Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Hello, Joe. Joe, that was fun last night. Let me just start by saying what a fun time at the club, the green room and everything else. Here's what I was talking to your head of security at the club. Here's what I love about the club. I worked at the club. I had a great weekend, a a couple of months ago, is they keep the audience in line. Nobody's heckling without getting booted. Is that not the most important thing in comedy that nobody talks about?

It's very important.

It's unbelievable.

And unfortunately, there's so many crowdwork clips that get put out on Instagram. People are now thinking that they want to be a part of the show. And so I see people much more often chiming in and yelling things out, and they think they're going to be a part of things.

Yeah. And even when you go, when you try to be nice on the first line, you go, That was okay, sir. Then they try again, you're like, Listen, you piece. Oh, my God. But that's what I love about your club. Everybody there just has the energy like, What are you going to tell you right now, another world, you're out. That's how it should be. Because as you know, nobody heckles once. Nobody's ever heckled once.

Nobody heckles sober either.

And nobody heckles sober. And they just like to start trouble. And the green one It was fun. And even though I didn't go on, I also didn't go on because you have to understand the language where I was like, you want to go on? I go, I don't really want to go on. You go, that's cool. But really, then you're supposed to say the crowd really wants you to go. And I'm like, Joe, I don't want to bump anybody. No, you wouldn't be bumping anybody. We'll just cut Tony's time down. Joe, I don't want to be that guy. Don't be ridiculous.

Oh, I have to dance with you. I didn't know you wanted to dance. You want to dance tonight?

No, I got to leave. I'm going to Seattle today. What the fuck? I got to go. I would love to.

Are you performing tonight in Seattle? No.

Maybe I could change my flight. Well, let's see.

Maybe I could change it. Move it around. There's plenty of flights out of Austin. It's a wonderful hub.

It is.

It's great.

It keeps booming Every time I see it. Last time I was here was COVID.

Yeah, I don't think it's going to get too much bigger. I think we've reached peak.

You think so?

Yeah, I think it's about it.

You think Shane Gillis was the last citizen they allowed in?

No, there's a few more coming. Joe DeRosa just got a place here. He did? Yeah, and Joey Dias is getting a place here.

I can't believe the two Joe Ds are going to be here. Let's go. That's great.

Joe Dias and Joe DeRosa is a fierce combination.

I know, but I spoke to Joe DeRosa yesterday. I deliberately didn't go to the chicken place because of Joe DeRosa.

Really? Why?

Because when he recommended it, it just bug me his confidence when he goes, You got to try this chicken place.

And I was like, Oh. It's Gus's fried chicken. I know. It's phenomenal.

I just don't like that Joe has positioned himself as the new gastronomic expert in comedy.

Because he owns a sub Yeah. By the way, it's a good sub shop, though.

I heard it's amazing.

It's fucking great. I'm embarrassed that he was doing it. It's fucking great. He brought some over when they were doing Moon Tower. He was in town. He brought some subs over. They were fucking tremendous. He's got a great place. Yeah. I always look at the Instagram photos. I'm like, Oh, my God, it looks so good.

They said the bread's amazing.

Everything's amazing. The food's amazing. He makes a great sub. Obviously, it's a labor of love. He's a professional comic. It's a side thing. He's like, I like sandwiches. Let's make a sandwich shop. He knocked it out of the park. Everybody who goes are big subs. Yeah. Not expensive.

The name Joey Roses is good.

Yes, it's great. It's great.

It's anger-producing in some ways, but- A lot of ways for you.

You have a thing with him, I think. With Joe?

Yeah. I try to have a thing with everybody. That's my thing, Joe. I like to have a thing. If you had studied straight karate and weren't into MMA, maybe I could have a thing with you. But let's face it, you don't play games.

I do play games.

You're not to be taken lightly. But What about the... Before he came down here, I was... Because in New York, it's so funny. When in the green room last night, all I want to do is bust balls with everybody. That's what I live for. It's fun. When you see Shane Gillis in there, Shane Gillis is just that guy. He's so big. I want you to lock him in a basement and just feed him like red meat and make him I've been in a train MMA for two years and just eat masculine and red meat and just become a Stone Cold killer.

Wow.

That's my dream.

I got him working out.

Yeah, I know. He looked sore yesterday. He said he'd be really like that.

We did two hard days.

Look how big he is.

He's a big fuck.

Yeah.

Big old football player kid.

If I was as big as him, I wouldn't be a comic. No? I'd be an animal. I'd be working security at the club telling people, Shut up. Tony's trying to do something up there. Comedy is like, it's got an anger to it, don't you think? A little bit. Yeah, it's got to.

Well, there's just so much resistance. It's so difficult to get through. Yeah. It's a lot of fucking running up that river. Yeah.

What about Yeah. Even the way we talk to each other. I'm at the cellar the other night. So here's what happened. So I'm just sitting there. Keith is there. Norton's there. So I just give the waitress. First of all, I'm like the Sinatra of tipping. I didn't want to bring this up, but now I'm bringing it up because this is part of the story. So I tip them, but I always put it there because I'm trying not to flash how much I tip. So I'm trying to do it like that. So Norton goes, You're tipping. You're not part of the rat pack. They just are trash me for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, what I should have done was, I'm only doing that so you cheap masters don't look bad. I understand. This is a daily thing.

I enjoy tipping myself.

Yeah, I could see you're a high roller chiller. It's like a little love bomb. Give it a little love bomb people. Yes. An extra few dollars and it makes the whole day.

You don't even feel it. It makes people happy. I always try to tell my cheap friends, You got to get over that. Fuck that 15%. What are you doing?

I agree. There's a lot of chislers. Yeah, don't be a chisler. And they think of excuses. Like, Oh, you see that attitude you gave me?

Yeah, I give people big tips, and they give me shitty service. I just want everybody to be happy. You can give them a little happiness, and maybe they'll be nicer to the next people and use the butterfly effect.

Well, it's certainly not working for the planet right now. Let's face it.

We're all right. I think the problem is we're inundated with bad news constantly. Yeah. That's the real problem. And then there's also the problems in cities.

Yeah. Well, everywhere. I mean, you know, you did a special, by the way, about it's releasing tomorrow. I did it in front of a psychiatrist's convention.

Did you really?

Yeah. Wow. I just did it. I sought out a psychiatrist convention and went there and said, Hey, would you guys let me go on and just shoot my special in front of you? And they said, Sure. So I did a whole thing. Then they analyzed me afterwards and it was funny.

What room was it at?

It was a ballroom, like one of those. It was like a Washington, DC, some hotel off the beaten path where they were just having a convention.

And they did not plan on you being there? No. And so you You knew they were going to be there at that time, and you coordinated with them, set up cameras, the whole deal. Did you inform them before, the psychiatrist beforehand, they were going to be a part of a comedy special?

Well, they were welcome to come to the show or not. But we told them before, if you come, you might be on film. But they didn't have to show up. Obviously, half of them probably showed up. But it was- That's a great idea. Yeah, I thought it was because it's about the world, how we're having a psychotic break. We're talking about the planet. So it was fun for because it was interesting for that angle, the whole special is built around it.

It's so much more discussed. The bad news is so much more discussed. People's problems are so much more discussed. Having problems is so much more a thing that people love to talk about now. It makes you more interesting. It gives you something to talk about. And it's just so pervasive. And I think social media has just broken people's brains.

Social media started as a fun aunt's kitchen. Where everybody was being positive and saying like, Hey, dance between the raindrops. And then suddenly somebody was like, Shut up, bitch. You fat bitch. Fuck you and the raindrops. And it just unleashed all of us. That's what I say. It's like it unleashed that part of people. And here's the other thing, which I think you'll be interested in. It's the first time in history you can threaten people and curse them out and not have to run or have a physical confrontation. So fight or flight instinct is going to be eliminated from our genetics in two generations. Yeah.

Not just that, but also you don't feel bad. If you say something shitty to someone, you see the look on their face, even if you feel like you should have done it, when you're alone at night, you might be like, I didn't have to do that. Why did I do that? What a fucking asshole I am. I got to apologize. Then you'll see him the next day like, I was out of line. I'm sorry. I was dealing with a lot of shit. My mom, my sister, my this, my that. Sorry. I'm sorry. But there's none of that. You don't even know these people, too.

You don't have to say.

You can't just say the most evil, mean shit, vicious shit. Look through their pictures. Look at you, you fat fuck and your fucking toothless smile.

They used to have gossip magazines, like if celebrities in the 1950s, that's when they started to realize people love to read bad scandalous stuff. But now you get to respond. You're like the writer and the reader of the gossip magazine.

You know what I do enjoy, though, when people don't understand how it works and they'll post something and just get smashed in the comments, and then they'll start going back and forth with people in the comments. Like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, what about... Well, one of the biggest problems is people This is one of many of them trying to be funny that they've never had to... They've always thought they were funny, and then they go in and try to be funny, and they get away with a couple because they have two people that go, Hey, that was good. They start to think, I'm funny And then they get in there and people just start destroying them for trying to be funny because they're not used to the hackling that we're used to. We got trained out of all our hack habits. Comedy trains you. The audience trains you.

And being around a and being on other comics.

And being around other comics.

Regulate you. What the fuck was that joke? Regulate you. Yeah, it does. Yeah, you get feedback. Feedback is important. Positive and negative.

It's a whole other level.

Who gets more feedback than comics? We get It's like real live feedback from hundreds of people every night.

Every night. You got feedback last night.

Just last night.

You can't live in a theoretical world of like, I think this is funny. I think this is good. You're getting feedback.

Yeah. It's fun, though. Don't you still enjoy it?

It's the best. It's the only honest reaction you could get in today. There's nothing virtual about it.

The most honest form of entertainment because you write it, you perform it, you You produce it, you edit it. I was saying how easy doing sitcoms was when I first started doing sitcoms. I go, They're great writers. They write you great jokes. You don't even have to work hard. I was talking about how bad my act suffered during those days, because when I was first on a sitcom in 94, we were working like 12 hours a day. News radio? It was long, long, long days. So by the end of the day, I'm exhausted. So if I did go up, it was just the same old material. Just rehab. I wasn't connected to it anymore. It was flat. Because when they're writing for you, it's so much easier. The jokes are already there. All you have to do is add your little sauce to them. It's great. Flare them up a little bit.

I know. I get so jealous of the idea of the old days comedians would just have writers. Oh, yeah. Like, what do you got for me? We got to go out and think of this stuff.

A few people still do that, right? Yeah, I'm sure. A few guys do. I know, obviously, the guys who host talk shows do. You can't write a new monolog every day. Be out of your mind or you'd be-I did on Tough Crowd.

You wrote that every day? No, I'm not saying most of them didn't bomb, but I did write them all myself. No shit.

When I went to see you on Tough Crowd, the best part of it was you warming up the crowd. I was like, Why don't they show this? This is funnier than the rest of the whole show. It was so good.

It was so good. It was fun. That crowd was crazy.

They would come like a lot. I was living in California at the time, and sometimes I forget. Sometimes you haven't seen a guy in a a while. You're like, God damn, I forgot how funny car it is. You need to see it. You need to see them live. You do.

You need to go out and see it. Yeah.

Just get in your head. It's the best thing. I've been doing it for so long, but I still love it. I love it. I love crowds. I love watching it. I love doing it. I love it. It's so much fun.

And what's fun about it, too, is you can't... It's like working out. If you don't do it, you just get flabby and out of shape. Yeah.

That's it. No way fans are about to When I take time off, I go on vacation for 10 days, I have one really good set when I come back because I'm enthusiastic. The second set is a little fucking shaky. I'm like, what's going on with this set? And that was great.

That's a horror, but that's the best part about it. It's just reality. Everybody that steps away from it too long. They talk in this term where it's like, oh, you got to do a reality. I'm mediocre when I get on stage. I'm going to be mediocre tonight, even though I don't want to be. I'm like, Hey, I really figured this out. And guess what? I didn't figure it out. And the crowd just lets you know.

That's the beauty. How much time did you take off during COVID?

I did a few shows. I did remote shows, which I loved remote comedy.

Really?

I loved it.

Like Zoom comedy?

Zoom comedy. Do you love I loved it?

I loved it. You're the only guy I've talked to. Everybody else said it was hell.

Because I just read. They think I'm looking at them. I'm reading my act. So any new material was memorized immediately. It was great. Every new joke- Maybe you should get a teleprompter. What's that? Maybe you should get a teleprompter. I've tried telepromters, yeah. I wish I could bring them all the time. You tried it on stage? I love telepromters.

No shit.

Yeah.

No, it's a good way to make sure you remember your shit.

Yes. Telepromptors are the greatest because the worst feeling is when you get back to the green room, you're like, Fuck that tagline.

I forgot the tagline.

Yeah, or even the intro line. So you're like, Of course it bombed. I didn't even explain what I was going to talk about. I love it. Yeah, teleprompter is great. But I've used teleprompters on shows when I did one-minute shows in New York, and you can't memorize the teleprompter. You get lazy, mentally lazy. Then you go on the road and you're like, You think you'd say it every night. You memorize it. You can't. It's an interesting psychological thing.

I know some guys who lay out sheets of paper on the floor on the stage with bullet points.

I've tried that. It doesn't really work that well. It's weird. The lights are weird. Yeah, but you can't even see them.

Do you go on stage with glasses on?

No.

That would help.

This is one of the first times I've been glasses in public. Really? I wanted people to take me seriously during the interview. It's a vibe.

It's a vibe. It's hot on Chicks.

Yes, I agree.

A girl who doesn't see that good for whatever reason.

For whatever reason.

They seem smarter.

Hey, for whatever reason. Yeah, there's something intense. That only became in the '70s. That became like a thing. Really? Girls with glasses.

Girls with glasses are hotter?

Yeah, they had the whole new glasses. I'll tell you, certain people just look great in sunglasses. The first person I noticed as a kid, one of your idol, Bruce Lee. I go, That guy looks Bad ass in sunglasses. Oh, yeah. They weren't completely dark. They were mixed. I was like, That looks cool.

Yeah, he was a cool motherfucker.

He was a cool motherfucker.

Yeah, that dude changed the world. Unbelievable. Nobody thought about doing karate before Bruce Lee.

Nobody cared. Well, even when he was on the Green Horn, and I'm old enough, I was there for the Green Horn days, and you're like, Yeah, that's cool, but you didn't think about it. But the minute those movies came out, we all saw them. When they first came out, I saw Chinese connection. It was called Fist of Fists of Furry. They changed the titles now, but it was Chinese Connection was the first one, then Fist of Furies, and then Enter the Dragon. Yeah. Those are the three big ones.

And it was the first time we ever saw somebody with abs.

Yes. They were like, Whoa, how cool does that look? Yes.

How cool does it look to be ripped? Yeah. Look at that. What?

Look at that. Come on. I hate to say, but my profile pic when I was 19, I basically have the same physique. I don't care what anyone says.

It looks like a twink today, though.

Yeah, he does. Because nobody lifted weights in those days. But he was the king.

Look at the abs on that motherfucker. Jesus Christ. Today, he'd be accused of having fake abs.

Yeah. Yeah, he's a badass.

Bruce Lee, gold metal sunglasses. Oh, you can buy them.

Oh, Yeah, but I don't think those are the ones I'm thinking about.

No? That one in that photo looks pretty fucking cool.

No, it wasn't these. It was some other look where he just was casually wearing something like...

What a cool dude.

Yeah, he was a badass. He was a real super... He just was a star.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Transcended. And it also was happening during that weird time, the weird time in life in the '70s.

After Vietnam was really winding down, it was almost done. Now we're back to 1968.

Yeah. We're right there right We're in 1968 right now. We're waiting for Kent State to jump off. You've seen these fucking protests that are happening in colleges? Yeah. First of all, these kids are all wearing masks. They're outside, they're protesting, and they're all wearing masks. I say that it's like The Democrats MAGA hat. That's what the mask is.

Isn't it? Nice.

You're letting everybody know. You're letting everybody know that you're a part of the clan, that you're on the good side.

Yeah.

I'm masking for your safety. They're just bizarre human beings coming out of colleges today. Well, I- Fully brainwashed.

Yeah. Well, I say it this way. Let's say 20 % of them are kids that were raised to hate the West. Everything in the West is bad. They're brainwashed, which is really the whole curriculum is 20% of that. Then I'd say 20% are kids that... They're the kids that feel like they want to be like when I was in college. When I was in college, remember, this is happening during finals week. So 20 % of finals protestors, where somebody came up to me when I was in college and said, Listen, next week is finals. You know you're going to fail. How about this? We're going to give you some money from this. George Soros founder is a Venmo thing. We're going to give you money, you stand outside and you block the... Not only do you not have to take your finals, you're going to block the kids that are going to make you look bad and pass their finals. You're going to block them from coming to class. I would have said, Give me the scarf. I'll put on right now. Then you got 20% kids are going to be... They're like the ones that appear pressured by their roommates.

Because if you're roommates with people in college, they know your schedule. So they go, Hey, we're going to go protest genocide. You can't say, I'm I was going to go to the bar. So half these kids are like, God damn it, now I got to go out to the protester. I look bad in front of all my roommates.

Have you ever seen when they get interviewed, the Konstantin Kissen from Triganometry? He went to the protests and he was just asking them, the river to the sea, what does that mean to you? Asking questions. What do you think should happen? What do you think the history of Palestine is?

Yeah. And now they're literally They're literally praying. They're praying to Mecca now. Did you see all the footage of them? Wonderful. They're bowing. It's like, I am objectively going to put a fatwa on my mother.

I just want to come out publicly and say China, Russia, you guys won. You won. You got our kids. You got the kids. You got a lot of them. You got more of them than you didn't get.

No, they don't want them. Listen, China, they're teaching kids computer engineering. Law schools are teaching state sanction violence in Shakespeare, sonnets.

Guys with fake eyelashes reading to toddlers. Yeah, that's what it is. That's what TikTok is. Our TikTok is a disaster. Yeah, they're smart. I mean, they got us. They got us. They won. They won the ideological battle. They've destroyed our universities. They've destroyed our faith in the System. But they didn't. We did. Yeah, but they did. They infiltrated the universities.

It happened way before that. In my opinion-When did it happen? They just went like this. When did it happen? All they did was go like this.

You ever see Yuri Bezmanoff talk about it? He's a defector from the KGB. He talked about it in a famous interview from 1984. We talk about it way too much, so I'm sorry if you're hearing this again, folks. But he basically laid out exactly what was going to happen to America in 1964. And he was saying- '64? Yep. Excuse me, 1984. He was saying that Marxism and Leninist ideas have been... They've infiltrated all the universities with these ideas. They're teaching them the children, and you have two generations from now, you're going to be fucked.

Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It started long before any of this China. He didn't say they did it.

He said Russia did it. He said Russia was doing it. So they're actively subverting our education system.

But I feel like the idea of this thing started long before. I mean, it's been around a long time because people are like, hey, it sounds fair. Like, equality sounds fair. So then they slowly started bringing it in. The general narrative is, if I say to you right now, I have to say it anyway, I think America is a great country. People go, Oh, my God. You hear this psychopath? What an idiot. You're a Nazi. He's the dumbest person I've ever met. So I'm saying if you start from the premise that America is evil, which is basically the premise today, and everything we do is based on oppression and violence, then anybody that goes against that, there's something evil about them.

Yes.

So I don't think that was Russia and China doing that. I think that was us doing it.

I think Russia and China influenced it, particularly Russia.

I think they just agreed. They were useful idiots and all that stuff they used to talk about. Yeah, but I didn't think they had far to go. I don't think you could do it unless people wanted to go along with that.

Well, it's also a situation where your university are almost entirely dedicated towards one ideology. That's right. You don't have any... Look, there's clearly over history, regardless of what you think about right wing people, clearly over history, there have been brilliant, conservative people. And not To not address that and to not have those people talk and to only allow liberal people to talk or progressive people to talk, you're going to get a distorted worldview. And that's what these kids are getting.

Well, I mean, even just the fact that Russia and China didn't force them to stop people from speaking at these places. You know what I mean? That's what's been going on for whatever amount of years. You're like me. You're not some right wing guy. You know what I mean? But you've been pushed into a category that people are saying you're this a guy because they're so far to the left and so stringent ideologically that if you fluctuate, you're out of the loop. And that's a cult.

It is a cult. But isn't it? I mean, it's one of the beauties One of the beautiful things about America is the amount of freedom we have of expression. And when you have that and you have 330 million people, you're going to have a certain percentage of people that are just off the rails, insane. Yes. And if those people are rabid about it and excited about it, a A lot of people find that attractive, just like a lot of people find Islam attractive. And they don't just find it attractive because of the discipline and the tenets and all the different things that seem to resonate with some people. They find it attractive because those people are all in. And you want to be in a group that's all in. If I leave, That's right. They'll kill me. That's right. They'll kill you if you leave. But you can join. You can join. They'll take you in as a brother. Oh, I want to join. And then people just... It becomes attractive to them.

Because moderates are considered... Pussy. I talk about this all the time. Moderates are considered... All you can see a bland guy in Dockers with his goddamn... With his dad bod, and nobody's interested in moderates.

Fence sitters.

Fence sitters. I say, even in Superman, you've got Lois Lane. She sees Claw Kent, nice guy. He's like, Hey, Lois, you want to have dinner? She's like, Yeah, just dinner, Clark. No, all right, I'm sorry. And then Superman, who shows up 2 hours a week, who's an extremist, just breaks shit. And she's like, Oh, Superman. I'm saying, we, our whole culture is built around extremists. The hero in the movie walks away after blowing up a hydroelectric day. He's never the guy that troubleshoots the hydroelectric game. That should be the hero in every movie.

Imagine being Clark Kent and you got to deal with this lady just constantly talking up Superman and talking down to you. And you're like, Bitch, you don't know shit. You just got to sit there and take it because you just can't spill the beans. You want to say, Hey, fucking dummy. You want to just take the glass off. Are you stupid? I'm the same guy, but just wearing glasses. I tricked you with glasses.

I catfished you.

You didn't notice that I'm built like a fucking linebacker. You didn't notice that I look like a giant superperson? I just have glasses on, so now I'm a loser.

Well, because she never slept with them. That's why she didn't notice. Because she was like, Clark, lay off.

You think Clark would show off every now and then, pick something up he shouldn't be able to pick up?

Yeah, but she didn't care.

I didn't know.

Clark's an incel. Yeah, he is an incel. An angry incel.

A handsome, angry, football, quarterback-looking insult. Yeah.

He's an insult. Just because they're glasses.

Isn't that funny? That was the only disguise he had was glasses. It's the dumbest fucking disguise in all of comic books. At least Batman. Maybe he had a weird face. If you had a clef palate, you're like, Hey, buddy, I know who you are. But no, you just see the little face part, and the rest of the face is covered. Okay. Hides his voice. I'm Batman. Okay. Okay, maybe.

But Superman? Yeah.

It's fucking stupid.

It is stupid. But speaking of Bruce Lee, the Green Hornet had a mask, but then Kado was Bruce Lee. We didn't realize, by the way, here's a stupid sitcom I'm watching as a little kid. We didn't realize there's a lifetime legend playing the sidekick. Yeah. How many times does that happen in life? Never. But even then, he wore this little chauffeur's outfit, if I remember correctly. Bruce Lee was like this Sidekick. Yeah. But even then, you could see a stark... Even as the sidekick, the two scenes are like, This guy's a badass. I was like, Five years old, six years old. I'm like, Look at this.

He was supposed to be in that TV show, Kangoo. Really? Really? Yeah, it was supposed to be about him. It wasn't supposed to be David Carady.

And why did he say no?

They didn't want to have a Chinese guy on TV.

That's insane. And they picked David Carady.

Yeah, but it worked. The crazy thing with David Carady was it worked.

It worked.

That show worked. I I loved that show. I used to love that show.

Yeah, it was a great show because every episode, there was... Although, let's face it, when you really look at it, it was a woke show. A little bit. Every week, it was Intolerance, and then David Carady would come and saved the day. You know what I mean?

He had to kick some ass. He always had to use violence, though.

But he wasn't that great of a martial arts guy. It was terrible.

It was nonsense. It was totally unbelievable. But the way he was doing it was like, if you didn't know any better, you're like, Oh, yeah, he's got magic.

But if Bruce Lee had done that, he would have broke, not the internet, but he would have broke TV at wide open. Oh, yeah. That would have been the best show of all time.

Wheel kicking people and jumping side kicking people in the face. He'd be like, Whoa. It would have changed everything. But the movies changed everything. I mean, he broke through just because he was undeniable.

Oh, yeah.

That was supposed to be him.

They opened. I'll tell you, all the karate studios, Jerome Mackey. These were all the karate. These were big karate guys back when I was a kid, like karate teachers. He opened thousands of karate studios around the country, Bruce Lee alone.

Absolutely.

It became a thing.

Bruce Lee and then Chuck Norris was how I got into martial arts.

Chuck Norris fighting him.

Jean-claude Van Damme, watching those movies.

How about this name? Bill Wallace. You ever heard of him?

Superfoot. Yeah, he was a great kickboxer.

And it was a guy named Joe Louis.

Yeah, Joe Louis. Heavyweight champion. Not in boxing, but in kickboxing. That's right. Yeah, white guy.

There was a bunch of... Jim Kelly was a great fighter.

He was in a Bruce Lee movie, Did you ever do karate? Or did you just follow it?

I did a couple of classes, but I was-It's crazy that you know about all those guys like Joe Louis.

How about Benny Urquita? You know about him?

Benny the Jet? Benny the Jet, of course. Yeah. Well, because I always tell this, but when I was a kid, the trains were so dangerous in New York. This is nothing now compared to when I was growing up. But what I would do is instead of taking karate, I used to buy a karate magazine, and I'd stand on the train with my legs splayed like this and stand and read my karate magazine.

Good move.

Who's going to read a karate magazine unless it's a karate? Then I ran into, do you know Owen Smith is a comedian? Yes. From Baltimore. I somehow mentioned that story one night to him and he goes, I took you one better. He goes, I bought a karate trophy and I used to walk around the streets holding my karate trophy. That's hilarious. So while you were studying martial arts, seriously, just remember, there was a whole bunch of lazy pricks that bought magazines and trophies just so we were like, stolen valor. You got to watch a lot.

People find a workaround. There's a lot of dudes walked around with a kung fu outfit on. Yes. With the slippers, the whole black kung fu outfit with the white collar. Absolutely.

To this day, they still do. And to this day, I'm still like, I don't know the fuck of that guy.

Yeah. I used to go watch them practice in the park, and they were faking martial arts. It was made up stuff. They were doing made up things. What do you mean? The moves are nonsense. It was made up.

And you knew they were made up?

A hundred %. Yeah, a hundred %. They were doing stuff that just... There's no history of this. I don't study kung fu, but I understand it. I know it. I know what it looks like. I've watched it. Thousands of videos on it. I've seen classes. I know what kung fu is. You're not doing kung fu. You're doing some shit you think looks like kung fu, and you're telling people that you're a master, and you're practicing in the park, and you got a bunch of other dumb people that are following you. And there's a lot of that out there. Before the UFC came around, there was a lot of fake martial arts, guys who pretended they had some touch of death. Yeah, Yes. And their students were hypnotized. They were like in a cult. They would touch their students. Their students would fall to the ground. They're still out there. There's a video. Absolutely. There's an Instagram page, McDojoLife. Mcdojolife just highlights all these fake martial artists because McDojo Joe is like those strip mall places that open up price, which some of them are really good.

It depends on the teacher.

But this idea of a death touch that people had some secret powers.

It's the dream, yeah. Yeah. I tell you, I took six judo lessons as a little kid. I should say before the martial arts craze. I really wish I would have stuck with judo. But in those days, there was no panic. So you walk in a class with the worst headache of all time.

You're You get brain damage. Yeah, you get brain damage. You're getting brain damage in regular judo. 100%. Judo is bad ass though. You get brain damage. It's amazing. It's amazing martial art. But you get brain damage from Ron Najetsky.

You do?

Yeah. My friend Mark Gordon, he specializes in traumatic brain injuries. He's a doctor, and he works with a lot of veterans, football players, fighters and stuff. He's like, Everything that hits your head is bad. Like, soccer. Guys get CTE, chronic traumatic encephalopathy. The things that boxers get and football players get and MMA fighters get it. Soccer players get it from hitting it with their head.

But how do you get it from a jet ski?

The bouncing. Just the bouncing.

Then how come they tell you you're supposed to go on those gymnastic, whatever that's called? They said it's healthy. Trampolines. Yeah, trampoline.

Yeah, I don't think it's like jolting because that's catching you and lifting you up and catching you and lifting you up. That's a different thing than boom, boom, boom. It's the heavy duty shaking, headbanging. Like Angus from ACDC? Got to have brain damage. There's no way he doesn't. Shaking the brain. There's no way he doesn't. That dude has to be gone.

But who the hell goes on a jet ski more than once a year?

Let's think about that. Some jet ski people that really love them. Jetskis are fun. Yeah, I have a jet ski. I love it. I tried it. It's fun. But if you bounce around on waves, you're getting brain damage. That's how delicate the brain is. The brain is not meant to be jostled around. And guys get concussions from getting hit in the chest. If you get hit in the chest, your head snaps back and you get a concussion. It happens all the time. You don't have to get hit in the head to get a concussion.

Well, yeah. But that's why it's a good thing I stopped judo because every day I have a horrible headache. I was a little kid.

Also, these guys crashed. Oh, my God. Well, that's different. That's ski jumping. I know, but this is the article on skiing was bringing up. Oh, my God. That's insane. That dude hit hard. How hard they hit. Oh, it must be nuts. They're going 30. So this is a water skiing tournament. Is that what that is? That's what that was. This is like an article about water skiers getting CTE. Oh, yeah. Have to. No doubt. No doubt they have it.

No doubt. I bet dolphins have CTE. I bet they don't.

I bet they glide right into that water.

Everybody says how small What they are. I'm like, Yeah, they seem really intelligent sometimes.

You're dismissing the intelligence of dolphins?

Yeah. When anybody bounces a beach ball on their nose, and that's there. They're the valedictorian of the animal kingdom. That's enough for me.

I think you have to do that if you're trapped in that swimming pool, if you want to get fed. I think you'd put a beach ball on your nose, too. That's the problem. The problem is we're so evil, we'll take intelligent things and lock them in a swimming pool. If we can't understand their language, like, What? I don't know what you're saying. Do you want a fish or not? Here's the ball, motherfucker. That's what it is. Out in the wild, though, they're awesome. They play with you. They come hang out. They go by your boat, they jump, and they literally want you to see them. They play with people. You can swim with them. They'll save you from sharks. If sharks are coming by, they'll fight the sharks off. I saw a video with that. They save people from sharks all the time. They have a cerebral cortex that's 40% larger than a human beings. What? Yeah, 40%. They have dialects. They have different dialects. You talk like you're from New York. I have a little bit of Boston, a little bit of California, all fucked up. They can tell from dolphins listening to their vocal patterns where they're from.

Now, wait a minute. But they can't decipher it yet. But they're hoping they can do that through AI.

First of all, if you don't have a routine about dolphins accents, you're crazy. I'll steal it if you don't do it.

I had a bit about dolphins, a true story. It's a true story. I got on very high edibles with my daughter when we went fishing. And these dolphins came by the boats and they were jumping up in the air. And then I had this crazy thought that what if the concept of me... When you When you refer to yourself me, you're thinking of yourself living in this world with these jeans in this city and this street. But the thought of me, what if me to me is the same as me to a dolphin? Then I thought, what if that's the same with all human beings? Everybody's just experiencing life through different biological circumstances, different life experiences. But what if me is the same in every single human being, just dealing with different problems?

No, what does that mean? I don't even understand what you're saying.

What I'm saying is that when you think of yourself, when you think Colin Quinn, when you think like, Oh, I'm looking at the world. This is me. That energy of what me is, this is how high I was. I was on 200 milligrams. Of pot edible on a boat in the middle of the ocean in Hawaii. Just an amazing experience. But I was thinking, when the dolphins would jump up, they would look at you. They look you in the eye and you see that they're intelligent. I was thinking, what if I lived his life, I would be him. And what if he lived my life, he would be me. And then what I think of as me is just me stumbling into a bunch of experiences with very particular genetics, very particular life lessons that I'm carrying around, and I think that's me. But what if the energy of me, the very core of it, is exactly the same in everybody. We're just experiencing life through different circumstances, but it's the same thing.

That's God.

Yeah.

What about the When I was thinking about the whole martial arts thing, too, was when you think about dolphins fighting sharks or saving people from sharks, that's almost a martial art, too. Oh, yeah.

Well, do you ever see what killer whales do to sharks? No. There's this video of this mother killer whale. It doesn't count. Oh, yeah. They fuck everybody up. There's this video of this. By the way, they save people, too. The only time they've ever killed people is in swimming pools. They save people all the time. Killer whales save people that fall in the water. They save them. They eat everything. They kill dolphins. They kill whales. They kill everybody, but they don't kill people. We kill them, but they don't kill us. The only time they've ever killed people on record. I mean, there's probably been a few circumstances where people were cunts. Yeah. Some asshole tried to harpoon their sister or something. Sure. I'm sure that happened. But the point is, killer whales don't actively target people when it'd be really fucking easy to do. So check this. This killer whale fucks this shark up. So she's out there with her. Look at this.

Boom. Boom. Wow.

She's out there with her cubs, and she just puts the fucking clamp down on this great white. It's pretty wild. But it also makes you realize how big killer sharks are or killer whales are. Killer whales, yeah. Look at that. Boom.

Yeah.

I mean.

I just saw something the other day of a killer whale around a boat, some little boat. And it was just... You could tell the guy's like, Oh, God, it's over for me. And then the whale didn't bother him, like you said.

Yeah, they generally- Just checked them out. I don't fuck with you. And I think you can talk to them. I think they understand. If you're like, Hey, you're cool. If you're polishing up a big metal spear with a rope on the end of it, then they might get a little angry. They'll probably fuck you up. I bet if there have been people dying because... Is this the guy? Look at that little boat.

Deeper?

Oh, he got bumped. Oh, my God.

Oh, it's right on the.

You guys are getting this?

Yes.

Let's get out of here. By the way, but that was a gentle bump.

That was nothing. No, this was something else. But how about that? Is that not the battle cry of today? You guys getting this? Yes, it is. That's the most important thing anyone could say.

The Graham. We got to get it on the Graham. You guys getting this? Do you even have Instagram?

Yeah. You do? Sure.

Do you make reels? Do you ever make a positive? No. Hey, guys, you could really do it. Push through it.

Well, I Basically, as you know, I've been doing that for years. I'm a soccer mom on social media just to infuriate people. That's my whole game. But I've been doing this series called Block by Block on YouTube, which is with this guy, a homeless pimp, him, Mike Lavin.

I didn't know you were doing this.

Yeah, I have a bunch of episodes where I interview. It's my little... The thing I care the most about doing it, which is I interview people from different neighborhoods in New York that I know over the years, and then just get them to tell stories about their neighborhood. So I was talking to my friend from Hell's Kitchen, Mike Spillane. So this is it here?

I didn't even know this was out there.

Yeah. This is my Steve Kelly.

One problem with really great comics, and I include you in there, is that you guys are terrible at promoting things.

Yeah.

I know.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. But it's also why the stuff you put out is so great, because you're only thinking about the stuff. You're not thinking about promoting the stuff, which is a totally different animal.

And we wouldn't know where... We would only come here. Where else would we go? We don't know.

Well, doing it yourself, like doing your own promotion or letting people...

So I interviewed this one guy, Mike Spillane from Hell's Kitchen, and their famous family. He's telling all the stories of the... But one of the stories which you were like was him and my friend Robert, who died, his cousin. They were in a bar. It's like 1980s and Midtown. So Hell's Kitchen is connected to the theater and all the Madison Square. So in a bar. Some guy starts with Mike Spillane. He hits him. The guy's friend grabs him around his neck. It's Andre the Giant.

Oh, my God.

They're in a fight with Andre the Giant. Oh, my God. And he picks him up and flings him. And it's like a whole famous story of them fighting, getting their ass kicked by Andre, the giant. Oh, my God. And then the cops come and grab them outside and arrest them. And the cop walks in, finds out what happens, sees Andre, and just walks out and laughs. He goes, Let him go. Don't worry about it. So just finding different stories of different neighborhoods. That's my little thing for, you know.

That's about the day before Instagram, when people weren't snitches.

Exactly right. So that's all. I'm just talking to these people and finding out all the great stories from them.

If that happened today, Andre would be all over the news. People would be angry at them.

Oh, my God. Everybody have an opinion on all of it. Oh, yeah. When this guy was telling the story, I go, so people must have been buying you drinks for months. He goes, at Hell's Kitchen that time, two weeks, and then there was some new story happening. Because that This is even the story of the month.

What a great name for a neighborhood.

Hell's Kitchen.

What a great name. Oh, yeah. I mean, you have to act crazy if you're there. And they did.

If you're going to move to Hell's Kitchen, that's a very specific mindset. Well, now, of course, it's different, but it was the most... Just imagine a neighborhood in the middle of Times Square, when Times Square was taxi driver, so they had to deal with all of that. The theaters, so all the stagehands were there. All the teamsters were there. It was a combination of everything. All the music studio, Lincoln Center on one side, and in the middle is all these crazy Irish guys and Puerto Ricans. Yeah.

And so much music and so much stuff came out of that area.

It's crazy.

Really is.

When you really think about it. It's a really wild, the center of the universe, they used to call it.

And for how long? Like 20 years?

Like 50, 60. 50, 60? Yeah.

Really? It was that hot for that many years?

Well, hot in what way? I mean, it was Times Square.

The interesting aspect of it.

The interesting aspect, I bet, was 40, 50 years. I would say from 1950 to 2000. What killed it?

Giuliani?

No, it just became... Well, it became Times Square.

You're talking of Times Square? Times Square became gentrified.

Giuliani, yeah, gentrified it. People started to- Corporateize is a better word, right? Feel safe.

It's like it became Applebees. It did.

It's disappointing, but at the same time, it was Sodom and Gamour. It was very bad.

It was When I first went there, I was living in Boston. I came to New York for a karate tournament, ironically, in '82, '83, I think. I was in high school, so probably '83. I was like, This is nuts. This place is fucking nuts. It was nuts. It was nuts. It was like all peep shows and pimps and hookers. It looked black and white. Even though it was in color, everything looked black and white. It looked dirty and seedy, and there was just junkies on the street and people with long coats and people yelling at people. You're like, Yo, this place is nuts. Times Square was a place that everybody avoided. That's right. Somehow another Times Square became a tourist trap.

Well, because of Giuliani. Giuliani cleaned up the peep show. There was Allah, I guess, where you couldn't have... You had to have 30% legitimate in your peep show. There was some law that happened where they got rid of the peep show.

30% legitimate? What does that mean?

30% like a a regular store. You couldn't just have all the porn. Some of them should go a little... I don't know what it was.

Sell Joey DeRosa's sandwiches.

But that's basically what they did do. They had to have a legitimate thing and then the porn in the back or something. Oh, God. And that was in the mid '90s, then it got cleaned.

Well, they used to have the triple X movie theaters. That's right. You want to talk about the lowest class of human being that you could possibly encounter in public? Guys going to jerk off in a room with other guys jerking off watching a movie.

Yeah, of course.

The most degenerate humans available. It was in Times Square, too.

It was all over the... No, the whole country had those. Oh, yeah. Every city had... Times Square just had 50 of them. Well, the craziest story. Everybody else had one.

The crazy story is deep throat. Deep Throat. Because Deep Throat, they were trying to turn it into... The country was so naive back then. You didn't have VCRs, so you didn't... The idea of a porn addiction seemed ridiculous to people. What they did with Deep Throat is they made a cinematic movie that was a porn film, and all these stars went to go see it. Like, Johnny Carson was there in line. They were interviewing them where they're going to see a porn film. That's Really? Like 1970 something.

'72 or something like that. And couples would go all over the country and go to these sleazy theaters and watch Deep Throat.

Wild. They weren't even sleazy theaters. These were regular theaters that show Deep Throat.

Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

People are so… That's so interesting. You think about how much porn… Like right now, porn is what percentage of the internet, Jamie? Is it 30 something %? It's like 30 something % of all internet traffic, all of it, all of the world is porn. That's crazy. It didn't even exist before Deep Throat. No. You had stag films that you would hear about. Yeah, my brother-in-law, he was getting married. Yes. What does stag party? And they showed a movie, this grainy movie of this sad, heroine addict, fucking these guys.

That's right. They were gross.

Who would have ever thought that would be on your phone?

The Mafia. I know. Exactly. But it's so funny because I remember, Deep Throat was the big breakthrough. First, it was the devil and Ms. Jones. I was like 11 to 12. I remember we laughed about it. We didn't know what we were laughing at. Then next year, we're like, 18, 19. We're going up Times Square at point. We were right there. You just take the train, you're right there. But it was so psychotic. I actually knew a girl that ended up going into working in those Times Square booths, and I'm sure a lot of people did, but it was really crazy to me that she was doing that. Wow, that is crazy.

That's a commitment.

Yeah. I mean, there's still boots and guys- Get out of that lifestyle.

A judge in New York made it a $3 million fine for showing Deep Throat in a theater. Wow. It still exists.

It's never been overturned, apparently.

Wow. Whenever this article was written.

Well, this is '93.

Wow. Movies and television have completely changed our outlook on the human form. So he was '71 at the time when he was talking about this. This is on the eve of his retirement in '91. He's probably in his 50s when that happened. He had grown his whole life, been a grown adult, and never had any interaction with porn. Then he sees people going to see it in a theater. He's probably like, What the fuck is going on? This is crazy. You guys are watching people suck dicks with your friends. This is weird.

It was totally legitimate for a couple of years. I don't know when it turned, but I remember when I went to college, they showed deep throat to one of these Debbie Dubs Dallas, one of these porn movies in the student union. What? And guys and girls all went to see it. No way. Yeah, it was totally... You know what I mean?

And there were a couple of- Isn't that crazy?

And there were a couple of girls that like, This is anti-women. And we're like, Oh, relax. Why are you making a big deal? We're like, Oh, are you crazy?

Isn't that crazy?

It's crazy. And people just go. They showed it like a whole week. I'll tell you another one. What? A week? Yeah. Like every day because so many people want to go see. I'll tell you another one. One of the guest speakers. Talk about college gigs. Harry Reams was one of the guest speakers. The porn star.

The porn star. Famous 1980s porn star.

'70s, yeah. '70s? He had a big '70s mustache.

Do you grow up to be a giant real estate guy?

Maybe, but- Killed it in real estate. I'd like to talk to him someday because this girl I knew, I still remember her name, but I'll leave it out. And she drove him. She goes, Yeah, I drove him back to the train station and I was like, you don't need to drive him to the train station. You can walk there. She drove and I want to know what happened. I want the full story.

She's not going to give it to you.

She lied to me. She goes, nothing happened. She got turned on.

She Got turned on by seeing that guy's dick.

She got turned on by seeing that guy's dick. She got turned on by seeing that guy's dick. She got turned on by seeing that guy's dick.

Also, it wasn't forbidden back then. This is so hard for people to imagine because today, if you're watching porno on your phone and someone catches you, you have a deep shame. Yes. Oh, you call me watching porn. Right. Porn is a thing that people are ashamed that they consume. But back then, that was not the case. It was innocent in the weirdest sense. When people just didn't get it. They didn't get it. No. When I was a kid, VCRs were invented. One of the first things when they invented VCRs is they start making dirty movies and putting them on VCRs. That's right. The porn industry just explodes. That's right. It's all from people watching at home. You'd have to go through these fucking saloon doors, remember? Or you'd push the beads aside. There was always something you had to do. You couldn't just go to the porn section. You had to let everybody know, Hey, you fucking pervert. Make some noise. Rattle those beads. That's right. And then you walk in there and no one was looking at anybody. Everybody was like,. That's right. Everyone was embarrassed that they're in there with other people, maybe your neighbors.

That's right.

See, Bob's over there looking at the fucking hard core section. Yeah.

Right. That's what it was. People were like, I'll be in the porn, but that section is for perverts. That was the thing.

Yeah. And it became a thing where people weren't embarrassed by it. It was weird. And then slowly over time, it became embarrassing. I think when it became an addiction thing, I think clearly when the internet came around and people had instantaneous access to it.

Well, it's funny because as much as sex became more like... I remember in comedy, we all had bits on jerking off to porn in the '80s. We all had bits about it.

It was a new thing, which is hard to imagine for people.

Everyone's like, Aha, nobody gave a damn. I mean, is that weird? We all just talk about, Hey, you ever seen a point? Because it was new, like you said. Then suddenly people stopped talking about that because It was shameful. I don't know what the... I guess it was- It's the addiction.

When you're ashamed of something, you shouldn't be doing that something. Almost always. You have to lie about the thing. I had a friend, and he was always trying to lose weight. One time we said, Hey, meet us at this bar. It's Ralphie May. I'll just say it because he's not with us anymore. I love Ralphie. Great guy. He was awesome. Great. Ralphie was like an hour and a half later. Where the fuck is Ralphie? When's he coming here? Then finally, he pulls up and the back of his car was just filled with fast food stuff. Yeah. He had some story about why he couldn't make it. He went to a drive-through. He had to. He went to a drive-through and he bought bags of food, and he just stuffed himself. And he probably felt shitty about it and didn't want to talk about it. Sure. That's addiction. That's addiction. Absolutely. It's the same thing. If you're watching porn on your phone all the time, you're like, Do you watch porn on your phone? No, I don't watch that. It's because you're addicted. You're ashamed. You're ashamed. Sure.

You're ashamed. But like you said, 30% is crazy. Crazy.

Is that what the number is? Do we find out what the amount of traffic? I'm looking to the golden age of porn ended in 84, it says. The golden age. That's what this thing is.

I'll tell you why age. Well, this VCR is also, so it stopped being... You didn't have to go to the movie theater to see it. You could watch it at home. That was great. 84 is when the VCR came out? Wow. Around then.

That's the same period. That makes sense because I was in high school.

That makes sense. There was a great scene Boogie Nights when Burt Reynolds is so disgusted that he has to do amateur point. Remember? He used to be a filmmaker. Oh, right. Then suddenly they're in the limo and he's going, Okay, do that. Then remember, he was so horrified by it all.

I forgot. I forgot that movie. That was a great movie.

Great movie. They said, Burt Reynolds, the director and all these people said, Burt Reynolds was so horrible. He was so brilliant in it. He didn't want to be in it from day He hated everything about it. Really? And to his dying day, he hated it. He fired his agent. He hated it, and he was so brilliant in it.

Well, Burt Reynolds. I'm a huge Burt Reynolds fan. No, the greatest. I love that guy. He was so fun. He made me believe that a handsome man could be funny. Yeah. I never thought handsome people were funny. The handsome guy was never cool. The handsome guy was cool but silent. That's right. Maybe he wins a street fight. Bertrands is always smiling. It's like, I want to hang out with that guy. He was a party.

He'd go on the Tonight show with that big laugh. Remember that giant laugh?

He was the first guy that I ever really saw that was a really handsome man that was hilarious.

And he was best friends with Dom DeLuis. Yes. And they'd be on- He was incredible.

How about when he did Jackie Gleason? Jackie Gleason and him with Smoky and the Bandit? What a combination. Jackie Gleason and Bert Reynolds.

Wait, Jackie Gleason in that movie, and I'll tell you who else, because I remember when I I got Caddy Jack for the first time, and I was like a young kid, and I'm like, Caddy Jack, my heroes are in it. Bill Murray, Chevy Chase, all these cool guys, even Rodney. And I go, And then they got this guy from a sitcom, Ted Knight. And then he steals the movie. And the same thing happened with Jackie Gleason in Smoki and the Bandit. Yeah. These guys stole. They were so good.

It's unbelievable. Jacky Gleason was the fucking man. Yeah. Jacky Gleason was the man. It was unbelievable. He did serious acting, too. He was in The Hustler.

Oh, yeah. He was amazing. He was great in The Hustler. Did you ever hear they said some reviewer, some famous, back when the reviewers were famous, goes, It was Laurence Olivier and him did a movie together. He goes, I just watched a movie with the greatest living actor and Lawrence Olivier. Jacky Gleason is so good.

He was awesome. Best pool player to ever be a movie star by far. Yeah. He was a real good pool player, like a professional level pool player. Oh, yeah.

You could see even the way he played.

Yeah, in the Hustler. He was making his own shots. When Paul knew he would make his shots, he'd be like,. This is not real. This is nonsense. But when Jackie Gleason did this, there's a fluidity to the way he moves around.

But now, why would you remake the Hustler? Look, we all love.

What do you mean? He did do. Color of Money. No, Color of Money was a separate book.

Well, it was a sequel, but even so.

But it's the same It was the same author.

It left a bad taste in my mouth. Really? Yeah.

It was a great movie, too. It's a great movie, too. Very accurate, too.

Remember he did the Flipping the Pool Q?

Mm-hmm. That's a little nonsense. People don't do that, especially not with the Balabushka. But what he was doing in the movie, portraying how people hustle and move around, that was all real. It's by the same guy who also wrote The Queen's Gambit. Do you ever see that show on Netflix? Yeah, it's a great show. Amazing show. Amazing show about that girl who's a wizard chess player? Yeah. Well, that's the same guy. Walter Tevis, right? Is that his name? Yeah, he wrote The Hustler.

How compelling is her face and her energy? Oh, yeah.

You buy it all in. Whatever. You just buy it. Yeah, you buy all of it. Yeah, you're really there with her. She was awesome. She's really good. What is her name? Anna Joy. What is her name?

I'll never know. Anna Taylor. Anna Taylor Joy. I like the fact that at least he bothered. That's one thing about Tom Cruise. He doesn't of the games. He's in the Color of Money. He learns to do like nunchucks. By the way, Nunchucks were big when I was a kid. Nunchucks just came out when I was a kid and people would have Nunchucks. Everybody walking around with a black eye because nobody knew how to use them. You just saw it in a movie. There was no YouTube tutorials. And even the teachers, the martial arts teachers didn't know what they were. So the guys were like, everybody had a black eye for a long time.

Yeah, I banged myself in the back of my head multiple times. You did. Back of my head, crack.

Now, when you did this karate tournament in the '80s in New York, are you guys striking each other? Yeah. Wow. And it's full contact?

Yeah. The karate tournament that I went to in New York was called a Point Tournament. Point Tournament was different than Taekwondo tournaments in that there wasn't continuous action. You'd hit the person and then they would stop and call a point. So it's almost like this really high level game of tag, which wasn't really the thing that I did. I did Taekwondo tournaments primarily, which were continuous action, and you would win by knockout a lot of times. And so you basically just trying to kick this other dude in the face or in the chest as hard as possible and stop his body from working right. That was my objective.

It was like the Kumate.

It was like that a little bit. But in Taekwondo tournaments, you couldn't punch to the face. You could only kick to the kick to the body. Then I transitioned from that into kickboxing. But it was like when I went to New York City, we were trying to do anything. We would try anything. There wasn't that many tournaments. If there was no Taekwondo tournaments, we would enter into karate tournaments. That's great. I fought probably. I probably fought a hundred times.

Wow.

If I counted all the tournaments, because oftentimes you'd fight three or four times in a day.

No No kidding.

Yeah. In my last kickboxing fight was the third fight of the day. I had three fights in one day. I won the first two fights, and I lost the last one in a day.

That's crazy. Can you imagine? It's good to be a kid, huh?

It was good to be stupid. If I had a kid today, I'd say, Hey, you're not fighting again. You just get hit in the head over two fucking rounds.

Did you come home, covered in bruises all the time and stuff? No.

Yeah, well, I always came home from training and bruises. Yeah, and from fighting, you get fucked up. Yeah, you get black. I always had black eyes. I broke my nose I don't know. Probably 20 times. I had to get it fixed. I had to get the inside of it all cleaned up and it all calcified like a wrestling's ear. You know, wrest get calcium? Yeah, of course. You get smashed in the nose enough What happens is the inside of your nose, all that tissue, swells up and bleeds, and then it gets broken, and your septum gets twisted and blocks off. Then you get calcium deposits inside your nose. Sure. Just like you get in your ears.

Like a cave.

Like a little rock. Well, it was horrible. I couldn't breathe at all. I had a very nasal voice for a long time until I got it fixed. It was like 40 when I got it fixed. Wow. Because I kept breaking it. Because I was like, I'm just going to keep breaking it. It's like, what am I going to do? I broke it three times when I was on news radio. You did? Yeah, I was always breaking it. Sparring or just rolling. You accidentally get a knee to your face, and then your nose is bleeding. You're like, I broke it again.

Are we working out with Benny the Jet and those guys in the Valley?

I'd actually at the Jet Center when I first moved to Hollywood. That was the first place I went to. That's great. It was like, there's two places I wanted to go to when I went to Hollywood. I wanted to go to the Comedy Store, and I wanted to go to the Jet Center in Van Nijs. I found out about it.

I was like, It's the Jet Center. I love it.

When I was there, Blinkie Rodriguez, who was Benny's brother-in-law, amazing fighter, too, a great, great kickboxer. He had lost, I believe, a family member to gang violence. I don't want to say exactly who it was because I'm not sure if I remember, but I want to say a son to gang violence. And then, if it's not that, I apologize. And then so he offered free classes to gang members. So he wanted to teach these gang members, like discipline, give them a sense of community, and then give them structure, give them something. So I was taking kickboxing classes with gangbangers. So I moved from New York, and I came to LA. I didn't have any friends. And here I am in my Volkswagen Corrado, pulling up to the Jetsetter in Vanhies, and I'm taking kickboxing classes with gangbangers. This guy had this fucking tattoo on his back, this homemade tattoo of the name of his gang. It was like, Platos. Then underneath it, it said, Fuck the rest. I was like, Oh, boy. You understand this is 1994. This dude's back has his gang, and then, Fuck the rest. I was like, Yo, what am I doing?

I had a spar with these guys. I was sparring with these gangbangers. They didn't know what they were doing, a lot of them. But I wouldn't hurt them. I'm like, I'm not going to hurt this guy. I'm just going to touch him a little bit. I'm just going to just Give him a foot, put a foot in his face. I'm not going to hurt him. I do not want to get shot in the parking lot. I do not want to get staff. You cannot humiliate one of these guys. So you just move around, be defensive with a swing, punches, just work on blocks, work on moving, foot work, touch them a little bit, but there's no going after them.

That's great. It was scary. It was fucking scary. These guys were murderers. Yeah, Van Nijs was a rough area in the '90s.

It was super rough. But a lot of great kickboxers were there, too. It was also like, Pete Sugarfoot, Cunningham was there, and Blinkie was there teaching classes, which is to me, it was like as a kid who grew up watching him on TV to be in their gym. I was like, holy shit, this is crazy. But then, unfortunately, the earthquake fucked up the roof. When it rained, when the rainy season came, the whole building got destroyed. The roof was all fucked up.

You were there for the earthquake?

I was there right after the earthquake, and then the rain came after that and Their building was fucked. So eventually opened up a place in North Hollywood, and I went there for a while, but it was just Benny. It was a smaller place.

I was in LA during that 94 earthquake, and I was staying in this temporary housing place. It was across from North Ridge, but it was in Westwood district. I wake up and I go, Oh, my God, I'm dreaming that my bed is flying across this entire room. Oh, my God. My I had flew across the room, and it was scary, man. Oh, my God. I mean, my bed was fine, but buildings were collapsed all around me. People were in the street, 5:00 AM, in their underwear, the whole city, the whole neighborhood, I mean.

I was only in a small earthquake. I was in a 5.5, and I was in my apartment in North Hollywood, and it was like I was in a washing machine box or refrigerator box where it just had no stability. I was like, What? I thought an earthquake would be like, everything's shaking. Everything moved.

It just moved side to side.

I remember thinking, Oh, shit.

It's like having vertigo.

But I was just thinking, this is a baby one? This is like a five? So a seven is how many greater than this? Holy shit.

Yeah, it fucked up. North Ridge and Van Nye's got fucked. That was more than any place.

Another reason why I was glad I got out of LA in time. I'm like, It's coming. If you guys think you got it bad now, all the shit in the streets and all the tents, and wait till an earthquake hits that mess.

Well, about two weeks ago, I was in New York, and I go, Oh, what the hell was that? Oh, yeah. And it was an earthquake.

Yeah, earthquake in New York.

It was just crazy. It was That's crazy.

That's so unusual.

Yeah, I never even heard about it.

So this earthquake in Van Nijs, I guess it fucked up the roof of that building. It condemned a lot of buildings.

It destroyed that whole area. North Ridge is right next to Van Nijs.

Yeah, the place flooded. There's a photo of me, Jamie. There it is. There's a photo of me, like a black and white photo of me from a long time ago throwing punches, and it was taken at the jet center.

The original Jet Center? Yeah.

It was 1994. There's this photo of me. I went ripped. I was young and healthy back then. Great, right? Yeah. Back in the old days. You were a kid. I had most of my hair.

Yeah. It's crazy, right? Yeah.

That's it. That's me at the Jet Center in 1994.

You're like Sean Connery.

I don't know what's going on in my lips, but I was in the middle of throwing punches.

You used to go there all the time, huh?

Yeah. They had a photographer there one day.

When did you pass at the Comedy Store?

94.

You passed right away?

No, like six months. Mitzy? Yeah, Mitzy gave me six months. She didn't like that. I was already on a TV show.

Oh, you were already on the show?

Yeah, I was already on news radio. She didn't like that.

That's why you went out to LA?

Yeah, I went out to LA just for news radio. I had no interest in acting. I was purely being a prostitute. I was just willing to go on.

But what a great first thing to be on.

Yeah, all I cared about was stand-up. I just wanted to do stand-up. Then I was like, Okay, maybe this is my career now. Okay, maybe I'm acting now. Then all of a sudden, I'm doing this stuff, and I was like, This is weird. I had no acting classes before I was on TV. You didn't? No, nothing. When I got a development deal with Disney, they made me get an acting coach. I did a couple of one-on-ones with this lady, and I didn't like it. There was a lot of weird ego stuff going on. She also to be my mom in the show. It was like there was a lot of weird stuff.

Oh, yeah, of course.

But it's just like that world was not interesting in that world. I was like, this is not... I'm just going to do my best. I'm just going to do it the way I would do it. It was just pretend. Pretend this is actually happening. Pretend I'm this dumb guy. Pretend this is actually happening. But I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know where upstage was. I was on television. They were like, Joe, could you move six inches upstage? I'm like, Which way is that? Which is upstage. It's flat. I didn't know that old stages used to be slanted, and upstage meant you move backwards, which is crazy. Instead of saying, Would you step back? Move upstage. Everybody's using these old timey terms for a slanted stage so that the whole audience who seated there could see everything because they did it in front of a live crowd.

But that must have been fun doing it in front of a live crowd.

It was fun. It was fun when you got good lines, but you didn't really get to control. The first show that I did was terrible. It was called Hardball. That's what I came out to LA for. I think I remember this. It was a baseball show. That got canceled. Then I got lucky that I had a development deal with NBC right after that. I was going to do my own show, but they said, Hey, we got a part on this show that we're already going to do, and we're going to recast it. It was originally Ray Romano. I know. Yeah, so Ray got fired, and then they replaced it with a guy, and that guy got fired, and they replaced it with me, which made me feel better. Because at least I didn't take the job from Ray. I took a job from some guy.

Even if you did, Ray, obviously stunk, and he just got what he deserved.

Well, it was the best thing that happened to him because then he went and does everything that was Ray. But I love Ray, and so it was weird. It was weird, but it was okay because the other guy got the job first. Then all of a sudden, I'm on this fucking show with Phil Hartman and Andy Dick and Dave Foley. I'm like, This is crazy. I've been acting for all of four months ever. I did one terrible TV show. Yeah, and here you are. Two acting classes.

Here you are. How long were you doing stand-up at that time?

Six years.

That was good. You were in the game.

I was in the game, but I wasn't that good yet.

No, and like you said, you work with Phil Hartman. Phil Hartman is one of the legends of all time.

He was a sweetheart, too.

What a great guy.

He was a great guy. A genuinely interesting, weird guy. I don't know anybody like him.

I mean, he did the... For my joy, he did the Crosby & Sils Nish album art. He was an artist.

We have one of his albums out here. Isn't it crazy that he was an artist? Yeah. He was a brilliant artist. He was also a pilot. When I bought my house in the valley, he took me to these areas when his plane took me over to show me areas where he could move to. Because he was living in Nancino, and I think I was still in Nancino at the time, too. I was like, I had a stalker. I was like, I got to get a little further out. It's just too People knowing where you live thing is just too weird. I got to go to a place that's more secure. Then when I moved out to the valley, Phil took me out there on his plane to show me areas. When you're flying over these places, you see all these trees and the hills and the mountains. I was like, Oh, this is beautiful. I'm going to live here and just drive in. That's way better. It's great.

You guys were in Burbank?

We did it in a bunch of different places. We did it at CVS Radford for a while. That's the best location. Sunset Gower. We did it for the most. I love it there. Radford's great. Great lot.

Jerry's Deli and everything's right there.

Jerry's Deli's gone.

It is? I think it is.

All of them are gone? I think it is. I know the one in the valley in Woodland Hills is gone. That was a bummer, man. That was fun. Oh, that place was so good.

In the '90s. I was just talking about LA in the '90s, how you could drive around to Jeff, and traffic was nothing. Now you can't move.

Yeah. Overpopulation in cities makes it way more tense. People are way more tense now than they were in the '90s. It was a way more relaxed city. That's hard to believe because everybody in their head is like, LA is like, beep, beep, fuck you. Everybody's doing coke and on their way to a business meeting. Back then, it was like, you could get to work in a half an hour. It wasn't that big a deal. Now, it's a fucking... Where I used to live in the valley, if I wanted to go to the Comedy Store, Comedy Store is 22 miles from my house. It would take me 22-ish, I'm guessing. But it would It would take me hour, 10 minutes. Hour and 10 minutes at seven o'clock. Now, if I try to leave at five, it's two hours. I need two hours. If I have a meeting in Hollywood at five, I have to leave my house by three or I'm fucked.

That's crazy. It's ridiculous. That's two hours to go 22 miles.

And that's normal. And that ain't even Long Island. How about people making it into the city in the daytime? You ever get stuck in that mess? Sure. People coming from the island and going across the fucking bridge. Oh, Jesus Christ.

It's crazy.

You just want to jump off the bridge. And guys do it every day just so they can have a lawn. Every day. Every day. Just so they can have a lawn.

Just exhausted. It's also taxes all the way, I'm sure.

Taxes, but also you want a backyard. I want a backyard. When Saturday comes along, I want to sit with a cup of coffee on my fucking porch and see a deer, maybe. That's right. Let me fucking relax a little bit. Do I really have to be a part of that fucking concrete horse shit? Because there's something about living in the concrete horse shit that some people love.

I love it. They love it.

I love it. Yeah. You love the energy, right? Just the whole people around you, everything's happening.

I like it. Yeah. I'm just so used to it. You know what I mean? But I liked LA. When I lived in LA, I loved LA. But I lived all over LA. And I like driving. But that's the thing. In LA, you just have to be in love with your car. If you love your car, you love LA. If you don't love your car, you don't love LA.

That's a good point. And in LA, the problem is that if you're fucking around with a Tesla with 30% power, you got 30% battery left, and it's 3:00 PM, like, Oh, buddy, you might be fucked. You might be really fucked. Your car might die on this road. You're fucked. That's scary. Yeah, you're fucked. You got to drive two hours. You got to drive to San Diego. What? You can't drive to San Diego.

No.

You're not going to make it.

It's going to be five hours. They say all the people that commute to LA now, they don't just car pool, they apartment pool. So they don't go home. They go to work Monday, they stay till Friday, and then they go home.

That is so insane.

That's so insane. They have to rent an apartment together.

I have to stop saying nice things about Austin.

Stop saying nice things about it? Yeah.

There's too many construction cranes.

Oh, I know. It's great.

It's not just me, obviously. I just saw it the other day. But there's so many companies moved here. There's just so much shit going on here. So I I don't want this to become like that. I think there's something about Texas, though, that rebels, that will always rebel. And they realize how bad people fucked up in California. And hopefully, the people that moved here realize how bad they fucked it up.

They've always had one foot out of the country, Texas. Let's face it. They came in-Came in real late.reluctantly, and they've been here reluctantly. They got one foot out. They're like, We don't need... We'll leave.

Well, when you know about the history of this country, this land, this area, this is a brutal, brutal place. You ever read the Empire of the Summer Moon?

No.

Oh, my God. I get it to you. You got to read it. It's incredible. It's a history of this place. It's the Comanchi Indians and the history of the Texas Ranchers.

The Comanches were here, yeah. I like that.

The madness. Clearly, what the colonizers did, what the people moved here, what they did was horrible. No one has ever denied that. But if If you don't know what the Comanches were doing to other Indians, if you don't know what these raiding parties would do, they did some of the wildest shit. They would start a bonfire, and right before they threw the guy on the bonfire, they would hold him out by his arms and legs, hack off his arms and his legs while he's still alive, and throw him on the fire to watch him squirm like a worm.Unbelievable.They would feed people their friends. They would cut people to pieces in front of you. No one surrendered ever. You always fought to the death. Because if you were captured, you are 100% going to get tortured and killed.Tortured, yeah.Tortured and killed. Tortured, yeah. Tortured and killed.

For no...

Because that's what they do. For fun. There was no prisoners of war. There was no honor. There was nothing that's European bullshit. They were doing it old school. Old school. That was the entire country, except for the agriculture. There's a lot of people that accepted agriculture in the Southeast, and they were calmer and not war bearing. They weren't even riding horses a lot. The Comanches were the horse bearing ones. They were the best with horses, and they were the most fierce, and they only ate meat. So they could go for days without food, unlike some of the settlers, some of the people that were trying to make it a cross, and some of the people that they fought.

What about... I've been reading this book, Speaking of cruelty, Jerusalem. So the history of Jerusalem. So the early seages and the same torture techniques. But who gave it to me, this guy, do you know Kevin Fitzgerald? Yes. Comedian, but he's a bodyguard for the Rolling Stones.

Yeah.

I just worked with him last week, and he was just He was telling me the Stone stories. He was a bodyguard for 20 years for the Stones. He tells the greatest because he's a very intelligent guy, but he was a boxer, then became a bodyguard for the Stones, and then moved on and started doing stand-up. He's also got doctorates in veter medicine. But he started telling me, Do you ever hear this one about Mick Jagger, about the people in wheelchairs? Because you just feel like, Oh, Keith was a cool guy. Mick was a good... Mick Jagger every day Every show for 20 years would take this guy, Kevin, put on a hoodie so nobody could recognize him, go up. Because in those days, they put the wheelchairs in. If you were in a wheelchair, they wouldn't let you be with your friends. They'd put you in a separate wheelchair section in the balcony. Everybody in a wheelchair to go. Mcjagg would go up with 8-Tracks T-shirts, hand them out, never told the press, never made sure nobody knew about it, except this bodyguard, and talk to all the people in wheelchairs and give them T-shirts and give them 8-Tracks for 20 years.

Wow. Isn't that cool?

That's wild.

But this guy tells a million stories. He's been buying it for 20 years. Wow. He's got great stories.

That's cool. How did we get to him? What were we just talking about?

Jerusalem and the Comanches. So So torture techniques.

So this book on Jerusalem, I've thought about... What is the name of it?

Jerusalem: A History or something.

I've thought about reading about it, and I get anxiety. The book? Just not that particular book, but about Israel and Palestine.

But this book goes back to the beginning. Yeah. This book is really... I mean, I just thought I've only read the first couple of... It's amazing. Is it this book? That's the one. It's crazy.

It's a crazy place. It's wild.

And it starts out, you're like, Oh, my God. It started on the most bloody. But somehow everybody knew it was significant, even then. It was never this place that people weren't like... They were always like, No, this is the place.

What do you think about that? Do you think... Does that make any sense? What? Is there a place that's more holy than other places?

You mean like Sedona?

Yeah. Sedona is a good one. That's a good one for hippies. For hippies, believe Sedona is like a sacred place. Yeah.

Well, I always feel like this. Well, even when I was just at the gig, I was at the gig with Kevin Fitzgerald. It was in where the Shining is in Colorado, where they shot The Shining, that hotel. And so they go, It's haunted. And I'm talking to the kid that works there, and he goes, Listen, I didn't believe any of this shit. He goes, I've worked here for two years. It's real. He goes, Lucy? They knew the names of the ghost. Lucy? She's a redhead. He goes, I open the mirror when I'm here alone at one in the morning because it's a really out of the way place. He starts describing all these things that happened. You're like, oh, God. So I do believe this place is sure.

Yeah. I think there's something to some of it. There has to be.

Yeah. What is the energy?

Why are they willing to kill each other over one place? Because they think God's coming to this one place. What do they know? It's so important to them.

You're going to love this book because this is exactly the point.

How about Mecca? How How many Muslims travel to Mecca and you're absorbed of your sins? You go to Mecca, you make the pilgrimage, and they all go around, and they're essentially walking around a meteor.

Yeah.

It's a meteorite, right? Is it? Yeah. I think that's the center. Isn't that what it is, the center of that box in Mecca? I think that's what it is. Look at that. Also, how beautiful is that? If you go there, you probably really believe. I mean, it probably, even if it wasn't true, would have that effect on you just psychologically, going to this incredible location. With all these people, the energy. With all these people, and everybody's peaceful.

And nobody's talking about Medina.

Nobody's talking about anything.

Mecca and Medina, and they always talk about Beck. It's like Springsteen and John Cougar, Malkin. Where's Modena? That's the other one.

The other one? So does it say there's a stone there? But isn't there... Google meteor or meteorite.

It's where Muhammad first saw the thing, right?

I think there's something to the... Okay, there it is.

Oh, there it is. Yes.

The Embedded Black Stone was a further symbol of this as a meteorite that had fallen from the sky and linked heaven and earth. It's crazy that they got one spot. They'll fight over that spot. You can't have that spot. They do? Oh, yeah. Imagine if the United States wanted to put a military base on that spot. No, you got to take away your religious spot. It's not real.

Don't take away your spot. That would be a real deal breaker. That could be a deal breaker. Where's Medina? Oh, there's Medina right next to it. They just spelled it different.

I keep thinking about Tyler Perry's character.

Medina. That's Mecca, that's Medina.

And Medina was cool, too?

Oh, yeah. They always say Mecca and Medina. Oh, really?

I only heard Mecca.

I know because people pray in Mecca. They don't pray in Medina. How come? I think you have to go to both.

So is it like it's a major Islamic...

They're really downgrading Medina. I don't like this. The tombs are there. The tomb of Prophet Muhammad and other leaders are at Medina.

Is it like Simon and Garfunkel? Like one of them, they just, Who? Where's Garfunkel? He was great. He was like, Hey, Garfunkel's great. What happened? He was great. What What happened?

Yeah. Some of those things- Adidas Garfuckl.

Those things happen.

Although I'm sure they wouldn't... Of all the people who be compared to them, don't think Simon and Garfuckl are what they want to be compared to, if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean. I do know what you mean. They said, Can you name somebody else, please? But I wonder what is so specific about that area. Yeah.

No, I think Muhammad is from there or something.

Yeah. And also the areas in Israel, these areas that are the wall. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's this Jerusalem Book is really getting into it. And I'm like, oh, my God. Just the early stuff that's happening. There it is.

Okay. It's known as a site where the Prophet Muhammad received the command to change the Direction of Prayer to Mecca. Oh, so that's where he learned it. Yeah. It's a weird time for religion for sure. It's also a weird time for the Jews. I've never seen more anti-Semitism, like openly, public and openly, than now. Just regular anti-Semitism, not even towards these particular Israelis that are bombing Gaza. Just across the board. Yes. As if some 24-year-old kid in New York is responsible for what's happening in Palestine. Just because he has a star, David, on.

Yeah. It's crazy.

It's crazy.

The Internet has also got a group. It's got a group hysteria, like a mob hysteria to it. A hundred %. And then people are just like, Yeah, and get out all your things on that.

A hundred %. That's exactly what it is. And it's also a bunch of people that have been bullied and they've been marginalized, and now they're a part of a team, and then they bully other people. Absolutely. It's that old hurt people, hurt people thing.

It's absolutely. Suddenly, you know what it It feels like to be in a gang, only you don't have to worry about physical repercussions. Exactly. And that's a good feeling.

Power.destroy.

People. You got power.

Yeah. Wild.

It's changed our psychology completely. Ours a little bit, but the people that grew up on it have a whole different psychology. They have a whole different mind than we do.

Yeah, they do. And there's also a lot of really mentally ill people that are addicted to it. Yeah, of course.

Of course. That's a big part of it, right? And you watch them get more and more obsessed each day. You watch them become more and more compulsive and more and more. You see it. I've been over the years. I've seen it with people I've known.

Yeah, they fall apart. I know quite a few people that are really falling apart because of it.

Yeah.

Yeah. Have you ever thought about going to the flip phone?

A flip phone?

Yeah.

I don't even know if I had a flip phone back when they came out. Disconnect.

Like, Dave Vatel, he's all flip phone. He is. Flip phone. When he texted, he had a text. When he was making a text in here, it's like. It takes forever. It takes him forever to write a letter.

I like when that guy, Christopher Nolan, did you see his wife gave that speech when he won the Academy Award this year? No. She gave the speech. She was the producer, I guess, of the movie. She goes, And my husband, who doesn't have a phone, never had a phone, never had a computer. This guy does all these high tech things. He doesn't own a computer or a phone.

Wow. Isn't that weird? It is weird. Tucker Carlson doesn't have a computer either. Wow. He doesn't have a television.

I remember hearing in the '90s, Quentin Tarantido wrote his scripts by hand. Like, he never used even a typewriter or computer. You think a guy like him would be into it?

Well, a lot of people like writing things by hand. In fact, I'm pretty sure JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter by hand.Wow.Yeah. Pretty I'm sure she wrote it by hand. See if that's true. I think she wrote it by hand first and then typed it out later.

I mean, that's so amazing.

I also think that's how Bill Clinton wrote his autobiography. My Life? Yeah, he wrote it. I'm 99% sure he wrote it long. That's crazy to me. Yeah. I wrote first two potters by hand. Wow. And typed them on a 10-year-old typewriter. All a writer needs is talent ink. That's insane.

That is amazing. That's amazing. Hand-drawn plot map for inception.

Wow. That's nuts.Get his thoughts out. That is nuts. Wow. What a psycho. No computer.

That's crazy. And this guy does the most advanced scream. His movies are always like- Maybe that's why.

Maybe he realizes he has more bandwidth for concentrating on something that's really important to him and less room for nonsense.

But those I know. There's a lot of things you think they would give you more time for that thought, but no, he doesn't need it.

Yeah, I think. But I think they also distract you. There's so much distraction online. It's so difficult to do work. I guess if you just choose to not engage in it at all, then you're only concentrating on work because you're not checking your favorite sites. No. You're not seeing what's on YouTube. You're not seeing.

Him and JK Raleigh both go in the magic realm. They're going to another realm, so maybe that's how they get there.

Well, especially JK. She created a whole world.

She really did.

A The whole world of Wizards and Lost Kids and magic spells. Great shit.

Amazing.

Yeah. And now she's in trouble. Oh, God. She thinks men are men and women are women.

I mean, it's just insane that she can actually That's the thing. That's that insane opinion. How dare. How dare she? It's psychotic because she's in real trouble. Everyone's like, Oh, she's not canceled? Yeah. I mean, she's making her money because of her books, but don't act like she's got canceled.

Well, she gets death threats. It's sick. It's weird.

It's a weird time. It's weird.

The weirdest. That's a big part of it. People like that can all get together. People that think that's okay can get together and act as a gang. And everyone's so terrified of them, they just let them do it. And nobody stands up and says, What the fuck are you doing? Everybody's just quiet. Even people that are on the left, they will support the people that are canceling her so that they don't get canceled. You see it happen all the time. Instead of saying, Hey, she's a wonderful person, and she has a right to her opinion. It's a reasonable opinion, in fact.

What are you saying? It's crazy. What are you saying?

It's terrible. Yeah. That's why they're so adamant about getting you to comply. There can't be any debate on it because they know it's ridiculous. So they have to fight you with tooth and nail. Trans women are women. Okay, all of them? Are you sure? Are you sure all of them? Maybe you got a few psychos in there that are pretending? Yeah. No? No? Okay.

It's crazy. Yeah.

And those are the ones that go after JK Rowling, the psychos. Yeah. Yeah. And at least she stands up. That lady's got courage. She's got a lot of courage. Yeah. She won't stop talking about it. I think it probably took her forever to realize this isn't going away. So this is just what it is. Fuck you. That's right. Fuck you. The truth is the truth.

Fuck off.

Fuck off. I had a Riley Gaines on the podcast. Do you know who she is?

Oh, yeah. The swimmer.

Yeah. That's a crazy case.

Yeah.

He just let a guy start swimming with girls because he says he's a girl. And then when he wins, you go, Well, I guess she's the best.

You're like, Excuse me, I got to clean my goggles for a second. I think I saw something.

Do you imagine when we were kids, this ever being a legitimate issue that's national?

But it's just everybody on the sidelines is watching the pool going.

They should all be able to vote. Everyone should vote. One of these things, how many of you think that a biological male should be? If you say yes, and if it wins, then the biological males can complete. That's absolutely right. If everybody says no, no, you can't do it.

But that's the thing. Instead of just saying, Look, we all understand trans people deserve rights. They get abused. We all agree. But You can't be in the swim team with girls.

You can't fight girls.

You can't. You just can't.

You can't play rugby against girls. No. You can't even play basketball against girls. You're too big.

Stop. But saying that is really considered hate speech.

I know. That's what's nuts. But that's where it's anti-science, because if you just want to look at it objectively, if you didn't think of it as a man and a woman, if you just took it like an equation, if you just looked at the numbers that are on one side side of this equation, if you're trying to pretend that these two numbers are equivalent and you look at one of them and it has much greater lung capacity, much stronger heart, denser bones, different hip structure, less susceptibility to ACL tears, different reaction times. If you just looked at just the system, just a system of what it means to be a male human being and compared it to the elite of elite female human beings, you'd go, Oh, this is not an equal. It's not equal.

It's just not equal. I guarantee, here's the sad part also, is I guarantee most trans people feel the same way and they can't say it.

Because they're not trying to compete.

Because they'll be considered sellouts. If they say it in their community, they'll be considered sellouts and they're not allowed to say their opinion. That's what I think.

There's a rift now between a lot of gay people and trans people. That, too. Yeah. But I say even trans. Because a lot of gay people are like, I'm not a girl. I just like guys. They're like, Don't say I'm... And you're encouraging young boys to change their gender, and they're not going to be able to come anymore. If you're encouraging them to get the operation, which is crazy because they're doing thousands of them, you'll never have an orgasm again. They remove your penis. It's gone. They create a vagina. You have to keep it dilated with a thing you stuff up there. Are you sure? Are you sure?

Yeah. Wait till you're 35.

At least.

Where you make those decisions.

If you're a 35-year-old guy and you want to become a girl. God bless you. God bless you.

But That's the thing. I think a lot of trans people agree with all of this.

I think they do, too.

And they know that they're not allowed because they don't want to throw the baby out of the bathwater. And it's like there's a lot of things going on where they're like, why would I sacrifice against my community when I'm just going to get screwed by both sides on it. That's the other thing that goes on with the Internet hysteria is that suddenly, if you deviate it all, you're out in bad standing with everybody.

Yeah. Well, that's a problem with detransitioners. The people that transition and have deep regret They get attacked. They get attacked. It's crazy. Yeah. And then gay people who say that they wanted to be trans when they're younger, but then they realize they're just gay when they're older. And thank God, I didn't do anything. Those people get attacked.

Yeah.

But that's a large number. There was a study about that, about how a lot of the people that thought that they were trans when they were younger, in time, they're just gay. But when there's a thing that you're told, Oh, no, you're this. And then they give you hormones, which adjusts everything, literally changes the way you feel. Sure. For girls to boys, it alleviates anxiety, which is a problem because then you think, This is what I've always been. Because you're taking testosterone. Of course, you're going to feel different. And now you're saying, Oh, this is how I always was. If it is how you always were, you wouldn't have to take this exogenous hormone. That wouldn't be necessary. If you think you're a boy, just be a boy. You might just be a gay girl. And if you think you're a boy and you're a girl, just live your life the way you want to live your life. Absolutely. But if you start injecting things into your body when you're 14 or 15 years old, you'll never be the same again. You don't have a chance at normalcy. It's gone. If you change your mind and one day you decide to have children, you might not be able to.

You might have ruined your voice. You might have changed and masculinized your features permanently, forever. And you might not have really wanted You might have just had anxiety.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 14, even though it's a different thing, but it's the same. They say if you start smoking before you're 18, you have the chance of dying young of lung cancer a thousand different.

That's a year's thing, right? How many years you smoke? Yeah, I mean. It's what year you start, too. The crazy thing is when we were kids, people hadn't really got it in their head that smoking was killing people. Yeah. They fought that so long. They did such a great job bullshitting people. They did such a great job of saying, Yeah, it's probably not that bad for you.

Because smoking looks cool.

It does look cool.

It still looks cool. I see those old French-Italian movies. I'm like, Oh, man, they're living. They're fucking sitting there smoking.

Bad ass. It's also the idea when you know it's bad for you, that this person doesn't care that it's bad for them. They're living for now.

Yeah, well, that's true, too.

That's a person in the moment. Just living for now. Fuck the future.

I remember when I was 11, I wanted to buy a '45 record. I'm from the days, there were '45 records. And I asked my aunt, Can I have a cigarette? Because you had to walk two avenues and each block, three blocks and two avenues, and every block There was a group of kids, also 11 years old, that were up at that hour. Hey, you. That's what you didn't want to hear. Hey, kid. Like, Oh, fuck. So I said, If I have a cigarette, it wasn't lit. And she gave me a cigarette, a tarryton. And I walked down the bar with my cigarette. Nobody was out anyway, but that was my move. That and the Karate Max. Yeah, those are two good moves. And the six judo classes.

Young kid with a cigarette. Look at this dangerous little fucker. He's probably got a knife.

But the Karate Mag, you had to really commit. I literally had to stand on the train like this.

In a horse dance?

Yeah, and stand like this with the magazine open. The train's moving like this, middle of the subway. Who's going to do that?

A karate guy. Yeah. Yeah. Smart. He's definitely better than putting in all that work. You don't want to do that.

Sadly, that's really my motive. Is that of a lazy person?

Yeah. You don't want to get hit in the head a bunch of times. You know how many guys I know can't breathe out of their nose? Fucking large percentage of them.

But how about Owen Smith? He went and got the trophy. That's even better.

That's a smart move. So funny. He's a funny dude, man.

Oh, funny. Just walk on this trophy. He's so funny.

That's so hilarious. Such a funny thing to do. I knew a story about a dude who is a fake black belt. He actually went up killing a guy later on in life.

Wow, he wasn't that fake?

No, it's a crazy story. But the guy was just a compulsive liar, pathological liar. He claimed he was a black belt in some martial art, and a lot of people started getting real suspicious of him. What he did was he made his friend drop him off in the woods, and he brought a duffle bag with him. He said he was entering into a kumate, like a no rules kumate, this karate fight in the woods, and, Come back and pick me up here tomorrow. The guy shows up the next day, and now he doesn't have the duffle bag, but now he has a trophy that's the same size as the duffle bag. He said he won the tournament. He gets in the guy's car and the guy drives him back. He's like, What?

Wow.

He's telling he just made up a karate tournament in the woods and his friend drop him off and then had a bag that he brought with him. He was so not clutch. Brought a duffle bag. What's in the duffle bag? Oh, you know, whatever.

This is a fucking karate tournament. Whatever. My gay.

There's a karate tournament trophy in there.

I guess you tell him, I'm the guy that's like, Yeah, I like that kid. You call him a compulsive liar. I call him a creative thinker who wanted a little credit for his martial arts.

He was apparently, allegedly, banging this guy's wife and found the guy, got the guy in his karate studio and strangled the guy to death, and then was seen driving around in the guy's car and eventually got arrested for it.

Now, wait a minute. He had a karate studio?

Yeah. He was a fake black belt that had a martial arts studio.Oh, my God.Yeah. He actually had some people that trained with him that were legit martial artists that he didn't know. He was just proficient enough in the bullshit and got some guys who actually knew a little bit. Yes.

Right. He's just like, hey, do finger to push-ups for 20 minutes.

I could teach you how to choke a person pretty quickly. It's not hard to teach someone how to do this with your arm and that with your arm. It's just being able to do it to a person is very difficult. But I could show you very quickly how to squeeze it off and you would be really effective at it. And so that's what he did to this guy. He strangled him to death. He got behind him and he just choked him to death. And then he stole his car and just driving around. I don't know what they did with the body. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I remember because we had already confronted that guy on being a fake My friend Eddie actually had a very uncomfortable phone conversation with him while I was with him, where he was like, You're full of shit, man. You're not a black belt. There's no fucking way you're a black belt. Because he was telling him, he did another thing while we were together. Went to Thailand to compete in some mixed martial arts fight, and he had just learned this move called the twister. Very difficult move to pull off.

And he came back and he told Eddie that he won his fight by the twister. And Eddie was like, What? What the fuck are you talking about? How did you do that? You don't know how to do that. You're not good. He had rolled with the guy. He knew the guy was terrible. And he was saying that, Oh, I'm a black belt in Japanese, It's jiu-jitsu. It's different. Okay. But he was like, No, he was incompetent. It was like a white belt on the ground. And so he knew when he said that he won this match, he didn't really go to Thailand. This is fake. This guy's a nut. And so Eddie had separated from him. And then after that, we hear this story that he killed this guy and was driving the guy's fucking Jaguar around town. We're like, holy shit. Wow.

Yeah. Don't you think the compulsive liars? I feel like there's not enough research on what it is because sometimes you'll be like, that's not true. And they look at you and you're not embarrassing them. Part of them believes it's true.

Or they just-They're broken. I think they're broken. They don't care if you feel good or bad. They just want you to buy their story. Yeah. Yeah. They're not really there. They're not really connecting to you.

That's their only mission in life. Sometimes it doesn't even benefit them. And that's the most important thing to them.

Have you read about guys who have pretended to be doctors and set up practices and operated on people?

I went to one. The guy, I went to one. For real? Yeah. This is in the '90s. And I'll tell you, it's all over the paper. Dean, I forget his last name, but he's in prison right now for life. Dean, I'll look it up later. But anyway, somebody tells me I had a cyst on my arm. So they I know a guy that'll take it off. He's a good dermatologist, Dean something. Anyway, so he sets up an appointment and it's on a Saturday at a doctor's Park Avenue. But it's Saturday. I was like, oh, cool. I'm off Saturday. I go over to his office, I walk in. When I think back now, it was like, no receptionist, just him. He goes, Hey, I'm just working Saturday on myself. He goes, I let the receptionist off. I was like, Oh, cool. I go in the office. It's dark, but it's doctor's office. And I guess he worked for the doctor and he had the keys or something. And he slices the thing off. It hurt. It healed very badly, but it healed. But it was not a great job. I remember thinking, I'll never go back to that guy.

He overdid it. The Novocaine was weird, whatever. Anyway, like four years later, Dean Faello, F-A-I-I. I was waiting to make sure it was the right guy.

That's the guy sheds light on botch procedure that left New York woman dead nearly 20 years ago. Oh, my God.

He buried her. He buried her under a concrete slab in his garage. It's a good thing I left on my own of it.

Holy shit. That's the guy. What a psycho.

Yeah. He was like, really? He looked like... He was like, well-quaffed hair and these crazy eyebrows. Is that the guy?

Yeah.

But I knew him 20 years ago. He looked much better. He buried her. Oh, he got out, huh?

I don't know exactly how they were talking to him.

He got out. No, when he was young, that picture doesn't do him justice.

Was he creepy looking? What's that? Was he creepy?

Yeah, you got to see the young when he's young, the picture of when he's young. He looks like, not creepy, but he just looks like he would do it. Yeah, there he is on the left. That's Dean.

Yeah. That's when they caught him.

Yeah. Wow.

Fake Dr. Dean Faello, feared something would go wrong.

Yeah, I went to him. Do you think?

Did he have any medical history?

He must have worked for an office because he had the keys to the doctor's office. He must have been like a receptionist.

He was just a crazy person.

He was a receptionist or something. Yeah.

And what year was this where he's doing all this stuff?

He was from Madison, Jersey. Most likely to succeed by his classmates.

Wow. He worked in construction before being imploded at a day spa, became skilled at hair removal. 1996, he began his own practice. Skin ovations from an office on Park Avenue.

The blood vessel removal, tattoo removal, and this He's selling himself short. He also removed moles. That must have been the office, Park Avenue in 73rd.

So how did she die? How did this lady die?

Let's see.

Lydacane. He had completed the same procedure on Cruz over a dozen times before without her experiencing an allergic reaction to Lydacane. Oh, he was not licensed to perform this procedure. He admitted doing at least 14 times on Cruz alone. He went on to claim that after some time, Cruz had bubbles coming out of her mouth and her body went limp. By his own account, he delayed calling for help, allegedly attempting CPR, but could not get her to start breathing again. He adds that despite being previously certified in electrolysis for hair removal, he didn't have the proper training for what to do when a patient goes into shock. Jesus Christ, what a crazy person. An unverified claim made by Faello, who is not licensed or trained to make medical diagnosis, and claims that he didn't know how to check for a pulse. He admitted walking away while he believed she was dying of shock. Faello later called a doctor he knew personally to explain his version of what happened at Cruise. According to Vanity Fair reporter, Brian Burrow, the doctor told him to either call 911 or rush Cruz to a hospital emergency room. Instead of helping Cruz, Faello shoved Cruz's body into a black suitcase, which had been stolen days earlier from his housemate, Mark Richie.

Fiello claims he put the suitcase containing Maria Cruz in his car and drove straight home. Then he left her in the trunk for two days before finally removing her body into his garage, which was just undergoing renovations. It's unclear whether or not Maria Cruz was still alive when Fielo began to try to cover up his actions. Cruz's wallet and purse were discovered by Fiello's housemate inside a black gym bag placed under a rafter in the unfinished ceiling of the garage in August 2003, just one month after Fielo was kicked out. He later admitted in June 2003, nearly three months after Cruz was killed, that he had buried Cruz's body underneath the garage before pouring cement right before a sale of the house was closed. Boy.

Boy, and see what I said? The numbing agent didn't work.

Meanwhile, that doctor just kept his fucking mouth shut. The doctor he called? Yeah. That doctor never told nobody. Yeah. That's creepy.

That's really creepy.

The doctor never goes, Hey, man, whatever happened that lady?

Yeah.

He didn't even ask. So nobody even knew. And all of a sudden, if that moron didn't leave that gym bag behind, he might have gotten away with it.

He probably would have. I'd be going to him today.

I mean, in 2003, how good were they at catching people? Yeah. Not as good, right? No.

But isn't that funny when I just said that numbing agent didn't work? And he obviously tried to...

Oh, God. Okay. In the aftermath of the call between mutual friend... Oh, the mutual friend of Fiello, he did rat him out. They both realized Fiello lied when he stated he got the woman to medical help and that she was fine. Bach searched the house. Now, Fiello wasn't there. And while looking in the garage, we called Fiello using concrete just before moving out. Batch remembered how uncharacteristically secretive he was about the project and his overreaction when Bach walked in on him pouring concrete. According to the New York State Detective, Lieutenant Lieutenant T. J. Mulrooney, Boc's information gave us the break in the investigation we were hoping for. It was his ex-boyfriend. Oh. Brian Ford received a tip from Faello's ex-boyfriend, Greg Boc. Okay. Okay, so that's who Bach is. Maria Cruz's body was recovered from the property, now occupied by new homeowners. Boy, can they get their money back? I don't want to fucking live in that house. This lady was underneath the garage. You're parking your Honda over a dead lady for months.

Well, think of how many people don't know that that's happened in their whole life.

Yeah, a lot.

Anyway, so that was my guy. Yeah, he was a compulsive life.

Jivreed murder machine. Sure. Yeah.

Those guys were something. Yeah.

Joey Dias turned me on that. That book scared the shit out of me. About Roy DeMayo.

Meanwhile, my friends that grew up around there, they were little kids that were telling me they used to throw snowballs at the old man's bar. That bar. They're like, Ha, ha, ha. They throw snowballs at the old men drinking there.

Meanwhile, they were just slaughtering people.

Yeah, they're throwing little 12-year-old kids like, The old basses. They're throwing Mafia snowballs.

Is the Mafia still a thing?

I mean, it's still a thing, but I don't think it's nothing. I mean, when you think about how important the Mafia was in the '50s and '60s and '70s, even the '80s, but it's insane how much power they had. Vegas. I mean, they probably killed Kennedy. I mean, it had something to do with it. But even if they didn't, they had so much power over so many industries. It was insane.

Well, you got to remember, Kennedy fucked them over. Yeah. Because they got him in.

They helped him win. Yeah, they helped get him in. They helped him win. But they say that. But how much? So they got him in Chicago. You know what I mean? It's a lot. Yeah, I guess so. It was a lot. But I mean, yeah.

And And then he turned on him.

Well, he let Robert turn on him. Yeah. Robert turned on him. Not good. But here's the weird thing. Didn't Robert turn on them in the '50s? I feel like that was before Kennedy was President. But maybe he promised to lay off and then he didn't.

Really?

But I guess that's why I would love to. That's the one thing I'd like to see before I die. I'm sure everybody would. I want those Kennedy papers. I want those papers.

Did you hear what Trump had said about them?

What? That you don't want to see them or something?

Yeah, he said if they showed If they showed you what they showed me, you wouldn't release it either.

But what does that mean? He said he's going to release him. That means they threatened him.

Probably means they threatened him.

What else could it mean? Well, I mean- Because you wouldn't want to release it either. It's like, what? What's going to happen? It's 60 years later.

What could it be? It could destroy the CIA.

Yeah. That's what I mean. That's why he won't release you.

That's why he shouldn't release it. That if you were the President and they told you that, what would you do? You go, well, you know what? The public deserves to know. Let's destroy for the CIA. Or do you say, you know what? We're going to hide this and you're going to give the CIA even more power.

But I'm saying here's the thing. People have killed the President. Whatever this was, 2019, right? Yeah. What you would do is you would say, This CIA was nothing like today's CIA. That was back in 1963. You know what I mean? That's all you would say. You would say that was the terrible time in our history. And thank God, there's been several changes. You know what I mean?

I just don't know if people would accept that.

Except that the CIA has changed?

Yeah, I don't think they would. I think it would open up scrutiny. That would be almost impossible for them to do their job the way they do it right now.

They just changed the name of the organization. They changed. Ims, I-N-S, became ICE, became ASI, you know what I mean?

Change the name of the CIA? How dare you? Yeah. What are you, a Communist?

Change it to the...

It's a central intelligence agency.

I know. I never liked that name anyway. It's stupid. You know what I mean? There's got to be a better name. What do you propose? The United States... Well, let's think of something. It has to be something like the... Overlord?

Overlords.

How about the... That's what they are.

Information Overlords. Let's just cut to the chase. The Information Overlords. We decide what gets out. We find out what's happening.

How about the American Shadow Boys?

I like it. Shadow Boys. Sounds like a cool band. Yeah, that was a cool bluegrass band. The Shadow Boys. Sixth Street. Like something to do with a band, you know what I'm talking about?

They play that shit sixth Street.

Yeah, that sounds like a good band. The Shadow Boys. I like that.

All right. I'm good at band names.

Are you? Give me another one.

I tried to make my nephew back 20 years ago. He was trying to be a band. I said, Call yourselves the You know what? Because that was one of my favorite jokes. Have you heard that parrot joke? Have you heard that parrot joke? What's the parrot joke? The guy buys the parrot. He goes, You don't want to buy this parrot. He's got a filthy mouth. And he goes, I can handle it. The parrot comes home. The parrot goes, Hey, Mister, Mister. He goes, What? He goes, Go fuck yourself. The guy goes, Don't talk to me. That smacks the cage. The parrot Beats up the power, he goes, Don't ever... He goes, I'm not the guy to play with like that. Next day, he comes home. The parrot goes, Hey, Mister, Mister. He goes, What? He goes, Go fuck yourself. He goes, You piece. So smashes. He almost drowns the power. He goes, Next time you tell me to go fuck myself, I'm going to kill you. I I promise you, I'm going to kill you. Next day, he shows up after work. Power goes, Hey, Mister, Mister. He goes, What? Paris goes, You know what?

I forgot that joke. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's what they used to do in the old days. Cat school guys, they just go up there and tell jokes.

There's still guys that do that joke. I hate to say it. I always get jealous because I'm always like, God damn it. They work every time. They're great jokes. All those old jokes, people are like, Oh, that's the joke. It's like, Yeah, and they're great jokes. But we would never do it. We would never lower ourselves.

The weird thing about great jokes is who wrote them? Where did they come from?

I tried to get... I used to live in the same building with Jackie Martling, the joke man. Jackie, the joke man. So one time I go with Jackie, it was like 15 years ago. I go, we're going to do a documentary. We're going to find out all the jokes, where they come from, who wrote them. I said, Because you must know a lot of this because he knows every joke ever written. So I go, You must know some of this. He goes, No, I don't. I go, What? He goes, I don't know any of those. I go, You know all these jokes. Your whole life is built on it. You didn't bother to try to fight. He goes, I have no idea where they came from. So even he doesn't know. That's what I gave up. Isn't that crazy? Isn't that weird that nobody... Some of these jokes were amazing and nobody knows. Nobody knows where any of them came from. It's weird.

It's weird. And some of them are great.

Where did they come from?

And that's also we have that with memes now. And some memes, you know who did it because they put a watermark on it and they post it on their site. Some memes, you get it in a text message chain. Someone just sends you something. You're like, right. And then you send it to your friends and they're like, right. And nobody knows where it came from. And some of are some of the funniest fucking things I've ever seen online. Really funny.

Really funny. Where does it all come from?

Well, you're getting now, especially, especially with memes, you're getting the input of millions of people. And there's so many people out there that could have been comics and just chose not to be. Either they didn't try it and they have a mind for it, but they're funny. And so they get their funny out on the sneak tip. They get their funny out when no one's looking, they take a picture of Taylor Swift, and they do something to it, and they write something underneath it, and they post it up there, and they're like,. And that's how they're doing comedy. They're getting that out in this way. And when you're sourcing from millions and millions of people like we're doing currently, probably more, probably billions of English-speaking people that are contributing to the meme pool of the world. Because you have all these other countries with millions of people. It's probably a billion plus people that are doing that. And they're all online. And out of those, you're going to get a few thousand hilarious people that have never done stand-up and could be a Dave Attell. They just never did it.

That's right.

Yeah. I mean, those minds exist.

I used to have a few friends that were really funny. We had this friend Al. Our friend Al worked in an ambulance. He would come home every night. And remember, he would have an experience every night because he's in an ambulance. He would come back and tell us stories. And people would be the next day and we'd be crying because every night, the way he told, he was a funny guy. And he would just talking about all the abuse he took as this driver. So I pull up and he was that guy. Like you said, he could have been a great comic.

Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that. The funniest guy I ever knew who wasn't a comic was a guy I worked for. He was a private investigator. His name was Dave Dolan. He used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. He'd leave messages on my voicemail. I still have a phone number that I haven't gotten rid of. I have this the phone because it has a voicemail on it from him before he died. And he was a private investigator. He lost his license, drunk driving. And so he needed someone to be his driver. So he put an ad in the newspaper for a private investigator's apprentice. I was like, Oh, I'll try that. I needed some other a job to just sustain myself. I was trying to make a living doing standup. And so I drove this guy around for six months until he got his license back. And we did a lot of private investigative work. And you would just make you laugh. Oh, my God. He was hilarious. He was He was so funny. He was so funny about everything. He was always funny. He was just on. Everybody he talked to, they just start smiling the moment they start talking to this guy.

He was a charming dude. He was smart as shit. He was just very, very funny. I would be crying. I remember telling my girlfriend at the time, I came back, we went out to dinner that night and we were eating and I was like, I'm not anywhere near as funny as this guy. He doesn't even want to be a comedian. No. Because I was an open micer at the time. I was just starting Harding.

They're just funny.

He was just funny. I mean, just the fucking guy had a funny take on everything. Yeah, same with- He was a drunk, but he quit drinking like that. Never went back to it, never fell off the wagon, was getting hammered every night, and then went to nothing, and still had the sensibility of a hilarious guy at the bar. He still act like a drunk. He was stone cold sober. He had no filter. Dick Dolan.

Yeah.

Dynamite Dave Dolan.

Al Cantor, same That's the thing. Yeah.

Funiest. Those guys are out there.

Those guys just would come out and just roll. 20 new minutes a day.

It always makes me think about that Billy Joel song. I'm sure that I could be a movie star if I could get out of this place. Sing us a song of a pianoman. There's a lot of people out there that just never tried it, never went for it, never tried to do something.

And there's a million things to get in a way. Have you ever heard of Forrester syndrome?

No.

I was looking up the origin of knock-tock jokes, and this popped up in this article that said, In Europe, incessant wordplay became treated as a psychological condition.

Oh my God. Jamie's got to go to a hospital. Manic punning. People that were compulsively punning. That's Tony Hinchcliff. Tony Hinchcliff would 100% get locked up.

Compulsive punning in inappropriate jokes was known as Forrester syndrome in the 1920s or '30s. I love it, Forrester syndrome.

I guess that's back when people needed to go to work. There was only work. Joking. Hold on. Sorry. Joking just got in the way of things. Well, especially In 1929, Austrian psychoanalyst AA Brill was exploring a malady termed Witzelschöcht. How do you say that? Yeah, that sounds good. Witzelschöcht. Witzelschöcht. An addiction to wise cracks, according to psychology a German neurologist, Autrid Forster, identified manic punning in what eventually became known as Foster syndrome. Wow.

And then I guess people got tired of it. They lumped knock-knock jokes in there because It was like in the radio in the '30s, people were like, knock, knock jokes were everywhere in clubs. By the way, would this not be a great movie?

Yeah, it would be a great movie. Okay, so we all agree basically that the first real stand up in terms of the way we do it was Lenny. Lenny Bruce. Yes. He was the first. So he was the first guy to just talk about stuff. Game change. Yeah. Just talk about stuff and make it funny instead of just have a series of jokes that anybody could tell.

Well, not anybody, but right. Yeah.

But you know, like cat's killed guys. So many of them were just joke tellers. Yeah.

No, he was a game changer.

Yeah. Who have you seen live? Who did you get this chance to see live? Did you see prior live?

No. Never. I had Carlin on Tough Crowd. Oh, really? That was fun.

Oh, wow. That must have been awesome.

That was really awesome. My whole, all my family. My family never really come to show. I'm from New York, so my cousins, everybody, they've been in my shows over the years, but this is already a hundred years. They're not going to come. I forget how I knew, but I told them the whole stands, there was 40 or 50 of my family, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts, my aunts, who's calling for Irish people of a certain... That routine he did was like... It's the first time it was a comedy have that power. They would just listen to it and just laughed over the Catholic school experience that traumatized them. And this guy did 13 minutes explaining it. That's all it was, 13 minutes, and it changed their whole lives. And so they all showed up. And it was just a really power. And he was said hi. He understood. He went out there and was like, Hey, how are you doing? It was really interesting.

Look at little skinny Jim. A little young, baby-face Colin Quinn.

Jim demanded to be on that show, by the way. He loves Colin.

Oh, yeah. Look at nick DiPaolo. Oh, yeah. Young and handsome. Oh, yeah. Greg Giraldo. Yeah. That was a great show. Do you think you'd ever redo that show? Would you ever want to?

No, we talked about this last time. I feel like it was what it was at the time, and it's just...

But you were so good as a host. Thanks. Have you thought about doing something like that? Will you host something with comics?

Well, I did this cop show on YouTube. It was basically like a law and order show, and I started having comedians on it, and I was planning on making it I would have Jim on, but the plot would involve insulting him and attacking him. And then Bobby Kelly came on, and he's dressed as a villain, and he's complaining about me putting him in this women's outfit. And Keith Robinson. So it became like, that's what I would do. But I ran out of money. But I did a bunch of those cop show type things.

I think Top Crowd, in a lot of ways, was the beginning of podcasting. Yeah, I think a combination of the Opey and Anthony show and Tough Crowd. Because those are the first places where comics got together and just talk shit. And be themselves. And talk shit to each other, and we're rifting and laughing at each other and having a good time together. You saw the camaraderie, which you didn't really see that with comedians. You saw them on stage by themselves telling their routine. You never saw them sitting down together like that. No.

It was definitely an interesting thing, but I thought I would it in that form, the cop shit thing, because that was more, you could still do it and you could make fun of the culture at the same time. It was another way of doing it. But anyway, I did that for a while. But that show was groundbreaking because you guys would cover cultural issues, current news events, things that were happening.

You get all these comics, have a take on things.

And then trash somebody's personal life, too, in the middle of it.

And there's clips on Instagram. There's this one channel that has all tough crowd clips. You go and watch it, you go, Oh, my God, these guys are being in so much trouble today.

Oh, we'd be gone. Even back then, we got in trouble.

I know, but it's just crazy. I mean, we're talking like, tough crowd ended 2000, what?

2004. 2004. 20 years.

Wow. 20 years ago. Isn't that crazy? That's 20 years ago. Oh, God.

Boy, it makes no sense.

Time is just a motherfucker, isn't it?

It's ridiculous.

It's So quick. It's terrible. It's so long and yet so quick. So much experience, and yet it just all happened just a little while ago. Jesus. But so long ago. 20 years is a long, long time.

It's insane to me. It feels like it was yesterday. It feels like it never happened. It feels like both. It feels like it was just recent and it never occurred. It's a movie I watched. Right.

If you watch it, you won't even remember what you said.

And you think about Giraldo and Patrice, these guys had long gone.

Want to hear a crazy Giraldo story? Sure. This is really weird. I went to a movie recently, and I'm leaving the movie theater, and I went into the bathroom. As I'm leaving the bathroom, this guy walks in and he recognizes me. He said, Hey, what's up? I go, What's up? I thought it was Greg Giraldo for one second because he was taller, but he looked exactly like a young Graldo. My brain, I didn't expect to see him. And so I opened the door and this guy's there and he says, What's up to me. And I think he recognizes me because it's like, No, Greg's dead. That's crazy. And this isn't Greg. This is crazy. And I'm like, Hey, what's up, man? How are you doing? Nice to meet you. So I recover and I walk out and then I'm like, Oh, my God. I tell my wife, I said, I just thought I saw a dead friend of mine. For one second, I thought it was him. I know it sounds crazy, but I was so happy to see him for that one second before I realized.

It's like a dream.

It was horrible, but it was great. It was like for that one second, it was great because I was like, Greg. But it wasn't him.

And they're gone forever.

He was on the same set as me when I was doing news radio. So we were doing news radio at one of the buildings, and his building was right next door when he was doing his sitcom. So we would always hang out together in the parking lot and talk shit and watch Joey Lawrence get into his car.

I mean, that's his great, right? Remember Joey Lawrence? When you see, of course.

Yeah, he had a sitcom there, too.

Yeah, they had a big scandal recently, some child molestive thing, right? What? Who did? Lawrence Brothers. Really? I thought I saw something.

For real? I didn't hear about that. Yeah, I think they were involved in that, maybe. What is it?

I don't know because there's also a lawsuit about one of the things. I don't know if it's that. Sorry. There's a lawsuit about one of those now.

I don't know the story. Google that. I haven't heard that story at all, but he would play his own music in his car.

Joey. He had a Mercedes.

He plays his own music, rocking out. Must have been fun. He'd be a beautiful, handsome 19-year-old with a sitcom. He's probably like 19, 20 years old. Probably that older than that. Just playing his own music in his car. I was like, Look at this guy.

I love it when you run into another comedian, when you're involved with non-comedy things. Yes.

Matthew Lawrence. That's what it was. My agency fired me after I refused to take my clothes off for an award-winning director. Right. Whoa. So they were involved in the victim side of it?

Yes. He was supposed to be like a superhero movie, one of these things.

Oh, Jesus Christ. It's creepy when you find out how much of that stuff is real.

Yeah, it is.

The more they unveil, the more stories come out.Un Unbelievable.Kids, Nickelodian. Like the Nickelodian guy.

The Nickelodian thing I was watching that.

Doesn't it make sense, though? If you were a fucking creep, you'd want to work with kids. There's been many times in my life where I've been propositioned to get a huge role, Lawrence says in the podcast, I lost my agency because I went to the hotel room where the actor ledges a prominent director showed up in his robe, asked me to take my clothes off, said he needed to take Polaroids of me, and said, If I did X, Y, and Z, I would be the next Marvel character. Holy fuck. Yo. If he's telling the truth. Yo.

Yeah.

You know who else was on the set? Lenny Clark. Oh, he was? Yeah. Lenny Clark was on that show with... What the fuck was his name? He played a Judge. He used to be on the- Harry, Harry, something.

Anderson.

God damn it. He had a show. The show was his name.John Larrachet.Yes, the John L'Arquette. Yes, the John L'Arquette Show. Pull up the cast of the John Larrachet. The Ked Show.

Did you ever hear that story about Lenny Clark? When he first got a sitcom in the '80s? I saw him out there in '91, whenever it was.

There it is. Look at Lenny. I knew Lenny because the second time I ever got paid to do stand-up, I opened for Lenny. Lenny is like, Ked, you're hilarious. He gave me all this great advice. I was like, holy shit. Lenny Clark from HBO. He said I'm funny. He laughed at me. This was amazing. Years later, it was five, six years later, Lenny and I are working on sitcoms on the same lot, just right next to each other.

But the story is when he got his own sitcom, Lenny, back in '91. He went to the bank and he says, I went to the bank. I think he told me the story. Maybe I heard it on a show. But he goes, and they go, Well, Mr. Clark, you can't buy this house. We need this collateral. He goes, Here's my collateral. He showed him a TV guide. He was on the cover. On the cover of a TV guide, back when that was a good thing.

He got robbed. He did? Yeah, his agent. He was a part of, I think it was the Star Agency.

I don't believe that. An agent, Robin? No.

I know. Crazy. But I think this one person got like Jerry Seinfeld. Wait.

I knew those guys. Of course.

You know that story?

Spotlight. Yes, that's it.

Yeah. Not Star. Spotlight.

Spotlight, yeah. They fucked everybody. Oh, yeah.

They were- They stole millions of dollars, right? What ever happened with all that?

I don't know, but I think they were very connected in certain areas.

From what I heard. Yeah. So nothing happened. Not good.

Nothing happened. Damn. Yeah.

Got robbed.

Yeah.

A lot of people lost money. It was like a Bernie Madoff type deal, almost.

That's right. For Comedy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's-We'll handle your money, Colin.

Don't worry about it, Colin. We'll handle your money.

I mean, we were so stupid. And I remember Brett Butler telling me, Look at these assholes. Talk about Spotler. These guys come in here to hit it, rob us. And I go, I was thinking like, what do you have to... They're our friends. We see them every night at the club. Why would you think they hit it, rob? They're doing business. They take that percentage. That's what I was thinking. Meanwhile, six months later, I'm like, oh, shit. They came right in. They'd come to the... Because that's what's so great when people are robbing you is they're coming in friendly. They're hanging out with you as friends. They're going to the diner. They're bringing all that human being shit, and then they fucking rob you the whole time. They're sociopaths.

Yes. Sociopaths are amongst us.

They're sociopaths.

They do exist.

They do. And many of them are successful in business.

Well, we talked about them last night, like joke thief sociopaths. There's a bunch of them, too. Yes, that's right. They're sociopaths. That's what it is. That's how they can do They disassociate themselves from what they're doing.

The same thing with those pathological liars. That guy, Dean, he didn't think he was going to kill her. He's helping her. They're not thinking. I mean, they know they have to cover it up. Same with joke They don't think they're joke thief. They're like, No, I'm inspired.

Or they think everybody does it, or they think everybody's influence. What was the story with the spotlight? Can you find that? What did they do? How did they steal the money?

I don't even think it became a thing. I think it was just we knew about it. I bet it's not even an article.

So they were connected?

Is that what the deal is? That was the word, and it seemed like when I looked back, I'm like, Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Shady. They were just… So much shady. I knew them all. I see them all the time. They were just…

Shady motherfuckers hanging out with you.

I remember the lead. I don't remember his name, but he looked just like… Remember that movie Angel Heart when De Niro plays Louis Cipher, Lucifer? He looked like him. Yeah.

You ever hear that Zack Bryant song, A Damn Coldampires?

No.

It's a great fucking song. It's about that. It's a great song. It's about the industry. It's Cold, Damn,ampires is the name, but he says, These damn cold,ampires is the song. It's trying to build an empire off the things that they can take.

Yeah.

It's all it is. They're building an empire off of other people's work. All they're doing is just.

I guess other people are, but comedians are really the easiest because we're not business people. We don't have a business mind. Right. It's like they look around, they go, and they probably think to themselves like, Hey, if they want, like any thief thinks, if it was that important to them, they wouldn't leave it out there. So just take it. They didn't ask about the check. Take it. Because we get sidetracked and we all have some...

Well, Well, if you're in a corrupt business and everybody else is corrupt, too. And in show business in the early days, it was all corrupt. It was all mob run. Everybody was in couture.

Everybody was Robin, yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. It's crazy. Wild business. Yeah. But, yeah. So the Greg Graldo thing was like, Greg and I would just hang out in the parking lot all the time. I knew him in New York, but I really got to know him on the set. He was a great guy. Some guys, when they die, you just go, no, just no, no, no, no, no He was a great guy. Yeah. Did you know Brody?

Yeah. Brody Stevens? I knew Brody when he worked at the cellar. He used to be the Barker at the cellar when we had to drag people in the cellar.

He was the Barker. He'd be great at that.

He was great at it? Yeah.

Yeah, he was a good dude, too. He was another one. When he went, I was like, no. Just no.

I know. What did he die of? Suicide. Oh, no.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh, my God.

That's one where you just go, maybe if you saw him the night before, gave him a hug and told him how funny he was, how much you love him, maybe he would have helped a little. You always think things after the fact. But he had gone through some episodes where he would go off his medication. He'd get a little crazy, then he'd get back on. And then every now and then, he'd just catch that groove, and he'd be on stage, and he would be on fire. I remember one time I was at the Improf, and it was a late, late show. It was like a 10:00 PM show. I think my spot was 11:30. So I do my spot, and the show's over. It was fucking 80 people in the crowd. It's one of them deals. And then Brody is going to close the show, and they introduce Brody. Brody takes his shirt off, and he's swinging it around overhead with music. They're playing music. He's swinging around and walking through the crowd. He's like, Energy, positive energy. He's swinging his shirt around, and he goes on stage, and he starts playing drums on the stool, and everybody's going crazy.

Brody, and then he goes into his material, 818 till I die, and everybody's dying. I mean, he just took over the room. I remember saying, he does so many of these late night sets that he just comes on with his big energy and he just recharges the whole room. Everybody loved Brody.

That's the... Yeah, that's like, well, let's say, Chris Fawley thing where they were just coming and change the energy.

Change the energy of the room. The whole energy was just like, whoa.

It's like you can't pull it off unless you're them. If you say, I'm going to be that guy, and you try it, after 30 seconds, you just fade. Yes. They just brought more out in that. They just organically that way.

Exactly.

Yeah. Like you said about dickless Dave. Yeah. Same thing. He comes in, people start smiling.

Yeah. Totally could have been a comic.

Yeah.

It's interesting how few people go down the path. It's just such a weird... If you're going to really... If you want to be successful in life, it's not a good road.

No. There's so many weird obstacles to it that it's crazy. And you really have to get hardened. It It's like every other business, I'm sure you're successful. A little bit of your innocence about humor has to die, too, because you have to really... It's a business for you, too. And as much as we love it, and I love watching comedians and being a comedian, and I love watching comedians doing their bits and working it out. It's still you have to really be tough. You have to be tough to be a comedian.

Something in you has to be able to tolerate a lot of shit. Yes. That's for sure. You got to be able to tolerate bombing, tolerate bad nights. This is everything.

If you can tolerate bombing, that's people's biggest fear.

Yeah, you can tolerate a lot in life.

That's your people's biggest fear. We've literally had to stare in the face of a bomb Boy, at times that anybody can imagine. I mean, it's literally been over a hundred times in my life where I've had people hating my guts over a hundred times.

A whole group of people. Everyone's Worst Fear.

Yeah.

What year did you start?

'84. Wow.

So you were in the boom boom. I came in '88, which is a little after the boom. Yes. The boom was dying off when I started. That's right. But that boom in '84 must have been bananas.

Well, for me, I was new, so we didn't even think of it. We just thought, Oh, this is how life is. Right. And suddenly, two years in, you're making money. You're not a lot of money. It wasn't like boss. I always say, we're talking about last time, how my clock paid real money and all the guys were getting Robin us. But It was such an exciting... I mean, just imagine. I tell people, I'm a comedian. They go, What? You're a comedian? What? It would just blow people's minds that you were in comedy. And then a few years later, people were like, Oh, my cousin's a comedian. But at the time, it was blowing people's minds.

Did they have open mics when you started?

Oh, yeah. That's the only way we get on.

Where'd you go?

Where was the first place? The Paper Moon. There's a place called the Paper Moon. Eddie Brill was running this place. Yeah. So Paper Moon, we started working out there. I started working out there and weasled my way into it and started working out. And I would bring crowds. Where was the Paper Moon? I was a good bringer. I'd bring all my friends because I grew up in New York. So my friends would show up.

Where was the Paper Moon?

It's where the Boston Comedy Club became. Oh, wow. The same club? Downstairs.

It was really cool. The Boston Comedy Club was a great spot.

We were so innocent. We just thought we had a sound guy and we're like, Hey, we're going to do film. We try to do films. Everybody's so innocent.

I'd never want to do it again, but I'm glad I did it.

Yeah.

Imagine starting something like that from scratch. Imagine at your age, trying a new thing.

People do that. It's crazy.

How do you have the energy?

I guess it's their dream. What you said is exactly right. The energy to sustain all those drives to bomb for bad money. And then, like you said, you had a day job.

And also- I had a day job, too. You had to make it because you didn't have any options.

Yeah.

The only way you were going to make it is if you had options. My friends that all kept a full-time job and didn't give up on that job never made it as a comic. I don't know one who kept the full-time job and then got to a certain point in time where they could retire from the job and then maintain the same level of comedy as their peers. Yeah. No one did.

But a lot of people didn't make it, and they were funny. Yeah. But there's so many layers. I guess every job is like this, but we just know it from comedy.

Well, it's just interesting talking to someone like you that I've known for so many years. I think I first met you 30 years ago. It's like we've known each other for so long. You need to think about how wild this ride we're on is.

Yeah.

It's crazy. It's crazy. It really is. And what's crazy with your doing that I think is really interesting is you're still doing stand-up, but you've also decided to do these one-man shows. Right. And they're fucking amazing. Thanks. Do you plan these? When you decide to make one, the most recent one. Do you have a theme in mind when you sit down?

Well, what happened with this thing I just did was I had a theme in mind and it just wasn't going the way I wanted. Then I said, I saw these psychiatrists, and I go, Oh, that's my theme. I want to do it in front of psychiatrists. Then the theme, the show was built around psychology and how we've cracked up as a society based on social media and everything else. Two psychiatrists. I'm performing to them, but they set the theme. They made the theme exist by me thinking about performing for them.

When you first set out to write this set, you decided you were going to do it in front of psychiatrists?

No, I tried to do something else, and it wasn't working. Then the theme was going to be, I don't know what the theme was going to be, like small talk at one point, then social media. Then I happen to accidentally do a show with four psychiatrists who were in the audience together. I kept referencing back to them. Then suddenly I was like, That's what I want to do, a show in front of psychiatrists.

So how far into the creation of the set were you?

I mean, probably 50%, but it all connects to psychiatry because it's all psychological. That's amazing.

That's amazing. And the ones you've done before.

Yeah. Those are a theme.

How do you do it? Do you sit down and just write it all out on a computer?

No, I go out. The Constitution show is a perfect example. I went every night to the Creek and Cave in Long Island City, and Rebecca directed it. So every night I go because I was like, I want to do a show at the Constitution because everybody loves the Constitution on every side of every issue. Everybody's like, Constitution is a great document. So I just wanted to do a whole show on the Constitution. Yeah, why is it great? And so I just would work it out of Creek Cave all the time, just in front of four people, seven people. Rebecca will tell you, 10 people. There was never I never did it in front of more than 12 people, probably. Wow. And eventually began the show.

So you just didn't announce that you were doing it. You just show up and do it?

I announced it. People just didn't show up for it. Really?

No way.

I've never been a giant drawer. I'm really a comics comic. If the whole world was comedians, I'd be selling that stadium.

That's what I'm saying, dude. You're one of the best comics alive. You really are. But I'm only for comedians. I'm trying to talk you in a stand tonight. I didn't really know that I needed to coax you last night. I just didn't want to bother you.

No, I was just being like...

I would have coaxed you. Now I know. I'm going to coax you from now on.

I was being the guy to psych.

Now you're in trouble. I don't care if you're tired, if you just ate. You're going on stage now. Now I know the game. I didn't know the game. I thought you just wanted to hang out because I do that.

I didn't want to bump people.

When I come to clubs, a lot of times I just want to hang out.

I just didn't want to bump people.

There was no bumping.

I know, but I thought Ron, my was coming. I thought he was coming in. I didn't want to be like the guy to jump in.

Come tonight. Come tonight.

Maybe if I could change my flight. Change that, fucking. Let's see if I can change it.

We'll change it.

We'll get a guy.

Maybe tough. What? Where are you going again?

Seattle.

Everybody's going to Seattle. Yeah, that's true. They get free needles. It's a good spot. If you get the right time, they might take over the whole CD block. You get to be a part of that.

They did again in Portland.

Did they do it recently? Yeah. Another one?

Portland just did another one. They took over something. It's all over the news today.

Oh, didn't get the love that one place did. What did they call it again, Jamie?

The Zone. No, the Chop, No.

Yeah, something like that. Something Zone.

Chaf.

Chaf?

Chad. Chad. No. Chaz. Chaz. Yeah. C-h-a-z? Yeah.

Like Chaz Bono. Yeah. That's what it was. It was like the Chaz. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Capitol Hill occupied protest.

That's where the club is.

I taught him a song. I taught him a song.

I taught him a song.

Remember the fucking mayor got on TV and said, Maybe it's a summer of love? Like, Okay, baby.

What? And then they pulled him. Was he the one they pulled off? Was a girl. Was a lady. And then the guy from Portland was trying to join in and they pulled him off. Oh, yeah.

They lit his house on fire. They said, You have to resign. This is a comedy. Yeah, because he tried to go along with them. Then he's like, You know what? This is bullshit. We need cops. Like, Yeah.

Now you know?

You didn't know before you needed cops. You're the fucking mayor? Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Not good, kids.

Well, we'll see. If I could change my flight, I'll come back.

Change your fucking flight. God damn it, Colin Quinn.

What's up, Austin? I got to practice. Oh, there it is.

2024 cycle. This is amazing. Yeah. This is amazing. I love the set, too. It's fucking perfect.

Yeah. You know those gigs they have the band?

Yes. Oh, man. You know? What is this on? Is this on Netflix? Youtube. Youtube. Beautiful. It's out right now. It says, what is it called? Colin Quinn.

Our Time is up. Our time is up. Therapists always go, Our time is up. Bam.

Beautiful.

Do you think that was a good name? Or should I have called it? I was going to call it 50 Minute Hour. They say that about therapy, too. That's not bad. This guy's a therapist. You believe it?

Yeah. Is that guy a therapist?

This guy's a world therapist. Really? Yeah. I don't know why they have to blur out my sneakers.

Why they blur out your sneakers? Is it the brand? For real?

I don't know.

Who blurted it out? You saw that, too, right? Yeah. Who blurt it out? That's ridiculous.

It looks like something's blurted out. It's not the sneakers. It's something at that part of the stage. Oh, maybe it's the lighting or something.

That's weird. It makes it more weird to blur it out. That's weird.

Maybe it'll be good.

Colin Quinn, you're the fucking man. You, too. Yeah, it is the light. It's the way the light is shining on the speaker. Oh, it's not a blur. It looks like it's a blur. It's just the box.

It's just the monitor. Thanks. Well, I'll probably see you tonight.

Hopefully. Please come.

If you guys can do it, I'll do it.

We'll make it happen. We'll make it happen. Maybe. Tell everybody where they can find everything. Youtube. It's colonquin. Com. You can find me on YouTube.

That's it. Colin Quinn. Com or YouTube.

What is your Instagram?

I am colonquin.

Okay, beautiful. Thank you, brother. Appreciate you. Thank you. Fun. Very fun. Always. Bye. Thanks..