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But one of the OGs, there's many Ogg's, right, one of the OGs is Tom motherfucking Green.

Tom Green had a show in his house that he streamed from Tom Green dot com, and he turned his entire home into a broadcast studio. It was crazy. And he for sure gave me the inspiration that wound up being this podcast today for sure.

He was a big part of it. And he's a great guy and he's hilarious. He's a hilarious stand up comic. He was a hilarious actor, hilarious doing sketches. He's a great guy to talk to. I love him dearly.

Please give it up for the great and powerful Tom Green government podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience Train.

My Day Job podcast, my night all day. OK, ladies and gentlemen, Joe, you're the OG dude, we can give each other real knuckles.

I'm not I'm not like I'm not crazy. I'm not I'm not I'm not like a paranoid person. But I'll tell you, Joe, you got me to leave my house for the first time in five weeks, and so have you left.

And I'm so happy you got tested the first time in five weeks that I've left the house and yeah, I got tested and and everything's great. So I'm not like, you know, paranoid or anything like that.

Spray down, baby, you know, how how bad is all this Lysol for us? Stuff is pretty good. This is a real question. Right. How bad is all this? Lysol.

Yeah, it'll be fine. Aerosol, it's probably not bad, but not great to be here. Thank you. My pleasure. And I haven't I haven't left my house in five weeks. I've been isolating as a responsible citizen. Right?

Yes. Yeah. And I feel good. I feel first of all, I'm excited to be here. I am excited to have you here. I posted that I've been going through my computers.

I'm at home. I'm going through my computers and just killing time.

I live alone, OK? I happen to be single at this point in my life vadis.

There you go. Huh? Right, right, right. Before this happened. And I kind of think to myself sometimes I think, OK, imagine if I had been in a relationship that hadn't been going well and this happened. And then you have to make the decision to isolate with somebody.

I'm not in that situation. I'm home alone.

And I've been talking a lot to my friends on FaceTime and I've been socializing and I've been, you know, living life in this world, but alone in my house. I'm going through my computers, started going through old footage. I found that clip from when you came up to my house back in the day. And, yeah, I just I saw this moment where I just jump right into this, if that's cool.

Sure. Because I saw this moment in the clip where we started talking about my old Web show, and you'd come up to my house back in the day. And it was so cool that you came up then.

And I remember at the time your website was like way advanced. Right? Like, it had all sorts of extra stuff on it that people weren't really doing on the Web back then. And you came up, we just start talking about the web.

And that was because of my webmaster, Andrew Blevins, shout out to Andrew. He's a wizard at Web creating.

So I was always really into the Web stuff. You know, my website I started my website early when I was, you know, up in Canada, and I was really thought that was cool.

And we started talking about what I was doing, which was kind of crazy. Right. And then you just started talking about you said you said what what what we got to do is figure out how we're going to make some money off this. And I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, keep going. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'd been trying. I had been trying. I'd been going to, you know, advertisers and and they were like, well, you know.

What do you mean the internet, you know, but it's kind of funny.

I saw that clip. I thought that's hilarious because, you know. Not to not to, you know, blow too much, smoke up your ass, but clearly you figured out how to make money off of it and it was hilarious. I'm like, that's hilarious and prophetic moment. How can we make money off of it? Now we're here in this beautiful studio.

There were a few moments that really planted a seed in my head to do something like this online. This year was a big one. Being at your house and seeing how you had servers, you had full cables like folks.

This room is not as sophisticated as Tom Green's home was in 2007. That's how crazy it was.

There was some weird stuff in there, but you had it set up like you had and a whole Internet service provider set up at your house like like you could have run like a network in 2007.

You had all those you had that whole rack, all that equipment. I walked in that room and it's humming.

And I'm like, holy shit. There's the great drama, the great drives. Yeah.

I was like, this is crazy. This is your house.

And it's like folks like back then you had to have these cables that snaked through the house like so everything was taped down. I was like, fuck, dude, this is like you literally turned your house into a set. Like it was much more like a set than anything I'd ever seen before outside of a set.

It would light screwed into the ceiling. Yeah. Kind of trashed my place, even figured out how to take video calls from people.

That was exciting. Crazy. That was exciting. I had this this. Yeah. There it is. Tom Green. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that the TV on the wall. Yeah.

And there's my dog Steve. Oh poor Steve Anderson. Oh look, I don't have gray in my beard. I look at that young man back. This was probably around twenty seven I guess. Yeah. And that's, that was the back corner, my living room there. Sejima You can see all the wires going up. See that. That's going up into the ceiling, up through the ceiling, into the spare room which I turned into the editing room.

Look how crazy all this equipment is. Dude, you were so ahead of everybody.

That's actually a little later. Actually, I'm looking at this now. This is later. This is after. I can tell because that's an actual that's not the tri castra. That's an actual television switcher. I forget what model to Sony switcher.

So you started with a tri caster and there was a thing called a video toaster system. First, I had that for a year. Then we got the first version of the tri custard. That's Victor who was working on the show. And he's he's stoked that I'm here today. I still talk to Victor quite a bit. Shout out to Victor. Victor, what's up?

But so, yeah. So that was a little later. But still kind of you know, we're talking three years later.

So 2010 ish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, all your like your lighting and everything like you had done it where you would basically, instead of like putting cameras in your house, you'd turn your house into a studio. It was like legit.

I remember thinking, oh my God, because Anthony Cumia had a kind of a pretty high tech set up in his basement. Yeah, that was another inspiration. Yeah. Yeah. Because he was doing that while he was doing Opie and Anthony. And, you know, they actually his employers at the time wanted him to stop doing it. They decided somehow or another it's not he shouldn't be allowed to do an extra show. He's like, what? I'm just promoting the serious show.

Right. This is free.

Like people could see it. It's fun. So Anthony would do karaoke with machine guns in front of green screen.

And you still you still kicking ass on the Internet?

Yes, he has his home. He has his own network. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that guy.

He's a he's a unique dude. He was great on Opie and Anthony. He was always really funny and just like like a comic.

But he never did standup. Yeah. It's really interesting. He's like the most comic comic that I've ever met that never did.

Standup is Anthony Cumia. One hundred percent could have been a great comic, 100 percent.

I think sometimes people that I mean, I'm just making this up right now.

But I think sometimes people that have never done standup, who do radio are afraid of it, you know, because it's like, you know, because they can they can is the scary thing. Do it on stage, you know, in front of an audience if you've never done it before. But you get comfortable behind that mic.

But anyways, yeah, man, it was so cool when you came out, because I remember, like, I think there was like Entertainment Tonight was there that day or something like that were that. And that's Hollywood. That's right. That's right.

And you left this made this quote to them and that went out and it was defining what's happened in our world.

You were just saying, you know, we don't need the advertisers anyway. We don't we don't need the networks anymore. We don't you know, we can get straight to the advertiser. I always.

Is that video available anywhere? I think I saw it on the Internet so that that video of me saying that is kind of hilarious. If you stop and think about how this Internet stuff has played out since then, it's like there was this pre YouTube, right? Like nobody was uploading YouTube. You had to have your own Tom Green dot com set up.

So I remember I got a call. This is one of those like, you know, when you think about think back and you sort of kick yourself. I'm. You know, I was it was so I mean, how far into the weeds do we want to get? Technically, I was it's like people are like who give a fuck. Oh, there it is right there. But here I was. I the that's the clip that was my backwards baseball hat days.

So we would be still in those days.

We were hosting this stuff on this site called Bit Gravity Dotcom. So we would upload our shit to that.

Those are the guys from Denver.

No bit gravity is San Francisco, OK, San Francisco and Barrett Lyon is did you do some stuff with some guys from Denver?

That was that was sort of around the same time they were that was Manea TV. Right. Right. Right. And so they kind of.

But what I what what I did was Manea TV was the only people that were really doing live streaming. And I said, hey, you know, like, I want to build this TV studio. And they helped me build the studio, but I wanted it.

I want it to be autonomous of them as well. So I got my own servers through this company, bit gravity, where they basically invented the technology to upload video and then serve it out. So I would link that to my website. Tom Green dot com. Completely autonomous of the other website, Manea TV, so, you know, it was just funny shit that happened there because, you know, I remember like I think back go, I really made a few mistakes, you know, like, I go, I go.

I want all the stuff to be on my website. Right. And then YouTube started.

Oh, what's this? Oh, YouTube. Oh, that's cool. They're they're doing a thing out of an apartment in San Francisco. And I remember at one point somebody called me from YouTube, said, hey, man, we really like what you're doing with your thing. I'm like, oh, that's cool. Cool, man. Yeah, yeah. I'm kind of doing my own thing over here, you know. Yeah, that's cool.

I like what you're doing too, and never really kind of connected with them because I thought I was thinking at the time.

It's got to all be on your server, right? You have those views not thinking, OK, we could have it out, spread it, send it out, just get the eyeballs on it. So but it was it was exciting. It was exciting time. Everybody thought that.

I mean, no one could have ever saw what YouTube had been or has become. Yeah. The script was crazy about YouTube is that there's not another one. There's just YouTube. It's like there's Vimeo and a few other fairly popular video sites.

But it's like the SFL compared to the NFL or something like that. Not even the NFL's done right. They just go under. Yeah, it's done now. It's like comparing the two of them because all those other video things, it's like, yeah, you'll get some views, but it's just YouTube, for whatever reason. Captured, they have the market.

It never came.

MySpace, you remember YouTube, something as simple as uploading video. Yeah. I mean, obviously it's complex, right? Like just being able to get it on to the website and make sure it streams and all the technical stuff super complex. But just the concept is pretty simple.

You with your phone or video camera, you film it, you can upload it like real simple. Anybody can do it and then anybody else can get views like that is amazing that one company has that locked up.

It's kind of crazy because you would think that, like, boy, that would be something that everybody would want to get involved in. Look how much money YouTube is making.

Yeah, I would. I would. I haven't thought about that. But I guess kind of the amount of of advancement that happens every six months in technology and they've got the funding to be able to stay right on top of it. Just make it the strongest platform possibly. I don't know.

I don't know even Twitter like how they do that. It's like one Twitter. Yeah. I mean, there's Facebook and I guess people hold discussions on Instagram, but if I wouldn't want things, it drives me crazy. But Instagram is like if I go to your page and I'm reading one of your captions, someone will say something in response to someone like, hey, fuck you, dick boy or whatever. And then I try to click and find out what they were talking about.

And I get to the beginning of the comments. And then I had to go through all the comments to try to figure this out, like, why can't I just click?

So do you do that? You get into the comments, you're on other people's shit. OK, I'm not your own. No, like fun.

But you got to leave people to talk about you, like, just go ahead. You if you really get into it and start reading it, it's like, oh good and bad. Yeah. Both of them are equally toxic. That's pretty good. You believe the the bad you like. Oh my God. It's going to hate me so much.

It's a pretty good, you know, form of restraint though to not be curious and to go read. Oh you will. You were always curious to know the key is just not giving into it.

It's just listen, there's a lot of time in a day, but not if you spend it doing stupid shit. Yeah, those things are not beneficial. Most of them are a waste. Yeah. Like most of like the reading comments or getting into it with people.

That's the big one. When you see people like arguing with fans and going on back and forth like that is that is a trap. You're only going to respond to the negative ones. You know, if you're responding to the positive ones and the negative ones, people are trying to get your attention. Some of them don't even mean what they're saying. They just 15 year old kids want to roll you up. And it's like, is that a way to talk to people?

The way to talk to people is like this. Hi, what's up? We're in front of each other. That's how people talk when they're just being around people. This is how we're supposed to talk. Yeah. All this other shit is too confusing for us. Oh, yeah. We don't know how to handle it. Yeah.

And I've, I've fallen into that trap for sure. I've gone through cycles of the way I handle comments. I've become an indiscriminate blocker. Who is what I do now. The first sign of negativity. It's a I know some people say, oh, that's not very democratic, but what whatever the way I look at it is, you create an environment.

Yeah, I'm trying to create a positive environment on my social media.

And but the problem is and what you're saying is making me second guess myself, to be honest with you, because I know I spend far too much time on that shit and I'm thinking, man, I really should just not read that sometimes.

Precious. Yeah, it's precious. Even now when people are forced to not work, you can do one of two things, right. You could either drink all day, which a lot of people are doing. There's a hilarious video of this guy who's out jogging in his neighborhood, just passed by people's recyclables, pointed out all the empty wine bottles and empty vodka bottles, and he just drags over. Let's see what this guy's got. Boom, same shit.

Whisky, wine, bam, bam, bam. People are just getting lit up.

You could do that. Or you could use this time to get in shape. You could use this time to write out a workout program. You could use this time to start reading books online. You know, you could you don't even have to leave your house with a Kindle just or you know, or one of those Barnes knows, Barnes Noble, the Nook, because that's still around. Or Barnes Noble still real.

They have a gun on their bookstores. They still have books. I think they don't know stores. They still have books that bookstores have been doing for him recently. Now that.

The thing after this that's really going to that kind of that kind of old media, you know, tangible media, that's really going to be if people are getting losing their old habits now, you know, you can't go to a bookstore and I'm sure a Kindle and all these things are taken in bookstores were hurting already because of Amazon, because you just order it online.

Like, if I want a book, it's there tomorrow. Yeah, there's something about that, like not having to leave.

And now the people are getting used to getting groceries delivered. If you live in a neighborhood that has a grocery store that delivers, you just order online, they'll send it to your house.

So I've I've like I said, I haven't left my house in five weeks. First time I left.

It's like a castaway type deal or like a prisoner with an ankle bracelet.

Joe, Joe Rogan calls you come, OK, but no one else would have gotten me out of my house. Really? Absolutely. Oh, nobody else. But I was I was very you know, I'm honored to be here.

I love the shelter to have you.

But now, listen, I have gotten good at living in my house without leaving.

I first of all, one thing that was weird and I actually find it strange, actually, I find this strange about four weeks before shit went down.

Right.

For whatever reason it was happened, it was it was like it was in Italy. I think it was bad over there. I I'm not by any means doomsday preppers or anything like that, you know. In fact, I'm the opposite.

I, I've always said to myself, if something went wrong, you know, I'd have like I don't I'd have like one day supply of food or something like that in my house.

And I went before the rush on the toilet paper, all that stuff. I went and I got non-perishable food, I got sardines. I read articles about what's good protein. I got beans, I got rice. I got stocked up my pantry with stuff.

I got about a month's supply of food, not thinking that I was actually going to actually I mean, I knew it was possible.

There were glimmers of it. They were starting to talk about it. But nothing. I was actually going to be locked in my house and then all of a sudden it happened.

Just being smart, like, wouldn't it be nice if I did have a month's supply of food?

Yeah, I talk about this stuff a lot with my friends and we're always sort of talking about the possibilities of things. But, you know, you didn't think it was actually gonna happen. So then it happened. So then I discovered some delivery services that deliver groceries.

But who is the people delivering and are they healthy? So so here's the thing about that. So, yeah, I do. I do not interact with them. Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, but you touch the stuff they touch, right. Well that's you know, again, again, again. Just, just to be safe. I did disinfect them and then I take them and I put them with gloves, with rubber gloves and put them into a a another room.

And I let it sit for three days for the virus to die.

And then then I start eating and I start eating.

I wish there was a clear answer to all this. I wish there was a clear solution to all this, I tell you.

Talking to you is making me feel better. Well, I feel better reading the latest statistics about the mortality rate. I wonder what the actual there's an infection rate, hospitalization rate, mortality rate. And what was it was the study that was at UCLA. Is that what it was?

For sure. And it showed a very low fatality rate in comparison to infection. So that's good news. But the bad news is this, you know, it could still kill a lot of fucking people and people that are immune compromised, people with diabetes, people that are overweight, people with lung problems, people with cigarette habits, all those. And particularly one of the nurses was saying people who were into the jaw, people who smoke with Julle, they said there's a high incidence that there that he personally was seeing of people.

Was it the nurse or was she a nurse named? Told me this is what I was wondering, you know, remember, Murlak, it's like one month before this happened there people were having lung issues because of vapes. And do you think that was coronavirus? Well, it was a big thing like we had that explained to us by and maybe that was coronavirus. We had that explained to us by Adam Curry.

Yeah. It wasn't really what it appeared to be. What it really was is a concerted effort to conflate two things that were happening.

One, these assholes that made like really shitty low level THC vape pens got people sick and a couple of people died. I forget how many people died. Was it like ten people died, Jamie, or something like that? Adam Curry told us the whole story in the podcast.

Then the cigarette companies or whoever is behind this tried to get all tobacco vapes banned. And they're trying to ban Ealey aspects of my shot because I want to be on camera.

I want to block my face. But your extra hands, hands, touch.

That's the first thing I've touched in such ripping. I know. Not thinking about this story.

Oh, you're grossed out by too much sanitiser. That's good. But it's killing everything. The good sanitising. It's sanitising, but it's not good if you I know a guy who used this stuff all the time is getting warts all over his hands now because his immune system's all fucked up in sanitising cousins, the Carlin bit.

Yeah, well, that's really what happens. Like you're not supposed to use antibacterial soap, you need bacteria. It's a great bit. When we would in jujitsu, sometimes guys would get staph infections or ringworm is a big one and ringworm, they would use antibacterial soap and it would wind up fucking up their whole body and they'd wind up getting it more often like they think, oh, I'm just using antibacterial soap all the time. So you're killing all the healthy shit on the outside of your skin and then you wonder why you're getting sick all the time.

You wonder why your skin is getting infected and you're not like that normally.

But honestly is the first one of the actually, when you made me that coffee earlier, whatever that coffee was, which was amazing.

That's the Laird Hamilton stuff. That's black rival coffee mixed with Laird Hamilton's turmeric, which is just some Hawaii surfer.

Yeah. Yeah. Those guys that were curriers. Yeah. So good, right. Oh my God. No coconut milk.

Oh it's nice. Yeah. Good for you. Super healthy.

That's the first thing that someone Ptacek that I've touched in over a month that someone else had touched for sure.

You've definitely touched other things. You just forgot. Well, you know, it's been in my house. That's true. You haven't left the house at all. So no, I've touched the groceries, but I just I first disinfect it. So it's but I don't I don't expect to be like this forever, you know.

Well, that's the question. Like, when do we go back to see the mayor of Las Vegas? Yeah. With Anderson Cooper.

This is not China. This is Las Vegas, Nevada.

So there's a line that, you know, on this end of the spectrum, it's complete casual, lackadaisical approach to what's going on.

There's this end of the spectrum, which is, I guess, me right now. Right. And then there's the middle, which is more of yeah, she on the far end. We're going to open up Las Vegas.

We're going to have casinos open. When are the casinos going to open winners? Comedy's going to start again. When are we going to be back on the road telling jokes?

It's a good question, man. My most everything I've had, I think is been moved. There was supposed to be some stuff in May that I was doing in Des Moines, Iowa, and somewhere else.

And that that's getting moved. And the only thing that I have scheduled is July in Vegas, something like I don't know if that's real.

Yeah, that seems so crazy to say that I don't know here in April whether or not I'll be able to do a gig in July in Vegas.

You have the podcast, you're doing the podcast. You get your adrenaline rush from that. I'm assuming you get an adrenaline rush from this. You get it from stand up, of course. Right. Is it weird having an absence of that stand up comedy thing, not just because it's fun to do, but just physically? Are you feeling different not getting that on stage energy rush every night, the comedy story every night you go down there?

Yes and no. But I know I know I can't do anything about it, so I just shut it off. Right. I'm not going to think about that.

Yeah, you can't think about shit that there's nothing you can do about that. It'll just drive you mad.

I heard you talking about that with Donelle. Yeah. It's kind of like, OK, you can't stand up right now. That's just what it is. It is what it is.

But look, man, if you just stop and think about think about a guy that works at a grocery store, OK? It's not the best job in the world, but it's fine now. All the sudden, he's in a fucking war zone. He's in a viral war zone. He's got to hope that some coughing motherfucker doesn't give him a death sentence while he's restocking the rice. Right. It's a different world. A different world for them.

For me. What I just I can't I can't go on stage four. Well, yeah, yeah, it's terrible, I feel bad for the comedy clubs, really, I feel bad for the waitresses and the waiters and the kitchen staff and the managers and all the people that don't have a paycheck coming in. I feel bad for them and I'm happy to do a ton of free shows. When we come back, I'll just do do shows and donate all the money to the Comedy Store or the Improv or whoever.

Happy to help. But I think that it is for us in particular. It's an inconvenient thing. Yeah, but it's not life threatening. This is a life threatening time for some people, for nurses and hospital workers is a life threatening time for that Chicago bus driver. Did you see that video? The bus driver who's telling people, please be courteous, don't be caught in the middle of the pandemic, and then he's dead a few days later.

Horrific, right.

And that's this is this is why this disease is so fucked up. It just seems like for some people it's a death sentence and then for other people it's nothing. And that just doesn't make any sense to me. It just clearly I'm not a doctor and clearly this is a new virus, but it's just so weird that something could be asymptomatic for a huge amount of people. But some people get it and they barely even notice it. They just feel a little bit of fatigue.

Some people get a little bit of a cough for a couple of days and then nothing.

And other people are dead like it's nuts. It doesn't it doesn't compute in my head like other things. You know what I'm saying? Have you ever been seriously ill?

Yes, I've had the flu. I mean, like I'm a cancer survivor. So to me, not Putin not saying the flu is not seriously all that's flu from the flu.

Right. From the flu. We know this.

But so when I got cancer, my show was on MTV. Things were going great. Everything was going great. You know, I got my show on MTV. People were watching. I'd been doing it on a Public Access Canada for years. Six years I've been working away, making my own show because, you know, no one's ever giving me a freaking show. So I'll make my own show. Right. So I did that before the Web.

I did that first. That's how I always thought like that. You know, also, I'm on MTV.

Everything's great. Oh. Oh, I'm feeling a little funny down there. Fortunately, I went to the doctor, which a lot of young people who get testicular cancer. Thank you very much. What? Don't go to the doctor right away. So it spreads and they die.

Right? I went to the doctor. I was lucky. I went to the doctor. But for me.

Having that happen at that time was so bizarre, just in the you know, I sometimes think if I'd gotten if I had gotten that testicular cancer one year earlier, you know, MTV wouldn't have picked up the show yet. So I would have been in Canada dealing with it. And then probably they wouldn't have picked up the show and my life would be completely different. That sort of change and sort of the the you know, I don't believe there's coincidences.

Sometimes I don't believe in coincidences. Sometimes I do. I flip flop on that.

But but I basically. Because of that, what that sort of made me realize is that, like, life's random, it's not fair. Shit can happen even if it is unlikely it might happen to me. And because of that, having dealt with that and it just sucked, man, it sucked having cancer like like because it wasn't just about like, you know, removing my right testicle. Right. That sucks enough. You think that. But it's fine.

I got the left one. It's fine. It's the middle one now. It's fine. It's doing good.

But I'm doing a bit but no, but the thing is, they also did a lymph node dissection and cut me open.

It was painful.

I was in the hospital for six, eight weeks or six weeks, took took years to recover from that physically like pain, nerve damage, just, you know, slowing down your body.

And so I just go, I don't want to go through that again. Like, I'm I'm happy to to stay in my house right now. Cut, cut. All, you know, cut, cut. You know, just completely, like, improve my odds.

I don't really have anything to do right now anyways. You know, I am not touring. I have a lot of stuff that I love doing in my house.

I'm working on my computer. And Pro Tools are like making music, like making hip hop beats and stuff, you know?

But if for years I've had these little details and that Pro Tools program that I've not unlocked little mysteries because I haven't had time to go and figure out how to mix and do like compression and do all the little things that you do. So I'm like going down that rabbit hole. I got my sound engineer calling me and I'm like doing online, like doing on FaceTime, like Pro Tools lessons.

And I'm getting I'm having fun with it and I'm thinking, OK, I'm doing something with my self right now that is positive. I'm enjoying that. And I'm trying to avoid being hospitalized again because. I hate being in the hospital sucks. Yeah, makes sense. Yeah. Are you doing anything differently in terms of how you eat or healthwise or nutrients or taking care of your immune system?

Yeah, yes, I well, I heard you say zinc on the show, and I don't listen to me. First of all, I get your medical advice from me.

Yeah, well, no, I had already had the zinc, but that confirmed that I was taking zinc. So I think a lot of articles you should read on it, but yeah, zinc, very good at taking vitamins, multivitamins, vitamins.

And then honestly, I'm not drinking as much.

You know, it's unfortunate YouTube said that they're going to take down anything that doesn't coincide with the World Health Organization's ruling on, you know, what to do about this pandemic. What do you mean? YouTube is taking down things. And now I don't know how specific they're going to be about this, but they were saying alternate therapies like vitamin C and things along those lines, which is kind of unfortunate because unless they're not being that strict about it, because I would say if someone was saying how he if somebody made a video, someone who's a nutrition expert and they made a video how to protect your immune system from covid-19 or maybe just protect your immune system during the time of covid-19.

So I'm saying that it's protecting it from that. But how to how to boost up your immune system in this very dangerous time in terms of viral infections?

Well, there's there are strategies. There's things you can do like get more sleep, drink more water, eat healthier, keep your body healthy with nutrients and making sure you're eating clean and don't drink alcohol and don't smoke cigarettes if you just do those things like this is real. This is actually been proven. So I don't know what you can get away with saying and what you can't get away with saying.

Well, you can't always just hope that doctors come up with a cure because, yes, the doctors are going to come up with a cure. And yes, we need them to do that. But you can't always think that medicine is going to fix you and you can just keep doing what you've always been doing that got you sick in the first place, because a lot of times when you get sick, it has to do with how you've been living.

Not always, but a lot of times, like, is your immune system already compromised or are you already weak or are you beating up your body and abusing it? And then boom, then you catch a cold and we all know that's true.

So advice on how to strengthen your immune systems, it's important for everybody. Now, if you want people to say, don't say that this is a cure for covid-19, it's going to keep you from getting covid-19 fine. Great.

But so, like, YouTube's going to take a video down that says this is what I'm saying.

Like, if you take a lot of vitamins, don't don't don't drink alcohol or during the time if it has to do with coronavirus and it's contrary or not in what the World Health Organization is recommending, which changes every two weeks.

Well, they fucked up.

I mean, there's no wear masks, wear masks, don't wear masks, good to wear masks, bad to wear a mask with.

Somebody posted it on their Twitter the other day. It might have been Donald Trump Jr, but showed the World Health or knows on Instagram, World Health Organization tweet from them from it was I guess it was a what time it was last year.

I think it was last December or maybe the beginning of this year. But they were saying that the World Health Organization says that it cannot be contracted from person to person. This is a tweet that they put out. So you can't say how the hell do you get it then?

Well, they didn't know then directly from a pangolin, you know. Yeah, you have to be there, so don't worry about it.

There's this is what they were getting, Chinese propaganda and they were spreading. But the World Health Organization, when they were posting it, that was that's absolutely wrong.

We all know that's absolutely wrong. So if you say you have to listen to what the World Health Organization says, well, they've been wrong before. Right. And I want to know how much they really know about nutrition, how much they really know about health and fitness. Like I'm looking at these people, they don't have the healthiest humans in the world. Just because someone's a scientist, you know, I'm saying doesn't mean they're taking care of their own body.

That's a problem is smart guy, but he might not work out.

And I've talked to a lot of really brilliant people, including doctors that eat shitty food and don't really work out so crazy.

I realized I didn't have a lot of vegetables. So I ordered, you know, on Amazon, which I had never used. Amazon, by the way, on fresh water called. Yeah, they were taking too long to deliver, actually. They actually weren't even delivering when I ordered this. But there's other stuff on Amazon. It's not Amazon. Fresh canned corn, OK? I ordered like a couple dozen cans of corn, so I have that and sometimes I'll mix that and I've been cooking.

So to stay healthy, I've been cooking. I like to cook anyways. I like to cook anyways. I believe I do that twice. Like you're trying to convince me. Yeah.

Because it seems like it might not be a believable thing, but I do like to cook. Well it would be believable.

I don't know, I just, I just. You seem surprised by it so I figured others might be but I'm not at all. I like to cook, but I'm not and I just kind of I kind of have a sense for it. I know I can usually tell that I'm going to like it just by the smells of things.

And so I like so I have Cancún. I've been cooking a lot of pasta. I've been you know, I have I have stuff I do.

I go live on my Instagram story. I do a little cooking show, sort of. I mean, it's not I'm not saying it's a cooking show, but I do. I do. Whenever I cook, I do a little Instagram story.

I got these, you know, the San Marzano tomatoes. What are those? They're just like canned tomatoes, but there are cans of peeled tomatoes. So so they're delicious tomatoes, but they last forever because they're canned. So you can have a closet full of them and the last forever and you'll always have tomatoes.

Then I've got the the stuff when I make pasta it's called like ragu or prego sauce. Crazy. That's exotic. Yeah. When it makes us. But I add that the tomatoes to it, thicken it up, throw some canned mushrooms in there.

Why are you buying ragu tomato sauce. It's just to have it. Don't do it.

No. No.

It's just to have because in case of a case like, you know, system is if I can't get food for a while, I've got some some backup food, you know, because you remember in the first few weeks of this, people were kind of thinking.

Is is everything going to shut down, right? You know, so I made sure I had some canned food, you know, like they said.

Right, but why Ragu? There's other brands you get. Yeah, well, I've prego, too. I got the rag. The the ragu is the Alfredo sauce and the prego is the is the marinara sauce.

But what I'm saying is my cooking, my personal recipe for spaghetti don't just doesn't just heat up the ragu, put it in some canned tomatoes in it way better.

OK, so I'm getting you know, but I wouldn't normally do that.

I wouldn't normally have Cancún, I wouldn't normally think about having vegetables, the kind of person that I'll eat rice.

So do you think you had a premonition or do you think you saw what was going on in China and you were like, you know what?

It would be a good move to have a month's worth of food here?

Yeah, like it's not like some sort of a superstitious thing. You don't feel like like the universe is sending you a signal. You need to go buy corn.

Well, I watched one of your shows recently where you're talking about I love this episode where you're talking about are we living in a simulation?

Yes. OK, so I was.

You know, I love talking about this stuff, you know, it doesn't mean that I'm oh, I think we're living in a simulation. Oh, I think that we are doomsday is coming. Not necessarily, but I do love the thought experiment of talking about it and thinking about it. And so after I was watching that show, your show, I was really thinking about a lot. I had a long conversation with my mom about how, you know, we could be living in a simulation, you know?

What do you mean? Well, I mean, you know, the computers are getting so fast. I mean, they're going to be able to program computers that have conscious, you know, that little character on a computer might be able to start to think and then it might start to be able to self-determined and then we could just be an advanced version of that. And how would we ever know in my mom's in there going, I don't know, what are you talking about?

And then I had a pretty long day of talking about this with my mom and trying to convince her not that we're living in simulation, but that it's possible we could be living in a simulation. My mother wasn't really buying it. Right.

And then two weeks later, this happens and I'm thinking. It's like because we're living in a simulation, you know, because if you were living in a simulation and then you started talking about it and then the creator of the simulation heard that you might start a pandemic, maybe the problem is the term simulation.

Yeah, because if you're living in a simulation, then it becomes your whole life like, is that simulated anymore? Like, what is that like? Maybe it's always been a simulation. Mm hmm. Maybe if you stop and think about events that take place that ultimately all seem to be leading towards events. Right. When when you think about the invention of electricity and then the electronics of the 80s and the 90s, that led to everyone having a home computer, that led to everybody having a computer in your pocket that listens to everything you say and takes pictures and uploads video and just keeps getting more and more advanced and more and more intertwined with you being a person until one day you enter it and you become a part of it and they create something inside the world of computers is far more compelling than the regular world itself.

But maybe that's just the natural course of progression. And that's where life is going anyway. Like maybe that's just a new kind of life, a new dimension of life, and that all these things just come about through, that they come about through either natural causes like, you know, Star Supernova and, you know, everything coalesces and things become carbon based.

Life forms emerge and life becomes what it is in 2020 or those things figure out how to open up new realities and that what a simulation would be would just be another reality that we were created.

By some person doing the exact same thing that we're doing right now, that one day we get to the point where technology so spectacularly advanced that you could have a new world that's indiscernible. Like you can't tell that it's not real. Right. It's impossible to tell. You are in that world now and that's why you exist.

That's what I was trying to convince my mother, that we might actually be in. She was she wasn't buying it.

Dylan Thomas thinks that. Elon Musk thinks that he freaks me out. I know. I saw that ad on your show, too. He's one of those.

If you would talk to him. No, no. But look him in his eyes like what's going on there, man? Oh, yeah. Extra shit's happening in there.

Yeah, because when you got a guy that intelligent and he's saying there's a one percent chance or one in a billion chance that we're not living in a simulation, you think, oh, OK.

So you just messing with me or was it was the gentleman's name that I was having a discussion with Bostrom. Bostrom Nick Bosra. Yeah that's yeah.

That was watching. That was a very complicated discussion. Who was talking about probability theory. The probability of us having living life inside of a simulation is actually higher because ultimately we're going to come up with a simulation someday.

And then when you talk about this stuff enough and when you watch your show, which I do, and you listen to these complex conversations.

Right. And you start thinking about it and you start thinking about all the possibilities of what could happen, and then this pandak damage happens.

And then, you know, you still live in the same place where I did the show, you know, like I started seeing, you know, I'm here in Los Angeles.

You saw him to all of a sudden you see Black Hawk helicopters going by.

I don't like you. An Apache helicopters going by. You're seeing the Ospreys. You see the Ospreys going by every day in the first week of this.

And you're thinking, what's going on, man? Do you watch The Walking Dead? You know, I haven't watched it. Let me tell you something that's crazy.

Walking Dead the first few seasons. We're let's hear about it now. The first few seasons were awesome. But maybe even better is the first season of the L.A. version of The Walking Dead. What's that one called?

Fear of the Walking Dead or something like that?

The first the first couple episodes of that is spectacular.

Yeah, it's the first season is pretty good, but they did it very differently than the other walking dead. But, you know, it just it people it takes a while for people to realize what the fuck is happening.

It's sort of felt like. Is that the beginning? The beginning. Oh, yeah, man. In the beginning it felt touch and go when everybody was hoarding all the toilet paper and people were fighting like, whoa, this and everyone wants a gun.

The gun lines were giant. Right now, the lines outside the gun stores were creepy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Were you in one of those lines? Oh, I have guns. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm, I'm not waiting in line.

I have a theory about the toilet paper.

Maybe it's obvious but but I don't know. Maybe it's not obvious. I don't know. So toilet paper is big. Yes. So because it's big takes up a lot of shelf space because it takes up a lot. Maybe everyone's talked about this already, but it takes up a lot of shelf space. So all of a sudden everybody went to the grocery store at the same time and there's probably far less toilet paper at the grocery store than it would appear just because it takes an entire aisle, because it's big.

So everybody what but one piece of a package of toilet paper on the first day, it was instantly all gone. It's instantly an entire empty aisle, which is dramatic looking. And it was the first sign of shelves being cleared. And it was the toilet paper was gone and everyone went on their phones. There wasn't a run of toilet paper. And all of a sudden that compounded it exponentially. And now everyone's gone for the toilet paper and they don't need to be going for the toilet paper.

And we had the great toilet paper shortage of twenty twenty.

This is the type of investigative reporter you do when you're alone for five weeks. Just go, oh, you're breaking it out of the Colombo of toilet paper.

That makes 100 percent sense because it's big, big. Everyone grabbed a can of corn, everyone grabs kind of beans, but it did create an entire empty aisle that then got people thinking, talking and tweeting and typing and Instagram. And it's also something dumb.

People think about a lot of shitting. Yeah. It's you know, you also you know, you don't want to not be able to wipe your ass for.

Yeah, but it's that all the things you need, like do you understand what it's like when shit goes down, get a rag and a bucket of water. OK, right. Wash your ass with the washcloth.

Right. Because shit is going down. Yeah. All right. That's the last thing you need to worry about is toilet paper. You need to worry about consuming food and staying alive.

Yeah. Some people don't think it's ever going to get to that. And those are the ones that stock up on toilet paper. Yeah. The ones you buy like rice and beans and stuff like that. Those are the people that are planning, legitimately planning ahead.

You want to stay alive, they say. Yes, that's right.

Use a Heinz corn and rice is a that's what I read was a subsistent enough vitamins and everything you need. So sure you don't get enough. Protein that way, but you get some from beans, really? Yeah, it's just not as available, such as bioavailable as it is in other foods. Yeah, yeah. So you can get some protein. You just got to eat a lot. Yeah. It's not as complete as some forms of protein.

So how have you been enjoying doing the podcast since this started. Obviously becomes a big subject of conversation.

Right. Do you do you sometimes not want to talk about it anymore? I mean, when your guests come in, is everyone always talking about the pandemic and about them?

And I want to just talk to you. Just go with the flow.

Yeah, we're just having a conversation sometimes is repetitive, unfortunately, because the people that are listening in, they listen to me having conversations with people that haven't heard the other conversations.

Right. And we wind up talking about the same shit.

Yeah, but that's. Like, as the more I think about doing it, the best way to do it is just talk to people. Just have talk. Just talk. Think about what you would how would you normally talk? You'd have to talk about this if I didn't see my friend Tom Green in a long time, then all sudden we're here like, bro, what the fuck is going on?

Well, we're just going to ignore it exactly. Because really, we only talked for like there was a couple of times we were having conversations out there. We were like, got to save it because I haven't seen you in a while.

But kind of talk about it, we're living in madness.

So weird thing when you talk about something in the hallway, I told you the story, but it now and I'm doing now I'm doing what I want don't do. But McMahon used to come up and do my web show that we were talking about. And, you know, Johnny Carson's sidekick, I never got to meet Johnny Carson, but I got to meet Ed McMahon. That's pretty dope that you met Ed McMahon.

Yeah, we became friendly. Came did all the time. He did. I really liked it like four times or something. Wow.

Because he I think he just had a curtain, you know, he had a kind of shiny curtain. Yeah, I had a desk at the desk and I just think he felt like it was fun for him. No pressure.

We're doing little kind of make believe Tonight Show or whatever. That's awesome.

And he'd come up and I was just so overjoyed that he was there and we'd stand in the hallway and I'd start talking to him and he'd say. I could tell he got quiet, was never quite on the show, but he got quiet before the show and I was like, he's not in a good mood.

And the first couple of times and he said, don't leave it in the hallway, Tom, don't leave it in the hallway.

And I realized, oh, he doesn't want the same conversation again.

And I made it a lot easier for me as the host of the show in my living room, because then I didn't feel obligated to talk to him either. And we just sat there in silence for half an hour until the show started. We fucked that up a bunch of times on this podcast. Not not this you and I.

I was trying to kind of talk about things that weren't going to come up. I mean, like the early days of the podcast, sometimes before we ever got the show started, we had talked about all the cool shit. Yeah. And the like, fuck, what were we just talking about? Oh, good man.

And you're talking about it again. And and, you know, you're talking about again and they know and you're sort of then you're trying to pretend that you haven't heard it before and you're kind of doing this sort of can't really force the laugh, but you do.

And it doesn't feel right.

Awkward. Yeah. Yeah.

But, you know, I mean, I look I love that. I love the little the little.

I love the rhythm to these kinds of conversations. That's something that I really love, you know, like I've you know, as you know, I love doing what you do. I love doing this. I love talking to people.

I love creating, you know, whether it's an interview or conversation I love.

Listening to people and just waiting and feeling that rhythm of it, it's something that's very interesting to me, which took a long time to figure out, and that's what's kind of exciting about, you know, doing this stuff as you do learn, as you do these shows.

And where else would you ever have the opportunity in the history of broadcasting to have built your own studio and go, oh, I'm going to do you know what?

How many thousand shows have you done now? I'm going to do a thousand shows. Right.

I mean, you've got more, you know, time as a interviewer than anyone like in history, other than the few handful of people that had shows that didn't get canceled. Right. Everyone else, they got a chance to do a talk show. They got to do it for a few weeks or a few months or a few years, and then they get canceled.

Well, it's radio guys. You guys have been doing it for over like Stern. Yes. Way, way, way more. Yeah.

You're that's why I'm saying, you know, you're in that category of people where you've got ten thousand hours of interviewing time. You know, it's pretty, pretty, pretty awesome.

It's pretty weird. Yeah. It's not 10000 hours. Yeah. It's how many thousand hours. A thousand something. Three thousand five show.

Fifteen hundred shows. And the longest ones are like well there's a few five hour ones in there. The Kevin Smith won a couple of them that were like four or five hours. Most of them are three or under. Yeah. Yeah.

Was it in the early days of it. OK, when you were doing it in your house, how long did you love it being in the house and then at what point did it start to be like, oh man, I don't want to do this in my house anymore?

Well when I was bringing over people that I didn't know then I was like, just to see is feels awkward. Bring bring them to my house. It just feels like it also feels like I was.

You know, it wasn't the right setup, I wanted to I was like, well, if I'm doing this all the time, I should have like a better setup. I should figure out how to do this better. So for a while, red band set up at the Ice House. We did it there.

We just did a show together, Red Ben and I. We did a weekend at San Diego at the at the American Comedy Company right before this.

That's a great place to go. Yeah, I love that. Right, Ben? You know, I love San Diego, so. Yeah, it was an awesome spot for comedy, too. Yeah.

So and then I got a place near here that was smaller and then I was like, OK, I need to, I want to build something crazy.

I want to build something where it's like, what would I do if I was me, you know, like if you like, oh, if I was Tom Green, I would set up a fucking Internet studio in my house. And if I was Joe Rogan, what would I do? I would I should have all the shit that I want, like a gym and, you know, float tank, sauna. Incredible. That's that's the most fun part about this place is like.

But you can never have a place like this if you had, like, a real company behind you, you know, I mean, if you if you were an employee like Showtime, Showtime puts Tom Green show together and you're like, oh, I don't want I want an indoor archery range. Like, listen, we can do that.

Yeah, you can. You're going to kill somebody. A crossbow in the in the studio. Nobody can do that.

Yeah, well, I want to set up a gym. Hold on. We need everyone to sign a waiver. We're going to enter this gym. You lifting weights. Let me talk to the lawyers all the time. The gym has to be in a separate building. You have to have key cards to get into it and everyone has to sign a release.

You would never be able to put whatever you want on the walls. You wouldn't be able to. It wouldn't be the same.

And then there's always the looming possibility of it all being taken away. That's what somebody is talking about on your show.

That was that conversation tonight.

I just put up the the you know, the pictures, sorry, pulling the plug on it. Yeah. Yeah. We just bought all the new furniture, you say.

Yeah, you said it, it's. Oh you called us some lovely woman. A dyke.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's amazing. But but was there a moment though in your house when you were doing it where something happened that made you say this is, you know like, like did anyone does anyone ever come up and not want to leave after.

No, no, no. Nothing bad. It just seemed like that. It just always seems like it's time to do something new and see what I what my problem was.

I was drinking a lot more back then. Oh, so you drink now at all? I do. Do you.

But a lot less actually. I'll tell you, when I started doing Stand Up again ten or eleven years ago, I started doing it again.

I have a drink right now. Sure. Yeah, of course. It's a couple of drinks. Of course I will have a drink with you on your course. It was just like drinking.

Yeah, of course, but. Absolutely it. But, you know, the thing is, is I don't as much anymore, and back then I. I was your buzo too much. So you're saying? Yeah.

And I think I think what I thought was I got a little too carried away with the idea of, hey, we can drink on the show.

Right. Right, right. I remember that we were drinking Coronas. Yeah. That's one of the things that people were pointing out, like, oh, this is a you're going to Corona beer. Corona beer took a big hit. Oh, so crazy.

I bet. Yeah. People are so dumb. They're blaming the name of the beer on a virus. Yeah.

I was thinking in the beginning like, hey, why don't they just call it covid-19 or something just to you know, companies would have caronna just changed.

They had a covid-19 like a special edition. I have some fun with it.

Yeah. Grampa's dead. Have some fun. Yeah.

He died choking on his lung lung fluid so I was having fun with that.

And but I feel like I feel like that maybe I forgot where I was going with that.

But the point is as a oh nice boy, why don't we got any more bottles.

This is things almost empty. Hmm. Well, whiskey there, huh. So that's my drink. I've been drinking Bushmills.

Oh. Is that a specific type? It's from Belfast. It's Cheers.

Irish whiskey. It's a healthy pour there. That's cool, dude. Awesome. Beautiful. Thank you. Very well.

I won't I won't be having any more alternatives. That's fine. So I need a little sip.

Not bad for you. It's been proven. Sorry. What is that. That's Buffalo Trace.

This company's been around since 1773, son. Oh I heard you talking about sponsors. I heard you talking about.

Just look, there's actual buffalo testicles on the label. Oh wow. Don't you tell us respect.

I used to have two of those. You still have one.

But so we're talking about drinking do in the studio. You said you it got a little carried away because you could drink there. Oh I know. I was going ok.

Yeah. So, so yeah. So, so of course people like to drink, my guests like to drink to have a lot of great guests coming up. You know sometimes we'd have a few too many, sometimes turned into every time we had a few too many turned into it, turned into a party every night. It turned into a party that never ended. Every night it turned into, you know, you know, I remember like, great stories, too.

Don't get me wrong, it was bad. I mean, I remember Norm MacDonald would come up and I'm from Nordstrom, Ottawa, OK.

I'm from Ottawa, Canada, the capital of Canada. OK, I grew up loving like because when I was a teenager, I was doing amateur night, they called it.

That's what they used to call opening my open mic nights at Yuck Yuck Sonando Amateur Night. I do that and Norm would come through town. He had he hadn't blown up yet. He is Norm. He was twenty five years old. He was my favorite. Him and Harland Williams, Jeremy Hotz, those guys were my favorite.

And so. Having grown up idolizing those guys and then all of a sudden they're up at my house and now we're having a drink and now the show ends. Now the show ends and Norm's having fun. I'm having fun. Let's go look at some YouTube videos. So now we're watching YouTube videos to four or five in the morning. And then that starts happening every night with other people and everything else on.

It's like I wake up in the morning, you know, there's beer like the floor sticky floor in my house. You know, I've got a nice place, right. The floor is sticky. Right. And then and then the then the housing crash, the housing market crashed. And I was doing this thing. And, oh, here's another thing, OK? The technology changed. And so every few months, oh, the cameras are obsolete.

You know, the four by three cameras don't fit in the aspect ratio. You've got to get all new cameras.

Akasaka spend four six thousand dollars on new cameras just to keep it working.

I've already spent. OK, and then the house is worth like half of what I paid for it. I'm like, am I underwater here? And the force and not to mention that the floor, the floor sticky, that I've screwed things into the ceiling, I've ruined it, I've ruined the house. That's worth half of what I paid for.

I'm like, I maybe I should move that, get rid of the studio out of the house.

This is not healthy, but no. And there was also, you know, this did you want a semblance of normalcy?

Did you want a house? Well, it also what happened was. Cheers, cheers. Hmm.

Well, also what happened was, you know, I I was becoming increasingly frustrated with my inability to monetize it, OK?

And and because it was it just wasn't really what people were doing quite yet. And I had people all over the world calling in and watching.

We were getting a lot of use.

We were going to the moment when I realized something cool was happening with the viewers. We figured this thing out.

Kat Von D came on the show, OK, you know, get funding. Yeah, she came on the show. She had a MySpace page with like a gazillion followers.

This is a funny story. Actually, I hope it is.

At least we we embedded the feed to her MySpace page. All of a sudden, we had a million views on that one feet. Oh, my God, this is amazing. Then the end of the month comes. I get a bill from the server company we hadn't talked about if you had a million views, a bill for forty thousand dollars.

But what they call what we charge per click. I mean, no, that's you know, we've always had this thing, but now we have a thing where it's so I mean, in fairness to them, they didn't make me pay it, but they wanted me to pay it until I was crying on the phone like, OK, this is you know, I just got new cameras.

This is great. I live the other ceiling's got holes in it, you know? I mean, so they didn't make me pay it.

Thank you for thank you very much to everybody that I won't even say their name in that story, but thank you to them for that.

But it became a lot of pressure and financial pressure to keep it going.

I'd been doing it for a long time. I had grown kind of, you know, started to find myself annoyed with doing it, you know, and then I just one day just realized. I want to start doing standup again, and I just I always wanted to write, I did it when I was a kid. I always felt like a thing that I you know, I when I was doing stand up, I stopped when I started my public access show because I'm a focus.

I focus. Right. So I had the public access, but I don't have time to do that anymore. I focused on that right.

For for ten years.

And in the back of my mind, I was always like, man, I left that on the table, you know?

So I found that that was going to be my way of monetizing my web shows. I'm going to go on tour. And all of a sudden I started I jumped up the Comedy Store and I felt that feeling, you know, that feeling and felt since I was, you know, 19 was the last time I'd done it, you know, and and I and I did well.

Right.

It was like the fear of like, oh, am I going to bomb or they're going to you know, I was just instantly gone and I realized shit. And then I went back. So I went back, back on back. And then I start getting booked. And then all of a sudden, you know, six years of doing the Web show and paying for it out of my pocket and worrying about it. And all of a sudden, whoa, I'm I'm like making good money doing standup.

I like this idea getting paid to do what I love to do as opposed to paying for what I love to do.

And so then I'd come home from the road and the equipment was getting more obsolete to, you know, it was like it was like he was dust on it, you know, and the like the camerawork, you turn it on, it wouldn't work as well, you know, like you'd have to figure and it and I'd come home and look at this house and I didn't I was tired from being on the road.

I didn't want to turn on the studio.

I thought, you know, I'm going to take the studio out of the house and I'm going to go focus on on on trying to become as good of a standup as I can possibly be.

And this was what year what year to start? It's probably about 11 years ago. So. Yeah. And so and then I've been on the road for the last 11 years, like, you know, I mean, I talked a bit about this, but I've been going hard, man. I've been going everywhere. I've been all over the world and every every club in the U.S. I love it and I just love doing it.

And I feel know what I love about standup is I it's and I I'm not sure if this is true at your point, but for me, I still feel like every time I get on stage I feel like I'm learning something and getting better at it.

So every single time. Yeah me too. And thousands of shows.

But then how could I, how can I walk off stage and feel like that was the best show. That's why I said the last time. So I said the time before. That's why I said the time before.

But I love that feeling of like oh there's somewhere we're moving somewhere with this. We're moving and we're we're we're figuring something out. It's very fulfilling.

Well, it's clearly something the more you do it, the better you get at it. If you're enthusiastic and you're concentrating on it, the more you do it, the better you get at it.

And the the more years you have in, it's like the more data you've processed how to do it right and how to do it wrong and how to what to avoid and what to emphasize and all these different things. They they just get to a greater and greater understanding of this thing. So really, there is a difference between like ten years and twenty years, twenty years and 30 years. And really you really do as long as you really are still passionate about it, you'll still get it, get better at it.

Demerara.

So this to me was and Dom's been doing it longer than me. I remember watching Dom on TV when I was thinking about doing comedy. He was already on TV and when I became friends with him he was like one of the first guys that was friends was like, I can't believe I'm friends with Dom.

I reira.

And to this day, Donson doing comedy probably 40 fucking years to this day, he still says, you know, you just keep concentrating on it, you still get better. Like, that is the craziest thing, isn't it? So you just if you're as long as you're still locked in and some guys like Dom are still locked in, like he still crushes Dom with the Comedy Store, a crush, which is so inspiring.

Oh yeah. It was new shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Jay walking around lt like with the audience having a good time uh but doing it forever.

Still loves it. Still loves doing stand up. And I think that's what's up. It's like whatever you're doing, whether it was your public access show or whether it's you doing standup or maybe you become an author, whatever the fuck it is, that thing, you just have to really be all in on that thing and really be interested in that thing. And if you are, you're going to get better at it. You're going to get better at it.

Just keep me and you can have bad times and good times and jokes that suck and jokes that are better and some jokes you have to ban in the never going to work. You try. I'm like, what is wrong with this? I can't seem to get let me just put it aside for a little bit and you might come back to two years from now. You're like, oh that tomato joke.

And then you go back and you start fucking around with a tomato bit again. You bring it reintroduce to the crowd. You never know, man. It's a it's a like a living forest of ideas. That's what an act is. It's like a life form. And it's like you fertilize it with information and knowledge and and you keep paying attention to it constantly in a good way to just like supposed to sing the plants. I pay attention to that act like go there with enthusiasm and be happy that you can do it.

And this is one thing that's going to happen to a lot of comics after this break. Come back.

You're going to be so thankful. You're so thankful that you can make people feel good, that we can all have a night out together where, you know, people come and they're on dates and they're just happy to be there and they're there to have a good time. And the comics are so happy that everybody's there and everybody gets just a good old love fest out of it. Just let's appreciate what we had. I think we all appreciated what we had at the store, but I think now everyone's going to really, really appreciate how special that place is and how special Stand-Up comedy is across the world.

It's a special thing to be able to get in front of people and and make your ideas change their physical state. You know, people are laughing about something. They're having a great time, someone killing on stage. It changes. It's like you're giving them a happy drug. When someone makes you laugh, it feels good. That's what we gravitate towards. Standup. When Joey Diaz is on stage crushing, you feel good.

You're like, wow, that feeling that you get, it's like everything feels amazing. And you and I get to feel that all the time.

We're so lucky we get to hang out with some of the best, funniest people in the world and make each other laugh and just joke around and hang out in that back bar and tell war stories and just laugh and have so much fun.

And I think one great thing about this for us is it's going to make us appreciate how special and how fortunate that is. I think for a lot of other people during this time off that have been like on the fence about quitting, what they do up in a lot of people are going to change course in their career. I bet a lot of people are going to realize, you know what, this could all be just taken away from me. I'm playing it safe.

And even though I'm playing it safe, doing some I don't want to do it still got taken away from me and I didn't even have a chance to take a chance. I was trying to do this thing and do the right thing and follow my degree. And now they're going to go. Since this can be taken away from me at any time, I'm going to do what I want to do. Yeah, I'm going I'm going to try to find out how to make a career, whatever their interest is, whether it's making tenso or fucking painting, whatever it is, whatever, and making tense.

Some people are into making somebody literally is making into making tense for sure that was going to. They decide they want to do that, though. At what point in life when their kid camping, they go someday. I'm going to make a better one of these. This thing's leaking right now. Exactly. The things they shouldn't be leaking like this.

Sure. That's how they make this better sleeping bags.

So people make better, you know, those little burner stoves, the stoves that people take when they go hiking, someone goes, this thing sucks. I'm going to make a better one, these fucks. And they make it better when they sell it to RPI. And the next thing you know, it's the hot thing if you're going camping. Yeah. And I have it.

There's some know some crazy tents out there now, too. I'm sure, you know, you probably do a lot more camping than I do.

I don't camp that often, but I'm going to hunt when you go on the hunt. You know, I have set up some new new model tent I have, but I prefer the most miserable.

Well, I think the most miserable is rain, because cold you can get warm like I've done Montana. We did them as being Brian Cowan with my friend Steve Renel and his crew for the media to show.

We did the Missouri breaks in Montana in October and it was cold as fuck. It was like nine degrees some days that was cold, but that's not as miserable as wet. What's more miserable? One time we did Prince of Wales, which is the most rainy part of Alaska, OK? Yeah, it's an island. And it was rough. It's like all day long you're soaking wet, like the tent is wet, your sleeping bags wet. There's the air.

You see, when you turn your headlamp, you go piss the middle of the night. Just missed this water everywhere. Everything's wet. You're never going to dry off and it's not warm out.

I love that, though, even though it's uncomfortable.

It's I love getting I've done a lot of that. I've done a lot of camping. Canadian, right. My dad was an army guy. My dad was a captain in the Canadian army. So I made you go camping and pretend the Russians are coming.

Yeah. Oh no. For real. Yeah, it was it was serious.

It was sort of a parody. It was an authoritarian kind of thing. You had to be good with nature. When I was 14 years old, I got really into skateboarding.

I'd already been doing it. But when you started become a teenager, somehow I don't know how this happens, but somehow a skateboarding, you equate the ability to be able to do something like that really well with maybe the ability to be popular or to maybe get girls or something, if I can do a jump.

Right.

And I'm really so you just you're as I think it's a male energy thing or like, you know, you start to feel like I got to be the best skateboarder. So I all of a sudden, like, you know, I don't know what what what kind of energy it is.

I don't want to be sexy. It's a human energy.

Sure. There's. Are really obsessed with doing things to be the best of it, back that up, back that it's a human energy, right? You want to be successful. You want to be the best skateboarder, right. So this was the moment where I wanted to be the best skateboarder.

But I was 14 and I was still a kid. But I was on the verge of being a teenager. I was a teenager, but I was on the verge of being, you know, an adult.

You know, I feel like we should have some music playing in the background.

The story all of a sudden dad says we're I'm sending you this summer on a canoe expedition. It's eight weeks in northern Canada.

You're going out with this group of 12. It was this whole organized thing was actually an American group. It was called, I remember called Lorean. It was an American group from upstate New York.

They drove up they a group of 12 people, and they were divided into like five groups of 12 that would go out into the middle.

You know what it's like in northern Canada. It's like you're in the middle of nowhere. You're going out to Lake Chippewa in northern Quebec.

And I'll show you the middle of Canada to see the middle. Yeah, my friends live in Alberta. Shout out to my friends. John and Jen sent me an image. You want to pull it up on the big screen?

Jen Revett, she sent me a picture of her fucking back yard. Yeah, right in her backyard. There was a giant fucking grizzly bear just wandering around in her backyard. Whole please look at that. That's her yard, man.

What the fuck, dude? Look at the size of that thing. Yeah, not in her yard. Lucky to see that. Actually, that's a ten foot grizzly.

I don't know how big it is, but it looks like those that could be a ten foot. That's that's a nice thing to be able to see. That's a big deal.

It's running towards you see how wide shoulders are, how much muscle it has in its arm. That's a small bear. Look, this size in the big picture is beautiful. What in the Christ Jesus.

They have him up there where they have to shut school down sometimes, like where their kids go to school, it'll just wander through this fucking school yard, a grizzly bear. Jesus, and they're probably just used to it. I've got a friend who lives in Pasadena. The bear comes down every eats avocados out of his tree.

Clearly, my friend's doing well. He's got other countries in his yard, but he's balling. Yeah, that's a low key flex. Yeah. Barazi Accardo trees. But you got an avocado tree, so we did there. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. You know, but as avocados.

Oh yeah.

But you know he we'll talk about him later. But he's a great guy. Incredible talented genius. We're talking about.

So pile up there and they make something out of you type deal. Kind of.

Well when my dad was, when my dad was a kid, he joined the cadets and he joined the army, left school, went join the army, went back to school. He got a college degree later. He would just clarify that if you're watching. But he is watching, too, by the way. My parents are watching.

So so you know, you're on. Oh, they know. You know.

But listen, so it was sort of this. You know, you got to know how to be a man, you know how to deal with nature, and I went out and I'd grown up fishing with my dad, a lot of fishing, never hunting, but a lot of fishing, you know, northern pike, largemouth bass, you know, like I like I love fishing.

And and I was actually the only Canadian on this tour. And we'd go out into the middle of nowhere.

We'd every day there'd be like a. Sometimes up to three kilometer long portage, or you'd have to take. So today we're doing a Sportage. We're going to take all our bags, all our food, all her supplies. We're going to walk three miles or whatever, three kilometers.

Is that what you call Portaledge Sportage? Yeah. Portrush when you pick up you. I thought it was Portage.

Oh yeah. No, it's French. French Canadian. Because the voyageurs right where the French Canadian fur traders who came down from northern Canada with the Hudson's Bay Company selling their beaver pelts the portrait.

So that's funny because when you're thinking of Portage, you're thinking of Portage Avenue in Winnipeg, which is a mistake. No, I'm not.

I'm thinking of port is like carrying hilarious.

If it was a Winnipeg thing, I just I don't think I've ever heard the word said or said it myself. Potage.

Yeah. OK, so French Canadian. So I digress. We wait but so so it was a lot of work you know, and you'd have to carry your canoe and then you have to go back three miles and then you pick up all your food and all that stuff.

It was a pretty intense thing. You know, what they had was every two weeks a float plane would come in, would land, they'd resupply the twelve groups of people, and then everyone would go off in the other direction.

So we were off there with like maybe twelve people. And I don't think they would do this anymore. It's like one instructor guy who was probably twenty five years old and I was fortunate enough with a bunch of 14 year olds and, you know, in and, you know, I love it.

I love being out there in the middle of nowhere.

Fishing is so fun. It's such a great feeling to catch something and then cook it.

Like if you can cook it like within a quote, amount of time when you just caught it, it's spark those primal fires.

Yeah. Largemouth bass, you know, largemouth bass, a lot largemouth bass over the years. Sorry people, but it's a lot of people don't like eating largemouth bass. Isn't that interesting. Yeah. Yeah they were, they were prevalent in this lake.

We went to large Belfast, Northern Pike and SMALLMOUTH which put up a better fight than the largemouth, but.

Oh yeah. SMALLMOUTH so tough it tastes better too. What's your favorite.

Lure what was always top water lures, because it's exciting when they hit.

OK, yeah, you know, if you have a bug or a Republican or a polla, yeah. You're twitching and then you see something come up and smash the water. That's always the most exciting to me.

But I like you know, I like fishing with all kinds of lure spinners and crank baits. I used to like casting crank baits into lily pads for bass. That's fun because you can kind of pull it across the surface of the water and you see the bass.

But what's that might be? I don't know.

That bait is it's got like the skirt, like the flowing skirt, the little rubber worm type of thing over the hook with well, it's a what is it called?

It's called I think it's called a crank. I think that's called a crank bait.

I'm saying it's a little different. Typic terminology is with Canada and the US too.

So because like we we got a little metal thing, like a wire that connects to one side, I think they would either call it I don't think they would call it a spinner.

A spinner is like a small little lure that spins when you pull it through the water.

That's oh, that's a crank bait. So I'm using it.

That's like that's like a fat lip one that you can move. Well, I've done a lot of those jitterbugs, but what are the ones where there's the spinner on one side and the goddammit?

I forget the word. It's like it looks like like there's a coat hanger, almost two of them, and on one side there's a pretty big right. Yeah, it's like musky and stuff.

I think they would maybe you would call it a you wouldn't call it a spinner.

Yeah, it's just a lure of some bait. That's it. Spinner bait. OK, that's what it is. I say I had a pattern.

I pretty much used spinners for bass. I put a worm on it.

See what that looks like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You never know what to call. Those are. Yeah.

It's been so long so that's a little spinner on the end of it. I used to use one of these like literally 30 years ago. Yeah.

I bought a I put a spinner with, with, with a worm on it for bass. I like to use the best fishing experience I ever had was nighttime with my dad.

I was probably six years old. We were in a canoe. It was. You know, when you're up past midnight and we're going to lock it was up late that night, it was maybe it's probably 10:00, but it felt like midnight because it was up late as a kid.

And I was like literally 6:00 and we were going along the shoreline pitch black, you know, hardly see anything.

There's like a lot of mosquitoes up there, too.

And I had a. A floating lure, I think it was a dollar. It was I think it was a jitterbug. They make that sound along the top and this bass hit it. It was a four pound bass. OK, it's good. I got it in in the canoe. Got it in. We went back to shore. We were at this little cottage. My parents had this little tiny little cabin when I was growing up. The neighbors came out because they heard because how excited we were, we were yelling all I got the biggest.

OK, got it looked at excited. We went back out and I got another one, the first cast.

So and those kind of memories are why I do love getting out into the woods.

I went then for the Bass family.

Those memories are equally horrific.

And then grandpa grandpa goes out and goes, where is my son. Yeah. And he and he grabs a hold of the worm to all catch and release now whenever I fish.

But back in the day it was really sounds to me. Yeah. Well yeah. I think that that is a fucked up thing to do. Yeah. Well I don't not support it. I don't say you shouldn't do it like an alien abduction. Right.

There's something kind of fucked up about it. It's like shooting like a deer and knocking it out was slingshots to the head. But then like letting it go.

Yeah, yeah. You're doing something really fucked up to that fish. You're making it vulnerable. Yeah, well, I get it.

I've been pushed a lot in the last few years, but I do my parents live on a nice lake up in Quebec actually. And whenever I go home to visit them, it's like being on vacation. We go out in the boat and we catch Northern Pike.

A lot of people like Barbados, fly fishing, never fly fishing, live without a Barbes.

They could release the fish very easily. So it never gets, like, stuck inside, you know, Jesus Christ.

But the whole point of the barb is it keeps the fish on the hook. So then they always get off all the time, but they don't always get off.

You keep tension on the line. Sometimes you're OK. But the point is, like you're you're not even pretending you want to keep that fish.

I'm like, you just kind of you just put in a hook in its head and bringing it out into your world and then going psych and letting it go.

It's like there's definitely some times when you catch a fish and you hook it wrong and you feel bad because it's not a pleasant thing.

Well, in that case, it's not as much because you can get those bar Barbas hooks out easier.

But it's just it's weird that, like most of fly-Fishing, like when they fly fish for trout, a lot of it is catch and release a lot.

So there's like a whole industry built around torturing these little fishes that that think they're going to get a fly. And it's just to give you that rush.

Oh, come on, I got one. This is like primal cave man rush of stripping in that line. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm bringing that fish up to the shore and thinking this is going to sustain you and your family and say, OK, I'm going to Burger King and you let that little fucker loose.

You ever get those moments? I just had one moment like this where I'm sitting here and I'm looking at you.

You know, in front of the American flag on the show that I watch your show all the time and I'm sitting here, it's just it's awesome, man.

Yes, thanks. And congratulations on being a citizen, an American citizen that I just became a U.S. citizen. And you're one of us, but we don't trust you enough to be president.

So step by step, the fuck back. I was not born here. I will never be president to be president unless you're born on this patch of dirt. Don't worry, everybody. There's an imaginary line in the sand and you're born on the wrong side of it. Son, no need to worry.

I will never be president of the United States.

I wish I was born somewhere else. I wish I could never be president. I'd like to be born in Cuba because that's going to be a lot of work when you're president.

I don't want to be president. I'll never I'll never run for any office but never thought about getting into politics.

No, that's not my place.

I places to talk shit and be ill informed about many things and cause a lot of people to discuss these things because I'm ill informed inside discussion. My place is not to lead. I don't think anybody's places to be president. I really don't. I think it's a ridiculous proposition.

I think nobody anybody's capable of handling it correctly. That's why we don't like anybody who's ever done it.

Yeah, nobody's ever done it.

We like it's a it's a tough you can't please everybody, so you can't you really can't know.

It's a lose lose proposition.

If you want to be the guy who runs the whole thing, you've got to please everybody. And then there's all these different styles of running the whole thing. Right. That's one of the more interesting things about America.

We have essentially fifty styles of running the whole thing because we have fifty states, right. So we have all these different people that are in control of these different states.

And, you know, we get to see how they do it. Like Arizona. Let's just carry a gun everywhere. OK, go ahead, take a gun, go wherever we want. Yeah. And California is like, fuck, that's going to be harder. Harder to get a gun. New York City's even harder.

Different places let you have different laws in terms of like Louisiana, like New Orleans, you can walk around with an open alcohol container. Nobody cares. Yeah. Walk to a street in New Orleans with a beer and drinking out of that beer. They won't say a word. I've had some good times in New Orleans. It's normal, normal. So there's different styles of running, running, running the whole show.

Yeah, it's interesting. And then, you know, with the fact that you are under a microscope and you can't please anybody and can't please everybody, you definitely can please somebody.

Yeah. As long as you're pleasing yourself.

Right. Like what you would do, like don't be offensive to you. If you were watching would you be watching. Is going this corny motherfuckers full shit. Would you be watching and saying that or would you be watching going by as probably a difficult position to be in. But in that position, that guy is showing some character. He's showing some some Grace is showing some some compassion. You know, that's what you hope for. But it's you got the whole thing is weird.

Anytime you're talking like this and people are listening and how many people are listening, millions like that's what does that number even mean? Like how many stars are there?

Does that mean anything to you anymore? It's like the universe for over 13 billion years, like you lost me.

I don't know those these numbers are too big to understand what they are. Yeah.

But what you can control is how you would view yourself. Yeah.

You know, that's important for comedy, too, because it's a lot of people out there doing standup that don't stand up for themselves.

They don't do shit. They would go to see they do things they think will work.

They're basically like a plumber, like I need this size wrench to go on to that pipe and crank a crank, a crank. You know, as an artist, you know, as something I mean, it's a it's a fucking highfalutin word for stand up comedy, but it's kind of accurate in just a semantical terms. Right. What you're trying to do is you're creating something. Right.

But are you creating something for you like that you would like? Are you creating something that you think the general public will enjoy? Right.

So that that comes across to like people, whether they know it or not, they could smell weakness.

They smell bullshit. They smell when you're not really you're not really tuned in, you know, like if you ever have that moment on stage retelling a joke, but you're not really thinking about it as clearly as you should be. And even though you're saying the words right, people aren't laughing because they're not connected to you. You're not connected to the joke. They're not connected to you.

So there's some weird shit going on. It's not just the words. There's some weird shit going on. There's an understanding of your authenticity that people either have or they don't have. And if you don't feel authentic, yeah, you get a certain amount of people that pay attention. But after a while, you're going to lose them. Yeah, because they know they're not in everybody's trying to be locked in. Everybody's trying to be authentic. Everybody's trying to be if you're not a sociopath, you're trying to be authentic.

You're trying to be better than who you were yesterday. It's because we all realize that this is a complicated game and no one's great at it. Everyone's fucking up. The game of life is a mess, right?

It's a war zone. So you trying to get better.

And so you want to pay attention to other people that are trying to get better and people that are legitimately tuned in, people that are legitimately sensitive. People that are legitimately expressing themselves in an honest way, it's very nourishing because it makes you realize it's possible and that's what we all give each other. We all give each other through these moments of grace and these moments of intuition, these moments of inspiration, of observation, of sometimes you have the ability to express a thought that you didn't have yesterday, like I thought will come into your head and you'll be able to express it to people.

And then they say it and then then they'll say it back to you. And you start talking and you realize like, oh, you just popped into something.

You just, um. This is it. That's right.

There I found something. I found something about myself and I found something maybe you could relate to.

And then other people listening go, oh, if they know you really did find something, they know you're not bullshitting.

They listen to it and they go, Is you bright? Maybe he's not. Maybe I think differently and then they can maybe think their own in all this shit branches off from that, but it's a long as you're authentic, you can be wrong.

We're all going to be wrong. But are you authentic? Mm hmm. That's what everybody really wants. People say they want honesty. They certainly want honesty, but honest and stupid and unaware. That's not helping anybody. You want authentic.

Yeah, well, I mean. That's what that's why we love doing this, right? Yes, and that's why you're saying you keep getting better the more you do stand up, you're getting more and more authentic.

You're figuring out what resonates the most with you, the way you think and the way you perform.

You feel like there's going to be and we sort of touched on this. But when this thing ends, I feel like stand up comedians are going to be so happy to be back on stage and have had a break, you know, because so many comedians have been go, go, go, go, go for a year or so.

Is this the longest you've been without being on stage in your life? I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure now.

Have you ever taken off take five weeks off of getting on stage? Yeah, I've taken a little time off here and there. And I was trying to think of how many months was the there was one period of time where I did take a couple months off. I think it was when I was moving from Colorado to L.A., I think it was around two thousand nine.

I think you probably came back from that renewed. Yeah, I think it might have been right after I filmed my special two, I think I filmed a special and then I think I took some time off after that, which I like to do sometimes. Just kind of reset my perspective, make sure I'm not I'm not bullshitting like I'm I'm talking about things I'm actually interested in. So sometimes when you're working too much, like one thing that does happen with standup, so they spend all their time either traveling or doing standup, you're not living enough.

And if you're not living enough, you don't see enough things. Do you have an opinion on you're thinking about your career. You're thinking about your set list, you're thinking about a lot of shit that doesn't doesn't factor in with the you know, it's very, very narrow minded in a sense.

So not only have all of all of comedy, every comedian has been forced to take a break, to go do something else, but also to do something else during a crazy, scary time.

But we're all being forced to think about our mortality, think about the world, think about the environment, think about and then think about your fuckups.

Yeah. About ex-girlfriends or apologies to.

Yeah, I think about friends. Yes. Yeah, I think about people that you wish were still alive. Think about things you could have done better times you could have hit the brakes faster. Oh yeah. Times you could have been driving slower. At times you could have been a little less drunk.

All the, every thing everybody's ever done. Time you did a thing when you were a kid, you wish you had done one of sending you a juvenile home. And there's a lot of people that have made these that happen to you never having them. Me, I'm just making up like Stephen King right now. Yeah. Making a novel, creating a character, but having things that happen to you that went wrong, things that you did wrong. But, you know, when you're when you go, go, go all the time, sometimes you get stuck in a pattern of momentum.

Right. Well, you don't have enough time to evaluate and go, am I doing the right thing? I think there's a good lesson to be learned in a reset in that you could kind of if the world is crazy and it's not anything, nothing's the same now. And I think we can all safely say that when the whole world shuts down, you're not allowed to work. And everyone's supposed to stay six feet apart and everyone outside is wearing a mask.

When you get to a point like that, you can kind of agree the world's not the same anymore. Right? Right. So should you be the same?

Should what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing with your life? What are you doing? What are you doing in terms of your friends? What do you do it. What are you doing? What are you doing?

Are you doing the right thing? Are you fucking up? Are you eating sugar all day. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing. Well, don't do that anymore because now you realize this is all whether it's a simulation or not. What's happening right now needs to be addressed, what's happening right now is if you don't have your shit together, you're more vulnerable, right? So get your shit together.

The Renaissance movement, I read this on my phone two weeks ago, the renaissance movement occurred after the black plague.

Everybody was forced to self isolate. And then what happened? Oh, the greatest shift in thinking and art and literature in the history of the world.

Plus, it probably killed a lot of people.

Yeah. And made room. Yeah.

People came out of that and the whole everything changed after that. And also I sometimes wonder if that could happen here.

If we come out, everything could change in a positive way for sure, a positive way also that through this surviving that experience, you probably feel incredibly lucky if feel fortunate. So you feel like you want to get things done and accomplish things and go for things that maybe you held back on before because you gave a fuck.

As much as I'm going to make on paint a little weird now. Yeah. I'm not going to do it the way that they've always been doing the painting. And I'm going to look I'm going to I don't know a lot about painting, but I'm going to make it I'm going to make the painting weird now, you know. Yeah. Oh, that's weird. That's a weird way of painting. Hey man, I fucking because I don't give a fuck anymore about the black plague.

You pay attention to the fucking black by my fucking you know, wherever they lived back then.

Drinking homemade wine. Yeah. Banging boys they did. I don't know, I don't know a lot of that.

I'm sure some of that was going on. Yeah.

It's these moments of history where things shift and change.

I mean, clearly, if you go back to as far as we're aware of, you know, go back to, you know, eleven hundred A.D., you pick a spot pick a year.

Now, compare that to now. Well, we're definitely better at life now, right.

Why do we get better life? Because there was trials and errors just like you get better as a human. We get better at life. You know what bothers me, man?

This bothered me and we were just just discussing this. I was like, do you wonder when I see a civilization like China that's like completely in control, the citizens? And it's so old, such an old civilization, like as time goes on, if a civilization lasts a long, long time, does it get just tighter and tighter and tighter and tighter control?

And is that what the magic of America is?

What the magic of America is, is that it's only been around for three hundred years, not even so like is that the thing that you have to have a young, fresh movement of freedom and then eventually human nature sort of fucking chokes it and gets in an rear naked, puts it to sleep? Is that what happens? Is that over time, life and nature, human nature and greed is basically like a jujitsu blackbelt. You could defend it as you defend it for a little while, but eventually it's going to put the choke on you.

Is that what it is? Because it seems like all these older civilizations when the oldest ones that we're aware of are run by military dictators, the old ones, is that because they've always been like that, because they were like that thousands of years ago and they're like that still now, they never had a chance to make that clean break?

Or is it because as civilizations go on, as long as the power is maintained, there's no overthrow of it through this whole cycle?

They always get to a point where they just try to control the citizens. It's just too difficult.

And I want all the money and I want all the bitches and I'm going to shoot the bombs and I'm going to control the people and useful to the people are used to it and except let them eat ice cream. It's weird.

You know, I went to I went to China for the first time in my life one year ago, OK? Strangely enough, I'd never been there before.

Another thing that happened a year earlier, that it's perfect for your life.

One year ago, I did a show in Hong Kong and the show with your show and the cancer.

And the thing that I find interesting about China, though, having had never been there before Hong Kong, of course, that's different, right?

You know, it's it's, you know, British colony and very. But Shanghai, same thing.

That was only part of communist China that I went to Shanghai.

Right. And you get there and I think a Louis Vuitton store, everybody's walking around shopping. You drive from the airport. I'm thinking it's going to be some driving from the airport. There's big mansions.

I'm like, I thought, you know, I'm crazy, which I was like, why?

Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, well, I thought I was saying to the guy that picked me up the airport, I'm so well, I thought this was a communist.

How how come they have big mansions?

He's all it's not really the way it works. And it's sort of it's just sort of the economic system is not communist, as I know.

I forgot. I mean, how explain it to me.

But you sort of got over there and you realize, like, it didn't seem a whole lot different, to be honest with you. I went to a mall, you know, they had one of the pianos in the mall that anybody can play.

And I said, don't play people you don't like, just the same kind of dumb shit that they got here. Yeah.

And, you know, so I came back from that thinking, OK, well, I mean, obviously, I know it's a lot different, but we're also also so the same, too.

It's very strange, you know. So I don't know. Have you been to China or. I've been to Taiwan.

Never been to China.

That's the thing about when we tour doing standup is that is that thing that kind of bothers you sometimes when you go somewhere you've never been before and you get there and it's exactly the same.

Where it ever been exactly the same? Well, it's like I remember the first time I went to Australia and South Australia is exactly the same.

Well, you got there was like within five minutes I went to a Starbucks and I did a USO tour. That's a bad example. A better example is I went to a USO tour, so I'm thinking I'm going to the Middle East. We got to Bahrain. We landed in Bahrain, went to the Marriott, OK? And then we said, can we take a look? You can take a walk. We took a walk. There was a Dairy Queen.

I ended up getting Kentucky Fried Chicken. I had some Kentucky Fried Chicken in Bahrain after I've just flown to the other side of the world and I was thinking, this is going to be so different. And it wasn't it wasn't that much different.

It sounds like you were at a military base so. Well, in Bahrain, we were staying at a Marriott and then we went into Kuwait and then we went into.

So where did you get the Kentucky Fried Chicken when you were in town or was that was a military base in Bahrain? We weren't on the base in Bahrain. We were in town. It was whatever the city is.

And it's almost to me more exciting that when you would go to a place like that already be corrupted by McDonald's, there's something there's something ridiculously thrilling.

Look, I would love to land somewhere. Don't get me wrong.

I would love to land somewhere and deal only with the authentic culture.

But there's also something kind of weird about flying for eighteen hours and landing in some country and ordering a Big Mac and seeing it being served up by people who live in this strange land. Different different than you, you know, grew up in a different environment, different culture, different language, different alphabet. Here you are eating a quarter pounder and the same place.

It's like there's something about it that I like when things don't make any sense. I like when things are haywire. I like when you're like, what in the fuck have you done? There's something about that that I like. And I like a Burger King in the middle of Thailand. I like it. Yeah. I don't want to eat there. I don't want to eat there.

But there's part of me that's like the ridiculous folly of humans and their decision making and and what we do and what we don't do.

I'm thrilled by it. Yeah. I'm thrilled by ridiculous videos of dudes getting on a slip and slide, trying to ride a fucking beer keg down the side of a hill when you know it's going to go wrong. I'm thrilled by that.

You know, this is a part of me that I'm trying to really suppress, that I'm not thrilled by people dying from this virus.

I'm not thrilled by you if you feel ill. I'm not thrilled by any of that. I'm not thrilled by anybody suffering. But I'm thrilled because I'm thrilled by the fact that this whole system gets thrown into a fucking just a blender and spun around and no one knows what's going to get spit out.

And a lot of these people, they're getting you getting really clearly reveal they're frauds, these people that are in positions of leadership or bizarre human beings that don't even live in reality.

Like I was watching Nancy Pelosi trying to dance her way out of saying that in February she was telling people to go to Chinatown, hang out, have a good time. Don't worry about it.

Like like you were doing the same thing. You're accusing the president of doing your accusing Trump of not warning people. You didn't warn anybody either. You everyone's playing gotcha with this. Nobody saw what the fuck was coming.

Like I said, the fucking World Health Organization in a tweet was saying it can't be transmitted from person to person.

No one knew.

So this is all this chaos of all these people getting revealed.

I like it, yeah, I like it, there's part of it that I like, I enjoy because, yeah, one one thing that we have above all the people that live before us is that we have more access to information. We see the floors better, we see the floors better. Whereas before we were lied to and bullshit.

Now I could see it better. Doesn't mean those flaws aren't going to exist.

But those people are going to have to be they're going to have to be authentic. They're not authentic right now. Like when you see someone, the record will show that I was there in Chinatown to tell people to not be racist. The record will show you can't do that anymore.

You can't do that anymore. We demand you be authentic.

And if you made a mistake like that, like in February, look, man, if you were hanging out with me in February, we were barbecuing and I'll be like, probably the flu. People are going to get sick. They're going to die. But I'm not a fucking expert, OK? I'm not a politician. And if I said that, I'd be like, man, was I wrong. Here's why I thought that. Here's what I wouldn't say.

The record will show. The reason why I said that is I want you to not be racist to Chinese people.

If you believe that, like this is like some intricate plot to that, Nancy Pelosi had to sort of stop racism against Chinese people like nonsense, right?

You were talking shit in the world changed. And there was the same as I was that the secretary of health in New York City who was there was telling people to go out, take the subway. I forget who it was, what there was this lady.

She made a bad call. Right. But nobody knows. The World Health Organization's telling people it can't be transmitted from person to person. At one point in time, no one knew. It's a new thing. You know, we're mistakes made. Of course they're made. This is who's the perfect person in real time in the middle of a fucking pandemic crisis. That person doesn't exist. They don't have access to information. To make perfect decisions, you have to have all the information.

Was some of it ignored? Yeah, because there was conflicting information. So it has to be sifted through. It's hydroxy chloroquine. Turns out that stuff kills more people than not using it. Oops. Yeah. Oops that's not good. But then there's some other stuff. What is the new stuff that the nurse was telling us about Rams and Rams vitamins.

And by the way, I feel good about it. Feel good about getting that antibody test. Yes, it's good to know. It's interesting.

Well, I feel good about that. I really feel good about I guess it was what we're saying. It was the UCLA study that was saying that it has a much smaller rate of mortality than was initially thought. So early antibody testing. We talked about this.

So how did they determine that? Is it because. Because they are being tested? Yes. Yes. And that's where people are. But this is how they do it. As they are testing people, they're realizing far more people have had the virus and survived from the antibody test, from the antibody test, not just far more, but on a magnitude of, you know, whatever they thought it was like two thousand. It turns out it's like four hundred thousand or they thought it was 20000 and it's 400000 is the most.

And through that, they've determined it has a much lower fatality rate than they initially anticipated.

They were thinking it was going to be like five percent, ten percent fatality rate. It's like one half of one percent. But that doesn't mean it's not dangerous. It just means that it's not as dangerous as the worst case scenario could have been. Like if it was like the H1N1, which I think some crazy number H1N1 infected, I think.

But no, I mean, as far as fatality rate for for certain people is a very high rate of talent. This was not as bad as that. But they didn't know. They didn't know.

They did do the social distancing with H1N1. They didn't everyone didn't go. We didn't do this whole shutdown. So then you go, well, maybe if we hadn't done the shutdown, then I don't know what the steps were.

This was during the Obama administration. I think it was 2009.

Bird Crusher thinks he had it said he felt worse than he's ever felt in his life.

I have a friend who in December, you know, had the worst flu we ever had. It was a weird flu. A few friends who had that, you know, that's been around longer than we know. I mean, they said the first case was in January. That was in December. I don't know. Who knows? But.

Well, you know, I mean, you've got to take care of your immune system, folks. This is number one. You've got to shore up the troops, take care of the troops. They're going to fight the war for you.

If you have an army in your army is mal fed and you feed them junk food and bullshit and you're pumping them full of cigarettes, you expect them to fight with all they have. What they have is going to be less OK. Doesn't mean they're not going to fight to the death or whatever, but what they have is going to be less than if you took that army and fed them healthy food and gave them eight hours rest a night and, you know, and taught them how to meditate and kept stress low, like legitimately.

And that's how you have to think about your immune system the same way you would think about an army, think about your immune system is this is going to be what protects you from the invaders. And the invaders are invisible viruses and they exist and they've always existed and we know it. This is not a rumor. This is not alchemy. This is not nonsense. This is a fucking scientific fact. And even knowing that scientific fact, beautifully intelligent people that are some of the most.

Creative and innovative people the world has ever known. Still ignore their own physical health because they don't think of it as a primary concern. They think of it as a frivolous, egocentric, narcissistic endeavor to look good and work out. And what you going to wear a fucking tank tops and flex your guns. Get the fuck out of here.

I'm doing great search, but we all need to take care of our bodies. This is something that needs to be like. It should be like brushing your goddamn teeth. Did your teeth fall out of your head? Well, hey, stupid, you should have brushed your fucking teeth. All right. Did your body start falling apart? Yeah. Hey, stupid. Did you do your exercises every day? You didn't you don't exercise every day. I can't help you.

You're not helping yourself. Exercise doesn't mean you have to be. Mr. Olympia means you should be doing jump rope or pushups or whatever your physical physically you can. If you have some limitations, whatever you can withstand, walk around your block with ankle weights on. Do something, fucking do something, man. Eat right.

Do it.

So you have such a huge responsibility here, you know. Obviously. But but because you have so many people watching this show, OK, I kind of freaked me out.

Tom Green, little responsibles all you're responsible. You're responsible for me doing this. I want that for you. I'm like your kid.

Yeah. You know, Patrice used to say that about comedians, like, imitated him. They're my babies.

Patricia, say like like David Telx got a lot of babies out there because a lot of people imitating David tell. But you have a lot of babies and I'm one of your babies. I about that.

That's very nice of you to say. I, i that's hilarious. Baby of you, Opie and Anthony and Howard Stern. Well, you know, Howard Stern, Stern and Opie and Anthony got together in a gang battle with Terence McKenna.

I'm all your babies. I'm all your babies.

That is very kind of you to say. I'm sitting here on your incredible show with everybody is riveted by your show. And when you say something, it matters, which is different than when you do a show on your show.

I do a podcast now. You know, I got people listening, but it's not like it doesn't matter. Right. That's a responsibility. So it's a responsibility that people listening. But you're when you say something here, it will affect the the entire society.

You have people now who don't believe in the stay home order. They're OK. Well, they should.

They should. They should until the actual scientific experts tell them. That they should go out, but here's the thing, right? Who are the experts and are they different in different states, and I think that's one of the benefits of having 50 states when I was talking about the different styles of of of living. Arizona lets you have a gun just carried on your hip. Right. You can't do that in San Francisco. Right. There's different styles of living.

Let's find out what different styles are. Right. Way to reopen the world. We know the world's got to be reopened. OK, we're not going to just stay in our house for everyone to run out of food. We have to do things right. So do we have to do things after the vaccination? And can our society survive that? Do you know many people are committing suicide right now? A friend of mine who said Nix works and I said it yesterday, sorry, that he told me was talking to the sheriff and the sheriff said they used to deal with one suicide a week.

Now they're doing five a day. This is something that needs to be factored in. There's a there's a Bloomberg there was an article that was written that we're talking about the drop in the economy equivalent to the loss of a certain number of lives, and that every time the economy drops a certain percentage, it's equal to X amount of lives. We might get to a place where it's conceivable that more lives are lost because of the ensuing depression, an economic shutdown, than we would have been lost if we didn't open up, if we didn't close down anything and we just let everybody get sick.

It's a it is a complicated thing. And this is one thing that we have to really rely on the people that are supposed to be in power to address accurately and honestly. No one knows the right way to do this.

There are some real good protocols that are in place for for keeping people healthy and protecting each other and staying away from each other as much as possible and wiping things down and using hand sanitizer and stopping the spread. Yes, for sure. But no one knows how to get this thing started again. No one knows what's going to happen, knows no one knows what the risks are. We going to wait? And in the meantime, what about the other diseases that are still around?

What about the colds and the flus? And what about all that stuff, that all that stuff that, you know, it kills more people than any of these things, including covid-19 projections, heart attacks.

Yeah. Carjacks killing people left and right. How come there's no like there's no alarms to stop people from dying of heart attacks?

Heart disease was no one like the flu and all these other things that we're all terrified of.

This is the lack of of of no.

First of all, lack of information, not knowing. I mean, you don't know if you can prevent this right now. You can't you know, if you eat well and you look out for yourself, you be less likely to have a heart attack. But you don't know if you can breathe, can't breathe in a heart attack.

And then the heart attack thing is all dependent upon your genetics as well. There's some people that have a predisposition to heart attacks.

But what you know, again, I guess I asked this already, but like, that's a lot of pressure. I mean, because if you say something wrong and it's sending people so you must just kind of curious how much time you do spend researching because, you know, you know, so much information.

I asked ninety nine percent of the time, but you have Jamie Googled things to correct me in midstream. So is it instinct?

Is it are you able to see sort of the, you know, the truth through the bullshit and then you kind of because because I mean, you sort it out in real time because you're walking a very you're walking a very fine line and I think you're walking an incredibly well and in a way that many, many, many, great many people are not. Right. They it seems like we're in this world now where because everything's so polarized. Oh, I've got to choose to say this because that's what everyone's saying.

And they're just kind of saying it because everyone's saying it, whereas you definitely straddle that line in a way that to me seems incredibly astute, but also must be some pressure to to make sure that you're right, not until you start telling me about it.

Now, I'm thinking about freaking out Tom Greeno. Well, because you could easily be the you could easily be. Hey, you should. This is bullshit.

I told him he is my daddy now.

He's being he's being like every little type of where he and now he's he's basically giving me the hard conversation. Oh, no, no. Just spray down the bottle. Want me to pour it for you. Don't touch it.

OK? Yeah, that'll be good.

Christ, I'm just I'm curious because it's fascinating to me. Thank you. How do I do it. Yeah. How do you how do you make those determinations? Because a lot of people have made mistakes. Right. And a lot of mistakes. Commentators have made mistakes. Who have said things too. I make mistakes too.

If you're doing this 1500, whatever the fuck shows plus five companions and shit. I don't know. Jerry Micheaux's is another fifty of those at least. Right. One hundred. Jesus, we're live in a world.

Now, make one mistake. I make a lot of mistakes and they put it out there. Already done that. That's OK. Go ahead, keep going. Do it again.

It's this like the number, the vast number of interactions that most people have with each other are positive, right?

Most of the otherwise the world will be a war zone most of the time in. People like gay doing, hey, what's up? Hey, that's the same thing as podcast. The vast majority of the stuff you do is going to be good.

It's going to be moments where some guy you were taking a left turn and he honked you and you said, fuck you. And he said, no, fuck you. Like, that guy's got a bad opinion.

You you got a bad opinion him that's going to happen to that's the same in podcast. It's going to be these moments where things just just fall apart or go off the rails.

It's got accepted. It is what it is.

And how do you decide to not and I don't feel like you do have an agenda to change or change things in any sort of premeditated direction.

You just you're trying to be on what people don't want. Everyone has an agenda. Right? You say Nancy Pelosi, you you say this about whoever and right, left, right, left. They got an agenda. Oh, I can't say this, even though I believe it, because that's not going to work with the narrative. Right.

That that seems crazy. I don't have an agenda. Yeah. Yeah, I can tell you just want to be real. Well, I just I want to I just want to be able to talk to friends about stuff that's actually happening. That's it. Yeah. But if you have like the like if I have an agenda at all is I want people to do better, me included.

I mean there's one of the things that I like to do is possible at this point. Sure. For sure. Everything but everything. Stand up with tree. Yeah. I'll get better at playing pool. More practice.

OK, I thought maybe I could get better at pool doing like mutai doing martial arts or like the more you do it the more you think about how you're doing it and more you realize oh this is like a lot of stuff I could learn here. That's what I want people to do. I want people to find things and try to get better at them. Doesn't mean try to be the best as I mean be obsessed with it. There's something that you get out of trying to be better and whether it's better physically, like if you choose, just like to develop like people like look down at body building.

A lot of people look down at bodybuilding. We're all fucking beat. Susan.

OK, that's great. Sometimes people fit the stereotype, but there's kind of something cool about someone say I'm going to turn my body into a work of art. I'm going to develop a freakish physique where I look like the Incredible Hulk in a comic book and I'm just going to be walking around everywhere with cut off shirts on.

And I can you will you do this? Kind of weird. But it's it's kind of interesting, too. We just decide that it's stupid because we don't do it. You decide that it's stupid because I don't want to be three hundred and twenty pounds with twenty eight inch arms and fucking walking around.

But some people do. And there's kind of something interesting about watching someone do that to their body, something weird about it. It's a weird pursuit.

At what point does it cross that line with bodybuilding when know you're healthy, you're working out, you're getting. Yeah, you know, clearly I work out now, but you're working out.

You're all of a sudden you're starting to go, hey, I'm getting close to that line where I'm like, remember Joe Episcopo?

I loved Joe Episcopo.

I got real jacked up because I was, you know, in the eighth grade and Johnny dangerously came out and you fucking assholes. And it was like he was the funniest thing to me.

I loved. That was a great movie, Johnny Dangerously. I forgot about Johnny Dangerously Reference. That's a great movie, man. That was a fun movie.

I remember in the eighth grade we were coming on you frigging assholes, and we thought it was so hilarious because we're swearing, but we're not really swearing. But then all of a sudden he became Arnold Schwarzenegger and that was like there was a decision that got made there at that point. I'm just curious, because you I'm not really around a lot of the I don't go to the gym.

I don't know if she worked out. I don't know if you could tell, but I do work out at home.

I walk. I walk a lot. You just try to stay alive. Pretty much. Yeah. You like to be.

Jeez. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

I've got you know, when I'm, when I'm, when I'm on the road and there's a gym in the hotel. Right. Great song.

Yeah. Great song. Maybe once a month I'll go to the gym once a month. A good no it's better than zero times a month and once a month on the road. It's not, not the worst thing. Yeah. Zero times a month is bad but I walk a lot and I touch my toes, I stretch strangers.

I live in dangerous I yeah.

You're alive.

I watch more than watch my trainer. You got some cash. I need more exercise once you get a trainer. Once all this ball's over. Yeah. Some dude to come over and a hazmat suit. Yes. Show you how to do burps.

I just worried. I don't even know what a burpee is. It's a fun exercise.

You, you stand there, you jump up. Right drop. OK, do a push up back to your feet, jump up and you do. That's one, that's one revolution. And you keep going.

Any time I do any storm sort of organized exercise, I feel great.

Why don't you do it more often than I need to. It's a weird thing. It's like come on, I'm not what I'm talking about.

It's like this weird sort of, you know, you got to do it. But I offered to make the decision, like because I made this decision every time I go to a new hotel, when I'm on the road, I say this weekend and then a workout.

I pack my gym clothes. I put them in the thing. Okay, tomorrow morning when I get up, I'm going to go to the gym. Then I get up in the morning and then I just like, go get lunch.

You brush your. Do you take a shit? I go to the gym, I do just go to the gym. It's like don't give yourself an out. The problem is you give yourself an out. Yeah. You can't give yourself an out.

Why do I do that? It's Steven Pressfield wrote about it in the War of Art. Yeah. It's a great book if you haven't read it. The War of Words, a real small book.

I used to have a stack of memos to hand them out to guests.

He talks about this thing that we all have. Everyone has not just me. I mean, everybody that does anything has. And it's like this voice in your head that wants you to do nothing, this voice in your head. And he calls it resistance. Yeah. And he talks about this resistance that is in your head and that you have to decide that you are professional. This is what a professional does.

A professional goes to work and they they they give in to the muse, OK, the concept of the muse, whether or not it's real, but the concept of the muse is you settle in and receive creativity almost like as a divine gift from this magical entity, the muse.

Now, whether or not it's real is not important. What's important as it is, if you treat it as if it's real, it does work. And what works is if you dedicate your time and your focus, like realistically with a professional, disciplined effort to creativity, show up every day like a professional. But you show up to be creative. If you just do it on a regular basis, ideas will come to you. Where are these ideas coming from?

Well, his his concept was to think of it as you're a professional and you're getting these ideas from the muse. And this we do show up and you do the work, focus on it and these ideas will come to you. And that's really true.

If you really stop and think about it, if you write something, whether it's the most brilliant thing you've ever written or whether you're not good at editing and it turns out to be dog shit, you're still it's where's that coming from, man?

You're just sitting down in front of your laptop and these thoughts are coming to you. And all a sudden you're talking about a kid who's riding a bike and he gets attacked by a werewolf. Like, where the fuck is this coming from? If it's not coming from the mews, where is it coming from?

Well, it's coming from my creativity.

OK, do you know how to access your creativity like you can blink? No, you don't. You deny access your activity. Like you can lick something or perform any sort of physical functions repeatable. No, you don't. It's a non repeatable thing. Treat it like it's magic. But treat it like you're a professional and you show up to engage with the magic. So every day at the same time, you sit down, funny keyboard, and you start working and just put in the work, put in the work and force yourself to do it, force it like a muscle, like the same muscle that you develop when you go running every day.

And then you get to the point where like seven days in, you start fucking feeling good, run it back.

Right. So you feel like you're good at it. You start feeling like you're getting better. Yeah. Because you're putting in the time. I think that's what it is. So with because I'm very focused on so many things in my life.

But for some reason I think I'm thinking I'm figuring it out now because you explained it to me, because when I go to the gym, I feel like I'm not good at it. And I feel self-conscious about it, of course.

And I feel like, oh, I don't really know what I'm doing or people looking at me.

I don't know how the inputs, bad inputs. Right. And then you don't like it, right? So then you don't want to do it again.

And then you next some goddamn Calvin Klein model with his shirt off. Right. And he looks amazing like shit. Yeah. Yeah. And he's he's jacked and he's posehn.

He's been working out for 12 years straight. And I took it a day off.

You see those side muscles like. Yeah, yeah. No, no. Yeah. Make me feel bad about myself.

I'm feeling bad about myself and I don't want to I don't like that feeling so I'd rather just not do it.

But I do think that that I guess getting a trainer would help because you have seemed to not only no, you're not making mistakes because telling you what to do, they're telling you not only they're telling you what to do, but they're going to chart progress and they're going to challenge you like a good trainer is.

Look, it's a very valuable resource. Like if you can afford a trainer, if you can't, there's a lot of great resources online on YouTube, man. YouTube is for someone who wants to learn exercise routines and wants to learn like a body weight routine they can do just in their living room. There's never been a better time to be quarantined. You don't have to pay for a gym membership.

And this is going to be a lot of people going to realize, like, hey, if I have a fucking chin up bar in my house and one kettlebell, I don't need to I don't need a gym membership. Oh, I got gravity boots for stretching my back out. I can do sit ups on that thing. I could do leg lifts. I can do a million different things with kettlebell literally a million gravity boot. Yeah.

Gravity boots. Can you hang from your ankles. OK, you never done that. No. Oh my God.

It's so good. It feels so good. Oh. How often do you do that. I have a thing called it's a teater and it straps onto your ankles and now you don't have to have the gravity boots anymore. It's you're on a like a plank and it tilts you upside down.

You try it right out here. We have it out here in the studio.

OK, another thing that I like even better, it's called the decks and you hang from your waist, it locks you in, see these things, but a curl.

Can't imagine having gravity boots at home right now by myself just hanging upside down.

And the deck is better for you because the decks you don't have to hang. You just you just put your legs in this thing. Don't you think that one feels the best? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Because, Jamie, you had some back problems when Jamie Jamie fell on the hoverboard. I'm sorry, I'm laughing, but he's over. Those hover boards are fucking dangerous, man.

Those things you stand on, you go right back a little move around to wheel things.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, Jamie was learning out here and we have concrete floors, Jamie.

Those arms went up. I was playing with my camera while I was doing I was doing some shit you shouldn't do.

You shouldn't do that. You should concentrate entirely on what you're doing. You want to be distracted when you're around because you start feeling like I remember the first time I did it at the Kommissar almost fell. But my friend Tate was there at Tate, the gorilla Fletcher. He he had a hold of me.

Like when I was on this thing, I was like, oh, my God, how does anybody ever get good at this? Like, this is so crazy. Like I'm going to die.

And then five minutes later, I was like, oh, it's like a really quick thing to I tried one once and I skateboarded my whole life.

And that's still it's a completely counterintuitive sort of balance and thinking, well, James fucked.

He might have broken his ass bone. Didn't you think you broke your ass? I probably did. Oh, yeah. It took about a year and a half to heal. Oh, yeah.

He was talking about there was a kind of pain that he had. Then we saw it on the video that was like a similar injury.

Well, Zac Better was in here. That's right. Same thing. That's right. He went to doctors and they couldn't figure it out.

That's right. It was Zach Bitta, who is the world record holder for a twenty. Well, for a one hundred mile run. He did a hundred miles in eleven hours and forty something minutes.

That's what it is, which is the most bonkers thing I've ever fucking heard in my life.

And then he ran a few miles after that. What did he do?

Sorry, he ran one hundred miles in a row in eleven hours and forty something minutes and a hundred miles in a track. I want a track it sorry. Just went circles. I just went yeah. For eleven hours. U.S. distance runner Zac better out to Zac. He's a fucking savage.

So instead of just us you could run a hundred miles. Oh I'm sorry. Eleven hours. Nineteen minutes.

So that's the record for forty minutes.

He's amazing the measuring that like how many people have ever even tried that.

A lot to. Miles, yeah, it was a four minute mile was a big thing, he did it in one hundred mile record, though that's a big commitment to break that record.

Crazy 11 hours, 19 minutes to go. One hundred miles is fucking bonkers. That's bonkers. Wow.

I wonder if he would have gotten one hundred miles in the same time if he'd just been running on the street, obviously.

Well, it all depends on whether or not it was totally flat. There's a lot of factors involved when you're running that long, like those really savage guys, like my friend Cameron Haynes. He runs that MOAB to Forty's through the Moab Mountains. It's hundred forty miles. Yeah, through the MOAB.

Like, if you ever seen that terrain, it's chaos. I don't even I've heard of the MOAB. Where's that again? It's in Utah. Utah. Right.

OK, pull up the images from the Moab 240. So this is a whole different thing.

So this is not just two hundred forty miles, this is two hundred forty miles. I love that.

We're pulling up videos, by the way, like let's look at some videos because that's got to be a hilarious thing to be able to have the ability to do that, by the way, to wake up in the morning and say I'm just going to go outside and then, you know, 11 hours later you're in Connecticut.

Yeah, right.

So this is this is the this is the footage from the race.

So these folks are running all through the night with fucking headlamps on in the mountains.

It's all like dirt roads and shit weird trails. And there's I don't know how many people are in the race, but it's two hundred and forty fucking miles. Man. It's amazing the obscure things that people decide to do, right? I mean, that to me seems obscure.

I'm sure it's probably a very big thing, but I just watched the movie about the the the free, free, free climbing movie that's playing on the plane.

But the guy that climber, Alex Honnold. Yeah.

Yeah. He's been on here, I'm sure. Yes, he has. Wow.

I know what it's like to focus on something that. I mean, how many people he's the only person to had done that, is he, or the fastest to have done it or I think he's the only person who did it without ropes. Yeah, yeah. To so does to see somebody that decides, like I said earlier, we're going to make tents.

I want to make tents. I want to climb that. Yeah. You get to meet so many people like that.

Yeah. That must be fun.

Well it's it's very important for me as a person who's trying to figure people out is to be able to see this insane spectrum of exceptional people. Right.

To see someone like Alex Honnold is a really fascinating guy. Yeah. Very fascinating guy, because he's really smart and he's really tuned in and he's really mellow. He's got hands like sausages.

Right.

And this might look like like a machine, the hands of evolved or something.

I mean, these fucking the surfaces of these insane rocks. Yeah. Dude, he was telling a story in the podcast of one time. He was halfway up the side of this fucking mountain and he realized he didn't bring his chalk with him.

So he found some other climbers that were on their way up that were on ropes. And he said, hey, do you think I can borrow some chalk? And they get this guy goes, Yeah, I have an extra bag here. Take it.

So he's fourteen thousand feet up. Just hang it on. Finding other people were connected to the ropes and they give him a bag of Shari's over there. He leaves it at the top of the mountain because he passes that because he's and he's not using any ropes. Yeah. Fucking Christ man.

Did you see this video or Giolito was climbing with Alex recently. It's like about March. Oh, I heard about fall down or something. He came very close. I said, this is the don't show me freak. Don't shoot me off, freak out. I got down to that.

Oh my God. Above the ground it. Wow. My God. That's terrible. That's not good. Yeah. Oh, holy shit, dude. Fuck all that. Look, I know it's I jumped out of an airplane with your little ones, did you really? With little. Well, it was we went to Paris, California, together with a group of people. And I always said, I am never going to jump out of an airplane.

That was always my thing that I set my whole life never to jump out of an airplane. I'm going to go parachute if you're done. Parachute? No, exactly.

I was I feel the same way, but I still ended up doing it because we drove out there together, a group of people. And I realized on the drive that I was the only person that wasn't jumping out of the airplane. Oh, Jesus.

And for whatever reason, my competitive spirit got the best of me. I said, there's no way I'm going to be the one that didn't jump out of the airplane on the way back. So we suited up and I just done that movie Charlie's Angels, OK? And there was a lot of parachuting in it. And the stunt coordinators from that movie were taking the cast out to jump out if they wanted to.

So I went and Jared Leto was there and, you know, my friends were there and and I did it. I did it. And I didn't regret it, but I'll never do it again. It was amazing. It was exciting. It was tandem.

You know, you have a guy you're you're strapped onto a guy. Guys on your back.

Right, guys, on your knees. On your back. He's on your back. He's on your back as a bump.

But you go and that the way the crazy thing is, you go and you flip your flip and then immediately you see the plane. The plane is filling your peripheral vision and then immediately the plane goes.

Pembrook gets small and you realize, wow, that perfectly good airplane, as they say, that perfectly good airplane is getting a lot further away. And then and now the weirdest part about it was this was 20 years ago now, but or 18 or whatever. But you're now you're doing this right.

And you kind of realize, hey, we got some sort of control because there's another guy over there is like kind of far away. And all of a sudden, like, you lean into it and you fly up to him like Superman.

Right now, you're this far away, this far away.

He's got video camera on his head. I don't know where the tape is. And you're looking at each other and it's amazing and exciting.

And then the thing that was weird about is then you pull the chute or the guy on your back pulls the chute and now you're hanging from ropes, your chutes open.

And you would think that would be the time where it's.

You can relax, but to me, the one time I've done it talking about parachuting like I know about it, the one time I've done it 18 years ago, that's the scariest moment, because now you're sort of realizing that the only thing preventing you and you're looking at your feet now, you're looking at your feet hanging below you and you're feeling these ropes you're holding. And so I'm holding the ropes on these ropes give like nothing, nothing between me.

And it was an amazing experience, huge adrenaline rush. We'll never do it again, because now at least I can say I've done it right, even though I didn't ever want to have to be able to say that.

Now that I have said it, there's no reason to do it again.

But, you know, who knows? Maybe I will end up doing it. And you should jump on an airplane.

You should jump out of an. I can't believe you haven't. Actually, I'm surprised you haven't. I think you've got to contact Hisun.

There's no reason for that.

Yeah. I think you should do it. I think you would. I think you would dig it if I lived. Yeah. Yeah. You it seems fun. You go with one of those. I'm not into thrills like that. Like you get your adrenaline from, but just seems like a strange way to get a thrill. I'm not trying to knock anybody does it. But it's a strange way to get a thrill. Let's pretend we're dying.

Oh psychodramas. Oh we're not dying but now we're hanging.

Yeah. Yeah. On the way down. Isn't it pretty.

Yeah I get it. I get it.

But I don't think I need that in my life.

No I don't. That's what I always said too. It's not necessary.

I ended up winning.

You know, whenever you're going to get in a situation where you end up going out to a parachuting thing with a bunch of people unless, you know, you're, you know, in a relationship and the person was going and you go with them because they're going and then all of a sudden you're there and you're going like, I'm not going to be the the chickenshit.

Yeah, you got to do it. You got to do save face. Yeah. Almost die. Yeah, so if people do die, you know, what's fucked up about it is that's one of those things that you kind of you do it and you think, OK, I'm going to be OK. And then one time, maybe you're not. And that's all it takes. One of I think it was, was it Red Ben's dad?

His friend worked with a lady. Was it a lady that was really in the sky diving? And she was always trying to get him to do it. And then one day he showed up at work and she wasn't at her desk. And so what happened was, yeah, skydiving.

Yeah. Died skydiving. Fuck. Yeah, all that. Fuck all that, dude. Yeah, want we get a three days. I'm not dying. It's kind of predictable about time.

Yeah, it's like could have anticipated that, you know.

Yeah, it's enough, enough, enough.

It's kind of how I feel about that's why I've been stay at home.

And I just for the whole world, we just need we need to lock in this going to this is going to be the honeypot that gets us to enter the virtual reality. This is going to be the honeypot like. Do you want to deal with viruses? There's no viruses in this world. Your soul carry on so we don't even know.

What about what Edward Snowden.

I believe I've researched this, but I heard he was saying that this is sort of a an attempt to get us to get implanted with, you know, biological testing, have our phones set up more to follow us.

Is this you know, is there any sort of any time something this is a reality of human nature.

Any time you, by the way, with Snowden. Thank you. He's he's a brilliant guy. Any time there is an opening for people to take advantage, that opening, anytime there's a moment that happens where there's some scrambling and maybe they can gather up more power, maybe they can gather up more surveillance tools, maybe they can make it easier to do things that they'd like to do that have nothing to do like the Patriot Act.

I think there's a lot of stuff with the Patriot Act that had nothing to do with terrorism. You know, they just decided, let's add some stuff and let's control these motherfuckers.

They always want to control people. It's hard to control people. And as the population gets bigger and as time goes on, they slowly give in to this idea, controlling people more and more.

So they're going to definitely use this as a way to ensure that, you know, they have some sort of extended reach, whether it's some sort of a reach to make sure that you're vaccinated or some sort of a reach to make sure that your your antibodies are clear, some sort of a reach to make sure that you're not drinking, are you? Because if you drink, you get your immune system shattered. If your immune system fucks up, what if you get sick and you pass it on to your friends?

If you're drinking, you're being a bad citizen.

Like who the fuck knows what could happen once someone's tracking whether or not you're healthy? What are you doing, man? I see you've only slept seven hours last night. Like, what's that all about, Tom? Right. Seven hours. Not a lot of sleeping. Do you not love your neighbors?

Do you want to get sick now? Do you sense or is there any been any evidence that that is happening now that there is with our phone specifically to do you know, the phone's tracking.

It is like, well, the concept of it is definitely available, right? The concept of it, of contact tracking is being talked about openly. And then if if a company insures if you figured out like say if like there was a place, you go.

Right. This is kind of interesting. So if there's a place you go, Tom Grey, and you go and they give you a vaccination once the vaccination becomes available and you know that you now don't have to worry about getting this thing so we can track all the people that have been vaccinated.

As long as you sign up for the app and all the people not be vaccinated, you see them. You see them on the app. Oh, my gosh. Well, before we step into this mall, let's see what kind of shitty fucking citizens there are that have been vaccinated.

Or maybe you're not allowed in the mall. Yeah. Yeah. And you'll be able to find them on a map and it'll get real weird.

Yeah. It's like it's another step, a really quick step in dragging us into the machine and to take away, you know, the the nuances of just human life that we're accustomed to. And it become more and more digitized and organized.

And people need freedom, man. And if you don't have the freedom to just be somewhere without the government knowing that you're there, like if you haven't committed any crime, you're not a criminal. And if they could just monitor you and you've never committed any crime, that is a weird place. That's weird.

Things are getting weird. He's supposed to be he's supposed to be following criminals only. And I know it makes it easier for you to follow criminals if you could follow everybody. But you are changing what everybody is. You're changing what people are. If you follow them all the time, everywhere they go, if you listen to everything that they ever say through the microphone and their fucking phone, you're changing what they are and you're making them scared and everybody knows it and no one wants to admit it.

You're making people scared and people do things because they don't want censorship. They don't want to be censored. They won't be yelled at. They self censor. They don't want to be not in compliance.

It changes their behavior. And we all know that. We all know that it's dangerous to creativity. It's dangerous to authenticity. It's dangerous to so many things.

It's not it's not a good way to be as a person like looking over your shoulder. People are watching you all the time. Was too aware. It's just too weird.

It's too weird to force the whole and then who's got control that the government. Like what? Some people that got elected to a position, the only ones they get the look in on everybody. Well, and then what if that opens up. Was no know, everybody can look at it, everybody, Phuket, the Information Act, we just got to give him the evitable time to watch his shit. I'm going to watch you shit from your toaster because your toaster, your electric toothbrush that knows whether or not you have cavities is listening in while you shit not a pretty sight.

Yeah, man, I'm not going to be pretty, but it's almost like we're taking a step closer and closer towards the digital world with this.

And that's I don't I'm not a conspiracy theorist in the sense that I don't I don't I don't think that robots are out to get us. I don't think that the electronic world is looking to consume us. But I am concerned with some steps that we could take that make our life more digital to take away too much of what it means to be a person, someone what it means to be a person is like fun. There's there's there's fun in the weirdness of the world.

There's fun in the danger of the world.

You take away all that shit with apps. Right. And alerts and you know, and like, I can't go down that street.

There's a guy down that street that was arrested at one point in time.

Shit like, what are we going to do?

What are we going to we're going to lose out all the mystery of life for safety.

And then we become what would it become, these unromantic, boring bullshit digital things that are locked into pleasure sources, things that pump them pleasure because they taken the place, you know, I mean, really, they could do that if they could get to a point where you wear an implant, it just keeps your dopamine levels up at a very high, high note.

You get augmented reality glasses where everybody's hot and they pretty cool.

Might be might be better than not.

Yes, I might be better if they lie to you like the Matrix. Remember when the one dude was given in to the Matrix and he's like, look, I just want to be an important person or be like an actor or something is right.

And his. Do you want to taste steak again? Yeah, I was eating steak. Right. Yeah, maybe. Maybe he's right.

Yeah.

It's cool just to sit here and and I mean I'm just, I'm just I mean, thanks for having me. Thanks for being here dude.

And thanks for doing that original thing in your house.

Yeah. No, you didn't do that. I'm telling you man, me and Red Man, we were in your house.

I was like, this is we need to figure out how to do this. Yeah. I even talk to those guys, the Denver people. I talked to them at one point in time. Yeah. But it just didn't. I was in the middle of doing a bunch of different shit back then. That was right before I moved Colorado too. And I was like, I don't know if I'm even going to stay here.

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't you know. And then I was like, I don't know if I want to do that. Spend all my time doing that. I want to concentrate on the shit I'm already doing.

But then as time went on, I just kept thinking about that and I kept thinking about doing it with nobody.

I kept thinking about it a lot. And I think about this for money. Just do it. Let's just do this for fun. Don't you know if I did it with some company or some, it's like, oh yeah, you could do it with serious or some company.

Better to just do it. Just do it just to figure out.

And then slowly, that was the the secret space right there.

That was that's where you figured it out right there. Because that has people people see that, right? They can tell that. Yeah. And then that's all documented.

You go go back, watch the horrible early ones. They're all available that.

But that's. No, but because of you though. Because probably second guess them.

But no, you hear this is incredible energy and you're doing your thing and people loved it. So in the early ones are people go back and watch the early ones. They're terrible.

Stay away from them. We didn't know what we're doing, but it's also like everything else, the more you do it, the better you get at it.

But because of your risk taking, because you were the guy that was willing to set up this crazy set up in your house, and because I knew you and I'm over your place and I'm like, wow, like this is you really went deep.

I remember like being around your house, Tom Green, what have you done?

And I was thinking, like, this might be it. He might be on something.

This might be the move. Like just do it all yourself.

It's very kind of you to say, oh, man, it's true. It's you, Anthony Cumia, Opie and Anthony. Howard Stern for sure. The original one. It's all everybody feeds off everybody.

I grew up loving David Letterman, OK?

Yeah, David Letterman. When I saw him go out on the street with a megaphone and yell and out of his office with people, I was like, Oh, I want to do that.

Yeah, I want to get a megaphone.

And I would go stand on the roof of buildings in my hometown.

The video camera yell at people with a megaphone to Letterman, had one of the best styles ever of like hosting a talk show because he could talk to people that were talking to him about nonsense.

And he didn't give a fuck about me.

And he would have the same enthusiasm as if he was talking to Al Pacino about some Academy Award winning movie he was in. Yeah, some some rock star like Mick Jagger sat down there. He would talk to him with the same level.

He had a style like Dave Letterman had of like. He's in on the joke style of talking. That was my first experience with seeing something that was kind of like a.. Television. Yes, yeah.

He's more sophisticated, is he's making fun of television while he's making television. It was.

And that was completely dated this girl when I was twenty five. And she fucking hated The Tonight Show but loved David Letterman.

And I'm like, why I go, why is it she goes? Because I don't you know, I don't want you bullshit me.

And she, she goes, I know like he's in on it. Like David Letterman's in on it. Yeah.

The other ones are just bullshitting you. I'm like, oh.

Yeah, the first time I ever saw somebody kind of, you know, goofing on the network, yes, taking Osgoode over to the security guard at feed and then messing with them, getting in trouble, who's boss?

You know, you're biting the hand that feeds you here.

But, I mean, the risk that he took to do that was like real. You never saw that on TV before. Everything was.

And he was the guy who broke Jay Leno. He he brought Jay Leno out to the people.

Jay Leno at one point time was the edgy comic. Oh, yeah.

He was the guy in the 1970s. Yeah, he was. They everybody says it. Everybody who was alive back then said he was the sharpest comic working. Yeah. And he got on Letterman and would go on Letterman with his jet black hair and like this sardonic wit and like sharp punch lines.

And he was the fucking man back then. Oh yeah.

Yeah. It's kind of crazy, you know, where he's at his best for sure is his car show. Oh yeah, sure, I love that show. He's himself.

That's again. It goes back to what we were talking about earlier.

He's authentic with Jay Leno, really is is a guy who loves cars. That's there's no joke in that man. He doesn't have to pretend he doesn't give a fuck.

If you have like a dune buggy made out of a VW or if you have some crazy souped up Corvette, if you have some crazy NSX from 1994.

He loves cars. Yeah, he loves them. Like I've been around the guy. His first of all, he has like 11 warehouses full of cars.

I watch your episode with him actually on his show. That place is great.

Bananas. Bananas. Yeah. He just has car after car after car. How many cars do you have? A couple hundred cars. I have no idea. There's eleven buildings filled with car. Eleven buildings. Yeah. Some of them are worth a million dollars so it was a million dollars. Linera just crazy.

Sounds like he's got steam powered cars and you see him living in L.A., right.

Yeah. We tell this. Oh there's Jay going by a steam powered car. Dude, if you live in Burbank, people look forward to that.

He'll drive by on a fucking tractor. He takes cars that are not supposed to be on the road. I'm not kidding. Yeah, he put this, like, ridiculous there.

And he put his his old school one with metal wheels and he had rubber put on it so he could take it on the road.

Is he doing it to be funny, though, like I'm on a tractor right now is you just think the tractor school is or an element. I'm just I don't know. I don't know if we would know that it would be a reductionists to either stay one way or the other.

It's just got to be so much fun for him to be driving around in that.

No, he really is legitimately fun for him.

One of the things that I said when I was talking to him, when he and I were driving around was like, hey, man, like you're you're really you when you're doing this, it's so much better than doing The Tonight Show and having to pretend that you give a fuck about some teenyboppers new his new fucking top 40 hit and you got to go.

Wow, that's amazing. Like, you don't give a fuck about that. You care about 65 Corvettes. You know, Jay Leno is around a sixty five Corvette. You see my car, the lines and you see him looking at the steering wheel in the seats. Like that fucking guy loves cars, man. He loves them. Yeah. His bones. Yeah, he loves them. He loves them all.

That's the one with the four fifty for the seventy.

Chevelle says he like he he gets into the gritty details of it and I remember thinking like man it was too bad that you ever did that Tonight Show should have just done this. Like if somebody had figured out in nineteen seventy whatever that this is what Jay Leno is best at.

Oh my God. He would have been like the most the greatest car man. Not that he isn't right now, but the greatest car celebrity that's ever lived in terms of like a car guy on television because it's authentic, because he really does love it and he's funny. Like when he does that show, that car show is Jay Leno's garage. He's so loose. Yeah. It's like it's just himself.

Yeah. I've watched a lot of those shows. I love that show. Yeah. He loves. He loves it's real and you hear stories all the time, but. Oh, yeah, macabre sometimes someone in L.A. just last week, it happened again, someone's car broke down. Oh, Jay Leno pulls over. What gets out? Let me ask let me fix that for you and get your back on the road in gold plated wrenches in his back seat.

You can do literally break down in L.A. and jail, pull over and fix your car and take off.

Yeah, yeah. He probably likes it. He loves cars, man.

Like legitimately is like guys that are working as garages. He has all these great his fabricators. Right.

So this guys like fix fenders and put new quarter panels on a car.

You do everything nuts.

The guy loves them, loves them and he's got everything, man mo powers and old fucking Maserati's and Jesus.

So you know a lot about cars. So no, no, no, no.

I know some about cars, but I don't know lot to his average guess that he has on the show probably was fine when he went in there.

And yes, he loves the fact that I'm a car nut. I really I'm a car nut. That's a fact. But I'm not. I'm not. I'm not I don't understand what's going on behind the fold on details. Yeah. I'm not turning any wrenches and I know I know what you're like.

Oh, you got a problem with your solenoids switch or something with any of that.

Yeah, I know what drives good. I know it drives good. I like to drive. I like cars that make you feel like you're driving them too. But then again, I like Tesla too. Tesla is like it's doing all the work and you drive that if you have a Tesla before I drove. I know if I should I guess I could say this.

I drove Harland Williams as Tesla.

First of all, when we were talking before about Theo Theo Van. And he has this language of common. It's uniquely his own. Like Theo just has stuff you see written on paper. You like what that's funny. And then you see him say it on stage. You can't even breathe. You're dying, right? It's like Williams.

Yeah. Harlan Williams. A perfect example of that. So, hey there, Flapjack. What do you say? Buttermilk Biscuit.

Like you said, you like what he talking about, but you're crying, laughing.

And so Harland is one of my best friends in the world. I love that dude. And it's surreal to me that we've become so close friends because like I was saying earlier when I was a kid, yeah, I, I was his biggest fan.

I was actually told him this the other day.

I was telling him and I've told him this place where you alone I was we were just talking on the phone.

OK, well I was telling them, do you have your clothes on. Uh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And I did he called into my he called in my podcast. I'm sitting in my house by myself and my, you know, talk. I was always interviewing my friend, so but I was telling him stories like this one about to tell you right now.

And, you know, when I was a kid, I would go down when he would come to Yuk's.

And at the time and this is probably not exactly a fully accurate statement, but for whatever reason, at the time, it seemed like there wasn't a lot of that kind of weird, like breaking the whole mold of comedy comedy.

Like everyone, there was standup and then he was the one stand up that was really surreal, really strange and silly.

And so at the time, it was it really popped out for me as a goofy kid.

It was kind of a weird kid. What year are we talking about? Eighty eight. Eighty nine. Oh, wow. That's before I met him. Yeah. Yeah. Back and he hadn't come to the states yet and and then.

And then I remember. So he was like that from the jump huh. Yeah.

I mean he was so he was headlining in Canada. He's from Toronto. I'm from Ottawa. I didn't know him. And when, when, when, when I was 15 years old I was doing the amateur night. He was my favorite. He'd come into town. And I remember one day I went up to him at the bar, at the comedy club.

Fifteen years old, somebody, somebody. And they let us in. I went up to the bar with my friend Phil, and we went up to him and I said, Mr. Williams, would it be OK if tomorrow we took you out for a submarine sandwich?

And he said, Oh, sounds good to me. And the next day, Saturday, we went out in Ottawa, took him out for a submarine sandwich. And he was I was drinking his Coke.

OK, thanks for the submarine sandwich there, fellow.

You know, so he was being himself and the character he was he was great. I mean, he was just it was just great. Yeah.

And yeah, it was it was until years later when I actually got to know armouries, you know, not always like, hey, Gerry, you know, but but so it was it was incredible to get to know him.

And he's always been a friendly guy as long as I've known him. I met Harlen I think in ninety four and I'm like, what a friendly guy this is. My my thought of him has always been the same. What a friendly guy is always friendly. Every time I see him a hug him. I'm always excited to see him. He's always a nice guy.

He was one of those initial things though in my mind, where I saw somebody saying I'm going to do something that nobody else is doing and I'm going to be. Amazing at it. Well, you know what he figured out, he figured out how to be just he's a he's weird and I want to say unique, but yeah, but he's got a weird sense of humor, but he's also really nice. So, like, that weird sense of humor is intoxicating.

It draws you in like a siren to the rocks and he just starts talking his nonsense and you just get sucked into the trance.

And it's he just figured out that, like we were talking about before, there's no right way to do it. There's no right way to do standup is the right way for you.

And maybe you're an interesting person.

Maybe you people are people vary so much, man. It's it's all in life. Can they figure out how to make their own unique weirdness come through and make make jokes out of it?

And some guys like Harlen figured it out perfectly well. If you wrote it down, it's like you want to steal Harlan Williams act, you'd be fucked and you would be fucked.

You would never be able to do it right like Theo wants to. There's no way no one's doing that. No one. You have to you have to be that guy, right? Yeah. He's he's figured out how to make his own unique mannerisms hilarious, topflight comedy.

I love him. And, you know, listen, he is here's a guy who is one of the most creative people I know. Well, obviously one of them that we're lucky to get to know. A lot of people that are like top of their field.

You know, Harland's, you know, created a show called Puppy Dog Pals. It's now it's going into its fourth season on Disney animated show for kids.

It sounds like he's created this whole show. It's taking that energy and putting it into. Your art without compromise, which is what he has always done. What you've done, you know, and it's it's it's pretty cool. I love the guy.

I love him was one of the cool things about living in a place like L.A. is that there's a lot of people like you and Harlan and, you know, we can keep going, fill in the blanks.

Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and all these fascinating people.

Duncan Trussell, fellow testicular cancer survivor, you go. Yeah, so many folks.

I mean, we're real lucky. Tom Seguro, Owen, Smithburg, Krischer, keep going down the line. Yeah. Joey Diaz, we live in an amazing spot.

There's so many Bill Burr, Santino, Tony Hinchcliffe, there's so many interesting people here.

It's a good spot as far as that. But we're all spread out. We need to do is buy up a fucking plot of land and put a fence around it called Comedy Town.

Now they have like Hidden Hills. You fucked up a gated community for comedians to call it comedy. So you get pretty fucked up in there.

But it'd be fun to be able to hang out with each other and grow tomatoes.

Shit. So you love it. You'll love it. Do you think you'll live in L.A. for the rest of your life?

No, no. I'm thinking about getting out now. I heard you mention that everyone I'm watching people drive, man.

People, listen, there's a lot of people that are under incredible pressure right now financially. And that's when people are under pressure. That's when they act the most erratic.

And I was watching this guy yesterday, he cut in front of me and then he cut into the left lane and he passed like in oncoming and then he cut in front of the people in front of him.

And I was like, what, buddy? Yeah.

What did someone somewhere you would go where there's not fucked up drivers, though, know this is my thought is that we are in a position right now where people are under extreme stress and I'm starting to see it a little bit on the road.

I'm like, what is it going to be like when everything opens back up again?

Is this going to be the best spot or is the best bargain be like a little slightly less populated?

We get to go. Hoback So where would you go?

Let's watch this motherfucker from a distance and you see in the distance, see see firebombs and shit like I knew it. I knew people were getting sketchy. I knew San Diego is the spot. I don't know.

I don't know what the spot is over the mountains of Colorado. I think San Diego is a good spot because it's it's a city, but it's not as big a city. It's big enough, though. So it's not it's not hick. Right. Right. Sophisticated, but it's not too ridiculous. But you wouldn't miss getting up at the Comedy Store every night.

What if there's a bomb? What if there's an earthquake? What if the volcano goes from this asteroid impact?

It's going down to the center of the stand up universe. And to have that, I have my every night, whenever you want. I have that anywhere else. I had it and I didn't have it. We had it again for the Comedy Store. I had it for from three to two thousand seven that I didn't have it from 2007 to 2014, that I had it from 2014 to today. And I'm better off with especially the version of the Comedy Store that exists now.

So I'm definitely we are all better off for it. It's a it's an amazing place right now and I'm committed to keeping it amazing and doing whatever I can to get it back to financial health and whatever, whatever we can do to get everything rolling. But I think if we had to get out of L.A. for some strange reason, as long as the Comedy Store exists for the comedians that are here, I'm good. I think there's a way to not be right here.

I just think that right here is so crowded.

There's good and bad to that.

You still come back for a couple of months. Exactly. Rent a house, keep doing up something, go go back to your movies to get like a nice apartment here.

Yeah, well, come back occasionally. Yeah. But watch this beast from the outside and play musical chairs. Hopefully you don't get stuck here when the music shuts off.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think about Luxor's. I'm from Canada. Do you think about going back. I do a lot Torontos shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I love Toronto. And where would you go. I'd go back to Ottawa. Just come out. Love to my parents, my brother and I, old friends there and they still have access TV back then back there brother like you do cable access to the public access station.

Imagine if you did that. I thought about it but you imagine how people would freak out. Same studio. You would get a story on Digg for sure. Dotcom would be like, I'd be good. Tom Green goes back to cable access place where he first started. I would love that. Yeah. Mojave Desert. Yeah.

How people would go nuts for that. You know, it's interesting because it's like now, you know, we've got the Internet now. So it's sort of interesting that public access is different now, right? Yes.

Back then you had to kind of talk your way into getting in there. You know, you wouldn't think you can just get to shows. You had to kind of talk your way into getting in there. And then once you got in there, it was nobody was watching. But if you did something weird enough or where people would sort of hear about it and we used to send our tapes. Down to Manhattan Neighborhood Network in New York, and, you know, people would hear about it and it was but it was it was not like the Internet, you know, now it's almost hard to imagine why anybody would need to do that.

When I was an open mic in Boston, we did some cable access shows. The same same thing, I think is your public access TV thing in Canada that cable access shows.

And I think there was some sort of a rule that if you had a cable channel, you had to leave a certain amount of hours open for people to just like regular people to just sign up and do things like me and a few other comics. We put together these terrible sketches and they were amazing.

They weren't. They were terrible. Well, we were you know, we're 21 years old and they went up on cable access. And I remember one of them had those.

No, no. I don't know who who would have them. But it's not a tape somewhere between eighty eight, maybe you don't have the tape. No, I don't have it. I have every tape. Really? Yeah, I let things go. Yeah, I keep moving. Yeah, I keep moving.

Keep moving, bitch. But I remember thinking while I was there with my fucking moron comic friends were, you know, just silly bitches doing this stupid shit.

Me. Who the fuck let us do this? Because I remember I was wearing a dress talking something about some dating show.

That's why you lost the tape. No, it's purpose. You burned it somewhere. No, I had a dress on and a wig and I was I think I was the the like it was like a blind dating show or so you got to find it so stupid.

But it was just like it was not funny. But I was thinking like how they let you just do this. Sounds pretty funny.

Yeah. But better, better in this like me telling it than actually seeing how bad it really was because this is not clunky and nothing bad about that.

It wasn't good dude.

But this is YouTube now.

It's like YouTube is taking that and no one saw it coming. That's what's so interesting. No one saw like a thing where anybody can sign up, anybody can create an account, anybody can upload video. Nobody saw that being this thing that would ultimately like the amount of eyes like Jamie, you would know this more than anybody.

Like what are the amount of eyes that are watching YouTube every day?

Like, what's the the total number of human beings that are watching YouTube every day? Let's take a guess.

Tom Green, what do you think is number of eyes watching YouTube every day? Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't know if it's humans, I guess. Macie Yeah.

I'm trying to think individual humans are individual views because someone watch something ten times as kind of ten.

Oh, no, no. I mean individual humans. I want the individual humans. Just so if it was one billion, that would be like one in eight people, but seems like a lot. But but it also seems like a number that you would imagine them saying it would be so many views.

You think it would be a day. Let's just say that might be simpler. How many views a day does YouTube get? It's funny because I don't know, but I'm going to imagine. A bit was for a billion people in the world, seven point something. Yeah, something more than seven.

So if it was a billion a day, that would be crazy because, I mean, like one in eight people watched a YouTube video day or one guy watched.

That's a million and want to stick. That doesn't seem unrealistic. It might be a billion.

I'm going to just guess that is a round number is a good number. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go with seven 700 million. Is this like price is right?

Yes, exactly. And whoever wins one million and one that I win. Right. Yeah, but I wanted to give us some stuff like 700 prices. Right. Rules. OK, what is that.

As of September last year, daily active users is 30 million, but monthly active users is two billion. So there are a larger number, they use it every day versus people that, oh, I see I see so many users. Yeah, I guess so.

So did the 30 million people that are using it every single day. How many views, though? How many views play a different game? I was getting views but no, we were playing views of how many of us watched per day is five billion and oh prices.

Right rules five billion a day. So that means there's one guy five just watching a billion. I wonder what is possible.

There's eight billion people. Good question. Is it possible. It's crazy. Well, that's how many people are watching.

How many people, how many videos individual people are watching what we think the number of videos, the average number of videos a person watches per day on YouTube.

We say for how many video? The average number. The average number. How many? How many you think you would watch? Average.

I probably watch for every day. So I. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm not even close to that. I might watch two or three a day. Yeah. I don't watch a lot of YouTube.

I watch a lot of I watch professional pool. I watch a lot of. It's a good place to watch it on YouTube. OK. Way better than anywhere else. It's hard to watch pool on TV. It doesn't really exist anymore. Yeah but you watch it on YouTube. There's thousands of videos with hundreds and hundreds of thousands, millions of views.

I use it for tips with Pro Tools. That's good. I can't figure out how to do something. So then I go, how do you, you know, did for martial arts? It's one of the greatest resources ever. You know, so many people given instructions on how to throw certain kicks or how to cinch up certain submissions like jujitsu alone is accelerated in giant leaps and bounds because of the intense skateboarding, too.

Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure. I think so.

Skateboarding Thrasher magazine. Once a week, a magazine would come out.

You could see a still shot of a guy doing a trick you'd have to imagine was now you kids are watching and watching that over and over and over again, being repeat.

And they're seeing exactly where the foot goes, exactly how the board spins. Exactly.

And then they and then they learn it and then they advance on it in the advancements of the advancement.

You know, I'm sure you've talked about this. I'm sure guys do videos, drumming, drumming like a music for young kids. That's why you got all these young kids are like incredible musicians because they go on YouTube and they see it and they replicate it and then they improve on it.

Yeah. Do they used to be hard to find a fucking drumming coach? They could tell you the drummer, Travis Barker, who the fuck is going to teach you how to do that? Now you can watch. That's not on demand.

Yeah, I think that's with everything, with playing guitar, with art. There's so many, like tutorials about everything. Joga like if you want to just do yoga at home, like so fucking hundreds of thousands of yoga videos, he doesn't go anywhere. It's kind of crazy. Like there's never been a better time to be quarantined.

Right. Right. Yeah. Imagine if this happened in nineteen ninety.

If you can be a self starter or playing yourself how to be a self starter right now it's a good time to be quarantined. Yeah. You just got to be a self starter. You just got to get up and go to work.

I made a point of trying to do things that I've always wanted to be able to do at home in my house that I haven't had time to talk your own cock.

You know, I'm not going to say the improvements are made in that area, but it's amazing what happens if you try hard and just put in the effort that time.

Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park and other bands, he's been doing live streams showing like from start to finish how he makes a song. Oh, I watched one yesterday, hour and a half. He started from scratch.

This is how I hear the keys I'm using. This is the thought process I would use.

Yeah, I like how his color coded as his waveforms. That's Ableton but that's Ableton. It looks different.

Yeah, it's amazing. Why is that cat have hypnotic eyes.

That's so he was streaming it and I was like this is his live video from his live stream doing donations. But that's cool stuff for people that are following and subscribing stuff.

That's very cool. Yeah. Slike something like that. Like if you were a kid, they want to know how do you make a song like I love Linkin Park, how do I make a song like Linkin Park, bam bam.

And it works. Now you can get on your computer and have that scene. You're a part of that. You understand that, right?

By creating your Tom Green show, you allowed people to think about streaming things from their house. I bet you were a part of a lot of people's desire to jump in and do something like YouTube, because if you really stop and think about it before you were doing that, before you doing it from your house or you're doing it from that public access station, you know how many people were doing that? You're a real pioneer.

Tom Green logit the pioneers leave with arrows in their back.

Joe Wow. That's heavy shot in the back row. Now, you know, listen, I've always loved technology.

That's one thing that's kind of interesting. When I was when I was a kid, my dad was in the military.

But when he retired from the military after twenty six years in the service as a tank commander, he continued working for the Department of Defense as a COBOL programmer. So he literally went and took a computer course and he learned. Kobol and you would go off and eat of the cards, and he took me and he'd show me these big computers because Ottawa is the capital, Canada's is the government there and these big computers. And I remember in the 80s, early 80s, they had this thing in Ottawa.

I was called the Naboo Network.

The weirdest thing you would you would order it and you can Google this, nab you if you don't believe me. And it was essentially like a VCR sized box. You could rent it. You would hook your television cable into it. And it was the Internet. It was basically the Internet. You could talk to people. There was video games got pumped through it so you could play like real arcade style video games on this thing. And it was really like way advanced.

Yeah, there it is. That's it. I had that. And my dad always got like the computers that no one else had. Like everyone had Atari. Twenty six hundred. But he went got the Naboo because he said that's Doug Henning by the way, the magician, the Canadian magician Doug Henning doing who we had who did the ads for. I remember that dude. And yeah.

So you're sitting there as a kid and you're you're playing like Dig Doug the arcade game, same graphics quality and it's streaming through your cable.

It's not. It's not. You don't have a cartridge. It's streaming through your cable. So you're thinking about that. And then a lot of my friends were very advanced. My friend Phil Jaru, who was the guy who drank coffee in the window in the background of my show on MTV, there was a guy who was my best friend.

He's a so we started doing standup together when we were when we were teenagers. And then he kind of had to quit when he was 17 because he got hired as a computer engineer for the National Research Council because he was a computer genius. So there was always this really early sort of computer sort of thing.

So I've always loved looking at that technology and going, OK, well, what's going to happen?

Like, so now it's like what's going to happen next? That's the question. What's gonna happen next? What's the new technology now like? What's the what's the thing that's happening now? That's going to be next.

And I don't know what it is really, but it's it's fun to try to find out.

Fun to try to figure out artificial intelligence.

What's going to be augmented reality, I think. Yeah, I think it's going to be something that whether Apple comes up with some fucking Terminator style, remember those Terminator goggles or something Terminator style that go well, Google Glass or Google Glass Cosworth.

No, no. Those Google Glass is just like a weird little thing in the corner of your eye, I think. Sucked. I know. But if you had, like, sunglasses.

Yeah, look, Aviator's, you put on some aviator's and you have a whole new view of the world with navigation, with emails, with voice calls, with people with a translucent. You can see the people in front of you so you don't stumble into someone, but you still know that you're talking to your friend Bob. You see each other while you laugh.

And you could split from your view to his view.

You could see, I mean, that all that stuff is coming, man. That's coming. That's the next step. That's the next step.

Mike, my real concern is what I was saying about earlier, about if we have tracking on our phones to make sure that we're not covid-19 positive and like that, you're giving up too much. I feel like you're giving up too much. They're good.

I think people need to people need to be, you know, conscious of their health and take care of their immune system and make sure you follow all the protocols and wash your hands and don't touch your face and all the things that everybody's been saying.

But I don't really know if we want to give in to that level of scrutiny, that level of tracking.

But we'll leave. Will we even notice it?

Right. It's already happening, right? Yes, that's a question. Two phones. You know, you put your email in and you know, it's already happening. And we got a convenience, right. So convenient. And then all of a sudden everyone's doing it and I'm doing it. Could call all of a sudden it's like baby step, baby step, baby step. Yeah. So it's sort of like, are we maybe already there?

We might be when they start implanting chips in our bodies and that's when it's gets a little bit when you're going down to the, I don't know, the clinic to have them inject a microchip into your this company was putting chips in their employees arms.

They can buy things at the store just by waving their arms. They go through doors. Yeah.

So they're all getting your wallet to get chips.

And I'm watching this and I've probably watched it four or five times since then. But when I'm watching, I'm looking at I'm going, what are you doing? OK, where is this going?

You're going to allow a company. What if Xerox fires their chip in your forearm?

What are you doing? What are you doing? You're going to just be walking around with that Xerox chip in your arm. What are you going to get it surgically removed from Blade Runner?

I'm going to carve it out, yeah. No big deal out on your own because no one will do it for you because you're not allowed to take them out.

If you take the stem cells, it takes two weeks to heal. It's not a big deal. Carve it out. What what are we doing?

Like, listen, I think if we looked at, you know, at ourselves in like 1980 and then looked at ourselves and 20/20 and said, OK, how did this attachment to phones get so so in just deeply ingrained in the culture without people figuring it out?

And how planned was it to, you know, you get this dopamine rush right from when you get positive energy back from something, positive reinforcement back from something.

And so did they know that before they made the text messaging that every time you got a text, you'd get a feel good and then or did or did they realize that as it were going?

Oh, look at this. People really like this. People really like this phone. They're really can't put it down. Oh, that's because they're getting a dopamine rush every time somebody gets a positive energy. Oh, well, maybe we should double down on that. Maybe we should create more. Or was it was a plan from the get go or was it just new?

Yeah, I think it's one of those things that people take advantage once they realize they see it and they go, oh yeah.

How do we how do we how do we double for the all the Cambridge Analytica stuff. All the like. And how do we. Oh let's give them what they want to see. Oh they're liking this. They're liking this. Let's lead them down this garden path. OK, now I'm going this way. I'm going to.

Yes.

Oh I don't think there's a cabal of super geniuses that are trying to manipulate people in a way that get them to get addicted to likes.

Yeah, I think it's something that people realized along the way and they took advantage of it. And I also think that what really what started it what started it was people trying to figure out how to get people to be more engaged. What's the best way to get them engaged and the best way to get them engaged, it turns out, get them upset.

And then they figured out how to get people upset is to like, fill your feet up with things that you engage with. But they're just trying to get you. If you were, like, really interested in positive, intellectually enriching ideas, that's what would be in your feet all the time. Right. So you're blaming them for you having this shitty desire to eat Snickers bars all day. You're eating mental Snickers bars, you know, but that's that's really what it is like.

What they're doing is like Ari Shapiro did a test on YouTube, but he only search for videos of puppies. Right. And that's all that YouTube recommended write videos of puppies. So all these people like you, they're trolling me.

They're trying to get me know you're interested in those things. I'm not interested in abortion. Well, you're reading a book. You're watching the abortion videos.

But what about when you start talking about stuff? You haven't even typed it in and then you see it popping up, right? That's weird. I hate that Jamie and I were just talking about that happen a lot, too. These days. The thing that goes on your finger.

Yes, I go to Paul Schrader. We had one two days ago and we didn't say it out loud.

We didn't discuss what I think I did. I think I did say I'm saying I'm getting my vitals checked. Yeah. But I didn't say, like, oh, look at that thing on my finger. Look at this company. That makes pretty sure I did the exact company that made it. I got an ad for it. I've got it three times the last two hours. I mean, I remember having a conversation about my Toyota truck for a second there.

What do you how do you think that got to you?

My guess is it connects to that. Whoever somebodies phone because it's got Bluetooth in, it connects to something. So it's sending out a signal constantly. Our phones also have Bluetooth on if you leave it on, looking for devices connected constantly with.

So wait, what happened? It was listening to, you know what I'm saying. No, no. That's only saying it's a it's a Bluetooth device that checks your pulse. OK, vitals. OK, OK. Because that is what it is. It is sending out a Bluetooth signal and or in near field signal to devices, probably the person's phone who owns it or is connected to it.

Right.

But it's also sending out looking for other devices in my phone also is looking out for Wi-Fi signals, for Bluetooth signals. There's got to be a connection there somewhere where it's tracked how many what devices have been logged in or connected to this within the last six hours, 12 hours? I've I've read about this in the past.

So the possibility would be that this thing I'm just talking about from a moron on this thing, on your finger sends out a pulse or reaches out to find out what like maybe Google programs are open.

Devices, I think I think a lot of devices, but how does it get that cookie into, like your Google News feed when you start seeing these? Just like what I was going to pull up with this chip thing that it's describing here.

Our phones have ship a cute device.

No, what they actually call it's like I don't remember off the top of my head, but like that my ID number or something like that, you're it's almost like your Social Security number for your for your device. It's not for your phone or any. It's just that that device. Now there are those that the data mining companies can get that device number and then sell it. And that's how it then ends up on your phone. Well, they don't necessarily from what I've heard and what I've been told, they don't necessarily know that it's you with your name and you're one of a kind serial number.

But they can get their your number.

They know that you were around that finger thing or your phone was around that finger thing. They don't know it's you.

I've seen a company offering this data to someone who wants it that like if you wanted to target ads at someone, what they could do maybe like two years ago is like you could find women age twenty five to forty five in the United States. Now, where do you live now?

You could go as specific as I like to party. I want players that are thirty seven years old that drink wine that live in this city.

You can get very specific and they only have that data from this ongoing collection. OK. And finding it out OK.

Yeah, I just think it's weird when you don't even sign up for anything, it's just your phone starts.

It's like it's listening to. Right. I'm assuming it is. Yeah. You know, you're talking about Toyota. Trucks, and then you start seeing them in your news feed. Yeah, I'm thinking I'm thinking of getting a Toyota truck, which having me I was thinking getting a Toyota truck. Right. Solid choice. Yeah, totally reliable. 93 to Atlanta.

Oh, Land Cruiser. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota, Toyota.

There's a microphone is on it really.

I don't really believe it is on. And you know, they always say that, everyone says your phone's listening in there when you go, you sort of don't believe it.

But then lately more and more, I really do believe it now.

And then here's what should I turn my phone off all the time? I put it on airplane mode all the time. I leave my phone on there.

Is it legal to listen for ads? Like, how does that work? Is that legal? Well, what do we do with voice recognition software?

It's taking your name, your words and searching them. And I mean, I don't know. I don't think there's laws against that. But it's slippery, right?

It's all we're sliding into this digital world war just slowly sliding in.

It's listening everywhere, suggesting. Tom, I see you're really in a toothpaste. Yeah, right. Yeah. You want tooth whitening toothpaste. This is the stuff.

And then maybe you weren't really into it, but now you are really into it. He mentioned it once, but now you're seeing it all the time. So you're really into toothpaste with Toyotas.

What's the what's the decision, this decision to resist the machine or is the decision to enjoy the moment, just live your life as one player in this infinite multiverse of lives, coexisting, dealing with this technological singularity that we're all moving towards?

What's the decision? What do you do? I think it's to be aware of it, aware of what they're doing and what it's about taking my ass.

I can't believe you know, you're right. They're right. That's what we're that's when you're aware.

You're aware it's happening and you are able to not be completely manipulated because at least you're aware of the person as opposed to walking blindly through the world and not thinking about the fact that your phone's listening to you or that you're. Yeah.

So I'm really worried about what the next grab is going to be, because the next grab, in order to ensure the people will be safe from this covid-19, that's like it's hard, man, once they get some some sort of control and power over.

Yeah, it's hard to give that shit up.

And when we're looking at these studies that show that it's not as least as far as the amount that it's been contained and hasn't spread through the population, but the amount of people that actually have been infected, how many of them actually die, that it's much smaller than they were fearing it would be, when are they going to let us be normal people again?

Or are they ever are they ever I mean, we just wearing masks from now on. Do we have to wait for a vaccine? Like, did we decide that it's more spraying down?

There was saying, is it is it more or is it worse to die from this than to die from the flu or to die from all these other things?

And you know what else is really interesting?

I was reading this thing where there might be a balance. You know, a lot of people died from covid, right. It's not to diminish the amount of people that died, but that because people are staying at home, less people have died from automobile accidents, that it might turn out to be money back on my car insurance because of that.

Yeah. And do you see how low gas's gas is free? They're giving you gas oils because no one's driving.

They pay you to fill up. That's got to be negative. Thirty five cents. Everyone's driving will be more valuable. What's the other factors? The Illuminati lizard.

People want you to know that Kasese, they haven't stopped making it.

I remember well, these fuckheads need to keep it at a dollar fifty a gallon. Cut the shit. We're trying to rebuild this economy, you fucking greedy lizard people.

That's there's people that believe that, right? It's people like David. I still I was watching that London real interview. He said he believes that he saw someone's eyeballs turn to lizard people. Yeah. They say on that one.

Did he say on the other one? No. He said in the value tainment, there's a value tainment podcast. They're interviewing him after the London real podcast was taken off the air and he said he saw people's eyeballs turn to reptile. I was right. And I'm like, check, please.

Yeah, check, please. Could have been some good LSD, maybe at work or maybe that didn't really happen.

Yeah, that's true. Maybe just wanted to. Or maybe it did happen.

Maybe he did. Yeah. Yeah. Well luckily it didn't. Probably not. Yeah. This idea that people are lizards, it's hard enough just being a person just just don't people.

People. Yeah. No evidence of lizard people. Stop. Let's try to figure this out together. You distracting everybody.

Well this lizard talk, I think we want to believe that there's something that can't be explained.

It's five G the towers, the five G. Tom Green. Right.

So what's that all been paying attention to? Five G. Yeah. Research Flat Earth and five G.

You've probably had the flat earth people here, right? There's a little devil, you know, little devil on Instagram. He had a hilarious point that he put up. I think he retweeted somebody else's point. There's like five countries with five towers and more than 100 countries that have covid-19. How the fuck do you think. Right. It got from there to all those people who really think it's five G? Yeah, some people do. Yeah.

Some people think it's what some people think it's five jema.

It's amazing how things can just kind of. Grab a hold on the Internet. Here's the question, which was five. How would you find out? Do you think Verizon will let you know if I've just started fucking people's heads up and they started running into walls, do you think Verizon be like, Hey guys, maybe you caught us, you're sorry you got us?

What would they do if it really was five jobs that we were trying to sting, if you really did fuck people up?

Well, you know, I look, I've always asked myself, you know, going back to just talk about radio waves, microwaves. I mean, I've always wondered is do more people have cancer? Now is a cancer survivor. Did I get cancer? Because I grew up in a world where there's radio waves and cell phones and all this stuff in there or just people living longer and getting cancer, I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

But you wonder if it's got to affect the human body to send I don't know what is radio wave, electronic energy through the air, going through your body, through your cells. It's got to affect it. Right.

So so you could sort of see how somebody might think that, you know, that that a stronger signal could potentially affect the cells in your body.

Maybe, but but, you know, I go, well, why why start now? Let's go back to just, you know, radio, you know, microwave ovens, you know.

You know, who knows? Who knows? I don't think so.

Yeah. You know, I'm I mean, I think there's a lot of factors, but I think that biological factors, you know, they've found instances and I believe they found it in like cave people and certain animals.

They found cancer and all sorts of animals. Yeah. And wild animals. They've found cancer in them. It's cancer is a weird thing. And we can't assume, like when someone is born with certain diseases. Right.

We don't we don't try to make some sort of environmental connection always to the fact that they're born with certain diseases, even people that are living in paradise with no toxins in the environment.

There's still the weird randomness, the giving birth to people conceiving a child and the child coming out and what everything has to be in order. All the ducks have to be in a row to make sure there's no diseases like there's so many variables, man. And one of the variables is cancer. And the fact that some people get it and some people don't and some people live their lives terribly. They abuse the fuck out of their bodies. They take all kinds of drugs and nothing happens.

Right. It's crazy. And there's people like you. This is live normal and they get cancer.

And if you didn't pay attention to it, you could have died.

That's just how it is. The world is weirdly random in that in that sense. Well, it's not fair. Genetics are not fair. Intelligence is not fair. Creativity's not fair. There's no fair. There's no fair. And if you start looking for fair fares in your household, OK, fares amongst your clan, fares amongst your loved ones, fares not the outside. The outside world is a wild, competitive battleground of ideas and actions. And it's not fair.

It's not fair at all.

And how do you prevent that randomness from scaring the shit out of you?

You came to agreement. That's where we comes along. Yeah. You can't, man.

Yeah, you can't. You you just got to keep on keeping on. Yeah, there's no way. You can't if you prevent it from scaring the shit out of you, then you're not paying attention to it, right? You have to block it out completely if it wasn't terrifying.

Because if you're paying attention to it's going to be terrifying if you're not blocking out completely. You look at the randomness of just the fact that we're in this planet with no roof and we're hurtling through the galaxy and there's all these asteroids out there.

And, you know, sometimes they don't see them because they're coming from behind the sun. They just fucking slam into us and kill everybody.

Yeah, I spent a lot of time trying to decide what freaks me out more, the infinity of the universe or the infinite infinity of being dead, you know, like an infinity of the universe or any of that goes forever.

And once you're dead, well, that's forever, too, right?

There's there's no sanity here. What's stranger? This would be the scariest. Yeah. The infinity of the universe.

If you live forever and you can breathe in space and you didn't need food and you were just floating forever and go see what the fuck's going on, but you can't you're never going to land. You're never going to touch ground. You're just going to float through forever for billions and billions of years without ever talking to anybody.

But you're never going to die. That sounds terrifying. That might be the worst. Yeah, that may be way worse than dying.

Yeah, I think that would be I mean, what is worse than dying? Wishing you were dead. Flying forever for billions of years, no board after the first billion years and realize you have an infinite amount of billion years left, we're still going to be alive. Breathe in air. No need for food, no friends. You know what?

You know, now, we've been transformed by the gods into this this symbol of psychic torture. You're the God green that Tom Green in twenty twenty one God came back to show us all a lesson. He let Tom Green breathe in space and fly on forever and live forever, and then you to dream your thoughts can't land on the go.

Look around. There's no landing. No, I'm going to be up in space forever.

Be frustrating to fly right by a great planet. And yeah, one planet looks like Lake Havasu goes on the top.

You go there, I'll drink it. You can't go down that till you see it though. How closely can you see it?

Close enough to jack off but then back on space again, that might not be so bad.

Then you get that once every billion years you come around.

Well, every billion planet have a not a daily habit to three times daily, five times daily. It's like, who is that movie?

Do you remember that movie that was about like, God damn it, Porky's? Is it pork?

Canadian Pork is Canadian. The biggest independent film of all time was Porky's at the time. Probably it's I'm sure that's changed now.

Is that an independent film? Yeah. And I remember when I remember that because that was my my age. Right. You know, our age. Right. And when you were like a kid and all of a sudden there was like you could see yes, I could see boobies in a movie.

It was yes, pretty much. I watched the movie to see the kids, the movie to see man.

That was a you could make that movie today.

No Porky's. Yeah. No. Oh yeah. There was no chance it was some some weird shit.

It was a rape fest. Right. I just remember some weird shit in there for sure. Yeah. But standard current definitions. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of sexual assault wasn't there. I have to go watch it again.

Yeah me too. Well there's definitely some peeping Tom type activities weren't they there. Yeah. Some violence grabs the one kid that's. There we go.

Whoa. There was a lot of those. What a great film. Yeah. Oh yeah. When we were kids this was the shit.

Right. What year was this one. Oh my God. I was fourteen.

This was the shit dude. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, this was this movie is probably a time capsule, and there's moments in that movie where when you're a kid and you're seeing that and there's no Internet and you're seeing something that you've never even fathomed before, and look what they did to they made it about an earlier time.

They made it. They got off the hook by making it right.

This is it. I don't know. Maybe not. Oh, and that's from Sex and the City, right? Oh, yeah. Kate Cattrall. Kim Cattrall.

Yeah, yeah, I knew she was. And this is the scene I was going to bring up. I didn't want to mention to cause I felt weird mentioning who stayed hot longer than Kim Cattrall.

You know, she hung in there strong multiple decades.

Porky's 1981 Sun all the way to Sex and the City girl. Go back a little bit on that. So let me see those cars from the 1950s like before that, when the cars are pulling into the parking lot, like, look, they did it all. Yeah, there it is. So look at those cars. Those are all like 1953 cars. So they they did it all and even earlier time. Yeah.

So they got off the hook by saying, yeah, people back there fucking cave people. The 1950s grabbing tits.

Yeah. Spitting on their dicks. And it was an innocent time. Yes.

Well it's also a time where you could do these outrageous, ridiculous movies and people just roll their eyes and go, oh, they wouldn't, you know, protest you have you d platform from everything.

Oh, come on. See it.

Then there'd be the VHS of it and everyone talk about it like the ski movies in the snow.

Hot dog. Yes. Hot Dog and fast times at Richmond High. Of course, the big we and Phoebe Cates gets out of the pool. Everybody sort of paused that rewound that the coming of age high school movie.

Yeah. Was giant.

And it was, you know, I mean, for people who don't remember young people, I mean, can you even imagine a world without an Internet?

So that was your only access to seeing any sort of nudity.

Right. I wonder. I think we have it best. Yeah.

Because we were born and raised with no Internet and then we found the Internet later in life.

So we realized how crazy it is. Whereas these kids that are growing up today, they've always had the Internet.

The concept of no Internet is so alien to that, you know, and when you when you don't have instant access to seeing anything you can imagine, then your mind has to use its creativity to come up with ideas and visualize it.

Yes.

You know, they don't have it doesn't exist now. So so that was I'm glad I'm glad that we grew up in that era.

Do we got lucky? We really did. Because that time was like and no one's ever going to get that again.

You never get it again. And when we fuck up and the society restarts.

But then you're going to learn how to kill a bird with a rock. You're going to be starving to death. Right. If society resets that hard, you'll be fine.

You'll you know, no one's going to be fine.

But that life is horseshit. You don't want to live that. The fact that we could the fact that we're young enough to enjoy all the technology.

Now, you and I are young enough to enjoy it the same way, but we also are old enough to have remembered as adults living life without it is kind of a luxury.

And we're the only generation we're the only age group that will ever experience that for sure, with the only unique perspective.

Did you have Pong as a kid? Yeah, the first video game I played, so. Yeah, me too. So Pong, which we used to have, was the most crude video game.

I didn't have it. You didn't have Renshon pot bad, but you were around what you experienced.

It was probably that great. Would have been 5th grade. I would go over to his house after school and I was like, I remember. I remember.

He was like, yeah, what you're controlling the movement of the television. There's a there's a thing. You're controlling it. Yeah.

And it was how you were playing Call of Duty. They're pullin sniper shots on people making their fucking heads explode like Jamie gets excited about that. Look, is that what you're addicted to? Call of duty? Yes.

How bad how bad is your addiction?

I didn't play yesterday. Oh, he took a day off. Are we sweating now?

I almost played at a game footage instead.

You know, you just watch somebody play for half an hour and get your fix, so. Oh, and get a little fix. You watch a little twitch fix. Is that with Twitch is good for watch through their eyes. See how they pull off a shot. You have to commit to turn it on.

That's got the video games. That's how they're going to get you to I mean think about how big that is video games. Now, first of all, they will already at the borderline of being bigger than the film industry.

Right. And then they got bigger than the film industry. And now the film industry has taken a big hit because people aren't going to the movies. So they're going to have to go straight to iPhones or Apple TV or Amazon. That's what a lot of them are doing now. Right.

Does that mean we're getting closer and closer to living inside the machine because you live inside that computer game? It's more exciting. It's everything's coming through TV now. Even the movies coming through TV.

How's the movie going to compete with Call of Duty for tonight is launching Travis Scott's new song and music video or something today, like in the game that made a character for him there longit stop. It might be happening right now, actually.

And not only do you not have to leave the house, but we're not allowed to leave the house. So many people are going to do that. And games have stand up comedy specials in games.

It's going to be an option now. It's going to be an option. You can have an audience, you can go to the Tom Green Theater and you walk in and sit down and the curtain parts and Tom Green gets on stage and does especially dirty.

Did it once a deejay and it was live. He was talking live. I don't know what he could see, you know, like on his end, if he had a room with, like, all the thousands of servers that were open, oh, they should do that.

That would be awesome. But they're very close already. Yeah.

They're going to be able to do it. I've seen 360 degree YouTube videos. Have you seen those? We can move your cursor around. It's crazy. You can like, move to different spots and. Room one virtual reality didn't take off, though, did it, the glasses? It didn't take off when they first invented it because I don't think the technology was ready. But before the quarantine, there's a thing that we playing down the street called sandbox, and it's amazing.

Yeah, it's really good, dude. Like this one. Where was it? Deadwood Mansion that was called. You put you have a haptic feedback vest on and you have a rifle and you have these goggles on, you put the headphones on, you have things that go around your wrists and things grow in your ankles. So tracks your movement and then you're in a haunted mansion and fucking zombies are coming running at you and you're gonna sit them down and it's while they're dropping out of the roof and right in front of you and they grab you, they hit you, you see red in front of you and you feel it on your vest.

It's not the graphics are going to get better. Yes, they're way better now than then. You're going to want to leave. We had John Carmack come in. John Carmac is the guy who designed Quake. He designed the three 3D engine for Doom and Quake and all those amazing video games. And then he was working for Oculus. So he came in with this, the newest Oculus, the newest Oculus is just a headset. You put it on and it works off of an iPad.

You have a headset. And these two things, you have no tether, there's no cord attaching you. And it has like this clearly designed framing for your game playing area. So, like, you framed the room.

So if your room is like out here big, like a warehouse, you can walk around like thirty feet this way and thirty feet that way and make a 30 foot square and 30 foot niederer each direction. And then it knows that's the game footage and shows you where the walls are.

So it gives you this view of like don't go past here, it gets opaque and now you know, any back up and now you're inside the haunted house again. Now you're back up and you're in the alien spaceship again. It's nuts what they can do now.

And when the graphics get better and then the world gets bigger.

Yes, that's when you don't want to leave because you feel like you can actually physically go explore and never find the end of it.

Well, then what was that one game where you make universes, you make planets and worlds called No Man's Sky, but it was like a never ending.

Self-perpetuating type as you kept going, it just made more. I don't know if it worked out the way it was designed or why it was advertised, but they're still working on it. And that's just one step, though, to get further.

And that is going to probably be like the inspiration for someone when new technology emerges to take it to the next level and come up with some other even more deeply immersive game.

Once they once they really get that haptic feedback shit down precise, we could feel someone grabbing your tits.

You feel someone around your neck trying to choke you, you know. Yeah, well, that's what you're into.

I mean, if you're getting attacked oh, if you're the game kicking the door and some guy jumps on you, grabs it right. Bang, bang. Right. And then he drops to the ground. I thought, this is crazy.

Like you felt him choking you like all that. I mean, movies like The Revenant, right. Where Leonardo DiCaprio gets attacked by that grizzly bear. Yeah. Imagine if you had a suit on. Let's you get attacked by a grizzly bear, but it throws you to the ground.

It's biting on you, shaking like a leaf you like. Holy fuck. You know, it's just some soup that figures out how to manipulate your body. The same way would be manipulated in this video game.

I haven't done a lot of that stuff, but it's like that. Your mind does believe it, right? While you're walking, there's the one where you walk to the edge of that thing. You look and you get vertigo and you know, you're in a thing, but your mind just see you walk a plank.

You actually had a plank on your show, actually. Well, we definitely least we did. I see it here.

We've seen that on the about it. We definitely talked about. Yeah, yeah. You could put a board down on the ground. Yeah. Two by four. I saw them recently. So walk on it and it seems like this is the board you're walking on and look below you. You see the city streets. Yeah.

I saw that recently on the internet. Yeah. How long until you can fly. How long until you could ride one of them.

Avatar Dragons go through Penguin. Where is it. Was it. Pandora, Pandora goes to Pandora, riding on a dragon. How long? Not that long.

Man Less than 100 years, 100 years from now, you're just going to show up and you're going to be gone.

And you're going to be in some other universe. You be in some other world. You're going to be Luke Skywalker. You're going to be Mickey Mouse.

It's going to happen, man. It's going to happen 100 percent. How long does it take? You know, how long does it take for that happens and will it be gradual or will be one big leap?

We don't see it coming and we're all like those buffalo that the Native Americans used to push off the cliff or one of them would go off the cliff. And then the other one fact is a cliff.

But there's like a thousand buffalo behind you that don't know it's Cliff. They just keep pushing.

Yeah. When that headset goes on and it's way more satisfying than reality. Yes. We're going to have trouble.

No trouble, because that's just going to the thing that's going to push it. I'm sure that that will probably be what happens to it.

Pushes every technology to push streaming, pushed VHS, pushed so many things.

Porn video video for sure.

Once they figure out how to literally and have it feel like you're having sex with a porn star.

Yeah, like she has sex with a guy.

That guy wears a headset and then you put that headset on and it's like they're having sex with you. Yeah. Why leave the house at that point?

Why leave the house? Just.

Yeah, just spreading your temples. What if we have to watch Avatar two or three? Oh no.

I'm not doing a James Cameron first. Try to get me to be vegan. Now you want me to be a robot. But the avatar, what is that like?

Avatar depression syndrome on people like. Oh yeah, man that was rejected or whatever. No, people got Avatar depression because they went to see Avatar and they wish to lives of that noble.

They wish their lives that important and amazing.

People got Avatar the Depression.

Yes, it was real because they realized that we live a bullshit life and they want to ride a dragon and then fucking shoot bows and arrows at the bad guys.

They got Avatar depression.

It was like a real thing because so many psychologists we're talking to these people, so many psychiatrists were treating these patients that there were they just started calling it something like, well, how many guys are you getting every day that are sad because Avatar is not real?

How do you do this as often as you do the energy, the mental energy that it must?

I mean, this is awesome. I mean, but for me, like, I don't we've been on here from mentally ill.

This is easy. This is how I am. Amazing. Come on.

Yeah, that's nonsense.

I just found something that works with whatever's fucked up about me. Whatever fucked up about me is I'm interested in shit.

I talk too much, you know, a perfect amazing. Put it together. No that's amazing. It's so exciting to sit here with you of course. But to see the genuine enthusiasm for all of these ideas we're talking about, you do this every day.

You do this in, you know, not every day, but you just how do you keep that?

How do you keep that enthusiasm?

Don't you have cool conversations, people? A lot. I do. I do. Yeah. I just do it in here. It's really just picking who you get to talk to.

I love you. I love it.

I feel honored to be able to sit here. I feel honored to have you. You just put this much energy into this the show with me.

This is amazing. I'm happy to do it. And I appreciate you. And I appreciate you showing me the way. Yeah, for real. Twenty seven being over your house showed me the way I was so cool.

You say it man. It's true. Really appreciate it. True. It's a class act man. Not everybody says stuff like that. So thank you for just at least throwing me an acknowledgement that he's very cool.

I have always been in your debt in that regard for sure, because I, I do really remember thinking like, wow, Tom again, stepping up.

I was like, he's going deep with this. This is great.

And it may when you see someone doing something like that, like set up a whole production studio at their house, I hope you mean you had a whole real studio like you could go live.

I was like, wow, like that for sure. Planted a ton of seeds in my little garden.

Yeah. You nailed it. And you're doing it again. Yeah. Yeah.

And how can people watch what you're doing again. I'm doing a podcast. I'm doing a podcast. The Tom Green podcast. So it's where you get podcasts and I'm on Instagram. Twitter, Tom Green dot com.

Are you doing video this as well. Yeah, not yet.

I've just been doing audio. I'm going to put some cameras on it. And as you were showing me, that light. That cool light. Yeah. So I'm setting it up now. So it's a really cool video soon. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful.

Yes I know, I know. We've got some cool lights here, but the recovery row might check out the road like respect to the OG.

Thank you, Tom Green. Appreciate you, brother. Thanks for being here. All right. Thank you.

Bye, everybody. Thank you everyone for tuning in to the show. Thank you to the OG, Tom Green. Thank you to everybody who tuned in and thank you to our sponsor. Our sponsors take you a honey, saving you that cheder, it's free to use installs in just a few seconds. Plus it's backed by PayPal friends. Oh, and you can get it for free that I say that free go to join Honey Dotcom Rogan that's join honey dot com slash Rogen were also brought to you by four stigmatic makers of delicious and nutritious lion's mane coffee.

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So thank you for that. Thank you. To manscape. Taking care of your ball bag, kids, keep that shit trimmed and nice. You don't want to develop a disaster down there. People don't tell you that your crop stinks because you get just crazy jungle funk coming out of your underwear drawers the bush right back in the day. That's all people had. When I was a kid. People had Bush's no longer. Today we have manscape intelligently designed USPI rapid charging ball trimmer lawn mower three point o get twenty percent off plus free shipping with the code Jarry at manscape dotcom.

Do yourself a favor and always use the right tools for the job of trimming your ball here. That's twenty percent off with free shipping at manscape dotcom. Use the code Jarry. Your balls. Well thank you. That's it. We did it. We got through another one. Thank you friends. Thanks for tuning in. I hope you are well. I appreciate all of you. Nothing but love. Bye.