From the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, broadcasting from the Daily Car Rental Studio, this is The Dave Ramsey Show, where America hangs out to have a conversation about your life and your money. My name is Anthony O'Neill, host of the popular YouTube show The Table with AOL. And cohosting with me is the Dr. John Delaney, host of the Dr. John Delaney YouTube show and podcast. This guy is ripping the airwaves with his wisdom and knowledge around anxiety, mental health.

And so today we are just really, really excited to be talking to you. Triple eight, 8255 225. Give us a call. We are taking a couple of calls. But coming up on the next segment for the rest of the hour, my dear friend, I call her my mother from another mother.

You'll see what I'm talking about, Dr. Migg. We don't even know what that means, Anthony. I mean, you know, this is Dave Ramsey Show. You see exactly what I mean when she comes on. All right. I love my mother who doesn't look like me. Just put it like there you go. But she's an amazing thought leader in the whole parenting space, a best selling author. And we're we talking about her book, Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture, 11 steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy and safe.

And so she'll be on here going into the next segment for the next hour with us. As for the rest of this hour. And so give us a call if you have any questions around your daughter, around your son, around kids in general, you have actually you have three people to talk to, not to make myself, in my experience in space and who you with your doctorial experience.

And so I think I'm excited to get a real medical doctor on here.

OK, Amy, listen, I'm just excited to be in between two doctors because when you in between two doctors got to become a doctor.

So I love it. So triple eight eight two eight eight 255 225. The lobby is jam packed with some amazing people out there. So thank you all for coming this Friday. But you know what? Let's jump out to Charlotte, North Carolina, have a conversation with Tom. Tom, good afternoon. How can I help?

Yes. Hi, guys. So I have a question. I'm on baby step two and I have about 110 10k in debt and I have about 60 K savings. And based on the baby steps, you know, what I'm going to do is take the savings and throw it at the debts and then start addressing the rest of the debt. Basically, we are a single income family with the floor, so my wife and two kids. So what I'm worried about is, you know, I'm going to spend all my savings and then stick with a thousand dollars in our savings for the next two years until we start saving up for the, you know, three to six months of expenses.

So my question really is like, is there a different approach I may need to consider? Basically, you know, they call it and, you know, just being single, family, single.

Yes. Talk to me a little bit about this. What what kind of debt do you have right now, Tom? So 90 k of that about a student loans, and then it's just under 20 K on the car. OK. OK, what kind of car do you have? It's the holiday season on The Odyssey. How much is it worth? How much is it worth? Yes, it's it is a two year old car. Oh, OK.

So this is a 2090. Correct. OK. All right, all right, I'm curious, can you sell it and break even? Maybe I'll have to check, I mean, right now I say only like they checked last night about 17, 17.

So here's my thing. You can sell that. You say you have 60000 dollars in a savings account. I have a problem. Are you going to buy a cash car about five grand, five, 10 grand and then take the rest of that money, go towards your debt. Now you're down to about 60, 50, 60 thousand dollars in debt. What do you make a year? What's your annual income?

Oh, about 70 to 72000. Right. Right. OK, so you make good money. Got a good family. I would say within the next two years you could be debt free 12 to 18 months if you really, really work it. You know, you bought a brand new car, it sounds like. And so I'm not upset. I'm not upset with you because you made that decision. But how do we fix this decision? How do we go head and say, you know what, I want to be debt free.

I have 60000 dollars cash. I have a 20000 on the car that I can get rid of today or sell it here immediately. So let me sell it, buy a quality car use that can get my family, my my self around, and then let's attack this student loan debt.

OK, so that's what I would do. Do you see anything here? Not today, no.

And in fact, he's going to take after he buys a five or ten thousand dollar car, he's going to take the rest of that money and dump it in a student loan. Is that right?

Yeah, absolutely. So everything goes into the student loans. And now let me let me tell you this time, and I want America to hear hear this as well.

Everyone keeps saying, I mean, I'm nervous. I have a thousand dollars in the savings account, especially for the next two years. And with everything happening, Tom, do you have are you still currently working right now?

Correct. Yeah. And I just wanted to clarify. So are you saying I would still you would suggest to take all of the savings, perhaps the proceeds from the card towards. Yes. Thousand dollars in the pocket.

Yes. And here's why. Because you still have a guaranteed income coming in. You don't have any issues with Kobe preventing you from having any money coming in. And a lot of people are nervous about that. And I'll be honest, I'm one of them. I'm nervous.

I was nervous when I first started, you know, and as I started listening to Dave when I took this class about almost 12 years ago, Dave will clearly say this is not that no one is not supposed to be comfortable. It's not OK. We want to be a little uncomfortable. So that way you're working hard through baby step number two. If you're comfortable and baby step number one, then you're going to be coasting throughout baby step number two.

So when you have that little feeling behind, you say you need to hurry up and get out of debt. That brings you a little bit more a little momentum. And then from there, it's like, OK, I need to hurry up.

I need to push through this. And so for me, probably what it took me about four years to get out of my debt situation. Around that time, it took me a year because I didn't want to play around with it. And so, yes, I want you to go ahead and use all your money from your savings account, put it on top of your your debt. You have a thousand dollars there and you'll be all right.

And so a quick run of these numbers, Anthony, he owes 120 grand. He sells that car. So he's down to a hundred. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then he takes ten of that thousand bucks and buys a car. A good used car. Right. He's got fifty grand left. Right.

So after this one phone call he can go from one twenty down to 50000 dollars. He's got a 70000 dollar income. Yes. He may get a second job. His wife might have to pick up an extra shift and they're going to work like crazy in an eighteen months are going to be done with this.

Rice and beans, beans and rice can be done with this thing. You know, a date. That's Dave. Same for me. My thing was tomato and hot dogs, hot dogs and tomato roasts.

It was it was. Hey, man, it was good. It was good for me back then. My mom. It's easy to get rice. Yep. Easy to get hot dogs. Easy get tomatoes. So we'll just mix that up and I'll kill it. Put some salt and pepper butter in there. That was my dinner and my lunch. Sometimes heated lobbyist laughing because they know that's what's up. I would like rice and beans is nasty beans and rice is nasty.

Anthony hot dogs and tomatoes. But I got this thing like rice and tomatoes.

It's good pro America. I'm going off to go take a break for a minute.

I'm to go take a break. Oh, man.

Listen, I hear you guys. Coming up next is our dear friend out, Meg Meeker, best selling author. And she is killing the world right now in a good way, helping parents relate and raise strong daughters. So give us a call, triple eight 8255. If you have any questions around your daughter, around your side, we're going to take the next three segments to talk about your kids and how we can help you make them a better individual.

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Triple eight eight two five five two two five. You just now joining us. My name is Anthony O'Neal. That's John Delaney and my dear friend, not to make Meeker's joining us here on the Dave Ramsey Show. And I am extremely excited to have you got to make how are you male?

I am doing well. I miss you. I mean, I miss you, too. We were supposed to do smarts back in the spring.

Yes. And we didn't. And then we were supposed to in the summer and we didn't. So now we're doing smart tomorrow. It's going to be very different.

But I think it's going to be great. Things will be impactful. Yes. Oh, yeah.

You're here. You're going to be talking about parenting from your book, raising a strong daughter and a toxic culture not to make and not to be.

What are you talking about? I've got some questions for you because I've got a daughter and I may or may not have something to do with how she turns out. So we're definitely.

Well, I'm not. But that's not the question asked. Would you ask me?

I'm all excited to have Dr. Meeker hear me, and I'm pretty fired up. I said, what are we talking about? At Smart conference tomorrow?

We talk about anxiety, anxiety, a new way to look at it, a new way to look at, OK, I'm going to be talking about how to manage and build a mindset of success. Awesome. Yeah. So I'll go to Dave Ramsey outcome for slash events. I don't know the address. I wasn't supposed to promote it. I'm just promoting it, James. So. Yeah, but check it out and join us. But Dr. May, let's talk about your book.

Give the world just a general overview of what this book is about. I put this up right.

So thanks.

I tell you, I wrote Raising a Strong Daughter in Toxic Culture because, you know, I've been doing this for a long time. I've been taking care of kids and teenagers for over 30 years now. And what I'm seeing is a lot of anxiety. Parents who are scared to death of the influences of the kids, social media, sexting, you know, and everything that's going on, the sexualization of girls. So I said, you know, I really want to address this because I was getting so many questions from parents on my, you know, Facebook and Instagram.

And so I said, I'm really going to address these issues and help dispel fear, but also to teach parents, don't parent out of fear.

Yeah. You know, you got this. Yeah.

Yeah. There's horrible stuff out there in social media and so forth, but there's something you can do. Don't don't give up. So I really it really came out of just answering the same questions over and over with parents and trying to just quell their fear.

Really. Yeah. Yeah. Now you and I have been to a smart conference stages for about two or three years now.

And one of the things that I have to commend you on that I had I don't hear a lot of ladies doing this, but you challenge mothers to respect and to include fathers more into the process of their children. And I know this book is, you know, a little different, but I want to I really want to address it to the world. Why do you do that?

I love that about you. Because I can't. I don't. You know, it's interesting. Again, I wrote Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters because I witnessed a lot of great dads and the impact they were having on a kid. So I wrote that and I had because I'm a woman, I have the ability to talk to mothers and say things a man couldn't do.

Yes, you do. Really very serious.

Look, you know, your your husband's in charge, your daughter's wardrobe. Yes. And a man can't do that.

Oh, yeah. You got a daughter? I do have a daughter. I mean. I mean, does your wife let you tell you what you could do with your daughter?

No, my wife, she's she's more long next line, which is strongly encouraged me to be involved.

And I, I think I think most dads I know try to look at the big things. But to me it's the little things. Yeah, it's the getting down. Look at her at the in the eye. And when I ask her the following, hey, you wanna go play family upstairs in her, whatever, are you going to go run around and catch the Dragons. It's like I just offered a grown up a million dollars. She lights up like she'll do anything for my attentions and undivided attention.

Right. Yeah. And it's not always these big flashy let's go buy dresses.

Sometimes it's just going to go outside and catch a dragon, right. Yeah. Or do you want to go change the oil in the car with me. Absolutely. It's kind of like car together, what it's all about.

And I think that men, often fathers are often a little intimidated to sort of move in and ask girls to do the small things because they feel like I don't know how to relate to her. You know, mom can relate to her. And I said, no, no, no, dad move in, particularly when they're teenagers.

And that's when dads want to move out because they're they're lovely. Twelve year old who will sit on their lap. All sun comes downstairs one day and says, get away.

I can't stand it. You're creepy. Yeah, right. Right. Dads, take it personally. Yeah. And they go, OK, I am creepy. No, it's all about her. It's not about you. That's right. Yeah, sort of. Really. And it's kind of what I do in here. And raising a strong daughter. I have a whole chapter and dad's whole chapter. Mom's on how the influence that they give their daughter.

A very, very different. Oh, tell me about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Well, you probably know, you know, with a dad and a mom from a daughter's perspective. And I know women don't like to hear this, but dad is huge. Dad is an authority where the capital, if they perceive that mom has to be there for them, because if your mom doesn't love you and like like you, you might as well not be alive.

Right. She's the one person has to like you. OK? OK, but a father doesn't you know, a father is just a kid's perspective. It may not be real. You could have the best dad in the whole wide world. But from a daughter's perspective, if you if your dad comes along and says you can do something, oh, you're going to do it. Yeah. Your mother can say, oh, you can do that. You can do that.

You can do you're like, yeah, you're saying that because you have to. You're my mom. Wow. But when dad says it, it's a done deal. Wow. In a kid's eyes. Yeah.

And so, so it's very different if you're dad, you know, says something to about a guy that you're going to date, girls go, oh you don't get it, you don't get it deep. But deep down they feel so loved. Yeah I there were a number of boyfriends my dad drove out of our house.

Are you glad he did. I am so glad he did. And at the time I was so mad I wouldn't talk to him for a few days. But in hindsight he knew something and saw something. Those guys I couldn't see.

So you're saying something is important and I say it in a different way, which is parents, especially modern parents, are obsessed with letting their kids drive home their home.

Like, what do you think about how do you feel? And I often am telling folks they are children, they don't get a vote. Right. They don't get to vote and they're going to be mad at you are going to be frustrated. And they're supposed to be they're twelve, right? Or they're fourteen. Let them be angry with you.

You do what is wise and what is right. Is that fair?

Oh, yeah. I think one of the mistakes that parents make is that they believe their kids are cognitively and psychologically more advanced and they really are.

They'll talk to their 12 year old or talk to the fifteen year old like they're 21.

Right. You make decisions I can trust. You know, you can't you don't have all those brain cells into your crush.

A kid, when you treat them like a friend between your kid, you're terrifying them. They don't have they don't have the they don't have the psychological capacity to carry the weight of your adult friendship in the home. Right.

And they don't they don't want to have that power. No, it's terrifying for a kid who has that much power. I've seen it over and over and over. When parents abdicate that power and allow the kids make decisions they're not ready for, it doesn't sit well with the kids. It's terrifying for the kids. And it leads kids to a bad place. Right.

So you ought to a doctors and parents. Let's let's get a straight she's a real doctor. Yes.

I am not a doctor and not a parent. So I think like a child in certain ways in this conversation, I'm sitting here like, OK, wait, I understand that I don't have the authority, but at what point should I shouldn't I still feel a part of the family and a part of the decisions you're making for my life? See what I'm saying?

It's like if I'm your son and you say, well, hey, son, you are going to do this, should I should I be a part of that conversation or should I just do what I'm told?

I think there's a difference between being seen and being heard, which is a gift a parent can give and being charged.

Yeah, right. Yeah. OK, I want you to in Dr. Meeker, tell me if I'm wrong. I want a kid to know I hear you. You're right. Right. That I'm going to I want you to see me making this decision because that's how I'm bringing you along and teaching you wisdom. Yes. In teaching you multiple sides of a situation. Yes. And I also want to honor my kid by letting him know I have the final call.

Now, you and I think every every child and kid and even teenager respects that. But from what I hear when I talk to young people is like for an example, they tell me where I'm going to go to school. They tell me what I'm going to do, and they don't ask me what do I want to do.

I think that's fair. We can talk about that next segment. Yeah, because I have a trick. You have a trick. I have a trick. You love to read mind tricks on these kids.

I've got a five year old daughter. I need all the tricks I can get. Doctor me. Oh my goodness. Dr. Make Gadot DeJohn Deloney myself right here on the day. Ramsey So listen, we're going to be taking your phone calls in the next segment, so give us a call at eight eight two five five two two five. And let's talk about your kids. Thank you for tuning in, this is the Dave Ramsey Show where Dr. John Delaney and myself, Ramsey personality Anthony O'Neal are joined by Dr.

Meg Meeker, a true doctor.

Unlike John Heyman. He says that I'll second it.

He said that, not me. But we're having conversations about young people, specifically daughters. And your amazing new book, Raising a Strong Daughter in a Toxic Culture, The 11 Steps to Keep Her Happy, Healthy and Safe. I've read all of your books. I just do want to say you have Rachael Cruz on the back of this book and you haven't worked with her as much as you've worked with me.

And I am a little hurt that I didn't endorse your book because I would have gave you a stronger endorsement there.

I'm sorry.

And I love Rachel and I love you. And I'm sorry.

I know. But America, seriously, I want you all to get this book raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture. Where's the best place for them to get this book?

I encourage local bookstore, but I don't know that you can do that now. But just go online, OK?

Yeah, go on. Like online. Well, let's let's take a phone call. Let's have a conversation with Melanie outside. Outside, but in Kansas City, Missouri. Melanie, good afternoon. How can we help?

Yes, I have a daughter. My oldest is going into middle school and just how to navigate those years with social media. And she already has friends that are on tech talk and other social media platforms. And I just I anticipate we're going to be fighting an uphill battle as we try to limit that and postpone as long as possible having her have a smartphone as well. It's this is uncharted territory. And my parents, when my parents were raising me and it's how do you how do you stand firm and, like, strike that balance with.

I don't want her to be completely not on tech at all, but but just want to keep her safe and have those appropriate boundaries before the doctors get involved in this conversation.

What great Assiut. She's in fifth grade, fifth grade, and she's going into sixth grade now, so you're doing some pre parenting. Yeah. Look at you living intentionally. Melany were high five and you from Nashville. Way to go.

That's awesome. Have you had a conversation how she acts to join social media yet? A little bit I mean, it's not not a lot to just casually mention, like, oh, a friend of mine on tick talk, like, why can't I be honest? I'm not I'm not ready for you to be melati.

Dr. Major Anthony, I have some hard line opinions on this, and I'm probably going to be different than Anthony. Well, let we'll let the truth speak first. How about that? Go ahead.

I have hard lines as well. Yes. Social media for girls is extremely dangerous. It's not evil, right? Yeah. And I and I'll tell you why. You know, I've been I've been doing this for 32 years now, taking care of girls. And here's what we know. And I've seen it in my practice. The more time a girl spends on social media, the higher risk there is for depression and ultimately suicide. I've seen it.

I feel strongly that kids should not have access 24/7 to the Internet until they're older, like 16.

I don't see this as a shameless plug. I don't own it. I'm not involved. But there's something new called the ghab phone ghab. Here's the cool thing. It's a smartphone, but it won't let kids get on the internet. It's got cool apps. It's got you know, you can text, you can talk because kids, if she's on social media, she has access to the Internet and the horrible things that happen to girls on the Internet in our in our office, in our practice, we had a guy show up who is stalking one of our secretary's daughters and came from a different state.

So if kids get into trouble, they get into big trouble. Personally, with my daughter, I would never let her on social media and I could just be the jerky mom in the city.

I don't care if Melanie.

I echo that zero none. I wouldn't give my kid a smartphone for nothing.

Now, I got a fifth grader right now and he's already come home and said, Dad, I'm I'm the only one in my class. And here's a parenting message that guides my family. It comes from a buddy of mine. He's a children's author and a teacher in Texas. His name's Nathan. And we developed the parenting mantra of we're going to be the only ones, you'll be the only ones. And so this idea that I don't want my kid to be the only be the only one if it's the right thing to do.

So I draw a hard line on kids and in social media.

Here's another thing that can make it easier. And when our kids are growing up, I had about three or four mothers and we all banded together and we said, we're going to have these rules. You know, kids can't go out drinking. Kids can't go and see these kind of movies. So that when we would tell our kids that they knew the other kids moms with them. Exactly. And we gave each other the strength, the moms, the strength to say, no, we're not going to do it.

And we also told the kids that if you ever make a mistake or something happens, you can call one of us. Moms will pick you up where ever you are.

No questions and love it. So it made the kids feel that we were a little less crazy, that I had three crazy friends, too. Yes. And it just gave us a lot of we were kind of like the moms squad.

Yeah. And, you know, it worked.

Yeah. So all over the country, people are driving. Listen to this. And when I said when you said none, not a little bit. Not what they rolled their eyes and said, that's impossible. No, Anthony, I'm feeling your eyes rolling a little bit.

What's your thoughts? Well, I mean, Melanie said her daughter's in the fifth grade. Right. And so I agree. I don't think a fifth grader should have access to social media and have a smartphone. So I totally 100 percent agree with that. So, Melanie, I want to commend you for thinking about your daughter ahead of time and stand that ground. But I like what Dr. Meg was saying, like get some other friends and all of you.

I say this. This is it's not just me. It's not just there. It's not even just it's like we all genuinely care about that. You know where I do.

Respectfully disagree, come on, is the 16 year old. And and I think sometimes I think that once they get into high school with boundaries, we should allow young people to get on social media with boundaries, with supervision. Here's why we all know our kids will sneak on. They will find a way to tap into that world. And what I've seen with young people is they've tapped into that world with the parents thinking they're not going there and they were exposed to things without their parents having the opportunity to guide them in that journey.

One of the things I loved about my father growing up, we only watch an hour TV every single day, even on the weekends, one hour. And my dad monitored what we were watching because he knew if we if he said no TV, we were going to sneak and watch it somewhere else. And so I think that rather than cut any completely off, give them some room to walk. Because the moment I think just watching kids of this generation, the moment you say no, they will figure it out and you don't want them to figure it out the wrong way without you all speaking.

And I agree. That's why I would get a gap phone.

I like that. And to and hold out as long as you can because kids can't get on the Internet. You don't need parental controls, you and I. I'll tell you, I've never met a parent that wants to give their kid a cell phone.

No, they don't want to, but they're going against their gut because everybody else first of all, not everybody in the classroom is one, OK?

And the second thing is come up with a family media plan, right? Yeah. And that goes back to be an intellectual, right?

Yes. Be intentional. Intentional. And what I would what I would tell you, Anthony, when it comes to that TV analogy, I think you're right. I often have less concern about what a 16 year old is watching this way then and I've seen it for years as well. Is the people coming after a 16 year old. I agree. Who's putting stuff in her girls? What other girls are saying? Evil things. What? Nineteen year old guy saw her and met her and sending her things.

What, 42 year old?

I'm way in the TV only goes one way. Right. And I like that. I mean I agree. Which is why when you see said Tagab phone, I've heard a little bit about it and I see it. She's absolutely right. I mean, it's very affordable and it still looks cool.

Cool. Well, I want to have this as a kid and yes, I will, but it's very high tech. They just came out with what's with the watches? It's really cool. So young people with silver feel very, very cool. I'm giving my kid a tin can and some string.

You know, my wife tells me I was born in the wrong century. Good folks. So listen to me with the grain of America. I pray for us. I mean, I'm with this guy every single day. Y'all pray for us. Hey, Chip, eight eight two five five to two. We have two more segments and we would love to talk to you about your your job. Not John Dulaney myself, Anthony O'Neal Ramsey personalities and joining with this this last segment is Dr.

Meeker here on The Dave Ramsey Show. We've been talking about your kids and everything around your daughter and your sons. Now, earlier, because we got into a phone call last segment, but this segment at the beginning of this one thing would jump to the phone cord and push your book one more time, because I really want the world to get this book. But you said you had a trick.

See, I don't like playing tricks on the people, but you say you have a trick that kids feel like they are a part of something. Exactly. What's that?

So so we were talking about do you just tell your kid you're going to go to this school, you're going to do that, particularly when kids are sixth grade and on the way I get kids to want to do something is to have them lead the Congress to ask questions. Now, what do you think life would be like at this school versus this school? What are you what do you think the friends would be like where, you know, what would this and you and you lead the conversation and you lead the kid to kind of give answers that you would agree with.

So by the time the kid goes, yeah, you know, Mom, I think I would prefer that school. He's decided it not, you know, but you've guided the conversation by asking the right questions.

And that means as a parent, you have to know where you want the conversation to go. Yes. You've got to do some research on each one of these places. And it goes again, it goes back to this idea of parenting.

Got to be intentional. Yeah, well, and and do that when your kids are dating. OK, say your daughter is dating. Oh, so you're going to be like, but that's not a trick, that's a setup. Yeah. What's wrong with it? It's no, it's not a setup. It's teaching. It's teaching. You're teaching the kids to think, tackling what it looks like. It's better than going.

You can't go to that school if your daughter is dating somebody you think is a creep and you say you can't date that guy, what are you going to do? She's going to go deeper in love.

So you sit down, you sit down and you and you don't and you say, you know, like, I know you really feel you love him and you really like him. What do you like about him? How does he and you don't make a judgment. You let her figure it out as she hears herself talk.

What are the things that are similar to him that are like your dad? You know, that's why I like him maybe. Right, right. Right.

But yeah. But you get your point. Yes, there is. You can look through it a through a particular lens, through a particular framework.

That is you're tricking your kid, you're you are manipulating your kid. I like to look at it as I am teaching my child how to think logically and critically through big, major life decisions like that.

I like what you're engaging your kid. They feel heard and and they don't know. You don't always have to agree with them, but you just keep asking deeper and deeper questions because, you know, once they start to talk about it and they hear themselves go, you know, he really doesn't treat me that nice.

And they said, what do you think about that? It you're engaged. You're talking, they're talking, you're listening. And it's it's really good.

And at the end of the day, I am free as a parent to say and my money is only going to that college period. Right. My money will not go to those those colleges. You're free to go. But we are not making Anthony happy.

As a matter of fact. Let's just let's just go back to Houston and help out. Amy, you're not helping me out at all. Amy, good afternoon. How can we help?

Yes, well, I try to make it brief. I have a seventeen year old daughter. She's a senior and very young. She just turned 17 before senior year and she's captain of her team on a school bus going to her last week. There's little fish going to an athletic event. Had bought some. I get choked up. So that's an alcohol in her water bottle. I shared it with one of the girls on the team. They did get caught.

And so she's a very bright kid with safety scores in the 93 percentile, even higher, really bright, my husband, our two professionals. And so this is the thing. They suspended her for five days and now they because of the state law, they want to push out a 30 day of school for her to be at school. So she will miss the entire season for the entire fall and she can start back up by January one. So it's really hard for my husband because we have four kids, three summer universities with great and she's on track to do that as well.

But this is just really startling for to a question to you is, do we allow these consequences to occur or do we we have we think we could formulate a pretty good package to present, to lie in the consequences to. And my second question is because it's alcohol during summer holidays, we have been a little bit lenient to let her have a sip here and there, like Christmas or year. And it's that wrong as well. I didn't know.

I thought if we were too tight with alcohol, you know, she would go the other direction. It seems like we were trying to be reasonable during the holiday and this happened on the school bus. So help me.

So first off, me, I want to thank you for your trust, and I can hear it on you that this this hurts. I want to you to exhale. And I want you to know that this isn't a character indictment on you and your husband, OK? No, not at all. Your daughter still a good kid. You're still a good parent.

She she is. And she wrote a paper when she got home because they asked her to exit the game. She had to leave the game. She had a little paper on teenagers and alcohol and she's just a red hair. She's really sweet kid. Sure. Sure. Got herself wrapped up in this thing. And, you know, she's such a great kid. I thought maybe they would break the punishment a little bit. But they're not even with her grade, you know, what's her national score?

Even with the fact that she's captain, they're making they're making her a, I guess, an example, right?

Yeah. So I'm going to go talk about the grades and the performance in a second. I'm going to let Dr. Meeker handle the initial question.

Yeah, well, first of all, first of all, I would ask yourself and I think I'd know the answer. Did she just. Do something stupid or do you think she has a drinking issue or depression at all?

If she did something like this, you know, she's you know, it's for teenagers and I hate to just throw it off because I have three older boys, never had any issues. But that's beside the point. But I think sometimes sometimes she does get a little sad. I think I see it sometimes. I mean, I don't know if it's just natural, so. Well.

Well, here's my question. You have to distinguish between her doing something stupid. She's kind of showing off. She's the captain of the team. And this isn't going to go anywhere. Or do you think she's self medicating because there's a deeper issue? It sounds to me from what you're saying, this is just a one off and and so a don't feel like a horrible parent. That's why you wrote a book, you know, raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture.

The culture comes at our kids, OK? And they just respond and they and they do stuff like this. So, you know, don't don't be ready to put your daughter in rehab.

Right. This is just it. And secondly, yes, let her feel a full consequences because, you know, she she really needs to feel the consequences, because if she doesn't, who knows what she's going to run into. And two or three or four years in college and that's going to be worse if you let her as consequences. It's done. It's over.

You don't have to say anything before before you before you push, as you mentioned, Amy, in that call five different times, six different times.

But they get good grades, but they get good grades, but they get good grades matter. I want you to be real careful about the expectations of good child equals good grades, equals good college.

Because sometimes and we can talk about this later, Dr. Meeker boys will perform for you. And sometimes a teenage girl will feel buried by I am only worth my performance. And I tell you, going to bury your boys, too. They just take longer for it to come out for them. But grades, grades, grades doesn't equal perfect. Kid doesn't equal perfect or failed parent.

Love your daughter. Connect with your daughter. Absolutely.

And I'm glad that Elizabeth and Kelly was looking at me through the window. And I would definitely say this. I'm not a parent, but don't don't let a minor have access to alcohol. Don't write. No, I mean, I don't they didn't talk about that. I had to bring it up because that that kind of frustrated a little bit like, well, over here we have this problem, but we do this. Right. That plays a small role in.

Yeah, absolutely. And it sounds awfully similar to your argument, Anthony, about social media. Just a little bit is good.

Yeah, no, you just try and play me, right. I did. I did. I did. That's why I say no to sex with alcohol. Yeah.

America, I want you to go to melko parenting dotcom, go to Amazon.com, go to your local bookstore and please get this book raising a strong daughter in a toxic culture.

Dr. Meeker's world class podcast is out there. It's incredible. Listen to it. Absolutely. You guys. Hey, thank you so much. Want to thank our producer, James Shout and our associate producer, Kelly Daniel. This is the Dave Ramsey.

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