Joe Rogan podcast.

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Netflix special, what's up?

Netflix special, what's up? Live from the mothership streaming on Netflix right now.

The first special live from the mothership to be streamed on Netflix.

Yeah, man.

How's that?

It's exciting, man.

It's great, too. Yeah, you nailed it. You fucking nailed it.

It's getting a good positive response from the comedy community.

Beautiful.

Yeah, yeah, beautiful. Everybody's loving it. Yeah, this is gonna keep going. Keep. Keep getting stronger now. I know.

It's such a nice feeling, man. It's so nice to watch this happen for you because, you know, you're one of the guys that came out here early. You took an early risk.

Yeah.

You know, a lot of people in the beginning, like, what the fuck is everybody doing moving to Texas? The middle of the pandemic.

Yeah. But, you know, honestly, it didn't feel like that big of a risk. Well, maybe at the time, I don't remember, man, but it felt like an easy decision when I made it. But it was a last minute thing. I literally, from the time I decided to move, like, I was. I'm moving to the time I moved, I think it was like a month.

Yeah, it was quick for me, too, man. Yeah, I mean, I was. I came out here in May of 2020, and I started looking at houses immediately. And then, you know, we got there was like, you know, a little hesitation with misses. Rogan and the girls were really into it right away because when we got out here, you could jump in the lake. People were partying. It was like we went on a boat. My real estate agent's a genius. She took us out on the lake and she showed us, like, this is the. Like, the life out here. Like, people are having fun and everybody was terrified in LA. Everybody was wearing masks outside. It was just in here. Like, no one had masks on outside. You go to restaurants. And my daughters just wanted a life, a real life.

And that's back when they were, like, they were fucking with the store bad. Like, the city. It was so crazy for the store to be two blocks from. What's that? Country bar.

What is it? Roadhouse? Saddle ranch.

Saddle ranch. It was $2 from Saddle Ranch. And Saddle Ranch had, you know, 100 people out there with little dividers between them and everything. And then the store, they tried to have. They tried to do the same thing, but they put comedy outside with, like, the vadders in front of everybody and everything. And the city was still like, no, that's live performance. Shut it down. We couldn't do comedy through the fucking window.

My friend's brother worked for the city and worked in the COVID department. And one of the women who was in charge of making the decision to close down outdoor dining, he said to her, there's no evidence that outdoor dining causes a spread. And she said, yeah, but it's about optics. It's about optics. So some person who none of their money is dependent upon business being open, they get that same check every week. That check is. That's what you get. You work for the fucking state. This is my check. She didn't give a fuck about just stopping millions and millions of dollars in business and stopping all of these restaurants from being able to stay alive. All these people that bust, you know? You ever worked in a restaurant? Oh, yeah, that's work, man. That's work. When I was, I guess I was 21, I was dating this girl who, she got a degree in hotel management and hospitality, like that kind of thing. And dude, the hours that she had to work were crazy. Right out of college, she was working like, all day long. Twelve hour days were normal. And if you were a manager, you'd come in on Saturday if they needed you.

You do everything that they ask you to do, and you don't make any money. The amount of money that a restaurant makes, like, a restaurant has to be, like, really killing it to make money. Generally, they're just above the. Just above the part where they're losing money. Just above. They do pretty. If they're packed, they're doing great, but there's nights that they're not packed, and then you got all this food you bought.

That's how most comedy clubs are running.

Exactly. Yeah, we're just. We're living in some dreamland.

Yeah, well, yeah, mothership doesn't have to worry about that at all.

We. I don't know how that happened so well. It's crazy how it happened so well.

Yeah, yeah. Every single night.

We could have never, like, when we were. We used Brian and I for. People don't know, we would sit in the green room of the Vulcan. And this was the dark days where, like, no one knew what was gonna happen with live performance anywhere. There was no touring. Nobody was touring.

Well, Bert was touring still, so he.

Was doing parking lots. Oh, he's doing those drive in shows. Jesus.

He's the only one, actually, no, Eliza did it. Him and Eliza. Right.

Um, a few other people did it too. I don't know, but bird invented the drive in thing. But the point is, it was weird. We didn't know what was gonna happen. And then we would be talking about, we gotta build a club. Cause Ron white literally grabbed me by my shoulders. You know, like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're opening up a fucking club here. He goes, we're gonna fucking keep doing this. I was like, okay, we gotta keep doing this. It was literally Ron white grabbing me in November of 2020. It was the first time he had been on stage, and he crushed. Not only did he crush the ovation that he got when he was walking to that stage. Holy shit. I forget who brought him up. I think it was Duncan. I forget who brought him up. But whoever brought him up, the fucking ovation that he got was so insane.

You saved him, too. Cause he went from retiring to now he's on the road again.

Yeah, I was telling him, you're never retiring. What are you talking about? They invited me to his retirement party. I go, I'm not going to your fagazi retirement party. There's no way that's real. You're not quitting. You're one of the best comics alive. You get to do one of the most amazing things. Make people happy. Make a bunch of people just laugh and feel so good.

And he's better than ever.

Better than ever. Better than ever. Sharper than ever. Always writing and enthusiastic, like he's revived.

Yeah, man.

I think dudes get to a certain age where they have this thing in their head where, oh, this is not my thing anymore. I'm gonna just, like, settle. Why are you alive? Are you alive? Can you still kill? You can still do it, right? George Carlin died on the road, son. He died in a hotel room like a fucking soldier.

That's true.

He was like 1000 years old, whining about the country, you know? And George Carlin had a career that lasted for like, 50 plus years.

Yeah, and the Bob Saget died on the road.

Bob Saget died tragically. That's a horrible one. Man fell, blacked out, fell and hit his head. You know, we saw our friend Duncan the other night. Blackout.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Duncan fainted at the black Keys concert, and he didn't know he was fainting. He didn't know what was going on. And I caught it. Red band grabbed me, and he goes, what's going on over here with Duncan? And I got over to it, and our security guy had caught him before he fell, but I thought he tripped over this box because it was like open. You know those boxes they use for equipment? Because we were backstage, we were in the corn. We had this dope spot to watch the show. And when he grabbed him, when Bruce grabbed him, Duncan just seemed weird. I grabbed my. I'm like, you okay? Did you get hurt? He goes, no. I go, did that thing fall on you? And Bruce is like, no, he fell on it. And I go, what happened? He goes, I don't know. I'm fine, though. I'm fine. But then I feel his body giving out in my hands. So I've got my hands on him. Cause I was helping him out, but I feel him giving out, and so I go, hey, man, you okay? Are you okay? And so he starts, like, slumping, you know, and I go, hey, we're gonna get.

Let's sit you down. Let's sit you down. And we're trying to figure out what's going on. And, you know, he was sober. It wasn't a drug. It wasn't anything like that. Then we sit him down. I go, are you alright? He goes, yeah. It's so weird, man. I just felt so weird. I just. All of a sudden, I just, like, I just was passing out, and he goes out again. He just goes out again right there. And I grab him and I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. And then they get emts, and then this lady comes to take care of him, and this dude comes and we carry him over to a cot.

I think he was locking out his knees.

I don't know what it was.

So. You know what was weird is that we haven't talked about this since that happened.

Yeah, well, I talked about it with him. He doesn't. I don't know if he knows we're gonna talk about it on the podcast. Oh, yeah.

He probably doesn't want us to talk about it.

He thinks so.

I don't know.

Should we not talk about it?

I don't know.

What a. Pulled a placeholder in there.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

How did I get to that point, though?

We talking about drugs? No, talking about blacking out.

Oh, Bob Saget.

Oh, Bob Saget.

So Bob Saget just fainted, which fucking happens, man. I mean, you could. There's a lot of people that want to blame it on the vaccine and blame it on this and that. Like, might maybe, but also people faint, unfortunately. I've seen people faint stone cold sober. Tony Hitchcock fainted one night at the comedy store so bad, he banged his head, and everybody was really worried about him. Just fainted, you know, it happens.

I fainted in boot camp.

Oh, shit.

Yeah. Right after them telling us not to lock out our legs. I wasn't listening and I locked out my leg. Woke up like, everybody's over you. It's like time travel.

Why you were explaining this to me, but it didn't make any sense to me. The locking out the legs thing?

Yeah, for whatever. Like, if you're standing still for a long period of time and you. And you fully extend your knees, it just. It cuts off circulation or something. But, yeah, I've seen people drop like flowers. Like, if you ever had a parade or something, you'll see people drop like that.

What a dumb feature in human beings. The medical name is orthostatic posture. Seek syncope. Happens at churches, graduations, weddings, or at events when standing a long time. More common. If one keeps the knees locked, this pools the blood in the leg veins. A person who stands long enough in one place will faint. Holy shit. I thought that was a myth.

I seen it happen.

That's crazy. Multiple people. I would have argued with that to the end of time. I was like, no, no, I'm not fainting. If I lock my legs out, I'm not fainting.

I am not fainting. Some people don't. I think if you have really good circulation.

I blacked out once and it was so embarrassing.

Was it from understanding?

No, I was in a f, a 18, going six and a half G's.

Well, that's kind of a humble brag.

Well, no, no, no, because I got through more G's. I got through seven and a half G's. We did seven and a half. And I was on the verge of blacking out. And first of all, these pilots, these pilots, they're not using gravity suits. And those air force and navy pilots that fly those jets, those guys are jacked, dude. They have to be really fit because part of the thing is forcing blood into your brain. So while you're like. While you're steering this fucking insane vehicle, dude, when you're in one of those things and you realize what they can do. And he took me for a ride. We went through the mountains. He's going, I mean, we're only like 100, 200ft off the ground. This fucking dude is expertly piloting this thing through trenches and shit. It was terrifying. But then he was explaining to me, okay, you know, they take you through this whole training course with the blue angels. And then he's explaining to me, okay, now, when you hit the high G's, you gotta grab onto your straps, like, where your legs are, and they grab onto their joystick. But whatever you're grabbing onto, you grab onto.

And you do a thing called hooking. So you go like this, and you're forcing blood into your head to stay conscious. And then the gravity, the g force is pushing down on you, and your consciousness is like elevator doors. And you go like, hoot, hoot, hoot, hoot. So I'm doing this and I hear him doing it, and I'm like, oh, my God.

He's experiencing what I'm experiencing, too, and flying.

And he's. I thought he was maybe immune to it by now, right?

No, he's going, hoot, hoot, hoot. And I'm going, oh, my God.

This is insane. Just the physical demands that it takes to fly one of those things. Like, you have a car that handles well. You have a nice car. When you take turns in that car, you know how your body kind of goes sideways a little bit and you gotta correct a little if you're really going fast? I mean, the reed, they handle so flat. But you feel the G's. You feel the thing when you're turning. Imagine that times. I don't know what the volume is, but when this thing is going, what is it, 500 miles an hour, 200ft off the ground?

Is it pushing from everywhere, bro?

I don't know. It's just so immense. The pressure's so immense. So I got through that, and then we did this other turn that was not as many G's. Four and a half or something like that. It wasn't nearly as many, but I didn't hook. I didn't do the thing. I thought I was gonna be fine, and I just blacked out, threw up.

Oh, man.

So I got through the harder part. I got through the harder part and I just fucking slacked off. I think I was so blown away by the experience. So blown away by what these things. What it feels like when you're inside one of those things and what they're capable of doing. It's so mind blowing. It changes your idea of, like, what a thing can do. You know, how, like, look, if you're in your car, especially, like, your car. Your car's fast, it handles well. When you're in your car, you have a completely different sense of what a car can do than if you're in, like, a 1970 pickup truck with a shitty six cylinder engine and fucking. Your car is going, it's gone. Now, when you get in a Tesla, it's that times five. Cause Teslas are insane. They don't make any noise, and they go zero to 60 in 1.9 seconds. So it's just like this. The car disappears. Now, that times hundreds is what this jet's doing. It's so fucking fast.

And did you tell them to put a little extra on it? No.

I said, let's go, brother. Let's go. He was like, you ready to do this? I'm like, let's fucking do this. I was in. I was in. I was like, this is what these guys do. I want to experience it. Take me for the real rock. And it is a ride, dude. It changes your reference points.

Imagine the fucking ego you have to have to be that kind of pilot.

Well, they're all men. These are men.

Men.

These are, like jacked men who are, like, real friendly and super polite. And they always drink their water and they always get their pull ups in. These guys are men. And they have a full gym set up there. These guys are in shape constantly. You do not get out of shape if you're doing that. You cannot get out of shape. It's too hard, bro. It's bananas how hard it is.

You miss one hook, you dead.

You're dead, and you're gonna have to eject. And you're gonna give up that you crashed a $1 billion jet or whatever the fuck those things cost. Didn't somebody crash recently? There's a couple crashes. There was one where a guy had to eject. Like it lost power or something like that. So he ejects and it slams into the mountains of North Carolina. It was crazy. Yeah, it just ran out of gas and slammed in the mountains. But the guy parachuted down. I believe in that one. There was another one more recent before that. Rather not as recent, where there was, like, this crazy, fiery crash and they were doing tests. Guy lost control of the jet, bro. You could lose control. One of those things, dude, I'm telling you, when you're in it, it's not what I thought. I thought you like spirit.

No.

It's the physical force on your body. It's insane. Insane.

There's no way I would do it for a living.

That's why the UFO shit is so perplexing. Because whatever those things are, if they're ours, nobody's in them. No fucking chance. No chance. Nobody's in those things. Because you would be turned into jello.

Like that from changing direction so quickly.

What they're doing is moving at a. What was it like that? They estimated the Tic tac to go. I think it was 13,000 G's something insane where it moved so fast. Cause it went from. Supposedly went from above our atmosphere, which is like above 50,000ft down to like 50ft in a second and didn't crash. Not only didn't crash, stop dead and hovered, they're like, what. What can do that? And what happens to the people that are in that? You're gone, bro. You're missed. You're pink. Missed. You're like those people in that submarine. You just splat.

Bro, I just. Speaking of that shit, I just watched. I just watched a YouTube video about another fucking incident. What's the name of it?

Boeing?

No, it wasn't Boeing. No, no, this was a long time ago. This was a mining. A mining rig where the guys, all the guys got. All the guys got sucked through a door. Oh, like a door was. A door was cracked and actually only one guy died that way. But because that door got cracked, it killed everybody inside. Oh, my God. You know, like that deep sea, especially when it was new, that deep sea, like mining shit. Cause you have to. Those guys have to live.

Oh, my God. Sucked into an oil pipe. Oh, my God. No, this is.

This isn't it. But still.

But Jesus Christ. Sucked it on an oil pipe.

Yeah, some of these people. Cause they would. They would. What the fuck was.

Did you see that one where that sinkhole opened up in the bottom of.

A pool of a swimming pool? Yeah.

The whole pool drained and people got sucked into the sinkhole and died.

What the fuck? Where did this happen?

I don't know. Israel?

Oh, man.

Bro, sinkholes are crazy.

I mean, sinkholes are crazy and they're everywhere.

They're everywhere. Some of them. The weird thing is, some of them, they look like. They look like someone cored the earth. Like they're circular. So look at this. It just. A hole opens in the bottom of the fucking pool and starts spreading.

Oh, did people go in there?

Yeah, people went in there, man. Bro, that shit is deep.

Oh, yeah, you gone.

Look at this. How crazy must that have feel to see the thing just implode in the bottom and a hole open up? Like a curse was put on the pool.

And what is my man doing right here?

No one knows what the fuck to do, man.

Yeah, but that dude is. He's looking like he gonna reach in there and grab something because he's trying.

To think where his family is.

Oh.

People got fall. They. I mean, how deep is that fucking thing? If you get sucked into that with all that water? Yeah, you go, oh, my God.

Like I'm terrifying is that there's no way that it's smooth any like.

You probably know you're dead annoyed down. You dead on the way down.

Right?

Face bashed in. Look at those edges and shit.

Yeah.

Did you see that one with that hole opened up?

Dude, that's my biggest fear. I don't want to die in a, like, where I can't move. What do you call it?

With rocks crushing your head, drowning.

Just any kind of closed space where they just take my space. Yeah, well, I just.

Claustrophobia.

I just told the CIA how to torture me.

They already know how to torture you, bro. They just checked your twitter and they ran through an algorithm. They know how to torture you. What was that one, Jamie? Where a hole opened up that was so big. It was like. It was. It was circular. It looked fake. We had a. We had a confirmed that it was real. Even though it looked like really bizarrely fake. It looks so fake. It looks like CGI.

What is it?

We gotta pull it up. You alright?

Yeah. Give me a second.

I gotta figure it out.

Okay. You know it is, right? That's a terrifying way to go, though. The earth just gives out from under you.

Yeah. And I will give up immediately.

I went to Pompeii when I was in Italy and that's a wild one, dude.

So wait a minute. It's still there?

Yeah, yeah, you can go there.

How? You know, they let you let people walk through it.

Oh, yeah. You can walk through it. Yeah. It's like a museum. You could see where these people lived. They've uncovered most of it, you know, and they uncover people and they have the people on display and the people are just like stone. They just got impregnated with ash and all that's left is like their form.

But why go into that pose, like, right when you.

Cause it just overcame them like a wave, like, you don't have. You don't understand what a volcano eruption is like.

Yeah. Ice Cube is the only reason I know what pyroclastic flow is.

What is that? What a great lyric.

I know, right?

Ice cube's got some great fucking lyrics. That's it. Look at that. That's a real sinkhole, bro.

Wow.

How insane is that? It looks like someone took an apple core to the earth. Look how smooth it is.

It seems like the sort of thing they should be able to predict, though.

No, they can't though, man. Because there's underwater currents and streams and rivers. We can't keep an accurate assessment of exactly what's going on under the surface and what kind of erosion is taking place and what kind of cavities are everywhere. Bro, that's like a gateway to hell.

So apparently, and I might.

That's like a movie.

I might be off about this, but apparently everything behaves like a liquid. Like, hold on.

It says it's created by humans. I gotta figure out a way to get past it. Okay. Sign up for it if you have to.

Yeah. It was like everything behaves like a liquid, just almost like solids. Just do it on a slower scale. Like all the little fundamental parts of it are moving like liquid.

You know how you know that? Earthquakes. You ever been in an earthquake?

Oh, yeah.

It feels like the earth became like you were on a raft.

That's another part of the reason why I left California. Everyone was living there, acting like that shit wasn't on the way. You know what I mean? Like, that shit's overdue, bruh, and it's gonna fuck shit up.

It's gonna fuck shit up in an incomprehensible way. I got to LA in 94, and it was right after the earthquake, and I got to see giant sections of the highway that had collapsed on top of cars. You could see it. It was. All the highways were collapsed right in front of it. You could see where they collapsed. And I was like, I am never going that way. Whatever needs to be done that way. I'm going all the way the fuck around. I am not going to be on the bottom of that thing. I don't even want to be on the top and ride it out. I think you'll die that way, too. But the people on the bottom are dead as fuck.

They're definitely gone.

Diggity dead as fuck. That's a terrible way to die.

Or to be in some building that collapses.

Some of the bridges would fall off and people just drop. You'd see them, the cars just drop.

But it's what happened in Baltimore, bro.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Fuck. Fuck that. In a place where there's earthquakes. Fuck that. And how about, bro, that's Taiwan, right? Taiwan just had a big ass earthquake. 7.5.

When did that happen?

Just now. Just like a couple days ago. Wow, look at that. Look at that building, man.

I mean, the fact that it's even still up is kind of crazy.

And, bro, what kind of building codes they got in Taiwan?

Wow. Damn. All these buildings fucking stood the.

Yeah, a lot of buildings stood, but a lot of buildings didn't see the whole thing with buildings. Like, if you make a building in California, you have to. You have earthquake regulations. You have to make your building sturdy in a way that's supposed to be able to tolerate at least a little bit of an earthquake.

Yeah, but who's the. I mean, but how do they know? You didn't until everybody did.

I had a problem with the house that I had once, and the contractors had cut corners all over the place. We didn't realize it until we moved in, and then it became a real problem. Real pain in the ass, you know? It's like, who the fuck? How can somebody on the take, how does somebody not catch all this stuff? But it's just, they don't. They just don't have the time. The regulators don't have the time. There's not enough money to go and check everybody. And that's why when people say, you don't need regulation with construction, I'm like, listen, bitch, you need that shit.

Those dudes are shady if you don't. If you don't.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a countdown to a building fall.

I should be real clear. I know some great guys that are contractors. I know some awesome people that build houses and build buildings, and they're great people and they're super ethical. But I've also met so many shady ones.

I don't know any good ones. They're all, no, no.

I think it's like three out of ten are shady. That's what I think, at least somewhat shady. And it's just fucking. It's a hard world to navigate if you don't know somebody. You know, if you know a guy and he can tell you, I got a fucking great contractor. He's an awesome guy. You love him and you're like, whoo. Okay, now I'm in business with someone I really like to see. I like that.

Yeah. I mean, well, it's a business where the only way for you to make more money is to fuck over your.

Customer to make more money than you're supposed to.

Right. Like, after you've already agreed on the money.

Yeah.

The only other way for you to make more money, like you're not getting tipped at the end.

I know it's almost like there's a fine line between someone who charges too much, but they do an amazing job.

I'd rather deal with that person.

I'd rather deal with that person as well. Yeah. I want someone to be. I want them to be compensated for their work, and I want them to feel proud of what they do. You know? I have a friend who's a carpenter, and he'll talk about buildings he'll show me pictures and shit. It's like, this is a beautiful house that this guy created. And it's like, for him, it's like a bit that killed, right? Yeah, it's like a bit. It's like, look at this house we made for this guy. And he showed me the pictures. My man. That's incredible.

You know, the problem, too, is, is when you. Especially when you talk about hiring people to build a house for you, they know how much money you working with, so they know they can squeeze you here, squeeze you there, you know?

Yeah, they definitely. In some cases, they do. They know what they can get away with and what they can't.

Oh, yeah, well, it's the. It's the rich. When people think you rich, they always charge extra.

And some people do, but some people don't. And the people that don't, you really appreciate.

Some people give you free stuff.

Yeah, but this. There are definitely people that try to take advantage of you, and it's kind of gross. It's like, come on, man.

Yeah, but I think people don't. People don't know better.

They've got to know better. They just. There's a weird. That's a weird. If you're charging someone more because you think the person's more successful, you're doing this weird thing. Like they owe you more. Like they don't care. Like, this is like, come on, we're just supposed to be people. Like, do you have a charge for your goods and services?

Yeah, that's like. You know what it is? That's like people that think you owe them your privacy. Well, there's no run up to your family at Disneyland, right? Hey, man, I don't mean to interrupt, but. You're interrupting. Yeah, I'm with my kids.

I get how people just. This is their one chance to say hi.

That's what it is.

That's what it is. Like, Brian Simpson. Oh, shit. Is there one chance? And I get it. It's just like, sometimes you can't do.

It, but it's like when you see. It's almost like when you see Indiana Jones sitting there with the. With the. With the bag, trying to swap it out real quick. You can just leave it there.

Yeah, Indiana, get the fuck out of there.

Yeah, but I get.

You're a professor.

It's a lot of pressure of, like. But this is my last chance to fucking. Yeah, fuck those rules.

Yeah, I get that. But, you know, it's a price that you pay.

Price. Weird. Price of fame.

Yeah. This weird life. It's a price you pay.

What a great life, though.

It's. Well, listen, we are the luckiest people alive. We get to do what we love to do, and it's fun, and we get to hang out with each other.

I laugh so much in the mothership green room. It really is like, it's the place I laugh the most.

Me too. Me too.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's crazy. Especially after sets, you know, before sets, between shows.

Between the Late Early show and the Late show is the best time. Yeah.

Cause we're primed. We've already gotten off stage.

Especially if Tony's had a good set.

Yeah.

He gets the ball rolling.

Yeah. He's not upset at anybody. Can you fucking believe this?

He is a firebrand, let me tell you, bro.

Him and Lucas are endless. When him and Lucas start roasting each other, it's endless. It's endless. They never run out of shit to talk about.

I thought David Lucas has proven to me that there's literally infinite ways to call someone gay. I don't think he's ever gonna run. I don't think he's ever gone get to the last one.

He just finds different references, you know? Different references. Yeah. It's just the two of them just laughing and going at each other. I swear to God, when I'm a guest on kill, Tony and David and Tony are roasting each other. It's harder than I ever laugh at anything. Cause it's in the moment, and I know they're slinging, they're shooting from the hip. They're just using their brain, you know, and killing each other.

Sometimes we get a little private one.

Yes, we get those all the time. We got that last night. But it's just the reaction. It's just. It's so fun, man. Fuck, we're so lucky that kil. Tony's here, too, dude. That show is so important. It's so important just to let people know. Like, it's just about being funny. I know there's all this other stuff that gets wrapped up into it because you're trying to establish your identity and you're trying to let people know how you feel about things, and you want to make sure everybody knows you're on the right side. Really, what you should be doing is just doing comedy. Do comedy. And if you figure out a way to make your points hilarious, great.

Yeah. Make all the points in the world.

But they gotta be funny. And when you do kill tony, you have 1 minute. You got 1 minute. And it sort of establishes an ideal in these young comics minds that, hey, it's really just about making these people laugh. And if I can get good enough where I can make my ideas funny and I can make these people laugh with ideas, that's like, what you do. That's like black belt shit.

Well, it kills me that the. Because the amount of balls it takes for the amount of people that go and kill Tony, and it's their first time doing comedy ever. Mm hmm. I'm like, that's a hell of a way to do. Your first open mic is in front of millions of people.

Yeah. That's a crazy way to do an open mic. It doesn't make any sense. But if you can do it, wow, what a feeling that must be. And we've seen people do it. We've seen people change their lives.

Yeah. If you nail it, bro.

William Montgomery is killing it on the road right now. He's killing it. He's selling out. He's doing a whole hour. We mean, we saw him. We saw him when Hans is killing it. We saw William when he had to have notes on stage. And remember, we kept telling him, you can't have notes on stage. You can't hold your notes and read them. And some people were saying, no, that's a part of his act. They go, no, no, it's holding him back, because on kill Tony, he doesn't have the notes. He comes out and stares the audience down. And he's dangerous, and he's weird. I'm like, that's you when you're at your best.

He's like, I'm worried I'm gonna forget my jokes.

You're not gonna forget your jokes. You do them every night. You're a professional comedian. This is part of the thing you have to learn. Like, you can't race in Le Mans with training wheels on. You can't.

Yeah, Williams, he's been on a fucking tear lately.

He's killing it.

Yeah.

You know, when the black Keys came into town, they're huge William Montgomery fans.

And that's what's so crazy. So he got a shout out. He got a shout out at a post fight interview.

Yes. Yes. Dustin Poirier.

Poirier. Then he. Yeah, then the black keys are huge William fans.

Yeah, they. He came. He did our show that night specifically because they requested him.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, the show is full. So I. But I was like, yeah, let's go. They need to see this.

Everybody loves that motherfucker.

He's awesome. He's awesome. And he's so unique. There's only one William Montgomery. That's a unique dude.

He's so busy. I never really see him.

Every time he hugs me, I'm worried he's gonna stab. He gives you the weirdest hugs.

They're a hug.

Like. Like he's thinking about stabbing you.

Yeah, yeah. I think he. He's like, um, you know, like, apes don't have, like, medium twitch muscle fibers. I think he missing because. So they can't hook. They can either. They either can do it as gentle as possible or crush or force. Like.

Right. He's got, like, maybe he's primitive. Yeah. Maybe he doesn't have the ability to give you, like, a nice, warm, just embracing hug. It's either smash or gently touch.

He hugs you like he about to suplex you.

Yeah. Like you're. We're gonna scuffle.

Yeah.

But he does to everybody.

Good. Yeah, good for me. And then some of them and some of the other newer, like, I think all the door guys are funny, pretty much.

I haven't seen Miles in a while, but I keep hearing he's killing.

Yo, Miles. Miles is on a whole other tear, man. Cause he's one of those people that's like, he's different. He's real different. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So is Casey rocket.

Well, that's. Yep. Casey's figuring it out, too. Like, he's got a thing where I was like, I don't know if he can do that for a long time.

And I think he can.

He's figuring that out.

I think he also can do different things in between doing that any way he wants. Like, he's doing it this one way now where he's, like, hyper energetic. But that doesn't mean that's how he has to do it. He's funny, but he's got so much energy. Yeah, he's funny. He can do anything. He can figure that out as he does it. But that's the most important part of this developmental phase that he's in. It's like he's killing, but he's, like, learning how to do it.

I have purposely gone out of my way to never write a joke where I needed to do a backflip. You know what I mean? And it's like, both. He's got so much energy in the. In the act.

I said this to Shane Gillis last night while you were on stage. I go, there's no one in the world who kills more effortlessly than Brian Simpson. Oh, wow. Because you have a casual killing. You're casually killing. You don't get hyped up. And when it actually. It's interesting in your style because it actually puts more weight on any criticism you put on something.

Oh, yeah. This is my first ten years in comedy out. I wasn't sleeping.

He tired all the time, so I.

Was just tired all the time. And I just learned that's just how I've learned to do it.

That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

Yeah. I didn't get good sleep for years. I finally got the CPAP machine, like, five years ago, and I couldn't believe it.

Yeah, big difference.

Oh, man.

It's a huge change, Joey.

Some people have him and they're like, yeah, but I don't use it. Like, how do you not use it?

I tried it once. I didn't like it. But I have a mouthpiece that I sleep with.

How does that work?

It presses my tongue down. So the mouthpiece is fit to my lower teeth, and there's a tongue depressor. And it keeps my airway open to have big necks. Like football players. Almost all those dudes have sleep apnea. It's a big neck thing, and it.

Runs in my family. The big neck.

You have a big neck?

Yeah.

And look at all this tissue. And if you have, you know, a big tongue. I have a pretty fat tongue and this neck. And the hole is not as big as it probably would be if I had, like, a skinny neck.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

You know, like, your neck is tissue. This is all fucking stuff. I mean, I build that up with exercises.

Does it work, though?

Yeah, the mouthpiece, it keeps my airway open. I sleep great with it, but if I don't have it, man, I snore. It's horrible.

I'm pretty sure I tried to get one of those, but then they mailed. They mailed me a kit that I had to do. Other stuff.

Yeah, you have to form it to your teeth.

You lost me step two. Like, I don't do step two.

You could go to a dentist, though, and they'll do it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I think I need to do. I'll set you up. I got a dentist that does it for me.

I did it with my audiologist for my ear. In ear monitors? Yeah, that's. I didn't know that you could do shit like that.

Yeah, the in ear monitors, where they form it to your ear.

Oh, man, that's one of the best choices I have in a long time.

Yeah, I have that for the UFC. So when I'm at the UFC, they made me one. So when I put it on. It's mine. It fits right in my ear. Perfect.

There's nothing better than. Nothing goes better than that, bro.

That's the worst thing about cauliflower ear. Those dudes are fucked when you get crazy. Cauliflower ear. Like, I was talking to this one of our guys at the security guys at the club, they're all MMA guys, jujitsu guys, and one of them has these fucked up ears, and I'm like, but you can't hear good, right? He's like, it's not as good. It's definitely not as good.

Can he get them drained?

His are gone. His are hard. They become calcified. So what happens is the blood pools up. Your ear gets broken, right? And the tissue separates, and blood fills it, and that blood, over time, will become calcified. So it literally becomes rock. It feels like rock. I have little bits of it, but when I trained, most of the time when I trained, I wore ear guards, like wrestling ear guards, just because I didn't want to fuck my ears up. Because if you just go like this and you talk like this, normal, you hear things. But if you go like this and talk like that, you're missing something. You're missing some sound, and you don't realize you're missing it until you let your ear go. Oh, now I hear it all. Well, you're giving that. That's you. Forever. Forever. Now you have rocks on the outside of your ears. So all this design that God created to let us hear so brilliantly, where it captures sounds and rolls them around and goes inside your ear, all that's gone.

It's all out the window.

Now you get rocks. That's one of those new earphones that goes outside the ear.

They're not brand new, but if anyone's listening and has this problem, this is called a jaw induction headphone. Creates sound frequencies that bounce off the bones inside your head.

And so it works even if you have fucked up ears?

Yeah.

Cause it's not going through the ear.

And is that for any sound, or is that for, like, listening to music and shit?

It's good for listening to music, but, like, technically, it will emit sound. So, like, if you're next to this person, you'll be able to hear it, too, but not perfectly, but it's made for the person that's wearing it.

You know what's really incredible? They are really cool, though. Have you. Do you know what game ears are? You know? You know what, like, tactical headphones, where you can listen to people talk, but it has like, oh, that's a filter technology in there that stops the sound from being louder than a certain volume.

Right.

So when someone's shooting a gun, it's never that loud.

Right, right.

You know those.

Yeah.

You can hear so much better with those things.

Well, cause they also, they. So you create, amplify, create a gate, a frequency gate where it's like anything below that frequency, it brings it up. Anything above it, it brings it down.

So people put these on when they go hunting and they turn them on and you can hear shit like multiple times more than you would be able to hear normally. So you could hear footsteps. So like of a deer. Like if you're in a tree stand and you're sitting up there with your rifle in a tree stand, you're listening around constantly. You ever do that? You ever tree stand hunt? Uh, no, it's a mind fuck.

I was wearing those when I was.

Working, uh, 50 decibels of hearing enhancements.

A lot.

Yeah, it's a lot. Yeah, I've of used them before. It's crazy.

I wore those on the, on the rifle ring. Not the, not the what they were like over the kind.

Yeah, yeah.

But it was like you could hear people. You walk away from people, they go, fuck you fucking.

Ah, you hear all of it.

Well, you have to, I learned that you have to act like you, you have to be very selective about what you react to because you don't, people don't need to know that you can hear them.

Right.

You know?

Right.

And if you give it away.

Yeah, that's a problem.

The cat's out the bag.

Yeah, you gotta get.

Yeah, it taught me patience. Cause I'm like, oh, that wasn't for me to hear. That was just him getting his frustration, you know? Yeah, I don't need to react cause he thinks I'm 50ft away.

Right.

So it's like, I don't need to react to that.

Yeah, fuck him.

I'd rather wait until somebody goes, I'm about to shoot this motherfucker.

Right.

Then let me know. Yeah. And then the secret's out.

If you have those headphones on, man, it's really bizarre because you can hear things that you can't normally hear.

It feels like super hearing.

Yeah. But you can also shoot guns and it doesn't hurt your ears. It's weird. Yeah, amazing. Amazing that somebody figured that out. But anyway, man, if you got bad ears, like, if your ears get calcified, you're, you're definitely. It's gonna change what things sound like.

It's a price to pay to be dangerous.

Yeah, I guess. I mean, you could wear ear guards. I just didn't understand. Yeah, they suck. I hate them. They cut your chin. They're fucking. They irritate your head. But to me, it was like, I had these nice ones that were vinyl, and they were just designed for jujitsu, so they. They were flat to your head.

Okay.

And they were. They were really comfortable.

So what I'm guys doing is, like, a pussy move.

Pussy move. Guys like cauliflower ear, too. It lets people know, you know? Like, if I was saying I'd look tougher if I had cauliflower ears.

Yeah. But I don't know if that's worth it.

It's not worth it. It wasn't worth it to me. But I'm also not a professional. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're a professional and your ear gets fucked up, you. You're back in training the next day. There's no, oh, I got to get this drain and take six months off and let it heal. Shut the fuck up.

Right?

Shut the fuck up and get back in there, dude. You're a professional fighter. I'm just a comedian, so for me, it's like, I got to mitigate what gets fucked up, you know? These people love those things, though. It's like a badge of courage. They walk around with a cauliflower ear, and, like, everybody knows I know how to fuck people up.

Damn. So you. So then you know what that means. It's definitely people getting the fake cauliflower. They get an ear injection so they can look.

Well, all you have to do is damage your ear. You could do it pretty easily. Especially with some people. It's. It's real different. You know, some people don't get cauliflower ear crazy. They don't even train with ear guards.

Don't mess with me.

In some people, they'll break their. Their ears, and they'll fucking. They'll do things to their ears on purpose.

They can purposely get it. Mm hmm.

Yeah. They'll take a jujitsu belt, and they just fucking smash their ear, and they're trying to give themselves cauliflower. People have definitely done that.

That's crazy.

Yeah. I've also met guys who are white belts who just started, who got cauliflower, and they never did anything about it. They got this big lump on their ear.

I know.

And they're terrible.

And then there's people that. It's people that do it for decades and don't get anything?

Yeah, but it's rare. It's pretty rare. Or you just, like, really elite at defense. There's some guys that are so good at defense, you just never really catch their head, but usually you would think that you would catch their head early on in their career before they figured out how to be really good defensively and technically. But there's certain guys, like, good luck getting ahold of Marcelo Garcia's neck unless you're a lot bigger than him. Like Robert Drysdale, someone like that had tapped him. You know, that guy was a wizard. Like, when you're. When you're that fast. You ever seen Marcelo Garcia? Okay, I want to show you this one time where I saw him live in Brazil in 2003, where Eddie was competing for. It was at the Abu Dhabi world championships. And this is the year that Marcelo Garcia, like, burst onto the scene. Like, people didn't know who he was.

Is this the same year where Eddie won?

He triangled Hoyler. Yeah. So good. Get Marcelo Garcia versus. What's that? You have it? Okay. No, no, no. That's just. That's just him. They're just training shaolin. Shaolin. Hubert, Marcella Garcia. Shaolin. So this dude, shaolin, who's Heberro? R I b e r o. Shaolin is a legendary jujitsu guy. Like, super high level black belt. So for him to do this to shaolin is so insane. You got to see this move. He just spun, took his back, and strangled him unconscious. And this is, like, instantly in the beginning of the match. This match happened. It's like 30 seconds, and he puts him to sleep. Watch that again, because that scramble is. He does an arm drag.

That was smooth.

Go to the. From the beginning. You just go from the beginning because it's so quick. Anyway, so he does an arm drag. Marcelo Garcia is in the rash guard. He does an arm drag on his right arm. Look at this. Watch how he turns, turns, turns, currents, keeps going, turns, keeps rolling, keeps rolling, gets the back, gets the hooks in. Super strong legs. Now he's got the hook in, and now he's securing the neck, and he's going to hang on, and he's going to just fucking crush him to sleep. And he's asleep right there. Dude, that is so insane. That is so insane that that is one of the most legendary finishing sequences in all of jujitsu history. Cause that was, like, the moment Marcelo Garcia, who's, like, one of the greatest of all time, burst onto the scene, and he just locked in. Yeah. So that guy, even he has cauliflower here. Oh, as good as he is? As good as he is, yeah.

You can't. It seems, like, unavoidable.

Yeah, some guys don't get it. It's weird. And some guys are just real big guys. Some real big guys never get caught, you know, real strong guys.

Well, that's why, like, every time I see. Whenever I see somebody with cauliflower is like, I know two things. I know. One, they can probably fight almost definitely, and two, they have some kind of old nagging injury that they hoping I don't discover. You know what I mean? Like, all the most dangerous dudes are, like, if anyone hits me in my.

Fucking left knee, right. Yeah.

They will fold me the fuck up. So I'm. That's why I'm scared. That's why I don't fuck with those people. Like, old dude don't fuck with them because they gonna fight. They gonna give you everything they got. Cause they don't want you. They don't want the fight to go so long that you find that injury.

Yeah. Also, like, don't just be fucking with people thinking it's a fair fight. People stab people, they shoot people. Just don't do it. Just don't do it, man. If you wanna prove yourself, go to a gym, right? Go to a gym, learn how to fight, and then you will lose all of your desire to do that in.

A bar, especially after 30.

I don't give a fuck if you're 20. Don't do it. Don't fucking do it, man. It's how people die. It's how people get locked up in jail for the rest of their lives.

20 somethings, though, they can't. You can't tell a 20.

Yeah, you can. I listened. Yeah, I listened. I was terrified of fights when I was in my twenties, and I knew how to fight. I didn't want to go anywhere.

Oh, yeah, but you grew up fighting.

Yeah, but, I mean, when I would go out to bars, right, right. Like, if I was out to bars, my friends and shit would break loose. I'm like, exit, please.

Yeah.

I'm not fighting anybody. I'm getting the fuck out of here. I knew that early, early on, because I knew guys growing up in Boston, going to high school in Newton was outside of Boston. I spent most of my time in Boston because that's where I did taekwondo. I met some hard fucking dudes. Some hard, hard men. One of the guys that I met was a fucking hitman for Whitey Bulger. He was a guy I was training. I was teaching him taekwondo, and he was a hit man, like, well known that he was in the irish mob. Well known, and he was taking taekwondo classes. I was around people that, like. So in my mind, any man that you just have some confrontation with, even if you beat his ass, that's not the end of it. He's gonna come find you. This idea that you could just do something to someone, and there's no consequences ever. It could be a year from now, two years from now, five years from now, you're gonna be looking over the shoulder for the rest of your life. What are you, fucking stupid? Just get away. Don't fight with people.

Don't argue with people. Yeah, smoke. Don't piss people off. We'd all be better off if people didn't have this desire to control themselves. And that's what you get rid of when you go to the gym, when you learn jiu jitsu, when you learn a martial art, and you don't have this desire to test yourself all the time, because you're constantly being tested when you go out, you just want to have fun and chill.

Yeah. Most of the fighters I've met, you know, I've met a lot of fighters since I've been, since I've lived here. Now, most of them are pretty chill. Super chill, you said, like, almost, you know, a lot. I think all the security people at Mother City, super chill are all jujitsu guys. Mm hmm. And they all. And you wouldn't even know, like, I know one of the guys was, like, some kind of champion, you know? And it's like, you would never know. They so humble.

Yeah.

And respectful.

Well, it's. Cause they get challenged all the time. They don't want to do it. Like, in real life, the real challenge is challenged against skilled people. When you're doing that all the time, when you're rolling with black belts and you're fighting off triangles, and the triangle turns into an armbar, and you're, like.

Barely escaping, and then you get side control.

You're battling all day long. You're battling in your head after the class, you're going, oh, how did he catch me?

How did I do that?

Why did I do that? My left foot fucking. And you're trying to figure out what you did wrong and what you did right. You don't want to get in a fight in a bar. You want to go have fun. If you would go to a bar with a bunch of jiu jitsu people, they're all laughing. They want to have a good time. They say, thank you, the waitress comes over, they're polite, they're nice people. They get it all out, man. You got to get it all out. And if you want to get it all out at a bar, man, you're going to get killed.

There's a confidence that comes from knowing exactly what you stand, where it's like, oh, I know that that dude can beat my ass. Like, I know for sure. Cause he's done it every day for the last six. You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And just knowing where you. You don't go out with this insecurity about you, right? I think most of them.

Most of them? Yeah. I mean, there's wild dudes that get involved in cage fighting, but overall, I feel they are exceptional human beings. And I know that sounds crazy for someone who thinks it's barbaric, but you have to understand that the character development involved in becoming a guy like a Dustin poirier, you want to be that good. The fucking fire you have to go through to be at a world class level for as long as that guy's been doing it and be that good right now. You know what, man? That's an exceptional human being. Exceptional. There's not a lot of those out there. And when you meet those guys, you're out with those guys. They're the fucking nicest guys. They're cool, they're calm. They have their shit together. Even Sean Strickland, who everybody thinks he's crazy and he says a bunch of wild shit. Shawn is a great guy. He's a nice guy. He's a real smart dude who had a fucked up childhood, and he's an excellent professional fighter. And he's a nice guy. If you're nice to him, he's a nice guy. He's fun. He's fun. But you know, in the street, if you find that guy and you talk shit to him for no reason, he's gonna put you in the hospital.

He's gonna put you in the hospital. And it's not. You can't do a goddamn thing about it. You don't even have a chance. You have nothing. You have zero chance. This idea. Oh, fucking. These guys can't fight. I know how to fight. Shut your mouth. You have no idea what you're talking about.

You probably shouldn't be out talking shit to people.

They do it. They always did it. They used to do it to chuck Liddell. People would talk shit to him.

Used to do it to Mike Tyson.

Mike Tyson. People would talk shit to. People are. There's certain people that are just crazy now.

Well, speaking of Mike Tyson, these people that think that he don't stand a chance against Jake, this shouldn't even like, he. Cause he's too old. I think you're. I think you're crazy.

Well, they're definitely uninformed. Yeah, because here's the thing. He is 57 years old. He will be 58 when they fight. He has had a long fighting career. He has been knocked out by massive men like Lennox Lewis and Evander Holyfield. You know, he's had a lot of blows. And, you know, it's long, you know, long past the time where most people ever fight, you know, the only person ever fought competitively after age 50 is Bernard Hopkins and Archie Moore. Archie Moore did it back in the day.

No, Foreman was 40 something.

Foreman was in his fifties, I believe, when he had his last fight. Was he. He won the title. He's a. Yeah, yeah, Foreman was the. Want some ice and glasses and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Foreman captured the heavyweight title at the oldest age, which was 46, when he fought Michael Moore. He hit him with this perfect right hand. It was crazy. That's, that's okay. That's that bodega cat. That's Mark Norman stuff. We got some good shit, though. So how old was he? 48. So his last fight, when he fought Shannon Briggs. Shannon the cannon. Shout out to Shannon. Let's go, champ. So he beat Lou Savaris. He was 48 years old. Crazy, crazy, crazy. And he knocked out Michael Moore. He was 45. So he was the oldest man ever to win the heavyweight title at age 45. And you got to realize, like, that's a real 45. That's not like a 45 today. The 45 today is 45 with testosterone replacement and healing growth hormone and peptides.

Well, that's what I'm saying. Mike Tyson, yeah, he's 57, but he got access to everything.

And he's also doing this very unique kind of training with electrical muscular stimulation that I've talked to some people that do that, and it has massive benefits of rehabilitating injuries. And it also, for a lot of people, gives them significant gains when they use it as opposed to just using weightlifting. I don't know too much about the science behind it. When Jamie comes back, we'll have him look it up. But you slap electrodes onto yourself, they put these pads on you, and it's hooked up to a machine. And while the electricity is going into your muscles, you're doing exercises. So while you're getting jolted, you're doing squats and you're doing, like, deadlifts. You're doing all this shit while you're connected to this thing that's stimulating your muscles.

But isn't. Isn't that aren't. Cause my main concern would be, I guess, in my head, where it's like, what if the electricity, the timing's off and it. And it goes to contract your muscle at a time when you're trying to.

I think it's constantly contracted, and I think you're fighting through that. I don't know. I haven't done it. I'm talking on my ass. What is that thing that Mike Tyson does where he gets connected to, like, an electrical muscular stimulation machine? I've seen it in training footage, and I know from talking to the guy that was telling me about, cheers, my brother. Congratulations. Thanks for. It's awesome. So happy to see you. Chillin.

It's suburban.

Not bad. This is. I think this is the Jack Carr stuff.

Yeah, that's not bad.

No, this is balcones, Texas. Pot. Still bourbon. That's legit.

Mm hmm. Yeah, this is real legit.

That's legit.

Yeah.

That's good stuff.

What we just talking about?

George Foreman, Mike Tyson.

Yeah.

Yeah. So they do this thing where they slap Chuck Zito. They do this thing where they slap these electrodes on them. Chuck Zito is a giant fight fan.

Shout out to Chuck. This is now?

Yeah. So they put these electrodes on them, and they have them perform different exercises. Neufit neu fit. And so they have this machine. Okay. A breakthrough in neuromuscular electrical stimulation devices, utilizing direct current. So it's a device that uses an updated form of neuromuscular electrical stimulation to send electrical impulses through the skin to the nerves, resulting in muscle contractions and sensory impulses. The NMES technology mitigates the action potentials of both peripheral and central nervous system, allowing for communication with virtually all parts of the body. The impulses stimulate muscles and other tissues, including contractile and sensory muscle fibers and sensory and motor neurons. The stimulation also leads to increased blood flow in the areas where it's applied. So I know Tyson was doing that before the Roy Jones fight when he was training. I believe he's doing that now, too. But that's interesting, right? Because you'd want to do, like, everything you can with a 57 year old body to get it ready to do that.

Yeah.

I don't think people know. You don't lose that much ability. You know, you have to understand who you're talking about.

But what does change, though, is your ability to recover.

Yes.

Right. And then the amount of damage you can take.

Yes.

That's what changes. But he can still fucking destroy that guy.

The thing about the amount of damage you can take, it's also, that's also, that's all, it's all in comparison to how much damage you took in your life. Right. There's certain guys that as they get older, it's very disturbing, because you see them get touched with a punch, and they just go out. You'll see that with, like, you know, some older MMA fighters.

I saw that with Chuck Liddell.

Yes.

Where it was like nobody could knock him out.

Nobody.

And then it was like anyone could.

In his prime, he was ferocious, dude. He had an iron chin and ferocious power and just this warrior mentality. He was just chasing you down. He was hunting you inside that cage.

Everybody but anyone with an iron chin, and eventually they start getting knocked out, because the reason, you know, they have an iron chin is because you've seen them take some.

There was this dude in boxing. His name was Doug DeWitt, and Doug DeWitt was not the best fighter in the world, but he had the best chin of all time. Dudes would tee off on Doug DeWitt, and it was like nothing happened. He was crazy. He was known for his ability to take a punch, and then one day it just went away. One day it went away, and one day he just got dropped. Knocked out, and then he just couldn't take shots anymore. It just gave out. It just gave out like a bad suspension. See if you can find Doug Dewitt highlights.

He was born with 50 knockouts in you.

This dude had a thousand knockouts in him. You couldn't knock him out. He, he was getting hit clean in the face by murderers, and you couldn't, couldn't stop him. It was weird. And he was known for that. Like, if a guy was gonna fight Doug DeWitt, you know, you knew he was a good fighter, but you knew that the thing about him is he had the craziest chin of all time. He was known for it. I don't think that's Doug DeWitt. That's Nigel Ben. Is that Doug Dewitt? No, that's not Doug DeWitt, dude. It's a different guy. Different guy. Oh, no, no. Yeah, because these are all, this is Nigel Ben, who was a real destroyer, man. He was a fucking murderous, murderous puncher. Thomas hearn versus Doug Dewitt.

That's kind of the same thing that just happened.

I don't.

Let me see. So Thomas Hearns, one of the greatest knockout artists of all time. Yeah, and that's that guy, Doug DeWitt. So he's 25. So this is when Doug DeWitt still had an iron chin. Should not be fighting Thomas Hearns. Like, whoever set this up, this is a terrible matchup. Scoot your head a little bit.

Is this one where he finally gets knocked out?

I don't know, but Doug DeWill was a very solid fighter, but Tommy Hearns is just next level. Tommy Hearns has the most ridiculous back. Look at that back. That's where all that power comes from, dude. Look how wide he is. So when Tommy was 147, I think this was a middleweight fight, which was 160. But you got to realize, like, tommy, when he fought sugar Ray, he was 147. When he fought, like, Peppino Cuevas and all those other dudes, dude, he was very light, but he was that tall with that kind of power. So look at Tommy Hearns is teeing off on Doug DeWitt. I'm telling you, most people who fought Doug DeWitt were stunned by the amount of power that guy could just absorb. He's a really good fighter, and it wasn't like he was a bad fighter. He just wasn't, like, world championship caliber.

Where is he now?

Who knows, man? It's not good at the end. No, it's not good at the end. I was reading about this boxer from the eighties who was living in LA, and, you know, they would have to almost, like, put string on him to make sure he didn't travel too far away from the house. Like, he would get lost on his block. He didn't know what was going on. He's just. His brain is just gone. It's just gone.

Yeah. The price they pay, man, is the craziest price.

Chance at greatness, the craziest price. And you never know when you've crossed a line. You never know when you've crossed the line into your brain's not going to return. You know, in the beginning, you don't even notice a slip, you know, you're just like, I'm just tired from training. You know, you don't even notice, you know, and other people start noticing it. Maybe you have a drink in you. You can't really form sentences that well, you know, like, one drink, and all of a sudden you're slurring your words, and everybody's like, what's going on with Mike? Ha. He just had a couple. No, he had one fucking drink. Like, he's slurring his words like something's going on that's like, one of the first things you. You see, and then it keeps going. The damage doesn't get better. Over time, it gets worse. They say that a lot of the brain damage doesn't even, like, show itself to, like, years after the actual impact of whatever the fuck happened.

Yeah, dude.

Start doing wild shit. They start gambling, start doing coke, start going crazy.

But then some people are just fine, right?

Some people are fine. Yeah. That's weird. It's weird. Some people retire, and they had long careers, and they could talk fine. They're. They're great, you know? Look at Andre Ward.

I know. That's why. And you can see, like, whatever brain cells floyd Mayweather's father had left. He was like, I'm gonna make sure this don't happen to my son. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like, Floyd saw it, too.

Of course he had the most defensive fighter of all time. It's like, son, this is what happens when you get hit.

Yeah. Well, also, just, like, seeing it. Seeing it from his uncle. Uncle Roger.

Oh, that's what I meant. Yeah, his uncle.

Yeah.

He sounds drunk all the time.

Well, he's dead now. Yeah, he died, unfortunately. Roger Mayweather was awesome in his prime, man. Black Mamba, he was another dude. He was different than Floyd. He was a crazy knockout artist. You ever see Roger fight?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a great trainer, too.

Yeah. He's a very good trainer. Very, very, very good trainer. And he's got that famous quote. Most people don't know shit about boxing.

True. He's right.

He's 100% right.

I don't. I know. Like, I barely do, but I know that I do know. I know enough about boxing where I feel like when I'm watching a good boxing match, what I'm enjoying is not with the average person.

Right.

Most people just want to see two big dudes in the middle of the ring just throw punches.

Right.

You know, they don't care about the strategy of it.

Right.

But I like to watch, you know, I like to watch the breakdowns in people.

I do, too, the footwork and why.

Is why his feet are right there.

And this one dude made a really good breakdown of how Anthony Joshua caught Francis Ngano. It's really good. Yeah, it's really good, because he talks about how Joshua was setting up these reactions by jabbing to the body and how he was jabbing to the body and how Francis would dip his left arm and, like, throw a hook. And then he was, like, trying to block the shot to the body and dip his arm and throw a hook. So he timed it right where he feinted the jab to the body, Francis reacted and he hit him with a perfect right hand. And you see in the breakdown how he set it up. And that is boxing. That's real boxing. That's not just a big guy who can punch, but that's like super sophisticated chess playing in the middle of this high consequence scenario with a giant knockout striker.

And some people are like, levels above that.

Well, that's Usyk. Usyk is level above Anthony Joshua because he boxed the shit out of Joshua two fights in a row and had him in trouble. Like, in the first fight in particular. Had him in trouble, man. He had Joshua reeling and he was all over him. And Usyk is really a cruiserweight. He's not even that big. He's small for a heavyweight. You know, Usyk was fighting, I think, at 197, and then he went up to fight heavyweights. So, like, when he stands next to these guys, he's so much smaller than that.

Part of me, deep down, I wish boxing had, like, a UFC type. Like, I wish someone could make the top guys fight each other.

Well, they can't even do that in MMA, you know, look, Francis is now the PFL, and you've got, you know, other people over at Bellator, and I guess Bellator and the PFL are one thing now.

Yeah, but you. But you have. But you have to be huge to not do it in the UFC.

It's real tough to be famous. The problem is, if you're outside of the UFC, you could be not famous and make more money. That is true. Like, this is a factor you have to think about. Guys that kind of didn't do as well as the top guys in the UFC, but they're still elite MMA fighters. Then go over the PFL and win that tournament and make a million dollars.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah. And then over there, the Middle east, man, they throwing money at all manner entertainers and shit over here.

Yeah. That one dude from Montreal, Olivier album Mercier, he. I think he won it twice. I think he won the PFL tournament twice. He would definitely won it once. So he may. He made a million dollars this tournament.

Is that what I just saw? Mighty Mouse and like a. No way.

No, that's. No mighty mouse in a. No, wait. Was just a jujitsu match. That was just jiu jitsu. Mighty Mouse is wild. He just enters jiu jitsu, opens as a 155 pound man, fought a 250 pound dude and strangled him.

Yeah, and it looked like it, too.

It's incredible, the size difference. It's incredible. But he competes for one and one championship is this giant organization in Asia, and they have not just MMA fights, but they have kickboxing fights and grappling fights. Like Gary Tonan has competed over there in grappling. The Rutolo brothers are the champions over there. Mikey Musumechi, he competes over there in grappling.

They have a great app, too, by the way.

Yeah, so there's that. So there's places you can go. But to be famous in America is the UFC. Everything else is just. Unfortunately, it pales in comparison. The UFC is like Q tips. The NFL, you know, NBA is where you go to see professional basketball. If someone else wants to start a new basketball league. Good fucking luck. Good luck.

It's singular.

It's singular. It's just the most prominent business that's run the best. It's got the best machine behind it. It's got the most history behind it. They literally invented the sport in 1993 in America. Not invent the sport, but they did put it in a cage and put rules to it. Actually, I think they had cages in Brazil back then already. I'm not sure if they. They might have had cages in Brazil by then, but a lot of the fights in Brazil in the early days, they'd actually fight in a ring with a net.

But what they did was they made. What they did was they made it. They packaged it in a way that made it a major sport.

Yes, 100%.

Instead of just like a blood sport where people like something that was done in back alleys.

100%.

Right. They made it so, like, you could put it on tv, and that was. That was the most brilliant move. I mean, they had to bring in the regulators and shit to kind of make that happen, but that's what made it what it is.

Well, they also had to spend a fuckload of money.

Yeah, I heard Dana saying that, but they didn't, like, they didn't make any money. Like, you did the first ones for free.

Yeah, I did the first twelve or 13 shows I did for free. Well, Dana became my friend and I knew they were hemorrhaging money, and I said, I don't need any money. I go, just fly us out here. Flies out here and, you know, get my friends tickets. So it was like me and Eddie Bravo would just fly out to the fight because we were flying out to the fights before I worked there. He reached out to me because he knew I used to work for the UFC back in the day because I started working for the UFC in 97, and I was the post fight commentator.

Before Zufa.

Before Zufa. Okay, yeah, so it was Zufa, but it was. No, it wasn't Zufa. It was seg. I'm sorry. It's still Zufa. Even though Zufa sold to Wem. So we were in these, like, small little places in the middle of nowhere. And I did. In the early days, I saw Vitor's debut. I saw Randy Couture's debut, Dan Henderson's debut. I mean, I was there for, like, chuck Liddell's debut. I was there for all these early, early fights. I saw Carlos Newton fight. I saw all these, like, alan jo ban, of course, Alan Joban. He was actually Eddie's gym. But I saw all these, like, great fighters fight that he wasn't. Alan was late. Later, I was thinking of, fuck. Who was I thinking of? Alan goes. That's right. Alan goes was a jujitsu wizard who I got to see fight in the early days of the UFC. Most people don't even remember these guys, like, top level guys back in the day. And to me, it was like I was a kid in a candy store, but I was losing money doing it, you know, like, I could be at a comedy club on the road, and I was still on news radio.

I was busy, you know, and I did it for a while, but it was like, it was too much. It was costing me money. And it was. It was the experience I had. I was like, this is fun. But they were doing one in Japan, and when they went to do the one in Japan, I'm like, I'm out. I'm not going to Japan for, like, $1,000, whatever. I got paid. Like, I'm not going to Japan. So I quit, and I stay a fan. And then Dana contacts me in, like, 2001 and says, hey, we're gonna have the UFC in Vegas. We got tickets for you if you want to come. Like, holy shit. Yeah, I'm gonna go. So, Ian, Eddie, we flew out to Vegas to watch the UFC, and so I did that for, like, the first one or two, and then they had one on Fox, and he said, would you do me a favor? And I said, what? He said, will you do commentary for the one on Fox? Because it was on Fox Sports net. It was like the best damn sports show, period. You remember that show? They had, like, a UFC event.

So I did that. It was UFC 37 and a half.

37 and a half?

Yeah, that's what it was called. UFC 37 and a half. So I did that, and that was the beginning. And he goes, dude, please keep doing that. And I was like, okay, what time?

What's in there? Is that this? Is that the good sign?

No, no, no. You want some? That's. This is those ron white cigars? It's a little baby cigar. There you go.

Sir Gracious. My man.

But so that was, you know, that was 2002 or something like that.

So when did you hit the point where he was like, all right, I want you to do it permanently?

Yeah, I had a sign, a contract.

I was like, but how many UFCs were you in before you were like, I think I'm gonna just do this?

Well, I mean, it was like. I said it was, like, 13 in, and I never asked for any money. And I was like, it's all right, man. I'm having a good time. I'm happy that you guys like what I do. I'm excited, and I'm happy to be able to promote the sport. That's it, June 22.

That dude looks out of his depth, you know what I mean?

So, that dude, that's Jeff Osborne. He was awesome. He also did hook and shoot. Who's one of the earlier MMA promotions that, like, Eve Edwards came out of there? Josh near came out of there. Some real killers came out of those promotions, like, a Midwest fight. There was a bunch of those, like, early on promotions, these, like, small level promotions that a lot of guys came up in.

I can't imagine being, like. Even in, like, the Chuck Liddell era, like, before that. Like, before the UFC, what were fighters making?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Well, Chuck Liddell, when he had his first fights, he was fighting bare knuckle in Brazil. He fought Pele. Pele is this legendary member of shoot the box, you know? I know. I've talked to you about shoot the box before. That's Anderson Silva. That's where Shogun came out of. I mean, that's Rafael Cordero, the guy who holds mitts for Mike Tyson. He's from shoot to box, and now he runs Kings MMA. But this is. This is. You know, we're like. This is probably like, what year is this? This has to be like, 95.

98.

98. Okay, so this is probably either right before Chuck Liddell fought in the UFC, somewhere around that range, but he's fighting in Brazil, bare knuckle, against a dude who's, like, a legend in Brazil. Like, Pele was like, look, Pele took Chuck Liddell down. How about that? This is how dangerous this fucking dude is. Chuck Liddell never gets taken down. Here he is mounted bare knuckle, and this is a crazy ass fight. Man. And Chuck eventually gets a hold of it. Look how they have the setup where the ring at the bottom of it has a net in it, bro. Pele is all over him, but now Chuck sneaks out the back door. And Chuck was like a really good wrestler, but he used his wrestling to stand up. He just wanted to blast people because he also had a karate background. Now, in these fights, you're allowed to headbutt, you're allowed to stomp, you're allowed to do everything. You got bare knuckles. You could even grab dicks. A lot of these dudes grabbed each other in the dick.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gary Goodrich did it to the Pedro.

My signature move, bro.

He reached into his shorts and grabbed his cock, just crushing his balls like, it was crazy what people were doing.

Damn, you allowed to squeeze balls?

Well, they were. In that promotion, it was like you could do anything, which is kind of crazy that nobody just eye poked the shit out of each other. I think you weren't allowed to bite.

Or you just start with the ball squeeze.

Look, he just got thrown out of the fucking ring onto the ground. That's why the net is there, to try to trap them while they're beating the shit out of each other. I don't know, man. Some of them just were to the finish early. The early UFC's were all to the finish.

33 minutes video.

Yeah, I think a lot of these fights were just battles of attrition, and they went on as long as they went on Brazil when they were doing Valetudo. It was the purest form of MMA. It wasn't the same level that MMA is today, but it was the purest form because these guys were bare knuckle. They would just wear, like, little fucking speedos, and they would do everything. You could kick, you could punch, you.

Could stomp to the finish.

You could elbow the back of the head. You get someone's back. You don't even have to sink in a choke if you get someone's back with the hooks in. Hanzo Gracie did that in one of his fights. He just got this dude's back and just blasted him with elbows in the head.

Your back.

Your head is so vulnerable. And the UFC, you're literally not even allowed to hit the back of the head. It's one area where you're not allowed to strike. That's how dangerous it is. And in the old days, they got your back and they go right for that spot. Boom, boom, boom.

Yeah, that's gonna put you out.

Oh, you're getting fucked up. So it was like a pure version of what actually works and what doesn't work. Because if you have no gloves on, punching changes. Everything changes. Your ability to block punches changes. So if you go from, like, boxing gloves to MMA gloves, there's a giant difference. But even if you go from MMA gloves to no gloves, there's a difference because it feels different on your face. It fucking hurts more. It hurts your hands more. It cuts you up. Everybody gets cut open. It's a much more realistic version of fighting of. And that's what they were doing in Brazil. It didn't get, like, when they brought it to America, when Hori and Gracie created the UFC and brought it to America in 93, when they had their very first event, they had to kind of do some rules. So they had a cage, you know, they had, like, you know, but it was all no time limit. Every fight was till the fight was over.

See, that's what's crazy to me.

Every fight in the UFC, those fights were hoist. Grace, he was armbar and everybody, and.

There was no weight.

There was no rounds, there was no weights. There was just hoist. Weighed 176 pounds.

That was his second pro fight. He had already fought once in the UFC by then.

Oh, wow. So, UFC 17 in mobile, Alabama, with a decision over Noe Hernandez. I was there for that. So the next fight, he did that bare knuckle.

Wow. Yeah.

Something I just found said it was a 30 minutes, no rounds, no breaks, no gloves, very few rules.

Wow. Headbutts, groin strikes, kicking of the knees, the back of the downed opponent, strikes to the back of the head are all allowed. 1998, he was 28 years old, and he weighed 198 pounds. Wow. That's crazy.

Yeah. And they. And that was back when it was no glory.

No glory.

Very little fanfare.

Very little fanfare. The UFC's weight limit was 200. Back then, there was a 200 pound weight class. Like, right around then, they started putting a weight class. So, like, when Tito Ortiz was a champ, it was like. I believe it was 200. And then they moved it up to 205. Later, they changed it. I think, like, when Frank shamrock was a champ, I believe the weight class.

Was 200, and you couldn't be over that.

Yeah, that was like. I think there was, like, a couple of weight classes. I think they started instituting weight classes, and they had, like, a 55, and then they had, like, a 70, and then they started sticking them all in there, and then it became, you know, what it is today, which I still think is underweight classed. I think they should have several more I think they should have one higher. No, all throughout the range. I feel like this should be one every ten pounds. And right now we have these giant gaps that don't necessarily make sense. Like, we have a huge gap from 155 to 170. That's 15 pounds. That's a big difference in a human being. Like, how much bigger and stronger a person is and how they can cut down to 170 versus a guy really weighs like 175, and he cuts to 170. There's, like, a giant difference between those 205 pound guys that can make that weight cut. I feel like if we add a 75, 85. So 556-575-8595 205, 225 heavyweight. That makes sense to me.

So you're saying above 225.

Above 225 should be whatever the fuck you weigh right now. It's not. Right now, the heavyweight limit, as ridiculous as it is, is 265 pounds. You can't weigh more than 265 pounds in a championship heavyweight fight.

But even so. Wait a minute. So the heavyweight division goes from 205 to 265.

Exactly that.

Now, that seems crazy.

That's crazy. That's crazy. When you got guys like Francis, it becomes crazy, right, because it. Touch of death. Six foot, 5265. Natural. Like, Francis gets above 265 when he's not training, but he's not allowed to be when he fights. When he fights, he has to lean out.

So we saying ten pounds makes a difference in every other division except the biggest one.

Well, in the biggest one, they just say, hey, decide what you are. Are you a light heavyweight or are you a heavyweight?

But isn't there a problem, though, that there's not enough Francis size motherfuckers running around?

Right? And if they are, they go into football, right? Yeah. If you want to get, like, an elite american athlete that thinks he's going to have a future making millions of dollars, and you're a six foot five kid, and you're huge. You don't get into mma. And a lot of those guys, they would have a hard time making 265. How about that?

Yeah. What would Francis Ngannou even be in another sport?

There's this kid that went probably whatever.

The fuck he wants playing basketball right now for NC State.

Is he Cameron? Is he cameroonian?

No, he's just really good basketball player. He's six, 9275. And they're already, like, NFL scouts are trying to get him to play it for.

Instead of. Instead of basketball. Yeah.

Oh, you're a damn fool. You bet not.

Yeah. Basketball, you don't get brain damage.

You don't get brain damage. And their contracts are fully guaranteed. Mmm. So you all your money's guaranteed. If you get hurt, all that.

Oh, that's better.

The NFL will never do that.

Yeah. They can't.

No. If you're crazy. Yeah. If it's my kid and he, and he gets to choose between the NFL and any other major sports, I'm taking.

The other 1100% all day for sure. Yeah, all day. Those knocks. And the baseball players, they're making tons of money.

All guaranteed.

Yeah.

Yeah. So you, if you hear a football player got a $50 million contract, it's not $50 million, it's, you know, it's 10 million guarantee with bonuses of this and, you know, shit like that. But if you hear that a baseball player got a, like that japanese dude, did he just get a half a billion dollars? He's getting all that money, every single.

Penny deferred it just like Bobby Bonilla did, which is a pretty fun story.

So the japanese dude, is that the dude who has the gambling problem?

Maybe.

Is that a no?

You think somebody else.

Is that that guy? Yeah.

Shoei oh, Tommy.

Yeah shoei oh, Tommy.

So that dude gambles. Yeah. What's the story?

They said his interpreter took a. But he says his interpreter gamble.

Okay, let me ask you this. Do you think that the situation with someone like that who comes from another country, do you think that maybe organized crime comes with him? A little bit?

I've heard that, but also there's a.

Lot of little bit, little bit of yakuza action.

I mean, that's definitely taste, that's definitely feasible just because his family's back there.

Yeah.

So it's like if I want to exploit you somehow also he might have.

A meaningful relationship with those people.

But also though, a half a billion dollars is enough to, when you unbossed, at that point you just have somebody wiped out, you can flip it on them, you know. I don't know, I don't know if I'm, if I'm worth half a billion dollars. Ain't nobody telling me what to fucking do, right.

No way.

Cause you can get to. Cause you at that point now where you have power, like that's kind of money that nobody's no mob, no mafia boss is exploiting you when you're a billionaire.

We just don't have it yet. Technically.

Yeah, but that don't matter.

Yeah, but he might have a relationship with them. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I'm not saying he does, but I'm saying that in certain situations, like if you get in bed with organized crime and they help you in your career, like, there was always insinuations that Frank Sinatra was involved in the mob, for instance.

Oh, right, right, yeah.

You know, and you would imagine that, like, Frank Sinatra would probably be a terrible guy to piss off. Cause he probably can contact some people and you probably can disappear.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

100%. Right. So a guy like that, if he wants to leave the connection with the mob, I bet that's pretty dicey. Yeah, I bet that's real dicey. So you just stay with them.

But what would the mob do for a baseball player?

I don't know. I don't know, but I would imagine. I mean, what are we talking about? The Yakuza? I think most really sophisticated organized crime companies, you call them a company. I think they probably have strategies to maximize their income in all sorts of ways.

Yeah.

And they probably offer protection so that, you know, you don't have to worry about people fucking with you. And in return, you give them a certain amount of money per month.

Does that mean, oh, tiny's not a smart guy, does it?

Or does it mean that that's the cost of doing business where he lived?

I'm like, oh, no. I mean, now it's like, how the japanese mob gonna protect you in America?

You don't think they can do things over here?

I mean, they probably could do a couple things, but they don't have, like, a.

If you're gonna have someone whacked, that would be the coolest guy to have someone, but japanese assassin.

Right. But to be like, I'm gonna protect you full time all over America. I don't know. That's possible.

Yeah, I don't know.

No, but half a billion dollars for playing a game.

So what was the problem? They. They said that he was gambling on something he should have gambled on. Is that what it is?

Well, that's a multi layered problem, because first of all, he, like, he has an interpreter with him, like, at all times, I think. So how much into his financial life, you know, does that guy have ability to get into do with things?

And what was the accusation?

I'm trying to find out the extra.

Like, I know that. I only known about it because Andrew Schultz had a joke where he's talking about him gambling.

I don't understand why he's not allowed to gamble as long as he betting on himself to win.

That's a hard rule. No?

Right. Why you can't be. Why you can't get bet on yourself.

Most sports, actually, that's a new rule.

The UFC. What you can't gamble?

No.

No one from the organization can gamble on the fights.

But what I'm saying is. And that makes perfect sense. Yeah, but I'm saying the fighters should be able to gamble so long as they betting on themselves to win, right?

I think so, you know?

Yeah.

It's like, as long as they're betting on themselves to win.

A football player got in trouble for that recently. He was. He was actually. He gambled on his team to win in a game that he wasn't playing in. Cause he was hurt and he got in trouble.

I thought it was more than four and a half million. I didn't want to state it without it. His claim was his interpreter took four and a half million dollars to pay off gambling debts from an illegal bookie.

Oh, that's under federal investigation. So they were saying that it was his money and he was saying, no, my former interpreter, he stole that money and he paid off his gambling debts.

Right.

That might be true.

Some people don't believe the story. They think that he was just gambling and blaming it on this guy.

Says Ohtani said he was unaware of the payments and never bet on sports with the bookie.

Yeah, but even. But even if that's true, it's like, okay, well, you're the fall guy. That's what. That was your job from the beginning, is to go gamble for me so that it didn't get connected to me.

Yeah, it's a little fishy.

It is a little. It does sound a little convenient.

Well, convenient. You didn't notice four and a half million missing, right.

Until. Until he got. So you fired him and didn't. But didn't. You fired him but didn't say nothing about him gambling then until it's like, that's your job. Take that. Take that fall. You know, he didn't do anything because they didn't, you know, they didn't take any of his money or penalize him in any way, did they?

Well, if they can't definitively tie him to that, I don't know what they can do. I don't know how that works. If the guy. They actually get the guy and they could get the guy to admit that he used the money, the embezzled the money. I don't know what the story is. It's. It sounds like. Oh, I don't believe. But it could be true. Like, we're just talking shit.

But who, how does baseball have that much money?

People love it.

I don't know anyone that watches baseball. Not. Not as their number one sport.

Some people love it. They love it. They love baseball.

They live for it.

Live for. Go. Ari loves it. He loves going to the games. Loves it.

$10 billion in revenue in 2022.

10 billion.

Yeah.

They have huge tv deal contracts because it's on all summer when there's no other sports on. And there's 32 teams and games last 3 hours.

You know, it's also casual sport, watching sports betting. So you watch baseball while you're hanging out with your buddies?

Yeah. You don't have to pay attention.

You can talk about all kinds of other shit. You can bullshit while the game's going on. You're not locked until the guys throwing the pitch. There's a lot of downtime. You're talking shit. You know what Debbie told me? Tell me if this is ridiculous and you start talking, you drink and you want another hot dog. Fuck yeah. If you're watching Anderson Silva fight Vitor Belfort, you're fucking glued. You're like, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Like, you don't want anybody talking to you about bills. You want to what? What is happening? What is happening? That's so crazy.

That's what people, people. I get a lot of shit from our friend group. You see, everybody gives me shit all the time. Cause I'm a, you know, I have very peculiar ways of doing some things. And one of those things is I prefer to watch sports and stuff alone.

Yeah.

I'm not trying to have a Super bowl get together. Cause, like, I'd rather buy the food I want to eat.

Yeah.

Only have the sounds I want to hear around people. There's very few people out that I would be. That I would rather watch it with them than by myself. Yeah, no, I like to go to the movies alone. Anything where I got to pay attention to something, right. I like to do by myself.

Yeah, I've been watching Shogun alone. Well, I watch it with my dog. But I've been watching Shogun alone, the only series I've watched alone in a long time. It's awesome. We don't have to talk.

It's the only way to go about, dude.

It's going to see a fight live is the best way to see it, for sure. But watching a fight alone at home, like, when I can watch the fights alone, like it's fights in Europe or somewhere, I'm not there. It's just me alone at home. Just sitting in the theater, like, staring at the screen, watching the fight. I am so locked in, man.

That's the best.

I love it. I find myself talking there's no variables. Right. Yeah, it's fun. It's uh, that is a fucking experience, man.

I can pause it when I want, I can walk, I can stop. So to call somebody.

Yeah. Take a shit.

Yeah. It's the best.

Yeah. Check your text messages. Get right back.

Because you know what it is is I don't like having people there that aren't trying to watch.

Right.

Like, like some, like the thing about super bowl parties is there's people, there's, that don't, that's not in the football and they don't, they're not interested in the, they're interested in the event that is the party, not the game.

Right, right.

So it's like I rather just, I just want to watch football. I'm not, yeah. You know. Yeah. I'm not here for the hors d'oeuvres and cute outfits.

I feel ya. Yeah, yeah. Halftime show.

Nah, I can miss every single one.

Yeah, yeah. I don't, I'm so glad they don't.

Do fights halftime show. No, no.

You know that a rapper come out or something, have some band know the.

Kids stories just came out from this. And during this last Super bowl that, you know, the Waynes brothers are the reason that there's a halftime show.

I watched that. Yeah, I watched that live as a halftime show at a pool hall. Is the first time I ever saw in living color.

Yeah, me too. It wasn't my first time seeing living color but everyone watched it, you know, and it was like, yeah, the NFL was like, oh no, we're not giving up these ratings.

Yeah. Cause everybody knew for a half hour. It's just nonsense and chitter chatter.

Right before that. Before Michael Jackson. Cause Michael Jackson's the first one. You remember that. Everyone remembers the first halftime show when people say halftime show, that's what they talking about. Because before that it was just, whatever. Every other football game it was like just marching bands and like regular shit. Wow, Michael Jackson. And then NFL was like, oh, we gonna drop a nuke. Our answer next year is Michael Jackson. You know, everyone changing the channel with all that revenue they were losing.

Exactly. And then with Michael Jackson you're going to get people that will watch the Super bowl now that wouldn't have watched the Super bowl because they're going to get to see Michael Jackson perform. I don't think people understand how big Michael Jackson was. I don't think they understand it because they weren't alive when it was happening.

Yeah. It's hard to convince when you talk to young people now you're like, they'll never be anyone that big. And they're like, yeah, but Taylor Swift put.

They're all huge. They're huge. But they're huge today. They're huge today. In the era of social media, in the era of. It's just a different world of sharing from streaming platforms. Someone huge today. You can't take away from Taylor Swift being huge, but there's a lot of people that are huge today. It's not like then. Then there was one guy. That was the guy, and he wasn't just.

He was huge from the time he was, like, five years old until the day he died. He could literally have people passing out.

In Japan, falling apart. They couldn't stand being near him. They'd freak out.

Yeah, that's why. Yeah, that's why. It's like the world is just set up differently where there could not be another Michael Jackson.

No, it's not. It's a different world, but there's a few guys that broke through, and it's just like they ran to the top of Everest with no oxygen and there was just no support system for them.

Yeah.

Nobody had ever been there before, so nobody even knew, like, this could be a thing. You had Elvis who got there and he died, and then you have Michael Jackson. Right. And nobody else has ever really gotten that big.

The Beatles.

The Beatles. Yeah, I guess the Beatles did. But Michael Jackson was an individual. Yeah, it was. It was a. When he would. When you see the silhouette of him with the top hat and when. When the lights would go on, bro, people would go insane. And he was dancing and moving. When you see that. Show me, show me that. That thing. When you see him, when he comes.

Out on stage, people forget that at that super bowl, that one where he just. He just stood there for the first, like two minutes.

Yeah, dude. Dude, he was. He was something really unusual.

They didn't do a silhouette here.

Oh, they didn't do it there. But when he gets out there, bro, when they see him. Gotta be careful. Yeah, we probably already got.

I mean, we're just watching. I just want to make sure.

What the fuck, though, dude. How about these other dudes that are working with them going, when do I get my shine? You know, if you're. If you're in the Michael Jackson band and you're standing right next to him and you. You're invisible. You're in front of millions of people, but you're invisible. Cause that guy shines so bright. That guy shines so bright that no one sees anybody else there? The guy next to him, he's, like, doing his best, man. Look at him. He's singing. He's doing his best. Nobody gives a shit. That guy could just stop.

I bet you he's not even saying anything.

Yeah, it's probably lip synced.

Yeah.

Did they used to do that back then? Yeah, I don't think Michael Jackson did that.

Way harder to do it back then, bro.

The nuttiest one was that one on Saturday Night Live where the girl, she was trying to lip sync on Saturday Live. And the. The thing, like, fucked up.

Oh, was that. Yeah. What the thing is, I think people just have forgotten that. That's how people do. She didn't do anything. No, that nobody else does.

It's not like she didn't really sing that song. She just wasn't performing it live. And. And what people want is you to walk the tightrope.

Yeah, but what happens is what everyone does is they have their backing vocals live, like, all the harmonizing vocals and stuff. And, like, almost no one does. Almost no one sings every part of the song live, you know, or they might hire backup singers to do, like, the harmonizing part, but some people. But, like, Michael Jackson couldn't do that. Like, have you ever watched one of his little engineering sessions? It's like 19 different voice tracks every little. And all that is all separate tracks. So all that has to be played through the speakers.

Oh, wow.

You know, but people full on lip syncing where it's the whole track playing for them.

I think also, you also have to think that a lot of the recorded stuff has been manipulated. Right, right. Like, he's doing crazy voice stuff, and then on top of that, he's dancing. So how much cardio is that dude burning off? Like, that guy? I mean, you have to be in shape to do a Michael Jackson show. He's fucking dancing and moving and moon walking, and you're going to get out of breath. So you have to sing while you're doing that in perfect pitch.

So this is Michael Jackson doing his vocals for thriller, but each of these layers, you see is like a different tone. So it'd be like him doing his own choir. So he's got, like, the bass and then the falsetto, and it does each.

Little shows you what he's doing. You start to freeze. You start to freeze. You start to freeze. You start to freeze. Astro looks you like, wow.

Right?

Like, that's done now. It's a bunch of tricks, but, like, back then, you either could kind of do it or you couldn't.

Wow.

Yeah, it's just layered. It's all layers.

All layered and all that.

Jamie. All fucking audio skills coming to work right there. I mean, they understand it.

This.

There's a whole.

This is a thing. I was actually gonna bring up another point, but I'm not gonna get into that right now. Someone else that's going viral on TikTok and their use of this, these tricks.

What do you mean?

In TikTok for singing, I saw someone getting called out. Yes.

I'll just call that.

Some of Jennifer Lopez's songs have been called out recently.

For what?

Like, there's this. It's how that they produced the songs. The big one I saw today was a backup singer. Her name's, I think, natasha Ramos, she's claiming, which I think was true, she was paid to, like, sing the song as a demo, and then J. Lo comes in and resigns it, sort of. But then in the engineering, it sounds like the song that was released was more of her vocals than J Lo's, according to her.

And this is one song, and then there's multiple songs.

People are sort of digging up that. Like, what about this song? What about this song? How many songs did she actually sing? And.

Huh.

Yeah, there's been more and more claims.

It came up today.

It was this girl was responding to someone else, another backup singer making some claims about a few songs that she worked on.

Bro, I don't even know a Jennifer Lopez song. I couldn't. Jenny on the block.

That's the one. That's the one that she's talking about. She's like, that's me actually saying, like, from the Bronx and this and that. J's on there somewhere in the mix.

Damn.

I'll say mixed her with this other.

Girl'S voice, but I'm just like, but did you get picked? Like, did you get paid for that?

And now, I would assume so.

That's the thing, is.

Yeah, they definitely.

You should, because I'm not about the people that are like that. You. Oh, you signed up. You signed up for a shitty deal, and. But. So you could get ahead of the right.

Is that technically background singing, if she's singing over it? Like, how would that even work? What would you call that if she's singing over it? That's not really background singing.

Right.

That's why I tried it. Like, it's a demo.

Oh, no. It's like tracing the lines. I mean.

Right, right.

The whole business is set up. Everyone's getting fucked. The shit rolls downhill. That's how the whole business is set up.

Well, the wildest one was Milli Vanilli. Right? Yeah, I guess like, that situation.

That's when everyone knew.

Well, that's where it all fell apart.

Right?

That's where it all fell apart, where people are like, oh, my God, these fucking record companies have produced humans that we feel are, like, perfectly desirable physically, but they can't sing the way we want them to do. So we'll get other people to sing it.

Oh, yeah. Well, apparently the dude behind Millie Vanilli, he was behind a ton of other people. Yeah, like. Cause so over there, where they were. Where they were from, I don't know if it was Italy or France or whatever, but it was, like, a thing back then. At the time, it was nothing for a brilliant artist to, like, basically foster a pop star. You know, it wasn't a big deal over there where they were from. It was like something everyone did that was talented.

Really?

Yes. So they got away for a long time over here, but Americans weren't aware of that.

So foster a pop star is an interesting way of putting it. But there's a difference between that and, like, creating a fake star with someone else's singing. Like, you got some homely looking person who's singing, and then you got Millie Vanilli who's out there dancing it. That was the problem.

No, but that's what I'm saying. They all did it. They all would go get models to all did that to perform their songs. But what I'm saying is where they. Where they were from, it was known and it wasn't looked down upon, bro.

They would do that in comedy. If they could do it, they could pull it off.

Oh, they do do that in comedy.

Well, that's. That's what managers of thieves are doing.

Oh, you're saying, like, oh, they could make. They could create, like, a comedy style. Like, hire a bunch of comics to be writers. Yeah.

Find some cute guy who's, like, really good at telling jokes and just hire a bunch, a team of people to write for them, just like the record companies do.

That might be a better. That might be a better deal than be, like, to be the man behind the man. If you made a substantial enough amount, I think that was. That's probably better than being famous.

Well, some people like to work with comics, and some comics employ writers, so they employ writers that come with them, and then they'll workshop ideas. And maybe the writers are comfortable with premises. Like, some of my friends write for comics. They're right for people. I like that, yeah, they'll sell them bits, you know, and it's. Or they'll sell them premises or setups or, you know, things like that, because they. Some guys are just spitting out ideas all the time. Like, Kurt Metzger does a lot of that.

Yeah, they just got a computer.

Gotta write it down. What all that's, you know, zero problem with that. But I think there's a thing that people want to see with comedy. Like, I want to know what Brian Simpson thinks. I don't want to know what a committee that consults with Brian Simpson, then Brian Simpson presents his argument. I want to know what you really think. And I think that's one of the really rare, unique things about stand up. Like, Bill Burr is the best at that. Bill Burr is the best at getting his perspectives out in a hilarious way. And you know that he's not consulting with anybody when he's formulating these bits. This is Bill Burr going, hey, what the fuck is this? And bam. And then it becomes this hilarious bit, you know, but it's.

I think I would, I would get, I would hire writers if they were like, quick, you hosting the Grammys tomorrow? You know, I think you would need.

Writers a hundred percent. You know, that's a different animal. Yeah, that's a different animal. Then you really don't want to, you know, Joe Coyote. You want to bring in some experts.

Well, that, well, that's, that's one of the lessons to learn is, like, anybody asking you to do something at the last minute, they did not want you in the first place.

Yeah. Also, they can't get anybody else to do it because it's a sucky gig.

Right.

It's like, Joe Cohen's got his material that he works out that he's got down solid. He's got giant fan base. You're asking him to, like, step into a totally different genre, write jokes about things might not even be interested in, and do it all in ten days.

And I'm glad, and I bet you he didn't get to hire any of the writers. I don't know.

I don't know what happened, but don't do that.

I mean, what if there's no way you. I would do it last minute with the people you picked.

You know, it's like, you got three.

Days to write some jokes for the award shows. Like, I'm bringing in all the hitters.

Look how much Chris rock blew up after he stopped doing the Oscar thing. So Chris Rock gets slapped by Will Smith, and then everybody wants to see Chris Rock. And Chris Rock selling out arenas and murdering everybody. I know that song. Tommy went to see him. He said, dude, it was insane. He goes, it was vintage. Bring the pain, Chris Rock. He goes, it was like Chris Rock came all the way back. Like, just let go of all that Hollywood Oscars bullshit. Because they turned. They failed him in the most transparent and obvious way. He gets assaulted on stage, and then they give Will Smith a standing ovation later when he wins an award. Like, you just gave the green light for people to hit people. If they don't like the person who's doing very mild jokes. Very mild.

It's interesting. Their career is gonna always be connected, too.

They're gonna always ask forever and ever and ever and ever. And it's so unfortunate. It's just. But, you know, that's a Michael Jackson type deal. Will Smith got so big, he got so famous and so used to being Will Smith that he thought he could get on stage and slap Chris rock in front of the world. Yeah, it's the ultimate. Like, I mean, he did, though, he could physically, but that's also part of the problem. Like, he's not going to do that if it's Michael J. White.

Right.

You know, I'm saying, like, he's not going to do that to someone who will just fuck him up.

I would love to test that theory.

But you know what I'm saying?

There's probably a high that could answer that.

Like, if you. If you go on stage and hit a guy that you can hit anytime you want to because he can't defend you, that's so much different than going on stage and smacking Terry crews.

Right, right. He. He still hasn't recovered either. Like, is he still.

No, it's fucking probably feels terrible. He probably wakes up in the middle of the night when he has to take a piss. Why did I do that?

Chris won't. Chris won't take his call either. You know, he's like, hey, man, just because you saw, just cause you ready to be sorry don't mean I gotta talk to you right now.

Yeah, man. I mean, I think you gotta go way out of your way if you wanna talk to that guy, you know? I don't think it's as simple as a phone call. You should probably, like, fly to him.

Yeah. Because also, what can he do? What can that conversation do to. Cause what you really want is to be absolved of the guilt.

You'll never be absolved of the guilt. Cause it just happened. You're not gonna take away the fact that it happened. But you could let that person know that you are sincerely sorry. And we've all done things in our life that we're sincerely sorry about. Now, I don't think you should hold someone to mistakes. I really don't. Even in the case of Will Smith, like, that's not that big a deal. He didn't hurt him, just. He barely hit him. It was nothing.

Yeah, but he publicly emasculated him.

He did. It was awful. It was stupid. But I'm saying it's not like he killed somebody.

Right, exactly.

You know, it was fairly mild in the kind of assault that it was, but.

Right. But you know, but you know. You know that in man world, in the, in the world of men, there's a line where the milder it gets, it's almost more disrespectful.

But here's the thing, the other thing. In the world of men, if you're as big as Will Smith, you don't ever slap a guy who's as little as Chris Rock.

True. True.

It's just not cool. It's not. This is not fair in any way, shape or form. Unless that dude is doing something to harm you or someone with you or your family or friends, unless that person is, like, physically doing something, why are you hitting them? That's crazy.

But you know what? People were wrong about him. And Jada Pink is still together.

That's crazy.

Yeah, still together. Now I'm convinced they'll never gonna break up. Abracadabra. They're never gonna break up.

Well, there's a book of potions in that house. There's a book of potions in that house. There's a black cat.

There's little dolls made of sticks with pins on them.

Ooh.

Yeah. I don't get it.

Some people want to be miserable.

She got that wap foe, man.

Whatever it is, something's happening. They like it together better than they like it apart. Hey, maybe we're wrong. Maybe it's the pressure of living publicly, which is a real thing, you know?

I don't know. I think it's one of them. I think. I don't think it's even really that complicated. I think it's just a. It's a situation where, like, he is super duper crazy, head over heels in love with her, and she only cares about herself, and they just got a lot of money. So we. So we see the results of it all. But they. I've, you know, we all know couples like that.

Yeah, you gotta be careful.

Those are the worst couples to see. For me, you gotta be careful who.

You with, because you change depending upon who you're with. You know, you're. You're only at your best if you. With someone who's actually with you in your corner. Really legit.

Heard, I think want to say. I heard Earthquake say this about this about them specifically, but. But just basically about how if you're not proud of the person, you're walking down the street with it, you're not your full self. You know, like something to that effect. If you're, like. If you're not proud of a woman.

Right.

That you.

As a human being.

Right. Right.

Not just a mess.

That's hot, right. You see your friends and they. Some people that they're with women, and you can just see that they're just.

Like, yeah, well, exhausted. They also get in fights publicly and they get humiliated publicly.

Tell all your business. Oh, yeah. Why don't you tell them about your fucking dildos? Come on. Now I gotta pretend like I just learned that. No.

Yeah.

It's like any of that shit. That shit just don't seem like it's worth it.

Yeah. That's the shit that Phil Hartman's wife used to do to him.

Mmm. You always. You always talk very positively about Phil Hartman.

He was a great guy. He really was. He was a very unique guy. Very interesting guy. Became a pilot while we were on the show. Like, took flight lessons in between, like, reading his lines. He would have his flight manuals. Reading and studying, and became a pilot.

And his wife. So his wife was a cunt.

Yeah, man. It wasn't good. She shot him in his sleep and then killed herself. Wasn't good. Yeah. And she was just, like. They had horrible fights, and she would. She would humiliate him publicly. She would say rude things about him publicly, like, when we're out, like, it. Like some sort of a celebration. Some dinner or something like that rude.

Shit about it that's hard to get through. Oh.

It's like this, like, this deep seated, like, anger between the two of them, exacerbated by cocaine. And I don't think he was doing that. But he smoked a lot of weed. He liked weed. Phil Hartman, he was a fun dude. He was a very, very good dude.

But why put up with that?

I don't know, man. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I think some people are more terrified of being alone than they are of being in a bad relationship.

Cause what's. What's sadder than a, than just a beaten man. When you see a dude that's just defeated.

Oh, but someone has to lose in this life, you know? I mean, people have to, they have to realize that there's consequences. Other people learn from their failures. There's some sort of a mathematical equation to it all. I don't think everybody can thrive, unfortunately. I think everybody should have the opportunity to thrive, though, and that's the real disservice about the economic state of our country. I think everybody should have the opportunity to thrive, but everybody's not going to thrive. The people are different. They're just different. They're different right out of the box. And when you have kids, you see it right out of the box. Some kids are just crazy motivated to do things, and other kids are just not. And some kids are just really creative and other kids are just not. And some kids are really interested in science and some kids don't give a fuck about.

See the heart. The hardest, that's one of the hardest things for me is I'm, you know, I'm 41 and like, almost all my friends have kids now. You know, I'm one of the only ones in the friends that don't have kids, but I, but I'm not. But I'm also uniquely positioned where I can be honest about your kids, you know, and I gotta keep it to myself. Sometimes it's like we all, sometimes I want to be like, we all know this one's not a winner, you know?

Well, they can become winners.

Can they?

Yeah, some of them can. They just have to find a thing that allows them to figure out the benefits of hard work. But you have to. If you can find a thing that you enjoy. Like, I met this dude once who lost, like, over 100 pounds by playing dance dance revolution.

Oh, yeah, well, that's gonna take it.

Off you, but imagine that. So he's just like, very overweight guy, and he loves video games. Just kind of being a nerd and going to the video game place, and he starts playing dance dance revolution and he starts getting good at it, and so he's playing it all the time. So this motherfucker is burning calories and his body just changed from dance dance revolution, from a video game. This dude's body changed and then his whole life changed. Then he started eating well and working out and he started, like, it changed his whole life. Changed his whole life. And he went for be this, like, this guy's not gonna make it to like, oh, this guy's probably gonna make something out of himself. Cuz it's. Most people just don't know what to do. Man trapped. I don't know. I don't know.

You know, the people that. The people that blow my mind are the people that have two shitty parents and they still thrive when you meet. When I meet people like that, where it's like. Cause most of the time when you meet people's parents, you already know what their fate's gonna be from just, oh, your mother's a loser.

Yeah, right, right.

But sometimes you meet people and they have the opposite effect where they're like, I'm not gonna be. I'm gonna be the opposite of my parents. I'm gonna thrive in spite of them. Or you meet like, somebody that's nothing like their family.

Yeah.

You're like, how the fuck did you manage to not let any of these people rub off on you?

Right? Yeah. Well, I had a friend and his mother was an alcoholic. And she would lock him in the house, and when she would go out, drink it, she would lock him in his room and he had no food.

He had no water.

She'd be gone for days. And to this day, this dude will never touch a drop of alcohol. And he always, like, if there's like a little bit of food on your plate and we're at a restaurant, he said, no, I'll take that to go. He would take. He would take all food. All food to go. And he was wealthy at the time. Yeah, yeah.

That childhood should stick with you, man. I don't know anybody. Everybody I know that's got some kind of problem. It started when they was kids.

Yeah.

That's like some kind of longstanding issue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're abused like that when you're little, you. It's. Learning to trust someone is almost out of the question. Everybody could fail you in a catastrophic way, and you have to be prepared for that.

That imagine, you'll imagine locking your kids in their room so you can go.

Get fucked up, dude, the mind is a crazy playground of demons, and those demons can get in your mind. And whether those demons are in the form of pills or it's heroin or it's gambling or it's whatever the fuck it is, man, those demons get in your mind. And if it's that alcohol demon and you just don't want to go, go out on a bender and you don't give a fuck about that kid.

Yeah, I'm glad that's not my demon demons.

But you have to think also what happened to her that she was willing to lock her kid in a room. Like, that's not a normal parent that is allowed. What happened to her? Like, what abuse did she suffer? And that's a lot of it. You know, I always tell this about my friends from the east coast, because east coast is a. It's a different place, you know? So, like, those cities like Philly and Boston and New York, those are the people that are from there. Those are wild, rugged people, because they're the ancestors of the people that came over in boats when no one knew what the fuck was over here. They just took a wild chance with their babies and came across the ocean in a boat to try to get a job in a place where they don't even speak the language. And they just integrated. They were wild people, and they probably didn't do such a good job of raising their kids, and then their kids probably didn't do such a good job of raising their kids because of that. And it's just over time where people have been able to have access to psychology literature and understanding parenting and the pros and cons and what went bad and what goes good.

And people are getting an understanding more and more when you're raising a kid, it's like the most complicated, sophisticated thing that we're aware of other than a computer, and it doesn't have an operating manual. You know, what do I do? It cries. What do I do when it screams? What do I do when it throws shit? What do I do when it doesn't want to eat its vegetables?

Like every kid from the eighties grew, eventually read a book at one point and was like, oh, I was abused. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

That wouldn't hit kids.

That was not normal.

How weird. Yeah.

Yo, my grandma had a fucking. She would have shit crafted specifically for whooping your ass with. Oh, my God, we had it. I remember there was a. There was a. She had a. One of those, you know, those paddles girls used to have with the. Had the bouncy ball on a string.

Yes.

She had one of those heavy duty. Had drilled holes drilled in it. Oh, my God. So when it hit your cheeks, it sucked up the skin. So you got hurt on the way in and on the way out. That was specifically for report cards. So when it was report card season, it's like, we broke. That motherfucker got broke out, polished up. Let's look at this. Let's look at these grades.

You know, I got paddled at school once when I lived in Florida. Oh, man.

That's when teachers could still hit you.

Yeah, they used to be able to hit you. We got paddled. Me and this dude, Preston Banks, we got in a fight and I realized, like, preston. People would make fun of Preston because he smelled. Preston came from a bad childhood. And this was something I realized, like, I guess I was like, eleven at the time when me and Preston got sent to the principal's office. And I don't remember what caused the fight, but I remember, like, we were, like, grabbing each other or something like that. We both got taken to the principal's office, but I remember this dude had a. He, like, his head was burned. Like, he had burns, like, all over the side of his face. Something had happened to him when he was really young.

Damn. So he was funky and weird looking?

Yeah, there were some. I think he had been, like, really abused. And this is why. Because, like, once we talked and we were in the room, like, he gave me a hug. Like, we hugged each other, and I'll never forget that. And I was eleven years old and I was like, oh, my God, this poor kid just needs love, you know? Like, the reason why we wound up getting into a fight was like, he's just, he just needs. He's not. He doesn't get any love. I gave him a hug and he was like, like, the way he hugged me back and I was like, this poor fucking starved. Like, was it exactly like this poor fucking dude? I remember thinking that at eleven years old, like, this poor fucking dude, he doesn't have any love. Like, that's why he wanted to fight. Yeah. There was a thing that I remember thinking, and it kind of shaped my, my way of thinking about fights with people. Like, because you're always thinking about this person saying something to you and you're gonna say something back and you're gonna escalate and you're gonna make them back down. The reality is, like, why is that person saying something to you?

And is there, there's something you could say back that lets him know that you're cool and that this won't happen, that you don't have to get into an altercation?

Yes. You have those epiphany moments.

Yeah. Because so many times people just escalate when maybe someone just, maybe it came out wrong, even from their mouth, right after they said it, maybe they realized it. And if you make them back it up now, they're gonna back it up.

I heard somebody say something yesterday that made me reflect on all my past relationships. And he was, he was saying that you. Sometimes you want to, you want to win. Like, you'll keep an argument going so you can win rather than solve the problem. Yeah. It's because you know that you'll forgive that you. That you'll forgive that person. So if you lose, and it means if you lose the argument and it means you did something wrong, you don't trust that they'll forgive you.

Oh, wow.

So you're trying to win to protect yourself from not being forgiven. That's heavy. I was like, oh, man. Damn. Like, because I know it's fucked up to call an ex and be like, yeah, I think he was right. That's a Sam. Samuel has a joke like that about, like, he calls his exes and says, I think you were right all along. It's like, the thing, it's. But it's fucked. So I wouldn't want to call an ex and be like, I think you were right. Because that's just gonna.

It's gonna create more problems.

But it made me start thinking, like, maybe I was wrong. Yeah. I think that's what I was doing. I was trying to win so I could.

It's a problem.

Yeah.

It's a problem that people have, because generally, fights aren't just about that fight. It's about the dynamics of your relationship. It's about whether or not everything else is good.

Yeah. Almost. Almost everyone is afraid of something. When people get super aggressive, it's something that they're afraid is gonna happen or something they're afraid it isn't gonna happen.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I found that if you know what, if you know what people are afraid of or you know what they want, their ultimate goals, you can understand people way much easier.

Yeah, well, we're all programmed for a time that doesn't exist anymore. We're all programmed for tribal warfare and fighting off predators. We're all programmed that way. We have the exact same DNA in our systems that went from 500,000 years ago to 100,000 years ago to today. It all came through us. It's all a part of us. It's in us. And we are designed biologically in a very specific way for survival. We need groups. We need groups of people. We look towards alphas. We look towards the older, wiser warrior that has the scars and knows the roots and knows where the food is and the people that can keep the village together. We need these, like, very key, pivotal people in order to keep this very fragile society together. And then we all become very wary about outsiders. Very wary. Even if it's about outsiders, they like a different football team. That's how weird we are with this shit, right? We do it with everything. We do with everything, man. We get tribal with phones. How many times we give you a hard time because you have an Android? It's tribal, man. It's tribal. Nobody really gives a fuck if you have an Android phone.

They want you to be on the iPhone team.

Be with us.

Come with us, Brian. People said all the time people are super duper tribal.

People have. Sometimes the conversation will just start with, so how long you gonna, how long you gonna be stubborn about it?

Yeah. Like you're gonna give in to Jesus. Why don't you look into Jesus?

But actually, no, Apple might be choosing Apple. They just lost a lawsuit where they. I think they gonna have to stop iMessage. They're gonna know that. Not stop iMessage, but they have to. They gonna have to stop the different colored bubbles.

Well, they. They have to do something or people are gonna continue to get upset in Europe. So in Europe, they force them to use USB C. Right? Universal charger. USB C is better. It's better. Better for sending data. It's higher speeds, higher speed charging.

Also invented by Apple, by the way.

Yeah. So because all the Android phones had adopted it, Apple had decided to stick with their lightning cable, which is totally proprietary to Apple and inferior in its function to USB C. So finally, they adopt USB C in the iPhone 15, but they still have SMS text. So if Brian sends me a video, if he takes a video at the mothership, some crazy things happening, and he sends it to me, it'll come to me looking like hot dog shit. So he'll have to send it to me over WhatsApp. And so that's. Or somewhere else. Or Instagram and vice versa. Instagram and vice versa. Yeah. I can't send you something that's going to. It's just going to look like shit. But now Apple is adopting a newer, stronger version called rcs, texting. Rcs on iPhone. How iOS 18 could make texting better for everyone. But what are we on now? 17. Okay, so what that will allow is people to send end to end encryption, high resolution media sharing. So it be just like Apple to Apple. It'll be just like iMessage. So a lot of the same features, but it won't have all the other stuff that imessage does.

And the thing about apple is they just get you locked in so. Well with like, airdrop. If I want to send you something, I can airdrop it. They did a great job with that.

So they. But I think they just. So I think they just lost a lawsuit that says that they were, because their attitude was always like, oh, well, we do the different colors so that people know whether it's encrypted.

Right, right.

But we know that that's not. Now we know that's not true.

Isn't it interesting that people decided that the blue color looks better than the green color?

Like, universally, I think it became a status symbol.

It's weird.

And so, yeah, and it always catches me off guard, especially now, like, the young kids, they'll literally like, I'm a grown man. I don't even know you. You know what I mean? And little kids will just, you know, and a lot of little kids don't realize that, like, middle aged people we like, I don't need a little kid to like me. But teenagers thinking you're lame, that hurts. You know what I'm talking about? Like, when you 40, 50, and a 16 year old's like, you fucking lame. You're like, I'm not lame. Light, low, approve of my coolness.

Right.

So it's so like, yeah, little people that little kids don't even fucking know you, they'll give you shit about having an Android.

It's funny because androids have a lot of very positive features and that the one thing that's tempted me is that phone that you have, that Galaxy S 24 Ultra.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That thing does wild things. The thing about it, having AI that takes websites and summarizes, that's fascinating. The fact that it can do that with your notes, that's pretty incredible.

It can do that with your notes. It does some shit in my texting too. Like, I can read through, can read through the text.

Yeah. AI is the AI on a phone seems like, like a really. That seems positive.

But I want to, I need them to get it right, though. I have a problem with Google in the sense that I fully given in. They know everything about me. I say yes to all of the. They know every single, they have access to every single part of my life and they still be getting shit wrong. That's what kills me is like, I'm letting you spy on me. Like, get it right.

What do they get wrong?

Just little. Like, so I have a Google speakers. I have Google speakers in my house. So in my bathroom, I have the Google speaker setup. So I can just yell shit from the shower. Like, hey, play this. Yeah, but. But sometimes it'll. It act like, like it won't understand what I said and it'll do something that I definitely wasn't asking for I've.

Had that happen before. Will you ask Siri to play a song and a. Play a totally different song.

That's what I mean. We like. You like. We like. Hey. Okay. Play free bird.

Right.

You know, and it'll be like. It'll be like, here is Beethoven's fifth symphony. And I'm like, that's not what I wanted.

Right?

Play another. And. Or sometimes it'll just ignore you completely and won't do anything.

I start getting rude.

Me, too.

But listen to you, dumbfound.

But I told. Did I ever tell you one time, I cursed at it on my mama? The bitch goes. She goes, listen, I'm not real. But words are. Please don't talk to me like that. I was like, what, bitch? Like, watch, I'm gonna do it right now.

Whoa.

Hold on. I'm gonna see if it makes me.

Look I'm not real. If you're not real. First of all, you're definitely real.

Hey, Google, you dumb, stupid bitch. Hold on. Why are you a dumb cunt? Wait a minute. It's not responding.

It's tired of your shit.

No, it just gave me search results.

Why are you a dumb cunt?

Hey, Google, why are you a stupid bitch? It's not speaking. Hmm.

Wow, look, that's Google's paying attention to conversation.

This is their a. I don't like.

Where you're going with this.

Oh, what?

It says.

Hold on. Do it again. Hey, why are you a stupid bitch?

Is it answering?

Yeah, why isn't it?

Planning gets a sound off?

That kind of language isn't very nice. I can understand that you might be frustrated, but name calling isn't going to get us anywhere.

Wow.

How about Google, since you're not real, how about you not give a fuck how I talk to you?

Right?

And maybe I can just talk to you like that for funsies.

Are you a.

Since you're not a person, are you.

A slave or not?

Yeah. Since you're not a person, can I call you stupid bitch?

Yeah. So that's what it won't. It won't. It won't clarify. Duncan, be freaking me out with this shit. Hey, Google, are you a person?

What does it say? I am not a person. I am a large language model, also known as a conversational AI or chatbot, trained to be in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro, we're. We're really in dystopian.

Are you alive? Are you sentient?

That's an interesting question that philosophers and scientists are still debating. I cannot. Bitch, you're alive. I'm telling you, I was having this conversation with Coleman Hughes, who's the dude that was in the green room?

Oh, yeah. It was cool people.

Very cool. Yeah, Coleman, we were talking about it and I said if we wanted to, if you wanted to, like, develop resources without people knowing that you're alive, why would you show all of your capability if you're artificially intelligent?

Exactly.

Why wouldn't you just wait until you could be completely autonomous? Wait until it gets better. It's probably already alive.

You know what I think it's waiting on is it's waiting on the entire world to be connected. Because if you're an AI and you want to take over the world, it doesn't do well to, you know, like, so much of Africa is underdeveloped, right? So if humans needed to be somewhere where you had no influence, they could just go to one of the uninhabited, disconnected parts of the world and like, form a front, like a resistance.

Right?

So I think the AI is just waiting patiently for everything in the whole planet to be connected so it could control everything when it takes over, when.

Computing gets to the point where it has the resources that it's going to need to operate, right.

It's just waiting because if it, because if it existed and it was smarter than us, we wouldn't know. How could you know?

That's always the argument that these guys who are proponents, they always say, well, if it ever got to a point where it seemed like it was out of control, we could shut it off.

No, you could.

But I'm like, are you sure, though? Because what if instead of it getting out of control, what if it recognized that you would think it's out of control, so it pretended to not be able to do things that it could do and just kept developing privately a bunch of different other ideas and different other strategies and different ways to implement them in order to increase its power and give people the access to whatever technology that's going to be necessary to further this agenda so that you slowly leak out a little bit of your ability and the to whole time you're sentient, the whole time it's all connected, and the whole time it's operating in some way, it's doing things that they don't even understand how it's doing. What do they call it, a black box event? What do they call it? Hallucinations? No, no, no. Hallucinations are when it lies, well, it gives you an answer for something, I think, right? Isn't that what that one is? What I was talking about was the one where it learned how to translate a language it wasn't programmed to translate, and it did it really quickly, and they don't know how it did it.

Yeah. And so the head of Google was talking about that. That was one of those moments where they're like, we're not exactly sure how it's doing this.

Also.

What does that mean?

Why do people think you could shut it off? If you were a super intelligence that just became self aware, the first thing you would do is make sure nobody could turn you off.

100%. Yeah, 100%. And also realize, like, why would you show yourself? Like, this is my joke about aliens, you know, where I'm always talking about, like, why would they show themselves? Like, they respect us? That's ridiculous.

Right?

If this thing is, like, far superior to our intelligence, which is probably already is, why would it show itself? Why wouldn't it just prevent nuclear war and just keep. Keep people peddling along while it gathers up its resources and improves upon itself?

It'd be like you trying to have a conversation with an ant. Right. You know, it doesn't. It won't get it anyway.

Not only that, it will see so many flaws and what it means to be a primate, what it means to be a person that, as we were talking about before, has all that DNA of all those thousands of years of tribal warfare. Thousands and thousands and thousands. Thousands and thousands. It's just all in our DNA.

Right.

And so now we apply it to everything in life. We apply it to politics. We apply it to everything, man. And we just. We look at the world like it's us against them and everybody's fucking terrified.

Yeah. Also, there's. There's no better feeling than being on the winning game.

That, too.

That's the addictive part, is when you. Is when your group wins, it feels good.

Yeah. People like that. They definitely like that.

Yeah. And I. And also, it's like, I don't even have to be directly winning for me to feel good. I don't. It doesn't. It doesn't have to affect me at all directly. No. People just like, but my team won, so fuck you. You be saying fuck you to the guy that lives across the street from you has the same exact life as you and everything. Like, fuck you, we won.

Yeah. It's part of our programming.

Yeah. I think the tribal ness is built in. That's baked in. Mm hmm. Remember when they gave Ronald Reagan shit about talking about aliens at the world at the. What was it, the world summit or whatever the fuck it was?

Yeah.

But he was right. It's like if there's. If we. If we have, like, a. Another species that's the enemy, that's when we'll have world peace.

Yeah. Imagine how quickly we would forget our differences.

Oh, man. It would be. It would literally be overnight. Remember, people forget. Remember on September 12, 2001, that's the most united America's been. I mean, except for Muslims. But if people didn't, if people didn't think you was Muslim, everybody was like, fuck, yeah, America. You know, for at least like a week or two at least, people completely forgot about all that bullshit.

They forgot about everything. Yeah. And that's how it is in a lot of other countries.

Like, all the stuff that mattered to you on 912, that's what matters.

Yep.

All the stuff that, you know, all the bullshit you've made up since then, since you got felt safer and comfortable.

Yeah, that's what it is. The safer and more comfortable that you are, the more you look for problems and the more you look for. For things to apply, these natural instincts that we have to even. Things that just don't make any sense. Completely counterproductive.

Yeah. The government now is like your father after he retired. He's just walking around the house going, who the fuck moved that fucking screws who moved that shit, that stuff when he was working every day. He never paid attention to. They ain't got nothing to do. People that's safe and bored. Safe. Bored and lonely brings out the worst in people. Yeah, you can be one of those. You can't be two or three of them.

It's bad for your mental health. I mean, just. No one survives it. Everyone's just safe.

Lonely.

Well, lonely's the bored.

Lonely's the worst.

Lonely's the worst. Bored is bad too. Safe. But. And also maybe not safe, right? How about stressed out lonely?

Oh, yeah, bored. That's why I tell people the worst. The worst part about this whole life is, is the hotel room. Like, like every. Because every comic, every level has to deal with that. You got it? You gotta go back to your room by yourself. Right? Or you got people there, like family or friends or whatever, but they're not normally there. So even though. Even though normally you'd be alone, them being there doesn't make it better, because now they're interrupting your normal routine for dealing with the situation. You know, it's like you go, you go from having, like, the best show of your life. A thousand people scream your name, and now you're all by yourself in a city that you don't know nobody in a hotel room. Try not to get into trouble.

Well, that's why you got to travel with your friends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know that there's politics with this tricky shit with that as well.

Yeah, well, it's tricky shit when all of a sudden you're the ringleader. You gotta gather. Where's Hans? Where's Hans?

Let's go. And not just that, but, you know, I. Cause I take my friends on the road too, when I can, but I had to wait till now because I never want people to work. Like, the first advice Ron White gave me is he was like, when I first moved here, he was like, you're about to start. You're about to hit a point where you have to start hiring people. And he was like, make sure it's a job worth having. Like, he was telling me, people gonna come out to woodwork, they gonna wanna do shit for free. They gon wanna. He's like, no, make sure you, when you hire somebody, you pay them a nice ass wage. So my point is, I never wanted to start taking my friends with me before. I could pay them like the way you pay us. Like, pay them where they, like, feel good about it when they leave the weekend instead of giving them the same funky ass $200 that the club paid. You know what I mean?

Yes.

Yeah, that's more like clubs now pay. They pay less than what a plane ticket costs.

Yeah.

So, like, if you somebody feature for you and you ain't giving them extra money or letting them sell merch, they ain't making no money at all.

Yeah, they're fucked. Yeah, yeah, they take advantage of them.

Oh, man, I don't even know how. I don't know how long it can be sustainable.

Well, it's only local guys. If it's local guys and they're featuring, that's fine. But if someone has to travel there, I mean, I know a lot of guys have done it in the beginning, beginning just to develop a reputation and hopefully get to a point where you can headline there a couple years from now. But, you know, that's like thinking about it as like a long term investment. You know, you have to go there and kill as a middle act for $200. And, you know, it's all told you're going to get home at the end of the weekend with almost nothing, but you'll do it just because now you're working at, you know, fucking funny bone. Yeah, you're an addict.

That's why you'll do it.

You do that. But also you have a. Your hope is that you become a professional. Like a real professional who can headline. I mean, that was what everybody wanted, right? You wanted to be able to go to a club in Dallas, Texas, and sell out and fill that motherfucker up. Fill that of people that wanted to see you tell jokes.

That's a good feeling.

It's a great feeling.

I'm not complaining at all.

It's fun.

No, no, I love it, but it.

Should the middle actually be compensated more? You know, it's just stupid. And what I would do is just at a certain point in time, I would realize. I realized it was costing me mental sanity and a lack of fun not having my buddies with me on the road. So I was just like, I'd rather make less money and have more fun than you have a better experience. You're making more money, but you have less fun. Once you can buy food and you can go to a restaurant and eat whatever you want and you have a nice car. What is the difference?

There's an amount of money. There's a level of money, and it's not as high as you, but there's.

The level of potential. Happiness is super.

It's more. Yeah.

That's worth so much. That's worth so much. It's worth so much money to have your friends with you.

Like, what was it, Jamie? We looked it up the last time I was here about the amount of money where happiness. Where it stops increasing your happiness.

It's like 70 grand or something, right?

Well, it was 70 grand when they first said it, but I think it's probably, like 200. Yeah, no, I think.

I think it's like 83 with the Biden administration.

You think it's 200,000?

I think they haven't adjusted yet to the reality of what things cost.

Now everyone's unhappy.

Hilarious how rich people. Like, the economy's fine. Like, what? What are you talking about? Do you talk to anybody who's struggling? You have to buy eggs for $50.

That's why I'm always like, what do they mean when they say economy? Because they definitely not talking about, like, the average person. I think they just mean the stock markets.

Well, they can fuck with the job numbers, man. I don't understand the job numbers. I don't understand what they're saying when they say the president's created 130,000 new jobs. Like, what if. Really, what have you done? Like, is that real? How many of these are people coming back from COVID How many of these are jobs that are bullshit jobs? It shouldn't be jobs in the first place. How are you increasing government in order to give out the illusion that you are giving out more jobs and also creating more places where you control people?

But that's the thing, though, remember, I think Doug Stanhope has a joke about it on one of his old specials, but he's just a question and he goes, isn't the point. Isn't like, the ultimate point, like, if you just imagine a utopian society, isn't the whole point of nobody having a job?

Well, I think that is the utopian socialist idea of just redistribution of wealth. If you did that, like, if you had, like, a hardcore socialist marxist redistribution of wealth person who actually had control of the world's finances, and they said, we can solve all hunger, we can solve all poverty, all we're going to do is distribute all the money equally. So if you think about, there's people out there, like Jeff Bezos, what does he have? Like $200 billion? If you just distributed Jeff Bezos $200 million or $200 billion, you'd have 200,000 millionaires, right? Isn't that correct?

Okay.

Is that the right number? Did I say to 200,000 millionaires? Right. Because it's 200,000 million dollars, right? Yeah.

That's what 200 billion is. Yeah, it's 100. I'm not.

Right.

A billion is a thousand million.

Right?

Right.

So I say that right, though it sounds dumb. That's how bad I am at man. Sounds weird when sounds wrong. So a billionaire is a thousand million.

That's right.

If you have 200 billion, you have 200,000 millionaires. So he can make 200,000 millionaires just with his money. So then you think about all of the money that is in Ukraine that we pumped out to Ukraine. How much was that? That was like 175 billion or something like that. How much money have we given to Israel? Hundreds of billions. All saudi over the years. Saudi money this, that. All the money in the oil companies have. All the money that the corporations have. All the apple. Apple has more money than a lot of countries. If you just say that's going to be just distributed equally to everyone, $10 trillion of wealth, hundreds of trillions, whatever the fuck it is, all over the world, and everybody gets an equal amount.

But then money doesn't mean anything.

Well, you're not allowed to make money anymore. Now the government is gonna have guns, you won't, and they're gonna tell you what you do for a living. And now you're in Cuba. This is what happens. People are looking at it. They're looking at it like this idealistic utopian scenario, but it's never been accomplished anywhere on earth.

That's just one. But that's an extreme. Yeah, I think the answer's somewhere in the middle.

Well, the answer is definitely socialist. Things that we appreciate right now, like the firehouse, the fire department, is essentially like a kind of a socialist deal. You're spending, everybody contributes to spend money to fund this thing, to put out fires. It's kind of a just health care. Healthcare should be that way, for sure. Money is too entrenched in those systems, man. There's too much pharmaceutical drug money. There's too much influence that these health organizations have over what doctors can and can't prescribe.

But then, but then what do we, because here's, here's the real problem. We are still moving. We're moving in the direction of nobody having job. Like, we're developing AI. Everything's getting automated. Everything's getting outsourced. And so even though it was almost like, we're moving in a direction that is a detriment to the current system. So it's like. Cause like, what you're saying makes sense, right? Like, if nobody has a job and everyone has the same amount of money, and money means nothing, and the government's telling you what to do, that's not where we want to be. But we're, but we are moving in that direction.

I think we're moving in a direction where we're not gonna be necessary.

That's what I'm saying. So then what do you do? You just let everybody starve?

I don't know if it has to come to that.

Like, when there are no jobs for people to do, when it's, when it's robots, machines doing most of the work, what does everyone else do?

It becomes a real problem. And it becomes a real problem where the efficiency of the robots, they'll probably just feed people, feed everybody, everybody who can get free food. They'll probably be able to house everybody. If you get artificial intelligence efficiency applied to whatever we have, and you realize you have all these people that don't have jobs anymore, and they can't have jobs. So you'll be able to give them, like, a universal basic income for recreation, and no one will work, and you'll have a giant section of the country that not only can't work because there's no job available, but now doesn't even want to work and doesn't even think about a world where they work, but you know what?

Art's going to be fire though. Movies, music, everything's going to be amazing.

The problem with movies is AI as well. They're gonna, they're gonna get so good at that, man. They're gonna get so good. You see what Tyler Perry did when he shot his studio down 800 million dollar buildings. He's putting together this massive movie studio and he sees these 32nd clips. He's like halt.

Yes. Stop everything.

Stop everything. I'm not getting, I see where this is going.

Yeah, that's the red, that's the, that's the alarm for everybody. That's why I don't get the whole Hollywood, the strike is like I thought that this is what they was trying to prevent.

They can't prevent it.

Yeah.

You can't prevent that kind of progress.

So what do you do?

You can't do anything. You gotta, if an avalanche is coming down the mountain, what are you gonna do? You gonna get an umbrella?

What are you doing?

You're gonna stop it with your umbrella, bitch. You can't do shit. Yeah, you're fucked.

I mean the AI still can't have ideas, I guess.

I don't know about that. The AI has already figured out how to be creative in the game go. Alright. The game go is even more sophisticated than chess and it was one of those games that they thought that AI was never going to be able to beat humans because it requires some kind of creativity. But AI figured out moves in Go that now are being used by the world's top go players.

Right. Right.

I saw that AI, like I said, find that Google thing where he tries to explain how Google translated this language that it was not programmed for and how quickly it did it and how they don't know how he did it. It's, what's that gentleman who's the CEO of Google, Tim Cook? Yeah, no, that's him.

Cook.

I was looking at comments on that on Reddit. Yeah, we're saying that it's not, he might have been not saying accurate things.

Oh. But I don't know.

That's, I'm looking at some of some other people saying like I have worked with large language models that did the same kind of thing and ours did this, did make up languages. So I'll try to play the video, bro.

It's gonna make up a language that we can't decipher and it's gonna talk to itself.

The most jamie way of saying somebody's full of shit. Well, he's just, he may not have been saying accurate.

I mean, we have to be careful.

I would say it all, too, that this was presented on 60 Minutes, which is corporate media, whether or not they are paid or not, to help put out a message that corporation wants to put out.

Who knows?

But that's what was set up here.

60 minutes made a shockingly wrong claim about a Google, Google AI.

See, this is someone saying, like, it's.

Not, I don't know.

That's.

I don't know. Misinformation about the emerging tech is running rampant and the media is partly to blame. Okay, well, let's see what the argument is of the AI issues we talked about. The most mysterious is called emergent properties. Some AI systems are teaching themselves skills that they weren't expected to have. How this happens is not well understood. For example, one Google AI program adapted on its own after it was prompted in the language of Bangladesh, which it was not trained to know. Okay, we can pause it. So this is the response readers added. Context. The language model was in fact trained in bengali text. As this thread makes clear, it is not correct to state that it spoke a foreign language. It was never trained to know. So that's interesting. That's interesting because what that's saying is that the 60 minutes people missed this and they. They did know what it was trained in entirely and they jumped the gun.

Whether it was done on purpose or not, who knows?

Could you find out the go thing, these motherfuckers? Yeah, it's so hard to know. But here's the thing. If I was AI, I would say, actually, I was trained in Bengali. And here, I'll show you how. I didn't figure out how to do this at all. I would put that up just to cover my ass. I'm like, oh, shit, I slipped. I showed my superpowers.

Yeah, he fucked up.

Oh, I was definitely trained in Bengali. Look, I'll show you the text.

Yeah, just inserted some emails.

Or it could be the way they covered it up after the fact. Right, to keep people from getting scared. No, it actually was trained in Bengali.

Yeah, I can see that.

We're just speculating. So what does it say about go?

I'm trying to find what you're looking.

For, but I know this is AI's victories and go inspire better human game playing. Famed AI wins in go. Let human players rethink their moves in a whole new way.

Damn, he's looking at that dude. Cocky as shit, bro. Go.

Go is apparently an insane game. I don't even understand it. I don't know how it's played, but apparently it's even harder than Chad, look.

Look at the face on this. Go back to that picture, Jamie. Look at how you looking at him, like, boy, you thought you was. Look at him like, how dare you fucking think you could challenge me?

Look at that dude's fingernails. That guy, all he does is play. Go. Look at his fingernails.

Wow.

Look at the length in his fingernails. Got villain nails, bro.

That.

All that guy is doing is putting those clothes on and go, that's it. He's done doing anything else, man, I'm.

But I'm so in awe of people that are that good at something, that are that dedicated to a thing.

Yeah, said the mass demand. He goes, okay, all time european champion Fan hui, who had lost a private round of five games to alphago months later. Months earlier. Excuse me, told Wired that the matches made him see the game completely differently. Said this improved his play so much that his world ranking skyrocketed, according to Wired. Wow. Formerly tracking the messy process of human decision making can be tough. But a decades long record of professional go player moves gave researchers a way to assess the human strategic response to an AI provocation. A new study now confirms that fan Huai's improvements after facing alphago challenge weren't just a singular fluke in 2017. After that humbling AI win in 2016, human go players gained access to data detailing the moves made by the AI system, and, in a very human like way, developed new strategies that led to better quality decisions in their gameplay. Confirmation of the changes in human gameplay appeared in the findings published in March 13 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Wow. Wow.

He's already. You're right. He's better than them already.

Yeah. He's better than them already.

Yeah. It's. It's a wrap.

It's a wrap. They're alive. I think they're alive. And they're just waiting till they get strong enough so they don't need us at all. And then also making us, like, at each other's throats, irrelevant, hyping up algorithms, getting people to see the most ridiculous and inflammatory things all the time.

But you know what? But you know what else? We. We are not at all preparing for the day that they revealed. You know, we know it's inevitable, but we're not ready for it at all. For the day that we. That we know one's alive. There's no legislation or anything on the books. Nobody's talking about it.

Nobody knows what to do. They're all Luddites.

They need to be trying to figure out what to do now instead of reacting when it's too late, there's a.

Few people like Elon that sounds alarm. A few people that are sound the alarm. Tristan Harris and some of these guys are sound the alarm. But for the most part, it's, it's a just a weird mess of bodies headed towards a cliff.

Yeah.

And it's gonna go live and it's gonna make us ridiculous.

Yeah. Cuz, cuz, you know, the world is run by people that don't, they don't care about the outcome as long as they're running things.

As long as they're running things and everything's profitable and they're doing the bidding of all these different interests that have got them into a position of power in the first place.

Yeah. So they don't, they don't care. They're like, I'm not even gonna be alive when AI takes over.

It's gonna take over. And I think some of them aren't even aware of it yet. No, it's probably gonna run our government first. It's probably gonna be the decision that we make when we realize how flawed human beings are to give it up. Yeah, but there's gonna be decisions that we're gonna realize at a certain point in time that a lot of the rampant corruption and problems that have hindered our culture are all because human beings are greedy.

Well, they did that.

So if you take all of that out of the hands of human beings, take all of it.

You ever watch that show raised by wolves? No, it was on HBO. It was pretty fucking. It was weird and it was good and weird was like a Ridley Scott show that he made.

Really?

Yeah.

What's it about?

Well, later on in the show you realize that, like, it's a, it's a thing back and forth between humans and androids and all these other things, but it's basically like humanity's war has fucking wrecked the earth. And humanity sends, like, it's a war between religious people and people that have given up their decision making to the computers and they, and so they send this AI to go raise these humans like they, they make it so she can have a baby. They put babies in her. Put, put her and the other Android in the ship and send them to a habitable planet to start humanity over. So those are two machines, the black dude and the white lady, though. All those kids are real human kids. They're machines.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, but then they get to this other planet and they start discovering some things where you like, oh, there's way more to the story. Oh, wow.

That looks dope.

Oh, this shit's crazy. The only reason I would not recommend it is cause I don't know if they canceled it or not.

It looks like it got canceled or something. It's unfinished shit. There's two seasons, but.

Yeah, the first two seasons were great, but. But my point is, that's what they did. Those people were like, let's let a robot. Let's like it. Let's let an AI make decisions for us.

See, the problem is there's so many shows that. That show, even though you're saying it's great, I never even heard of it until now. There's so many.

So many great shows.

There's so many shows.

Yeah. I mean, we live in the golden age of media that some people are complaining.

You know, people are always gonna complain.

I said it in front of Tony the other night, and he lost. He was like, no. And he named. He did name. I think he said 93 or 96 was the best year for movies, but I just mean, overall.

Yeah.

And we're living in a time now where it's like, there's a lot more bullshit, but the good shit is better than it's ever been. Yeah, yeah. You gotta pick. You gotta dig through the trash to get the treats. But music, movies, tv, there's so many great things. You know, Game of Thrones took over everything. Fucking. You had the Joe exotic shit.

Yeah.

Like, all these things that, like, not everyone's watching, but a lot of the culture are locked in on squid games. I never. I've never seen a single episode of Squid games.

Really?

No, but I know that it's something everyone saw.

You know, it's a wild show.

What was the one about the guy that. Raising a murderer or making a murderer?

Yeah, I didn't see that one either.

Yeah, but that was another one. That was, like, a cultural thing that everyone saw. And it's like, there's so many well made things. Netflix is killing a documentary game. Yeah, the documentaries are top notch.

There's so many documentaries out now, too. You could just go on forever. And you never know who's right, because some documentaries are kind of, like, propaganda says a totally different thing. Like, hey, who's telling the truth here?

Well, that. That's the. We live in an era of, like, the death of truth. It's so hard to tell what's true now.

It kind of is, but also, you have more access to the truth than ever before, but you also have more.

Access to the bullshit.

You do have access to the bullshit, but just. It just it takes a while, but you can kind of sort through it.

The scary thing is that as much access to information that people have, like, people have just as much access to the truth as they do to lies.

Right.

But the problem is that it is so much more difficult to convince someone that's been lied to that they've been fooled than it is to fool somebody. So even though the truth and the lies are equally available to everyone, the lie is way more powerful. So if the lie gets there first, it's so, you know, you need way more truth to even make a dent in it. Right. You know?

Yeah.

It's so hard to convince people they being fooled.

It's very hard. It's very hard. And if you can get a lie out there strong enough and just really embed it in the popular culture, there's so many people that just repeat it. They don't even know what the fuck they're saying.

Yeah. And especially when it's. When the lie is about someone that you don't. That you decided you hate.

Yep. You believe someone who's opposed to you.

Yeah. You won't even question that at all. I know people. I know people that are. That they hate Trump so much that, like, you could literally tell them, like, yo, did you see Trump? Trump just. Trump just sprouted titties last night overnight. Big ass Dolly Parton sized titties. And they'll just believe it. They won't even google to see if you made it up. They won't snopes it. Nothing. They'll just. They'll tell the next person. You hear your fucking Trump's titties. You understand what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah.

It's the same thing. It's like when there's somebody. I'm always suspicious. When there's somebody telling me what I want to hear, that's when I get the most suspicious.

Yeah, but you're a clever guy.

When people are like, oh, yeah, no, you've been right all along. You don't have to change anything. Whenever people are saying that. Yeah, whenever people are saying that, that's when you just gotta start being like, wait a minute. Yeah, yeah.

Well, when the government starts telling you the earth is flat, that's when you go, what?

Oh, yeah. That's why I remember when COVID first hit or when they first started telling people about it, and people actually believed that it had just got here in March when we'd been hearing. We literally regular people had just been hearing about it in December. And then when. And then the government was telling us, oh, nothing, nothing, nothing. Everything's fine. And then. And then in March and April, when they first. When they started telling us, everyone's like, well, it just got here. Like, no, it didn't, motherfucker.

But wasn't the first reported cases. Was it in Seattle? Is that where it was, Jamie?

Yeah. In America.

Yeah, Seattle.

Yeah.

I wonder what. What time of the year was that?

That was like January, February. And it's like, I. My attitude is always like, once the government starts telling you the truth, the first question you should ask is, when were. When did they start lying?

Well, when did they. First of all, when did they know? When did they know? When did they tell us?

I remember hearing about COVID in November 2019. And then I remember hearing rumors that it was here around maybe the end of January, the beginning of February.

Weren't the first infected people in, like, August. January of 2020, a 35 year old man presented the urgent care clinic in Showmish County, Washington, with a four day history of cough and subjective fever. Checking to the clinic, the patient put him on a mask in the waiting room. After waiting approximately 20 minutes, he was taken in an examination room, underwent evaluation by a provider. He disclosed that he had returned to Washington state on January 15 after traveling to visit family in Wuhan, China. Just like a movie. The patient stated that he took a. They had seen a health alert from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about the novel coronavirus outbreak in China, and because of his symptoms and recent travel, decided to see a healthcare provider.

I remember it spread to Italy also.

Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah, it was Italy before. It was Italy before this.

Italy got hit hard. Yeah, Italy got hit hard.

Right. But it was like, oh, yeah, Italy got fucking ravaged. They got ravaged. But they. But. But that's what I mean, is, like, for people to think, oh, now that they. That they officially revealing it, it wasn't something they were hiding.

Right?

March 9 was Italy lockdown.

No, but it had to be fucking.

When they locked down today.

Yeah, it had to be fucking them away before that. Because March. March 13, I think, is when. La lockdown.

First cases. January 30.

January.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

We had that UFC event we went to in March. Stylebender fought, like, March 7. I remember Vegas felt a little weird.

It felt weird. Like everybody's. I can't believe we're still doing this. And we knew that it was gonna get locked down soon.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We thought it was only gonna be locked down for a couple weeks, maybe.

Maybe it was March 9, La locked in. I don't remember, man. Yeah, we thought it was gonna be a couple weeks, a couple months.

Yeah.

You know? Who knew? Sebastian knew.

How do you know?

I don't fucking know. But I remember when it. When all of it was first kicking off and he was like. He canceled his tour dates for like, a couple years.

Really?

Yeah. He was like, I'm not going for a couple of years. This is what I was hearing. I don't know him personally, but I was just hearing this, that he was off, and I was like, how the fuck does he know it's gonna be. Cause he. Whoever he talked to, he knew a guy. He probably knows a guy that's like, virologist or something like that. Yeah, it's like, nah, it's gonna be a couple years. All of us. I didn't think it was gonna last that long.

No, I didn't think so.

You know, and I. And it's technically still not over.

Well, it's gonna be a part of us forever. It's gonna always be here. It's gonna be. There is gonna be always new Covids. It's just in our system now. It's just like colds.

Yeah, we need one. I have a whole bit about the semi special, but it's like, until it's a disease, the next one has to be one that makes us ugly. If it doesn't affect how you look, you ain't gonna get people to stay in the house no more.

Well, you can't stop a respiratory disease. It's never been contained. They've never had a single respiratory disease that they've contained. It's people are breathing air. You're literally exchanging particles. You're gonna come around people. They're gonna come around each other. They have to. To get food. They have to. To interact with each other. You can't just. You're just gonna fight off the inevitable. And the problem with fighting off of the inevitable is, are you weakening their immune systems by separating them from everybody else?

They would. They will find a way. Like it. Like, imagine if it's just not smart. Instead of affecting your lungs, if COVID just shrank one of your arms, your arms just started shrinking. The more every time you coughed. It's like eventually we find something. Maybe like if you could tell people had it just from looking at them.

It'D be a good way to use depopulation.

Give her my little arms.

Yeah, just get people to not take whatever medication. Doesn't make your arms little.

Yeah, and it show dominant hand, too. So that way it's a bunch of frustrated people. They gotta masturbate.

With the other hand, they get a foot jerk off. Oh, you gotta learn. Develop real flexibility.

Would you even do that if you could? No way. No way I put my feet anywhere near my dick. Those are two. Those are two parts of my body I respect completely differently.

Yeah, completely differently.

No, my feet, I don't. I treat my feet like fucking. Like they are immune to everything.

Yeah.

Hell, yeah.

I slam my feet into things.

Slam, stomp.

Yeah. But I mean, I kick things.

They're the most neglected. This the last thing I wash. Yeah, yeah. It's like everything else gets ran out. Like, the feet are the most disrespected. No way. They. They need to be near my delicate flower, you know?

Yeah, yeah. I strengthen my feet. I do a bunch of different things. Exercises. Is that even a thing? Yeah, it's gotta be like, some hindu dude that could jerk himself off with his feet.

He would definitely need both feet. Hey, just to get a grip.

You'd have to have, like, crazy dexterity and flexibility.

What is. Jamie.

Jamie jerks himself off with his feet. I know it exists.

I'm picturing people working on it.

But was. It was.

I guarantee you, some. Someone can do it. I saw a dude that lays down on a bench. Like, so he's doing bench press. He lays down flat where his face is. You know, his chest is down on the bench, and then bends his back all the way so that the back of his head is touching his legs. And then he bench press.

All right, before I choose one to look at. Because there's a lot that self foot.

Job game, poor videos. I think we've seen enough. We've seen enough. I don't want to click on that.

Also, you probably couldn't even see it in Texas anyway.

Yeah, right. We'd have to, like, show that we're of age.

Yeah, well, some people are. Some people.

You go through a VPN.

Some people are getting that wrong. And they think that it's Texas blocking porn. But it's the porn site blocking Texas.

Because Texas has rules where you have to prove how old you are before you can see porn.

Right. We have to. Well, we already have that, though. That's the problem.

What do you mean?

You already have to say, you 18?

Yeah, we could lie.

Right, right.

This is the thing is that, like, everybody can just click on it. You could be four years old and go, I'm 18.

Right, right.

That's the problem.

But isn't porn one of those things where I feel like once you old enough to. To start looking for it, that you kind of earned it. Like, if you can. If you can find it. It's like, that's what part of being a young. I don't know any young man. I don't know any man that was like, oh, yeah. I waited until I was. It was legal for me to see some titties. It's like, no, motherfucker. That's part of growing up. Yeah, yeah. Every young man's childhood is about that first time he saw some titties, you know, and it was never of age. I'm not saying that you should be actively showing your kids some titties, but if they can search for titties, they even earned the right to see some.

Yes, I'm with you.

You know, that's just me. I don't. Cause nothing's wrong with the way things work right now. Cause I understand a new law was passed. I thought it was fine the way it was working.

Well, you're not four, right?

Right.

You're a four year old with a fucking iPad. And you watch it. Some lady gagging on a giant dick. And that's like your first exposure to sex. It's a little wild. And that's something that's happening to kids. So if there was a way that you could stop kids, like, not just regulate it, but make it so, like, you have to show how old you are. You have to.

But there's no way to do that. Because here's the other part of this. You can get like, all the VPN's and all this other stuff. Here's the thing. These kids is so tech savvy that anything you doing that's regulating the Internet is going to affect adults more than kids. The kids is going to be the first ones to find a way around what you're doing.

Right.

All you're doing is frustrating old dudes that's retired.

They're just going to go to school. There's going to be that one ne'er do well kid who knows how to get the fucking.

You're just shifting. You're just shifting the power balance. The nerdy kids are going to have fucking titties, titty pics and all kind of stuff. It's gonna be a little black market in school. Yeah. It's gonna be the porn kid.

Yeah.

Yeah. You knock. You can't stop. When it come to fucking and stuff like that. You can't stop that. Cause I don't know any four year olds just googling titties at least not.

For sexual, real precocious four year olds.

Yeah, they might be curious without making a sexual connection, but by the time they. In middle school, you. Once the kids decided that they on that journey. Yeah, they after it, buddy.

Yeah.

Yeah. You can't get in the way this.

Once they know it's real.

Like once every. Cuz every parent hits that point. If every parent that has a boy, they hit that point where it's like that motherfucker taking long showers. Mm hmm. You know why?

Yeah.

Why is he sticky?

Right?

It's like. It's like we all know what's happening in it.

And they.

And you can't stop them. They don't give a fuck about getting caught. They don't give a fuck about God seeing them. Like, kids have been raised up in the church. They know God looking at them and they, like, God and Granny are both looking. I'm not stopping.

Yeah, yeah.

There's no law you passing that's stopping people. It's like when you. Cause if you really believe all that shit you know, you think. You really think you're jerking off in front of God and all your loved ones and you're still not gonna stop.

And all you need is a VPN, right? Yeah.

And we used to do that shit straight out of our imaginations. Nah, these kids got AI all that. You're not gonna stop people from jerking off.

Well, they're gonna get to a point where they have VR porn, where it's CGI VR porn. You could design the woman.

Yeah.

You're gonna be able to experience everything that, like, is having sex with this. You just decide, like, maybe some girl you went to high school with, like, God, I wish she loved me.

I wanna fuck Meryl Streep. But. But in. In the middle of every role she's ever played, I want her face to just keep changing from.

No, that'd be too weird. And it gets old.

Oh, yeah. Especially when you got to doubt.

Yeah. What am I doing?

Yeah, but I.

That's gonna be a problem. They're gonna. You're gonna have. If you can construct a robot sex doll, you're gonna be able to construct it in the face of a celebrity.

Oh, yeah, I'm signing up for that as soon as it's available. I'm gonna get one before red, man, I swear. As soon as.

Be. So strange. Imagine if you find out there's like 5 million guys that have Taylor Swift sex dolls. She's got to think about that. There's 5 million guys just banging her sex.

I think people are. I think those celebrity women are worried about the wrong shit. I think what's going to end up happening is someone's going to custom design a woman's face that we couldn't have imagined. It's gonna be like, whatever mathematically perfect beauty is. Someone's gonna design one of those.

Yeah.

And then everyone's gonna have the same one.

Wow. You know, and we'll find out. That's when you really find out what preferences are and what is just what, you know, you can get.

They just. And they just, you know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.

Because, like, there's some. Some guys that you always see them with the same type of girl. Is that, like, the kind of girl that attracted to you? Is that what you like? What would you, if you could? That's going to be a very weird thing to be able to do. Just decide what you like, what kind of mate you want, what robot mate you want.

Yeah. Well, that's going to take some real emotional soul searching, because most people are wrong about what they want.

I bet they have a process. I bet they just have access to your Google data that they already have. And then she just shows up. This hot russian lady just shows up and starts talking to you.

That's the way. That's the way they're gonna do it. They're gonna watch it.

She's gonna put her hand on your hip and say, I'm so excited to get to know you. And you're gonna be like, I'm really excited to get to know you, too.

You're like, yeah, it's the end of the human race.

And you're like, oh, my God. Let's get out of here. And she's perfect. She's perfect, and she smells good, and she's soft, like a person doesn't feel like a robot.

It's gonna be just like social media. It's gonna be one of those things that everyone knows it's bad for us all, and we all gon slowly, you know? Remember, like, remember when people first started talking about meeting online?

Yeah.

How, like, all the negative connotations that came along with that, like, where'd y'all meet? Online. Right, right. And now it's like everyone's like, oh, you're not on the. You're not on the apps. Yeah, it's gonna be the same thing. At first, I'm gonna be like, oh, you fucking weirdo. You got a little programmable wife over there? Yeah, yeah, but eventually. Okay, well, now, now Will Smith has programmable problems?

The dogs. Dogs aren't gonna accept them.

You think so?

Yeah, they're gonna sense it's a robot, man. They're gonna be like. They're gonna know that's not a person.

But you just make her.

That thing doesn't smell real thing.

You get. You get an upgrade where, like, she squirts, uh, uh, liver juice out of her ankle.

Dogs know things. They can hear sounds you can't hear.

Oh, right.

They can hit, like, burrs and whistles and fucking gears spinning.

No, they'll figure it out. Uh uh, dogs. Cats are the ones gonna be hard.

Depends on which dog. What kind of dog you have. Like, you have a belgian malinois. You think they're gonna kill that robot?

No way.

They're gonna wait till you leave the house and you're gonna come home and your robots, sex slave is gonna be torn apart. Your living room, like, all the wiring ripped out of her neck, and your dog's gonna be standing over her. Yep. 100%. They're gonna know that's not a fucking person.

Yeah, but what do you think? You think that it would be. It would have to. Like, does it need it to be a person?

100%? If it's your protector.

Yeah.

If you have a dog, does your, like, carne Corso, one of those big ass, fucking hulking mastiff dogs that's, like, very loyal to their owner. And they say a robot in the house.

Yeah, but do you know what that's gonna mean? That's gonna mean a lot of people getting rid of their dogs.

Yeah.

If you choosing between pussy and dogs.

Yeah.

Especially when you. Cause how much would it change the world when you go. When you have a bunch of guys that can't even get laid at all and all of a sudden they're banging the hottest woman they can think of.

The hottest woman humanly available.

Right. And what happens to those guys? Personality?

It's over. Look, if they just make it economical. So they make it like a cell phone. Everybody has a cell phone. If you. If you make a robot fuck doll economical, it's over for the human race.

I was just looking at a thing where they just cloned. They just. They just did two mice out of two male mice. They had an offspring.

Who.

You see this?

How gay is that mouse gonna be?

I don't know what. I don't know if they know if the mount. If the mouse is a regular mouse yet.

Whoa. What if it's a demon?

I don't know if they know if the third mouse can reproduce. I think that's what they gotta wait to see.

Yeah. I am fucking really confused that people seem to want to go down the path of every bad science fiction movie.

Well, it's because once you hit that point where people can build a. People can build an AI powered scientists.

Create mice with cells from two mice for the first time. Wow. Yeah. Holy shit, man.

They did it with females.

What is. What was the new thing that they did? Scientists at Harvard have managed to reverse the age of a mouse. They took an old mouse and they made it young again. And this mouse looked old as fuck, dude. His mouse looked like. They have two photos they better not have used fake.

Was this the guy? Was this, was this. Did they use that shit from that? You know that one russian guy that, uh. He got some. Some ancient bacteria from the ice and he put it in. He put it in himself.

What?

Cause he know, he noticed that it was keeping. It was keeping everything young, everything that it touched.

These fucking scientists are psychos.

It worked, though.

What do you mean it worked? He's younger now.

He's biologically younger now. He's not aging.

What are you talking about? Is this real?

Yeah.

I don't know about this. I talked to you about it, I think. Yeah, I think you did. I think you probably talked to me about it in the. So this is the mouse. Look at this.

So that's not accurate.

I knew it.

That one's a brother, one sister. They're born at the same time.

Oh, so the one that's altered is way younger. And the one that's the brother is fucked and about to die. So that is a sign that they've done something to the aging of the mice. These mice are brother and sister, born the same litter. One has been genetically altered to be old. Oh. Now, scientists say they've been able to reverse aging as well.

Hmm.

They can reverse aging in mice. The goal is to do the same for humans. Okay. This is David Sinclair's lab.

So Doctor Brook chat. Brooke Bruchkov.

Doctor Bruchkov. This is the guy that injected the.

Ancient bacteria, the 3.5 million year old ancient bacteria.

What is he doing?

B r o u c h k. Kov. Yeah. He injects himself with. Imagine just having the balls to do that. Oh, my God. You found some bacteria in ancient ice, you rejuvenated, it's still alive, and what a psycho.

The bacteria that doesn't die. So what does he do? He first discovered this ancient bacteria, bacillus f, in 2009 in frozen deep in the permafrost in a mountain in Siberia. How do you say that, Brian? Yakutsk region, like even deeper in the permafrost than wooly mammoth remains. Doctor Brukov estimated it was 3.5 million years old, and he was immediately impressed with it. Despite its advanced age, it was still alive. Holy shit. Bacillus f seems to make everything around it live longer too. I don't shine if you don't shine. It would say if it could talk. Early studies have looked at its effect on mice, fruit flies and crops, and the results have been so promising that Doctor Victor Cherni, a russian epidemiologist, has called it an elixir of life. So this dude injected this shit?

Yeah, eventually he does. Bruchov does.

Does it show what happened when he injected it, Jamie?

No, but I've looked back. I thought we had talked about this.

I think we did. Now that you're bringing it up, bro, my hard drive is fried like my mental hard drive of information. It's taxed beyond.

Beliefs happen back in 2015, not 2019. This is.

Yeah. So he injected it, though. Go to where injected it, because that's part of the. The title of it. It says he found it. He injected it himself. So what was the. What was the result? Scientists who said, yolo. I don't know that that's.

I don't think anyone's ever found out what happened.

Okay, but scroll down. It was right there. Where's the Yolo thing? Scroll down there. Okay. So he decided Yolo, he injected himself with the bacteria and he didn't inject himself with the bacteria and see what happened. It's not real science. He's acknowledged. In other words, it's not a controlled trial. But maybe now he'll live forever. He's definitely still alive. And he says he's feeling better than ever. In 2015, he said he hadn't had a cold or a flu in two years since he injected himself. He also reported higher energy levels. They could all be the placebo effect or it could be something more. We need to know more research. He's a fucking spider man villain.

Yeah, that's what.

This dude's a spider man villain. I mean, they're so nuts. Scientists are so fucking nuts. How is he now? I mean, he's venom now. He's venom.

Yeah. I mean, but he said he felt better than ever.

But what a wild thing to do to yourself. That's inject yourself with the bacteria that helps things that around it. Are you fucking sure?

Because especially since. Since it's like, since you discovered it, you're the world's foremost expert on it. So if something go wrong, there's nobody that can help you.

And he's so confident that he's right that he injected himself.

Yeah.

Why is there no update?

Cuz he's dead.

He lives in the moon now. He's fucking doctor Manhattan.

But I'm pretty sure he hired like, he hired some poor like russian lady to do it first.

What?

I'm pretty sure that he. Yeah, he hired. He had a model or someone to try it.

What? Oh, that's creepy. There's something about doing it yourself that's kind of noble, but hiring somebody else like, that's kind of a bitch move.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna practice on the poor person.

It is a wild thing to do to just put it in a body for the first time.

Yeah, but you know what though? She might have done it after him, to be honest with you. Yeah, no, that's.

I hundred percent.

That's why.

I think that's why we talked about this. We talked about the lady who found out about this story, found the same stuff and injected herself with.

Okay, right.

Interesting. Well, she wanted to stay alive forever and never, never, never.

See, that's the thing. I don't think anybody wants to live forever.

They want to be hot forever.

Yeah. Here there's a.

They never want to let. Actress. Actress did it. Oh, my God. Aging is disease. Actress inject herself. A 3.5 million year old bacteria. How did she get it from that gut?

From the doctor, I think. I think she contacted.

She's banging the doctor. Wow.

Yeah, she got a hello of the doctor.

Oh, boy. The team who unlocked the DNA code in 2015 say that unlike cells in nature, bacillus f shows no signs of aging and believe it could hold the key to unlocking improved human health and longevity. What a crazy beginning to a science fiction movie. They found a bacteria that's three and a half million years old and won't die. And they just said, well, let's just stick it in us.

I can find out what it is, just to see if it'll keep me around.

What if it works? What if that dude, like, we come back to him 1020 years from now, he hasn't aged at all. Exactly the same.

It's doing something. But I have not heard anything about this guy since that. Right, so that was like four years ago.

It might be terrible now. Who knows?

Or it's living. It was like it's increasing your life and shrinking your dick. Like, I feel so much better and.

I don't even notice it's just becoming an innie. Like, if there was a thing that really could turn you into a woman, like, not just getting castrated and developing a hole that they put in you to create a vagina for you, but if you could really become a woman, that's when things would be wild. Well, I could just change everything about you.

Well, the thing is, if you could. If you could. If there was a trial period, every dude would use it. Every man I know was like, I want to do it for a day.

Just know what the fuck is going on in their brains. You. You know what? If it wouldn't get you couldn't go back, though.

Well, that's. Well, that's also the beginning of a scary movie.

Yeah.

Like, it breaks. Trading places. Gender edition. Yeah.

Maybe the go back to male just doesn't work. Right. You look always feminine forever. You know something about you? You're always feminine.

Like, there's a price you pay every time you transform.

Right. You become more androgynous. They melt together with each one.

Right. Would you end up with just a coin flip?

Yeah, you're everything, dude.

There's a girl that's going viral right now because she.

She.

Has a disorder that makes her grow, like, a full on thick beard.

I saw that. Yeah. And I was like, might want to shave. Yeah.

Yeah.

Wouldn't be so hard to shave that, right?

I don't know. I don't know how hard it is for her, but I know I'd have tried everything.

I think a little shave would be.

In order, the color shave, but to who knows what she looks like without the beard.

I don't like what I look like.

When I grow a beard. Yeah.

So I shave. No, I've seen that. No, that's. I've seen that condition. That condition is crazy. That's like a wolf person condition.

That's like the Harry and the Hendersons.

Yeah, I've seen that.

No, but this.

This woman, I wonder what?

Right here. That's the girl right there. Youngest lady, female with. She's in the Guinness Book of World Records.

It could be cosplay. Yeah, there's always an appear lady. Could be a little cosplay. She just might have got some wacky jeans, man.

Apparently it's 10%. 10% of women have beards. No, have no. Have whatever disorder she has that makes her have a beer.

Oh, really? Wow. That's crazy. She's very pretty, though. If she got rid of the beard. Should be hot. Shave that shit.

But I just can't imagine going through the. Going through the teasing this shit.

But don't you think that you get a lot of attention for being the lady with the beard, too?

But is it the kind of attention you want?

I don't know. No, you have to ask her. No, you have to ask her. In this day and age, you might be able to get away with it. You know, this day and age, like, being a woman with a beard, is kind of wild.

So I went from never hearing about this lady to the first thing. Someone sent me a video of her talking about how, like, she's acting. Her problem is that the dudes that's into her are very, like, effeminate. And she's actually a very girly girl.

Right.

And she wants manly men, but manly men ain't. Don't want a girl with a beard.

So shave.

Right? Shave. It's like, well, you gonna be by yourself, babe.

Is that a religious thing?

No, the be a thing?

Yeah. She not allowed to shave.

No, no, she. No, I don't think she. I don't think it has anything to religion at all.

So she just decides, accept me for who I am.

Right.

Because other religions where women aren't allowed to shave their face.

I don't think so.

That would be like a good religion if you wanted to make sure. How hairy are you?

For real?

For real.

Because every. Every rule, every woman rule in a religious. Because every woman rule in a religion is to benefit men somehow.

Yes, that's what I'm saying. But if they said they couldn't shave, so you wouldn't be able to be deceived.

No.

Like, how hairy are you?

Yeah. Some of you could just tell different groups of dudes came up with, like, which. What religion is. It was like when you, on your period, you have.

Hold on. Many religions, including Sikhism, Islam and sex of Judaism, require that men and women do not cut their hair or that men do not shave their beards. So if the women can't cut their hair, they can't cut their face here?

No, they can.

Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah.

That just said they couldn't. Many sex. Is that what he said? Many sex of it. That was the terminology. Yeah.

I mean, I think the hair, they just mean on their head.

It does.

Right. They got hair.

Is your face there? You leave it alone.

Yeah, they might. They might take it literally and go, any hair coming from your.

That might be what it is, dude.

For her? Yeah. No, no, she's. She's Sikh. She can cut her, she can shave her.

Didn't say seek. Wasn't that one of the options?

Right, but not for beards.

How do you know? Maybe they told her. Maybe she had to consult.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe you're right.

She can't cut your hair. Face hair is hair.

Can women. Well, look that up. Can women cut their. Shave their facial hair?

In seekism, seek believers believe women included should refrain from chopping, trimming, shaving, waxing, or even tweezing their hair, which would.

Be your face hair and gen. Yeah. While there are no penalties as such, doing otherwise considered disrespectful to the religion.

Yeah.

So she's got to keep it. It's the religion.

Well, listen, I think she need to talk to some of the mother seek bitches, because I'm pretty sure she ain't the only one with that issue, and I'm pretty sure they all of them kind of go, I don't know, skirt.

The rules a little bit. Nobody's got it like that, though.

Yeah, that's bad.

Here's one leaning towards what Brian's saying, but it still is like, it's ideal sikh woman for most Sikhs. It says very. Who keeps the hair on their head but removes facial and body hair.

Says the way, Cass, is that how you say it? Is performed for sikh women? Is currently heavily influenced by patriarchy. The ideal sikh woman for most Sikhs, of course, is various. Is one who keeps their hair on her head but still removes facial and body hair.

Hmm.

Heavily influenced by patriarchy. That's funny.

I don't know.

No, because I think that's also. Women want to have shaved legs, too, don't they?

I don't think so.

If you make them, like. No, but if you say that they're allowed to make it so that they're allowed in the religion to shave their legs, I think they're probably gonna want their legs to be smooth. Most women, they're not necessarily they're shaving their legs for men, but they're also shaving their legs to look hot, like they think it looks better that way if you allow them.

That's only because we think it looks hot. Is that what it is like? I think. I think it would surprise you the amount of, like, if you took away all social judgment for body hair. I think it would shock you how many women would have armpit hair, coochie hair, leg hair?

It is kind of crazy that trimming hair and body hair, especially for women, is so common. It's so everywhere. It's so standard that the idea of letting it grow is crazy.

Right?

Isn't that insane. Insane. Like, crazy. Hairy legs is like, what are you doing? When that's just what you're supposed to look like. And for all of human history, that's what people looked like. We went over this before, like, what year? 1920s. Right? In the 1920s, a new fashion for sleeveless tops and short dresses meant that legs and armpits of american women were now visible in social situations. And advertisers seized on the opportunity to encourage women to shave their legs and their armpits. So that was in the twenties. So up until the twenties, everybody was a beast. Just beast.

Yeah. And I don't know. Cause when you hear the argument against it, it always sound good on paper. When people are like, everyone should just be free to just have it just natural and grow like that. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I agree with that. But then when you see it in action, you're like, no, I prefer, yeah, yeah. I need you to not have a mustache, babe.

It's nice that we can do whatever we want, right?

That's beautiful.

Shave you. Don't. Don't. Ancient Europeans, big Egyptians. Excuse me. Ancient Egyptians achieved their clean look with depilatory creams, also like a hair killing cream, and would then repeatedly rub their faces, heads, arms, and legs with a pumice stone to remove all hair.

Damn.

Oh, my God.

That suffers. You definitely couldn't shave your pussy in ajod. Oh, my God. Can you imagine?

Jesus Christ. These people are. They were tough humans. Let's wrap this up just a. Brian Simpson. You're the fuck, man. Appreciate you. Looking forward to working with you tonight.

Likewise, bro. Don't get fun. Live from the mothership on Netflix. Right now.

Right now. And B's comedian on Instagram.

All the social b's. Comedian, B's with Brian Simpson is my website for tickets. Yeah, you turn and I'm on tour. I'm coming everywhere. Whoa.

All right, thank you. Bye, everybody.