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Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. We're back, fellas. Let's go. So much shit to talk about. You see that wild shit that's going on in Scotland where they're targeting comedians for hate crime laws? Yeah, from.

What's his name? Count Dracula.

Well, yeah, that was the same place with that guy Dankula, right?

Count Dankula.

Yeah, Dankula weedhead.

No, he got in trouble for making his dog do a Hitler.

He trained his dog to go high. They were just doing. To fuck with his girlfriend.

German shepherd.

You got in trouble for that?

No, it was a little pug.

Yeah, it was a little pug.

Pull it up.

I think he got arrested. I've done that. They brought him to fucking jail.

You get in trouble. I do that every time I see a dog.

I did it with my friend's kid.

Push his elbow, he does it.

Oh, really?

Please, Scotland, we won't target comedians under new hate crime law. That's what you say now, but stand up shows still come under its scope. Jesus Christ, Scotland, you have one of the biggest fucking comedy festivals on earth.

That's true.

Every year it's a huge comedy festival.

But they're pretty queefy over there.

They will creep it up.

But this is so quiet.

Hate crime, age, disability, religion, sexual orientation.

Fuck.

My whole.

Yeah, everyone's whole act. I was going to say Mary's whole act.

Stirring up hatred on certain grounds.

It's everybody's act.

Sexual orientation, yeah.

What? These are just things that exist. You got to talk about age.

This is so ridiculous.

Wow, Scotland guy.

Is that a real thing? No way.

Training materials based on scottish government's explanatory notes which accompany the legislation, this included examples of a range of scenarios where offenses might take place. But this does not mean officers have been told to target these situations or locations.

But they can't. They want.

Yeah, but if the mugshots are going.

To be hilarious, this is hamming it up. Getting arrested for an AIDS joke.

What's been explained to me by my friends in the UK, specifically, Francis Foster from trigonometry. Trigonometry. He's awesome. He was telling me that this government is, like, on the way out and that they're out of their. Every fucking generation goes this way and then that way, this way, and they go too far left and they go too far right. And so these fucking kooks have decided they're going to target people and put them in jail. Did you hear what happened in Belgium? The dude got a year in jail for memes that were shared. Memes that they shared in a private chat. No.

What?

Yes.

Oh, no.

They gave him a.

Meme.

The memes are nothing.

Wait, we saw the memes.

Yeah, you could see the memes. The memes are online.

They're not that funny.

No, one of them was like a Hitler. One that was like, anti Hitler. It was like an anti Nazi meme. And this is one of the ones that was cited as being one of the offenses. It's in a fucking private chat.

Imagine if I protect our heart before the show started.

Delete our data right now, I think.

The podcast.

Turn the keys.

Yeah. The podcast alone. Yeah.

This is worse than. By the end of this episode, it'll be worse than you think.

That's how it always.

You got to see this.

Look at this kid falling.

I don't remember most of the back half.

You got to see this Belgium story and realize this fucking dumb shit is happening in 2024 with the Internet. 2024? And you're going after people's phones, their private group, private chat?

Well, if everyone's private shit got leaked, we'd all be.

But they go to jail for it, too.

How far are we from being able to listen to anybody talk at any time? The government can already do it. How far is everybody from being able to do that, and everybody assuming that everything you say all the time is being recorded?

Oh, yeah.

Fucked. We're going to be if that happens.

Let's go. You got Alexa in your house. Your phone hears everything.

Yeah, but it's also. It's like, if it was actionable, like, if you start talking about things, like, say, if you're talking about some kind of medication that you can't use or some new law that they're going to pass, that's going to fuck up free speech, whatever it is. If you're talking about that, and then all of a sudden, cops show up, if you're like, I want to kill these motherfuckers. Because people say that shit. You get around a guy and he's drunk, and he makes $50,000 a year, and he sees where his tax money is going to, and he could barely get by, and he's fucking hammering. I want to fucking kill Nancy Pelosi.

They get crazy. People get crazy.

It doesn't mean they're actually going to do it. He's just getting drunk.

He's just drunk.

Other than that guy.

Put that hammer down and listen to me.

I want to kill goes, nope.

That real go getter.

Yeah, that guy was like, nope.

What a wild moment when he looks and sees the cops. He's like, oh, I guess it's now.

Is Paul Pelosi that he only had one hand on the dude because his other hand was on his drink.

Yeah.

How much faith did he have that he can get away with things?

Well, they knew each other.

Clearly they knew each other.

Do you think so?

Oh, yeah.

The guy broke into the house with a hammer.

Seems like Paul was trying to keep it chill.

I don't think they knew each other. No, I think that was the rumor, that he was a gay lover, that's what. No, no.

There's a video of the guy using.

The hammer he hit him in the fucking head with to break into the house, like banging on the back door.

So he sounds like friendship, though.

Exactly.

Does it though? It's just like, I think it's a schizophrenic in your house with a hammer.

You said you wouldn't embarrass me.

Yeah, it's a gay coral. Maybe she sent someone in to whack them. Maybe she thought about half of that 200 million she stole.

She's like, you know what?

This is a horrible video, man. I hate this video.

Come on over.

Because look at him. He's not even looking. And this guy's got a fucking hammer and he's got his hand on the hammer. And then the guy breaks the hammer loose and just bangs him in the head a bunch of times. And no, he hit him more than once. I think when he went down, he hit him again. But the thing is like, he's gnawing now. When you're that old and you get knocked the fuck out like that, that is really bad. I mean, he might not ever be the same again. He got hit in the head with a fucking metal hammer.

Still holding the drink, though.

You're right, bro.

It's crazy.

He only had one hand on that hammer. That is so nuts. It's his superiority, his confidence that he has that everything's going to be fine.

What's his night shirt with the.

It's a big guy, too.

Big crazy looking motherfucker who just broke into your house and he has a hammer.

He'll be on Kiltoni.

He thought that he was going to keep that guy chill until the cops got there. And once the cops got there, he was going to keep him chill. Then they were just going to arrest that guy.

He's like leading him forward too. It's like, come on, come on.

You can't let a guy turn your hand that way, stupid. You're against your thumb. Now. If someone's grabbing something, they try and take it from you. Look, always have something this way.

Wait, that's the David?

Yeah. This is the guy breaking into the house.

So calm.

I know.

He's a fucking psychopath.

I love it so he's so calm.

Pulls out a hammer. Look, he's got like a sleeping bag. He's a fucking crazy homeless dude.

Wow. He got in there pretty easy.

Do you think he had any idea.

As a Pelosi's, does this guy not have top notch security?

I know.

How are you so confident that you could just sleep in that house? Yeah, he could be in your crime infested city. That is so crazy. I mean, that city is infested with crime.

He's so calm.

He looks like the comic book guy from.

He's totally got a plan. And he's also confident no one has a gun.

I like how he pulls out carefully all his tools and then the plan is smash it.

He still can't get in. So he bashes through this fucking door, which took a while, made a lot of noise.

Pretty calm. I would be freaking out.

Sane.

The guy broke that point.

The door with a hammer. Good point. Maybe we missed a whole chunk where the guy just runs up to him and blows him. This is the fantasy. The fantasy was like. And then Pelosi is like, I'm not praying you. The cops are here. You broke my door.

Exactly.

And then he hits it with a hammer. Maybe we're missing context.

Thank God you're here, bro.

That's a horrific video to watch, though.

I won't listen to it.

It's horrible.

It's a horrible thud and then the snoring. Regardless of what you think about them stealing money, that's terrible. That's just terrible. They definitely stole a lot of money.

I follow her stock tips.

That's stock tips. I say stole money. What I should be saying is engaged in insider trading. That's legal.

There you go.

And it's just nuts that it's legal. It's nuts that they could pass laws and they know the laws are coming. And then they buy up stock and then they get paid.

Yeah, but they can't be stopped.

Who's going to stop? They would have to.

Other than a hero hammer. Other than one heroic schizophrenic. I mean, how do you stop them, bro? They make the rules.

They make a weird feeling to know that everybody knows that you got all your money by being a corrupt politician and you're just wandering around.

Yeah, it's like, what are you going to do about it?

Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Listen, the companies needed financial support. We supported them, and we were rewarded for that.

That's also why they probably need to keep making money. Like, they need security.

Lots more and more security.

Higgins going wild.

He did so good. Isn't it funny that Pelosi only gets the blunt of it? Everybody else is doing it, too.

She's the speaker of the House.

She's not. Right. She's the speaker of the House. But look, who's Higgins?

What does this mean?

Like the SP 500?

Hold on. But this is based on the percentage of their returns, right? So maybe Higgins is a new guy that just is in there getting really rich. Pelosi is getting.

Right.

But he's going after it hard.

Look, he's going wild, everybody. This is like the guy wearing the coat in goodfellas.

Take it easy.

Take it back.

Take it.

I'm only here for one term. I'm going to get mine, bro.

That was such a good scene. Such a good scene in good fellows realize they have to kill that guy because he's got a Cadillac.

Get your shine.

No, that was a different defense. He said that lacks context. Insider trading. Viral post leads to claims of insider trading. He says it lacks context. What's the context? Those numbers provide a distorted view of the facts.

Oh, okay.

Tell me more.

I like it.

Tell me more. Sir, what does it say?

Higgins argument is our argument.

See what his statement.

Out of context.

Right.

It's funny that he has to. Here it goes. These numbers provide a distorted view of the facts that a spokesperson for Higgins better, even better move. Use a spokesperson in a statement to seven News. The truth is, Congressman Higgins has minimal investments and holdings in 2023. One position which he had held for years and is held by millions of other people, performed well. Rep. Higgins follows all ethics and financial reporting requirements. Relatively speaking, he is always ranked amongst the most modest income earners in.

Oh, it said he had less than 100 grand in the stocks, so when he went up.

Yeah.

It'S like the Pistons winning two games in a row.

Also, if he has minimal investments and holdings, he just gets lucky and he's.

Got one of them.

Is like Nvidia. The Nvidia is a common one to hold.

He goes, I've had it for years. It doubled.

He definitely jumped up when Nancy Pelosi fucking passed them bills.

Hey, Nancy, you know anything about Nvidia?

Anything?

Chance I can do better. I got a lot of.

Bro, you gotta admire it because it's in front of everybody.

What do they care? I mean, she banged Kennedy. Did she pull that photo up? Yeah, she was super young and hot.

No.

Are you sure she banged him? She just knew him.

Well, I think if you're in Kennedy's.

Orbit, you kind of want to and have to minimum.

Isn't it funny that everybody considers him like our greatest of all time president?

Hey, look at the young hands.

17.

Younger than Monica.

17.

Pablosi.

Wow.

She's 17, Mark, is that right? She's still older than us.

Do you really think JFK was banging 17 year olds?

Yes. Probably 100% wasn't frowned upon.

Is that an insane. Come on, imagine bringing that up in a history class. Imagine being like a history class kids and telling the teacher, you know what I think?

Yeah.

Wasn't he probably, though, banging a lot at 17 year old? Let's get back to the Bay of pigs. Let's talk about that.

It's kind of crazy, but to be like the leader of a country like that, it's almost like a prerequisite. You have to be a poonhound. That's the only reason why you have the ambition to get to that spot in the first place.

Yeah, and up until Clinton it was just you kind of made fun of the girls.

And if you're not and you get into that like now, I'm skeptical. Like, what's your motive? Yeah, war and money or pussy? I'll take the guy who just wants pussy every day of the week. It seems like the best ones. Clinton, when he was president.

Trump.

Trump for sure.

Obama won a dick.

That's allegedly.

Allegedly.

But our favorite is JFK. And he's like the known biggest poonhound. The known biggest.

What about those older guys, the drawn guys? You think any of them were poonhounds? Yeah.

Which ones? Like the old. The ones that got timey guys.

Yeah, the ones that were drawn, not photographed.

What about the guy in the wheelchair.

Back in the drawing days? You could do.

You're not going to be here long enough for someone to sketch.

You could kill a lady.

You could kill.

Just go to the next town, kill everybody.

And then they asked, did you kill?

We're moving to Annapolis. Sorry, Philly. And they did it again. He goes, we gotta. Let's go further.

What were their investigations? Yeah, you know, did you kill? Sounds good.

Yeah, just evidence.

God, the lawyers back then, it's like I just lost the witch trials. I'm your new attorney. Damn it.

That is the worst lawyer of all time.

How did you lose that? Trials. The witch trials are the wildest shit.

They're witches. I got nothing.

They even give you a lawyer back then. That's like pretty new, but they have to give you a lawyer. You're just like. I can read. You can't. Good luck with your trial.

I think mostly they drowned them, too. It wasn't really a burning thing. The burning thing is kind of a misnomer, right? Is that right, Mark?

I don't know.

The drowning thing they used to do, they definitely drowned them, right? They had this thing where they would put you in, like lock you to a chair and throw you in a pond. And then they'd be like, if she's a witch, she's going to get out, right? No one ever got out.

If she's a witch, she would just leave.

If they floated, they were proven to be a witch. If they drowned, too bad, but at least they weren't a witch. This type of test was also a myth carried over from eastern early european history.

Oh, no.

It's just like the burning at the stake now. They're interesting.

They're just cunts.

Well, that's not true, though. I guarantee they burned some people alive. They definitely burned some people alive.

They definitely. What if they didn't have a lake near them?

Listen, man, they killed people in horrific ways and just lied about it when they wrote it down afterwards. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that.

Museum of torture in Amsterdam I went to. That rules. It's just like this pyramid that you're supposed to let a guy put his ass on.

That's a good way to go.

That's a good one.

Was a coffin with the spikes in it. And they close it on you.

Well, that fucking paler guy. So the witch trials in Salem consisted mainly of a physical examination for the.

Witch'S test, which is teet.

Oh, what is that? Which the Puritans believe was a sort of third nipple from which witches familiar would suck blood. Oh, my God. Woe be unto a woman with skin tags or a weird mole.

Damn, you got skin tag. You're getting your head cut off.

Surprisingly modern language on that. A weird mole.

They think of familiar sucking blood. Out of your third tip.

You know how those ended, the witch trials? Some lady was like, you're a witch. And everybody went, ah. And that was it. Ended because they were getting annoyed with how she was just calling everybody she hated a witch.

Well, you know how it started.

Fifth one, it started with, ergot.

They had early frost. When you have an early frost, sometimes.

I saw you. Nasty.

He knows the story. No, it says it's a myth.

No, you can see that at the bottom.

Wait a minute. But they've proven that ergot was in wheat during that time.

It's just saying during then.

Massachusetts, what's ergot?

When you win all five.

Let Jamie talk so I can hear what he's saying. Let Jamie talk so I can hear. Massachusetts would not have had that problem, but I don't know why. It says they would have known how.

To fix it by then.

Yeah, but they found evidence. Ergot. But the problem is they found evidence. Find that because I know they found one of the reasons why they came up with this theory in the first place. They found evidence of ergot.

What's Ergot?

It's like a fucking fungus that grows on wheat and it makes people trip balls like acid.

It had that in here for sure.

There was one that happened in France where a bunch of people died. Yeah, it's actually the thing that they found in those vessels that show that the Romans and the ancient Greek were doing those psychedelic rituals. They found these pottery vessels that have ergon in them.

Is it available anymore?

Ergon, I think is still available, but it's super toxic too. It kills people.

The theory that went popular was started in a 1976 edition of Science magazine where it talked about the ergot theory.

But as of now they think that it is not probably true.

Interesting.

But why do they leave it open not true. When they start dismissing psychedelic stuff, I'm always like, how do you know for sure?

For sure.

Because if Ergot does exist and ergot is a thing that grows on weed ruled it out. And it's really, if a bunch of people are just fucking freaking out about things, fascinate the cultural fascination of LSD during this period. What does it say?

70S. So this theory came out in the 70s.

It said, so people theory came out. So when people started using acid, theory came out. See, I was under the impression that there was actual evidence of ergot and like samples that they got. I'm looking for that too.

That's why I found this. By typing in evidence of ergot.

I might be mixed up because I know they found evidence.

I've heard this.

Yeah, I've heard it, but I'm not sure if it's true. But I know they found evidence for sure in these ancient pottery vessels. So they know these people that were involved in the illusinian mysteries and all that shit that was going down in Greece 2000 plus years ago. They were trapping balls.

This says it led to this theory being put into school curriculums as an.

Explanation for the no way school curriculums taught that.

I don't know that they have actual.

Evidence of it other than being passed on. I think I'm done with acid. We got mushrooms. I don't need acid anymore.

I'm the opposite. You like acid more, way more into acid lately.

What?

Control it?

No.

Smooth.

Smooth.

It's a chemical.

You're not hitting the floor, bro.

You are trusting bathtub chemists with your sanity.

Yeah, exactly.

You are the most trustworthy.

The CIA is writing this down right now and they're like, dose Ari Shafir with the good stuff. The stuff we used on Jack Ruby also, it's liquid.

You can put it on paper. You can get on your hand, cheeseburgers in.

It's so good.

That's going to be too.

You think seeps in your hands?

I don't think it seeps in.

No, it definitely does. That's how the original. Yeah, that's how. What's his face, Leary?

I have touched it a lot with my bare hands. I've never gotten anything while I'm moving it.

What was the name of Albert Hoffman? That's how Albert Hoffman discovered it. He was actually looking. It was a women's fertility drug they were working on.

But wasn't it still wet?

It was to induce labor.

Was it dried in or was it still wet?

I think he just got it on his hands.

I mean, when you think.

And he had a crazy dose apparently, and then went on a bike ride and this dude just tripping balls.

We went to a festival in western Georgia a couple years ago, and somebody was testing all the coke. Like, we got to test it first. And we're like, I thought that meant to try it, but they were like chemically tested like a fence. They're like 100% pure. Buy coke from that guy. And then later they went to get acid from this chick on a bus.

And they were like, tested it.

0% acid in that.

What was it?

Some sort of like liquid mescaline. And then the guy who had it was like, it was freshly dipped. It's all over my hands. And he just started flying.

Well, stories I know as a music.

Engineer of this being true because of.

The guy that made acid was a.

Grateful dead engineer half a century.

The guy who made acid.

One of the guys.

Oh, a guy who made it.

Like, one of the guys.

Oh, the guys. Right, okay, so not only is LSD absorbed through the skin on contact, but it can apparently stay potent for half a century.

Wow.

San Francisco sound engineer Elliot Curtis found that out for himself when he was fixing a 1960s synthesizer and then tripped for 9 hours straight, completely unaware that the device had been encrusted with decades old LSD. That's definitely a story.

That guy took acid and made up a story, bro.

Yeah, or somebody painted their. Imagine if you leave a synthesizer and you know, I'm going to paint this bitch with acid.

Someone's eventually going to touch this.

Someone's going to get their greasy fucking hands on it. Doesn't just go see God.

Well, the old myth is Manson dipped a bunch of bible pages in acid and then brought a bible into prison that would just eat it every day.

Well, Manson was in touch with jolly West. Jolly west visited Manson when he was in prison. Jolly west was the head of mkultra, and they did lsd experiments on people. And that's the primary theory in the book chaos. Chaos by this guy, Tom O'Neill.

They made him crazy.

Simmons, budy, do you know Fitzsimmons was next door neighbors to this guy, was writing his book on the Manson family murders for like 20 years. That's Tom O'Neill. The book's insane. So this jolly west guy visited Manson when he was in jail, visited Jack Ruby when he was in prison, and Jack Ruby went nuts.

Wait, before they did the thing?

Yeah, before they did the thing. Look, I think what it was was they were trying to get rid of the anti war movement, and they were trying to get rid of the civil rights movement, and they were trying to get rid of a bunch of different things that were going on at the same time. And one of the ways they did it was to a make all drugs illegal. But one of the best ways to make all drugs illegal and discredit the hippies is dose up a bunch of them and get it to murder people in horrific ways. And then all of a sudden, the hippies become the most dangerous force in America. And if you've got the power of the media behind you and you push that narrative and you make it know you're essentially waging war on american civilians, you're essentially waging, like, a psychological war on the population that's paying your salary. It is a wild thing they did, but they definitely did it.

Damn.

Yeah. CIA is fucking lame.

They have too much power. Like, all groups that have too much power, you're going to do some wacky shit.

The Dulles brothers. They can kick rocks as far as I'm concerned.

Who's that?

Dulles airport?

Yeah, that's them.

They might be involved in the assassination of Ken.

They probably killed JFK.

Oh, shit.

I think there was a lot of people involved in that. I think that guy was. He was tossing up the apple card a little too much.

Too much.

They were like, uhoh. Too many people. And back then again, this is just 50 years past the drawing of people. You go to fucking look for a photo from 1890. Good luck, bitch. So see, here you are 60, 70 years later. That's nothing. And then you're dealing with one president that's going to get rid of the fucking Federal Reserve. Shut the fuck up.

You are.

What the fuck is this guy doing? And then he's going to get in a convertible and drive through Texas where they hated him. In Texas.

Pretty ballsy.

Suddenly it's a convertible.

But they hated him in Texas.

Great headshot.

They hated him in Texas. Like, Texas was red.

Oh, yeah.

He's driving through Dallas. They hated him.

You ever go to the x in Dallas?

Yeah, go see it.

Isn't it weird how little it is? Like the.

Yeah, yeah.

Anybody who says you couldn't make that shot is out of their fucking minds. Out of their fucking minds. All the arguments that he couldn't make that shot are so stupid.

You think, didn't he get. He got three off pretty quick, though, right?

Here's the thing.

And he missed one by like a mile.

It doesn't mean even that that was him. It doesn't mean that. It just means he was in that building.

I like it. We're back on the same page.

The thing about it is. The thing about it is, they made.

Up on the count of 3123, and then everyone just shot bum, bum, bum.

No, they did something like that. They saw him. They probably all had a signal. Something happened. Maybe an umbrella right next to them. If they're going to shoot the fucking president.

No, there's a guy open an umbrella for.

No, that's nonsense. I've seen that.

It's just a guy opening.

Some people think his fucking bodyguard shot him. It's a whole secret Service guy shot him. Look, there was probably a bunch of people shooting at him. He got hit in the neck for sure.

He grabs his neck from the front.

Yeah, from the front. He grabs his neck. They altered it. When they got to the second autopsy, they did two autopsies. They got his body initially in Dallas, and then they flew it to Bethesda. So in the interim, they changed what was list that as an entry hole in his neck to a tracheotomy.

And they say it's just like a.

Lot of shenanigans between the two autopsies. They wouldn't let him do it.

They took the body.

General showed up. It was heavy duty shit.

All people, they're like, he's got to go.

The best book on this is best evidence by a guy named David Lifton, who was an accountant. They hired him to go over the Warren commission report. And he went, no, I'm sorry, back into the left. So this guy goes over this. Nobody would read the whole Warren commission report. It's like fucking 900 pages. Oh, yeah, this dude read all of it. He read all of it and found all these inconsistencies, all these things that didn't make sense. Yeah. And so he writes his book about it.

His research was just reading.

No one went to start doing. A lot of people died, dude. A lot of people that saw the assassination died in weird ways.

Bobby, too.

Like a giant number of people that were on the scene.

Really?

Yeah, weird ways. Like they did a statistical analysis of what are the likelihood of all these people being either murdered or suicide within a short period of time. And it was very low.

Well, thank God for Zapruder. He was like the original world.

He was the guy. Yeah, world star.

He was out there filming.

God, he had his fucking.

And isn't it crazy that we know about this because of Dick Gregory?

Is that right?

Dick Gregory, the comic brought on the Geraldo Rivera show. We know about this because of Geraldo and Dick Gregory.

I didn't know that.

Yes. They played it live on TV and it's fucking. You got to imagine that was twelve years after the assassination.

You know, Dick Gregory completely stopping a comic to become a full time activist.

Yeah, he started that right around here.

Right around here. He's going through here.

Playbook has been followed right here.

He gets hit. Boom. He's hit.

Is he?

Yes.

Oh, the neck.

He's hit. Now he knows something's going on.

Wife does nothing. Thank you.

I mean, he literally got shot in the neck. I mean, he's already probably dead.

It seems pretty serious. But now watch this one.

This is a rough one.

This is why I'm voting for RFK.

Oh, he's spewing.

Yeah, I mean, his head exploded.

Head just blew.

His head exploded.

And she's like, oh, now is this.

An AI enhancement of this Jamie Mo and sharpened version? How come nobody's thrown this approeter film into AI to clean this shit up.

Good point, bro.

That is pretty clean.

The wildest video.

Can we see that again?

He got definitely head blow.

Head blow is tough.

You're right. He's probably already dead. He got hit through the neck with a bull.

He's already dead. He's dead.

He just hasn't died yet.

Wait a minute. Oh, she's lucky she didn't get in the way.

Slow that down again. And then she again.

Freaks the fuck out.

Holy shit.

Shit.

Who's that guy behind? Who's the guy behind, though?

Too bad he got.

Everybody's freaking out. There's gunshots going on.

She has something to do with it.

This lady.

She had something to do with it. Yeah, it's a hot cheese there with no man.

Here's what's interesting. Here's what's interesting. The spray goes forward, but the head goes backwards.

Yeah.

The head goes back into the left. But it doesn't really.

It does because you open up a hole and it sprays out and then you go back.

Right. But it generally doesn't go that way. It goes the other way.

What? Behind?

The bullet goes through and then sprays out the back.

Did the bullet get out the back?

It could be more than one person hitting him in the head at the same time, too.

We're starting off heavy. What happened to a hello?

You have to consider, there's probably multiple gunners in the grassy knoll. They're not going to take a chance when they're going to assassinate the president. They're going to have multiple dudes shooting. Yeah, that's brain, bro.

That's brain.

They said that she climbed. It's crazy. The news report initially said that she climbed out to try to retrieve parts of her husband's brain. That is just not true.

Didn't they say she brought it to the hospital?

I don't know.

I heard that she had, like, in her pocket climb.

She did. Look, she went and grabbed something and then went back.

She maybe did grab a piece in full shot.

Apparently she brought it to the hospital.

It is a good one.

Tried to give it to back in.

Can you put that?

Yeah.

Imagine if they can do that. Just glue your brains back together.

They can do it with teeth.

Like a Justin Bobber.

Same thing.

Teeth of the brain of the.

Such a wild.

Hey, if we're doing this, what happened to the Boeing guy?

The Boeing guy realized that he's a piece of shit. Tell me what.

Yeah, we did figure that out.

Yeah, we talked about it on stage. The Boeing guy realized. The guy who committed suicide realized that he did a terrible thing by accusing a company of cutting corners. And he felt embarrassed, he felt stupid, that he shamed this great company that has done so well for all of us. How many times have we flown on a Boeing plane?

And he did.

The Boeing planes are amazing. He knew it. And he was like, what have I done? So he killed himself.

But the wheels are falling off, doors are coming off. Planes are fucked.

Allegedly. Boeing whistleblower told friend not to believe suicide before he died. Oh, Christ.

Hey, if somebody says, I killed myself, that means I didn't kill myself. Anytime you hear that, though, you're like, are you about to kill yourself, though?

What an OD thing to say. But it's not if you're Julian Assange.

Yeah, right.

If you really think they're going to.

Whack you, that's what what's his name said, too. McAfee.

Yeah. A lot of those guys.

McAfee is a wild boy. Pat McAfee is going because he gets the chief.

John McAfee was one of the only.

Guys that I just had on the phone.

I didn't even have him live on the podcast. I had him on the phone. We did a podcast with him when he was running from the law in his country because someone, he says they set him up by killing his neighbor. But he was also allegedly online showing people how to cook meth. There was an account that was linked to him that was like, he had a lab in his backyard. I mean, it's documented. This dude had a fucking full on. He was a genius billionaire with a full on meth lab. He created McAfee antiviral software.

Hell, yeah.

He's rich as fuck.

He had Deus sex. McAfee.

Where was he? In Belize? Was he in Belize, Jamie? It's a wild story. See if you can find the story of his meth life.

He was in Belize, this boy. We had him on our podcast.

Did you really want to have people?

Did you have him live?

Zoom?

Yeah, there he is. That's amazing.

When was this?

What year was this?

This was during COVID He's like a John Goodman character.

He's so crazy.

He was so funny on this.

He was so crazy. But also really was in charge of antivirus software. He's a real genius. Yeah.

And he was on everyone's computer.

And what he said is that he gives. You donated them computers. Here, have some computers. And he had, like, malware in. At the government. So he gave them, like, 50 laptops, and they're like, okay, that's what he says.

I mean, that's how they do it.

I mean, that's how I would do it if I was him.

That's how we did it. We sold, like, spy technology to our allies.

That's why Huawei. Yeah, that's why Huawei phones. Huawei phones are, like, the most sophisticated phones in the world.

What was the alien movie? That's how they beat them at the end.

He was making various types of baths.

Independence Day.

Independence Day. That's how they put them.

He says, I think it's the finest drug ever conceived. He wrote one singling out the indescribable hypersexuality of the super perv powder. But warning that I had visual and auditory hallucinations and the worst paranoia of my life. That guy. That guy had the worst paranoia of his life.

Well, Hitler liked it.

Why he's so clean cut there. But he's so different when Matt and Shane got to him, by the time.

He fell off to me and Matt.

So when we had a podcast with him, he was on the run.

Look at that.

What a. This nerd. He made himself a friend.

You know what, man? Something I admire, it doesn't like him. He's, like, drowning.

You're a nerd.

I kind of admire that. I admire the billionaire who goes totally off the rails. He just lived only with prostitutes. Had only prostitutes.

Is he the one that women shit through a hammock out to his chest?

Yes. We asked him about it.

All right? Now I'm off the team.

Wait, tell me about the shitting.

Apparently, he was having ladies shit through a hammock on him.

And he was like.

He was like, do I ask you about your sexual proclivities? And we're like, yeah, you asked us if we were gay. Right away he was like, did he.

Tell you the story?

He was awesome. Now he was like, if that makes you uncomfortable, I've done way more. Matt was like, from, like, higher hammocks, so the splat was bigger. It was so good. Dude, what a psycho.

Don't you love the fact that there's a guy like that running around?

I want more.

Unless you're his neighbor.

Office. Yeah. True killed you. Got to sell your property.

I was like, shit again.

I think they were framing the boy.

They might have been. Or he might have been on that fucking hypersexuality.

He might have been on the drugs he said he was on, and he's like, drugs?

Let's get rid of him, bro.

He's a guy doing meth who's heavily.

Armed being shit on.

Yeah, who cares what happens there?

Allegedly, he got a bunch of, like, armed. He just started building an army.

Yeah, he was off the bros also. He's like, how come this guy gets to have an army?

He got suicided in Spain.

Boeing.

Yeah, I think so.

He got suicide. I think he was.

When he tweeted, he was like, if I die, I didn't do it.

Meanwhile, he's on a pound of crank.

Yeah, he might go. He could go at any moment.

He had one of them fucking Garmin watches on it. It'd be like, 197 a minute.

After tweeting that, he goes, oh, but now we could blame them if I did do it, bro. Oh, that's a good idea.

Red line his fucking heart. He could have red lined his heart. He's 80 years old doing crank beast. How old was the guy when he died?

89. No, he was. No way he was 89.

He's in methed up. Seventy s. I bet he was methed up. 70s is like 95.

Yeah, he looked good.

Damn.

He was like 70 when we interviewed methed up.

70S is like him. Pro athletes, when they're 35, their knees are fucked.

Or a fat guy's heart.

Yeah, that's a rough one.

Fat guys get two seats on the plane.

They knowing finally they get a free people.

They got two going back to coach it out.

They're free.

Stretch it out. Yeah, that's a weird one. That guy's an interesting fucking character. He would be a great movie. In the movie, have him kill his neighbor, too.

Fuck, yeah. You got to decide, let's kill the.

Neighbor, and you got to get the hammock.

The neighbor probably sucked.

Yeah, because they were awesome because they only mowed the glass.

Hey, the neighbor do something to his dog, too?

That's what I heard.

What? Yeah, the neighbor did something to his dog.

Maybe killed one of his dogs.

That's what I'm saying.

Then you got to go full John Wick.

It was cool when John Wick did it.

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Exactly.

Kill my dog.

Imagine hurting Carl.

Yeah, I would never shoot my neighbor.

Yeah, what use be like?

They killed my dog.

Not just meth, but meth armed guard meth he engineered in a fucking lab he built on his property. Break that he documented online. He wanted the community to know about this meth lab. He wanted them to know about how proficient his meth lab was and how fucking really scientifically accurate. Everything. He was measuring everything perfectly. And beakers and all this shit. He documented it all. It's awesome fucking meth lab in Belize. You call it bath salts all day, but what it is is that's just engineered meth. That's what bath salt was.

They took bath salt, not engineered.

It's just different. There's different things that you can do to a compound, so it's not exactly the same compound. He made his own math, like, five methoxy. Dimethyl tryptamine was legal for a while because it wasn't technically dimethyptamine, it's even stronger than. So they add an oxygen molecule to it.

This is better than meth.

If you can engineer meth. If you're a super genius who makes fucking software that can stop viruses, I bet you can figure out how to.

Make some killer meth.

Yeah, and this dude cooked up some fine shit, apparently.

Damn.

Yeah.

Makes you want to try it.

I'd give it a shot.

That seems like the best way to get into the thing is, I have.

A feeling you never want to go back to normal.

Yeah, like flying first class.

That was one of the things that lady said. The lady in the FTX. The lady in the FTX trial, she was talking about how being on amphetamines all the time makes you realize how normal sober interaction, how fucking boring they are. And she tweeted it.

I would take adderall at work when I was. It was great. Taking Adderall. I was working like customers. I was the front desk talking to people. I was like, hey, I was nice whacked.

So he got whacked.

That's dollar sign whacked.

So he got whacked for money. Is that what it means?

He's saying. This is when he said, like, case.

If I suicide myself, I didn't. Okay, we're going to. Getting subtle messages from U. S. Officials saying, in effect, we're coming for you, McAfee. We're going to kill it. Yeah, it's an interesting way to say it. I got a tattoo today just in case if I suicide myself. I didn't. I was whacked. Check my right arm. So what happened to him, though? Was it a suicide or was it something else?

Was he in spanish prison?

He was in prison. He was just about to be extradited when he was found supposedly hanging. His wife claimed that shouldn't have happened, but when looked into it, the spanish authorities said suicide.

Of course they did.

Of course that's what they were paid to say.

That's what the muscle suicide.

So you're getting a tattoo saying, hey, if it comes out that I'm dead, it's because somebody killed me. And instead you got an artful schwacked.

Yeah, it looks nice.

You could do it nice. Don't talk shit nice.

I do want that swag later.

Let's look at this logically. Why would the government kill him?

That's what I don't get.

Why don't we have fun?

He knew too much about.

What did he do?

All the malware? Come on, man. NSA, Massad, they all got the.

So what do you think it is? You think he found some stuff out when he was like.

I think he was like one of the architects of that type of thing.

I think he probably fucked with them and they were like, don't fuck with us. Why'd you give us malware? Now we're going to fuck with.

I'm going to tell everybody he's on meth. He's going. I'm going to tell everybody that he's talking shit.

We're spying on our own allies.

They like to talk on meth.

And if he really did have all their stuff, that is a crime. Like, if you really did install malware and get top secret shit, they'll kill you for that. They might not even bother taking you.

Soon after joining the Ben MGMt, McAfed said he and his team exploited a flaw in the Android operating system that allowed him to read encrypted messages from WhatsApp.

Whoa.

Oh, he could read Moto investigated reported he had sent reporters malware infected phones to make this hack work.

Whoa, you can't ruin his reputation either.

Of course the phones had malware on them. He said how that malware got there is the story which we will release after speaking with Google.

Good for you. It involves a serious lead on reading architecture. Crazy move.

Look at this. It involves a serious flaw in the Android architecture. What is that flaw?

I just wanted to make the mgmt joke.

Go back to that, Jimmy. Go back to that. It says McAfee moved Mgt to mining of bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies. Oh, he's a criminal.

Yeah, he rules.

It's like when Suge Knight said he stuck easy on Kimmel. Oh, yeah, pretty much he was know there's lots of ways to kill somebody. You might just like, hire someone to stick them with a needle, with fucking aids. You know what I'm talking about? And everyone in the audience like, what, though?

He did that on Jimmy Kimmel.

Yeah, Jimmy Kim was wearing a flak jacket, bro.

How wild. Jimmy Kimmel had Suge Knight on.

It was cool. Kimmel, right?

You can get canceled today for having Kristalia on your podcast.

Yeah.

I mean, you fucking. Imagine bringing Suge knight on.

Yeah.

Dude hung vanilla ICE off a balcony.

Was it vanilla ICE?

Yeah, he just ran over a guy by his ankles. Ran over a guy and killed him on video.

Jeff Ross frightened.

Look at him. Terrified.

Terrified.

This is back then.

Yeah.

Kimmel had no one back then. This was a get.

Yeah. He's pretty much saying, I fucking. It's a wild with AIDS. That's why it progressed.

So that's a wild conversation.

Suge Knight looks like Kimmel. That's Carl Malone.

Oh, my God, he does. Oh, my God, he does. You nailed it. Oh, my God, he does.

Is that Leguizamo?

Is it? Yeah.

Imagine Leguizamo is the first guest before Suge Knight. Who gives a fuck about some actor? They shoot you with it. Oh, slow death, easy thing. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Damn.

Way to fight in the mood. Wow. Well, Wally takes a puff of his cigar with his.

He's got a murderer security system.

I don't know why that. Oh, you remember those days when there was like a number or a color rather, going out? Let's go to the store. It's yellow. Let's go do stand up. We're going to stay home if it's orange.

What a great fucking orange. I'm not going anywhere, bro.

What a great way to make everyone stay home on a day they needed them to.

Well, what a great way to test how you could freak people out. How quickly we forgot about those colors. That was a weird one. The color system for terrorism after 911. Oh, yeah, they tried it. They tried it and we were like, come on, Jiffy.

Get the email saying, avoid the mall on October 21, date there's going to be an attack on a mall.

That's just the jewish emails. You guys got secret emails on that list.

That's why you're tunneling.

Yeah, get under the heads up.

You never got those in the couple of years after there's intel is going on this day in a mall or in this day.

I got an Amber Alert today. Do you guys get that?

Texas goes wild with Amber Alert.

Yeah.

You know what I don't miss about a really depressing way to start the forest fires. Oh, yeah, the fires were crazy in California. You ain't never seen anything like it.

They're here now.

Yeah, bullshit. Listen, they're bad, but they're not bad like it is in LA because it doesn't rain. Know, they have those things like the colors for fires with the fire warning, it was always red. It was always red. It's not red for, like, three months out of the.

Do not smoke a cigarette on Laurel.

Canyon if you're an asshole.

Do not.

These fucking assholes that throw cigarettes out the window when they're done with them. These littering cocksuckers.

You're not even allowed to smoke in your car with the windows up on the way up Laurel Canyon.

You're not.

Yeah. When it's like, don't because it just.

Goes up in a blaze. So I was coming home one night. I got evacuated three times when I lived in California. Three fucking times. But I was coming home one night and the whole side of the highway. I was coming home from fear factor. The whole side of the highway for an hour was on fire.

You sent us pictures from your flip phone, bro. It was just like, one side of the highway fire, one side, green.

It was madness. It was like a scene from the fucking. That's what it's like. That's what it's like. It was like a scene from fucking a hobit movie.

Do you think? Where are we even going? Why are we driving that way?

Lord of the Ring, apocalyptic.

Dude, this was not nearly as bad as 405. This is the 405. This is headed to Santa Monica, but this is much more contained than what I saw. What I saw was an hour of driving, a full hour going like 40 miles an hour. 50 miles an hour.

Were you hot?

No, but it was raining ashes, like snow. So you were seeing ashes fall out of the sky, like snow the whole right side of the highway. And, dude, sometimes that shit jumps. You get a crosswind, it jumps. It hits a car. It gets other cars. There was in northern California, a whole highway full of stopped cars. Everybody died.

Yikes.

Everybody got consumed by fire. Look at this shit, dude.

What are they doing? Where are you going?

You are praying, Donald Trump, please help us. Please save us.

Jesus Christ. And you don't know where the fire is. You're just guessing. It's not like fire might be going right to it.

Well, you still got to be.

You don't know. You don't know where you're driving. You can't see. This is a windy road.

This is some poor uber eats driver. He's like, I'm going to get there, bro.

This is so nuts, man. This is so nuts.

Oh, man.

So this is what I don't miss. And I know they have fires out here, but, bro, you ain't never seen fires like those dry climate, high grasses. And the worst is when it rains a lot early in the year because then you get extra grass, and then it always dies off. When it stops rain, everything turns brown.

But it's natural fires, right? Like, it's supposed to happen.

Somebody lit off one behind pink dot behind my old window. You saw it start just there. It's like a straight up hill with, like. And it just gone. Gone within, like 20 minutes. It goes from, like, a little, like one bush on fire burns through the houses.

Yikes.

There was one time in LA when we were at the store and above, pink dot was on fire.

That was it.

Was that with it?

Yeah. Was that why?

But was that with the one where we were, like, seeing the helicopters fly overhead and they were trying to dump water on it? Planes were dumping water on it. It was nuts. It was like a war was going on right above the saw. I was right up that hill. Yeah.

I was in Salt Lake. I was driving to Stanhopes down in, like. It was crazy. I was driving. You could watch the helicopters picking up the water out of the lake and flying over the highway and dropping it on the mountain. That was on fire.

Wow.

Then I got to the fucking grand Canyon, and it had just burned for real, like 2 hours straight. It was just the moon. Like, there was no vegetation. It was just stumps. Everything was black. It was crazy.

Yikes.

It was crazy. Those forest fires are wild.

That's such a wake up call to how vulnerable we really are. That was the one time where people in LA were cool. Like, everybody was so cool after the fires. I was like, hi. Good to see you. Happy to be alive, dude.

You remember in New York when fucking.

Canada caught on fire?

That's how crazy those, you know, the.

Conspiracy theory about that.

They popped up pretty. Just saying, I don't know.

Whole Manhattan was full of ash and dark.

Conspiracy is the color of. The color of the smoke was strange, and it coincided with there was a shipment that was lost. The shipment that was lost somewhere was some kind of chemical, and this chemical, it was toxic chemical, and there was a high volume of it, and it was lost. And then all of a sudden, these fires break out in Canada, and this fucking orange smoke is making its way across New York. Weird smoke. Like a weird color smoke. Now, that could be. I'm a moron. That could be the sun. The way it goes to the fucking sun. I've never seen orange smoke before.

It was orange. I was in Montauk. It looked weird.

Nor has anybody that I know ever seen, like, that kind of orange.

They told everybody to change every filter in your car.

Whoa.

It was like emails.

Did anybody do like an analysis of the smoke and go, what the fuck is this?

No.

Was it just smoke or did something burn somewhere that was toxic?

Never done a smoking.

I was doing shows at the comedy podcast.

You were doing shows? Walking around that shit?

I didn't know. I woke up late.

It was only.

Could you tell on the ground?

The first day, I was like, am I fucking this hungover that?

It's like one day it was cloudy.

Everything's hazy.

Yeah, right.

But did it look orange?

Not until day two or three.

Day two or three?

Yeah, it changed every day. Right.

See it coming? It was crazy. Like, at first it was just slightly smoggy. You were like, I don't know. I remember driving in, being like, this is fucking weird. Am I dumb? Because no one's mentioning anything. And I was like, it's fucking weird out, right?

Yeah.

And then by the most, like, the height of. It was fucking insane. It was just orange.

It was like Ghostbusters.

Come on, that seems weird.

It was scary.

It was weird.

Isn't that weird? Look at the color.

02:00 p.m. 02:00 p.m. Look at that.

It's like Rachel Dole is all.

I'm not a chemist, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know anything about smog color, but that seems highly unusual.

It's unusual.

It's super unusual. I'm just going to say that there's conspiracy theories that are warranted.

Toronto didn't get it nearly as bad as New York.

Well, it's because it was coming down towards us.

Jamie, can you flip through these faster?

Yeah, why don't you move quick?

Jesus.

How about it was only orange in the one photo? Only take two.

It was orange for a lot.

Neuro gums.

Don't.

Oh, yeah, guys can't look.

Old eyes.

Old eyes.

How dare you, young Jamie.

Jamie, you're being so nasty today.

You tried that earlier.

Why are you hostile today? Young Ari?

Could you hand me a beer, please?

There we go.

Sure, Shane.

You'll sure fit, Shane.

Hey, I've heard about. There's these things, Shane. There's these things called Lucy's you've ever.

Oh, I know about Lucy's.

That has twelve milligrams. Lucy.

Breakers.

They have twelve milligrams. This is six.

Oh, you don't want that. Twelve, that's too much.

Six.

Don't say that.

When you say that. I want two in my mouth.

Is that from Tucker?

I don't like how you talk. You can't handle fucking gas station.

You're 4212 milligrams will put you on the boat.

I think it's a weight thing.

I don't.

Round guy. You could consume a lot of alcohol.

That's true.

Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, Lucy's good, but no one consumes.

Alcohol like tall people. Tall, big people like Shane.

Big people.

My friend Justin. I got a friend Justin, call it. This motherfucker can put it down. And he makes you keep drinking with him, and he's like, 350 pounds. Yeah, he's just this big, giant dude. He's like, come on, bro. One more.

I'm like, okay, lineman.

Next thing you know, you're destroyed, of course. But he's got, like, twice the body of you.

Shane's the king of that. Comes into, like, the cellar. Never was like, no, I'm not drinking. Come on, one. Come on, one. Get him that one.

Drinking crown and cokes, though. That's different. That's a different animal.

Me and Darosa.

Makers, makers. And coke.

That'll fuck you up. Came down to Austin, and we were like, I'll go. We'll go hang out. We'll have two drinks at every bar. We were just walking around. I was getting two bud lights at every bar.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He's drinking whiskey at every bar.

Oh, my God.

By, like, the fifth bar, he was like, we were walking to a bar, and he was like, oh, shit, man. Are you not fucked up? I was like, no, I've been drinking. I know light beers.

Pretty good.

Taking hours.

This is all whiskey?

Yeah. You have two drinks every time we do this.

I'm already on number two. What are you on? Three beers.

Don't count mine. I'll catch you.

That was the Stanhope strategy for years. Stanhope was like, I just take a slow drip of alcohol through light beer, and I was like, that's genius. He's like, yeah, I don't want to get too fucked up. It's like, keep the fucked up going. You get a fucked up, get a good buzz. The best way to keep a good buz is a light beer, right? You don't go over the edge.

When your rose is done, is when he says, let's do shots. You're like, you're fucked up. You're about to leave with the show minutes. You're about to leave, but the coke.

Brings them back to life.

Brings them back to life.

Yeah.

Dorosa brought his sandwiches to the club. The other great.

They are great.

Fucking amazing.

Very good.

He gave me a roast beef with prosciutto with like some kind of peppers in there, he said. I forget whose favorite sandwich was. Maybe fucking fantastic.

He's a shockingly likable guy.

He's the best.

I love Joe.

Great guy. Funny motherfucker too. They bring the heat.

He's just a good dude, man. I was like, dude, open up a place here. He's like, we're talking about it, so I hope they do. We need like, a real good subshot.

He would come a. Oh, he'll come.

Oh, he should move here.

He's coming back.

Doing my podcast again next month.

Oh, he's worthless in New York.

I love that dude.

Is he? Yeah, get him down here. He can make a name for himself.

Why is he worthless in New York?

Well, nobody respects him. He's ugly.

He's burned a lot of bridges.

Listen, this is a land of rebuilding. Yeah, that's what they said after they stole it from the Comanche.

But you burned.

We gave him a casino.

I don't even think they have a casino.

No, they don't get a casino.

They were too fearful.

They were nasty.

They had to put.

They're going to need box cutters if they get a casin.

They had to put that fire out.

You guys should get something in Germany, like a water park or something.

You ever seen this?

Is that a Comanche?

That's legit. That's from right here.

Blood of the white man on it.

No, that's why we got it.

It's probably got some deer blood on it. That's probably from before the white man even showed up and fucked everything up.

It's so smooth.

I have a friend who has a ranch out here that apparently was where the Comanche lived. And it's just overrun with arrowheads.

They carve them down.

Well, they make them. It's called flint napping. They actually put a piece of buckskin over their knee and they hold this, like, slate. Oh, Jesus Christ. Don't do that, bro. That's like, literally it could be a thousand years old. Like, fucking even knows how old that thing is.

Spell on me.

It's actually probably about four or 500 years old.

Wow.

But allegedly. I don't know. This is what someone told me. But the thing is that these fucking guys, man, they made those things by knocking rocks together. There's like a very specific way. It's called flint napping. Like, you knock it off to make a flake and then you have to knock it against something soft like your leg. And they chip away till they make this razor edge to these things. Jesus figured out how to do it. And these fucking things are all over this guy's ranch. He sent me a bunch of them. He sent me, like, ones that are marked off by this guy's flint napping. Whoa. See how he does this?

They had all the time in the.

World heated it up.

No, this guy's a guy that knows how to recreate this shit.

Fucks hard.

They get it.

You could tell this guy fucks probably.

With, like, one of those butcher's aprons on. With like, a leather butcher apron on?

Yeah.

These people are a problem, though, because some of these people are not this guy. I'm not saying this guy, but some of these people are unethical. And then they go, leave the sand. Oh, look what I found.

This is appropriation too.

It does look pretty real. It looks a lot like that one.

You know what's okay to appropriate Indians? White people. You see the.

That makes sense.

It's like, Boston Globe. They had a photo of St. Patrick's day, and it's a black dude dressed like a leprechaun. I'm like, hey, what are we doing here?

It's ours.

Who the fuck is.

Everyone?

Listen to that accent.

What are we doing here? You couldn't find an irish guy in Boston.

He said, literally their holiday acting is harder than UFC because he's in Roadhouse. That was a quote from Connor.

Oh, really?

Acting is harder than UFC?

Listen to me. That's not true his whole life. Okay? Act in Roadhouse or fight Khabib again, shut the fuck. Crazy talk. That's crazy talk.

I think he probably just meant that he's bad at it.

He broke his fucking leg in a fight. He broke his leg. Like, that's harder. Yes. That's way harder.

We're talking about what's actually harder.

I think he was just making a.

Statement, but his level of if he's good at it or not.

Right?

The guy's promoting a movie.

There you go.

I think he's making excuses. Learning how to act completely blown out versus doing an amazing promoter.

He's the best promoter in the history of the sport. No one even comes close. There's Conor McGregor.

Can we bring up his interview? Everybody else, can we bring up that interview? Him on the red carpet, just blown out.

Oh, yeah. Out of his fucking. Reveals why acting is harder than him. That's just a clickbait bullshit headline that you fell for, son.

Reveals why acting is harder.

Time consumption.

Is it my wife?

You can do it.

Go ahead.

Acting is harder time.

I got to see him do because he's on coke for this.

Just say go for it.

Go for it.

Time consumption. And it's not just acting and fighting.

No, you got it, dude. Get fired up. Take a deep breath.

It's also remembering the line and you have some things.

You got it. You got it.

Let me see him say it so.

I can just give me a little bit.

We just need a little taste.

It's just a difficult game and a.

Lot more difficult than I give it credit.

Like Colin Tyrell.

Yeah, he's dubbing.

He's not even getting the lady acting. Time consumption. Time consumption.

Time consumption.

Action and fighting and stunts is also memory in the line. And you have to time things correctly.

You're engaging with another person.

It's just a difficult game.

I can get it now.

Time consumption. Time consumption. It takes a lot of time. There's a lot of sitting around. You're going to be on a set 16 hours a day. You're probably going to be sitting around for ten waiting for your. Especially if you're Connor. You're not Jake Lillenhall. You're going to be waiting around for your line.

Yeah, we don't need you again till tomorrow this time.

Mike, what was it like when you kissed that cowboy? Was that for real?

Did you really kiss him? Was it CGI?

Do a Conor accent for me, torn. Consumption. What was it like when you kissed the cowboy?

You fucked him so hard it killed him.

I'm not that good at it.

That's why he killed him so hard.

He OD because you fucked his ass.

It was just shame.

But he wasn't into it. It's correct.

The shame of it.

That lost the Oscar to some bullshit. That was a great movie.

That was a good fucking movie.

Great movie. Ang Lee, same guy who did the Hulk? Yeah.

Oh, he did that.

The Eric Banner Hulk. That's a good one. That was a good one. That was the first CGI Hulk.

Eric Banner's a. That's a good hunk, dude.

Australia.

He's a good hunk. He's one of my favorite hunks.

Underrated hunk.

Yeah, he's great.

He's oiled up, though, bro.

What was Bronson?

No, no, that's Tom Hardy.

Oh, that's right.

Tom Hardy's an elite hunk.

But Eric Banner did a movie early on that was really good.

Eric Banner?

Yeah, Eric Banner's.

Oh, that looks at those tits. Look at them tits.

Damn, he's got some.

Oh, no, it was about the jail.

Guy, Gregory Beck, who was.

It was. What was that?

He was in gladiator.

The movie about the guy that was in jail. It wasn't Bronson? No. What was the movie about? The guy that. There's some crazy, psychotic guy that was like, an australian chopper. That's fat, dude. That's a fucking great movie. I thought that was Bert.

I thought it was fat Chopper.

Chopper is about this dude. Can you show me the title again? It's about this dude who's, like, this crazy fucking criminal. And Australia's most notorious criminal, Mark Chopper Reed, in his years of crime, interest in violence, drugs and prostitutes. It's a fucking crazy movie. And Eric Banner knocks it out of the park. He knocks it out of the park in that movie. It's a great movie.

I feel like he's out sitting out. I haven't seen him in a while.

Yeah, he's been chilling. He's just being a hunk, dude.

Hunk it up.

Oh, my God.

Give me some of this. Oh, we can't play it because of fucking YouTube. Listen, YouTube, I love you, but come on, don't get silly.

And you play YouTube videos.

What happened?

Probably.

Oh, no.

It's, like our favorite thing.

That's what we do.

We can play them, but then after you all get cut out, what about TikTok?

What?

You play TikTok videos.

It's a problem with copyright.

What about home movies?

You got some movies?

No, but I mean.

Little Ari in Israel, where his dreams got dashed. This is all bullshit.

Little learned Ari.

Do you remember the moment where you decided that you were going to fall out of religion?

When I was like, oh, hold on. Fuck. I wasted a lot of time. What was the moment? It was 19. In Israel, in Jerusalem.

Oh, you were there?

Was there a thing that happened? Was there a thing that happened?

Yeah, I was just like, I'm done. I don't care about any of this.

The Iron Dome got bombed.

What did you say, Shane?

I just remembered. I was like, if we can't show YouTube, we got to find funny videos. And I have a very funny video. I got to send it.

Send it to Jamo.

God damn it.

What can we.

It's so annoying. The thing is, if you have the volume and they see the image, you get hit with a copyright claim.

Copyright?

Wouldn't they want to be on here?

Look, we're fucking doing an ad for chopper.

Yeah, exactly.

That fucking movie was awesome. And Eric Banner was awesome.

I'd never even heard of it.

There you go. That was the big movie that he made it.

Have you seen magic with the guy from Westworld?

It's real similar to Bronson, though, isn't it?

I've never seen that one.

Isn't Bronson, like a similar situation? It's like a crazy criminal guy. Yeah, that's why I got him mixed up. But you know what Tom Hardy's doing jujitsu.

He's a sexy man.

Yeah, I think Tom Hardy kissed guys, too.

That's Tom Hardy. No effing way.

He probably got tired of pussy. He's so good looking. He probably got tired of pussy.

Yeah.

Look at him. You know he was in Banda Brothers?

Was he in band?

He was in war here, briefly.

Banda Brothers might have been the best series of all time. No one gives a credit.

Good series.

That's crazy.

People give it credit.

Nah, it's never talked about. They talk about the wire.

It was a miniseries under. Because it was only one season.

Well, they keep going. Masters of air. They're still doing.

Yeah, look at his young ass. Look at his young supple.

He's got some DSL.

Oh, my God.

Tom Hardy and warrior.

I'm hardy.

Wait, Tom Hardy?

We're just talking different guys now?

I thought we're talking about a different guy.

Look at him in warrior.

Hachi Machi. Look at those traps.

I thought we're talking about the Hulk.

I'd like to shit on him.

We're talking hot guys.

Shut up.

Eric Banner was chopper. I got chopper confused with Bronson. Bronson was Tom warrior, bro.

It's a good time to be a whore.

Gyllenhaal. Jacked is nice, too.

He's jacked. Well, he was great in southpaw. You ever see southpaw?

Yeah. Nobody watched that.

That's a good movie.

That was a fun one.

I saw it on a plane.

You know what I like is Miles teller in bleed for this. That was a good boxing movie.

Oh, yeah.

But the italian guy, what's his name?

Rhode island accident, bro. Look at that.

That's a hot guy, bro.

Man, he was plowing Witherspoon.

He looks like that guy got in fucking serious shape. Abs. That's ridiculous.

He's hotter than his sister.

Nice medicine.

All right, so this is.

I gotta tell you guys, this underrated movie.

Oh, it's about rules. Yeah.

Hold on. I sent Jamie this.

I.

My friend Nate Marshall, I told him I wouldn't share this.

The black.

He is black.

Yes.

He's the black. Jesus.

He's the black.

He's the number one.

He's the best black out there. He's the black supremacist.

This is me, Santino and big cat. We're at Barstool. We're shooting around. That's Santino, that's me, that's big cat. Nate said he was like, I'm going to wait till everyone's gone to shoot the ball because I haven't shot in a while. But while we're still out here, he picks one up. Wait till you see this fucking shot.

He's not the black anymore. I take it back.

Everyone was like, wait, he didn't make.

It to the paint. What the fuck? Let me say that again.

You got to see the first one.

Ted Cruz is.

That's a dude who severely overestimates his ability to throw things.

He made it to the basket.

I've been there. That's a tough feeling.

His hands are behind his back and hasn't even hit the arc yet.

Has he ever played?

No chance.

No chance.

No chance.

He's a fisher.

Listen, I talk a lot of shit, but my ten year old beat me at horse once.

Oh, basketball sucks.

But you're not black. You're not expecting anything of you. What the fuck was that?

She's ten.

Do you guys see Bobby Kelly working out?

No.

He does that from right here.

Try to jump. We got videos of Bobby Kelly working out.

Yeah.

What is Bobby Kelly?

We got videos.

John Jones. You ever see Mike Tyson throw basketballs?

No.

Mike Tyson's terrible. He's awesome at fucking people up, though. Terrible at basketball. So what is John doing? He's going to dunk. No, can't dunk.

No, it hit him on the head.

Yeah.

You see Connor try to throw a football. None of the UFC guys can do it.

John is not going to hurt himself. Like going full clip, full Segura? Yeah, full Segura. Blowing his knee out, which can fucking happen. Sure, you get a little wacky. Get a little wacky.

He's not afraid to get a little wacky with his explosiveness, though, did.

I tore my meniscus in my knee once. Wearing fucking jeans, doing a kicking contest with Schilling. I tore my meniscus. It was fucked up for like a year after that.

You got to see Bobby Kelly working out.

You can't just send it to him.

Can't just do stuff.

I know what he's going to look like.

Shit break.

Well, you got to know your look.

Like a 50 year old lesbian.

He's already there.

He's going to look like that. 50, just working out.

He's going to look like 74.

He's going to look like an old woman working out.

No, this is not. How do you want to show this?

Found security footage. They had a private workout.

Security footage.

Why are you fitness shaming our friend also?

Yeah, I just texted to you.

Do we have to watch this? Can I see it first to decide?

I feel bad.

Can I just say this before we keep going? I didn't get a chance to compliment him after I just trashed him. I love Bobby.

I love Bobby. All right.

Yeah, we all love Bobby because I just trashed him. And then we kept moving.

Bobby's my boy.

I want to make sure he just did my potty. Killed it.

He's great. He's a great human being. I've known Bobby for like 30 he years.

Lap band. He's fat again.

No, he's not.

He's back.

No.

Yeah. Need to go back on the lap. Another lap.

He's not that fat.

Oh, he's big, baby.

Really?

Yeah, I just had him on.

Oh, that sucks.

No, he's normal.

He's not even close.

He's husky.

Every time I see him, it's still like, I remember the old you. So every time it's like nowhere near.

The old hot Bobby.

What?

Hot Bobby?

No, I remember the fat Bobby. And you haven't seen him in like two months?

Well, I met Bobby when he was like 20.

Oh, that was hot Bob.

Yeah, I met hot Bobby.

He looked Puerto Rican, had a hair.

Oh, yeah, he was with Alan the monkeys. Alan the monkeys was like a comedy troop that would. And Dane Cook was the main guy.

Really?

He doesn't look any fatter.

Yes.

So this video of him falling down.

Yeah, he's got the beanie.

Oh, that's bad right there.

I think I'm. Oh, shit. Oh, it's a lot of weight.

Oh, fuck.

It's like Rowan Atkinson.

But he had the wherewithal to not let go of the weight so it didn't fall on his fucking head.

It's like Pelosi in the drink.

He didn't let it go. He's still holding it.

Yeah. That's what kept him alive.

Humping that machine, though.

That's a fucking five pound weight.

He would have went, no, he would have died that way. He's 25 pounds.

What was he doing?

That's a 25. He was trying to do decline bench press.

Would he be doing decline bench.

Because he's been working out. He wants to mix it up. He wants to do some of these. He needs some fucking kettlebells in his life.

He keeps going. He does it in a second. Keep going. He does it. When he wants to get stuff, he does it.

This keeps you funny, though. If he was killing this, he wouldn't be as funny.

He's still trying to do it.

All right, those are eight pound weights. My grandmother with cancer. Purple.

Can we zoom in on the weight?

What are we doing here?

Intensify.

Yeah, two numbers, quadrant G three enhanced. I think it says 6.0. You got to see first.

He goes to the plates and he goes, actually, nah, look, he's looking at those plates. We're not going to do that.

You know what, dude?

Pick up these bends.

Do a little this.

He's so lucky.

Are you going to show it again, you piece of shit?

One more time.

Thankfully, Bobby's been nice to all of us.

He needs to train, right?

By the way, he's an asshole to all of us, so fuck him.

He's never an asshole to me.

Yeah, that's different.

But I've known it. Like I said, you're shorter than forever. I've known him forever. I've known him since he was a.

Problem with all these tall guys. Over five eight.

Is that a gold shoe?

Yeah.

Well, he was confident when you knew.

Newer than him.

Yeah, I've known that guy.

First time I met him, he was like, fucking. I don't like your confidence. Your asshole.

Welcome to the comedy scene. He's a good.

It's out of love, but he's always like, you youngsters. I'm like, ari's 51.

On a good day, I'm older than your kid.

He's like, boss is like, you're a middle? I'm like, I'm doing better than you.

Bunch of fucking middles.

Yeah, well, some guys, you stay a middle forever.

That's it. That's true.

Yeah. That was Boston.

That's true.

In Boston, he's a fucking middle act. How is he doing? Good.

He's in an arena.

Man.

Of all the things we just said about Bobby, that he'll be mad at me, saying he's like, voss is going to be the one.

Hilarious.

I meant he's like Voss when it comes to talking shit. And when you're new and you show up, Voss will be the first guy to be like, look at you, dumbass. What are you doing?

But that's true. And it's out of love. Both of them out of love. It's also like seeing if you can hang.

Yeah, right?

Like, are you going to get upset? Someone talk shit about you?

Come on, to you.

We're having fun.

So many people have told me Voss was mean.

No.

And it's like, he's the nicest possible.

Listen, this is one of the best things can ever happen, is you bomb, and then you hang out with your friends and you go, oh, my God, I just ate dick, bro. What the fuck happened to you up there? And then you're laughing, you feel terrible, but at least everybody's laughing and you're having a good time and busting each other's balls, bro. I watched 15 people walk out. No.

Yeah, that was funny.

It was fucking hot. Death, dude. What happened?

Montgomery tried to do that to me the other night. I got off stage and I was like, I always do. This time I meant it, because I actually did do very bad. I was like, fuck, I sucked up there. And he was like, yeah, what was that? As soon as he said that, I was like, you fucking worry about you, motherfucker.

All right?

I went in there talking shit to myself. The second somebody else was like, yeah, that sucked. I was like, don't ever worry about what I'm doing. And he was like, God, I'll never do that again.

You never know. Are we in a play together?

Are we having a real conversation?

I went too hard on him. I feel bad about it.

Williams, the best. He murdered last night. I killed Tony. I mean, fucking murdered. Fresh minute. Does a fresh minute every week.

All right? He's got a minute.

That style is like, he could write about anything, because his style. And if you know who he is, he's so ridiculous. It's one of those things like Hedberg. Like when Mitch Hedberg would go on after a rapper, they would put him on after comedy rap, and it would be death. But once people figured out it was Mitch Hedberg and he got appropriate opening acts, then people came to see it.

They knew what, like, typical down the line comedy. And they're like, now this weirdo.

Some guys would play music and they would have funny songs. They'd close with that. And then they'd have Hedberg go up, man.

Hedberg was great. He'd go on Letterman and a joke would bomb. And you go, I'm aware that joke is stupid. Which you never saw on late night. It was so polished. Yeah, my mom loves those applause breaks.

Mitzi, she gave him two spots once. He was going to be in town, she gave him two spots. And then somebody called in, whoever, and she was like, oh, cancel that new guy. And I was like, working the phones, like, comedy hero. You want me to cancel him?

Mitzi did.

And they're like, yeah, call that Hedberg guy and tell him he's got one less spot. Hey, I'm sorry. No, he said we had two spots for you, so Tuesday's out. Fuck it. Jeremy Dingle called in.

For who?

Somebody that she liked at the time. Whoever it was. I don't know. It didn't matter. It was like the fucking headphones. Going to do a spot. Let him do a spot.

Was her finger that far off the pulse?

Very far, yeah, by the night.

At the time.

No, it wasn't just that. She didn't know about anything that was going on outside the store, nor did she give a fuck.

But she seemed kind of like a gimmick.

She seemed like a gimmick?

She seemed to like a gimmick.

She would have liked him then.

Yeah, she had some wacky ideas about selling sitcoms, and she wanted comics, but that was what was going on back in the day. So you got to imagine, that's why the comedy store has podcasts now. Why? Because we all started podcasts. The podcast got huge. So back in the day, the comedy store was seeing all these comics developing and getting sitcoms all the way from Chico and the man with, you know, he was like the first comic to get a fucking sitcom. And then Sanford and Son was that along that time with Red Fox. And then it was, of course, Roseanne and Tim Allen and Seinfeld and Bret Butler. So that was the formula. Everybody wanted to get a fucking sitcom. So Mitzi had these ideas of developing sitcoms. So she created these characters. You should be this guy, right? She named Mencia. She named fired up.

What do you mean named? Wow, he was right.

Yeah, she was right. But it was not just that. It was like a bunch of different things. She wanted people to do things. There's not as bad as some comedy club owners had terrible fucking suggestions. What are you doing over there?

Ari's playing grab ass. He's trying to kiss me or something.

Kiss my budy opened for Gallagher, and he was Joe list. And Gallagher's like, you're tall. You should do a whole basketball thing. Like, you come on stage with a basketball and then dunk it and then do your act. And Lisa's like, I'm not going to do that.

Kid Rock will hit you with advice. He was hitting me. He was like, you dress like shit up there. You should be wearing a suit and a bow tie. Like bow tie Sinatra, like those guys used. You could really separate yourself.

Yeah, I like it.

It's like, I'll never thinking.

He's right.

He was the first to Facetime me after SNL to be like, dude, he facetimed me, was like, how do you think you did? Are you calling me to tell me I fucking bombed you, dickhead? I fucking hung up on him.

Good.

He was fucking with me.

He's funny, but how do you think he did?

He wanted me to own libs, dude.

Yeah. You should get a bow tie.

He was like, that was pussy shit.

You should have went on there.

He said retarded.

No, I know, but for him, he saw my stand up show and was like, you're not going hard enough.

Oh, wow.

You need to say, like, the N word.

I don't know.

That wasn't his actual note, for the record. Sure.

All right.

He'll get rowdy, though.

We haven't done this since you did SNL.

We did. We don't need.

Yeah, he and I did, actually.

I don't think we did.

I don't think we did.

No.

Any nuggets behind the scenes that we toes?

You know what? Green room and podcast spill over so much.

I don't know. Was it? It was so weird. Such a fucking corporate thing.

You got in there finally.

I liked it.

What a completion of fucking other storyline.

It was fun, but it seems like a fun night.

It is a fun night.

Sketches and fuck around. It is.

My family was there. The party kind of sucks when you're the. When you. I've been to the party a bunch of times, and it's great.

Sometimes it sucked even knowing the guy. We're like, hey, we're going to say goodbye to another fucking person, so we can go drink.

The whole time, I just had to say hello. Thank you. Goodbye to every single person that was there.

Wedding.

It was exactly like a wedding.

Did it feel like a rite of passage? What did it feel like for you?

It's a cool win.

I think it's nice for that. I mean, obviously it just brought the story back up again.

But you were defended quite a bit.

But it was also like, honestly, this was like them saying sorry.

Yeah, exactly.

That's cool.

That's what it was.

Admission of guilt.

It was the closest they can come to an admission of guilt.

Yes.

Which is what it was.

We had to.

Here's the thing is an acknowledgment of talent. It's like recognizing, hey, this guy might be one of the biggest comics ever, and it's happening right now, and we should probably get back on board.

Yeah, exactly. Before it's too late. Don't go 20 years.

I agree, but it's annoying with the cancel shit because they go, he's doing great. What are you talking about? Well, he's also a good comic who worked his way up and has a sketch show and all this other shit and sells a ton of tickets, so they have to acknowledge it.

Yeah, but that's the thing. Isn't that always the goal, just to become undeniable?

Sure, yeah, but if you were doing that well and not doing well nationally, they wouldn't be like, no, if he.

Wasn'T doing as well.

Exactly.

I'm not saying you suck, but I'm saying it's better. Not huge. You still got fucked.

It's better for everybody if they don't say the words. It's better for everybody. Everybody knows the truth, but it's better for everybody rules, because also it keeps them silly. They stay silly.

What do you mean, silly?

You stay silly. You stay ridiculous. You stay, like, you've made ridiculous decisions and you got kind of a ridiculous enterprise. You stay ridiculous. You stay ridiculous. Enterprise.

Yeah.

That's what it is.

Worst starship ever.

You've got this thing. You're trying to be the fastest runner, and you're wearing 150 pounds in your.

Back, and you had a fast runner and you dropped them.

Yeah, it's like, stay ridiculous. Don't apologize. Stay on the course.

Go back to better forgiving. Don't sing a song around a piano.

Oh, no, I agree. I just get annoyed.

Yeah, look, I thought it was nice. I think it's good. If we're going to talk about all the culture shit, I think it's cool they brought me back and it's cool. I said, yes. I think it's a nice moment for everybody because you don't want to be a guy that's like, fuck everybody that said, fuck me.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't want to do that. Can we just stop? And that's what they offered the fucking olive branch. They were the ones who.

They should.

It's great, and they should.

They did the right thing.

They did the right thing. Because most people would just be that person forever that I hated once.

And you're like, like, no, they did the cool thing. Everybody there.

Tide is going. It's just, you steer into the weight.

And also, they got caught up in it.

They got caught up in it.

Everybody did.

Everybody.

They got caught up in it.

And so I don't have any problem with that.

Don't you think that shit is just less effective now?

100%. TMZ tried to do a whole thing on. I read every single tweet about it because I'm a psycho. And it was like even more now. Bigger fan. That's hilarious. Thanks for this. This is a great clip.

TMZ knew what they were doing.

There was another one too with like an asian comic. How do you feel?

TMZ didn't care at all. They got fucking what's his name? They got Corky.

Corky.

Corky from life goes on.

Yeah, they interviewed him about my TMZ. Got him.

Alive.

Corky was like, that was fine, dude. We're human. We're allowed to be made fun of. It was like, hell yeah, Corky.

That's going to be a sketch.

Corky.

Corky is going strong.

He's chugging along.

He's a go getter, that kid. Weirdo.

He had his own show. That show was the wildest thing. They put a guy with down syndrome at the star of a show.

Oh, yeah, quite a noggin.

He's very high functioning.

That's how a role is. He's still the reference to reference. He's. Yeah, of like down syndrome.

Billy Elliott's in there.

I don't want to get going. No, I'm saying.

You're saying on the record, there's just.

A thing with whatever people with down syndrome can have higher significantly. They have regular IQs and huge dicks.

But you know, the Louie mantra or whatever is like they burn your house down. You build a couple twigs and leaves with a house and they go, he's got a house.

Yeah.

You're like, well, I had a mansion and now I'm living in a twig hut.

All right, they're not happy.

That's my point.

I hear you, but what do you choose to focus on? It's great. He did SNL.

No, that is true, though. That was like a thing that I was worried about was I was like, I should say something in the monolog. No, I'm not saying no. But the idea is that because I'm hosting, they're going to go see.

Right?

We didn't do anything wrong.

No, you did the right thing. Right?

We didn't do anything wrong. Look, he's doing.

But it was funny. Don't look that up, please.

We got to make it quick.

Great way to address it in a sentence.

It was perfect. It was a perfect way to handle it.

You used to have a great joke at that New Jersey room about being like a waitress because where do I know you? Oh, dude, at the time. Because you were like the topic.

Every single time someone would be like, I'd see, like, for real, it would always be like, an asian woman would come up to me and be like, you were really funny. What was your name? Can I look you up? And I'd be like, please don't. Literally, if you looked me up, the first thing would be like, hates Asians. That's not true at all. Yeah, I get to watch them go.

You said there was a waitress, was like, hey, that was so funny. Where do I know you from? You're like, I've been here before.

No. Yeah.

I was trying so hard.

I was like, I've been so.

I think I've been here.

We probably hung out.

Well, Yang likes you.

Yang's the bro.

I love Yang.

Ron Yang, good guy.

Ron Yang. David Taylor's old friend.

Yin Yang twins.

Whatever. We don't need to discuss this. What else is going on? What'd you do this time?

You must be in trouble. It's been a week.

No, everything seems to be fine.

What are you doing?

It's been ten minutes.

Hunter Biden.

If you stay offline, that's the key. If you don't see it.

Wait, do you have a new one? I don't even know about this one.

No, not that.

I just got there. I've just reached. Not online.

Yeah.

You're not online.

I'm not online.

Good for you.

SnL knocked me out of it. This special, when I put out my Netflix special, I deleted, like, Twitter.

Twitter's evil.

Deleted Reddit because I was reading those.

Reddit's really evil.

Every once in a while, slip back into that.

You had the app.

That's how much since SNL. I've been way off. Because I know you don't want it.

I try to tell.

People are saying I suck for sure.

Listen, there's going to be a bunch of people that think everything sucks. You're dealing with giant numbers. When you're dealing with giant numbers, each individual seems significant, even if they're fucking morons. You'd never want to talk to Beethoven.

Symphony has bad comments on YouTube.

I bet it does tell you, right?

Shit was whack.

Yeah, there's always play more Drake. You can't be focused on that.

Great dick. More hits than Beethoven.

This is why it doesn't work. You got to think of it in a numbers way. So the human brain is designed to recognize threats and problems. When everything's great, you don't think about it. So if you have ten positive people, Shane, you're the fucking man. That's great. One guy goes, this guy's lame as fuck. Tired of this kind of act. So fucking take it easy.

Take it easy.

Say a bunch of shit. See what I'm saying? So that one, you got nine people that think you're awesome, one douchebag thinks you suck. And now when you scale that up to millions and millions of people, and who's writing comments? The majority of them are disgruntled people that are unhappy with their position.

You think toothpaste feels that way when they're like, who the fuck was that one? Dentist.

The one out of ten.

Won'T recommend me. After all I've done for you, what.

Else do I have to show so.

I know what you're doing right now, and I appreciate it. Game recognized game. You drink one, motherfucker.

I'm drinking them. I've been drinking them. I'm talking with.

No, you're not.

You guys got to catch up. I feel like the pod just got started.

The pod did just start.

That mushroom chocolate's not fucking around.

Allegedly.

Has it kicked in?

Oh, yeah, allegedly. I can't look at the screen anymore. It's too wavy.

Boy, imagine if they didn't make all that stuff illegal. They didn't do the Manson thing, and they just, like, let psychedelics roam.

Marilyn, what would.

No, the other one. That one, too. That one, too. I mean, Charles. That one, too. They whacked her, too. They definitely whacked her. Right?

She's annoying. She's annoying.

She's annoying.

It's like my bed.

There's so many fucking.

No, I'm saying they got rid of her.

Oh, that's exactly what it was. Yeah. She apparently was talking, and she banged both of them. She banged both brothers? Yeah. Bobby and JFK.

Do you think the second one was on recommendation from the first?

Probably.

Get her.

Bobby's cock.

Marilyn, you're too fucking crazy for me. I got to run a country.

If you think, oh, I feel, Jack.

That's not what you can do for me. That's what you can do for my brother.

The mob and the CIA are trying to kill me. I don't have time for your nonsense.

Why?

Some say come on the face.

Do you think that one brother's watching her at whatever the inauguration was when she's singing in front of the wife and the other brother just looking at.

His brother's going either way?

She took a shot in the face, too.

You imagine you're the president and you're banging everybody, and everybody knows, but nobody talks about it. That was the world back then. That was the world back then.

Yeah. Everyone was being bros. What I said.

Earlier, I think has merit to it. Like, who do you want? Do you want the warmonger or the pussy hound?

At least he's not fucking you over Barbie or whatever.

Yeah, just keep him pussy.

She looks old in the face.

Shut your mouth, Ari. You're such a.

What's that on the side?

She's making a face. She's probably spitting out her gum before she looks old.

Got a better picture?

Poor lady, been through a lot.

That's a better picture. She was called.

Look at that.

25 year old normal Christian, 25 year old to the left, who was the playwright she married Tennessee Williams.

Yeah.

No, wait, dimaggio?

Yeah, she married DiMaggio. And DiMaggio would put flowers on her.

Arthur Miller.

Arthur Miller, yeah.

The Dimaggio one was rough.

Why?

Because he put flowers on her grave.

He loved the babe, dude.

He loved her. And this is like, wow. Wasn't it, like, the overlap between Kennedy and DiMaggio?

That's a good. She was fucking killing his.

Killing it. Look at that.

That guy's ugly.

Arthur Miller, look at this.

Fucking. The Jew got some.

He looks like the guy from the wire.

He got a lot.

Oh, yeah. He didn't get a little NLty.

He got a lot.

He married her at the end there.

He.

Women like that, they're just a drug. It's a drug. It's fucking John McAfee's meth.

Yeah.

That's what it is.

And you get dumb fucking bitch at every high level. Fucking writers are meeting up and it's like, hey, Miller, you brought your dumb fucking.

Sexist.

I don't think she was misogynistic.

Oh, yeah, she was fucking high level.

Get a crazy IQ. Higher IQ than Einstein?

No way.

Give it a go.

There is no, literally zero shot on earth that that's actually true.

Let's bet.

I'll bet you a million dollars. I'm sure it's on the Internet. There's no way she.

Slow down.

How about $5 is respectable? $20, 2020.

That one. SNL paid 20. Whatever you got for the records.

Mad TV paid more.

Oh, my God.

I think.

Guess how much money you get paid to host SNL.

How much?

1350 grand.

One $705,000.

Oh, more than I thought.

Isn't that wild?

Dude? We rated 21 jump streets, fucking dressing room afterwards, five for a week of work. We rented 21 jumps, 21 savages.

Unless they just fucked me again.

Five grand. Would it have to be like a million?

Five grand?

Wait, so what does 21 get musical guests? You might get ten, get more.

They don't have to do any work.

They got a little more.

21 is the man.

Listen, if that is, what, like, the first step and then bouncing back the next week having wild shit.

Who?

Big sweet.

It went. Fucking guys saying gay and retard to massive awesome tits are back.

I don't know who that is.

You don't know Sidney Sweeney? She's Marilyn Monroe.

You've seen her?

I'm sure I've seen her.

She's Marilyn Monroe.

That's John McAfee's meth. Yeah, that's why she's at the party. Re you piece of shit?

Well, the 90s are coming back. He brought money, guys.

He's like, hey, everyone could get a glam.

He's going to bring her wherever the fuck she wants to go.

Do we need timeless? There she is.

Wow. Ample congratulations to her genetics.

I love when you see a story like that. She addresses those Glenn Powell rumors, and I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

Well, someone wrote a monolog for know. She's got to talk about some things that are in the know. It's probably not really her act.

Ari's like, her act sucks.

The tragic truth about Marilyn Monroe concealed intelligence. Thank you. During her fame, a lot of how Marilyn.

Who is this written by?

Lying lady.

It is said that she was a star. Brilliant, with a high IQ.

There you go.

But it doesn't say it's higher than Einstein.

Higher than Albert Einstein.

It's unproven.

But it does say that was, like, as high as 168.

Einstein was 157. 60, or was he 160? No, I know.

This is an urban.

Okay, hold on. It says, some believe. Oh, I believe that she was an alien. Some believe different.

Illegal. Where the evidence is. I don't know if either of it's a tweet.

It has to be real. It's verified. Does it have community notes? If not, shut the fuck up, Jamie.

That's a wash. No, it's not.

You owe me $5.

No, I'm more proven than you.

I'm certain that's not true.

Isn't that what community notes is for?

Go with that.

How come there's no community notes on that statement?

You have to.

Well, can we amplify it?

Speaking of which, Ari went to the migrant meeting.

Oh, yeah. I went to the meeting with the migrants in my neighborhood. What to do with them.

What'd you do? What'd you say?

Said, kill them.

You say, hey, we got some fucking tunnels.

What's the meeting like? Is it like fucking in someone's basement?

No, it's in a community center.

Of course you went to a fucking protect our community.

That whole line around the neighborhood of like new migrants.

Well, if it is, they're like they're.

Going to piss in the bushes. So we either got to raise. They all sound like me. They all got to raise money for porta potties or they're fucking pissing in the bushes.

Well, your party went to hell, so.

The government's not going to do shit.

Guess what? Porta potties are gross. They're going to keep pissing in the bushes.

No, they'll piss in them if we tell them to piss in. If we get them that. But they're not going to get it to them.

Yeah, but they're not going to regular Porta potty. They're going to want like a good one they could sit down in with a little sink in it.

They'd rather go little portable bathroom. These aren't.

Porta potties are just a hole with a fucking blue water in it. It's disgusting.

They do it. They set up Porta potties of it. So all the drunks, instead of pissing in the park, they'll piss on the nose. They still do it, do they?

Most of them. But don't a few dudes pee on trees, right?

No. That's why don't be an animal fucking piss in these that we set up so we could have the trees tomorrow and you're sober.

No, I don't think your piss kills trees.

No, I don't think so. It kills bushes.

No way. It does.

I'll tell you what, dog.

If 200 people a night fucking pissing them.

Listen to me, dog it up. Dog piss kills your lawn. Yeah, man dogs, if you have girl dogs just squat and pee. Boy dogs want to mark, so boy dogs piss on things, but girl dogs just squat so they leave these little dark puddles in your lawn like that. Kills the grass.

What?

Don't drink girl dog pee.

Wait a minute.

Advice.

Well, wouldn't the forest be ruined by like animal piss?

It's a good question.

It's a good question. There's a lot of squirrels, there's a lot of grass.

Is pretty unnatural as it is. Maybe you're looking like a lawn, but.

They'Re always putting the things around the trees, like, don't let dogs piss, it'll kill the tree.

What's that, Jamie?

In the UK, they have urine deflectors everywhere because people pee all over the.

It's. They set up porta potties. Look at the Porta potties in the park you're in.

Deflectors.

What's a deflector?

So it won't catch a corner forever.

Because also you can't piss on them because it'll splatter on you.

Yeah.

So just step back or.

No. Or it just won't gather in a corner.

You ever drank piss?

It's just assume people are going to pee on that or they're stopping people.

They can't get underneath it to piss up. So if it. They're going to pee, so let it drip away from the fucking crevices.

Should have put that on the R Kelly chick.

Weird.

Remember when we were talking about there was just pee and poop everywhere in the 17 hundreds?

Oh, yeah. Running the shit everywhere.

Yeah.

Pre plumbing.

They said they're having a problem with some people that come from other places to new cities where they just still decided to shit on the ground.

Because they don't know. They don't know the thing.

They've been doing it their whole life. I don't care. Going to shit. I have to shit. I'm not going to go to some little closet that smells awful when I can just shit right here.

I see human shit in New York all the time.

All the time. You could tell.

You could tell.

It's unsettling because you're like, damn it, that's a fucking person.

One I know. Old school public urinal.

Whoa.

It's kind of pretty.

It looks like you're praying to the Lord of piss.

Yeah, doesn't it?

They just go in there and piss on a wall.

It's so well made. Isn't that incredible? Look at the artwork involved. I know what craftsmen we had back.

I would love those. Right now you're out in New York. It's a place that's three quarters enclosed to go in and piss on a wall.

Look how beautiful.

That looks beautiful.

That's like great vintage public urinal in Paris. Amazing, bro. We're looking at. Look how beautiful these public urinals used to be.

Pisoir.

Pisois.

Look at the other ones, though. Show Shane the other ones that you showed. The New York City one. Oh, look at that one right there.

Really cool.

Look at that one. That's in Paris. That's insane. But show the whole thing so you can see the top. Look how beautiful that fucking thing is.

It's like a subway entrance.

But isn't that amazing? Like the craftsmanship they have standard.

Some guy got hired big bucks to.

Do that, and they had little ads on the side. What was that ad for?

Is that like a price though?

15 to use it? Minutes.

I'm sure you can get blown in there as well.

Is that what it says?

What does Mts. What does it say? 15.

Bonjour. You must be digestive depository is what this is. Oh, interesting. Is that below it where it says, is that a price?

I don't know what I mean.

Do you have to pay to use it? Because that would be nice.

I don't know if they probably do.

What does a 15 mean?

Could be minutes.

Watch the. Close the door because the dogs really want to get in here.

Carl and band, 15 minutes.

1875. All the New York subway bathrooms had to be locked up.

They still have that though. Now those like public bathrooms.

But don't they have like the National Guard subway now or something?

Yeah, it's bad. The lady got stabbed. There was a shooting. Good times.

What is remember those days doing?

I don't know. It's getting wacky.

That whole letting everybody in thing is just crazy.

I think that might have been 15 minutes. People started using them as places to talk for private conversation. Podcast room without the Nazis funding.

Come on in here while I take a shit. Yeah, we're planning the rebellion. Unisex, enclosed automatically. Self cleaning unit. Yeah. In 1980 they replaced systematically.

1980. Had a good run.

Dude. It seems like the 80s are so recent. But if you had to go back and live back then. When I grew up, you were in a different world. You left the house, you were gone. No one knew where you were. There was two pictures of you. One when you were like, one when you were ten. No one has real evidence that you were ever alive. Yeah, people would vanish.

I think about that a lot. When I'm laying in bed, I think about like my parents in the. You just go out to dinner, you go to a friend's house, you skateboard all day.

You don't know where anybody is.

It was nice.

It's way better you didn't think about it. When I grew up, people would open the window and yell for their kids.

Yes.

They would yell, Bobby, get home. Bobby.

That's great.

But now people would tweet and go, this mom is a little aggressive. She's a little controlling.

Oh, yeah, the homeowners association.

Exactly.

Together and kicked that people. When I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco. And then we moved to Florida. And then we moved to Boston. We moved to Boston. We moved to a place called Jamaica Plain. Jamaica Plain was. It was rough. Back of. We didn't have any money. And our next door neighbors were in a punk band. And the fucking entire basement. They converted to, like, a session place. And so they had carpet. Like seven, eight layers of carpet. That was their own sound deadening. And it was so loud. Didn't we look them up once?

I don't know.

It was Alison chains death in the shopping mall.

Oh, okay.

I remember they had a song, my baby is a mutant. Yeah, I heard them sing it 150 times.

Wow. Were they any good?

They're pretty good if you're into that kind of music. And I would go down. They let me watch them perform, watch them rehearse. I was like, eight. Damn, it's pretty cool. No, I guess I wasn't eight. No, I was 13. Because that was Boston. Yeah. I was thinking San Francisco, but that was Boston. And so these people were like. They recorded this. There's a video, I think, that's available on YouTube where at least the song is available on YouTube.

It's a different time. We built this mini ramp in my backyard, and every kid in the neighborhood would use it.

There it is. These are these guys.

Oh, look at that.

What's that? Jamie?

Not the song you asked for, but I found the.

Oh, they're working another one. Man on a tightrope.

They got still going. 2000 views.

That's probably all. You can't play it. We're going to get copyrighted by then. That's what you're allowed to.

You can check for one. Did you ever go over and knock on the door and go, hey, quiet down a little bit?

No, nobody did that back then. It was just a weird time. If you consider how people grow up today. If you grow up today, you're growing up in the weirdest time.

I know. It's fucked ever. It's kind of fucked ever.

But it's like every civilization has had to deal with that. When they invented the printing press, when they invented cars, when they invented airplanes. Every generation has had to deal with some new weirdness.

Told you to get the fucking eagle beer.

Shit.

It might be early, but I got a pee.

All right. Behind the microwave. I saw it and I was like, no. Then I got in here, I was like, damn, I should have got.

We're only an hour in.

We can't play the America fuck yes song.

We can.

Why?

Because we'll get copyrighted.

I'm sure there's a copy on the Internet, like a.

Don't you. Can't you reach out to.

It as a group?

I think we can.

We got to get it.

We'll say, hell, yeah.

America. Save the motherfucking day, America. We get in trouble for that freedom, Jamie. Can we get in trouble for that, Jamie?

I don't know.

I'm not a lawyer.

Why just reach out to.

Doesn't kid rock own all his music?

I don't know. We should call him.

If we asked him if we could use american badass, that's just as ridiculous.

Wait, so we're not allowed to have fun and use music anymore?

Would you guys sign? Would you sign.

Being on YouTube again?

Damn. Let's go back to four chan.

Why can't we play Spotify music?

That's what I'm saying.

Because it goes on YouTube.

Because there's like a different YouTube users.

Just bleep it out for them.

No, you can't do that.

You probably could.

Probably could way easily.

Who needs a radio when I can sing mock.

Burr.

I think that's a copyright.

I guess that's what we're supposed to.

Yeah, we could come up with our own songs.

There you go. Er, got a callback. That's big.

Did he dive.

Larry David?

What if he disconnected? Mark. What the fuck? Mark.

So what's going on with you guys now that Mark's gone?

I'm tired of all his quips.

He needs to get more fucked up. He has no quips.

He's always ready.

We're trying to build a.

He's not doing it.

It just hasn't presented itself. Don't force the genius.

That's Carl.

And doors open.

Baja man.

Mark, Bandit's trying to sneak into.

Dude, you get outside that door and there's fucking two dogs.

Bandit came into her. Daddy.

Dogs are in. He wanted to hold Carl so bad.

But will Bandit fuck things up?

She's cool.

Hey, Bandit.

She's not relaxed. I've seen her chew up.

Dude, she's not. He's trying to cuss. Never once ever.

Has she been around, too? No, she's been here only for a brief dog.

She was a sock.

She's a good dog.

She wants her daddy.

She does.

Yeah, we got a little hot dog. When Ari was inside before, she was sitting outside the door. Just sitting, staring up at the door, knowing that he was in that room.

It is a cute dog, but it is autistic.

Yeah, why say that?

She's going for bud lights.

It's just one of those dogs. It's not a dog. It's more of a cat.

Just like stairs.

It's not like a fun. It's a quiet, weird. You know what I mean, it's a skittish dog.

She's not skittish. Lap dog. She doesn't like fireworks. That's literally every dog my dog doesn't like.

No, but look at her. It's quiet. Just walking weird. Dude, it's a very serious dog.

She is serious.

Where are you going, solemn dog?

She's sad, girl. If you're trying to insult her, it won't work.

I'm not insulting her. I'm just saying that you guys know these types of dogs. You've seen these types of dogs. Sullem.

Sullen.

Something has sullen.

Girl.

Sullen. Sullem. Sullem.

The fucking doors open.

Oh, the dogs. Get in.

God damn it, Mark. Anybody want cigars?

Cigars?

I'm okay.

A whole new foundation delivery.

Hell yeah.

Some freshies.

They're both dogs in here or just one?

I know Ari's gay dog's here.

I know, right? Trying to have a good time with your gay dog, ruining everything.

Why do you have a bandana on this dog? Is it blood rep, y'all? Shit.

Because he's in the west, bro. He's in salute. He's in Texas, obviously. He's got a fucking bandana on. It went green last week.

Why did it have green on? For the environment, your people. Oh, nice.

Yeah.

By the way, up the IRa free Palestine.

Try it.

They love Palestine. Those mix.

They really do.

Well, everybody been through it.

Loves the underdog. And when you were the underdog, forever.

They've been through it.

Yeah, the n words of Europe.

I mean, they literally, when I went.

To Northern Ireland and I saw the fucking cars, the police cars that are to this day armored with big steel plates all around them because the IRA bombs.

Oh, you found it.

We need headphones. Otherwise we're going to talk over each other and it's going to be very annoying. You have to have headphones, Ari. You particularly. And everyone, and literally everyone has disjointed, offhand conversations. The thing, when you're listening, it's so hard. I know we're having a good time.

But I'm telling you, it was worse earlier.

Yeah, it was bad at one point.

First hour was rough.

I never took the headphones off. I was like, well, we'll find our.

Ah, damn.

I took them off. I had them on in the beginning, and it made me feel bad because we were talking over each other with him on. Everybody had him on.

We all had him on.

It's because of you, Ari.

You do. No, literally no one had him on.

No, we all did. And then you ruined it.

Is this supposed to look like you, Ari?

You're a destroyer of worlds, America.

All right, going back in.

Ari, you're next for siren Live.

I went there a couple years ago and Shay was like, giving a tour. It was pretty cool. Were you?

And then he goes, premises.

And he goes, if you go in the back way. I was like, can I go back there? See what's there? He's like, yeah, there's nothing there. And I'm like, can I walk through the doors? He goes, yeah, but there's a superstition that if you walk through before you're actually hosting, you'll never host. And I just looked down for like 5 seconds and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm going back there.

Yeah, you're never going to.

What are we talking about?

Superstitions are hilarious, especially when it comes to that. Like, oh, no, you're going to take away my five grand.

I could not believe they were like, you got to sign these contracts. And I was like, all right, then we'll pay you. And I was like, how much is it? It's five grand. You get five grand.

You should just knock. I'm not signed.

I didn't.

But your agent gets 10%. Your manager.

Exactly. For a week of work.

I know the most stress.

Yeah. And it showed that you're awesome at sketches and it turns people to Gillian Keys, which is, I think, the best sketch show on the Internet.

Thanks.

Fucking awesome. And it was brother fucking Onlyfans, dad. It's one of the best fucking sketches I have ever seen. You got a gang of them at the Trump speed dating.

It's fucking genius shit, that's all.

Yeah, you got some genius, genius shit. And that's the best part, is that it sends people towards the real shit. Independent comedy sketches that are done by the people that are actually funny. There's no one fucking with them. There's no network notes. There's no executives. There's no watering up the fucking chili. It's just speaker watering up. Don't fuck with that, dude.

I already had it last time.

Don't fuck with the Carolina reaper.

Wicked bad night.

Mark.

Bong one of those, dude.

For the troops.

Well, I've had to take a think about it.

You had a fucking block earlier. You're fine.

It's time for America. It's time for America it's time to take America back, Mark.

That's the joke.

Mark, we got to take America back.

Come on, man. Do it for the troops.

Hold on.

You had one drink. One drink in four days.

You had two fucking comics. That's the one without ICE cube. You're going to be drunk on that.

When comics were eating dick. How about a round? Applause for troops, everybody?

Yeah. Easy way out.

Easy way out. The round of applause for the ladies.

Yeah. Who's having a birthday? First date.

How about a round of applause for the ladies?

Can you imagine bombing? And then someone's like, who's having a birthday in the audience? Like, no, you're not including me, right?

No, I wouldn't cheer for that.

That's you, Ari. But most unreasonable people, like me. It's my birthday.

Her birthday.

Especially if you don't have special days. That's the only special day. Well, that in the bachelorette, most days suck. Except for 90 day fiance. When that's on, it's awesome.

My lady watches that. That is a wild.

Do you jump in and watch? That's the one lady show I can see.

Well, you learn a lot. The threats to marriage. The threats. This is like the argument against gay marriage. It's, like, bad for the institution.

What is it?

The institution of marriage. Like, what about this? What about fucking reality show? We decide to get married after 90 days.

For 90 days. And then they got to get married.

Fucking mind you, got to pick one of these hoes.

And that's not even close. There's other ones, like the bachelor. They don't even talk to each other. And then they get engaged.

I know.

That's way worse than gay marriage.

And you don't know what they even look like until you meet them. You don't know anything.

They're going to hell. But 90 days makes America look great because they're willing to leave this country to go live in, like, Pensacola in a condo.

It's great for China. It's great for China. China's like, look at these idiots.

Yeah. Not learning math.

What we're doing over in China every day, it's like fucking the ninja show. American ninja. That sounds cool.

American ninja.

So they're all, like, competing against each other. There's all, like, fucking chest puffing and they're getting rid of all femininity on television.

I bet China's TV is just ours 1015 years ago.

I bet China's TV is ours. If we had fucking control.

Well, they don't let them watch our.

State controlled television.

State control. That's what I'm saying.

America needs state control.

Real men.

Real men.

Real men.

Well, they're TikTok guys. Engineers.

Nonsense. Daddy's home.

Yeah, we need just Tom Hardy, isn't.

It funny that that's like, everybody really kind of wants the big daddy in the sky to take care of everything.

It was a plot of Marvel. Thor's brother was, you want to be led? You want to be led?

You got the four skid. Thank you.

Sorry.

Oh, you're good.

Oh, my God.

Carl doesn't like ICE. Carl don't get banned.

He doesn't like Jews.

Carl's definitely free Palestine.

Oh, yeah, you think so?

Carl's definitely up the raw.

Carl looks grumpy. Carl looks like he reads a newspaper.

He's looking at, I think, pissy.

Carl does now have strong convictions, and he could be persuaded in either direction.

Yeah, his eyes are about to pop.

If the Jews win this one, Carl could.

He's going to go where the money is.

Boy. If you want to convert to the Jews, they make it hard. You guys make it probably the hardest. I know.

That's crazy.

Delta club, dude.

There's a lot going on.

We want to be sure you're ready. They don't make you take a tattoo at least.

How did Sammy Davis pass?

That's such a wild flex for a woman to force you to convert, to get tattooed. It's a wild flex.

Well, the foreskin looks better when it's gone.

That's a wild one. You got to have a circumcision. You can make a chick convert because I'll just say it, whatever.

But chop your.

You got to clip your dick skin off and risk infection and death and the loss of your dick at 37. That's how good that pussy is.

Yeah, well, my friend got circumcised at 33, and he's happy, by the way.

Tip for everybody. You can just lie to the in laws until you did it. You don't actually have to do it.

What you just said is the ultimate anecdotal experience. My friend got his dick mutilated and he loves it.

He kept getting infected. A lot of schmegma.

Tell your friend to clean his dick. What kind of dirty motherfucker.

Yeah, well, he's indian.

Getting dick infections.

He's indian.

Yeah, indian fella.

What are you blaming that on?

Well, I'm just saying it's a lot.

Of curry, but curry coming out of your dick.

What are you doing?

He's eating like an elephant.

Well, he got.

Tossing it into your mouth. Tossing fucking curry chicken into your mouth with your dick.

Slum dog.

That's ridiculous.

Just saying it gets in there. They're bacteria.

Yeah.

Yes.

Who's uncircumcised here? Anybody? No, way.

Jmo.

Jmo.

Carl's uncircumcised Carl.

You haven't circumcised Carl yet.

Decent red.

He better circumcise. I'll talk to a guy I think.

We might have talked about before. You guys ever see a dog's dick?

Yeah, dog's dick. Every day of the.

No, no, I'm talking about my dog in the morning. No, I'm not talking about the actual bonus, the bone, the real bonus.

I've seen it. The weird looking at organ.

At the old studio, we had a walrus one. A petrified walrus one. How old was that fucking thing?

I don't know.

Where is it?

Where's that walrus?

I am the walrus.

Cuckoo. Kachu, you ever see him get hooked up?

Vaculum. That's right.

It's called a bone.

Steve Brunella, shout out to Scott.

Baculum.

You ever see him get hooked up? Two dogs.

He's back. He was too sober earlier.

Now he's going.

Now he's going.

What show is that guy?

Quantum leap. Good show.

That's right. Time travel show. The early 2000s.

Early 90s.

Early 90s.

Early 90s.

Wait, is quantum Leap mid. There's one where he hops into a Down syndrome guy at the very end. Yeah. He opens his bedroom door and the mirror shows a down syndrome guy. And he's like, I'm retarded.

That's him.

Oh, my God.

He was a hump.

Let me say, do it from the beginning. Do it from the beginning.

He goes, I'm retarded.

I'm retarded. That's the language they used on dramas on TV back then.

Beatles.

Oh, my God, by the way.

That's how I wake up.

Shit, by the way, every female comics like, you know what it's like getting attacked by the way you look. I'm like, have you seen Gillis's page? All day long.

I love hearing that when it's like, you have no idea what it's like to get made fun of for how you look. It's all, I do.

Some idea.

It's the only thing I do.

But it's different. This is why, if you're a talented guy and you look like shit, you can still get laid.

Well, hold on. I don't look like shit.

I'm not saying you.

I'm not saying you retarded shit.

Let's say someone far worse off than anyone in this room. You could still get beautiful women because you're talented. That does not work. The opposite.

True.

But they can get puss. Or they can get dick without being talented and hot.

And they cannot be hot and get dick.

They cannot at all and get dick.

When we're talking about mathematics, well, we've.

All a couple of.

Put those back on.

I mean, mathematics in a sense that each thing has a value to it. And the more wealthy, famous success, like, what's that guy's name? That super, super fucking old dude that owned Fox? Rupert Murdoch. This dude is worth billions of dollars and got divorced. Right? Or he was going to get married, had this fiance, and she's like, really into Christianity or something. But the crazy thing is, he was talking about the rest of his life. He was like, the second half of my life. Wow, he's 90. If you see him walking around like, this guy's crazy. But it's because this guy knows he can still sling dick. Stephen Hawkeye got laid. That was his lady. Whoa.

Oh, he did it again.

So he's got a new one. He's engaged again. He was a molecular biologist, yo, he's 92. He just got engaged again. This is what I'm talking about. You got that kind of cheddar, you can slang dick deep into the 90s. There is not a woman he divorced Jerry hall, the woman who was married to Mick Jagger.

Easy, McAfee.

Maybe because women like competency, but this is the difference. Maybe they're attracted to competency.

That's all it is.

But this is why. Which is fine, but this is why.

That's what people should be attracted, even trade. That's what people should be attracted to.

But this is why a woman can say, you don't know what it's like because you don't know what it's like because there's always this other thing.

Yeah, but here, I'd rather be the woman. She would rather be a lady.

If you're hot, if you're hot or not hot, but if you're not hot unfavorably about something that you have no control over, and that's your value to.

A lot of people, what he's.

That's the difference. There's a difference.

Of course, the original statement, though, was female comics talk about. People always comment on my statement, and it's like, that's all they do with me.

Right.

I get it.

It's just. I think it has a different value for women.

True. I can go. Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, I've just sold out. Mass. There's a thing that separates you from everybody, and that's talent. And for a woman, it's like unattractiveness is the trumper. That's number one. A hot lady.

But you banged ugly ladies.

Not in my adult life.

Only as a kid.

I was a good looking guy. I did well.

You did all right.

I got lucky. I got lucky with jeans. But it's just if you're a woman and you don't get lucky, that's a bad sentence. Like, if your whole world around you, especially today, that's one of the things that social media has fucked young girls up, because you're looking at girls that are way hotter than you. Before they use filters, before they use filters, and then they throw filters on, they look insanely good. And you know, there's not a fucking chance in hell. And that's genes that you got dealt the fucking hand of cards you got.

Yeah, but then he's going to compete with that. Yeah, but then you get to marry a nice guy.

Yeah.

You're not in that world of maybe here's me in a bikini picture. You're like, here's a nice guy. We're going to raise a family together. I don't know, there's some benefits to that.

There's benefits.

Maybe they're not in our world of fucking.

But guess what? If Kim Kardashian wants to marry a nice guy, she can do.

She cannot.

If she decides to just go grab some nice guy. Well, he was the guy who was working on my house.

Do you know what's going to happen.

If she marries day one?

TMZ is going to stick a camera in his face.

He'll never be normal.

He'll never go outside. He won't be nice, and she'll just fuck him.

He won't be nice again. She'll tie him to the day one, and they'll ruin him.

Yeah, I don't know.

Whatever. We're having fun now.

Is it possible? Here's the thing. The super mind fuck is when people get famous, like Jordan Peterson style, when they get famous, when he got hotter.

And then went Looney Benz.

What it is is he started eating only little bonkeys.

Little bonks.

What do you think is Bonker? What did he say? That's Bonker.

He's a little bonker.

I don't know. Just give me a famous, famous, too famous. Entering rehab.

Oh, you know what that is?

Yeah.

He unfortunately did not know the side effects of benzodiazepine.

Yeah, sounds like an actor.

The guy just took him. He'll tell you he took him because he was really struggling. But I think part of the reason why he's struggling is his wife is going through cancer.

I thought he's supposed to be a smart guy. Read the label. Humanity.

Listen, man, read the label. If you did something, if you play golf, you play golf, right? But I don't play. So if I came to you, what's the thing that you do that I don't do?

Golf. Yeah.

Okay. So if I came to you and go, how do you do this? Yeah, I would just listen because you do it and I don't do it. So if you're a doctor, a psychologist, you call your friend who's a psychiatrist, and you say, I'm going through this. What should I do? Take this. Don't worry, you're going to feel way better. He takes Xanax, he feels way better. But he doesn't realize that there's one of two things that's commonly used that'll kill you if you just jump off it. One's alcohol, the other is Benzos.

Is that right?

If you're an alcoholic, if you're like.

A full on all day doctor told him that?

No, his doctor didn't tell him that. So he didn't realize that until he tried to get off of him. And it took like a fucking year, man.

That guy described those things.

Physically wrecked Peterson rules.

But yeah, anytime any of those intellectuals become famous, they kind of stink. And then there's chasing. When you get fully sucked into the culture war as an intellectual, either side, I don't love it.

Yeah. Because then it's like you're wasting all your mental energy on the culture war and not curing cancer or something like.

Well, he was never going to kill cancer.

But it's also the recognize that if you don't fight against this shit, it just keeps pushing and gaining. More boundary, more ground. It moves the goalposts.

It does.

And you have to have really smart people crying spree.

You want a crying spree?

Feels that way. I know it seems crazy when you look at it out of context, but if you look at him crying in the context of the conversation, it's because he really feels.

I go on crying sprees, but I keep him.

Keep him offline.

He's just being himself. And he's being himself in front of all these people. He's being himself with all these people watching.

He's being himself in a three piece suit.

He's getting dressed up to go be himself.

And the weird three piece, sometimes they're like multicolored, like, what do you.

But he does.

He's cooler than I live.

Yeah, whatever. He's cool. It's just the fame ruins a lot of people's work. They're doing great work. The Kimmel, same sort of thing. It's like they're all becoming something else.

But it's also because you're a part of a system, right? Jordan's not necessarily a part of a system. He's, like, removed from a system. But then the problem becomes, are you constantly fighting that system, or are you just speaking about things the way you see them?

Well, the question is, why is there a system fighting him? Why can't he just exist and talk about what he wants to talk about? Why is someone always coming down?

Because he has a lot of influence. That's what he's saying.

But why can't he have an influence? Why do we have to attack him?

It's because the Internet. It's because. Who likes him? It's just people arguing on the Internet. They're like, Jordan Peterson rules. Listen to this quote. And then people that don't like the things you like are like, he's actually a Nazi. And then the people that call him a Nazi, they're like, you're know.

But why do we have to be.

Like, I thought I had something there. No, you.

A Nazi has never been subjective.

But why do we have to be like, subjective term?

Which is weird. You're right. That's why you would infuriate me, that whole punch a Nazi thing. I was like, who decides who's a Nazi?

He's been called a Nazi Jew faith 101.

That's a fun one. And I was like, all right, well.

They were calling Dave Smith a self hating Jew because he's criticizing the way Israel's bombing the fucking shit out of Gaza.

Free Palestine.

The whole thing is so nuts, man.

You guys are going a little overboard. Dude, you got them.

I'm on the side of Hamas. I like the way they're killing the Palestinians.

You like how Hamas is?

Killing Hamas tunnels is one thing. You guys underrated.

You're saying how Hamas is killing the Palestinians? Their own people?

Yeah. When they line them up and execute all their fucking people running against them.

Do they do that?

Yeah, it's cool.

The Jews tried to have a ceasefire.

And they wouldn't go with it.

What?

The Jews threw out a ceasefire like, hey, let's do a ceasefire. And Palestine was like, nah, no deal.

When was that?

October 6. The day before? Yeah, pull it up.

I'm sure the terms dictate whether they say yes or no.

You know what the wildest thing is? That there was protests in the streets for months. Hundreds of thousands of people protesting Netanyahu.

Right. In Israel.

Right? Yeah.

You can be against your leaders without being against the countries, but it was.

Right before it happened for sure. And then what happened that put a squad.

Netanyahu is ready to throw down. No, he's ready to go, brother.

Yeah. Hamas, get rid to all the old guard. Get somebody young in there.

See if we can get 40 year.

Olds in there to fucking.

The thing is, man, the people that have gone through this, you're not going to erase this. You're not going to erase the memory of what they did to Gaza. You're not going to erase the memory of what those people in Israel experienced when those dudes are fucking parachuting down and gunning people down and chasing down kids at a rave. You're not going to erase that.

Uhoh. What's she thinking?

Hillary said it. Remember? There's a ceasefire on October 6 that Hamas broke by their barbaric assault on peaceful civilians.

Scroll up so we can see that trustworthy picture. There she is.

All right.

What did she say?

There was a ceasefire. It did not hold because Hamas chose to break it.

There you go.

Moss have consistently broken ceasefire. If Dave Smith was here, Dave Smith would be able to lay this out.

Yeah, I don't know anything.

We need a real Jew.

I found out about Dave because of Ari's state of the country.

Yeah.

Rip Smith's a smart guy. I can't keep up.

Oh, he's a genius. He's one of the best at retaining information.

Sometimes you talk about, you're like, wait, who?

Say that again.

No, I mean, he just can talk about basically any international crisis that he's investigated. He investigates things to the point of, like, he'll be able to tell you the root of the conflict.

Sure. His wife loves it.

Oh, my God.

Tough household.

There's no way he's only telling us that. He's telling her that, too. Yeah, she's probably petrified.

Back to the female comedian thing, but you're looking retarded in that whole thing. Well, what bugs me is it's all men's fault, but they judge each other.

That's true, too.

There's a lot of lady on lady judging of appearance.

All this is going to go out the window with Crispr. It's all going to go out there with genetic engineering. They're going to change people and turn them into cool.

Well, all we talk about is body positivity, but everybody's getting botox. Lap band and they're all on a zembic. Which one is it?

Well, they don't want to die, but they want to pretend they're okay. And they want to pretend that it's fine to be exactly how you are because it's uncomfortable to deal with the fact you got to make some changes. And so let's not make people uncomfortable. Let's let China win. Let's let Russia win. Let's keep everybody weak and fat and stupid and lazy and addicted to their phones. Yeah, and then let's shut the power off.

All right. You're just describing Shane.

That wasn't a pun.

Well, you've been working out.

That wasn't a pun. Usually you're a pun guy.

I got puns.

Yeah, get a pun going.

The puns are in the works.

You can work out here with us tomorrow. And you want to work out tomorrow?

What's tomorrow?

We're bringing it back. The comedian.

Comedian workout.

Oh, I got to fly home tomorrow.

Son of a bitch.

I thought you were home.

You live here?

No, I got to go. My parents.

Oh, isn't that cute?

We got a little fundraiser for the coffee shop.

Promote it.

Tell her tomorrow.

Nor in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania. It's called nor.

So this will come out tomorrow.

So nice. They'll hear it. I'll be there.

They'll get flooded.

Yeah, that's probably a mistake, but it's called nor.

Check it out.

N o r m. N o u r. Nor. Yeah.

All right.

It's a good coffee shop.

You got to have a plug on SNL.

Yeah.

Did you get a plug? Yeah, I talked about it.

You heard the joke before the opening. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right.

I didn't get to do the whole.

Joke so much more.

Yeah, I burnt all.

You got away with a lot when.

You hand me one of those beers, Ari.

How's the new. First of all, I got leaked that you were in a tarantino thing, which I think was bullshit.

I'm not, but then I don't believe him. Yeah, I feel like I'm talking to one of them UFO guys. It's bullshitting me. There's a few of those UFO guys. I talked to them. I'm like, you're bullshitting.

If I was in the Tarantino movie, I would tell you guys. By the way, I would tell you right away.

Son of a bitch. You're in a fucking thing.

I told you.

I don't believe him at all.

No, he's not a movie.

I would tell you right away. I tell you guys.

Everything.

Well, blabber Mill. Tarantino's like, one. Tell you immediately if you're in Tarantino's last movie.

That would be very close. Did you meet with first time?

I was like, no.

Do you have any discussions?

I've never met him in my life.

He loves comedies about it. Through Jews.

Never.

Powerful Jews that haven't told me anything.

He's the fucking man. He's like a legit movie genius. He's awesome.

He's the man. Would you tell me about Reservoir dog, where they were like, you got to put a woman in. And he's like, no, I just want to do the movie.

Why would I do that?

Didn't you tell me that? Or is a different guy with your face?

Wasn't me with your face, but I believe it. That's great. He's like, no, we're doing it that way.

He's like, this is how we're doing the movies. You got to get a woman in there. He's like, but it's about a bank robbery. Then they all shoot each other. What are you talking about? They don't cut a guy's ear off.

Yeah.

And he was like, no, I'm not doing it. And it was a hit.

Wow.

Just let people do their thing.

Not a hit, though. Underground.

Well, it led to pulp fiction.

Yeah, that was the creative hit, not a financial hit. They were both speaking correctly.

What was the guy that he was a partner with in the early days made this?

Fucking Harvey Weinstein? I believe he is tied up right now with legal issues.

There were no female characters. And reservoir dogs. Because the movie took place over the course of an hour in this warehouse. After the robbery? After this robbery, these guys aren't going to bring their girlfriends to the robbery. Joe didn't happen to hire any women? Where did you get a normal life? We got to raise a baby.

You ruined your suit. You got blood all over it.

When the piano starts in the movie, like, fast forward, was that like, movie.

An homage to a chinese or a japanese movie?

Probably.

What's it, Jamie? I'm fucking dying.

Jamie. That's not the type of back talk we need. We need research, not back.

Has there ever been a guy that's never had one miss? You're going to be okay. Never had a miss.

Say the guy.

What?

What was that one?

Still fun. Still fun. I didn't let you talk about it. For weeks later. It was.

I didn't love it.

You didn't love it on the.

Yes, of course. I was so excited for it because Django and inglorious bastards are top bangers.

Top five inglorious bath time banger me.

Pulp. Yeah. Django was kind of like a little bit over the line of reality, holding the fucking body up with it.

Django was so nice, dude. Yeah, but hateful eight, dude.

I love.

It was so low intense. I like when he's like, hey, put these handcuffs on. And he goes, no. And he puts it back, and you're like, fuck, some shit's going to go back down.

He beat the hell out of Jennifer Jason Lee.

Oh, that was fun. I forgot about that. Look at her with a black eye, bro.

This movie got some real Rihanna Rosebud. This movie fucking ruled.

Movie ruled literally everything wrong.

It's way too drawn out.

Action. There was not a lot of action, but that was his response. That was him going, shut up. I'll do my own thing.

It's a western. Who done.

Yeah, it's an awesome movie.

You're going to be okay.

But pulp Fiction still holds up.

Pulp fiction. I watched him lost that movie to Forrest Gump. Gump dumb. That fucking thing is.

Gump is.

Obviously you love Forrest Gump. Get out of a bitch.

What is this type of thing?

It was a good movie. It was a good movie. Oh, where's your pre posting now?

Gump was good.

Gump was great, but it was no fucking pulp fiction. Shut up. Gump was no giant drop down.

Guys, what are we talking about? Gump in Vietnam?

Hilarious.

Gump's a comedy.

Gump is a comedy.

Gump is so good. Gump's fucking his drill instructor being like.

Gump, why did you put that weapon.

Together so quickly, private Gump? Because you told me to. He's like, jesus Christ, you must have an IQ of 160. You are going to be a goddamn general someday. Go disassemble your weapon and continue.

Tastes like Shank was that year, too.

And you're at JP Gum, dude, what a year.

It's obviously best soundtrack. Gump fiction.

Shut the fuck up for soundtrack, dude. Shawshank Redemption soundtrack was legendary.

Shawshank redemption rules, for sure.

Killer.

Pulp Fiction had the best soundtrack.

By far the best. They reinvented the idea of a soundtrack.

Hold on. Pulp fiction over gump soundtrack.

It reinvented the whole. What is a soundtrack?

Soundtrack was literally the quintessential american rock. It's America running on.

Pulp Fiction was like, we're having bands you've never.

Cool. Yeah, there's a difference.

It's not even close. Fortunate son. Let's go.

This is a collection of popular songs.

This is mainstream research.

What are you talking about?

Ari's right.

This is the most essential american song.

Great definition.

Never heard that song. And we're like, what is this?

Listen, pulp fiction fucking rules. I would probably rather jungle boogie.

He's rediscovering old bands that were like, son of a preacher man. Where you're like, I don't even remember the song. Let's make it popular again.

Mainstream versus indie.

Yeah, force Gump was mainstream, which is like, here are the biggest hits of the year.

Still great songs.

Yeah, they both rule.

That's a problem with arguments of like.

That's a big problem with award.

It reached number 21. Fired up.

Yeah, we need the right on the left.

Jmo.

Let's fire it up, 21. Let's find top sales of all time. I guarantee Forrest Gump soundtrack reach number.

Reach higher than number 21.

Listen, Forrest Gump was a great movie.

Why are we saying it?

Doesn't mean that. It's not really in competition with Pulp Fiction. Nor should it be.

They're two different movies. They're two different movies.

Two different kinds of things.

But to sit here and say pulp Fiction should have won. That's crazy.

It should have won.

Number seven.

I think it's a better movie.

Way better movie. More iconic. More lovely.

More iconic.

More people love it.

I don't know about iconic.

What? More people love it. Cooler people love it.

You're just saying dumb things.

Yeah, that way to catch up. More people love it. By far better claim, more manly, manlier.

In the face of evidence that shows that Forest Gump is a superior product according to the marketplace. Ari Shafir rejects this in favor of just dude.

Obviously pulp fiction was a cooler movie.

Spending his career.

You're cool.

Urge overkill is cool.

It's cool.

Discovering new bands is cool. That soundtrack was awesome. I actually never heard of anyone say the Forrest Gump soundtrack was awesome.

What?

Nobody?

No, they put together a lot of great tunes.

Forrest Gump soundtrack was awesome.

Yeah, I don't remember it at all.

Let's see what it was.

We're going to go in the billboard.

Oh, my God. Look at what we got here.

Wow.

Fortunate son.

Come on, hound dog.

Respect by notice.

Reddit, they're better songs. Soundtrack. It's just like Buffalo spring.

The doors.

Put the headphones on.

You stepped on fucking Zionist.

Put the headphones on. Free Palestine. Put the headphones on.

You colonize this fucking conversation, bro.

Yeah, go back to the tunnel.

I hate you, dude.

What?

Movies they play in the tunnel. Tunnel. Wild, right?

What are they playing in the tunnel.

It's just shinder's list.

Tell me what you know about the tunnel. Where's the email list?

They still won't talk.

Put your headphones on. So we don't talk over each other?

No, we're all.

You're the only one that saw.

You're the only one talking.

Everybody pauses when other people start talking because we have headphones on.

What? You're talking about weird and command up.

He goes. We're all wearing headphones. That's all.

Go, no, literally nobody is.

No. At least Norman's guy call you Norman?

Just put him on.

Norman's got him around his chin. He can at least keep up.

You know what else is nice? What? Remember the Titan soundtrack?

Another great classic about Vision Quest.

Vision Quest?

Yeah. What's that movie from the 90s?

Fucking stoner.

I never heard of it.

Might not even be from the 90s. It might be like 80 80s. It was a movie about. It might be like late 80s. Now that I think about it. It's a movie about a wrestler.

But we're not allowed to modine. We're not allowed to play music.

No, we can't.

Did you see Ironclaw?

I didn't.

Oh, you would like it. It's heavy duty.

What is it?

Oh, come on, Jamo.

What's Ironclaw?

It's a kung fu movie. It's about the. What is. Wrestling Van Hoos.

Yeah.

What's the name?

Oh, that's the one where homeboy. The handsome fella.

Yeah.

Zac Efron.

Zac Efron.

That's really well done and sad as shit, bro.

That fucking. The pro wrestling world is mostly sad at the end.

Well, it's like the dark days of wrestling. Open mic high school gym.

By the way, all those open mic high school gym wrestling matches, that's part of your ticket that you get punched. CTE.

You got that right?

You only get. Look at that.

There's the handsome Zach Efron.

Jesus Christ.

That's the real family with the dad.

It's a tragic family, man.

I heard the movie.

Awesome. I have not seen it.

Is that Vader?

I was confusing it with the man with the iron fists.

No, very different.

Which has got a fucking great soundtrack.

Really well done.

Shit, is. That's a good soundtrack.

Wu Tang. Yeah.

God, dude. And there's also. There's a Wu Tang spirit in the sky.

Any soundtrack with spirit in the sky.

There's a Wu Tang black keys collaboration. Whoa, really? Yeah, man.

The baddest man alive, the black clan.

That was Wu Tang with them. One song.

One of the members of Wu Tang. One of the members of Wu Tang.

Interesting.

Not Inspector Dick?

Who was it?

Rizza did the whole soundtrack.

One of them cut their dick off to what? Yeah, one of the Wu Tang cut their dick off.

No way.

Yeah, give it a good.

That's right. Someone went.

Swear to God.

Yeah.

One of the lesser known associates.

Lesser known associates.

Method woman. Come on, man.

Specter. Dickless.

Isn't the jizza, like, a master level chess player? High level chess player.

Is that jizza anymore?

Not the rizza. The jizza. I think the rizza is, too.

I like that.

With the jizza specifically, we're not allowed.

Are we listening to music?

We can't. We can't play.

Damn.

You, too?

Keep asking.

It's a great. Yeah. That is annoying.

Yeah, we remember we played a whole freebird on here. What was that we played?

Oh, my God.

That was glorious.

Glorious. I talked too much.

Now.

You didn't talk to it.

So you get the comments. Lose the music.

Hit it.

All right, there you go. Fetty, put it down. Hell, yeah. We need some uncopy written versions of this song. Like, call in.

But you can't even do a cover. They'll fucking.

Nick you with a cover.

Adam cooking.

They'll nick you. They'll steal from you. I love.

My favorite one was Connor's when he was talking about you. When Khabib. That's an illegal knee.

Shut up, Joe, you fool. Yeah.

Call the police. That's an illegal knee.

Listen, I have to do commentary on the rules.

No, I have to.

If someone lands an illegal knee, I have to let the audience know it's illegal.

Connor was talking about the fired up. Yeah, about the commentary.

He gets fired up. He gets on Twitter. He gets on voice Twitter. He's the only guy on earth that uses it.

I'm in your wife's DMs, Joe.

Shut up.

Joe, you fool.

Remember the Reebok? Well, this is a Springbok. Yes.

Let me hear. It's so good.

That was an illegal knee on the head of a grounded opponent should have. Joe, you little fool.

Listen, this is my thing. I think not only should it be legal, I think all knees on the ground should be legal. 100%. I think knee to a grounded opponent to the head should be legal. The only problem with that is the cage. It's the only problem because you can't move your head out of the way. If someone's got your head pinned against the cage and they knee you in the face, that's disastrous. But every other place, I feel like you should be able to knee somebody in the head on top. On the bottom, it would stop stalling. It would stop people, like, hanging out in the turtle position. You wouldn't be able to. There's a lot of reasons to stop. You should have knees on the ground. So I think what he did 100% should be legal. If you're on your back and a guy's on top of you, you can knee him in the head. That should be legal.

There you go.

Significant advantage of being on top.

Shut up, Joe.

But you should also be able to.

Knee him in the head if you're on top, that's, like, realistic. That's what fighting really is.

That was during the khabib fight. There's no chance he was on top?

No, he was on the bottom. That was the thing. Even on the bottom, it's illegal.

You're not left. Yeah, because he's also got a knee on the mat.

Exactly. So if a guy's grounded, he's on top of you. Inside control.

Right.

So a guy's on top of you, his head is here. If you lift your knee up, you can just slam his knee from here. You can just slam his knee to your head. It's illegal. You can't throw a knee or a kick to a grounded opponent in the face.

I see risky.

Fire him up, dude.

Tell that to Don Fry.

Well, in the early days, everything was legal in pride. They used to stomp pride.

They used to.

They used to do soccer kicks and pride week. No, back before pride was about.

They love knees. They're always on the knees, Mark.

Here's a good question for you, Ari, because you're the gayest person here.

I agree. What do you got?

Who is the gayest person?

You look like you own a.

Women are swooning over me.

When did pride become automatically associated with gay?

Gay.

That's a big shit.

Interesting. That is over UFC.

Like, if you just say pride first.

It was.

America was the first pride thing.

Well, they're called proud Boys.

If you say you had pride, though, you would say you had pride in America.

Remember that norm joke about that joke?

Can I get a little music from you, Mr. Shafir?

America. America.

The IDF talk.

America. Fuck.

You.

Took it down there.

I pay taxes. I live in this country.

All right, easy.

Let me.

Joe, fill us up for goddamn beer.

Stonewall 70, bro. Stay away from that. I got a joke on this.

So in 1970, stay away from Stonewall.

Gays didn't even have the fucking manhood to defend themselves. The lesbo.

Stay away from Stonewall. That's my one good joke I got right now. Please.

I missed it.

Moving on.

So, 1970.

Yeah.

It was 1970 with pride. Yeah, but that's when they started calling it gay pride. But it wasn't the word.

Catch on.

Pride wasn't synonymous with gay. Yeah, because the gays steal things. They took rainbow. They took pride.

Yeah.

You ever see the black power speech when the guy invented black power?

No.

Oh. Martin Luther King took a day off one of the rally campaigns, and this guy was, like, waiting for the opportunity. He goes, fuck white power. Fuck white power. How about us? How about black power? And they all start chanting it. He's such a good speaker. And he goes, it's too late. Martin Luther King got back. It was too late. It had caught on.

Who's this guy?

I don't know.

You made this story impossible.

I don't think I did. I don't think I did.

This is how flat earth got started. They speak confidently, they say a bunch of nonsense.

It's 50 50 both that I made it up and 100% truth. I can't tell you.

I wish we had the fucking Internet.

I wish we watched somewhere.

Fred Hampton. Give a speech, dude, get the people going. A revolutionary.

I die for the people. Come on.

This deleted scene from Forrest Gump.

Since we were just talking about this.

No, this is wild, dude.

It's. Forrest Gump was hanging out with Martin Luther King. Yeah.

They had to get rid of this scene. Smart.

Smart move. Sound on this for some reason.

Why did they have to get rid of this?

Oh, there is the kid.

He's playing. They just had to cut.

He comes over, all the dogs are trying to attack him, and he, like, gets a stick and he throws it and all.

Sorry about that.

Oh, my God.

That's so ridiculous. Whoa.

They would have torn him to shreds.

He would have had zero chance staying alive.

He would have had no skin left.

That's actually offensive.

What? This?

I think even back then, they were like, we got to cut that.

All they had to do was toss the stick back and civil rights would have been accomplished.

I'm willing to buy that. He's awesome at Ping pong.

They cut it.

It was ridiculous in the right way.

I will go that far with Ping pong. You can't tell me.

Yes, Mark wild. Yes, Mark.

No one from the african american community could have figured that out. No dude was good at dogs.

Hold on a second. He is a rapist uncle.

What is this? From home alone. Oh.

That'S funny.

You can't do that anymore. You can't so much implied to a nephew.

That's like day one.

You can't pants the kids.

You can't pants. No, not these days anymore. Crazy.

I've been pants and kids my whole childhood.

That balding old man who has zero chance of pussy can't pants kids.

Yeah, come on. I can't do it. Mark can do it.

Listen, you look at that. If you're bald, show me that it's the way he looks.

So I got, like, three weeks.

Listen to me. Listen to me, because this is very important. The ods of a woman choosing that guy over anybody are very small. So that guy's probably more than love competency, Joe. Yeah, and obviously not competent. He's wearing a fucking vest.

What if he's a beast, dude?

I think he is. This is a crazy person.

Look at his grimace as he pants them.

Go back. Crazy person this hard as a rock while he's tormenting a child. This is a fucking creep with two terabytes of kitty porn on his fucking hard drive. That dude runs a discord server. That was a rich people looking at AI child porn.

That was supposed to be Kevin Spacey. He didn't get the role.

Not in real life. The real guys. It's an actor. It's a movie. It's a different time. I'm just joking. Yeah, that was 92, but if that was a real human, that was alone with a little kid. And that's your move? Not like telling you.

Don't think it's funny.

Hey, Bobby, you want to know what I do for a living? Who is that guy? That's not his dad. That's some fucking creepy dude he got stuck with. You get stuck with this fucking 50 year old incel who wants to pants you and then go jerk off to his discord server. This psycho. That guy's a psycho. That guy's a straight up psycho. Tormenting a young child who has so. He's so vulnerable, he can't do anything.

I was craving a subway pants with my nephew.

If that pants me, I'd get a knife. You get a knife? That's what his goal was. I think it was the opposite. Me deep throating him.

You're a big.

I had a little tiny knife back then. It would have probably taken it away from me. I had a little fucking swiss army knife. One of those little bitch ass. You would have cut him 100%. Come on. I was vulnerable, man. This guy was a weird dude. Tell me you, like, get a freak.

Off and get ready to go. What?

You ever get sexually assaulted by a man? You were in a very serious religious group, January.

What happened to you in the tunnel?

Oh, yeah, it's storage space. It's just. Why does it have to be sex trafficking?

What about this shit smeared bloody mattress?

That's a Snopes.

Let's give it a go.

You all look at the black power spirit.

Give it a go.

This guy's not a journalist.

There's one, a fake one, and that you guys made about the tunnels? Yeah, you could be like, that's AI.

I don't know why city jewish community literally won't just make a statement. Just be like, hey, here's what it is.

Well, the jewish communities aren't responsible for, like, one psycho who made a tunnel.

That synagogue won't say something.

That wasn't one guy, brother.

At least that was synagogue. Dude, there's so many tunnels you guys don't even know about.

Definitely.

They go all the way to Cleveland.

Wow, there's a lot of tunnels.

Come on.

Hey, now that we're talking about the Jews, how much do you guys control the weather? For real?

It's not like that, dude. You can guide it.

Well, couldn't you help the forest fire?

You can't go from, like, 85 to, like, 60.

Okay?

If it's 78, you can go to 82.

Listen, all right?

Cloudy, sunny.

No one's listening but me and you.

Okay? Why was the smoke orange in just in New York, not in Toronto?

What did your people do?

What are you burning, foreskins?

Was it you guys or was it the CIA who burnt the fucking chemicals and made the fucking sky orange?

A lot of menorah candles.

There's got to be a. Jews made the sky orange.

These are the type of conspiracies.

Look at that.

That destroyed air quality.

Similar to Bay area's 2020 orange. Sky. Similar.

Super also has a lot of Jews, guys, and Asians.

It's super similar to when the Bay area had fires right next door where you could see the fucking flames and it turned the sky orange. Super similar to a place where the fire is thousands of miles away. Super fucking similar to the flames that caused the gray to look red. The fucking flames, Trudeau.

Go back to super similar.

Who?

See that boy?

Oh, it says air quality. I'm sorry. I misread it. It said air quality. Yeah, the air quality is real similar. I thought they were talking about the sky color. I'm sorry. I got carried away. I think these I blame protect our parks and bud light.

These types of theories distract from when we sit around, talk about controlling the weather and stuff. Distracts from actual controlling the weather. Actual what you guys are.

What are you really up to in the temple?

What have you guys done? No, what have you guys done? You guys to the trans kids.

Weinstein.

Epstein, what have you done?

Quite a list.

False. Okay, what were we fucking googling? Oh. The description in this post paints a false picture of the tunnel discovery, which was reported to police by synagogue officials. Wait a minute. The synagogue officials?

You want to disbelieve it?

Wait a minute.

You don't want to believe it. A fucking realistic explanation.

Look.

What?

This.

Must not be true. Let's examine the author who wrote.

For the audience.

USA Today is the article.

But let me be clear. Go back to the thing I was reading.

Hannah wrote this.

It says the description in this post. The description in this post paints a false picture of the tunnel discovery, which was reported to police by synagogue officials. Did they report the tunnel? Is that what they're saying? Because that's not real.

I don't know who reported it. There's no actual report.

Saw Jews coming out of the ground and they were like, hey, is this a fucking movie? City officials said there was one tunnel, not a series of.

All the way to Cleveland. I'm telling you, all the way.

To.

Be clear, the protect our park's actual Jew.

All the way to Cleveland.

It was adjacent to the synagogue. Not under it. It wasn't under it. You fucking liars. Mattresses shown in the viral video came from behind wood paneling inside the synagogue. Not from the tunnel.

It's amazing how everybody wants to go to underage sex trafficking.

It's from behind the synagogue.

Kanye was right.