Joe Rogan podcast.

Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. My man.

How are you?

Good to see you, brother.

Good to be back. Thank you for having me. I miss you, too.

I used to get to see you every week.

I thought about that the other day, like, yeah, you forget that. That's, like, a period of time, and it's not going to be forever, some know.

Yeah, well, it almost was. You were one of the first people to take the trip out here.

I was. It was clear as day when I first came out. I'm like, why wouldn't you be out here? Because I remember I had this writing job, right? And so I was just, like, on Zoom every day, and life kind of sucked because you couldn't go out. So I was just trapped in my house, right? And then in between a lunch break, I'm on Instagram, and I see Tony Hinchcliffe's post. This is, like, in the infancy of him coming out here. He's like, sold out antons. You know what I mean? It seemed like this bizarro universe where life is still happening, and I love standup so much, and I was just kind of miserable. And I'm like, if this is happening out there, I can do standup. So then I started asking questions. I hit up the eps. I'm like, yo, because we're on Zoom, could I just write from Austin? Just Zoom by day, and then do stand up out here with all you guys at night? And they're like, we don't see why not. So it was awesome. I got an apartment out here. I would zoom by day. I would just be doing awesome shows at Vulcan and stuff at night.

It felt like a life hack.

It was a life hack.

Yeah, it was great. I'm so glad I did that.

Have you been to the mothership yet?

Of course, dude. Yeah. It's amazing. I got to do. I think you're on vacation. Then Adam had me do where you normally do in the middle of the week, the Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. So I got to do, like, six shows in that beautiful big room. Both rooms are great. I like that small one for working on stuff. It's kind of like the belly.

It's very much like the small room is a combination of the Belly and the OR. It's a little bit bigger than the belly room and a little more locked in. In the belly room. And then the big room is like a combination of the or in the main room.

That's what I tell everybody because they go, what's it like? And it's like if those rooms had babies. They're in the middle of both of all three of those rooms.

They're both perfect. Yeah, they're the perfect size.

You know, it's kind of funny. I think the store has started to get a facelift because of what you've done at mothership because so many comics would come back and be like, yo, they just give you all your sets. You know what I mean? The sounds amazing because it's so state of the art.

Well, there's also the screens in the green room, and they show you what's going on on stage and the time.

You can't miss your spot.

Yeah, you can't miss your spot. And there's lights everywhere. So let you know, there's two sets of lights in the hallway, one in the beginning of the hallway, one at the top of the stairs. You always know when the guy's got the, I think. And if you have any suggestions, by the way, just throw them out. We'll use them.

Okay.

Half of the club is built on suggestions.

Well, you can know I think it.

Was Tony's idea to have the lights in the green room. It might have been Tony's idea also to have the monitors in the green room. It was Louie's idea to lower the ceiling. It was Louie's idea to change the size of the stage in the little room and lower the ceiling in the little room too.

How big was the stage before Louis suggested the change?

It was like 4ft more on each side.

Too big.

Yeah, it was too big. It was too big. He was right.

Yeah.

He's like, why do you have all this extra stage? You don't really. It's an intimate room. Like, yeah, you're right. But it was just, we just kind of, like, walked into this empty space when it was just a movie theater. So when it was a movie theater, we had to change everything. Right. So we changed the way the stairs are. So in a movie theater, the stairs slant way down at a steep angle. Right. So you could all watch the big screen. We raised the floor up, so we had to build a concrete, like a rebar and concrete floor. So it's a totally different floor.

Yes. It's crazy.

So we raised it up. And then Louie wanted me to lower the ceiling even more. So I did that as well.

After the fact, when it was all said and done.

No, it wasn't all said and done. We were in the middle of everything. Luckily, we did have to recut the stage in the small room, but the concrete hadn't been poured yet, so they just had to recut the steel and put it on. But it's very interesting. It's very interesting. I've never been a part of building anything like that before.

Yeah, you could tell, though, because you're a standup of several years. You could tell it was designed by a comedian.

It's all done with comics. Yeah, comics input. And also Richard, the architect, who is amazing. Shout out to Richard Weiss. He's the man. He's the man. He's so good. I'll have him on the out someday. He's a really interesting guy. And he also came up with the idea of making the tunnel.

Oh, the tunnel is all.

The tunnel is the shit.

Yeah.

It's such a cool hangout. The whole thing is just such. It's all just set up just for a hang. Everybody feels good.

The most valuable asset to comedians, especially nowadays, is getting that footage.

Dude, the footage is big. We will film you. And then also it's like really high quality.

Yes, it's eight k. The sounds great. So I've been pushing for that at the store, and I think they're starting to. It's just a process, but you also.

Have to put people's phones in bags so they pay attention. People are so goddamn distracted. Me included. It's so hard. Just sit there. It's one of the things that I love about podcasts is that for 3 hours, I'm not going to see what's going on in the world. I'm locked in. I don't have to think about other things. And I'm really lucky. I think it's a form of therapy, in a weird way, in this bizarre, digitally sort of intertwined world, you can't escape it. I can never escape it. It's so hard to get away from emails and text messages and I cannot keep up. I have 185 unanswered text messages.

Are you good about clearing them or do you have all that red?

Who has time to clear.

I have to clear them. I have this OCD thing where I need to have a clean. I can't have red.

Okay. It's 183. 183. Unanswered text. How do I do that?

Well, you're a popular guy, dude.

No, how do you keep up?

You can't keep. It's hard for you. I can keep up. I'm always surprised for how busy you are and what a figure you are, how quickly you respond, still. Well, thank you. Thank you. But I have friends and people who are much lower than you in the pantheon of things who take so much longer.

Sometimes I do take long, though. If I'm out doing something, there's times where I'll come home and there's 60 text messages and there is not a chance in hell that I can just bang all those out. Otherwise I'll go insane. That's what I'm saying. It's just like, it's not that I have too many people contacting me. That's not what it is. You find a fucking excuse to use that thing.

Oh, the phone.

It's cool to be in contact with people. It's fun. I like that. I love the text messages I have between friends sending each other memes, talking shit. It's fun. Silly. It's silly. Fun. It's a nice relief when Ari sends me a funny thing or says something funny. It's a nice little relief.

The text thread you're in, they're great. You live for the text thread.

I got a few of those text threads going on between me and comics and it's the most fun thing, man, but it's just the fucking phone runs your goddamn life, dude. It does, and it's made it so. Especially if you're a person who, if you're booking shows, you be in contact with your agent, you have to be in contact with the opening know.

It's a tool for everything. It's like, I gotta docusign something. I have to edit a video. I have to post it on TikTok. I have to post it on Facebook. I have to post it on. It's literally a computer. Work never ends.

You know what's the most hilarious thing to me is when you have to sign things online.

Like, it's such bullshit. It's an exercise in everyone's believing.

Fake signature. It's not even my real signature. It's a fake signature. Like a docusign.

Yeah.

And you just agree that you're going to accept that as your signature. You say, okay, right. And you click it, and then it's your signature.

It's just Joe Rogan in text. I guess that's a signature.

There's one way around that. If you have, like, a Samsung Galaxy S 24 ultra, their new phone, it has a stylus that's built into the phone and you could use it to sign pdfs.

Does somebody care enough to be buying that phone just to sign documents?

No, but you can sign all kinds of stuff. Like, you can write on it like a notepad. It's really fascinating. It's a very fascinating piece of tech.

We're going back to palm pilot. We've gone full circle a little bit.

But it also allows you to take photographs, so you could use it as a shutter, so you could stand across the room and take a photo of yourself or a video, and you press that button, and it starts recording.

And it starts like an old timey photographer. Just put a blanket over you.

Do they still do that?

Did they have some kid in Silver Lake who's like, yo, pose everybody at some cool bar, and he has the flash, yo.

I used to get fascinated by this one dude who would make old timey wooden farm tools. This guy would make, like, old timey. What are those things? Planes. He would make old timey planes and old timey, like Wright brothers planes. No, planes. Like, where you're planing wood.

Okay.

He was, like, a wood shop guy, but it was all handmade. He made all of his tools.

Who's the market for that?

Me. I watched that show. I couldn't stop watching it.

But when he makes the tools, is there a market to buy those, or is it novelty?

I think it's novelty. I bet at the time this was pre Internet, or maybe like, the Internet was just starting. But this guy had a cool show, and I used to watch it all the time. I love when people love things. That's what I figured out about me. It doesn't even have to be something that I love, but I love when people love things. And that's when I really got into Bourdain's show, because I was like, God damn, this dude loves food. He loves cooking. He loves cuisine. Is that me or you that just ding?

I think it's you. I'm an airplane man. I respect the format.

I usually do, bro.

Come on. You think I'd be so bold?

Instagram makes the photos that way with a truck. He turned a whole truck into a camera, essentially. And the process of it is crazy. So it can be a miss sometimes because of how much work he's doing to set.

Imagine trying to convince these women it's a camera and not some creepy, oh.

Yeah, no, it's a camera, psycho.

Just come into the woods and pose for me.

So he turned his truck into a camera. He built his own camera, and the.

Whole thing is like the dark room, everything. And then the chemical process, it makes really cool photos on metal. He's printing them right to metal. Whoa. That is kind of the. Most of the photos we have is, like, a transfer to metal. These are directly to metal.

Is that how they first started making photos. Did they put them on metal? I don't think it was metal. Well, plates?

Yeah, I think it would be plates. Nice.

Returning that one didn't work, so he's just throwing it. Hey, dude, don't litter.

Frankly, he's down.

Come on. I know you're mad that your fucking homemade camera doesn't work, but better pick that up, bitch.

That's the beauty of YouTube, you know?

Imagine that. The guy just littered.

Yeah, you think that's not natural.

You can't litter in those places, bro. There's too many people visit. Think about how many people visit, like, national parks. It's, like, so important. Not litter. No one's going in there cleaning up after you fucking animals. Don't do it. Don't litter. And you're in the woods, man. My friend, Adam Greentree, he goes on these big backpacking hunts where he'll go into the Montana mountains, Colorado mountains, for, like, a month at a time. And he's just picking up bags of people's shit that they left behind, bags of empty water bottles, bags of trash. And he just brings a bag with him and he collects it while he's out there hunting. He said it's disgusting.

Nice of him to do. I'm sure there's tons of stuff out there.

So disturbing, though, that people do that. It's the worst aspect of us, this just total willingness through completely being selfish, of just destroying one of the most amazing things we have in this country, which is national parks and public lands and place where you could just walk out into the woods. There's tons of places in this country where you can just go on a hike in the fucking woods with bears and moose and all kinds of shit. You can just go out there, man. Hopefully, you know what you're doing. But nobody really tests you. Nobody says, hey, Fahim, how long can you hike before you die?

Let's find out.

Hey, Fahim, do you do any cardio at all? Hey, Fahim, do you know how to use a compass? Hey, Fahim, do you guys have fucking something to start fire with?

Well, that's when you make the local news and then a file photo of me. And the search has been gone for six days, bro.

It's so hard to stay alive. It's so hard.

Yeah.

I've never stayed alive. I'm obviously just talking out of my ass, but I have been camping, and one of the things that you realize when you go camping, if you just go camping just a few nights in a row, you realize, like, what fucking bitches people are these animals. They sleep on the ground every night. They don't give a fuck. They're out there wild. There's no doors, there's no borders. And they have all these defense mechanisms they developed to protect them from predators because of that. Because there's no hiding. Every day is war. If you're a fucking deer, every day is like listening for branches snapping.

Yeah, that's just life every day. Remember I was snorkeling in Hawaii and you get to see all that marine life down there. And I just saw the sea turtle. So peaceful. And then part of me was like, he doesn't have to worry about rent or he doesn't have to make money to exist, which was like an interesting concept. But he has so many other problems, too.

He's got problems.

He's got problems. But there's just something about that being enough for this turtle just kind of floating, whereas, like, I got to get a job, I got to go on tour, I got to make money, I have to have an apartment. You know what I mean? All these things humans need to do to exist.

The turtle is a residual effect of evolution that's no longer necessary. But we think they're beautiful.

I think they're beautiful, man.

We think they're cool.

Cool guy.

They live a long turtle. You're like, hey, bro, this design is not going to survive, man.

I can watch a turtle eat lettuce forever. Doesn't Stallone still have his turtle from rocky. Whoa.

Is it that old?

It's old, man. They live a long time.

I had turtles. I had to get rid of them when I had babies because turtles are dirty little creatures. You don't want to have that stuff around. But they were ruthless.

I would slowly ruthless.

No, I would feed them goldfish, dude. I had piranhas at one point in time.

Of course you did. That's like the most Joe Rogan pet.

And they were not nearly as ruthless as these fucking turtles.

Yeah, look at that.

Rocky still got the same turtle, 44 years old. Wow. Five years ago.

Turtle looks great. He looks ten.

I'm sure they're not dead yet. I bet they do, because tortoises live like 1000 years, don't they?

Something.

I think sea turtles live a long fucking time, too, which is like, the saddest thing when you see people kill them and eat them, and you're like.

But how good, how tasty if they're doing that.

You think so?

Sometimes I think of, like, shark fin soup and you're like, how good must it be?

Aquatic turtles will commonly live 20 to 30 years in captivity, but many can live much longer. Tortoises are some estimated to live 100 to 150 years. So it's not tortoises, is it sea turtles that live forever? Who are the old ones? So some of them can live up to 250 years. What about sea Turtles? Maybe it's sea turtles.

Do you think there's, like.

I think they're really old.

A family that has a turtle that's been in the family for generations. Like, it's 249 years old.

Wow.

This is my great great grandfather's.

That's a solid question.

That'd be awesome.

I think there's sharks that are alive today that are the oldest living creatures. I think there's sharks. Estimated up to. Sorry, go ahead. 1000 years. Right.

One and 1000.

Okay.

That's surviving ivory. I was reading it wrong.

Sorry, it's too many words. Lifespan 100 years. But there's one turtle. There's some fucking turtle that they think it's really old. It says estimate up to 500 years old. Okay, here's one right here.

I don't know. Look old. You never see a turtle, and you're.

Like, this large turtles. That's what I'm talking about. 500 years old. That's fucking bonkers, man. That's like pre George Washington. Wrap your head around that. You're a baby turtle. You're just fucking chill, and all of a sudden these boats pull up and you're like, this isn't going to be anything.

Do you think some of these turtles are not that progressive because they're pretty.

Old and they have super.

Yeah, yeah.

They probably watch fox News.

They're like, women are wearing pants. What is this? This wasn't happening when I came up.

Yeah. You ever see there's a snapping turtle? What do they call them? The really crazy looking ones? It's like a dinosaur looking thing. It's a type of snapping turtle, but there's like a gator snapping turtle. I think maybe that's what they call it. Alligator snapping turtle. It's crazy looking, dude. You can't even believe it's a real creature, and these assholes are picking them up, and you're like, bro, if you fuck up, that thing's taking your hand. Literally taking your hand. They're big.

Yeah, I wouldn't do that.

Jesus, look at that fucking mouth. But there's some big ones. Look at that one in the size of that one. That's what I'm talking about. Like, that guy has. That guy's out of his fucking mind. If that maw gets a hold of one of those fingers, that shit is so gone. You're trusting your grip. Look at that thing, man. You're trusting your grip, bro. Fuck all that. That is a monster. If that was big and storming into a village in Mongolia a thousand years ago in some crazy movie, you'd be like, oh, my God, you have some lord of the Rings type movie. Yeah, that would exactly be what it would look like. And there'd be guys with straps around that thing, riding it. Oh, yeah, right.

That's like those scenes in the movies. Yeah, where the heroes are against the wall, but then the people riding these things come in from the side. You go, yeah, bro.

We are so weak.

What? Just humans. Humans.

We're so weak. It's what an amazing trade off, though.

But we have bombs.

Yeah, we have guns, we have everything. We have houses, we have cars. We have so many different things. We way made up for it. But isn't it interesting that as you make up for it, you have to give away your physical defenses? We're the most vulnerable. A good house cat could fuck you.

Up if you're not ready.

Dude, a rat for sure. A rat the size of a house cat could fuck you up. You'd be so scared of that.

I thought this video, you just see videos on Twitter and stuff. This guy in New York, there's a possum just on the side of this building. And then this white guy helps the neighborhood out. He just grabs it off the wall, and it's like. And everyone's just thanking this guy, and he just knows how to handle the possum. And he walks it down the street, and he just like, throws it into an alley.

Yeah, my dog Marshall likes possums. That's a person who grew up on a farm. That lady just grabbed.

I just love how this is a subgenre on the Internet. Grabbing possums.

Grabbed that thing like she knew exactly what the fuck she was doing. Look at her. Walk out confidently. Look at her. She's all confident and shit, holding onto that wild rat.

Does she have experience? I wouldn't.

She must. She must. Unless it's hers.

That's true.

Maybe it's like a YouTube guest.

She's like, my bad guys.

She got out leasing possums, like, oh, you got a little crazy. Roscoe.

Roscoe, we're in an applebee's.

Come on, Roscoe. They have a disease, a very specific disease, right? Don't possums have, like, something nasty? I think they have something. I was worried because my dog's got them a couple of times.

Yeah, they just lock up.

They don't even fight.

They get scared. Yeah.

No, they lock up, they play possum.

They're like, they're dead.

That's where it comes from. Yeah. It's a weird response.

So me and the possums have the same, they don't know if it's a.

Response to escape coyotes because coyotes sometimes will kill you and not eat you immediately. And maybe there's some sort of an evolutionary advantage to playing dead and they leave you there, but you're not actually dead. And so they give up on trying to eat you. Yet she got a toxoplasmosis.

Toxo and then something called leptos.

Yeah, all kinds of bad shit. Coccidisis. How do you say that first one, coccidiosis. Come on, dude, you went to college.

I mean, I didn't study this. I didn't study possums.

A microscopic parasite found in opossum feces spreads a disease known as coccidiosis. When opossums are immune to this disease, they are carriers and spread it to other animals. Diarrhea. Yeah, bloody diarrhea, dehydration, weight loss, general decline in health if untreated can result in complications or death. Oh, shit. Sounds tough. Death by parasites. You know what they give you when you have parasites?

What?

Ivorectin.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that's what it's originally for.

Dogs are susceptible to this one.

Dogs are susceptible to leptospirosis. Leptospirosis, bacterial infection through contact with a possum urine or contaminated water, both pets and humans can. So I wonder if that means if they bite them. If they bite them, they definitely can get toxo if they eat them.

So the moral of the story is just stay away from possums if you can. Right?

I would imagine toxo is the wildest.

Yeah.

Do you know that they think that somewhere in some places, like at France, at one point in time, 50% of the population was positive for toxo?

No. Why? From what?

Cats. From feral cats. Feral cats leave cat shit around. And that's why they tell pregnant women, never touch cat litter. It's really bad for the kid if the woman's pregnant and she gets toxo. But it's a parasite that infects your brain. And the wildest thing about it is what it does to rats because it rewires the rat sexual reward system. This parasite does and gets the rat horny for cat piss. So the cat is like pissing somewhere the rat finds where the cat's pissing and he's literally erect and he has.

Sucking the liquid or what?

No fear of cats. Zero fear of cats. Their fear of cats completely goes away to the point where they pursue cats. So the cats eat the rats because toxo can only grow and can only reproduce inside the cat's digestive tract. So inside the cat's gut, it's reproducing. The cat shits it out, and then the cycle repeats itself. The rats eat it. The rats eat the cat shit. Rats always eat shit. They get toxo, they give it to other cats.

Vicious cycle.

And it gets to people and it makes people reckless. It's a disproportionate amount of high instances of toxo are connected to successful soccer teams.

How do you know so much about toxo?

I'm fascinated by it. There's this guy, Robert Sapolski out of Stanford. Is he out of Stanford? Yeah, I believe so. Brilliant guy. But he did all this work on toxoplasmosis. And one of the things they found that when he was a resident, or maybe it was one of his friends that was a resident, they found that there was a disproportionate amount of motorcycle victims who tested positive for toxo. So they started testing motorcycle victims for toxo, and they found that there's a disproportionate amount, enough to indicate that there's probably something going on there, that maybe the toxo makes people more reckless.

That's so weird how that can make you do that.

It's nuts, dude. Think of how many people have feral cats. How many people probably have it. You can have it and not even have any idea. Have no inclination that you have it.

I'm going to get tested for toxo.

You're just a little cuckoo.

Like, dude, I had it the whole time.

You're just a little cuckoo. To 40% population in America. 40%. So much 40% as toxo. Up to it could be 16% to 40%. Let's just say it's only 16. Do you know how nuts that is? And it's a parasite that affects your behavior. That's so bananas. I know how nuts is that? And most people aren't even aware of that.

Get tested, guys. This is like a PSA. Get tested for toxo?

Yeah. What are the side effects? Or what are the effects? I know there's like a loss of inhibition, I think that comes with it. Something along those lines, maybe that's good.

Before you hit the stage. Toxo just makes you fearless as a comedian.

Well, good head injury is good for that, too.

Yeah, a good head.

A good head injury when you're younger, like, you wouldn't recommend it, but two of the all time greats had, like, big head injuries, and they turned.

Kenison.

Kenison and Roseanne. Roseanne.

I didn't know she had a head.

Hit by a car.

Yeah, Adam Devine got hit by a car, too, when he was.

Oh, Jesus.

Yeah, I think he broke his bones and stuff when he was a kid.

That's so scary.

Yeah.

I've been watching more car accidents because of Instagram than at any other time in my life. Instagram just wants to show you people dying.

Well, x two, man.

X two. Well, x is everything. X has porn on it, which is so wild that during the time where they were trying to take their accounts away for Covid information that they didn't think was corrected at the time, they were allowing, like, hardcore porn.

I know you forget it's the wild.

Wild west on there, and I'm not saying they shouldn't.

Sure.

I'd love that. It's the wild wild.

It's such whiplash. Like, I'll be watching a cat video, and then it's just some guy getting hit by a car. I'm like, jesus, give me a minute. Let me brace myself.

Instagram knows that I watch those.

It's serving you up. It knows your serving me up.

There's a lot of these. I'm not even following these accounts.

You like this guy dying? You may like this guy.

Yeah, it's like. It's weird. Like, should your feed be only people you follow, or should they show you a bunch of shit?

Well, that's what these companies are struggling with, because when it was all just your circle, people weren't consuming as much as the suggested videos. You know what's funny is I got shadow banned on Instagram for around Thanksgiving.

What did you do?

Hardly anything. And it sucks because I'm trying to do a special via non traditional. Like, it's not Netflix. It's not Comedy central. This is a model now because of you. And, like, this is a viable alternative to the Netflix Comedy Central special, whatever. So it's like, you need the power of these social media companies to reach people. So doing podcasts and you do the YouTube special, that's like an arm of it, and then you disseminate. Ari Shafir has been very helpful with trying to self release a special. So you chop it up into clips. This is what I did in my last one. And you just chop up because most people are going to access you via clips. Like, everyone has time for 30 seconds, right? Because the hour long special is kind of for jazz heads. You got to be a real stand up comedy nerd to sit down and watch an hour for real, right? I swear it is because I was talking to Roy Wood Jr. And sometimes because we're in standup, we just think it's the world because it is our world, and we think that it translates to the kind of he, like, bird's eye viewed it.

For me, he's like, yo, when you go on Spotify, stand up is under jazz. You know what I mean? He goes as an art form. It's under jazz. Jazz is more popular. And I'm like, it kind of put everything into focus for me where I don't have to be as invested. I'm like, okay, there's a ceiling to what you can do. But anyway, I need the clips. I need the arm of the clips because I had some clips do like twelve mil and stuff, and people were able to find me via Instagram reels. So when they shadow banned me, it tells you you can look at your account status and there'll be marks on there. There's like three strikes and stuff. And then one of the things it said is, your content will not be shown to non followers. And that's kind of how the machine works. Your stuff gets suggested to people who may not have known about you. So you need that as an artist if you want to grow to see your special and your standup. So you're being suppressed. You're being limited.

How do you know you were shadow banned?

Because it tells you on your account status. And then I had people talking to people who work at IG or meta or whatever, and they're like, yeah, it's shadow banned.

What did you do?

I think it's because it's an election cycle or something. It's not even a human doing it. I think it just scrapes for buzzwords and just blanket has these suppression on it. So I had this joke, sounds so creepy. Well, it sucks because there's no nuance to it. It was just a joke. You know, my fahim works on stuff show. I do it on YouTube sometimes where I'm just working on material, right? I just do it to feed the algo. And sometimes there's a great joke that works and I just post it on a reel because it's like 80% of the way there, and I'm just feeding the algo. So this joke, I post it on all of them. I do a clip and then I post it on all the social media platforms. So it remained on TikTok, and all the other ones was fine. And usually TikTok is very draconian because it's mostly kids. So the joke, it's a non sequitur. Just out of nowhere, I'm like, I just want to let you guys know, Hamas is hiding at my ex girlfriend's house.

So that's the joke.

It's like saying something without saying something. It's a joke.

Oh, my God. We can't have jokes about.

Yeah. So that's all I said. Oh, my God. And then I think it just saw Hamas on the thumbnail when you post on the grid. And then I got a strike for that, and then there was no way to reach people and I'm just fucked.

Wait a minute, so any mention of Hamas gets you shot about, is that what.

Yes. Yeah, pretty much. I think it's this machine learning or whatever it is. It's just scraping the Internet for, like, buzzwords. So that was like a hot button issue and stuff, and there's no nuance applied to the situation or the joke. So it just sees Hamas. And then my account got hit like that.

So is it any joke about Hamas or just mentioning Hamas?

I don't think the joke was even taken into consideration. I think they just saw Hamas on a thumbnail or Hamas on a caption, not knowing that it's a guy on stage doing a joke.

Right.

And there's layers to appeal it. Yes, I tried to appeal it, and then it was just stuck in review forever. So nothing was going to happen. I was pretty much fucked. So I know influencers in LA and stuff, and I was like. And sometimes when they're pretty high up on IG, they have a contact or something more than a nebulous, because these companies are so there's no point person. I think it's like that for a reason. So they tried to help me out. They had a guy, and we're going back and forth and nothing was getting done. And luckily I met a large agency, like a talent agency, and they were going at it, too, trying to help. And just a week ago, it got lifted because. Yes, and then. So the joke is up. Whereas before it wasn't. So it's like it didn't even happen. It's like I had someone vouch for me and then they, like, hands were off, it was fine, but only because I had the might of this talent agency. If I was like a regular guy, I would just be fucked.

Well, that is the thing about an agency can get in contact with someone who. There's a value in that for sure.

Yeah, so much.

Especially in this weird time. But you also have to realize, from their perspective, they're managing at scale literally billions of.

Yes.

So, I mean, Facebook and Instagram are all the same company, right? It's all like, how many? How many meta customers are there? Let's just guess.

So many. Well, isn't like a small nation when you add up how many Facebook?

I don't think it's very small nation. I think it's a really big one. I think it's a really big one. I want to say it's north of 2 billion. Yeah, that's a big ass country, but.

It'S an imperfect solution.

Active users on meta products.

Three point.

Yeah, that's so many people.

A lot of people.

You have to think from their perspective that they think they have an obligation somehow to maintain a certain level of discourse on their platform. This is how you could establish it initially. But then when you get people in there that are very politically biased, and you get people in there that are socially biased, and they only want one perspective being heard, and then you get a lot of people self censoring because they self censor because they're like, hey, I don't know what I can say and what I can't say now.

I'm like that.

Right, exactly.

That's what I'm saying.

Twitter does not do that.

X, right?

I don't like calling it x. I can still call it Twitter. I know I'm old, bro, old school. Because it's not an x. You can't make an x. You make a tweet. Right?

True.

I tweeted it. You x'd it.

No, I say x'd it. I ride hard for Elon. I'm like, I was on x and I was just drafting a bunch of x's. I xed it. What do you call it? Tweet. That's Jack Dorsey.

The old days, kids.

So it's nice to have my account back, but I love that.

It's wild. The Twitter thing, I mean, some of it is disturbing. When people get comfortable enough to just really speak their mind about things. You're like, oh, my God.

Well, that's the thing about social media, too, is sometimes when you're a close knit circle, your budies kind of check you like, hey, what are you doing? But social media. Some people have a lot of rope, and you're like, oh, no.

Yeah. And especially, like, isolated people.

Yes. I see my friends get nutty on the road. You could tell your buddy has been on the road for too long. Like, they do a video in a hotel room or something, and you're like, oh, no, they're losing their mind. Yeah, I've been guilty of that, too. Just when you're not surrounded by community and people and you're just a brain floating on the road, the number one.

Key that I found very early is go on the road with your friends.

I'm lucky. I've entered a phase in my career where now I'm starting to be able to do that. Whereas before, you're not making enough money, so you're just beholden to whoever they book as a feature, and you're just stuck in a hotel. You're walking across a freeway to go to a cracker barrel and kill time.

I decided a long time ago, like, 98, to do that. Just pay more money. Give them the money. Just make less money, but have a good time.

It's worth it, dude.

It's everything. It's everything. Make less money, have a good time, make more money, have a bad time, not fun. You don't like that? That's not a good feeling. Make less money, have a good time, and have everybody else have a good time, too. So it's a bunch of guys who are really good friends, who love each other, been on the road forever, going to dinners forever. I've had hundreds of dinners with Ari and Joey, Diaz and Duncan. So we get together. It's just joy.

It's the best.

It's just joy. It's just being with your favorite people, having a good time, and doing the thing that you can't believe you get paid to do.

Yeah, I'm able to do that. I mean, I have to say thank you for.

No, you're able to do it from your talent.

I know, but, I mean, this is a platform because I wasn't a Netflix guy. I wasn't a comedy central guy, which.

Doesn'T make any sense to me. Well, that just shows me that Comedy Central, Netflix, don't.

Well, look at how many of my friends and peers are just skyrocketing, and they weren't the guys they picked, you know what I mean? So it's kind of validating and refreshing, and it's cool to see comedy policing itself and just promoting guys who are in the trenches and know what's up. Not some guy who has a communications degree.

I think there's a lot of comedy nerds now, too, that are really into comedy because they get to see how the sausage is made from all the. Really? Before that, I always said this, there's so few conversations with great standups that exist, like from the George Carlin days or Richard Pryor days. There's not hours and hours of prior to sitting around talking about things which would have been amazing. Yeah, amazing. Can you imagine Richard Pryor or George Carlin had a podcast?

It's pretty nuts, I know.

Oh, my God. It would be insane. It'd be insane. And George has done some conversations where he talked about his writing process. He talked about the art form itself, but he had a very specific way of doing it that most people don't do it that way. He would write a monolog.

Yeah.

And then he would just sort of punch it up a little bit. That monolog would be his monolog for.

The amazing, but it was rigid. And he knew. He knew his beats and stuff, but, yeah, totally different process.

Totally different process. Because in the end, he became this guy who was a comic as much as he was a social critic. It was like both things were this. It was still a great comic, clearly, but he was also a great social critic. And he had, because he didn't have a podcast, his view of the world came out in his stand up, and he had to figure out a way to make that funny. And that was like, his great challenge.

Well, it gets so distilled when that's here, because we can talk at length and approximate it, and you can go.

Back on what you said and go, you know, actually, now that I'm thinking about it, right, I could see how you would look at it the other way, too, which is so goddamn important.

Comedy fans are getting very granular. It's kind of cool. I think comedy has always been popular, but not like this. And I almost feel like people are discovering stand up this day and age, sort of like the way they used to discover music. People are taking ownership of discovering comedians because even me, I'm kind of, like, under the radar. I'm pretty niche. And when a comedy fan likes me, there's just like a level of fandom. It's like they found a cool record at a record shop. Because of the advent of YouTube and Instagram, people aren't just accepting whatever is being fed to them through corporate pipe.

Right. Which used to be the case, like, if you weren't picked before, you couldn't do anything.

That was the only way to even get in front of people is like, you had to be the corporate pick, otherwise you were just toiling in obscurity. There was no way to even be seen. But now there's all these ways to circumvent the traditional. Like Schultz was saying, something is younger generations and stuff, they don't know where they saw it or what the medium is or the branding. They just know they saw it on a tv. Whether it's YouTube, whether it's Netflix, whether it's like, that type of branding is almost like legacy. Thinking from when I was coming up and you were coming up and there was a way to do it. Yeah, people just like good now.

Well, they like what they like, too. And there's plenty of variety. There's all sorts of different comics out there now that are really popular. It's really interesting time, I think, for stand up, like for the art form. I don't think there's ever been a better time. There's never been more of it. There's never been more good ones. There's never been more good ones coming up. And that's one of the more interesting things about watching the club is occasionally I'll get to see these people that audition to be door people. Those are all comics.

Yeah.

And I get to see them grow. It's fun. It's fun to watch, man. It's fun to watch people inspired. And that energy is in the whole room because there's all these different levels. There's guys like Assan and Derek who are now going on the road, killing on the road. David Lucas is killing on the road. William Montgomery's killing it on the road. And then there's, like, the headliners that come in that are there all the time, like Shane and Duncan and Tom Segura and all these people that come in to fuck around. But there's this feeling that starts at the bottom. It starts with the base. It starts with the people that are inspired about making it still. And then there's the people that are just getting in, and then there's the people that are in, and then there's the people that are on television, and everybody knows who they are, and they scream when they go on stage, and there's Ron White. There's those people. So it's like you get to see how we're all just the same thing. We're all just artists, for lack of.

A Pokemon, just different evolution.

Weird art form. We're doing a weird art form that hasn't really, until now, been documented as to how to go about doing the process and how each one of us went about doing the process. And I think people are interested in that, just like I'm interested in that motherfucker that makes wood. Wood tools. I love when people love things. Yeah, I do. Even if it's something that I don't do. I love when people love things. Anything, man. Anything.

Well, it's so interesting how the blueprint as to make it, whatever you want to call it in comedy has shifted so fast in the past couple years, because when I was coming up, it was SNL. It was doing like a late night set. It was doing premium blend, like these smaller showcase type sets. And then you do a half hour. Like a half hour on Comedy Central was huge. Like, dane had a monster half hour. Just gaff again, Louie. These were, like, people's entry points to these people. And then now there's really, those things don't exist. I was taking, well, it's a viral clip. You know, I was on the road and I was doing cobbs, and I brought Matt Lockwood, he's a comedian from the store. And we're just sitting, eating ice cream on the bench and know, talking to the young comics, and I'm like, what? What do you guys pine for? Like, what is the thing? Because when I was coming up, I knew what the thing was. Like, what we all wanted, right? It was like a JFL showcase. It was a late just for laughs. Montreal, the biggest set of your life is in French Canada.

It is.

And then you make an arby's joke and you're like, oh, you don't have Arby's. That would have been good to know in front of all these suits, what else is in the news? So I go, what's your thing? What are you? And he's like, there's really nothing. That was weird to me that they had no touchstone. He goes, maybe like a clip goes viral or a podcast. It's just so nebulous now, right? There's no hard blueprint.

Well, the blueprint before was kind of the problem. Was it involved other stuff? The blueprint involved, like getting a sitcom, getting a talk show, getting a something.

Yes.

It always involved that.

A means to an end, a springboard. Like, you couldn't just be a comic. You had to be a wacky neighbor.

But that was the thing that always bummed me out the most about, you know, Richard Jenny, when he died, was one of the best comics ever, but felt like a failure because he didn't become Jim Carrey, because he didn't become the guy who did the movies, he had a tv show. It was called Platypus, man, that was on one of those burgeoning networks, one of those new networks, like, what was it, WB? One of those.

It was the tubi of its day.

It was one of those weird networks where they started offering people deals to do shows that maybe wouldn't have got a show at NBC or ABC. But he was a great comic, man. A great fucking comic. And he never liked the fact that he was just a comic.

But what's crazy is if you plug him in today, he'd be a arena. You're enough. As a comic, you're enough. Whereas that used to never be the case. It was like, what else do you do?

What's such a disrespected art form? It's something that everybody loves, but nobody takes that seriously because it seems like the person on stage is doing what you can do. They're just talking.

I know, but they get up there and they learn very quickly.

What if they get up there? Yeah.

Well, you ever have a drunk person.

Who'S like, yeah, I'll do it.

Sometimes I'm like, all right, let's try. Let's see what you got. And then everyone hates them. You wanted this dude.

Yeah, well, it's just people think, and then there's people that want to do it and just don't know how to do it. Yeah, there's a lot of that.

I'll get that after shows, some young comics. What do I do? I've been writing stuff. I'm like, he's got to get up. He's got to walk into the fire.

Yeah, you just got to do that first open mic night. After the first one, it'll be a lot easier. The first one's the hardest one, for sure. I always tell first one I was fucking terrified.

Yeah, but the fact if you even do it, do three minutes and even if it's terrible, that is 99% further than most people ever do. So many people talk, but they never even, like, bomb for three minutes. That is a win, even for real, because you know what it feels like.

At least if you have gotten laughs and then you bomb, I think that's better because at least, you know, you can get laughs. But if you start off bombing the road to actually getting laugh, like, if you bomb out of the gate first time on stage, just death.

Right.

Not even a chuckle.

Well, if you come back, another one. If you come back after that happens, you're an animal.

Yeah, or you're a crazy person.

Sure. Those are both great assets as a standalone convenient.

Occasionally I get the crazy person isn't always. The crazy person isn't always. That's not really right.

You have to harness the crazy.

Yeah, some people it's not harnessable. It's 1000 hp engine on a fucking kid's.

What do I do with this?

They have like a little kid's bike with a fucking giant, what a ride corvette engine on it.

Oh, I also got to thank you because it reminds me, I brought my parents tonight show, and that's because of your podcast. I remember I was doing. I forget which one I've been on a few times, but you're like, have your parents seen you before? And I'm like, no, they saw me do the Apollo when I was 18, and then I got booted the Apollo, and that was the first. I was like a few months into doing stand up, and they're from Afghanistan, and this is not a thing you do. And they wanted me to quit, and it was just very disgraceful, me doing this. And they see me get booed by 4000 people. I'm telling the story. One or two, I get booed off stage and all that. And then you're like, they got to come see you again, man. You're great. And I'll go, I just have this mental block because that was so bad that it's like an emotional thing you just put in a closet and you just ignore it. Because I just wanted to keep on doing comedy on my own and keeping my parents and stuff separate. And then you're like, they got to come see you.

And then on the podcast, I was like, I just always had this fantasy of, like, when they see me, it being so good to counteract how bad that experience was, that it would be like a celebration that everything is okay. Your son turned out okay. All the worries you had, you don't have to worry anymore. So I think after I spoke it into existence on your pod, I actually went about doing it. So I hit up the booker, the tonight show, and I'm like, I mean, I guess I could have always done it. I know the booker. I go, can I do the Tonight show? I'd love to do it. I told him the whole story of like, my parents have never seen me since that thing. This is like emotional thing I need to take care of. Like, this isn't even about comedy anymore. This is just like healing. It's been this monkey on my back for 20 years, 21 years. And then he's like, send me a tape. I sent him a tape. So I actually did the work. I finally just went about doing the work. I went to the improv. I put a tape together, I sent it to him.

He's like, this is great. Come and do it. So then I flew my parents out to New York, and it was just very therapeutic to be able to give this to my parents, because they know what the tonight show is. It was a, like, this is way bigger than, like, I love this night show. Thank you for letting me do it and all that stuff, but in the grand scheme of entertainment and needle moving, it's not what it used to. You used to do tonight show when people, like honking and shouting your name from cars and shit.

That's how I found out about Jenny.

Oh, is tonight show up?

Yeah, it's almost tonight show.

But this was just to give my parents a night out and a memory and a story for their parents. So I wore a suit, I brought them out. They got to meet Jimmy. They got to meet the roots. The roots came in because I'm like, friends with the roots.

Amazing. Yeah.

They're like, oh, your son is amazing, blah, blah, blah. You raised a good kid and all that, so it was everything I could ever dream of it being. And that stems from your pod.

Well, it stems from you, dude.

I know.

Together.

But still, when you talk about things and you speak something into existence, I think that's valuable.

Sure. But you also have to work at it. Think about it. You got to put that set together. You got to work at it.

Yeah.

Got to be real careful with that. Speak things into existence.

Talk.

Because you're a very dedicated and disciplined writer.

Right?

You write all the time. You're always working on new material. You're always working on your material. You put a lot of time and effort into stand up comedy.

People say that. That's nice. Thank you. But, I mean, I just develop systems where it doesn't feel, because when people are like, oh, you write a lot. It doesn't feel like I write a lot because I just have systems and processes where over time, I look at my notes and I just have a bunch of stuff. I think people have such an aversion to writing. They think that you have to go to a log cabin, you know what I mean? And there's a typewriter, and then you do a pipe, and you're like, what's funny? Whereas I've gotten my process to a point where I just live life, and if something happens, I jot it in my phone, and you jot enough things in your phone. That list is pretty long.

Yeah.

And then I developed that Fahim works on stuff, and his friends drop by show. I developed it during COVID on accident. Like, the jam in the van was the only venue doing shows, and I had already headlined. There they go. You want to do another one? I'm like, how about this for an idea? I go, I just have all these bits that I never get around to trying. I mc the show. I have a piece of paper up there. I'm just kind of, like, reading. I'm just like, spaghetti against a wall. And this goes back to people, comedy fans, being savvy now where they know the process, and I have enough fans at this point now where they want to see how the sausage gets made.

Yes.

So I do, like, ten minutes in between acts just trying stuff out, and then I bring up people doing great sets. You know what I mean? So the bulk of the integrity of the show isn't based on me trying new stuff, because I have great comics interspersed.

Right.

So it's a very low stakes way for me to try a bunch of new material. So after the great act goes, I do ten more minutes of bullshit or whatever, bring up the next comic. So it's a safe space for me to be able to try new stuff.

And they know what you're doing, too.

Yeah. The show is called Fahim works on stuff. His friends drop by.

So I think the name of a show. Yeah.

And it mitigates expectations. I think a lot of times comics, when they're like, oh, man, I'm so afraid I can't write stuff. It's like, make the show where you can, because Bobby sometimes, first of all, it was very cool to see Bobby on the pod. I'm surprised it took.

I know it took forever.

It took forever. I told Bobby, I'm like, I'm so glad that you finally did it.

He wouldn't do it forever. Forever.

Bobby's weird like that sometimes.

Not yet, not yet. We talked about dude, like a hundred times whenever I'd see him at the store.

I know, and he's just knocked the middle. What made him want to do it this time? What put him over the top?

I don't know.

I should ask.

It's going to be when the time's right. Hooked it up. It was fun. It was fun hanging out with him. Yeah, he's awesome.

I love Bob. He was the first comic to take me on the road, like a headliner, to actually take me on the road with him.

He's a genuinely sweet guy. Genuinely sweet guy. Always has been.

Yeah, he's always good with other comics too.

Hilarious.

So funny.

He's hilarious to hang out with, too.

He's a feral cat dude. I had him on my pod one time and I had an idea of where I wanted the pod to go. And I'm just kind of, like, mentally trying to corral Bobby. And there's no way you can't.

That's silly. You need, like, a red cape.

I need a possum guy just to grab Bobby off the wall.

This is how stupid I am. I spent 20 minutes today watching dudes do flips over bulls.

Yeah, because there's dudes.

This is a new sport where the bulls run at them and they flip over the bulls. They do, like, front flips. So they're acrobats.

The red cloth isn't enough.

Not enough. You're. Now, this is the next evolution. You're counting on your knees and your ankles. These guys. That guy got hit. Look at this motherfucker. The leaping of the bulls. Look at this shit. Do they watch this for 20 minutes today?

I can't do that without the bull, bro.

You have to be so athletic. You're avoiding horns that goes up your asshole. You're a dead person. Yeah, and it happens all the time.

Do you think one of these guys is undefeated?

Nope. I guarantee you father Tom catches them just like it catches great fighters. I bet there's a few of those guys that hang in there a little too long. The bull fighter. Yeah. Front flip gets a little sloppy. Maybe you got that one bad ankle, but y'all compensate with my right ankle. Not this time.

It's not even a flip. It's a somersault this time.

This time you're going headbutting a fucking bull. But it's such a weird. Listen, I prefer it to the other thing. The other bull fighting thing they do.

Where they kill them full of spears.

And they compromise it.

Flipping is just good fun.

Well, it's just the whole bull fighting thing. I get it back in the dizz.

You ever tried to flip?

No, I've never tried to flip.

I used to be able to flip.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

I believe you.

Yeah, I learned for the high school musical. That's like the least manly story you ever flip. Yeah. How long did it take you to know? During the summertime, you just have so much free time that I had my best friend across the street, I'm like, yo, come over. I'm going to try to do a backflip. Tell me what I'm doing.

Wrong.

So he just had eyes on me, and I would try to just do it on the side yard of my parents house.

Jesus Christ.

So I would run. Grass is pretty soft. I'm not doing on concrete. It's soft enough. But you're 18. You have rubber bones, right? So I would just run, do a round off to backflip, but I was doing it sideways. I think when you first start, you want to see the ground the whole time because you're too afraid to totally let go.

Yeah.

So he's like, stop going diagonal, go more. And then finally I got it. So I wasn't doing a standing backflip. I was doing a round off to backflip. And then I learned how to go off a wall.

Whoa.

And then that's actually easier because you just push off the wall. It takes a lot of that rotation out. And then I learned how to have my buddy launch me. I actually posted on my instagram, because when I was shadow banned, I was just posting dancing. You know what I mean? Because I was in jail. I was in jail.

How banned were you?

Well, here's stuff. I'm unbanned.

But at the time when you were shadow banned, would that mean I would have a hard time seeing yourself? Is it people that follow?

New people wouldn't be able to see me, but I would be able to reach some of follows.

You could see you?

Yes, everybody. Maybe not the entire pie, but if my ceiling was going to be people who already follow me, I wasn't going to reach any new people.

That's weird, isn't it?

Yeah, because I had all these jokes and stuff, and I go, I don't want to burn these clips on a suppressed, you know. So I just went to my archives and just reposted dance shit. But what's funny is sometimes when you post dance stuff, it brings people who like dance that you wouldn't like. Sometimes you'll like a dance thing, and it throws me for a loop because I wouldn't think Joe Rogan likes a dancing video from me.

I like all kinds of things, man.

Yeah. And then Juliet Lewis started liking some of this. This is like a fucking crazy world. And then she asked a question in one of the igs, and I'm like, she's like, oh, yeah, did you used to do this for talent shows and stuff? And I'm like, oh, I did it for the high school musical. Can you pull it up on. I'm trying to find it. I have too many dance videos.

Let's explore this.

Yeah.

Why is musicals not manly.

Probably the singing and dancing.

Right. Why, if I had to guess? And dancing, not manly, particularly evolutionarily speaking, because women have always been impressed by singing and dancing. Yeah, but you think about Saturday Night fever.

Yes.

Right.

But think about all the jealous guys and they just call Travolta gay or whatever. Because if the girls like something that kind of blends feminine, haters is going to say he's gay.

Blends feminine.

Yeah. Why singing and dancing.

Right. But why, again, if women like it and if it's difficult to do, what makes those two things that are difficult to do that women like?

Because it's not a masculine.

Watching it too, though.

If it was rock, like, if it's leather, guys can get behind that.

Right. But if a guy can really dance, that shit's impressive.

Yeah, but it has to be next level. It has to be like Michael Jackson or.

Hmm, interesting.

Like Lance, or like Lance.

Like Lance can stop. When's Lance coming know, when's Lance coming back?

Lance? Yeah. I don't know.

Fahim does a character on stage called Lance Canstopoulos, and it was always a favorite of the comic store. Is he doing Lance tonight? Is he doing Lance tonight? I think he irritated you.

Well, nah, I mean, it's, stop asking for Lance.

I'm right here. Fahim's right here.

Lance is cannibalizing Fahim.

It's like that movie. What was it, the dark half. What was that book? The Stephen King book with the writer. He's got like an evil writer in his brain that writes all the hits.

Yeah.

And he comes to life.

Well, I mean, Lance is a part of me. The thing is, I almost feel like Lance is who I would be if I didn't have parents. I swear to God. Because my parents raised me a certain way. And even when I have thoughts and stuff, there are so many gates before I kind of know what I say. I'm careful sometimes. And then Lance is just pure id and it's dancing and it's candy.

Right.

And it's so fun also as an artist, too, just as a standup, because when I write jokes and shit, I'm like, it's intricate. Okay, what goes here? Blah, blah.

Right?

It's mentally taxing.

Right?

But Lance, there's no jokes. It's just you show up, they play dance music, and I'm going out of the comedy store where they've seen so much high level, cerebral, great jokes and stuff. And then they're like, lance can't stop. Oh, yeah. Here, bert bringing Lance up. Is there? Everybody one more time. Like, pure nonsense. No.

Amazing.

I know. I know.

Amazing.

But it really sets.

Do you have the wig with you?

I packed Lance.

Lance is going on stage tonight. Oh, shit. Lance is going on stage tonight.

I just love the phrase, I packed lance.

Lance is going on stage tonight. It's like I get mad if Duncan doesn't bring little hobo. Where's little hobo?

So one time when Adam was still at the store, he was the manager there. I went up earlier in the night in the or as me, and then my set's done and Whitney's running late. And then Adam tracks me in the hallway. He, like, grabs me by the shoulders, and he goes, whitney's running late. Get lance. So I'm like superman. So I go to the trunk of my car, and then I turn into Lance. So this is like three or four comics later, and they go, who's next? They go, lance, comics. Like, what the fuck? They go, all right, Lance can stop us. Then I go back up for the same audience, but I'm as Lance this time. And I dance and shit. And then I sit on the stool, and I'm like, you guys look strangely familiar. So then I do a ten minute Lance set, and then I see Whitney in the back. And then, ladies and gentlemen, Whitney coming. So I got them out of a pinch.

That's amazing.

But I've never done, I guess, one other time I did do Lance on the same show, like as fahim, bro.

Lance will become dice.

Yeah, I can see that. Because it's so much fun to do.

Do you know the dice story?

So. No. What was that?

Dice's name is Andrew Silverstein.

Right. I know. He was, like, a great impressionist and great actor.

Used to do all these characters. He used to do John Travolta. He does an amazing John Travolta. Right. And then he would do this character called the dice man, and then the dice man became him. Doing Travolta, was it? Keep making fun of my car. Let me tell you something. This car is automatic. It's systematic. It's hydromatic lightning. You just singing Elvis in front of, like, Madison Square Garden. I mean, how do you not love?

And it's so good. It's amazing.

He's amazing. Dice is amazing. But anyway, that became him. He became that character. That's him.

This is it, man.

You're Lance.

This is my evolution. I was at Caterpillar.

You are Lance.

I am.

This is my suggestion for your next special after this one that you just did.

Yeah.

Half hour of you short break, half hour of Lance.

So it's like speaker box and love below. Like the outcast album. Like half this, half that. That's pretty great.

You leave the stage, the stage goes black for like three minutes. You fucking swap out clothes, put the wig on, hit yourself a little Dior.

Yeah.

What do they wear for the people that like to wear cologne? What does dudes who like to party.

Aquavelva for sure.

A guy who goes to clubs, the guy's like, what's up, girls? What's that guy wearing?

Yeah, gold chains.

What's that guy wearing?

Jean jacket, obviously. Wife beater underneath.

Right. What is the smell, though? Probably I typed in cheesy guy cologne.

And this bottle just popped up.

Some people are really into cologne, man. Did you ever get cologne? When I was a kid I had Dracar noir. Dracar was the. I heard about all the guys. Hey, you got to get Dracar. Girls love it. Do they good? I have no idea.

Do you think some girls like what.

The fuck he's doing? Cool water was big in the 90s. Cool water.

Yeah. Tommy was big for me growing up. And then polo sport was a hot fragrance.

I used to do the old spice ant aftershave. You fucking splash it on your hands. You sting your functional, though, too.

Because if I don't do that and I shave with a Razor, you'll get ingrown.

It's functional.

Functional engineer. Just do land. It burned, but it feel good. You just fucking splashed it on your face.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

You're like Kevin McAllister, dude.

I think Lance.

It's fun. Like I'm bringing him back. I've been doing it more at the store.

Would you do that, though? My idea for a special?

I would.

I'll produce it.

Oh, yeah.

How about that?

Also because this is my third traditional special. Like, I've done it. You know what I mean? So it's kind of. You get bored and there's enough digital ip out there of me doing straight standup.

Well, you can do both, though. That's the beauty of what you've got going on, is that you could just do an entire Lance tour if you wanted to, or an entire fahim. You do whatever you want.

I also had this idea, too, because Lance just loves everything he thinks he can do. Everything. He can be an actor. He wants to be in action movies. He wants to sing and do music. So I might want to do where it's like a documentary of Lance putting out an album and an ep. So he tours America doing shitty venues, but he has like three songs on an album. And then the in between of doing songs, he's just like doing crowdwork. Like, thank you for supporting live music and everything. And how I came up with this song, I was taking a shit at Chibotle and just the chords came to me. Hit it. So it's like half music, half comedy, right? That could be a fun, different type of special to do.

Yeah. I love when someone busts out a character.

Yeah, there's a few things you don't.

See that much in stand up anymore. You don't see like a character because it's scary.

You'll get shit on a lot when you're a young comic. If you do something kind of non traditional, you can get shit. So like, luckily Lance happened after I was really established at the comedy had Lance is know. I know, but even if you weren't.

Established, if you came in and just did, sure. Oh my God, it's hilarious.

But Lance was able to thrive because I already had the for real.

Lance is another person, dude.

He is.

What is that Stephen King book?

He is.

Is it dark half?

Lance was able to thrive because I was already beloved at the store. Like I had earned their respect. And so because if you start killing with a character and no one knows who you are, you're going to get shit on by the elders and stuff.

Not at the store.

It's a harder sell than if you have no history as a traditional comic. Yeah, it seems like hacky or a trick. So the fact that I can do.

Straight, but it's not if it's good. The dark half? Yeah. Thad Beaumont, a parasitic twin removed from inside his skull when he was twelve. What? Since then has become a critically acclaimed literary writer and a blockbuster crime writer under the pseudonym George Stark, who goes on a murderous rampage when Thad kills him. That's, yeah, that's the book. It's a crazy book.

I mean, it's fun doing different characters, music stuff.

Lance is inside of it.

I did a prom. Can you pull it up because I uploaded it.

You need to feed Lance.

I will feed Lance. This is going to be sort of the way that tonight show thing was spoken into existence. This is the new thing. Can you pull up? I did a promo like a music video for my special. It just reminded me of the music.

I think comics are open to anybody trying anything as long as it's really good. But we don't put that same scrutiny on someone trying stand up for the first time. When you see someone doing an open mic night, you expect them to suck. It's just so fucking hard. Yeah, but if you see someone doing an open mic night and sucking as a character, you're like, you ain't never going to make it, bitch. Right?

Keep her it up.

What is this? I have a special promo for the comedy special, house money.

Instead of doing a trailer for my special, I'm like, let me just do a music video. So this kid Macon, he directed it. He does a lot of bad friends stuff, too. So we banged this out in a day.

You know what's disturbing? That guy could be a very popular music artist. That could be your third career. Your third career.

Emo is so thick.

Satirical. Satirical. British emo songs. I'm not kidding.

I was listening to tears for fears, and I'm like, this has to be my promo, bro.

If you go way over the top, tears for fears, like, over to the next level of dismay.

So british.

Yeah, over the top. That's your next career. That's your third career.

I'm stacking careers today.

Yeah, you're going to stack careers. You're going to be a mock emo singer from the UK, somewhere where it never sunny Scotland or some shit, on a lineup.

Who goes where. Obviously, I can't follow Lance. So Lance closes up.

So it'd be close. This guy opens. This guy opens. He opens with his corny songs, right? You have these songs. Everybody goes nuts, right? Short break. You come back as Fahim, and then.

Everyone talks hard for short break, you kind of hear it like, yeah, lance, lance, lance. Like, on a bleachers. And then follow.

Like, the first one's probably a bad idea. The singing's probably right, but the other two are really good ideas.

Those are real.

But the singing could make it if you really like.

I don't want it to make it. It was just a fun promo to do.

I wanted to prove a point. If you had, like, this thing in the back of your head and you're like, you know what? I don't fucking think.

Like, get my Eddie Murphy on.

Yeah.

My party all the time. That's a jam.

That is a fucking jam. Let's put that on the green room playlist.

My girl want the party all the time that was produced by Rick James, right?

Joey Diaz, you're on the podcast.

Yo, I love you, brother.

Where you been? You don't call, you don't write. I called you yesterday. Hey, I'm here with Fahim.

I love you. Joey. How are you?

You gotta talk loud. He can't hear you, Joey.

I love you, man. How are you?

I love you, brother. I can't hear you. Listen. Oh, don't tell everybody. They'll know now. The whole world's going to know. Yes. I love you. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

He's such a sweet guy, man. Mute it.

I want people to know him when he's coming.

Okay. All right, mute it.

One of the fun things about the club is no one knows who's going to be on stage.

I see it because I follow the Instagram account.

Obviously it's fun who's in town, especially when we do protect our parks. And then it's Ari and Normand.

It's fun seeing that pop because the audience is losing their fucking minds.

Yeah, it's fun. The crowd is like, oh, my a. It's a fun place, man. And you were a part of the beginning of this. You really were, because you were like one of the first comics that took a chance, moved out here.

Thanks, man. I mean, it's very cool to see the scene grow and continue to grow. And part of you thinks, like, how big can it get?

It can get pretty fun.

Pretty big, man.

It can get pretty big because there's a lot of new people that are doing it and they're really dedicated.

Well, and if you're a young comic, this seems way more viable than a place like New York or LA that's super saturated. And even if you're funny, it's hard to get on stage. Whereas there's more stage time out here.

There's a ton of stage time and it's a different environment. And I always say that this is my girl wants to party all the time. Rick James, remember? Give me some volume.

Yeah, come on. I love this shit.

We'll get kicked off YouTube. Really?

Oh, yeah. Well, congrats on being back and the deal.

Yes. But we can't play music anymore. Do you think that we should do good?

It's the Rogan remix.

Yeah. If I do it too good, it'll pick up on the algorithm. Is there a way we can just say, put the full things on Spotify and just cut out the music chunks and tell people we're doing it?

Just trying to figure out on the.

Fly we might have to tell people we're doing it. I don't like being hindered by this nonsense.

We want to hear party all the time.

But it's also. It's like, what is fair know? How does that work?

I don't know. The rulings on stuff, they should be.

Able to talk about one of the greatest fucking things.

Songs by a comedian.

How many entertainers have ever done as many things as Eddie Murphy has? That's nuts.

Well, that's what's crazy. He did one or how many specials? Two. Two or three in his two album.

All time great Beverly Hills cop comes out.

I think that's so cool, dude.

If he wanted to do stand up right now, if he just wanted to jump back on stage right now, he would start murdering, of course, right away. Murdering.

Even watching his comedians in cars, just being talking to Jerry. There's so many great bits in conversation with him.

Great tragedy. That guy doesn't do stand up, but he doesn't want to. So whatever.

Did you watch SNL?

I watched Shane's monolog. Yeah. And I watched the Trump sneakers bit.

That's great, man. He's such a good sketch performer.

Amazing.

Yeah. It's rare that someone is really good at standup and is great at sketch like that too.

He said he had a good time. He said for the most part they were cool to him. Yeah, he said it was a good experience. He's glad he did it.

I'm glad he did too. It's one of the few times that it's been appointment viewing for SNL, especially for comics and stuff. Everyone probably through the roof.

Bananas. Yeah, I bet the ratings are bananas.

My favorite from there when he was on is that Limu emu sketch, but it got cut for time. And I'm watching on the Internet, I go, they didn't air this. This is the best. Know, they run their show, there's a certain order and maybe it got cut for time or something, but when I'm watching, I'm like, this is the best.

Imagine putting together a new show every week and it not sucking, right? What are the ods? What are the ods? That's so hard to do.

I know.

Put together a new show every week. That's so hard to do.

Did that show mean anything to you? Growing?

Yes. Yeah, definitely. The John Belushi days, man. I used to watch that. If you watch some of those episodes now, you could never do any of what they were doing. They had some of the wildest shows. Those shows were great. The old Saturday night lives were fucking great. They were really fun.

Well, that was the only place to see something like that too.

Only place. It was nuts. And then in living color came along.

Man, I loved in living color. I love that snl too.

Living color was insane. People forgot how good that was. I remember I was at a pool hall. The first time I saw, like, I think it was one of those Super bowl days where they had in living color on during halftime. I think that was the deal because everybody was watching in living color. I was watching Jim Carrey as fire marshal Bill with his face all burned off. I'm like, this is insane.

What is. Let me tell you something.

There was nothing like that that had ever been on television before. And it was on Fox, right? Fox took more chances back then. They had the Simpsons. They had like a little wilder stuff. Married with children, right? A little more racy. Yeah, I saw that. I was like, are you out of your fucking mind?

It's crazy.

You're mocking a bird victim.

I know on tv that he auditioned for SNL.

The show was nuts, man. How about Handyman?

Oh, my God. He had a handicapped superhero.

Damon Wayans as handyman was hilarious. He did a movie called Handyman.

I forgot they did a movie. Are you saying they couldn't do handyman today? Are you saying they couldn't do men on film?

Men on film was.

So I got to work with David Allen Greer when I did, like a small guest star on Gerard's show. When it was on NBC, that Carmichael show. And I was just so starstruck because I grew up watching. But he's this sesbian guy, man. Even before living color, he was just this tremendous actor. But he has this crazy comedy gear as well, right? But that was so cool.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Jamie Fox.

Oh, my God. You could never. Not a fucking million years.

Did you see him come by the talked about this?

But it is a real thing.

What?

Why do they, in so many scripts, want masculine black men to dress like women? How many times has that happened?

It's a know. It's a trope, right?

That's a crazy trope. That's a crazy think. I don't remember who Dave was talking to. I forget who he's talking to, but he's explaining this.

Wasn't Kat talking about that too? Or can't we just rewrite it to where that's not in there.

Well, it's a real thing. I mean, how many examples are there and who's writing it?

You would think at this point it's such a cliche that you would censor yourself. Be like, okay, this is almost hack at this point. Like, let me not put this in here.

It's a weird thing to ask someone to do. It's a weird thing to say, hey, that guy with all the big muscles, let's put him in a dress.

It'll be fun.

Give him lipstick and give him a wig and give him high heels and call him Wanda.

It's got to be tough, too, where you go, because it's a big break for some people. And you go, I don't want to do this.

Right. Well, the Jamie Fox one guaranteed was their idea because it's just a funny character. It's just, you couldn't do that today, right? You couldn't do that today. What would that be?

I'm kind of like that when it comes to terrorist shit. Because when you're a young performer and actor, sometimes the opportunities come through. They go, hey, will you say Alakbar on CSI or some shit? You know what? Go. I don't know how much this helps my, like, how am I going to level up from saying Al Akbar and just, like, disappearing, right? So it's really not net positive. And I'm trying to be a stand up comedian. So if I was just trying to be an actor, then sometimes you're stuck doing, like, Samuel Jackson had to do some parts that maybe he didn't love doing early on. Yeah, for sure.

But it's just that particular one. Getting black men to dress up like women. Yeah, that's a fucking weird one, man. That's a real one and a weird one. There's so many examples of it. And if you think about white men, like muscular white men. How many times have muscular white men been asked to dress up like women for funny? Way less, right? Fucking way less. Way more white men in movies. Way less white men wearing dresses. That's crazy. You got Mrs. Doubtfire, but that's a character that he's doing.

Right?

That's kind of different because he's not.

Because he's immersed. He looks like Mrs. Doubtfire.

He's all in.

He's got. You don't even know. That's Robin Williams under.

Right? But what was the. Yeah, yeah. That was like, they were all John.

Leguizamo, but that's drag queens. Okay.

Little different. Right? Because they're all drag queens.

Right?

So Wesley Snipes gets a pass on that one because he's one of the drag queens.

Yo, I love Wesley Snipes, but it.

Was just Wesley in a dress. You'd be like, what the fuck is going on with this?

Initially? Do you think it was initially Wesley? And they go, he needs. Let's surround him so it's not so obvious.

That's how you pull it off.

It's like when you get condoms at the store, but then you have a banana and then, like, some candy just to throw you off the scent.

That's hilarious.

Like, Guizamo, man. I love him. He's so good.

He's great in John Wick.

Oh, he's in that? Is that the latest one?

No, he was in the first one. He's the guy that tells John Wick who killed his dog.

I always think it's so funny, man. That's how much Americans, just for people in general, love dogs, where this guy's dog gets killed. And then John Wick murders, like, thousands of people. And then everyone in the movie theater's like, yeah, that checks out.

Yeah. That's what you, bro.

Uh huh. A thousand human lives.

You don't kill a puppy. Piece of shit. It's a fucking puppy. And I stole his car, too. Don't forget that.

I was trying to watch that movie with my girlfriend because I had heard it was.

That's hilarious.

Yeah. And then she's like, no, I don't want to watch it. Like, a puppy gets hurt, I go, they don't show it. It's not like the whole they don't show it. You know what I mean? Also, it's just a jumping off point for the movie.

Right.

It's not like a puppy's getting worked over for two know, like, where are the diamonds puppy? I'll tell you when the part's over.

Right.

And she just didn't even like the thought that a puppy gets hurt.

Right.

So she mentally couldn't ever get into John Wick.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You got to get fast forward to that part.

Right? I'd be like, no, the Puppy lives in this version.

Just pass the puppy part.

Yeah. Even that wasn't enough. I couldn't trick her into watching it. I had to do a solo.

But that's like the Barbie movie for dudes.

That's a good point. Yeah.

It is basically the same thing, because girls do not want to sit there and watch this handsome man assassinate 150 people. But every guy does.

You're like, babe, wake up. Come on.

Every guy. You're missing him, dude. There's a scene where John Wick goes into the bathhouse, and he's trying to kill Vigo's son, and he essentially assassinates all the assassins in the bathhouse. It's, like, one of the most intense scenes in the history of fucking action movies. It's so good that when I was doing the sober October challenge with Tom and Ari and Bert, and we had a fitness challenge, and I just stayed on the elliptical machine watching that scene, like over and over and over again. This fucking scene is intense, man. The first John Wick is absolutely my favorite. John Wick.

How many?

There's four. They get a little cartoony. They're still fun, but it's a different thing.

Right. Well, once you get deep on the franchise, it gets cartoony.

Yeah. The first John Wick was the shit. It was the shit. Such a good movie. It's just fun.

Yeah.

Yeehaw. Brainless, take me away. Brainless for 2 hours.

Oh, there's a place for that.

Yeah.

Oppenheimer. I'm like learning all this. I feel like they don't wheel tvs in anymore. But when the teachers turn on Oppenheimer, you know, the classes are fucking lit.

Oh, yeah.

Because that's like educational and awesome.

Educational, awesome.

And today's awesome. Today I think a lot of kids are going to get into science because of the fucking.

That's the crazy thing about scientists, man, is that they were all like intellectual rock stars. They were like these wild, renegade people, and a lot of them did some fucking. And I think that was also part of the appeal of being a great scientist is that you had like groupies, just like singers.

Well, I've noticed that about any profession or art form. If you're a guy, you just excel in whatever field it is you are. There are going to be women who are attracted to that field, even if it's stamp collecting. Just women are attracted to excellence. No matter how niche a thing might.

Be, professional pool players would always bat way over the heads with girls who played pool. Like, guys who are really good pool players. They always did way better with girls.

Than they should have even stand up. Like, if I didn't have standup, I don't think I would bet if I was still an engineer at Boeing.

You're a handsome guy.

But comedy?

Comedy, you'd have a family by now.

I would.

You'd have a bunch of kids and a dog.

I think about that.

Have to get the dog train because.

It runs in this train pretty much.

Damn it.

Like, entertainment is such a recipe development because all the trappings of a traditional life are weight if you're trying to make it with a certain thing. So I think we hit these benchmarks later in life. And it's hard, especially when you have parents who there's a certain time to be doing certain things.

Yeah, right.

Like, I should have a house, I should have a wife, I should have kids, I should have a dog. But to do what we do is so labor intensive and hard. So it delays your life a few years, or at least for these traditional benchmarks.

Yeah. If you're going to go down this road, it's ten years before you're any good. It's a long ass road. I mean, you can get pretty good before then. But to really say, like, I think that's okay. I think other people can listen to this. I think other people can watch this. It's like, ten years.

And also to get some footing career wise and financially. Only in the last couple of years have I felt kind of comfortable in this as a profession, because when I left Boeing, it just felt like, did I make a mistake? You can't see the other end of the shore, so it's hard operating from that space of like, is this a viable career? Have I planned enough roots in the comedy game? And things are better now.

If you're good and you believe you're good, you got to burn the boats. Yeah, you got to burn the boats.

Well, I wouldn't have been doing it if I didn't believe that I had the aptitude.

If you have a boat to get back to your air conditioned house and eat mangoes, you're going to get back on the fucking boat. You got to burn the boat. Yeah, 100%. I like that.

And Gatica. You ever watch Gatica? It's one of my favorite.

I watched a little bit of it.

It's so good. Ethan Hawth and Uma Thurman, I think.

Yes.

It's about genetics and stuff.

I was confusing it with a television.

Show, but there's this poignant scene which. 01:00 a.m.. I.

Confusing with Battlestar Galactica? No, I watched all.

That's great, too.

Battlestar Galactica is.

Fucking guy is Baltar.

That is one of the most underrated series.

The second one, I was watching it when it was on Sci-Fi and they were shooting it in fantasy about CRISPR before CrisPR existed.

Gattaka.

That's so good, man.

That's right.

So there's two brothers. One of them is genetically designed and everything. He has all the gifts of technology. And then Ethan Hawke is like a natural baby, which is kind of a second class citizen. So they clean, they're like janitors and stuff. And there's this point in the movie where they used to race or they used to swim, and the genetically superior brother would always beat the natural baby, Ethan Hawke. And then when they kind of lose touch and at the end they do it one last time. And so Ethan Hawke is winning, and this isn't supposed to be happening. And he's like, how are you doing this? And he's like, I never saved anything for the swim back. And just that quote, it just fucking hits me because he's doing what's not supposed to be happening.

Jesus. It's a good movie.

It's my favorite. I mean, if there's one takeaway from me doing Joe Rogan podcast, it's watch Gattaka. One time I showed it to a girlfriend.

I don't think I've seen this whole movie. I think this is one of those movies that I started and something happened. I got distracted and I stopped.

Please watch it.

I will. I have so many of them, man. I can't keep up. I can't keep up. I did watch Oppenheimer, though. Fucking fascinating.

Yeah. I didn't know him and Einstein were boys. That was cool. I didn't know they talk at a pond that much.

Yeah. I wonder how much that's legit.

It looks good.

You can write a lot of nonsense into a movie after someone's dead. And then he said, bitches ain't shit. I never said that.

I never fucking say.

Really? You can kind of, like, paint a person. For sure. That was a thing that. A big criticism that people had from the Bruce Lee scene in once upon.

A time in Hollywood, but that was obviously comedy. That was interesting when that really. No, I read it as comedy.

Tarantino kind of defended it, and he said that Bruce Lee was known for being very arrogant, and he said something about he had beat Muhammad Ali in a fight. I'm like, that's crazy. If you really said that. That's so insane. Brisali was 135 pounds. Muhammad Ali at the time was 222 25. The greatest boxer of all time, heavyweight. Knock it out of heavyweight.

That would have been a great UFC.

Match if you're talking about him in, like, 1967, before they made him retire for three years. He was insanely good. Like, if you want to watch how good Muhammad Ali was, watch Muhammad Ali in 1967 when he fights Cleveland big cat Williams. I always tell him, watch that fight, because Cleveland Williams is this murderous puncher, and Muhammad Ali is putting on a show. He's dancing and moving like you can't believe no heavyweight before him remotely moved like him. It's so hard to put it in perspective now, because we think about fighters now. Like, we've seen so many great heavyweights. We've seen so many great welterweights and light heavyweights and the world of boxing. We have so much footage. But back then, in 1967, there was nobody doing that. Where's your footage? Where you want you? You're going to get a projecting screen and sit down. If it's not on tv, you're not going to see it. So you watch whatever the fuck they show you on tv. And no one had ever seen a guy move like that, especially in the heavyweight division. He moved like Sugar Ray Robinson, who was 100 pounder.

Is there anyone comparable, you would say nowadays, like that?

No one comparable in terms of how different they were than everyone before them. He was so different. Could you please show me some of the Cleveland big cat Williams Muhammad Ali highlights, bro. He was so different. He would knock guys out moving backwards. He decided when he would take it up a notch, he'd put different paces on you. Pop the jab on you. Move. Make you miss a bunch of times. Make you feel stupid. Drop his hands. Pop you again, pop you again. Move around, move around. You can't catch him. And when you're thinking about boxing in 1967, there's no heavyweights that move like this. They don't exist, man. This guy is a freak. So everybody before him moves like Cleveland does, moving forward, looking to land the big power shots. And look how big Cleveland was. Jesus Christ, is he jacked. Look at the fucking arms on that guy. Murderous puncher. Very dangerous guy. And Ali's just dancing in front of him, just shuffling and dancing, just out of range. And then eventually he starts catching him. Just starts tuning him up. Scooch your head a little bit here. So once he gets loose, he starts opening up with combinations and he moves away and Cleveland moves forward and he pops him with a jab, pops him with a hook.

And now Cleveland's befuddled, right? Because now, you know, I can't hit this fucking guy. And he can hit me anytime he wants. Which is just. That's not how boxing is in the heavyweight division. You have big power punchers with big jabs and guys with great technique. You got Joe Lewis and you got Floyd Patterson. You got all these different great heavyweights, but none of them fight like this fucking guy.

None of them fight like slowly charge. Kind of was the style before Ali. Just sort of like slow and steady.

Well, everybody was just power punchers in the heavyweight division. They'd just move forward. They would throw good jabs. They had good boxing fundamentals, but they didn't move with the footwork like that. That footwork was insane. So if you're standing in front of him, the realization after three or four rounds of this is like, I can't take too many more of these. He's not hitting me with one knockout punch, but he's hitting me 150 times in the face. And he's hitting me in a way that I can't hit him back. Look at this. Popping this jab, just moving and effortlessly. He would run miles backwards. Here's the one, two. That's it. That's the beginning of it. He would run miles backwards. Backwards. Run backwards.

So just insane cardio, too.

Insane cardio. Insane dedication. So this is one of the most tragic from a boxing fan's perspective, one of the most tragic things in boxing is that they took it away from him for three years, and he was never really this guy again. This guy that you see here in 67, he stopped training. When he came back and fought after that, he just didn't look like the same guy. He wasn't the same guy physically. He didn't maintain his training during those three years off. Look at that dude. Look how good he was. I mean. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me? So that was like, the most revolutionary thing in boxing. Like, that guy in 1967. Like one of the most revolutionary things ever to see a heavyweight move like that. And then you got Tyson in the.

He was out of his prime, too, for a bit, right?

Yes, but he had already. Was he saved by the bell right here? I thought this was in the fight. No, it's not. He gets up, bro. They just let people fucking. They let people just be out cold.

Right? There's like the famous photo, though, right, where he's standing over him.

No, that's the Sonny Liston photo. That's when he knocked Sonny Liston out in Lewiston, Maine. And they said it was a fixed fight, and it looks a little suspicious. Have you ever seen that one?

No.

Knowing that a lot of people suspect that this is a fake fight and that Liston really wasn't hurt that bad that he took a dive. Watch this, okay. Because you watch how he's trying to get up. You're like, as a person who's seen a lot of people get knocked out, I've seen probably more people get knocked out. Watch it. Here's the right hand. It's a solid right hand. Absolutely legit. No doubt about it. But watch how Liston goes down. So a lot of people said that it was a phantom punch. It's not a phantom punch. It's an absolute. Watch this. Over the top. Boom. See the jaw shift. That's a real punch. That's a real knockdown. That's not a dive. But what happens is, when Liston goes down, see, he throws his jab. Ali comes over the top, and bang, that's a 100% legit punch. But when Liston goes down, that's when it gets shenanigans. See, if they scoot ahead to watch. Okay. Just show me the actual knockout. There it is. Is that it? So you got to see when he gets up. Because when he gets up, that's when it looks fake. When he gets up, when he's down.

No, this is like a bunch of different fights. See if you can find it.

Did you box or you're always doing.

I did some kickboxing. Here it is. Here it is, right here. So he hits him. He knocks him down. Now watch. But watch. He goes down. Now, this is where it gets a little shenanigany. See, I'm watching him roll around. He gets to his knees, and he falls back down again. It just looks a little like he's not trying to stop himself from going to his back. It looks a little funky. It looks a little funky. So he gets up and look, he's looking away. He's not even looking at Ali. So they're not deciding yet whether or not the fight is stopped, and now Ali is fucking teeing off on him, and then they stop the fight. It was very shenanigan. It looked a little shenanigany.

He made contact, though. I don't know.

But it's also like the humiliation that Liston suffered from the first fight. The first fight was 100% legit. The first fight when he fought Sonny Liston. Sonny Liston was this murderous puncher, man. He was one of the most murderous punchers ever. He fucked up Floyd Patterson so bad. He was so dangerous. He was so scary, and he was a thug. Like, he was a crazy dude. Like during one of the press conferences. See if you can find this. Ali was talking crazy shit. Liston pulled out a fucking gun. He pulled out a gun and shot through the fucking ceiling.

Are these people.

Everybody scrambled.

Are they legit nutty like that? Or is this partly pr for the fight? Like, if I shoot a gun, this will draw.

No, that was who Sonny Liston was, and what Muhammad Ali was doing was trying to get into his head. And a bum through a bullhorn shoots blank. Here it is.

Situation finally came to a head when Clay approached Liston at the Desert Inn in Las Vegas, where the champ was.

Shooting craps and losing.

Liston was in no mood to be harangued by the mouth from the south. Oh, shit. Frightening his young tormentor into a hasty retreat. The gun was filled with blanks.

Yeah, he just put it in his.

Coat pocket to prove it's a blank.

I'd be terrified by the way, those could still kill you. Like, people that put blanks up to their head. The force of the gas coming out of the barrel of the gun can kill you, and it has killed people. A guy did it on a set once. He was just fucking around with a blank.

They have so much protocol whenever there's a gun, bro.

That's so scary. Yeah. Look how fast his fucking reflexes were. He dodged a bullet. Yeah, like, legitimately, bro. But he would constantly talk shit at every press conference. It got so bad to the point where when they did the weigh in thing, after the weigh in, his heart rate was so high, his blood pressure was so high, that they had to calm him down or they weren't going to let him fight because he just worked himself up into a frenzy to fuck with Liston. He would show up in front of Liston's house and yell on his front lawn. He climbed into that dude's head.

Oh, I'm sure. How crazy to be that gifted as a fighter and that gifted as a shit talker as well.

Unprecedented shit talker. No one before him did poetry. No one did rhymes. Like, you don't understand.

He did his work to get inside.

My parents were hippies, and they had to watch when Muhammad Ali was rematching Leon Spinks, because on television, that's how much of, like, a cultural icon that guy was, because he stood against the Vietnam War. And that's why he lost three years of his career when he was in his prime in 1967. He's like, I'm not going to Vietnam. He goes, no Viet Cong ever did shit to me. I'm not doing this. And they took away his ability to box for three years. And my parents were, like, very anti war. They were like, this is our guy. The whole country was like, this is a person who represented sense. He made sense when the world was going crazy and they were talking people into fighting this nonsense war in Vietnam. And you could possibly lose your life or lose a leg or lose a friend or lose your father or lose your what? And he was like, fuck that. And he was right.

Yeah. Was it one of those things that it took years to get clarity on it as a collective, whole society? Whereas at the time, he's probably raked over the coals, right?

100%. There's a lot of people that didn't look, we had associated wars before Vietnam with these just wars, like World War I and World War II, we thought of those as just wars. Like you're trying to stop evil. There's a guy who's hopped up on meth in Germany, and he literally, literally hopped up on meth.

It was a simple one.

Trying to take over the world. That's a simple one. These are just wars, right? By the way, they're not simple. They're super complicated. And there's a lot of.

In terms of cartoony bad guys, bad guy, good guy.

We're the good guys, and we like to think of ourselves like that. So when we're at war, if we're at war, to stop communism in Vietnam, at the time, I think collectively there was a lot of hardcore fucking blue collar republican type people that were like, yeah, you got to do what the fuck you have to do to protect freedom, right? But then they didn't know that the whole thing was staged. They didn't know that that Gulf of Tonkin incident was a false flag just to justify us getting into that crazy ass war for who knows what reason. But there's a lot of them, a lot of reasons. So now people have a different sort of feeling when it comes to war.

So you think that was a.

At this point, I would like to play fuck a war by the ghetto boys, but Spotify will allow this. And do you know that song?

Maybe if I heard it, bro, give.

Me a little bit of this. Willie wrote that in 45 minutes.

That's crazy. How do you.

It's a fucking great song, man. It's a great song. And he's right. He's right.

It's interesting to see the evolution of rap. When it started, it was very socially conscious and stuff. I know they're still doing that. But in terms of what becomes popular on pop scale for rap, do you know Russ at all? It's interesting hearing him talk about it. He's this hip hop artist who's, like, independent. He was on flagrant talking about rap. And what happens is a certain type of rap gets popular and then it becomes uncool, or you move to the next thing. Like, being socially conscious is cool and then just having fun and wiling out is cool, and then what's the next phase? Yeah, so it's not like it doesn't exist. It just becomes smaller piece of the larger genre pie. And now rap is so big, there's subgenres of it, like rock, there's indie rock, and now there's emo rap.

Well, there always kind of was different genres, even back in the day, like, I was always a big de la soul fan.

Yeah.

Same three is the magic number. That's a jam, son. That's a jam. And that was very different. Very different.

Kind of hip hop, but now it's getting so granular. Like, even more so.

Yeah.

So that's just kind of interesting. I was like, oh, yeah.

Remember third bass?

How did third base. Were they white guys?

The weasel. Because the weasel goes pop. Yeah, they're white guys. You don't remember that?

Did one of the flat top.

They had, like, a disk track against vanilla ice.

Yeah. I like that battle. That's fun. Pop goes the weasel, and vanilla is the weasel.

It's people that go know they were hardcore.

Third base.

Yeah.

Oh, Yannis is talking about this.

What's interesting is that dude eventually went on to host a daytime talk show, which is, like, the poppiest thing of all time.

Like a Ricky lake type thing.

Yeah, like, one of them things.

Did he have the flat top?

I believe he kept the flat top when he hosted.

That's impressive, though. That's an impressive flat top.

It's a serious flat top. I don't even know how you get that going on as a white guy. There must be some products involved.

MC Search.

MC Search. They're good, though, man. Third bass was good.

Oh, yeah.

They had some great jams, and MC Search had a great album himself, too. It was great. They were good. But for whatever reason, the white guy rapper, there's only one. Well, the big one. Eminem. Yeah, there's other ones. There's other great white rappers, don't get me wrong.

But he had to be so technically proficient, and it's amazing what he had to do to be able to be accepted. He needed the vouch. He needed to have the skill set that he has, right? Because before him, I think young people don't realize that's what's kind of cool about the younger generation, like, Gen Z and stuff, is they just like art. They don't care what your vessel is. There's a rapper, rich Bryan. He's asian, and he's great at rapping, but he's like an asian kid. Whereas before, you weren't able to receive music from a vessel that looked different than what the norm is.

Well, and then there was my man, everlast. House of pain. That was the best of the white rap bands by far. House of Pain was awesome, dude. Jump around.

Oh, jump around.

To this day, when that song comes out for the UFC, when someone comes out as that song for a walking song. That is a great fucking walking song. That's a great I'm in the gym song. That's a great driving song. That's a let's fucking go song. That's a let's fucking go song.

Just hearing, you know, what it is immediately.

And then that's it. That's all we get. God damn it, YouTube. This is the beautiful freedom that we have on Spotify. I think we're going to start doing that, Jamie.

I'm not going to just Spotify exclusives.

Yeah. Just have little clips. Cut it out for YouTube. People know. Yeah, we'll know. We'll put the full one out on Spotify.

The vibe corner.

God damn. These rules. So what is fucking rules?

How is the new deal different than.

What you're able moss talk the new deal? It's a big part of it.

That makes sense. That makes sense. Yeah. After the election cycle, then.

Yeah. Then I can discuss.

Go back to it.

The bombings, right? Yeah. It's just going to be everywhere now. Well, it's going to be on Apple, Amazon and YouTube as well as on Spotify.

That's pretty great. That's awesome.

It's cool.

So it's kind of like the way it was before the move to Spotify. Like you're getting pretty much.

Yeah, pretty much. But my deal is with Spotify.

Right.

So Spotify and it's instead know they have a vested interest in being successful everywhere. So we're all in it together.

Oh, is that the thought? Like, okay, we're drawing people in via Apple podcasts.

These different YouTube, they'll make money off of it being on the other shows, too.

Okay.

It's all good. It's good for everybody. Yeah, it's good. And it's wider distribution is good. And it's just like, people get attached to certain platforms. Some people are super attached to Apple. And I used to be as well. I used to get all my podcasts on Apple. It was super convenient. It uploads automatically. You can set it like that so, you know, when the new episodes are up, it's perfect. Works great. So I get. If they didn't want to switch over and listen to Spotify, I mean, I knew that when we first started doing it, I was like, a lot of people are going to be like, sorry, there's a lot of shit to listen to, which is great.

Right?

It's fucking great time. If you're interested in listening to stuff, the amount of audiobooks available are fucking insane. It's insane. You could never go bored. You will always get entertained or educated or something. There's so many of them, but the amount of podcasts now, it's bonkers. There's like 5 million podcasts.

Yeah, I remember years ago talking to re at the store. This is maybe like when podcasting was 2.0. Or I'm like, everyone has a podcast. And he's like, everyone has a tv show. They don't stop making tv shows. And that was really eye opening to me, too. Just because there's a lot of them doesn't mean there's no place for new ones.

I used to tell so many people to do a podcast, that it was a meme, that it was annoying. I was telling everyone to do a podcast and I wasn't right.

I want to apologize to society. I fucked up a couple of times.

But I felt like, and I do feel like. I don't think it's the easiest road, but I think if you're a person who's interesting to talk to, you could find other people that are also interesting to talk to and sit down and people enjoy it. It's like you can do it right, but it's going to take some work. So if you dedicate yourself to it and try to figure out what you're doing wrong, what you're doing right, what makes you annoying, what's more interesting? If you do it right, treat it like any other thing, you'll get better at it, but it's not going to come easy. There's too many of them out there. But it's free.

It's free.

You could just do it. You could just upload it to YouTube. It doesn't cost that much, right? To put together.

It's not like you're filming a sitcom and it costs so much a soundstage. The overhead is so low to do a podcast, so it's worth the trial of doing it. And also, I think just in the stand up space, it's a great two hander because you don't always put a special out all the time. And being able to check in with your fans week to week, they like that just being a part of your live and stuff. And then they kind of want to know what your baseline is offstage as well, because then they feel closer to you as a know, like access is the new mystery, I feel like in entertainment. Whereas before it was like, oh, Humphrey Bogart or these starlets, you only got glimpses of what they were. But now that's almost like a kiss of death. You have to be like, hey guys, here you know, I'm at whole foods. I'm getting access. They want to feel like, oh, I know. Know that's valuable.

Yeah.

The only guy who doesn't have to play that game anymore is, like, Daniel Day Lewis. He can make shoes. Like, no one's telling Daniel Day Lewis to live tweet.

Well, there's certain actors that are on the fringes, right? Not on the fringes, meaning everybody knows who they are, but they might not be the first pick for a big project, right. And the only way they think they can keep their name out there is to do stuff. So they have to get photographed on red carpets, and they have to. Sometimes they tell the paparazzi where they're going to be. They have publicists that set things up so you can casually see them doing something fucking intimate, like working out on the beach, some shit like that.

You guys are here.

How crazy.

I look great.

I'm oiled up.

What are the Ods?

Yeah, there's some silliness to it, but I get it. It's a business. Your business is you, and this is a business decision that you're making. I get it. But it's just like, that's a different thing than comics with us. The best thing that we have going on is, like, this network of all of us, that's the best thing we have going on. Because now, instead of relying on Comedy Central to tell you who's good or, it's a total meritocracy, and it's almost always entirely based on, are you funny and are you fun? Are you fun to hang around with?

Yeah.

And if you're funny and fun to hang around with, yay. We're all going to have fun. And that's great for everybody.

It's great for the people that are listening.

It's great for us.

I'm great. Art form, popping that, it's shifted this way, and now this is like, a viable release route for me. Like, I have the special coming out, I get to do this. I get to do bad friends.

You don't have to be chosen.

You don't have to be chosen. And also, who better than other comedians to know what's what in the field, right? We don't have any agenda. We're in the streets. We see what's going on. Whereas sometimes you get so high up at these corporations, they just, they're like, okay, we need this demo. We need this person. This guy's from this agency. That's a favor. There's all this fuckery, a lot of fuckery. So much.

They should not be in control of this art form. Well, that's not their art form. It's our art form, the audience's art form.

You're seeing the cracks now. It's crumbling. I mean, I have no management now. I like it that way. I just have an agency, and I'm getting approached sometimes. But we're at a point in entertainment and culture and stuff where, what value does a 90s type manager have anymore? Because the blueprint is different now. These Hollywood opportunities don't help me as a stand up comedian anymore.

It depends on what kind of a manager you have. So if you have a really good manager, a really good manager is very beneficial because they can strategize with you about what you do and what the pros and cons of what you do are and what's the best business decision, and how do you feel artistically about your set now? Have we thought about holding off for six months? You have people that are confidant.

Yeah. There's value in that if you find the right person and they're keyed into what you're doing. But sometimes you go places. You're just part of a roster. Yes.

There's a problem in the same thing. It's like factory farming. They're factory farming comedy. They try to get as many comics as they can.

They're collecting you. They're collecting you and hoping you pop.

Exactly.

And then they just siphon off some 10%.

But when you're a young comic and you're coming up, the idea of being in a management company is a fucking huge deal. And it is an opportunity, too, because they can get you some things that you're not going to get without it, for sure. Also, you booked at improvs. They'll get you some good gigs.

Also, where you are in your career. I'm deep. I have a lot of connections. I'm deep, dude. I know you. I'm texting you.

You should write that. That should be a new special.

I'm deep, bro.

Lance. Cad, bro.

I'm deep, bro.

I'm deep, bro.

The bro instantly negates the I'm deep.

Is what I love, bro. I mean, Elon Musk can say it.

Yeah. People believe him, though. Yeah.

But you know what he can say? I'm deep.

I'm deep, bro.

He can say deep. But some people still mock him. It's hilarious to me. They call him the stupidest smart guy alive.

I'm like, okay, are you going to get a neuralink? Are you going to be like a hype beast. Just no sitting in line.

When I know that it's inevitable, I will give up, just like all of us will. Just like the people that wouldn't wear shoes forever. And they were like, all right, shoes.

Shoes are pretty good.

They're way better than no shoes. Fucking stepping on rocks and shit, right?

I think it's just funny to die from infections. The guy who's waiting it out, like, all right, I'll do shoes.

Get to a certain point, it's like, yeah, they were right. You can run away from cats.

I don't have talk, so I don't have talk so anymore.

I think at a certain point in time, everyone's going to get something. There's going to be some benefits to whatever it is, some interface, whether you wear it or whether it's a part of your body, there's going to be benefits that you can't get without it.

Have you done apple vision pro yet?

I have not. I am scared about that. I am scared of apple Vision Pro.

Oh, how so?

I don't want to be walking around my fucking house.

Are you afraid you're going to like it 100%?

I'm afraid I'm going to be sitting in my office watching movies instead of doing shit that I should be doing.

They show images of people on a plane with an apple vision pro. I would just be so mortified to have that strapped to my head on a plane.

I would definitely strap it to my head on a plane.

Really?

Yeah, man. You're on a fucking plane. Wouldn't you rather watch a giant 3d movie? You can watch Avatar in 3D on this fucking plane while you're smelling that guy's next to you's farts, right? That's pretty cool. You're in the fucking jungle and all of a sudden you're like, jesus Christ.

It's just funny to think of an apple vision pro then going like, oh.

Bro, smelling people's farts on planes. One of the worst parts about flying.

Well, you ever get a seat? That's right. I mean, not anymore for you, but like, you're next to the laboratory.

You're like, oh, great.

Smell poop particles the whole fucking time.

Just breathing in poop steam.

Yeah, sometimes I don't book a seat because it'll be extra if you do it ahead of time. And then if you leave it to the machine, sometimes you get fucked, bro.

Dropping a log on a public flight is a nightmare.

Yeah, that's like Joker shit.

It's a nightmare. You get in there and you got to drop a log. People waiting to get in.

It's kind of thrilling. If you've ever shit on a plane, it's the pinnacle of technology.

Kind of.

You're like, fuck the wheel being able to shit in the sky. Sometimes I think about like, man, what if the plane was see through or something? You know?

What's wild is that sometimes when that shit, it basically freezes into like a brick. And sometimes people have been hit by it.

They just drop it.

I don't know how they dispose of it normally, but I know that people's houses have been hit by shit bricks.

But they get a nice little payout.

I would hope you get a good payoff if frozen shit from 250 passengers falls from the sky and hits your fucking house.

You just have a neck brace.

Oh, my God.

A frozen piece of shit from a Delta flight rocked me, but I got the money I deserve.

How do they normally get rid of that stuff, Jamie? They probably would imagine.

They pump it when they land.

I would imagine that's how they do it now.

Yeah.

But I do know that there's at least one story that I read about a house that got hit with a rock of shit. It might have been some irresponsible fucking cargo plane.

They dave Matthews it. Remember that story when they dropped a bunch of shit, like, from the tour bus and it landed on some people? That Dave Matthews tour bus?

They got in trouble for that? Yeah, they dumped shit from their tour bus.

I don't think Dave Matthews greenlit it, but whoever was riding over the Chicago.

River, I think, like, they emptied the.

Bilge tube and it just like, I.

Might even got on people that were.

One of those boats that went underneath it. What an honor, though. Dave Matthews shit drenching you? Like? If you're a huge fan, I hope.

That guy got fired. That's the crazy roadie to get some pills. He's like, I ain't going to fucking. Right here in the river, bro. There's a plaque there. There you go.

That's what happened.

It shows it. The afternoon of August eigth, 2004, at this very location, the Dave Matthews band tour bus emptied the septic tank over the Chicago river. Passengers on a boat drenching. Passengers on a boat tour with 800 pounds of human poop. No one died that day, but many wish they had. There you go. Wow.

That's so much poop. Poop falling from the sky thing here is interesting.

But just that one. That's real.

I've been on that boat tour.

Could you imagine? You just open the pipe over the water on a bridge.

Well, just bad timing.

People's.

What if those people weren't there? Would they have gotten away with it?

Did he even check?

That's a good point. How do you not know?

How do you not know there's not a boat filled with a tour of people?

Because it's an architectural tour. You're taking in all these wonderful buildings.

You get drenched with shit from the sky.

Do you think you feel better when you find out it's Dave Matthews, though? Because you just think it's rando shit.

Well, you think you're getting paid.

That's a good point.

How did that go down? There had to be a lawsuit, right? I thought I had supplements.

They go, you can come to a concert.

He got 18 months of probation on.

50 hours community service.

Stefan wool, bro. $10,000 fine, which was paid to the Friends of Chicago river. That's it.

I would do it again for that price. We're not on the bus.

The bus, which is reportedly being used by the band violinist Boyd Tinsley, was not occupied at the time of the incident. The Dave Matthews band eventually agreed to pay $200,000 to settle a lawsuit filed by state attorney general Lisa Madigan. Wool never drove a bus for the band again.

I almost feel like we're watching a.

Movie, and it's like the end of the text.

It's like wool never drove a bus again by me. And then you see the credits after that. Someone please do a biopic on this bus driver, bro.

Imagine if they didn't fire him. Imagine they're like, hey, people make mistakes. You got good pills. Keep driving that bus.

I vouch for him. He had one slip up.

It was a mistake.

He's great in every other regard.

He pressed the wrong button.

Don't judge this poop thing and dump poop.

800 pounds of it, bro. How about drain that thing before it gets to 800? How many people are shitting in there?

That's 800. Reading the thing about the planes, I've never even thought of this, and this is disgusting.

Cruise lines. Oh, God. So much ocean that there's apparently a law.

For example, sewage needs to be treated if it's going to be flushed within 3 miles of the coastline.

Oh, my God. But when they're out in the middle of nowhere, average cruise ship generates an average of 21,000 gallons of sewage and.

170,000 gallons of what they call gray.

Water, which is water from the drains of sink showers, laundry machines, and has all sorts of stuff. It's a mini Fukushima all over the.

Ocean, they just send in the elderly japanese people to fix the septic leak in there.

It's a mini fukushima everywhere in the ocean. And on the space station, since urine.

Is 90% water, they kind of reuse some of it.

It says, oh, good, recycle it.

Yeah, they recycle.

The water sends to a processor. That's less disgusting. I know it is, but, man, have.

You done cruise ship? Stand up on a cruise?

No. You want to hear something crazy? They took cargo boats and for the Un climate change standards, they changed the emission standards of these cargo boats. And a very unexpected thing happened. The water temperature got warmer because there's less haze in the sky. So the haze in the sky was actually cooling things off. So the fucking pollution from these cargo ships, the diminishing of the pollution from the cargo ships actually made the water warmer. The total opposite thing that they wanted to happen happen.

And then what do they do?

Just like, whoops, whoops, whoops.

We had a theory, which is what.

A lot of this, like, climate change speculation is all about. Whoops. There's a lot of, oh, well, we didn't see that coming. What scares the fuck out of me, dude, is ice age. And ice age scares the fuck out of me because there's not a goddamn thing you could do about it. I'm not happy if the world gets warmer and we lose, you know, move in.

Move in. Fucking.

There's a reason why Atlantis is at the bottom of the ocean, kids, okay? Things change. Things change. Adjust and move.

I was here when there was that blizzard in Austin. I was out.

Let's not bring in a goddamn ice age when these crazy fuckers are talking about spraying things in the sky to cool the earth down.

Like, hey.

Let'S talk this through first. The whole fucking planet, not you wacky dudes talking to strange scientists in the middle of the Pentagon like, let's all.

Talk this through before we do anything.

Let's all talk this through before you spray the sky to cool the earth off and bring in hell, bring in the white walkers.

It's going to turn into Game of Thrones.

The last thing you want is it to get colder? That is the fucking last thing you want. Take it from a guy who's been camping in Montana. You do not want to be in the cold. You don't. You don't want it. You don't want fucking mile high caps of ice over most of North America like it was 10,000 years ago. Are you stupid?

It gets to like, 50 in LA. And I'm like, this is cold.

This is not bad. Like what we got going on. If this is like, this is not bad. If it gets a little warmer, it's not as good, but we're going to be okay. We can sort out warming, right? And the fucking ocean levels is kind of the same. Like what happened to all that Al Gore Stuff? Remember from that movie?

I thought Miami's going to be underwater by now, right? I thought we were fucked on that dock.

What were the predictions? Because they were kind of crazy and none of them came true.

Like, we'd be swimming in this podcast. We'd be fucked.

We'd be done. We'd be done. Yeah, this is too low. We're only at like 1500ft above sea level. I could tell you I'm not wearing my Carmen watch. I have a watch that'll tell you where you're at.

Really pretty dope. I just do the Apple Watch.

Pretty dope to know.

The Apple Watch is kind of like the Prius of watches. Like, people can't tell if you're rich or poor.

Well, apple Watch is a great watch. And the ultra is the shit. Apple Watch, ultra red.

Oh, yeah.

That is the.

How is it different than what I got?

It's just bigger. More battery, more features, a larger screen. It's a little bit more like I'm a robot.

This is so dumb. But the biggest feature I use on this watch is when I'm cooking and I'm like, set timer for two minutes. Like I'm Dick Tracy, right? I use it for laundry. I just use it as a timer. That's like the big sell to me.

Well, you know, Redband is like a giant.

I imagine he's on an apple vision right now. Most likely the most earliest adopter. He has a neuralink right now.

I'm sure he'll get that for sure. Yeah. He'll be the first to take to try it out.

He's like, it's got some kinks.

Yeah. Probably should have waited till they're going to fix it.

I'm giving some notes to Elon, but it's good. I'm glad I did it.

If you do get it, you will have such an advantage. That's the problem. If it does work. The thing is, if it works and what are the side effects and how long does it last? What if it breaks? What if Russia hacks it?

You're speaking Russian.

What if they hack it? What if, like, the moment it gets to a certain number of people that have it, China flips the switch?

I mean, just something being in your brain is such a big cell, right? It's a hard cell.

That's a fucking hard cell. But then there's toxoplasmosis, which is in there for 40% of us.

What is plasmosis?

The stuff we talked about earlier, the cat thing. Toxo.

Fuck. You just willingly get toxo? Yeah.

Maybe the cell phone thing will be like a neurological electronic toxo.

What is the promise of neuralink?

Well, initially, the first person that they did it on, which is fairly recently, is a person who's paralyzed, and through Neuralink, he can now move a cursor around and he can do things, and he's going to be able to express himself the way Elon said, at the speed of a carnival barker, those guys are fast.

They're fast.

Very fast. So the idea is that he'll be able to communicate, which is, for a person who's been paralyzed and can't operate a cursor, a computer is huge, right? So that's one thing. They eventually think they may be able to use it to let people who have been paralyzed move.

Like a walk against.

Yeah. What is the work that's been done on that specifically? Jamie? I don't want to talk out of school. The people being able to, eventually, they hope that it'd be able to restore movement to people with nerve damage. Right now, I think there's still, when I've looked this up online, there's a.

Little bit of a pushback from some people, because the only way that this has been announced that it works is just Elon's tweet.

There hasn't been any other proof, I guess, if you will. I'm all in. If Elon tweeted, it's got to be legit. Yeah, he's a wild boy. He's so wild. He just tweets things.

Does he come by the club a lot?

He's been the club.

Has he been in the club? I imagine he's so busy hanging there every day.

No, I don't think he has been. He might have came down when Dave was, but it's awesome having him around. He's a fascinating dude.

I mean, how exciting for the comics. Like, yo, you all here?

Well, he came to a bunch of our shows when we did stubs.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, it's like, that was when there was nothing to do.

Well, I got to do one of those stubbs. I had that writing job. It was like, willy Wonka. You're like, hey, I'm doing a show with me and Chappelle at Stubs, and I'm literally, like, writing a sick. I'm in a writer's room, and it's, like, kind of boring. And to get this awesome call to the bullpen, like, yo, do you want to come? Yeah, let me ask them real quick. I go, and I still have to add. I'm like, hey, guys, I might do a show with Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle. Can I leave, like, 30 minutes early? And they're so cool. They're like, yeah, go. It was like a rom.com. They're like, what are you doing?

Go after her.

Because this is very cool for them. I'm very fortunate. They're very supportive and stuff, and stand up is kind of like rockstar. And they were very cool. Like, yeah, please take the leave 30 minutes early. Do the show. Tell us how it is. I'm so envious. Have fun, right? And then you pick me up in your fucking muscle car. It keeps getting better and better and better. It gets more absurd.

I told you I was going to pick you up in the coolest car you've ever seen.

You'll hear it coming and literally smells like a boat.

That thing's America.

Yeah. And then Chappelle, you showed him the car. I remember after the show, and he's just, like, floored. He's like, what? Oh, let me take out. Let me check this thing out. Blah, blah. And he was loving the car. And then we drove to the after party.

Yeah.

This was just such a surreal night for me because we do the show. It's amazing. It's an alternate universe where comedy is happening and it's not happening in know. The show's amazing. It's fun. I'm just laying in the cut. I don't want to overextend. I'm just so grateful to be doing. To be asked to do the show, and you already drove me. So all the comics and Dave's friends and stuff are piled in the car. Dave is in the passenger seat. And then you're like, hey, fahim, get in. Like, I wasn't even going to ask. I was going to Uber. I was just going to be know.

Right?

But you're like, fahim, get in. So Dave Chappelle has to do the human thing of pushing his seat up. So I'm like, excuse Mr. Chappelle can.

Having.

I'm having to squish Chappelle to get into the back of this car. And then you just like, you're ripping. You're ripping in this thing. And I just thought like, man, if I died in this car, I would not make the article. It would say Joe Rogan, Dave Chappelle, and like two other guys died. You know what I mean?

They'd probably mention your name, dude.

I don't know, but at that moment. At that moment, no, I would be a guy. But that was such a fun experience.

That was fun.

What a wild night.

Yeah, it was very fun. Those shows at Stubbs were like medicine. Didn't really realize how much we needed to have a good time.

The crowds, too, they were so appreciative. That's one of the things I noticed when I was doing stand up out here is the thirst. And it was human nature for as much as we needed it, the audience needed it, too. To have that kind of release and something to go to. Rather than just being in your house all day.

Yeah, people felt trapped and it didn't make sense when a bunch of them. One of the things we did at the shows of the Vulcan, like how many guys had Covid? And more than half the crowd would raise their hands.

Who wants to get it tonight? You get people on stage, open your mouth like you've been baptized.

Yeah, it was weird.

The power of COVID compels you.

People started treating it like a regular cold.

I feel like that's what it is now.

It definitely is now. Unless you're insane. You're one of those people that talks outside with a fucking mask on. There's still some people that are insane. They're just insane. But it's also a leftist flag. I say it's like the Democrats MaGa hat. You wear that mask unless you're an old person and you're really scared and you have a bad immune system. I get it when I see at.

The grocery store, it's like seeing someone in a throwback jersey. You know what I mean? Like, okay. It's like a cool old mariners jersey.

A lot of people that still believe in it, they still believe you could breathe through something and it protects you from a terrible disease. Could you imagine thinking that the plague is in this neighborhood like some fucking 28 days later? Disease is in this neighborhood and you can just pull a paper mask over your face. You're good. You feel comfortable. How about what's going in your eyes? Stupid. Because that's one of the major ways that people get infected. It's through eye contact, through hand to eye, right? Your eyes. When people sneeze, you get it in your eyes. You ever see you tell me you're breathing air. How's it getting into your face?

You'll see, like rapid COVID testing places on corners. And I almost look at those as like a psychic spot.

You know what I mean?

It kind of has the same feel like, who's going into these?

Super inaccurate. I know a bunch of people who tested negative turned out to be positive. It's tricky, man. That fucking disease keeps mutating. A bunch of hundred different fucking strains now. Who knows how many different variants are there now? Yeah, how many? It's like low five, six. How many variants are there? Seven. How many COVID variants have been identified? Let's find that out.

Let's say yes, this is the COVID.

How many verse I say there's 14.

I say 415. I'm going to price this right. You. Let's go 15.

I hope it's 14.

Come on.

What's the low number you think it is?

Eight.

I think seven. I'm going to prices, right, you bitch.

Fuck. I got to walk behind the set of prices, right. While it was taping.

Really?

It was kind of. Yeah. Because my girlfriend was Drew Carey doing it.

Yeah, Drew Carey.

Well, he's a great. During. During the strike, he was paying everyone. There's that diner swingers. He was paying everybody's bill so you could get a free meal.

Oh, wow.

As the nice guy, just as part of the writer strike, like if you were in the WGA or whatever, all your meals were covered.

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Good for him. That's beautiful.

Everybody says, such a stand up guy. He came by the Hollywood improv one time. That was kind of cool because he's not a guy who pops in a ton.

Yeah, I met him at the improv one night and he was given really good advice to some young comic.

What was the advice?

Who's saying, just if you could write 1 minute joke every day. Just write one joke every day over time. Yeah. You'd be surprised at how much material you can write.

That's how I feel about writing. Totally. You just kind of build it in pieces and then if you are regimented about it, when you look back at your notes, you've done all the work.

I always feel like it's like mining that. Sometimes I just hit rocks. I'm just hitting rocks. But every now and then if I keep mining, I find something cool. Variants of concern.

So there's classifications.

Right?

I guess we could play this game. How many variants of concern currently? Yeah, let's be concerned.

Okay, let's start with that. How many variants of concern are there? There's three. Three variants of concern.

You're way off.

But there are Omacron variants. Okay? There's an under monitoring, which has got two. So we're at five. So it's five undermount and now de escalated.

There's over 50 of that. Whoa.

Over 50. Holy shit. Dude. I don't know how they classify them as. Bro, that's crazy. There's 50 variants no longer circulating.

Like, just not hip anymore.

Yeah, it's just there's different spike mutations of interest.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

I don't know.

How scary is all that stuff? How scary is it? They keep doing this gain of function research. They're like, let's just keep.

Oh, is that how Covid started the gain of function?

That's the primary theory.

What is gain of function?

Gain of function is when you take a virus and you engineer it to make it so that it works on humans. So they'll take a virus that works on bats, and they'll engineer it so that human beings can catch it.

Like, let us.

What a great idea.

Yeah.

And they make it, like, super contagious. Also a great idea. For those unfamiliar with gain of function research, it essentially means juicing up naturally occurring animal viruses in a lab to make them more infectious amongst humans. This practice is nothing new. Scientists in the United States have long known how to mutate animal viruses to infect Humans. Sure, yeah. The practice is nothing new. It doesn't mean it's not a fucking terrible idea. Like, what good has come out of it? That's my question. Do you guys know how to stop these things from happening? Because it seems like you didn't stop that last one. So what benefit are we getting from the potential of you unleashing deadly superviruses to the world? And is this a thing where because you can do it, you do it because you can get funding? Because that's what you studied in school.

They just got bored.

I think.

It's like, what is that thing?

Well, it's what their business is, right? What's your business? My business is studying viruses. Can I get research to study virus? Can I get funds? Well, if you agree with what we say, and publicly, we'll give you funds and you can do research and, oh, it's not legal for us to fund that research. Why don't we fund this company, and that company will fund the research, and we could say, I don't know what you're talking about. And then you could change what you describe as gain of function, and you could say, I am the expert I am science. And that's what we went through. We went through that for three fucking years.

It's all about funding, man.

And at the end of the day, it's pretty clear that shit came from a lab. It's pretty clear to all the people that are making any fucking sense that aren't gaslighting the fuck out of you.

Yeah, I always thought about, like, what if you're the guy who loved bat wing soup and it was getting a bad rap unnecessarily, right? Like, guys, it's not the bat wing soup. And now he's vindicated. Like, yes, I told you I can continue eating this soup.

I can keep eating pangolin stew.

Yeah, you gave my stew a bad name.

Yeah. Remember they were trying to pin it on the pangolin? That was hilarious.

That South park episode was amazing.

Animal. Oh, freakiest. The freakiest little animal. Like a little dinosaur. Kind of a cute guy, though, again, just like that fucking turtle. If that thing was gigantic, storming through a village, imagine. I mean, imagine a monster. Like, it's eating ants here. But imagine just eating humans. Imagine just plowing through some fucking thatch huts.

That tongue just slicing you in half.

Just ripping people's legs apart in front of their families, just chewing them, choking them down.

Have you eaten bugs?

Giant pangolin? Yeah, I've eaten a bunch of bugs. I hosted fear factors.

So is that part of it? You had to eat it?

I did it because I did it to get people to do it. Like, if they were like, I can't do it. I'm like, you can. Look, I'll do it. I'll do it easy. Like, with toddlers, I grabbed roach and I just chopped. Yummy. I did it to a couple different things. I ate a few different things.

What's your take on the bugs? Are some of them pretty good? Or.

Roaches are surprisingly tasteless.

Gross. Ew.

Yeah. And it was a big one. A Madagascar hissing cock.

Alive or dead?

Alive. I just grabbed them and ate them. They're surprisingly tasteless. You get over the fact that you're eating a bug and the squish in your mouth, but it doesn't taste like much. And the thing about bugs is people have been eating bugs forever. Animals have been eating bugs forever. Bugs. This is me looking so cutie back then. Watch, I'm going to choke this thing down, bro.

The crunching.

Yeah, it was very crunchy. I was laughing at the same time.

Too, were the crew. People like, you don't have to do this.

No, I was doing it. Try to get this girl to do it.

Did she do it?

She wound up eating worms instead, which I thought was worse. We made a deal with her. Two worms two worms are a roach.

What was the thought when you did fear factor? I heard you didn't love acting as much. Is that what it was?

Well, the process of sitcoms is great when it's up and running, but it's brutal. To begin the early days of news radio.

I love that show, by the way. I loved watching it.

That was like 16 hours days. You work crazy long days, and the writers are busting their ass and the actors are. Everyone's tired, the crew is tired. It's hard to put together those fucking shows.

I thought sitcom was a better schedule. Like I heard these 16 hours days are with single cams and stuff.

Once they get going. The thing is, you have to figure out a way to make it a well oiled machine, and that takes a long time. The actors have to be in line. They have to figure out whose strengths are. The writers have to be in line, they have to get support from the network. It's a grind, man.

Did you guys eventually get.

We eventually got to the point where we didn't even have to work five days a week. We only work four days a week. And one of the days was just a table read. So we'd come in, there would be a table read, then there'd be some revisions. The writers would get together and they'd come up with new scripts. And the writers are crazy. They would write, like, really late at night. That was their thing, to get silly, to be exhausted.

Yeah, just delirious.

Yeah, they just get completely delirious and write the most ridiculous shit. Was really fun. They would come stumbling in, like, barely awake at like nine in the morning when we're all there. They had just finished, and some of them, sometimes they didn't finish. Sometimes they had, like, one half of the script and they were still tightening up the second half. So they'd give you the first half of the script, you'd work on it until lunch, everybody, lunch. And then they would come back with the second half of the script and you'd work the rest of it out. And in the beginning it was exciting and it was fun and everything, but I was like, this is not my jam. This is really fun to do.

You're great. Fun to do.

Thanks. Yeah, it's fun. Acting is fun with fun people. But eventually I was like, I just like doing stand up and I like doing other things. And then this show, fear factor, was like, I was like, this is going to get canceled immediately. Like, you're sick. And dogs on people on television and making them eat animal dicks. Like, I'm in. Let's go. You're going to make them ride bulls? Okay. I'm like, okay.

So they came to you first. You were first option. They go, do you want to host this show?

Well, they didn't know who was going to host it. They met with a bunch of people.

And it was NBC, right?

It was NBC. So I had just been on NBC for news radio, and so I had a relationship with them. And so then when this came up, it was just like they said. There was two thoughts. One, have someone host it. That was like, a sports guy. Fear is not a factor for them down the middle, or someone who was, like, laughing while this crazy shit was going on. So they chose me.

I think it worked out better.

It worked out.

Yeah.

Well, you had to make fun of some of it because it was so crazy that you were doing this. And some of the things I was like, don't do it. I would tell people, don't do it. Like the bull riding. I'm like, don't do it.

They're not paying you enough for that.

No one's paying you enough to ride a fucking bull. You get kicked in the head by a bull, your life has changed forever. I'm like, I'm not going to do.

Whatever you want to do, but you don't have health insurance.

I wouldn't do it. Smart. I told them all I wouldn't do it. They were trying to tell me that it was stunt bulls. That bull does not know it's a stunt bull. That bull thinks it's a fucking bull. It doesn't even know what a stunt bull is. That's a giant fucking angry animal that doesn't want you on its back. And you're getting, like, untrained people, and you're putting a helmet on them and.

A chest plate and data entry guy hopping on a bowl, hoping their arm.

Doesn'T get shattered into a fucking million pieces if they're lucky.

That's a good tv.

Joe kicked in the face.

Yeah.

Terrifying.

Sometimes I see shows like wipeout even. I'm like, why would I risk this to get hit with a giant? Really?

Yeah.

They just love people getting fucked up.

Yeah, well, it's like, hey, this is the game we play, I guess.

And then also we saw that guy.

Jumping over the bulls.

Guy's out of his fucking mind, too, but he's willingly doing that, and he's in control. He's not being thrust into it. This is his life.

But in their defense, there are people that go on fear factor or that went on fear factor were, like, serious fucking athletes, and they excelled at a lot of these things. And you're like, oh, well, if you're like a real athlete, you could do some of this shit, and you could do it better than everybody else. Just like, you could play football better than everybody else or wrestle better than everybody else.

So it wasn't all eating a lot of physical stunts.

Like, we had a celebrity one, and the Miz, wwe Miz, he was on it and he won. That fucking dude's an athlete. Like, a real athlete. He held his breath underwater while he was swimming for, like, two fucking minutes or three minutes. It was something crazy. He was doing some stunt. They had to dive into water and do a bunch of shit and come out. I forget what it was, but I was like, that guy's a stud. Because that is hard. Like, me as a person who's like, I've tried to hold my breath for long periods of time underwater. I've swam. I'm like, that's fucking hard to do. That water is cold as shit, which really freaks you out. When you get in there. Everything, like, tightens up. If you're not accustomed to jumping into cold water, it's very difficult to stay relaxed. And this dude's swimming around in there for, like, three minutes. I'm like, that's an animal.

Yeah.

So there's like, yeah, you shouldn't ride a bull, but some of those fucking things that people do, it's like, if you're a real athlete, you can excel at a lot of these things.

What was the grand prize for?

These things depend on the show. I mean, in some shows, we gave away a million dollars, but that was only a couple of them. Most of the time they got, like, I think it was 50 grand. But then after taxes, it's only like 34. The government's like, I ate those dicks. We ate those dicks. The government's like, where's my money?

Where's my cut?

The government didn't eat any dicks. And they get 16 grand.

Yeah, Uncle Sam didn't eat dicks.

Yeah, they ate zero dick, and they get six.

And I got to give my dick money to this guy.

All the dick you get 34? Yeah, fortunately, praise the baby Jesus. Nobody got hurt.

Oh, that's good.

Nobody got really hurt. I mean, people get, like, sprained ankles.

I'm sure it was an ironclad contract that these people signed.

I'm sure it was nuts. I'm sure it was nuts. But I legitimately thought it was going to be canceled immediately.

And it lasted how long?

Six fucking years. 148 episodes. And then we came back and did it. Six more. And then it got canceled the second time because people had to drink jizz. Because it got released on TMZ. They got a hold of the video and the photo. Somebody leaked it.

What kind of jizz?

Donkey jizz. Which is just useless jizz.

Wow.

So was it mule jizz or donkey jizz?

They had a choice.

I think it's.

Would you like the mule jizz?

It's sterile jizz. Like mules. They can't impregnate anyone.

Yeah.

I don't think they called it Donkey jizz, though. I think it might have been actually mule jizz. That was the cheapest stuff. That's the budget. There's a budget when you're working on a show?

Yeah. We can't get the thoroughbred jizz.

Yeah. Thoroughbred jizz is super expensive.

It is. It's a gold. What is that? Million dollars?

Yeah. Right under that guy, that yoga guy. You ever see that? When he's like, people will pay $1 million for one drop of my sperm? That's what he said.

It sounds like a lance bit.

It does.

Donkey juice.

They called it donkey juice. But I think that's just because Donkey is a funnier name than mule juice.

That's a good point.

And so, yeah, so they had to do it. And there was twins. So one had to drink urine and one had to drink jizz. And depending upon your score, depending upon how many ounces you had to drink. Rough stuff, ladies and gentlemen. And that's another show where I said, don't do it. And they're like, NBC signed off on it. I don't give a fuck. I'm like, this is.

First of all, this is outrageous. And I've seen a lot of stuff.

High as a kite. Okay? I'd never did that show sober. From episode like, four on, I would take pot edibles before every show.

I was like, let's go.

It made it fun.

I'm sure it enhanced the viewing experience.

God, it made it so much more fun. But that was one day where I was like, you guys are freaking me out. Like, don't do this. This is a terrible idea.

Did you know that this could be the end, like, doing this stunt?

100%. You're making people drink jizz. I couldn't believe that I was the.

One, the voice of reason.

Yeah, I was the one who was stepping in and going, hey, guys, the.

Guy on the edible, you can't make.

People drink jizz on television while people are eating dinner.

And the writers are like, we think it's good. We workshop it.

Imagine trying to explain that to little kids all over the world.

What's jizz?

I think in other countries they did play it. That's why it's still available on YouTube, where I could still find that band episode. I think in some countries. I think they played it in Holland. They played in some european countries.

Well, they're way more chill with mule jizz out.

Like, hey, you know.

Yeah, it's like nudity in, like, they're very cool with mule jizz.

Well, fear Factor actually started out in Holland.

What was it called?

I think it was called now or Neverland. Pretty sure it was Holland. And then they bought it and then changed it to fear factor and brought it to America.

I guess every game show is just a remix of something overseas. We do that a lot.

But what it was for me, dude, was like, my escape package.

Your parachute?

Yeah, like my fuck you package.

Did you.

Then I could just do whatever I wanted. And that's when the podcast came, after I was done with that.

Yeah, you have a great 6th sense for just like, not even stumbling, but just like, knowing what the next thing, like fear Factor gave you. A nice parachute away from sitcom and all that stuff you didn't like. And then podcasting was a nice Runway to get into that. And then you were so early to UFC, too.

But the UFC thing, that was the craziest because I was into the UFC when it was in 1997.

I remember when you had to go through a beaded curtain to watch UFC. Yeah, I had in Hollywood video, I had to go through a beaded curtain.

Yeah, you have to go to the dirty side.

Yeah. You had to walk by porno and shit to get to UFC tapes. I was at my friend Leo Mariama, I believe is his last name. This japanese kid, he had a UFC tape for his birthday party and he popped that in and this was like, wild.

You couldn't believe it was real. Yeah, these guys are beating the shit out of each other. This is crazy.

So you couldn't just get. It was hard to get.

Yeah. So I started working for them in 97, UFC twelve in Dothan, Alabama. And it was just crazy. It was like a half filled, like, high school auditorium looking place.

What do you think the biggest jump was? Tv.

Getting on Spike TV. It's one of those things where people just needed to see it. They needed to see it to know how exciting it is. There's certain things that people just don't know yet. And then they got it on Spike TV. It was all Dana white and the Frittita brothers. If they didn't, they were like $40 million in debt before it really hit.

What was their venture? Did they have a venture before UFC?

So they were wealthy, but they were fucking hemorrhaging money. I mean, hemorrhaging money doing that program, but I was like, God damn. The world needs to see if the world could see. It's so entertaining. It transcends all cultural boundaries. What fighting is, is something that's in human beings dna. And when you see a really great fight between two highly skilled, at the peak of condition, just warriors, the best in the world. And when you see them going to war inside of a cage with these little gloves on and shorts and no shoes on, just fucking teeing off on each other, it is wild to see. There's nothing like it in all of sports. Nothing like it, man. A real high level championship fight. There's nothing like it, man. And I knew people just had to see it. And if they could see it, they could see what I see. Because this is universal. It's not like a game like cricket. You could be awesome at cricket. I don't know what the fuck's going on. I know you're trying to hit that thing with the paddle. It doesn't make any sense to me. I don't know the rules.

I'm not interested.

Fighting.

Anyone knows what's going on. Everyone knows what's going on. You wheel kick somebody in the head. Everybody saw that. That's crazy. What the fuck just happened? You get that guy in an armbar and break his arm. Like what? He just broke his arm. This is crazy. This is nuts. What is this? It's just universal. I knew it'd be universal.

Yeah, fighting is pretty universal. I'll watch these wrestling documentaries. They're so good. Every wrestling documentary is amazing. And I think that's part of the appeal of wrestling they talk about, because it's a play. It's so simple fighting. Everyone knows this, and there's so many elements you can have on top of, like going heel. And it's dramatic. It's inherently dramatic.

Yeah.

It's almost the simplest form of entertainment, fighting.

Right? Well, in a lot of ways, yeah. It's also such a dangerous game, man. Such a dangerous game. And it's hard for guys to know when to stop playing. Know, it's hard for guys to know when to get out. And you see all the great ones, man. All the great ones fall, and it's just part of the game.

Has anyone got out at the right time?

George St. Pierre. Yeah, he did it the most intelligently, better than anybody. He went out as a champion. He retired after defending his belt, and then he came back and he fought Michael Bisping for the middleweight title and beat him and then retired again. Said, that's it. And he's got all of his faculties. You talk to him, he's great. He's super happy. Still very healthy and fit, still constantly trains martial arts, comes to Austin all the time to train with Gordon Ryan and John Donahuer. So he's here all the time, and he's just a martial artist and a great spokesperson and a great example of what is possible, like that you can be one of the greatest of all time. Without a doubt, George St. Pierre will go down in history, is one of the greatest mixed martial artists of all time, for sure. He's definitely in the conversation of the know, there's a few people that are in that conversation, but he's definitely in there. But that guy's totally fine today. He figured it out. He's very smart.

One of the rare people who, one.

Of the rarest of rare checked out. Yeah, he's smart. He got out at the right time, and he's got all his faculties, and he's doing great. And that's a beautiful example. But for every one of George St. Pierre, there's guys that leave and you can tell they're slow. You tell they're compromised. You can tell they've been in some wars. And that sucks, too. That sucks to see. Yeah, that sucks. It sucks to see old guys that are just broken down, man. And a lot of them physically broken down, like, they can't move well anymore.

I can imagine.

Jesus, their backs are all fucked up. Punch of back surgeries, knee surgeries. It's just such a brutal, brutal way to make a living. But, yeah, when I started getting into that, man, it was like doing porn. People are like, what are you doing? The fuck are you doing? Why are you getting involved in this? You have a sitcom career. Yeah, I was on news radio.

You're like, you'll see in a few years. You'll see.

I don't think anybody believed it. Nobody believed it. But I was like, look, I can't help you. Well, I just can only like what I like.

It's a great lesson in just following what your passion is, and then the rest kind of, like, falls into place.

If you're lucky, just wind up a car. Like, things could go bad.

You really love it. You really love stealing cars, though.

Yeah, some people do. Remember that movie with Charlie Sheen and some other dude? I forgot the other dude. They would just steal porsches. That dude, DB Sweeney. Is that who it is? Who's the other dude? Was in it. The fun movie?

Was it around the era of gone in 60 seconds or before that, man.

It'S an old ass movie. It was. This dude would just steal porsches. It was like 1980s porsches, which were really cool little cars, man. It's such a different thing than a Porsche of today. Those little minimized little sporty cars, and he would steal these sporty cars, and the whole movie is just like a love affair.

I love this poster.

Yeah, it's great. Who is the other dude?

Is that Iceman?

Is it DB Sweeney? Yeah, it is. No man's land. It's just a Porsche infomercial. The whole movie is about. If you get this movie and watch it, you don't want to buy an old Porsche. There's something wrong with it. Go to a doctor.

Remember italian job where it was just like a mini commercial?

See, look at this.

What cassette is that? Crank it. They got the toothpick. Come on.

Bro. Those cars are the shit.

I want a Porsche and a toothpick right now.

Those cars are very difficult to handle, though. So they saw a car like, let's get it, and they hop out, and Charlie Sheen was a cop. He was undercover, right? Isn't that the plot? Pretty sure this guy's got a new car phone. Oh, I think that's an alarm. I think it's one of them alarm jobs. Yeah, see, because it's flashing, he's like, oh, there's an alarm on this car.

So it's going to be harder.

Yeah. So you had to look around. Do you know what you're doing, man?

Yeah, bro.

I'm a steal his porsche.

Oh, shit. Is he going to use.

Okay, by the way, if you have a convertible, can you just cut the top? Oh, here comes the knife.

So this is how you do it.

Is he going to cut the top? He is going to cut the top. This sly bastard. Look how slick he is.

Nice wash.

He's looking for the spot.

This is very sensual.

Yes, very. This is why you shouldn't have a convertible.

This is ridiculous. Charlie Sheen will steal it.

Got a cloth house. So Charlie Sheen's going to cut that, right? What's he going to do? Pop it.

Okay. That's simple, huh?

Yeah, he's gonna pop the convertible.

What are you doing?

That's my porsche.

Oh, shit.

Guy just shoots at him.

All right, now we're getting into.

Yeah. So here we go. They're just shooting at them. Jesus really bailed on that red one. Yeah. And again, they chased him in a trans am.

A lot of great cars in this movie. Spoilers.

It's a dumb ass movie, but every.

Guy loved it, I'm sure.

Oh, yeah. The porsches are awesome. It's awesome to watch him speed away in his little porsche. Charlie Sheen car movie. How many you got? Another one came up.

I've never heard of a Sci-Fi movie called the wraith. What is that?

It's like Night Rider, this movie. 1986 Phantom. A wraith.

Man, I love old trailer. Given another chance. Are you new in town? Yeah. Who's the kid after my back?

And the next second, he was there.

Like magic, almost.

Oh, he's mad. Look at that squeak. What is that?

The cyber trustee.

Oh, my God.

Kid out there using his car to kill people. He's in it.

He's kind of going off the rails, right? Yeah, he went a little off the rails. Boy, this movie looks dumb as shit. Never heard of it.

It was the year before.

You know, he was in a one good movie that people sleep on. It was a science fiction movie. Randy Quaid? No. No. Charlie Sheen. The arrival. No.

Oh, I love that movie.

Well, is that. It was the arrival?

Well, there's two of them.

I love Dennis.

There's the new one where the spaceship looks like a coffee bean because they.

Both have the same name.

I love this.

But this is the Charlie Sheen one. This is really good. This one is, like, underrated.

I agree.

Very underrated sci-Fi movie.

The aliens are weird. Like the leg thing.

Yeah.

Such a great reveal.

It's cool. It's a cool movie. It's like. It doesn't get the credit it deserves. It's actually a cool movie. But then there's the other arrival, which is really.

I like that one, too.

That one's amazing, because that one, to me, feels more like what it probably.

How do we communicate with these beings?

Right?

That guy who did Sicario, he's doing dune, too. He did the first one.

That's just arrival. And the other one is the arrival. Arrival is a fucking great movie. That's a great movie. Yeah. What's the best alien movie of all time? It has to be alien.

I mean, it's right there.

That has to be number one.

What's in contention? You think?

Nothing.

Alien. And that's it.

It's alien. And that is everybody else playing for second best.

What about Independence Day? That's kind of like. That's not like close.

Alien is pretty goddamn good, too. Close encounters is pretty fucking amazing. That might be the best UFO alien movie, but the best, like, in space alien movie is alien.

Trying to be serious? Because I say men in black is a good movie. That's a good point. That's a comedy.

Fun.

It's a fun movie.

It's a fun movie. But as far as movies, you'd say you have to see this movie like the original alien. Ridley Scott. That movie is fucking incredible. That movie's so good. And that was a movie where Sigourney Weaver was the lead badass woman, which was a rare thing.

Was that the first of that archetype?

That I believe so. If I had to think like a successful mainstream movie. Superheroine the body Snatchers is up.

Can I pee real quick? Where is it?

Yeah, we'll pee. We'll be right back, everybody. And we're back. What were we just talking about?

Sigourney Weaver in aliens.

So she had to be the first super heroine, the first lead action movie badass woman. Who was before her?

I don't know who would be before her?

Jackie Brown.

No, that was after.

That was after great mcGrath. What was Jackie Brown? That's Karen Tarantino. Because Alien was 79.

But yeah, there'd be no Michelle Rodriguez without Sigourney Weaver. The tank top.

She was in aliens too. She was in aliens too with Sigourney Weaver.

How many aliens are there?

Four, five or six. Well, there's a bunch now because the alien, the Covenant. That's a really good one. Was the last one. There was Prometheus and then the Covenant. Covenant was the last one.

Right?

Is that correct?

You see the new predator?

Yes.

Is it good?

Were you talking about the one with the native american lady?

I think it's on Hulu.

That's dope.

Okay. Okay.

That's fun.

Check it out.

That's fun. It's ridiculous, but it's fun. It's good.

Is it as good as the Charlie Sheen Porsche heist movie? Almost. Almost. Okay. If it's close, I'm game.

It's fun. It's a fun movie. So female. John Wick with aliens.

I'm sold. I'm sold.

When they gave up, they went predator versus alien. Remember that?

Oh, yeah. I feel like there was a taco bell tie in, I'm sure. Yeah. Why not? Why wouldn't it be?

Get a blast, Brown. You weren't really wrong because Pam Greer is Jackie Brown, right?

Oh, there was one before she was.

In movies in the.

Why?

She was Jackie Brown, I think. Right. What movies was she in the 70s, though?

Foxy Brown.

Foxy Brown. The thing about it is, though, I don't think they were big action movies when you got a budget like a Sigourney Weaver is the lead of a Ripley Scott film and it's a giant budget. It's a crazy movie. That was a huge hit. That movie was a huge hit.

He did gladiator too. Yes, they're doing gladiator.

Ridley Scott has done. He did one of the aliens. First one was only 11 million budget. That's it. Yeah. Damn. But it had big actors, right? Like that one dude, Tom Shernick, whatever the fuck his name is. What's his name? In retrospect, maybe that guy was big at the time. This is five years before I was. What's his name? Tom what? Tom Skirt. Yeah, he played the captain. It's a crazy ass fucking movie, man. That's a good movie because that's probably what it's going to be like. It's probably going to be like parasites, just like parasites on Earth. I mean, there's a lot of different instances in the wild of creatures doing that. There's that wasp that injects tarantulas with its babies. It kills spiders and injects them with its babies and the babies, like, feed off the carcass of the spider.

That's crazy.

They're so evil.

Isn't there one where there's like this parasite that grows out of an ant's head?

Oh yeah, that's cordyceps mushrooms. That's. What's that movie? The last of us.

Oh, dude, that's so good. I love that show's great. Maybe it was a Reddit thread, they were saying, because they tried to port over video game movies for so long and they could never get it right. And I think the person in this thread was saying the kids are finally old enough and becoming directors where they can do the source material justice, whereas before it's just these people who are trying to make a mortal Kombat film, but they didn't grow up with, they don't have a love letter to.

Yes, yes.

And now we're getting to see great video game IP flourish. Like the last of us is phenomenal.

Yeah, but it also has to be something like HBO where someone's willing to let know, get really hard. That was HBO, right? Yeah, it'd be hard to do anywhere else, like HBO, Game of Thrones, Sopranos. They'll go out there with a show.

Yeah. When I was coming up, I mean, just the video game movies that existed. There was Street Fighter with Van Damme. There was mortal Kombat. So as a kid, you loved watching these movies, but they weren't good.

Dragons Lair. Wasn't there a dragon's lair movie?

I don't know if there. Is that a game?

Remember that game?

I don't know.

Dragons Lair was a game that everybody. Mario Brothers. Dragons Lair was a game that everybody used to play in the 1980s, and it was like a cartoon of each thing that you did. You get to see whether or not you were successful. So you would do this little move, and if you slipped and fell, or if the knight got you or a dragon got you, you would die, but you get to see how you would die. So instead of it being like an interactive cartoon, it was, like, semi interactive. Like, you've made the right choices. It would do the right thing, and the character would do the right thing, and then you would be hitting your joystick, getting it to go through these doors. And then every time you did it, like, this little video would play out. It was very addictive. And it was the first time there was ever anything like this where there was, like, a game that you could watch, like a cartoon movie. And depending upon whether you did the right thing or the wrong thing, you would see this happen, or you see you get killed. That's 1983, full playthrough.

So this is all the things that you would have to do to be successful. And every time you would do it, this little video would play.

Is it kind of prince of, like.

You know, dragons and knights and shit? It was, you know, compare that to World of Warcraft or compare that. Know, what's the big one? That Diablo. The new Diablo. Or compare that to Call of Duty.

Call of Duty.

That's just crack. That's just straight heroin.

Did you ever see this game?

This was an arcade game that was like. This is the only thing that was.

Really cool about this is this was holograms. So this was like, floating above your controllers. You controlled it a lot like dragonslayer. That's how it worked. It was like these weird little videos that would play, like, an old west character, but it was all holograms.

Like, this doesn't do any justice to why.

How cool it was.

Oh. So in real life, when you're watching it on the video screen. It's a hologram. Yeah, it was very strange. Whoa. Like in the arcades. That's how I remembered it. That's how I remember that guy.

Just dragon Slayer.

Busted that blank a little too close to that dude's body for my liking, you know? They didn't edit that out. It's not like they had one guy and they spliced in the second guy.

How much do you think?

I was right in front.

He got paid $4. I got paid by Fortnite. They used my dancing in an emote. Really? And they paid me. They paid me like five grand. Nice.

What'd you buy with it?

Just like, more Fortnite stuff.

No, I'm just kidding.

I have no idea what I spent with it. But it's kind of cool because I post the dance video sometimes and I guess their programmers found one of my YouTube. Like, it had no views. Maybe they're comedy fans. That's how they found out. But they just hit me up and they go, hey, the game's going to use this excerpt of you dancing as like a skin or like an emote. We'll give you five grand. And I was like, fuck, yeah.

Wow.

It's still one of my favorite credits in Hollywood because it's just so weird and bizarre.

But you're in Fortnite.

I have a Fortnite dance. No, but I know it's really popular. So it's called the vibe in emote. So if you look at the vibe and emote, that's me dancing.

Oh, shit. Let me see that.

Yeah, so they just took an excerpt from me when I was dancing in my apartment in Koreatown. Sometimes if I really like a song, I'll just set the camera up and dance to it. Yeah, that's me.

There's so many little kids that probably had another shit out of this dance. It looks very different than you, bro.

That's true.

They could have just done that. They didn't have to pay you.

No, you needed me to.

I think they could have just paid you.

No, I just want to put this out there. Fortnite, I have more dances if you need more moves.

Yeah, I don't think they needed to pay you.

No.

They think they could have just got in if they were like less scrupulous, probably.

But I think they were under hot water because it was a moment in time where people were kind of upset that they were lifting some of the dances. Remember that backpack kid? The floss dance? Remember that little kid?

Yeah.

His name is backpack kid, I guess, as a meme.

You talking about the kid on the boat?

Nah. You know, this is so dumb.

You ever see the little kid on the boat?

No, but remember this dance?

Yeah.

Some kid in a backpack invented it. Really? And then Fortnite used the dance, and then there was some sort of, hey, people should be getting paid. The Carlton, they put in there, and there was this gray area of like, should we pay these people?

So this kid is saying that that was his move and they stole it.

Well, they probably patched it up and played nice and everything, but he's the inventor of that dance.

Really invented it himself. Yeah, there's no dispute. I don't know if anybody else claimed it or tried to say that it was them. What's that called? Flossing?

Yeah.

It's a strange move, so I don't know how he wouldn't have. It's pretty cool.

Yeah.

I like watching people do silly dances. Some dude did this Michael Jackson thing the other day. He high five this dude and then immediately started moonwalking. And it was really good. Yeah, it's, like, very impressive.

It's so interesting seeing social media get to a place where there are viable careers in these spaces that didn't exist before. Like Charlie D'Amelio or whatever. You could just be a cute girl dancing on TikTok, and you used to have to be able to sing, and they would send you to acting school if you were just like a pretty person. They had to give you these other skill sets, and now you can just dance to certain songs.

What do you think that's, like psychologically? Because at least if you're a person who sings songs, people really love my song.

She probably sings now, but it was a springboard. Like, she got famous for her dancing.

Does she sing?

Probably. I don't know.

Well, imagine someone who doesn't sing, right? Just imagine being famous just for being alive.

That's available to you now.

That's a new thing.

It's a new thing.

That's a new thing.

Yeah. It's also interesting because when I got into comedy and fame was a byproduct, but I think with younger people, sometimes they just want to be famous and they don't really care or know what for. I remember we were shooting a thing. We were shooting this sonic commercial years ago, and kids saw a camera, so many of them would say, make me famous. It wasn't, I want to do a thing that I love and then become famous. They wanted to be famous. Fame is a byproduct not. I don't know if it should be the goal. Yeah, I don't know if that's the healthiest.

No, it's not a good goal because you'll never sustain. You're never going to be happy either. You should be happy if you're doing what you like to do. The idea of just being happy just by fame, that's a trick. And that's going to come with a lot of problems of its own, and you don't want them. You're better off just concentrating on what you love to do and just try to get good at it. Yeah. Trying to just get famous. You're going to do some stuff that you wish you hadn't done. You're going to say some things you wish you hadn't said. You're going to try to get a lot of attention. It's going to come with a lot of extra baggage.

Yeah. And the fame isn't exactly the fun. There are some parts of it that are fun, but then it also impedes your life.

Well, it depends on if that's all you do. Right. There's people out there that are air quotes, influencers. All they do is like, either the Kardashians or you're whoever you are, you're doing something and you're making videos, and your whole thing is you getting out there. It's not like exceptional content. It's not like they're doing crazy backflips and climbing mountains. They're not doing anything crazy. Yeah, they're just being alive.

Right.

Being alive with a lot of money and being beautiful. That helps. That helps. But it's also being around famous people and, oh, my God, it's the glamorous life, and then people are sucked in. And if you edit it correctly, we do it nice, fast, keep my attention span moving. You could suck me in for years.

Yeah. You forget editing is such a strong necessity nowadays, too.

It's huge.

Yeah. It's almost more important than a performer. I mean, it's hyperbole, but a great editor can really elevate some content. Like, Schultz's guy's amazing. I mean, what? Schultz is fantastic to begin with, but editing, when you're trying to grab people's attention in 20, 30 seconds with all the zooms and all these psychological tricks, too, like shaking it, having the text come in. So now, even to promote as a younger comic, people coming up, you have to be aware of, you might have a great bit, but you have to have it be a little cuddier than it would be live.

Right.

You have to use a certain type of captions. You have to maybe zoom in. So you have to give yourself, I don't know, the benefit of the doubt or set yourself up for success via.

Yeah, yeah. And there's so many different ways to do. It's like so many people found different avenues to make viral things. Like, remember during the pandemic when Schultz had to turn your phone? Brilliant.

Yeah.

He had a totally different style of comedy than he does, because on stage, he'll let things cook. He'll have long pauses, give you time to think about some ridiculous shit that he just said.

He's like, yeah, that's the fun of the live show.

Right. But in these Instagram videos, sideways videos, he was very fast paced. It was very fast paced.

Yeah.

And it's punchline after Punchline after Punchline. He does the Netflix thing. Schultz saves America. Punchline, punchline, punchline.

Right?

It's very fast. It's really interesting because he adapted, found some new pathway. That's a real sign of intelligence. Right. If you could find a new way to do it and don't do zoom. Stand up, son.

I mean, of course. Yeah, no shit.

But find a way. There's another pathway. There's got to be something else. A lot of people did. They found ways to do funny clips.

And you learn just by seeing what is being propagated, how people's behaviors. Even when I edit my stand up, I take the air out. If I get a laugh, I'll cut the laugh short just to get to the next part. You're just competing against people's thumbs. Swiping up sometimes because you can make your joke a little tighter via editing.

I see what you're saying.

You know what I mean? Because if you're an unknown and you're just competing about people, you're competing with people swiping their thumb and watching something else.

Yeah, I think you can't really worry about that.

Yeah, well, it's all trial and error, too.

People still love stand up, dude. They're still going to love it. And if it's below jazz listings, so be it.

I love it.

It's fine. It doesn't need any more attention than it gets. It's fine.

Yeah.

And the people that love it, love it. And the people that don't, that's fine, too. It's all fine. Don't worry about who swipes and who doesn't swipe. Worry about doing what you enjoy. Do that thing and make it so that something you're like, I like it? This is good. I did it the way I wanted to do it. Bam.

That's where I'm at now with stand up.

Perfect.

I'm just very happy, especially after doing that last special. I'm at a place where I'm comfortable. I called the special, this new one, house, money, because things are great with my parents and financially, and it's so.

Funny, the pressure of your parents, it's like overwhelming blanket.

It's a cliche, the whole immigrant. Be a doctor or whatever.

Yeah, they want you to be successful. It's hard to get over here, but.

I love them, and I know what it was rooted in. It was just rooted in their offspring wanting, of course, to do the love that they can.

Yeah, it's rooted in love. It's a little smothering, but you made it out.

Yeah. I think it allowed me to be where I'm at now.

Fuck you.

It was rocket fuel.

Yeah, there's something to be said for that. There's something to be said for some uncomfortable shit that makes you work harder, because the worst situation is you're too comfortable and you don't work hard enough, and then you don't have a career because you've just been lazy. You could have had a career. We've know a lot of guys like that. We know a lot of guys that just, for whatever reason, they didn't fucking put it together right. They didn't work as hard as everybody else did. They just didn't try as hard. For whatever reason, they just fucking cashed out. It sucks. It's a real bummer because you learned at an early age the value of hard work and discipline. And I think a lot of people just don't know the value of that, and they just would rather just indulge because indulging is fun. We all love to do it. And stand up comics are, most of us are pretty indulgent and silly. So you got to find a way to harness that. Like, you're the boss of you. You got to figure out a way to say, like, hey, I'm the boss of me. I will sit my ass down and I will fucking work on this shit.

There's a level of entrepreneurship that I think is great about standup, too, and I think that's why I worked so hard is because I knew what my life would be like if I just stayed at Boeing. It was a means to an end. It's not like I did engineering just so I can get a legit job and be able to move out to LA and drive up to Hollywood. So it was always a means to an would. Always. When I'm in that cubicle, I knew what my life would be like if I just stayed at Boeing. Whereas I didn't know what it would be like. I knew what I wanted it to be, and that drove me. Whereas, okay, I know this movie. I don't know this movie. And I love this.

Right?

So that was the fire for me.

Right.

Just not wanting to live for tomorrow.

Yeah.

And when you pursue something, and when you pursue something like that, it's exciting. It's fulfilling.

It's very exciting. But it's also very daunting. Right. Especially in the beginning. God, I remember the early days where I wasn't sure whether it's going to make it. It was just whether I was going to be able to make a living. It's so weird. It's such a weird feeling. Everything is, like, open ended. You never know. You don't know the next set you have where you bomb. Oh, my God, am I going to have to quit? Do I suck forever? Am I going to figure this out? Those are the best moments. When I was young, when I was starting out was after bombs. After bombs, I always.

You learn the sharper you come out.

So much sharper, it sucks. But you either get better or you quit. Yeah, you get better or you quit.

I always think about that whenever people get into stand up. If they bomb and they don't love stand up, they're out pretty fast because that's not a fun feeling unless you have a screw loose and you love it. And I'm that way. Whereas I was more emboldened after a bomb. I was like, okay, why didn't it work? How do I tweak this right? I took it as the audience being an, yeah, yeah. It was fuel.

It's undeniable. They either laugh or they. You know, people used to say, like, I think Bill Cosby used to say, there's no bad crowd, just bad comedians. He was out of his fucking mind, clearly. And I used to say about that way, he never had to work the places that I had to work. I had to work bars in the middle of Massachusetts and Rhode island and fucking Connecticut. It like, shut your mouth. There's bad audiences, but through those bad audiences, you learn crowd control, mitigation shit. You learn how to work the crowd. You learn how to capture people's attention so you don't let them drift off. They're not all good crowds.

You learn how to corral energy. Also, if someone is being disruptive, do they have a good heart? Do they mean well, just a little too tipsy and kind of harness that back into your set and be playful because some comics don't realize and they just go nuclear on the person. And then it's like beating up a toddler because then you've lost the goodwill of the crowd. Everyone's like, yo, you just fucked this chick up for no reason. And then you try to do a joke and they go, no, you're a monster, dude.

Yeah, it's basically like having road rage. Like, you're in the car, you're like, shut the fuck up. What the fuck are you doing, bro? Fuck you. No, fuck you. You're so amped up because you're already in a car. You're driving fast. When you're on stage, your brain is amped up. When someone chimes in, you're like, what? Shut up, you stupid bitch. Even though he's like, technically, oh, my God, what have you done?

There's a nicer way to say keep it down. And you may have lost the crowd.

By saying, but then it's some people that you just have to address. You have to get rid of them. They're going to ruin your show no matter what you do. And they do it on purpose.

Sometimes they're so malicious and mean that you have car blanche to fucking lay into this guy. And it's kind of fun because sometimes these people are so singular minded and they think the world revolves around them. When the crowd starts booing the person and you see that switch in their eyes, like, oh, they've been perceiving the whole situation wrong, right? I go, why is this entire room booing you if you're the good guy?

Right?

You know what I mean? Everyone's like, get the fuck shut. Fuck you. They got babysitters and shit. They hate this guy.

Yeah.

So I kind of like teaching a lesson sometimes when that happens, I'm like, I do a million sets. This is fun for me to teach a grown man a lesson. Do you hear all these booze? Why are they hissing at you, dude? Yeah, it's fun to educate sometimes.

Well, some people just. They're drunk and they don't even realize what the consequences of what they're doing are. They're just being so selfish. They don't care about the other 300 people in the room. They just want to just yell out.

But most of the time they mean well, but they've had a few drinks and you can rein them in.

Booze is the best and the worst thing for comedy?

Yeah, for real. Ideally, you want everyone who's great on it.

Yeah, people can handle their liquor, but every now and then you'll get. That's not true.

How is it at mothership? Because do you run a tight ship? No pun intended, because you got to put the phone in the bag.

Yeah, well, you have to kick people out that are disrupting the show.

Does it happen still?

Yeah, it's happened. It happens. It's going to happen. No matter if you have live comedy, you're going to have people that are just hammered. We had a lady go into a khole. She was on ketamine. She went into a khole in the middle of the crowd.

How is the Khole audience member? What's that like?

They didn't know if she took an opiates or what she took.

Were you like, this joke's really good. She's fucking orgasm.

I wasn't there, and it was the night that I was off, I think, or it wasn't on the show. I don't remember what it was. But either way, the lady went into a k hole and they had the Narcan ready. They thought she had overdosed. But no, she's just fucking gone. Because a lot of people take this nasal spray of ketamine and they take it, like, as therapy. Quasidimensional traveling in the middle of a comedy show.

I don't understand when people go that hard and then pay tickets to an expensive show. Some people will go to a concert and just be fucked up beyond. You're not even mentally here to enjoy Beyonce or whatever it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's the experience. Sometimes people say, I'm going to take an edible and go see a show.

You're like, how do you finesse that, though? Like, that lady on Kay. I don't know if she was really processing the jokes right.

Oh, she definitely wasn't. She was gone. She collapsed. She was gone. Yeah. I've never done ketamine like that. I don't know what happens, but the way they do it, if you do a lot of it, you go into what they call a khole, whatever that means. But I know that people have hallucinations and they have these weird experiences where they're interacting with interdimensional beings. They're in empty apartment buildings, in space and shit. Weird stuff. Weird stuff.

Yeah. Seems like you don't need a show for that.

It seems like a heavy drug. It seems like one that you won't be out in the town on that stuff. Yeah, but I guess people micro dose it, I guess. That's the thing.

Not this girl.

The anti depression effects from micro dosing. They used to have a ketamine drip thing that Neil did.

Oh, yeah, Neil Brennan did. Yeah, yeah.

He said he thought that he would go to a doctor's office and it would be like mild. He's like, no, I'm tripping balls at the doctor's office on an iv drip acetamine. Just interacting with space beings and shit.

Yeah. I remember when he was going through a phase of trying different things for depression. He showed me a video of the magnet thing and then k, I guess, and then ayahuasca. Yeah, he was telling me about it. He was doing it a lot. I didn't know that you could do ayahuasca that frequently.

You're probably not supposed to.

He's a pioneer dude.

He's a wild dude. But it did help him. It definitely did help him.

Yeah, I've noticed. I've noticed the difference.

Yeah, he talked about it.

I forget what percentage he believes in God now and stuff. Just like, oh, yeah, it might be real.

It might be something to it.

I'm so scared of ayahuasca. He actually asked me because I like control.

Right. You had a bad mushroom trip, right?

Yeah.

Because you like control.

Well, yeah, exactly. And you can't control when you're on drugs.

Not when those. Not mushrooms, that's for damn sure. If you try, it'll take you down a very bad road.

Yes.

You got to learn how to let go. Let go.

I know Ari Shafir was. Because Ari was living in LA at the time.

Paulie Shore does ayahuasca. He just did it.

He talked about it.

Let's go. I mean, I don't know what he's like.

Everyone said, like, what you do.

If he starts wearing wooden beads, I'm going to strangle him. As soon as you see too much ayahuasca, you start wearing wooden beads. I'm always like, bro, no, you're tapping, dude, you okay, bro? Do you have an eagle feather in your hair? Because I'll kill you. Have you done ayahuasca? No.

So then what's your. Why haven't you?

I haven't had the opportunity. I haven't had people that I want to do it. A. It's illegal in America.

Oh, it is.

Either you do it illegally here, you go somewhere else. Yeah, it shouldn't be. But also, maybe you should know who the fuck is making it and how they're doing it. I've done DMT, though, which is. That's the active ingredient.

I saw a guy take a hit from a DMT pen at a party and it was, like, unsettling to watch him because you just see him blast off in a chair. I'm like, this is too personal. It's almost like seeing a guy jerk off or something.

Very weird to do that in front of everybody.

He just blasts off for like five minutes and you just like.

I go, okay. Jesus.

Kind of weird.

Yeah. It's a potent drug.

Like it's a hit off of a vape pen.

I think it's a portal into another dimension. I really do. I know that sounds completely insane, especially from the host of fear factor.

Right?

But I think it's in your mind. I mean, they know that your brain produces those chemicals. Why would your brain produce chemicals that let you interact with beings in other dimensions that are giving you wisdom? Why would that be something your brain makes? I don't know, but the speculation is that your brain makes it when it thinks it's going to die. And that when you interact with that dimension, that's your spirit, that's your soul. That's the essence of you, not your physical being and your life experiences and your memories. That's the essence of you. Goes to this place and that's the.

Only way to access it.

Maybe some people say you can access it through Kundalini yoga. I've never done it that way, but I have done what they call holotropic breathing. I've had psychedelic experiences. Just from breathing you can get to an acid state just breathing. It's really wild. But the physical process of dying, when people have near death experiences, it sounds a lot like a psychedelic trip. Like a lot of these people that go to the light and then come back, they die for like 30 seconds and then they come back and they have this crazy experience of interacting with beings and interacting with angels and interacting with devils and weird shit, man. And a lot of them have these weird stories and they've tried to map out what the fuck is happening with the human mind while that's going on. But it's just a lot of speculation in terms of, like, they didn't even know what part of the brain is producing this chemical. They knew it's produced by the liver and I think it's produced by the lungs, but they think it's produced by the whole brain. Now, isn't that what Straussman said the last time he was here?

But your brain makes the most potent psychedelic drug known to man. That's one of the reasons why that stuff is such a short. Like the time that if you take DMT, your body brings it back to baseline very quickly. You're blasted for 1015 minutes, and then you're back and you're stone cold sober, and you were just in another dimension.

That's crazy. You're back to the party and nothing happens.

Here's what's even more crazy. You have a really hard time remembering it. You had one of the most insane experiences you could ever possibly imagine. You remember little snippets of it, just like a dream.

Yeah, I'm like that. I'm bad at remembering dreams.

Everybody is something. Yeah, everybody is. And that is like a function of that same thing that when you take the actual chemical, when you take the actual DMT molecule, it's the same thing that happens. You have a very difficult time holding on to those memories, because memories are weird anyway. We all have false memories, we all have distorted memories. You have an approximation of things.

I'm jealous. Some people have iron trap memories. I'll talk to a buddy and he'll bring up an event from six years ago, and I don't work that way. I'm so jealous. Some people just have super memories like that.

They definitely do with some things. I'd always wonder, do they have less experiences in their life? So is that more memorable because they don't have anything that stands out from the norm?

I think just the way their brain processes information and events, like it has a better filing system or something.

Well, some people definitely have photographic memories. Like, they can remember everything absolutely perfectly. You know that lady from taxi? That taxi?

Yeah. I was just thinking about that 60 minutes piece that she was on there, talking about, like, she's one of these people with super memory.

Super memory?

Yeah.

Like, very different than normal. Good memory.

Even people who can remember lines very easily, I'm so jealous of. Oh, yeah, because what a leg up you have over the competition. If you could just read a thing and be like, got it. And you could do it.

I know, that's crazy. That's probably her. Mary Lou Henner. Yeah. Highly superior autobiographical memory. A rare condition identified in only 100 people worldwide. This trait drives her to advocate for more funding for brain research. That's insane. That's incredible. When you hear her recite things that she can remember, it's bananas. Yeah, it's bananas. But that would be an amazing advantage to be an actor, for sure. You read the script once and like, I got it. I know exactly what you're going to say, and then I know exactly what I'm going to say.

How were you on news radio with lines?

I was know I was okay. It's a complicated little thing to remember.

Everyone's process is different, too. How to retain that, just going over it.

For me, it was always just repetition. You have to do a lot of repetition over and over and over again. Say it out loud. Write it down.

I always hear, get on your feet. So, like, pace and see the words so it's in your body.

Sure.

I heard Riz Ahmed. You know him as an actor?

No. He's great.

He was in sound of music or sound of metal.

The two very different movies, by the way.

He was in the sound of music or the sound of metal.

One of those.

I'm pretty sure it was sound of metal. But he's a super talented actor, and I heard he, like, runs while he does his lines and just get himself out of his. Wasn't he in Oppenheimer?

Was he?

I feel like everyone was in Oppenheimer.

Oppenheimer's a damn good movie. How crazy is it they went after him for communism?

What was that?

How crazy is they went after him for communism.

Oh, that's what they got him on.

Well, that's what they're going after him for.

That was the thing, dude. They get you.

Yeah, but I mean, the guy who invented the fucking bomb. Leave him alone. Yeah, leave him alone.

What if the movie ended after they dropped the bomb and everyone cheered and then you see the credits. Yeah, but it's funny because you saw they had to do that back end where he felt bad and shit. He's like, what have I done?

One of my favorite all time videos. Let's leave it on. This is the Oppenheimer video of him describing what he said when the first bomb went off, when he quoted the Bhagavad Gita. We'll leave with this. Fahim, you're the fucking man. I appreciate you. Love you to death.

I miss you.

Your new comedy special.

Yeah, it's called House money. It's on my YouTube channel. So if you go to.

Fahimoir, it's for free. And Fahimanoir on Instagram and all the other social media platforms and always the comedy store. Oppenheimer. We knew the world would not be the same.

Few people laughed.

Few people cried. Most people were silent. I remembered the line from the hindu scripture, the Bhagavad Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the prince that he should do his duty and to impress him, takes on his multi armed form and says, now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds. I suppose we all thought that one way or another. That's a quote.

That's a bar.

That's a bar.

Somebody put some hip hop beat underneath.

Yeah, it probably is already in a song. That should be in a Wu Tang song. All right, goodbye, everybody.

Thank you. Bye.