Hey, boo.

Hey. First off, we want to thank you for listening to the dough. And now we want to hear from you. I want to hear everything. Tell me what you learned, what's sticking.

With you, what questions you still have.

And what you're motivated to do as a result of listening. I hope you saving. Please be saving right now. You can take our short survey to help us better understand the impact of our work. And even better, once you complete the survey, baby, you could get some money. You could enter for a chance to win $100 visa gift card. Yes, the survey is short and sweet and will help us keep bringing you content that you love. Take the survey at bit ly thedosurvey. Thank you again.

Join us on archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex, as she digs into the labels that try to hold women back in each intimate and candid conversation. Meghan is joined by guests like Serena Williams, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah as they delve into the roots of countless common descriptors of women like diva, crazy, dumb blonde, and the b word, and redefine and reclaim each identity along the way. The complete season of archetypes is out now, wherever you get your podcasts.

Lemonade.

Okay, what are your questions about tipping?

Why are we the only country that does it?

People just ask for tips everywhere now. It's like, so normalized. Even at McDonald's, they want a tip.

Nowadays, I always feel bad if I press no tip. But then I'm also like, literally, you didn't do anything. Like, you handed me a receipt. I don't feel like that needs a tip. What up, y'all?

This is the dough. I'm your host, Xmayo. And on today's episode, just the tip. I'm sorry, y'all.

I didn't even like when I said.

It, but they made me say that joke. My life depends on it, okay? Support black women. Just laugh. Okay? They locked me in a room, and they told me I couldn't leave until I said it. So send help, okay? No, I'm just kidding. I swear. Unless I'm not. No, I am. The dough is all about quieting the money voices in your head. You know, the ones who shame you for buying the expensive pillows that convince you to set up 57 emails to get free Netflix trials. You've got mail that fight over whether or not you should tip at McDonald's. Now, if they do give you an extra sweet and sour, I do give twenty five cents. I do. It's clear that the rules around tipping are changing, and quickly. So we decided to get some experts on today's episode to help shed some light on this whole situation. Okay, we brought in some heavy hits, y'all. Beret Lamb and Julia Carpenter, personal finance journalists from the Wall Street Journal. Now, I'm gonna keep it real with y'all. When my producers told me I was gonna interview two reporters from the Wall street junior, I damn near fell asleep, okay?

I was driving. I had to pull over.

I figured they were all old white.

Dudes who smoked pipes and argued about the Nasdaq or whatever. You know, that's the white man's nas, right? Black people got nas, queer people got lil Nas X, and white men have Nas, doc. But these women were cool as hell. Back in December, they put out a book called the new Rules of money, a playbook for planning your financial future. It's like a workbook for figuring your shit out when it comes to your Dallas and I for 01:00 a.m. Glad the new rules of money exist, because I sometimes adopt the old rules, which is spend, and they'll keep spending. Is that okay? Well, we're about to find out because I'm going to tell these ladies what I spent on a swiss cheese dress. Yes. And spoiler alert, it wasn't cheap. And before we get started, the lawyers told me, I have to remind y'all that these are just financial reporters, okay? Not financial advisors.

Great.

But they are smart as hell. These women are not on a little pinterest board, okay? They know what the fuck they're talking about. Beret is the deputy coverage chief for life and work at the journal. She also used to curate the money Diaries column for refinery 29. She prides herself on being super honest and open about money. And Julia is a personal finance reporter at the journal. Her writing focuses on helping readers figure out what the fuck to do with their money, from tipping confusion to making adult. Now, Julia, when you say adult purchases, you don't mean porn, right?

Could be. Can we find some more affordable porn? Is there some porn in your budget?

Okay, so here on the dough, we like to open every episode with a money confessional. Think of me like the pope without the predator. Think of me like, yes. So you guys are speaking to me, and we're about to get into some confessions.

So, ladies, what the fuck did you.

Spend your money on this week, and how much did it cost you?

Beret, you go first.

So, I grew up before I moved to New York, watching sex in the city, like so many other right? Yeah. And, like, when I started learning about money and learning about how much things actually cost. There's that episode where Carrie has all these shoes, like, designer shoes. And I forget if it was Charlote or Miranda. Like, one of her more sensible friends is like, well, there's your down payment right there, girl. Like, your closet full of louboutins. If you have 50 pairs of $500 shoes, that's a lot.

Real.

Yeah. And I remember loving that episode. But then I started becoming, like, a professional woman who goes to work and goes to events. And I started also buying pricier shoes. And I just felt so. I always feel so bad about it. I do it, but I feel terrible about it because I was, like, I said I wouldn't be carry. I'm not a carrie. And so I bought a pair of shoes that were $200. They didn't fit, so I sent them back immediately. And you have to do it immediately. You can't hold on to have them around. You got to get it out of the house.

I just had to do that beret with a pair of Charlote stone. So she has these new loafers. But to me, they're like new age clown shoes. I love a lot, a lot of colors, so they didn't fit. I'm usually a size eleven, baby. My big toe barely got in. I said, okay, send them back. I had to process the return immediately.

Good for you.

Okay, so it cost you nothing. Beret. Okay, so, Julia, what's the most expensive purchase that you did this week, and how much did it cost you?

I had COVID last week, so I've been desperate for COVID.

What's that?

Interaction. And one of my best friends, Everdeen. As soon as I tested negative, she was like, we're making plans. So we went and saw one of her favorite movies at this little fancy art house theater in New York. And I was like, everything in that neighborhood is really expensive. We went to a pizza shop with a cute little bar in the back. And while we were there, I was like, okay, these cocktails are definitely way more expensive than I had kind of been expecting. I picked this place because I didn't want to eat somewhere expensive. But we were chatting and catching up, and I had not had any human interaction that wasn't my girlfriend for a while. And so we got the bartender special, and we got three of them, and they were $18 each, which feels insane. So I spent, like, 60 something dollars on three really good pineapple mezcal margaritas.

Julia, you hadn't been around humans in a while. You needed this for your mental health. So to me, it's giving tax write off. This seems like something. Yeah, I don't know. And then what your friend did for you is kind of like what nonprofits do for everyone. So to me, I feel like this is a 501 C three write off. I'm no author. I'm no Wall Street Journal.

I have no regrets. Honestly. No regrets. No regrets.

You heard her. No regrets.

Now we've got to take a little.

Break, but we'll be right back to talk about tipping. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. One of the biggest parenting challenges is figuring out how to talk to your kids about money. But Greenlight can make that conversation not just easy, but also pretty rewarding. Greenlight is this incredible debit card and money app designed specifically for families. Imagine being able to send your kids money instantly, getting notifications about their spending in real time, managing their chores, and even automating their allowance. When I was a kid, chores were a big deal in my household. But let me tell you, it was hard to stay motivated. Now, if I had something like Greenlight back then, I think I would have been way more motivated to get everything done. With Greenlight, your kids aren't just saving and spending. They're learning financial literacy and independence. They earn, they save, and they spend wisely. Plus, Greenlight has this cool in app financial literacy game called Level up. It's packed with videos, challenges, minigames, and more, all designed to build money confidence in a fun way. So stop putting off the money talk and start putting your kids on the right path.

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Hi, there.

It's Julia Louis Dreyfuss. You may know me from my podcast called wiser than me, where I talk to older women and get their wisdom from the front lines of life. After season one aired, I was amazed by how many people told me our show made them look forward to getting older, which is why I'm here to talk about season two of the show. Sally Field, Billie Jean Kane, Beverly Johnson, ina Garten, Bonie Ray, just to name a few. And of course, my 90 year old mom, Judy. All hail old women wiser than me. Season two is out March 27. From lemonade Media.

Guess who's Bizak? Yes, you got it. It's me, x. I mean, really, who else would the fuck it be? It's my goddamn podcast. So I've got exciting news for y'all this season. We have a new correspondent. Everyone clap it up for the one, the only, Claire Jones. Say, hi, Claire.

Hi, Claire.

Claire is in the fucking trenches, y'all. She's in the beating heart of America. The urban jungle, the cutting edge of the culture. Salt Lake City. And a few weeks ago, she hit the streets to ask people what was on their money minds. Turns out tipping is a hot button issue, even in the mountains. Okay, beret Julia. We've got some questions about tipping from people on the street that we're hoping you can help us answer. Claire, let's start with the awalitas. Roll the tape.

Okay.

What are your questions about tipping?

I tip 20% if I go to a regular restaurant. But my conflict is when I go somewhere up to, like, a coffee place. I think I tend to do 15 when I have to clear the table and take my own coffee and declare to the table, I do not want to tip 20%.

I know at restaurants and stuff, it used to be like, you tipped 20%.

But I have some friends that work in the restaurant industry that say 25% is better.

Is 25% like the new 20?

Why don't companies just pay employees an amount where they don't need to rely on tips?

Okay, that last one, it's like, okay, God bless. Do we want to live in a dream world or the real world? And I think this is coming from a personal place, because I was a server for eight years. Six of those years were in New York, and I hustled my ass off. So, yes, no, we need that fucking money. My back was shot. I'm sweating. I'm running around. I'm giving you a goddamn comedy show, making you feel so beautiful and loved and seen. I'm giving you all the specials. I know everybody's order by heart. Soon as the fucking bitch ass chef doesn't want to make your salmon the way you like it, I give you a free shot of tequila. I have fucking. You goddamn right. Give me my money. Yes. So if we want to be like, why don't we live in the world where servers could get, well, we don't. How about that? So until we get there. My mom raised me that way since I started going to going after church with the youth group. Like, we would go to Sizzler. And she said, miha, if you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to go.

And that's how I was raised. And 20%. And I give above 20% now because I've been blessed to have a couple of dollars to do so. But even when I'm at Starbucks and I'm checking out, I give 20% because I just know inflation. Everything is so expensive, and that 20% goes a long way. Sorry I came in hot, but I was a previous server, and don't fuck with us, please.

Yeah. One of the things that was interesting to me, writing and reporting that story, was just how confused people are. I think there are more places now that have tipping options, but they haven't been places that historically required tipping. I would interview people, and the iPad turning around is really upsetting to people. They do not know what that means in different situations, whether it be what the callers were saying. Like, if it's a counter service place, does that have different rules than a sit down restaurant? The sit down restaurant seemed to be as I was writing that story. The data shows that we are not confused when it comes to a sit down restaurant. People understand what the rules are there. But delivery, and, like, the social contract we've agreed upon, delivery, picking up, takeout, counter service, people do not know. It's like the wild west out there.

I don't know if they don't know versus Julia. Either they're, a, selfish or b, don't have. I think. I think usually people really know, but it's just like, I know you need this extra $4, but I really don't fucking have it. I think it's that or they just don't want to give it. That's what my thinking is, especially where we're at financially beret, what are your thoughts?

I think tipping is one of those really charged. Like, it's just hard. We set the standard for ourselves. It also intersects with, am I a good person? I think that question comes up a lot. Surprisingly, when we talk to people about money, is like, does doing this thing make me a good person or a bad person?

Right.

And I think not tipping, most people would feel bad about that, right?

Yeah.

There have been times where I have either misunderstood where's the jar? And they're like, oh, no, you were supposed to do it on the screen. And I have felt like I'm like, well, time to go to hell. Although one time I accidentally tipped, I meant to hit 20%, and instead I tipped $20, which was just. I was a gas, and my friend was next to me, and he was like, go tell them.

Go tell them.

And I was like, I can't do it.

Can't do it.

I can't be like, I tipped you too much. Give me some of that.

She's like, julia's like, can you give me back 1950? Okay, great.

Right?

Cool.

The thing that also jumped out to me reporting this story is that in the pandemic, we were also tipping way more. I was tipping, like, double on delivery because we were scared for people, right? For delivery people. I was scared for people who were out there confronting so much more than I was safe in my apartment. So we were tipping so much more. And then when we started entering what felt like a return to normalcy, we adjusted it. But then we feel like we are, to your point, beret, we feel like we're doing less, and we are. We are tipping less than we were in the pandemic.

But I also feel like that's the problem, is when you attach all this morality to it, then you get different reactions from different people, right? Because I think if it was a straightforward transaction, like, when you go buy a piece of clothing, you have to pay sales tax, there's, like, no negotiation. It's like, on there, you pay it, you've accepted it, it's fine. But when it's this, like, does this make me a good person or a bad person thing? You get different reactions from people, right? You get some people who are like, I'm a good person. I'm going to do it. Like, 25%, 20%, whatever I think is the right amount. Like, I'm going to do it. And then you get people who are like, don't judge me. I'm going to do whatever I want. You just get those different personalities emerging in this transaction. And I think that's where it gets confusing. And I think that's why this topic is so spicy for so many people, because you're bringing in sort of your own baggage and your own emotions into someone else's livelihood. And that's really.

Another thing, too. I think the issue is also that when we order from these places, like, uber eats, postmates, instacart, and what started out as a $20 transaction turns into 100, and then you want me to tip. So I also get the sentiment of, like, there's all these fucking hitting fees, but I need to use these things because some of us use it for efficiency. Or, like, literally, I have been in the neck of the woods and fuck, my cycle just switched up on me. It came 14 days earlier, and it's like, okay, I need some fucking pads. And Instacart's like, cool, 120. It's crazy. So I just wanted to give that point too, I guess coming from the service industry. My pov is kind of skewed. So I'm just like, be a fucking good person. If you can't afford to tip, don't do it. But also, I also get. If you don't have it and you need it and you can't tip, I think go with whatever you can do. Do whatever you can, where you can.

Yeah. And one more thing. I'll say on the Instacart doordash, like, uber eats thing, there has been reporting in the past that the tips don't go to the people they're supposed to go to. What, you haven't seen this?

No.

Oh, God. X, I'm sorry that we had to tell you. I'm sorry.

Okay, guys, the pod's over because I'm about to go protest on the first day of black history month. This is how we're starting it off. The people are not getting paid. Sorry, Beret. Julia, are you reporting on this?

Yeah, it's been out there.

Get in the streets.

Yeah. We're sorry to break the news to you, but this is the kind of thing that's really hard to reckon with. Like, you see all these fees, and you think you're being a good person. And, I mean, again, this plays into the baggage right now. You're going to. I'm sorry to have caused you to have some baggage about this now.

Yes. I'm traumatized. Thank you.

Yeah. I'm so sorry.

Salva, Ray. I love you. You're the best.

But always tip in cash if you can. People always appreciate that. And the other thing I really like to do is to ask the places I order from often what they like, build that relationship, have that. Like, would you like me to order from seamless or give you a call? And sometimes the thai restaurant I really like in my neighborhood, they're like, can you use our web portal? Then all the fees directly go to us.

I'm going to do that. Can we all just clap it up? Let's all be more like the way. Okay, y'all?

That combo was stressing me out, but much needed, right? And Julia says, next time that iPad flips in your direction and you're struggling to pick an amount to tip, just know that the person on the other side likely feels just as awkward as you do. The fact is, according to data from the Pew Research center, the average tip across the board is 15%. So tip less if you're broke, tip more if you're not. And with that, I'll be back in five.

I got to go.

Plan a protest for the doordashes. Okay, but in the meantime, just have some commercials.

Love to pretend that there are simple formulas for living your best life. Now eat this and you won't get sick. Manifest it and everything will work out. But there are some things you can choose and some things you can't. And it's okay that life isn't always getting better. I'm Kate Bowler, and on everything happens, I speak with kind, smart, funny people about life as it really is. Beautiful, terrible, and everything in between. Let's be human together. Everything happens is available wherever you get your podcasts.

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So I wanted to talk with you guys about your workbook, the new rules of money. So you claim in the book that it can help us get over our money fears. So I would love for you two to walk me through one of the exercises in your workbook.

I think the one that we have received the most feedback on. Mostly positive feedback, by the way, people saying this made me confront some stuff or wow, this was a good tool is we have a page in the book called how to Yolo responsibly. And what we do is we give.

You how to YOlo.

Yolo.

Yolo.

How to Yolo responsibly.

Yes. Okay, I need to hear this because I Yolo irresponsibly.

I think it's time for us to ask you the questions. Tell us about the last time you yoloed and how did you feel afterwards?

It was yesterday and I felt great. What was it?

What did you do?

So there is a company called fashion brand company and I'm a fashion girly, love fashion brand. So they had some items that were a little pricey. However, it mentioned they were not going to be restocked and they were in my size. Shout out to fashion brand company for being size inclusive because I am a thick, girly.

So I bought six items yesterday.

What were they? Wait, what was your favorite one?

Oh, damn. Okay. I would have to say the Mac and cheese, like, linen type. It looks like a piece of cheese, kind of, but they're these linen pants, but the holes in it look like cheese. And then the top kind of looks like cheese, but it has, like, a little fringe on top. It gives, like, a little tina turner rolling down the river up top. And then I bought this garbage dress. So it's, like, latex with big puffer sleeves, and because I'm top heavy, it grabs me, and then my breast is going to look, like, just so beautiful. And then it holds me in the right places, and then it's short.

Love it.

And I bought that. And also the Britney spears denim gown. Remember the iconic when she was with Justin Spears? They have an inspired gown like that, and it's all jean. I would say those three are my faves, and I bought them in the biggest size because I didn't know how stretchy they were. And I'm going to take them to my tailor.

So they're just right.

So how much is it going to cost you with the dresses and the tailoring? You think it could be a ballpark.

How much I spent for everything and what I'm going to spend with the tailor?

Yeah.

Like, just an estimate?

Yeah.

I would say 2800.

Okay, so what we do in the book is we.

You shame me.

Sorry.

Exercise with us right now.

Yes. Sorry.

I was in info gathering.

Okay.

I have this number, so I was, like, purely putting numbers into my excel spreadsheet of a braid.

No judgment.

No judgment at all. So what we do in the book is we ask someone to list what they bought as a yolo purchase, and you write how it made you feel in the moment. So we have a little meter that's like, I'm super satisfied or, like. And I kind of felt pressured to do this. And then you evaluate later on how your satisfaction has changed. So I think you're doing something really smart, which is taking something to get tailored, and so it actually is fitted to your body, I think something a lot of people feel, and I'm guilty of this, too, is you purchase clothing in the moment. You're kind of just, like, impulse purchasing it, and then it doesn't fit or it doesn't look good. And so then your satisfaction in the moment of hitting buy is way less down the line.

Also, Julia, I have to tell you, I was looking at these items for over a year.

Okay. I just did this?

Yeah, I waited over a year and it was the last ones in my size. And I said, let's fuck. No, I got to pull the trigger.

This isn't really yolo.

This is less of a yolo. Yolo is like, this is a yo.

No.

This is like, what is it called when people murder people in the.

Moment and then like premeditated.

Called when you kind of stab someone in the neck knowingly.

No, you're right. It's a premeditated purchase. As opposed to a purchase of passion.

Yes. It's not a purchase of passion. It sounds less like a yolo to me. But I think that's good that you put it in your yolo category because you're already doing a pretty responsible thing. Like you were saying, this is stuff you've been looking at. It wasn't just in the moment. Suddenly you were like, I'm going to get this thing. I don't care. I like it. I'm going to go. But even if you do the second kind, it's kind of okay. Because what we're showing people in this worksheet and exercise is that the most important thing is that you learn about your yolo purchases and what they do for you and what they don't do for you. So this is reconciling. People are really bad at long term thinking, but they're really good at short term thinking. And so what you want to do is align those two habits. Like, is your short term thinking good for your long term thinking? I think in a year, if you have worn all of those dresses a couple of times to events that you.

Like and you feel good about them.

You feel good about them and you're going to keep using them and they're a permanent part of your closet and collection, then you can put down that you're very satisfied. And that means that that kind of purchase for you actually pays off in the long run and you're good.

What I was going to say is what you learn from doing the exercise, ideally, is you see where you're getting satisfaction from these things and where you're not getting satisfaction from these. I actually, I have a similar thing to you. X where I have been stocking this one print on depop for, I mean, probably a year, but maybe like several months. And then when it came up, I purchased it. And that I know, I know that when I have been looking for something and then I see it and it's available, that feels really good for me. What I feel less good about is when I purchase something because I feel like I have to fill a hole. I don't purchasing something glittery for New Year's because I'm like, oh, I have to have something glittery for New Year's. I'm not going to feel good about that later. I'm not really wanting to do it, but I've just done it to do it. So it's kind of teaching yourself what you value and what feels good later. But we have multiple pages of this because we're not trying to pretend like people do this once and then learn some big lesson and walk.

Oh, my God. I was going to tell you guys, this is a first time me experiencing this. I have so many other purchases that I regret. There was so much shit that I bought in the pandemic just to feel anything. So I'm selling all of that. I was like, I'm never going to. What the fuck?

Why was that?

Totally.

There's so much shit that I've actually given away just because it's so important within my community, especially other plus size girlies. We're actors, stylists. Don't know what the fuck to put on us. So I just want you guys to know I do not have my shit together. My business manager will fucking come and tell you, okay? This is the first time that, like, sat on it, waited. And I can't promise that I won't have an impulse purchase. This just life happens. But, yeah, I feel very good about that.

I think. For sure life happens. And that's why this isn't like Julia said, you don't do it once, and it's like a continuous learning process. Right? Like, money doesn't grow on trees, but it can grow in your bank account.

And on that note, Beret, we're going to end the pod. That was beautiful. That was beautiful.

Love it.

Oh, my God. Julia Beret, it was a pleasure speaking with you both. Please support these two lady parts and get their book, the new rules of money, by the Wall Street Journal. Go through those workbooks. Tell me what you purchased, and especially if you purchased the Britney gown from fashion brand company, because, babe, I got to see a photo of that. I adore you both. Please tell us where we can follow you on the social medias.

I'm on Twitter and Instagram. And it's at beret Lamb.

I am on everything at Julia C. Carpenter.

She's on MySpace.

Yes, she's on very. Holding down my space. Holding down Amy.

You and Tom on that top eight. I can't wait to see you both. I would love to come hang with you when I'm in New York and we can have a yellow moment. Because maybe when I'm in New York, I eat, do Broadway, and I'm walking like I'm carrying sex in the city.

Yes. Well, I know a great place for pineapple mezcal margaritas.

Okay. I don't drink, so make mine's a virgin period.

On the rock.

Yes. It was such a pleasure speaking with you both. Have a great rest of your day by.

Well, now I want a bougie virgin margarita.

Okay.

Just extra sweet.

Yes.

So, boys, girls and queers of all persuasions, what do we learn today? What did we learn today? Number one for me was that there are actually some funny fucking reporters over there at the Wall Street Journal. And here I thought it was just a bunch of old white dudes trying to convince me to diversify my bonds or whatever. The more you know, okay, pretend that that rainbow came across. Okay. You see it also, a girl's gotta look good. And I learned that my yolo spending isn't even that irresponsible. Instead of feeling bad about my big purchases, I'm gonna try to focus on which ones give me the most satisfaction long term and keep leaning into those. Wait till you see me in my Britney Spears denim gown. Oh, baby. Well, to quote the great porky pig. That's all folks. We outta here till next week. I'm X Mile and this is the dough. There's more of the dough with lemonada. Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like Beret, Julia and I talking about what you need to buy to feel like an adult. Subscribe now. And Apple Podcasts. The Dough is a lemonada original.

I'm your host, X Mayo. This series was created in partnership with Flourish Ventures. This series is presented by the Margaret Casey foundation. Our producers are Claire Jones, Rachel Pilgrim, and Tony Williams. Kristen Laporte is our senior producer. Mixed and sound design by Andy, Kristen's daughter with additional sound design by Tony Williams and Bobby Woody. Original music by Pat Mercedes Miller. Jackie Danziger is our vice president of narrative content. Executive producers include me, ex Mayo, Stephanie Whittles Wax, and Jessica Cordova. Kramer help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review. You can follow me on IG at eight, $0 in a suitcase and lemonada at Lemonada Media across all social platforms. Follow the dough wherever you get your podcast or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. Thanks so much for listening. See you next week.

Bye.

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What to make for dinner?

We get it.

I'm Jane Black.

And I'm Liz Dunn. We're veteran food journalists, and as parents ourselves, we know how hard it can be to feature family.

That's why we created pressure Cooker, a podcast that offers practical strategies for navigating the marketing madness and cultural expectations around mealtime.

Each week, we'll check in with the experts, from social media diet trends to baby led weaning and AI meal planning. We have all your food related questions covered.

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