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My guest today is one of my best friends is a guy I've gone on the road with for many, many years.


He is the host of the Kill Tony podcast and he's a fantastic stand up comedian.


Please give it up for the great and powerful Tony Hinchcliffe government podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience, trained by Joe Rogan podcast My Night All Day. Hello to. Could you see in the right side of America, feels good out here? Feels good, right? Whole different feeling feels normal. Yeah, people aren't terrified. Correct. They got everybody scared as fuck. California. It's horrible, man.


Everything shut down. Everything feels bad.


It's sad. It is that the more the more businesses are completely closed, the sadder it is is seeing stuff that you know. Yeah, in the memories that you have there, it's also I think it's harder to bounce back in big places. I think it's harder for big places to bounce back because you get like all these stores closed down, like all the stores that got hit hard with the looting on Melrose, like they're still closed.




Many of them come back. Yeah. Yeah. When you drive down the last time I was there, it's like boarded up.


Boarded up. Boarded up for lease. For lease, for lease. Like this takes a long time to come back.


It feels that way for sure. Some places are open, but it's not the same vibe. Yeah.


Out here, they're not interested in shutting things down the same way, especially the governor. He's like, we've got to keep businesses open and he's right.


But you can do it safely. I mean, I think you could do it safely here better than California because there's lower numbers, there's less people.


It's just, you know, everyone's on is smooshed in together and everyone's more relaxed because of that. It makes you realize when you come to a place that has less humans, it makes you realize like, oh, that's better. Like there's plenty of people out here. It's not like we're in the farms in the country, in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It's not like that. It's a city, but it's a less populated city and everything's just a little more.


Oh, yeah, relaxed.


L.A. is a giant county. Yeah. People think it's a city and it's just a massive, huge place.


And it's mushes in with Orange County, which is even more populated, right? Yeah, no, L.A. is probably more populated than Orange County, but Orange County so dense, though. There's the traffic in Orange County on the 405 is mind blowing. It's mind blowing. Yeah. Like when you driving down to San Diego and you just like, where are all these people coming from? Right.


There's so many of them in North till I went up to Pebble Beach a couple of weeks ago. And traffic's just crazy. I mean, six lanes. You're all in with the golf and look at you.


Unbelieve took a trip to Pebble Beach.


I'm telling you, dude, it's the greatest thing out of nowhere. I went to go smoke pot with my buddy Pete one day and then, you know, he's like, yeah, I'm golfing. I'm like, great, I'll smoke pot with you there. I figured I would just drive the car and have fun. Rest is history addicted? I caught myself the other day watching thing on the TV, like golf lessons or whatever. And at the same time I was on my iPad on YouTube not realizing I was doing to at once learning how to chip.


It's so much more dangerous. It's why I never played. Why is it dangerous? Because it's a suck of time. It sucks time. Not that it's bad. People enjoy it. And as far as, like, activities that suck time, I mean, at least you're walking around, you're out in nature. You got all that beautiful green grass. You know, there's there's positives to it.


It's definitely an interesting thing to suck time because it gives me energy. And when I'm away from it, I can think more clearly about everything else. It's like it's very meditative.


You're always thinking about your next shot or your last shot, what you did wrong, what you could have done better for the next one. So it's like when I'm out there, it's I'm not looking at my phone for four or five hours, which is great.


I'm not thinking about anything else.


So that when I do afterwards and, you know, normally most days, if I don't do that, I sort of like crash out around evening time.


But if it's a golf day, even if I'm up at six, five, seven a.m., I have energy all day, all night after that. Those are the best days now.


Yeah, it's probably like every like artery's like that. It's meditative. Yeah. It helps clear your mind because it's so difficult. Right.


You're concentrating so hard on each individual putt and shot.


I say. Right, yeah. We call them shots drives.


It depends on what you're shooting. The drive is about your knowledge. Yeah. That drive is from the tee. That's the first shot. That's power. Hopefully some accuracy. You're aiming for the middle. Is that the hardest to get good at.


No, putting is the hardest. Really. Yeah. What about miniature golf.


It's all touch putting is the most like archery.


Miniature golf isn't really the same. I know on the golf course there's no windmill to knock it back.


I got to get it up that ramp that ramps narrow the ramp. Yeah. The rail. Yeah. To get to the windmill. Right. You got to get it in the clown's mouth. Just like at Pebble Beach like excuse me. Where your klown.


There's no other sport that's worth millions of dollars if you're the best. That also has a miniature version that little kids play.


Right. Like a fucked up version with all like bumpers everywhere and weird holes. And it's fun though. It's on concrete with fucking fake grass over it, right?


Yeah. There's no I guess those bumper pool pools, not pools, not nearly as popular as golf in terms of in terms of money, you know.




Like golfers make like Bryson DeChambeau, you know, that is a powerful draw.


One hundred and twenty three yard drive. That is insanity. That's so far. And he did this on purpose, so there's like an interview recently about him because he's been getting popularity, he like decided to like get jacked.


He hits that 40, 50 yards farther than Tiger Woods ever did. Jesus.


So he's just decided to get really big. He looks like a football player. Who's that one dude that does the thing at the driving ranges where he steps his leg up in the air like he's throwing a pitch and then he steps forward and crazy talk.


He's got this crazy move he does where he lifts his leg up and then he steps into it and whacks it.


Yeah, he's there's videos of them on YouTube. We've actually talked about him before.


And I don't think he's hitting at that far, though. I don't think anybody sitting at 43, maybe Salyut Pro Driver guy, but yeah, this guy's a freak.


Well, also, this guy is accurate. I mean, he's right. He's hitting it exactly in the middle.


Look where it lands. And he just won the Masters. I do believe that's that's going on right now. When the U.S. Open. Yeah. The U.S. Open. And what's crazy about him. So what's crazy about the sport of golf is that that's your first shot. And then after that touch, as you get closer to the whole touch, becomes so much more important.


So this guy can do that and he can also make a ten foot putt that has a hill from right to left and then bends from left to right.


Like the there's a comparison, I guess, to pull the brake shot. Yeah. You know, like some guys have crazy big shots, like with a lot of power. And then afterwards it's a touch and finesse game.


Right. And some guys might get in their head on the eight ball, which is every hole. Every putt. Yeah. It's the most frustrating yet rewarding part.


Also, you guys, you're not playing on a flat surface. You got little hills. You have to like look at. You've got to get low and try to figure out where you hit it on the hill, make it drop the hole.


And in the morning, because the ground's moist, especially in California, they water everything and then you're just in a desert. So if you start at, say, seven or eight a.m., it's pretty straight, like there's not. And also it's slower because it's wet. Right. And by ten, eleven, twelve, once the heat kicks up, things are moving much faster. So you have to adjust throughout the day for it from slow to fast.


And all these things slow it chain. Every hole literally changes as it goes on.


Yeah, that that's the same with pool, with moisture. If you're playing in a place that has a lot of moisture, like some of the best players on earth come from the Philippines.


And what happened is soldiers, I believe, in the Second World War brought over to the Philippines pool. They taught them pool and they play a lot of pool outside. So they have these outside areas like chickens running around and shit and they're playing pool like a lot of open air pool tables.


And it's obviously it's an island. So it's near the oceans. Probably a lot of humidity in the air and the tables. They also have this weird thing they do with a poor powder on the rails.


So like they have like baby powder because the tables and everything gets so slick because it's wet and sweaty and sticky and moist. So they put baby powder near the pockets and they all touch the baby powder on their fingers.


And then, you know, the Q runs smoothly through your hand, but then you're always touching the table. So you're putting baby powder all over the table so the table gets really dirty. Right. So they're playing on these like dirty, slow, wet tables.


And so they developed these like real fluid strokes because they're so used to having to power the ball around these disgusting tables. Like, not disgusting, but you would be upset if you played on a table like that in America. You'd say, why don't you guys clean the table? But over there, they don't give a fuck. Also, they don't give a fuck if it's a bunch of people around the table. So they have these games.


And I watch these games, like if you looked at my YouTube feed, you'd fucking laugh because like the suggested videos, the vast majority of them are Filipino pool.


I watch Efram Raya's if you look Jeff Godling production. Jeff Godling is a guy who films Salt Lake simple stuff. They film it like with a tripod and a cell phone. And then they they just film these pool matches and people get obsessed with watching areas play these young guns. In the Philippines, Aaron Rantes is probably the greatest pool player of all time.


Like pretty widely regarded, he like the Hicks and Gracy of pool and he's playing Manny Pacquiao.


Right. Manny Pacquiao is a killer, by the way. Manny Pacquiao is a killer pool player. Really? Oh, my God. Like world class. Like Manny Pacquiao could play professional. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Like he gambles with professionals. Do you? Yeah. My friend Max Eberly, who's you've met Max. I think I know you have. Yeah. He's a legit pro like Max is like world champion caliber pro and he's gambled with Manny Pacquiao and he said Manny Pacquiao is good.


He says you have to really bear down to beat him like they play a race to ten.


He might be Manny because Max is world class, but he might be bending like ten to seven or ten to six, whereas he beat me like ten to one attended to. Man, he's much better than me.


He's really good. And he's better than you at pool. Yeah. Yeah, he's legit. There's Manny, right. Yeah, dude, heatly that kick that ball in, son. Wow. And get position on the six, he's he's super legit. Super legit and he's got a great stroke and he's also left handed.


I think there's a thing about left handed people and I say this as a right handed person, I think generally they're better at shit.


Yeah, I agree. My one of my best golf buddies who helps me get a lot better because he's great.


Look how good he is, dude. Seriously, look how fucking good he is. He bumped the eight. I don't know if he got position on the five there. He might have fucked that up, but he plays really good.


Yeah, like like like I said, if I saw him in a tournament and I didn't know as Manny Pacquiao, I'd be like, Oh, this guy's really good. He's a pro, essentially a pro.


But that's also because he's from the Philippines in the Philippines.


Look how good he gets a perfect position on the seven. Watch this. Seven to the eight. Eight to the ten. And he's out. Ten ball. Watch this, Pop.


If you watch how he strokes the ball, like everything's super precise, like his position, that's he's a pro. look like a legit pro. So if Manny decides to retire from from fighting and goes into professional pool, he might win some world championships, like, no bullshit.


I mean, he's still fighting actively. They're actually talking about him fighting Conor McGregor right now, which is kind of bonkers for that gets out. Beautiful position.


Why do you say it's kind of bonkers? Because you think McGregor dominate Conor. Is that a question? You know, one of the greatest boxers of all time, I agree against a guy with one professional boxing match.


I agree and I'm a huge Manny Pacquiao fan.


But but there is. But I can't believe it. The other week I watched McGregor Mayweather since it's been like done.


I just was on my Showtime app and I wanted to watch some boxing. It popped up and I clicked on it and I did not remember.


I remembered koner shocking me with how good he did. I did not remember it being as close as it truly was.


Let me explain something. Yeah, the reason why it was close is because Mayweather let him blow his body. Right. Just let him look at clip.


Mayweather will legit legit left uppercut early in the fight.


And I was kind of stunned. I was like, wow, that's really legit.


Watch this. Here we go. See what it will do that if you see it, watch this left uppercut.


If if if they don't think that replay. That's really quick. Oh, so let's rewind a little bit to just so I could see it, because it's really, really good. I mean, I think that left uppercut. Here's the thing, Mayweather had to figure out Connor's timing, because what Connor is, Connor is not a professional boxer. OK, so because he's not a professional boxer, he's not as efficient and he's going to get tired easier.


Mayweather is one of the greatest, if not the greatest boxer of all time. I say there's a real good argument.


He's the greatest of all time because he's undefeated and really only been hurt by sugar.


Shane Mosley and Maidana two guys in a spectacular career, 50 and oh, and just gets hit less than anybody. And he's super smart about how he sets up fights. He sets up one of the things he does. He talks a massive shit and gets everybody wanting to root for him to lose.


He'll show you all his Rolls Royce has to show you all his money to show you his watches. And everybody's like, he's going to go broke. He's going to go broke.


But he never does. He keeps making money. He keeps making money.


So because if you look at his style, he's he's got a brilliant style. His style is take the minimal amount of damage, find your openings and then establish a game and then dominate. And that's what he's done to everybody. That's what he did to Manny Pacquiao and their fight. And, you know, Manny Pacquiao apparently had a fucked up shoulder, but that's what he did to Ricky Hatton, dominated Ricky Hatton, who at the time was, you know, one of the best in the world, and a guy that a lot of people were interested in seeing how he would do against Mayweather.


And then the second fight with Madonna, you get to see the brilliance of Mayweather because you knew he got clipped in the first fight.


So he digested all of Madonna's movements and what he did wrong in the first fight. And he came out in the second fight and just put on a clinic.


He's the best of all time. Yeah, but Conor is a freak. He's an explosive guy. He's so fast.


And there's no remedy for that. Right. Other than getting a guy tired.


So what Mayweather was doing was boxing with him, but preserving it, being safe, got clipped a couple of times, realized that Carnochan punch could punch, but just drag him in the deep water dragoman deep water. And that's what a guy like Mayweather would do. He's the most he's the most intelligent in terms of his overall strategy to preserve his health, yet to always win. I mean, he's the most intelligent. He's so good. You know, all the greats have suffered losses and setbacks and accept him.


Yeah, stop him.


We don't even know what it's like. I don't even know how he would recover.


We know he's had tough fights. He's had a couple of tough fights. But, dude, he's so goddamn good. He's so protected. He knows where to beam, where not to be. He's so composed.


Like, look at that, look at that. Look at that movement.


Look how he moves away from everything. So you're punching it air and you're still threatening, but you're not really hitting him and he's making you throw punches. And occasionally you clip him with a shot as he's moving away and he rolls with a lot of shit.


So it's really you've got to be a guy like Sugar Shane Mosley clipped him, really clipped him, like really hurt him.


And he just grabbed a hold of them, held onto him and eventually started kicking sugar. Shane's ass just took time.


He's if you're a young boxer and you want to know what it's like to be a 41 year old and still be at the top of your game, you got to be like him or like Bernard Hopkins.


When Bernard Hopkins was at the top of his game, he was older.


He was like in his 40s, like he was I think he was thirty six when he beat Felix Trinidad.


And a lot of people like Bernard done it's over. Felix Trinidad, Tito Trinidad is the future. And he let Felix Trinidad on fire. And then the same thing with Kelly Pavlik. Kelly Patrick is not expecting that.


We were expecting that to be Kelly Pavlik big like return. He got smashed.


Bernard Hopkins is a national treasure. Yeah, he's because he look that kind of popson with that jab. And that was uncomfortable.


But it's like he's like, look, how come he is stop. Backed-up backed it up a second. Look how goddamn calm he is. Walsh's jab come to Floyd's face. He doesn't even blink. It touches him in the nose, but he knows he's not going to hurt him. Look at this. Watch it. Look at this. Look at this. He doesn't even move. Wow. He doesn't even move. He's a master of distance.


He really is a master of distance. Bernard was a master of distance, too, and Bernard was a different kind of style, different kind of defensive style. Bernard like, would frustrate guys a lot, clinch with them, tie you up, make it very physical and guys get real frustrated. And they didn't know what to do and they just wanted to fucking start swinging punches.


And then you get right in your face again and clench a hold you but then break with you and catch you with a left hook break catch with the right hand, always defensive, always protected, always disciplined, you know, frustrating your opponent and boxing's one of the interesting things, right?


Like Holyfield, Tyson, it's crazy.


Everybody remembers the IR bite, but not a lot of people talk about the massive amount of clenching and headbutts that Holyfield was landing on him in that fight. Oh, yes. Very clear when you watch it again. Well, the headbutts are interesting.


It's like the question is, did he do it on purpose? And that's what Tyson was saying, that he's doing this on purpose, he's trying to cut me and cut my face and cut Tyson, and that's when Tyson bit easier.


And Tyson's idea at the time, at least, was that he was doing it on purpose, you know, but it's also like his style style to get it, put his face, put his head on your chest, you know, put his forehead on chest and just make it a test of wills like very few human beings have.


The kind of will that Evander Holyfield as you watched the Riddick Bowe fights.


Yeah, those are crazy to watch because Riddick Bowe was way bigger than Holyfield. You got to remember, Holyfield is a cruiserweight champion.


So Holyfield, I want to say he fought light heavyweight in the Olympics. I might be wrong about that. I want to say he fought like one in the Olympics. Find out what he thought. I used to have a subscription when I was a kid, the Ring magazine. Oh yeah, the Bible of boxing, son. Yeah, they have a lineal heavyweight belt. They give out their own belt, like the ring belt is as prestigious as any other belt, WBC, WBA.


It is the red, white and blue side straps.


Yeah, it's got like crazy ruffles to it. And like old school looks like something Jack Johnson would. It was so cool.


Coolest. It's weird how like cool trophies and stuff sometimes get weird. Like I was thinking about that the other day about the green jacket, the mascot. They give you a weird basically the ugliest jacket.


Yeah. It's like it's you're such, such a badass. You're disgusting, Jack. Yeah.


And you see those guys when they're all together and it's like it's like they're like so happy to be wearing these ugly jackets together and diamonds and a Rolex is wearing a gross jacket.


Yeah. That says his first professional light heavy. But right before that he was listed around age twenty one at 178, which is around the time he was in Olympics.


So, so, so he probably thought it light heavyweight.


So if his first professional fight was a light heavyweight and then he went on to be the cruiserweight champion, he beat Dwight Muhammad Kawi, who used to be Dwight Braxton.


Dwight Braxton was this guy was five, seven, 200 pounds. He was a tank just and he would come at you, like, real low.


He would get in a crouch and guys be like, what the fuck he'd be like way down here.


And he was just jacked and he was another guy out of prison. So just tough shit like Bernard Hopkins.


Bernard Hopkins learned a lot of his discipline by being locked up. He's like, I never want this to happen to me again. There's a famous story about Bernard leaving prison and one of the the guards saying, you'll be back.


And he was like me because I'm Bernard Hopkins, one of the fuck I would be a world champion. And I'm going to get this just this chapter out of my life. Yeah. And went on to be one of the most disciplined boxers ever.


That's why he was able to compete deep into his 40s. He lost to Joe Smith, I think it was fifty one when he lost his final fight.


And Joe Smith Junior is just just fucking savage, like one of those barbarian construction workers who still is a full time job but still fights at a world class level, scary, savage, savage human being.


Did you see the fighter who had his jaw split up and fought for like for me around with it? But the bottom the bottom mandible, that happens, it breaks in half right here and it goes up and down.


Oh, yeah. Check that. Oh, Jesus. Oh, look. Look how it's dropped down.


This had happened in the second round and he kept fighting. He wanted to fight, but they had to like, tell him, hey, your jaws broken. That's not good.


Well, the. Oh my God. That's so that's so broken. The problem is it'll tear all the tissue in there and then it'll never heal. Right?


Oh, my God. Benjamin Hussein from Australia. Who hit him. Ben Mahoney said it dislodged the thought of just dislodged his mouthpiece and then a bunch of blood started coming out. There was a woman who had that in and may fight. Kimco tour, she was Randy Coteries wife at the time, and her job did the same thing, drop down, you can see it moving. Oh, my God, that is crazy.


That's crazy. Look at the. Oh, my God.


Oh, my God. Good Lord, can you imagine the headache the next day? I saw a video of a lion that got kicked by a gazelle and had a broken jaw. That's that's some hard shit to look at because this is not going to last. There's no recovering from that right now. You're lying because you can't Bettles, right?


No lie in hospital lines. Have one shot at getting injured. They get injured once in their life, and then it's over.


So how long do you think they last after an injury like that? Dead, dead within a couple of weeks they usually started. Do you think they starve to death if you can't eat?


You think the lion keeps thinking? You think they have, like, memories and they're like that fucking gazelle that fucking is now.


But I think they hold no grudges. Right. I think grudges are connected to cognitive function like our ego or our understanding of ourselves.


That's what I'm going to get him back because it's like ego. I don't think animals have an ego.


They have they have a sense of fair, though. Animals have a sense of some animals do. At least chimps do. One of the reasons why chimps attack people is because if people give something to someone else and they don't give it to them, they have a real sense of fairness.


Yeah, there's a famous story of this guy who had a pet chimp. And then the thing about chimps is you can keep them when they're young and then they get older. And it's like a man, but a man that's five times stronger than you. And like, why is he gonna listen to you?


He's not going to listen to you. So I think you start biting off fingers.


It's one of the things that chimps do with chimps. Get mad at you that bite off your finger. Yeah. Just let you know they're the boss. Like, you don't give a fuck if you're injured. They have no remorse. Right. And they're intelligent. So you have this thing that's not a dog. It's not a person. This is weird in-between thing. It's an animal, but it's also intelligent. And so when you do something for someone else, but you don't do something for them, they get rage like horrific rage.


So this guy gets rid of this chimp, brings to a shelter.


The shelter takes it in and he goes to visit it every year and the chimp goes to see him. I call my friend. I miss you. I miss you. Why can't I come home? But he can't come home ever. Because he would just take over the house. Right. Because he's a grown chimp. Me? Well, you don't castrate chimps the way they castrate dogs, are you? When you castrate a dog like everybody, it's standard.


People think it's good. Oh, you get your dog neutered. Yeah, I did.


And you want your dog to have no testosterone. You want your dog to have no balls. But then it becomes a different thing, right.


Then it's like tired and like like.


Have you ever seen a dog get snipped? I had one of my dogs get snipped when it was five years old. It's just too aggressive. And so someone talked me into it.


And then when I got them stamped also news just tired all the time is lazy and I realize, oh, he didn't have any testosterone anymore. It's all gone like, wow. So the dog's a different dog now, so you can't do that.


Chimps, for whatever reason, you can't do that. You can't neuter a chimp. So this guy goes to visit the chimp and he brings a birthday cake.


Happy birthday, buddy. And the other chimps that are in cages right next to like this motherfucker didn't bring me a cake.


I can't believe this shit.


So they figure out a way to get out. And they got out and they attacked the man and they tore him apart. They tore his face off. They tore his dick off the store's feet, off the bit, its fingers off. It's one of the most horrific, cruel attacks you'll ever hear of because they did it to try to take away from him the things he wants and needs. Like chimps recognize you need your fingers in order to do things, see your face in order to see you need your dick in order to fuck.


So that's the things that go after. Fucking assholes, they don't they don't just try to kill you, they try to take away what it means to be a human. So if you try to hide your hands, they'll pull your hands away from and open them up and bite them off like crazy with rage filled look in their eye and they don't communicate with language.


So they only have this sense in their head of what's fair and what's not fair and what you've done to them. So if you do something that makes them jealous, they think immediately you've done something bad to them.


They don't think that. No, no. I just gave my friend a cake. You made them feel bad. So it's you you made them feel bad.


So they go right after you because it's like a sort of a it's an interesting study in the way sometimes people look at things like we've all been jealous.


Right. You've been jealous of someone. You see someone who's doing something well and you're.


Oh, I wish I was that guy, but you don't go attack that person, right?


People recognize like it's not his fault that I feel bad that he has this Corvette. I have to just fuck.


I just got to appreciate guys hustle guys out there kicking ass. All right?


I got to get my shit together. But there's a thing that we have initially, especially when they're children.


We feel angry, like you feel upset, like you feel like you've been shorted like someone's.


Oh, why didn't I get that? This is bullshit. He gets it.


And I don't it's a fascinating part of humans.


And then humans, as we get older and more sophisticated with language, but still carry the same childish emotions, we find reasons to be upset at someone for being successful. We find reasons, eat the rich.


You know, we find these find these weird little ways we can justify our jealousy or our anger or our disdain for those who are more successful than we.


So it's like we're coming up with complicated, sophisticated ways to justify these primal behaviors that chimps exhibit and just violent rage.


So this guy it's a famous case like this.


You can see the pictures if you want to see the pictures of the cake guy of the guy who got his face ripped apart and fingers bitten off. Yeah.


I mean, he was in the hospital. That sounds great. Did do you think those folks at home prepared don't show it on the screen because it's rough, but Tony needs to see this.


So you go give a kick. Yeah, I'm not doing that. This is no nose. See how bit beat his nose off.


God, yeah. Look at his face. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The bit of consciousness after this happened.


Oh yeah. Of course. Looking to see his right hand, the fingers bitten off like they do, they bite off your fingers. That's the chimp right there to click on the chimp on the right hand corner.


That's his chimp was going, wow, picture. What does that picture.


I'm surprised you let him keep his ears. Oh, that's the guy's face. I mean, that's what that is. He's got a trick because he can't breathe out of his mouth.


Yeah, well, I don't think, you know. Chimps exactly know the human anatomy all that well, but they know what's important to you, your face, your fingers, Phuket's toward the sky part.


So if he would have brought pieces of cake and given them to all the chimps and all the cages, if they don't, I'll be happy.


But they're also angry that he's their captive. So when they get captive, look, being captive for a chimp is probably a similar feeling as to what it would be to be captive as a person.


But if you see a chimp at the zoo and you're you're in this big they're in this big containment and all these monkey bars and stuff, they could hang on.


But there's a bunch of people staring at them. Like all day long, people are staring at you through glass and there's a ceiling like there's a net over the top.


So you can't go over the top and it's fences and you're just like, fuck, every day is boring.


Nothing happens. Nothing happens every day. There's no lions. There's no no fruit to go pick. There's no places to go journey to to explore. Like chimps travel around, man. They don't just sit in one particular 100 yard area for the rest of their life. And it's not even 100 yards. Right. You go to the L.A. Zoo, you see how small that enclosure is.


Yeah, I went to the L.A. Zoo once. Really high. Really high. Like on an edible. Yeah.


And I wrote a piece on my website called Animal Prison.


I was like because it made me feel like good because, you know, when you're really fucking super Beşiktaş sensitive to everything.


Yeah. But just I recognize how instead of thinking about myself and thinking about, you know, oh, I'm going to go to the zoo and see the monkeys.


I went there and I immediately felt sadness. I was like, oh no, these poor creatures, like, they don't want to be here, like, what do we do?


And like, we can't do this.


I was thinking, like, I got to get out of here. It's true now.


You're right. And it's very bizarre. Same thing with SeaWorld, same thing with all those places.


Oh, SeaWorld is worse because they're as smart as us, if not smarter. Yeah, we don't know. We don't even really know how smart orcas are. Right. Or dolphins, because we put them in these weird categories, like how much emails do they send to they make houses know they must be stupid, but they have a cerebral cortex is 40 percent larger than ours.


We don't know how smart they are. They also they communicate. They have weird, sophisticated language that we can't decipher.


We can't decipher it.


We don't know what their language is. They've been able to recognize specific accents. So they know this like, you know, there's a Southern accent and a Cleveland accent. There's a Chicago accent. Alkies have accents like we can tell by the sound, oh, this is an Orka from Alaska or this is the from Seattle.


Yeah, it's crazy. It's fucking nuts. And meanwhile, we put them in a swimming pool, a fucking swimming pool. So sad how they're fin groups looking, the depressed.


It's not that they get depressed. They don't use it. It atrophies.


So go that you don't pick anything up with it just gets limp.


You ever break your arm? Um, no.


When you break your arm, they put it in a cast. One of the weird things is you get your arm out of the cast. It's a little it's like your arm atrophy.


Mine's always like that. I always look like I had a broken arm for three years. I did break my leg once I was fucked up. Oh, wrestling season got run over by a car. Oh yeah.


What happened.


Girlfriend at the time dropped me off after school and I was getting my backpack out of her trunk, but she forgot that I was behind her car getting a backpack out of her trunk.


She started backing off the impact of you on purpose and now you're justifying it.


And I almost made it out of the way. It was the last second I. And then she had been out of the way. Yeah. Turn the wheel. Yeah. Cracked my leg into two pieces a month before my senior year of wrestling started. Big seem gone.


What's up? Jamie turned this back to this chimpanzee story, but it's got it's a little bit crazier than you probably like you probably stop looking into this. Oh, crazy guy.


He won a lawsuit against West Covina to keep the chimp in the 60s because the judge said the chimp, quote, doesn't have the traits of a wild animal and was somewhat better behaved than some people.


It but like so there is I was reading more about the story at eight is according to the reports, at eight, his testicles also. And there are some report that at eight part of his brain, like they cracked open a skull and got a piece of his brain.


This was later put into another holding place, escaped again and like two thousand, five or eight or something, because this happened, the original story happened, I don't know, two thousand two maybe. The people who originally owned the chimp, like rented a helicopter to go find it. There was more lawsuits.


But that but you say that he ate his brain. It wasn't that chimp that his brain wasn't his.


Don't believe so.


But this chimp got involved with, like it says that it's his chimp that got involved, that there was a police officer that got into like when it got out one time, like got into an altercation with the cops.


There's like 80 percent of cops. They suck at fighting drunks. Yeah. Imagine finding a chimp. Like, how many videos have you seen of cops trying to pull a guy over and the guy winds up kicking their ass?


It happens a lot, man, as required. Two hundred fifty thousand dollars in medical treatment for the policemen. Gloria Allred was defending the chimp in court.


Yeah, like, I swear to God, like he gets like I. Oh, my God.


That's hilarious. Said the two chimps that beat him the first time didn't have good enough lawyers. This is this is like a lawyer talking about a guy who is so crazy.


The chimps have lawyers. How can a chimp have a lawyer? Dogs. Dogs don't get lawyers. Right. So if a dog bites you, they just put the dog down. But if a chimp bite you, like, hold on.


This chimp sounds so good. He almost represented himself in court. This guy escaping from prison, eating brains, tired of bullshit.


I don't think it's the same chimp that ate the brains. I think is the chimp that attacked the guy on tours take off the his brains.


They do take take your testicles off. They seem to know that that's where you're coming stored.


No, that's not good. That's not cool. That is not cool. It's so crazy.


Well, you know, the one about the lady in Connecticut, right? No, no. Oh, this one's even freakier.


This lady had a giant chimp like a 200 pounder, and it lived with her and slept in her bed. Oh, wow. And she gave it Xanax and red wine. And one day this lady, her friend came over, cockblock and chimp didn't like it.


So he tore apart Itaú Lady apart, same same way that tore that man apart toward this lady Parta face apart. Horrible story. Terrifying story. This lady thought this chimp was like a pet. And then she realized, like, this chimp has no idea what the rules are and you can't tell what to do because he was tired of this lady coming around. And it wasn't the lady that was getting some red wine.


And there was another lady is telling her to not give him red wine and not give him Xanax. And he's like, this bitch is cockblock.


You think the chimp looked for testicles and was like, what the fuck?


No, you probably knew it was a female, but I don't even know. I'm joking around about the cock block part. But he whatever reason, didn't like that lady and just decided to tear apart.


You just can't keep them as pets. They're there too. It's so strange.


They're animals for sure you. But they're also so close to him.


Have you thought about getting any wild animals while in Texas now that you're in Texas? Funny you say that I have a couple of giraffes on order. No, I would have giraffes as I've had a bit of my act about giraffes, you know, about the only animals, the zoo that don't seem bummed out at all are giraffes because they're just like another day with no lions.


They just stroll around. They're so happy, they're so calm at the zoo that they let babies feed them. Like when my daughter was two, were brought to the zoo. She holds out a piece of lettuce and the giraffe come over. It's a giraffe. They didn't train it and his tongue reaches out and grabs a hold of the lettuce. It's really kind of cool the way they do it. Yeah, but that's the only animal that I would keep as a pet because they don't seem to care.


They seem to like it, like the stress free. They just chill.


I held a koala when in Australia this last time I went with the whole Kill Tony crew.


So like I'm like, OK, I'll do the touristy stuff that I've never done there in the seven or eight or whatever times I've been there. And we went and held koalas and they feed them eucalyptus the whole time. That's all they eat. And the reason why they keep feeding them eucalyptus is because the second you stop giving them eucalyptus, like truly within three seconds of them not having the next leaf, they turn more into a bear.


Like it's like they start acting instead of being this mellow little bundle of joy, feel their claws tighten up and they get you just feel it.


It's a fucking bear. They're all angry.


They're like cute and and slow and dumb.


And then as soon as they it's a straight up drug, like it's an IV drip of just heroin to them.


And if they come off, it just is there another animal like that that only eats one plant? I don't know, it's a good question, right? I mean, cows eat grass, sheep, grass. But they just eat eucalyptus. Yeah, like one weird plant, they smell like it stro. Oh yeah, I wonder what they taste like. That's a good question.


Let's do it to get real country with you. Would you cook one.


Yeah. You felt like a little aggression from them, right. Oh absolutely.


Put it down and leaves. Yeah. My fucking leaves like a fake baby. Yeah. It's a real. You remember that story about a girl that this couple adopted and they thought they were adopting like a 10 year old. And it turned out to be a tiny person and a tiny person who completely insane and was pretending to be a little kid.


Oh, do you know that story? Scary.


Now, the it's a terrifying story because this couple had this little tiny person in their house that was like Chucky. They wanted to kill them and like and then they realized, like, oh, this lady's thirty right here.


Ukrainian orphan at the center of an adoption scandal might be an adult here.


Eight adults who are caught posing as children. It's happened that many times. Fuck, yeah. So look at that. Imagine that's a 30 year old playing with your baby and you're like, oh, we're going to help her. She's going to have a better life. Meanwhile, she's doing heroin when you're not around.


Wow. Yeah, that might be this these are the different stories, these are the different stories about her, OK, because I'm not one parent. Oh, come on, you fucking pop up. Oh, you son of a bitch.


Looks like you're using an ad blocker. We're here to cockblock your ad blocker.


That's hilarious. Why don't you just shut off the ad blocker? I don't mind. All right. Parents who are cute parents are accused of abandoning an eight year old Ukrainian girl say they adopted or they adopted. Say she was actually a 22 year old mentally disturbed adult.


Look at the parents like it's a movie. It's a Coen brothers movie. Right. Like those two winding up in jail. Well, it all started when we tried to do a good thing and adopt a baby.


Yeah. You know, Darrel's balls didn't work, so we decided. Fok crazy, that's frightening. Hold on second, scroll back up again, we just yeah. Christine Barnett says Natalia terrorized her family. In an interview with the Daily Mail, trusted source, Christine Barnett said that the adoption was a scam. The girl was not who they thought she was. Christine Barnett said that she and her now ex-husband, oh, they got divorced over this, agreed to an emergency adoption in Florida in 2010.


She said she didn't know many details about Natalie's background, but we're told her previous adoptive parents gave her up for undisclosed reasons, like maybe because she's 20.


Christine Brennan said that Natalia terrorized her family, tried to stab them when they were sleeping, and once tried to push her towards an electric fence and poured bleach in her coffee.


There you go. Get rid of the coronavirus.


The media is painting me to be a child abuser, but there's no child here, she said. Natalia was a woman. She had periods when she had adult teeth. She never grew a single inch.


What would happen even with a child with dwarfism?


The doctors all confirm she was suffering from a severe psychological illness only diagnosed in adults.


That's scary. Natalia is a type of dwarfism called Whoa, how about this word?


Help me out sp1 dlo e, pip b, c how does a bundle of pipis fazil OK.


Dysplasia, which makes her age difficult to actually record without a birth certificate.


While though she was said to be six when the Barnetts adopted her in 2010, NBC News said it saw hospital records showing her age as about eight in June of 2010. Oh, well, that doesn't mean anything. OK, citing court documents, WUIS TV in Indianapolis, CW affiliate reported that the girl's age was changed from eight to twenty two in 2012 and set a skeletal survey at the Peyton Manning Hall of Peyton.


Manning has his own children's hospital. Peyton Manning Children's Hospital deemed her to be eleven at the time. Wow. She was 22 with a 22 year old skeleton when she was eleven.


Wow. Well, she made a career perpetuating her age facade. Scroll back up. It's weird that they did the test at a children's hospital. Wow. Natalia was an adult.


The document hasn't been verified, but says that she made a career of you perpetuating this weird word. How often you say that perpetuating her age?


I don't see that very often. I read it a lot and continue to fool those who had the best intentions. That's crazy. Where she now.


I mean, being a kid is pretty awesome. You don't have to work.


You get free food, you're chill and people to sleep. And yeah, they think you're a little kid. It's freaky.


Adopt an eight year old and you keep like, all right, let's check your height and you do a little pencil mark on the door. You couldn't even make that movie because people say that you were being an ablest you can make that movie about ten years ago. But if you try to make that movie today, people call you a piece of shit, like the studios wouldn't fund it. They'd be scared of the backlash.


It's so sad what's going on. A little piece I saw some stat the other day about how they're doing remakes and like there's no original and taking stuff out of movies.


I saw Poltergeist the other day.


Hey, I almost went to the Drive-In last week and saw that I was playing at a local Drive-In I haven't seen in forever.


Yeah, I didn't remember so much of it.


It's probably been twenty plus years since I saw it. But one thing I recognize when I saw I was like. The times were so different when that movie came out, I want to say that movies. It's like it's eight was like eighty for some shit, like, when do you think that came out?


I guess had to be you forgot the rest of the story. She got adopted again and went on, did more interviews and said that like she was 16, not thirty three. The girl on the thing see a picture of her on the thing.


Oh that's. Oh my God. Oh my God. She looks like she's 40. That's her. Yeah. That's a little girl. She totally looks like an adult. NITI Grace Barnett. I'm 16, not a 33 year old scam artist that she's old. Look at her face. That's not true. Look at her face. Go back up to that face. That is not a 16 year old's face. That's a woman's face. Yeah, that's crazy.


But look how small her hands are in relationship, the rest of her face, too, if I adopted an eight year old and that's what showed up at my door, had immediate, immediate return.


But I think when she was 20, she pulled it off like we saw that other picture of her. The other picture of her, she looked young. Yeah. She looked like a little kid, but she didn't look like a little, you know, from 20 to 33.


She does not look the same.


That's crazy. We even watched it or something like we heard her talk or did we?


I remember it was all like flashing back to I have there's I was on my YouTube feed watching Filipino pool the other day, and an old interview came up with us with someone I didn't even remember was a guest, like you had said.


Is this guy been a guest like, no, never heard of him. If I sat down with a guy for three hours doing a podcast, like my memories turned to dog shit.


It's like there's too many too many people in there. There's too many. It's like overwhelmed. I have no room of no hard drive space. Yeah.


You got to get rid of old and new. It's like when you find an old joke that ever happen to you. Oh yeah. It's the best feeling crazy.


It's like I wrote this in 1998.


Yeah. Look at that. Like something in there. Like I was telling you, Ron White's doing a guest spot on the show I'm doing tonight here in Austin, and he's going back, looking over his stuff. And today he was I was hanging with him. And at one point he goes, you know, this shit's pretty goddamn funny.


That's Ron. Yeah. What were we talking about?


I pulled Poltergeist.


Oh, here's what the movie I think is. What is it, eight three eight two. OK, so the movie is in the early 80s and apparently it was OK to be a piece of shit back then.


It was like super normal because like there's a scene where the 16 year old daughter goes outside. There's just people doing construction in their backyard. And I mean, like the windows right there, the parents are right there.


And these construction workers like you look at you and the guy's got like a like a tube and he's looking at it through a tube, like a toilet paper towel tube. He's looking at her like, yeah, I love you. I love it. She's like, fuck you.


And the wife, the mom is laughing that her daughter almost got raped. It is the craziest scene. Like, look at this. Look at him.


He's looking at like you look at you. I love you. Sounds terrible.


Yeah. And look at this one. Hmm. She's like, fuck you. She gave him the this fuck you, this is like the is the soft finger. It's a lot more emotion, like you have to use your arms. But the wife, the watch, the mom react to it like she's like, yeah. And they're laughing at them. Watch when they go to the mom. The mom since ah they did give her the finger, the mom was like oh boys will be boys.


And if that was today, if you put that in a movie and tried to pass it off like it was normal behavior, people would fucking freak out at you and at minimum you'd have to kill off those guys.


What's even more interesting is that's not that's not establishing them as bad guys that get killed later on. Right. Those guys survive. Oh, yeah, right.


You never even crazier. At least if you did it, you'd have to fit it in the storyline like, oh, these guys are going to be the first to get killed because they're bad people. Instead, they the whole family has to deal with Al after that.


And those guys are going on about their day. They got paid for the construction. They did.


Well, later on in the movie, the guy steals coffee that can start construction. Yeah, yeah. Steals food. He reaches and he grabs like she's cooking spaghetti. So he dips a spoon in the sauce, taste the sauce, reaches in through the window and she's like, how is it?


Like it was very good. Like no people were pieces of shit back then. It was standard. It was like cute to watch. Like instead of getting outraged as an audience member, which would you most certainly would today. That's one of those freaky movies.


You see. You learned about the history of that, right? Like with the daughter, the little girl, rather little girl.


There's like a lot of things that happen on that. It's like a super curse movie. Yeah. Yeah. Let's hope so bad. I wish I could remember all of them, but I remember her things very controversial, like she was should have been taken to a hospital much sooner than she was. Like it was like it's a it was a sloppy, sloppy ending. I can remember all the things and get it confused with the Twilight Zone movie quite a bit to four cast members.


They're fucking pop up. Shut up. You're fucking. That was free.


Four cast members died during and soon after the filming of the series, the series. So there was more than how many of them were.


There was, I think, at least three. Carolyn Freeling I like number two. Number two, I think was at the hotel, right, that crazy hotel, Carolyn's the little girl. So go go back up to the top. Carolyn Freeling was the young point of the series played by Heather O'Rourke, only six years old when the first Poltergeist film was released abroad, captivated audience.


She was misdiagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1987. The following year, O'Rorke fell ill again and their symptoms were casually attributed to the flu. A day later, she collapsed and suffered a cardiac arrest after being airlifted to a children's hospital in San Diego. O'Rorke died during the operation to correct a bowel obstruction. It was later believed that she had been suffering from a congenital intestinal abnormality. Oh, so she had.


Yeah, basically she was bleeding, but that was something she was born with on the inside. So here's another one. Dominick Dunne, who played the original older sister. Oh, that was the girl who gave up the finger. Equally tragic and unforeseen fate, 82 Dooen separated from her partner John Sweeney. November of that year, he showed up at Dune's House, pleading for her to take him back. When she refused, Sweeney grabbed Dune's neck, choked her until she was unconscious and left to die.


He was sentenced to six and a half years in prison, but was released after three years and seven months. Oh my God, if that was my daughter.


My God, I imagine your daughter like three years is not that long. OK, here we are in 2000, 23 years ago. Twenty, sixteen and a half or not even because we're halfway and right more than halfway and we're towards the end of summer. Summer of twenty. Seventeen what. And all sudden this guy's out of choked her daughter to death.


You know, chimps have been in prison more than that guy should be there.


Should put him in with a chimp. That's what they should do. Yeah. You choke a woman to death, they put you in with a chimp and they make you feed the other chimp, the birthday cake.


It's also interesting how they wrote that choked her until she was unconscious and then left her to die.


No, you mean killed her, right? Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Choked her to death. You choked her to death. Whoever wrote that? Yeah, probably not.


The guy that writes that, the guy that wrote it anyway left her to die accidentally. Oops. Yeah.


Maybe he's just really into chokin. Have you ever been with a girl once. Get choked.


Yeah. It's weird right. Yeah. I'm not into it. Not into it. Yeah. I don't want to let that fucking genie out of the bottle. The last thing you want to do is be really into chokin. Right. You know it's like being really in feet. Yeah.


Weird but way worse because it could lead to death.


Yeah. Because like if you're really into feet and then you date a normal girl and you're like, oh you know, I'd like to go with your feet.


Like what. Like for a lot of gals that would be like a deal breaker, looking for a husband, looking for man, take care of your children, look for person, be responsible. You don't want a guy who wants to be off on your feet. Right.


So for a guy who's really into feet and then he breaks up with his woman and tries to get a new one, it's like a woman's feet. Things kind of important.


But that's but at least that's not dangerous.


It's just creepy.


Yeah, but for someone who's choking people, he's gotta be real careful to test those waters.


Yeah. You know, like, if you were with a girl and that's like you had a crazy relationship for ten years, are you just fucking choke each other, you know, like, damn, that's what I miss.


I miss chokin and fucking.


Holding off on grabbing someone, grabbing by the throat is fun, applying pressure isn't fun. It's not fun grabbing, ever fun.


You ever been with a girl that you're hooking up? And she says, Hit me. No, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa.


And I go, it stopped everything.


What do you mean what do you what do you mean? Then she goes, slap me.


And I'm like, OK, that's different. That's different than hit.


Yeah. Because hit and slap or two very different things.


Yeah. But they're still hitting. Right, slapping squared.


If you slap a woman and she calls the cops, the cops say you hit her, it's assault. Stop and slap. I think that's something they do that in a fire.


Spitting in someone's face is assault. There's a there's this crazy video of this woman screaming this cop's face in New York.


She's like, you fucking fascist. And he's just stand there taken and she spits in his face. He's like, OK, time to arrest you. And he grabs her and she screams, What are you doing?


Why? Tasering, spitting is assault. If you're going to spit in someone's face, you might as well kick them in the balls.


Absolutely. That is the we are fighting. Yeah, that's a fight. Yeah. You spit in someone's face, it's straight punches.


You might as well have just gotten a sucker punch in. Yeah. Should have just thrown the punch. That's, that's, it's assault. Is there anything worse than that.


Is there anything worse than spitting in another human's face.


Well the only difference is you spit someone you know, you're not going to kill them. But if you hit someone, you really could kill them. If you hit someone, you knock them out and they fall and hit their head on the concrete, they could die. That really can happen.


So there's a I don't think it's the same assaults. It's just it's fucking gross. It's mean.


It's definitely like you're basically as close to starting a fight as you can without hitting a person.


But if you're going to have a scale of, like, murder down to spitting in the face, like there's there's a difference in what you're doing, you know, you're certainly provoking someone to extreme violence. If you spit in someone's face, you don't leave them a lot of options, especially if they have a temper. Like most people spit in their face, they're going to throw. Yeah, but if you hit someone and they fall and they die, it's not the same thing as spitting in someone's face.


Believe me, you're going to go to jail for a long time unless you get the judge to give the guy three years for choking to death.


Yeah. In nineteen ninety two. But it's like I'm telling you, the world was a different place back then, like women are.


Right. How about that. Like I know a lot of these feminists went crazy and some of them went way over the edge to the point where they actually don't like men.


But they're right. You watch watch movies like that and you see a woman who got choked to death and the guy only got three years.


And she was a movie star, right. She was in Poltergeist and she got choked to death. And I still only got three and a half years. Crazy being a woman for most of history must have been fucking terrifying for most of history and still terrifying. But for most of history, like you hook up with a guy, you've got to really worry about this guy killing you. Mm hmm. It's probably not going to happen one out of 100 times, but one out of 100 is like.


Yeah, like, who's that chick that died while hanging out with Christopher Walken and whoever? Oh yeah, the girl that was murdered.


Why? Is that a name? How come we haven't had any your drink?


This is like pure diesel fuel. Texas whiskey. Is that what this is? Cheers. I don't know. I need California. Put some whiskey.


Well, there's a bunch of those stories like Natalie Wood. Is that it? That's the one, right? She drowned on a boat, Christopher Walken was there. Robert Wagner, I think, was the one who people were pointing the finger at.


But Christopher Walken, I think, was like hanging out there, like all in the boat or something.


I was there paying attention. Seems weird that I am on a boat. It seems like he would be.


Yeah. Natalie Wood's death. Christopher Walken breaks his silence. Oh, they were arguing.


It's true, I watched him the other day and just I just watched the preview of that movie where he can see the future holds people's hands. Was it called Deadzone? Was that what is Stephen King book? I think it's the dead zone. Yeah, I was wild.


He was so young, baby faced. And there was a guy who was played by Michael Sheen, who is going to be the president, a crazy egomaniac president, and he wanted to detonate nukes, want to start nuclear war. Christopher Walken could see the future. There he is, he died and came back to life. When to get back to life, you can see the future when you touch your hand like you hold your hand and he could see what's going to happen to you.


What a badass. Look at young Christopher Walken. Look at that fucking guy.


Oh, he's great. He's he's been great forever. Him and Harvey Keitel, they don't get enough. Yeah, enough love.


Christopher Walken has been so many great movies, man. What's that? Vampire movie?


Scroll down. What is that? What does that. What the fuck is that movie, seven, Sleepy Hollow, Sleepy Hollow. Oh, wow, no shit. I don't remember that at all. There's too many movies, Tim Burton just watched Beetlejuice for the first time in a while.


Oh, it's classic, so good. My family and I, we watched Nightmare before Halloween or nightmare before Christmas. Watch it every year. That's great.


It's fucking fantastic. And it's incredible.


While watching Beetlejuice. I was thinking about what we were talking about earlier about how what executive would make that today, not knowing that it's a hit.


Nemo, like just like, OK, so there there's this couple that dies and they're like, OK, well, at least they're not a likable couple right now. A super, super likable couple. They die within the first five minutes of the film and then.


They go back to there, there's a couple of ones, the people that want to buy the house after they die, they take over the house. It's basically a creepy movie about real estate and them not listening to the leader of purgatory that tells them to do anything but, say, Beetlejuice three times. But they do. The exact could be like, what are you talking about? Get out of here. He told you it's OK, pal. Great.


Yeah, we'll let you know.


You know what I watched again recently, coralline? Do you ever see that? Hmm. I think that's Tim Burton as well. Ninety nine percent sure.


It's amazing. It's really good. It's really creepy. Animated like. No, it's not. Who is it, son? Tim Burton. Henry Selick.


Tim Burton is not involved at all, I'm double checking to make sure you didn't like producers want to check Snopes. You know what else I watched the other day, Daryn? We've been going back and forth about Snopes.


What Snopes? What exactly? Watch Kingpin the other day. Oh, that's a great movie. Unbelievable. Oh, fairly. Probably their most underrated movie. Yeah. Oh yeah, for sure. It's so good.


And what I realized watching it this time is that Bill Murray plays the bad guy. Oh, yeah.


And it's crazy here. Yeah. The dealer here.


And he's a hilarious bad guy. And Woody Harrelson plays The Good Guy and Woody Harrelson, a great dramatic actor. And Bill Murray is the silliest guy of all time. And it just works perfectly.


It's it's an amazing movie. And it's amazing movie about bowling. Yeah. Yeah. Bill, Bill Murray's he's great is a bad guy.


He was a bad guy in Groundhog Day who's a bad guy that became a good guy by the end of the movie.


He's a great golfer.


Bill Murray's here next to Donald Trump here who are better. You should see Bill Murray out on the golf course.


He's so funny, man.


He does. He's really silly out there. Like he I saw video of him. He called over the guy with a microphone. You know, how you hear golf shots when they happen. I'm the guy that holds like that thing. And he called him up. He said, come over here, get closer. I want you to hear this fucking bomb I'm about to hit or something like that. And the guy gets closer and he sets up again.


He is closer, he gets closer and the guy gets it right up on it. He does this big backswing and he slams the hell out of this ball, man. And it sounds it sounded like fucking heaven when he hit it because the guy's right on. He had a one right next to it. He can play.


Oh, I heard. I heard. He's like a pro. Yeah. Yeah. Did you see it anywhere. Tim Burton coralline is nothing there.


No. Came up that people are asking about like he didn't direct or produce it like wow. It came out the same time or similar time as the other thing.


It looks like one of his movies that's it's crazy. I assumed he did it because it's so Tim Burton like, you know, it's but it's probably someone as a fan does similar.


Weird, absurd, strange. I think he would be.


I think that guy worked with Tim Burton. Here's the article says he stepped out of a shadow to make Coralline. Oh, there it is. So maybe he's like protegé.


Oh. Interesting, Burton didn't produce or directed interest in book, just like I remember. OK, cool. Well, he nailed it, whoever that gentleman is. It's really good, it's just a strange movie about these people that move into this house and it's all animated and this little girl finds this door that's been sealed off, like this little tiny like, you know, like two foot doors for us.


But it's been covered in wallpaper and she finds a key for it and she opens it up and it has a tunnel and she goes through it and finds a version of her family that's way nicer than her family. But they have buttons for eyes like the mom is like doting, like her parents are writers.


And all they're doing is like, we have to work, get out of here. I'm trying to work. And they're like, they're not into hanging out with the kids.


And she's bored. It's rainy and shitty.


And then she goes to this weird tunnel and all the people over there are mirrors of her parents, but much nicer. All they're into is her they care about is her and her wishes. And they give her the most delicious food and they're with her all the time. But they want her to have butterflies. They want her to stay there forever. And then eventually she realizes, like something's really fucking wrong here. And she's going back and forth between the two worlds.


It's really cool. So whenever you have kids, Tony, whenever you shoot or live one, it's the old lady. Yeah. And you make a little baby kid. Little baby Tony. Little baby kid. Make them much coralline, OK? So it could be worse, you little fuck. Look, this lady wants to sew buttons in your eyeballs. Sounds scary. It's it's a cool movie.


Yeah, and they get creepier and creepier as the movie goes on. The parents get progressively weirder and creepier, like it's nice, slow burn. Like they start off real sweet. Spoiler alert. And they keep getting weirder and weirder.


Edward Scissorhands turns into a Christmas movie at the end, does it? Yeah, I don't think I ever watch that. It's a good one. I'm sure that's a fun one to watch.


How many movies is Johnny Depp in? In Jesus Christ? They booted him out of this new movie because he lost a lawsuit. See that? Yeah. Crazy, do you see the hear the recordings where she's admitting to hitting him? She's admitting to punching him?


Yeah, I guess the judge is just insane on this case.


Well, it was a it was a civil suit, right, where he was suing a tabloid for describing him and.


Inaccurate manner we're describing is live in and then he lost that suit because he lost that suit.


I wonder if it's like just the optics of him losing that suit so the studio has to step in and get rid of them, right? So it is.


I think so. That's just what they do nowadays.


They're like, OK, you're not working, not working. I think they still have to pay them. No, I think that's also part of the thing. He still gets an eight figure paycheck.


So we bring back. Yeah.


And he gets to stay home. Beautiful. Yeah. Doesn't have to do the press releases, doesn't have to walk the red carpet. He gets to just be Johnny Depp.


I wouldn't be nice if it just the way he doesn't do the movie but that money just pays her off. Get out. Yeah. Stop. Leave me alone. I don't think she gets any money anymore.


I think he's suing her now. I think that's what's happening.


You know, he's a bad ass. Jeff Bezos got a divorce, made his ex immediately the richest woman of all time.


You know, immediately she became that thirty six billion dollars, the richest woman of all time, won it all in a divorce.


And then right after that, which was twenty nineteen, he goes and he doubles or triples his overall wealth.


So he got out.


Right before making her twice over the richest woman of all time, so she got thirty six billion or whatever instead of 72, which she would have gotten a year later, once the pandemic hit probably pisses some women off at the way the richest women get to be the richest women is through divorce.


Yeah, it's probably a lot of women right now that just don't want to fucking hear that.


Yeah, like, can we just not mention that? Stop it. Richest woman of all time. We're trying to be on. We're kicking ass. Yeah. She did it by getting cheated on did she.


I think they were already broken up. Do you want to. I know you do. She's number 22 on the list.


Overall, as of September, Shyamal is instead of richest people. Shut your mouth.


She's the richest 20 to four women of all people. Right? Of all people. She's the richest woman, though.


Yeah, but she's got some stock. Why splitting hairs, Jamie? Oh, I'm not. No, I'm just saying she seems like you got some of that money, too. Like she smokes. She got fuck.


She did not get fucked. Oh, no. Shimmy, shimmy, like 35 billion. Right.


Didn't she. Yeah. Yeah. But I was saying, like, the point was that he got her out before the all the stock went up, like she just went up. But we know also he knew what was coming.


He probably did. Probably did, yeah, here you go. Thirty five, thirty five billion. OK, yes, that's a big smile on his face.


She's a third. Well, I guess I'm in the world now. She's the most. Well, whatever. Oh, it's gone up in just a year.


She gave a bunch of money to Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to like I think I think some Billy's crazy.


Gave a lot of money. The giving pledge is what that's called, what is the charitable giving campaign in which she willingly committed to give away almost her most of her wealth to charity over her lifetime or in her will? It is. Can you take that back? It's a non legally non-binding good. Change of mind makes sense when they get older. Stop having periods, start getting mean, yeah, develop some testosterone. That's one of the things that you see old ladies with mustaches.


Yeah, they get testosterone. Really? Yeah.


The body stops producing as much estrogen, get a little more rugged, especially you have to fend for yourself.


That's the amount of testosterone that I have. Naturally, I have the testosterone of an old lady, old angry lady with no period the same mustache.


By the way, I'm not a doctor.


I don't know if that's true, but I do know that women who fend for themselves and who run businesses and women who are like entrepreneurs and go getters, they do statistically have higher levels of testosterone.


And they think there's a correlation between not just their actions, but that when they're forced into the role of the breadwinner and forced into this role, they actually develop naturally, develop more testosterone. They would if they were in like a situation where they were married to Jeff Bezos, they could just chill.


Right. That makes sense, totally makes sense. People are adaptable, yeah, and like testosterone, I mean, of course, they have to. Who's going to have that type of go getter?


Go get it. Energy without it.


Like that chick from man. Oh, the the one that tried to make the machine where it tests your blood.


Oh, I was going to bring her up, Elizabeth. Yeah, yeah. You know, that's a fake voice, the deep voice you had.


So you fake Gary to fake the voice.


I want to hear a real people caught her talking on the phone and they were like, well, who was in your room? And they walked in there and saw her and she saw them.


Hey, let me call you back. She pretended to be like a female Steve Jobs. She's like, I know what to do. I'll just act like a man. I'll put on black turtlenecks. And everybody celebrated her. Yeah. Everybody's like, you're amazing. You're amazing. They wanted a woman to be an entrepreneur so bad. She was the richest self-made woman ever. I think at one point in time she's worth more than nine billion dollars and now nothing to.


It was all a lie. Yeah, it was certainly a lot of lies. I don't know if it was all a lie. I don't think it worked. I think they really exaggerated what it could do and they sold it to like I think they sold to Walgreens.


And the thing is, it's not just as simple as they lied. It's also that people got medical screenings with that device that weren't accurate.


So, like, maybe you don't feel good. Maybe you have a history of cancer in your family and you're like, oh, my God, I think I might have something. And then you go to wherever and you get that Theranos blood screening and they go, no, Mike, you're fine.


You know, like proof back to boozing.


Oh, my God. Meanwhile, Mike's got colon cancer and Mike's got a tumor in his liver or Mike's gut, and you never find out because this blood scanner thing is horseshit.


How long did they put her away for? They haven't put her away.


She hasn't lost in court yet. I believe the company went bankrupt. And then they owe so much money, like, I think Betsy DeVos. I think she's into them for some astounding amount of money. I think she she went in for I want to say it's more than 50 million dollars and a lot of other, like, really high profile people got sucked into the narrative.




The narrative was, here's this genius woman who's really like the female Steve Jobs, and she even dressed like Steve Jobs. And it sounded great. I remember here in the store, I'm like, wow, this chick's bad ass.


I remember thinking, like, oh, that's cool. I can get a blood test just by a finger prick. Way better because I get blood tests all the time. I always want to find out where my body is.


And because I take so many vitamins and nutrients and testosterone replacement and all this shit and I want to find out how old I am. Theranos Holmes may pursue mental disease in her defense.


Yeah, I heard about that. Yeah. The she might say she's mentally ill, which is why she lied a lot.


But there's a really great podcast series about her, the drop out. It's called The Drop Out. It's excellent.


It might be wondering. Find out if it's wondering. Find out who makes it, but it's a TV show. Yeah, but it's the podcast series is amazing.


When I was living in California. I listen to it like back to back to back until it was over. Like every week when the new episode would come out, I'd get pumped.


ABC see audiences, ABC audio, whoever made it thumbs up, guys killed it because it was so compelling. Like you find the story, there's a guy named Sonny who was her boyfriend who drove a Lamborghini, is a real flashy guy and the two of them put the scam together. But he claimed to not know what she was doing. And you watch the whole thing on HBO, right? I didn't know. Oh, man.


Yeah, I know all about Sonny. You got to watch it, man. They go to work together. They they and they knew they were banging, right?


Yeah. They were hiding it, which is kind of odd. Yeah. Total pretending. Oh yeah.


I'm so tired of Sunny's shit. I mean think about firing them. Right. Well yeah.


Son is like I think Elizabeth lost her mind every day.


Send me rolling in to work together. Hooking up at night. Yeah. Borrowing a bunch of money for a product that was never going to work and think they were doing coke or something.


Because I think maybe when you see decisions like that that, you know, like there's no one going to work. What's happening here, I usually think someone's on some sort of speed, amphetamines, coke, something something crazy very easily could have been.


So you know all about this and you never watched the HBO documentary series, no. Oh, it's it's absolutely incredible.


I'm sure it's good. I got the whole story from the ABC podcast series.


It's pretty crazy, though, because the machine is like it was just it was never going to work. And every scientist is showing it was never going to work. And it shows you the needles and the glass vials. Just breaking is just a pool.


Pools of blood in these dirty plastic machines that they had. I mean, they had to get these orders out to Walgreens.


And as you probably know, they were training people at Walgreens with that had no cashiers that had no experience of the such how to because they ended up having to drop the blood of these people because they just kept lying to people.


They're like, oh, this thing isn't working today. You got the past for the the Fona. What was it again? Thanos, Theranos, Theranos. But unfortunately, today it's down. So we're just going to take your blood with a syringe and they had to train these Walgreens employees.


You have to tap in a vein. Yes. Oh, my God, that's crazy.


And that's how they kept the con going on for even longer. Once Walgreens was behind it, they paid the money, they're like, oh, well, let's at least there's something fascinating about cons. Yeah, something fascinating, super fascinating.


You know, like I went to a boxing gym once in North Hollywood and the boxing coach. Never forget this. He's like, you should invest in this thing I'm doing. I'm like, what is it was a pyramid scheme.


He starts describing it to me as like, well, you buy in and then when you get other people to join up, then you cash out.


I go. I know you just you're you're talking about a pyramid scheme, like he didn't know what a pyramid scheme is, he's like, dude, I've been making some money off of this. I go, Do you know what a pyramid scheme is? He goes, No, I know. What you described is a pyramid scheme.


There's no Google back then.


And I was like, God damn it. And I'm like, I got to stop coming here because the guy wouldn't stop talking to me about this.


Really, I'm telling you, you should invest in this. This is a great deal. I'm getting money back. I'm putting money in. You get a bunch of people to join in. I go, where's the money going? Well, they're investing and what and what it was like he was he didn't understand.


Like, it's like the biggest pyramid scheme ever.


The biggest Ponzi scheme is Bernie Madoff was a super, super, super sophisticated. He got Steven Spielberg.


Really? Oh, yeah. He got some sophisticated people.


The guy made Poltergeist also got taken to find out all the people that got, like, famous people that got taken by Bernie Madoff.


It's a big list. Yeah, because he was he was bringing back real returns, like real returns.


So you'd get, you know, a certain percentage every year, like he was just nailing it.


And there was a lot of financial people that were like, what is this? What are you doing? This is this doesn't add up. What's happening here?


What are the odds that his fucking last name was made? OK, is that the weirdest?


It's like OJs last name being cold blooded murder.


It's insane.


Made off with a bunch of money or or wiener.


Right. Right. That's another perfect one guy always shows. Yeah, this guy is an Andrew Weiner.


So what is the Anthony. Anthony Weiner.


Yeah. Where is he. He's out of jail, right? He should be doing stand up. That's a good idea. The guy's a comic. Steven Spielberg. The director's charity, the Wunderkinder Foundation, lost an undisclosed amount in November 2006. It had assets of twelve point six million and 70 percent of its interest. And dividend income reportedly came from Madoff. Wow. Kevin Bacon, they got taken and Kyra Sedgwick, she got taken, Norman Branfman, whoever that is, the Eagles, IRA Rennert, look at him, he should be taken.


I don't trust your tie and color your shirt if I got here.


Qajar, Gábor. God damn. They took Jahjah piece of shit. She suffered a ten million dollar loss. Oh no. She's from Green Acres, bro. Goodness.


They got the Holocaust survivor, too. Sandy Koufax. Sandy Koufax. Wow. Wow. Who else? Malkovich. Oh, my God.


Malkovich, you son of a bitch. They should kill him for that.


It says most of them have recovered. Oh, shut up. In no way recovered. Finally receiving, padded and not recovered. Everything is finally getting worse. Starting to get money back.


But this is twenty seven, four billion of recovered funds and one other look at his face. The one of the things they said that was really fascinating about him, the cops that that handled him and all the people that brought him to court, like he never felt any remorse, never.


He was a straight up sociopath. He didn't give a fuck. He kept demanding things. He felt he should get more things like better treatment, wanted better rooms, no no remorse, never felt bad that he all these retirees, these people that to save their whole life and they were going to put all their money in his account whole.


Norman, I think we're going to get a good return on our money and just fuck you.


He stole it. Stole do I steal that much money?


Was that was this what his business was? But what's the difference between four billion and one billion? Unless you're three billion, you fucking idiot.


Jesus Christ, when I am giving you math advice, you got a real problem.


But what can you buy with four that you can't buy with one? But does anyone do that? Yeah, no one wants their own island.


You're so naive. Listen to me. It's like everything when you're playing a game. OK, let's say playing golf.


Right. And you get you. What's a good handicap?


Zero zero. OK. And say, what are you at right now?


Horrible. I don't know. Whatever will say, everybody starts shitty.


Whatever you are, you better than me. Yeah. What are you. I'm not sure of my exact handicap. Thirty. Sure.


OK, you want to be 15, don't you. Right. Then you want to be five. Yeah.


OK, well when you're Elon Musk and you're worth 20 billion or whatever, you look at Jeff Bezos like that piece of shit, stealing my ideas, his fucking project Blue or whatever, that bullshit rocket formula thing he's got lying about his achievements.


I want to beat him right when you Jeff Bezos and you realize like you're worth 150 billion, but you realize some Saudi oil guys are probably worth a couple of truly, I wouldn't be the first legit trillionaire from the Western world.


And then, like, why wouldn't Bezos quit? Why didn't you stop working?


Why is he just lying on a beach somewhere, get his balls massaged and drink coconut juice?


Why why do people keep working to keep working?


Because it's a sickness. Because numbers. You get numbers you want more numbers is one thing.


If you're getting numbers, doing what you love to do, like if you're a baseball player and they keep paying you more, you love baseball, but if you're just a straight up numbers man, you never fucking satisfied.


You want more numbers. What does Bernie Madoff asking Trump to reduce his prison sentence for massive Ponzi scheme?


What year is this? Was last year.


I hope he does. I hope he does. Just for the spectacle of it all. I hope he pardon Snowden and I hope he pardons Julian Assange. Let's Madoff out gives O.J. Simpson a full pardon.


What else? O.J..


Yeah, exonerates Mike Tyson. Just it goes down the list of everyone who ever went to jail for how many pardons do you get?


As many as you want. Limited. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. What if he just opens up the prisons?


Everyone. Pardon? He might loves you. You get off vote.


What if he changes that opens of the prisons, makes everyone pardon for every crime ever.


And then you can all vote everything except murder and rape, that be an interesting storyline, like if you know he's going to push back on this thing, I don't know what's going to happen. But it'd be an interesting that'd be an interesting movie, a president who's mad that he didn't get re-elected. So he lets out his anger on the country and just uses all of his power.


Well, he already fired was secretary of state. No, the second secretary of defense. Yeah, he fired the secretary of defense.


I mean, when you're firing people two months in and there was a maybe this New York Times article I was reading about his schedule, they were saying he shows little interest in his job right now.


Yeah, but what do you expect? He just lost the election.


Do you expect a guy that played golf more than any other president ever in the history of presidents who complained about Obama playing golf, was playing golf more than anybody ever? When you tell him the job's over, he's not going to make it. He's not going to keep working. Why would he do that? Yeah, why would he keep working?


Plus, you don't. You don't believe in the people that. You don't believe you're why you help the people that went against you? Well, not everybody when it gets right. I agree. I mean, look, I'm I'm I've always been weirdly, I sort of like the guy.


Well, you like bad guys. Yeah.


But I don't think I like bad guys that are actually good guys but are bad guys, you know what I mean? Have you watched Colebrooke now you should watch it.


That's the whole theme of the movie show. The series. Yeah. You remember the bad guy that Ralph Macchio fucked up. He's the guy you root for in the Cobra Kai series. Wow. It's really good. It's really good. It's really cheesy in a good way.


It's like watching a really well-written 1980s movie, but it goes on for hours and hours and hours. It's like a Netflix 1980s movie with 20/20 writing, but like an homage to 1980s movies.


And Ralph Macchio. What was what's Ralph Macchio doing this he's the bad guy, but he's also a good guy, he's a good guy, but he's making some really fucking petty decisions and you kind of root against him. And the bad guy is kind of a fucking loser, but you kind of root for him. Yeah, Macchio chose a winner, got car agency doing real well.


Yeah. Lorusso LaRusso auto sales. Fucking great.


You know, when Trump was at Madison Square Garden, I just didn't get the I just didn't get the vibe from him that he was a bad guy.


Oh, well, that's good enough. It's a difference. She saw him from a distance, seems. Jesus Christ, don't you? The average American voter.


Hey, 70 million people can't be wrong. Of course they can. That's a that's the irony. Lawrence. Yeah. Johnny Lawrence. What is his real name?


He's really good, though, the actor. I don't know what he's done since Kobrick. I hope he's had like regular jobs.


I haven't seen him in anything like Barnes, no, no, no, far into this, did you? I'm always surprised by the things you end up watching and watching.


This is a Bill Burr suggestion. Bill Burr suggested William is a boxer. Yeah, I knew was a zamka.


So he's really good. He's really good in it. I knew a lot of those karate douches when I was a kid. I knew a lot of those guys.


Those never surrender, right? No true. Never surrender. Yeah.


And then you just kick them in their chest and they surrender immediately. Well, they weren't the best schools. Like my school, I was really lucky I found this the school when I was 15 years old, I had a place that I went to before that in Newton.


It was Joe Esposito's karate school. And he was like a Knewton legend. He was a karate kid.


I was it was a good school, but I didn't have the method to get there. I did. It was too hard to get there. I had to get my parents to give me rides and they couldn't do it in time because by the time they got off work, the class really started. There was no like public transportation when I was 14 that could get me there. So I didn't go that often. But then the T, which is the Massachusetts the Boston train system dropped me off like two blocks away from the John Kim Taekwondo Institute.


And I found that when I was 15, I got super, super lucky because they were the most hardcore. And this was in 1980.


They were it was just different is I guess I was 15, so I was 81 ish, 81, 82.


It was there were hard core, but there weren't like, no no retreat, no surrender. It wasn't there was none of that shit. It was. Yes, sir. No, sir. Honor Boeing. You know, it was like you had the tenets of taekwondo that you had to follow. There was there was no shenanigans or fakery, but there was no tough guy shit either.


There was it was very stoic. You know, it was it was. But I will go to tournaments and you would see those.


No retreat. No surrender. You'd see those guys. They weren't good. Right? That was part of the problems they were trying to make up for the lack of skill in the lot.


It's all about lineage, man. It's all about who's teaching you like whether or not you learn your techniques correctly if you go to a bad school.


One of the things that I found out when I was teaching is it's really hard to unlearn shit when I would teach people things like if they had a background in like a martial art that in the 70s and 80s there was no YouTube.


Right. So, like, you had to find a good instructor and you didn't know who the good instructors were. Some guys had bad technique, but they were just bad asses and they figured out how to win with bad technique. But then they would go up against someone who was also a bad ass, who had better technique.


And then you would see the difference, like the the the really good guys, the tough guys that didn't have the right technique. They would eventually fall off. And it was really hard for them to relearn stuff. So when I would teach people would be real hard to relearn stuff like the best students were people that knew nothing. The best students were girls.


Because they didn't have any macho bullshit like one of my best students was a girl that I trained from the time she was 15 to she was like 18, I was so proud of her. I would take her to karate tournaments, these taekwondo tournaments, and she would do well. I was like this crazy, weird mentor relationship. I have this girl. But she was she would listen to everything.


She never thought she knew more than you. So I'd have like 50 people in my class. But this one girl just would show up every day. Her parents would bring her and they would encourage her.


It was really cool. But girls wouldn't they wouldn't fight you on things like guys. I would teach them. I'm like, you got to pick your knee up the rules. Sometimes when the guys close, I like to do it like this.


Like, OK, right. Listen to me. You got to pick your knee up. Yeah. Do you want to you want to kick like that guy you want to kick like John Lee. You got to pick your knee up. You got to do it right. Guys would have like this weird ego shit. Girls wouldn't have it.


I would say you have to pick you knee have to go like this and. Yes.


And then turn like that and they would just do it.


And if you learn the right way, you had a way better path if you learn. So I got stupid lucky that I walked into the right school and found these people that were like hard core with technique. Everything had to be done correctly.


And if you were off at all, we call every instructor.


Was Mr.. Mr. O'Malley or Mr. Kim. Mr. Mallory. Mr. Kim. They would correct you. Not like that. Like this didn't matter how hard you were hitting the back.


If your knee was low or if your knee was everything, your position was wrong, your foot wasn't pivoted. They would correct you techniques, everything.


You know that from wrestling, right? 100 percent everything and golf. It's everything. Everything technique does it any more on that would take a golf club and go on and hit this ball so hard without.


Yeah. Doing the three things at once that you have to do will fall over and look like a complete moron.


That's why it's so good to learn new things. Yeah. Because when you learn new things you start from scratch, you get to be a beginner again. Yeah. And one of the things that I think plagues a lot of people is they they never become beginners again and things. And so you get proficient at something and then you become stagnant, like whatever it is, whether it's martial arts or whether it's even poor. I would remember when I would play in tournaments a lot.


There was guys that never got better, like they were where I was when I first started, and then I got way better and they were the same. Same with martial arts. But some people, they they do something for a long time, but they never do it right. There was like these weird flaws and their style or their execution or the technique.


But I think getting good at anything, whether it's chess or golf or playing a musical instrument, I think that's one of the most important things a person can do, is learn something from scratch where you suck at it.




And I'm trying to think of the next thing because I'm I'm not great at archery, but I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. I'm pretty proficient. I know how to keep my shit together when it comes to like the moment of truth. When I look in a bow hunting scenario because I've been nervous a lot to stand up and fighting and all the other shit I've ever done. But I need something new. I'm trying to figure out what it should be.


But I think guns like learning how to shoot pistols correctly, like the term tactical that helped a lot. That was an interesting thing to do to get better at that, because you realize this is a totally different thing than anything else you do. And so you learning from all the people there, like how to hold it correctly, grab it really hard with your right hand, but your left hand or your left hand, rather, but your right hand, you don't really grab that hard, which is interesting cause that's the trigger finger.


But you don't have a lot of tension in that the tension is more in your left hand and all these techniques you learn from those like people that win these world championships and shooting anything you're doing, man, whatever, whatever it is, whether it's yoga or any, just try some new right and get better at it.


Yeah, I play golf with one guy who wants to be good so he's not getting any better because he's like cheating, you know what I mean.


So it's yeah. So and we all know that he cheats but he doesn't know that we all know and that we're watching him the whole time. So it's one of the funniest running things. Three out of the four of us know that the one is cheating continuously.


So he'll do this thing where where he'll go. He'll find his ball if he finds his ball, by the way, which if he can't find his ball, he'll just say that he found his ball and drop drop another ball with he'll he'll pull his cart over and then go to the other side of his card so that we're all blocked out and he'll magically find his ball.


But if he doesn't golf with Donald Trump. No, because that's what he does. That's what everybody says.


No, these people are full of crap. You watch Tiger Woods, he'll tell you he's one of the best golfers that he's ever golf. That's not true.


I wanted to go to Mar a Lago. Ha, I live in Florida. I want to go to Mar a Lago. That used to be bad. They don't want to go.


No, that's why they don't show you clips of Trump playing golf because they don't want people to know how good he is that I'm dead serious. I will not listen to me stupid.


Yeah. Don't you think Trump would have videos of him being awesome at golf. He. Yeah that's. Let's watch them, OK? Do you think you have videos of Trump like you have videos of Manny Pacquiao running down? Paul, I told you, Manny Pacquiao is like a legit pro. You saw it. I think there's there's videos of Trump playing like Manny Pacquiao. Please pool.


Trump probably doesn't release the videos because he thinks people will compare him to pro golfers. But to a non pro golfer, he's a freak. Listen to me, bitch.


I'm telling you, I'm right about the talking nonsense, how and why President Trump treats golf even when his plan is Tiger Woods.


Yeah, fake news. Yeah, sure.


You can go to The New York Times and they'll tell you Trump is bad at something.


So if anybody is conservative, it's golf players. So you think Tiger Woods, how many conservative golf players do you think there are?


Is it a thousand percent?


There's a lot trombones, like ten of the best courses, I understand. But people that play golf are generally business oriented folks. Business oriented folks want better tax breaks. They're the kind of people that are going to be conservative. Yeah. So they're going to buy golf magazine. You know, people who write about golf, maybe a little bit more liberal because they're journalists. Yeah, exactly.


Every journalist is a liberal. Not everyone.


I mean, there's a couple, but nobody really knows what's a conservative newspaper.


Trump doesn't just cheated golf. He cheats like a three card monte dealer. He throws it Boutte's. It moves it. He lies about his lies. He fudges and fuzzes and fluffs at Winged Foot, where Trump is a member. The caddies get so got so used to seeing him kick his ball back onto the fairway. They came up with a nickname for it.


Pele, that's a nickname for him. Pele, get out of here. I play with him once, says Brian Marshall, a long time winged foot member and the chair of the coming 2020 men's U.S. Open. I would say that's a legit source.


His quote, It was a Saturday morning game, we got to the first tee and he couldn't have been nicer, but then he said, you see those two guys? They cheat, see me, I cheat. And I expect you to cheat because we're going to beat those two guys today being funny.


So, yes, it's true.


He's going to cheat you. But I think Donald, in his heart of hearts, believes that you're going to cheat him, too. So if it's the same, if everybody's cheating, he doesn't see it as really cheating. OK, well, that makes sense because I would think that a lot of his friends are dirtbag's to like one of the things about joke thieves, right? We all know they take kids on the road with them and those kids become joke.


These right. We have to name names.


Yeah, but we know we know comics who started out working for thieves. Yeah. And those comics became thieves, no doubt. Yeah. Because they realized this guy's got a Mercedes. Yeah. It was a nice house. Yeah.


And that's how it's done. That's how it's done. Right. You if you grow up in the wrong environment, you really. You think that that's the way to do it, you know, and I think if you're in that fucking dog eat dog crazy egomaniac pre Internet business world, which is 74, right.


It was 50 when the Internet came around. Stop and think about that. Right. Yeah, they weren't expecting that. Come on, son.


Are you just being a douchebag?


Speaking of cons, I saved a I saved a I stopped one the other day. I felt. Really? Yeah. I felt really good about it.


So I was leaving my place, going to get a coffee and I see this guy leaning out of his like brown Bronco yelling at this lady in the car in the lane next to him.


He's a Bronco. Yes, something like a nice one now.


Like it was like a beat O.J. one.


Yeah, the al like an old beat up O.J. want and it's like beat up and brown and something just didn't look right about it. And the guy's like yelling like, no, seriously.


Pull over lady. Ba ba ba ba. Right. And I noticed that and I'm like that. Something seems shady. What's going on over there. And then their light turns green and he's like beeping at this lady aggressively. That's in the lane next to him. Whatever. I go get my coffee, um, ten minutes later I pull into a gas station to get something and I see the same car. And this guy, there's a lady pulled over at the gas station and he's yelling at this lady and the ladies like.


And I'm trying to like, listen, but I'm not. And again, I'm like, screw it. I'm going to mind my own business.


And I go in the gas station and then she. Is in line behind me. She's going to the ATM and I'm like, hey, just out of curiosity, what what what that guy say to you? And she goes, I think I'm being scammed. And I go, You are? It turns out that this guy was screaming, ladies, that because of how they were driving, he had to swerve and hit a car. And he doesn't want to have to go through the insurance to just give him a few hundred bucks.


Now, since I saw him do it to two different ladies at two different cross streets, I caught on to it and he was just about to get her. She was literally at the ATM putting her card in. When I say, what? What's that guy talking with you about? And she knew it in her gut. She was right.


She was scared, though. So she can do it right.


And that's how they that's how they that's how they get you.


There's a lot of those men that's weird about L.A. You don't see a lot of those three card monte things. Have you ever seen three card monte?


And is that what the New York.


Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Or cards three card monte with cards. But the cup thing is a like a similar kind of scam is like a little ball into the cup and they move the cups around. This is like sleight of hand.


Yeah. When you see David Blaine manipulate cards you realize like oh OK.


Like there's levels to everything, like David Blaine can do crazy shit with cards, like he did shit with my daughter, like he like did these card tricks. And I was watching everything he did and I have no idea how he did it like he did. Things were like cards. Would he have a stack of cars and he'd keep topping the stack in the stack would go smaller and smaller too. There's like two cards. You have no idea how he did it.


He just looking at him like, what are you doing?


Like, it's like he's got access to time travel and he's like pulling those cards out when you're not looking and then coming back to normal time like it didn't make. Right.


So I don't know how to do a couple Manipal card checks and I'm not very good at them, but like I have an idea proving a neat trick for the ones I know.


It's not I'm not good at them. But he was freaking me. I was watching him do. And I swear I was like, I'm might catch him right now. I'm going to fucking catch him. I was two feet from him and he did something. I don't even it just disappeared.


How about the ones where he did where the guys were holding his wrists? We had our security guys hold each of his. He asked them to do it, hold each of his wrists.


He rolled his sleeves up and he made these cards disappear, you know, like what is happening?


Oh, my God, what do you do?


What are you just some more than just car? It's like psychology and like. Yeah, misdirection. Yeah. Mixed it all together at a level that we can't understand. He's so advanced.


Yeah. I took one writing gig like six or seven years ago with Justin Wilman, who's a genius, great magician. He, he puts he's the Netflix guy now.


And I took the job because Robert Morton, who used to be the executive producer of Letterman, was the EPA. This anyway, I take the job just because it's a short two, four week. We're making a pilot for this magician. I'm like, I like Magic Magic School and Morty's the EP. So this will be a cool thing to work on. Right? Short job. So I show up day one and basically we're all in a big writers room or whatever, and I go, yeah, you know, I'll and they're like, we got Tony here because he's a you know, he's going to add some edge to the comedy on this show because it was a comedy.


It was Comedy Central's first ever magic comedy show, The Pilot. And and I go, yeah, you know, punch up whatever. You guys show me the tricks that you want to do and I'll write jokes around the trick. And that's when I this is when I realized how cool this job was about to be. They go the main guy goes. Now you write the trick and you write the jokes. And I'm like, so you'll be able to do whatever my imagination thinks would be a cool magic trick.


And like him and like for other magicians, which was basically the rest of the creative staff at the same time were like, yup. And that's what excites them is. Because they can't even think of things, you know what I mean? They can, but they want to hear what a different mind thinks would be impossible and then they figure out how to do it.


What's an example? Well, we ended up because it was a pilot of a show. We ended up having to figure out a theme for just the pilot so that, for example, the that was technology. So one of the things was him versus him versus a 3D printer in making things appear.


It was really funny because there was this kid, they went to this. We ended up finding this like nerdy smart school where this kid was excited about his 3D printer. And basically it was it was just him making things appear out of absolutely nowhere. Well, one kid was still printing one thing with a 3-D printer. It took forever.


And he just pigeon, pigeon, pigeon, pigeon, car, car, car, car, car.


Like it ended up being, you know, it's a comedy. So but I'm trying to think of what other ones there were some really crazy ones.


I think it's a whole world where there's there's things that they understand.


They know where the average person you're looking at a deck of cards, you have an idea of what's possible with a deck of cards, but they have just ten times more options.


How to hold them, how to move them, how to maneuver those cards, how to distract you with the other hand. Yeah, I mean, I'd like to hang around with David Blaine for a few months. Yeah. And watch him do tricks.


It ended up being one of the most fun gigs I ever worked on. There was just I'd get home after a day of work and I'd find like the seven of spades in my shoe, like this guy forgot to finish that one.


Just he stuffed a folded card under Jeff's watch band. Wow. And he's like, where's the card? And just like, where to go? You look at your wrist and he's like, huh? And you're like, realize like it was folded and stuffed under his watch.


And he has a fucking shock. Right.


So it's it's not like a loose, crazy watchband. It's a tight buckle, rubber strap watchband.


He stuffs it in there and he's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, what the fuck? No one saw it.


Yeah. And Jamie, you were filming some of it, right, did you film some of it? Other people did that. So I was wondering, I was I I was a big fan of his growing up because I was like a huge fan of Magic David Copperfield. But like, after I figured out all the fake that was moved in the street magic because it's a little harder to do, you know, and he was big on so well my whole life to watch him up close.


And he's got to be two feet from, like I said. And I wanted to just I wanted to try to catch him. And he was so good at he did like seven tricks in front of me.


Think he's a really nice guy. Really nice guy, Mike. Genuinely nice on camera. Off camera with everybody. With security guys, with my family, with everybody. Like you could tell, it's just really nice, friendly, genuine guy. But some of the stuff he does is fucking weird. Like you made me shove an ice pick through his bicep.


Yeah. What was that like? I mean, here's the thing.


Yeah. It's not a trick, right? It's just pain. And. I think pain is just a sensation, right? And if you could just tolerate the sensation, it's not deadly. In one time I hit a nerve and we had to back it out and do it again to do it a second time because I got in there and it's a stop, stop, stop getting hit the nerve.


So I had to back out and do it again.


I think it was supposed to be more disturbing and impressive. Then I reacted to it because. First of all, I'm used to pain, you know, I've been doing martial arts, so I'm always hurt. I've had a bunch of surgeries and also I've butchered animals like I understand muscle tissue. And I'm not it's just like, why are we doing this?


It was more, why are we doing this then? Oh, my God, I can't believe we're doing this. Like that one was not a good one for me because it's like, OK, like I could do that too. Like, if you want to shove that through my arm, I could just sit here while you shove that through my arm. I wouldn't like it though.


Did he bleed. He bled a little bit. Yeah. We had to stop and re film because he had like a little bit of a hematoma.


Right. Jamie, wasn't it like a little building up. Yeah. Yeah.


And so the security guys had to put it like a fucking Band-Aid on it. Shit. Check it out. One of them's a medic.


How do you think do you think he went through the muscle. I pushed it through his fucking arm, dude. Like his muscle. One hundred percent. Not between the bone in the muscle.


No, no. I shoved it through his muscle. One hundred percent, but you can do that, I think was it the needle, it was icepick. But I'm telling you, you can do that, you know, there's guys this is one of the things that we found out during the show that I didn't know these guys use. They would shove swords through their body. Their whole gig was shoving swords through their body. And we watched it live.


I mean, not live watch videos of these guys shoving swords through this one guy's body who was famous for it.


So it take like a long, thin sword and they shove it through his chest and come out the other end and he'd just be standing there with his sword through. Yeah.


So here's me. Did you see this now? So here's me shoving.


What? Yeah, he's like, show me how to do it through here, yeah, just shove it through. No.


Yeah. Poked it right through a 100 percent real but again. That's not the best one for me, because if you're a person who's like. Doesn't necessarily see a lot of pain or you still like surgery or someone getting like if you did that to a doctor, right. The doctor be like, OK, I see what you're doing is pushing something through the muscle. And it probably hurts.


Right. It's not a good joke or a trick, it's not a it's an illusion, he just doing something that hurts like, OK, like Steve OK would do that. Steve has probably done that 100 times. He does things like that.


Yeah. You didn't go to clown college or something like that, I think.


But Steve climbed in a fucking tree and had lions come chasing after him. Yeah, he's he's the best, you know, he does a lot of shit.


Did the frog thing too though was like another that was a different thing. He swallowed a frog. He swallowed a shitload of water. So during the podcast he probably drank like 15.


He probably drank 15 bottles of water or something crazy. And then he swallowed his frog and the frogs in his stomach with all the water that he swallowed. And then he spit up the water slowly but surely in a bucket, an ice bucket on the table. And then he eventually got to the point where he felt the frog coming up and he spit the frog out in my hand.


OK, good. Yeah, I mean, he knows how to do it. Man, that's the difference between David Blaine and Steven Steven. It's the frog you're watching it come out of a different whole frog comes out of my nose here, comes up, put the plunger to my butthole. That stuff holds up, man, those movies, nothing makes me laugh like those movies, I swear. I guess, yup. I could watch it over and over and over again.


What's amazing is that Steve walks around like he's fine. It doesn't seem that hurt.


I mean, one time real recently had a bunch of skin grafts. Remember, he got real badly burnt. Yeah. One of the things. Oh, yeah.


Because he put together this this new special, I actually he had me come over to to watch it.


And I'm telling you, it is so freaking good. He saved a lot of his favorite things that he wrote himself for this.


Did you ever see the one where Tim Kennedy choked him unconscious on stage? Is that this one, this new thing? No, this one's a while ago. But my friend Tim Kennedy, who was a top notch middleweight in the UFC, put the fucking choke to him, choked him completely unconscious and let him go. And he falls and bounces his head off the ground.


It's like, oh, this most recent one on this is the one he taped himself is so funny. This he does my favorite thing I've ever seen on this one where he pretends like he's a bicyclist.


You know, bicyclists wear those goofy outfits. Look at his dick. Yeah. So he just painted himself like this was dicks hanging out. Oh, my God.


And all these people, he always falls next to somebody and they're just about to help him. And then they see that is dick and balls are just painted black.


Doesn't really have a bike like this.


Oh, my God. Johnny Knoxville just kicked him right in the balls and dick.


Hmmm. That's pieces of his skin.


Oh Jesus Christ. Yeah. Yeah.


Giant boils at one point. I think he does a shot of it does a shot glass of one of his infected burn pouches.


Yes. On good. It's very funny, though, it's so we're way to make a living, though, right, because after a while you realize, you know, you're going to go Whodini eventually someone's going to hit you with something, you're going to die, something's going to go wrong, but maybe not because he's been doing it.


How old Stevo? Forty five probably. Yeah. Forty five. Forty six or forty six. But doing a long hours time. Yeah.


I think it was going to let Chuck Liddell punch him.


That's not a good idea.


I think that was one of the things he was doing. Something is going to happen, Johnny Knoxville got knocked out by Butterbean. Oh, yeah, who was an enormous man. Yeah. And he let him knock him out and he had a boxing match with Butterbean, which is means you're going to let Butterbean knock you out, right. You're not going to win.


Probably gave Butterbean a little bit of a thicker boxing glove on that one, right? No, no, no, no.


It's a regular glove, a nice regular 10 ounce glove sentiment of the DMT dimension gharial.


It's a regular glove, right? I don't think it's even a sparring glove. I don't think it's a 16 ounce or an eight ounce glove.


I think it's a legit 10 ounce heavyweight boxing glove. Butterbean, who is this jackass, what's the early days of Jackass when they're doing all sorts of show on MTV still? I mean, just their movies? Oh, this is different.


He fought them in a ring to this is fighting him in a store. He gets his head on a display. I think he beats the shit out of them. That's legit. He just beat them down and this lady is like, what in the fuck? Look at these people. They're like, but this is legit.


Like, he's not like faking it. So this means that Johnny Knoxville got knocked out by Butterbean more than once because those are actually those 16 ounce gloves.


And be honest, those are bad gloves that Johnny has on because they have Velcro on them.


They're always letting them hit them. He let them have a couple. But Johnny does not a punch. That's not fair. And then he kills them.


Yikes. Terrible.


But there was also one maybe it was Devaux. Someone boxed him in a ring. See if it's, you know, you might be thinking about you might be thinking about the tough enough pro wrestling tournament they did.


No, I'm thinking about for sure, jackass, where someone boxed Butterbean in a ring was an actual ring.


I think that was all they did with them. Might have been something else. I'm pretty sure someone boxed them in a ring.


See, that's why it's a. Yeah, but it's not a C butter being cos tex butter being chaos dvo. I just have jackass and butter.


Yeah. But just take off jackass.


Just butter being knocked out Stevo. It's one of the guys thought it was OK, so it only was that one that keep going down, the one right below Erica.


Yeah, that one right there. That's no, no. Right below that. Sorry, man. We just watch. Is that the same thing? It's all dry Knoxville, but there's one in a ring.


Maybe it's like a false memory. So the WWE once did this thing, they had a horrible idea, it's famously one of the worst ideas ever. I think it was called the tough enough tournament.


And Vince is big idea because UFC was just gaining popularity was to have he took like 16 of his least favorite pro wrestlers that were like on the cutting, you know, unlike the about these quickly could be fired.


And he decided to make this tournament called the tough enough tournament. And what he didn't realize is that some people were just better fighters than others. And the guy that ended up winning it all, he didn't expect to win it. So then he put him up against Butterbean at Wrestle Mania. And Butterbean absolutely demolishes him. Oh, yeah. Here it is. It's really sad. So famously, they hype this guy up, get the fuck out of here quick.


Oh, the right hand is wide open area to see how low his left hand is. So crazy. Yeah, that's so crazy. You can't you can't do that. And he's going to get up because he's tough.


Yeah. They ruin this guy's career because now he's been beaten by a boxer in a pro wrestling ring.


So it was over. Well, not only that, he got beaten like to get that last one, isn't it? I don't think he got up from that. Oh, yes, he did. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they dust him off. Look, he still cut his left hand low. Oh, my God. That is so bad. That's so bad. That's such a bad case. Go back to that again. So that guy that fights over look.


Oh, my God, that's horrendous, that's horrendous. I kind of have this false memory of Butterbean fighting Johnny Knoxville in a ring. You on a few things like just I was looking for any other celebrity or something that did maybe, but maybe it's not Stevo tale by Butterbean either way.


But Eyebeam was a fuckin tank of a human. He was a weird guy because he was like the king of the three rounders or the five rounders would make him fight. But it didn't really have the endurance to go 12. So he would go short distances. But he was so big.


Butterbean versus Conor McGregor, who wins Butterbean three rounds. Butterbean Connor gets to go crazy. Butterbean King of the four rounders, they call them.


Yeah, Butterbean, dude, he hits them once.


It's a weird number to land on, right. That means he's really tired by around five.


He's so big you're not going to call him his. He doesn't have a neck. His head starts at the top. His neck starts here. Just go go straight out. Like a lot of getting kayode as you get twisted, right. Your head washes around your brain washed around inside your head. Dude had a crazy dream. And I'm remembering it that a friend of mine was telling me that he's got an opening between his skull and his brain. He has to close.


And I was like, what are you talking about? And he like, lifted his skull up. And I was like looking into his brain. And it was all a space that was like his brain. And then all this the space and then the skull in the outside.


I was like, whoa, you got to get that fixed. Oh, what a crazy dream.


That is freaky. I had one the other day. It sort of reminds me of that where one of my one of the guys that works at the Comedy Store was coughing hysterically and he was coughing and blood started shooting out of his neck and then out of his ear and like each cough, just dot, dot, dot, dot, that is.


But that's the calmest or dying you had realized.


And then it can only sustain itself for so long the way things are going. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.


We'll see. Yeah. Crazy times, man. I think everybody has to move to Texas, so way to keep comedy alive, they're going to keep L.A. on lockdown for a long time and it definitely seems that way.


Some news hit today just a little bit ago while we've been on Joe Biden's found the cure for cancer like that. But Billboard posted something that just for Ticketmaster, for tickets about getting tested and having it linked to an app. Yeah, John Joseph sent me this. Yeah. Yeah.


That also vaccines. Yeah. They're going to have it connected to vaccines company Ticketmaster. I saw Ticketmaster get into a Nation venue. Yeah. So if you're going to come to a show, listen.


This is very controversial, right? I'm all for testing if you can test the day of and then get in like there's rapid tests, like we did rapid test today, he'd do a 15 minute test.


The problem with the vaccine is. Right now, like the Pfizer vaccine, if you read into it, 90 percent are effective, it's really good. But the people that do it, they get horrific headaches and real bad hangovers.


And what they're experiencing sounds a lot worse than what Jamie experienced. Having actual covid tell me what it was like having actual code, I like I've said it a few times, I thought I was getting a sinus infection, so I felt like I was like coming. I've had one before. It's like, OK, I know what's about to happen, Numata. Maybe have two or three days of nose pain, whatever head pain. It never actually came.


So that's why I was like, maybe it's still coming or it's like just never got that. How many days was it like that one?


I really and I never even felt like worse than maybe 60, 70 percent of normal life. I was like, I just kind of I'm starting to feel funky, whatever. Maybe tomorrow will be worse. And it was like not worse, was not really much better, but it wasn't it wasn't worse. And then even as days went by, though, a little better. And that's when when I came in, I was like, like, I'm fine.


I don't felt bad a couple of days ago, but not now. Yeah.


You didn't think you had it. You thought you had hay fever or something, right?


Yeah, that's what I thought, because I was looking online. Ragweed was real bad here. They said even don't go outside if you have ragweed allergies, it's like it's very, very bad to stay inside today. Yeah. People get weird allergies, the weird allergies out here.


There's a ceder allergy around here, but it's not really ceder I forget with also. No, it's a kind of plant. It's a tree, it's a type of tree, it's not really cedar. It's like juniper or some shit like cedar fever. But what is it? Actually, I'm looking.


I think it's juniper. There's something that that gets you for whatever reason. They call it cedar allergies, but it's not really cedar.


But apparently for a lot of folks out here, they don't get it the first year. They don't get it the second year they get it like the third year. Yikes.


I was like, well, you can get a party that says it's symptoms for the cedar fever include fatigue, headache, facial discomfort, a sore throat, partial loss of smell and a feeling of having plugged ears.


And what is the actual plant that gives you that shit? Mountain Cedars is what this is. Cedar is an allergic reaction to pollen from Mt. Cedar in Texas at Mediclinic. Oh.


Hmm. So it could be a difference. Why don't you Google or also Cedar Fever is actually from blank.


Because someone was telling me that it's a different point and I was like, why do they call it Cedar Fever? Then he's like, Oh. But anyway, there you go, blame it, blame it on this is a joke, but it's to blame it on the patriarchy, the patriarchy, I mean, the zaluzec patriarchy, male Jamie so addicted to bullshit, he doesn't even say patriarchy.


That's what that's what the thinks is what the patriarchy is like. Oh, funny to try and make a funny. Oh tree.


A tree. Yeah. What is the actual point though. Are they saying Cedar's as well, maybe the guy who told me it was different is bullshit. Maybe he's one of those guys likes to know things, but he doesn't believe in Google, so only those. That's weird, man. Those fucking bullshit artists used to be a thing.


You know, guys just tell you stuff and you're like, Really? Yeah, man.


When JFK was killed, they immediately went underground. What do you think would have happened if the JFK? I don't know, this is a weird question. You can't say today or if the Internet existed then. But what do you think would have been different about that if that had happened during an information age like this?


Or would it not have happened, the murder? Yeah. See, Jeffrey Epstein, here's here's a thing. Great point.


Here's the thing about murders today. It is equally horrific as murders in 1963.


But there's also more information coming out. It never ends. It's never ends. It's like voting controversy and Tifa takes over Seattle.


Fucking da da dah dah dah dah dah dah.


You just constantly get inundated with information to the point we forget about what you were mad at two days ago.


Yeah, that's part of the problem with today. It's you get an information overload. Like I was telling you, I don't remember having this conversation with someone on a podcast that I just saw a clip of them like, oh, yeah, I fucking completely forgot about that guy.


That is like like if I had a really interesting conversation was if it was rare for me to have an interesting conversation with people, if I worked in a factory.


And very rarely I get to sit down and have a cup of coffee with some scientist who tells me some really cool shit, I would be telling everybody about that story. I'd be like, dude, I had this conversation three hours, just me and the scientist. And he was telling me all kinds of crazy shit.


I would I would remember all of it.


Well, I see too many. I have too many too many of those stories. Yeah. They just get lost in my head. I think that's how we are with everything today.


That's why no one gives a fuck who killed Jeffrey Epstein, if you like, had a national like there was a clock or a chart, rather, that showed national interest in the Jeffrey Epstein murder.


It was like twenty percent. Now it's like zero zero zero point one.


Nobody gives a fuck.


No one's Google. Jeffrey Epstein, murder on Twitter. You know, like three crazy people that also are into Q and on and they're bringing up the Eppstein. Thing is, you know, someone found the records. Remember, the records from the flight logs are out. Everyone's Phuoc, they're all going to jail. Came and went right? Nobody cares. Bill Gates went to your Bill Gates went. Came and went. Nobody cares. Nobody cares, right about the news cycle, try summer when that stuff came out.


Back down to down to nothing. Wow.


That's how we are. That's I mean, they probably anticipated that when they kill them. Yeah.


You know, there's so much news. Yeah. Yeah. They probably just figured we can get away with this. And they kind of can and if things get more and more chaotic, which they appear to be doing, it's going to get worse with that. You know, it's going to get even more strange. It's going to get weirder and weirder and weirder.


Tony, where do you think it all goes? Where does this crazy never ending news cycle?


Mexico starts being more safe. The United States people start moving to Mexico. United States gets more and more crazy or you go to Canada, but Canada doesn't let us in. It's too cold there. Well, it's not even that they don't want us. Oh, great, I'm glad they don't want us. We do come Mexico, Canada becomes the United States. Maybe it's not too cold. There it is. And I've been there, I know, but we go yeah, we go straight into a car and straight to a hotel and straight to the venue and straight to a restaurant and then back home.


Remember, we talked about this on the show when that story leaked about the like a hot mic.


ABC News producer got the obscene thing.


Yeah, NBC wasn't it was ABC a different one. She's suing ABC for ten million. It's the same. It was I wrong?


Is it NBC, ABC, NBC, the lady O ex ABC News staffer sues Disney owned network over leaked Jeffrey Epstein tape.


Ashleigh. Oh, it is ABC. No seeking ten minute.


Yeah, OK. I was wrong that according to New York I thought it was NBC.


There was the tape there. Like I can't believe they they wouldn't put it out. Volleyball. You said her. No, I don't know. I was a different one.


This is not the reporter. This is the girl who found the tape.


The reporter was the girl who was on the ad saying, I broke that story. I knew that story, but then they buried it.


Yeah, she sure got fired for leaking it or something like that, I think. Oh, that girl got fired for leaking the tape.


Oh, good for her. Good for her. Hope someone hires her. I think she's doing what they were supposed to do, like labeling things with certain whatever, and then it catches like they're like, how did this leak? Hmm? She said she didn't do it.


So she did good, she should. That's a crazy thing to hide. Here's the tape that you prior to video. That's that's it. That's her. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Whatever happened to that lady, the lady who liked to see the real worry is that they would blackball someone like that, keep them from working again.


Someone needs to come up with a legit network online, like a legit news network. Of like, really trusted news people. And just give them total autonomy, never restrict them. And then give them a security detail everywhere they go, it's expensive, fuck.


Yes, but if you think about how much money they make it like Fox News and what they want to go seek a story, you got to like fly to somewhere or stay in a hotel for weeks, weeks, weeks, pay money to, you know, get get information, get.


Oh, no doubt it's not cheap. Look at what's happening right now with Fox News.


You know, people are abandoning Fox News because they think that Fox News is turning on conservatives because there there was people in the Trump campaign that were talking about the the election results, the election results being fraudulent and all these different things. And so Fox News said this is these are unfounded accusations. So they cut away from this guy.


Explain this. And conservatives are freaking out.


Right, because what Fox News is trying to say is like, hey, you guys, this is not this is not true according to them or it's at least not accurate. Like the amount of voter fraud is not accurate or maybe it's not enough to sway the election one way or another. It hasn't been proven. So when someone says it, they, for whatever reason, decide that they're going to stop that person saying it from broadcast to get on the air.


It's an interesting choice because on one hand, I see their point.


If it's not true, you really shouldn't put it on the air.


But on the other hand, it's like the president's people are saying this. So it makes it news. Even if it's not accurate.


You're I think you're supposed to let it air and then say this is what's wrong with what he said in terms as far as what we know right now.


But it's a tough call, like if you're the head of Fox and someone starts coming out on the air and saying some shit that you think is fake, what do you do?


What do you do, especially if he's not really the president anymore, right? If, like there if it seems like it's going to be Joe Biden in office, you've got to make a you got to hedge your bets.


Because if you get into a situation where imagine if and this is not outside of what's possible, imagine if whether it's Biden or the next administration, whoever the fuck it is, gets into power and they say we're going to make laws.


That punish people for spreading false propaganda to punish people who spread fake news. We're going to make laws against it and we're going to decide what's fake and what's real. And so then Fox News gets fined 100 million dollars, 500 million dollars. They get they get they go blank. They go dark for a week. They have to stay off the air for a week. Some crazy shit. Yeah.


If they decide that they're enemies of the current administration and the current administration gets the support of the people because the of the people, like most of the people, are into the president and they like what if they have control of the House or control this, you know, they control it.


Technically, they could do it.


You never know. Not now. Right now, I don't think they can do it. But it's not impossible. If you think of the people that have been silenced from Twitter. Right.


People have been kicked off of Twitter, people that have been kicked off of Facebook, New York Post, New York Post got kicked off Twitter for that Biden story that that would have never you've never would have imagined that being possible just a few years ago, but it's possible now.


So now we have a new sense of what's possible.


If you keep taking that further and further, you could see how FOX News is like, hey, kill that, right?


We got a business here. Rupert Murdoch, he's alive, right?


Rupert Murdoch's not alive anymore. Now that Sun's got it now, right, or no, it doesn't control it, but he's still alive.


Yeah, the the other guy died. The owner. Doesn't Rupert have a super hot wife? He's got super hot, why that would make sense.


Yeah, I heard she's a real fox, you know, but come on, there's something about those, like purely transactional relationships.


Oh, yeah. What's the new one? Mick Jagger's ex wife told him what? Come on, son, for real? Let me see a picture of her and him together. Give me that one right there. Well, oh, yeah, dangerous waiting, she's waiting. Well, maybe he's nice to her. Wow, she was hot as fuck backbencher's ethnic Jesus Christ. Let me see the upper left picture that you just clicked on upper left. Oh, yeah, we do that again.


Just checking his pulse is nice to just holding on to that.


She loves them. Yeah, Tony maybe wasn't. Look at that. Look at that.


Hot body's got those of our body. If you really into like anatomy, you want to know where the skeletons are.


That's what I like in a man. I want to know where all his joints are. I don't want anything to be cloaked by meat.


Oh, there's his heart. Very clearly I could see it beating through his weird translucent rib cage.


Frightening. Don't, don't, don't, don't. So, Tom, how old do you think you're going to live to be? I don't really think about it. Hmm.


Honestly, if nothing happened, if if you were to go natural causes, you're a very, very healthy guy. What would you guess if you were to go with from old age, as healthy as you are the last day wealthy?


Yeah, I'm going to live a long time. Yeah. Unless I do something really stupid, you're going to stay wealthy.


It's going to be interesting. You'd have to really you'd have to do some pretty crazy stuff. I mean, islands and islands, right. Yeah.


I'm not into buying things like that. Right. I think, I think it's possible today to live to be 120. Yeah.


I think with the right and I think what we're dealing with now, we're on the cusp of what's possible.


I want to I want to say anything names that I was having a conversation the other day with a billionaire, a very wealthy man who believes he's going to live to be two hundred years old. Wow. Yeah. And he's explained to me all the different things that he does and where he thinks like medicine and science is going to go.


Any any simple advice. Is there a secret out there, celery juice or don't do all the things he did in this podcast.


So don't drink whiskey and smoke cigars.


I think for sure, exercise, it seems to be the number one thing you have to keep your body moving. You have to keep your blood flowing, and you have to keep your body strong, keep your body vital.


There's a difference between working out and overtraining. Overtraining seems bad for you.


I have a friend who's 28 who caught the covid and he's in really good shape. But he caught it when he was working out really hard.


He was doing a fitness instructional and he was training way, way, way too hard, like really beaten his body down. And then he caught it and he caught it pretty bad and he had it bad for a couple of weeks.


He's he's young and healthy.


So the thing about training and this is the thing about guys training for fights, they get sick a lot. It's because you're you're.


You're breaking your body down, you're getting to this like there's a fine line between training hard and overtraining. It's a really fine line and it's it's hard for people to find the exact spot to land in. You know, a lot of fighters overtrain Tim Kennedy, the guy we talked about earlier.


He famously overtrained for his last fight with Kelvin Gastelum because he had a fight cancel. He went through a full six week training camp and then a fight canceled. And then he got another fight come up in another six weeks or five weeks, I think. And he went, I'm not sure about the time, but he went straight into another full camp.


And by the end of that camp, he was so tired, he just never gave himself up. Your body can't sustain, like, peak performance levels for very long. You can sustain a good level for a long time, but you got to know when to peak and when to back off.


And really good fight trainers. They know when a fighter is too sharp, they like you're peaking, we're going to pull you back. And so they'll pull them back and they'll say, take a few days off.


They'll tell you, like, go watch TV, go lounge in the pool, swim a little bit, just relax, go for a hike, chill the fuck out, let your body recover.


Let your body recover. Let all that broken down tissue rebuild itself. Let your body just rebound and then come back at it again, but do it slowly. So the smart ones, they're monitoring heart rate, heart rate variability. This thing that I wear, the hoop strap, that's that's all about it's all about monitoring how well your body's recovered. Like every morning when I check my app, I check my woolpack, but it tells me how well I've recovered from the night before, whether or not I'm in, like, whether or not I'm good to go for today or whether or not I should take an easy day like the whole show you based on your heart rate variability.


But a lot of guys don't do it that way. They just don't want to be a pussy, you know, they just want to keep pushing and keep pushing. Right. And you can break your body down doing that. And that's when guys get sick. And if you get sick when your body's already tired and compromise and then a virus gets in there and weakens you even further, you can get really sick. I had pneumonia once for a tournament that I went to was when I was training.


Really, I was training like a moron.


I never wear a heart rate monitor. I wasn't even taking vitamins back then. I was just eating whatever and training like a terrorist. And then I came out here, I came out to California. I fought in this tournament in Anaheim. I was nineteen.


So it was like eighty six, nineteen eighty six.


I fought in the Nationals and Anaheim and I had pneumonia and I fought three times with pneumonia. It was horrible. And then the next day I was so fucking beaten down. I was so tired and I can't believe I was like, how did I fight yesterday with the fuck?


But that's also what happens when you're you take yourself past fitness and you don't want to be a pussy.


So you keep pushing, keep pushing. But it's really dumb. Like a smart athlete knows when to back off, like an experienced athlete knows their body really well and they know when to back off.


But the right way to do it is with heart rate monitors. The right way to do it is like Steve Maxwell told me that a long time ago, you should check your heart rate in the morning. And if it's more than X amount of beats per minute over your standard resting heart rate, it means your body hasn't recovered yet.


So you should not workout that day. And it's hard for people to do that. Or if you do, workout should work out really like like maybe do some positional drills. It doesn't tax your body, like do some things where you like framing and just go through everything in slow motion where you never really break yourself down. But it's it's also sometimes people want to do too much too soon. Like my friend campaigns. Yeah. Cowhands, when he's training for ultramarathons will run a marathon every day.


That's not fake. Like I've seen him do it. I know he does it. He shows me his fucking his his he has Under Armour app that he uses or tracks his is distance every day. It's Bonanos but he's done it because he's, he's done that slowly but surely. He's built up this base over decades of training hard. You couldn't just go out and do that. And if you ask like these to be conventional science or conventional wisdom rather, would be that if you run a marathon, you need to take six months off.


He's running marathons every day because there's levels like you can build up, so the athletes that stay in shape have a much better chance at getting through a training camp and not being overtrained. But the athletes that take a lot of time off and party.


Those are the ones that wind up a foul. I think I'm going to pee my pants. Oh, go pee. OK, Jamie's gone, too. You're going to pee with Jamie. This is the first time ever that I've been left alone on a podcast. Ladies and gentlemen and I already talked too much. So now what to do? I think that all of us are real nervous right now. I think this is an unprecedented time in history where everyone is wondering what's going to happen next.


Everyone is wondering, and it's so easy to say that we need to be more empathetic and we need to be more nice to each other.


But I really do think that that is something that we need to concentrate on.


This idea that people are making lists of people that voted for Trump and supported Trump and that they're they're going to put them on these lists and they're going to send these lists out to potential employers and. You got to give people the opportunity to make mistakes and you got to give people the opportunity to grow and you got to give people the opportunity to have a different opinion than yours.


And just to say that if you support that guy, you support this or that or whatever horrible thing it is, whether you think it's racism or fascism or whatever ism it is a really think.


Now, more than ever is a time to come together as a country and to realize this is not healthy for anybody to divide ourselves into these two groups. And the more we push against the especially the people, that one the people in the Biden camp. Now now we're going to make little even AOC wrote that we're going to make a list of all the sycophants and supporters of Trump like. I don't think that's the right way to do it.


I think historically black lists and lists of people that are forbidden from working are forbidden from being considered a part of accepted culture.


It's very dangerous. People are malleable and people, they make mistakes. They fall into groups of people that have different opinions and which has got to be legitimately got to be nicer to each other.


That's what I think, and it sounds so cliche that we have to be nicer to each other, but that's what this country fucking needs. We need to realize like, yeah, yeah, it's fucked up. Yeah, we're in a fucked up place. Yeah. It's fucked up that people are rioting in the streets and so fucked up that there's police brutality. And it's fucked up that this covenant's fucked up that people are losing their jobs.


But the only thing we have together if we really, truly are community, is to treat each other like we're a community.


You know, you could be like if I imagine a world. Where there's a Republican and a Democrat living right next door to each other and they joke around and they laugh about stuff and they talk to each other and they they have different opinions.


What I have to tell Snopes and I just said he's like a five minute I need to. I can't just sit here for a little bit and you go the bathroom. Oh, OK, let it roll. I saw you when I did. You came back when you saw. Oh, go back and I like I got to you. You don't have to tell us. All right.


I didn't know if you want to go or what. I like what's happening.


We just cut his short and those balls are aching. It's got a shit ton of shit himself. Wow.


Yeah. I really had to pee. And then I was I had reached maximum pee. And then once I saw Jamie go, I'm like, Jamie's peeing. And then I really started thinking about peeing and I simply couldn't take it anymore.


I understand people really, you know, they I bet a lot of people towards the middle end of your podcast, you don't realize that because your body's, you know, superhuman or whatever, but they have to pee a lot because people get extra hydrated. Oh, yeah. To do your show.


And then they drink coffee and and whiskey. Yeah. It makes you pee. Yeah. I don't know why I don't have to pee. I don't have to be at all weird sometimes to do though. I've had podcasts where particularly after yoga, because after yoga I drink a lot of water because I do that hot yoga and I'll, I'll bring a 64 ounce hydro flask with me filled with ice and water. I'll drink that whole thing during a yoga class.


Then afterwards it's we just pbp. Yeah. Can't stop it. Yeah, it happens, man, the are you worried about the future, Tony? Yeah, sure. I mean, no more than I was two years ago.


Really? Yeah, it's no different.


It's just a different focus on it, you know. It's different. How so? I'm just I'm just concerned about. You know, the here, let me do this, let's go back to what you were just talking about, about being nicer to one another in a unified front, is I had this thought the other day, which was I was thinking about America after 9/11 when we had a terrorist attack and we had what appeared to be a clear enemy.


And it brought us all together. That's probably the closest we've all been together, right, as a country. Sure.


And then how old were you? Um, oh, boy.


I was in high school. I was a sophomore in high school, so I don't know, 16, 15.


Mm. How old are you now? 36. Yeah. That makes sense because I was I think I was thirty. And I think I remember I remember hearing about it going, holy shit, I couldn't believe it. I was 31. I couldn't believe it. And then I remember thinking, wow, everyone's so unified, all these people with American flags on their cars, do you remember that?


Yeah, super, super unified. You remember George London? Yeah, J. London used to sell those American flags you stick in your car. Wow.


Really? Yeah. Yeah. JNI is that pre last comic standing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.


Because Last Comic Standing was later in the 2000s. Right. Wasn't it. I think so. Twenty three or four. He was on last comic standing. Yeah. I mean he had a moment in the sun. Yeah. There for a while. Yeah.


But before that he was essentially it was just like a street vendor who's selling these American flags, the ones that are attached to your window. Wow. You roll up the window on the flyblown.


So one of my conspiracy theories going back on that to that 9/11 thing is that one of the reasons why this country is sort of turning in on one another is because right now we don't have for the first time in forever because they were pulling out troops of everywhere. We don't have an enemy, you know, we don't have an actual targeted let's unify to beat this opponent type of situation. Instead, troops are coming home for the first time in forever from Afghanistan and this and that.


And we realize that we are we were we were we were fooled into getting into Iraq and all of this other stuff. It's all becoming so clear. And since we don't have an enemy, we're starting to. Just a little bit of that for sure. Yeah, and then there's also covid in the lockdown, which exacerbated everything because so many people are stressed out and out of work.


There's some crazy number, like 30 percent of the people in this country can't pay rent. Right. Yeah, that's never happened before in our lifetime. It's insane. And how does that bounce back?


That's my my point about Melrose, like in a big city, who's going to invest in going back into those places, you know, when you see these closed down places to bring them back up.


Ta ta ta ta. Imagine a time where you going to drive down Melrose and all those stores are filled again and there's all hustle and bustle and traffic and people walking on the streets and not dangerous fucking gangsters everywhere.


It seems weird now, right?


Yeah. And sometimes it picks up, you know, a nice warm Saturday afternoon. It's it looks sort of the same out there. Sort of, yeah. 30 percent. I know. It's weird. I'm trying to rationalize it in my head, but not the same. It's not.


No, I remember we did this thing for the Comedy Store where I was Whitney Cummings and Bill Burr and Paul Rodriguez and Annie Letterman and Jay Leno and me. And we're on a roof with Mike Binder. And we were it was the first time I've been in Hollywood in a long time and the first time I've been at the store in a long time. And it was really emotional and it was sad. And I was sitting there hanging out.


And you realize there's no one on sunset, no one.


And every now and then, like Lamborghini's would go racing down sunset, like flying, like you would hear bardak, like going 90 miles an hour plus down sunset.


No cops.


I was like, this is crazy. This is so strange. It's very surreal.


One of the last times I was at the Comedy Store, I got pulled over because my muffler was too loud.


The car pulled you over, I pulled me over. So what's that like? That's just seems like a scene out of a comedy movie. Cop walks up to you and then what does he ask for the idea? No.


Now he goes, I was pulling you over because your muffler is too loud. I go, it's it's a factory muffler. Right? Like it's I have an M3 from 2005. It's a Dinon and it comes with the Dynan Muffler. You know what an E 46 is. Forty six M three l really.


There's a sweet spot in. Do you know anything about BMW. I used to have it. Would you have a five five series. Yeah. Beautiful car. Yeah. Great car. That year that you had was 2000 to 2004.


Something like the same year as the E. Forty six is the.


A lot of people think it's the Goldilocks zone of BMW because it's before BMW became this really cushy like luxury car and was more of a driver focused car. And my the year that I have is twenty five. I actually got it from a guy who contacted Jamie who we were talking about. 846 is is like I got one that only has fifteen thousand original miles.


It's a silver E forty three.


It's beautiful, it's like a classic looking car but it has a it's not that loud. So this cop was just looking for shit to fuck with people by.


And if I was a just some asshole. Right. Or maybe a young black guy might be getting a ticket, I might be in trouble. Like he just decided to pull me over for nothing. I wasn't speeding at all. I just took a right out of the Comedy Store parking lot and all sudden the lights were on.


Like immediately I pulled over and he pulls over and I go, what did I do? And he goes, Seems like you got an aftermarket muffler in your car.


I go home, I go, How are you doing? And he goes, Hey, what's up?


And I go, I don't have an aftermarket muffler. I go, It's a dynan. This is the way it comes from the factory. Yeah. And it was it seemed pretty loud. He goes wherever for me.


I go, OK, I'll give it a little vroom vroom like yeah that might be too loud.


You might want to get that checked like OK, what do I do now. And he's like, nothing, you're all right. I go OK. He goes, I'm not really trying to pull people over for this, you know, we're looking for bad guys and drunk drivers like go. I understand this. OK, all right. That was a that was a fame privilege moment. Well, and a white privilege moment when I was driving away from that, knowing, like, if I was just a a 25 year old kid, white, black, whatever, I was probably getting a ticket for a loud muffler.


And it wasn't even loud. It was just a cop looking to fill. He had like you probably have like. This is controversial because some cops say it's not true and I've talked to cops say it is true, like they have a number of tickets that they have to write in a week or a month or whatever, and they get in trouble if they don't write enough shit.


And so this guy was like, well, that doesn't seem that soft when we pull this dude over just for no reason.


Yeah, just that was it.


There was no I mean, I was he was going left. I was going right. He did a U-turn, pulled me over. It was instantaneous. Yeah.


I got off on a warning recently. The guy just lied to me. It's like I got you doing was at 45 and a thirty five. Ah, no, no, it was point out that you drive a Corvette. Yeah, you probably were doing 45. Yeah, but I realized you didn't say 45. I knew I was doing 45 and a thirty five.


He said I was doing like forty nine or something like that, but I knew I wasn't because I did literally. This model Corvette has like three speedometers that you can't miss. There's a giant digital one, there's one there and then there's one on the other side that shows you another speed.


What you have more than once, but almost positive. I think you have attack, you fucking Luddite. You didn't even know. Yeah. Oh, my God.


What are you talking cares? I got the engine.


Oh, it's a tachometer. It shows you how many revolutions per minute your engines go and you fucking dummy. I know what it is. Don't call it attack. I'm not micrometer guy. What are you talking about?


It's standard. This is what you have. You have a speedometer and attack ometer, the right next to each other on every single car. That's a performance car.


You know what there is, there's a regular speedometer, I'm almost positive that there's a bright yellow, we'll get a digital one and then the digital one tells you right in the middle with that numbers. Right. And then over the digital one on top of the RPM's, there's also one that digitally shows you two digital ones.


You don't know what the most. Yeah, there it is, way up there.


First of all, that one you're looking at is a fucking tack on the left. Yeah. Yeah.


No, on the left is a speedometer. That one in the middle is a tack. That's a tachometer. Yeah. And in the tachometer then as miles per hour in the center of the tab. Right. So the tag will show you when you hit red line if you use in your paddle shifters. So most of the time a Luddite like you, I'm sure you put it in drive like a fucking dork.


You never use those paddles, do you? Who needs them? Oh, how dare you?


You know what it's like if you press the pedal all the way down and drive goes fast.


Yeah. Yeah. It's all you care about, right? Yeah. It's the best feeling in the world. Don't even you don't need a clutch.


I don't need any of it. You don't need to shift. Have you shifted for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It's a grown man. Yeah.


It's a lot of fun. The last time we did it in that car. I don't know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean a real shift.


Left foot clutch. Yeah. I used to have a right hand. Yeah, I used to have one. Would you have. Well I used to own a high end Elantra.


Oh yeah. Pretty powerful I think.


Got me prepared for my Corvette. Um but no I when I rent cars and stuff sometimes on the road I'll, I'll get one but yeah.


You know rent you a stick shift. Sure they do. Who are they. Who's right. And you want to check that. There's a lot of Janki cities out there Joe. Really. Yeah.


What do you like. What do you rent. What's the last time you rent a stick shift.


I can't I don't know. I mean, it's all a blur. Keep making shit up. Go ahead. What do you mean you don't think rental cars. I stick shifts. They do, but you have to really ask for it. I feel like I most of the time they drive automatics like there's stickers that people put on cars that say anti theft deterrent. And it just shows a manual transmission because most people just don't know how to drive a manual.


I liked it. I mean, and if and if the car was manual, I would have I would have done that.


It's fun. It's fun to have stuff to do. I like it.


That's really what it is. It doesn't have stuff to do. Yeah.


They're on their way out manuals. Yeah. Unfortunately, you know, these type of manuals on motorcycles where it was an actual stick shift, the really old ones. Wow. Yeah. Josh Serlin, he's the owner of Black Bear Brand. There are real cool clothing company. They built me this really dope leather jacket, man. It's really cool. He makes like really interesting handmade stuff like clothing and shit.


And he's into like craftsmanship and old stuff and he has a motorcycle. I think it's like if you go to his Instagram Black Bear brand, he drives his really old motorcycle. There's Brad Pitt doing it. It's I think they call it a suicide shifter because you have to reach down and imagine Brad Pitt Beautifuls is no helmet just driving around. See it in the upper right hand corner. That picture, that's what it's like. So you shift like a clutch, like you press and shift it by hand.


Just go to Black Bear brand on Instagram because he does it. He's got videos of him driving through tunnels.


It looks so badass. And he sat like I talked to him about it and he was like, it's the most alive I ever feel.


He goes, the tank only lasts for twenty miles. I guess this little glass tank and this engine needs gas. It's so inefficient because it's a really old bike.


But he's just and shifting with one arm on the handlebar and shifting like this. But there's something about there he is.


Look at this because Josh so he's driving this thing and then when he shifts that thing over by his dick, that's a shifter. Look at that.


See, he has to reach down to shift gears. Weird, right? Yeah. How could they make a motorcycle more dangerous? First time I ever saw that was a drug dealer in Phoenix. I met this drug dealer when we were at the Improv, and it. That sounds about right. Yeah.


And he's like, hey, man, come hang out with us.


Oh, cut to you. Holding on to him and the back of his motorcycle hands behind his crazy shit you got there.


I didn't.


I avoided him. Yeah. Because he just seemed like trouble. He was a little too enthusiastic about having a little coke cocaine. Enthusiastic. Yeah.


That Tempe improv is. Wow. Yeah. Well, Tempe is college town. Yeah.


And it's surrounded by like that Scottsdale area, which is notoriously it's an upper town, but that's a place where I think Tyson got arrested there for Coke. It's a lot of coke.


Like I didn't you know, I'm ignorant coke. I've never done it. Me, too. No, not once, but I was with Rebin, who's done it a lot in Redbeard, and I were in a club and he goes, you know, everyone's on Coke. I go, what? He goes, look around. Everyone's talking real loud to each other and they're all touching their nose. And it was almost like I couldn't unsee it anymore.


I was like, oh my God. He's like, Dude, everyone's on coke here.


Yeah, I go, wow, really? He was out there on Coke.


Yeah. Makes sense, though, that Scottsdale area. A lot of rich folk, a lot of people like to party. Yeah.


I like hanging out with those people because I don't get tired until four or five, six a.m. normally an old normal life.


So yeah, sometimes I just, I'm completely oblivious to it and I don't realize that they're doing that and they don't want me to know that they're doing it. So they keep it secret from me and everybody wins. We're all having fun.


Have you ever had a desire to try it and see what the fuss is all about now? And there's nothing really with with anything that's an upper that excites me.


One time I took a half of one of the pain pills that my dentist gave me when I had a wisdom tooth removed and I immediately half and he told me to take two or something crazy.


He's like, take two of these if you feel any pain.


I took a half of one and I could see how people would love to do heroin and all of it.


I could immediately the the warm, sweaty feeling of pure happiness went over me. I was smiling ear to ear, just so happy. And so that's a scary one. And that that was done.


I remember one time I got a hold of the old school Nyquil. This is like in the nineties, I was sick.


I got a hold of old school Nyquil and I took it and I was lying in bed and was just like it was like melted into my pillow.


I was like, Oh, yeah. Yeah, was, uh, just drift away and just be comforted, feel like you're in the womb. Yeah, like everything's going to be OK, Tony. Everything's going to be OK. You're going to get a big warm hug by the world.


That's it.


That's exactly how I felt that day, because the argument for people that don't have anything going on in their life, like why should I not do that? Right. You know, right.


Luckily, I had already started the adventure of doing stand up and all that and. Had a reputation or whatever, because I could totally 100 percent see myself doing it made me feel so good.


Yeah, well, I think a lot of people, if you don't have a good enough. Like a discipline, a thing you're into that requires work that you really get joy out of if you don't have that and then you find the drug early before you've had the good feeling of accomplishment. Right. That drug feeling could take you over. And then it's really hard to like sacrifice.


It's really hard to do embrace discomfort when you're really into that codeine feeling.


Yeah. Just drift away. All your worries go away, Tony.


Yeah, that's the big problem with people with opioid addictions.


You know, if you don't have something better than that, you know, a lot of people like, why should I abandon it? Right now, and it's a it's a tough argument because what's your argument for that? What do you say, hey, you should suffer in a factory.


You should he should work your way up to a mediocre existence of debt and struggle and hate your job every day and stay clean. Yeah, that's rough. What do you do when you tell them? That's the that's the number one problem I think people have when they don't have a lot going for them and they also get into drugs like how do how do you fix that?


What do you think about mushrooms being legal now in Oregon to steroids or illegal in Oregon or legal, rather? Everything's legal? Well, that's what I'm going to do.


I'm going to go to Oregon and get fucking bucket Jack at my balls off because I'm like Dorian Yates do acid.


Who's Dorianne Yates? How dare you? Oh, no, dare you. Dorian Yates, one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time. You know, Liz Cheney is now son of a bitch. But Ronnie Coleman, does he use a tack speedometer? Now, I know. Ron Coleman, Columbus, Ohio, the Ohio State University.


OK, clearly, yeah.


Ronnie Coleman, Ohio. Ronnie Coleman was you see Mark Coleman.


I am thinking of Mark Begich. That's a white guy, right?


Freddy Coleman is like one of the greatest bodybuilders of all time. He was so big, he doesn't even seem real. Look at Ronnie Coleman.


She's not here.


Yeah, he he did the podcast recently and his look how big he was, dude.


He was so big.


Now, that guy could picture throwing an ice pick and one of one of his biceps. Oh, yeah.


He wouldn't even notice it. Yeah. He he's had every single disc in his back fused except like one or two I think.


A bunch of back surgeries, his back is all fucked up from just lifting an immense amount of weight and pushing himself to be that big and that strong, like you have to have a crazy work ethic. Look at his back. Go to that upper right hand corner picture. Look at that. What the fuck? That's alien.


God, that's so crazy because butt cheeks, Jesus wheezed.


Jesus. Goodness. Jesus. Yeah, so that's what you would look like if you moved to Oregon to start lifting, there's Dorian. Look at Dorian. Dorian Dorians also been on the podcast. He's a normal sized guy now. But back then when he was the champ, go to that one in the middle right there, bam! With that.


Don't fucking come on, son. That's the size of him.


That's what I look like after lifting a 25 pound kettle bells a few times brown in my head. Look at the size of. He was for his day, like extraordinarily massive, and that was like he sort of was one of the group of the next level of bodybuilders that that took mass to a new level.


And he when he you know, he talked about it on the podcast, he said he basically lived like a monk, like all he did is eat and train, like he was just obsessed with being the best.


Is it just a life of pain tearing your muscles so that they build grow back bigger again and again and again?


That's a lot of it. But it was just the results he was addicted to standing on that stage, going back, and everybody was like, holy shit, he wanted just unveiled.


That's just like people of a narrow minded perspective of what art is, you know. And I think bodybuilding is an art, but I think it's an art that only people who participate in it truly appreciate.


There's a lot of art like that. I think pools and art like that, like when I watch a guy like I go saying Efren Reyes, when I watch him play like you watch that guy play like, wow, like the way he gets out, it's like it's beautiful.


But only people really understand.


People know how difficult the shots are or how to change the angle with English.


And and I think bodybuilding, when you see a guy like Dorian Yates' or like Lee Haney or like Ronnie Coleman, when they get to that peak form, when they're on that stage, like only a person who really knows how difficult it is to be that massive and that shredded and to be standing there with veins on your feet all the way up to your calves, your thighs, and you're fucking all the way up to your neck in your head.


That's massive, crazy dedication.


It's steroids and dehydration. And there's so much involved in reaching that peak form.


When you get on stage like they're really unhealthy when they get on stage, like that moment when they're shredded, they're super dehydrated.


Yeah, they cut all the water. Yeah. Yikes.


It's a big yikes. It's a crazy way to live. Yeah.


But for them, because they understand the dedication involved, like people that are really into that man, that's like a tight knit community of people that are really into like looking shredded and vascular and what it means to be that guy, you know.




To be Mr. Olympia, as you could tell by my body. Not really my thing. Well, but your thing is killing, killing on stage.


Like I was talking to I've talked to a bunch of comics about this, but I think recently I was talking to Saghir about it.


Well, like, imagine living your whole life, never killing. Never knowing what it's like. Just to just crush, thank you, good night, you know, to lay down a Netflix special, you know, and have people watch it all around the country.


I can't go without it. I know it's hard to watch it tonight, that weekend that we did in Houston, man.


So the last time I did that was July, really August, September, October, November, those four months ago. And that was only one weekend.


Imagine how much fun you'd have if you came out tonight.


Well, cheers. Cheers. Maybe. Well, I'm a little fucked up. It's going to be fun. You and me and Ron White, who else is on the show, the young Tony Cassius, you can't call them young Tony.


You see, this is one young, huh? Young Jamie? Oh, I don't know.


Is he still young? Jamie, after the coronavirus, didn't that put a little. No. Sick for a day. Son of a bitch.


I'm going to beat it. Beat it? Why beat it? Oh, because he's young, Jamie.


People get mad because he's got gray hair now, and I still call him young.


That's because I have stopped dying and I've always had fucking great.


When did you start having gray hair? I was 12. You know, you can go to a hair salon out here. Well, Jet-Black want to get cornrows? Why don't you go watch you get cornrows? I've had it once. Cornrows.


I need to see that picture. Uh, do I have a picture of it?


I'll give you a raise if you get cornrows. Oh, that eye contact that Glancy just gave you during the show, I just when you get in trouble, if you wear cornrows, will that be cultural appropriation of the art?


Have they let that go? Probably. I would imagine so, yeah.


It's for white girls, it's a real issue. But for a guy might be I it hurt.


Imagine it's a very tight Urijah Faber got that when he fought because you are the California kids.


Just long hair. Yeah. We get some cornrows.


You could do it during a show. You could just have one of the cornrow people behind him doing it with the pig.


And the whole deal today for was when I was still in a band, I had long hair back then. I forgot you were in a band. Yeah, well, how many recordings with Pierce? Yes. Well, we're going to end the show.


Absolutely not. Yeah, we have to. Oh, no, no, no. It's not good. No, that's why it's good. Come on. Let me make fun of you.


Is it on YouTube? No, there was no YouTube. It was a long time ago. It's almost I think it's on YouTube. Maybe it's not. We should put it on YouTube now. We should put on the Jerry channel.


Probably not. If you have it, you wouldn't even know I'm in the band. Those I'm not singing. I'm not, you know, what do you play?


And playing bass and guitar in the band. So I think there's a bunch of other people that they probably wouldn't be big fans of that being out there either.


Maybe thought about bringing that back now that we're in the center of live entertainment. This is the place I have haven't really thought about coming back.


Yeah, well, I really, really like people last night were trying to book me a gig already. I was like, oh no.


I'm like, oh my goodness. What was the name of your band? Shit. Yeah, pretty much. Please welcome Eat Shit. Thank you so much. Very good night.


And then Ying Yang, what kind of music was like heavy metal.


Rock music. You know dude you're playing metal. Wow.


That's how I, I, I have an ear for music. Like I turned you on that fucking badass song by Aaron Jones. Yes. Dude, he's really good. I've got into a bunch of his shit.


His people reached out.


I say he's gonna send us the album. He said, but it's not done yet.


He's very good. He's he's very good. Very unique to Seattle.


Sound, I think is what they're calling it. Love. How much good music came out of Seattle. That is a crazy part of the world. A lot of despair and rainy days.


That's it. Yeah. Motherfuckers get it. Go inside. Look how much good music comes out of Miami.


Right. And by the way, you know, Seattle has one more day of rain, if it's good per year than Cleveland and Cleveland has one average is one more day of clouds than Seattle. They have an equal amount of shitty days.


And a lot of great shit comes from Cleveland. Yeah, that's where the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is. So if you think about Monsanto from honey, honey, yeah, yeah.


Honey, honey came out of mom. A lot of people come out of Cleveland.


Yeah. Those places that really suck those people have a lot of pride. It's weird. Oh, yeah, people like live in places that are awesome. They don't give a fuck about those spots, but people that, like, fucking hang in there.


And Pittsburgh, we're going to fucking hang in here. Yeah. Pittsburgh or death.


You know, there was a dude who came to my Cleveland show at a T-shirt on to Cleveland or death, and I put them on my Instagram. It's like that shirt needs to be seen. That was what it said, right? It makes sense, I'm sure. Something like that. Yeah, I picked death on that one.


But you're from Youngstown. You know, people from Youngstown dream of moving to Cleveland. Yeah, no, I know I'm kidding. But yeah, you know, being from those places is great, but getting out of them and getting out of there is better. It only works if you get out.


Well, those fucking winters, man.


Yeah, that's what I'm talking with, Joe. Ideas about Joe Rogan. Fucking winter is going to be a cold one. I could feel it.


I know there's always a place for you in Texas. Yeah. He's dreading winter like a fucking Game of Thrones character right now.


We're playing games. We're playing games. I'm eventually going to get them out here. Just going to take some time.


It's all white. Walker the other day, Joe, the coming. Let me know when you open up that club and you open up that club, he'll be there. Day one, the floodgates will open. I'm going to put out the bat signal. Yeah. Because I don't think the Comedy Store is going to open up and I don't think the clubs in New York are going to open up. I think it's going to be a while. But we have rapid testing here when we do it at the studio.


I think if I hired this is my thought, if we have a parking lot and in that parking lot, you have a team of ten nurses and you tell everybody to come an hour before the show shows at 8:00, get here by 7:00, you get tested.


You just have a name, you write you everybody wears a mask, it's a quick nose swab, it's not hard. You do a quick test. Everybody goes inside when you're when you clear and when you're not clear who the fuck out of there. Yeah, but I bet most people would be clear. Yeah. And maybe catch a few here. There that didn't know they'd have it. Right. If you have it if you think you don't feel good, please don't come or get tested at this resource and come on down.


And then you have people, they get tested, they go inside and then they can have a drink and wait for the show to start. A show starts at eight or eight thirty. Give people plenty of time.


Yeah, that's not unreasonable to ask people before the doors open up at the store. People wait in line for longer than 15 minutes.


Right. Yeah. So if you could have 10 nurses, I mean, you got your test today. It literally takes five seconds to administer the test. Well, ten seconds. Ten seconds of swab your nose. So they swab your nose, they do the test. It takes 15 minutes to get the results. But you could do that if you have a name and a number like number 79. That's me. You're clear. All right, good.


You got your ticket.


Maybe have a QR code or something like that. The scanner at the door.


It's not hard to imagine that you could do a real show out here, a real show, like 300 people packed. Like in a place the size of the Comedy Store, main room, 350, 400 people, you could do that here. Yeah. It's not like because there's a disease doesn't mean there's not a workaround where everybody can still be safe and still be like we're doing right now, everyone in this room has been tested. We're OK. So then we can just sit across from each other and have fun and not even think about it.


Right. That could be done in a comedy club. It can be done, you know. And is it easy to do right now?


No, it's a little complicated. It's a little expensive. But is it better than not doing it?


Yeah, especially if you're a fan of comedy. If you know that you can just get tested and you can go perform in front of a real crowd.


I packed like the old days where everybody's clean. God, we are having so much fun, we were having too much fun, but this is the wake up call, it's a little reminder that you and I and Diaz and Ari and Duncan and so many others, we lived through the golden years of the Comedy Store.


It was the golden years. And almost like poetically, it ended at the peak. It was sold out every night. Yeah, every night. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.


Multiple shows, a night. Main room, our. I remember going in there on a Tuesday night, there was two shows sold out in the main room, the show in OAH was completely they were doing two shows an hour. Remember that? They started doing an early show in The Late Show because there was so many people.


Yeah, you had to rotate the crowd. Belly room's packed. Packed. Yeah, everything was packed. Those were always two or three shows a night in the belly.




And people were flying in from all around the world. It was literally the golden age of comedy and then it happened.


And now tell me what you were telling me about L.A., how fucked up they are. They won't even let people you're doing a show with no audience in the main room streaming it to people in the parking lot and they won't let you do it. Right?


They gave they gave the Comedy Store a ticket because we were streaming the show from inside to outside on television. But but you can also stream other things.


You can play the Lakers, you can play UFC, you could show anything you want that's live. You just can't show what's happening inside the building.


Live outside to the parking lot. So how does that make any sense, right? It doesn't. It's ridiculous. And by the way, the system's so messed up that one week it'll be one person than the next week.


A different person says that that's OK, but this isn't allowed and and performing in a windows, OK, but streaming into screens isn't or it changes continuously because there is no consistency and they don't know what to do.


And then at one point it got approved by West Hollywood that they were allowed to do certain things. Shows.


Yeah. In the parking lot. Yeah. They sent a newsletter. Yeah. I was like, oh shit. They're going to do shows in the parking lot. Yeah. And then the city of L.A. shut it down. Yeah.


L.A. County was like nope. Even though you're your own thing, West Hollywood, we're not allowing you to do that.


Do you think that's political? It's it's it's all a mess, man, I just I how does that make sense if you can go eat at BOA and that's outside, right? How does that make sense? Right.


And also, when you factor in that, people will be talking less than they would be, especially, you know, right around the corner is the Saddle Ranch, which is playing music. And you have people at tables talking over the music to one another. So if it's about protecting people from a disease and then you factor in that almost nobody talks during a comedy show other than the one person talking and that they're all facing one direction. And clearly, if there were scientists, they'd be like, oh, it's much easier to spread it with the music and that that's totally illegal.


Then with that, we're almost nobody's talking.


And then the minister was also proposing a big shield, a Plexiglas shield between the audience and in the stand, though.


Yeah, and there's still no right because it's live entertainment. And they think that if they do that, people are going to just start dancing or something making out I don't know what's going on doesn't make any sense.


But I talked to Dave Smith about yesterday. We're like these governors and these mayors. They also they have power and it's very difficult to let that power go. It's not it's not nice.


And they keep getting paid. What should happen is their income should be based entirely on the income of the city or the state. So when the income the city in the state is drastically reduced, the salary of the governor and the salary of the mayor should be radically reduced as well. And then you would see how quickly these motherfuckers would open things up. Yeah, I know.


And on that note, fuckface is. That's it.


That's it. Well, had tonight. Well, people will find out tomorrow.


Yeah, but I'm at I'm at Volcan Gas Company tonight in Austin. That you Jamie. And what is this.


Oh shit. This you. Where are you at that you right there play this shit? I don't even know. Come on, play, play it, play it. We'll leave with this. That's not a good player playing, oh, give me some volume. Basically, man, each shit's pretty good, so let's consider each shit coming to Sixth Street. OK, stop, turn back around.


We're going to close out this. Chase your dreams, bitches.


I'm in Dallas this weekend, though, at high paying for shows.


Yeah, I do that. I go there all the time. It's so much fun. Keep that volume going. We work with very good. Just me. Just you.


Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm working. Tony Cassius again is going to be there and and yeah.


Someone else. I'm not sure. Someone else. Yeah. Kind of incredible local talent. All right. Between two guys. Well that's it. Dallas this weekend.


Come get some Tony Golden Pony. You're moving here, right. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Just we just got to get everything open here.


There is movement here. Reben already bought a house. You know that. Yeah. Crazy. Come on. Come on, come on. All right.


You can January. OK, January is when I'm opening up. OK, wait. I want to wait until the I want to wait until the new once Biden gets in office. I want to see what they do. I'm worried about Lockdown's worried about nationwide mandates and weirdness. You know, I'm hoping that they recognize that there's a there's a way to do things and open things up. And also they recognize that people have to go to work. You can't just keep everybody shut down.


A lot of waitresses and a lot of waiters and bartenders that got fucked over during this shit. I want to let's bring them back. Everybody back to work. Bring back some comedy. Yeah, Texas. Let's Tony.


Oh, man. Come on, Tony. OK, I'll do it. I just decided to eat shit coming to Sixth Street.


We're going to have to get some new band members.


It looks like they already know what's up with this monk machine. I mean, it's about billiard hall that they were doing the best they could. Billiard hall, you play pool and had music.


They have a lot going on. We have two singers. What happened? That guy screaming. He's got one guy.


Sounds like Tooele. The other guy sounds like megadeals. The goal. That's the goal. He figured this out. It's a fusion.


You knew us back then. Oh, good night, everybody. Good luck. Godspeed. Let's keep it together, bitches.


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