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Dear my brother, my man. Let's go, Rogan.

We've had a million conversations like this in the green room. We've already done like a thousand podcasts.

This is my every night right here.

We need a fucking studio in that club. Well, you know, we need to put a podcast studio in that club. I've been thinking about it, but, like, we don't have the space for it.

Yeah, where would it go?

It wouldn't go anywhere. There's no place. There's no.

We have.

We used. It's like very efficient. We have all the space.

Yeah, the end.

But I think what we need is a apartment. We need an apartment close. So we could just go right over. Go right over, like, go apartment that's just set up as a studio. When you get in there, it's just all studio.

That would be nice, Joe.

Yeah, because there's so many apartments that are available in that area, right? Yeah, Jamie just got one.

Let's go, Jamie.

Next door. So I don't have a neighbor. Oh, that's not a bad idea. How far away are you from my club? Two blocks. Oh, let's go. Is the next door neighbor open? I think they all are. Oh, that'd be perfect.

Give you the keys, which you see my view.

Oh, that's what I want. I want a view like that. Because, like, how dope would that be? Late night, all of us chilling windows, see the city. I was gonna do that in downtown LA.

Really?

Yeah, but then I went to downtown LA.

I'm like, oh, my God.

And I brought my family and I brought my daughters when they were young, and I was like, oh, my God, am I gonna have to kill somebody? It was crazy. This is pre pandemic, man. This is before the shit hit the fan. I'm like, people were just pissing all over the place. It smelled terrible. There's some really good donut place that's in downtown LA. So we were like, let's go get some donuts. Let's get crazy.

Yes.

Just go find. So we wound up going to the one in Pasadena because there's. Or Glendale. There's one. There's one somewhere else. There's one somewhere else. It's also like that, and we want it. Silver Lake might be something. It was a lot of hippies. It was like the total opposite. I'm taking hippies all day. I'll take like, you know, woke people with fucking green hair all day.

All day over.

I am legends, bro. Full on.

I am legend.

Full on. I am legend. Yeah. Yeah.

To go down there and get a donut, though, is. It's worth it. La donuts are the best. It's not even fucking close, really? I think so. Kind of like a New York bagel. It's something about certain breads, I feel like in certain places that hit different, bro.

When crispy creams coming out of the dump, right out of the oven, it's hard to fuck with anything else. Nothing but those glazed ones, the maple glazed, when they coming right out. Oh. Oh, Joe. So good. Are so good.

You fucked me up, though. I haven't had bread, Joe. I haven't really had bread. I mean, maybe twice since we did the carnival.

Good.

Maybe twice good, Jeffrey.

Every now and then it's okay. Every now and then it's okay. The real problem is when it becomes a part of your diet. When it's a normal part of your diet. When I eat a piece of pizza, my body's like, yo, what are you doing? Like, relax. We're having a drink. Have a pizza. Come on. And then I don't eat for a while, let it clear out of my system. And then I go back to eat and clean. But if you have that as a normal part of your life, it's just like all these things compound, right? You know, you smoke too many blunts. That compounds you, you know, eat too much bad food that come out. Look at that. Right out of you. Jamie, what are you doing? Did you post this? Oh, my God. Look at that. That is just diabetes and food form. Just makes me want to feel sick. Like, I'll take that temporary mouth plate for hours of feeling like dog shit.

Yeah. Yeah, Joe. Oh, it feels so good. Yeah, the bread thing. Joe. This was the first time in my life I hadn't had hot Cheetos every day.

Would you prefer hot Cheetos over Takis?

Cause I know a lot of people love takis. I'm a. I'm a. That's the black in me, I think. Cause I'm a hot Cheetos. Mexicans love the Takis. They love the taki.

You know, I really like them crunchy Cheetos. Some little tinier ones, the more crunchy ones. What are those called?

To me, those are the regulars. And then you got the puffs. I'll fuck with a puff.

Oh, I thought of. When I think of Cheetos, I always think of puffs.

Interesting. I think of the ones you're thinking of. The little ones that are, like, harder.

Yeah, yeah, I like those.

Yeah, I've had them every day of my life, Joe, until you said, hey, let's do the carnivore diet. Fucking 33.

That's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. You should be eating that, you know, Fritos, those little corn chips. Yeah, we use those to start a fire. In Alaska. We were camping.

Yeah. What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of the dudes that works for my friend, Steve Ranella, told us that they're very flammable. I'm like, really? And so we used that to start a fire. We were in Prince Edward's island, which is Prince of Wales island. Which one? Prince Edwards. Which one's the one in Alaska? Prince Edwards. Prince of Wales. What is that? I don't even know if that's a real place. Prince Edwards right. Canadian province. Oh, what's the one in Alaska? Might be right next to Alaska, though. No, it's not. That's the complete opposite side. What is the one that's in Alaska. What was the other one you said? It's not Prince Edward's island. Really? That's what the map said.

Fuck.

I can't remember the island anyway. The island in Alaska? Well, Google, because it's one of the most rainy places on earth. Brian Cowan and I did a tv show from there with. With meat eater. But it rained for seven, eight days. Whatever the fuck we're there for. Rained every day, all day. What's that? Prince of Wales. Okay. It's Prince of Wales. It rained every day, and one day it didn't rain for like, 10 hours. We're like, dude, we're gonna start a fucking fire. We're gonna figure out how to start a fire. And so we got, like, sticks and shit. Like, that's under everything else. So everything got rained on. Oh, is there a video of it? Yeah. Cuz we didn't film us doing this, but fritos are so covered in life stealing oil that they act like a fire starter, man. Look at this. They're great fire starters. Like, if you want a barbecue and, you know, you don't want to go buy. You ever seen those things? Tumbleweeds? You know what a tumbleweed is?

No, sir.

Tumbleweeds are these little. It's like, little shaved pieces of wood that's, like, bundled up together. And they must be soaked in some kind of flammable liquid. But if you want to start, like, a grill, you put one of those bitches down, then you put some sticks around that and light that little tumbleweed and whoo. You're good to go. And then you start stacking logs. Yeah, but you can use Fritos instead.

That's my point.

You don't need those tumbleweeds. Probably won't be as flammable, but that shit can't be good.

And I'm eating that shit.

Fritos are delicious.

They're fucking great. Put a little chili on them. Come on. Duck the chili powder with Marley.

What are those? Chilies where people add fritos. They add fritos to the chili.

People do that all the time. Yeah, I like that. I like the crunch. Mmm.

Little crunch is good. Just full experience, right? The tangy, the spicy little cheese in there.

Yo, how the fuck are you not fat, dog? You got it in you. You supposed to be fattest shit brocks.

Just discipline. I get fat. I'm pretty lean right now. Now I'm under 200, which is rare.

Wow.

I'm, like, 197, which is nice. But I've just been real clean on the diet the last few weeks. Last few weeks, I just. I started getting a little fat. I started feeling a little bit of this, and I start paranoid. My gut starts sticking out. I would get it straight to the gut. Cause I have pretty thick abs, too.

Yeah.

So any fat that goes on top of this shit right here, it's a barrel. Yeah. It gets gross and it pokes out right here.

Yeah.

And just starts looking gross. I just see weakness when I see myself in the mirror. I'm like, you weak bitch. You weak bitch. You can't stop eating spaghetti. I eat so much food, bro. I eat so much food. It's crazy how much I eat. I eat. I'm a glutton. Like, a real glutton, man.

I've seen you put it down, brother.

Bro, I'll eat two pizzas. I'll eat two pizzas. I'll eat that whole pizza. There's another one right there. It's warm. Is it warm? I'll just go right in on that pizza. I'm not hungry. I'm not hungry. It's just gluttony.

I've seen you take down so many golden diaper burgers, Doug, when you get going, bro?

That one time we went out, I ate four of them. I had four double cheeseburgers. Gordon Ryan was freaking out. Gordon Ryan was with me. He's like, how the fuck are you eating? I'm like, dude, when I get going, the wolf comes out.

Oh, yeah.

The wolf just wants. The wolf just wants to keep eating. You gotta keep that motherfucker in his cage.

Yeah, you can go, bro. We start. That's my favorite, Joe. When Joe starts drinking in the green room. When Joe starts drinking, nigga. Oh, you get going, baby.

We start talking shit.

Oh, it's the best. You start dancing. Oh, bro, it's over.

Who has more fun than us? Who has more fun than us?

Nobody, bro.

We're dancing. We're dancing, like, all the time. No self consciousness. Everybody's just having a good time.

Oh, it's my favorite.

God, it's the best place in the world.

Oh, the music's going. Oh, the tunes are going, and everybody's going up. And you're coming in from a set and you're coming. Everybody's already dancing and shitting on, you know, Brian for saying something crazy. You know, Tony's just roasting him and you're dying and you're like, this is the best night of my life, bro.

I love when Brian comes off stage and he walks in the room, he goes, whoa. Cause you know, we just laid it down. Oh, my God, bro. When he was doing that wap bit, when he was. When he really tightened up, that bit, when it was just a. That bit was just assassination. That was bit. That bit was one of those bits where I would go out there and just sit and watch it. I watched it like, shit. Watch that bit 50 times.

Yeah.

I just want to see that bit.

It was.

I would ask him, you gonna close with what? You gotta close with what?

He wouldn't even always close with.

And I wouldn't want. He goes, it's like eleven minutes long. I'm like, please, please just do it for me.

It would be his whole set.

But it murders. It murders so hard. It's so good. It's like, that's such a quintessential Brian Simpson bit.

Yeah.

Because it's clever. It's. It's ridiculous. It's like he. It's historical. He talks about him like it gives you real facts.

Yeah. It's so smart. And it's about what? And it's full circle.

It's not pussy.

Yeah. There's science involved. He explains, like, times like how you multiply.

Shit. Yeah.

You know, like, oh, my God, it's genius.

Yeah, it's such a good bit. There's certain bits where you hear the bit, you go, God damn, that's a good bit. Like Shane Gillis, Navy SEAL bitch.

God damn, that's a good bit.

You know, my favorite of his bits, though, I think, is the George Washington bit, for that very reason.

Yeah, the teeth, bro.

Well, it's also. Cause it's interesting and it's hilarious. And, you know, like, that's a bit. That took some time. That's not a bit that you. The first time you do it on stage, you get that product.

Yes.

You know, like, Tony has a few jokes that the very first time he does them on stage, they murder. And it's done. Yeah, it's done. But, like, that. Shane's bit about George Washington is a lot. That's a long bit, man. That bit is complex. There's a lot of twists and turns.

Yeah, bro. Just the angles he takes. It's so cool. It's so cool. But with Brian, Joe, I started with Brian. He was that what you're seeing now? He was that really. I met him, Joe, and he was that, bro. It was the coolest thing to be around that guy. Cause I think he's just the greatest. One of the greatest minds ever. I'm lucky to be one of his best friends. That's how I feel.

He's very humble, too. Very, very humble. You know, I mean, until someone starts talking shit to him.

Well, then he's gonna destroy you. Oh, shit.

Shut you the fuck up. But, yeah, he's just got a unique way of looking at things. And that's the wonderful thing about comedy. I hate that word, wonderful. But it just was the right word for the job. That's the thing about you meet so many different people, and we all have this one thing in common. It's one thing in common. We like making people laugh.

Yeah.

We like this thing we do this art form, you know. That's it. It's the only thing. I mean, we vary so much about within so many different ways.

Yeah.

But we all have this, like, amazing bond. Like, that place is like. It's the comedy store times. I don't know.

Yeah.

Times three, times four, something like that.

Yeah. Also, we feel so. Like we were here. Just that we were here. We all came before it opened. We were here to feel that, bro.

You were an early adopter.

Yo, Joe. I came to. Derek came out.

I wasn't even sure. I was like, damn, Derek just moved here. I felt like one thing, though, about this. That's one of the reasons why I felt like I had to do this. Cause I knew all you guys had come out. You guys are coming out here. When we were at Vulcan during the lockdown.

Yep. Thank God for my wife, bro. That was her. Her call dug her. That was my wife. She saw you guys there. It hadn't even crossed my mind. Yet I was still in pandemic mind of like, we're just here. This is what it is. And then she said it. She was like, we're going Austin, Texas. And I was like, what? She's like, they're up. Everybody's getting up. And I'm like, oh. And right. I was like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm going Austin, Texas, and moved March 2021.

It was crazy because so many people were mad at us. They're mad at us for doing shows. I'm just like, are you out of your fucking mind? Are you gonna just not do shows anymore? You gonna not talk to people like, what are we doing? Like, how long does this go on? How long does this go on in LA? The answer was a year and a half.

Year and a half.

Out here, it was six weeks. They started shooting guns in the air. Shut the fuck up. I saw old people with no masks on out here early on.

Oh, you can feel it.

Shut the fuck up.

God. I remember when it happened. I remember when it happened. I was talking to Brendan, and right when I said, man, they're gonna. They're gonna hold La down for a year. He said, derek, you're a fucking idiot. That would never happen. Yeah, cut to. Oh, my God.

Well, I knew it. I felt something. I didn't know if they were gonna lock it down for a year, but I knew LA was never gonna be the same because there was a new attitude about law enforcement. That happened after George Floyd.

Yeah.

I'm like, oh, this place is in trouble. Because when they had those cop cars lit up on fire on the. Was it on the 110? Is that what it was?

Yeah. And they were like, on fire and, like, cinder blocks and shit spray painted.

On fire, smashed everything. They were doing smashing grabs everywhere. And they were just letting them do it. Like, in Beverly Hills, all they were doing was not letting people shop. When it was dark out, that was it. So during the day or at nighttime, everybody just smash and grabbed. It was like, there's the smash and grabs on Beverly Hills were insane. It was everywhere. That shit was crazy, crazy, crazy. It was also people waiting for people after they were shopping. They were just stealing from them after they would go shopping at the mall in Beverly Hills. Like, nice places in Beverly Hills, nice stores.

Yeah, West Hollywood. People were getting robbed, bro. It was crazy. I saw people getting robbed.

I saw there was a car full of dudes that was parked in front of this gated community, and they had no license plate on their car. And I was driving in, and I remember looking at these dudes and them looking at me, I'm like, these are not dudes that are up to anything good. And they have a car with no license plate on, and they're outside of this gated community, and they could have been just waiting for the thing to go up so they could sneak in behind it, you know?

Yeah.

I don't know what they were doing, but I remember thinking, like, this is going to escalate. You're going to get more of this. Then I saw, I saw, I was passing by this clothing store and I saw these dudes smash the window and run inside. Crazy. In Woodland Hills, in woodland Hills, it's like the sleepiest, most boring ass fucking neighborhood.

Yeah, that's like, what, Doctor Dre has.

A house out there. Yeah, that's where Whitney lives. Yeah, that's where Schaub lives. It's like, that area is nice. And they were smashing with it. They lit a dumpster on fire and pushed it in front of the, the front door at Target. My friend was in there. My friend was in there. They yelled out through the loudspeaker. They were telling everybody, put down everything you have. Just don't go to the cash register. Get out. Get out now. And they get outside. And someone had lit a fucking dumpster on fire, pushed it up against the door.

Yeah, fuck that, bro. I'm so glad we got out of there, Joe.

So when I came out here, it was like, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet. Okay. Is the world gone mad or is just la. Gone mad? Is it parts of the world? God, it's like, the scary thing about it was, it was an experiment. Not for real. Like, I don't think it was. I don't have, like, this conspiracy theory that they did it on purpose. I think it was a lab leak, I think.

Really?

Yeah. It was accidental, and I think they, they. There's a lot of funding involved in doing these fucking corona viruses. And there's also probably some. It's probably biological weapon, weapons research, too. They probably do, because they definitely do create viruses and they. They work on viruses for bioweapons. It's a real thing.

Yeah.

Like, bio weapons is a real thing. Terrifying that someone would release a weapon on a city to kill everybody because you. But that's real. They really are. And they, and they're also China and Russia. They're all, I mean, they use gas in world War one. They use blue gas on, brother.

Yeah. I don't watch FIFA vendetta and think that's not possible. That looks real. Very real. Very real that they would do something like that.

That could happen today again. It could happen again. But the point is, it's like, I don't even remember my point. My point was like, that these kind of. These things, when they happen, they reveal how people react to them. And people didn't react nearly as good as I hoped. They sectioned themselves off in these tribes. That was what was weird, man.

That shit broke people, Joe.

It broke people.

It broke people. People still wear masks, Joe.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it changed. Like, who people are. Like, they forgot that they used to not wear a mask.

You can tell some comics from Moon Tower were walking down the street, and Ari saw him. Ari saw this dude, and he had a fucking giant mask on his face. One of them really fucking form fit, one secured down. Just broke him.

Yeah, a lot of people were like that.

Broken. Just broken. But everybody got so tribal. And it also. It gave people an opportunity to be cunts. And there was a lot of people in LA in particular and some in New York as well, that were just. They're really miserable people. And they were looking for an opportunity to shit on someone publicly because they felt like they could. Because they felt like that person was vulnerable because they were taking a controversial position.

Yes.

You know, whether it's a controversial position, like saying, I don't want to get vaccinated, or was a controversial position of doing shows live still. People were blame. I saw. I saw a comic blame someone else for the death of their mother. Blame a comic that's doing shows for the death of their mother.

Mom. Yeah.

Like, yeah, yeah, maybe it was a respirator, you know? Killed 80% of the people they put them on.

I remember people saying that shit, though, Joe, when I first moved here, people doing shows and people were saying that, like, my grandmother's gonna die because of you. No, your grandmother's just gonna die, man.

Yeah, your grandmother's gonna die. You're gonna die too. So am I.

What are we doing?

Also, the solution is not everybody stay home for your grandmother and ruin children's lives. That's never been the case. Old people have always done the best that they can to make life safe for young people. And by locking them down and by keeping them out of school and by making them wear masks, you didn't make the world safer. You made it scarier. You're gonna have more people with anxiety. You're gonna have more lost years of development. You're gonna be missing out on your education. There's nothing good about that. Nothing good about that. There's zero good about that. And if you did it to protect old people, you're a fool. Yeah, you're a fool.

It ruined young people's life. There were people who missed their senior year, junior year. They didn't have it. And I think about, that's like a year that you need in your life. It's a memorable thing, bro.

It became like a child sacrifice thing. Like, they didn't care about the children. They didn't care what was happening to them. We have to protect our vulnerable. It's not gonna protect them. That's not how it works. It's like there's no. There was no science behind it in the age of science. What the fuck is wrong with my voice today? Thank God I got a cough button. I'm like a professional.

You have a cough button?

Yeah, we got a cough button. If you had us cough, I should have gave that shit to Graham Hancock the other day. Some people just cough. But in the age of science and reason, people abandoned science to confirm their worst fears and to confirm all their weird anxieties. And they started using, which is the reason why people believe that a mask that you could breathe out of is going to protect you from a virus that's floating in the air or that you're going to stop a respiratory virus by just keeping children out of school. Shut the fuck up. Like, shut the fuck up with all this or that. All of a sudden, the pharmaceutical drug companies should be trusted. Like, shut the fuck up. You guys. You're not being reasonable. You're acting like pussies. And I'm not saying you're acting like pussies. Cause COVID wasn't dangerous. Of course it was dangerous. I'm saying you're acting like pussies and you're not willing to look at the truth because you're scared that it's gonna go against this thing that you have in your head. That's a narrative that you've been sticking to this whole time.

Yes. People don't like to just also, people just don't like to be like, oh, man, I was wrong about that.

Yeah, it's okay.

Nobody's. You're not a bad person to be like, man. COVID came and I kind of freaked. I kind of went over. I went too far.

You know, when it gets. When it gets them is when they get vaccine injured. Chris Cuomo just came out and said he's got a vaccine injury. That guy was pushing that shit on tv forever. And he said, he got it with his first dose, and then he got it again with his second dose. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for that cough. I could have reached for that button. I got lazy. I could have just reached for that button. I could have just pressed that button.

Wait, what's a vaccine injury?

Something happens when you get the COVID shot, you know? And it's not just the COVID shot. There's people that have adverse reactions to all kinds of medications, right, but particularly to this one. This is one that the first time they ever rolled something out to billions of people worldwide. And some people had terrible reactions, and one of them, apparently, was Chris Cuomo.

Interesting.

Yeah. People get heart palpitations, bad blood work. They get clots. There's a bunch of different confirmed side effects that happen. Myocarditis is some. Also, there's a thing about you're supposed to, when you inject them, you're supposed to aspirate, which means when you inject it into the muscle because it's intramuscular, you're supposed to pull back the syringe to make sure that you're not hitting a blood vessel. And they never do that, even on the president. If you watch the president get vaccinated on tv, and I don't think he got vaccinated on tv.

What you mean, Joe?

I don't think they took that chance. I think there was saltwater in that thing. I don't think they.

I took that shit for real.

Well, I'm not. I'm just saying on tv. I'm sure they probably vaccinated him.

Yeah.

Did you have a side effect?

Oh, I was sick as a dog.

Yeah.

Wife was fine. I was a. I was fucked up.

What did it do to you?

Just, it felt like I got into a car wreck or something. I was just completely sore. Really sick. I remember being crazy tired. Just tired.

For how long?

Like two days.

That's not bad.

And then it bounced right back, you know, but it felt like where it was, like, oh, man, Derek, you're sick. Like that. Holy shit.

I think that's the normal reaction if it's working. Oh, see, the problem is when you have a bad reaction, you know, your body reacts to it in a negative way. Like, there's people that have had strokes and heart attacks, and people have died, like, right after the shot. And, you know, no one wants to attribute it to the shot, but a bunch of injuries they have attributed definitely directly to the shot. You know, they confirmed it when it's happened. They won't say it's zero. Yeah, they won't say it's zero, but the quit. The real question is, like, how many people, how many people are being honest about it? How many people are even telling people about it? Because even though they feel like shit after they got vaccinated, even though they have health problems, they told people to get vaccinated. They were. So it takes like, this big moment of bravery to sort of admit. Just step out and admit I got caught up in the madness of it all and I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about, and I was shaming people and telling people to do something. Yeah, this is New York Times.

Now. It's interesting because Alex Berenson wrote a piece about this. He said it's hardcore gaslighting. And his substack. If you go to his substack, it's very interesting. But this is in New York Times. Thousands believe COVID vaccines harm them. Is anyone listening? All vaccines have at least occasional side effects. But people who say they were injured by COVID vaccines believe their cases have been ignored. Well, they have. They have been ignored. I have friends that have. That have been ignored.

I never really hear that side of it, though.

That's crazy. Yeah. Wow. If you're in that world, like, I got dragged into that world, unfortunately, I did not want to be in that world. I did not want to be in the world of arguing with people about medical information or medical facts or just whatever fucking pharmaceutical drug company propaganda you got to battle against. Like, who wants to be involved in that shit? Yeah, I just stay out of my life. I'll stay out of yours. You can trick people into doing this every year. You do whatever you got to do, but once you get dragged into it, you're like, oh, this is kind of evil. They don't give up. When I knew it was evil, when they were vaccinating kids, when they were forcing kids to get vaccinated, because no data, I mean, none. Zero said it was dangerous for kids. All data pointed to that kids got over this very easy.

And that are elderly people.

Yeah, my kids got it. It was nothing. It was nothing. It's elderly people, it's vulnerable people, it's overweight people. That was like, a big percentage of the people that died.

Why do they want a vaccine? Like, for what reason?

Money. They're making money off of it. Yeah. And also to help people feel better, that are, like, super anxious, that are worried their kids are gonna give it to them. But it's. It was a wild time, man, to watch the whole world lose its fucking mind. It was a wild time, and it was a perfect time for us to come out here. It was perfect.

Perfect, Joe.

And we were right.

We were right, people.

Ap we were right.

We were so right. We fucking nailed it.

You were right. You guys are all back to normal life now. Kept suckier. Yeah, you guys are back in LA. You're back to normal life. But more dangerous, more crime, more sucky.

Shows are nowhere near as hot. I've been around. There's no. They are not as close to as hot as these shows in Austin, Texas. Anywhere you go, Joe, you can. In a three block span, I can get up six times. Sold out shows, all hot, great lineups. That iron sharpens. Iron feeling of watching what I got to watch when I was at the store parking cars and door guy, and I got to see that.

Yeah.

So that I know that, oh, this is happening here. Yeah.

We set up a destination. It's a destination for comics. It's like they're going to go visit Disneyland, and everybody's welcome. So they come all the time. And so, you know, like last week, we got Colin Quinn, Chris DeStefano, and Shane's in there all the time, and Schultz when he comes by, and Dave when he's in town, and then surprised.

With, like, howie Mandel or some shit, you're like, what the fuck? How are we doing here?

Yeah, yeah. Ron White's there all the time. It's amazing. It's amazing. We're lucky as shit, man. But it's almost like the universe won this to happen because all the things that had to be in place for this to happen.

Yeah.

That all just sort of like, you know how when you're driving and you just keep hitting green lights? Like, the lights red, but as you're pulling up, like, do I have to slow down?

No.

Green light. Bam, let's go. That's what it was like at every point. We just kept hitting green lights.

Yeah. And everyone moving. Shane moving. It did just now, the Philly guys here, and you feel more people are moving.

Yeah. When Duncan moved here, that was big. Tom was the early. He was one of the earliest. Yeah, Tom was real early. I was telling him, I go, dude, I go, it's awesome. Here I go. People are friendly. It's like there's no traffic, and we could do comedy. He's like, I'm moving. That's it. Tom was out here early.

Yeah, he was. He was here waiting for me. So that was cool to see big dogs. To see, like, big dogs. Big dogs. Who have to move like their families. That's what I mean. So to me, that's what made it more real too. Cause I'm looking at it like, well, I'm a comic. I have more. Nothing to lose. Me and my wife have no kids. We're just kind of flying by the seat of our pants. But when you see people get up and move their family, it's like, no, that's a decision. I don't think he's fucking around here. Like, I remember people saying, oh, he's never gonna build a club. It's like, and his fucking family's here. I don't think he's playing. You know, that was the thing.

Do it the right way. And I wasn't talking about it. I mean, I was saying, that's gonna happen, but I wasn't talking about it too much. People. You ain't gonna do that.

Everyone. People were telling me I was dumb. Oh, Joe. I'm not gonna say names, but you know who you fucking are? Famous comics saying you ruined. Oh, man, you fucked up your career. People said that to me in a song.

Bobby Lee.

Fat fuck, I love you. Goddamn fat fucking piece of shit.

Operates on fear. Yeah, Bobby. I love Bobby to death.

Me too. That's the thing of, like, I love you, dark.

But also, he doesn't really mean it. He's just kind of saying it. Like, with Bobby, everything is kind of like a gag. Like everything. Even when he's, like, angry, it's like, you really angry.

He starts laughing, start tickling you, and.

You'Re like, yeah, everything is kind of like. That's one of the beautiful things about Bobby. Everything's like half a gag, but also, like, the reality that he doesn't like, you know, the anxiety of that move, the whole thing, the fear of it, and for you to do it, he's gonna shit on you. Cause you did a thing that he probably should do too.

Clearly.

Yeah, I mean, I talked to him when he was out here. Fuck, I go, just move here.

They all say it right when they come. Right when they come, they all are like, oh, you can see it on him.

Yeah, he left the club with two beautiful ladies. I was like, where you going, Bobby?

He's like, I'll be back.

I'm famous here.

No, he's.

Everybody loves him.

I do remember he said that, though.

Yeah, they were scared.

Jared, you made a big mistake. I was like, bro, you made. You had Kalila. We all made mistakes. Get the fuck out my face, dog. Shut the fuck up. Advice boy. What are you talking about right now, man? Who the f are you talking to?

Who the fuck is that girl?

Who the fuck joke. I'm so glad I did, man. Just so glad I did, brother.

Yeah, man. I'm glad you did, too.

Changed my life. I mean, that helped me meet Schultz. I didn't know Schultz in LA. I got here, and then he was coming to San Antonio, and Tony, he hit up Tony Hinchcliffe. Thank God for Tony. And he hit up Tony and said, hey, I need a host for tonight. And Tony said, and I'll never. It's awesome that Tony said this, and he showed me this too. He said, schultz, I got the perfect guy for you. I think you guys will work well together. He called it. He said, man. And Tony told me, he said, I have a feeling you guys are gonna be friends.

Yeah.

And now that's my brother. Like, you know, he came to the wedding. I went to hit. Like, I love that guy.

Tony is one of the unsung best guys for, like, promoting talent. You know, people don't think about Tony when they think about that, which is kind of crazy, because that's what kill Tony is.

Yes.

He doesn't get the credit that he deserves for, like, starting careers. Like, there's a lot of guys that. They started their career with Tony, and he's, like, really good at promoting people. He's, like, real generous about it. He's always talking about it on camera and off camera.

That's what people don't see. They think, oh, he's doing it on kill Tony. He's like, no, he's doing that off camera.

He's doing that in the green room. He'll tell us about how someone killed in the green room, about let someone open for him somewhere, and they murdered. Yeah, he'll tell you to be like.

Joe, look at this door guy, or watch this door guy. Like, I've seen him do it. You know, it's like, me.

He does it all the time. Yeah, he. Tony loves comedy. He loves it. He fucking lives it. He breathes it. So having that guy in town, too, was huge. Like, tony moved real early on too, you know? But Tony and me, we're best friends. We've been on the road together, like, I don't know, 150 fucking shows somewhere. Somewhere around that range. Probably more than that over the years. I mean, I've been doing shows with him for, fuck, at least ten years, you know? I don't even know when we started doing shows together, but it had to be before 2014. I think I met him at the ice house, like, way back in the day, and so, like, I've seen that dude, like, really come together. I've seen that dude, like, really become, like, a killer comedian. You know? I watch him on the roast last night or Saturday night. God damn, dude. God damn.

That one he said about Sam Jackson. She.

Hell naws the pussy.

She.

Oh, hell no.

Hell no. Oh, my God.

And then what about Bert?

Oh, he was going in the birth.

Of King the tiger.

King fucked the liver. King had a liver like Rodney King. Oh, bro. He's the goat. When it comes to that roasting shit, man. I think he the goat.

He's the goat.

I think he's the great.

Tony's the best.

Yep.

You know, I'm not gonna say it, but there were some forces that were trying to limit him from his ability to shine.

They see it. They see he's coming for. They know he's coming for the title.

He's reckless, and that's what they're not. Okay. There's a. There's a kind of, like, reckless comedy. You know that. Like, you. You know you're gonna take the heat, but you don't give a fuck. You're going in. That's reckless. That's Tony. Tony's reckless. He's driving fast, and he's gonna crash. It's like, he's gonna crash, but he's just, like, real confident in his mechanic.

Yeah, he goes. He goes.

He's just going for the comedy. And that's what. That's what comedy used to be. Right. And now there's a lot of people today that that's not what comedy is for them anymore. Now they're, like, trying to color inside the lines. And there's people that want to be funny, but they also kind of want to appeal to the Woksters.

Yes.

They want to appeal to this ridiculous ideology that's very controlling. But they. If they do, then the comments that they read on Twitter will be positive because those are the kind of, like, socially retarded cunts that sit at home all day and complain about things. So if you want to get their input, you have to kind of, like, feed into their nonsense, and that ruins comedy. Ruins comedy.

That ruins it.

It ruins great comics. It does. It turns great comics into cowards.

Yeah, you see it. You can see it while they're on stage, like, oh, you're worried about an acting job in the back of your head? It's not even a real job. You don't even have it yet. It's just a job in the future that you might. I don't want to piss off. It's like, bro, it's not even a real thing. Yeah.

The connection between comedy and Hollywood is one of the worst ideas of all time. It would be like the connection of Alcoholics Anonymous and rock shows. Literally like that. That's literally how bad it is of a connection.

Yeah. They don't belong in the same universe.

No, no. But the thing is, like, they offered that carrot up to us. They dangle that money carrot, that carrot of tv. Ooh, Derek, don't you want to be in the movies? Ooh, Derek, don't you want to host your own sitcom or be on a sitcom or host a late night talk show? Or. That's how they get.

But as a kid, that's what you see. You're like, wow, everybody loves Raymond. Like, all these great things, and they are great, you know? But you're like, one of the best.

Things that happened to us was the Internet, because the Internet did a bunch of different things. One, it made comics valuable to each other instead of in competition with each other. Because not only do we. Everybody has a show, right? If you have podcasts, all our friends have shows, right? So not only do they have shows, but you can have them on as a guest, or you can go on their show when you need to promote something, and then we all help each other, and then we tell you, hey, check out Derek and Nassau doing this thing. Check out Tony, check out William. And everybody does that. And then everybody grows. Like, there's no. Nobody loses. Whereas in Hollywood, if you were the host of the Tonight show and I wanted to be the host of the Tonight show, I'd be like, fuck Derek. I need that job. I want that job. When I was a kid, I wanted to be the host of the Tonight show, but Derek's the host. God damn it. I fucking hate Derek. I hope he crashes his car. I hope he gets hooked on heroin. And that's how it was.

I mean, that's that whole thing with the David Letterman and Jay Leno. When Jay Leno was waiting, he was hiding in the closet, son. Hiding in the closet while they were having a conversation about him.

That's. That's too much.

That's insane.

That's just fucking insane.

Insane.

And then I know that thing between him and Conan. You're right. It's just like, bro, fuck all that.

Also, like, Jimmy Kimmel's chiming in. Everybody's chiming in. They're all like, remember when Jimmy Kimmel berated Jay Leno? For trying to take Conan's job. If Conan was killing it, that job wouldn't be available.

That's how that works.

Yeah, that's how it works. But they did handcuff Conan when Conan took over Tonight show, because Jay Leno did his show at 10:00 or, like, right before it. Right. He did it during primetime hours. So, like, he.

You can't do that.

That's bullshit.

Yeah. Just even hearing all that, like, damn, I'm so glad I'm in this era. Fuck that of you. Like you said, just going on each other's podcast since you started podcast, Joe. Pretty much. Did you see? Cause when you started, you must not have known that, like, oh, we're all gonna go on each other's. When did you see that? Become like, oh, this is what was.

The attitude that we had about the store was the same attitude that transferred into podcasts. Cause the attitude at the store, even in, like, the early two thousands, like, when things were popping there, the attitude was, like, very supportive. If you were cool, if you're cool and all you want to do is just be friendly and hang out and have a good time, everybody was cool with you. If there was a real disagreement with people, 100%, someone was a cunt, 100%. It wasn't just competitive bullshit. But in the nineties, man, dudes would, like, say shit to you before you went on stage, try to fuck with your confidence. Yeah. They make fun of your clothes or talk about your hair or something. Just say something to you right before you went on stage. I was like, what?

That sucks, bro.

There was people that would, like, mock your act. Like, there was a, like, mock laugh from the back of the room. Like, ha ha. You would hear comics say that and then leave the room.

Oh, just like, if I'm having a bad set, man. I know. Like, I'm aware, bro.

There was so many. There were so many haters. I remember there was dudes who were sitting in the back of the open mic night heckling open micrs. Cause they wanted them to leave so they could get up earlier. Yeah. Like, get this fucking show over next. Like, what? This person just started. What are you doing?

I might fucking kill you. I would be so upset. I would be. That's crazy to do to somebody.

There's also, like, certain dudes, like, say, if you are right now, you're like a traveling middle act, and there's a kid who's an open mic er, and you see him coming and he starts building up momentum and then he starts going on the road. And then all of a sudden, this guy is headlining before you are, what the fuck? And that happens. And then he's selling out places. Fuck him. You believe he's selling out theaters? Man, who the fuck? You believe that guy's selling out theaters? And you're sitting in the fucking hallway at the comedy store. You believe that guy's selling out theaters? Man? This is bullshit. That's that stupid old dumb mentality, that stupid old famine mentality for mentally ill people who are narcissists. And they just can't believe that other people are having success too. It's not even that they're not doing pretty good. It's like, no one's ever happy if someone's doing better.

Thank God for my best friends. But Brian Simpson, every time he gets anything, and I mean anything in his career, and you know how big he is. Every time. First time you got on, your first time he got on Rogan, first time he got the Netflix thing, he looks right at me every time he goes, you're next, Derek, you're next. He doesn't, no matter what he gets, he goes, Derek, you're next. And it's just to hear that every time from your guy that you are like, man, I want to be like, this guy. This guy's the best comic I know.

Like, yeah, yeah, super, super.

It means everything.

It means everything. And that's the. That's the. When you have that kind of environment, it feels good for everybody. This is what's important. The selfish feeling that you want no one to do better than you, and you want to be, like, number one. And then if you see people doing better than you, you get angry. That selfish feeling is, it ruins you because it ruins your relationships with those people. You could have the exact same circumstances happen and be super happy for everybody, for you and for you. There's no tension. There's no need to it. There's no need for it. And if somebody makes you feel bad, like, if you watch someone, like, they're so good, they make you feel bad. Go to work.

Go to work. That's a good feeling. That's a good, that's good.

When Natal was in town, I watched Natal be like, I want to go home and write. I want to go home and write. This fucking guy is like, he's like a Zen master up there. He's, like, effortlessly killing in a way that's, like, so and so ridiculous and so unique. I was like, God, this is so good. But if you're a hater, that's poison. You're watching. You're getting the exact opposite feeling from the same exact scene. The same scene. There's guys that. Well, I've seen guys sitting in the back room. They were watching Chris Rock, and they're watching Chris rock with their arms crossed like this. Like, wanting him to suck. Wanting him to suck. Not wanting him to do well, not just enjoying it.

Enjoy him. This is why someone is.

Yes. Aren't you a fan of this? It only has to be you. You're the only one who could be funny. That's crazy. That's crazy. You can't have a good time, so you're missing out on having a good time just so you could be selfish. There's a zero upside, and it ruins your life.

Like, now you're at home, man. Like, it just ruins your day, your whole life. Like, everything's ruined.

And if someone does fail that you wanted to fail and you feel good, you should be embarrassed. You should be embarrassed by that feeling. You should be what a weak bitch.

I am with a Sebastian. You should be amazing.

You should be embarrassed. You really should.

You should 100%.

But I think this is all, like, people need to learn this. You need to learn this and learn it in a way where it doesn't feel bad if you take it on. You don't feel like a fool. Cause we've all been fools. I've been a fool. Everyone's in this room. Everyone listening has been a fool. Yeah, we've all been in. Fucking moron. That's how you learn and grow in life. But if you stick to the old ways, you'll just be unhappy and mentally ill. Yeah. Yeah. Your therapist not gonna save you.

I mean, Joe, I learned. You might even remember this. I learned a young lesson. A young. That in comedy, being young and just talking too much and just being kind of angry and wanting more as a door. And you talked to me. I don't know if you remember that. You got on me one time. Hey, Derek, you gotta shut up, man. I don't even remember you remember you telling me to do this.

When was this? Was that store?

This was at the store.

What were you complaining about?

I was just running my mouth. Complaining about, I want more. Just wanted more. I just wanted more, and I was talking too much. At the end of the day, I want to get all the specs. I was talking too much, and you did that then it was. That was good. I needed that. Yeah.

Sometimes I needed to hear that we get wrapped up in our own shit. Like, the. The process is long. Like, if I was trying to tell someone right now to be a comic, and they were, like, 26 years old. Like, okay, you ain't gonna be famous until you're 40. If you make it, if you.

If.

If you make it, you know, you gotta be willing to throw it all away and you gotta be willing to go through this weird path where you want things and they're not happening and you get angry, and that's where you were.

Yes.

You wanted things, and I was like, Derek, you gotta be undeniable.

Yes.

You gotta be undeniable. When you're undeniable, it's all gonna come your way. But all this talk is not good for anybody.

Didn't. It's crazy. You just don't.

But it's.

I'm glad I went through that. You know what I mean? I'm glad that happened to me because it was at the time, it felt like, you know, you're like, oh, but, man, I'm glad I went through it because now it's just so much better to enjoy, appreciate, appreciate it.

Yeah. And it's almost like you have to go through. I had those feelings. I remember being at an open mic night and I wasn't on the list. I couldn't get on the list.

I was angry.

Like, why can't I go up? This is bullshit.

Yeah.

I'm funnier than this person.

You start saying things like that and.

It'S like, well, what is it, stupid? It's just like, you just have to deal with the grind. It's like, the part. It's part of the thing. Part of the thing. It's like, what makes you better? It's like those uncomfortable things they build inside of you. Those uncomfortable moments and feelings. They add inspiration. They add determination. They add discipline. They make you focus more.

Yes.

Make you listen to tapes. They make you go over your. Go through your notebook.

You know, man, I really appreciate those comedy store times. I think everyone should be not a door guy. But, man, it just. It's good. I think it's just good for you to just sit and learn. You have no choice. You're there.

What's dope about the comedy store, too, was the fact that there was a real attitude that everyone was a comic. Including the door people.

Yes.

The door people to me were me when I was 23. I was like, what's up? What's going on, man? Everything cool?

Met you, big hug. First thing he said, yo, what's up, new guy? I remember, like, it was yesterday, dude. All you guys. Oh, man, the coolest thing one of the coolest things about stand up that I learned from you, Joey. So when I got there, you were finishing triggered. Like you were. You were. That was about to come out. So you were doing the. On the stool with Caitlyn Jenner. I mean, it was so tight, you were going standing o every time you did it, it was nuts. Then the special came out, and then you start gearing up for strange times. And the only person I've ever heard they say would do this was Richard Pryor, where he would come in after he dropped a special, and he would bang out material, and you'd see it for the first time. You're like, okay, I kind of see the skeleton. I saw the skeleton of strange times. They're like, all right, I guess. And then the next day, you'd see the little bit of muscle on it, and the next you didn't. You never abandoned it, even though it wasn't hitting like how the other stuff was hitting, or some nights it wasn't going as well as maybe you wanted it to.

You never abandoned it. You never were like, I'm gonna do crowd work. I'm gonna say an old bit and get out of this. No. And then. And then I saw strange times become strange times, and that was amazing to see.

Jay, it takes a long time to get a bit going. And if you bail on it when you first every one of my bits, except for a few, sucked in the beginning, there's just. They're clunky.

Yes.

You don't know how to do it right.

You can see you were trying to find it, you know.

Oh, it's a terrible process. It's a terrible process. It really is. It's a terrible process. Brian Simpson did it the smartest way. What Brian did was he had his whole hour laid out. And then before he filmed his hour, he created a new hour. So he started adding material to the set over the course of a year till he had another hour. And so then he films the special, and he's got an extra hour. That's Brian Simpson. That's Brian Simpson. Brian Simpson plans for the future. He has his socks laid out by his bed.

You know what I'm saying?

He's playing for the future. Brian gave me a book on what to do if the world collapses. He gave us all that book.

Yeah, like the book of man, or.

Whatever it is, the book. I think it's called the book. The book. It's how to rebuild society. I was like, what the fuck are you planning? Brian's got books planned on how to save society.

Yeah. He's one of one, man.

Yeah, we're real lucky. We're real lucky. And he's another guy that came out here real early.

Yeah.

So when everybody was out here early, you know, I had gone through this thing where I had the first club and the. The deal fell apart. The cult house, the cold house. Yeah. God damn, I'm glad we didn't get that one. That would have ruined everything.

Yeah. That would not have been as. No, because the placement of this one, it's perfect.

The fact that it's on that maniac street.

Yeah.

Yeah, that street's alive.

Yeah.

Streets a lot.

I like that because as an audience member, when you get there, you're like, you're now awake. You don't get the wandered in like it's not in a mall or some shit. It's like, no, you're awake now.

Well, when the deal fell through with the cult place and then we walked into that movie theater when it was a movie theater still, I remember walking in there going, oh, shit, like, okay, this is. It was so clear. It was like you hear a sound in the distance of the direction you're supposed to go to you.

Boom.

Okay, here we go. That's how it felt. It really felt like that. Felt like. God damn. And this place is alive. This place has like, got memories yet into it. Stevie Ray Vaughn. Stevie Ray Vaughn was on that stage. Willie Nelson was on that stage.

Willy Nelson was on that stage.

Yeah, man, all those dudes in the green room. All those posters are in the green room. Yeah, those are all real shows from the Ritz. Yeah.

I did not know that.

Yeah, man, a lot. A lot of bands played there. A lot of bands. Yeah.

So you could feel it in the walls.

There's a lot of things happen in that place. It used to be a pool hall. It used to be a nudie movie theater at one point.

Jizz in there, bro.

Buckets. There's a movie theater for the longest time where it was Alamo Drafthouse. That was like more than ten years. It was a. It was a lot of things. You know, it was a punk rock bar at one point in time, you know, it was a. That place has got history. It's from 1827 or 19. 1927, right? Is that right?

Yeah.

1927, yeah. 1920. 719. 27. It's a hundred years old essentially, or close to it.

I mean, it's very comedy store vibes in that because the comedy stories to be zeros. And it was like where the Mafia would be and like all this cool, weird stories and feel the building. You can feel it. And that, you know, this does have that Mitzi's feels. You can feel it in Mitzi's late night. It's like, energy in that.

Well, it's also. The energy has been baked in. Just in the year that we've been open.

Yeah, bro.

That year flew by. That year flew by. It flew by. Flew by. It makes me think I'm gonna be dead real soon. How much time do you have? If I go through 50 more of those, it'll be a miracle. So it's not. That's not gonna happen.

I know.

Go through 50 of them. It's not possible.

Wow. And did you think that when you set it up, like, I'm setting this up for when I'm gone, this baby, like, the comedy story, it'll just run well, I want.

I didn't think that. No, I just thought set up the best thing you can set up. That's all I thought. I thought, like, I have this crazy, unique moment where not only did the world shut down and Texas didn't, but also all these comedians came out here to do shows, and I got this Spotify deal, and I'm like, okay, I'm supposed to do this. Like, if anybody's supposed to do this, like, if you were a kid and they said to you, if you got all this money, what would you. You know what I do? I'd make the ultimate amusement park.

Justin, me and my friends.

But nobody ever does that. You know, like, people get fuck you money and they never say fuck you. And I don't get that. Like, if you have fuck you money and you don't say fuck you, what you're doing is. It's a crime against fortune. You have the incredible fortune to have fuck you money. The incredible luck, the incredible fortune to be in this weird position where all these comedians decided to come to this place because you and your friends were there. I mean, we. Like, Ron White's the. He's the fucking leader of the pack.

Pied Piper.

He's the Pied Piper. Cause Ron was out here before COVID Ron was out here in, like, 2017, I think, or 18.

Was he retired yet already, or. No, he wasn't retired, but he was.

Like, I fly out of Austin. It's much easier. You're in the middle.

You can fly at fucking.

Two and a half hours to New York, two and a half hours to LA. Fucking people are nice. Food's amazing. I was like, damn, maybe I could. Cause I had always entertained leaving LA but the store just always kept me there. The store and my friends. Jiu jitsu. I mean, I tried for a while, tried moving to Colorado for a little bit, but the store always pulled me back. It's like that. You can't replicate that.

You did.

Yeah, well, that's what I felt like. There's no other way it could have ever happened. All those things had to happen in place where the comedy store had to get shut down so we can get all the people that worked at the comedy store to come over and start the mothership. People that like eric and Curtis and Adam.

Jody.

Yeah, and jody. And carrie. Carrie. Carrie's the shit. Like, it wasn't for carrie.

Mom.

She's the best, but she was always the best at the store. So when she's over there, it's like, oh, this is wonderful. You know, and then she knew all the right servers, and then, you know, we get this vibe going, and then the whole idea. And adams. It was Adam's idea to do it the same way the store was. I was a little apprehensive. Like, man, comics cause problems, and they're employees. Like, a lot of us are dirt bags. Yeah, a lot of us are crazy.

Joe, I robbed the comedy store. I robbed that fucking place. I'll make it up. But it wasn't just me, baby hasan. Brian, we all owe you money, but.

I'm sure you were just hustling.

I mean. I mean, we're hustling. Cause it's like, well, I'm only making a couple bucks. I didn't get up. I'm gonna fucking hustle this door.

Trying to stay alive.

Trying to stay alive.

Yeah, I mean, but there was that problem that was like. But Adam was like, yeah, but you know what? There's something really cool about people, like, auditioning and because now Adam is running it, so we didn't have to have this. Like, we just one of the things that I told him, because there's a pressure that he had in LA to have, like, x amount of women and x amount of gay people. Like, people talked about it, and they would email him, they'd complain to him, people would confront him. You know, how come you don't have more women on your lineup? Girls girl comics would say, I said, listen, man, this is 100% meritocracy. I know you're not sexist. I know you're not racist. I know you're not homophobic. You don't care. All you care, you speak the language of funny. This will be a pure meritocracy. And if you're really good, you're gonna get through. And if you're bullshitting and just using whatever the fuck group you're a part of as, like, a Willy Wonka golden ticket, thinking it's gonna get you a career, fuck you.

Okay?

That shit doesn't work here.

Yep.

You know, I love that.

And with that, there is a. The best way to make a diverse show is just like you said, put the funniest people up. The show will naturally. It will naturally diversify itself, baby.

There's so many different people working there. Everybody's different and different in all kinds of ways. There's gay and straight and there's black and white, and no one fucking cares.

Yep. I don't even notice it. Cause all we think of is funny.

No one cares. Yeah, no one cares. All they care is, are you funny?

Yep.

Can you go up there and do the damn thing?

Assange did 911. No one gives a fuck. He's just a funny dude. We all just forgive him. That's how funny that piece of shit is. Boy.

He's come a long way, man. That Joey Diaz was just telling me on the phone yesterday. I was on the phone with Joey yesterday. He's like, hasan blew my mind. He goes, he blew my mind. I remember that kid when he was just starting out. Yeah, he's out there. These fucking. Joey's coming. He's coming.

Joey's moving.

He's coming again in a couple weeks. He's gonna be back. He's gonna be back for quite a while. And then we're gonna get him a place. He's gonna get a place on, just in the neighborhood.

He's moving, Joe.

He's gotta move here. He can't stay in New Jersey? No, I'll do respect to New Jersey, but all due respect, he needs to be around his peers.

You saw it when he was here. You could feel it on him, man. And as the days went, how much more comfortable like, he. Oh, he started moving like Joey D. When Joey be in the. In the main room. And it was like that when he left. Fat man, where's like, oh, he's. He's. He's in. He's back. Oh, shit.

His wife's down, too. She gets it. She's the best. She's the best. So it's perfect. So when Joey gets here, that'll change everything. Goddamn. That's gonna change everything. I've been working on Theo. Theo's coming soon. He's gonna be here. What's today? He's gonna be here in ten days. Yeah. So we'll have Theo here for a couple weeks. And then Theo said he might come down for the whole month of July.

You're fucking Samuel Jackson with the Avengers, baby.

I'm recruiting, man. I'm recruiting. But I only want people that want to be here. Like, if you don't want to be here, it's like. I get it, I get it, I get it. There's no pressure. You don't have to come here. But it would be nice. It's fun. Joe DeRosa got a place here. Joe Derosa loves the rosa. Let's go.

Derosa's the man. Everyone, you're saying, but everyone you're saying. Also great. Phenomenal. Beast of a comic.

Yeah. And nice people.

Great people.

That's the big thing. The big thing is all real friendly. Real nice people. And the more. More of that, the better. And there's plenty of spots. There's so many clubs and red bands. Clubs. Killing it.

Yes.

You get. How was it? 13 2nd walk from my club to Red Bands Club.

You can get up. Yes, right.

Right next door. Creaking. The cave. Always a great room.

Yep.

Right. Right down the street, this little place.

Black rabbit, which I love. Right. There you go. Get up. I mean, they're all within a black.

Rabbit'S doing stand up.

Now.

How long have they been doing stand up?

I don't know how long they've been open, but that's how I mean, I saw. I mean, it's just such a little 50 seat box minus on. Just love that little.

And, bro, the Vulcan is still a banger of a club. Shout out to the Vulcan.

If you can get up there, that's a great fucking show.

The vulcan is a great room.

And then you can drive over to Cap City.

I mean, this place kept us alive, right?

It kept blood in us, bro.

That place was like a mask that we were all sharing, like scuba diving.

Just.

We give it to each other. Yeah, we're staying alive. You know, those Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays.

Just getting it through.

Getting that place kept us alive. And then, of course, kill Tony. Having killed Tony in a town changes the town. Because now all that, there's all these temptations to go down the road of fuckery. When you're first on stage, you want to try to, like, make yourself out to be something you wish you were. You want people to think you're smart. You want people to think you're cool. And if you have five minutes, sometimes five minutes is too much in the beginning, you really don't deserve five minutes. You deserve a minute. You deserve 1 minute. There should be a bunch of people doing 1 minute, and there should be, like, belts. Like, you're a white belt. You just started out okay. You've been doing comedy six months, eight months. Maybe you're ready for your blue belt. Depends on how much you're getting on stage. And then a couple years after that, now you're a purple belt. Now you're opening up for really good comics when they're on the road, you know, this guy's in town. You're going to open for them. Colin Quinn wants you to open for him. Oh, shit. Now you're purple belt.

Now you start going on the road as a middle act. Now you're a brown belt. You know, now you might have 20 murderous minutes. You know, you might be doing stand up six, seven years. You're a brown belt now. And then eventually you move into headlining, and then you get your black belt. And then you realize, like, oh, people are coming to see me, okay, I gotta work.

You know?

They're coming see me. Sit down. You know, like, it has to take pr. I will run away from a conversation if I get an idea, because I know they're slippery. They're slippery. They slip through your finger sometimes. Sometimes you just have a great idea. You're like, my family gets it. My wife gets it. I'll go.

Hang on.

I got an idea. I have an idea. I just have to say, I have an idea. And everybody leaves me alone, and I just run away. I run away so no one could talk to me. And then I grab my phone and I just start either talking into it, which is the best, because then I can keep it quicker, or I start writing it.

That's beautiful, bro. I've seen you do that, where you just completely.

You know what Neil Brennan said to me once? He said, I think of my notebook as, like, a net that I catch my ideas in. I was like, ooh, ooh, Neil. Brendan's a smart motherfucker. That's a great. That's a great quote. That is, because it's exactly what it is. Good net.

The moment you do the thing where you're like, oh, you think of something. I'm gonna write it down later. Yeah, it's gone, bro.

You know why I've been thinking about going to Android? Because Samsung phones, when you. If you record your sets, it transcribes them.

Really?

Yeah, with AI. And it'll summarize it for you. Crazy. Yeah, Brian Simpson's right about that, too. He's got that fucking Galaxy phone. Tony's always making fun of him, and I'm like, tony, do you understand what that phone can do? That phone can translate, like, built into. The phone can translate you talking to a ton of different languages, like, instantaneously translate.

Why are we still on iPhones?

Because we're trapped. Also, it's a safer operating system. That's the thing that I've been really getting into. I've been really researching exploits, and I've watched quite a few videos, but I also read a story where they were talking about when they were trying to see, they had an iPhone and an Android phone, and they checked to see which one was contacting foreign servers based on the apps. And it was like, way more the Android. The Android was contacting foreign servers, way more contacting China and Russia. And the iPhone one was, like, one or two a day, and it's based on. There's a lot of shit going on that we're not thinking about. Right. What you're interested in is valuable. So if you're scrolling through Google and you're looking at a bunch of different products, you're looking at a bunch of different things, Google gets that information and inserts those ads into your browser so that when you go to a website and you say, like, oh, I was looking at those shoes. How are those shoes for sale?

Right here?

Just click here. You know, it tells you the price. Oh, what a bargain. And you think about it. That's valuable, right? And so that's what they're constantly trying to scoop up. They're trying to scoop up your data. They want to know what you're doing, what you're listening to, what you're watching. What do you. What do you. You got Netflix? What do you got this? You got that? You got YouTube premium.

What do you got?

You got money? Are you broke? You got a Tesla? Ooh, he's got a Tesla. You got a Tesla app. There's so there's all this data that your phone carries. And iPhone is pretty good at keeping that data.

They're like a close system, right? And then what they call themselves.

Yeah. Walled garden.

Yeah.

Android is not so good at that. Android is the opposite. Seems like it's. It's got open source, which is really good. So a bunch of different people can make apps, but the problem with that is you could get apps that are malware. You can get apps that will get. That will infect. You're a wild motherfucker just downloading every app that's on the Play store. I don't think they do as good a job. And I think you can't use side load on androids as well. So there's pros and cons, man. There's pros to, like, if you make an Android app, like, you could just say, you know, why is there a fucking app for this? And you could design an app that does it and then just throw it up on the Play store and people could just download it and put it. But you could be a criminal. And you could put some shit on, you know, either side loading or put some shit on, you know, one of these places where you can download apps, and inside that is someone could just steal all your credit card information on your phone. If you're using, like, you know, Google.

Pay or some random Google thing, like.

PayPal or some shit, there's apps that can. They can, when you sign up for TikTok, they can, they know your keystrokes. They know all your keystrokes. So everything you type, it knows. Not only that, it has access to computers that don't have TikTok on them, that are on the network. So if you. You have a computer, but your computer doesn't have TikTok, but you have TikTok on your phone, they have access to your computer. I know that sounds crazy. That sounds like that couldn't be real, Joe.

Why would they do that?

I think it's more than them. And this is what Adam Curry said. Like, Adam Curry was saying, like, this is a TikTok band. He goes, believe me, he goes, the real problem with TikTok is that they're doing a better job of keeping people addicted and that they don't like the idea that China is dominating this social media game.

Yeah, TikTok's good.

It's good. They figured out a way to make it very, very, very addictive. But they're getting data, constant data off what you like, what you're interested in, what you get mad about, what you comment on, how you comment, what you like with hearts, you know, what you. Yeah. What you keep going back to and don't tell anybody about. Yeah. If you look at your fucking. If you look in your, your search and it's all, but it's all but fat. But that's because you like fat butts and they know you like fat butts, you know? Yeah, I look at other people's feeds, they're very, very different than mine. If you look in that, like, search.

Oh, yeah.

Area on Instagram, like, it's basically, they know me. They know what I like.

Yep.

Animal attacks, fast cars, kicked in the face, nice butts. Yeah, it's like. But that data is super, super, super valuable. And it's all in. Like, how does one get access to that data? You know? Do you get to access through some sneaky backdoor shit, or do you get access the normal way? But Apple does a better job of protecting your information, I think.

Yeah. And you know, I think too, Joe, why we don't want to change. It's something about the blue.

Mm hmm.

I don't know where you got us. It's something about I send the blue to you and I get a blue back. I like that.

Yeah, we're on the same team.

We're on the same fucking thing. What the fuck is wrong with us, Joe?

We have group workout texts and we send. They have to go green. Cause of fucking Brian.

Fucking Brian.

Brian Simpson.

We have to have multiple chats.

Even though Apple is adopting this RCS platform. So rces, it's not platform. What would you call it? Protocol. Thank you. RCS is. What is it called? Rich something. I forget what it stands for, but what it basically is, is like, most of the way to an imessage but through text message, because right now in text messaging, rich communication services. So that's the standard that everybody else is operating on that Google's operating on. I have a Google phone and I text you to a Samsung phone, it will be like that. RCS, it's encrypted green bubbles may not be going anywhere, but there's still hope for less archaic messaging experience. So RCS is now going to be on iPhones with, I think, iOS 18. Is that what it is? I think it comes out by the end of the year. So by the end of the year, like right now, if Brian sends me a text message and there's a picture in it, that picture is going to look like dog shit.

Yes.

It's going to be compressed. If he sends me a video, it's nonsense. I can't barely see it. It's like a little tiny square. It's a little you sending me, bro. So we have to go on WhatsApp or signal, and on signal, he can send me the whole video and I go, okay, I got the video now, but there's so many things you can't do. The big one is FaceTime. Facetime is big. I love. I get random facetimes from friends sometimes and I love it. Yeah, I love it. Bert will send me a random one. I was. We were. I was hanging with Brian this is a big moment, too. It was a cool moment. I was hanging with Brian at the black Keys. We went to see the black keys at Stubbs, and we're chilling backstage in that outside area, you know that? Outside that cool area. And we're hanging out with the black keys. And Dave Chappelle facetimes me. So I'm hanging out with Dave, and Dave sees Brian, he goes, oh, what's up, dog? And they start talking. He goes, hey, I love you, man. I think you're really funny. So they're, like, going back and forth.

I'm like, this is amazing. Like, Brian is getting recognized by Dave.

That's.

And he was like. He was beaming afterwards. So you see, Brian was like, you know, I can't imagine. I love those fucking random Facetime calls. I love those. Bert sends me them all the time. I love a random facetime call from a friend. It's beautiful. Cause I don't like calls from people. Random calls from people annoying me. Like, why you calling me, bro?

Yeah, what do you want? Facetime? It's usually just something funny.

It's usually something funny or someone cool. Cool people. Like, when cool people send you a FaceTime, it's like, wow, that's pretty badass. Fucking badass. God.

Deja v. He introduced me to you. My introduction to Joe Rogan was Joe Rogan. We're gonna look for a pair of New York boobs. I'd never heard of you before, dog. And then that was. I was like, who the fuck is Joe Rogan?

You know? That was an accident.

What?

I wasn't supposed to be on that. Yeah, I was walking down the street, and I saw Dave with a fake mustache on. I'm like, what are you doing, man? I was in New York doing stand up, so I was doing a club, and I was walking down the street, and I ran into Bobcat. Gold weight, you know, bobcat's the best. And Bobcat was directing Dave on his first episode, and so bobcat was there. I go, what are you guys doing? I go, why does Dave have a fucking mustache? He's like, oh, hey, Joe, you want to be on my show? I go, what do I have to do? He's like, we're gonna hand out ribbons for the best New York boobs. I go, yeah. I go, I got like, an hour, and then I have to meet some people for dinner, and then we're gonna go do my show. Yeah, you know, so let's. Yeah, let's do it. So for 1 hour, like, walked around with Dave where I carried around a bunch of buttons. I think Dave has this crazy fake mustache. So this is awesome. Looking for great New York boobs. Now, I want you to think of this.

This is 22, I guess.

Yeah.

Has to be 2002 or 2003, whatever. I guess two. Imagine how crazy different New York is.

Wow.

In just 22 years.

I was there the other day. I don't this yet is dangerous.

Now, this same area. Look at me with a full head area. Crazy. Oh, they blurred someone out because they didn't sign the release. See that one person, their face blurred out. See that? No release. Yeah, they blurred that lady out. Interesting. They blur people out. I saw his face. I know that guy. He's like, they should too. They did a shitty job. Oh, that's got his arm on his head.

That's illegal now. Oh, they would be so mad.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? That'd be assault.

Yeah.

That'd be slavery. That'd be everything. It'd be everything. You're going to jail.

I got one interaction with Dave Chappelle, and I hold on to this forever. This is why being a door guy is the best, Joe. I'm parking cars one night, all right? And it's my turn. I'm waiting to go up in the belly room. It's two people in that motherfucker, Joe. Two. But I'm waiting. It's finally my turn. One of my other door guy friends shout out. Matt Lockwood. He's bringing me on stage. It's only two people in the room. He's fucking around. This next comic, he used to sleep on my couch. He's a piece of shit. I did. He smoked all my weed. Dave walks in during the. And it's going and going as he's still bringing me up. And then Dave. And I'm, like, looking now, like, bring me up. Bring me up. Come on. Like, Dave's in the room. Bring me up, right? And he keeps going. And then Dave goes, all right. I'm going up.

And I'm like, God damn.

Dave walks up. He's like. My friend's like, oh, shit, guys. Dave Chappelle. The two people are like, what the fuck? He grabs the mic and he goes, I don't know who Derek Poston was, but that nigga's credits were terrible. And then. And then I go down, because now we're watching him. And then, of course, the room filled up as the night went on. It's Dave. He's there for a couple hours, and then I'm downstairs parking cars again, and somebody said, dave's looking for you. I run back up and Dave's going, you know, yada, yada, you know, Derek, I'mma bring you up. You know, you deserve a shot. You deserve a chance and all this stuff. And I'm like, yo, dog, thank you, man. He goes, oh, shit, nigga, you black. I wouldn't have bumped you. I wouldn't have bumped you. By the end, though, it was sold out, and it was crazy. I've seen people come in the room, and it just. That was just such a, like, man, I'm so glad that happened. A crazy memory.

Dave is a real artist in that. Like, he embraces this process of just exploring things on stage, and it's how he writes. So he'll, like, people will complain about it. They'll complain that he goes for so long. Like, you don't understand. You're watching. Like, you watching George St. Pierre lift weights, okay? That's what you're watching. Like, you. You're gonna see the fight eventually, but right now, you're watching George do squats.

Yep. And it looks.

Yeah, yeah. But you're getting a rare opportunity, and it's not. It's not the same experience. Right? Like, if you see Dave with a tight set, he's filming a Netflix special. He's gonna murder. He's gonna murder, son. Murder, murder, murder, murder, death, kid. Right. But the process of creating that murder, death, kill is like a boiling down process. You start off with an idea, and Dave will just run that idea raw.

Yeah.

You know, someone film him, and then he goes over it and he pieces it apart and tries to figure out what was good and what was bad and why it worked, why it didn't work.

Yeah. And to operate on that level of doing it for 4 hours and doing it at three in the morning, where it's like, no, they're tired. They're done. They're beyond tired. They've been beat to shit. It's 02:00 a.m.

But if he can get ten minutes out of that or five minutes or 1 minute, it's worth it, because you do 50 of those shows, you got a new hour. Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, nobody wants a bomb. Chris rock used to do it all the time. He used to tell people, like, someone would kill at the store, and Chris would show up and he would, like, purposely bring the audience down. He goes, relax. This ain't gonna be very good.

He would tell them, I've seen him once do that where he straight up off the notepad and he was like, what do you say? He's. I'm going over the skeleton of it right now, guys. Like, he was pretty much like, this is the. You're getting the bare bones.

Mm hmm.

And it was like, whoa.

Yeah. And that's the way to do it. Damon Wayans used to do that, too. Damon was great at that, man. Damon is the most unsung of the greats. Yeah, yeah. In my opinion. I remember Damon's HBO special, the last stand was fucking excellent. Excellent, dude. And he was one of the first dudes that I saw on stage when I came to LA, that was, like, a famous guy that stopped by. I was like, holy shit, Damon Wayans is here, dude. He was excellent, excellent. And he would do that too. He would explore ideas. He would just go up there and just fuck around for a long ass time.

Wow.

Yeah. And, you know, back then, like, Damon doesn't get the respect that he deserves. He doesn't get the love anymore. People don't, because he did sitcoms and shit. He kind of got out of the comedy loop, did movies. People forgot. But, dude, I am telling you, man, when he was on, he was a master. Very, like, Chappelle. Very, very much that level. Masterful.

Is this during his, like, in living color time, too? Wow, bro.

Damon Wayans, he's one of the all time greats. He just doesn't get appreciated the way he should.

Wow.

My opinion, I mean, I've seen these guys live, like, when they were in their prime, and Damon was. He was just so clever and so silly, and he would be laughing. It was genuine laughter. And he was having a good ass time on stage and talking about ridiculous shit. He was great, man. He was great. And he was another one of those guys that would just take his time. He would just go up there with some bear. He would show up on fucking Wednesday night, 11:00. Oh, Damon's here. Damon's gonna go up. And they'd let him up and have 15 fucking people in the crowd. And he'll be on stage for an hour. For an hour, just fucking around and just trying to come up with bits, trying to find out if there's something there. Digging a little hole. So he has to dig himself out.

Yeah.

You know, trying to laugh at stuff.

You have an interesting process. Cause you do that to yourself, you'll be like, all right, who's the most famous? Who are the best comics in the world? Let me do an hour and a half of that, and then I'll go up. It's like they've been beat the shit by Shane Gillis and Ron White and Tony H. Cliff, Brian Simpson, Hasana Mod. And then you go up and it's like, what the fuck?

It's running with weights on. That's what it is. Yeah, you run with weights on. You gotta hit that stage running. You know, I learned that going on after Joey, because Joey. Joe, for 15 minutes, Joey Diaz will punch a hole in the space time. Joey Diaz can punch a fucking hole in reality. And if 1520 minutes of Joey Diaz is just, like, following, that is you got to come on stage, like, fully engaged.

Yeah.

And one of the things you see, see from guys that tour with soft acts, they tour with, like, weak opening acts, and that's all that the comedy they do, they. They get soft. You get soft in, like, your appreciation for the audience's attention span or soft for. Have you made that bit the best that it could be? Or is it just adequate? Is it working? Or is it, like, optimized? Like, where's it at? Is it where you're happy with it? Or have you just kind of accepted that's the form it's in? Cause you do it that way every night, you know? And when you go on after murderers, there's no room for anything but tight. Everything has to be tight, and you have to be really there and engaged. People have seen an hour and a half of comedy before you even go on stage.

Yeah.

Hour and a half of murderers.

Murderers.

Murderers. I get so jealous too. I'm sitting in the back, goddamn. Why can't I go on now? Half an hour in the show, hot.

And it's your show, too. You're doing it to yourself. Amazing.

But that. I think that's the best way to do it. It's the best way for me.

Yeah.

I don't think I've ever been sharper. Like, right now, it's sharp.

Yeah.

Then that's what it is. I think it's just concentrating. It's like everything else, man. It's like, how much do you think about it? You know? I would say that, like, doing stand up is like. Let's say if you have, what is a value? Let's give a value of doing stand up. You give it a value of 100.

Okay.

Okay. If you watch yourself do stand up, that's like 50 or 60. So it's like an extra set almost. If you do two watches and one performance, it's like you did two sets. That's what I think. Listening to it. Listening to it is like 40 or 50, but it's better than zero. It's definitely better than zero. So if you could force yourself to listen and you force yourself to watch, those add up, like, in terms of the overall amount of effort you've put into what you're doing. Right. So it's not just the time you're on stage, but it's also, how much do you think about it afterwards? Because if you could just grab it after, it's. I don't want to do it when I get home. When I got home, I want to, like, watch YouTube videos on ancient civilizations.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

I don't want to write, but if I force myself, then I get fired up, and then I. And then once I'm in it, now I get it, now I feel it. And if I could force myself to listen to recordings or watch a recording after I do it, I'm so much more engaged. The next time I do it, it's like everything. Everything, like, moves up a notch. So instead of it being a value of 100, because I just did a show. I did the show and then I listened to it, and then I wrote more. So now it's almost like I did two shows.

Yeah. Were you watching yourself? You're right, because it makes you completely live the set over again. You're doing it again and seeing all the holes, seeing the.

And you don't have to carry the psychic weight of keeping the set going. Right. So you have no anticipation. You know, it already went well. I already saw it. I was there. So let me watch it. Like. Like, just chill and just watch and go, why am I saying it like that? That's too long. Like, I could cut that out. Like, everybody knows what I'm saying. I don't cut it out. Get to it quicker, you know?

Yeah.

Like, figure out this, that, like, you learn how to get to things quicker. When you work with killers, too, you learn the right. Like, one of the things I love about Joey is he sneaks. He sneaks up on you. Like, his punchline sneak up on you.

Yeah.

Like, you don't know where they're coming, and then they nail you. And he's moving fast. He's moving fast. So you're not gonna. You're not gonna keep up with him already. And then on top of that, he's sneaky with how he works in the punchline.

It's a great way to describe him. Yeah.

It's like a economy of words. Economy of words. Joey Diaz is the very best at it. I always tell this one joke. His my favorite, Joey Diaz.

Joe goes, I like transvestites.

They cook, they clean. You can beat them.

Every once in a while, the cops come.

Who's gonna believe me? Or some dude with a wig and a black eye?

Yeah, that's like, what? That's a great point. Cause it's like, it keeps going, but it's also.

It's like, it's absurd. You know, he's not really beating up transvestites. You know, it's like, it's not real. Like, when he talks about, he'll say the most ridiculous shit and it's outrageous and it's exaggerating, but it's part of the fun of the Joey Diaz show. You don't think he's really out there beating up transvestites? Like, that's. It's like their whole thing. It's like he's a cartoon.

He's a cartoon character.

It's amazing. He's so fun, man. He's my favorite person to watch ever.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. I think, at all. I mean, there's great comedians.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to say, like, who's the goat? Because I don't like it. I don't like the talk. I think we're very fortunate today that we have guys like Chappelle and a Tel and Shane and you and everybody and Tony.

Schultz.

Schultz. Schultz is killing it right now. Murdered on that roast.

That. Oh, my God, that dude. Oh, my God.

He's so likable, too. Even when he was shitting all over Dana White. He's got a big smile on his face.

He's laughing.

Oh, my God, he's funny. He's a great person too, man. He's a great person. Like a great human being.

I look at him like an actual big brother, man, that guy.

Beautiful person. I love him to death. But it's like we're real fortunate that we have all these people together. We're real fortunate. But for me, like, where I've laughed, where I can't stay in my seat and I'm on the ground or I'm slapping tables or we're hugging each other, it's Joey. Yeah, it's Joey. Joey hits. He hits an RPM that I don't think anybody else hits because of who he is, his background, the chaos of his life, this Phoenix emerging from the ashes of coke addiction and all that. He's just got a wildness and a love about him, too. The other thing, he's a loving, beautiful person. Like, he hugs everybody. He's a beautiful person. And when he gets wild, on stage, man, there's nothing like it, man.

It's like a family reunion. Laugh. It's something from your spirit when he gets you laughing.

Yeah, yeah. You love him. You want to hug him when you're laughing with them. Yeah, yeah. And that. So he was like the best guy to take on the road, too, because it was like the party was with us everywhere, you know? It was a party.

Yeah.

We're going to nice restaurants. We're eating dinner. Joey Diaz is telling stories about robbing people in five star restaurants.

Tell me, dude.

You tell you a story about kidnapping a drug dealer with a machine gun, and you're fucking crying, laughing, like, oh, my God, you're not disturbed. Like, why would you do that? Did you plan on shooting him? There's none of that. Just fun.

Yeah. The road is where you got me. I truly think I'm the most lucky dude in comedy right now, ever. I mean, my weeks, Joe, I'm with. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I'm with you. Shane Gillis, Brian Simpson, Deron White, Tony Ashcliffe. And my weekends, I'm with Andrew Schultz.

Yeah.

And that's it. I'm just. I'm full on in a Masterclass 24/7.

But you, you're lucky, but you also did all the work to get you to that place. You did all. It's like, you can't just be lucky cause you have to. Also, there's no shortcuts to creating bits like this. They have to be made. You have to do them. You have to perform. You did the work, man. If you weren't ready when Tony recommended you to Andrew, it wouldn't have worked. You had to have done all that work. Have you half stepped at any point in your career? You took time off, started to try a job for a little bit. You did this, you did that. You got married, you had kids. You can't go on the road now because now you have a mortgage, bro. You went down the path and you could do anything now because now you're in. But the beginning is sketchy, man.

You're just going.

Beginning is touching. That's what I'm saying. If I had, it was a 26 year old today, and they're like, I'm gonna go to open mic nights. I'm gonna start stand up and be like, okay, all right, I'll see you at mile 100. You say you get a run at ultra marathon. You know how many people finish those? Way more finished stand up careers. Way more, way, way, way more, way more, way, way, way more people finish 100 miles races that start them then have become a comic that start doing stand up and finish it.

I'm realizing this as you're saying it when you're doing the math in your head. I'm like, yeah, people do finish those races.

Yeah, they finish. My friend cams run like a dozen of them at least. He's probably run 20 of them. Goggins. He ran. I think Goggins did something crazy where he ran like 20 of them in a month. What was his record? He had some crazy fucking record. I might be selling it short in a month. He just sent me a text message yesterday about how he climbed Mount Everest with his fucking versa climber.

Do you know what?

A versa climber?

No, they're horrible.

We have one out there in the gym. It's an amazing workout.

This one.

That thing. Whoa. This motherfucker climbed Mount Everest. And he sent me. He sent me an image of it. Hold on a second.

How many days? That would take him days, right?

I don't think so.

What?

No, he's. You'll do it in one session. He's out of his fucking mind, man. 8100 miles races in a row. That's insane. In over how long? I'm trying to see. But he did more than that because over a year there was some crazy number that he did in one year. There's another. This isn't too. This is from Ultra Runner magazine, 2005. He decided to take on the Ultra marathon challenge, which involved running over 3100 miles across the United States from San Francisco to New York without taking any days off.

Jesus. Motherfucker.

No one had ever achieved before. Did he do it? I'm trying to find that out because I was trying to answer both questions at the same time. That seems like you died before you. Despite having never running more than 13 miles prior to this challenge, she completed it in just over 65 days. What the fuck, man?

13 miles. That's all he's ever done. Fuck.

MAn 13, he ran across the whole country, by the way. He did it with destroyed knees. His knees are all fucked up. His knees are like. He's got no cartilage and shit. From being a seal, from all sorts of things. I think he was born with. Like, his. One of his knees was kind of fucked up. Like, malformed. And then the years and years and years of punishment. Yeah. Injuries from being a seal, from going through buds, just from the years of training. Like, his knees are destroyed. They're destroyed. He's had crazy operations on his knees. Is that him? That was a hundred mile. Look how jacked he was. Damn, son. Look at that fucking build. Shoulders, dude. That's crazy.

Little to no food. Wow.

He finished the race in 19 hours on broken legs and in kidney failure. There's also that story where he was doing one and he went off track and so. Yeah, like, off pace. And then the next day he woke up and did it again, bro. Look how jacked he was there.

Am I wrong? Kidney failure can kill you, right?

100%.

What the fro.

Look how jacked he looks. Jesus Christ. I'm jealous. I want to be built like that. That's ridiculous. He looks like fucking. Yo, Romero looks incredible. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of that body I met.

Do you know who's jacked? Who? I met 50 cent this weekend.

Oh, big dollar, bro. Remember when he was young rock, when he was. He would be on stage shirtless.

Shirtless, shredded. I mean, yeah, I was looking at. I think he's. I think 50 cent is 50 and he's fucking shredded.

Yeah, he's a big fella. Boy. This. This whole rap world, the. The rap beef. I'm glad I'm ignorant to it. People keep bringing it up. And Tony keeps trying to get you. Not dragging me into this nonsense.

No, it's a. At this point, it's great. I've never seen a rap like this. This is. They're going the back and forth. I saw a great. Drake released another one yesterday because they've gone back and forth now four times a piece.

So what does someone have to tap out here? So is this to the death?

I saw a great comment. They said, at this point, these niggas are just doing an album together. Like, after. After eight songs going back and forth.

That would be the way to wrap it up. That's what you do to break bread. Hug it out. You got me with that one. You got it.

I mean, but it's. I'm not gonna lie. So I. Cuz, I love both these guys. This. This is my era of rap. So I love these guys, man. Him, J. Cole, Drake, Kendrick. But Joe, it is pointing out so personal the things they're saying. Cause, you know, he's calling him a pedophile in the song. Literally. Kendrick calling Drake a pedophile and all this stuff. And you have an illegitimate daughter. Brian has such a good joke. Cause he said, you have an illegitimate daughter. You're a pedophile. You groom women. And then Drake's comeback was, I don't have an eleven year old daughter. And Brian said, hey, bro, address the other shit. Nobody gives a fuck about the. What? He called you a pedophile, man.

Yeah. A dad is not a bad thing to be, buddy.

That's okay. I mean, but it's where it's like. Well, okay. What is this, man? This is crazy. This is crazy. Tupac just did it once. Hey, man, I fucked your wife. Fan. Fuck. All right, that's it?

Yeah. That was it. And then there was Nas and Jay Z. The ether.

Yep. Jay Z said his shit. Nas, etherdom. Jay Z said, I bow, I'm done.

Right?

They're friends now.

They're friends now. Yeah. So that can happen.

It can happen. But I've never seen nothing like this. The back and forth to this extreme is like. Man, it kind of sucks.

There was the early days of ice cube and easy e. That was great. Yeah, that was real beef. That was probably first beef. And then there was Tim Dog and Nwa. Fuck Compton. You don't know about fuck Compton. This is before your time. Tim Dog was good, man. Tim Dog was a. He was good. But Tim Dog was a guy who, unfortunately, kind of his identity became the man who went after NWA. When everyone was scared of NWA and everybody was scared of Compton. Yeah, he was a crazy New York dude.

Interesting.

You never heard of Tim Dog?

I've never heard of Tim Dog.

Show me some Tim dog.

Because I love fucking. I love rap so much. And I love.

Tim Dog. Did the scariest thing. He went after Nwa in the prime of Mwa road days. Oh, yeah. And when everyone was scared of him, it was just all guns and ruthless record Raiders hats. Yeah, that's Tim Dog.

I sell New York to fucking chains like that.

Go back to was the name of the album. It's something on wax. Click on that. That's the album. I just picked it, cuz it. There's a good picture of him. Penicillin on wax. That's the name of his CD. It's good, man. It's good. Like, he was a really good rapper. But the thing was like that, if that's how you break out, then your identity gets connected to beefing with these very famous rappers. Where I think, like, if he just went, like, the cool g rap way, just did his own shit, just. People would just love him for his own shit. But he went after NWA.

That's all, you know, for your trouble. I mean. Yeah, Nas, Ether, Jay Z, we all were there for. That happened. And Jay Z. Still Jay Z, bro.

Yeah, Jay Z. Still Jay Z. But Nas is fucking, man. His lyrics. I was listening to rewind the other day while we're playing pool. I was like, God damn, that song is genius, man. Genius.

Joe. Literally, I got to do the garden with Schultze this past weekend. And I took the subway to the show. Cause I wanted to feel it. I wanted to be in New York. Put on illmatic. Oh, fucking New York state of mind, Joe. I was. God, I was ready to go.

Oh, my God.

On the subway. Listen there. That beat.

Oh, my God. And what year is that? What year?

We. 293. I could be wrong. 92, 93.

He's the best lyricist, in my opinion. Yes, he's number one.

He's. Yeah, man, Kendrick Lamar is, too. But, man, Nas, you gotta argue. Nas is right there.

And for me, for my money, like, first of all, I'm old, so I like that nineties rap. Yeah. But it's also, like, for me, Nas was one of the first guys that I listened to, and I was like, ooh, ooh.

The ugly face, too.

Oh, you know? Like, ooh, these fucking lyrics are so tight, man. I love lyrics, man. I love someone who's, like, really fucking good at, like, piecing together a story. And that's why rewind is so good.

Yes.

Not only is it a great story, he does it backwards. It's crazy.

Fucking crazy. Joe.

That is basically, like pulling out your 14 inch dick and just laying it on the dinner table. Like, what's up, every other rapper. Everybody shut the fuck up. Yo, that's made a song backwards.

And it's a perfect story.

Murderous.

Yeah, it makes sense. It's genius. And you make. You have to. You want to listen to it again because you're like, oh, bro.

And even his new shit, he put out an album, like, two years ago.

Yes.

Bangin, man. It's bangin.

Oh, my God.

Just old school nineties hip hop. Still not lost any of the pace, you know?

No. Yeah, he did it with one of the new best producers. Oh, my God. I can't think of his name. Fucking slipping my name. But same guy, he made the beat for, like, niggas in Paris and stuff, but he's like, I like that he's still in the game.

Yeah, bro, when you hear hip hop is dead, if you're anywhere here, let's go, let's go.

Oh, dude, no.

NASA's. He's got some bangers over the years, man. He's some real bangers, man.

Yeah. Now you. You do. I do notice hanging out. You do like lyrics. You're a lyric, like, whether it be rap or anything, like, it's what the person's kind of talking about. Usually they get you going, I just love clever lyrics.

Like, I love a clever joke. You know, it's the same kind of shit. Like we always listen to cool g rap and brand new heavies. That death threat song. Oh, yeah, that's don't. Don't drink. When that song starts popping, you're like, oh, let's go.

My favorite one you play. It's not even a rap, but you got me into country. But that. People say I got a drinking problem.

That song. That's a great song.

One of my favorite greeting memories. Joe, you had it playing, and Shane's got a bud light in his hand. He's sitting there and he's like, joe, this song is making me sad. I look over to you and you're like. People say you just kept dancing. And Shane's. I think about that shit, right? Just makes me laugh.

Well, our green room playlist is so interesting. Cause there's so many different kinds of music in it. And it's like, it's all random. So it's on randomized. So just one Janis Joplin out of nowhere. You don't even know. You wanted to hear that. But you hear that beginning of take a little piece of my heart. Oh, shit, baby, sing.

What's that one?

Sing, baby.

Hot white come lady. Oh, my God. That's a crazy song.

Fair. Yeah, love her. Yeah, that song. Hot white come is crazy. That song is crazy because she was a huge artist when she made that song.

What air of time was it?

So nuts. 2000 ish. Early two thousands. 2003. Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, I remember seeing it, hearing that song, like, jesus, keep that lady away from me. She's too wild. That's a wild lady to be that famous, singing that song. She's cool as fuck do. I had her on the podcast.

Really?

Cool as fuck. Very cool. We got high together. It's fun getting high with Liz fair, but she's just cool. Just fun. Fun person. Fun person to talk to. You know, most artists, like, they got something inside of them. You know, there's something going on in there.

Yeah. You know, and it's fun to hang with. Like jelly roll. He's fun to hang with.

Fun. Gary.

Gary Clark.

Yeah, he's so fun to hang with. He's just the coolest. He's just a. He's a, like, he's a real artist. Like, Gary locks himself in his studio for, like, 18 hours. Drives his wife crazy. Drives everybody crazy. He's just sitting there smoking weed, drinking whiskey and just playing music. Yeah, I mean, he just he goes for it sometimes. I'll text him. He's like, I'm in the middle of everything, man. I'm in the middle of.

I like, that's how I would. I like to do it like that, man. Just lock in completely.

They do things so much different than us because they can create in a vacuum. You know, you can create a song in a vacuum. You could be by yourself, and you create a banger of a song. We can't really do that.

No, we need it, because in your head, you can hear the joke. Sometimes you're like, I'm pretty sure this will go, but you're not. Is. Yeah, you need the audience. You need to know.

It's like, you need a translator. Like, you need, like, you kind of get it, but you need to, like, you need to, like, am I saying this right? Like, you need to, like, have someone translate the words to the crowd that speaks a different language. Yeah, you gotta, like, it's all, you know, with music. I envy that they could practice on their own. You know, they could just sit alone. But even then, I think, like, performing live is a different animal.

Yeah.

Like, if you read Malcolm Gladwell's book.

The outlier, I bought it. I haven't read it yet, but I do have it.

It's good to read. It's good to listen to, too. I've listened to the audiobook. The audiobook is amazing because Malcolm reads it, and he talks about the Beatles when they were in Germany. So the Beatles went away. They left Liverpool. They go to Germany and Hamburg, and they're doing shows, like, every night. Every night. They're doing, like, six, seven nights a week. They're doing shows, like, hours and hours and hours. They come back two years later, and everybody's like, what the fuck happened? Like, how are you guys so good? Like, what the fuck happened? It's cause these guys were tight. Tight as a drum. Just constantly, constantly doing shows, just constantly working on it.

Damn. I've heard Kobe say that and want to think about how, like, if you work out every day at, like, you know, 09:00 a.m. And then you work out again at 04:00 p.m. That's, you know, that's like a regular NBA player. But what I'm doing is I'm waking up at 03:00 a.m. And then I'm working out then. And then I'm workout again at 06:00 a.m. And then I'm gonna work out again at 09:00 a.m.. So by the time you got your first workout, I got in three. And he said, and after I do that for years, I'm the best player in basketball. And it's like.

And he was right. He was right.

It literally just worked. That's all it was. He wasn't like, oh, no, there's guys who was better than me, completely born better, all that. But I outworked them. Wow.

I think that's the case with everything. I think that's the case with music. I think that's the case with sports up until the point where you're being detrimental to your body with sports, because I think you definitely can overuse. You could work out too hard where your body's just too broken down, and then you start getting injured. That's. That's real possible, because a certain point in time, you're putting in too much work for your biology to heal the sessions, you know, for fighting, that must.

Be the hardest to judge that. It was like, what's too much?

That's the toughest thing in all of athletics, in my opinion, is, like, world championship fighting, because just getting to this, it's getting into the octagon without an injury. Good luck. Everybody's hurt because you fight.

You gotta fight to get ready. That's the crazy part.

Yeah, you gotta fight. And guys get staph infections, tweak knees, fucked up backs and rib injuries.

And.

And they fight with those things. Yeah, yeah, they fight. They fight all fucked up.

Now, you always hear that, like, after a guy wins, they'll be like, and I won with, like, Pereira. I won with a broken.

He had a broken toe. Toe, yeah.

The fuck.

The fuck?

Got kicked in the nuts. Yeah.

Crazy. Crazy. Yeah. Those guys are always hurt. How about Ben Wassa and Denis? He had a fucking staph infection on his head when he fought Dustin Poirier, and he couldn't, he knew he had, like, one good round in him, so he just went after Dustin in the first round, tried to take him out, and he got knocked out in the second round. And then afterwards, you're saying that, like, the staph infection just drained him? There was nothing left. That's what happens.

Is that the one where Dustin kept trying to do the guillotine?

Mm hmm.

Yeah, that was the best.

Where you said, william Montgomery.

Never gonna stop Joe. That's how big kil Tony is. Fighters, after. After winning a fight, is thinking about William fucking Montgomery.

No, it's crazy. Kill Tony has emerged, man. It's emerged. When Tony was on the COVID of Variety magazine. I was like, whoa, that's undeniable. That's undeniable.

I do wonder, because it's like, man, what? It's only going to get bigger? Cause I don't think that show is at a, like, oh, it's. I think that show is like, this might be the beginning of what this show might be.

Oh, it's not. It's not nearly where it's going to be. Yeah, it's going to be even bigger. It's going to continue to grow.

I thought Tony said, bro, you're going to have some open mic. Are doing their first set in that goddamn football stadium in Texas.

Yeah. Yeah. Legitimately. Yeah, easily. It could be that. And also, he. When they do the live show, you know, they. They put on a production. I mean, there's a lot going on. You know, they had jelly roll singing. You know, jelly Roll is a crazy comedy fan. He was on the mothership this weekend. He went there to hang out with Steve Byrne.

When we were in Nashville. He pulled up, just came to the show. We were at the Grand Ole Opry, and he came out and sang some songs with. It was like they were singing Garth Brooks with Jelly Roll at the Grand Ole Opry.

Tony told me that he took him out to clubs afterwards and that they were playing and Tony would play the drums and jelly roll was singing. Yeah.

And nothing came.

He sang simple man with Tony on drums. Yeah. Can you imagine you just at some bar in Nashville just hanging out and jelly roll rolls up and he goes on stage and sings a Leonard Skynyrd song with Tony Hinchcliffe playing the drums.

Sounds like a fucking madlib. Doesn't even sound real.

Doesn't even sound real. Tony came into these, like, what kind of life are we living? He goes, how is this real, man?

Jo be thinking that shit all the time. I do, too. I can't. Yeah, yeah.

I think it all the time. Doesn't make any sense.

Just this week, Joey went mad. Square garden. Mask. Square garden here.

Yeah.

To do this pot. It was this. Three days have been like, what the fuck?

Yeah, what the fuck?

What the fuck, man?

What the fuck?

Just from an open mic. Just from. Decided an open mic one night twelve years ago in Memphis, Tennessee.

On the path. How many years has it been now?

Twelve. Just one.

Staying on the path. It's just staying on the path. That's the thing. Just stay on the path. Stay on the path. Yeah. Just like what Kobe Bryant was saying. Same thing.

Work.

Yeah, just get in that work. Stay on the path. And the difference between the guys who work and the guys just kind of half ass it. Like, we've seen guys come through that they have 1ft in and 1ft out.

You see it. Yeah.

You see it. You see it when they bomb.

Whoo. You see it when they bomb. It's like, oh, you're not doing this. You're not getting up. You're not really getting up. And you're not really putting yourself around the best communities you could put yourself around.

Yeah.

You can see it. Note either they're your openers or whatever it is, but you're not around it.

Yeah. And you're all in your head. You're not free.

Yeah.

Those guys that are free, like a tell. Attel's free. He's free. When he's up there, he's free. Shane's free. Yeah, that's a, that's like a place that you can get to. Everybody can get there. If you're good, if you can get laughs, you can get there. You just need to keep. Keep working on it. Yeah, but that's the thing, is, like, it really is. It's. It's a skill that can be developed. It's not as simple as you either talented or you're not. It's like, yeah, you have to have something. Like, there's some, some people that just. They can't make anybody laugh, ever. They're just not funny. They just don't. I've seen these people, and usually they're mentally ill. Usually the people that aren't funny, but they try really hard to be funny, they're usually, like, really mentally ill. And some of them, somehow or another, develop careers. Like, they have, like, a modicum of a career. But if you, like, go to their instagram, it's all weird. Like signaling. It's all pretending you're something you're not. It's like this weird thing where they're just trying to, like, find something that sticks.

Yeah.

Like a formless jellyfish trying to pretend that it's a tree. There's something about them that's, like, weird and. But if they can, if they look the right way and they say the right things, they can kind of eke out some bizarre existence where they can pretend that they're a comedian and it can last for years. Some of them stick around. They, they host shows, they do things. It's like, what? What are you doing?

That is the one thing I did love about sports is that you can't pretend fight. Right? You can't pretend hit a baseball, Joe. Right. You either got, you gotta hit the baseball.

Right. But do have fighters that are professional, fighters that are not good. Yeah. Like, in boxing, there's guys that they will call because they know this guy's a dumbass, and they'll fight Mike Tyson. I mean, that's what, how they built Mike Tyson's career. They took a bunch of guys who kind of, like, you know, not, they're not Kobe Bryant mentality. You know, they're kind of, like, just sort of professionally boxing and losing a bunch. And maybe they have losing records. Like, a lot of them have. Like, they lost more than they've won, but they're a professional boxer, and they're willing to fight this 19 year old kid from Brownsville. It's going to take your fucking head off. And so that's how they.

From hell.

From hell.

Okay.

Born from hell. So that, that's how they develop, like, careers. And so with stand up, you get those guys, too, because some comics, they like weak comics going on in front of them. So they'll take this person who's, like, barely should be a comedian. They really barely should be doing stand up. And they'll have them open in front of crowd and torture this audience so they can come on stage 20 minutes later and look like a hero.

Hero.

This looks totally unchallenged. So smooth and polished and so confident.

Yeah, that shit. Yeah.

So you have that weirdness in anything, even in fighting. You have that weirdness where someone's kind of, they're doing it, but they're kind of, like, half doing it, and they.

Can still have a career, though.

Kind of, sort of, you know, but same thing. They're not making any real money.

Yeah.

You know, you're just kind of, like.

Getting by or even just a lasting impression, just like.

Yeah, yeah.

I like, you know, because there are some comments. You can tell they, you can tell that they operate outside of the world of, like, peers. They operate kind of on their own, like, and they don't really want that. You know, I like my, the idea of my peers thinking I'm funny and being in this group that we have and, like, everyone making each other better. But you can tell some comics kind of, like, don't want to operate in that world.

I think they get isolated, and usually they get isolated by success, and especially if they're old school guys. Cause the old school guys, people did root for your downfall. And if they didn't come up with us in the store, which is, I think, the first time where that sort of attitude of camaraderie, like, really got polished and developed, whereas it existed in small pockets where they had friends. But there's so many stories of one friend getting something and the other friend turning on them because they were jealous. There's so many with guys that we know, super fans.

They've done podcasts about it.

Yeah. So there was always that, you know? But I think when some guys make it and then they start doing touring in clubs and then doing theaters, they just bring their opening act everywhere. So they have an opening act that they work with. They bring that person everywhere, and they rarely do sets in town. And then they become isolated, and then you become like an island. I refer to these people as islands.

Great. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Islands.

They're islands. And so they're not connected to the mainland. And so there's a sadness to that existence.

Yes.

It's weird. It's not good.

And you can tell they act like, or you can see it on them. They like to pretend like they don't care, but it's like, I think you do. I think when you lay your head down at night, you want friends, bro. I like that we work out together. I like that. Like, we are all friends outside of this as well. I like that feeling.

Yeah. Yeah. It's. It's everything. It's. It's a big part of it. The clubhouse.

Clubhouse.

It's a big part of why it's so entertaining and why it's so fun. See, like you, we're laughing as much in the room as we are watching people on stage. It's like, in that room, it's like there's. And everybody's free. It's like everybody knows everybody loves them.

Yeah.

Free.

Whenever we walk in, everybody hugs each other. That's my thing. Yo, Ronald, come in. And then, you know, Tony comes in, we're all like, oh. And everybody immediately starts talking shit.

Yeah, man. Bro, we're very, very, very lucky. Very lucky.

The luckiest job.

But we also did the thing. We actually took the chance and we came out here, you know, fucking 49 ers.

That's what I feel like.

I think the universe wanted it to happen. I know that sounds corny. I know that sounds ridiculous. I know that sounds like new Agey, but just don't. I don't know how everything else could have lined up so perfectly. Like, if you had. If you had a calculation to what are the odds of a new comedy scene emerging in the middle of the country and emerging in a way that all the young people are moving here, all the young people that want to have a career and then have it connected to something like kill Tony, which is the very best platform ever for someone to develop a career. If you have a good few minutes, you can go on kill Tony, and you could become a real. Look at Cam Patterson.

Look at Camp Patterson, baby Patterson. Look at Camp Patterson.

Killing it every week. New minute. Killing it. Killing it.

Monster. Killing it.

When Tucker Carlson was on. Just killing it. Just killing it all the time. But you can develop a career. Look at William Montgomery killing it. Headlining on the road, Casey Rocket, all these guys, you could really develop a career. And the way the club is set up, I almost called it the store. The way the mothership is set up, it's like you have a real path. Like, guys will take you on the road. You do get spots. If you're a door person, you get paid for it. People will watch you. Yeah. If you're coming up, people will watch you. And you can't think you deserve more than you get, either. Like, everybody gets what they deserve. It's just. It's a long ass, fucking brutal process.

Yes.

But you have a possibility. There's a path. There's a real path. The light, it's lit. You know, you can. Not everybody finishes that hundred mile race, but you can get on that path.

Not everybody finishes.

That's brutal, man. Especially in that stage. The stage where you got, like, five good minutes. Yeah. This is what you're banking your life on? Like, oh, my God, I could have gone to school. I wish sometimes I could have had a healthcare plan. I could have had a lexus.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck all that.

Yeah. Fuck, fuck.

If I could. I wish we could sometimes gamble on comedy. I would. If I had stock, man, I'd put it in Cam Patterson.

Oh, yeah.

Right? When I saw him, I was like, oh, that's one of them things. He's one of them things. That is very rare, I think.

Yeah.

You know?

Where it's a hundred percent.

Where it's a hundred. Where it's. This is. No, that's a hundred percent.

Buy 100%.

That's 100%. Hundred percent.

Yeah. There's a. There's guys where you, like, man, I don't know. Like, William in the beginning. Like, I don't know.

Because it's so crazy. It's just like, what is going on now?

It's like a hundred percent.

Well, yeah.

If you were early adopter of William Montgomery stock, you'd be like, wow, I fucking called that bitch.

Yeah. Tony's.

Yeah.

Rich, man. Yeah.

That's a hard one to, but Ken.

Patterson is one of those few, man, where. I mean, I wasn't around for Eddie Murphy, but that's how I look at him. I'm like, man, you really are special, man. You are a special dude.

Well, he's just so friendly in real life and so silly, you know?

And authentically him.

Yep. Authentically him. And he could do that on stage. And that. That exercise of doing a new minute every week is crazy.

Could you imagine doing it five years in joke?

So hard to do, man. So hard to do. Kim Condon and Sarah. Sarah Weinshank, they were like the first to do it.

Kim's killing it both. Killing. I mean.

Yeah. And they're out here all the time, too. That's, that's the. The coolest thing is to see how many people decided to join us, you know? But if you had to put odds on that, what are the odds? The odds are like a fucking million to one. Like, what are the, what are the possibilities that all those things are going to happen in that order, you know, Spotify, pandemic, the George Floyd, come out here, everyone's cool. Do indoor shows. Everything's locked down everywhere else. Everyone's at a job. All the employees at the comedy store are all fired. No one has jobs. No, there's no club. You can hire people, bring them out here, and everybody starts coming like, what are you guys doing?

What are y'all up to? That's what it felt like. What the fuck are y'all up to over here?

Come join.

That's what it feels like. Not like real co, but it does feel like, man, it's our, it's our, like family, right? The people who came early. It does feel that way.

And it can help shape the way comedy is done in the whole country. Cause it's done for the comedians. Like, it's a club that's set up for the comedians. And recognize that the comedians, the reason why people are there, they're not just there to buy drinks. They're not just there cause a club is cool. They're there for the talent. So give the talent money page.

First thing I did, oh, bro, I've never had money, Joe. But the first thing I did, brother, I took all the door guys to get sushi. We balled the fuck out. I never. That's the most money I've ever spent on anything, Joe, and I'm talking. I spent the whole check I got on sushi for the boys.

And that never.

Oh, it felt great. Hey, Whitney was there with your wife was there too. Literally. Whitney, your wife were there. Whitney's like, what are y'all doing here? They're like, we're about to get some fucking sushi. She was like, joe Rogan's fucking paying y'all. It's like, what the fuck are y'all making? It's like, oh, no, man. That's. That's my favorite thing, though, bro, is being able to have money and just go out with the door guys and be able to pay for dinner. Like, they don't have to pay for dinner, right? I can pay for dinner.

No, that's nice. It's nice. Whoo. Yeah. It's nice that you feel that way too. That's what's important, that you want to do that. That's what's important. And it makes everybody feel, well, people.

Do it for me, you show. So it's like, man, the idea of how nice. And I know what it's like to just be like, man, bro, it's either not eat tonight or eat like, a McDonald's thing or Derek's taking us to get a steak, right?

Let's go, you know? Yeah, yeah. When we first started doing that, I remember Ari was like, super poor. I'd take him on the road and be like, we're gonna order. I'm like, order whatever the fuck you want, man. Let's go. Let's have some steaks.

Let's get a bottle of wine.

Let's have fun. Yeah, it's like, it's. It's.

Did anyone ever do that for you, Joe? Or did you just start doing that?

No, I just started doing that. Nobody. Nobody took me on the road. Really? Yeah, I mean, I had a couple guys that I opened for in the early days. Like, Lenny Clark was the big one because Lenny Clark opened for Lenny. I'd been doing comedy for one year, and Mark Clark just started. He tried me out at this one place. It was called J's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. And Lenny was just coming off of the HBO young comedian special with Rodney. Wasn't like Sam Kinison, so Lenny was. And Lenny was a legend in Boston, so. And Lenny was like, kid, you're funny. He goes, I fucking loved it. He was like, talk to me about different bits. It was real fun. And so to me, that was like a giant boost that I got from Lenny Clark. I was like, holy shit, this is incredible. And then I became friends with Lenny. And so I would, you know, I did quite a few shows with Lenny in Boston, in and around Boston, but nobody ever took me on the road.

Wow.

No, I came out here to LA. Came out there to LA, and I started doing the store, and I was mostly just doing the store. And then Dice told me I should do the road.

Yeah. Andrew dice Clay.

Dice told me in the back of the comedy store. Dice is always cool to me. And he was always one of those ones where I just couldn't believe I was talking to dice. I was like, this is just so weird because I was listening to his cassette in my car when I was 19 years old. I remember this girl I was dating. We were howling, laugh. We were sitting in front of my house. I'll never forget. I could picture the scene or sit in front of my house in the car, and we're both like, we're just crying, laughing. And then all of a sudden, I'm in the parking lot at the comedy store, and dice is giving me advice. It's like, you should do the road. I'm like, really? He's like, yeah. He goes, you don't need these fucking jerk offs to tell you where your money comes from. Do the road. He goes, you have a real career. You'll always have that. He goes, you can make a lot of money out there. I was like, cash through the road. So I had just been doing the store. Like I'd done. I had done the road when I lived in New York, you know?

Cause, like, that's how you made a living. I would go places and, you know, I'd go to Connecticut and Jersey. I'd do road gigs, weekends, places. That's how I was making money. But then when I came to LA, I was basically just doing the comedy store and the lab factory and working on sitcom news radio.

Yeah.

And then dice was like. And I was like, I should do the road. And then I started going on the road. So I was headlining. So, wow. I didn't. So I just took guys from the store. So I realized early on, like, this is, like, when I really had a really hard time following Joey. But I realized that Joey was so funny that if I knew that if I could follow him, I was like, this will, like, really pick up my comedy. Cause he's so hard to follow. It was so scary.

I can't imagine, though.

I was like, this is the only way to do it. Cause I knew that Joey didn't want a headline. Joey was crazy back then. Joey was so wild that I started hiring Ari to come with us as well in case Joey didn't show up. So if Joey showed up, it was a three man show. And if Joey didn't show up, it was a two man show. Cause Ari could go up and he wanted. I was like, I don't want to not have Joey. But Joey was so crazy back then. But I didn't want to put pressure on him either. So it's like, let's just come. If you come. If you don't, I fucking eat your plane ticket or whatever.

And so Ari doesn't know if he's featured or hosted.

He's assuming that we always did a tag team anyway. So he's assuming he's always gonna go on first, which is correct. And assuming he's gonna bring up Joey. But he might not be bringing up Joey. But it was fine. It was fine. But I started taking them on the road because I was like, it's way more fun when you bring people. It's way more. I figured that out early on. Like, you want to travel with your friends, like, you don't want to.

Just.

It was lonely. You just travel to Pittsburgh and you're, like, hanging out with the. The people that work there. Like, okay, I guess I'm going to go to my hotel and go to sleep. Go jerk off and go to sleep. Fuck kind of life is this?

This is weird.

And they just look forward to the show the next day, and you're alone in the gym fucking lifting weights, feeling weird. As opposed to, if I bring those guys. We were just laughing everywhere, so it was just laughs. We just go have a good time. We go eat together, hang out at the park together, fucking do whatever.

Go to the pool, hang out together. I always hear comics say that too. I'm not. I mean, definitely hope to be headlined soon, but you hear comics be like, oh, man. You know, you want to bring somebody, but it just costs a little too much money or costs money. It's like, to me, that's what you're paying for, though, right?

100%.

I'm paying so I can have a good, comfortable time.

I think to this day, my photo of Joey, when I call him is Joey at the pool in Austin. Yeah, that photo right there, that's Joey with Ari in the background.

Oh, shit.

We're hanging out the pool when we're on the road together.

That's fucking young.

Joey calls me or what I call him. I'll call him right now.

So fuck, yeah.

Everybody can see it. It doesn't show the image. Why doesn't show the image? It's an old ass image. Hmm. Sometimes when you call people, it shows you the full you the picture. Yeah. How come it doesn't do that? I don't know. Either way, that's the picture. That was us.

People make sure.

I think we were in Austin. Pretty sure we were in Austin.

Look at Ari.

Look at that mother. That was young Ari. That was Ari when he was a door guy.

Wow.

Yeah. When he just lost his religion just a few years earlier, Hari was, like, radical, you know, like, what. What sect of. Would you call him? Fundamentalist Judaism.

What.

What was it? What would you call it? Orthodox. He was all in. Ari was all in. No, he's 19 or 20. He's like this bullshit things. 21. This bullshit. Cut out of this.

You met him coming off religious, conservative.

Jewish, and then his parents adopted or orthodox jewish beliefs. This according to the Wikipedia. Okay, so that's when he moved to Israel and.

Yeah.

And he's, like, reading the Talmud 12 hours a day. Like, he was all in, and then became this chaotic comedian.

Hilarious. Crazy. Yeah.

And I met him when he was at the store just working in the door, and then, you know, watched him do a few sets and said, you want to come on the road? Took him on the road. We did a bunch of sets together. Had a great fucking time.

Tour guide.

Yeah. Door guys. Yeah. And it's also just like, you know, given lighting the path, letting people know that there's a real path here, you can. You go from doing open mic nights to putting together sets. You do guest spots, and then you do a little bit of sets in town, and then someone comes along and says, hey, you want to try opening up on the road? You do 15 minutes. Can you do 15? Some guys, I ask them, can you do 15 minutes? And they really can't because they have really. They have three five minute sets of the same jokes, but you don't know.

Because you're only doing five minute sets at a time.

Exactly. So they don't know that. The problem is if you cover that same subject three different times, you can't piece that together and make 15 minutes. You're just covering the subject in one way. What you really should be doing is condensing that shit, cutting it up, and attaching them all together. And don't try to make it, like, three, five minutes. You just lazy.

Yeah, it should be one chunk.

Exactly, exactly.

And that's. That's what makes you Brian Simpson. That is what makes you a great comic.

Joey Diaz.

Joey Diaz.

It's not 15 minutes anymore. It's four minutes. You know, it's one chunk, and it's bang, bang, bang, bang murderers. Yeah. So there's, you know, there's a few guys, you take them on the road, they just. They didn't. What if whatever it is, they didn't have the extra horsepower to make it up the hill? It's like, listen, man, you got to get up that hill. No one's going to help you. I can't hold your hand. You got to get up that hill on your own. It's the only way to do this.

Damn.

Some people don't make it up the hill, bro. Yeah. Even though you love them, you love them. They don't make it up the hill. You love them. You think they're great guys. They want you to still take them on the road and like, hey, man, you got to make it up the hill. You got to make it up the hill. I can't have you bombing everywhere.

You know, I've seen people ask you to try to go up on the Rogan at France. You try. You help some people. It's just.

But it's just when they bomb, it's awful.

It's awful.

Yeah.

Especially when the crowd's so like, Assange just murdered, Brian just murdered, you know? You know, I mean, it's like. It's just like, oh, no.

Yeah, you gotta make it up the hill, but you can. And just because you have a bad set that night, it doesn't mean everybody's writing you off. But if you don't adjust, if you don't course correct, you're gonna continue to have bad sets. You know, you got to figure out, what is. What am I doing wrong? Like, what is different about what I'm doing than these people that are doing it really good?

That's the best part of watching them.

The thing is, comedy is a weird art form in that there's no real place where you can learn it other than doing it. Yeah, you could learn how to play guitar. You know, I mean, some of the great guitar players, they're self taught, but you could. You could learn. You could go to a place, they could teach you how to play guitar. You know, they could teach you online, there's tons of tutorials on how to learn how to play guitar that are free. You can get them on YouTube. Learn how to play guitar. You're not gonna learn how to do comedy. Yeah, you gotta do it.

It's so personal. That's what makes it so beautiful, bro. It's so personal.

And there's a lot of really funny people that aren't funny on stage. That's weird.

How's that? It's crazy.

Weird.

It doesn't make sense sometimes, right?

It's weird. It's weird when you see them bomb on stage, then you see them in real life and they're funny. Like, what is going on?

And then they go almost like the great. Like, you'll see them in the green room and they'll be this, the comedian. And then they go on stage and they like, but let me become a no comedian. Like what?

I think a comedian is so aware, it's so aware that they're performing, so we're not locked into the thought at all, but instead hoping for a good result with every word that comes out of their mouth. Yeah.

Hoping for a good result. Yeah.

It's that feeling in the air of desperation. You know?

The crowd could taste it.

You ever see a desperate dude trying to hit out a girl? It's the saddest shit of all time. It's like he smells like shit, and she's just trying to get away with him, get away from him, you know? Cause desperation stinks.

It does.

It stinks on girls, too. It stinks on everybody. It stinks on comedians. Stinks. Desperation stinks. We don't like it. It's uncomfortable. I don't want to feel that way. So if you're. I want you to be having fun. You know, when I see someone like Schultz at the roast, he's having fun.

Yeah.

I want to be watching a person who's having fun. I don't want to be watching someone who's like, even if your comedy is really well written, it's going to suck if you're desperate.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah.

Watching someone have fun, God, watching that fucking guy, Schultz, that's fucking fun.

Yeah. He has a good ass time, man. And he's enjoying all the success. You know? He's enjoying every step of the way. That's very important, too, because, you know, a lot of people get upset that people promote things and show them on stage killing it. But you gotta understand, like, that. That is, that's you. That's on. That's on you.

That's all you.

He's celebrating success. This is like, this is gratitude in a physical form. If that bothers you, that's you.

What you want me to do, man?

That's your problem. This is him with the garden.

Look at the boy, Joe. Watching this guy, watching this guy. I swear to God, Joe, and I've told him this a hundred times, I'll be watching him. I'll think I'll get off stage. My second show with the garden, I thought I had one of the best sets I've ever had in my life, Joe. In my life. I watched his first ten minutes just riffing about New York, and I'll be like, I don't even. I didn't even do the same thing. I'm not even doing the same thing. He's killing so hard.

And he brought 50 cent out too, at the end, right?

Yeah, he brought him out.

Did 50 sing? Oh, he did, Joe.

We got the rap. We rapped hater to love it together.

Oh, my God.

Well, he dapped me up. It went through my body.

That's amazing. That's amazing.

But I like that he lives like this. I like that he's like a bigger, better. Let's everybody, let's be bigger, better, bigger. We can all be bigger and better. And I like that. That's why I gravitate towards him. I feel like he makes me want to be bigger and better and do better.

I felt like that the moment I met him. Moment I met him was that I'd seen him do some stuff on online. I guess it was probably YouTube or Instagram or. I forget what it was. And then I came to the store, and I heard he was doing a show, so I came to stop by to watch him.

I remember this night, Joe. Yeah, I remember this night.

I met him in the back.

Yep. Main room. He went up. He fucking killed. And then he did the pod.

I remember it was fun.

I didn't even know him yet. Remember just being a fly on the wall watching these moments.

Good guys out there, man. There's good guys out there. And there's a lot of people that would be good guys if they were in the right group of people and they don't feel like they can be good guys. Cause they're all, like, shielded and protected. And some guys are good guys when things are going great for them, but when things aren't going great, then they're cunts.

And all of a sudden, that's cause they weren't good guys, though. That's who they really were.

Yeah, well, they're just narcissists. And they feel it's the same. That old school thing where they only want them to be successful and they only celebrate people that are way less successful than them. If they do celebrate people.

Yeah.

It's always someone who's, like, kind of okay, and then they pretend they're really amazing.

That shit, so. Oh, my God. And then they'll tell people like Hasan or somebody that they can't open for him, like, you know, they'll give them excuses to why, like, oh, just, you know, we're this or that. It's like just murder. That's why.

Yeah. You don't. Well, when you kick a guy off the tour because he's killing too hard, that's when it's a real problem. I've seen that happen.

It's happened to your boy Joe. We know the names. Come on.

Yeah, but, you know, that's on them. They have to, they have to live with that. That's not good, you know, take your medicine.

Yeah. Also, don't you want the show to be good? That's what I've been thinking about. Like, don't you want the people in the show to also leave going? I love the whole show, not just the main guy. I love the whole thing.

But I think we people could take out of this that don't give a fuck about comedy or stand up. Is that. That the mentality of, like, doing it the right way, you could apply that to everything in your life, to everything. You apply that to whatever you do for a living. Apply that to your friendships, apply that to everything. You have a better life. It's a better way to live. Fuck it.

Right.

And you can do it. Everybody could do it. It's not hard to do. It's hard to do, but it's not, it's not like, it's not like it's impossible. It just requires a readjustment of the way you think about things.

Yeah, man. Loving is so much more fun.

Oh, it's so much fun.

Just loving it so much more. Look at the dog, bro. They're having a good time. Just love.

Yeah. Stop trying to be the man, even if you are the man. Don't. Don't even think about it. Just. Just keep going. Just have fun.

Just have a good time even where you are.

Yeah, don't think about it. Yeah. Never dwell. Don't dwell on that shit. Think about what's important. What's important is friendship, fun, this thing that you're trying to get better at, you know, community.

I love the community we have. Yeah.

And the. We all have very different versions of the same idea. Like, we're trying to develop great bits and trying to have a great set. We're all trying to do a different version of that same idea. So we're all just, all of us are working on shit and we all have good advice for each other. Like, you know, every now and then, Tony will, like, hit you with a tagline. You know, someone will come up with Brian will say, hey, you know, you do it like this, but I feel like one time I heard you, you did it different, and I like that better. Like, oh, yeah, that's right. Right. You know, and having guys like that is watch your shit and talk to you about it.

Well, you said that to me. Just like, try to open it with this. Just move. Just sometimes just moving something.

Yeah, Joey did say that to me also on the phone yesterday. He was talking about this guy who went up and he, he said something kind of fucked up. Like, right away goes, you. He goes, you can't just do that to him. He goes, they gotta get him to fall in love with you first. Don't just fucking dive into this stupid shit. Get him to fall in love with you first, because then you can get away with it later.

You get away with everything.

Yeah. And it's also like, you. You know them now. They know you. You know each other. We like each other now. I could be free. Now I can get loose. And you heard, you say that to Tony.

Like, Tony, smile.

Yeah, have a good time. Smile happy. Tony's the best.

When Tony's happy, it's the hardest murderer.

It's crazy, mean Tony. It's like, like, settle down, Tony. You need to go to the gym, okay. Don't be so mean. But it's, it's, you know, that's like, that intensity of is also, like, that could be harnessed. Like, you could be, you have the same intensity, but you don't focus it in, like, this angry, mean way, you know?

Yeah.

Just, you focus it. What's the best way. What's the best way to use this energy? Don't just give in to the gluttony, you know? Yeah. The gluttony of anger, meanness, or whatever the fuck it is. Just have fun.

It comes up in us all, though. God, it comes up quick where you just feel some, like.

Mm hmm.

What did you say that day? We were working out and we were about to start talking shit, and then Marshall came up, and Marshall was like, you were like, look at Marshall. She's like, no, daddy, stop talking shit. You're like, I know, Marshall, but I can't help it.

I know. Yeah, we were talking shit, but we were right.

I mean, that's the best part.

Isn't that crazy? We learned out after we were talking that shit, that it was convenient. Confirmed. I knew it. I knew it. But that's, that's. Again, that's that old school, stupid way of thinking that my dog does not participate in Marshall's like, yo, you know everybody love everybody. He's funny, man. Hanging out. We're doing kettlebell swings and shit.

I know. She's just running in between legs.

Don't misgender my dog.

You know I like. You know I like them. You know I like him.

That's the problem. That's the problem, Derek. That's the problem. It's a good time for you.

Oh, bro, the world is changing in my favor, baby. It's for your boy. I feel like I'm a part of it.

How did you develop a, like of trans porn?

Honestly?

Honestly?

Just scrolling through porn one regular day, just like any other guy.

Regular guy. Nothing's wrong with you.

Nothing wrong.

Didn't get struck by lightning?

Nope. Just scrolling through. I saw a woman with a fucking hog.

Yeah.

And was like. And she was beautiful. She was actually beautiful.

Did you get confused?

No, I was finally not confused.

Gave into it.

I was a me.

Oh, you liked it?

Told my wife, I said, yo, what the fuck is this?

What'd she say?

What's wrong with you? Fuck is wrong with you, man?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

And I was like, I like this because that's also what I don't like, is the guys who don't want to act like they don't watch it.

Mmm.

20 million views every video. It ain't just me, baby.

Right.

It ain't just your boy.

It's a lot. You know what I saw that was real disturbing? Someone posted this video. This is totally unrelated, so no one thinks I'm connecting these two, but someone posted this thing on Instagram of a video of showing children dancing around. Like, the people posting their children dancing around. And then they went and saw, like, who is liking this video? And who is. Who's following this video? Who's following this person? And then they went to those accounts. And they went to some of those accounts. And some of those accounts are for straight up pedophiles. Yeah, straight up pedophiles who are, like, watching your kid dance around. And they watch your kid, and they're. They're fucking legit sex offenders. And they're online.

Yeah. That's fucking why you shouldn't have your kids online.

Yeah. And some of them have a. A different language. So you, like, use a translator and you translate it and see what they're saying. Yeah. Yeah. They're real, man. Just like this. Like, don't put your kids online. Kids. No, don't do that.

There's transport on there. Like, don't. You can't. You can't. That. You can't see that young.

Yeah, you can't. Kids today are just being inundated with images and things that we never saw when we were kids. Well, I'm obviously a lot older than you, but even you never saw.

No.

When was the first time you saw someone get murdered on Instagram?

Great question. I would say twenties. Probably like mid twenties, where you're like, whoa, I've seen somebody, like, a video of just somebody, like, falling or somebody getting hit by something where you're like, what the fuck is. Where you're like, oh, that person's dead.

Yeah.

So I'd say, yeah, around mid. When I was, like, mid, late twenties. When you started seeing people just die scrolling through your phone.

Dude, I see it all the time. Almost every day. I see people die almost every day.

Yeah.

I was on Twitter yesterday, and I saw this video of this dude. This lady was complaining that this dude was too loud. She was trying to go to sleep. So the guy beat her to death in the hallway. He hit, I don't know what he had in his hand, because it's like a kind of a blurry security camera, but he. He keeps hitting her with his thing, and then she pleads for him, and then he hits her in the head and she goes unconscious. And then he gets on top of her. Is just beating her to death, bro. And then they had him, according to this post, they had him in jail and they had him in trial. And he's saying, she said she wanted to go to sleep now. Now she sleeps real good. Like, after he beat her to death. I don't know if he actually said that. If someone's right.

Yeah.

The video of him doing it, though, the most disturbing shit you will ever see. It's like this lady, it's like overweight lady who can't defend herself at all. And she's got her hands up. She's getting just beaten, bro.

I can't watch this shit. I scroll by it. I can't. It's impossible for me to watch.

It's horrible. It's horrible to watch. And there's so many of them. So many people get stabbed and shot, ran over by cars. Like, fuck, man.

And people post it casually. That's what I don't. To post it so casually is, wow.

There was one street takeover yesterday in Chicago, and I guess it was a cop that had just gotten off duty, and he was driving through, and he tried to drive through the street takeover, and they shot him multiple times. So this cop's in his car, and he hit some people. There's like, you know, they're trying to block the road and shit. They're trying to. And he's trying to get through, and, you know, he thinks he's a cop, so he's gonna be able to do this. And then you hear just pop, pop. Somebody just unloads a gun on him, bro.

That shit makes me sick. Cause, like, you'll hear, like, about, like, a rapper dying, and then 2 seconds later, you'll just see the video, and it's like, I don't think I'm supposed to live like, I don't think I'm.

Supposed to live like that. What happens if Kendrick Lamar and Drake run into each other in the wild?

Oh, Drake would fucking destroy that little guy.

Yeah, he's a tiny little dude.

He's a tiny little dude.

But what if Kendrick is expecting that so he comes prepared?

I mean, the nice thing I like about this era is everyone's way gayer. Everyone's just fucking gay. It's nice. Everybody has their fingernails painted, and everybody.

Just gonna talk shit. They're not gonna talk.

Yeah, this isn't. I don't believe this is a tupac biggie era. This is not. I think that ended. I think that's honestly when that ended afar as far as rappers still get killed, but I think the idea of rappers killing each other, I feel like that was like, oh, man, this maybe went a little too far.

I feel like people that are confident that no one's gonna use the nuclear bomb to today just because they haven't used the nuclear bomb since 1945. Derek, relax. We're not nuking each other. Yeah, you say that. You say that, but it happened. It happened in history. You know, tyranny has always taken place. There's tyranny right now in the world, right? There's North Korea. You go there, it's run by a dictator. Yeah, it's full on communism. That that shit exists. It's real. It's today, 2024. You wake up normal in America, living in Texas. Yee ha. Land of the free. Not there. Not there. Same timeline, same time on earth. It exists. This is a human, natural, human pattern. And to think that the rappers can't shoot each other today is crazy.

I know, but I don't want them to. They're so fucking. They're so not tough. Cause, like, what I like about Tupac and Biggie, they were fucking real, man. Not to say that Drake and Kendrick didn't come up. I'm sure Kendrick from Compton, he's probably seen some fucking shit, but what he raps about is that he's literally a good kid from this mad city. Drake raps about how he's this sensitive guy who just wants to fall in love. You know what I mean?

Like, you can't put those words back in a bottle. You know? You say some dark shit about people's families, like, why?

Damn you, Kate.

But why also, it's like, do you want to engage in that? For what reason? What's the end goal? Don't you? Like, you know, one of the things that people do, like, in a street fight, people don't think, where does this go? They just think, I want to punch this guy. Fuck this dude. I'm gonna punch this guy. And you think, you just punched that guy. But now you've created a real problem, because if that guy's still alive, he's going to remember that you punched him, and he's going to want to get it back, and he's going to figure out a way to do it. You know, maybe if he's the type of dude who's getting involved in street fights, he probably makes bad decisions. And so you set off a chain of events that could lead to your death, other people's deaths, prison time, all kinds of crazy shit that can happen just because you couldn't keep your emotions controlled in one moment and you didn't think it out. You think, I'm just gonna fuck this guy up? It's not that simple. Like, they're not. Nobody likes getting fucked up. They're gonna come back tomorrow with some friends.

They're gonna get a gun. Someone's gonna do something.

Yeah, these motherfuckers are talking about each other's kids on songs, talking about each other's actual children.

So it can't be that they're thinking about where this goes. Cause if you thought about where this goes, just. It don't go to anywhere good.

It goes only one place. You know what's funny? Cause right now, everyone's like, oh, Kendrick's killing him. And we were talking about this with Schultz, and I was like, yeah, I'd say Kendrick is up right now. He's probably winning this battle right now. He's being way meaner, the clever, all that stuff. But I don't think when he went to bed, he felt good.

No, no, no. It can't be why you got into this business.

There's no way. And also, for you two to be the two biggest rappers in the world and doing this, it can't feel good. Cause, you know, it's funny. I wanted it. I'm one of the people that when it first happened, I was like, gosh, the two best are going at it. This is what we want. And now that it's happened, I'm like, wow, I didn't want this at all.

And it's dark and it seems like this one. How many songs have they released so far?

I think they're both at, like, three or four. I think they're both at three.

That is so weird.

They're both at four.

Each.

Four each.

Jesus Christ.

Eight.

That's so crazy. Now imagine if they put that much creativity into positivity. Imagine if they just released new bangers all the time that they created based on world events. You know, they have eight songs together.

Yeah, they're about eight right now together.

If Nas was mad at Israel and Palestine going to war and just went at them the way he went at Jay Z, how genius would that be? Wouldn't it be genius? Oh, my God. I bet Nas could do that. Make that war look stupid.

Yeah, he either did it. Yeah, if he either.

The war, either.

The whole thing.

Both sides are the stupid shit that is being said by both sides. Both sides justifying the death of innocent nine.

Even Jay Z lived on. That thing's living on.

Yeah.

Like, oh, my God, all the college protests, kids are getting arrested, bro. That's just crazy, Joe.

They're not just that, but they're like spray painting up schools and camping out. Kids are camping out on. They're just looking for this cause that somehow or another is gonna elevate their status. That's a part of it. And also being outraged at what is happening in Palestine, which is legitimate, but it's also been a part of. Of anti war protests forever. And what's scary is, do you know what happened at Kent State?

No.

In Ohio. Kent State was a college that was having an anti war protest, and they sent in the National Guard, and the National Guard wound up shooting people. So they were shooting kids. So it was. Neil Young wrote a song about it. It became like a cultural moment where we realized how fucking insane things had gotten that the army or the National Guard was shooting. Shooting students for anti war protests. I mean, they just fucking shot people. Four kills in Kent State shooting the fuck? Yeah, they broke up. They broke up this peaceful protest by students with guns and the army. They sent the army in and they shot people. It was crazy. Fucking crazy.

What year was this?

This is 74. What year was this? 70. 1970. Sorry, 70. They shot people, killed kids.

Four students, wounding nine others.

Men and women. Killed them on a college with rifles. With rifles like their armed combatants trying to kill women and children. No, these are fucking people's babies. Exactly. Kids. Young people who didn't know any better. Being shot by young people who don't know any better. Yeah, it's horrible, man. It's fucking horrible.

What's going on?

That image of that lady screaming.

Yeah. That's so visceral, man. Bro.

This. This can happen here. Look at the blood pouring out of her. That is so crazy. Or him. I don't know. This can happen here today, man. This is. This is why conflict is not good in any way, shape or form. And anybody that encourages conflict is foolish.

It's foolish, man. I mean, my wife, we live next door to the jewish fraternity on UT's campus, and they have 24 hours, armed guards outside. Now, that's a new thing. We've lived by them for the last three years. In the last. Since that happened on the UT campus. That's what it's like over there now. So you can tell. It's like just at their friend, not at the other ones. So it's like, what the fuck?

Yeah. And so they're arresting kids that are on the campuses, and then the kids become more emboldened, and now there's more of them. And more colleges are having this now where kids are setting up these camps, they're launching these camps. They're all sleeping on the lawn.

On the lawns and the tents and shit.

Yeah, and then if you stop it, they say you're stopping their freedom of speech. But no, because, like, freedom of speech is you have the ability to protest and to say things and to go out there with signs and, you know, to express yourself online. But you don't have the ability to camp places.

You can't just.

You can't just set up a house on the school lawn and keep it there until you decide that it's time to go. Like, now you're violating the school's law.

Yeah. Cause if you can do it, then why can't homeless people just do it now? What are we doing?

Why can't everybody do it?

Yeah, why can't I just do it?

Yeah. I think that we have to address climate change. I'm gonna set up a tent. And if you open up the door for that, regardless of how you feel about whether or not people should be outraged, and I think they should, you can't just let people camp places. And it doesn't say that in the first amendment. You can just take over places.

Yeah.

Yell at jewish students that didn't have nothing to do with it and demand compliance and. And, you know, to a lot of people that, like, all of a sudden they have something to look forward to. This is like something important in their life.

You feel that?

My friend Constantine from trigonometry, he went to one of those protests. What college was that? What do you went to, Jamie? And he was talking to these kids. It was in New York, right?

The Columbia. That was.

I think it was that one. Wow. Most of them had no idea what the fuck they were there for. They didn't understand the conflict. They didn't understand anything. They were given signs by people he interviewed, a bunch of people that, like, he tried to ask them and they would get upset at him. He's like, I'm not just genuinely curious as to what you're positioned. They didn't really know what was going on.

They didn't have a real position. They didn't real.

The river to the sea means they didn't know. They didn't know any of that stuff. How did this all get started? Do you know the history of Israel? Do you know when it started? You know when the first Jews arrived there? Like, what is it? This conflict is been going on for fucking ever. Forever.

Yeah. And it takes such a. Like, I'm gonna get arrested on school campus for it, and you don't even know what's going on. That's wild to me.

Yeah, it's wild. The whole thing is wild.

Do you think it's because of just Internet? People want that community. I want to feel like I got a tribe. I got a. I'm not alone.

And you're a good person if you want to stop genocide. Yeah. Trying to stop genocide over here, Derek. Camping. Camping to stop genocide. It looks like he's in London. That's where they live, right? Mmm. Could be New York too, though. Brought where they're at. Listen to his, you know, Gaza, West bank, then. People to be free. Yeah, yeah. All Palestinians in general, you know, because we know that what's going on, all of them are being oppressed. So for them to be free, you know, it's nothing.

Nothing.

You know, it's clear there, you know. Yeah, yeah. I was just asking them which bit of the land they. This wasn't a college protest. This was just the Israel. That was just a Palestine protest.

Yeah.

He'd done quite a few of these and they've done. A bunch of different people have done as well on college campuses, asking kids but a lot of these are. There were a bunch of college kids that he interviewed in this one of these protests. They don't know what they're protesting, or some of them do, but a lot of them don't. They're there because they think you're supposed to be a good person. And one of them actually said, oh, my friend said, do you want to go protest? I was like, okay. So I came.

That that makes more sense. That makes more sense to me. Why kids, right? Because I was. I talked to a son about it. Cuz I just don't really understand. Why are the kids. Why are kids from colleges? I know this isn't affecting your life. I've been in college before. Just cure. And then I was like, oh, well, maybe I played football. I had a tribe of friends and I was already a thing. So the idea of trying to get into another group of friends, that's what I think it really is. Like, you want to feel some community. Yeah.

That's a big part of it. And also genocide, if you watch. They did some drone footage that showed a drone flying over Gaza before October 7. And then that same drone flying over Gaza today. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. They've erased just giant blocks of this city. It's just erased. Before October 7, there was like, ships. They flew the drone. See if you could find it. If not, I could probably find it, but they flew the drone over there, the sea. So you see the ships in the sea? Not the exact same one, but yeah. You see how the universities have been destroyed? Look at this universe. It was destroyed. It was gorgeous. Yeah, look at it. Everything's just targeted educational facilities under false prem. Look at that. So they targeted educational institutions because, well, I don't know if it's false premises. So the problem. The problem is you don't know unless you are there. You don't know. Like, they do have tunnels. They do embed themselves in hospitals. They do embed themselves in different places. And israel doesn't give a fuck. They're just gonna bomb wherever the bad people are, no matter what's there, whether it's a school or whether it's a mobile, and they're just bombing.

And if you watch the. What it used to look like versus what it looks like now, it's fucking terrifying, man. It's terrifying.

Look at that. Yeah, that's the same.

Mm hmm. It's crazy, man. It's. Everything's just blown the fuck up and no one's there. And the streets are empty. I mean, look at this. I mean, imagine if you used to live there.

That's what. Cuz in your head in America, you're like, oh, that wouldn't happen to me. But it's like, why wouldn't it? That's a. It looks like a nice building in America. It looks like a regular nice build.

That's. That's human beings doing that to other human beings. That can happen anywhere in the world. That can happen right here. And if we didn't have a strong military and we didn't have intelligence agencies that keep terrorist attacks from taking place and all this shit, you know? But then again, how much are we doing in other countries? That is like getting people to want to do something like that here, you know? It's scary stuff, man. Scary stuff. Because it's not you and it's not me. It's leaders that are telling gigantic groups of people that you're opposed to these people over here and you get them to be a part of that community, be a part of the tribe, whatever side, whether you're an IDF soldier, whether you're hamas, you feel like you're on the right side. You're going to fuck those people up. It's a horrible instinct that human beings have, we've had since the beginning of civilization. Just tribal warfare. It's just tribal warfare on a global scale with insanely sophisticated technology. At least on one side you're right.

Because it's like, if it was happening when we were cavemen or when we were, you know, in tribes, it's not like it's any different. It's the same thing just on a. Yeah, we can communicate now. We can.

Yep. And with the whole world's watching it. And then it also gives people an opportunity, like these college kids, to protest it and to feel like they're virtuous by camping out and they're not going to take their studies. One girl just. There was an interview that she found out she wasn't gonna graduate because she had gotten arrested for the. For protests. And so, like, her family's flying in to see her graduate and she wasn't gonna graduate. She's like, oh, shit. You realize, like, what the fuck did I do? I thought this was fun. I just wanted. I want to graduate. I need a job. My parents paid for this. And that's a lot of it too. A lot of it's like young rich kids.

You have to be a young rich kid.

I feel like those kids that glue themselves to like paintings and stuff. Stop oil now. Yeah, almost all from wealthy families, almost all of them for at least upper middle class, highly educated people that grew up in a struggle. They don't have time to glue themselves to the fucking wall of the museum. Okay. You know, you have to pay for your mom. Your mom doesn't have any money, and you have a side job while you're at school. School.

Like, dad's got an injury. Yeah, real shit.

Real shit. Real shit. You don't have time to glue yourself to a wall or cut up paintings. See, these fucking psychopaths cut up these paintings from like the 18 hundreds, slice them up with a razor blade. Priceless paintings, hundreds of years old.

What? Also I don't understand because you would think those people would be the people who love art since you're so. You would love art.

Yeah, but they don't love art by colonizers and slave owners. And the thing is, if you go back far enough in history, everyone's a piece of shit. You go back far enough in history, you don't listen to Socrates because he's a pedophile. You go back in history, you don't. You don't worship the Spartans. They all fucked each other and they fucked their kids. They fucked everybody. Yeah, these were wild people, man. If you just like, pederasty, like pedophiles back then, it was so common. They talked about, like, having young boy lovers. It was like an open thing, you know, in other parts of the world right now. And these my friends that have gone to Afghanistan, served there, they'll go, dude, it's crazy. Some of the shit you see in Afghanistan with these young boys that get swapped around. Oh, dude, dark shit.

That's fucked up.

Dark shit. And young boys that they, they use for sex. And these guys don't shave their face, or they shave their face, rather, where everybody else grows out of beard. Yeah, they know it. And they have like, gay guys and they just toss them around. So they use women for procreation, some of these people. And they use the boys for fun. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? And if you go back far enough in history, like, that's why you have to take down Thomas Jefferson's statue, you know? That's why even Abraham Lincoln's a piece of shit. Because Abraham Lincoln, even though he freed the slaves, and even though Abraham Lincoln was the president of the United States during the Civil War, Abraham Lincoln also wrote about black people, that they were less than 100% of a human being. He didn't consider them like, the same as white people. Even so you gotta go. Well, he's a piece of shit, too. And then you go back to George Washington, who founded this country with a fucking. Fuck that guy. So it's fuck everybody.

What are we doing, bro?

I remember Trump said this once when they were taking out statues of confederate soldiers. They were taking down a statue of, like, Robert E. Lee. And he said, what's next? You're gonna take down George Washington? Never was like, no way. Meanwhile, a couple years later, they're taking down George Washington statues.

Damn.

Yeah, bro. Everybody was a piece of shit back then.

And people will bring up like, you know, Martin Luther King, junior, cheated on his wife. It's like, man, he's. That's not the point. Yeah, I don't like when people do that, when they try to erase art or history, because people were saying he.

Did and they recorded him. So, like, they probably set him up too. So they probably brought in hot ladies to fuck him. Yeah.

And he was probably like, yeah, yeah, I like.

Exactly. See, I'm tired.

I'm trying to stop racism all day.

Trying to stop you from dying, trying to get everybody get along. I need to get along. Yeah. So it's like, if you go back far enough, like, JFK was a notorious womanizer, it doesn't mean they should have shot him. You know? Like, hey, they fucking murdered the president. Stop concentrating on the fact that he fucked Marilyn Monroe. Like, there's a lot other shit going on, but if you go, like, way, way back, like, everybody's a piece of shit. Human beings were horrible to each other a thousand years ago, 2000 years ago, 3000 years ago, murder was normal.

That aztec shit. Just rolling bodies down my step. Come on.

Oh, my God, dude, that apocalypto movie.

Ever seen that kind of that shit? Oh, man.

What is that? Temple again? To a con. The temple. Tenochtitlan. Tenochtitlan. The temple of Tenochtitlan by the Aztecs. They don't even know how many people they slaughtered afterwards, but they sacrificed thousands and thousands of slaves. The upper numbers, like, 80,000. Some people say it might have been as low as 20,000, whatever the fuck it was, the moment they were finished with the temples that they built. Okay, time to die. We're not gonna feed you anymore. You finished your work. We're gonna fucking sacrifice you to the gods, bro. They had, like, the Mayans had this really creepy. When I went to Chichen Itza, they have this human sacrifice, like, tray. It's like a guy who's, like, lying on his back and there's like, a flat thing in front where they would cut people's fucking heads off in front of everybody. So it's at the top of the stairs of this pyramid. You see this thing? And they would fucking lay someone down there.

AI, aiyah. And the city's just, yeah, just throw.

That head down the stairs. Head would bounce down the stairs. They don't even know. Sometimes they. There's speculation that sometimes they use heads to play games, these human heads to play, like, ball games with.

Those were fucking.

They were wild, dude. They had ball games where the winning team was slaughtered. The winning team was sacked.

I've heard about that. And then that was the honor, right?

You still.

You wanted to win.

This is one of those things where the guide told me this when we were, we had a really good guide in Chichen Itza. You pay for a professional guide. And this guy was cool as fuck. And he also told me that there was something that they were doing, some sort of psychedelic compound that they were doing in this one very specific area. It was like there was certain things that they did that mimicked or that had lysergic acid in it, which is like lsd. And so he was explaining all that stuff to me, just talking about the nature of, like, a lot of these sacrifices and that they used to think that they would sacrifice the losing team, but then they switched it and they think, no, they think they sacrificed the winning team, which is crazy.

That means no one ever got good at the fucking team.

You win the NBA and everybody gets their head caught off in front of everybody. You won. Now it's time to go to the gods blood.

That's crazy.

Meanwhile, they thought it was the way to go. Like, this is gonna be amazing. I'm going to heaven. We wanted to come back as a moth. Fuck.

I was a badass athlete.

Now I'm just going towards the flames.

Fuck.

This is bullshit. Oh, my God. I was so cocky. I thought I was gonna make it.

Joe.

Yeah. Is that true, though, that they sacrificed the winning team?

I've heard that.

Google that.

I've heard that.

I heard that from that guy was the guide. But this is, you know, 2000 then. People didn't know much back then. You know, I was like, I don't know. I don't know to this day how much they know about what? What? They don't know what happened, where everybody went.

Yeah. Where are they?

I think they died from disease. I think they died from the same diseases that most of the Native Americans were killed with when the Europeans showed up with smallpox, syphilis and like syphilis, they actually got from Native Americans. Speculative, but a lot of diseases they brought over here and just no one had an immunity to them. These european diseases they just ran through, it killed 90% of the population. But the real genocide in North America is disease.

How come that didn't happen to us? How come we didn't like some of whatever their diseases, we didn't get so effective?

We did. We did with syphilis, apparently. But this is very speculative and it's disputed. But I'll just say it. There's more than one version of syphilis, right? So there's, like, one syphilis. And again, I've read different accounts of this, but there's a syphilis that existed in Europe, and then there was a syphilis they believe came from North America that these people that came over on the Mayflower and all that shit, they were fucking some of the native American people and got their VD and then brought their VD back to Europe. And they think that this is why this rash of syphilis. This is one theory about why this rash of syphilis went through, like, european royalty to the point where. That's where the term bigwig comes from.

Really?

Yeah. The term bigwig is these. There was these brothers that were french. They were some royalty, and they got syphilis. And when you get syphilis, your fucking hair falls out. You develop, like, holes in your skin. Your face has holes in it. And to cover up the fact that they lost their hair, they got wigs. And they were so popular that it's like, you know when someone wears something stupid, you're like, how is that work?

Yeah.

Everybody's wearing this thing because Kanye wore it, you know, so everybody's wearing the same shit that Kanye wore. Well, that's how they were. They were so influential that when they got wigs, everybody wanted wigs. And then since they're everyone's fucking everybody, everyone's getting syphilis. So they all have, like, holes in their faces and shit, and they got wigs. And the more money you had, the bigger the wig. So if you're a rich dude, you're a bigwig.

That is so crazy.

Isn't that crazy? Cause, like, when you heard that term, when I heard that term as a kid, oh, he's a big wig. Like, the big wig is like, oh, he's a banker. He's a bigwig.

He's a big. Yeah, big shot.

That's what it is. Okay, well, the hoops, sometimes the ball will go through the hoop, located to Ali's midpoint. If that happened, the whole group would stop and the person who put the ball through the hoop would be hailed as a victor, Helmke said. But he didn't say that that was the point of the game. He said that might happen once in a while, that it was truly exceptional. Moreover, the vast majority of ball courts in the Maya do not have hoops. And then here's the sacrifice. Oh, human sacrifice. Well, just this part, too. So, like, I think the sacrifice part came over. When Europeans came and saw what was happening, they probably did not understand what was going down. Oh, this interest sacrifice is probably not really part of it. Interesting. Although it did happen. But they definitely sacrificed a lot of people, right? And not maybe in association with this game that was. Oh, I see, I see, I see. Interesting, interesting. Um, so what does it say there? Given how popular and well attended the ball games were, sometimes a captive might be executed at the game just for funsies, but these sacrifices were an integral part of the game.

That person would have been expedited, executed anyway. Oh, so they would do it for fun. So when you asked this question, I was looking through this article, which comes from a tabloid, I'll add the sun, but it talks about these skull towers they found. They had found upwards of 200, but the experts say that that means that there might have been thousands and thousands and thousands of skulls embedded embedded in these towers. But they were destroyed and covered up when the Europeans came. Oh, so they already had these skulls embedded in these walls? Yeah, not then. You asked if they were coming from the game, and I was trying to find out if that's. Oh, my God, look at this one. Historical report claimed one rat contained more than 130,000 skulls. That could be, you know, like, some guy saw it and he's like, it was so big. There was. Had to be thousands and thousands of them. And maybe there was. But, bro, imagine being back then. Imagine going back then to. Before the Europeans conquered them and to see what the fuck were you guys doing? How did you go back up to that image of the.

What the outside looked like a little higher up that one. Imagine just showing up one day to this place going, what the fuck? Fuck are you guys taking? Why? What are you doing? Why did you guys do this? Why didn't you just make huts?

You made these? The steps, there's. They're all skulls inside, bro, they don't even have horses.

They didn't even have horses.

They didn't have horses?

No, no, they didn't have horses. When the Europeans showed up in horses, they thought they were gods. Like, look at these guys. They're riding horses. They're fucking gods. Yeah. That was part of the problem. They didn't understand how someone could ride a horse. Like, oh, my God, these must be the gods. They must be just like the prophecies.

They'Ve come on, these beasts, riding beasts.

Yeah, and showing up in boats like, what the fuck? You guys have a boat? And they just showed up with horses, hopping horses out of the boat. Like, this is crazy. These two, that would be like aliens.

Showing up in spacecraft. Because we would be like, what the.

What is this, Jamie? Three quarters of the skulls analyzed belong to men aged 20 to 35, and they were all said to have been in relatively good health before they were sacrificed. Oh, my God. So it's all sacrifices. Oh, my God. 130,000 sacrifices at least, in one wall.

And good health is crazy.

Oh, those people were wild. They were wild, man. Building those structures, no horses, and killing everybody. Just sacrificing people. What were they taking, man? What would they do?

They had to be on.

They were on some hardcore trucks. They probably had their own version of meth, just meth doubt. Spanish conquistadors were appalled at the skull rack when they entered Tenochtitlan in 1519. Two years later, they destroyed the city and paved over its ruins, leaving the aztec sacrificial remains below the streets of what later became the mexican capital. Holy fucking shit, man.

What an energy.

That's where Mexico City is, right?

To live on top of that.

Because Mexico City, like, when they're doing construction, they have to stop all the time. Like, hold on, we found a temple. They'll find some shit down there. They find ruins. They find all kinds of things. For a long time, many historians and anthropologists questioned whether descriptions by spanish eyewitnesses exaggerated the number of skulls on the skull rack, as well as the number of victims sacrificed by the Aztecs. He told Fox News this discovery now makes those early accounts much more believable. Oh, my God. What's the new discovery? Just that. Like, that. This whole article is the discovery that they found all the skulls.

Sure.

Where they found it. Fuck, dude.

Look at that.

These evil motherfuckers. What were they doing?

Convincing me in good health. The rest, they had to be on some kind of meth. Some kind of.

I wonder if that's why God sent the Europeans to them. Like, you guys are just out of control. We're gonna teach you spanish.

We gotta get you guys spoons.

We're gonna give you spoons teach you Spanish and bring you horses, which is horrible, if you think about it at the time. I mean, we think about it as a terrible thing that happened. You know, the Europeans came here, brought disease, killed everybody, enslaved everybody, turned the whole country Spanish. Speaking like, Mexico speaks Spanish? Bro. Spain ain't nowhere near Mexico. It ain't even close to Mexico. That's a long journey on a raft.

And took over the whole motherfucker.

Took over the whole motherfucker took over the whole motherfucker. And the people that were in control of it before then. Probably worse. Probably worse than them sacrificing young, able bodied men. Yeah. In relatively good health. Off with your fucking head. You become a part of the column. Congratulations.

And you're like, yeah. Yes.

Imagine you're a 25 year old guy. Like, I got fucking aspirations. One day I'd like to run this. Nope. What they had left, you can't run this. You can't be a king.

Give no chance.

No, you gotta be born into this shit. The born into it is the worst.

Cause you can't escape that caste system, right?

Oh, it's the worst. The most evil trick that anybody ever played on anything, man. The most evil trick.

I seen it firsthand when we went to Abu Dhabi. I seen it. I seen what it was like. Oh, over here.

You can't.

Ain't no coming out of. Ain't no Joe Rogan. Ain't no coming out of the Boston slums and making it to this. Come on. Come on.

No, no. There's none of that. There's none of that there. And that's one of the things about England, too. I mean, even in modern England, my friends who have come over from England say in England, they don't want you to change your status in society. They don't want you to rise up. If you're lower class, you stay lower class, you're that forever. Yeah, I like America.

Only fans.

It's the best. Come on, it's the best.

You got some big titties. You ready? You want to show them? You could be a fucking star, bro.

I ain't getting a job at an insurance company if I got these big titties. Yeah, fuck that. I feel you, ladies. Go for it. I don't want my daughter doing it, but go for it. Do whatever you want to do. I want you to be free. If you're, you know, everybody has different circumstances if you're trapped. Yeah, I was. What is this? You talked about how the horses came with the Europeans, but I was like, what did they else. Did they, did they not use anything that now have enough? Anything?

Mmm.

They brought donkeys also. Donkeys weren't here either. Mmm, interesting. Yeah, that makes sense. 1490 and then mules are the. The cross of donkeys and horses, which are the best. They didn't exist probably. Well, they probably existed in north. In Europe. Okay, when did. I don't know. Let's find out. When did they start. First start breeding mules. Mules are non viable. Meaning a mule can't make another mule. You need a donkey and a horse to make a mule. 3000. Wow, 3000 BC. Yeah. But they're the most durable. They're the sturdiest of animals. Like the guys who go backpack hunting, like, deep into the mountains. My friend Clay Newcomb, he came on this podcast, he raises mules and he talks about, like, flashy. Mules are good looking, mule, like. But mules are like, better than horses because mules won't go over the cliff. Horses just like, oh, just go over the cliff. Mules like, fuck you, I'm not going this way. This is dangerous.

It's an edge.

Yeah. When the. When the mule gets to a place where it doesn't like it, it's like, uh, uh. That's why the term stubborn is a mule. That's where that comes from. Because mules are smart.

That's.

They're smart. Yeah. They figured out that that's the animal to run because they. They require less water, less food, they're more durable. They can last longer without water and food.

How many animals are like that in the world? That it takes two things to make them, but they can't make themselves?

There's quite a few hybrids like that. That's a liger. Like those lions and tigers. And they breed those together and they make that one thing.

It's huge.

Yeah. Well, the thing about the liger is, I think what happens is whether it's the male lion or the female tiger, one of them is missing the gene that regulates growth. So when you combine coy wolf. Yeah. The thing about koi wolfs, though, grizzly polar bear hybrid. Yeah. A walpin. That's a whale and a dolphin. What, is that real?

That must be the smartest animal alive.

What, a whale and a dolphin? A walpin is extremely rare cestacean hybrid born from a mating of a female common bottlenose dolphin with a male false killer whale. Wow. The name applies to a hybrid of a whale and a dolphin, although taxonomically both are within the oceanic dolphin family, which is within the toothed whale. Privador. There's a lot of fish that are hybrids. There's hybrid bass that are like a hybrid between smallmouth and largemouth. That happens. A jag. A lion. Oh, shit. Jag off a beefalo. A buffalo that fucked a cow. Interesting. There's quite a few, yeah. But most of them can't breathe. Neanderthals.

That's crazy.

Most of them can't breed, like, by themselves. They can't. You can't take like, two. Two mules and they won't make a mule. They just fuck. They just get wild.

It's getting crazy.

There's nothing happening.

Just cases.

Just bad loads, just useless loads. Nothing in there. Yeah. Just. Just dead loads. Yeah. Because nature's like, no, no, no. You can't be fucking around like this. Nature's like, you try once and then you're done. This one's not viable. It's interesting. Like nature. Is it coded that way or. It doesn't. Like the idea of a dog being able to fuck a horse and make a dog horse.

Like.

No, no, no. Too crazy. It knows, yeah. You have to stay within your species. And if you're different things in this species, like a cat, like a lion and a tiger, no babies for you. You can make up. You could fuck and make one, but that one, not making any new ones.

That's what that is.

Yeah. Somehow or another, nature just like built in, like a system. It's like. No, no, it's too crazy.

Is it like. I guess like down syndrome, how they can't have kids? They can have it.

No, they can. They can have kids. Yeah. Not only can they have kids, they can have kids that are normal. Yeah. Yeah. I'm 99% sure that. Have you ever seen this kind of dog? What is that? How to say it? Whoa. 3000 year old boy. Xo l o I Z. C U I N t l I pronounce show low eats queen. T l E. Queenly. Show you. Show low eats queen Lee. Show yo. Show low eats Quintley. You didn't have to call it that. You didn't have to call it that.

I fucked multiple girls with that name.

The ancient aztec dog of the gods is today a loving companion and vigilant watchdog. The alert and loyal ex low comes in three sizes, and he's either hairless or of coated varieties.

Wow, that hair is awesome.

That's a 3000 year old dog. That's the wildest shit that all dogs come from. Wolves. So that thing at one point in time was a wolf and the bitch ass wolves made their way to the campfire and dropped their ears a little bit and kind of relaxed and became friends with the people because the people gave them food. And then they became dogs, all dogs. Even little Carl over there. Little tiny Carl. At one point in time, many, many, many thousands of years ago, Carl was a wolf. They don't even know, like, exactly how long ago that process started. There's, like, guesses, but they vary by.

Humans did that.

Humans did that 100%. Yeah, we did that. Cats too, or no, cats are, like, a lot of wild cats. There's a lot of different kinds of cat that bred. But the domestic cat of today is very different than most wild cats. But it's like they did this thing with foxes in Russia where they took wild foxes, and the ones that were aggressive, that, like, showed any aggression towards people at all, they killed them. And the ones that didn't show aggressive, they let them breed. And they kept doing this over many, many generations. And within, like, a few decades, the fox had completely changed its form. They had droopy ears. They had big, soft, sweet eyes. They had smaller mouths. It changed the fox, like, quick, quick, like, in the course of this study. So not something that took place over thousands of years, but by killing any one of them that was aggressive, they made only the ones that were, like, sweet and passive survive. That's how you get, like, my dog.

That's how you get Marshall.

That's how you get Marshall. He just, like any one of those golden retrievers, that was mean. They didn't let him breed. So what you get is, like, this big, sweet, loving dog who just loves everybody. And that's how. That was a wolf. That was a wolf. But over many, many, many generations of. Of selective breeding, they turned it into this crazy thing. I don't know how the fuck they did it, but it just shows you how bizarre nature is that nature can make those adaptations.

I think about humans, I mean, we were just about the Aztecs or, like, Genghis Khan people or Vikings. To now.

Yeah, to now, yeah.

Like, we clearly. Just pacifying it, chilling it out.

Yeah. And especially these kids on college campuses, they don't even know what gender they are anymore. Like, there's no need. A lot of them are saying there's no need for gender. It's all bullshit. Like, they're trying. That's the direction that things are moving. Things are moving into a genderless direction. Whether it's being influenced by who, what, how or when. That's irrelevant. What I'm saying is it's clearly moving in that direction. And if you didn't have anything to do with the population, if you were something that was completely outside of society looking at us, you'd be like, oh, there's, they're, like, feminizing. They're feminizing everything. Also feminizing in terms of even men are behaving like bitches. They're behaving like catty wenches. And it's also rewarded. It's rewarded and it's not disgusting, whereas it would be disgusting behavior for a man to behave like that in a tribal society that requires those men to be strong, stoic, like, you have to be able to sword fight stupid.

You rid of that man. Yeah.

You can't. That guy's a bitch.

A catty man and a tribe. Yeah. The fuck are we doing?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's talking to your girl.

Why?

He was on a rating party, I think. How long do you survive as a male feminist in the tribal society?

Oh, you. Because I come home, my wife said that. That you said that and I kill you. Right? Yeah.

You be a part of that column immediately. Yeah, immediately.

We have to get rid of you. Yeah.

You have to get rid of you.

And everyone else in the tribe. Like, oh, thank God you got rid of that guy.

Yeah, that guy was a problem.

Yeah, problem dog.

But if you do that over time and there's enough safety, we become just like dogs. We become some sort of a domesticated version of what was once wolves. And I don't know if that's good or bad. Yeah, because they were resisting it in some ways, because it's. There's still. The problem is these passive people are not overall kind. They're very aggressive with trying to enforce their ideas on everybody else, and you must comply. So it's very much like an I'm going to get back at you thing. It's being picked on when you're a young thing, an outsider that's finally a part of a gang, and you're like, you're going to enforce these ideas on other people. So the ideology is not rooted in compassion, even though it pretends to be. It's rooted in, like, all the ideologies. It's rooted in control. And people are just trying to control people and get everyone else to comply with the way they now see the world. And when you're weak and you're doing that, it's not good because you're also, like, you're angry at the world, you're angry at the way you were mistreated or you were an outsider, and now you're not.

Now you're a part of a group, and so now you're gonna do the exact same thing to people that they did to you. You're gonna hurt them just like you got hurt.

Yeah, bro. The worst mentality that happened to me happened to me. That's what you hear people say happened to me. That's how it was for me. It's like, well, don't you want it to not be that way?

Yeah, people don't, man. Yeah. It's just a natural human instinct for fucking whatever bizarre reason, man. So it's a control thing. That's the scary thing. You can't let people control it doesn't mean that you shouldn't let people drift off into this genderless direction. You do whatever you want to do. I think this is happening whether we like it or not, I think it's happening. There's a lot of chemical influences, there's microplastics that are influencing the way testosterone levels are in young people and the development of their sex organs.

And this has got to be doing something.

It's got to be doing something. There's propaganda that's actually getting through your phone, too, that's affecting the way people reward certain types of behavior. And people like to gravitate towards behaviors that are rewarding. If you're a loser and then all of a sudden you're amazing, because now you're wearing a dress, you're like, I'm gonna keep wearing this dress. Everybody, like, fucking hugs me when they see me. They think I'm cool. They used to think I was a loser. Yeah.

And that's. And that you hear that? You're like, damn. I understand that.

I understand it.

I want to be hugged, too.

Like, but if I was objective, and I was. It wasn't a part of the human race, which I clearly am. If I was looking at it from outside, I would say, like, what is the end goal of this? Like, where does this go? Well, it's clearly going to some genderless, alien looking direction. I think that's what the aliens are. When we see that archetypal alien, the big head, the genderless body. Yeah, I think that's where we're going. I think that's just. I think even if aliens aren't real, even if you don't really see them, I think that's an archetype in our head, because it's almost like a light on the path that's showing us. This is where you're going.

You go into that this futuristic, everyone is one being.

Vikings, genderless, slowly but surely. Right, caveman? Vikings, genderless, yeah. But the thing is, they're not nice. You know, you can go that way if you want, but don't try to force it.

Me?

Don't force it on people that were born biologically male. There's nothing wrong with that. That's not good. That's the whole reason why you're not speaking German. Shut the fuck up. Like. Like, this whole idea of, like, toxic masculinity, that's all great until you need someone to help you.

So you need it.

That's all great till you need someone to open up a jar of mayonnaise, you know? Shut the fuck up. Listen, you need all those things. You just need people to be nice. You need to be people to be nice that are, like, savages and people that are nice, that are pacifist. Everyone should just be nice and we can live like that. Just don't fuck with each other.

Yeah. Cause you never see them. Not never, but it is crazy that they make such a big deal about gender stuff sometimes. And it's like, well, you don't look happy, though. You don't look. You're not being nice about it, which is. You're not being nice, which you would want.

But it's because they also feel like they're embattled. Right? They're in this thing. They're fighting for their cause, and then they exaggerate it. Like there's a trans genocide. Like what? Stop. Okay. You get in a way with too much, because you're in a university setting and everybody likes saying you're amazing. And no one wants a question. No one wants to go, shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

Because you. That's the other problem with kids today. It's like they only have one thought process, is one ideology. It's not a bunch of right wing people that are fucking camping on, making sure they can carry guns to school because it's a school shooter. We're gonna camp out until we can carry guns. No, that's not gonna happen. So it's like, you've got one ideology. And the crazy thing is, like, there's two sides. That ideology. Because the left wing is always jewish, too. There's not a lot of, like, really hard Leslie thinking about, like, Ben Shapiro and a few other. Dennis Prager. Right wing jewish folks. A lot of jewish people that we know. They're Democrats.

Democrats.

They've always been kind of traditionally, like, what. What percentage? Let's find this out. What percentage of jewish people vote Democrat. If that's even a poll.

I bet you.

Has to be.

Has to be. And I bet you the knows who could tell you.

They don't want to tell you. They know.

They keep your fucking track.

Yeah, they know. They know. But I would guarantee it's a very high number. So now you have a conflict amongst that side, because you have one side that says that what's happening in Gaza is genocide and the other side that says Israel has the right to defend itself and that this is, you know, what we did in Iraq after 911, what we did in da da da after that, what we did in Japan. No one's mad at any of them.

Yeah. God.

Hasan told me recently, seven in ten jewish adults identify with or lean towards the Democratic Party, and half describe their political views as liberal. Yeah. So seven in 1070 percent, 70%. And so inside that party, you've got people that are literally on college campuses saying, death to the Jews and supporting Hamas, and you're supposed to be left wing, too. So now you're like, if I was a country that was trying to destroy America, I would push these ideas. Interesting. Subsect. The Orthodox Jews, which is one in ten of jewish adults, is 60% to 75% conservative or republican. That makes sense, right? Because they're, like, strictly religious, which would make you much more conservative. 75% identify as Republicans or lean towards the GOP. And 81% approved of Trump's job performance at the time of the survey. Everybody's making money. We're making money.

Trump.

Derek, let's wrap this up. You're a fucking man. It's been a pleasure getting to know you and becoming friends with you at the store. And I just want to thank you for being one of the early adopters, coming out here early on, and it's been beautiful, man. We're having a good fucking time.

Joe, thank you for changing my life, brother. I appreciate you.

I love you, too. All right, goodbye, everybody.