Get ready for an outstanding entertainment program, The Jimmy Doors show.

Hello, this is Jimmy.

Who's this? Jamie, it's Jeffrey Toobin. He. Hello, Mr. too, but how are you doing? Doing just fine, you? Is that so?

You probably heard by now that I was caught masturbating on a zoom call.

Yeah, yeah, we did.

And I've been suspended by The New Yorker. Right. Right.

Well, I want you to know that I have made all the requisite apologies and I will now be seeking legal action against The New Yorker.

Wait, I am confused. What possible legal status do you have in this situation, Mr. Toobin?

Well, it's interesting. The existing case law surrounding this topic is rather unclear. In the state of California, for example, the civil courts have ruled consistently against men who have exposed their penises during Zoome calls, even inadvertently say they stepped out of the shower and didn't realize the camera had been turned back on. But then you have Rhode Island versus Borowitz, which was an interesting ruling because it seemed to imply that the exposure of a penis online could possibly be perceived not as a threat, but rather just a friendly greeting.

Unconventional, certainly, but still essentially salutary in nature.

I see I see the legal waters get muddied somewhat when you add actual masturbation into the scenario. I'm sure you're aware of this classic law thought experiment. Say a male employer is talking to a female employee on the telephone and he begins to masturbate because she has red hair or whatever, but he does so in a way where it's completely silent and she can't hear it on the other end of the line. So if the redhead she also has freckles, I might add, is unaware throughout the duration of the call that her boss was masturbating with his penis, was she, in fact, sexually harassed?

There's differing legal opinion on this, but it's such a classic legal riddle that is often posed a first year law students sometimes over the telephone, sort of if a tree falls in the forest, sort of a thing her.

Exactly. Now, the legal answer to that may be unclear, but the analagous application to resume calls is readily apparent. Let's say a silent masturbator has also perfected a form only technique, thereby obscuring his masterbation. Both, both visually and audibly, is imperceptible masterbation during a work meeting inherently a crime or even a tord? Again, the law is unclear on this.

It just seems kind of wrong, though. Right, and I will say it's somewhat understandable that there is all this legal confusion, considering it's only been eight months or so since there's been this explosion of online meetings and meet ups. And in that situation, you're just going to have a flurry of exposed penis. It is inevitable and it's going to take the courts a long time to catch up with all those penises.

Yeah, I don't I don't really know.

But I can tell you that this topic has attracted the attention of academic law in a big way. Many of the law professors at the top law schools in this country have been studying this topic diligently, including my former mentor, Alan Dershowitz. In fact, this is one of the few topics where he and I still agree.

So what is your legal strategy going to be here? Well, needless to say, I can't really divulge that during a recorded phone call that will be posted online, but suffice it to say that it will be relatively airtight in light of the current legal thinking on this matter.

Actually, you're on a live stream right now. Really? Yes. How many people are listening to me right now? About 5000 at this particular moment. Wow. Yeah. OK, OK, got to go, got to go, got to go. Thanks, Jeffrey. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Establishment media says August yourself and full bullshit they can't afford to miss. Golf, the medium speeds and jumps, the media hits some head on the chin to show.

Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's GIBI talk show. Let's get to the joke to possibly get to the joke, shall we? You know, four years from now, the Democrats will be telling voters to choose between evil fracking and less evil fracking. I mean, no matter what happens, I still have hope we can sell this country for scrap value. Anger about Jeffrey Toobin and about Jeffrey Toobin. Oh, sure. New York, The New Yorker may be suspending Jeffrey Toobin for indecent exposure, but CNN is now promoting him as a body language expert.

CNN doesn't know how long Toobin will be out, but judging from the video, I'm going to say at least two or three inches of rain on the key to that joke was speed. You got to get to the punchline first. Hey, this is the first story CNN isn't going to ask Jeffrey Toobin to unpack.

The constitutional law scholar was just about to release his new book on the First Amendment and the right to redress and undress, I guess.

Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Hey, what's coming up on today's show? After decades of saying how proud he was of his crime bill, Joe Biden just decided it was a mistake. Progressives sent a sternly worded letter for Joe Biden to respond to, and they don't even send it to Joe Biden. Hey, Jimmy Dawes. Prophecy about deportations under Obama and deportations under Trump comes true. Partisans are using Russia to defend the corruption discovered in Hunter Biden's emails. And our favorite local L.A. news guy comments on the Jeffrey Toobin incident.

Plus, phone calls today from Bernie Sanders, Chris Christie, Barack Obama and Jeffrey Toobin, plus a lot, lot more. That's today on the Jimmy Dorotea. So here's why the Republicans are going to lose and the Democrats should also, but this is why the Republicans are going to lose. So this is what's happening right now. Millions of Americans have lost health insurance in this pandemic driven recession. So that was from August 28th of this year. Here, economic fallout from covid-19 continues to hit lower income Americans.

The hardest. Half of adults who say they lost a job due to the coronavirus outbreak are still unemployed because, you know, the billionaires got even more rich from all that stimulus money. Maybe that's what that's what's going on. The ugly truth about millions of American jobs, they are not coming back. Another ugly truth is that they were shitty and exploitive jobs to begin with. So this is what's this is the climate we're in. Hey, wave of evictions sweeps the U.S. amid impasse over coronavirus protections.

This is what's happening, there's food lines everywhere, people are getting evicted, nobody has a job because of coronavirus and the government isn't doing anything. Well, here's what the government's doing to help people.

Just skinny will contain another round of stimulus checks for all Americans. No, it doesn't.

But it does address an awful lot of things that we do agree on. And I don't think the fact that those checks are not a part of this package, as others have said, is a good argument for not doing what we are laying on the floor, most of which is completely without controversy.

So what he's saying is I have a bill for coronavirus relief. It doesn't involve actual relief that the people. So so what the Republican leader is saying of the Senate, he says we're we're looking out for Wall Street. One of the things we agree on, so that's what him and the Democrats agree on, so I don't I don't see a problem just because we're not helping regular people. We agree on helping Wall Street and the richest people in the country, and that's what we're doing.

That's what he's saying, Mitch McConnell is like if an overdraft was a person. So there he is coming right out, saying we're not doing anything for the people, we're not going to do anything for you, literally, we're not going to do anything for you. And he doesn't care. This is why Trump is going to lose and Trump is going to lose. News, McConnell warns White House against making stimulus deal before election, sources say. So what this what this should say is GOP, we're willing to risk the White House if it means we can avoid helping people.

Trump urges a stimulus package bigger than 2.0 trillion as the Senate GOP readies slimmed down measure. But Trump is going to take he's going to let Mitch McConnell roll right over him because Trump is weak and he does. He does. He's not going to help you. He doesn't really care about helping you. He's not doing it. Mitch McConnell is the president, apparently, and at the same time, the Federal Reserve is to lend an additional one trillion dollars a day to large banks.

And I bet nobody asked how they're going to pay for it. You know what they say, though, right? You know what they say, a society is judged by how it treats its most vulnerable banks.

House Republicans investigate Biden's use of a chartered Amtrak. Once again, they've got their priorities straight. This is what they're doing instead of getting a check to the people. Of all the things to criticize Joe Biden for and all they they could come up with was he took a train. What's it going to be the weekend before the election? Did you hear Joe Biden was riding a bicycle and he didn't even signal when he turned?

So this is why the Republicans are going to lose, because they're not they're governing against the people that they've been governing against the people every step of the way. Some of the Democrats, so good for you.

This is why they will lose, you know, how we used to do, you know, when Chuck Schumer calls into the show and he says, Oh, boy, I've really had it with that Donald Trump, I'm going to send him a strongly worded letter because that's a joke, right?

Because that shows how feckless and ineffectual the Democrats really are. They're not actually an opposition party. They just send stirringly what they don't do anything like right now that could be stopping the Supreme Court justice. But they're not. They could be, but they're not. So they don't do anything. Guess what? Now, AOC in the house doing the same thing. They're going to say they sent a strongly worded I'm not making this up. I am not making this up.

AOC and House progressives warned Biden on corporate hires, that's the headline in Politico. A letter from left wing lawmakers and groups calls for corporate lobbyists and high ranking executives to be shut out of the Bidart administration. They sent a strongly worded letter. Did they also ask Hillary to cut it out? Maybe has Hillary say cut it out like she did with Wall Street? I went to Wall Street. I said, cut it out.

Remember, that was Hillary. Did Warren Wagger finger at Joe Biden at any point? This is what the Democrats do as a as a instead of actually resisting corporatism, they do things like, you know, tell them to cut it out, wag their finger at them. Wait, did Pelosi rip up a speech? Did Obama say, let's let both sides played out? Because this is how the Democrats usually resist. I've been trying to figure out how much stern action happened here, how much stern action happened here.

Left wing House members, including. Representatives Alexandra Cosio, Cortez, Katie Porter, who's another one who will never call out Nancy Pelosi or Chuck Schumer or the Democrats ever. Katy Perry will never do that. She's very cowardly in that regard. Ayanna Pressley, same thing, Rawal, Grevillea, same thing, they all signed a letter. I'm not making this up. They all signed a letter. They signed the letter. And it was obtained by Politico, it argues that no corporate executives or corporate lobbyists ought to have Senate confirmed positions in a Biden administration.

Well, I hate to break it to you, AOC, Raul Grevillea, Ayanna Pressley, I hate to break it to you. You performative theater actors. But Joe Biden's already installed the corporate corporation in his campaign that you've endorsed. What do you mean, Jimmy? Well, Larry Summers. The guy who the architect of the 2008 financial collapse, Larry Summers, the dumbest smart guy besides Sam Harris.

Is running is part of the group running Joe Biden's campaign. Larry Summers, do you know what, Larry Summers, he's the vice president of the World Bank. And he's the one architecting the push for the Glass-Steagall deregulation, which led to the biggest crash ever. That's who already working for Joe Biden, Raul already. How about Jim Chanos? He's a campaign adviser. He's also a Wall Street hedge fund manager. How about Jack Rosen, he's a real estate speculator, campaign adviser.

Could you see who the guy is from Raytheon? I think there's a couple of military industrial complex guys working for Joe Biden right now. OK. Put Military-Industrial Complex advisers Joe Biden. And by the way. Them sending this letter. Having to say this, the progressive sending this letter, that is something that should never even need to be said if the Democrats were actually an alternative party to the right instead of just part of it.

So what these people do. By being part of the Democratic Party with Ocasio Cortez, Katie Porter, Ayanna Pressley, Raul Gravelly, what they do is they give the impression. That the Democratic Party's. Represents workers and regular people, they give the false, very false impression. And so they're doing damage. Because it makes people think the Democrats are actually an alternative party and they are not. They're all just endorsed a campaign of a corporatist, the guy what, you just endorsed these people and now you want them to change.

So before he has your vote, he's 100 percent corporate. You want him to change after you gave him your vote. The one thing. Some some Biden allies and even some left wing Democrats have been frustrated that factions of the party are airing such demands and criticism in public before the election. So Joe Biden's chief foreign policy adviser is a guy name and Tony Blinken. He's very pro-war, in fact, he was Biden's aide when he pushed the Iraq war in 2002.

So he still got the warhawks, but it's worse he I know he has people right from the military industrial complex in his campaign. Despite the unrivalled corruption of the Trump administration. It is not unrivalled, they're all 100 percent corrupt, so maybe Joe Biden is because Joe Biden has just done more damage. He's been in government for six years. He's done more horrible things. So that's not true. And that's why they lost. That's why Bernie Sanders lost.

That's why the so despite the unrivaled corruption of the Trump administration, the chokehold that corporate giants and rich hold over our political system is is not new, said Illinois Representative Chuy Garcia, who also signed the letter. Their power and influence in American politics has been growing for years. And you stay in that party that's 100 percent corrupt. Hey, look, the most important WikiLeaks revelation isn't about Hillary Clinton. So you guys are sending a stern letter in 2020 about the corporate influence in in a Democratic presidential administration.

What were you doing? Barack Obama's presidential administration?

Because you know what, John Podesta, you know what the WikiLeaks emails really revealed? That Barack Obama's administration was 100 percent bought and sold by Wall Street. What do you mean, Jimmy? Well, the Citigroup chose Obama's 2008 cabinet, a WikiLeaks document revealed, we know this, we've reported this a million times. Barack Obama's entire cabinet came from a an email from Citigroup. That's true. And Biden kicked off his campaign with a bunch of Comcast executives.

That's how he kicked off his campaign and then he went to a bunch of Wall Street guys and said nothing's going to ever fundamentally change in my administration. So you guys are upset about corporate power inside of a Democratic administration. You weren't upset then. You're not and Joe Biden is promising to do that. So your letter is is is worse than a joke. Because it's not funny, it's funny when we do it with Mike McCrea, it's not funny when you do it, it's just pathetic.

The letter's authors argued that Democrats would look hypocritical if they appointed corporate friendly officials after criticizing Trump appointees for their corporate.

Yeah, I know there's no difference in the party's AOC, Raul Grevillea eion if there is a difference, you fucking liars. You're propping up an evil pro-war pro Military-Industrial Complex, pro Wall Street, pro big pharma, pro fracking party. You're their beard. And you know this, you all know this. You guys are about as useful as a bunch of fucking alcoholics, because that's how you act. You'll never stand up to the power structure inside the Democratic Party, which is the power structure in this country, you'll never stand up to it.

You're weak, feckless cowards, you career climbing bullshitters. They're going to send a sternly worded letter, you're not actually going to ever do anything, no. Right. No, Aoki's not actually going to stand up to Nancy Pelosi, nor is Raul Grijalva. They're all a bunch of fuckin gum flappers. They ain't doing shit. They're supporting an administration that's just as corrupt as Donald Trump's. Just imagine explaining to the American people why those names with those affiliations are unacceptable, but similar names with similar sounding affiliations are not only unobjectionable but necessary to the proper functioning of the federal government.

They wrote the revolving door needs to stop, not just change direction every few years. Yeah, but it's not going to and you're not doing anything to actually stop it. You're actually doing the opposite.

You're propping up this guy, the. The letter, which was delivered to Senate leaders Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell, they even give it to Fucka Joe Biden. The letter, which was delivered to Senate leaders Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell on Friday morning called on both parties to adopt the standard. But organizers told Politico it was also intended to send a message to Joe Biden. Strategist has it with.

Your joke, go vote blue, you fucking chumps, you fucking chumps, go vote just as Democrat blue chumps. Fucking chumps. Unbelievable. Jimmy, I found an article said in these times, the title is The Weapons Industry Lobbyist Advising Joe Biden. Let me repeat that title again, the weapons industry lobbyist advising Joe Biden. Oh, really taught. Eisenstat has worked as a powerful political adviser, as well as the corporate lobbyists for the oil and arms industry.

Oh, wow. Look at that.

So they're already in there, you fucking lemming liars, you performative bullshitters. AOC President Raul Gevalia, you're all a bunch of performative bullshitters that don't have a spine. You're just there to sheepdog progressives and workers into a fucking pro-war corporate party that screws them at every turn but takes care of you. Right. Right, right, yes. Bunch of fuckin gutless wonders, the progressives in Congress. Jimmy Eisenstat stats affiliations as a lawyer and a lobbyist at the firm Covington and Burling.

This is a Biden it's a Biden adviser. He's advising him on his foreign policy. Eisenstat has represented fossil fuel companies Shell, BP and Noble Energy, as well as defense contractors. Caterpillar, Raytheon. Be a E-Systems. Yeah, Boeing and a notorious private security firm, Blackwater.

You got it. That's that's the guy. So you're replacing Trump's with a fucking Trump. You gutless wonders. Or how about Froch Mitha, there's another Biden senior adviser, he's also a Pentagon official, he wants to fund the military. How about Michele Flournoy? She's a military investors slated to become Biden's secretary of defense. How about Avril Haines, former deputy CIA director, leaving Biden's foreign policy transition team. She drafted Obama's drone policy that killed 90 percent innocent people.

Michael Florini, also director at Booz Allen. Controversial warhawk homeland security contractor tied to those people are already in his campaign, and you're telling people to vote for him right now, you fucking sellouts to the workers. That's what you want to know, what AOC, Ayanna Pressley, Raul Gevalia, they're sellouts, they've turned their backs on workers and people who need help right now because they will not call out Nancy Pelosi or their leadership. They will not do that.

And in fact, they're telling people to vote for this piece of shit. Because they could be counted on to be loyal soldiers, because they are that's why all of them voted for the largest upward transfer of wealth in the history of humankind because they're not your friend. But that's all you got to go on, right, as you see, that's all you fucking losers have. That's all you losers have. Go watch some jagoff YouTube show, tell you how good AOK and Ianna Presley are.

Go ahead. Go watch that guy show. How a fossil fuel friendly policy made its way into the Biden campaign's climate plans. Boy, I've got to tell you, Sean Connery really grew his hair out for this pandemic, just like me, Leftest reluctantly voting for Biden in four years.

This is a great question. So in four years, when you are faced with this exact same choice, what are you going to do then? What are you going to do in eight years or in 12 years? I mean, 16. At what point will you be willing to stop voting against yourself? What's your line in the sand? My line in the sand was Hillary Clinton. And then some people on the left got a nut sack for about five fuckin minutes when Joe Biden got the nod, stole the nomination.

Some people on the left got a nut sack for like five seconds. And then it's gone. It's gone. It's all gone. I appreciate the lane. I don't know if you go look at the views on our show, but we're fucking killing it. So thank you for the lane. Thank you for the lane, those guys who are spouting that kind of bullshit, no one's watching their shows unless they put Trump in the title or Jimmy Dore's name.

If Joe Biden wins, this is great, Kenneth P. Vogel, he's a big shot at The New York Times now. If Joe Biden wins, it'll be interesting to watch the re-emergence of dissent on the left.

So many professional progressive advocates are demurring, when I ask about Biden policy or person or personnel that run afoul of their objectives. It's an unusual amount of discipline from the left. Huh, somebody who watch the humidor show. So. What's going to happen in 16 years? Take note, now's not the time you got to hold your nose and vote for Chelsea Clinton. You got to vote for Chelsea Clinton or else Cyborg Cheney is going to become president, now is not the time for purity tests.

There's going to be another presidential election in 2032. He got to vote for. So there's your there's you're literally sending a sternly worded letter to no one, not even sending it to Joe Biden. Your progressive caucus are a bunch of pathetic fucking pukes. That are worthless, they vote for the surveillance state, they all voted for the largest upward transfer of wealth in human history. They won't call out Nancy Pelosi, who is your enemy. They are fucking feckless cowards.

They're so cowardly they won't even come on the show like AOC. Won't even Kent face a question from a jagoff comedian? She could come on the show and she needed it to boost her campaign. She knew before she knew me, before I knew the fact she was.

But now she will come out because she she doesn't have the balls to answer a real question. Because she's selling you out, Aoki is a fuckin sellout, just like Bernie Sanders, they are selling you out. And you know what they're getting for it, almost nothing. That's how bad they are at politics. What are they getting for it? Nothing. What did Bernie Sanders get? Nothing. They are paid to lose, they are paid fucking shills.

Go vote for them and make yourself feel better. Oh, I voted for a Democrat who's going to fuck me in the ass.

You morons. You fucking morons, this isn't brain surgery. You on purpose, cowards, that's why the left is so fucking, because you're a bunch of cowards and you're easily bought. How long does it take to buy off somebody on the left? A steak dinner? MSNBC contract, that's all it takes. That's all it takes. An invitation to a podcast. That's all it takes to get someone to go vote no matter who. That's all it takes.

And again, I, I just I think everybody on the left who has a show, thank you for this huge fucking lane. Thank you for not debunking Russia Gate. Thanks for not having Bill Binnie on your show. Thanks for not having Ahmeti on your show. Thanks for not fucking debunking Syria or Venezuela or telling the truth about Bernie Sanders and the Kahrizak. Thank you for not doing that because you leave me a huge lane because I'm the only motherfucker who's going to do that.

Hey, Bernie Sanders is calling me. Hello. You're damn right Bernie Sanders is calling it that, you'll get my message. What message, buddy? This is the most important election in the modern history of the country. Donald Trump must be defeated.

I noticed you didn't say what we're going to replace him with. You're trying to agree on what I could say the man's name just as easily as apple pie, but I don't need to, so I won't just say it. Bernie Apple pie.

Jackson Who are you telling us to vote for?

Bernie So what? No problem. We got all we have to elect, John.

We got to get to part of this. Oh, Jerry, Jerry, get me some flood water. I need water. Oh, fuck.

Explain to America again what the stakes are.

Bernie, it's simple. We must not allow a nightmare scenario of a president who will never allow Medicare for all during a pandemic. And that is why I'm voting for the Joe Biden I see in my heart, not with my eyes.

What do you mean by that?

I mean, Joe Biden's views are not my views, but on some of the key issues. I think his views are my views.

OK, but what? The fear was that of his that I like my views for us. Can I be any clearer? For God's sake, but what specifically? Look, I'm not going to tell you what we are not going to tell you that we agree on every issue or how we go forward. But there's no question in my mind that Biden's proposals are progressive.

OK, but which one specifically? Because I have binders full of them. Yeah, okay. Go ahead.

You mean in particular, do you want them itemise one by one with nested bullet points? Either one chronologically alphabetical cross-referenced.

Just that. Just list some.

It doesn't matter, Bernie, because I can I could tell you a bunch of them if you like. No problem there. You've got to give me a ballpark of where you want me to start anywhere.

Start anywhere. Let's not get bogged down in the details, though. Can't we wait until after the election?

OK, he becomes president. Then what happens? Keep in mind, he's currently vetting Republicans for his administration. And no one who supported you.

You say everything's going to be. What the fuck? Yeah. John Kasich. Meg Whitman. Jeff Flake. Oh, and Charlie Baker. And Charlie Dent.

If got the Charlie's. Are you all right? I still believe the only way to achieve our goal of fundamentally changing our society is to support a man who promises no fundamental change. So just choke on that shit for a while and shut the fuck up. All right.

Thanks for calling, Bernie. I've had it, Joelson goes into rehab for crack after pocketing 50 grand a month for influence peddling and my son does this post videos of cockatoos playing piano and ravens hanging around with cats. Where's the goddamn justice?

Hey, you know, we no longer have an Amazon link because we're not doing that. We're not playing that game. But here's another great way you can help support the show is you become a premium member. We give you a couple of hours of premium bonus content every week. And it's a great way to help support the show. You could do it by going to your company. Dot com click. It got join premium. It's the most affordable premium program in the business and it's a great way to help put the thumb back in the eye of the bastards, thanks to everybody who was already a premium member.

And if you haven't, you're missing out. We give you lots of bonus content. Thanks for your support.

Hello. Hey, this is Governor Chris Christie recognized me twice. How different do you I sound funny to you now?

Not really. You kind of sound the same as you always have, maybe a little tired.

That's because I just spent several days in the ICU, you know, not the intensive care unit, intensive care unit right now. So fucking tired. I could get you ready for bed to day, but not the Monday. Get my drift. I checked.

I think so. Why did you call Governor? Because I need to get something off my chest. OK, this is very serious of me to express, for I am not a man who shows easily his contrition too much. Very often I have a deep humidity and modesty. What belies expression, my emoticons and so forth.

And so you need to see some to America. That's right, I admit I was wrong there with a shit, I admit I was wrong to listen to people who told me they were all infected with the coronavirus death. I started off with, hey, I'll see you admitted that then that means I better than you.

Well, I did it deliberately hejira with a bunch of idiots who don't believe in wearing masks, but they told me they was clean.

I trusted them. I thought I was in the safe zone. I have totally flooded with regrets. I know I was well dead, but now I am right. That's it from Iran. I wear a max where you Max, did you scumbag's.

Shouldn't you have known better, Chris? I mean, we've been doing this for months now, but I was in the zone bitterly cold, got my ass back, fucking kicked me in the balls and cracked up a face to me over and kicked my balls again. I was totally beside myself with astonishment. This fucking disease is so rare. But I'm predicting wherever fucking Max.

Yeah, that's what scientists have been saying for months now, Chris.

Well, listen to me. You never believe I didn't know what hit me, what made it. I was feeling really tired, weak and out of shape, but wheezing all over the place. And the next I was feeling really tired. We get out of shape. We did all over the place. But where a fever. What the fuck? Right. That s very serious, Chris.

Yeah, no kidding. The ramifications are potentially deadly. It was like I was hit by a freight train full of really hard cheese.

It comes to those big wheels teeth.

They die. You know what should be happy to get devices? I would laugh at at all. And I'm usually full of whimsy and jocularity. It's shit. No one should be caviare about getting inflicted or inflicting any others with it.

So you're all for word Basques now. Let me go back to Scientifics for you, professor, smart guy, I employ all of you to where Max is a take this pandemic serious I preliterate where Olmec by.

We still got to reopen every corner of this country, so fuck that, you wimp and wear a mask. OK. OK, so, you know, I don't like to brag. I actually do, and what I say is, you know, we get a lot of things right at this show, and the reason I tell you that is because if I don't, turns out nobody fucking will.

So.

People like to come at this show saying that we don't know what we're talking about. We don't have solutions. We have lots of solutions and we've been proven right over and over again. Our solutions rank choice, voting a strong third party, which we're starting. Also, direct action, strong unions, we've got lots of solutions and we don't know what we're talking about, we were right about Russia when the entire news media was wrong. So could you just so people I know people are never going to give us props for that.

How about giving us props for Syria? Well, we got that right when we even still to this day, CNN hasn't retracted their bullshit smear against us. Or The Washington Post, it's still in Wikipedia. You can't edit Wikipedia because they're just an extension of the surveillance state and the intelligence community. So here's another thing we got, right, so you remember what we were talking about, Donald Trump, and we said, well, if Donald Trump gets elected, you know, if he's so odious to everyone, why wouldn't it be hard for Congress to stop him?

Well, it turns out he's not odious. The Democrats are fast tracking. All his judges are voting for all of them. They're helping him pass his complete agenda. They gave him money for the border wall. They gave him an extra hundred thirty two billion dollars to do war anywhere he wants. They're not resisting Donald Trump. And that was that's the thing. That's what people are upset about. They're not actually resisting Donald Trump, remember what everybody talks about you got to vote for for Hillary Clinton because of the immigrations, right?

You got to oh my God, there's people. Well, here we go. I predicted this. This is what I predicted.

And I have a prediction, by the way, for immigration. Donald Trump will deport less Mexicans than Barack Obama.

That was my prediction, Donald Trump will deport less Mexicans than Barack Obama. That was my that was my prediction in 2016, so it wasn't like I was a Johnny-Come-Lately. In 2016, I was saying that. And I was saying that what Donald Trump does, the silver lining of a guy like Donald Trump being elected president. Is. We're now going to know the horrible stuff that our government has been doing all along, so Barack Obama had been Caijing immigrants.

Now everybody knows about it because Donald Trump is doing it before they didn't care. So that theory has been proven right again and again, so here it is one more time. And I have a prediction, by the way, for immigration. Donald Trump will deport less Mexicans than Barack Obama. Well, let's see how I did on that prediction.

Jacob Meeka, I will never forget when President Trump and candidate Trump said to both you and Joe he was going to create a deportation force and deport millions of people. But the truth of the matter is, he will not even come close to deporting the amount of undocumented immigrants that his predecessor, President Obama, did. That's because of a lack of cooperation from local law. He's what he's not even going to come close to the deportation of Hispanics that his predecessor, Barack Obama, did.

Huh, and why is that Obama did that's because of a lack of cooperation from local law enforcement, including in places like right here in Los Angeles. Wow, so now the local cops are aware of Donald Trump's nefarious immigration. And oppressive immigration policies very much like Obama's. And so now they're stopping it. Isn't that interesting? Donald Trump was basically not doing anything different than Barack Obama, except now everybody's aware of it. And as I predicted, he didn't deport as many as as Barack Obama, not even close.

So you can see this is this is Jacob Soboroff doing great work on this. He says you can see, by the way, what a great head of hair that guy is. You can see clearly here that Trump won't even come close to Obama when it comes to first term deportation numbers. Well, here the numbers are. So in 2009, Barack Obama deported three hundred and eighty nine thousand eight hundred thirty four immigrants. In twenty seventeen, Obama Trump deported two hundred twenty six thousand one hundred and nineteen.

So that's a difference of some around one hundred and sixty thousand, right, let's close. I'm not a math surgeon, but that's pretty close to one hundred and sixty thousand, right. So and it just and then this year, he's at one hundred and seventy eight thousand, Barack Obama in his last year did four hundred and nine thousand a year to a 2012. Barack Obama did four hundred and nine thousand trumps at one hundred and seventy eight thousand at the at the end of October, so it doesn't look like he's going to come close to catching Barack Obama, not even close.

He's not even at half of what Barack Obama did in his last year of his first term.

Are you telling me Barack Obama was worse on this policy about immigrants? Yes, Donald and Joe and Joe Biden. And so what what Al Gore would call this is an inconvenient truth, trump, trump deportation did not reach. Yes, we can nos. Is it that kind of amazing? An ICE spokesman told me Trump's inability to deport more people and Obama is due in part to local law enforcement refusing to work with ICE like here in L.A., the majority of deportations come from cooperation with state and local law enforcement.

Here he is. He goes into the jail. Watch.

This is one reason President Trump hasn't been able to deport more people than President Obama is. Some localities are ending the practice of handing over undocumented inmates to ICE after they serve their time, including Los Angeles County Jail, the world's largest.

There used to be a big TV screen here, had the name of every inmate, the charge and everything. And so ICE was here in uniform. Kick them out. Fish in a barrel. Yep, like fish in a barrel. And so when I got here December of twenty eighteen, this is my first stop on the job and I saw the ICE agents here and I said, that's it.

They need to leave twice. Since our tour of the jail, ISIS staged high-Profile raids across the country, including in Los Angeles, arresting over 100. But President Trump is still a long way away from his goal of deporting millions. And from inside ISIS former office in L.A. County jail. You understand why it's sad that we participated in that for so long.

When you look at Obama being criticized for being the deporter in chief, this had to contribute to those numbers. Yes, this was part of it. Yes, definitely.

And now that Trump is president, he's aware of it and they're not doing it. So when a black guy with a Muslim name turns into an authoritarian fascist right winger, nobody notices because he's a black guy with a Muslim name, you wouldn't you wouldn't expect him to be a right winger, authoritarian. And he was and now, now, so Barack Obama was a wolf in sheep's clothing, and so he got to do all that stuff, which led us to electing Donald Trump.

But Donald Trump isn't allowed to do that because he's a wolf in wolf's clothing. And imagine how bad Barack Obama had our immigration system when we had to count on the morality of the prison industry to stop it. And they are that's what we do in L.A. That's what that sheriff just said, think about how sad that is. That we had to Barack Obama's immigration policy was so nefarious, so evil, so oppressive that we have to now rely on prison, the prison industry.

To be a check on it. That's what that was. It's sad we participated in it for so long that he says it's very true, it's also sad where the world's largest penal colony. I'm counting the date, so here's Mark Hamill, so this is exactly what I'm talking about. So this is why I said Hillary Clinton. Would have been worse. Because those numbers would have been way higher of deporting Hispanics, do you understand now, again, I'm the dumbest guy doing a new show, and yet somehow I get almost everything right and everyone else getting everything wrong over and over and over again.

How the fuck did I know this? How did I know this? In twenty sixteen, literally a nightclub comedian and the people whose entire life is doing this kind of work and studying this had no idea. And they're still just as dumb today as they were in twenty sixteen. Instead of preparing everybody. For the horribleness that is Joe Biden, they're making sure everybody gets behind him to elect them, and then what are they going to do after Joe Biden is elected?

This is what they're going to do. I'm counting the days until this election is over so I can try to ignore politics and go back to tweeting showbiz trivia. Toddlers laughing and heartwarming animal rescue videos like this one. Yeah. Meanwhile, 80 percent of the country works paycheck to paycheck. You mean why 30 million Americans don't have health care in 80 million Americans are underinsured and six hundred thousand Americans go bankrupt just by getting sick every year? You mean you're going to go back to that because you're rich and you're white and you're privileged and you don't have anything that you want government to do for you.

You just don't like that. Donald Trump is a moron on television every day. It makes you feel goofy inside, makes you feel icky. You don't really give a shit about people's problems or Hispanics being deported or women's right to choose or or people having a decent job or not killing brown people in poor countries. You don't care about any he doesn't care about anything he cares about. Donald Trump makes them feel icky.

In the meantime, Screen Actors Guild is taking away everybody's health care in the big stuff. What a great point. In the meantime, all your actor friends just lost their health care. But you're going to go back to not talking about that stuff, right? Because it's not going to be a Republican doing it. You on purpose tool, this is like, why don't you just put it, why don't you just tweet out? I'm an out of touch fucking asshole and I couldn't give a shit about my fellow man one bit, but I'm going to Vertue Signal because Trump makes me feel icky.

That's what he should have tweeted. Yoda says paying attention to what's actually going on in the world, you don't I can't do a Yoda voice.

Guys, can we please take a second to remember the mediocre actor who got the gig of a lifetime and hasn't had to worry about money for over 40 years? He misses cat videos.

So I can try to ignore politics, so someone's responding so I can try to through responding to this idiot liberals telling you that as long as Trump isn't president, they're going to go back to sleep and literally ignore politics. They don't want to hear about it when it's liberals destroying the country and won't be pushing Biden anywhere. Way to go, blue check, Beth. If Hillary was president, we'd be at brunch. Not only is this sign completely tone deaf, it doesn't even look right.

It looks like it says we'd beat brunch, doesn't it?

Yes, yes. Yes. Like what? Is there a country name? Brunch.

Hillary wants to invade or something. What do you have to say regarding the former president of brunch? We came, we saw he died.

Obama administration had built cages for immigrants.

The padding in those cages brought to you by hope. Here they are. Here they are sleeping in tin foil. Tonight, Rachel Maddow went on one of this is from Sean King, by the way, not exactly a right winger or a centrist. John King says tonight Rachel Maddow went in on the horrors of the real Donald Trump caging children, except the photos she used were literally of the Obama administration caging children. It's something Democrats just refused to come to grips with.

This is that this is why you have Trump and this is what we're going to have a worst Trump in four years. Because Democrats will not come to grips with the cause of Donald Trump and it was Barack Obama and Joe Biden and the Democrats legislating and governing like right wing Republicans, because they were they are their corporatist. Barack Obama's entire cabinet was chosen from an email from Citigroup. I bet you didn't know that either.

Please, please don't do that talking. He's Walter Brockman's talking to Mark Hamill about going back to sleep. He says, please don't do that. We're still facing catastrophic climate change, staggering inequality, a homeless crisis which will certainly get worse. A US backed genocide in Yemen need prominent voices to help push the Democrats to act bigger in the face of these issues.

Nice. But that would come but walk, Walker, I get it, I get what you're saying, I share your sentiment, but that would involve coming to terms with the fact that they need to change. They don't think they're. They don't see any reason, especially after they beat Trump. Listen, look, I've got some bad news for you, both Republicans and Democrats are part of the empire, and that's that's the flippin problem. Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi are not part of the rebel alliance.

If you want the light side of the force, you're going to need to leave your mansion and attend a protest. That's what I would say. Liberals sewing, sewing, this is great liberals ripping wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So there you go, I'll play it one more time just because it's such a good clip, you know, it's a great clip and I have a prediction, by the way, for immigration.

Donald Trump will deport less Mexicans than Barack Obama.

Jacob, Meeka, I will never forget when President Trump and candidate Trump said to both you and Joe he was going to create a deportation force and deport millions of people. But the truth of the matter is, he will not even come close to deporting the amount of undocumented immigrants that his predecessor, President Obama, did. That's because.

Jimmy don't know what he's talking about, Jimmy. He is uninformed. Jimmy dies of double Abullah. Go listen to those people tell you to vote for Joe Biden, go listen to those people. To tell you, the Supreme Court is so important that the Democrats won't even delay it for 20 days. That's how important, that's how important the Supreme Court is, the Democrats that they tell you to keep voting for that are so different from the Republicans won't even delay the Supreme Court nominee for 20 days.

Go listen to those shows. Please go, go listen to those shows, tell you Bolivia. The wrong shit about Bolivia, 100 percent wrong about Venezuela, 100 percent wrong about Syria. What do those people get right? Nothing. Yet I guess they're considered lefties because they're for Medicare for all, but they're not even for that. There it is, predicted by Jimmy Daw and now if the Democrats what I didn't predict was that the Democrats would be so horrible and the media would be so corrupt that they would spend four years talking about Russia instead of how we got Donald Trump.

I did not predict that I did not see that coming. I thought they were going to drop the Russian stuff after the election. Oh, boy. Was Isba. So, yeah, that I got that wrong for sure, I did not see the Democrats, their supporters and their supporters in the media and YouTube and everything, I did not see them being as horrible as they are.

I did not expect you to go along with Russia gate, but they did. A lot of them took the cowardly way out, never even talked about it. That's a pretty cowardly thing to do. But we stick our chin out here because why? Because I'm not looking to get a job at MSNBC or CNN or The Washington Post.

Really, you don't have a contract with MSNBC? You have to ask it, Jimmy. I do not.

And I'm not looking for one. And I already I already. Already, already was a success in standup comedy. I already got my bona fides, already made my living. I already did my thing already became a success as a stand up comic. I had to stand up comedy specials on Comedy Central. One of them was award winning Chozen Best of the year by iTunes and Punchline magazine, and then I went out to have another special on Hulu. So three specials, I think that's that's three rings.

And by the way, they all stand up. They all hold up. You can watch. And if you go back to my first special on Comedy Central from 2003 Solid.

Still solid. By the way, that's five 10, Jimmy. You can go back to go see me when I was extra tall. Go back to that, see Jimmy Carter go, wow, Jimmy Door looking slinky, what is that? Is that a word? Slang like it's a new word. Lanky, maybe lanky is what I was looking for.

Like he's usually not slim and lanky, lanky, lanky, the slinky. It's usually not using I think Linky is a good compliment in any way. So that's why I when I come to this, I don't I'm so easy to outdo everybody. So I was able to go into the studio at the Young Turks and tell the truth about Russia and Venezuela and Syria with ease while everyone else was struggling to get those stories right and actually getting them all wrong.

And here's another one I got right while everyone else was getting it wrong. Remember I said that Trump is going to put the ugly face on the horrible stuff our government's been doing all along, and he has people are aware of this now. That's why Trump isn't able to deport as many people as Joe Biden. But wait, as soon as Joe Biden becomes president, I wonder, I wonder he's not going to he's not getting rid of Iserbyt, he ramps it back up.

I just want to sit here and play this tape over and over all day. Do you want to do another story?

So you know what happened to the CNN legal analyst and guy who works for The New Yorker, Jeffrey Toobin? He's a very unremarkable guy, but he got caught jerking off on a on a Zoome meeting. He's at work. He can't. You can't. He can't. You can't wait till work's over. So anyway, I thought the funniest was the funniest guy who covered it was this guy in Southern California, in Los Angeles. Watch how he could watch this.

Watch this cautionary tale start this morning with a cautionary tale, cautionary cautionary tale. You know, everybody likes to jerk off at work.

The cautionary tale start this morning with a cliche phrase, I suspect many people in the media were saying to themselves yesterday there, but for the grace of God go I there, but for the grace of God, a lot of people in the media, because you know how we all jerk off at our zoo meetings.

What is he saying? That's what he's saying.

Yes, there have been a lot of people in media.

So the cautionary tale start this morning with a cliche phrase I suspect many people in the media were saying to themselves yesterday there, but for the grace of God, go I. The particular career killing act we're about to describe isn't something that just anyone would do, but the idea that it just does as anyone would do.

Well, it sounds like it if you say there, but for the grace of God goes I.

It doesn't sound like just anyone would do. Well, that's what you're making it sound like, because that's what he's like going, oh my God, what this guy is doing is like what he heard.

That story is like, oh, my God, that could be me. All the crazy shit I do. Truly acute in 2020, that you can have an absolutely great career and have that career almost immediately and entirely derailed by a single, really stupid act is just because you took your dick out at work and started jerking off in front of a group full of people.

You can have a great career. And just because of one little thing like taking your dick out in front of everybody at work, go what?

Really chilling, consider the case of Jeffrey Toobin, a deeply respected writer and television commentator, deeply, first of all, he said, it's really chilling.

Yes, great career. And have that career almost immediately and entirely derailed by a single, really stupid act is really chilling. It's really chilling that you could ruin your career by taking your dick out in front of all your coworkers and jerking off. That's chilling. I would think that would just be logical. That would be expected that you're going to ruin your career if you're at a business meeting and you take your dick out and start jerking off in front of me.

I'm just thinking that that that's logical. Again, I'm not saying that I wouldn't take my dick out and jerk off during a business meeting at all. I probably would.

But as a goof, but as a goof. Consider the case of Jeffrey Toobin, a deeply respected writer and television commentator, deeply, deeply respected. I deeply respect respected deeply. Until yesterday, served regularly as the air chief justice correspondent for CNN. What really amazes me is the Jonathans, the Susan Collins, who say the president has learned his lesson.

No, he has not. No, he has not. He is going to do this again. He wasnt he he said he will do it again. And the idea that there is some chastening here is absurd.

Chase Him has been a fixture on CNN for decades.

And this story show first of all, you know, the guy who picked that clip had a sense of humor because there's Jeffrey Toobin saying he's not going to change, it's not going to do that.

And he made sure to have a clip where you can see two bins, one hand I. Was how he remained firmly placed among the media elite. Imagine this, a top tier Zoome call people on the call. Some of the biggest writers from the most respected magazine in the country. Toobin is on a call with colleagues from The New Yorker. Now what? Listen to how he Toobin is that. So they go to the video and as they go to video of Zoome calls, the reporter says Toobin is on a zoom call.

So what, you think this is Toubon Zun call? That's the way. But it's not. It's just roll. It's just based. It's just generic. Footage of Zoom calls that they decide to stick into the story because somehow Barole people think Barole makes news more interesting, it doesn't I can't follow the story and ask you, why don't you ever assume you have a video of a zoom call?

Because I could never imagine what that is. So watch what have medially. He starts to do this. It confuses even his colleagues and they interrupt him. Watch this.

Well, on the call, some of the biggest writers from the most respected magazine listen to how he says it. Tubin is on a call with colleagues from The New Yorker who are playing some role. Was on there. No, no.

These are just this is our special election coverage because like his kids are on Zun called. Why are you showing. No, no, no. This is just generic Zemko. Well, that's confusing. Why would you do that? Because the producer had to justify their job, I'll be putting some berel here. It's just confused people. All right, so here's from the most respected magazine in the country. Toobin is on a call with colleagues from The New Yorker who are playing some roles on their no, no.

These are just this is our special election coverage, along with not only folks from New Yorker, from New York City's premiere public radio station, WNYC. All told, about 20 people are on the Zoome call. There's some breakout rooms. Speaking of breaking out, according to press reports, at some point, Toubon engages in an intimate act about speaking to break it out.

He breaks out his dick.

Speaking of breaking out and now watch how he did it and watch how they describe masturbation on a morning talk show in L.A..

Watch how they describe it out.

According to press reports, at some point, Toubon engages in an intimate act of self gratification, seemingly an intimate act of self gratification.

And aware that an intimate act of self gratification, that's how they described it. Daddy, what's an intimate act of self gratification mean? It means jerking off.

It means he was jerking off. Oh, an intimate act of self jerking off.

Zoom cameras on for his part, Tubin calls the incident embarrassing and stupid mistake. New Yorker has suspended the longtime writer Tubin himself as to be taken off the air at CNN while he deals with a, quote, personal issue.

Tubin himself has to be to say, hey, look, I'm such a good person that I'm going and I need to go deviously I've got some problems that that I've had my whole life and I'm never going to correct. Also, what happens to Toobin now, his best selling book about the O.J. Simpson trial, the run of his life was the basis for the star studded movie. Toobin had other books in development for Hollywood productions. And as you can imagine, this has received huge headlines all around the world.

And the question I you can imagine, it's received huge headlines. I mean, it look, I mean, like a 10 inch headline.

Am I right, ladies? Did you see how big that headline is?

People are asking, especially in this climate camp, tubings, career, survive. It is one of the fastest and furthest falls one can possibly imagine. So will this staple of the media, both in print and broadcast, vanish forever, or is there some path back? It's impossible to write these things.

There's another CNN colleague going to deeply embarrassing and public scandal who re-established his career and is on the air today for their New Yorker says they're conducting their talk about Brian Williams leaning in.

They're talking about Brian Williams, who got caught lying about his war record and he was exposed to.

Reruns on the air today. For their part, The New Yorker says they're conducting a complete investigation. The New Yorker is conducting a complete investigation of exactly what that is. What does that investigation look like?

I'm the investigator, Jeffrey. Let me see your hand. The other side. Let me see the other hand. OK. These are the hands that you were using when you were on the Skype call, these are. Investigation over what to do investigating. It is the hands you were using that night. They are OK. They're going to do a full investigation. Yikes. You drop your pants, please.

I need to see I need to see the headline, we're going to need a smaller headline.

But now I think what we have now is we might have to switch the double speak to. We have a graphic for the double speak. You know, Louis C.K. is famously also had a career, didn't. It's not over. He still tours. So he had some damage done to his career when he was revealed that he would sexually masturbate in front of women against their will. And so we started that. When someone is being extra disingenuous, we go you go like this when it's someone's Dextra, I give a double C.K. and guess what?

Just as Jeff Bezos, he's going to give you the double C.K. I award this week goes to Jeffrey Toobin.

Our Doublecheck award goes to Jeffrey Toobin.

All right. That is our Jeffrey Toobin story. Thank you, Jamie. Barack Obama's own like. Hello. Hi, Jimmy. I'm reaching out to offer my thoughts, prayers and support for the recovery of the president of the United States and the first lady.

Yeah, they already recovered. Barack Obama's thoughts and prayers do work. After all, they are an important subset of hope.

Or maybe it was 13 doctors and millions of dollars in experimental drugs and therapy that. Did you ever think of that?

And that's why I support Joe Biden. I mean, Joe Biden. Hey, Jimmy, can you hear? Hear what?

Here comes Obama.

Joe Biden is going to put your car and hearse, turn back the Obama meter and get America back to a town called normalcy. Are you ready for the variety of life? Pull up your damn trousers again. Hmm. Hey, you know, there's a lot more to that phone call. We don't have time in today's podcast. How do you hear the entire phone call? You got to become a premium member. Go to Jimmy Dark Comedy Dotcom, sign up.

It's the most affordable premium program in the business. Don't, don't, don't, don't freak out. Don't freak.

Today's show was written by Ron Polakov Mark Van Landuyt Steph Zambrano, Jim Earl, Mike McCray and Roger Rittenhouse. All the voices performed today by the one, the only the inevitable Mike MacRay, who can be found at Mike McRae Dotcom. That's it for this week. You'll be the best you can be and I'll keep being me. No, no, don't, don't, don't, don't bring out the ring of. Don't, don't, don't, don't freak out.

Don't freak out. I'm not kidding. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't freak out. Do not not not not break. Do not freak out. Don't bring out.