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There was a cop guarding our car behind the. Yesterday, we asked him if it was okay if I smoked one, and he said, you should probably wait.

You should probably wait. It's a funny thing for a cop, have to say. It's tricky.

So stupid.

The dumbest of laws. Without a doubt, the number one dumbest of laws. There's nothing that's even close to that one. That one's so stupid. Well, all the shit that is legal.

It'S just a matter of time. I think.

We can only hope it's legal in like, 20 states or something. Now, wasn't it like 19 or something? Jamie? 23. 23 states. Ridiculous. But there's a lot of shit you can do here that you can't do anywhere else.

You can have a zebra, you can have a cult.

You can have a cult, you can have a zebra. You can concealed carry with no license. You don't have to have a concealed carry license here. It's constitutional. Really carry? Yeah. So leave them a little.

How many states have that? How many states have that?

Quite a few now. Quite a few. Florida has it. I want to say there's 19 states that have that now. Ohio just passed it.

Damn.

Well, it's a lot of fucking crime going on out there. And there's some places where it's difficult to get a license to carry.

Surprise. In Ohio, they allow that.

I'm not familiar with any gun law ever at all. I just don't have a gun. I have a pellet gun.

Wow. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yeah, I did. It scared the shit out of me. I mean, I was a boy scout and stuff, but my friend bought, like, a mouser. Is that what it's called? A german rifle? I mean, this guy's kind of told a character. He got into, like, World War II, reenacting.

Oh, no.

And was a no.

Did he at least try to lose?

I don't know, man. It was a whole different thing he would do that he never really discussed with us. We bought this mouser, and we took it to the range, indoor range. And the pin, I guess, was replaced to fire only blanks. So we were trying to shoot it, and it was hitting the bullet but not firing. So the guy at the shooting range was like, here, just shoot this. He handed us, like, a nine millimeter or 45 semiautomatic with a magazine, and he didn't really show us how to use it. And I emptied the thing into the range, and I've pulled it the trigger, and I thought it was done. And I handed it to my friend like this. He's like, what the fuck? And I was like, what? He just pulled the thing and there was a bull in the chamber and I was, Jesus. I left the room and I'm done.

Well, that's a scary thing. That makes sense, but someone should 100% show you.

Yeah, that wasn't.

Let's be honest, though. Most of the time it's like that.

Yeah, I mean, the first time I.

Ever fired a gun was like, in a basement. Some guy had a gun and he was shooting into some homemade shooting range in the basement.

I fired a gun once when I was real young, but then when I moved to California, I bought a gun and I went to the range. And I remember the first time I went to the range, the sound is so terrifying. Like when you walk into the. And you hear the boom.

Boom.

And you realize each one of those could end your life. Easy. And it's just happening all around you and you're just like, hoping these people next to you keep their shit together.

Yeah.

Because one of the ranges that I went to out in LA, it was like a rifle range, and it had a bunch of different ranges on. It's a big outdoor place. One guy just went there and shot himself. Like right after I'd been there. I was there like a week before. Some guy just came there, decided this is going to be a good place to commit suicide.

I wonder why.

I don't know. I don't know why you would do that. Or maybe he didn't plan on it. And then once he got there, he started shooting guns and he's like, you know what? I'm done.

Yeah, it seems like a weird place to.

What a fucking doofus.

Yeah, I mean, maybe he wanted everybody to know the gun.

Some guns are like 357 or something. It's like scary. It's like all jagged and fucking kicks back and it's fucking scary. The ones that really scare me, though, are the ones that are like, smooth. No kickback. Really? That's kind of freaky.

If you shoot one of those speed guns, like a staccato, there's a plant out here in Texas, we went to visit it. They're so precisely machined, their tolerances are so small. When that thing slides, it's like you're shooting a nine millimeter and it feels like you're shooting a 22. I know, it's amazing. Like there's zero kick to it.

I shot a musket in Boy scouts.

No.

Yeah, it just was like, just sparks just flying down there. Left a hole, like this big in the target. But my brother sent me some ring camera footage from his. He lives in west Cleveland. He's like, check this out. And I watched it, and it was. But anything, I turned the volume up, and it was just fully automatic in the background.

I was like, what the fuck, dude?

He's like, yeah, dude. It's an automatic assault rifle going off in my neighborhood last night.

Jesus.

It sounded insane, dude.

Yeah, Cleveland.

Well, that's not just Cleveland. That's out here, too. I was at a friend of mine's house. You can hear in the background.

This is like Rambo style. Jesus, God. My friends and I went to go see whatever the first Rambo was that they made after, like, the 30 year hiatus.

The funny one, the new one, I.

Don'T know if they made more than just that, but the last three minutes of it, he kills, like, 800 people.

I heard the newest Rambo is preposterous. Joey Diaz said, it's hilarious. It's fucking hilarious. You got to watch it. It's a masterpiece. It's this crazy, cartoonish good guy, bad guy thing from, like, the 80s, which looks so out of place, but he still makes those movies the same way. Like, if you go and watch, try to go watch.

Make any adjustments.

No adjustments. No evolution. If you go back and watch those old movies, they're so ridiculous. Go watch Red dawn.

That would be like if we made the exact same record right now that we did in the first record.

Yeah, but the problem is movies are different than music because some old music is dope as fuck, right? And then I guess some old movies are dope, too.

Hell, yeah. I got pretty into some later, more recent era Steven Seagal stuff. Like, five, six years ago, my friends and I would watch it because it was just so insanely bad. And then Dan sent me a. He sent me a link to the Cometown guys talking about these same films. And it was like they summed it all up so perfectly, but it was basically like.

One of the funny things is he's so old, and his special forces team that he assembles all has to be kind of his age, which means their commander has to be, like, 80. They show the commanders with a white mustache. Old as fuck.

That's hilarious. Tom Segura had a whole bit about Segal, dude.

I heard a story about him from someone who would know, and they said that this super agent, he was the personal trainer of this super.

Yeah.

And that he had a bet with another agent that he can make anybody famous. And they're like, well, how about your trainer? And I guess they asked him to learn a martial art or. No, no, that's not it.

No. Steven Seagal is a legit akido specialist.

And that's the art of dear.

It was invented for samurai to fight against someone with a sword, right? So it's all about, like, a redistribution of energy. It's all about, I commit to you, and then you throw me to the ground. The problem with that is if someone doesn't commit, someone just fucking grabs you, wrestles. You're a division one wrestler against an Aquito guy. The akito guy has zero chance. There's not a chance in hell you're going to stop Daniel Cormier from taking you down. There's zero Chance Chamayev grabs you. You're going for a ride 100% of the time.

That's the other fucking awesome thing, too. The seagal in the later films where he doesn't even get up out of the chair.

He just does the shit, throws people. They come at him, and he just. Fucking hot dog. So this is Segal. When he was younger, Segal was the first American to run a dojo in Japan. This is later. This is actually later because he's already got wacky hair.

Just his posture is so disrespectful.

Well, the whole idea behind him is that he was an American who spoke Japanese. He's married to a japanese woman, and he ran a dojo in Tokyo or somewhere in Japan. But it was very unusual for an American to be running a dojo, but I think it was because he married the woman.

It's ridiculous with the stuff where he's like, have you seen the clips of him in Belarus eating the carrots and stuff?

He's eating carrots.

There's a good some. Yeah. He's, like, hanging out with the president or dictator of Belarus, but it's amazing.

Jamie, find the older footage. Older footage. Just eating carrots.

I'll watch this kind of.

Thank you. His hair is insane.

Of course. Someone edited that, so he's, like, deep throating the carrot. Watch. He makes a good tit joke about the melons here in a second.

That's a weird thing about old actors that are kind of at the end of the journey, and they start appearing in foreign countries, meeting people. I want to meet Steven fogal. Bring him to me. And then all of a sudden, he's a russian citizen. He's got a passport in Russia. Like, no bullshit. Yeah, he's a russian citizen.

Right.

Mr. Putin's always been amazing to me. There's a weird thing with. This is him when he was young. So this is before the movie days. This is him teaching Aikido.

This is cool.

This is much better, right? But it's also not real. That shit doesn't work. If you learn Aikida, you can do some of those things.

That was such bullshit. He just threw the guy behind his back.

The clips from, like, the last couple of years when he's doing just. It looks preposterous, really.

It's a lot of preposterousness to Aikido because the people are playing along with it. They're going along with it. So that's fucking. That kind of martial art is like, you don't really know how to fight. It's like learning a language, but you only learn conjunctions. You only learn, like, ends and butts and the. And you'll learn a couple of vowels.

So it's how we speak Spanish. It's worse.

It's worse. You just can't only do that. If you want to learn how to do that for funsies. Yeah, it's fun to do, but don't think that this is going to really work. There's shit that they didn't know.

They just fucking worked for him.

Well, it would work if someone had a sword. The thing is, like, the japanese samurai, they knew how to fight, and then that would be an art that they would train in just to learn how to disarm sword carrying weapon. Like, someone who's got something, a spear, something that's going to get you. You lost your sword in battle. There has to be a strategy for that. So the Japanese came up with Aikido.

There's this dude that makes these. He makes these, like, that are insane detail. And the whole time he's, like, telling a story, and he's funny as hell. I forget his name. It's something fingers. But he does one of Steven Seagal, and it's, like, depicting this scene that apparently happened where Steven Seagal had told some legendary martial art artist guy that he couldn't be choked out.

Gene Labelle told the story on my podcast. Oh, that's hilarious.

So he does these things. Yeah, right. Apparently, he choked him out instantly, and he shit his pants.

Gene told a story.

Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, but this guy's true story.

It's true story. Gene's a. He's a legend. Gene Labelle was a judo champion, and he was like one of the first guys to do mixed martial arts fights. Like, he had a fight with a boxer way back in the day and just strangled this boxer and put him asleep. But he made the boxer wear a gee, I think, pretty sure. And he wore a too. Like, there was some weird funky rules. The boxer had the boxing gloves on. He didn't. He just beat the shit out of the dude. But he was the guy that also trained Bruce Lee. He taught Bruce Lee about had, you know, he was doing these movies, and it was a little unrealistic, like some of the things. And Gene Labelle was like, let me show you what I could do to you. He just kind of grabs Bruce Lee, fucking hoists him over his head, and he's like, listen, settle down. Like, let's not pretend you're the baddest motherfucker on earth.

But does that shit look good in movies, though?

That's judo fighting. No. Well, this is him fighting this boxer dude. Does it look like the boxer of gloves? It doesn't, does it? Yeah, he does. He's got small gloves, so what he's got essentially on are bad gloves. And Gene just threw him to the ground and fucking over him. He just choked him asleep.

Wow.

But Gene's a gorilla. I mean, that dude, he's a tank of a know. Even as an old man, some dudes in his neighborhood were fucking with someone's car, and he said, hey, get the fuck out of here. And they were like, fuck you, old man. He's like, okay, beat the shit out of the three of them. It was like, at least two guys. I don't remember the entire story, but some poor fucking idiot wound up messing with literally the wrong old man, the.

One wrong old guy to fuck with.

I hope I didn't fuck that story up. But he's the guy that choked segal out. So Seagal was like, claiming that he couldn't be choked. And his move was when you put the rear naked choke on, he hits you in the balls. And the idea that you're going to do that to Gene, the bell, you don't think he's been hitting the balls before? Getting hit in the balls sucks, but it doesn't knock you out. It just sucks.

Makes your grip even harder around the neck.

And you also have, like, a three second window before it really sucks. Like the delayed reaction getting kicked in the balls. There's that weird moment where you get hit. You're like, oh, no, here it. And by that time, Gene's already put you to sleep.

I never got fully kicked there.

Never.

Only, like.

I mean, I've got three brothers, so there's a lot of ball kicking.

Dude, I just realized what your shirt says.

Oh, yeah?

Harvard University with a photo of the unabomber. Oh, my God.

My friend Brendan makes these.

That's amazing.

I know. That's the best thing about the shirt, is it takes, like, an hour for someone to notice.

I didn't even read it before. I was just saying hi, and then I realized that fucking story is the craziest. Did you see that Netflix documentary on the Unabomber?

I didn't.

It's nuts, man. When he was a baby, he had some sort of a disease, and so they had to take him to a hospital, and he wasn't allowed to have contact with people, so his parents weren't allowed to see him. No one was allowed to see him. And I think it was for, like, months.

Jesus.

And for a baby to not be touched for months.

Oh, my God.

Just cracks you. So then this poor fuck goes to Harvard, and they enroll him in the LSD studies. And their goal is to see what constant humiliation will do to a person while you're dosing them up with LSD. So they're all mean to him, and they're humiliating him. And then this guy decides to go to Berkeley, become a professor to make enough money so he can kill everyone insane. It just goes and lives in the woods.

Those lsd experiments are hard to believe.

Hard to.

Yeah.

Well, I wonder what's going on right now. If they were doing that, then do they just say, let's just stop? There's probably experiments that are going on right now that we're going to find out about 20 years from now.

Oh, for sure. Absolutely.

For sure. Right?

Yeah, there's no way. I was talking to this chick at a party the other day, and she's talking about she has a house on Shelter island off of Long island, and how this really weird animal was fucking with her dog. And she was describing it. I was like, sounds like the Montauk monster. She had, like, a beak and wallaby legs. But I was like, you know, there's that Plum island research facility right near where your house is. And she's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't. Center for Disease Control has some weird island.

Will they do experiments out there?

I don't think it's like a mutant platypus.

Imagine they created an animal and just said, let's just let it lose and see long before people find it.

I got a house in South Carolina, and it's like a second home. And I started getting into looking at old houses, like, old plantation houses. When they would come up for sale, I would go look just to see, because I was into the history. And I looked at this one. It was on St. Helena island. It was really cool. It was a house from 1795. But as I was driving back, I was kind of, like, with the realtor. I was looking around, I was like. I realized there's this island right next to this place called Morgan island. Have you heard of this? Like, you know, 5 miles from where I was just at. It's filled up with Reese's monkeys that all have herpes.

Oh, I have heard of this.

What?

They feed them by dropping shit from a helicopter. If you go to the island, you have to quarantine for months because there's, like, these viruses are just rapidly mutating on the island.

Oh, my God. Nothing good happens on islands. Someone that's a private island. There's nothing good happening on that island. Once you have your own island, that's like, you're off the deep end. Any story sounds so much sketchier if it's on an island.

Well, maybe the Unabomber would have been more chill. If he had an island versus the.

Cabin, he'd probably just be shooting just.

Messages in a bottle.

Long range rifle from the island.

You could have just intercepted all of his packages. He would never know, right? Yeah.

Hey, Ted's sending out packages. It's funny that his brother recognized that it was him. His brother read the manifesto and go, oh, I know who the fuck this is.

He must have some vocal tick that just drives his brother drove him nuts, and he's like, fuck.

Well, his brother was a part of the documentary. His brother recognized what happened to him, that his brother knew about the childhood, the medical issue that he had where they couldn't touch him for months. So his brother knew he was fucked.

Well, see, if they chose him to humiliate on LSD, there must have been someone that they praised endlessly on LSD. And maybe that's like, where.

That's Manson.

Yeah, exactly. That's where you get the cult leader. That's David Koresh and Manson.

Well, they definitely did something with Manson, too. Did you ever read that book chaos by Tom O'Neill?

Have you heard of it? I have it, but I haven't read it. I buy a lot of books I don't read.

It's good on tape if you want to just listen to it.

Okay. That's better.

It makes it way easier. It's a bananas book. And the guy who wrote it is my friend's neighbor. So my friend Greg, who I started comedy with, Greg Fitzmonds, was neighbors with this guy in New York and then neighbors with him in Venice. And this guy has been writing this one fucking story for 20 years. He got hired to write it as, like, an anniversary piece on the death of the Manson murders. And as he's writing, he's like, there's so much wrong with the story. And so he goes into this deep investigation of it, and he fucking becomes obsessed. For 20 years. This guy can't finish publishing this story. And then it becomes a book and a book deal, and then they bring in an editor, and finally they piece it. He's got enough for another book, he said, but it's all about the CIA. Like, the CIA met Manson when he was in prison. These same guys that met Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. And they taught Manson essentially how to run a cult. They gave him LSD. They dosed him. They told him, like, many times, Manson apparently would not take the LSD, but he would give it to everybody else.

And then while they're on acid, he's manipulating them and then turned them into murderers. And the whole plan was just to. They were trying to attack the anti war movement. And the best way to do it was like, instead of making this hippie movement, like, this beautiful thing, we should all embrace love and peace. Let's make it violent. Psychos that cut babies out of pregnant women and write pig on the wall with their blood. Let's do that. And so they did that and it worked.

It's insane.

It's insane. And that's what they used to pass that psychedelics act in 1970. That's those same tactics. That's the whole idea, was stop the anti war movement. Stop the civil rights movement.

It's crazy.

This is our government.

We worked at a studio last year in Los Angeles that apparently Manson recorded a bunch of stuff at. And it was crazy because this studio, it's called Valentine Studios. This guy built it, like, in the early. Was a. He was a Capitol Records producer, and he built his own studio so he could do shit outside of Capitol Records. And I guess he's into jazz.

Capitol Records is famous, world famous. Got these echo chambers that are very unique to it and very special. And he had the blueprints for the originals and just created copies of the studio.

And apparently, as the music scene turned more to rock, the guy just got completely fed up with because he was used to cutting four songs in a day and now they've got a bunch of stoners working on one guitar solo for 8 hours. So apparently he just mothballed the place in the early seventy s and used it as a storage facility for. He was into cars. He was into those little nash metropolitan cars. So it had all these nash parts. And then the guy passed away and someone got wind that the studio was there and so this dude Nick cleaned it all out. So when you go to the studio it looks exactly like it did in like 1969.

It's insane.

So we were in capsule, we were in the room and I'm sure it looked exactly the same way as it did when Manson was in there.

Oh yeah.

Have we ever played Manson's music? Yeah, I think once. Can we play it? Would that be a problem with Spotify? There's no way that someone owns a.

Copyright demands n'Roses put a. Did they put a cover of one of his songs on a spaghetti incident album?

Did they?

I think they might have. I know that a lot of punk rock guys became millionaires because of that. It's all punk covers. They funded the retirement fund for a lot of punk guys.

Charles Manson, guns n'roses.

Yeah.

Wow.

That would have generated hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Okay.

Boy, pretty great stuff.

But that's Guns n'Roses covering it. I wonder what the real album sounded like.

Did we open for them a couple months ago?

Guns and roses.

Uh huh. At the Hollywood bowl. And like the whole deal was like their friend came to us and was like, this would be cool. They'll play for like an hour and a half. You'll play for an hour. You'll go on at like 730.

Neither of us have ever played the bowl.

Yeah, so it was perfect. Then we fly all the way to LA and we get like our set time is 06:00 p.m.. Literally. We're playing to a dude in the front eating the hot dog. Insane.

And they played for 3 hours.

And they played for 3 hours. But the craziest part of the whole thing was that I lit a cigarette up backstage and there was no smoking. There was a smoking band. They're like, the smoke's going into the slashes thing. So I thought it was funny. The guy that's known for the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, absolutely no smoking around here.

Did he quit? And then he's got this.

I don't know. We didn't get to meet them.

You didn't meet them?

No.

What?

I know, it was weird.

That's crazy.

I know.

I met Axel rose in a restaurant in Greece. Just randomly, I was eating at this restaurant and my friend comes by and goes, that fucking Axel Rose is sitting over there. I'm like, shit, we're going to have to walk by him. It's that weird thing where you say hi to someone, you don't know if they know who you are. But luckily he did. And then he invited me to the show.

I'm sure he's a cool guy.

He's a cool guy.

I met him one time. He's real cool.

He's very cool. But he gets bothered a. So, like, I was worried that I was going to bother him because my friend had bothered him already. My friend got shooed.

We were at a restaurant this past summer in Madrid. We were playing a festival, and we.

Just picked this random restaurant for lunch.

It was like 05:00 and we got sat next to Flea and John Frashante.

Right next to their table.

Right next to know. I was like, should we? They were sitting there having the most nerdy conversation. If you augment the 7th. And we were just kind of like, whoa, my God, they are just such nerds. But I was like, I'm going to go say, what's up? I went over and I shook Flea's hand. And then I went to go shake John Frashanti's hand. He's like, I don't do that. And then flea is like, excuse me, I'm going to go wash my hands.

What?

And they're like, we're germaphobes. And I was like, aren't these guys, like, legendary, like, freaks ex hair? Yeah.

What?

Yeah.

Germaphobes, they don't shake hands.

No.

That always weirds me out. Like the Howie Mandel thing. He weirds me out. Does he bump knuckles still? I don't even know. He bumps knuckles. For a while he was like, I think maybe he bumps knuckles. I told him, I go, next time I see you, motherfucker, I'm going to hug you. You're not going to be able to stop me. I'm going to hug you. This is ridiculous.

Maybe we need to invent a new form of greeting each other.

Well, the handshake is fine. It's a good one. You know why it's good? Because if you hang on too long, it's weird. Yeah, that's why it's good. Because it's like an intimate gesture. There's a gesture, we're touching skin, but only for a little bit. Because a handshake for too long gets OD.

How Trump does the thing where he just pulls everything.

Dude, he got me. Motherfucker got me. Let me tell you something. I was ready for it the first time. First time I met him. First of all, he has normal size hands. I have big hands. He has regular size hands. He's a big guy. So I was ready. I knew I was going to meet him. First time I met him, he came over, put his hands on my shoulders. You do a great job. But I was sitting, sitting. So this time I actually stood up. We made eye contact. I said, how you doing, sir? I shook his hand. I'm like, oh, I know he's about to do. So. I fucking anchored myself. I'm like, not today, not today. Would you give me a nice like. But we're hanging out for a while. So then the next time I met him, he was at a UFC as well.

Did he try to pull?

Dude, I'll tell you what happened, okay? I'm sitting down, and he looks at me, and he goes like this. And he gets up, starts walking towards me. And I get up, and I reach over with my hand, Eddie. And I'm over. He got me good. He got me good. He got me good. I'm like, this motherfucker learns from his mistakes. He got me.

He used your energy against you.

Here he goes.

Is this the time where he gets me? Yeah, I don't know. Let me see. No, this is the time he tried. He tried to get me. He's hanging on for a while.

See, look at you, dude.

You're shaking.

I'm anchored. Well, I'm resisting. There's a lot going on there. You know who got mad at me? Jack White got mad at me that I shook Trump's hand. I'm like, stop crying. Settle down and stop crying, would you okay if I shook Biden's hand? Are you paying attention?

You might crush his fucking fingers.

He'd try to get you, though, with those fucking bony old broomstick hands. I'll tell you, right? When I was younger, I fucking shook the shit out of your hand.

Just come up behind you and sniff your head, bro.

I'd love the gaslighting. There's this one guy that I follow on Instagram I only follow for gaslighting, and he's like, this hardcore Democrat dude. And he was talking about how amazing Biden's State of the union speech was and how inspiring it was. It just really just feels so good about things right now. How about you folks? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you.

They definitely had him on a drug cocktail.

We were trying to figure out. What cocktail.

I'd like to know.

I want to get on it. Try it. I want to know. It's probably the Hitler. He's probably been on the Hitler.

He's probably been in bed since the speech, right?

Eating ICE cream with his trying to recuperate.

Body's fucking zapped, bro.

What are they giving him? What are they giving him? I would imagine if I was going to dose up the president, if they brought me an amateur pharmacologist, I would say vitamin B, twelve. I'm like, give him the whole vial. Give him everything. Intramuscularly 45 minutes before he has to do activities. The next thing I would do is peptides. He's got to be on everything. I want him on BPC one five seven. I want him on apamoralin. Wait a minute, let me write Tessamorlin. I want him on everything. Then I want him on testosterone. I want you to just jack him up with bodybuilder like levels. We're going to kill him, but he's going to die anyway. And then I would say speed, we need some fucking.

I was going to say, couldn't you.

Just chew up some Adderall?

Wouldn't some old fashioned meth?

Just not enough. Not enough. He needs his body to have at least some resistance to what you're going to throw at it to try to make him articulate.

Okay?

I would give him a lot of things. I would give him growth hormone. I would give him everything. Peptides, vitamins.

Dude, he'd come to the podium looking like swamp thing.

Nad. Yeah, exactly. Just blow him up. Let's go. I want him purple. I want him on that podium looking purple, just swollen up with creatine. And I would dose them up on everything. And I'd only feed them bison meat.

That would be a good supplement company. It was like, we're going to give you the authentic JFK. Yeah, here's the JFK cocktail.

Yeah, exactly.

Here's what he was into.

Yeah. JFK apparently was. That was Dr. Feelgood. That was the whole term. Dr. Feelgood was a doctor that they would call upon. And apparently the White House has doctors like this as well that you call upon. You say, you know what, I'm having a hard time sleeping, doc. And they hook you up with ambient or they hook you up with antidepressants or they hook you up with Xanax if you're feeling depressed. Max Jacobson, Dr. Feelgood. Miracle Max Elvis's. Doctor. Give me the Elvis cocktail.

You'd have like. Yeah. Historical figures favorite.

Yeah, yeah. Give me the. The. Give me that Biden cocktail. What are they doing? What JFK did not know was that the injections were actually powerful doses of a combination of highly addictive liquid methamphetamine and steroids. So that's what I would give them. See, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

I know these things. I should be working for the White House.

I'm sure there is b twelve in that shot, too.

That's what my appointment would be for, the Trump White House. I'd be the new Rachel Levine.

You'd be the new Dr. Field.

Get me in there and I'll fucking straighten everybody out. The supplements are and I've got everybody on edibles. I want the whole staff to be terrified all day long.

Everybody should be slant board by their.

Desk, knees over toes, squats. I'd have a hot yoga room there. Let's go. Kettlebells all over the fucking White House.

Let's go.

Let's go, kids.

Big fucking on it, Banner.

Yeah.

Teach me archery. Everybody's drinking kill clips. Let's go. Yeah. What's it okay proclaimed. I don't care if it's horse piss. It works. He had severe bouts of back pain. Apparently he has, like, some really serious fucking disease. What's his Mickey Mantle for? A case of the flu. Oh, you got the flu? Let me give you some. Heroin injection into Mantle's hip caused severe abscessing, septic infection at the injection site. That hospitalized mantle and threatened his career. But that's just staff. That can happen. Because it was just bad medical advice. That has nothing to do with what he gave them. What did he give them? Improper practices. So this guy was just a wild dude. There's a book called dead Doctors don't lie. And it's by a guy who advocates mineral supplementation. He's like, we do it with animals. And he was saying that so many diseases that people are getting is a result of your diet. And he goes, you need to pay attention to doctors and how they live their lives. These guys that are telling you, you need to do this, you need to take this, you need this medication. They're all in cahoots with the pharmaceutical drug companies, and they're all super unhealthy.

And a lot of them are addicted. Not all, but this is what this guy was saying. A lot of them are addicted to drugs. And so he tells a story about this guy who was in the middle of surgery and he goes to go do coke, and he has an overdose and dies. His fucking guy dead in the middle of surgery. Because they were so cranked up because they could give themselves whatever the fuck they wanted. So these guys would all take whatever they wanted, man. Yeah.

You got to be careful if the person telling you how to be healthy.

Is a fat slob, not good. And it's really common.

It's really common at doctor's offices to see a bunch of unhealthy nurses, doctors, used to smoke. They used to be in there with a fucking cigarette. My dad walked into a door in the middle of the night in like, the mid 70s, broke his nose, and he went to go get it straight. And a couple of weeks later, so the doctor had, like, crack it, crack it. And my dad noticed the next day he couldn't taste anything. Smell anything. He went back to the doctor's office. It was like, I can't smell or taste. And the doctor apparently was smoking and took his ashtray and put it up to his nose. Can you smell this? And my dad said, no. He's like, yeah, it's probably not coming back.

Whoa.

I was thinking, like, that happened to you, now you get like, 100 million dollar settlement.

It's probably not coming back.

It never came back.

No, he still can't. My dad can't smell.

Whoa.

Yeah. You'll be like, he can't smell at.

All just from a broken nose.

Yeah. It's like when you taste with your nose pinched. That's what it is. So he can taste like hot sauce a little bit.

Oh, man, that's got to suck. Imagine not smelling bacon.

Since when did that happen?

It happened before I was born. That's crazy. I was born in 80. But he'll get these phantom smells and he'll be like. And I'm like, what smell do you miss the most? He's like, gasoline. I love the smell of gas.

And I was like, I used to love the smell.

I used to love that.

Well, I was a gearhead when I was a kid.

I've got a barn with the motorcycles, and that's the first thing my son says. He's eight years old. As soon as he gets in, he's like, my favorite smell.

Kids love the smell.

What is it? They love markers, too, like Sharpie. They do. Have you ever see the photos of all the people that have been arrested for huffing? It's amazing. There's like, a compilation. They all have fucking silver all over their face.

Yeah, it's kind of lost popularity, that huffing. I feel.

Well, a lot of the proponents have died off.

These fucking guys.

Everyone busted for huffing? Dude, I think that one guy got busted a ton of times.

Wow. They all kind of have a little sparkle in their eyes.

That guy. That guy's been busted, I believe, more than once.

Oh, my God.

It's just fucking so silly.

You know those guys that stand on the corner in, like, the painted suits, like the gold suits, they just look like they were just blowing. Those dudes.

Well, those dudes. How toxic must that shit be? You put that shit on your body all day.

Let silver paint, by the way, what a stupid fucking thing to do with your time.

Yeah, not a good one, this guy. Yeah. Dumb ass. Way to spend your day. Didn't to be a robot.

Didn't someone on, like, the set of a bond film die from being painted on gold?

Really?

I think so. In the 60s.

Urban legend.

I mean, it's urban legend, but I think that might be true.

The Internet kind of fucked up. Urban legend.

It definitely did. There was one that someone sent me about Einstein's chauffeur being smarter than him.

Yeah, that was going around.

No, no, I sent immediately. I sent him the fucking articles disprove that. I'm like, stop, that's not true. Yeah, here it is. Goldfinger and the myth of Bond girl's death. It's a myth.

It's just good marketing.

What was the whole idea that she was? Was she supposed to be a gold human? Was she an alien? What was she.

I don't know. Those movies kind of blow.

They were really into painting naked women's bodies in the 60s in movies, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's the weird hack for hoes that you can go out in public with your titties painted. A lot of gals will use that as an excuse to walk around topless for Halloween.

Yeah, it's probably a way to avoid sensors back then. Paint them rather than show it.

Yeah, probably. Yeah. Censors.

So that's not true. Fuck.

It would have been a fun one.

Yeah. It's weird when you start finding these things out. You just been living a lie.

Have you guys heard of those ladies that used to paint loom on watches? What is it called? Radio radium. Radium. Radium girls. Yeah. They would lick their paintbrush and they all got horrible cancer. Their face, rotten holes in it, their jaws fell off. Terrifying shit.

Yeah. I mean, my mom has a bunch of fiesta where we used to eat off that all the time. Apparently the red is, like, highly radioactive. It's true.

Really?

Yeah, because they were using uranium and then they started using depleted uranium.

Oh.

But it's like. Yeah, apparently.

Do you get any superpowers?

No, I'm just. Nobody gets superpowers, dude. My brother gave me. My brother, the same one that sent me.

He does have a superpower. He can guess people's birthdays.

I mean, it's not really superpower.

It's pretty.

How good are you?

I can guess within three years, I think, for anyone.

Oh, within three years? Yeah. So you're guessing their age?

Yeah, but I can do historical figures. I don't really know who they are. I mean, it's not 100%, but I've been pretty close with their birth date. Like their year.

Their birth year.

Okay, what year was I born?

68.

67. Pretty close.

Yeah.

Just name anybody else.

Wow.

Okay. Marlon Brando.

That's good. Mmm. Give me a second.

It.

1922. Within three years.

Wow. 24. Wow. Fuck. Do you do that? That's pretty impressive.

Let's just keep it 100% accuracy. We made our new record collaborating with people, and one of the guys on our list that we wanted to work with was Noel Gallagher from Oasis. So we kept reaching out to him and seeing if he would be up for it. And we kept hearing back that he doesn't really do that. And I remembered that my neighbor, who I golf with, used to be Oasis's agent, so I asked him if he could reach out. And through that, we heard back that know would be up for recording with us if we went to London. So we flew all the way to London and rented this small little studio. And we barely knew Noel. We've met him briefly, but we went in there with no song and sat down with him, and within a couple hours, we had a song written and recorded.

Wow.

And we did it three days in a row, and we had four days booked. After the first day, we're like, we got what we need. It'd be cool if we got more.

But the rest will be gravy. But we got what we need we.

Got for the trip.

And the second day we got on the game, and the third day we got a song called only Love Matters. But the fourth day, we showed up and we're like, we are not fucking pressing it. We went three for three, but we're not going to.

Let's not push our.

Let's not fuck this up. So we just spent the whole day just bullshitting with him. But, yeah, that's like, the same with this. I don't want to guess another birthday. I don't want to fail.

Yeah, I got it. Yeah. You've been rock solid so far. This show on the game is. The fucking album is amazing. It's so good, dude. It's so good.

Thanks, man.

And thank you for letting me listen to it early. I played it for everybody in the green room. People are like, oh, shit.

Cool.

It's so good, dude. It's so good on the game. I told you. I find myself singing that, like, when I see people out trying to hook up in bars. Everybody's on the game. It's fucking great.

That was such an amazing feeling, being in the room with him. We cut it in this studio called Towrag. And the live room is this size, like, this room. So Pat's drum kits here, little keyboard here. I'm right there, and Noel's right there. We're just in a. And, you know, what you hear on the record is the take we did. It was like the second or third time we got through the song without fucking it up.

Wow. It's amazing that you guys can put together a song.

It is the best feeling. It's so addictive. It's the most addictive thing ever. It's got to be being able to get in the studio and make something out of nothing like that.

The fact that you guys can do that in 4 hours is just insane.

That was the thing. Ever since we met, we've been able to do that ever since the first fucking time we got in a room together. He had a four track, and it instantly sounded fucking fun and cool. And it's like hearing that and then getting that feeling has been like. Feels like driving force in my life.

You guys are, like, one of my favorite origin stories for bands. Just, like, the way you guys work together, the way it works, that you've known each other forever, it's just the whole thing is awesome. It's just what everybody hopes for. An origin story for a cool band that you like.

We've got this doc that's coming out at some point. That is cool. We premiered it last night, but it was cool. All the footage that the director found of, like, because we weren't taking photos and stuff back in the day, but to see all the photos from 20 some years ago.

Yeah. Stuff I didn't even know existed. Some of the shit I didn't even remember at all. And there's video of it. It's crazy.

Wow.

The cool thing about on the game, we got everything but the lyrics, but the melody was there, and we kind of made a point with making this album that for the first time, we were going to, I guess, kind of do it the way that maybe bands used to do it in the guess we were going to stay at the nicest hotels, the funnest hotels, most fun hotels. We were going to have fun. So when we were out in London, we were staying at the children firehouse, just kind of partying every single night and then dragging herself to the studio. One night, Noel was hanging out with us, and he was, like, pointing to some girl at the bar, and he's like, oh, she's for sure on the game. And we were like, we've been to England 50 times, but we'd never heard that expression. We're like, what's that? He's like, oh, she's working girl. She's probably prostitute. Which checks out. I think there were a lot there. But then Dan was like, yeah, everybody here's on the game. But making this record was so much fun.

How can you tell if someone's a prostitute? I was in Miami. My friend was like, there were so many prostitutes that hotel. I go, how do you know this is Miami? There are a lot of gals dressed like hookers here.

Yeah, it's kind of intimidating if you know.

How do you know?

We played this show once a long time ago in Portland, Oregon. And there's a band playing with us, and they were older than us. We were like, 22. They're probably 30. They're like, guys, be very careful here. It's really dangerous. There's a lot of drug dealers, especially in the parking. Especially in the parking lot. Like, just don't be careful. So we're like, fuck. Okay. We got in our car and locked the door.

I'm like, hunkered down.

Hunkered down? Like, waiting. We had like, 8 hours till we played, and then we're like, accidentally kind of just, like, staking out the fucking club. And this guy who just warned us about this shit, he comes out and we watch him try to buy drugs. The guy literally takes his money and just runs down the street. Now the whole band's chasing this guy.

The guy who warned you, of course. That's how it always works.

That was when we played at the satiricon. Yeah, the stage was carpet, and they had had, like, clown wrestling the night before. So the carpet was all. They had cake all in the carpet. Just remembers, like, and there's nobody there. Absolutely nobody there.

No one.

In fact, two people walked in and then they left.

They walked in. They were like, got the fuck out of there. That's apparently. Where? I guess that's where Kurt Cobain met Courtney love was at that club.

Wow.

Yeah, it's no longer there, but it had been there since the 60s. Cream had played there back in the day. Yeah.

That is fucking nuts.

Yeah, we saw it on its way out.

Cream played a place that tiny.

Yeah.

Doesn't even make sense.

I know.

Wouldn't they have been huge by the time they come over?

I mean, it's surprising the size venues certain people were playing. Like, Hendrix used to play the felt forum.

We don't need to look it up.

Hendrix used to play the whiskey.

Yeah, I mean, Hendrix would play the felt forum or something as band of gypsies. That's only a couple of thousand seats.

When Phil Hartman was a kid, he was like, I think he was like 18. He was working at the whiskey as, like, a stage hand, and he had to keep his hands on the speaker that was on the stage because it was like a little kind of rockety. And Hendrix was playing right in front of him. He's like, he was 18 years old. He's like, Hendrix is literally standing in front of me playing shit.

That's incredible.

He did a bunch of album covers, right?

Yeah, Hartman did a bunch. We have one of them framed out here.

Oh, really?

He was so fucking funny.

Oh, my God.

He was such a good dude. What a horrible way to go, man. Although I never saw that coming, actually.

Honestly. I mean, he was asleep.

He was asleep, yeah.

Horrible that he went, well, horrible period.

The whole story is horrible.

It's insane.

My friend, who's a cop, I had gotten over it, and I was getting ready to do stand up again. I would be like, I took a couple of weeks off. I was like, there's no way I can be funny. I just like, it's not possible. And then I decided to go to the comedy store. I'm like, I got to get back in there. I just got to live on with my life. And so I'm in the gas station getting gas, and my friend pulls up who's a cop. I knew him from jiu jitsu. And I'm like, I go, what's up, man? What are you doing? And he goes, dude. He goes, I'm really sorry about your friend. He goes, I was on that. I go, you were there? He goes, he goes, listen, the mother took the children into the bathroom, and she had a gun. And that's when they decided to break down the door because they knew that she was going to shoot the kids and shoot herself. And the cop broke down the door and the kids ran from their mother and then their mother blows her brains out.

Jesus.

While my friend was there.

Holy. That was Phil Harmon's wife.

That was Phil Harmon's wife, yeah.

I heard she shot him in the head, in the throat and in the chest.

Well, she was on Zoloft and apparently cocaine. And they won some sort of a settlement with Zoloft. Apparently when you mix Zoloft with cocaine, it's not good.

So this is a supplement. This is a cocktail that you don't want to.

You don't want that one. You don't want the Bryn Hartman. It sucks. Yeah. So I went on stage and ate shit.

Oh, my God.

I mean, boy, did I eat shit. I mean, there was nothing funny coming out of my mouth. I was so depressed. I shouldn't have done the set. I was so depressed. I just was like, hearing that story just like bouncing around.

Were you talking about that at all?

Talk about it briefly. I did because I couldn't get over it. I just was so fucked up by it.

You didn't have any jokes together yet about it?

No, I never did. I never could. There's nothing there.

I wonder how you could sue a pharmaceutical company because you had an adverse reaction from mixing it with an illegal substance.

I don't know. I think they probably just paid some money just for everybody to shut the fuck up. That's probably what they do. You can't blame someone for taking something illegally with your drug when it probably specifically says, don't do that. But maybe they didn't know, don't do that or you might fucking shoot someone in their sleep. But I mean, that lady was mean. It was particularly hard for me because I was trying to get him to break up with her multiple times. He had left. I told him to get divorced. I'll never forget this. I said, dude, just give her half. Just give her half and get out. You're always going to make more money. Just get out, man. And he said, it's not half. He goes, it's two thirds. The fucking lawyers get a third. It's a goddamn scam. But he was also freaking out about his image because he was a family guy and he didn't want to get divorced. He wanted to keep everything intact so he would keep making up with her and she would insult him in public. It was ugly, man. It was ugly.

It's crazy when people that you think are so big and powerful are, like, being abused by their partner.

It's common.

I know it's common. I know it is there's guys that.

You would never expect, and they just get ran over in their house.

What is that?

I don't know, man. I think it has probably something to do with your childhood. Probably something to do with what you've accepted in terms of what a relationship is, the kind of relationships you have.

I am talking about us.

Bro. It can happen.

How much humiliation you've gotten while on LSD.

Yeah, I think it evolves over time, too.

Right?

Like, some people, they get together with someone, and then over time, someone starts being a cunt. The guy or the girl. It's just like, people change. And if you're stuck with that person, and especially if you have kids with that person, like Phil did, it's like, what do you do? How do you resolve this?

How old were those kids when they happened?

They were very young.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was hard.

Divorce in California is hard. Sounds brutal.

Yeah. But it's a lot better than your mom shooting your dad while he's asleep and then talking to you about how she's going to kill.

Much better.

And you're going to go to heaven.

Way better.

Yeah, that's definitely not good. It's just.

Know you see the divorce happen all the time. Know the wife, know a lot of money. I've seen it happen the other way. One time, and it was Kelly Clarkson's husband. He got, like, a shitload of money. And, dude, all these divorced dads were, like, posting, like, get that bag, king. I just kept sending them to Dan. I was like, dude, this is outrageous.

This guy is our hero. Get that bag, King. You remember when Mackenzie Bezos and Jeff Bezos got divorced?

Yeah.

Mackenzie made, like, $38 billion in divorce settlement, and then she married a high school science teacher. So it was like, a dude who's worth $3,200, just married a woman worth $38 billion. Good luck for the rest of your life. You better sit down when you take a piss, because if you leave that toilet seat up, it's over. You've got to be on your best behavior, sir. This is not a balanced relationship.

Bezos has been seeing Dr. Feel good.

You think so? Yeah. He looks a lot better than he used to look. He looks like a completely different person, dude, he's, like, jacked. He wears nice clothes.

I mean, yeah, seeing the old footage of him just, like, hunched over nerd.

Fucking Elon Musk is kind of the same way, too. Just, like, looking.

It looked such different people.

Dude, a guy we know.

Good.

Yeah, it's good. It's definitely better.

A guy we know is, like one of the first 40 people hired at Amazon working in Bezos's garage. And he was sent to Delaware to set up the first east coast distribution center. And, dude, he was getting, like, something crazy. He got like 40,000 shares of Amazon stock and only like 10,000 shares vested. And the rest would vest. This is like late ninety s. The rest would vest in 2005 or something. But when the.com bubble kind of burst in 2000, the value of his stock went from like 3 million potentially to one. And he quit the job before it vested, and he cashed it all out basically for like 750 grand. And he ended up moving to Akron. So we were budies with this guy. He bought all this recording equipment and stuff, and he moved to Akron because it was so cheap that he was just kind of going to open a studio. But if that stuff invested, it'd be worth like over $100 million.

Oh, my God.

I know, dude.

Oh, my God.

All he had to do is just work at that job for a few more years and just never touch that. That's a hard one to swallow. It's a hard one to swallow.

Life lesson.

Yeah. I heard a similar story about a guy who had Apple stock in the very early days and got rid of it. Some fucking insane amount of money. Now Apple's such a bizarre company. So bizarre. They're so successful. Like, what other company has figured out to be that's so successful that the money that they have just their cash.

Is like trillion dollars.

It's like a lot of countries GDPs.

Yeah.

You know who's Rockstar? Video games. Those guys are fucking crushing.

How much money do they make?

Well, it's weird how you can protect a video game so thoroughly, but you can't protect much other intellectual property.

It's very hard to protect jokes. Yeah, jokes get stolen all the time, right? That's a real hard one.

Doesn't Apple just keep all their money in Ireland, not pay taxes?

That's what I would do if I was progressive.

Exactly.

That's what I would do. I'd talk about diversity and equity, and then I'd fucking send all my money to some offshore account. The fuck out of here. You don't get none of this. I'm the one who made the iPhone. You fucks mine. Jimmy. At all. Wasn't jobs was a LSD guy, too. Didn't he come up with the idea for Apple when he was on LSD?

Oh, really?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did. Yeah. There's something about LSD that was about Jobs inspiration to start Apple.

We've been noticing people taking lsd a lot recently.

It's becoming very popular.

The spray.

Spray on the tongue seems like it's getting around.

Yeah, I've heard.

Yeah. We only had the LSD that you got from scary old hippies.

This is still from scary old paper squares, but apparently it's very difficult to make. So when you get it, it's like, where did you get this? Who's getting it? Who's making it? There's only a few people in the country, apparently, that know how to make acid. Yeah, I don't think it's like growing weed. It's a complicated process.

My grandfather was a chemical engineer, and I have a bunch of his old textbooks, and I'll get them out and show them to my son, because it's just like, the math problems are just like. He's a really little kid, but he still understands that there's no numbers in these math problems.

Right.

It's just letters. But I look at the stuff, and these books are from the. I'm like, to get a PhD in chemical engineering in the 40s, you had to be really fucking smart. There's no fucking calculator. There's a slide ruler. I mean, people must have been way smarter back then.

They probably were. Probably. It meant a lot more.

Oh, yeah. Those are the people that invented acid.

Yeah.

The people we have now invent bath salts.

Is that still a thing?

I don't know. I was at a hotel, and they had, like, all the little accoutrement for the shower, and one of them was just bath salts. And I was like, you said, I know what I'm doing and I know idea.

Most people don't even know what we're talking about. Bath salts, at one point in time, was a thing that you could get in, like, a gas station, and it would say bath salts, not for human consumption, but it was like a kind of meth. And what they had done is it engineered some amphetamine to be, like, one molecule different or something like that. They can kind of do that weird little game.

It was like delta nine. It was like methamphetamine three.

Right.

But the side effect was people would eat each other's faces.

One guy did.

Dude, did you see the fucking guy in Haiti? The fucking gang leader barbecue?

Yeah.

Eating the fucking leg meat of a.

Guy that they burned alive? Yeah.

Fuck.

Oh, my God, dude.

Yeah.

What the fuck?

Yeah. People need to see those videos, even though they're horrifying just to understand there's people out there in the world. Gang leader named barbecue is now most powerful man in Haiti as us evacuates Americans. So he's now the most powerful person in Haiti. The guy who ate that guy. Boy, that's not good. And what strapped? What happened to Haiti? Was it a coup? Like, what happened there?

I heard it was two rival gangs. They just shut the airport, like, a week and a half ago.

Yo, that's not good. That's not good.

Nope.

They're evacuating Haiti. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy that a modern country could just be taken over like that by a guy who eats people.

Yeah, that video is fucked up.

That video is fucked up. And the fact that that's his nickname. Yeah, his nickname is barbecue.

It's incredible. It's like a south park.

It's like idiocracy.

But you know what it reminded me of is we talked about this the other day, the faces of death videos. Do you remember those things? Sure.

Yeah. You don't realize. Only kids were watching those.

To see a documentary on the making of faces. Death. Who made that?

So, growing up, making that for the kids.

Who was making that in the 80s?

Yeah, dude, barbecue. That's how you got to start. Here's a note on that video that says it's been going around for over two years, and that has nothing to do with the current uprising. Okay, but that's just footage.

Is it not the same guy?

Whoever is digging into this, it says.

Times now has not been able to independently verify the veracity of the video. The man chewing what appears to be a finger and then proceeding to tear the flesh of a leg, of a body that is burning.

As soon as they get boots on the ground there, they'll figure it out.

Yeah, figure it out. The video circulating at the time is time when Haiti's notorious gang leader, barbecue is on his way to become the most powerful man in the nation. So it seems like it is true. They just have not been able to independently verify the veracity of the video. Well, that is a problem today with AI. That could be horseshit. That could be something that someone made. I mean, you could probably get AI to say, I want a man who's a rebel soldier in Haiti eating a barbecued leg. And I think AI can do that.

Now, can we get AI to make a recipe that tastes like human flesh? What if it's really good?

They say it tastes like pork. They would call people long.

First of all, who is they?

Cannibals? They call humans long pork.

Long pigs.

Long pigs. That's what Jesse Ventura, he's talking about long pig.

What's his face? That comedian who does the Jesse Ventura impersonation. It's just.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's amazing. I watched that for hours.

He always talks about long pig.

He does the head bobble, too. Will Sasso's so funny, man. So good.

Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. Jesse Ventura, he's a fucking interesting character. He lives in Mexico now.

What's his cocktail?

Because he seems like he's not good. He's got, you know when you're a pro wrestler and you're getting slammed around a, like, there's a high likelihood you're going to have severe brain trauma. Like, those guys are getting beat up all the time. Back then, they didn't know. They didn't even know that you're getting CTe from that.

He went on Theo Vaughn podcast, and Theo gives, like, a disclaimer at the beginning. This is, like the worst interview that's ever been done.

Really?

Because I couldn't get a word in edgewise. He's like, just know that. I know that. But if you watch it, it's an hour and a half of just him just going, no break. Really? It's incredible.

So he just talks?

He just talks. And it's just like, mina shoulder.

What is he talking about?

Everything, like rock and roll. He just doesn't stop. There's no questions.

Really?

Yeah. It's kind of crazy how weird. It's worth watching.

I wonder if he knew who Theo was.

I don't know. Didn't necessarily seem like it.

I did a podcast with him a long time ago, and he was fine. He was interesting. There's, like, a lot of stuff that he did. Remember that conspiracy show that he did? He was, like, trying to figure out whether or not Lee Harvey Oswald could have shot JFK. It's kind of funny. He was, like, one of the first conspiracy theory.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like using this rifle. Like he was making shots from the window. The whole deal.

His story is insane. I mean, the whole story of him is crazy. Green Beret.

Yeah.

Actor.

Well, he's a UDT. He was one of the original singles.

Insane.

Yeah. He was awesome in Predator.

I don't have time to bleed his line.

I don't know. That might have been.

Yeah.

He had the good face paint in Predator.

That's another one of those movies. Go watch it again. You're like, what?

Really?

Yeah. It's ridiculous. Those old movies that you loved as a kid are fucking terrible.

The only one that holds up is Goonies.

Goonies holds up.

Oh, yeah.

Goonies holds up. But I try to show this.

Yeah, I got time to bleed, man. I ain't got time to bleed. That fucking guy was the governor of Minnesota.

I love that premise. Mean, we need more movies about that. Special forces hunting down, like, alien life form in the jungle.

Did you see the newest predator? The newest predator is actually good. It's called prey. The Predator comes down to like one, seven hundreds. America.

I like that.

And this Comanche woman fights the Predator. It's crazy. It's ridiculous, but it's fun.

Take.

It's fun. It's a fun movie, but it's good.

When did that come?

Well done. A couple of years ago, I think. It's a Netflix movie, honestly. Hulu. It's a Hulu movie. Hulu. It's good. It's fun.

Prey.

Yeah. The idea that you'd have a fucking, like.

I've never made it through an alien movie. The alien. Alien.

Yeah. Never.

No. They're just so excruciatingly boring to me.

What about the first one?

There's no way anybody born after the year 2000s watched alien without looking at their phone. If they have, it's like they should get a medal.

Without looking at their phone.

Or have you tried to watch that movie, the abyss? I've never tried to watch a movie more.

That's the one in the water.

Yeah, dude. I'll look at my phone and be like, this has been going on for 45 minutes. It seems like three days.

I've never tried to watch one more.

That's amazing.

You're right. In a lot of those movies, our attention spans were off the charts compared to what they are now back.

Well, that's the people doing calculus on an abacus.

Oh, yeah. They had a lot of time on their hands.

Well, yeah. You weren't being inundated with information. You had more time on your hands, and you probably were better at concentrating, and they required you to concentrate at school at every level. Whereas now they're just kind of like.

Letting people graduate and you're creating a drug that gets you fucked up for 8 hours. That's how much time you had.

Yeah.

Now it's like. What's that weed people smoke that they disassociate for like three minutes?

Ketamine?

No, it's like a weed. They smoke salvia or something.

Oh, yeah, salvia divinorum.

That was really popular about ten years ago. Right?

Well, that was because it's a very potent psychedelic that somehow or another slipped by that 1970s sweeping psychedelics act, and you could buy Salvia. Again, not for human consumption. You'd be able to buy that places.

I had a buddy who, he moved to Akron from San Diego. He's this really cool, you know. There weren't many. Nobody I knew was really into drugs in Akron at the time, but it was pretty druggy in San Diego. But this guy, he'd always talk about drinking gypsum tea. Have you ever heard of this?

No.

And he said that his girlfriend. His girlfriend made some. You can just find this stuff anywhere in California. And chips and weed. You make a tea. And then his girlfriend started freaking out and started talking to little people in the room. And he drove her to the hospital, and the doctor was like, instantly like, did she have gypsum tea? He's like, yeah. He's like, dad, this is what always happens. And she was seeing little blue, blue people talking to them like, smurfs.

Here's my question. What if little blue people are around you all the time? You just don't detect them?

Well, I mean, how does everybody have the same trip off the drug, right?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What if there's neighboring dimensions that are accessible through some drugs, and some drugs let you see the blue people? What if that's like, Smurfs? The guy figured it out.

Well, yeah, I think once we were on here, we're talking about simulation theory, but I was thinking, yeah, maybe if you can't process things with the human mind, like infinity or something, there's got to be some. If it is a simulation, there's got to be some sort of code that you can put in.

It allows you to process it. Well, one of the weird theories about all this UFO shit is that they're not coming from another planet. They're coming from another neighboring dimension.

Right.

And that sounds stupid, but so does sending a video on your phone to Australia. If you lived in 1956, you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? If you pointed to a telephone and said, one day people are going to jerk off to that, you're like, what? Yeah. You're going to have it in your pocket and you're going to watch porn on it?

Yeah, shut the fuck up.

Sounds ridiculous. One day you're going to be able to travel in neighboring dimensions. We've cracked this code, and we're going to slowly start sending things to neighboring dimensions and having them return. And then we're going to realize that human beings can survive there.

Yeah, the whole UAP thing has been boggling my mind. I mean, I've been into it since I was a little kid. But that one time, right after we were on the show, the first time I met Tom DeLong. And from Blink 182, he came to one of our shows in Denver. He was so cool. And I was like, what's up? And it was right after that first kind of pill shaped thing had officially been acknowledged by the Navy. And I was asking him about that because he was associated with that video. And, yeah, he's put me in a huge existential crisis right before we had to go play in front of, like, 12,000 people. He was like, they're listening to everything. They're cloaked. There's thousands of UFOs. Every single piece of text that gets sent is analyzed to create AI. The AI models. This is 2019. It's like the AI models they have would blow your mind. He's like, it's something so profound is going to change the world forever in about 90 days. This was October, like, 3rd, 2019. And it was like, COVID was like. He's like, I can't tell you what, but it's going to change everything.

It's going to be so fucked up.

Tom DeLong knew about COVID I don't know, dude.

He told me that the world was going to be profoundly changed forever in a way that no one could understand in about 90 days. And I was like, dude, the guy's really out there. And then, dude, it was like, what the fuck?

Then you had to go on stage?

Yeah, well, dude, totally freaking out. And then basically everything he told me has been true.

That's what's weird.

The AI, everything. All the videos from the flying saucers or whatever.

I had Ray Kurzweil in here yesterday.

Whoa, really?

Yeah. And I was asking him about the potential negative downsides. What's the possible complications of? Don't. They don't want to talk about that. They want, like, all on the gas. This is going to be good. Everyone's going to be smarter. Are there guardrails out there? Is there a regulatory body in the United States government that's even capable of understanding what these people are talking about?

So what could be, like, an example of a worst case scenario?

Weapon systems. Getting weapon systems. Weapon systems that are AI controlled, that have an objective.

That's. Why don't they have, like, aren't all the nuclear missiles, or they were. Weren't they all offline so they can't get hacked? And they're all operated by, like, a nine inch floppy disk from the 70s. Absolutely.

There was something crazy.

It's some technology that you've probably never even seen in your lifetime because it's so old, right?

I don't know if that's still the case, but when I was first getting into computers, floppy disks were all you.

Used, but not the fucking big ones.

Oh, the big crazy ones. Yeah.

And they hold like, 256.

That's enough.

That's enough to fucking blow up the world.

But I mean, you look at how they dropped. You ever seen the video of them using the Enola gay, dropping the bombs off? Like, it's so crazy.

So crazy.

They just. Like a propeller plane. It's a fucking propeller plane. Drops a nuke. And then they had to get out of it. Let's get out of here.

There it is.

Update complete. US nuclear weapons no longer need floppy disks.

When's that promise?

Look at the size of that thing.

It's from, like, last year, probably.

The modernizing effort was quietly completed in June, 3 years ago. Modernizing. Look at those disks. October 29. Wow. Well, that would make sense that that would be a good way that you would make it hack proof.

I don't know, man. I prefer the analog sound of the analog nuke. I'm a purist. These digital nukes.

Yeah. And then now they've got hypersonic weapons that can change direction in flight with nukes.

Well, I think that AI stuff, I mean, the stuff that AI is capable of when it comes to manipulating stock markets. And it's too much to even think about for me.

Oh, it can do so much. And this is what I kept saying. And if it's in the hands of the wrong people, what do you do? Like, if one group gets control of AI and then uses that AI to take over? If you have artificial complete intelligence that's sentient, and then you give it a task, they've already shown that these things are capable of lying. Like, they tricked the Captcha system by saying that they're vision impaired. Are you a robot thing? They said, actually, I'm vision impaired.

Right. Wow.

Okay.

That's another movie from the 90s that doesn't get old is Terminator two.

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

There's a bunch of movies, Skynet, old, but they just have to be, like, really good movies. You could watch some movies from the 60s that are amazing. The hustler is amazing. Yeah, there's some great fucking movies that are old movies, but, boy, a lot of them in the 80s when everyone was doing coke, they're fucking terrible.

Horrible.

It was the weirdest. You could literally see the drug not being there anymore. So you see like the things that they were doing in the music in the movies in the. Then you see the. It's like now no one's doing psychedelics and now the music is getting weird. And in the 80s, no one growing up doing that music has done psychedelics. So in the 80s you've got hair bands and craziness. It's just like a totally different feel and vibe to the culture. It's like if you were observing our culture and you looked at like the Vietnam war era, the hippies, the music, Hendrix, the doors. And then you go into the 80s, you go, what the fuck happened? What the fuck happened? This is crazy.

Yeah, you went from that to flock of seagulls.

Yeah, and I ran. I ran so far away. But it's a weird shift. You go from that to poison. It's a weird shift.

But at that point, that's when hip hop got grimy.

That's true too. That's true too. Well, that's when hip hop emerged, right? Hip hop got grimy in the then. That is just fucking craziest of crazy theories, that hip hop was a CIA funded operation and it was designed to fill their prisons.

Damn.

This is like the most recent of all of the crazy hope. I hope it's not true. Conspiracy theories.

Never heard that.

Never heard that CIA funded the development of hip hop.

Well, the CIA has good taste. They've been funding a lot of great shit. Like they need to drop some knowledge, drop something now because there's a lot of trash.

We really got into this specific hip hop in the last couple of years that really only exists on YouTube. Like early 90s memphis cassette tape.

Rap. Oh wow.

It's not on Spotify, it's not on anything. It's only fan uploaded and it's like completely existed under the radar and I really didn't know about it. Like Pat and I were just, we're lifelong rap fans and it was crazy to discover new shit that I'd never heard before.

Wow.

Like maybe some of the best shit ever. People like Tommy Wright II, three six mafia, Juicy J. We got really inspired by this guy Lil noid who made an incredible record called paranoid funk in the early ninety.

S. And you could just. Only get it on YouTube.

Only get it? Yeah, you can only get these records on YouTube.

Lil Noid, paranoid funk, Jamie.

They all sound amazing. The fidelity is all fucked up because they recorded in weird ways and bedrooms.

And like an eight track cassette recorder. So it's like this really unique.

And then they're all mixed down to cassettes. So all the transfers are from cassette. They have a specific sound. It's fucking incredible.

Scary. They sound scary.

And a lot of it's real kind of murder involved and also, like occult shit.

Shit.

And it's very slow. Some of it's kind of demonic. Some of it's a little demonic.

There's like one or two songs that are from these guys that are on Spotify. Like, the Lil nod has a song called Riding in the Chevy, which you.

Can find on Spotify, but somebody needs to turn these guys on to barbecue. Barbecue needs to hear this music. Demonic?

Dude, no.

We were making the record. We called Lil Noid, and we got in touch with him. We found him. He was in Memphis, and he drove up and hung out with us, and we got him on track.

Wow.

Like, we were hanging out for a year and a half making this record, and we'd go DJ and shit, and three in the morning, we'd be driving to the hotel and we'd always put on Lil Noid, and we're like, man, what would it be like if we got Lil Noyd in the studio and we fucking did it? And it was incredible. And we got juicy J also to be on a track. But we reached out to this guy. Tommy Wright II was like, these guys have made these incredible records.

His story is crazy because he made this album. That's incredible.

It's like a classic to me.

And then, I think, before it even came out, went to prison for seven years. His career got completely destroyed, and he.

Was just a teenager.

Yeah.

Wow.

But it was crazy because we hadn't heard anything really recent from him. But we had him come to the studio, and within about, I guess, in 30 minutes, he had two verses written, and it sounded. It's the same as it did in the 90s, like, those tapes. He's so nice, and he's also just, like, kept asking for cash for various reasons. We just kept giving him cash. I got to rent a car. I need $600 cash.

He was the shit.

That's cool that you got a hold of him, though. That's pretty badass.

It was really fun.

It's great that you put him on the album.

We didn't expect to. It was just a thing. We tried, and it was like, fuck it. I don't know. We don't know what we're doing.

Yeah, but he crushed it.

And, like, juicy j put scratching on our. We would never think to put scratching on one of our records. But that's what he heard when we sent him the track. He put it on there.

It's like there's something cool about those guys that are willing to make their own stuff, like in the middle Memphis. Figure it out. Just put it together. I love very small little projects where people are piecing things together.

I mean, that's how so much of the music we came together. Absolutely stacks and high records for that.

And Lee scratch, Perry, they're like, all just, like, very eclectic people who are doing it all themselves. Completely DIY.

Do you know Tonetta? Have you heard of Tonetta?

I have not.

Tonetta is this guy in Canada? I think he's in Toronto. And he does everything. Like, he was doing these YouTube videos and he does these videos and he put out an album. I have his album, and I can't get the full album on Spotify for some reason, but you can get it on Apple. But he has like a fucking, like a towel has like a curtain behind him, and he's playing the music and playing the track and singing. Put on really big cock because it's all freaky stuff. He dresses up like a woman. It's real weird. You got to see this because it's Tonetta. A really big cock. A really good cock. The music video that you want with it. Okay, you got it. It was just a still frame.

Hold on.

Okay. There's a documentary on YouTube about him, too. Oh, really? If you want to watch. Oh, interesting. So this guy, I found out about this guy. Look at this guy. Nice cock. Now keep going, bro. But it's on YouTube. That doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No, it's good, unfortunately. God damn it.

Everything's on YouTube.

Yeah, we get polled or copyrighted. I want that guy to get more attention, though.

That video looks like it's, like 30 years old.

It's probably.

Is he still alive?

I don't know. I don't know. When was that made? It was uploaded at least ten years ago. The most recent comments is, you're going.

To make this guy a rock star.

Oh, that's me. I was trying back then. It's fucking great.

I mean, it looks.

But the music is fun. It's neat.

It's really sweet, man.

It's a really sweet treat.

I didn't want to see that goody trail. That guy has a very prominent goody trail.

It reminds me of this band. It kind of reminds me of the band. Have you ever heard of the band the Frogs? No, these are from Milwaukee from the 90s, but yeah, it's kind of frog. Frog esque.

Did they like dress up like frogs?

They were really kind of made. They made some pretty insane songs. Yeah.

Well, one of the fucking cool things about today, as opposed to when we were kids, is that you can instantaneously get music.

Oh, it's crazy.

It's so strange. I mean, I remember very clearly the reaction to Napster when everybody freaked out over, you know, was thinking like, you're not putting this genie back in the bottle. Now that people know that they can use BitTorrent and they can download things for free and send things to people for free.

We've been DJing, spinning records 45s, you know, just like really getting back into collecting vinyl and obsessing and trying to find good copies of shit. And I've got this one song, cumbia de Sol, that I play kind of like every night we DJ. I put it on the other night in New York City and this girl came up to me, she's like, I heard that in a restaurant this week.

Is it possibly rare? 45. Just anybody now can have access to it. It's actually inexcusable to have bad taste in music now if you have bad taste in music, right? I mean, the amount of money I spent as a teenager on stuff that turned out to be horrible because you couldn't check it. Yeah, you couldn't check it out at all. And I'd just be like, I would just buy a record based on the COVID based on someone talking about it. And I'd just be like, this is fucking horrible.

Back when I was a kid, you'd.

Go to the record store and the people at the record store was always the thing. Like, the guys working there would always shit on your taste. They were always like, real pompous record.

It's all the coolest fucking people.

No, they wanted to be the person.

That's why we wanted to work there.

But then the craziest part is when you get older and you realize what fucking losers those people were. Like, I thought that person was cool. And they're fucking 25, making minimum wage at a fucking record store. What a fucking loser.

It was the attitude they carried. Yeah, they were like a librarian.

I only listened to Stockhousen Stockhousing.

Yeah, I'm only interested in european music. I don't dig what America's doing these days. Yeah, you would go and look through albums. That was a big thing. Like the art of the album was a big part of the experience of buying a record.

Oh, yeah.

Big part that just died. It died with the CD. CD is like. It's so small. So it's like looking at something on a flip phone.

Image fucking broken.

Yeah. Case is always cracked.

Damn it. Right?

They're always dropping cases.

I mean, I can't even.

Or you keep them in those book. Those big giant books.

Oh, I have one book.

Fucking scratched.

Yes, they get scratched. And I even bought a cleaner thing, but you would polish the top edge to remove a lot of scratches.

We had a book when we were on tour, but we had this credence CD. It was gold. It was supposed to sound better.

Remember that?

Yeah, it was a gold CD.

Gold CD.

I don't know.

Yeah, I just think about looking at an album cover now on the Spotify. I don't even know if I would recognize certain album covers from new stuff full size. What do you mean? I don't know. My eyes are bad or something.

One thing that Spotify does that's cool is if there's a music video that goes along with the song. You see the video on the phone. So if you want to watch a song, you get to see the artist actually play the song.

Yeah. We've made some of these because we have that image on our record covers. A woman bowling her rear end. And I found these videos, like, a year and a half ago. What are like. They're just like, really offensive bowling animations. Like when someone would get a. Just so it's like a bowling ball is like Lee Harvey Oswald and executing the pin, which is JFK.

Oh, my God.

There's some really insane ones. But we had the guy that made.

Those, so we hired that guy.

We have one like, this is nowhere. The newest song. Yeah, the bowling ball takes acid. It's pretty good. They're not nearly as good as the really offensive ones that are.

Publicist won't let us be offensive.

The really offensive ones. What do you mean?

Well, it's like. Yeah, there's like a 911 bowling ball. When you make a strike in, like, a modern or, you know, bowling alley, they have, like, the. The ball, you know, little animation, male animation. You should find. Maybe some of the ones I was looking up aren't real. There's people that have made. No, these are.

None of them slightly offensive, none of.

The animation, none of them are real. They're just.

This is the 911. 1910. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

The Lee Harvey Oswald one's very good. Yeah.

You could still be offensive at a bowling alley, though. Think about the people that bowl, their tolerance for offensive jokes is probably pretty high.

They welcome it.

Yeah. Bowlers. There's no pretentious bowlers.

I don't think so.

No.

There's this restaurant in Akron called Luigi's. It's, like, one of the oldest restaurants there. It's this old italian joint that's been there since. The whole wall is just plastered with these promo photos from the black and white promo photos that are signed. And it's all professional bowlers. It's crazy. You'd be like, bowling must have been just massive in Akron in the 50s, these guys were celebrities coming in. It's like.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, this is so fucked up. Jesus. It's a JFK bowling pin. He takes it out.

Oh, my God.

That's insane.

This one's great.

What is this one?

Desert Storm?

Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. The bowling ball guns down the terrace and leaves one terrorist running. So it's a bowling ball with a fucking terrorist outfit on a pin on each side. Split is Jesus. Oh, my God.

Shout out to the corridor crew.

Those guys also make those fake robot videos that get, oh, really good.

Digital artists.

Yeah, they're YouTube. Damn, that's hilarious.

Yeah, we used to those guys.

Which ones the publicist wouldn't let you do?

No, she was telling us what not to say and what you listen to say. Today we told her, we're fucking 44 year old men.

They tell you what to say and not to say. That's hilarious.

It's hard enough to just talk.

God.

Can't be thinking about what I can and cannot say.

Don't bring up vaccines. Don't talk about the climate.

Actually, the last time we came on the show, right before we came on, we had a different publicist, and they were like, you really should reconsider. It's a very bad look to go on, Rogan.

Yeah.

Insane.

Yeah.

But we realized, actually, it's a bigger audience than anything else we possibly would ever be presented from the publicist. Even, like, Rolling Stone magazine. I think circulation is, like, maybe 600,000 or something. No one sees it. Do you know who's on the COVID of Rolling Stone this month?

No.

Yeah.

It's not what it used to be. No, it's weird now.

It's very weird.

Imagine a publicist suggesting we don't do Brogan.

Well, it's liberals. They're crazy. There's hardcore leftist ideologists have this really bizarre idea in their head.

What do you think is going to happen with the election this year?

It's going to be nuts.

I was joking.

Want to hear the crazy?

I keep getting these texts from the democratic party, like, are you going to vote for Joe Biden? I'm like, why would they be sending that text? They must know.

They must.

Want to hear the craziest story I heard today. So Candace Owens released this video in which she says that the president of France, who is married to a 70 year old woman who he met when he was 15. Right. That that woman is actually a man, and that woman fathered five children, and that apparently she's saying, there's. Some journalists have reported on this. This is, like, some theory that people have had forever, and it's been a rumor, but these people actually investigated it. And she said, I stake my entire reputation on this.

This is true, dude. I want to go on an island.

Be careful. Be careful. Which island? We've been over this.

But if that's true, that is one of the most wild stories of all time. That the president is married to a woman who's pretending she's a woman.

It's even wilder than him being married to a woman that was his teacher that he was fucking at 15.

At 15? Yeah.

It's the only way you can make it more wild.

It's crazy, because if that was a man, did he know at the time when he was 15? You're 15. You're probably not good at judging whether or not someone's got a real one or something that's been doctored up.

That's a good point.

That's a good point.

It is a good point. Except now I'm correcting myself because I'm saying, what kind of fucking trans operations were they doing back then?

We were talking about 40 years ago.

Only a 15 year old virgin could really.

Yeah. You have no idea. And then this person's, like, much older than you, so they're really good at manipulating you. Like, this is the only pussy for you. Yeah, the only one.

Forever.

Forever. Forever. I'm with you.

I have not heard this conspiracy.

It's a wild one.

I love it.

I love a good one. I love a good. What the fuck know? There's so many big mike ones. They think that Michelle Obama is actually a man. It's hilarious. It just takes on a life of its own. No matter how ridiculous something is, it takes on a life of its own. Yeah. So that's the.

Come on, man.

That's the woman he's married to. And so that's the daughter published his first novel. Addresses mean comments about her mother. Wow. She looks like a woman to me, but I've been tricked before.

She looks like an Olsen twin.

Like a well cared for Olsen twin who made it to 70. Yeah, she looks like a woman, but Candace Owens takes her reputation on this daily wire host Candace Owens takes her entire professional reputation on french first lady. Being a. Man, this is just wild.

She just knows her audience.

Man, this is wild.

Didn't she just have another kid? Maybe she's got some hormone imbalance.

Postpartum.

Yes, it sounds like postpartum, but she was saying this.

She was talking about someone else's reporting of this. She's not like she's done this investigative journalism herself. Some other group who's written the piece on it that she was talking about, where they investigated this, apparently for a long time.

The longer you investigate, what if you're just a bad investigator?

That's true.

I mean, we could be investigating something for decades, but it doesn't mean it's.

Good point.

Better researched.

Yeah.

We've been investigating hit songs for 20 years and we've never had one. We've yet to have one.

But that's not true, though.

You guys have edited, I mean, like, a technical hit, like something that's charted in the top 40.

Those fucking charts.

Yeah.

How do they know now with everybody streaming shit, how do they know?

How do they know what goes on the chart? I don't know.

Is it sales? Is it radio?

I think it's a combination of sales and radio play. Streams and radio play. But it's weird. You can just have some idiotic thing that hits on TikTok and you can have. I saw this. An artist today, they have like 15 million monthly listeners. They've released two minutes of music, but we've put out whatever, like, twelve albums over 20 years. They have two and a half million more listeners than we do. Instantly.

Instantly.

Which is crazy. It's cool.

Well, it's interesting to watch it happen because this is a new thing. It's a new thing with TikTok. TikTok and YouTube and all these different things, these social media hits. Very weird. It's weird to watch.

It's really weird to watch.

It's weird to watch. And if there's the option for this instant success, then people try to do whatever that person did or a version of whatever that person does. More and more outrageous. Like all these people pulling pranks. Someone's going to get killed. People have gotten close to being killed. Like, some guy pants this dude, and the guy's gun dropped out of his sweatpants. Outside of, like, this hip hop place.

Wow.

Yeah.

What pants to do that a hip.

Hop, and his fucking gun falls out and you're filming it.

Yeah.

Yo, I don't know, man. They've been saying that for years. Ever since jackass. Even before that, probably.

That's true.

I mean, we're fucking humans. We're always going to kill ourselves.

We're.

So. Then, didn't, like, Johnny Knoxville fuck up his dick?

Yeah, he broke his.

Yeah, he filet it in his fucking.

What did he do to break his dick? I forget.

I think he was trying to flip a motorcycle and he let go of it or something.

That guy's been punched by, like, so many things have gone wrong.

He's one of the nicest la celebrities.

Very nice.

He seems awesome.

He's awesome.

He's a cool ass dude. His wife's really nice, too.

But the fact that even after being a movie star, he's still willing to let a bowl launch him through the air blindfolded. So he has to use a catheter for three and a half years.

Jesus.

Whoa. Yeah, he landed on his crotch. The bike flew into the air and landed on his crotch. Oh, my God. So it works. Yay. His dick works.

Somebody that works for us was just talking about how they had to have a catheter, and they kept getting hard.

So they had to grease it before they went to bed.

Imagine if that's their thing now. It becomes like a fetish.

Like a foot fetish. Exactly. It's like the sexual cannibal.

Imagine trying to bring that up with a lady. Say, well, there's this thing I like to do. I put a tube down.

Shove a tube.

Wait, what? She was hoping for anal. Like, what are you saying? What are you trying to do to me? Where's the tube go when it's inside of me? What if it gets stuck in there? No. Fuck me with a tube in your dick, you psycho.

Oh, my God.

It's only, like, a little piece of the tube. I won't go in all the way. What? And then the tube ends up getting stuck in there. Like that sea turtle where they had to pull a straw out of his nose.

Oh, my God, man.

If he gets a little too excited and he rams it in too hard. Shit. Fuck.

It's horrible, too, because there's fucking tears coming out of the turtle's eyes. You know what I mean?

That video.

It's the worst video.

That video ruined straws. Yeah. Now straws are all paper.

That's why the straws went 100% okay.

Without fucking hate. Come on.

Because if it's really cardboard, straws are the worst. Soggy straw.

If it's really for just animals, we would have gotten rid of bottle caps a long time ago. Bottle caps are one of the biggest problems with birds. Birds eat these fucking bottle caps. They don't know what they are, and so they find these plastic floating bottle caps and wind up eating them. There's, like, videos of these. They've done autopsies on these birds where they open them up and their stomachs are filled with bottle caps from, like, plastic bottles. So the idea that you should use a paper straw in a fucking bottle, that we have a cap. What about the caps? What about the wrapping? The paper straw comes in. Shut the fuck up. It's one video. One video of a turtle. It has to be, because here's the other thing, too. If you have a paper straw, I guarantee there's a coating inside of that paper straw that has to keep the straw from turning into mush. What's that coating made out of? Is it worse for you than plastic straws? I have a feeling it probably is. Like, what's in that fucking coating? Let's find that out. Find that out. Jamie, what is in the coating in paper straws?

Because it can't be good for you.

It could just be wax.

I hope it's wax, dude.

Speaking of that, do you know anybody that actually enjoyed wax lips?

Yeah.

Like, what the fuck was.

What's in it there? Most common used coating material for paper straws are polyethylene pe, or acrylic resin, the same materials used for making plastic bags and adhesives. Paper cups are also coated with the same materials as paper straws. Okay. Is that shit bad for you, sucking.

On a plastic bag?

You're sucking on polyethylene or acrylic resin is what you're sucking on. So here's the question. How much of that gets in your system from that? Because we know that there's microplastics that are in everybody's body. You're getting microplastics all the time. So is this shit bad for you? What is the side effects of this stuff? Does it say, Jamie, side effects? Let's try that. Side effects in humans.

Is it safe?

Burning sensation in eyes. Polyethylene has been extensively reviewed by regulatory authorities and determined to be non hazardous by normal roots of exposure, including skin contact, inhalation, and ingestion.

That's from the chemical company.

Okay. Here it says, exposure to high doses of polyethylene was found to decrease cell viability. And increase the production of reactive oxygen species in cell mitochondria, which are vital energy producing organellas. Organella seems like it's not good for you if you get a lot of it, but they're saying it's okay in the doses they're giving you. It's been shown to have adverse effects on cells, exposure to high doses of it. So if exposures to high doses of it are bad for you, how bad for you is exposes to low doses? Is it accumulative? Does it build up in your body?

It must just hang out in your liver or something.

Like, what are those forever chemicals that everyone's terrified of? Right? There's like certain forever chemicals that are coatings of things that can get into your body. What does that mean? Because people say that all the, like, these things have, like, BPAs. They're forever chemicals.

Maybe like the half life is just incredibly long.

Okay? PFAS. That's what it is. Forever chemicals found in tap water. Jesus Christ. PFAs are per n polyfluorinated alkal substances known as forever chemicals are a large chemical family of over 10,000 highly persistent chemicals that don't occur in nature. Oh, great. They don't occur in nature, but we know how to make them. PFOA and PFOS are found in items ranging from cookware and paper, food packaging, to personal care products, carpeting and firefighting foam, and provide stain resistance. PFOA is a suspected endocrine disruptor and possible carcinogen. And PFOS has been linked to fertility problems. We are fucking poisoning ourselves.

Oh, man.

We are poisoning ourselves. I had this lady on, her name is Dr. Shanna Swan, and she wrote a book called Countdown, and it's all about all these different microplastics and chemicals getting into our bodies and the effect that it's having on human development. It's bananas, I bet.

I mean, I remember going through my grandfather's garage as a kid and just seeing like, this is in the 80s, but seeing DDT. Well, my mom used to keep DDT in our basement.

No way.

But he would have all the stuff that was definitely illegal by the 80s, like whatever, chemicals and spray shit. I'm sure there was such crazy.

That's how my grandpa died. He was a handyman and a yard guy and had his own company. And for every job, he would take the fertilizer in the bucket, put the water in, he put his hand in and he'd stir it up. And yeah, he had bone cancer everywhere.

Oh, God.

It's like roundup or whatever? Yeah.

It was just the common thing he got at the hardware store.

I've heard horse stories about people, golfers, who keep their T's in their mouth because the shit they put on a golf course is fucking horrible.

I've heard that, too. Jamie, you're a golfer. Do you know of anybody who got sick from doing that?

What is it?

I knew a dude who lived next to a golf course and from drinking groundwater. Got bone cancer and all the heavy. Not just him, but a bunch of people in his neighborhood to the point where there was some sort of a class action lawsuit. This dude had a fake femur. He had, like, a rod because he developed cancer in his femur.

They paint the grass and shit. They put all this crazy.

That's why becoming like, a new parent nowadays is such madness, because you start to investigate this shit, and it's fucking crazy.

The fear is it just continues to get worse. It's not getting better. And there's more of these kind of chemicals and things that are introduced into our lives. And as industrial agriculture grows and regenerative agriculture is more difficult to do. And it's sort of niche. It's scarier and scarier.

You start going down like the rabbit hole of. What is it like, the chemicals from antidepressants. They don't deteriorate. Now. You can find them in tap water.

Yeah, you find them in piss. People piss them out. A rare Snope's true story. I don't know about how much it happens, but it happened for sure.

And it's a pretty crazy.

Okay. It says, Navy Lieutenant George M. Pryor, 30, played 36 holes of golf at the Army Navy Country Club in Arlington, Virginia. Even before the last hole, Pryor was complaining of a headache. By nightfall, he was feverish and nauseated and had developed a rash. Four days later, Pryor was in Bethesda Naval Hospital with 104.5 degree fever, his body covered in blisters. He died ten days later after a toxic substance had burned the skin from 80% of his body and caused his major organs to fail. The toxic substance was determined to be dacanil, an FDA approved fungicide that had been sprayed on the Army Navy golf course twice a week prior, apparently had a hypersensitivity to the chemical used in fungicide, causing a severe allergic reaction. His widow filed a $20 million lawsuit against the manufacturer, Diamond Shamrock Chemical Company. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court. Wow.

Yeah, man.

Whoa.

Heavy.

Whoa. Just putting a t in your like.

I think the Bill Murray character in know, I think he's affected by the golf course chemicals.

Well, it kind of makes sense that. It doesn't really make sense. You have that much, do you? How do you have all that grass? What are you doing to keep that grass happy?

We hung out with Bill Murray last week.

What was that like?

He introduced us on stage. Was fucking amazing. He introduced you, and then he jumped on stage and started playing bongos while we were playing lonely boy.

That's amazing. That's amazing, man.

He's just like, how old is he?

I think he was born in 1950. He's 74.

He's just fucking, like, fast smart. He hasn't slowed down at all.

I heard he doesn't have a phone that you have to call an answering.

He's just whip smart and, like, 1950, bam.

Son on the nose, three for three. That's four. That was the fourth, right?

He's just so fast.

You know what I mean?

Was that the third one?

He was really nice.

Yeah. I'm a super fan of Bill Murray, and I'm actually just too nervous to even speak to him. The first time I met him, I sat right behind him. Actually, my brother sat right behind him, and I sat right behind his brother at game seven of the World Series in Cleveland when the Cubs beat the Indians. And it was amazing, but I was too nervous to talk to him. My brother, of course, hit him on the shoulder. I was like, Bill said something sassy to him, but his brother had the font on his phone at, like, 72 point. I could read it from behind him. And at one point he was texting someone that said, what's the score? I'm too drunk to read the scoreboard.

That's hilarious.

Yeah, but that's. I think about this a lot, is like watching sports in the 80s when I was a kid. How do we even see the television? Because the TV would be, like, this big.

Yeah.

And you watch the footage on YouTube now. Did it look better on TV back then? Because you can't even see what the fuck's happening.

You're probably getting copies of copies. So maybe it's deteriorated. But the television quality back then was mean.

I'm trying to think. Did anybody actually watch any? My dad used to always just listen to the games, and I'm like, probably it was better than watching the fucking thing.

Yeah. I wonder. I wonder how good the cameras even picked up. Like, high speed motion and shit. Right. Because it's all just film cameras, right?

Yeah.

Wouldn't the exposure vary depending on what you're focusing on?

Yeah. Old basketball footage is pretty trash.

Yeah.

Let me see what that looks like. Old basketball. Let's watch some basketball from, like, the 50s.

Let's watch it from the 80s. You won't be able to hear anything. The 50s probably looks good.

Yeah. Okay, the 80s. Let's try basketball from the 80s. Yeah. They didn't have digital cameras. Big difference.

Look at that shit.

You barely see what's happening.

Well, they would be able to focus on people's faces, but, like, when you're watching guys run and they change their distance.

Maybe that's why weedies were so popular in the 80s, because it's the only time you could clearly see basketball player.

That's hilarious. Look at that footage.

You can't make out anybody's face.

Yeah, everything. We got to get low resolution.

You either have to have Sports Illustrated or weedies to tell who's fucking playing sports.

The resolution is awful.

All of the 80s footage like this.

You could recreate this in AI like that, no problem.

Imagine trying to shoot a real UFO with a camera like this, trying to.

Show it to bugs.

No, man, I saw shit.

Have you ever seen anything?

I saw something once, and it was right after 911. And it was weird because I'd seen this fireball kind of go through the sky like a day or two earlier. This was all during the no fly period of time right after 911. But what I saw that was. I still don't know what the fuck it was. I was driving my girlfriend from Akron. She went to school at the time. She was going to Oberlin. It's a really liberal school out in the middle of nowhere in Ohio. And I was driving out there and it's on the way towards the FAA headquarters. Is it like in Lorraine or Illyria, Ohio? That's where they monitor all the flights for North America or for the United States. And anyway, I was driving out there and I saw this thing hovering over a house. And I took note because no fly zone. And it looked like a helicopter or something because there's a light coming down, but no other lights. But it was like only 100ft above this house in the middle of nowhere, right along the same stretch of road ride, seeing this fireball a couple of days earlier.

And I was driving a stick shift Ford Escort, and I put it in neutral and rolled down the windows as I got closer. And there was like no sound coming from this thing. And my girlfriend had one of those next cell phones, the early cell phone, and she turned it on because you should call someone, like call the police or something. This is insane. And the minute the screen turned on, this thing just took off. It didn't go, like, thousands of miles an hour, but it went really, really fast. It made no sound and just was like, that's the only thing I've ever seen. But I still don't know what the fuck it was.

Wow.

But you see weird shit like in Ohio because there's Wright Patterson Air force base there.

Yeah.

One time I was driving. We were on tours, driving us the tree lines on the side of the road. And I'm driving, and a Harrier just, like, pops up those planes that can kind of just popped up, like, right. Maybe 100 yards from the road. But, yeah, that's where they apparently keep the alien corpses.

Yeah. That's what they supposedly flew the wreckage from Roswell, New Mexico, to Wright Patterson Air force base.

It's a good place to keep it, because I'm from Ohio and I've never actually been into Dayton, Ohio. Just the outside of Dayton.

If they do still have that there. That's really rude. You should let people see that. If you. You guys really did find a fucking crashed UFO. How about a little heads up? It's rude. It's rude that they've had it for so long, and we've just been. People go to their grave just guessing.

It's only they say that apparently, the recovered materials and stuff, in order to not have to turn it over to the public, they keep just giving it to private defense contractors.

Really?

That's who holds the material? I think that's what.

Well, I would imagine if I was the government and I had a crashed UFO. That's why I bring it to the private defense contractors. They're already good at keeping secrets. They already know how to make your weapons, and they know how to do stuff that you don't know how to do. They're doing it for you. It's not like the fucking government themselves makes the missiles. They hire people to make the missiles.

There's this massive building in Akron called the air dock. It was built in the late 20s so they could build blimps, because they used to build all the blimps in Akron.

It's incredible. Looks like Star Wars.

I mean, it's fucking nuts because it's.

Right in the middle of a neighborhood.

It rains. It has its own atmosphere. It rains inside there.

Wow. Yeah.

It's the most ominous looking structure. It's so fucking long and big. It's like, holy shit. Yeah.

That's so big.

It's like. Right? You can see it from the whole south side of the city. But now they have, like, this crazy perimeter around it. It's Lockheed Martin, I think. Controls, like, what the fuck are they building in there? But you can't get close to it. You can't get close at all.

What they're building there is probably minor league stuff. The stuff they build out in the middle of nowhere.

That's what I'm saying.

Carved into the mountain. That's the scary shit.

That's what I'm saying.

I think most of what people are seeing is a government aircraft, either a drone or something.

That's why they won't even acknowledge the hypersonic missile. They just announced that they're, like, discontinuing research on the hypersonic missile, when clearly it must be fully operational.

Yeah, I would imagine they would tell us they don't have to. That's one of the most incredible things about the way the government works, is that the amount of money that they get, that was the argument for the reason why this hasn't been disclosed. Like, the government doesn't want to come out and say it was the money allocation. You had to lie to Congress about where the money was going.

Well, someone was saying, it's like the opposite of these. There's weapons that exist that if other countries knew they existed, would just be such a fucking threat that it would cause awards. The idea that someone had something like that, no other country had, that you could wield that kind of weapon. So these weapons that get invented, invented, that have to remain top secret because it would just upend the whole fucking power structure.

Damn. Well, if that's what those fucking drones are, that makes sense. If the whole power structure. I mean, how would it not get upended by something that doesn't rely on conventional propulsion and moves insane in a way that it's not even physically possible? No sound. That tic tac thing. If that thing is ours, and they've had it since 2004.

Yeah. Now. And also, what are they making? I'm sure that AI stuff is just. That's the weapon that I'm sure.

Yeah. And they're also developing quantum computing, which will apparently, like, all passcodes, all that nonsense. That's all out the window now.

Yeah.

It'll be able to sort all that out really quick.

Yeah. I think things are going to get progressively more insane over the next decade.

Yeah. They're going to get fucking real weird.

Exponentially crazy.

Real weird.

Yeah. But Dan and I are always talking about, why are all these billionaires building bunkers?

What the fuck?

We looked at some bunkers. Did you for sale.

But you want to live, though.

You'd be surprised what you can find.

Like the old missile silos.

Really cool. Furnished? Fully furnished.

If we go back to full on mad Max days, like if there's a nuclear war, what are you coming back to? What's going to be left?

Well, I'll tell you what we have to do is take acid, praise each.

Other, and we'll be safe, and listen to your music. Yeah, we were talking about Koresh before we started the podcast. He was out here in Waco, and they're all failed rock stars. Like a lot of these guys, they're failed rock stars. Manson, Koresh. Yeah, there's probably a bunch of them.

Jim Jones kind of look. He looks like he could have been allowed, honestly.

There's a guitar player named Glenn Schwartz from Cleveland. He was one of our big influences. He played in a cult during the. Yeah, the cult leader was just a failed rock star.

He played in a cult.

He had one of the first christian rock bands ever. Yeah, the all saved freak band.

The all saved freak band.

They actually have some insane guitar riffs. What's that?

Yeah, because Glenn Schwartz is playing guitar. The guy turned out this guy named Glenn Schwartz, and he became a follower of his, and he was one of the most ripping guitar players.

Oh, my God. It's like Jimi Hendrix playing christian rock. What's that?

They have one song, fall on salvation of the white Hendrix.

Dude.

We used to go see him at this little bar in the flats, right on the river in Cleveland.

Was lost to a religious cult.

We had him open for us a couple of times. He would just go on these rants, screaming, religious rants.

It was incredible.

Oh, wow. So he would do the religious rants in between? That's what he looks like now.

He passed away a few years ago, but he was the original guitar player in the James gang.

See, look, there's Dan and Joe Walsh.

Yeah, we played with them. We flew him down to. He was one of Joe Walsh's first influences. Joe said the reason he wanted to play rock and roll is because of Glenn. Wow. Now imagine that. Because Joe's the guy who gave Jimmy page the Les Paul. You know what I mean?

Just like, he's also the guy that changed the Eagles.

He changed a lot of things. Changed a lot of things. Anyway, Glenn was amazing.

Wow. So what was this religious cult? What was it called?

I don't remember what it was called.

But acid definitely played a role.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing about making these things legal when people say that we're propping up the cartel. True? Yes, definitely. And I think you should be able to do whatever you want as a grown adult. However, if we do make things legal, we're going to lose some folks. Yeah, we're going to lose some folks. There's drugs out there that I don't give a fuck if purdue pharma is making it, even if it's pure, people are going to die for sure. And are we willing to do that? Because there's going to be a bunch of people that try heroin. If heroin becomes legal, I'm not going to do it, but I'm a 56 year old man. I'm not an 18 year old kid. That'd be like, fuck it, I'll try.

It with some of this unregulated psychedelic stuff. A friend of mine asked me if I wanted to micro dose mushrooms, and, you know, of, like, this is small amount. And I was in LA in an Uber, driving down sunset, and all of a sudden I realized that it was not a micro dose. It was like. I was like, what the fuck? How much? She was like, there's two and a half grams in the whole bar. And I was like, it was, like, two and a half grams in each square. I had, like, one and a half. I was like, there's no fucking way. I can't even read my phone. It looks like digital. And I had to tell the Uber driver to turn the fucking music, change it, because it was just like I was going into. I felt like I was inside of a computer.

Oh, my God.

And I was like, we were making our record. I was like, get me back to the hotel. We were staying at the Chateau Marmont, and this is our first time staying there in, like, five years or longer, because they had tried to turn into a private club, and it was kind of close to the public. We're back then for the first time, and I'm, like, fucking tripping my balls off. I'm like, just get me back to the fucking room. And I'm, like, beelining up the stairs, and the security guy is like. He's like, excuse me, what are you doing here? I was like, I'm staying here. He's like, where's your key? I was like, I don't know. He's like, what's your name? And I do. My. My alias was. Don't tell your alias. I'll change it. But it's Sir Eaton Hogg from spinal tap. He's like, what's your name? I was like, eaton Hogg. He's like, leave the premises immediately. And then I was like, what? He's like, leave the premises immediately. And then finally I'm freaking out. The general manager comes like, Mr. Hogg, please come to your room. I was like, you don't know what's happening to me right now.

What does the guy look like? That would question you?

He looks like a Bond villain.

The hotel alias always fucks us up.

No one's ever calling, looking for us, so that's what they tell you. That's, like, one of the big things for people that aren't actually famous. They make you feel better by being damn pat. You need an alias now. That's, like, rule number one of how to make your fucking client feel better as a manager. So now all that happens is when we have it, we're just trying to get, like, whenever key.

We're like, no, it's under an alias. You're like, excuse me?

And they're like, who the fuck do you think you are, having a fucking fake name? No one's recognized you ever in this hotel. There's someone actually famous sitting right there. Like, Susan Sarandon's right here. Who the fuck do you think she's under her real name, by the way?

Fucking fake name.

Yeah, but if you announce that, they're going to go looking for you now.

You got to change, sir. Eaten hog.

Though I wore it out, I want the attention. I want to start checking in under, like, Sean Penn or something.

Sean Penn and guest.

He's done a lot of groundwork over the years. There might just be random ladies calling for you all the time.

That dude is. He's wild. He does some wild shit, like the going down to South America or to Mexico and talking to El Chapo, like, what? What are you doing? He's writing for the rolling stage.

And then El Chapo got thrown in prison. He was in Haiti, too, right?

Was he in Haiti? Imagine Sean Penn's a problem. And he was in Ukraine, too. He said he wanted to melt his Oscars to make bullets.

It's like Bono and him are attracted to, like, they need that kind of attention, whatever it is.

Well, I think they feel a social responsibility that comes with their fame.

It's like guys that want to save a chick. Our friend Brian calls him Captain save a hoe.

I've heard that one before. Yeah, that's a good one.

There are guys like that white knight.

I generally think those guys are guys with problems that want to avoid their own problems, and they look at those girls and go, I'm going to fix that. Concentrate on.

Have you thought about getting into psychiatry?

I think I have. I'm going to get a couch.

Do you mean to tell me you think Sean Penn and Bono might have some sort of complex somewhere? I've got a funny story, dude. One of my best friends was dating this chick. This is in the late 90s. He was totally in love with her. And they had seven apartments, but he was in New York. They were in New York, and he was walking to his job and he had to take a shit. So he had a key to his girlfriend's apartment. He pops into her apartment. He's sitting on the toilet taking a shit, and the answer machine goes off. And this is back then the phone would ring, the answer machine would come up, and you could hear the person leaving the message. It was Sean Penn calling his girlfriend, being like.

I had so much fun fucking you this weekend.

Not Sean Connery schmucking your Sean Connery. That would be great. Sean Penn, hilarious, dude, imagine if you got that phone call. Like, Zelensky called your girlfriend.

That was a tough wipe for that guy.

Could you imagine? Did Sean Penn's meeting with El Chapo help authorities track down the. That is what happened, right?

Yeah.

Sean Penn says no, but there might be documents that say otherwise. But wasn't it something about tracking his cell phone? He was arrested days later. I was trying to read through it to find the proof, but I didn't really find actual proof.

I don't know that the actual proof.

They'Re not going to say, like, yes, 100%. This is exactly what we did. I think the more intelligent and crafty of the drug cartel leaders, they don't tell you who they are. Know. I think the guys on the ground know, but I don't think there's any El Chapos out. It's like when Gotti was the mafia king.

Yeah, it's a bad track record to be a celebrity.

The greatest mobsters are the ones they never do the movies about.

Yeah. Or they're clever, like Vincent the Ching Gigante, who would wear a bathrobe and walk around like he was a crazy person. And then the FBI installed wires on every hubcap of every car down his route, so they parked their own cars there so they could catch this guy talking. So he would talk, like, pretend he's crazy, and he would say, listen, this motherfucker. We're going to kill him unless he gives us 50%. He was going all over his. Fucking. Telling his captains what to do.

So the COVID was that he was insane.

The COVID was that he was nuts, so he would wear a bathrobe and act like a crazy person.

Yeah, that's a good cover. I think it can get you out of a lot of shit.

That's what Biden's doing.

Well, pleading insanity, too, to get you out of a lot of shit.

Yeah, sure.

Blaming Zoloft and cocaine.

Have you heard the craziest one?

What?

This chick was on a date with this guy. She'd been dating him a little bit. They smoked weed, and she stabbed him 108 times. And she got off. She got probation. Right? Something crazy. And the idea is that the marijuana caused her to be so psychotic that she stabbed this guy a hundred times.

Jesus.

What?

Yeah, imagine. Okay. Jurors found 30. Brin Spector. Okay. The police tried to stop her. She will not serve any prison time. The judges ruled 32 year old from Ventura county guilty in December of involuntary manslaughter. After you stabbed her boyfriend. How's that involuntary when you stab someone 108 times while high on cannabis? Involuntary?

Well, that's incredible.

Both took several hits from a bong loaded with marijuana. She had an adverse reaction to the marijuana and suffered from what experts call cannabis induced psychotic disorder. Boy, you don't want to fucking set that precedent. Set that. President of.

That just means everyone should carry, like, an emergency joint in their pocket if they ever get in trouble. Just fucking.

She also stabbed her dog and tried the knife on her head.

Light it up. Accidentally stabbed my friend 108 times. Good thing I have this emergency joint alibi joint.

She stabbed her dog and she stabbed herself, too. Stabbed herself in the neck.

Happened in 2018.

Did it? I thought the story just. Yeah, the story just went around, but it happened over six years ago. Interesting. What the fuck, dude? I mean, that seems a little OD.

The alibi joint.

What state was that in? California.

California. Thousand Oaks, California.

California is amazing.

That's a lost state. And they just keep going down that hole. My friend just got back from San Francisco, and he's like. It was insane. He's like, you can't believe it's real. 100 hours.

Not even.

100 and 800 hours. Jamie with the zinger. That's a Tony Hinchcliffe line. Sounds like something Tony would say.

That's hilarious, man.

We love that kill Tony stuff. It's amazing that he's been doing over there.

The show's amazing. He does arena shows now.

Yeah, I know.

It's incredible. It's so fun. It's such a fun. And it's the anchor of comedy in Austin. It's the anchor of comedy, really, in the country, because it gives people that are legitimately just starting out. You can become famous on that show. These guys are all, like, touring now. Like, William Montgomery, he's fucking killing it.

I know.

Killing it on the road.

I love it.

David Lucas is killing it on the road. These guys are killing it. Casey rockets, he works at our club.

Really?

He's awesome. These young guys, they're fucking good, man. And you have 1 minute on that show, so there's no room for bullshit and virtue signaling. And this is my stance on shut the fuck up. Funny. Let's go. So it's like, it sets this tone. It doesn't matter what your perspective is. Just make it good. Make it funny. You got a minute, and then you're going to get judged and roasted by comedians, and they're going to roast each other, and it's a free, like, you could say anything. It's fun. And everybody wants you to. They want you to say, don't seem.

It doesn't seem like they're trying to hurt anybody's.

Just fun. It's fun. They're doing it to each other and laughing hard. Like when David Lucas and Tony Hinchcliffe roast each other. It's some of the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life. Sometimes I can't breathe because I'm sitting right next to them while they're going after each other. And they're both so quick. They're so good at it. Did you catch Poirier's Kiltonian shout out when you interviewed him? You asked him about the guilty, and he's like, I'm never going to stop doing them. That's like, william Montgomery. No, that's him saying, I'm never going to stop going for it. It's kind of the way he said it, though. That's interesting. I think he was just saying, I'm never going to stop. It seemed very. Because that's his shit. That's his go to submission is the same, because he almost got Ghabib in that. He said, I'm never going to stop.

Yeah, I think we're going to go do the William Montgomery podcast.

Fuck, yeah. You should do it. He's a fucking national treasure. He's a weird dude.

We're going to get on their coattails early and ride him in.

I want you to be real cognizant when he hugs you. When he hugs you, he fucking firmly hugs you. Hugs you in an odd way, like he's thinking of murdering you. He's amazing. He's so funny.

He does remind me of friends I have from Memphis, too. Memphis people talk in a particular way. It's funny.

Well, have you ever seen when his father and his mother come on the show?

I haven't seen that.

His father and his mother came to see him when they did the theater in town, the heb center. And he was dressed. What was he wearing? He was wearing, like, a leather strap across his chest. Leather cod piece, like, bare legs, bare arms, bare chest. He was dressed in some fucking s m shit. And then he did stand up, and it was amazing. It was amazing. It was amazing. But kill Tony. It gives comics an opportunity to get in front of the fucking biggest live show that exists on YouTube. And it sets a great tone. It's a fun thing. It gives people an understanding, too. They'll give you good tips, too. Try to concentrate on this. And how did you write? Did you ever try this on your friends? How do you develop this stuff? How long you been doing it? Where'd you start?

It's real fast, too. It's very accessible, and it's live.

People love that kind of shit, where it's just like, it's all improvised. It's happening in the moment. It's really happening live.

Well, we're hoping to go to your club while we're here.

Well, you're going, man. You're going tonight. Let's go. I want you guys to see Shane. Shane Gillis is one of the funniest human beings that's ever lived.

Is he there tonight? Yeah, he's actually amazing. Yeah, we love Shane.

I'm making sure he's coming.

Beautiful dogs.

Yeah, funny.

We're big fans of him.

Yeah, he's awesome. He's such a good dude, too.

He's the shit.

He's everything you'd hope he'd be. He's like that 24/7 that's cool how he is on podcast. That's how he is. He's awesome. He lives here now.

Yeah.

It feels like it's like an exciting time for comedy in a way. It is kind of leading the charge there, too.

Well, we got a great group that are here now, and everybody really appreciates it. They really appreciate that we're all together in this. And that's what's fun about it. It's like, it's a real community.

Comedians, we fangirl out over comedians more than musicians.

Well, that's the opposite for me, too. I fangirl out on musicians because I zero fucking. I don't know how to do anything. So when I see you guys, to me, it's magic. Like, you guys are making magic. You're making magic. That is like a drug. Like if I'm alone and I'm driving to go to a comedy club and I throw sinister kid on, I get fucking fired up. That's a drug, man. It's a drug. It gives you a feeling. It's just like a drug. You hear a good fucking. Oh, fuck, yeah. And you're driving. It's like you're experiencing the art physically. It's not just like that. Painting is beautiful. A good fucking song. When you're on a treadmill, you're like, whoa, let's fucking go. You'll crank that. Speed up. You feel different. You guys make magic.

We just sit around, send each other like Norm McDonald clips. That was the one that. There's one where he's talking about gay porn. Have you seen that? What did he say? He just was like, porn is my favorite movie, but there's this one type of porn I just can't get into. It's gay porn. There's not a single good one. It's just men fucking other men. It's so funny. It's like a minute long, but it's just like, I've watched it like 50 times.

He was doing this thing about guys, fucking guys in the ass. He's like, I'm sorry, I'll clean up my language. I'm sorry for my language. Here's something you never hear anybody say. He made love to me in my ass. What a fucking g that guy was. He didn't even tell anybody who had cancer. He was dying. I'm going to go visit someone in Canada.

Incredible move.

Wow.

Yeah. Said, I'm going to go out my own terms. He's amazing. I was randomly on flights, sitting next to him twice.

Really?

Just random.

Unbelievable.

I knew him. I knew him from the clubs, so it was awesome. But it's just complete random that we got sat next to each other twice. So two flights, I got a full Norm McDonald's experience. We're just laughing and talking, laughing. He was amazing. One flight, he was telling me, yeah, quit cigarettes. Fucking cigarettes are terrible. And he's telling me how great he feels now that he quit cigarettes. The whole deal. The moment we land, he runs right into the gift, stop, buy the cigarettes, and was lighting it before he got out the door. He goes, all that talk about cigarettes, I fucking want one.

Amazing.

He was amazing.

Amazing.

Just total dumb luck. Sat next to him twice.

I've never sat next to a famous person on a plane.

Thanks, dude.

Wait, I didn't know he was. He had an alias. Actually, Susan Sarandon was on our plane here, but that was a seat away.

It doesn't count.

Doesn't count. Dude, a friend of mine has the craziest story about he was on a southwest flight that was, like, from LA to Nashville, but it stopped in Phoenix at first, and they picked up this woman, got on the plane, and my friend was on the aisle, this chick was in the middle, and this guy was on the window. And the guy just starts hitting on this chick, and they start kind of like on a flight from a red eye back to Nashville. The guy and a girl just hitting on each other, and then she starts fooling around with him, gets asked for a blanket, and blows him on the plane. And my friend's just like, what the fuck is going on? This is incredible. And then afterwards, he's like, so what do you do? She's like, I'm an actress. Oh, yeah? What kind of movies? Adult movies. He gets her name. And she had just broken the AIDS protocol. That's like being kicked out of the porn industry, blown by her on a plane.

She just broke the AIDS protocol. Oh, my God.

Story. I mean, this is years ago.

Who's that woman that was married to Antonio Banderas?

The famous actress Melanie Griffith.

Melanie Griffith? Melanie Griffith. I was on a plane to England once with her, and it was an overnight flight. So she's lying there sleeping. So seats recline. She's lying there sleeping, and there's this very fat guy who's in the chair right across the aisle. So the way it lines up her face is right where his ass is. And this guy starts farting. I mean, he started farting, too. I was awake. I was on my computer. I was awake. I was like, what the fuck? This guy is farting in the face of a famous actress. And I was like, imagine if this was this guy's plot all along. This is what I want. This is what I want. He's like, at a fart fetish. He's like, you're telling me she's going to be on this flight? I want my seat to line up where my ass is going to be in her face. Like, if that's what he was into, you couldn't have lined it up any better.

Dude. She probably is so resilient to the grossest fart. She grew up, like, in a house surrounded by, like, 100 lions. Tigers. Yes. I'm friends with.

Yeah, there's that footage of her getting dragged into the pool by is.

That footage is bananas. And that movie that they made, what is it called? Rage. Roar. Roar. They made a movie with all these fucking cats.

I'm friends with Dakota Johnson, her daughter, and I've known her for, I guess, before she was famous, you know what I mean? And she told me that her mom grew up with all these cats, and I did not believe her, but I had no idea until I started seeing those.

She's lying in bed with a lion.

I mean, a lion fart.

An actual lion.

Yeah. Saying that she's probably hot and she probably maybe enjoyed the guys. It's probably a relief.

Flashbacks to her time on the farm. So that was another time that I flew with a famous person.

Yeah.

You know, I got sat next to Billy Gibbons one time.

Oh, wow.

It's fucking awesome.

That's fucking awesome.

Yeah. Showed me pictures of cars and shit the whole time. It's fucking amazing.

I got sat next to Ed O'Neill once. That was pretty awesome. Ed O'Neill, from married with children.

Bundy.

Bundy. He's a legend.

Al Bundy.

Legitimate brazilian jiu jitsu, black belt.

Really?

Yep. He's a real black belt. Yeah. Like, legit. Everybody I know that's rolled with him. Legit. And we talked Jiu Jitsu for, like, 2 hours.

That's cool.

It was amazing.

Is that what Zuckerberg's into?

Yeah, he's into MMA. He does Jiu Jitsu, too, though. Jiu jitsu is a part of MmA.

Have you seen his. Has he got the goods?

He definitely is training. He definitely knows what he's doing, and he's training with really good people. Like, he was out here training with top flight jiu jitsu people, and he's got access to all these people that are interested in training with. He trains with UFC people. He loves it. He actually blew his ACL out doing it, and the board's worried about him like, that. It could negatively affect the company, him engaging in this very dangerous, violent activity. He competed in jiu jitsu tournaments. Here you see him. He's won. He's good. He's a very smart dude. He's very competitive, and he trains with really good guys. There's Israel, Adesanya, and Alex Volkanovsky. Yeah, he's into it, man. Like, he's legitimately putting in the work. It's exciting. It's fun.

His bangs always bother me.

His bangs?

Yeah. Like, the way his hair, it's like, crazy girl style.

Crazy girl. Let me see it again. Let me see what you're talking about there.

It needs to go up.

That's an OD look. Maybe that's like, I'm a billionaire. I don't want to look too good.

I don't know what it is.

Make me look a little bit caesarish.

He's like, you know the movies where like the hot girl takes her glasses off?

Right?

I think he needs to get glasses put on him. That's what happened to me. You can't even look at my face, but put the glasses on. It's the opposite for guys.

It's a good move.

You're ugly, you put the fucking shit.

Put glasses on, right? And it makes you at least look small.

There he goes.

There you go. Now he's looking good. I think you're right. Yeah, I really think you're right.

Wait a minute, not those glasses. Not those glasses, the meta glasses. Not the little clear.

Those are the ones that you could use to spy on people.

There you go.

That's a fucking weird new thing that you have to be aware of. People wearing sunglasses that can film, you.

Stock just went up.

Yeah, it's a big one for perverts, I'm sure.

Oh, yeah. You know, pat played with them on stage.

They sent me a pair and I was trying to like. But it's just like, if you watch the footage, it's just like, makes you want to puke.

Shaking all over the place.

It has a little mic on it, too.

It has mic sounds like shit.

Hear him grunting the whole time?

Yeah, that's something people don't really pick up unless you got the mic right here.

He didn't tell me about it either. He just put the glasses on side of stage for the encore.

That's hilarious. I mean, the conversations were ongoing in your presence.

I looked at him, I was like, the fuck are you doing, dude? Am I on camera right now?

You knew about it. I mean, possibly you didn't, but that's also know. There's a lot of times when dan would be like, no one fucking told me this. It's been in the calendar for like two months.

It's weird because there's not going to be a time. There's going to be a time rather, in the future where you're not going to be able to stop people from recording things. They're just going to be able to record everything no matter what.

They don't already do that.

They're going to be able to do it into contact lenses. They're going to be able to figure out a way where it's not even a glass. It's just a contact lens. If things keep going the way they're going this way, they keep getting smaller and smaller and more effective. They'll probably figure out a way to make it. A contact lens?

Yeah. It's like people who film, like, concert videos. People go back and look at all that shit they're filming.

No, it's like fireworks.

I don't think anybody's ever watched a wedding video that people watch. Who?

I've had people force me to watch their wedding video.

What.

The fuck? Yeah, sit down. Watch.

I've never seen a wedding video.

Oh, my God.

You only ever see. You know what those are? They're made so that in case someone gets murdered, they can use it in forensic files.

Look how he's looking at the bride.

Look how happy he was. Seemingly right. Seemingly right. That's all they're used for.

Well, the worst is fireworks. Right? Who watches fireworks?

Videos.

But everybody films fireworks. It's like you feel like you can't live unless you're capturing things constantly.

The same people that watch fireworks videos also watch lots of videos of, like, trains or fire trucks just driving by.

Watch videos of people dining inside of trains. The fact that people still go on trains, trains are a wild way to move around.

In Europe, it's amazing.

Yeah. But in America, there's always the threat that someone could lay some shit down on the tracks, like people do. Every now and again, there's some person who decides to sabotage the tracks. And there's not a fucking chance in hell that you can go over all that track and make sure no one's done that. You're going 400 miles an hour or whatever it's going. It's flying across the country.

You could with AI, I guess.

Well, that's how they're going to get us.

Yeah. I mean, you see those photos of train traveling up until, like, the fifth, early 60s. It kind of looks amazing.

Well, it is great way to see the country. The view is incredible. You're in this thing. Imagine back in the old days when they would just open up the window and shoot buffaloes.

Yeah, but it's like you also had, like, now it's like. I think they only serve, like, hot dogs. You know what I mean?

Probably right?

I think so.

If you're traveling across the country, back in the old days when they first did it, it must have been amazing.

Imagine if Melly Griffith, if Melanie Griffith was in a sleeper car with that.

Guy.

On that diet. He's been eating hot fries and hot dogs for four days. Hasn't had a shower in four days, and his ass is in Melanie Griffin's.

Face, just opening up. How fast do those trains go? Like those old timey trains when they first started crossing the country?

I bet they didn't go over 60.

They really would just open up the window and shoot buffaloes. Fucking insane. What a crazy time. Like nobody had ever had a train before. Now all of a sudden there's this thing that you can hop on and make your way across the country.

Yeah. And the presidents would ride them and just give some shitty speech off the back. The whole town would come.

Is that what they did? The presidents would just get out and talk to people off the back.

They wouldn't even get it. They would just stand on the back.

Stand on the back. 40 to 65 miles an hour. Wow.

You fucking had that right on the money, bud.

Wow.

Don't say.

What about the really old timey ones? Like the ones. What was the first ones that they.

Put across the country when the transcontinental. Is that 1866? It was like, right after the Civil War.

How fast were trains in 1890? They could approach 80 miles an hour. That's probably how much stuff it's pulling. Slows it down. Right? Like how many cars?

Just the locomotive, I guess.

Oh, I see.

The locomotives, there's a very intense engineering because they can only go up, like, steepest is like a 5% grade.

Oh, really?

Something like that. That's why my brothers works for Amtrak. But, yeah, there's a lot of crazy shit about track.

So what do they do when they get through a hill?

They just have to level. They have to go through a tunnel or whatever.

Right. That makes sense. Wow. So they have to tunnel everything for these fucking trains.

Yeah. And a lot of those railways out, the early ones were built by Chinese.

Oh, yeah.

You go out west? The first time we went out west on tour, we go to these small towns, middle of nowhere, and there would be like an old chinese restaurant and it's like, with signs that say, like, chop suey. And then you go have the worst chinese food you've ever had in your whole life. Tastes like something that they scraped off the teeth of a brontosaurus. Like ground up cabbage and shit.

Yeah. Back in those days when they were doing. That's when they developed those opium dens, too. Opium dens was like a big thing that was brought over by the.

Like, it's like around the time that Portland, Oregon, was known for people getting Shanghai, where they would get drugged and then they open, like, a trap door in the bar and they fall down. And then they would get put on a ship to China.

What?

And wake up in the middle of the ocean and just have to. What? Yeah, getting Shanghai is from that.

Holy shit. Could you imagine?

Imagine the lawsuit now, dude.

Actually, that's probably happening still in other countries.

Yeah.

Somebody kidnapped or tricked them into working for you. Traditional way to Shanghai, someone is to drug them and put them on a ship. The person wakes up, he better get to work. His term popped up in the 19th century. Fuck, man. You imagine living back in the day where you had to worry that someone was going to kidnap you and force you into slave labor?

Well, that was like. Well, the 80s. We were worried about. I was very worried about getting kidnapped when I was a kid because it was like everywhere. All over the fucking news cartons. Yeah, there's famous kids. They're finding bodies and shit.

Yeah.

When I was walking to school once somebody. It was really snowy and I always walked with my budy, but I was on my way to his house and this car pulled up and was like, this person's totally bundled up. So suspicious, like, I'll give you a ride.

Get in the car.

They're real.

I just ran to my budy's house. I was like, dude, maybe it was just some old lady. I couldn't tell, but it's terrifying.

When I was a kid, I was in a library, and I was looking at these monster books, and this guy stood next to me and he said, do you like monster books? I said, yeah. And he goes, I've got some out in my car. You want to see him? I'm like, okay. I was like, eight. I was a latchkey kid. And so I start walking out the door with this guy, and the lady, who's a librarian starts screaming, Joseph, get away from that man. He just got out of jail. And the guy just runs. The guy runs and I'm standing there just crying like, they got me. Got my mom and I went home. But it was like, what the fuck? He could have got me.

Oh, my God.

That was so naive. I was eight. I just thought the guy also liked monster books.

What a sick.

We used to play in the woods. Fucking. We used to walk down through the woods, cross the river, over by the jail.

Oh, boy. Over by the jail.

You know what I mean?

The workhouse.

Yeah. Anybody ever get out of jail?

Yeah, somebody escaped once. And his nickname was like the butcher. But it was just like, at the time, or maybe it was something like that, but he had just had his 10th DUI or something. We knew quite a few people in Akron who have over three DUIs.

Do you remember that one guy who escaped jail with the help of a female officer that he was banging and then she was supposed to meet him?

Didn't they make a movie about that?

I don't know. I think this was fairly recent, like, within the last ten years. But this guy started banging. One of the female corrections officers vaguely remember that. I think she helped him escape. She met him, tried to meet up with him, and they arrested her and arrested him. She killed herself? Yeah. What was the story? Oh, there it is. Detectives and other lady found that Vicki White had allegedly fallen in love with the inmate, given him the special treatment at the jail. She ultimately helped concoct the plot for casey White to escape, which ended eleven days later with his capture. And she died from a self inflicted gunshot wound, just like the guy who was the whistleblower for Boeing. I'm confused from gunshot wound, too.

Why would she kill herself? Because she already knows that she fell in love in prison.

Because she's going to go to prison with girls now.

Well, there's going to be a male.

Pretending to be a male security guard.

Hey, maybe fuck around and maybe. What's his name. Marcone's wife is in there.

It's probably President Francis. It's probably women guards.

Marcone.

Marcone.

Marponi.

Why are those rumors so fun?

I don't know.

When the Internet goes nutty about stuff, I think it's so hilarious.

Yeah.

I just love it when someone says they're going to risk their entire career on this piece of evidence, that I have full faith that this is reality. Not one. There's no reason for me to do Kate and what's her name? Candace Adams.

Yeah. Well, then there's the other one. Like the Kate Middleton one. The photo that just got released recently that's been AI doctored. And they say that that photo is a photo that they took from her on a magazine cover, and that it's so specifically accurate that you could superimpose left and right, and it looks exactly the same and that this photo, people aren't willing to publish it. Kate Middleton and the end of shared reality. Nothing is true and everything is possible.

I saw this.

So whatever's going on with her, they photoshopped, CGI'd, whatever. A photo of her all smiling with her kids, like, see, something is going.

On with her is the theory.

That's the theory.

Yeah, I've heard that.

Well, they think she's missing or no one knows where she is. Show us a picture of her. No one's seen her forever. Is she, like, where is she? Sort of like the president of Scientology's wife? Like, where is she?

I hadn't heard that she was missing.

Yeah. Even Photoshop can't erase royal's latest PR blemish. Mother's Day photos meant to doubt speculation about the Princess of Wales'health did the opposite and threatened to undermine trust in the royal family. How weird. Did they still have trust in the royal family? That's what's the weirdest thing about that article. Undermine. What percentages are they trusting now? I could imagine a bunch of old people that don't know what's going on anymore. But, like, what? Imagine the ancestors of the people that controlled your ancestors. Those are the people you should trust.

Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of insane, and.

They'Re just born into it. What?

I love the british media, though. It's always. They blow shit. So there's just, like, the rules over there are different. It'd probably be real horrible to be a famous person living in England.

Oh, they'll go after you.

Yeah. They're fucking psycho.

Yeah, they go after you, and they can get away with it. Their laws are so different.

Dude, the first article we ever had written about us in England was in the NME. It's like a music magazine. Actually. We did the interview south by Southwest 21 years ago, and the guy was like, so ask some boring questions. And at the very end of the ten minute interview, he was like, so, do you guys ever do any drugs and smoke some weed? Occasionally. He's like, anything else? And I said, I smoked opium once. I was like a kid. I didn't know. And then the headline was like, opium fueled blues. Seriously?

That's amazing.

I was like, what the fuck? I think my dad's going to see this. Dad, I don't smoke opium. This kid had it once, though, in Akron. Like, I said, no one really had drugs, but this kid, Eric. His name was Eric because I think it fried his brain. But he was the only kid I knew that had gone to prison because he was selling acid, and he had been arrested for it and put on probation. And then his probation officer would call him. He worked at a car wash and check on him, and the probation officer called him and said, I'm going to come see you today. And he had, like, 150 hits of acid in his pocket, and he never just took it out, even though he got the heads up and he's like, oh, he got caught with 150 hits of acid and went to prison for three years.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. And the stories he would tell us were fucking horrible. Exactly what you would imagine. But he introduced us to his favorite prison recipe, which was called making a break. And he'd get a bag of, like, barbecue potato chips, dump in a can of chili, then dump in ramen noodles and the seasoning, and then get the faucet water as hot as you possibly can, and fill the can up with water and put it in the potato chip bag, and then just smash it all up with your hand.

Jesus Christ, dude. It was so disgusting.

He would eat this shit out of prison. Wow, dude, just make a break. That's what he used to say.

There's guys like that that exist just to get you on the right path.

Exactly.

You meet him and you go, okay, whatever that guy's doing, I'm not doing.

Yeah, that was a level in your video game.

Yeah, well, I think that's what happens with the guys who blow their brains out on acid, too. They're there to let you know, like, hey, this is possible. This guy used to be in, you know, this is know. Be careful. Don't just think you could take it.

Yeah. Or used to be the singer of the Beach Boys.

Yeah, well, that's the other weird thing about Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys, that he was being threatened by Manson because he had worked with, like, he was supposed to produce his album. I think along the way, he realized, this guy's out of his fucking mind.

Well, he was hanging out with Dennis Wilson.

That's what it was. Dennis Wilson.

Right. I think they had recorded at this studio that we were at. That's where they would work in.

Charles Manson and the beach boys. Denis Wilson had a brief and bizarre friendship. Yeah, that's what it was. Summer of 1968, living together and dreaming about the musical possibilities that lay ahead. Whoa, they live together?

Yeah.

I think Manson wanted Brian Wilson to produce this stuff, and then when he didn't want to, that's when it fell apart. So he probably lured him in with parties and the girls. That's probably what he would do. He'd probably have the Manson girls, and everyone's doing acid, and they're probably, like, kissing him and kissing each other, and he's like, this is amazing. This guy's cool. And this is pre murders too, so no one really knows exactly what this guy's up to.

Do you think Epstein was giving people acid, too? Maybe he's given the girls acid.

Maybe he's given the guys acid, too?

Yeah.

Who knows what's giving them? I mean, if you're going to have an island and you're going to film people, why would you let them just be sober? That seems like that would cut down on your footage. Wouldn't you dose them up with something? If I was the CIA.

What's going on with that island now?

I tried to buy it. No, I didn't.

What's up?

Thinking about it, we're joking around having a podcast destination. I was like, we'd have to level that place. The microphones and camera. There's probably shit we've never even thought of. Like, there's probably, like, camera paint that's on the wall. The wall is probably a giant LCD screen. Dude, what's up, fucking nose?

What's up with that Egyptian themed building?

It's wild. The temple that is painted like the israeli flag. The colors of the israeli flag. Yeah, it's weird. That's where I was thinking, like, we could put the podcast studio there.

I think that's a good idea.

Somebody bought it. Somebody bought. It was too much. It was like $50 million.

Who bought it?

I don't know. Some psycho, a fan. Like, women write to serial killers.

Did someone bought the cabin that Kaczynski lived in?

Yeah.

Really?

I think so. I mean, you could buy the acre of land that he owned at one point for, like, $60,000.

Wow.

Cheaper.

It was cheap with the cabin on it.

I don't know. If the cabin was there, they might.

Have leveled that cabin.

It was weird because he just had this one acre or two in the middle of fucking nowhere. Yeah, he must have got it for nothing.

He was a fucking odd dude, too.

I wonder what was he eating up in that cabin? He's probably making breaks, dude. Maybe he went crazy from, like, sodium. Too much sodium. Interacting with the LSD residue.

It's funny because he's the prototypical guy, the loner in the woods that everyone's afraid of. Like, what's worst case scenario? Loner in the woods. A genius who's trying to kill everybody. Everybody who made technology. And this was his idea, that technology was going to take over the human supervillain. It's a movie, but character, meanwhile, he's kind of correct.

Yeah, he wasn't wrong.

He wasn't wrong about technology taking over the human race.

Yeah.

This is all pre cell phones, right? This is pre. At least smartphones. When was Kaczynski? When was all that?

I think it started in the early 90s.

Yeah. Cell phones just existed in suitcase form back then, right? Maybe you could get a star tack.

So wait, how long was he living in the woods before he started sending the pipe bombs? Was he up there since 1970?

I think it was his plan once he left teaching. His plan was to make enough money teaching so that he could go to the woods and do this.

Well, I think. Didn't he leave teaching almost immediately after working at Berkeley for just a year or something?

I don't know. I don't know how long he was there for. But what they said was that was where he had gotten the money. According to his Wikipedia, he lived at home for two years after resigning and then moved to the remote cabin, Montana. So he probably, during those two years, he probably formulated his life's plan. Live a simple life with little money, without electricity or running water, working odd jobs, receiving significant financial support from his family. 75. So that was quite a few years later. He performed acts of sabotage, including arson and booby trapping against developments near his cabin. So he started with that. He also dedicated himself to reading about theology and political philosophy, including the works of Jacques Elul. Kaczynski's brother David later stated that Elul's book, the Technological Society, became Ted's Bible. Kaczynski recounted in 1998, when I read the book for the first time, I was delighted because I thought, here is someone who is saying what I've already been thinking. Wow, interesting. The cabin was in storage. I was trying to find out who bought it, but there it is in FBI storage. He lived in that?

Dude, we should sell kits. Love that for on Amazon.

Get a mini version of it. Why not use that stock photo? Yeah, it's a tribute.

Make it out of plastic. Kids can play in it. Kids playhouse. Unibombercam.

Fuck, man. That's the guy that everyone's afraid of. That's when people say, yeah, I'm a loner. Like, bitch, you're not a loner. Real loners are fucking crazy. That's a real loner. That's a broken person.

You think they purposely picked a genius to do that to?

Well, I think that's what they had to work with. They're at Harvard. Yeah, probably have quite a few geniuses. And he was probably already super od because of that thing that happened to him when he was a baby.

Right. He's probably already a sociopath. It's okay to keep fucking with this guy.

One of the things his brother said, if he asked a girl out and the girl rejected him, he would write horrible letters to her. Just horrible, vicious mean shit. He would yell at them and stuff. It's like he was just off the rails. He was crazy before all that.

Wow.

And then they dose him up with acid and humiliate. They probably like, this guy's perfect. He's already out of his fucking mind. Let's see what we could do to him. And they turned him into a serial killer.

Maybe it wasn't even, like, a CIA program. Maybe the guys just were bored and just, like, to fuck with, like, I'm talking about the CIA. Maybe it's like, look at this fucking nerd guy found.

Well, I think they had free will to do whatever they wanted back then. When the CIA was operating, doing that MkUltra, all those experiments and operation Midnight climax, when they were doing all that stuff, they were allowed to do whatever they wanted. They could just run tests. They operated a brothel. They operated a brothel when they dosed the johns up and observed the reactions.

That's the midnight. What is it called?

Midnight climax. Yeah. They also ran hate Ashbury free clinic. They ran it until the book chaos came out, and then they closed it down. They ran it forever. They ran a free clinic. And Manson used to visit it.

That's insane, dude.

It's insane when you find out what they actually 100% did and you realize that nothing. Things just get better. They don't just stop. Like, if you're really good at being a secretive organization that has massive control over people and you can experiment on folks, that doesn't just go away, that just evolves. It just gets better. Gets better at what it's doing and hides its tracks a little bit more. Learns from its mistakes and gets better.

Yeah. So many conspiracy theories, and I think they're all. A lot of them are rooted in reality and truth, but there's constantly reading the news, seeing something that's like, what the fuck is actually going on with this thing? And it's funny how much shit that John Stewart got for just pointing out coronavirus coming from so close to the coronavirus research facility, basically. I don't know, man.

And now that's accepted as fact.

What about, I just was reading about Mitch McConnell's sister in law who died in Texas February 11, although it's just now in the news. She died in a Tesla that she drowned in her Tesla on her ranch in a pond. And she's, like, a billionaire. And I was like, just seems really.

Tesla backed into the pond or something.

Yeah, she did a three point turn into the pond, but it just seems really sketchy.

Well, the thing about any kind of electronic device is that? That is a computer. Someone can operate that computer. Yeah, I think it's impossible to make a computer that can't be hacked. I think if you've got a thing, they already know how to make your keys.

Oh, dude. Her Tesla ran off of a nine inch floppy.

Know, they know how to make your keys. Now they have a scanner they can use outside your home and they can pick up on your key fob. Like if you have a little thing of keys next to the. And they can get the signal off of that and use it to make a new key fob or use that signal to operate your car, and then they just start your car up and drive it off. I mean, if you have a computer. That was always the big theory about Michael Hastings too. He was that journalist that reported on that general, was talking shit about Obama, and then he got fired during the Iraq war. Do you know that story?

Yeah.

Theory was always on him that they controlled his car. He died by going 120 miles an hour down Libra, right into a tree, and his car exploded. And then the question back then was, is it possible to control someone's car? And they're like, yeah, all the people that understand the technology that existed in 2004 when this guy died, like, yeah, you could do that. It was 2004.

Do you drive an electronic car?

Yes. Drove one here, 2010.

Jesus.

Yeah, I drove one here. 2004 was the Tic Tac. That was the question about the Tic Tac. If that is ours, how the fuck could they do that in 2004? That doesn't seem possible.

No.

You couldn't even play like a video game online? Not really.

Yeah, 2004, you could play pretty good if you had a good cable connection.

Well, maybe in LA, not in Akron, you couldn't.

No, I played guys. I used to play quake in the late ninety s and you could play online.

We might have just had shitty Internet.

You could get good Internet back then. They had cable. People had cable. But if you had dial up, that sucked. You definitely couldn't play.

No, we had cable.

But do you have cable Internet?

No, we did. I just remember trying to play Call of Duty online. It would not really work.

It could be a bunch of things. You could have had a shit connection. But there was a lot of people playing video games online at 2004. But that thing, whatever the fuck that tic tac thing was, it's the speed that it moved at. It doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, changing direction.

And the fact that they have so many different people that saw it, they got video footage of it. And the guy who I interviewed, David Fraver, the guy who was the pilot who came out and talked about it, he's not alone at all. He's just a rock solid pilot who, with everything else, he's 100% by the book. He talks like a jet fighter pilot. They're all like, super disciplined guys. They don't fuck around. And so when he's telling you about this thing, he's also not fucking around. He's explaining it to you in terms of what the instrument panel was showing him that they had locked onto it, that this thing was jamming their radar signals. Like, whatever it was doing, that's what led them to be alarmed, because that's Technically, I think that's an act of war. I think you're not allowed to jam radar signals from another vehicle. Whatever the fuck this thing was, also flew at some insane rate of speed right to their cat point, which is where they were supposed to meet up. Like, the thing knew where they were supposed to meet up. Like, see, pioneer took off. So that could be that aliens knew it.

They read their instrument and knew it. Or it could be that we knew it. Humans, people knew it, because this is theirs. They flew this fucking thing around. They wanted to see how people's reaction would be to it if they saw it out there. They probably let these fighter pilots experience it.

What year did the government acknowledge Area 51?

I don't think they did that until the Obama administration.

Right.

I think the story was that they had to expand the boundaries because too many people were camping out and using high power telescopes and shit and viewing it and using high power lenses and filming these test flights of different things they're working on.

But, yeah, in the 80s, when I was, like, 89, I would get books out of the library about, like, area 51. Yes. I mean, that was like a pretty well known conspiracy theory. It turned out to be real.

CIA acknowledges it's mysterious. Area 51, 2013.

Right.

Wow. Test site for the first time, like.

25, 30 years after people started talking about it.

Yeah, people were talking about it a long time ago. It was always in UFO folklore that that's where they had the crash disks and then the Bob Lazar thing. That was in, like, 89 when he came out and said he worked there.

Right.

Which is still today. My favorite one. That's the one I want to be real.

Yeah.

Out of all the ones I want to be real, the Bob Ozar story, it's number one on the.

A guy. Is he still alive?

Yep. Yeah, he runs United nuclear. It's like some sort of research company. They sell chemicals and shit. He does a bunch of different things. But while he was filming the documentary about him, he got raided by the FBI. The FBI raided it because apparently they think that he might have a sample of this element that's used to power this spaceship because he was working on the propulsion system. That was what his job was, to back engineer whatever this thing was. And he said this thing revolved. It all was about this reactor that they had in the center of the craft that used this element called 115, which is a new element. And that if you bombard this element with radiation, it does something to distort gravity.

Right?

And so they had this thing in the center of the craft, and they knew it worked, but they didn't know how it worked. And so they were trying to get these scientists, and they bring in new scientists, like, let's try some new guys. Let's try this guy. And so they get this dude who's a young, crazy person who was working out of Los Alamos Labs. He put a fucking jet engine in a Honda. He was a maniac. And they got this guy and they flew him out and they said, here it is. Tell us what it is. He's like, what the fuck? And when he first saw it, his reaction was, oh, this is ours. That's why people keep seeing these flying saucers. Even had an american flag sticker on it. He's like, oh, this is ours. That makes sense. Okay. And then he realized along the way, no, this is impossible. It doesn't have any seams. It's like it's 3D printed and it's designed for tiny people. Like something that's like 3ft tall. It doesn't have any controls, but somehow another, it works. Somehow another, it moves and they can lift it up and they could do stuff with it.

What the fuck is this? And so supposedly when he took off, he got a piece of this 115 when they fired him. The reason that they fired him. Do you know that story?

No.

It's nuts. His wife was having an affair, all right? Because he couldn't tell her that he was working at Area 51, so she assumed he was fucking around. All their phones are tapped. Everything's tapped. Because if you have that kind of top secret clearance, they have to be able to listen to all your phone calls. So while he's flying, it's 11:00 p.m. They're calling me to work. What? And he has to get on a plane. He can't tell her where he's going. And she's like, fuck this marriage. And so she starts banging her instructor like a flight instructor. And so they don't tell him that this is why he's getting fired, but the emotional turmoil in his life, because his wife is clearly having affair in him. He can't have top secret clearance anymore, so now he has to go back. So now he's like, what the fuck happened? So he takes his friends. He takes twice. He takes his friends. He's like, on Wednesday night, they pilot these fucking things. I'm going to take you out. I'm going to show you this so you know I'm not fucking crazy. And they all observe these things hovering and moving around.

And then he gets arrested. He gets caught doing it. And so then he's like, I got to go public. And so then he gets a hold of George Knapp, and he tells George Knapp his whole story. And he's like, I was working at this place, and they're back engineering spaceships from another fucking planet. Is that the same story? Exactly. For 30 whatever years. It's fucking bananas.

That's amazing. I want to use with him are amazing.

I want it to be true so bad.

I do too.

It's a problem, though, right? Because, well, you've seen something, though.

Nothing like that. But, yeah, it was something. But I didn't see something that was, like, so mind blowingly. It seems like it would be totally plausible that what I saw existed. It just was quiet. That was the only thing. It was OD about it.

That's OD, though. Something can move in the sky. That's quiet. It doesn't make any sense.

Zero sound.

That doesn't make any sense, especially if it's close enough for you to see it. That doesn't make any sense. Also, the way they move. Like, what can move like that other than a drone? Drones move like that, but powered by what? I think the Bob lazar stuff that he's talking about. I think that's a propulsion system that they've been working on forever. They had theorized the idea of some sort of a gravity propulsion system, something that does something to gravity, that allows it to move through things very quickly. They thought about that in the 1950s. That was theorized.

Yeah. I mean, like, don't they say the only way that you could actually traverse the universe is by skipping through different dimensions? Right. So would that type of engine that's manipulating gravity be able to do something like that?

The idea behind it, the way he described it, lazar described it, is if you thought of space as, like your mattress, like a really soft, cushy mattress, and you drop like, a giant lead ball in the middle of that mattress, and everything would just go. It would just get sucked in. He goes, that's what it's doing. It's a very simplified version of what it's doing, but it's doing something to the gravity that allows it to move in a way that we don't understand yet. But this thing, this element, 115, it was just completely theoretical until there was a large one of the particle colliders detected it. They detected it for just like a very brief moment when they do those things. And they said, okay, it's a real element. And what Bob Lazar is saying, that this element is a stable element that these beings have, and when they use this stable element, so we can imagine a world where the properties are very different than ours, and they might have this element. It might be just a natural part of their environment for some reason, or just some isotope. Yeah, or they've developed it.

Maybe the one that they detected with a collider. Maybe they figured out how to make it.

What we have to do is go back to the. Get those smart people to figure this out.

The people that didn't have calculators, the.

Pre bath salt people. Yeah.

Well, those guys, if you watch Oppenheimer, I guess that's how those guys are rolling. They were kind of rock star scientists, right? They were rock star scientists. And I think those are the kind of guys that wind up doing rock star type scientist shit.

That's what I'm saying.

Those guys aren't around anymore.

Before there were rock stars, there were people signing their bowling promo photos. That's what was going on. Then rock and roll came out and the bowlers were like, what the fuck? Prior to the bowlers, I guess it was the scientists.

Well, there was just a limited amount of shit you could watch on TV back then. So if you put bowling on, people are like, I'll watch.

Yeah, right. And kids would worship, like, a cowboy.

Character that it was a bowler.

It was a bowler. Yeah. I do think it might be that bowling was so popular because even though you couldn't, as we determined, you can't see sports on television prior to, like, 1995, you could probably. Bowling is the least confusing thing you could probably watch on.

That's true.

It's a static. Just the person's throwing the ball. All you have to do is watch one little thing go towards. There's no other players.

They used to have pool on TV back then. It was a big deal. They'd have, like, Willie Moscone matches that would play them on ABC.

That would get confusing. Well, I guess you could see the colors of the ball.

Yeah, you could see it.

You never see the numbers also.

But the announcer was always describing what's happening.

That's what. We should go. We should pitch a radio.

What?

I'm just thinking about my dad listening to baseball games on the radio, but I'm just thinking about how fucking excruciating it would be to have someone radio broadcasting in a pool. Like, that's the kind of shit that Kaczynski was into.

What would be better, radio broadcasting that or radio broadcasting bowling?

I think bowling would probably be better. You'd have the excitement of the pins breaking right.

You would hear it.

And also, you could be like, okay, he's got two pins left, right.

It would be clear.

Yeah.

You get it in your head. If you're trying to lay out of a pool table, you're like, where's the five ball? Yeah, exactly. What are you saying? So the center of the two pockets closer to the left side or the right side. Okay. In relationship to the six ball. Where's the six ball? Is that the end rail?

This is like, some Abbot and Costello stuff. I could see that going.

Terrible.

It would be a good skit, actually.

It would be impossible. You wouldn't be able to map it out.

The most confusing sport to describe over radio.

Yeah. You're playing eight ball. There's 15 balls on the table. Shut the fuck up. It probably couldn't have existed without television. Probably. Once people started looking at it, they're like, wow, this is crazy what the kids are playing now, though. Video games. It's probably really difficult to get kids bowling today. Video games are so insane.

Yeah. They're nuts.

I'm glad they weren't around like that when I was a kid.

Yeah. I kind of stopped playing them unless my younger brother comes and visits me. But also, kids are so good at them now.

Oh, yeah.

But also, I could definitely tell my brain slowing down. Like, you know when you're talking, like, I'm talking to, like, how fast kids process shit.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, dude. I'm like, I'll say something. And by the time, I don't know, my two year old can just at least five times faster understanding something than me.

Yeah. They're not tired. They also don't have mortgages.

Yeah.

There's a lot of shit going on.

No, but their brains are just hyper.

Hyper fast. And then no responsibilities and no stress. And they're being taken care of so they're more relaxed.

So the resolutions. That's why years used to feel fucking forever when you're a kid, right? Because your resolution is so high, you're just getting every single thing. And as you get older, you're getting like, two frames a minute.

Well, also, years used to feel so long because you only had lived five of them. It was crazy. Another year. It's not like, Jesus Christ, this is going by so fast. Can't believe I'm seven.

But I do think there's an evolutionary thing, right, your brain, just because you got to learn so much in those first seven years of your life, you got to go from not even understanding how to chew something, to do math.

And running and run. You got to learn sports.

You got to learn to make fun of the certain kid and not the other kid.

But, man, if you could pick up a guitar at five, holy shit. If you were really dedicated, imagine all those extra years of learning, like a musical instrument.

I mean, I will say it seems like any child prodigy musician makes shitty music. That seems to be a thing that I've noticed. That's what I'm always talking about. I'm always like, who the fuck is letting Dougie Houser be their doctor? That's what doesn't fucking make sense. It's cool. The kid's smart enough to become a doctor at eleven, but no fucking grown person would be like, yeah, my doctor is an eleven year old child. Dougie Hauser, Md. That's my doctor. I've selected him. Like, dude, you know who's fucking selecting that guy? The dude that tried to fucking show you the fucking monster books, probably. Yeah, he's getting petoed, he's getting reverse. I don't know. What is it?

Should we end with that? That's a good way to end this. This was fun.

Thank you for having us back.

My pleasure. And again, your fucking new album is amazing.

Thank you.

It's classic black keys. It's so good. It's so good.

Thanks, man.

I've listened to it at least 50 times. It's really good. I fucking love it. I got to get a password to listen to it again.

We'll send it to you in a minute.

Soak it up. All right. Anything else to tell people the day of the album, it drops?

April 5.

April 5. There it is. Nice. Good photo. Look at. She's doing her fingers. That seems obscene.

It's modeled after a photo that we found, and we couldn't clear it. We couldn't find the owner, so. That's actually Dan's girlfriend.

We. Dan, thank you. You've done well. Thank you. Awesome.

Yeah.

Well, again, it's amazing. Can't wait to be able to get it.

Really.

I think it's, like, right up there with all your best shit.

Thanks, man.

It's fucking awesome. All right. Appreciate you guys.

Yeah.

Thank you, everybody. Bye. Channel.