. So that means if something were to happen and this is where people will take me, John. Well, Chris, you know what? If I need a car repair, you have the thousand dollars. See, what we're trying to do is that, Brett, the brake, the debt cycle, it's a psychological cycle and a grip, as well as this emotional tie.

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And the lady told me once she goes, Chris, I've been a member of American Express since 87. And I go, what did it get you? She goes, what do you mean? I go, Well, it says it on the car. She goes, I know, but I belong.

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I said to them, That's all right. Oh. And she looked at me and a little lip got quivering.

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Right. Because she she, she had identified with that that that was her.

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That's not you, Chris. I've never even thought about what a deviant psychological psychological moved you are.

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Oh. A member like you belong to the what I love that call brotherhood of self. Yeah.

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I mean it's just it's and so helping people shift their mindset on that, you shut them things down, get it out of your life. You know, Marie, what you've done is with a home outright, I want you to build up the emergency fund, then begin to invest. Be aware. Just don't go backwards, honey. I mean, that's the thing. It's this time and age where people are at home where one or two clicks away from boxes showing up and overspending and busting your budget.

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So just remain clear and calm. You can get there, John, from a psychological standpoint of helping people to do something they've never done before. Right. What have you found? I know you've worked with people, police officers. I mean, you know, you allow all kinds of situations, but psychologically, what do we have to do for ourselves in order to make change happen?

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I think we have to say I'm done with this. You've got to have a commitment. Yeah. Number two, you've got to have a place you got have a picture of where you're headed. No, you've got it's got to be clear, not just want to make more money, not just I need a better job.

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What does that look like? And most people cannot answer this question.

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What do you want. What do you want? Like. Well, you know and I don't know. What do you want? I want more money. What do you want? And most people don't even have a psychology for what peace feels like. Hmm.

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What not being owned feels like, what not being indebted to somebody feels like. Right. Being joyful feels like.

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And so the third thing is you got to have somebody with you, you got a community to walk with you because doing new things hard means you're going to stumble, you're going to fall down.

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And it just is easy to lay there sometimes. And you got up, somebody pick you up. You've got absolutely texture in the morning. You have something and it's going to call you. You've got to say no more. Here's what this is going to look like. And I've got to get somebody to walk with me. Or two people. Or five people. Or ten people. Yeah, no, I'm great.

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A long time I've been with the same woman for even longer and I've got to have a marriage counselor every once in a while.

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I've got to have somebody that I know is going to ask me about my marriage. I got to have several people are going to ask me how I be as a husband and they're going to kick my butt when I when I screw up and they're going to pick my butt up on a fall down and they're going to cheer me. I want to do well, right?

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Yeah. No, that's right. That's a men's group. I've got we get in there, we talk about emotions and the feelings. Oh, yeah. But she's getting real because you look at this and you realize I'm feeling them and I got them. So what are they doing? They're either running me or I'm running them. Right. I got a chance to make a choice. I'm grown and I choose better. That's a decision I'm making every day.

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All people stay with us. We're having fun. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Well, we all have enough on our plates, right? The last thing we need is to not get a good night's sleep. Think about how effective you're going to be during the day if you can't even think clearly because you didn't actually rest. That's one of the reasons I've been recommending Tufte and Neidl. My family has their mattresses and they start as low as 350 dollars plus.

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You can try it out 100 nights risk free, go to 10 dotcom to pick yours out. They ship it to your door for free. That's 10 dotcom.

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Hello, everyone. You are listening to the Dave Ramsey Show, I'm Chris Hogan and hosting along with me this hour is Dr. John Deloney. And we've been taking your calls on relationships, on money, on life, all the things that you have going on. But listen, I want to get real with you for a second. Some of you are getting close to baby step number four. And maybe you're freaking out because you realize, man, I've got to get to investing 15 percent of my income for retirement and I have no idea about how to begin to do it.

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And it's OK to have a bunch of questions when you first get started. Everyone does. The trick is to work with a professional. When you work with someone that knows what they're doing, they can instill confidence in you and to help for you to see the path you're on.

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So a smart Vesterbro can answer those questions in plain English, not talk at you, but have a conversation with you where you start to see and understand things on a whole nother level, because when you're investing, you need to know what it is you're investing in. You need to be clear. So you need a smart Vesterbro to help you understand easily to see it. We call that a good teacher, so never again sit around freaking out about the future.

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Never again should you wonder if you're going to retire with a million dollars, are building great wealth. Do something about it. So what I want you to do is to go to Dave Ramsey Dotcom slash Smart Vestor that's Dave Ramsey. Com slash smart vestor and get started building. Well today these are people that are professionals. They care about you and your future. They will walk with you through this process. OK, so we're taking calls. You've had we've had a really good balance that calls of people with life situations.

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We got people calling with money situations, sometimes with both. And that's OK. We just want you to know you're not by yourself. So give us a call. We're here. I have properly caffeinated baloney. So he is awake. I'm ready. I know too much, sweetie. Too much. He he's he's from Texas. He can't handle it. But anyway, we're going we're going. We're going to pray for him, do what we got to do.

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But here's where we get back to the phone lines. We got Mitchell on the line. Mitchell, how can we help you? Yes, thank you for taking my call, Chris and Dr. D, my question is I'm working through the baby steps on babies, that number two and all I have left after car's been paid and credit cards is student loans. OK, sold about 67000 left in student loan debt. And I decided to pick up a second job to help me pay that off.

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Right. That is with a food delivery service that counts you as a ten ninety nine. So my question is, do I want to focus in on putting money aside for taxes or do I want to use as much income with that second job to pay off the student loan debt and maybe tackle the taxes come next spring?

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OK, but this is a very good question, Mitchell. And you've got 67000 student loan debt and then any other debt outside of it. No. OK. About how much are you making right now on this side gig? Well, I've only been doing it for two weeks now, and it's averaged about four hundred and fifty dollars per week. OK, all right.

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So 450 fifty a week. Here's what I would tell you to do. I'm going to advise you to set aside taxes right now, OK? Meaning I would look at 25 percent and that could be a little high, but to 25 percent from each paycheck. Set it aside over in a savings account. All right. And I would just do that every week. So then at the end of the year, when you are filing, if you do owe on that, because there will be some owing, obviously you make an income, but you've set aside that money.

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And if you followed that 25 percent rule, I don't care if you get to making two grand a week or two grand a month, that will make sure that you've got money set aside.

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Does that make sense? Yes. Yeah. Because what you don't want to do and I love this.

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I love that you're willing to hustle, but. Oh, yes, I really do. And I would tell you this, the main thing is this. Remember, as you are doing that, when you get paid, as soon as you get paid, go ahead and apply that to the debt.

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Like, don't let it sit in there because the money just sitting in your checking account, there's a name for it is called spin. All right. So, yeah, it is. So as soon as you deposit it, go ahead and do that. But definitely set aside you don't want to cause any kind of issues for you. And that would meaning be for your state because you're in Pennsylvania and Lord knows they love state taxes there. I lived there for five years, so you got to deal with the state as well as the federal side.

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Do me a favor. Go to Dave Ramsey dot com and click on the tax l.p. I want you to go ahead and get connected with one of our indorse local providers there with taxes so you could just have a phone conversation with them. Be aware of what you need to set aside on the state side as well as the federal side either way. But you are making progress toward attacking that student loan debt. Love it. Don't you've seen this?

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I mean, you worked on in the college scene for how many years way?

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A lot. A lot of years. 15, 16 years.

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OK, I mean, so, you know, this the reality of this student debt thing, this student loan debt, this is real ugly, ugly, ugly and hurts. I mean, it hurts.

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I mean, it's a lot what is it we've got one point seven trillion dollars billion, one point seven trillion affecting around 53 million Americans. Yeah, that's what we call an epidemic. But that's an epidemic.

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A painful, painful process we're all working through right now. It really is. All right. We're going to stay on the phone lines. Got Marcia. Marcia, how can we help you? Hi, thanks for speaking with me today. We've just sold a larger home and we will have our remaining balance of about one hundred and sixty eight thousand once our current home is paid off later this month. I'm trying to figure out, should we be investing more than the 15 percent to catch up on our retirement?

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And if so, what kind of percentage are we? Should we be doing?

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OK, so you won't downsize? Got another house paid for for cash. Is this right?

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Close to when we when we close in two weeks will be able to pay the remainder off interest and you'll have 160000 left.

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That's correct. All right, and how much do you all have saved toward retirement? Only about 255, 255. OK, and how old are you all? I'm 58. He's 63. But we also have an annual pension of eighty six thousand. Okay, so you've got a pension.

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So of 168 as we look at this. What's your husband want to do with it? Well, he wants to build a shop and redo the kitchen and save some of that, but I'm kind of like more being more conservative, I'd like to, like, save at least a hundred of it and then maybe do some of the things, but not all of them and not all on that one. Yeah, well, I'm with you.

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I mean, as you look at it, you've got a house. You know, I want to be smart. You got 168, you got 255. What I would do is you guys, what was your mortgage payment on the old house? On the old house, we owned that free and clear. OK, so you didn't have a mortgage payment? Now, OK, so we bought the new one we had a mortgage payment on, but now we were selling this one, we were we were comfortable with that.

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OK, a little bit.

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All right. So you have no mortgage. What I would say is, let's sit down, get a list, make a priority list of what he wants to do, make a priority list of what you want to do. And I want you all to start to put some dollar amounts on that. What I want you to do is to rank the top two that you're going to start to save toward now. And looking at this Marsia one hundred sixty eight thousand.

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I don't have a problem with you all doing 18 Varan right. Either toward toward the item for this year. Does that make sense. Yeah that's so you don't want to. I'd like your husband to do the shop in the kitchen. That's a no. OK, because that's just silly. Right. So we've got to pick one. Right. And I think I know which one you're going to go with. It's the one that's going that you think you're going to lose.

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Well, here's the thing.

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It's a win win. Either you get a great new kitchen or his butt goes out to shop. Either way, Marcia's winning this one.

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But Marshall, seriously, I think that priorities prioritization and starting to put dollar amounts to it where you're saving towards something, you know, you got a new home. And typically people, Dr. B will get into what it's like once they get a house and they're going to get a vehicle fired, they're going to say we're going to get new furniture. And so Marcha, I would I would just be clear. I think you all definitely do need to invest at least 150000 of this.

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I think it's OK to use around 18, but you all could use that and set it aside and then start to cash flow and say, hey, we're going to say 1500 a month toward doing this thing and you just make that a part of your budget and they make eighty six thousand a year.

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No house payment. That's right. So it's going to take a long time for some of these projects. That's exactly right.

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And what I want is it to matter, right? Like it. If you save toward it, you'll it'll matter if you do it real quick and you throw up the shop and you do the kitchen, I assure you in six months you're going to have something else you want to get done. Are you going to wish, man? I wish after living here for seven months, I wish the shop was over here. I wish you'd put the ovens of debris.

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The men just get into the new house and get unpacked. Relax. But March, I appreciate you reaching out because you're trying to have a game plan ahead of time because you know your husband. Well, better not do. Hey, he's lucky to have you, Marsha. Oh, we've got to stay focused. People are not finished. This is the Dave Ramsey Show. Hello, everybody, welcome back to the Dave Ramsey Show, we are having a blast, and I will tell you something, if you're not on the phone line, well, that's your fault because we're here like Tony and I, we're here ready to take your call.

[00:30:05]

That number to call is triple eight, eight to five, five to five. Again, that's eight eight eight eight two five five three, two, five. And don't forget to follow us on social media. Please download it. I'll have a contest of who's going to get the most people on Instagram. So follow me at Krosoczka 360.

[00:30:19]

You can follow him at John Villone. Right now, he's outpacing me people, so I need you to step it up.

[00:30:25]

I'm not easy. Let's be honest. In the day. For the day. On the day. Yeah. For just for the day. Every day. I just had a few years jump start. It's going to wake you up a little bit every day. But yeah, I just I've got a few years jump start on you, but it's, it's all good.

[00:30:38]

My wife tells me I was born in the wrong century, so I'm new to all this new arts and hopefully a dude from the fifties.

[00:30:44]

Things were simpler back then. Yeah. They were wrong and a lot of evil but they were simpler.

[00:30:49]

I belong in the 70s. I think you have long hair and a good mullet going no do.

[00:30:55]

But I could wear the bellbottom. I could, I could rock those. All right, listen, if you're out there, call us. We're getting on the phone. We got Matt. Matt is on the line from Panama City, Florida. Matt, how can we help you?

[00:31:08]

Good afternoon, gentlemen. Thank you for taking my call. I got a question about paying off collections. Let me just step two. I've got my baby, step one, all taken care of. And I got all little bit left to pay on my my car loan. And then after that, the only thing I have is collection from when I was young and impulsive and know, OK. So how many collection accounts do you think you have? I recently pulled all my credit reports to kind of get an idea of everything I have, OK, and the I have a total of eight firm.

[00:31:43]

There are two that are just medical bills from several years ago. There are three credit cards and then there's a utility bill and a I ended up having to leave out of the apartment early. So the collections account for two months of rent for that.

[00:31:59]

OK, so here's the reality. I want you to attack the active current debts first, and then from there you can start to attack these dormant debts. I'll call them. They're older. Now, what you're going to want to do is do it, get a debt verification. What that means is you want them to prove what it is you owe. That's going to require going back and looking at the old contract. That's going to be, you know, that's the verifying because you want to be crystal clear, because what happens with this math is once an account charges off, i.e., no payment for six months or more, what happens is, is that the company, the main company wipes it off the books, but they sell it to a collection company.

[00:32:39]

This collection company will buy it for pennies on the dollar, begin to reach out to you to try to do it. If they don't get anything, then they'll sell it. So it's a thing where it can move around three or four times, not with the original creditor. So you need debt verification on what it is. You need to get it in writing what it is that they're willing to accept if it's a settlement. And then that way you can write a check.

[00:33:00]

I'd get a cashier's check where it's certified. It's clear I'd send it with delivery confirmation. So you can know not only that they got it, but who signed for it and you allowed to dig yourself and go forward from there. So kudos to you for doing your legwork and doing the credit report, Paul, so you can know what it is you're dealing with. Buddy, that is definitely the way to go.

[00:33:20]

I just want to kudos to Matt for this. It's easy to think he old debts and collections, those guys are.

[00:33:26]

And you start blaming the people that you borrowed the money from and not as a guy of integrity that says no matter how old this is, at one point I told these folks, you give me this, I'll pay you back. That's right.

[00:33:38]

And your integrity is on the line. Your heart's on the line. And good for you, Matt, for digging up and doing right. No matter how long no matter how far time has passed. You're doing right.

[00:33:48]

And I applaud you for your attitude, buddy. And so just be clear and it's going to require you having some patience with it and really digging in and following through. But keep records also. Once you get that cashier's check, please make a copy of it along with any letter or correspondence you get that way, you've got it in file. And you can also then request that the credit report updates to make sure that they get it reported. Right.

[00:34:12]

Right. So once you pay it off, they've got around 30 days for it to update and to show paid in full as opposed to showing you as a Kalat, which is Seo Acti. That's what the collection accounts will show. Thank you for that. Next up, we got Shawn Shawn out of Pittsburgh. Shawn, how can John and I help you today?

[00:34:32]

Thank you. I just wanted to tell you guys both. Thank you very much. Now, you released a video a couple of days ago about writing a note to your parents, and I'll be doing that soon. So start off my arm. My mom passed away at the age of 48 on Friday. And her brother, Shawn.

[00:34:48]

I'm sorry. Hey, hold on. Hold on. Stop present. I'm sorry, man.

[00:34:54]

Thank you. That's too soon for d.H too soon, brother. I'm sorry, it sucks, man. What happened?

[00:35:01]

John thank you. She's been battling she had two open heart surgeries in the past two years. And some things with our medical help hasn't just been catching up. It has been, you know, coming back. And I think her birthday was on the 10th. She got out of the hospital for her birthday and then the day after her birthday.

[00:35:20]

With that, we are able to have a funeral and celebrate her life.

[00:35:26]

That will be tomorrow. The celebration will be tomorrow will be pretty fun. And having a family together. Yes.

[00:35:32]

How many brothers and sisters do you have? For an immediate family, for a total OK.

[00:35:42]

OK, Sean.

[00:35:43]

All right, so big family and prayers are with you. Yeah, without a doubt. Are you being tasked with handling all the details for this? Correct. OK. And I don't want to make any mistakes with this. I understand she said she had a will. I cannot find the will. Mm hmm. So I know she has a house. She has been. I don't know what the total amount is on the house. So it's just as a family.

[00:36:10]

That's the kind of hope she would take that over if she wants to. But as far as like the car, which is paid off of other things, I want to make sure everything gets done and delegated correctly. Yes. Between everybody, even with the house. But I just want to know how to go about kind of keeping the path, you know, now I know I am the oldest.

[00:36:34]

Well, here's here's what's going to have to happen, buddy. There's a lot. And what I'm going to do is going to get your information. I'm going to get you connected with one of our financial coaches because there's a lot of details here. First and foremost, you're going to want to get 10 certified copies of the death certificate, certified copies, which the hospital will be able to provide you. You're going to want to pull your mom's credit report so you can find out all the debts that are open, the mortgage payment, that statement gets mailed.

[00:37:05]

So you're going to be able to get the mail and see exactly what's going on. But this financial coach is going to walk you through these things because that's what I've trained them to do, to be able to walk you through this process. There's a lot of details, a lot of eyes to not in a lot of T's to cross. We'll get to those. I think right now what you have to do is embrace the fact that your mom passed away.

[00:37:25]

And I don't want you to run so quick into details that you forget to feel that your mom just passed away. That's right. And so we'll have a coach that will guide you. And this will be as a gift for me to you. They will meet with you and walk you through this process to help you all begin to get some things in place. This is not the time nor the place to try to walk through all the minutia and those details because your mom just passed away and you need to have presence of mind to be there for your siblings and to celebrate.

[00:37:57]

And I like that you said that because that's exactly what you got to do, is you celebrate that life that has caused a lot of memories for you all.

[00:38:05]

Yeah. Honor the next couple of days. Do nothing. Enjoy it. Yeah, grieve it. Like you said. Watch the YouTube clip. Write your mom a letter that's a beautiful moment and feel it. And one thing I want to press on you as the older brother, you're going to feel a lot of weight. Somebody's got to step up and everyone's going to look to you at some point in the next week or two. I want you to call a meeting with your brothers and sisters, and I want you to say effective immediately, there's no fighting, there's no backbiting, there's no nonsense.

[00:38:38]

We're going to honor my mom moving forward. I'm going to take the reins here and I'm going to call on each one of you for help as we get going forward. Nonsense stops. We're going to love each other and we're going to be praying for your brother.

[00:38:50]

That's fantastic. Listen, scripture of the day, but grow in the grace, the knowledge of our lord and Savior Jesus Christ to him be the glory both now and forever. Amen. Second, Peter 318, the quote Vincent Van Gogh. Normality is a paved road. It's comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow. Listen, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to tune in. I want to thank producer James Schild, associate producer Kelly Daniel.

[00:39:14]

And I want to thank all of you all for tuning in. And John, thank you, buddy. This was fun. You did good today, Christopher. Well, you did pretty good as well. Thank you for joining. Let us do it again. This has been the Dave Ramsey Show. This is James Chiles, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show on your smart speaker. You can add our skill by saying, Alexa, open the Ramsey network skill.

[00:39:46]

From there, you can listen to all our shows. Ask Dave money questions like how do I invest my money or what is the debt snowball? Find out more at Dave Ramsey. Dotcom smart speaker. Feel like you're in a rut and living life. Just going through the motions. Build confidence in yourself and learn to trust the God who created you. Check out the Christy Wright Show, where Christy inspires you to break through your limitations and create the life you're proud to live.

[00:40:12]

Hey, all, I'm Christy, right? You know, it's so easy to feel stuck. You live life just going through the motions, doing dishes, doing laundry, carpool lines and a whole list of commitments that bring you no joy. Why do we live like that? That's why I want you to check out the Christy Right show. Each episode will help you build confidence in yourself and the God that created. You hear more from the Ramsey network, including the Christy Wright Show wherever you listen to podcast.

[00:40:41]

Hey, it's James, producer of The Dave Ramsey Show. This episode is over, but check the episode notes for links to products and services you've heard about during this episode. Thanks for listening.