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I haven't seen him in weeks and we had a great time. We always do. We did get a little too high in the beginning.

There were some times in that podcast where I was like, oh my God, what the fuck are we talking about? I think we need to get really high like an hour before the show.

That's the movie. It seems like an hour in you catch your stride. But I think maybe you just have to just keep talking. I don't know. Podcasts are weird, but it's always fun to do it with him.

Give it up for my brother Tony Hinchcliffe, my cast, the Joe Rogan Experience, trained by Joe Rogan podcast by night all day.

Tony Motherfucking Hinchcliffe. Yeah. Good to see you, buddy. Good to see you.

Every time comics come here that I usually spend multiple nights a week with, like, oh, so nice to be semi normal again.

Yes, for fucking sure.

The restrictions are supposed to be lifting up here in Los Angeles on Friday, which means nothing for us. For comedians, it means something for like some retail, some other stuff. But they're doing it nice and slow.

And do you see the list of shit that the governor's office put out of stuff you're allowed to do? You should pull that up, Jamie, because it is it's quite hilarious. First of all, it's it's kind of condescending. It's it's like treating you like you're a moron.

Like here's things you're allowed to do. One of them, I thought that was hilarious, said soft martial arts.

Yeah, it did, said Tai Chi.

This whole idea that somehow soft martial arts know like why can't you do?

Why can't you shadowbox? Can you do that?

Or it's only OK if you do things that don't work like you're saying, martial martial art. All right. That's an art of war. Right.

And Tai Chi is it is it's much more of a meditation than it is an art of war.

I think it's very beneficial. But they look at it says athletics.

No. One. What does that mean? Badminton, singles, singles, throwing a ball, a baseball softball stop.

Here's the problem with that. Yeah. If you're throwing a baseball, you're basically shaking hands and you're doing it with an organic skin, right? Baseball. The outside of it is cow skin. You could throw a ball by yourself.

But but that's not what they're saying, right?

That's sort of sad. You know, throw it, throw it and go pick it up. Throwing balls of yourself in the park, BMX, biking. OK, thank you. You're allowed to canoe singles like it specifies.

What singles are they talking about. Crabbing like crab walk. No luck catching crabs. You can go crabbing like fishing nets.

What it means. Oh yeah. You go crabbing. People do all the time.

Oh yeah. In California, not here but in Northern California. It's a big deal. Yeah, I've done it before. You catch blue crabs. I think they are. I think they're blue. My species. They are.

But you catch them off the piers like there's a lot of areas around San Francisco where people catch crabs.

It's really big in like like Maryland. And, you know, like those guys love crabbing. Oh, in Alaska too.

They do a lot of crime thing. It was the California coast. That's why I was like, I didn't.

They must have them in the oceans right here. Gardening, not in groups. Oh, you can explore rock pools. Thank you.

Oh, wow. What can we do that Malibu. But you can't get to the beach. It's closed.

Cycling, golf, singles, walking. No car.

Tony Oh my gosh.

You can't have a cart. Why can't I have a car? What if it's my car? I can't take the cart. It's electric. It doesn't even hurt the environment. What is what can I take the car or why can't they clean it?

Why is there a logic to that? Let's stop. I mean, if it's your cart, is there a logic to that? And how is it any different than the cart at the supermarket? Like that motherfucker's getting passed around like a cheapo thing is because they have to have people clean it and whatnot.

They don't want to have to have staff on whatever because they've opened up. Right. But they have it at the supermarket. No, I know, but. Well, you know what I'm saying? It's like it's real squirrelly.

It's like the places we absolutely have to go. They're allowed to help. Yeah.

And even the shopping cart I was shopping the other day and I opened up the the kitty part, you know, to put other stuff in. And I'm like, they didn't there's no way they wipe that part. Well, there's just no way. If it was on here, I got it after a while.

I'm sure the people that work in those places, the kids, especially like eight year olds, they're going to slack off like no one's dead. They don't see it. You know, they're not going to the hospital. Hold up.

Don't don't scroll down yet. There's a lot more we missed. Go back up. So, yeah, so we were at no car golf, hiking trails, paths, allowing, distancing. How is it OK when you're running? Because if you're running past people that are walking, there's going to come a time when you're right there.

Is that all right? I don't know, this is all very bizarre. Well, it's it really is like we're dealing with multiple different diseases, two trails open.

I thought they were still close. Are they opening those up?

I think they opened them up again. We'll find that out next. Oh, you can kite board, OK. Oh, meditation's loud.

Oh, hey, you can meditate. What the fuck, man? Outdoor photography. Oh, I didn't know. I thought that if I was hiking, I couldn't take pictures of what I was hiking with. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to do outdoor photography picnics. With your stay at home, household members only can't meet up with other people that aren't sick. But quad biking, rock climbing, roller skating, roller blading.

It's weird because, like, we're we're we're asking people to be extra super responsible with this.

Right. But we we don't ask the same thing about car accidents. Look at stop. Go back soft martial arts. Look at that. Tai Chi Chee Kong.

What's she Kong. Well, I know what Qigong is. It's like a type of like a breathing exercise, I'm pretty sure.

And you know, a tai chi is it's almost like a series of rhythmic movements. But why are you calling that a soft martial art? It's such a weird definition and not in groups. It's just so specific. Like if a person wants to go outside and they have a shadow boxing routine, they do and they like to practice Muay Thai. Why can't they go practice Muay Thai? They can't just go outside. Like imagine like you're pent up in your apartment and you can go on the beach and just like, spark up a little and just throw some combinations under the sun in the sand.

You can't do that. Is that threatening to people? Why, but you're allowed to do all this jazz. That's not even a martial art, let's just be honest. It's great people that do it, they find it very therapeutic and it's good for the body.

You know, you're doing these slow poses. So it gives you you know, you're exercising control over your body.

But it's not really a martial art. Not that it's weird.

It's like you wouldn't fight with it. So what is it? You know, I'm saying like you're not going to fight with Taichi.

I've never heard the terminology before. Is there such thing as soft and hard martial arts?

Yeah, I guess you could. Yeah, you could kind of define it like that. People would. Some people would say that Tai Chi is a soft martial art. They would I guess they would kind of say it, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

It's not a martial art, it's a martial art. It's something that you would use in a fight if you were trying to have a thing with there's rules to martial arts or so you could say, like, well, how come boxing is just boxing? How come they're not allowed to kick you or take you down? Like, is that a full martial art?

Like what is martial art, martial arts, like doing the best shit to do when you're in war with the person, hand-to-hand combat. But for so long, we didn't know what the best shit was, so they branched off into all these different groups. So these are people that only concentrate on judo and they were convinced it is the best thing you could do.

I remember I was really foolish when I was doing taekwondo and I worked out my friend Walter. He used to teach at this university and he was a bad motherfucker. And I used to go down and train with him. And there was this guy, this was this judo guy who was there and you were practicing judo. And this guy was a guerrilla. He probably could have broke me in half and stuff me up his ass. I mean, really was a big guy, but I thought, God, that's so useless.

This is what I thought. Right? Well, I was like, why would you want to do that when you could learn how to punch and kick? Why would you want learn how to do that? Did you do anything silly? Yes, one year in high school.

Yeah, but man, until I started doing jujitsu, like, I didn't realize how vulnerable I really was.

Yeah. Like I was I was I hadn't done real martial arts in a long time because I had a knee surgery and it took me a long time to recover. Like more than a year.

I had to fuck my knee up and I didn't get it fixed for like six months.

And then I got to fix it. Took like a year to rehab.

So for like a year and a half plus, I wasn't doing any martial arts.

And then I started doing a little bit of kickboxing. When I came to L.A., I went to this legendary place in Venice. It's one of the things that I wanted to go to other than going to the Comedy Store.

I wanted to go to Benny the Jet Jet Center, the Jet Center. And Van, as Benny Akitas is like legendary kickboxer from L.A. and him and his I believe Blinky Rodriguez is his brother in law.

But he was another beast.

He's a guy who knocked out one of the greatest kick boxers of all time. Johnny Terry knocked him out with a left hook. I mean, so this was a gem, a legendary gem. And I came here and right when I came here, I started going there and they had earthquake damage.

So when it rained, their place got fucked up, like really fucked up and they had to close down. And then he moved to a place in North Hollywood for a while.

But it just wasn't it wasn't the same once that legendary Jim was gone. But that was those were one of the like the number one places that I wanted to come to when I came to L.A..

Yeah. Is that anyone, anyone ever claimed Taichi or Chee Kong as any of their UFC skillset?

Yeah, they make stuff up for fun. Look, look, the greatest fighter of all time, John Jones. What's the style? Says, Look, CEDO that's his style literally. Go look up what John Jones fights under his style. He writes, Look, see, do you want to talk about a do think for himself.

Yeah.

This guy's like, listen, listen, fuck. I know what I knew. I know what I know. I know what I can do. I'm just going to call it look, see, do I look at people, see, I look at people do something, I see it and I do it. One of the first fights ever in the UFC, the guy tries to throw this wild spinning elbow just out of nowhere, fights Shogun for the title, opens up with a flying knee just wild and opens up on a legend.

Shogan was a legend, UFC light heavyweight champ, but the guy who's knocked out chocolate to hell but was fucking killing people in pride. I mean, when we were coming up, Mauricio's shogan, who was a legend, John Jones, fights him, wins the title, the youngest guy ever to win a title in the UFC with a flying knee.

That's what he opens up with.

He's unbelievable. Just wild, man, just wild.

But anyway, my point was, I didn't realize how vulnerable I was until I first started doing jujitsu. When when you were wrestling, it would have been the same for wrestling. Like anybody who's like a real grappler, like you can get really delusional about how much you can keep a person off you.

Yeah, whether anyone is a real grappling, a real division, one wrestler.

Dude, what's frightening is how and then once you realize how hard it is, but then then you see the people who make it look so damn easy. Yeah. There were these wrestlers, I think they were called the Hurley twins or something from another school.

And these guys were really, really high level.

And we were in high school, but they were high level freestyle wrestlers, like they would go to the Nationals every year and they would like it appeared as though they would dangle guys by an angle and just keep getting points. And he would they would release and they would make it look like it was nothing. The other guy's wrestling for his life and they would just seamlessly grab their ankle and push them back.

And the person does an underappreciated skill level for like the real elite of the elite. You know, it really is like if you watch Jordan Burroughs, Russell, you know, who's currently right now today widely considered to be the best wrestler in the world, or one of them? I mean, there's a bunch of like really insanely good wrestlers out there and a bunch of pairs of his shoes.

He's the leader of the elite.

When you watch him, how good he is and how well he moves through these takedowns and transitions and chains, takedown attacks together in the power, in the drive, in the just the fucking explosiveness, all of it together, the insane desire to compete and win. You know, you don't even know what that's like.

Kind of manhandled Ben Asprin, who manhandles most people. Yeah.

And they all know what he's going to do. They all know what to defend, that he's going to shoot low on a double leg takedown and there's nothing they can do so good.

I mean, Aastrom is quite a bit past his his wrestling problem. I think there's I don't think you can be elite at both. I think, you know, most of these elite wrestlers who are really, really good wrestlers, once they get into the UFC and they realize how much striking you have to do, how much damage they have to do, I think most of them would admit that they they're probably not getting the same kind of focus on pure wrestling that allows them to stay at their highest level.

So they might dip a little bit in their wrestling ability to pick up some skill and striking.

It's fine dance they do, man. Oh, yeah. You know, such a fine dance.

And to put it all together, that's why I look see does such a great name for a style. Yeah. Because he's not he's not doing one thing. Yes.

Very good wrestler. Yes. Very good striker. Yes. Very good submission artist. Excellent at all those things.

But he throws them all together with whatever's there, what's open, what's open. How about I'm never trying to take you to ground. I just kicked the fuck out of your legs.

I just get close to you, beat you up and knees and elbows. It's such a so when you say like when someone says martial art, like it's not a martial art. It's a style of fighting, it's like a game you're playing. You know, if you're if you're playing boxing, you're playing boxing, it's it is definitely a fight, but it is a martial art, but it's not a complete one. Like now that we know. Like all those little schools, like the judo people and the taekwondo people that were all like real biased about their own style, like I definitely was now, you know, this is one style.

It's a mixed martial arts. It's it's that look CEDO thing that John Jones does. He does everything. He's kicking you. He's punching him. He's trying to take you down. He smashed you on the ground, strangled you.

If you can, however, I can beat you. That's what they're trying to do, which is real martial arts. That's a real martial art. I guess close you can get without eye gouging and going for the nuts because we all agree that's just too much.

Yeah.

Even even though, like, if they teach you self-defense is the only time they step up with the eye gouging the nut shots. But those are like the most effective moves. Eye gouging and nut shots are the most effective moves. We just collectively decide that they're too destructive.

Yeah, it's weird seeing actual street fight videos. I saw one where the guy actual fight video where the guy does grab the other guy's nuts. It's like they're like in the army or something. Oh, Jesus. He's begging please like it. It's actually really fun. Oh my God.

Please, please. God, no, please.

Oh my God. Someone can crush your nuts and take away your manhood. Yeah.

Oh. Oh my God. I've heard of dudes getting their nuts exploded nuts exploded from a kick. One guy who was sparring, just like I think they said it was like the last round sparring itself.

I can only eat a cup. Just go like boom takes a shot to not one of his balls explodes.

Oh, no, no. They had to remove it. Oh yeah. Do you imagine the force of someone hitting you with a kick? Like, imagine the force of someone who's like Tyron Woodley, who's an excellent leg kicker.

He's got vicious power in his leg, kicks the force of that hitting. You're nuts. You're nuts not to do that. You need a cut, man. Yeah. Nuts are not designed to survive that with no help.

That's crazy. That's why they gave us two. Just in case. Just in case. Because there's no kick that could blast or two. There's a lot of kicks.

Little bastard to nuts. Wow. Yeah. A hundred percent. Pedro Hizo, if he if he kicked your nuts, you would have no nuts, there would be all smashed up like gravy. It got kicked so hard.

I was looking at hard and soft martial arts, judo like that's judo Jew, the Jew of judo and jujitsu is soft.

So it's like not that silly walking with a block, like walking in attack with a ball.

Oh, I see. I see like a redirection accepting it. Yeah.

Well then you can't I don't know, maybe I'm looking at the word soft, incorrectly soft martial arts just as a picture of C.M. Punk next to it. Oh you son of a bitch. You would never call judo a soft martial art, though. I mean, maybe it's technically that, but I mean, in amongst the circles that I travel in, when you talking to you know, I'm not a judo expert, obviously, but I'm not a I know a lot of people that are I've talked to a lot of judo experts.

I bet they wouldn't think it's soft martial art.

Yeah, I wouldn't agree with that.

Judo guys are brutal. They're brutal. They're some of the most look, if you watch, like, world class judo, like there's some great footage of Hector Lombard.

Hector Lumberman is doing judo was a motherfucker. I mean, just smashing people. He's so fucking strong when you watch, like, really good judo with really good technique.

There's nothing soft about that man. That is wild shit, man.

Basically the art of throwing people.

It's the art of throwing people on your fucking head and grabbing you by your clothes and you're both grabbing each other by and when you get to a super elite level, when you watch those Olympians go at it, man, man, it's wild.

It's so hard. It's so fucking hard.

I mean, it's super brilliant and technical and it's very strategic. And there's all these transitions and it's very technical in terms of like being able to execute a high level throw on someone who's also an expert in high level throws.

It's amazing, but it's also very hard, like there's strong shit.

It's not, you know, like I've only rolled with a few, like, really good judo guys ever. And it's like rolling with a chimpanzee to too strong.

Yeah. Like wrestlers, judo guys. Guys are too fucking strong. We were still going over this list. That's how good this marijuana is. I forgot what we're talking about. Oh, you can go tree climbing, go climb a tree.

Fuck. I did. I did. The other day, I climbed a tree.

Hey, Tony, good news. You can wash your car. The government thinks it's OK for you to wash your car.

Oh, you can walk the dog. Yeah. I didn't know I could walk the dog. I just wouldn't let them shit in my mouth for two months. You can watch the sunrise or the sunset.

Wow. Both of them.

Yeah. We're so lucky you can do yoga. My goodness. Oh, just let us be responsible, so don't list just, you know, that list, silly. Just first of all, that's a first draft edit take out sunrise and sunset. That's a big duh. You know, take out a lot of the take out all the does you like writing lists.

Anybody who writes a list like that. Yeah. Sweden's looking at that list and laughing all the way to the bank, literally answer me this how come you can play badminton like when you playing badminton sometimes, like right up on each other, aren't you? Not that far away. You can get close.

I think right now you don't like being a distance despite it. I did say volleyball.

There will be volleyball. It has to be singles. Must be one. I think they said singles. Don't know how you can play singles volleyball.

Here's the thing. You're still touching this ball. So it's like touching someone's hands. It's the same thing if you have this and it's on the ball, it's going to get on the ball. When the person catches the ball, it's going to get on their hands. They're going to touch their eyes. They're going to throw the ball again. Are you going to do this for hours? You're going to get each other's cooties. You might as well just make out for sure.

You might as well just watch their sweat. Yeah, you sweat, you breathing hard.

You definitely get close to each other when you get real close to if you like. I've seen dudes kiss.

They jumped up and has they were. That's one of the main moves in volleyball.

They give each other kiss and they try to swap that ball down. I mean they might as well be kissing. That's how you start the game in West Hollywood. There would be a great way to fuck with your opponent. Yeah.

As he's reaching up to get that ball, you give him a smoothie, you're right on the lips.

And like in a movie pick up together, I just that's all it took to turn you gay if there was a move. And they're like a scene on top. But imagine if a guy could make you gay, if there was a thing, you know, like how rare it is that you can get knocked out. Getting knocked out is crazy. The idea that you just get smacked on the face and you go unconscious and everything just shuts off, that would be hilarious.

Imagine if there was like a button that you had, like if someone touched a button, like. Right, right on your tain't. It's like a reset button on an electrical outlet, the circuit blows, you can push it back in pop.

Oh my God, that volleyball scene. Isn't there a thing where Quentin Tarantino breaks down how gay this movie is? That's what I thought of it, I think.

Speaking at times like a video of it, right, he's going to make a movie in space. Of course he's going to make a movie in space, is Tom fucking Cruise yet? This is if I was a gay man, this would be awesome.

Right, if you're a gay guy and you like him, look at these guys, this is a movie for you if you look at it that way. Whoever wore jeans on the beach to play volleyball, too, well, also they slide into the sand and then miraculously, right after they slide into the sand, they are clean and shiny with glistening sweat and no sand on them.

You just did this stuff.

But watch, they hit the sand all the time, but there's no sand on them. Instead, they're perfectly glistening. Magic sand, this is a weird yeah, I don't think I've ever really watched Top Gun the whole way through. Hold on, back that up. Why is Tom Cruise walk like that and back that up. Back that up. Watch this one. Here we go. That's very odd. That's an odd walk. Maybe hurt himself out there.

Volleyball injury.

But he does all his own stunts, too, like motorcycle stunts. He's probably hurt all the time.

He jumped out of a I watched the video. They have video of him being videoed while jumping out of that plane in Mission Impossible.

Yeah. What is that? What is that nuts.

That video of him hanging on the plane. What is he doing there? Is he attached by a latch or something? Have you seen that shit? Like there's a video of him and supposedly it's actual video of him hanging from the side of the plane. This he doesn't get enough credit for this, he's a goddamn maniac. This look, he's giving them the thumbs up and so this fucking plane takes off, dude, and he's actually hanging off the edge of this look at this watch.

He lets his legs go and everything. This is nuts, man, look at this. It's the raw footage from the camera. This is insane. So he's really letting this plane take him in the air and he's hanging on from the power of L. Ron Hubbard.

Look at this now. There it is. You can see it. But what do you see? There's a there's a thing right there.

You see that rope, the rope? That's that sort of thing. Oh, yeah.

Rope is connecting him. Yeah. Yeah. But still, that's him. That's nuts. That's crazy. I'm not saying this is the only thing keeping him up there. I'm saying, what the fuck, man? That's what the fuck, man, he strapped to the side of a plane and he's Tom Cruise, he's like a huge movie star. What kind of insurance policy was involved in this scene when he broke his ankle?

They stopped for like six weeks and broke. If I was a director, I'd say, look, we're going to shoot this scene last month. But this I would write in fake endings to the movie where Tom Cruise's character dies and then a sister comes in. I would have Scarlett Johansson on standby ready to come avenge Tom Cruise because we see him fly off the back of that plane.

And that would be a real controversy thing. Like should we actually show him falling off the plane to his death? And they'd be like, look, Tom would want us to. And so they leave it in there and we all get to watch like a Tom Cruise snuff film.

I love that. We would love that. People love that.

The thing is, people would I would watch it. I don't want it to happen. But I would if I knew there was a video of Tom Cruise dying because he fell off the side of a plane.

How do you not watch that? Right. Yeah.

How do you not watch that? I mean, look, look, look at when Heath Ledger died basically from playing the Joker that whole time. He's on the pills and everything. He can't sleep. We all everybody went and watched that.

Is that why he died? You think like he got addicted to pills? Because the Joker.

Well, no, he just wasn't sleeping. He wasn't taking care of himself through the entire filming of that movie. Oh, they didn't even finish it, right? I don't think so. I think he died right at the end of filming. Oh, I'm not positive on that.

Yeah, I think you're right. I feel like he died during the process. Right. Yeah, that was a bummer, man. That guy can act his ass off. You got to assume. No, I always do.

When someone's that good at something, they probably just just really chaotic, you know, mentally chaotic. And some of those people just need to calm that fucking demon down.

Yeah, he was filming a different movie. They had just finished that, uh, the dark night. Oh, OK.

So so he was done and he was on the next thing like John Belushi. Right. Here's another one.

You see that guy like he was he was so ferocious in some of his characters, you know, he was so wild.

There must have been demons. Demons. I'll need another one right now, Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh, my God, I really watched one I hadn't seen with him. Nuts man down by the good.

He did one with the guy that made there will be blood. That director.

I can't remember the name of it. He's in those Hunger Games, right? Yeah, but he's good at those.

Yeah, I know those movies are silly.

Philip Seymour Hoffman's a freak. He was really good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he's got an impressive list. If you look at the movies that he's done, you go over and you go, oh, wow, I forgot about that one. I forgot about that one.

Yeah. And he makes even the ones that look like they'd be lame. I went down. This is when the quarantine started. This is one of the big rabbit holes I went down was a Philip Seymour Hoffman one.

And even the movies that look like they wouldn't be great are great.

There's a few actors that really, I think, read the scripts that they're offered and have a real take on them, but then they make everything good.

That Ben Mendelsohn guy, I don't know if you've ever saw Bloodline, but he's another one of those.

Is he that guy that was in thirty days of Knights. There's a guy who's in 30 days of nights, which is a really fun vampire movie while you're quarantined. Good. Have you seen it?

No, he's the guy from the outsider.

Oh, the cop from the outside. Show me. Oh, that guy is amazing. You can look up anything he's done, it's unbelievable trying to. Yeah, he was in ready player one.

He was the bad guy, remember, he was great in that. He's an unbelievable bad guy.

He's so he's so good as the cop in the outsider. The outsider is really fun. I really enjoyed that. I hope they make a part two of that. That was creepy as fuck.

And that woman who played the savant, she played the sort of autistic savant that got that lady was amazing. She was so good, like the whole cast.

The guy who was her boyfriend in that who was also from House of Cards. That guy's amazing.

So that was a great little fun supernatural series. Yeah.

For sure that. Yeah, that lady who played the autistic one, like I wonder what she's like in real life because she's so good, completely different. I actually found this out because I was what is her name.

I forget what's fun out of Clarkson like song at the Oscars too. She's amazing. She played it perfect. Like that's a weird read to play a super genius who's on the spectrum.

You know, that's a weird read. But she like but also relatable and really likeable. She's just figured out the perfect, perfect frequency.

You know, some people can play a psycho and you're like, God damn, it seems psycho like the old lady on Ozark, the old lady who grows the heroine. My holy shit.

Is she good? Holy shit. Is that lady good? Who is that Lady Bill? She's amazing. She scares the fuck out of me. She scares the fuck out of me.

The area though. I believe so. Cynthia Revo is the woman who plays the autistic lady on the outsider who is the lady now that plays the heroine lady in Ozark.

That lady is scary, man, she's fucking terrified, she's for sure the most terrifying person in a show filled with terrified people. She scares me more than the Novarro guy does.

Oh, she's scary, dude. She killed her own husband.

I know, but she's so believable. That lady who's the actress is fucking brilliant. What is her name?

Just go to cast that scene with. When she started banging, the kid reminded me of I remember the scene in Kingpin where he has to have sex with the neighbor.

She plays Darlene. That's their name, right, isn't it? Darlene. Right. Yes, that's the leader, Lady Lisa Emery. Oh, OK, dude, she's incredible. She's so scary.

Yeah, she's so scary on that show. And the other woman, the lawyer woman, she scares the fuck out of me, too.

Helen, God dammit. Who's that lady? That lady is amazing as well, Janet McTeer. She's terrified like the they steal the show. That's one of the interesting things about Ozark is you want to talk about a show that's like an equal opportunity show. It's a terrifying show. And the two scariest characters are women.

Yeah. Mind boggling. It's a great show, it's so good to it's sunny because, you know, it's written and directed by Jason Bateman. And when I first visited California the first time I was I just graduated high school and I was out here visiting my brother and we got lost.

We were in this SUV and we got lost going around the Hollywood Hills. And at one point my brother stops to ask for directions. Somehow we got lost. Like, it's like looking back on. It's like you just go down the hill. Right. But we didn't know what side we were on. Anyway, he stops to ask this guy that's walking on the side of the street who's clearly on the cell phone, which way to get back down.

He's like, excuse me, sir, excuse me. And this guy turns around and it was Jason Bateman and Jason Bateman's on his phone. And he looks back at my brother and he goes like he's looking at my brother, like, can't you see? Like, he didn't say a word, but he looks at his phone like, can't you see I'm on the phone like, what are you idiot?

And but he didn't say anything. He just looked at his phone and looked at us like that and and kept walking back on his phone call.

So after that, I'm like, you know what, screw that Jason Bateman I like I was never I didn't really find none of that. One second he was on never really connected with me or whatever. And so I always thought I was a.. Jason Bateman.

And then here we are so much later, almost 20 years later. And I realized that day that we were the assholes stopping.

Of course, we saw that he was on the phone. In retrospect, if anybody did that to me or anyone I know, we would do the same.

Can't just Yamana on the phone. It looks like Sebastian. Exactly. Oh, you got to pull up this video from Sebastian's Instagram. He's walking in. These people are walking up the hill behind him with water bottles on their heads. It is the most Sebastian thing you'll ever see in your life. It's brilliant.

This is like if someone want to say, like, hey, that's Sebastian. He's really funny, right? What's his comedy like?

Watch this video. It is. What can you give me some volume.

Give me some volume. I'll be this like this.

Oh you walk in with bottles and you see that is so sad.

But he's laughing while he's saying it's 100 percent his personality. You bother me.

Oh God.

He kills me harder than almost anybody in the world is very funny in a very unique way.

He's very funny in his own way. Like he's like Theo in a lot of ways. Like if someone said like, how do you describe Theo's comedy? I'm like, he's Theo Van. He's just got he knows how to be Theo Van. And it's amazing. And Sebastian is real similar in that way. It's knows how to be Sebastian.

He's got that. He just is himself and it just it works.

You can't you couldn't write it down on paper.

So one of the weirder things about comedy. Yeah. Like some of those people that are like Harlan Williams. Tell me what that is. Explain that to me. You can't explain it. You just got to see it and then you'll be laughing. Hey there. Butter, nuts, flapjacks, peachy pie.

You know, like what the fuck I, I get nervous around Sebastian. He's one of the only people I'm more comfortable around Chapell than I am around Sebastian. Like it's literally there's just something about his entire aura, like I'm always afraid I'm going to say something or do something stupid or trip.

Yeah, I'm worried about that comedic observation.

What. Yeah. What the. He's so fucking funny to me. I think I'm such a nice guy too.

It's just such a sweetheart of a guy. Always has been. Always been a nice guy.

Always hustled that Italian like those Italian stories and delivery. Take me, hit me. It's like, it's like I almost feel like I'm related to him and he's just this funny guy.

I tell you what happened with his cousin dude. So someone tells me, hey, I heard Sebastian's house got robbed and I'm like, what? So I text him and he said, no, it's actually my cousin is exact same name as me. And two guys broke into his house and he fought one of them on a security camera, then went inside and shot the other one.

Killed the guy who. Yeah, the guy I mean, the guy pulled a gun on him and his fucking house.

And so he the guy who he beat up gets charged for murder. Wow.

Because when you commit a crime and it causes someone to die, you get charged for for the for the actual death in that crazy wow.

Cousin of comic Sebastian meniscal. And there's video of these guys breaking into his door. It's really crazy, like you can see the video of he comes storming out with the guy and he's fighting with his home invader guy, and meanwhile there's another guy inside his house with his family. So here he is. He's fighting with this guy. He's got no shoes on. Right. So it looks like there's no shoes on. Right? Right.

He's just beaten the fuck out of this guy. And apparently he practices martial arts. He's a big looks hedo practitioner. Yeah, it's not bad. So then he goes inside, he beats the fuck out.

That guy, the guy runs off, he goes inside, and then he kills a guy. I believe he took the guy's gun from him and shot him.

I think that's what happened. I'm not sure, though. I believe somebody told me that. How did the guy die?

See if we can find it. Did they think that it was Sebastian Maniscalco?

Well, somebody did. That's why they contacted me and said, hey, Sebastian's house got broken into. I was like, what? So I called him.

I texted him the whole thing really crazy, though. OK, they followed the wife and two children up to the second floor bedroom with his gun drawn, prosecutors said that the bad guy, Broad Broadnax, broke through the bedroom door, pushed the children onto the bed and pointed the gun at Metatarsals wife as she begged him not to shoot.

Prosecutors said after meniscal chased off the first guy, Finnin, he retrieved his own gun and fatally shot Brock's ex in the abdomen. Wow. Jesus Christ, so the guy had a gun pointed at his family. And he used his own gun. Oh, yeah, it's in Illinois, so that's where he's originally from. They must have thought it was actually Vastra Maniscalco, the comedian.

The other guy has been captured and faces murder charges under an Illinois statute that allows for such crimes to be leveled against suspects if they take part in a felony offense, that leads to another person's death. Man, who crazy fuck, man, you know, that's why people have guns, you know, nobody wants to hear that story. You don't want to hear that story because that story is a pro-gun story. You know, it's anti-gun because someone tried to rob the guy's house with a gun, but it's pro-gun in if he didn't have a gun, what would have happened?

You saw, yeah, it's anti-gun because someone used a gun in a robbery, but it's pro, if he didn't have a gun, maybe his family would be dead. Do you see you have to see both sides because the gun control argument is such a weird one.

People like they dig heels in left.

People dig on this side. They have like a set of beliefs that you're allowed to have. And then the people on the right dig on another side. You know, the Second Amendment is right. It's not a privilege. You know, we own this and this is in the media.

Definitely doesn't cover it when it goes right. No. Well, the guns they did here because it's Sebastian's cousin. Right.

But it's not like if it went the other way, you know, if some people got shot to death inside their home, it would be an anti-gun argument.

You know, I'm saying which is interesting, because if you have a gun like he did, the people broke into his house and he was able to protect his family. That's the best case scenario for gun ownership. Well, the best case scenario is never having to use it and the next best is being able to use it to protect your family because that's what it's there for. So it's actually a pro-gun story. It's a it's an anti-gun. It would it would be an anti-gun story if he didn't have a gun.

That's what's crazy. If he didn't have a gun and the guy shot his family, it would be an anti-gun story. But because he had a gun, it's a pro-gun story. An interesting. Yeah.

So it's not the one with the church where the guy went in for like a mass shooting and the guy standing against the back wall, the church had a gun to and just got him, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. An armed, trained man with a gun.

I know a guy in Vegas. He got carjacked recently and he's a I mean, he's he's like a competitive shooter. I mean, he has videos of him practicing shooting with pistols, a marksman, incredible fast draw. And he killed this guy in a gunfight. That's a pro-gun story, I pulled a gun on him. And he could have lost his life. Instead, he survived because he had a gun. It's it's one of those things guns are like one of those things, like being a person.

It's been a person's weird. It's also it's not clear we're not numbers. Right, though. It fluctuates. What we are the way we live fluctuates right now. Things are weird.

Almost all of our decisions that we have to make about everything I like.

Well, if we just open up the country, we're going to lose a lot of people. You know, we should maybe hold it back. And then the other argument, if we don't open up the country, we're going to lose a lot of people.

So what are we going to do?

We're going to let the people die because of despair and homelessness and suicide, drug addiction, because they've lost everything. There's going to be those to like it's like everything else, man.

Like all all things involving people who are just like, oh, well, there's this that there's a lot of stuff like this that people want to have like a definitive answer, like, you know, is are we waiting too long to open up?

Is Florida jumping in too quick? Who's right and who's wrong? We don't fucking know. These are educated guesses, but it's just one of those things like being a person. When things get started up again and no one knows what the future is going to be, it's just a lot of predicting we're not right all the time, you know? You know, it's just especially scary because the news is so picky and choosy and weird about how they're covering things that they it seems like it's almost all bad news now on the cable news programs.

Yeah.

And, well, that's where they get the most money. It's like they're being rewarded for it. But I mean, I understand from their perspective is that they only have an hour and there's a lot of fucking bad news.

You know, when you're getting all the bad news from seven billion people plus around the world, it's got a lot of it's going to suck. You only have an hour.

Things are happening 24 hours a day.

The news itself is like a show is really preposterous, like, oh, we're going to condense it all into an hour.

But isn't it the real stuff that's happening?

How can it be condensed at all? And do you know, do you have to do that anymore?

Do you know like when this guy has this show and that guy has that show and the show goes for an hour and they're going to cover these details and show you what went wrong, like there's so many things that went wrong. If you just want to concentrate on things that went wrong, you could do it 24 hours a day and never run out of material.

Because it almost kind of is that the world, is it things that went wrong, is that the world or is the world like a lot of shit that went right?

Like when we're here in the news, all they really want to discuss is the things that are going to freak the fuck out.

There's not a whole lot dedicated to making you feel good about our prospects. Right.

There's not a whole like it does control a lot of how the people who watch it think about things, because they're really influential.

They're wearing makeup.

There's a spotlight on them and it says news and it has a ticker. And we're meant to believe that we can trust them.

Good Lord. It's hard to trust anybody. It's hard to trust anybody when things are weird, you know, you don't know who's telling the truth. Like, oh, my God, there's so many different things that are going on all at once right now, right there, trying to figure out if the disease came from a lab, you know, did they accidentally release this thing?

China is mad at us and we're mad at China and all these countries are going to sue China like there's so many things that are bouncing around in sort of the global consciousness.

They have to pay attention to her. Kim Jong un was sick. Oh, my God, he might die. They flew in Chinese doctors. His sister might take over Hu. And then we got to pay attention.

Sister, she looks me and my sister looks mean like that kind of stuff is that if you if you absorb what's in the media, that kind of stuff will literally change the way you view the world and that will change the way you act in the world and that will literally make things suck.

He'll make things suck more if you go out and only concentrate on things that are terrible.

Another show that's up there with those arcs for me now is succession, and that is about a very rich family that owns their own cable news channel. Oh, God. And very, very interesting to see from that perspective. Not to say that it's completely accurate, but. I mean, they have control if they want something promoted or left out, it's just that easy. Like you said, they're smashing it all into an hour even though it keeps running.

But like in our program, it's so easy just to decide what you leave out does so much for something or a story or a product or a stock or anything that you invest in or own yourself or anything like that, you know, and.

Yes, successions, a really great one for sort of it's almost like a House of Cards esque view, how they view how they let you into the presidency. They let you in to a cable news network like they had that one with Jeff Daniels, the newsroom or whatever, but that was sort of janky.

Oh, yeah, that was the one he would go on these rants. Yeah, they're pretty good.

But a guy rants that well all the time, like, hey, bro, you planning this, right?

Like what kind of human being do you want to hear go on these perfectly worded rants all the time.

You know, it was that weird, like that was his thing. Like that was his soft gongfu.

His soft martial art was his rants who bust them out like tai chi in the park. And you'd be like, come on, no one talks like this.

You have conversations with people.

You don't just go on these crazy rants, right? Yeah. Isn't that interesting? They'll try that with a character when a guy is really good at rants like you just do this all the time, like every movie with Al Pacino has to have some kind of romance, right?

Always.

That's part of who he is. Yeah. He's the guy that has a monologue where everybody stand around going and he'll start yelling at you, the devil or whatever.

Yeah, I was going to say the devil's advocate is the best one of that because he literally just gets crazier and crazier.

Wish we could play it. I wish we could play it. Yeah. He was a fucking wizard man who was better in his prime than Al Pacino. Think about Scarface.

God damn, yeah. Have you seen the Irishman? No, I haven't seen it. They got rough reviews, but I loved it, man. I was shocked because I had super low expectations. I actually put it on thinking I was going to, like, fall asleep or something. It was one of those where I'm like, I'm just going to throw this on. I heard it right. Oh, and I was up the whole time I was amp.

Dude, if you love Martin Scorsese, you're going to love this movie. It's like Scorsese doing his you know, it's just great. Plus Sebastian's in it. Al Pacino destroys.

Is it Jerry Seinfeld's brother? Look at this cast.

Ray Romano is that Ray kills that he looks so weird with that outfit on. I didn't even recognize him. That's a weird picture.

And he's in the dark. I didn't watch it. I watch it. I did hear some fucked up reviews.

Oh, you know what? I'm glad I heard bad reviews before watching this, because it really lowered my expectations. And I spent the whole time going, this is some this is so great.

It's like, why do they say it was bad? What they saying was bad about it? I just heard bad. Isn't that funny how easy you are to convince? Like, I, I really didn't look into it.

I didn't ask my friends. Right. I was like, oh someone said bad.

Yeah. I liked it. I was good. Oh I love Sebastian Sebastian details.

And this movie has a crazy, crazy Joe Gallo that's. Oh does he really.

Opposite of the character you guys are saying like he's such a nice guy. Oh wow.

He's not just silly at all in this movie plays a fucking badass which is so cool. I love it when comedians have those contrasting characters.

Yeah. Well, Jim Carrey did that a lot, right. Jim Carrey played some crazy characters.

Yeah. The cable. Wow. And Cable Guy was still pretty funny. It's still kind of funny, but it was real dark. The Truman Show was a good one. That's a good one. Yeah.

Yeah, that was a real good one. That is everybody's life now. Everybody with Instagram live. That's their life.

Now, you know, that's a great movie to watch and look at all the little details where all the little cameras are, why they're showing you things. The Truman Show, a smart, cool movie.

I just found out I was looking into the guy that wrote it. He wrote some cool movies that we've talked almost similarly about Gattaca, like the topics of, oh, wow, a really cool movie. I've never seen it called Lord of War with Nicolas Cage, where he plays like an arms dealer.

Yeah, I think I saw that. Yeah. No shit. Yeah. Nicolas Cage is going to play Joe Exotic. I love it.

I think they need to speed this up and just get it done.

Figure out a oh please God, please, God, put these cameramen in hazmat suits and film it.

I just want Joe Exotic to be let out of jail. That's what I want. We need a season to come on, Trump. Let's go. Pardon that. I'm not buying it. I think they railroaded them for sure.

The guy admits it. That other that other zoo owner guy admits it.

Yeah. Yeah. He said they railroaded him. Right. Yeah. It's all it's all weird man.

Like it's definitely did a lot of stupid shit, you know, he definitely terrorized that lady.

But it seems like she might have killed her husband too. Yeah, that seems like that's a possibility.

They need to open that case. Wow.

It seems like it's the only thing everybody on that show agrees on once someone just disappears like that.

Is that really the picture of someone's photo shopped to me? Well, that's it. Nicolas Cage from a long time ago. Son, you don't look that good, right? Yeah. Yeah.

That's probably 15, 20 years old. That's crazy. He's going to be perfect for that role. Remember him in raising Arizona? Fucking great man. God, he was great in that movie. That is a great movie.

That's a fun fucking movie.

Raising Arizona con er I think it was. That was from the con air.

Yeah. The world of blockbuster movies. What a weird world that must be being one of them guys. I can't wait to see that. I wonder how they're going to play that power, right, that it's not going to be as good as the real thing. Right. Let him out of jail. Yeah. Come on, pedal. Get together. All you Netflix money. Yeah.

Hire a good lawyer. Let him out of jail.

He was just impossible to stop. Watch. He feels bad and he won't do it again. Let them out. Let them out and let's see what kind of straight guys he can convert. The guy must be some sort of hypnotist.

Heck yeah. He's like a gay guy and a homophobe. At the same time, he is a gun toting a gun. He's got his own zoo. He's a tough guy in the middle of Oklahoma that is gay as hell, bro.

He held it together when that cat was dragging him by his foot. He pulled off his gun and he shot and didn't even shoot the cat.

He shot and shot away from the cat. Yeah, like that that is a person who knows how to handle shit under pressure in front of a camera in front of a camera.

You can almost hear him say a goddamn line if they aren't filming this. He's got to be aware of how famous he is right now.

Right. I don't think he really, really knows. He probably has an idea, but he's not out, right? If he was, I bet the guard's tournament, bro, you're like the most famous guy in America.

And here's your fucking lunch slides over some terrible meatloaf.

I got him in solitary. I don't know, man, she had a husband that just disappeared and she conveniently left him, he conveniently left her rather the whole business, all the money, all of his documents had been altered previous to his death.

Like there's so much of it that you like. What? And she oh, she has like 100 Tiggers, whatever, whatever.

That's not even I mean, the guy's missing and she's devastated. Yeah. Imagine your wife chopping you up, feeding you to a fucking pit full of tigers like a Konan movie.

What better way to get rid of a body. Really? Pigs. Yeah.

Yeah, pigs. You probably wouldn't leave any of it. Maybe, you know, cats might do it too. Eventually they might chew through the bones.

I wonder if they do that. Wolves definitely do.

Wolves chew right through bones, which is really crazy if you think about it like they're chewing through like a moose bone. Yeah, the Tiger Park reopened over the weekend to congratulations large crowds, GW, of course, really fucking huge. Now it's like it's a reality show.

I saw an article where the lady that got her arm bitten off in that documentary, The Man. You piece of shit. Oh, it is. Yes. Oh, Jesus Christ. You just missed her.

I apologize to the zookeeper there.

Everyone, Tony has been under a lot of stress. He's been trapped in the home, has done stand up in six weeks. He didn't mean it.

But I saw an article where that just came out yesterday that said that she thinks the zoos shouldn't open because the Tigers could give it to each other like they don't have a way of distancing the Tigers. Hello.

And I thought I don't even know if it goes to tigers. That's no, that's that's I mean, there was there was one thing that said that it did that that one tested positive.

Hmm. Wonder of it how it affects them. Yeah. Maybe they just carry it and it doesn't affect them. I don't know. Well, I was I was telling you, Jamie, what we're talking about this before the the different groups of people that are in the weirdest, weirdest way.

Are asymptomatic, that thing that I sent you. Did I send that to you, Jamie? No, I mean, pull it up.

One of them was about I think it was a meat packing plant and they had some insane number of employees tested positive, all of them asymptomatic.

I know I have it in here somewhere, if you just give me a second, I'll find it, too. I got a pork plant in Missouri.

Yes, that's exactly where it is. And that's the place Missouri just opened up concerts like Let's do it.

So. So here it is. Three hundred and seventy workers at a pork plant in Missouri tested positive for coronavirus. All of them were asymptomatic. All of them. That is the work of a boss that gets everybody to work and tells them all to lie. You never had any symptoms that could be true, huh? Right. That's possible. That's totally possible, that's totally possible. Yeah, you got to take that into consideration. Get in trouble, but if they were all there and they tested them, would they have been able to tell if any of them were exhibiting any symptoms?

Yeah, that might be a thing, right? They might be influenced to not say it, it's hard to say. Yeah. You know, when you look at something like that, that's a good point. You nailed it there, dude.

When you look at something that wild like all of you. Yeah. No one felt anything and still worked.

If not, we all need to move to Zeri, right. Oh, yeah, you can't tell, right, you can't tell like that, just say and the other one was prisoners. There was a group of prisoners that I'll see if I could find a pull that article up for you, a group of prisoners and they tested them.

And some insane number, like 96 percent of one percent.

Yeah, the amnesty. Yeah, percent tested, but I checked 98 percent were asymptomatic.

So I was thinking about this and kind of forget who I was talking to us about this. And they were talking about I think it was kind of Chlumsky we're talking about your immune system, that your immune system, when you're in a place like a prison is probably superstrong because there's so many people around you.

You're always interacting with all these different bacteria. Whereas if you just, like, live by yourself in an apartment like you quarantine for these five weeks and then you're going to go back out into the world, your immune system is like.

Your cardiovascular system, so you don't use it, so because you don't use it, it's weak, right? Your cardiovascular system, if you're exercising all the time, you boost your capacity. And he was thinking that, like, that's probably what it's like in prison to say, oh, that makes a lot of sense. Like we think the prison would be really unhealthy.

And it probably is for your mind, but for your in your body, because you're getting shitty food before your immune system, it might actually be quite a workout, right? Yeah.

As long as you're getting enough nutrition, they probably have to feed him some sort of balanced diet.

Right. I mean, I would imagine how bad you think prison food is pretty bad, bad. Are their requirements. What kind of nutrition they have to provide to them? Oh, no. That's weird, yeah, like how bad I mean, it must be terrible who's complaining? Like if they're complaining this food sucks like no one here.

And you, bro. Yeah, you're inside a cage. You don't get a cell phone. You don't get nothing. You get to go outside, make calls that lasts like seven minutes, and then you put more coins and do it again and you stand there in the hallway. Having these conversations is once a week conversations with your friends.

Crazy, crazy.

What's fucked up about prison is like I don't think it works, you know, it's like I don't want to compare people to dogs, but I'm going to we've talked about this before that like, if you get a dog and I've rescue dogs that were just there were older and they'd seen too much shit by the time you get to him, they're all fucked up.

You know, the growl of people snap at people like you got a rescue dog that wants to bite people. You can't you know, you want a puppy so that when you raise the puppy, you could teach the puppy that you love it. And this is family and everybody's cool. And you got to listen to the rules, though. You can't shit in the house. You can't. And then you teach it and then it becomes like this.

I think in a way, it's really hard to train an older dog.

I know some people are experts at it, but I think they just don't want to learn.

And their life has just been fucked over by people.

And if you get out like a seven year old, eight year old pound dog that's been abused, like, oh, yeah, fuck that poor dog they don't want.

And it's almost like with some humans the abuse that life throws at us from the time you're young, you're kind of like trying to deal with it as you get older and maybe fix yourself and try to, like, balance your own self out.

But every now and then you'll forget. How easy you have it in comparison to some people, if you see some people's lives, was just poverty and crime and like fuck and everyone around them was either a criminal or or on drugs.

And it's like fucking everywhere you look, you see despair.

You don't see any happiness for someone to come through that, to have the same expectations as they have someone who came through, even like my childhood, which was not that bad. My childhood was a little weird, but it wasn't bad. No one was you know, no one was abusive to me.

When someone's abusive to you and then also and you find yourself you're 32 and you're trying to get your shit together, but you just your visions of being raped or beaten by your uncles and, you know, whatever the fuck it is that that's inside your head, that just like all day to find you.

Yeah. It's it's. It's so hard for people to turn gears, you know, it's so hard for people that have just said, you know what, I'm just going to numb myself with pills. I'm just going to like those guys. I'm just going to know myself so hard for those guys to get out of that. It's so hard to go.

No, I'm going to run every day and eat healthy food and I'm going to drink only water. That's hard. That's way harder than just taking oxes. So, so many people just want to.

And if you meet a guy and he's like thirty one and he's taken off, he's like, how much can you change him?

Like you almost want. You have to be so, so driven to change yourself. And a lot of people just aren't. Yeah, it's hard to it's hard to do that stuff if you're not in the routine of doing that anyway. Exercise and drink water.

Just be healthy. You sleep. So it's hard working hard to do. It's hard to not be self-destructive. Yeah. But with people, the crazy thing is sometimes they can do it. Sometimes you can get a guy who's 32 hooked on heroin and then 10 years later he's running marathons and writing books and super positive eat and eating healthy. And now he has a family and he's a different person. That does happen to that's the thing about people.

It's like some of us get like how many people run 100 miles?

Not many, but I know like three or four. You know what I mean?

Like, it's not it's not there's not that many, but some people do it. And I almost think, like, getting your shit together is a lot like running 100 miles.

Like everyone can do it if you just force yourself to do it.

But it's fucking hard to run 100 and only imagine how hard I've never done it right. I would imagine fucking hard to run 100 miles.

Well, it's fucking hard to get your life together, do both. Things are hard, but some people do less. People run 100 miles than get their shit together, though, so it seems to be easier to run 100 miles by my measurements.

Yeah, still harder. It's fucking hard. Tried to run a mile for sure. Tell people to run a mile. Most people just like what, a mile. No problem, bitch. Go run a mile. Go run a mile. Not shovel. Not not little. No. I want you to move your body.

I want your spring bound spring bounce. Let's keep going one mile.

It's hard, it's not easy and it changes depending on anything is easy as your last meal. Yeah. Oh dude.

You know a bowl of spaghetti and try to go for a run especially like meatballs. Those breaded meatballs.

Oh my God. That's another thing I've, I've, I've gotten better at during this Codrington.

Oh did I do. I'm going to give you some milk. Yes, absolutely. Please do.

All I want is pictures. Take pictures for sure. Take some food porn for me.

Absolutely ready to go. I actually fucking there's this farmer's market right by where I live, the original L.A. farmer's market. And so they have like multiple butcher shops.

And I was going to I was going to different ones when this whole thing first started and trying out different things and different combinations of basically remaking each week my mom's meat sauce, which is different than a regular sauce that has meatballs in this and that anyway. And I kept testing out these different concoctions. And one time I nailed it and it really tasted like hers. And I went back to that butcher shop and did it again. And I said to the guy, I go, Yeah, that stuff I made last week came out just like my mom's.

And he goes, Where are you from? I said, Youngstown. And it turns out that that butcher shop was and is from originally there and that it is the same it's basically the same stuff. It's all the same like meat or cut or whatever they do or how they do. It was the same thing.

So what are you putting in your their sauce. Like how are you doing when you say meat sauce, is you using ground beef, are you using a percentage of ground beef.

Basically like fifty percent ground beef. Twenty five percent hot ground up Italian sausage and twenty five percent pork.

Wow. You have a formula.

Oh yeah baby. And it's been something that I've been tweaking here and there. It comes out fucking good now.

So you're getting all the food, all the meat from this one place now.

Well I now I get my sausage and my pork from there and the ground beef from the other place. I have it figure it out now.

So you're like getting deep into this shit. Oh yeah. What else are you cooking.

Well, I mean, really, I'm, I'm a big sucker for pasta, so it's like a lot of different types of sauces and experimentations, like the vodka sauce with like a pinker sauce.

And do you think people hate you because you're so slim and beautiful and yet you eat pasta all day?

I mean, if they only knew how much pasta. I eat so much pasta. It's crazy. I eat pasta like a fucking one of those TLC shows, like people can't get out of bed without eating pasta. I am I am an 800 pound man in this fucking toothpick body. You're a great eater.

When we do shows that eat after shows you eat like a motherfucker. I'm always proud of myself.

When I take down more than you, I'm always like, yea, I'm a real fucking mad mama, you know, who get to eat us both under the table, who could literally eat the same amount both of us would eat.

Who. Ari Shapiro. Oh yeah.

At Fogo to chow because it's like it's not free, you know, you pay but it's all you can eat I should say to I'll get my money's worth.

Well for him I'm serious. If the food keeps coming, he's going to keep eating. Yeah.

If it doesn't cost anything because it's green when you want to go like when you want to eat and they come around with these plates full of all this crazy meats and sausages and chicken legs and all this different stuff, and they just keep coming and you can just take as much as you want. And then when you got a tab out, you flip the coin over to red.

He's so cheap. Takes that coin with Ari, just eats he just it's Crate was stunned afterwards, everyone sitting around Joey Diaz is done. I'm done. Duncan's done. We're staring at him.

He's like, I'm not going to stop. Why should I stop?

They're going to keep bringing it up. If you keep bringing it up, you want to keep eating it.

So he just kept chewing like a wolf, like you filloux himself up. That's the food. That's that that I'll feel more of an impact by eating a couple pounds of meat like that than I will from all the pasta. That's interesting. Fogo to chow slows me down for the evening.

I've learned that if I have figured it out for lunch I like I don't do it on a night where I have to work, which is obviously most nights, but now not. But anyway, that's the one that would affect me is just a lot of meat.

See, for me it's totally the opposite for whatever reason. Like when I love pasta too. I love it so good.

So because so many different kinds too and they all do different things like angel hair is great for something.

You know what I like. There's this twisty pasta. It's like long like spaghetti. Yeah. But it's thicker. Like the tubes thicker. It's like spirally. It's long. Yeah it's long like spaghetti.

Wow. But I wish I knew that really. Like a routine. Yeah.

But twirly all the way down like spaghetti. That's twirly. It's so good.

I got it like that long. Like a real piece of spaghetti.

Like a normal spaghetti. Yeah dude it's actually probably a little longer.

I get it from Italy so I bought like a couple of cases of it off Amazon.

Oh I'm so tired. Yeah. I want to know what that is.

I well the world needs to send you a photo of it afterwards, but routinely it comes in like this yellow package. That's exactly what it looks like fuzzily longy Longpont. So it's long fuzzily. It's so good dude.

So what I like to do if I eat domestic animals particularly, that's how I like to eat a lot of times what I have if I have Ribhi with spaghetti, I'll cook the rib eye and get it like, you know, like just about medium rare. And then I sliced a bitch up and drop it into tomato sauce. Mm. Just a couple more minutes. Oh.

Just get it all in there, get all that juicy in there and then, and then dump these big thick slices of rib eye with tomato sauce on that Italian pasta. Yeah.

I can get fat. Yes. So fat and it's beautiful. Sometimes you can put the pasta, you know you make your some pastas are better put in the sauce directly. Yeah. And some are better obviously keeping them separated and some absorb the sauce and some of them you cook longer in the sauce and some of them you don't see.

This resonates with everybody. Delicious pasta resonates with everybody. That's why so many women were mad when the Dow lost all that weight. Yes. Like, no, bitch, I don't want to give up on this fucking pasta.

Yeah, I was with you when you were big. Yeah. See, there's a new photo of her. Yeah, no, I saw it this morning.

You see the controversy. First thing I knew, the literally the first thing that I thought of the second my eyes laid on that picture, I'm like, this is going to be crazy because people are going to say in these comments that she's beautiful. And that's going to be hilarious because you're basically saying that she wasn't beautiful before by saying that she's beautiful. Now, in a weird way, it sort of insinuated and I didn't even realize until two hours later, an hour later, after I had woken up, that it became like this like news story.

So it's just funny to me because, like, it's like. Is their voice the same, right, because that's what matters. Well, it's funny in that why wouldn't you? Want to applaud someone who did something that's really difficult to do and is now healthier?

Yeah, if you are an Adele fan, wouldn't you want her to be healthier? Wouldn't you?

I mean, you want her to be able to keep singing for longer. Right. You love her. You want her to be healthier. You don't want her to get one of the main things they found in New York City about people that cut covid-19 there was a real problem. Was obesity big problem? She was at one point in time much larger. And now she's like really slim.

And people are mad and saying this is what they're saying.

I don't want her to be applauded for losing weight, as if it's some to some wording like this, like that. I don't want to adhere to these beauty standards that she's better looking because she lost weight. But she is.

Yeah. And you know that the only reason why anybody would want to fight against that when so many people overwhelmingly think she looks better is because they don't want to look at themselves. It's that simple.

They don't want to change and they want you to they're trying to bully you in deciding they're beautiful. If they're 210 pounds, that's that's really what it is. It's like, you know, we're redefining beauty standards. You can't do that. Right. You can't decide that the way you look is what everybody should like. That's crazy. You can't do that. And if people have decided worldwide that fitter, healthier bodies are more attractive. That's just what it is, yeah, that's what it's not redefining beauty standards.

The beauty standards come from what people are attracted to. Yeah, it's not fair. You're right. It's not fair. A lot of shit and life's not fair. Yeah. That's just how it is. If you choose to stay big, that is your choice. I know it's a difficult choice to try to move your your body down and lose weight and get healthy.

We really talked about that. We were just talking about it. But you can't say that it's unattractive when someone has a good body because it is. So if someone has a better body than they used to have, it looks better. Mm hmm. So that's what a beauty standard is. This is what what people are attracted to when it comes to bodies. They're attracted to fit bodies. That's not a that's not a shame. That's not a bad thing.

I like the idea that this is somehow or another something we need to avoid putting undue pressure on people. It's nonsense. It looks great if it's pressure on you because other people look great. Well, what do you do with that pressure? Do you decide to be better, better yourself?

Take care yourself. Better do this. Do you decide that it's not worth as much to you to worry about what your body looks like and you're more concentrated on maybe art or whatever the fuck else? That's fine, too.

But you can't be mad at people that put a lot of energy in that direction and look better, right? Because she looks better.

It's not a bad thing and isn't saying that everybody's body is beautiful no matter what. Doesn't that make it look worse for the people with ugly faces? You know what I mean?

Because, like, then they're more part of just a smaller group. Like if there's some lady that has like her eyes are on like the side of her head, but she a bang in body.

Right. She still gets action.

Yeah. No problem at all.

Yeah, of course she's hot. Well, dude, men don't care that much where your eyes are.

It's a beauty standards are just what what are people attracted to? It's and people are generally attracted to people that are healthier. That's just a physical thing. That's a part of and we're only talking about attractive like sexual attraction. Right. We're not saying, you know, if you're 20 or 30 pounds overweight, like, you look horrible.

I don't want to look at you like I have a lot of friends who are fat, but it is what it is. It's just it is what it is.

Mm hmm. And maybe they'll find somebody that's into that. But you can't, like, decide that people are going to change what they're attracted to. That's silly. You can't do that.

Like they are attracted to people that put out more effort. They're attracted to people that have the strength to get up at six o'clock in the morning, go to the gym before work. Something really hot about that. It's attractive to attractive someone who takes care of themselves. It is. It just is. Now, it might not be to you, but that's why the world is beautiful, because we can all have different things that we like and different things we don't like.

But when a giant chunk of people are into this one thing, like nice bodies, it doesn't mean that it's all shallow or terrible or it's somehow another demeaning to people that don't adhere to those standards. No, it's a competition.

There's a some sort of a physical, physical, physiological competition between males and females in terms of like trying to be attractive. And that's one of the things they do. They make their body look better. Another thing they do is dress nice. They wear jewelry. They do stuff to make themselves look better. The idea that making your body look better is somehow or another.

This is a bad standard to adhere to when you take your big body that you're not taking care of and you wrap it up and all this crazy clothes and all these ribbons and bows and you show your bare midriff because you're brave and you get your big old ass.

These jeans like yours still looks pretty good. Don't get me wrong.

Still a great honestly, it's not dull. I thought Adele looked a little I thought she looked cuter, a little bit thicker. Now she looks sort of looks.

I mean, granted she looks healthier but she looks a little bit more just basic, you know what I mean. Sort of just like every all the other pop stars.

Well, in every movie where there's a guy who's kind of a fuck up who's going to get in trouble, it's a guy who's built like you with a woman who's like 250 pounds and she tells him what to do.

So maybe it's like a thing like that. Hasn't David Spade played a character like that was like he's got a big wife or a big girl? Right. There's always a few of those things.

So maybe that's your thing. Hmm.

Maybe you'd like to delve shallow.

How shallow, HAL? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Dude, maybe that's your thing is what big ones. You like them big. So when Adele was big you're like, yes, control me. Hold me down, maybe, I don't know. I want to know what her voice sounds like, what if she sounds horrible now because, like, she had that operatic, right? Yeah, powerful, powerful voice.

I was having a conversation with a buddy who told me to have a ball gag put in his mouth. It's like, really? Who was he talking about during sex, I think? Yeah, exactly. Is this a podcast? Yeah, no, no. During sex. OK.

Yeah, I like what people are into. I'm saying, you know, I'm not saying that people can't be into big girls. There's a lot of people in the big girls, but a lot of people are into everything, you know.

But that's OK, too, like a lot of people are into weird stuff.

You got to try out different things. I think if you can't if you can get it, it's fun. Dude, people's brains are not the same. Right.

The idea that what you like I'm supposed to like or what I like. You're supposed to like you spend so much time watching pro wrestling. Yeah. I watch it every now and then. My God. It's crazy move. Yeah. I can't. Yeah but you can wear different.

You can too. You just, you just haven't yet and I'll never give up. I knew what was going to push his body has to do a fight companion with a wrestling event sometimes.

Well as a comic you're probably the greatest wrestling in terms of like who's a real evangelist's. You're wrestling evangelist. You're always trying to get people to watch pro wrestling an area.

I don't think it's for everybody, but I think I think I think you would love it.

I don't think so. Well, without the the rest of any event. But the undertaker's match. Yeah, that's a sell to him.

I like girls. Girls wrestling seems more realistic.

Wrestling any. It was great. What about the undertaker. You didn't like it? It was very cinematic, they've been doing things more like a movie as of late because they don't have an audience to put it cinematic.

Yeah, I enjoyed Ronda Rousey and she made a great transition to WWE. She really did. She really did. Yeah, she's great at it.

Well, she's a pro, you know, that's why she was a medalist in judo in the Olympics. That's why she was a beast and. She's a pro. And she took to that like a pro. Like she really played the heel.

Well, she played mean. Well, yeah. It was great, you know, and physically, she could do so much with her judo. There's so much shit in the way how strong she is, where she could throw women around. It's pretty crazy.

And because of that, that's that's what really works is when it looks like like she mess something up sort of is the best stuff. That's what you sort of see.

It makes it feel real to you. Right. Why don't just watch real shit. Fuck it. Why do I watch. I watch real stuff too. There's a huge crossover of people that enormous are man pro wrestling. I'm like really respected journalists and them. Oh yeah. Big time.

I mean they were all, they were all going crazy over wrestle meaning I couldn't believe it. Ariel Juani and Brad Okimoto, all of them are talking about.

I could not believe it because I follow I don't follow many people on Twitter, but I follow those guys and I like these M.A. And sure enough, the one like wrestling journalist that I followed on and it was like, this is crap, this is the horse wrestle mania.

Never like I'm like, oh my God, this is nuts.

That's but isn't that always the case? Someone's going to say it's fucking terrible and someone's going to say it was the best thing I've ever seen. Right.

With fucking everything. Yeah. Every great thing. God damn it. Yeah. And that's like why the Irishman shocked me. Granted, it's not the you know, it's not like parasite where it's like, wow, what a crazy work of art. But it was a great Scorsese movie to me.

And like the bad, there's a bad critic for everything now. And whoever got that out there that the Irishman bad made it better for me.

Because it lowered my expectations, too. I saw people commenting about Ozark negatively commenting about Ozark, like, OK, this is just proof of my thing that shows masterpiece.

It's a masterpiece if you're into a dramatic thriller where you don't know where the fuck they're going.

That show is a goddamn masterpiece. Every show leaves you hanging on the edge. You can't wait to find out what the fuck happened. Yeah, it's a masterpiece.

And I was reading all these dismissive comments like, oh, my God, thank you.

It just like puts it on perspective, like, who are we listening to? Who's writing that?

Yeah. Jason Bateman's a monster. Was the fact that he's directing that is insane. Like that's a great transition to direct to directing.

One time though, his daughter had a cell phone and she was she had an Android phone and she was making a text to him. And like he was making a text to her and they would see that dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, you don't get those on an Android phone. Oh, very interesting. Yeah, you get those if you've got an iPhone bitch. Yeah, that makes sense. Right.

That's why Ian Edwards keeps Android like Sun.

I don't want anybody to know what I'm texting from a fucking computer. He goes, you tell me you could be texting some shit and someone's reading it on a computer. Why is it even on there?

It's like he's right. You get a text message on your laptop, you just felt violated. Like, what is this? Why are you texting me here? Why is it showing up here? I'm trying to get away from my phone. I'm working over here, yeah, tootling. Yeah, that's annoying, right?

I just got a new laptop and I can't figure out how to shut that off. Oh, you got it. Yeah. You got to go in your settings. I couldn't find yeah, you can shut it off, but sometimes it turns itself on again. It's super annoying. It's weird, too, because Apple figured out that the blue bubble looks better. It's really simple. And so if a text message comes in, it doesn't just say text message instead of in message.

No, no, no. You also get a different color pitch. Imagine if it was black.

But here's the thing is, it's like, oh, black with white letters is pretty dumb. Yeah, I'd be the best. But here's the thing.

Well, you can you could do that too, right now, you know, get a nighttime mode. I got to do that. You don't know about that.

I know that. I know I've mentioned this before. But the thing that really bothers me about it is that the the color for the app is green. Hmm. And they fucked up. I put in the mail at Blue and you can't just have another blue app, but.

Yeah, but when you do get a green bubble with a black screen is not as bad. Look at the color combination of green on black is not as bad as green on white, green on white is kind of offensive. It just looks wrong. It doesn't belong with it. It's like they tricked us. It's very wise because all texts used to be green and then they realize it looks better.

Quickly, quickly, take the blue. They just took blue. They just took it. But here's the thing.

If you have an Android phone and you send it through their messages app, you know, they're a little client. They used to send text messages. You can have it all kinds of colors.

You could actually you could change it. You can make it red. You can make it black. You could you could do a bunch of shit. It's all customizable. That's why they like it. But Apple keeps you locked into the little system.

I've updated my Windows PC recently and they're trying to do something like that.

I'm not letting my phone and computer buy into it, but it's like, hey, by the way, you know, you can connect your phone when you sign in now and have all of this shit here.

I'm like, whenever I think about I see those messages, I read them back to myself in the same voice as the demon trying to convince Bruce Jenner to be a woman. Remember that bit that I used to do?

As I read this, I read them like you can connect your phone. Come and join the. You would know a little bit about this, there's something I not discovered last night, but there's a new popular game that's out and the anti cheat like program that runs in the background of your computer is goes all the way down to the kernels of your computer, which is something don't be a pussy, but nothing wrong.

They're now saying that this is a Okeanos. The company that owns this runs it is based in China and a potential spyware or something racist. Nothing wrong with Chinese stuff. Your kernels under that lock into the Matrix.

How long before the first person gets in The Matrix? We have five years even. I don't think so. I don't think we have five years for we have bolts in the back of our head that we tie into a clamp big old hose thing right here.

I was looking around.

There's this is a potential Oh, Jesus Christ, Western University, a covid tracking thing that they're testing with like less than 30 people. Oh, my God, that is so crazy. In fact, stroke patients and like changes in your breathing and lungs or something like sounds in there that connect to a device which is your phone and let you know if. So what better way to get integrated with the grid than to create a virus that makes you wear a mask, takes away your humanity, can't touch each other to stay away, no social contact.

So you're getting more and more addicted to your TV and your phone, more and more addicted to your laptop.

I'll free you, but you got to take a test and then I got to put a tracking thing on you because I want to make sure that you're a good boy, Tony. You're a good boy. You don't go catch no covid and spreading it around. So I got to know where you are so I could chart out the health of the public.

Frightening. Who can't give that up, folks?

Five stage reopening process based on risk for Los Angeles announced within the hour.

Stage one, safer at home order planning for recovery. Stage two if you're about to go into that's now right.

As is as of Friday, this Friday, Flora, some retailers, car dealerships, golf courses and trails soon other low risk businesses, manufacturers, office retail, essential health care, outdoor recreation and libraries.

I thought we've already had outdoor recreation with sort of what we were talking about earlier. But you have to where they say here on this screen, you have to wear face covering when you go out there on the trails you must adhere to.

So are they making runners wear face masks while they're running?

No, not out on the streets, I don't think. But if you're on a trail, you could probably get stopped. Find out if that's true, because I've been reading all these things that say that there's, you know, we joked around about it before, like if someone passes you in the running, like, how close are they to you? But it doesn't seem like there's any sort of science to say that it spreads that way.

I know that's what I've read that and didn't think that that was true, too. But I texted Brendan shop. He said he got a ticket for being on that trail. I don't know what the ticket was for, but I was like, did you really get a ticket?

He said, yeah. Did he get a ticket for just being there or did he get a ticket for not wearing them out?

I'm not sure. Wow.

So museums, cultural centers and galleries, thank God they can open up Lachmann and you can stare at a Plexiglas box at some fucking dipshit glued together.

And at that stage, three separate it with velvet ropes. Stage three, high risk businesses, body art, massage bars, nightclubs, movie theaters and bowling alleys. So we have to wait. We have to wait for the next stage.

It doesn't say when are we? And then stage for higher risk businesses, entertainment venues.

Oh, wait a minute. That might be. Yes, but wait a minute. Yeah.

Like, what is an entertainment venues that like that. Like a large arena. There might be more like a thousand people, more like a concert.

They don't say a thousand. Jamie, give them a bad idea. Let's say 3000, 3000. We want theaters. Yes, we do comedy in theaters. If they shut down all the arenas and they just have to do ten shows instead of one, we could do that.

But this is just Los Angeles. I know, but these fucks, it doesn't matter, though.

This is also Ohio just passed a law, they said, to to change what the Department of Health is doing so that they're like superseding the rules, like in their Congress.

I can only have fourteen. I don't know. So let's listen.

I think ultimately mean we're hating this with California is doing like ultimately this way less people that got it here than got it anywhere else. So it's probably a good idea. But as a comedian, it fucking sucks as a person who.

Is not in the highest of risks. It's it sucks, I know quite a few people that have had it and we're going to actually have Michael Yo come on next week really interested to talk to him because he had it real bad and he got it from New York.

And then there's been some speculation that the people got it from New York. They get it from Europe. But the people that got it in California, a lot of them got it from China, which is really interesting because I wonder if as it went through Europe, it got worse. Like, that's that's possible, right? And wasn't that something that they speculated that there's some sort of different strains? Yeah, but what could in New York, people would just come to L.A. for sure, from China?

Yeah, they could. But I think the when they track the origin, I think that's the reason they can test.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think there's Magin Moron like me trying to even say this, but I think there's some sort of a genetic tracing mechanism to what they're doing back to November, flu samples to see if they can track it to back then.

So they found December, though, right?

Is that confirmed or is that just speculation I read or saw last night this morning said that early December. Yeah.

Is that the one in Sweden? Because I read something that Sweden has it back to November or December now has back, they've traced covid back to Sweden as far as November.

So you're saying in terms of their they're opening back up. They're kind of opened up. Yeah. In Sweden. Yeah. But but here's the thing. You also got to realize that Sweden is not the United States. Like, it's it's a weird place. It's really stretched out and there's not a lot of people there. It's not it's nothing like New York.

The thing about New York is like that's like a house made out of hay and someone drops a cigar and that motherfucker just catches on fire and goes, wow, there's so many people, the viral load you must take in every day if you live in Manhattan on the subway fucking right next to people breathing and everybody's there, everybody's coffin and it's getting in.

There's only so much air in that room.

Even if you talk about forget about the subway and just talk about the entrance door to either their home or their workplace has hundreds of people minimum going through it every single day.

And those hundreds of people that go through that door every single day, they're on the subway or they're walking by people on the street, it's just too much, way too much.

So many people, they're all breathing each other's funk. Yeah.

Sweeden says coronavirus was likely in the country as early as November 2001 when I read that they found it in France in the summer, like it's most likely that that's crazy.

So they found in France from that time, too. Wow. I appreciate their approach that they're going through and let it be known. Sweden's a smart frickin place man when I was there with you.

Stockholm. Wow. So he had one one had a patient in France who was infected with covid-19 back in December, a month before the contagion was thought to have reached Europe.

Doctors retroactively tested the samples from when the man was admitted to the hospital near Paris on December 27th with a cough, headache and a fever.

Wow. This it really does feel like more than one disease and apparently there's a strain in India and there's some concern that even when they come up with a vaccine, this strain in India is going to be immune to it. It's not going to work on this strain because the strain so different than what's going on right now.

Do you see covid toes yet? covid toes is a new oh, like funky toenail, serious symptom.

No, it's the actual tatto, like it's like it turns bright red because of blood clotting. And it is a it is a serious symptom of the coronavirus, something that in fact, I saw one person get diagnosed just from that they had no other symptoms.

So they diagnosed the person because of covid toes. Read a whole long thing about it. Wow.

It's a fucking weird disease, man. Some people seem to get it and just walk it off and other people get it. And it's a death sentence. It doesn't make it doesn't seem like anything else.

Maybe it's just like we just haven't been paying attention to, you know, when I found out that there was 61000 people that died from the flu a year ago. Yeah, 61000. Right.

That's so many fucking people. Yeah. That's crazy, look, you would never believe that, and I know there's been more deaths from covid, but the other thing we were trying to figure out, somebody tweeted that there was because of the fact that there's so many covid deaths, that this is actually a decrease in the amount of people that have died from heart disease.

And they're thinking how many people are not being counted? How many people had died of heart disease? Like, how accurate is that? Because I think the wait what they're doing is if you have covid, you die.

You died from covid, then they don't investigate to see if there were some other things that might have killed you. And covid just also was there like maybe this is the cause? Oh, we had clearly had a heart attack. Oh, this is the cause you clearly had of this. But now they're saying that covid might even cause heart attacks and people, you know, that might cause strokes and weird blood clots in people. So it's like it's different in different people.

It's like it's so strange.

And it almost feels like like we're living like people lived in the past where you get your information piecemeal, like what's happening because it's new and they don't really know. It's not like there's like there's an established science about measles. Right. They know what the fuck it is. They know how to prevent. They know how to make a vaccine. They know there's not with this. With this. It's like, what what's going on? Like, we haven't put all the pieces together yet.

So we're experiencing it in real time, along with the world's foremost medical experts.

Do you see the scientist from Pittsburgh that supposedly was close to a breakthrough that got murdered in a murder suicide?

Yes, yes. Yeah, I did see that. That's crazy. It is crazy. Yeah. Like, what the hell?

Yeah, you I'm in the middle of this Jack Carter novel. It's all about crazy espionage and murder and murder for hire and shit.

And, you know, of course, instantly when I see something like this, I go, oh my God, what if they whacked him and they whacked this guy to cover up their tracks? They didn't want him to find a cure because they're working on their own cure. Yeah, like very significant findings. According to the university, that guy does not look like the guy that would get murdered for anything. Gunshot wound to the head. You don't read Jack Carter, John Karr books you read.

I can't even talk. If you read Jack Karr books, you would totally think he looks like a guy that gets shot because everybody gets shot.

Hmm. That guy's books are so violent, man, and everybody's getting shot. So it says they found him in his townhouse and then the other person, the suspect they found, shot themselves in a car, right. So it is. Yep, returning to his car and taking his own life. Wow. See, that's the story. Is that what happened so it could have been like a bad business deal or. Maybe a love triangle or.

So don't imagine if you were on your way to developing a vaccine for something and that vaccine was going to net your company an estimated one point nine billion dollars, and then this fucking smarty pants dipshit, let's say that guy, some guy in Vancouver figures out a way to kill this stuff.

And he wants to publish it. And you got to get to him, got to get to him before he publishes it, because if if he does, if the super smart guy has figured something out about the structure. Of this virus, hmm. And he knows how to fix it. He knows how to fix this problem the world is facing, we're going to it's an easy fix.

That guy winds up dead. Wow, that's possible, that's in books, I've read it in books. I guarantee, actually, I've listened to an audio books, but the same thing.

I've become obsessed with this criminal psychology thing on YouTube called Jim Can't Swim, and he breaks down interrogation videos.

Oh, I've heard of this so addictive.

I actually got on Patreon and he's the first person I've ever been a patriotic person. Wow. And I went and I blasted through this stuff. It is so cool. And it's all criminal psychology. And he talks about how these interrogators and he has great video somehow these interrogations and how these people break through and help stop it and show you like here's what he's doing and here's why and how they get people and why people lie and how they lie in this and that.

It's so damn interesting because you watch people, they cannot cover their tracks.

And then once you watch enough of them, once you're like halfway through, you already know like like, oh, they're they're guilty.

Oh, they just gave it away before it even stops at, you know, how it's crazy that that whole criminal world, like, they can't lie.

There's you would think that, you know, you would think like, oh, I could fool one of those guys, like I could fool a detective if he was interrogating me. And it's like, no, you know, not.

You know what? It's probably like, look, I'm going to kill this guy. I'm going to fuck up his attempt. And then the comedian tortures you.

I saw one where this lady killed her husband's wife. Ah. Killed her ex boyfriend's wife right back in college at UCLA. Wow. Yep. Killed her, got away with it, became an LAPD detective. Oh, right.

Get this. 25 years later. Then. They realize that this detective on their force. Could potentially be the murder and how do they figure out that she could be the murderer?

Well, they ended up interviewing some people from back then they had this cold case. What's really ironic is that there they did so good, all these detectives that they ran out of basically stuff to do. So they got to start going way back on cold cases and looking more into them.

And so they looked at some interviews and this and that. And they're like, this lady works on the force. And then they ended up finding out more and more and more that she could have been attached. So they kept it a secret and they kept it completely secret from her. And they just brought her down to a break room saying that they had some questions about something. Little did she know that the interrogation had begun. Oh, my goodness.

She was the worst liar ever.

She literally had twenty five years of guilt, like built up. It's like a steaming teapot.

Wow. So she's literally like, what is this? What is this about? What.

What are you kidding me? Watch this online. Oh yeah. Where what is it. It's called Jim. Jim can't swim. But that particular one I want to know that begins with an L..

It's the Lazarus files. Yes.

Stephanie Lazarus. Jamie, please send me that link. Stephanie See, that's one of those things where I wish we could play something on the show and listen to that.

It's I want to check that out.

So good God damn. And they stop and they show you, like, little things, like right from the beginning, you know, they they say the guy's name wrong, like, do you know John Hoover or whatever it was. And the guy's name is John over.

And she goes, John Hoover. John John Hoover.

And she takes way too long. And then she goes, You mean maybe John Hoover? And then they stop in. He's like, you know, she thought of John Hoover immediately. She's pretending like she's searching through her brain, like they show you what they're showing.

Right. Right. She's pretending like this is no big deal. They have to put it out. She's got nervous that she basically got everything that the person does is showing you what they're hiding.

Oh, yeah.

Do this guy went to clean out his mom's apartment. She died and he found a feet, a freezer, one of those chest freezers with a dead decomposing body in it.

So the the body had been there. The freezer was it was I think was in the basement. So if you can find this, I believe this was in New Jersey. I think it was in New Jersey. So when or. No, it was in Manhattan. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was in Manhattan. It was a one of those giant house meat freezers and somebody threw the body in there and duct taped.

It all shuts the stink, couldn't get out and she wouldn't let anybody visit. A building man goes to clear out dead mom's house finds body in freezer. Please say a man found a decomposed body and dead bodies freezer as she was cleared out of our New York City apartment. Wow, you found the body this week in a chest freezer that had been sealed with duct tape. Investigators said the body appeared to have been stored for over 10 years.

Building Superintendent Asmir Bassim told the newspaper on Friday's article the body was so decayed that authorities couldn't determine its sex. Bassim said they wouldn't let she wouldn't let them there it is, the deceased tenant never gave permission to for work to be done in the Hamilton Heights apartment. That was that's what I thought was funny. She like, no, I'm good.

They're like, your plumbing's bad now. Pommies perfect. Is there a smell coming out of your place? Not anymore.

No, not anymore. No smell. Thanks. Kallick bolt shut clip two locks. I let everybody else.

Yeah, shit. A fucking chest freezer with a dead body.

What's worse, cleaning your dead mom's place and finding a dead body or having her dildo hit you in the face off a shelf, the body.

I don't care if my mom uses a dildo, if that's her choice, if her dildo is a free woman, fell off the top shelf and hit you in the head. I get over it. Pussy going. Yeah, better than a body. Your mother's a murderer. Killed somebody ten fucking years ago and threw him in an ice chest and duct taped it shut. What the fuck?

Right. I want to realize you supported your mother's use of dildos.

I do know I would support your mother's use of dildos to love your mother.

I hope she's happy she is. Your mother kills. Yeah, she's the best.

If you write for your mother, your mother, be a world class traveling stand up.

Uh, which when she did that, kill Tony and she went up and did stand up with notes and had never done it before. Murdered. She murdered. Murdered your mother like legitimately had great timing, great delivery. She leaned into the punch line. She was killing man. She was killing.

It was funny. That was fun. She listened to my few notes, you know, and she just did it. She had fun. I told her to smile, enjoy it.

Don't forget to smile and leave spaces in between the jokes. Those are the two that it was so cool to see to.

Yeah, it's like when someone does something like that they've never done before and their son is a professional stand up. And it was honest. Your son's podcast and in a live audience, which is like the biggest fear people have, is fucking up in front of a large crowd. Yeah. Whitney Cummings told me that that comes from when in the past when people were in front of large crowds.

Usually it's because you're being judged like you did something wrong and the group is turning on you.

I was like, oh, that makes sense.

That's where that fear comes from. Yeah, that makes total sense. Total makes sense. Yeah.

Like that.

When we were evolving, you know, as we're going through the civilizations of the past, if it was a group of people that was staring at you and you're around all these people and you're down, they're all up like that, that's fucking terrifying for sure.

Or perhaps even about to be executed, right? Oh, for sure. Yeah, for sure. When there's one person, everyone's focusing on them most of the time. That's scary because most of the time it's bad.

Occasionally someone's performing, you know, but most of the time it's really bad.

It's like a group of people are trying to kill you. The only time it's really good is when everything is going great. There's plenty of food and booze.

Then the person like we're going to listen to you because you're exceptional, because you have a wonderful voice or you you're really good with a musical instrument.

Yeah, that is weird. It's fucking real weird, the fear that people get in, you know, going out there and and performing and having people boo at them and hate them all.

They're so scared of it. It's interesting, that's where booze comes in, right? If people like how many people have given speeches at their companies, like, you know, they get together, have a company Christmas party and someone unfortunately is a microphone, a bunch of people are boozing.

And so it goes up. There are just ruins their fucking life.

How does that happen? How many does that happen?

Someone thought they could say something that Chris Rock would say.

I may try out a bit to try out a bit at their company party for from then on.

You brought it to human resources on Monday. Yeah, Tony, I want you to tell me about Saturday night. Tell me from your perspective, why did you say what you said, why did you do what you did so funny? Not only that they're supplying you with booze, which is hilarious.

Like if they had just coke and joints rolled up laying around people that you would never blame you.

They wouldn't blame you if you gave them Coke and got them as fuck bong hits.

And they were saying wacky shit curled up in the corner. You wouldn't blame them. But you got an open bar, are you fucking Christmas party and Mikey, it's a little sauced up, says something stupid and you're mad at him. It's so funny to think about, like how real companies have Christmas parties with alcohol and all that, and then you say, oh, have you ever been to a comedy store Christmas party?

I don't like Christmas parties. Right. That's why I'm asking. I know everybody else is there, but I don't think I've ever seen you at one. It's probably a good thing because it's complete chaos. It's beyond like that because obviously the Comedy Store has no has less than no HRR. So it's. Way, way, way, way over the top, like it's absolutely ridiculous. Hmm. Continuous, continuous alcohol consumption like shots and shots and shots and shots and shots and shots.

And when is it come back?

When do you think we'll move in the lovely phase three?

I don't know, man. I think I think maybe my guess right now would be eight to 12 weeks. Something starts eight, 12, perhaps, perhaps the main room spaced out with the car.

I wonder if they can hang in there that long. That's a long time to hang in there. I think so. I think so. I, I do. I think I think that they've done really well as of late. Like really well. There's something about alcohol sales which takes a business to a whole nother level.

And they've been slinging some drinks. They certainly have.

But it's like it's it's hard for everybody and it's paid for.

Right.

They own the building. It's not the truth building. And if they were paying rent, it would be rough.

But my God, those shows back when we come back. My God, if I was going to be fun, there's going to be fun because you never thought it could be taken away from you, away from everybody.

Honestly, I was mad at you the first day because you were the I had a show with you that night. We performed the night before. And the next morning I wake up and I see your tweets. And unfortunately, I'm going to cancel my shows tonight at the Comedy Store, right?

Yeah. And I'm literally like, come on, Joe, you're falling for this fake disease.

Like, I was I was more like, this is bullshit. And, well, it was it was actually an order like, oh, no, in retrospect, obviously.

Like, I was wrong. Yeah. They wanted 200 people or less.

They had gotten to this 200 people or less place, which I thought was really weird.

It's OK if two hundred people get sick, what is that for? And it's bad 200 good. Like it's the same environment. It's just a larger number. So they had an arbitrary 200 number.

So can I cancel the other shows too? I was like, I'm just going to cancel. I'm like, I think we should cancel because there was some improv shows that we still had booked. I'm like, we better cancel. This is just seems to it seem like a storm was coming.

It was it was changing. Like by the hour. I was in negotiation with constant negotiations with the Comedy Store. When that started on that Thursday or Friday, I was still fighting for my Monday. Like, I'm like, that's great. Then we can they're allowing two hundred, then we can do two hundred. Two hours later they're like, it's got to be one hundred. And I'm like, OK, one hundred. And then they're like, well the Comedy Store is closing indefinitely and I'm like, great.

Well how about you just let us shoot in the main room with no audience and some staff and they're like, well now we or they're like at first they're like, yes.

And then they're like, no. And then I had to renegotiate because they're like, no, we're closing the main room to quarantine it.

I'm like, great, we'll stream out of the original room with no staff and no comedians.

And they're like, that's good for literally for like four hours. And then I got a call. And look, we we're closing the entire building.

We can't go in there. Like, if you want to do the basement, you can stream out of the basement. I'm like, we can't definitely can't do the basement.

It's too just stuffed it in the basement. Well, the fuck of it. We ended a great story. You know, we.

How did we get into the basement? Let me tell you how we got into this.

We're basically in the basement now over a better box studios, but we ended up doing one in the empty ice house. How cool is that? That ended up being really cool. We did like a Q&A session in the empty ice house. Very interesting. It was pouring down rain Monday night. That's the part that made it like extra creepy.

I hope the ice house is OK to improv all these clubs. We've got to do something to really get them juiced up.

Once everything gets rolling in, for sure, we're going to have a lot of a lot of creative juices.

One of the stipulations is going to be as far as what has to take place, like what would it was? Would it be an effective treatment? We would have to be where they would let us do comedy again.

I wonder what would be because they have some effective treatments that they're investigating. I wonder if that would be enough for them if they knew there was a good supply of it. They get it to the hospitals. Oh, they don't even know if you can catch it twice, right?

They're thinking you might be able to catch it again, you might wear off and then you can catch it again, which is like what I sort of am not buying into that. I think that's another one that the news wants us to think that you can catch it again. We got to you might be able to catch it again. But it's like a lot of the most recent things that I've read from like health organizations are saying good news, finally some good news.

And you have to, like, look deep to find good news now have to dig like with a shovel to find good news.

And literally, like most of and of course, a doctor, doctor, serious doctor, I'll tell you. Well, we really don't know. Don't know, because that's what professional scientists say, right. Until they officially know. But right now, most professionals are saying you can't get it twice.

I think in China, they've found a small percentage of people that got it twice. And not I'm not I don't trust anything coming out of China right now.

I can't trust their numbers their scientists can use for their home.

Surely you're pro fortune cookie? Absolutely. 100 percent OK. Those lucky numbers, I take it to the bank.

Imagine if China brought over the murder hornets on purpose just to fuck up our bee supply, just to fuck up our economy even further. Could you imagine if we found out these motherfuckers brought over those murder? Imagine if that's the next thing. Like they're doing some old school ginkas con shit. They brought the plague to bring it over murder hornets.

Yeah. Imagine we could be kind of war that China is involved with the United States trying to weaken us from within.

Wouldn't it be wild if, like, they're like, you know, pay us the money you owe us and we just kept ignoring them and they're like, all right.

The relationship we have with China right now is more hostile than anything I can ever remember, more hostile than we've ever felt with Russia. It seems more hostile than it's like as hostile as.

Iran, when we killed that Soleimani dude, it's almost like as a hostile with that all the time and it's a special kind, right, because we can't even acknowledge how mad we are at them yet until we have our own thing sort of figured out, we don't know shit yet.

We don't know where it came from. It's almost like when when you're mad at someone, but you don't want to make a big deal of it at like the dinner table or something. Like you want to talk to them one on one afterwards.

Right?

Like it's like we can't even acknowledge how mad we are at China for this until we have a vaccine. And then we're going to be like, hey, by the way, what the fuck did you gave everybody the coronavirus? You could have had it taken care of. You did that.

They said if they had acted sooner, we could have stopped 95 percent of its spread. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that is nuts. Yeah, imagine if it didn't start in the lab and everybody accuses lab and the people in the lab like you fucks, we didn't even do this. This is just some normal shit, just some normal shit that it could have come from this lab, but it didn't came from this fucking market.

Yeah, but imagine the labs just right there. It's right near the market. So close.

Yeah. What are the odds that a market that has had. Humans and bats in it for a very long time all of a sudden. I'm getting Labbe vibes from this one. Well, how about this instead of laptops, maybe think about it this way, maybe since they're doing these fucking experiments on bats, right? They're doing coronavirus experience on bats, experiments on bats that are coming from the exact same caves as where this disease is originated.

What if someone is selling the bats after they do experiments with them? Yeah, what are some just as long as they cook, it would be fine if someone didn't cook it. They're good. Yeah.

And then they caught Corona from it for maybe just hanging there, you know, maybe they sold that bat and they just hung there with all the other bats and that stuff just got in the air and somebody got it next to them.

Working in a tight space market, all the people breathing in this funky ass experimental bat is hanging from a meat hook and they're probably like as long as they make bat soup, they're going to have to boil it.

It'll be fine. This is 25 dollars off the bat, and the one person that bought it liked bad sushi.

The rest is history. I don't think they make bad sushi.

That's a predator's right. You have to cook those fuckers. You know, like what? What is a bat worth? How much does it cost to buy a bat to eat? If you had a guess like U.S. dollars, how much is a bat in a wet market that's in U.S. dollars, U.S. dollars, if you over there, you got a hundred dollars in your pocket, Tony.

How much do you have left after you buy a bat for dinner?

Geez, I would say not much, because so much food seems like it would be better than a bat. It seems like a ratty animal, right?

Yeah, but if you bought a bat in a restaurant, how much did it cost?

Well, a restaurant. Stowmarket, I'm market. I'm going to say three bucks, three dollars for a bat.

So let's see if we could find this out with. What do you think? You think it's more or less American? Yes, I think it's a dollar. Yeah, probably because dollar American for a bat. They don't look like they're greedy. That's the other thing. People say, oh, my God, these fucking people are so greedy, they make trying to make money selling rides like, no, they're really, really poor.

Like, they're eating rats, they're eating bats, they're eating roaches. Three in every fucking thing they can eat. That's going to give them some protein.

They're not just eating like Canadian geese. Oh, stuffed goose. Look, they've got the recipe from Vanity Fair.

No, they're eating bats, bro, flying rats. Can you imagine, like, if bats were good at all? Let's face it, we'd be eating them.

I read a terrible story about these two scientists that decided they wanted to do some studies on these rats that lived in this very particular cave, I believe it was in Africa.

And they set up these cameras to photograph these rats that these bats, rather, that as the sundown would happen, that's when the bats would start flying out of the caves and they were going to be there to capture it.

Well, what they didn't understand, for whatever fucking reason, is that this is also where the bats defecate.

So the bats, as they were flying over, covered them with bat shit, covered them.

And they I believe they both died of some sort of a haemorrhagic virus.

Yeah. We'll have Jamie find that out next.

That is bat shit crazy, you son of a bitch.

Did you know that bat shit comes from the fact that bat shit used to be worth a lot of money because the guano bat guano is actually really good fertilizer.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, but I bet bat shit crazy is probably like a disease that you get when you're hanging around all that bat guano.

Oh, that makes sense because that stuff is valuable, like people apparently really used to value it in terms of like using it as fertilizer, using it when they're growing plants.

Worth something from Ace Ventura. Right. He tastes it guano. Yeah, that's right. That's a that's an underrated movie. Go back and watch that movie again, especially when you're high. It's so ridiculous. Yeah.

I've been watching so much. It's been so fun. That part of it just getting to absorb art.

I've watched every Adam Sandler movie movie ever except little Nicky. I did watch a little Nicky. It's when he plays the devil's kid. Yeah, I don't know about that one, but I've watched all of them.

You watch the one with the remote control. Yes, I watched that one click. Yeah, I watch all of them. Huh. Is that what it's called. It's called click. Yeah. Yeah.

Happy Gilmore is classic dude. Classic so funny classic. He's got a lot of classics man.

A lot of these, that one. There's something about that one scene where he's talking with Chubbs and and he like just met Chubbs and this and that and he, he's shooting cans into the trash can and he hits Chubb's his wooden hand out into the street and Chubb's says it's all right, super durable.

Made a great wood and crosses that destroys me.

And then the next scene, it shows Chubb's with this fake wood and and kills me, you know?

And, you know, I'm not really that much into comedy movies now that I'm grown up, but one that destroys me at my spinal cord that I don't know when the last time you saw it, but it holds up great.

Kingpin. Oh Kingpin's amazing.

Oh my. Just the scene when Woody Harrelson is throwing up after you had sex with the lady. Yeah.

Yeah.

And Bill Murray at the end, the entire flow of God raising a comb over and I'm sure it holy shit.

It's a Farrelly Brothers movie, right. Yeah. And I did I did punch up recently on a Farrelly Brothers project and I actually was talking with them with Peter Farrelly. And I go, you know, because, like, came up somehow Kingpin came up and I go, you know, I think Bill Murray should have been nominated for, you know, best comedic or supporting or whatever, you know, that category would have been. And he actually goes, you know, it's funny, I always thought that in the back of my mind and it never happened.

But I completely agree with you there. It's one of the greatest comedic performances anyone that I've ever worked with has done.

It really is Bill Murray is amazing, too. I watched Groundhog Day again. I haven't seen that in forever. It's fucking great.

It's a great movie.

It's really fun. Yeah. The Farrelly brothers also made something about Mary. That's enough. There's enough Steve Schirripa from The Sopranos. Yeah. Did you ever work for him when he was a booking guy?

No, he used to book the Riviera. When I worked the Riviera, I used to get the gig through Steve Schirripa. Steve Sherpa was a friend of mine before he did any acting. Drew Carey got him on The Drew Carey Show. And then one time I worked for him and he tell me that Drew Carey had him on his TV show. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Next thing you know, The Fucking Sopranos come out and I'm looking at TV and Steve SREP isn't I can't remember if I found out.

I think I found out beforehand, but I couldn't believe it. When I was watching, I was like, I can't believe that Steve srep. And he's really fucking good.

Really good. It's really fucking good actor.

That is that is so weird that that like you. You that guy like that, when he had a regular job, him taking care of Uncle Junior on The Sopranos is masterful. He's not that fat, by the way. That's a fat suit. Really? Yeah, they put a big fat suit on him. He's a huge guy.

Wow. I was there with Steve SREP, I was working some guy lit a cigarette, smoked it, and then put it out on the floor or the carpet in the Comedy Store and the comedy room, the Riviera.

And I thought it was going to kill this guy. He screamed at some point in his face, Pick it up, you fucking slob. That's crazy.

So first thing I got here is a trying to find like a menu for pricing from a wet market so close I could get a tweet showing some some sort of translation from it.

OK, but photo from the Dubon. What's that word mean Dobermann of a menu in Wuhan, Hunan seafood market. Don't know when it was taken, but there are still sells all kinds of wild animals, including all my God, including live wolf pups and palm civets.

Holy shit, you need a wolf pup. What the fuck, man?

Second photo taken after Outbreak discovered shows this storefront third left covering the word for Wild in its name.

So I was trying to get some sort of translation of what's on their koala. Me, dear me, they have live sika deer. That's six thousand. I don't know if it's yen or yuan WIU and it's about 850 bucks.

You can get a live kid. Deer Crocodile Tong is about forty five. That's about six dollars six fifty or so. Wow, camel meat. Twenty five. Oh, my God. Bull testicles, 12. I don't know the accuracy of this translation, but that's what I just found in here. So this is what happens when you need to eat men. You've got to feed a fucking billion people. I will say, though, it also said that the wet markets are not actually that popular and big cities, not even that many people eat there.

So I don't know how prevalent it is there. If it's something maybe in rural areas.

And I'm not sure that's even worse news because that means the meat is going to sit around for a while and cook.

It's all just going to funk in the sun and all the bacteria is going to jump from one fish to one frog to one cockroach named.

Sir. And on top of that, if you cough too much, the guys in hazmat suits drag you away.

No one will ever see you again. Crazy dude. Like, if you found out that China was taking people that were sick and dragging them away and they were never heard from again, would you believe that?

Yeah, let me ask you this. Journalists, you know that's true. Yeah, there's if you complain too much about China, they grab you, they grab you, they drag you, they put you in a cell somewhere. They take you away. Happens all the time because the prison sentences for talking shit about the people in charge. It's a weird place, man. This is the people that we have an antagonistic relationship with. Look at all these bats.

Russia's even weirder, though, because they don't even they don't even, like, hide it, listen, they just keep saying people are falling out of windows in Russia, these doctors, and it's like, now don't.

A doctor fell out of a window, especially three in one week.

Yeah, three doctors fell out. Woops. So they're not even trying like it's like they could make it look like it's a suicide.

What do you think the doctors did? I think they are cooking this lizard, how weird is like is that snake python? Jesus Christ cooking it with a blowtorch and then they just give it to you in a bag.

Here. Have some python, you know, it's weird pythons are they really want to get rid of them. There are huge problem, particularly in Florida, where they're.

Oh, my God, those are heads. That's that's bat heads. Look at the teeth and shit. Yes. Oh, Jesus, what was I just talking about?

It was I got thrown off by that that's super pythons.

Oh, so you can't buy python skin products anymore, but yet they're trying to kill all the pythons in the Everglades. Well, it's actually a resource.

Like if you let people buy python skin in California, you would actually be contributing to getting rid of the pythons that are filling the whole Everglades as a giant problem in that these pythons, these wacky people in Florida got and then released.

They've become breeders and they were introduced into this environment. It doesn't have any defense mechanisms for them. There's nothing that knows what a python is. They didn't evolve to get away from pythons or deal with pythons. So because that everything is getting wiped out, everything like they're down to like no raccoons, they have no bunnies anymore. All the deer missing, they're starting to eat alligators. They've caught a bunch of them like huge pythons with alligators inside.

They're eating alligators, bro.

They're the top of the food chain when it comes to Florida. And they're not even from there.

So they're eating everything and they're huge. They're huge predatory serpents.

And so people are catching them. They're catching these 20 foot long guns, just hanging out in the Everglades with a 20 foot long, murderous python from another continent.

But you can't even buy like if you're if you wanted to buy a python jacket, you can't buy that piece of shit. What do you want to use? Python skin. That's exotic, you asshole. But that's getting rid of the pythons if you buy it. Yeah, and also their murderous little heartless reptiles, you it's OK to have sheepskin, but it's not OK to have python. That's bananas. That doesn't make any sense. Like it's OK to eat me.

It's OK to wear leather. Couch seems super peaceful.

Snakes will eat your baby, leave your baby in a field with a python. You come back, you're a fat python and no baby. They just eat things.

They'll eat you baby don't give a fuck. They don't say, well, I'm going to deal with people. Me and people have a pact.

I'm not going to eat them at all. They may cobra condoms. I think that thick I don't think you want that and you don't it's true. Yeah. I don't even understand that the digestive system like what what happens there? I mean, it's all the same, it's all just a tube. Yeah. Where's the heart on the Florida website about removing pythons? There's three ways to do it. They tell you, OK, using a captive bolt gun, a bolt, a firearm or decapitation.

Oh, Jesus, a firearm, bunch of fucking yours out there in the swamps listening to Leonard Skinner music and shooting shotguns. That actually sounds fun.

That sounds like a new reality show. Oh, God. Does that sound like. Yeah.

Lizard king snake out there to shoot some snakes.

Yeah. They need a fucking snake master a snake show.

That's it for sure.

At the most humane way is immediate. Lots of consciousness and destruction of the brain humane. I'm trying to kill snakes, trying to kill them the best way I can.

You can do it any time you want on private land, it says with landowner permission.

What's interesting is I think if given enough time, they're going to kill everything and then they're going to run out of food and they're going to die off or they're going to start invading the way in the cities.

They kill kids all the time, like when people leave a python in a room with their baby.

Those horror stories, I've read a bunch of those, the python drops down and kills a baby. I've heard it even like a python comes from a neighboring apartment, drops down through the ceiling and kills the kid bug.

Bro, bro, imagine you getting wrapped up by a python and you see the face coming over your head and you realize what's going on.

And it's clamped down on your head and it detaches its jaw and it's spreading around you like, oh my God, you can't move your arms. You think your shoulders broken are getting squeezed as it's doing this and it's got its mouth on your fucking head, it's slowly starting to take you into its body.

I get scared of animals that, like, aren't even threatening. Like, I get scared of, like squirrels and whatnot if they look at me the wrong way, right next to you in a tree.

And they some of those things pretend like because I live right next to a really awesome park and I run through there almost every day.

And some of these squirrels, they're like people, squirrels. I guess they must get fed a lot or something from humans walking by and they will pretend like they're going to like they will just get right up in your face.

Aggressive squirrel. I got scared at my chair in my hallway the other day. I thought, this is so stupid. But I was coming out of the bathroom was the end of the night.

And my chair, I have this one extra chair that's sort of like moves around the living. Anyway, it ended up at the cross the end of the hallway and it was just sort of hanging out.

And for some reason it sort of looked like there was like a crazy person, like there was a person scared, super scared, like like the type of scared because I thought it was a person leaning back, smiling.

And immediately my brain registered that as if there's someone leaning back smiling in your living room. Nerka completely fucked. You've got real issues, right?

Like my and so my heart is literally like felt like it was like I'm like, fuck, here goes the next seven minutes.

You just watch the Joker know some crazy person was in your house. Yeah. Now I not just watch the Joker, but I did watch.

Well, you're scared of squirrels as well, you were saying. Yeah.

I mean, they can be freaky. They can they can they can act a fool, you know. You know what it is.

I think I think a lot of people feed squirrels. Yeah. There's a park in North Hollywood.

I remember going there once and watched this old dude on his back and he would just lay on his back and pick up peanuts and hold them. And the squirrels would come over and put their hands on his hand and then take the peanut and run away with it. They did it all the time and they wouldn't even go that far.

They'd go a few feet from him and just start eating their peanut.

And then other squirrels would come by and they apparently had some sort of a they they've been doing it so often. People know they could just as long as you're not making much movement, you look safe and hold it out there.

They'll come get it from you.

But did you see the video of the fucking monkey riding a motorcycle? Yes. That pulls up and tries to steal a baby.

Unbelievable. If you haven't seen this, this is the most 20/20 video you will ever see. It is 20/20 encapsulated. So fucking mad. The world's gone.

Here's a monkey on a motorcycle that goes zipping up the street, bails off the motorcycle and tries to steal a baby.

My favorite part of it is I.

I watched it like twenty times in a row and I love how the guy taking the video from his top story apartment like is laughing. It starts and you don't see the monkey. And then he sees the monkey on the motorcycle and he starts laughing and he's laughing more as it gets closer. And he even laughs. One more beat when the monkey grabs the kid because he's like, you know, like he's like, here comes watch.

Here's the monkey on the motorcycle. Bales grabs the kid, throws the kid to the ground a little baby and starts dragging away, tries to steal him, and then he wants to eat the baby.

Yeah, it's like a horror movie at that part, dude.

And the guy runs out chasing after the monkey monkeys will kill you and eat you. That's a fact. If you're a baby in particular, monkey kills 12 day old baby after snatching it from his breastfeeding mother and family home Bororo.

Where is that at?

Where that take place popped up.

I was like, oh my God, what does it say there in India? Yeah. Oh my God. The latest warning sign that primates are being forced into cities to search for food amid environmental destruction. This is November of twenty eighteen. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm saying imagine what they're like now. I was going to say because did you see that thing about what's going on in Thailand where there was nobody in the street? So there was just like hordes of monkeys run through the street that are starving, that are used to tourists feeding them. So they just hordes of monkeys running through like, where the fuck is everybody?

Where's all the food? It's crazy.

Watch this crazy. And it's so weird. It's so weird. And then on top of that, rats in New York City, rats in New York City. There's no restaurants open anymore. Right. So the restaurants are not dropping off the normal amount of garbage. And these rats are accustomed to it. Their whole ecosystem is dependent upon it.

Look at this. Starving monkey gangs battle in Thailand as coronavirus keeps tourists away.

Look at that. Look at that fucking picture. Oh, fuck. The streets are filled with monkeys.

Dude, if you're a little kid and you go wandering into that, I guarantee you they will kill you and eat you. I guarantee you you're a four year old kid.

You go stumbling in that you're dead. They'll tear you apart. You know, they don't have rules. Such a strange animal, like they're smart and they're sneaky, like, look at this video. Oh, this is social distancing. This is over. This is rats. Those are like rats. They're so dangerous.

Like they're not they don't give a fuck about you and they look mean. Some of them have mean faces because they've been used to other monkeys being mean to them and everything, trying to eat them and kill them. Look at that fucking they tear this one apart. Oh, my God.

See, this is the thing about rats now rats are cannibalizing each other. For sure, they're going to kill babies and eat babies, these these little crazy monkeys, oh, people are feeding them good, but keep feeding them better, feed them poison too many of them.

See how many monkeys that was. Yeah.

So rats in New York apparently are cannibalizing each other. They're invading other rat territories, taking over and just fighting. There's no fucking food for it. Right.

So we'll know when the next disease happens, how it was made from rats eating each other in New York City.

God, imagine if that's what it is. Imagine if that becomes the the big Will Smith movie plot line.

Like this is how I am. Legend too begins. The rats eat the other rats and they get some sort of mad rat disease. Because that's where mad cow disease came from, it came from cows eating cows, cows being fed cows, rats eat a bunch of rat brains, they evolve. In all honesty, I think we got a little too high before the show, probably a while, because we went down all the rabbit holes that you go down when you're high.

Yeah. Do you know anybody other than Michael Yo who coronavirus now?

Now, when it makes me mad because, like, I it just doesn't feel that real to me. It seems like as many people as I know I should know more. And I'm asking people that I know if they know anybody and they don't know anybody.

I know a few people. You do. Yeah, I know. I know. Three, four, five. Six, seven. Seven, yeah, Sturgell got it, that's seven. I know, I know a bunch of people that got it eight. I know eight. I know eight people that got it.

Do they know how they got it? Just from hanging out or traveling?

Magglio got it from New York. He went in, flew down after I did my podcast, did Gotham and was I believe he was sick.

He's going to tell us next week. I believe he was sick. And then he caught Corona, pretty sure and worn out because he was flying. Probably not much sleep.

That's the weird thing to me, because I traveled so much December, January and February pretty much continuously almost every single weekend. And then obviously back to L.A. Nothing's that short of a flight except for Vancouver at the end of January.

And like, you know, there's a lot of I have a Chinese friends. There was obviously Chinese people on the plane. I helped one lady that was that seemed sick, it was like my good deed that I was doing, I was like being a nice guy. She was sitting right next to me and she was sniffling and coughing. And I got on the Wi-Fi on.

Oh, my phone, and she basically signaled to me, like she pointed at the Wi-Fi signal at the top of my phone and was like pointing at her phone and I'm like, all right, I'll figure it out. But it wasn't an iPhone, so I had a lot of trouble and I was touching it more than I wanted to. And then I couldn't get on her Wi-Fi. And then she pulled out an iPad that wasn't an actual iPad. It was another like whatever Motorola brand or whatever, you know, and I'm there.

I am touching that. I'm like, fuck, this is not. And she was like, yeah. And it was stupid of me.

And again, this is like before Korona was mainstream news in January or whatever, but like I'm like, God damn it, I just wanted to help this lady real quick. Now it's taken forever and it wasn't even able to get her on the Wi-Fi. But I thought to myself when this all came out, I'm like, I probably had it then and just blew through it because I don't really ever get the flu or get sick. My body just like gets rid of everything.

And like a few hours normally from all the studies show, the more pasta you eat, the better your body fights diseases.

And so but then I found out from the test today that I've never had it. Yeah, I thought I had it. Well, everybody thinks they had it. Everybody has this thing. Oh, yeah. I remember that time. Here's the thing. All those other colds are still around, folks. This is one thing that people have to really pay attention to. Like, I almost hope they don't pay attention to it. I hope this there's some sort of a cure and everybody relaxes their their grip on fear, because if they really start paying attention to all the things that are killing all the people all the time, it's a mess out there.

It's a mess. And the big one, cigarettes.

That's the big one. I was reading something today. Cigarettes might actually kill coronavirus propaganda. Reefer madness.

I smell a rat. I smell a rat. Cigarettes.

My cigarettes might actually cure coronavirus nicotine, but there was a whole thing.

They were saying that people that smoke cigarettes and people that vape might be more vulnerable.

Remember that I ignore those ones because I failed. So I only read the pro vaping ones.

But there are a few studies and I read one very early on in this that say nicotine is of assistance.

They're not pro smoking or pro vaping, but they are saying nicotine itself, like chew right, detaches, chew that stuff gets you high as fuck.

Yeah, it does. That was my first buzz ever in my life and I'll never forget it. I fell on my butt at a ninety degree angle, my legs stayed locked up and my back was straight.

I lacked the the the knowledge of how to keep your dip in one place. I'm not good at packing it and keep it in one place.

It moves around my mouth and I wound up swallowing a lot of it. You swallowed it when the whole thing so bad because I was a wreck and I was like, where's he spitting? And then you just realized at the same time like, Oh, I forgot. I swallowed it.

Oh. So I swallowed like the actual tobacco.

Yeah. I took a big, big fucking plug of dip.

Did it feel like you were going to throw up after that? No, fortunately. Wow. No, it was nothing. It's no big deal.

I mean, maybe I had like a little feels weird but it just plant matter but I just digested it. Plant matter.

That's one way of putting it. I think a lot of people would probably throw up.

I was wonder if I was going to get extra high. Yeah. Because that's the thing about I remember the first time I ever smoked cigar, I was like, oh, you get high from this. You guys are just on a different high.

You're on a highway. You could definitely drive. You definitely talk normal.

Yeah, but it's like it's pleasurable. Like the tobacco, like pipe smoking or cigar smoking high.

It's very pleasurable. Fuck yeah it is.

I mean, cigarettes are my favorite thing I've ever done in my life. It's been two years since I had one. But I can say without any hesitation, it is my favorite thing. If I ever find out I have a month or two to live, I'm fucking oh, I'm start smoking.

Oh, I'm going to smoke continuously. I won't even breathe normal air.

I remember when Patrick Swayze he was dying of pancreatic cancer. Yeah.

And he kept smoking and people like wow there's almost like they're mad at him. Like why would you do that when you're dying of cancer. Yeah. Well why wouldn't you do it when you're dying of cancer. That's the time we should smoke with the smoked up until the time you got cancer. But now that you got cancer, smoke em if you got them.

Pat Buchanan, coffee and a cigarette. How many cigars? Michael Jordan smoke. And during that last dance, throughout the height of the 90s in his career, smoked a lot of cigar all of the time, constantly.

I know you're not a big basketball guy, but have you been watching that at all?

No, I heard it's amazing, though. Yeah. That's one where I literally thought of you during this last one. And I'm like, I know Joe isn't watching this because of basketball, but you would fucking love it because.

Especially this last one there, Coach Phil Jackson and his brain and the way he can motivate people, I mean, it is fucking shocking and never out of everything I've ever watched have I pause something and just thought about it for a few minutes and then hit play again and rewind again on a documentary.

It's insane.

Well, he's a super winner. You know, those are always really interesting. Like anyone who's that driven to be such a winner. You stand out amongst winners as being so exceptional that everybody like who's the goat? Michael Jordan is always the first pick.

There's there's wonder, like, how would LeBron how would this that. But everybody always says Michael Jordan like to be that much of a super winner.

You think about all the people that are playing basketball, all the people that are around him that are world class athletes, professional athletes, and he stands out amongst them.

We so wildly competitive that he will beat you in your own game. He will ask you what you're playing. Yeah. If you were playing with something, you'd go, what is that? And he will immediately start.

And his only goal is to beat you at what you love and what you think you're good at, whatever it is.

So just happens to be the basketball is the one that. Yeah, he chose. But also then he got that way with shoes with like he's like, all right, well if I'm going to sign a fucking shoe deal then I'm going to do this the right way.

Doesn't even do that with golf to really know gambling with golf, everything.

Yeah. They were throwing they throw coins against a wall and he's gambling with the security guards and he can't wait to take their money. He can't, he cannot wait.

He's talking shit to these guys that are protecting him that is so crazy and so crazy.

A game where you try to get the closest to the wall with a quarter.

He used to have a celebrity pool tournament in Chicago. Wow. Yeah. He had a pool tournament that he did all the time, like a charity pool tournament. And I heard if you beat him at pool, he hates you.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Everything that I'm gathering from this documentary is that if you're a super super I mean, I mean not just a regular winner, but just a super winner.

He's so off the charts as far as like to be that kind of an achiever, you have to have a madness about you. That's probably intolerable for most people. Yeah.

Just the desire to win conquer in other days.

Man, those are gladiators. In other days, those were generals.

You know, there's a lot of people that get into pro sports that it is. It's really in a lot of ways, it's it it moves them away from war in the best way that we know how possible.

But if we didn't have those, if there was no sports and people just conquered each other, those would be the kings of the world. The football players, that Thor guy just dead lifted the world record. The Game of Thrones guy. Yeah.

Do you see that shit? Oh, yeah.

Dead lifted one thousand one hundred and something pounds barefoot looking barely like the same thing as you and I.

Right. What is that. That's a person.

That's a person to. OK, what crazy, so Bobby Lee is a person. And that Thor guy is a person to do the same thing, the same thing. Wow. Yeah, how the fuck? It's unbelievable. Did you watch the video of him lifting it so you got all the video, Tyson, to get? That's crazy. Tyson apparently has decided that he wants to box in some charity boxing matches. So he put up some video of him hitting the pads.

Oh, my God. Please tell me Evander Holyfield didn't say that he wants to fight. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Look at this. Says, are you ready? The moment you've all been waiting for, the champ is back. I'd like to announce I'll be making a comeback to the ring. I'm training to promote a charity that's very close to me. Our Unite for Our Fight campaign aims to fill the void the pandemic has created on access to resources our youth needs for emotional development and education.

Imagine if Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield have a third fight when they're in their 50s.

Wow. Even if it's for charity, even if it's for charity, it might be what it's sounding like.

Holy shit, you're right, that is exactly what it sounded like. Look at the size of his traps are ridiculous. Those they go right to his shoulders. Go on, go to that picture, get his traps are ridiculous. Just look at that, those traps. Wow, they just go straight to his shoulder.

Evander Holyfield was the first guy in modern boxing who employed like a really rigorous weightlifting regime that allowed him to successfully go up to Michael Spinks did it, too, when he beat Larry Holmes.

But then he got destroyed by Tyson.

I mean, he was really a light heavyweight that used his movement to outbox Larry Holmes when Larry Holmes was like sort of getting close to the twilight of his career.

But that wasn't the case with a vendor like Evander, like became a heavyweight. He was the cruiserweight champ. And, you know, he was like a slim guy when he fought Dwight Muhammad Kawi.

And then when he went to be a heavyweight, he he thickened up and he bulked up like purposely bulked up, had some amazing strength and conditioning videos.

They showed of all the different shit that he was doing. Great. Preparing, like the way the guy worked out was insane. That came up in the Jordan documentary.

So he was like maybe two hundred pounds for the first couple of years of his career and then bulked up to two fifteen solid muscle.

I heard it was after playing the Pistons. There was the real physical. His trainer, he said, would go back after every game and count the number of steps he took with each foot in the direction he was taking so he would know how tired he should be and why he should be doing for the next day and whatnot.

Oh, my gosh.

So he had left foot, right foot, left foot back, right foot forward.

And he would play, which is they don't do today. He played it all all 82 games.

He was rarely ever hurt because he knew that people were coming, which was true to see him play. And if he didn't give them that performance, he felt like he was cheating everyone.

And every time he would play anyone for the first time, he needed to show like he could never, ever let anyone ever make them feel like they got one over on him.

So not only each game for the audience that are seeing him for the first time in which he needs to dominate, but especially towards his opponent, who literally thinks that maybe, maybe today I'll be my lucky day. You know, I'm going up against Jordan. This is you know, it's the middle of the season. He'll probably he's not going to he puts up 60 points or whatever in your face, like, embarrasses you.

You fall on the ground, he crosses you over. He does everything that, you know, you get embarrassed.

He would try to make a fool out of these people.

I remember the first time I saw a photo of him, it looked like he had left from center court flying through the air to dunk. And I'm like, well, how does a human even do that? Yeah, how does a 200 plus pound human fly through the air like that?

And, you know, even towards the end of his career, they just showed one where it's the all star game, so he got to go up against Kobe Bryant for the first time because they're in two different conferences that don't normally play in. Kobe's this 18 year old that just, you know, went straight from high school to the NBA, completely dominating his side of things, going up against Jordan for the first time ever. And everybody on Kobe's side is saying, you know, Kobe asked us to let him have Jordan and Jordan's on his side.

They have actual footage.

That's what's crazy about this documentary, is that somehow this fuckin camera crew, Jordan, let them come along in the ride in this green room for all this crazy exclusive content. And he's saying to the guys, he goes, you guys all know this is in not the green room, but the locker room before you guys you guys all know this kid's coming after me, right? Like he's going to want me. So let me have them. Bah bah bah bah.

Because he wants to show the kid. And sure enough, even though Kobe's 18 and peak peak, peak physical condition, Jordan wins the MVP of that all star game, crushing it against a young Kobe Bryant.

Well, how crazy was he? He decided in the middle of all that, I'm going to play baseball. Yeah. I'm just going to be the best of baseball that comes up.

They go deep into, which is interesting how the media and not a social media time period was fucking hammering them because they built him up to be this young guy out of North Carolina. Olympic superstar killing literally scored more points in anybody's ever scored as a rookie in the NBA. All this attention. And now he's the man and they start like beating him down with some of the gambling stuff he was doing. It got leaked out and then just added attention to he's like, you know, fuck this, I'm going to quit.

I'm out. So you quit.

Wow. Because of all the negative attention. So they said interesting. Makes sense. Yeah.

Well, that's what happens when you become that guy. There's so much interest like to to be that guy.

First of all, you have to have a fire burning inside you like most people will never be able to comprehend. And a guy like that's going to be into other kinds of wild shit to gambling. He's going to want to have thrills. You know, it's going to drive fast cars.

It's going he's a wild man, a wild man at the peak of one of them.

I mean, if you think about professional basketball, you watch an NBA game and all the thought that's involved in which way you're going and the ability to explode and then the ability to in the middle of all that land, a precision shot into a hole.

There's really not another sport like that. I mean, baseball is you're trying to hit something that's coming at you like crazy. You're swinging as fast as you can. And there's a lot of skill to that as well, obviously, and there's a lot of skill to pitching. But there's something unique about basketball and that in all this chaos, you've got to find stillness. In all this chaos, you've got to find the ability to stop and throw a perfect shot off.

So it's not just an incredible physical ability, it's incredible physical ability and then touch.

Yeah, it's real weird. Yeah. It's a very interesting sport in that way. It requires you to have your shit together. Yeah. Like to execute that shot. You have to have your shit together and you have to have mad practice. Like one of the things that I used to love about growing up in Boston was Larry Bird. Stories like Larry Bird was apparently just an insanely disciplined professional basketball player.

He would get there and practice before everybody stay, after everybody practice things left and right. And when they would have those three point competitions, we would have those all star three point competitions in the locker room. He just which when you guys coming in second, let's do digits walk in the hall knew.

But it was just because he first of all he could execute under pressure. And two, he was just better he could do things better than most people. And even he said sometimes he thought it was God pretended to be Michael Jordan.

Yeah. Yeah. That's how good Michael Jordan was.

Every single legend is completely they have such good interviews with one with everybody magic. They have such great stories.

It's crazy how you know, I've always said a documentary has the potential to destroy, to be better than any other type of story, whether it be a movie or a book, because if it's unbelievable, it's like the Tiger King. If it's fucking amazing and it's real, you can't beat it. You can't beat it.

And that's what the last dance is doing. It's crazy. I don't know if you have a VPN or not, but you can reset on Netflix. It's around the world so you can watch it. Yeah, if you if you set your location, you can watch.

VPN is one of my sponsors. Yeah. They show it so. Yep. Ours too. So where are you getting it from.

I just, I go to my express VPN and I set my location for somewhere else. What do you said for. Usually I don't know Germany or Switzerland or whatever you just openly say.

On the Internet, yeah, you're faking it. Yeah, and then I go on Netflix and no commercials, just binge it.

It's while they have it on Netflix here, it's ESPN Netflix code.

Oh, it's literally such a great documentary that they had to work their own like first ever super deal. ESPN and Netflix does ESPN plus have it on their their app.

I have not even done yet. I heard they're still editing the final episode, like I said, to rush it out. Yeah, I don't. It's interesting because like, do you want to be that guy? First of all, you probably can't. But second of all, even if you could, do you want to be that guy? Do you want to be so driven and obsessed, maniacal in it? I don't know. It's a good question.

I think he's pretty happy. Oh, he's pretty fucking amazing. Don't get me wrong. But I'm saying, like, the first of all, you wouldn't be that guy. Like, it's a special fire that burns and that guy. Yeah. Most people just do not have you don't have it. Right. But would you trade it? Would you trade would you want to be the obsessed winner?

Is it too much pressure is too weird to want to be that person who just wins, wins, wins, wins, just dunking on people the fuck and his logo is him flying through the air, ready to dunk on people.

There's a lot of times he was doing things specifically to shit on the general manager that was like and control the team. Oh my God. It's like bringing a new player like a watch what we're about to do to this fucking. Yes, you think that and they shit on them all the bullying. They said this is this little guy, Jerry Krauss, and they really fucking bully him.

And that's coming from me.

And I'm love the way that he insults this guy as ruthless. It is in the ruthless man. It is not it's not even funny, but that's if you want to make money off that guy.

That's what you want. You want a guy who is not is not rational about it.

He's just insane. But then again, OK, then you get a guy like Wayne Gretzky was like arguably one of the best hockey players of all time, yet almost universally treated as like a really nice guy.

You know, he's Canadian. Oh, that's what it is. We don't count those kind in the nice department.

Do you see that Canada banned assault weapons. They banned all assault weapons. There's like a two year grace period. You got like two years and you got to turn in your AR 15s.

That is not making the the gun people here happy, very, very upset.

And people point something out to like a video of a Canadian sheriff discussing it. And he said, out of all the shootings that I've ever been a part of, where there's illegal activity like that and horrible crimes that are being committed, he goes, it's never with a licensed gun owner. These aren't licensed gun owners. These people that got these guns, they're going to get these guns illegally anyway.

Just because they're not legal doesn't mean they're not they're going to do an illegal thing. They don't need a legal gun to do an illegal thing.

And if you think that's all you're going to do is make it more difficult and more money for the gun runners, it's going to for sure.

It's going to be something where it's more risky for them, but it's also going to be more profitable. It's going to be hard to get a gun over there, but people are still going to do it. They bring cocaine from South America. They're going to bring guns into Canada. It's going to happen. But only the criminals are going to have them now.

Yeah, getting an illegal assault weapon is the nicest thing. Anybody getting an assault weapons doing?

Yes, exactly. Perfectly put. That's exactly what it is. It's just I wish there was a world where we didn't need guns. I wish for sure, but that's not this world doesn't mean you don't love people. Just means like you got to look at things practically. You can't look at things the way you want them to be. You got to look at things the way they are, the way they are. There's more guns and there are people.

And to say you can't have a gun anymore, it's like, OK, well, who gets to have a gun and who's going to take the guns away? And what are we going to do about the Constitution and why when can we vote on this or should this be a part of the Bill of Rights where this is how we are and this is how this country was established? Is it things we agree on? We don't want to vote on whether or not we have free speech.

We need free speech.

Should we vote on whether or not we have the Second Amendment? Some people say no. Some people say what we're dealing with is a mental health problem. We're not dealing with a gun problem. The gun problem is that the mentally ill people get the guns. It's not a gun problem. And there's a lot of people that want to have guns to protect themselves from mentally ill people that are violent. And it's also the news again, there's a lot of this goes back to news for me.

Mm hmm. And then glorifying these people, this is what they say, you know what I mean? They know they're going to get the coverage. They know that their names are going to get out there.

Yeah, it's not it's not acceptable. If we didn't do that, then they wouldn't do that much more to me than the guns. If we take away the guns and we have the guns, like if we cover it differently, things will be different.

Without a doubt it's true. But people want to know what the name of the guy who shot up the school so they don't get to know. They broadcast that people find it online.

I don't think they should. Why? Why would the why would that be necessary? I don't know, man.

I think it's just one of those things about human nature. Like if there was a video of Tom Cruise falling off the back of a plane, you would watch it if he fell to his death. You'd watch that video, wouldn't you?

Well, yeah, I think yeah. If it leaks, yeah.

I think it's kind of along the same lines. Does it make sense? Yeah, but I think that.

I think that the government could help with that if they're going to before I think before restricting guns, I think they could step in and.

And then maybe run it by some psychiatrists and scientists and whatnot and see what they think about the media part of a crime, because, again, I mean, like, these people want to be legends. They want to be.

Hmm. It certainly has an effect. It certainly has an effect. You know, I watch this this Hitler documentary and it talked about how Eva Braun, this applies to what we're talking about. It mentioned Eva Braun didn't have to go to the bunker to die with Hitler. And this person said that she did it because she knew that by doing that against Hitler's wishes, that she would inevitably die with Hitler and therefore, because she was kept behind the scenes and on the back burner, so much become a bigger part of history.

So she could have decided to live a normal life, maybe get prosecuted later or whatever, but sort of live or go to prison or whatever, or go to the bunker and die with Hitler and be part of history forever and be represented as the woman that was with Hitler.

Have you ever paid attention to all of the information that's out there about how many Nazis fled Germany and went to South America?

Yeah, dude. Tim Kennedy used to have a show called Was It Finding Hitler and Hitler?

I've watched Hitler.

They were operating under this premise. The premise was Hitler never died in Germany. He was snuck out of the country in a submarine or some shit. They brought him to South America. Well, you know that there's no real evidence that's true. But what there is evidence is a lot of fucked in people that live in South America used to be Nazis, including Kennedy.

He was on the show and he was talking about finding these people going into their homes and they have pictures of Nazi soldiers like lovingly framed on their wall, like this is grandpa back in fucking Buchenwald or wherever those places are.

Yeah, Auschwitz.

What is it? What is the Buchenwald? That is that I say it. Which one, Buchenwald to Kornfeld, everybody always remembers Auschwitz. Yeah, but I mean, imagine going into someone's house and you see a Nazi guard on the wall with an SS on his sleeve and you're like, holy shit.

Yeah, this is a Nazi officer and this is your grandpa. And then you realize, oh, my God, these this community, I mean, they have October there where they're all German and they're all drinking beer and wearing lederhosen and shit. Hmm.

It's wild how many times Germany almost won that like a few different little tweaks of decisions and they win that war.

Well, they have been led by a madman. Yeah. I mean, he was they he was doing things that they didn't expect. One of the things that I had read about Russia was when they had invaded Russia, they knew that they were coming, but they estimated it was going to take a certain amount of time. But they didn't think they were going to March 24 hours. Right. They were not going to sleep.

They didn't take any rest. They just took speed. So they got there earlier than anybody expected.

Yeah. And also going through France, they went through.

They went through the forest instead of the planes, they were waiting for them on both sides of the openings and they just fucking took their tanks and went right through, just found a way to trudge through the forest and trees build their own path.

And they snuck up behind both of the other sides of their other armies.

God was wild. Imagine the horror of experiencing that during World War two where you were getting your newspapers. That's all you're getting for information right back then. World War Two, how much stuff was on television? Very few things on television. Right at radio, though, that radio. So you get you get your radio reports.

Did you do it from the front lines in Nazi Germany and you would get that kind of stuff and that that's how your vision of the world would be.

And you imagine if you're over there and you see them coming through the forest with tanks, you're like, holy shit, they're real here.

They come in the same thing then. Was that the news was bullshit, you know what I mean? They're feeding their people what they want to hear and B will come back to hear more of and C, make them feel good about what's happening.

One of the things that I saw was a commercial, one that really it's like a report, but that was also a commercial basically for their military, for the German military, its two German soldiers in a bunker talking and they go, I can't wait to get back to my wife.

Yeah, I know. I'm going to get back to my wife. They're speaking German, but it's being translated.

In the end, the guy goes, yeah, you know what?

To be honest with you, I think the Russians are more scared of us than ever and they're more scared of us than we are of them, that's for sure. And that was released like the week or two before the end when the Russians are literally in Berlin, like they're coming full of thousands of tanks and all of this, you know, all of this war material, they're about to hit the center of Germany and they're still Germany's playing that on their radios and on their TVs or whatever.

That's what's out there is literally I think the Russians are more afraid of us than we are of them. Meanwhile, Germany was done there, were crippled. They at that point, they have their Hitler Youth is their last stand in the city.

Children firing weapons for the first time, bazookas, little kids firing fucking bazookas into the street against some Russian tank by a professional Russian tank soldier blowing everything up.

What's really crazy is that wasn't that long ago, right, wasn't even 100 years ago. Yeah, there's people that survived that that are live right now. There's one guy who survived World War Two and he survived covid Wow. Yikes. They don't make people like that anymore. That's I mean, when people think about war today, they only think about things that are happening somewhere else that are very small scale, like the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan.

That's our perspective for most people's lives.

Most people don't remember Vietnam. They definitely probably most people don't really remember the experience of having someone fight in World War Two that you loved, some people maybe remember Korea.

But our experience of war is almost unless you're a soldier who's served overseas, our experience is almost like abstract.

Right?

Like we know it happens, but it's just one of those things. It's over there sort of like pandemic's. We know what happens, but it's just it's rare. We don't have to worry about it right now, but now we do. That's how I feel about war. Like if it breaks out, if if war breaks out with China and also there's like legitimate attacks on cities, I mean, like, holy shit.

Like, we didn't think this was real. Right. We didn't think that this is a real possibility. But all this time, maybe that's why when people like Obama get in office and they have a different perspective on the campaign trail than they do once they actually get in office, maybe they're presented with how many moving pieces are on the table and how all this can go wrong at any time and how this nation is trying to do this to this nation.

This nation has nukes and this and they're trying to get to us and this is how they're doing it. And we found that they're listening to our bathrooms and they've got devices here. We've found a new spy and like, fuck, man.

Yeah. Dude, war is a crazy thing, I remember how bad everybody a lot of people were excited to go to war after 9/11, you know, and they built that storyline around it and everything.

Well, we were all so excited in some ways because we just got through Operation Desert Storm. That was a big hit for, you know, if that was.

If we were a band, that was our Stairway to Heaven, right?

Right, such fucking giant hit, you know, I mean, we lost one one Scud missile, hit one barracks and killed a bunch of people, but that's it. Most of it was just a decimation right. Of destruction by the American troops. So I think in some ways we might have had it in our head. This is something we're going to do like we did in Desert Storm. Just wipe out real quick and then be over. Fuck.

Here we are, the longest war ever in the history of the country.

And we don't get out, we're still in it and there's arguments that we should stay in and some of them are good arguments know like fuck like, is that what the world we're dealing with is like we were talking about before with when it comes to people, there's so many things.

It's not there's not one real clear answer of what you do that's going to determine the best future for everybody. And you could listen to these experts tell you, listen to an expert tells you we don't want to be the policemen of the world.

We need to get out of everywhere now and concentrate on our own domestic issues and just use policy and diplomacy to deal with the rest of the world. And then there's other people that say they will blow us the fuck up. We have to monitor them. We have to keep an eye on them.

There's a real hatred of the first of all, maybe some of it earned some of the shit we did in the past. Maybe there's some shady shit that's going on you don't know about. But the bottom line is we're going to need to keep these bases. We need to keep this military presence and we don't want to go to war. But trust us, you know, like fuck.

So while that Sweden's been able to avoid all of this the whole time, a bunch of what started out is what basically Vikings. Right.

Right. Iceland, too. Right. They're not invading anybody anymore. Oh, they're neutral.

They stated they were either they were able to avoid World War Two.

They just figured out how to do strongman contests and appease those fucking guerrillas. Get it out of your system, lift some weights. So many of the strong men come from Iceland, you know. Yeah, there was a vice documentary on it.

They showed all these gigantic dude. They were like, oh, look, Vikings, Giants. Imagine that giant with a battle axe storming through your fucking neighborhood. That's where the Nordic track came from.

And every now and then you miss you're really good at this.

But at some point, right.

You remember that thing. Is that still a thing? Yeah, I think so. You do cross country. Nobody ever used those right at all of the exercise equipment that nobody ever used. That was number one.

Was that the Chuck Norris one? I think it was no. Chuck Norris. One was the total body system. Remember that one was cables. And he's going it pulls him down. His body goes up and goes down. Up was that call was the call Total Body System. It was him and Christie Brinkley.

Right. Things total body jam. I think one of them things total body, something him and Christie Brinkley hanging on still sexy at an elevated age. So that was the that was like the hook.

I want to be like that. They still got it. Christie still got it. Chuck Norris still got it, wasn't Christie Brinkley my imagine that they right. I'm deep into the history of the NordicTrack right now.

I used to be Head Start off called the Nordic Jocke, which is why I was trying to see where that was just insulting. That's just gross. Yeah.

The Nordic jock. Robotech. Yeah, total, Jim, I don't know, and then I get all these companies have made similar things, but the one with Chuck Norris and I would come out.

Hmm, I think I'm pretty sure it was Chuck Norris and Christie Brinkley. Just two hotties hanging on now, yeah. She's hung on better than anybody, right? If you have to give the crown to yeah, there it is. Chuck Norris looking good.

Olivia Newton John was in it, too. Oh, and Christie Brinkley, they got everybody all these hotties that are hanging on to it. That's what they got. And back then, she probably was only like 40.

That's what she used of for 14 years. Hell, yes, she did.

And it works. Look at her. But look at all the people that are hanging in there. No one's hanging in there as good as Christie Brinkley.

I think she's 65. Yeah, how about Jaylo 50, there's a great meme that shows Jaylo, what, 66, Christie Brinkley.

When we were kids, 66 was a dead person dying, you're going to die any moment now. You're not supposed to be hot. Hi, how are you pulling hot off? How do they do it? There's a picture of Jello.

Look at that, 65. That's her on a boat at 65. Jesus, fuckin Luis's. Wow, that's crazy. Like she's in the sun, all right. She's not in some crazy studio somewhere.

That's me sitting next. Or you can't tell that picture, but her body's amazing. I guess it's one of those things if you just refuse, if you just Michael Jordan the fuck out of your looks. Yeah, with just regular gym and eating right, and just hang in there like Tom Cruise on the side of that airplane.

Yeah, hang in there. Look, see, do do you think you can hang in there like that?

Probably not. I mean, I made a pasta and tobacco. Probably not.

I think squirrels are going to kill me. I see about 65.

So 65 year old. But how is that even possible? Oh, my God, that's insanity. She's got a perfect body. That's why she's not hiding. There's nowhere to hide. That's not her in a dress. And if you saw her naked, she'd be disgusting. No, she looks amazing.

Wow. That is beautiful aged beef. And that's probably what inspired Adele. Get her fucking shit together. The 65 year old ladies out there looking hot.

What can I do it for? You can you can just stop rolling in the deep dish. And on that note, let's wrap this up. Tony Hinsliff, always a pleasure, my brother.

Thank you, sir. Great to be here. Great to be out and about. Good to have you killed, Tony. Still streaming. Yep. Monday's YouTube. Yeah. You just doing a modified version of it? Yeah.

It's a mellow, modern version of it. I'm also also starting a roast doing a roast school. I made a fake master class video. I saw that. Yeah. And I got I got hit up by the my book people who wanted to make it a real thing.

So I'm doing a real roast master class and I think that's going to be on my Patreon coming soon.

That actually sounds like a great tool for people that like are tired of being picked on. Yeah, I can teach. I'm going to show people. I mean, it's, you know, it's a goof. I'm taking myself way too seriously in it. I've already shot one. And I am I'm showing them how I go through the process.

Like I'm going to like I'm going to have, you know, I'm going to first I'm reviewing other roasts that I've done and I'm hitting pause and I'm showing them like how I came up with that and how to kill your babies and write new stuff right before and this and that and how to change things based on what people are wearing or that we should explain kill your babies like when you have bits you don't like, cut them loose.

Yeah, people like what Tony Hinchcliffe advocates killing babies.

Exactly.

Yeah, there's a whole bunch of terms and every term that's a great term. Yeah. And also I'm showing people how to put on their own roast with like their family or co-workers and how to book it and how to get help writing and how to set it up and.

Oh that's amazing. Yeah. And so when will that be available. That's going. That actually starts next week. Really patrie on dot com slash Hinchcliffe. OK, so and is all that linked on your Instagram or your Twitter. It's about to be.

I have all this stuff I just haven't released and everything is Tony Hinsliff, right. Instagram, Twitter, all that stuff. Yeah. All right. Thank you, my brother. Always good to see you.

Always fun. Thank you. Bye, everybody. Thank you, friends, for tuning into this show. Thank you to simply say they've made it easy to finally get comprehensive protection for your home. They're going to hook you up when you go to simply save Dotcom Rogan, you can get a free, simply safe security camera that's simply safe. Dotcom Rogan, make sure you know that the jury sent you from simple safe to all of us here, wishing you safety and good health.

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