Live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, it's the Ramsey show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create amazing relationships. I am your host, Jade Warshaw. I'm here with one of my favorite guys, Dr. John Deloney.

What's up?

He's the co host today. He's here to take all your questions on just overall wellness. I'm here for the money side. He's got you on the relational side. And give us a call. The number is triple 8825-5225 John, I feel like it's a minute since you and I have flown this plane.

I know. I miss you, man. You doing okay?

I'm doing good. Let me tell you, we posted that post on social media this morning, and it's gone bananas. It spun up, man.

That was the one about folks taking out just wild town loans for cars.

Cars.

$2,500 a month payments.

Yeah. The equivalent of a house, basically.

A nice house.

Yeah.

My favorite was you clowning on that whatever somebody posted, and they had put prayer hands, and you're like, that ain't from God.

No, that's not a blessing.

That was not a blessing.

That is not a blessing. So, man, give us a call. We're going to help you decipher and differentiate between the things that are really good with your money and the things that you might need to think twice about. Maybe it's your car payment. Maybe it's a home you're considering buying. We'll help you sort through that. So you can give us a call. The call is free. You can call at any time in the next 3 hours, really, depending on when you're listening. But in the meantime, we've got Michelle, who is on the line. She's from Denver, Colorado. What's going on, Michelle?

Hi. So, a little bit about my situation. I just turned 50 last month.

Cool.

I have been engaged for eight years. My fiance and I, we have a daughter together. She's seven years old. I have two teenagers from my first marriage, and my fiance has two adult children. And here's my question. So I'm increasingly becoming a little worried about my future. I don't work. My fiance and I agreed that I should stay at home with my daughter and my two other kids. They live with us. He's the primary breadwinner. He owns three houses, and they are all in his name. He had one house before we were engaged, but he has since purchased two other homes, neither of which I am on the title. I drive a car that's in his name. My phone is in his name. I have absolutely nothing in my name. And in addition to that, he will not be transparent with me. Like, if something were to happen to him, he won't show me the will. I'm just becoming really insecure, I guess, in my relationship, but in my financial situation as well. And I just don't know what to do at this stage.

You don't want to be like, I'm.

Very in the dark.

You are in the dark.

You are in the dark. I'm insecure for you.

Me, too. Go ahead, John.

How can we help? I don't know what you're asking. If you were my sister, I would tell you to pack up everything you have and go get an attorney today. It's been eight years.

You're not married yet. You're still engaged.

We are not married.

We are. Colorado is a common law state, but it's also. Jeez, it's a mess. This is an absolute stone.

What? Yeah.

How can I help you? What are you looking for?

Well, I'm just wondering if I were to leave the relationship, basically, I'm guessing I am not entitled to anything, but perhaps child support.

I think. I'm not a legal expert, so I can't give you legal advice, but I think that's wildly inaccurate. I think after a certain time. Again, don't hold me to this. Check with a licensed attorney in your state. But I think once after you pass a certain point, there's property that you all earned, quote unquote, together, whether you were putting money in the pot or not, because the house doesn't run without you.

Right.

And so that allowed somebody to go earn some money, but sit with an attorney and work through all that. I want to go back to something you just said. You said if I were to end this relationship, my friend Michelle, like, your relationship's over. Y'all can build something new from here and decide you're going to do this thing, right? But to allow somebody to take care of a child with as little information as you have, to hang somebody out to dry like this. This is not a relationship. This is not a partnership. This is a really messy, messy power trip, is what this is.

Yeah. I agree with you. I feel like there's just so much control. I feel like there's, like, this hierarchy of power, and I feel like I am at the very bottom of that. So I am in complete agreement, which is why I am just so frustrated, which is kind of like the reason for my call.

Yeah, but you're frustrated about bigger stuff than this. There's no way that you'll have a great, intimate life. There's no way you have a great friends that you'll hang out because. Friends. I wouldn't do this with my buddy. Right? Like, my budy Tod was my college roommate. He knows where my will is, right? He knows the role he plays in my will. And he's just a friend. He's not my wife. Right? I mean, this is just common decency, and he won't even give you that. So y'all have deeper issues here. You gotta bite the bullet and go get an attorney. And if you have a couple of friends in town that you could reach out to that would recommend somebody that would be good and fair and give you honest advice and not rake you over the coals, man. That'd be my next step.

And if we were to try to repair our relationship.

You're not repairing anything. The car has been totaled. You would have to build something completely new.

Okay?

And that begins with you saying, here's what I want, and here's what I need, and here's what I'm worth in terms of a relationship. And somewhere along the way, over the last almost decade, you've decided that your voice doesn't matter almost as much as he does.

When did this start? When did you start feeling this way?

I've started feeling this way the past few years, but as I turned 50, I have just felt really worthless just because I don't feel like I have anything. And like I said, I think for me, when I turned 50, I kind of, like, hit a corner. I don't know how long I have. But if he were to walk away or if something were to happen, I am really fearful that I would have to start at the very beginning. And obviously, I need to get a job and I need to get my.

Life together, but I think your fear is very warranted.

Okay, well, I really appreciate you confirming that.

Let me confirm it this way. You're not crazy. If you were my friend, I would tell you're crazy for sticking around for eight years because you've allowed this to happen, right?

I have. I mean, it is on me. That is absolutely for sure.

But the beauty of that is, once you take ownership of that, next steps on you, too.

Okay?

Go call an attorney. You got it? Yeah, man. We love you. Call anytime we can help, but call an attorney and get that process going.

My goodness. I'm almost glad that we're going to a break, because this is the third time in a very short period today that I've just heard and been on calls where men are tripping.

Yeah.

And I want to go so hard in the paint right now, but I can't. But I just need these guys to get in line and understand that they need to love their families well and they need to do better. This is the Ramsay show.

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You'Re listening to the Ramsay show. I'm your host, Jade Warsaw. This is Dr. John Deloney over to my right. If you're listening, he is the other voice that you will be hearing. John, we just had a call before the break and I felt know my girl who called in because her dude was just way off to be Together for eight years. Common law marriage. I mean, under the law, that's what it is. She's got as much entitlement to everything as if they were married. But he won't put her name on anything. He won't let her know where the will is. He won't let her be involved in conversations regarding money and the things that honestly, directly affect her life. And I was kind of getting pissed because I just feel like I'm hearing that more and more. I had the privilege of coaching some folks earlier this week and I keep hearing the same story over and over where couples are so divided with their money, they're so divided with their finances. And maybe I'm old school, maybe I'm going to get canceled. I don't know. But where I come from, one plus one doesn't equal two.

It equals one, right? And you got to be on the same page when it comes to these finances. And I'm so tired. I'm going to just say it. If Sam Warshaw. Let me put it in terms that I can say. If Sam Warshaw said to me, hey, don't forget to venmo me your half of the rent, you would never see him again. He would be on the moon. Because I'm like, you're half of the rent? Are you kidding me? Or it's your night to pay for the dinner. And you can't have access. You can't know where the will is and your name can't be on the mortgage. Are you kidding me? That is a man who does not. He's not looking out for the well being of his family. He's looking out for the well being of number one. And you can't love anybody well when you're putting yourself first and foremost. It's literally got to be the opposite.

It's a man that's so small and lacks so much self confidence and strength and actual leadership that the only way he can puff his chest out and feel like he's in the front of the line is by withholding.

Just control.

It's leadership by I know something you don't know. It is power by I know a thing that you don't know. So ha. And you just sit down because I don't even know where anything is. Your name's not even on anything.

I'm getting burned up just you saying it.

No. It's so frustrating because there's wives and kids. Yes, these are children. These are human beings. At the end of the day, true strength, true leadership, true walk alongside. True service is we're all in this together. Here's every piece of information. Here's all the stuff on the table. There's no secrets. Here we go. We're going to do this thing together. And that means we have to have hard conversations. We have to figure stuff out. We're going to disagree. But that's not cowardice.

That's right.

And it's not childishness.

Right?

I'm taking my truck and going home. I'm sick of a generation of grown men who. That's their role in the world. This is my man. It's just not a way to live. It's not a way to live.

Jade Warshire ain't living that way. I'll tell you that. Right know, I get, like, when we talk about combining finances, and I think it's important to say combining finances is rarely a light. Like, it's not. Just like, I go home, I have one conversation, boom, we're on the same page. I think it is worth noting and affirming that for many couples, this is a journey.

It's scary conversation.

Yes. But there is that line where there is a clear disrespect that's taking place, or there's like a clear, wow, you completely don't value me at all and you're treating me that way, or you're very confused as to what it looks like, to value somebody in the relationship and value them in an equal part. And I think that's the part that's just. Guys, it burns me up.

It just burns me up. Not even an equal part. I have to value more than myself.

Yes, that's what I was saying before.

I have to value it on its. Yes. You want to quote unquote lead, then you get on the bottom. You carry the whole thing. Thank you.

Thank you.

It's not going first and making sure that your bread's buttered first, right. It's not how that works. It's the opposite. It's the opposite.

That's it. All right. I'm just saying that. I'm not trying to get on you. It's because we love you guys. We want to see you win. And you can't win when it's flipped around. Anyway, let's take a call. I got Mark in Honolulu, Hawaii. What's going on, Mark? Hope we didn't go too hard in the paint before your call. What's going on?

It's all good. Oh, my gosh. My heart is pounding. I'm earning extra fitbit minutes sitting here waiting for you guys.

Come on, we're burning calories. How can we help?

Aidan? John? So I got two questions. One, I like to know if you think I can go part time from my job. And number two is kind of a psychological question for JD. I can't ever approve of any of my family members spending extra money, even though I make really good salary.

So, like, for going, before we get going, I'm going to cut you off. We're going to get our language right. Okay. You can. You've chosen not to. Okay. So you choose not to let your family spend anything, even though you got a great salary. Go ahead, keep going.

Got you.

Keep going.

That makes sense.

Keep going.

Yeah. The example is, like, if we go out to dinner and the kids want an extra drink, I'll say yes. But inside of me, I'm like, man, that extra $3 we could have saved.

Did you grow up without any?

Yeah, I grew up poor. There you go. I wouldn't say poor. I would say, okay. I saw my parents bring us up from a one bedroom apartment and then made their money and they saved and saved.

Give yourself some grace. Your nervous system is wired up this way. Money is a scary thing that divides families, causes mom and dad to act scary, that bounces around from one bedroom apartments to a house, to this and that. That's in your nervous system. The challenge for you is to recognize hey, we used to not be safe, and now we are. So that doesn't mean my kids get everything. That's been my approach, because I grew up in a scary financial situation growing up. And my challenge has been my kids, they can have everything they want. I got to wheel that back, too, because I'm going to create monsters if I'm not careful. Right? But what that means is when they say, hey, dad, I'm still hungry, can I get another taco? And I go, sure, buddy. And my heart starts beating. I have to know inside, I'm practicing something new, and that is we're okay. And I've never had that before, but I'm going to practice. We weren't okay, but we are now. And it's going to be uncomfortable at first, but the more you're mindful of it, the more you accept it, the more your body goes, all right, we're okay now.

And you can start being strategic. So go into the money part with Jade. How are we doing?

This is the absurd thing. I mean, I'm worth 7.3, bro.

It's not absurd. You're running for your life. Okay, that's a little absurd. You're pretty. Well.

I have rental properties all paid for value at 2 million, bringing in, I would say, net 8000 a month. I'm a physician. I'm one of those weird physicians that Dave always describes. I paid off my loans in my first year out. I've been out 20 years.

Good. You just need to loosen the purse strings is what you're saying, because you have to.

I'm just so wound up and it does affect my relationship with my wife.

Can I give you one more thing real quick? As a physician, we're going to run up against the clock. I'm going to make sure Jade's got a second speaking here. But as a physician, if you live an anxious life, always solving other people's problems, and you're doing surgeries and you're seeing sick people over and over and over again, sometimes an anxiousness response is to grab any variable you can and hang on for dear life. And I may wonder if your money, if your net worth is this thing I can control. When you have a job that's out of control, you got family, you got fires in your community. If this is a way to grab onto control, and maybe the path forward is practicing opening your hand up.

Jade, that's a mic drop. I feel like that's a mic drop. I don't see any money issues here. Show me where the money problem is you talked about maybe going part time.

Go part time, homie.

Yeah.

How much do you want to go part time? Because I want to spend more time with my family.

Okay, done.

So it's going to reduce my income, my take home, because live in the state Hawaii, and they take a lot. My annual is going to go drop down from, say, 390 down to 220, working three days a week.

No, you can't do it, Mark. I'm just kidding, Mark. You're good.

Do it.

You're all good. Do it.

And if you carry any debt on any of these properties, pay it off. Like, make your life as simple as possible financially. And I love the idea that you've worked hard enough that you get to work part time and spend more time with your family. Embrace that. I think it's excellent. This is the Ramsey show.

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You're listening to the Ramsay show. I'm your host, Jade Warshaw. This is Dr. John Deloney to my right, give us a call. The numbers triple 8825-5225 your neighborly question of the day is sponsored by neighborly, your hub for home services. If you're moving, you have a long list of to do's. Don't I know about that? But neighborly has local pros like house master, five star painting, window genie, and junk king. To check items off that list, visit neighborly.com slash Ramsey today to schedule home service experts near you.

Today's question comes from Noah in Texas. Noah writes, my wife and I have run into a dilemma with her family. Her parents want to go on a vacation to Costa Rica. Great place. My wife told her mom that we can't go because we're paying off debt and don't have the money. But her mom has said that they will pay for our part of the trip because they really want us to go. My wife and I don't want them to do that for us. How about convincing them that we aren't able to go on this trip, man? Here's what this sounds like, jade. I don't have any problem with them going on a trip that mom pays for. That's awesome. Unless, and I'm reading between the lines here, Noah knows that that money will come with some significant strings attached.

100.

Right?

100.

And so I want to change your language. You're never going to convince them. What you're going to do is you're going to tell them we're not going to go on the trip this year. Thank you so much for the invite. We appreciate your generosity. It's not going to work for us this year. We look forward to going with you in the future.

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

That on that.

And they're going to be mad. They're going to come up with excuses. They're going to be whatever. We're not going to go on the trip. And that's okay.

Yeah, I 100% agree. I think we spend too much time trying to convince people or trying to explain to them why we're doing things instead of just telling them. And that's it. I said what I said.

Also, on the other side of it, if your family wants to pay for you to go on a trip, and it's going to be a great adventure for everybody, go. Go on the trip.

Yeah, absolutely. But I'm with you. Clearly, there's strings attached. And sometimes it's just. I'm not getting involved.

Don't go, though. If there's no strings attached and it's just your ego, go on the trip then. Is that fair? Well, I ain't have nobody pay for me. Shut up.

Like, when you're just like, I don't want to hand out, taking a hand.

Out, I'm like, just be quiet. Go on the trip with your mom and dad. If it's, you know, it's going to come back and be like, well, you know, honey, we put a lot of money on that trip, so you all need to bring grandkid. Well, now we got a whole other situation.

Well, it's funny, because what you just said the first one where it's like, hey, I don't even know what that might sound like or feel like. When you said that, I was like, what must that feel like to have nothing attached?

I don't even know. I talked to a budy the other day, and he's like, my dad has taken all three kids and their families on a huge cruise, and we're all going. And he's like, it's a long time. It's going to blow a lot of vacation, but it's going to be a fun trip.

Yeah.

It sounded like it's going to take some maneuvering for the family, but on the whole, it's going to be a good trip. I'm going to honor my dad. It's going to be fun. We're going to go.

I get that.

Staying with anybody's parents for ten days, there's always going to be stuff, right? Always. We're going to go. That's fair.

Yeah.

When you get back from that vacation, you're like, hey, we need you to come roof the house for us. Because you remember I paid for that. Exactly. Now we're into a whole nother ballgame.

Yeah. That's really interesting. Yeah. Because I think when people want to be generous like that, it's almost as much of a gift to them if you take it.

That's right.

Than it is for you if you accept the gift. So that's interesting. Yeah. I feel that I'm trying to get it back on a scale that it's like when you go to a nice dinner, and here's a good example.

I did this. One of my professors, when I was graduating, said she wanted to start a tradition with her graduate students that she took them out to dinner. So her and her husband and me and my wife went out to dinner. I had a rule, nobody buys me dinner. And it was more of, like a bro flex than it was, like, this hard and fast rule. So I slipped my card, my debit card to the waiter and was, like, all cool. And her look of sadness that I took that from her, it was a gift, and I bro flexed out of it. I was like, I got this. And she was like, hey, this was a gift. And I remember being super disappointed myself because I took that from her. It was going to be an awesome gift that I know was going to cost her and her family a lot of money. And it was a nice meal. I took it from her because I had a knee go problem. Right.

I love that you called it a bro flex.

It was just so dumb. It was so stupid, man. But I think if it's a gift like that, then, man, let people give you a gift. If it's their down payment on control in your life, or if you feel.

Like they're doing it, like, for spite, to try to drive home the. You can feel it. You know the feeling. Let's go to the phone lines. Elena. I'm guessing it's Elena in Kansas City, Kansas. Did I say it right, or is it Alina?

You did. It's Alina. Hi. Jade and John.

Hey.

My husband and I are new to the Ramsay plan.

Welcome.

Yeah, we've kind of done some stuff out of order the last couple of years. He is 58 years old. I'm 55, and we have no bills except our mortgage and a retirement loan, which I know now we should not have done. It's about $50,000. We currently maximize our 401, 403 accounts. Should we stop that retirement funding to pay off this $50,000? We're hesitant to do that at our age. And with the taxes we'd have to pay on that $60,000 that we're putting in there, we cringe at that. Should we sell stocks? We do have enough to pay that in stocks. However, we would have to pay short term capital gains on that. We recently paid off a land loan and sold some stocks, $225,000 worth of stocks. So we would be paying short term gains on that. Or do we not pay on those retirement loans and then just start throwing money at our mortgage?

You don't have any liquid cash? It's all tied up.

We have about 15,000 in cash, but otherwise.

And that's your emergency fund. Yeah. Listen, I'd go to the stocks, and I'd clear those out, because we're not big on stocks around here anyway. It's a lot riskier than if you were in something that's a little bit more spread out. So I'd probably liquidate the stocks and pay it. And I get what you're saying. I feel like the thing you've got to understand in situations like this is there's always a piper to pay when you make a mistake. Right. And so there's no really getting around it, whether it's in capital gains tax or whether it's pausing. You have to pause investing to pay off debt. There's always a give and take when a mistake has been made, and you can't really evade that. So in this case, I think the best choice is for you to liquidate some of these stocks. Because like I said, it's money that you already have. You don't have to stop investing. But I would say from this point forward, I would make sure that I'm doing a more thorough investment mix instead of putting all my eggs in one basket. Especially the older you guys get. You're going to want to make sure that you've got your money spread around in a better way.

Are you guys working with a professional?

We are not. The stocks he get is in his company. He's rewarded some of those and he buys into some of them. He is a Air force veteran, has a steady paycheck from that, and then on top of that, works for another company at this time, and he gets stocked in that company, and his bonuses are paid in stocks. And again, he buys into it at a good rate.

But I'll tell you this, I grew up in Houston, and for a season, my mom worked at this little bitty company called Enron. They gave all their employees stocks upon stocks upon stocks. And they were some of the most valuable stocks in the world until people woke up one morning and they were all gone. Right? And so stocks are just such a risky proposition. And all the data says when you start throwing darts at trying to pick the right stock, you lose. You lose, and yours is just by default.

Like, you didn't even choose this, really, it chose you. So it's even more of a gamble in that way.

You're getting stock. So, man, I would take that stock and sell it and say thanks, as though it's cash, and invest it.

Yeah.

And by the way, you're paying a penalty every month in the interest on the loan you took out. So you're paying a penalty. Like Jade said, you're going to pay a penalty regardless. I'm looking at by 62 years old. Can I be completely free? Can we owe nobody anything except just us? And then that air force check comes in, then husband keeps working, and now we're off to the races.

Yeah, that's the way to do this. Those 401k loans, they're tricky. People think, I can just access this money. It's no big deal. But the fact of the matter is, if you lose your job or if you walk away from that job, that loan becomes due within the next twelve months. It compounds on itself that quickly. So people have to be careful with those 401k loans. You never know. This is the Ramsay show.

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You're listening to the Ramsay show. I'm your host, Jade Warshaw, joined by Dr. John Deloney. You can give us a call. We'll talk about your life and your money. The number is triple 8825-5225 and I'm so excited because we have an amazing live event coming up here at Ramsay Solutions. It's actually on our campus at our live event center. It's going to be May 10 and 11th, and we're calling it the total money makeover weekend, which is cool. It takes place on an anniversary of the total money makeover book that we all know and love. And so I'm really excited. It's very different. It's different from any other event that we've done. All the personalities are there. We are teaching on the stuff we've always talked about, but just in a new and invigorating way. So that's exciting. It's one weekend and you get a crash course on everything we teach about money. So you hear us talk about the baby steps all the time. And so this is perfect because it doesn't matter if you're on baby step one or maybe you're on baby step seven. There is going to be enough content for you to get excited to get riled up about it.

So I'm excited. It's really just going to be a big fat party, a big rally, and everybody there is going to be like minded. So that's really exciting. No matter what baby step you're on, it's going to light that fire. There's also going to be Q and A's. I know that myself and Ken Coleman have cooked up some really fun content, no pun intended there. So that was just a little Easter egg. So hopefully you'll enjoy it. Early bird tickets start at $99. That's only for a limited time, so you got to get your tickets now. You can do that@ramsaysolutions.com. Events yeah, and just keep in mind this event center holds 2400 people. So these tickets are going to go super fast. So get your tickets today. That's ramsaysolutions.com events. Very cool. Can't wait for that. Let's go to the phone lines. Michael, who's in Auburn, Alabama. What's going on. Michael.

Hey. How are you doing?

I'm doing good. How are you?

I'm okay. I just got this problem with an ex wife.

Tell us about it.

Want money every day. And we've been divorced over ten years. And she's remarried, but she's got a husband that lays up on the couch. It won't work.

And so she's coming to you for money?

Yeah. Every day. She's wanting money to get cigarettes, pay a bill.

Are you remarried?

No.

Hey, I know why she's doing this. You know why.

I'm trying to figure this out.

I figured it out for you. She's doing this because you keep giving it to her. And you have been for a decade. Even though you went to court and dissolved your marriage. Why are you still giving her money ten years later after she left you and remarried somebody else?

I had kids, and they over 18 now. And I was just trying to figure out if I need a part ways or whatever.

Are you still in love with her?

I care about her. But she chose some other man over me.

That's exactly right. My heart's breaking for you, man, because I can tell you still care about her. You want her to be successful. She's the mother of your kids, and I get that. But what you just said is important. She chose somebody else over you. She left you. She divorced you. She married somebody else. And this is the bed that she chose for herself. And she's got to sleep in it. She got to make up that bed. And the only way to move forward is you got to stop writing checks. You got to say, the atm is closed. You will not get another penny from me ever again. And then she's going to have to look at her husband, who's laid up on a couch, and they're going to have to figure that one out. How does that sound?

I understand that.

Can you do that?

I'm going to have to do that.

Let me ask you. This new spouse that your ex wife has, is she safe over there? Is she fine over there? Or is it just she needs money for cigarettes? Is there more to it?

Well, he goes to work, and then he quits work for a while. And then he goes, work, quits work for a while. When he quits work, they get in a real bad struggle, and she calls me to help.

So, Michael, I'm going to tell you something that's hard to hear. You shouldn't know about their marriage struggles. It's inappropriate for her to be telling you about that. That's between her and him. And when she starts to tell you about her, about him and what he's not doing, that's when you have to say, whoa, whoa, stop. I have no interest in hearing about your new husband. None. Zero. Oh, you just don't care about. No, that's between you all, too.

She made comments to other people that all she got to do is holler for me, and I give her money because you do.

It's the truth. It's 100% the truth.

Yeah.

So you have to choose to keep your dignity and to say, I'm no longer doing that, period.

A lot of reason. I do it because I feel sorry for.

I know, and you're a good man, but enough is enough is enough is enough. Fair. Fair.

And plus, my daughter lives with her.

Your daughter's an adult.

I don't want.

How old's the daughter? 18.

She's 28.

Listen, Michael, stop giving them all money. All of them. They're never going to grow up.

My daughter doing without food?

No, your daughter choosing that.

What's keeping her from getting a job?

My daughter works.

Then she should have food.

Yes.

Yeah. She needs to move out from her mama's house. It's a toxic situation. She needs to get her own place.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say you probably need a change of scenery as well. Michael, I'm just hearing this and I'm a fly on the wall. This sounds like a stew that's been just sitting simmering for a long time, and you just need to get out of it. It's just a chain of events that just continue just that cycle over and over and over. And my guess is you probably need a change of scenery. Your daughter probably needs a change of scenery because that reason my daughter is.

There because her mama is real sick and she's there to help her.

Well, part of helping is making sure that there's food. Part of helping is making sure, like a fireman doesn't run into a burning building without the proper gear and equipment. Right. Similarly, yes, you can't call it help and at the same time not be truly helping or helping a tiny little bit, but then calling around all. It's one big mess after another after another after another. And then your daughter's going to look up, she's going to have lived in this house, she's going to be 36 years old when her mom finally passes away. And this man who's laid on the couch is going to take the house from her.

I understand, right.

It's just a big mess that everyone's got to step away from. I'm not saying walk away from a sick mama, but I'm saying what you all are doing, what your daughter's doing is not helping you. Giving money for cigarettes to a very sick woman who's so sick that her adult daughter has to come in and live with her is not helping. I'm just saying that because I love you, not because I'm trying to be mean.

Well, I understand. I'm just trying to help.

No, that's how I say you're a good man. You're a good man. I think the greatest gift you could give everybody right now is to be very clear and say, I've been helping for a long, long time, and I've got to take care of myself. I got to take care of my future. I got to take care of my home. And so as of effective today, the atm is closed. And I'm not giving anybody any more money. I love. They're going to, they're going to bang on your door. They're going to hate you. They're going to write, you mean messages. They're going to yell at you because that's worked in the past and it's not going to work this time.

Do you have money, Michael? To much.

Not that much. Yeah, I struggle sometimes.

If you're struggling, you definitely don't have it to give. And your best, like John said, getting yourself together and getting your life together is the best thing you're going to be able to do because no one's going to take care of you. So what's going to happen when you get older and you're not working anymore? You've got to make sure that you're set up financially as well.

Yeah, we got you, brother. Draw some boundaries and say no more changes to make.

That's hard, that kind of stuff, John, this magnetic, it's like, it has like a magnetic force that pulls you back.

Well, you said it's like all the ingredients in a pot. And after a couple of days of just simmering, all the ingredients are just one big goo, right?

Yeah.

Got to jump out of the pot. It's not easy to do, but you can do it. Thanks for listening. This is the Ramsey show, live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions. It's the Ramsey show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I am Jade Warshaw, your co host. Today, Dr. John Deloney is sitting to my right. We're taking your calls all afternoon about your life, your money. So give us a call. The number is Triple 8825-5225 and we'll chop it up with you. Call about your life, call about your money. Call about your relationships. This show is yours and we are happy that you're here with us. So let's go straight to the phone lines. Kyle in Jackson, Mississippi. What's going on, Kyle?

I'm going to Jackson.

Hey, Jay. Dr. John. How's it going, guys?

Going good. How can we help?

Yes. Just to kind of give you a brief overview what I got going on. Currently just in a situation that I'm trying to figure my way out of. I'll kind of tell you what prompted it. My wife and I are actually expecting our first baby here in a few weeks. And it's got me thinking and it's time for a legitimate change. I'm ready to do it, but I'm just trying to get some traction and I can't seem to do that. That's where I'm at and I'm excited, but I'm getting pretty nervous, pretty scared, and it's coming pretty quick.

Tell me about your financial situation that's making you nervous and scared.

Yeah. Altogether, just quick math in my head, roughly about 400k. That's including a mortgage spread out. I'm pretty much a poster child of stupid. But 72 in student loans, that's between my wife and I. The majority of that is mine. About 64. Two car loans.

How much are those?

One's 18. 129.

Okay, what else?

Roughly 15k across. Multiple credit cards. And then I'm just being conservative and saying another 1500 medical and miscellaneous.

Okay. I think something that will help is kind of separating your mortgage debt from everything else. Because when you tell yourself, I've got $400,000 of debt, that feels a lot more overwhelming with the mortgage included in that. And the truth of the matter is, right now your only assignment is to pay off the non mortgage debt. So it's not cheating to kind of cut that part off and put it aside for later. So without that, this goes down significantly. Let me just quickly in my head. 37, 80. You've got $160,000 of debt. Does that feel right?

Yeah, it sounds roughly right.

Okay, so how much income are you bringing in?

110 plus bonuses, about 6500 a month or so. I haven't gotten my first bonus, but we're on track to about 1500 next month.

Okay. So roughly, you bring home anywhere between 6500 to 8000 a month with bonuses. Is that fair?

I would say 6500 is fair.

Okay, that's fair. And is this just your income or your wife's working, too. I know you said she's pregnant, but does she normally work?

She's a homemaker babysitter. So she was contributing about $700 a month or so, but that's about to stop.

Okay, so this will be your first child. Sorry, I'm asking a lot of questions because I want to get my head around it. So she has this first child. Do you think that is the plan, that she'll go back to doing what she was doing before or pick up any sort of work? Or is the idea that she'll probably take care of the baby and not do any financial.

The intent is to stay home and take care of the baby to avoid childcare, potentially going back to doing what she was doing eventually. I don't know what postpartum and what that's going to look like. The intent right now is to avoid childcare cost and have her stay home with the baby.

Okay. What that's telling me is because when I think about childcare, I'm thinking out loud here. When I think about childcare, you pay around twelve to $1,300 per kid, but for an infant, it's more expensive. So maybe you're paying 14 or month if you're doing mid level to nicer childcare. Do we feel like, here's the way I kind of think about that. I'm like, is she able to make $1,500 or more a month? Is she able to bring in $3,000 a month? Because if she is, that kind of answers your question. That means, yeah, she can work and we can have childcare. I'm not saying that you have to do it immediately, but I do think that in this equation, as much money coming in as possible is necessary. And I also think this is the hard part of this equation. There's going to be some things that you don't like about it. I don't think there's any getting around. Something's going to have to take place here that nobody likes, whether it's you picking up a second job, because then the negative side to that is, oh, I won't be around the baby as much.

And then your wife's going to be like, hey, you're never here. So no matter how you slice this, there's going to be a trade that takes place, and it's not going to be comfortable. So I do want to say that out of the gate and you and your wife can decide what that trade is and when it takes place. But my screen says that you're on the path to bankruptcy. So what I want to make sure that, you know, is I don't think that you're on the path to bankruptcy. I think you just have some really difficult decisions that you're going to have to make with your money and the way your lifestyle is moving forward. Fair enough?

Yes, that's fair. I'm willing to pick up second job and do what I need to. I'm just trying to get my head above water right now and figure it out.

So the tactical side to this, so let's talk tactics. Tactical side is, do you have a budget? Are you working on a budget right now?

I just started trying to give it a really good go this past week, and I don't know that it's in the best place. I probably need to see how it comes out. I did attempt put my best foot forward on it and try it out, but I don't know how well that is right now.

Okay, well, finish it, because I think sometimes we start on it and we go get busy with something else. Prioritize this, this weekend, you got to get this budget set with your wife together. You guys decide on the amounts. And first things first. If you've never been on a budget before, and this was for anybody listening, your first job is just to figure out, can you live on your income? Don't make any big sweeping changes. Just be like, can I live on a budget? Can I write down a realistic number for groceries? Can I write down a realistic number that I think we spend? And can I just stick to it? For so many people, they quickly go to, I'm going to live on nothing. And it's like, I can't stick to this. So just get in a rhythm of you guys sticking to whatever number you put. Don't get too crazy. And we don't use credit cards. We were just living on our income. And then when you start feeling your footing with that, that's when you start going, okay, but now I can cut down groceries and I can cut back on takeout, and I can cut back on whatever those different care categories are.

And that's what that looks like. And then I want you to really start playing out and playing through some numbers and seeing what would it look like if our family lived on 80,000 instead of 110,000? And then I want you to start running the numbers on what would it look like if you found a job where you could make $2,000 extra a month? And I really want you to pull all of these concepts out of the air and put them down on paper and start working your way backwards and going, okay, what does it look like to get $2,000 extra a month? What does it look like for us to live on this number of a budget? And that's how you put this in real life. This is the Ramsay show. You're listening to the Ramsay show. Thanks for listening. Hey, if you love this show, make sure that you, like, subscribe and share it with the people around you. That would help us out big time. Obviously, it kicks the show up in the algorithms, and you're just sharing a really awesome show with the people around you, which that is a win win.

I'm your host, Jade Warshaw. This is Dr. John Deloney, taking your calls all afternoon. So give us a call. The number is triple 8825-5225 and we would be happy to give you our opinion on what's going on in your life. So we'll do just that. We got Justin in Seattle, Washington. What's going on, Justin?

Yeah, how's it going? I got a question for you. So I rent a house below market value, a four bedroom house, for about $1,000 a month. And I'm looking at, is it worth it for me to pursue buying a house, knowing that the mortgage is going to be twice as much? Guess that would be the big question. Should I pursue buying a house? I have very little debt, and I just got a new job with a little more money. And I just got married two years ago, and my wife wants a house, but I'm not sure if that's. I'm worried about the risk, I guess.

How old are you?

Or is there a risk of just renting? I'm 45 years old.

45. When you buy, you're taking away some of the risk, because for most of us, the largest line item on our budget is our home, whether we rent or buy. And so when we rent, though, that becomes a variable cost. Right. We have the ability for rent to go up, we have the ability for our lease to break, and then we have to go someplace else. Whereas when we buy, it's just kind of a fixed savings account, and we're putting money into it, and we're building equity in that, and it becomes an asset for us, and it's fixed. So that kind of creates a stability in our life. So to that point, I would say most folks, really, everybody should aspire to home ownership. But the real question for you right now is, is now the time to buy? And that's really the question that most people, including yourself need to be asking themselves. It's not necessarily. Is renting better than buying it is now a good time for me to buy. Is that fair enough?

Yeah. I went through a divorce, so I don't have very much in retirement. I do pay quite a bit in child support, so that's the other thing is, should I just be holding my horses and kind of waiting for the interest rates to go down? I feel like I've been waiting forever. I owned the house when I was married a long time ago, but now I'm to the point where I kind of got out of debt and I'm just kind of. I have a little bit from when I got married. My wife had some debt that were paying off maybe about $25,000 or so. But I just feel like I'm just trying to. I don't know, I'm nervous to do it. I guess I get the point that my rent could go up, but I've been with the same landlord for twelve years and I don't know, I guess he could sell the house or something like that. But I feel like I'm pretty comfortable where I'm at. But maybe that's just kind of me being a little naive as well.

Well, I mean, kind of going back to our initial conversation, there is value in stabilizing your lifestyle, and I think as long as you rent, there is more perceived stability than actual stability. So to your wife's point, she's the one that wants to buy. So let's talk about what it might look like for you to get to that point. And I would say the first thing is I would want to be completely debt free. So I'd pay off this debt that you have. It sounds like it's only $25,000. How quickly could you have that paid off?

I would say within a year or two.

Okay, so one to two years.

She owns her own company that is kind of teetering back and forth. It's doing okay. And sometimes it doesn't do very well. And then I have a regular job where I make a decent amount of money. I make about 135, and then bonuses can get it up there a little higher.

What does she make on an average month?

Well, I would say on an average month right now she's breaking even. And with her business, maybe she'll make about $3,000 a month sometimes. And then sometimes she'll just be flat.

How long has she been doing it like that?

She's been doing that for. I would say she's been doing it before we got married, so maybe five, six years now.

All right, I would challenge that. I think there's a point where a business is just a really great hobby, and it's great when it brings in money, but I'd want to get to the point after five years, where the income is consistent, and I can say, I'm earning this money and this is what I'm taking in. That being said, and I'd want to see that, especially with you guys thinking about buying a house. So my keys to this would be paying off the debt. Let's save up three to six months of expenses. In this case, I'd probably say six months of expenses because her income isn't as solid as I'd like for it to be. And then I'd start saving up for a down payment. I'd start looking in your area and saying, okay, what's feasible for us? What can we get into? And I wouldn't worry. I mean, I say this very lightly, because interest rates are real, and what it takes to buy a house right now is not easy. And so this could be a long journey for you guys, saving up to actually get something that you would want to buy.

And I think that's okay. But I do think in this case, home ownership, we just know that it's a key component to wealth building. 67% of millionaires have paid for residences. So I do think that it's something that you should consider and should start working towards. John, what do you think?

Yeah, Justin, can I use your situation as just a conversation on a bigger puzzle piece across the country? Is that cool?

Yeah.

So Dave in particular has taken, and I guess all of us by proxy, have taken a lot of hits recently. And I'm seeing it on social media, I'm seeing it everywhere, that we're out of touch, that we don't care about people, that we want people to not spend money, or ideas are impractical. They don't work. So when Jade tells somebody who's thinking about buying a home, hey, don't owe anybody any money first, and make sure you've got some money to put down enough that you can get in that house and that you could get out of it if you had to, that you can get into that house, and you're not going to immediately be underwater in a huge asset like that. When we tell people 25% of your take home pay, what we get back is, well, that's just unreasonable because houses have doubled. And here's the thing. I bought a house in 2020, right at the beginning, before it got bananas. And I'm shopping for a house right now. It's mostly doubled. It is madness. It's heartbreaking. And Dave pays me super obnoxiously well, and math doesn't care about my feelings. And what does that mean for me and my family?

There are neighborhoods in Nashville that we would have moved in with our same income and our same cash situation in 2020 that we're not doing right now. We can't, because we can't afford it. I've got friends across the country that want to move to this state, to keep doing this job, to live in this town, and they simply can't do it, because the Matrix of I want this job, I want to be in this town, and I want this home. One of those or two of those have to give. And so the big enemy here is how expensive homes are. The big enemy here is how everyone says it's okay to borrow a whole bunch of money and spread yourself out. And the heartbreaking part for me and for Jade, for Dave, for George, for Ken, for all of us, is we sit with hurting people on the other side of this thing. When it goes, and make no mistake, it will go again. It will go again. And so we love people. We want people to buy the nicest house you can afford for you and your family. I want everyone to do the job they want in the city they want in the house they want right now.

Housing is out of control. It's so expensive. And that may mean that for most people, you have to rent for a while. And is it ideal? No. Is it reality? Yes. Or you're going to have to move to a new state. You're going to have to move to a new town. You're going to have to take on a second or third or fourth job or whatever the thing may be. But math doesn't care what neighborhood I want to live in. Math doesn't care what school I want to send my kid to. Math says, if you don't have money in the bank, Math says, if you go into your home underwater, it's going to bite you, and it's going to cost you everything. And by the way, some super, super rich person's gonna come buy that house from pennies on the dollar after I lose it. So it's heartbreaking, brother. But if you can't afford it, don't get into it. But it is something worthy to build towards. Housing is out of control expensive. It's just reality.

You're listening to the Ramsay show. I'm your host, Jade Warshaw. This is Dr. John Deloney to my right. We're taking your calls all afternoon. The number is triple 8825-5225 give us a call. Let's go straight to the phone line, shall we, John?

We shall.

Let's talk to Matt in Pittsburgh, Pa. What's going on, Matt?

Hey. I am 23 years old, and I am $157,000 in student loan debt.

Yikes.

I just don't know how to get out of it.

What did you study, brother?

I was originally engineering, but switched to biochemistry and therefore lost my academic scholarship, and now I'm this far in debt.

What do you do for a living now?

I work as a medical lab tech at a hospital here in Pittsburgh.

What are you earning?

I'm sorry?

What are you earning?

Take home is about $2,600 a month.

Okay. Do you have any other debt?

No.

Okay. What's your living situation?

I'm currently renting an apartment with roommates.

Roommates, okay. So what are you paying in rent.

Every month with utilities? 555 50.

Okay, good. Okay, good news is your rent is in a good spot. What else do you have? No car payment, nothing like that, right?

No.

Okay, so the good news is you don't have a lot of other expenses that are pulling away from your ability to pay this debt off. So many people find themselves, and I just kind of want to paint this picture for you because it'll make you a little bit more grateful because so many people find themselves in this situation where it's like, hey, I have $157,000 of debt, but I'm also married with kids and a mortgage and credit card debt and car notes. So it's really hard to make that traction because all of their money is just going away every single month. The good news is you've got at least half of your income should be at your disposal. Is that fair enough?

Yeah. With the minimum payments and the rent, I don't have much wiggle room, like, with groceries and gas and everything.

What are you spending on groceries and gas? For a single guy?

Groceries? I can get my bill to, like, $200 a month and then gas probably about. I want to say, like, 250 a month.

Okay. And then does your job take out insurance and everything like that? Do you have that benefit?

Yeah.

Okay, so what's another big expenditure that you have going out every month?

It's just the minimum payments for the student loans.

Okay, so they're all broken up. How many are there?

Well, there's four private and the federal loan, so I'm paying 1212 every month towards the private loan and about 250 for the federal.

Okay.

Jade, the big elephant in the room here is I don't see a possible way forward with him only making $31,000 a year.

Yeah, he's got to get his income.

Up, bro, what's your end goal here? You quit being an engineer to get a biochem degree. You're obviously a smart young man. What's the goal here?

Well, my problem is that I feel kind of stuck where I am in my job right now, so I'd have to go get a further degree in order to move.

I. What I mean is, you're better off right now going to try to get a manager's job at McDonald's or an assistant manager at Home depot. And I know it won't have the prestige of going into a hospital and being a lab tech, but, bro, you are broke. And I'm saying that because I love you. Right. You can't eat $200. I went to Chickfila the other day and it was like, $19. It's out of this world. Expensive to exist. You just can't do that on 31. So whatever you want to do down the road, man, I'm all for you. Once you go to med school, if that's what you want to do, or pa school, or chem school, if you can get a master's in chemistry, whatever it is, I'm all for it. But right now, you can't eat, dude. And that means you're going to have to break some hearts, and everyone's going to be like, oh, my gosh, you got these degrees and they didn't. Yeah, right now I got to go make a bunch of money.

Yeah.

Does that make sense? You're calling us? I wish I could just be like, all right, Jade and I, we bestow it upon you. You just got to work and go earn that money. And 31,000 annually is a big math problem. You're digging a swimming pool with a spoon, brother.

Yeah, makes sense.

What would that look like? I mean, real talk. What does that look like for you? Is this just a matter of applying for different jobs? Did you kind of apply for one? You got it. And that was good enough.

Yeah, I was applying for. Because I graduated in December of 22, and I was applying for about six months, and I was working that entire time, too. But, yeah, I finally got this job in June of last year, and I've still been looking for other stuff that pays higher. But.

Can you work 4 hours before your shift and Shipping and then after you get off shift, can you work another 4 hours as an orderly? I know those are two positions that are hard to find in Hospitals. Or can you go over and work in the gift shop or in the. I'm just trying to say I understand that draw to be in that ecosystem. You worked hard to get in there. This is what you're passionate about. It's just not paying the bills. And so the other alternative is I'm going to cobble together a couple of two or three jobs inside this system. And by the way, in five years, when you've earned some more money and paid this stuff off, you'll know how a Hospital works.

Right.

And that will set you up for whatever you want to do next. But there's not a way that you're going to get through this without a lot of pain and a lot of sacrifice, either going to work at McDonald's and then working at subway at night and then loading bosques at Walmart overnight, or doing a whole bunch of jobs at the hospital.

Yeah. Your goal right now should be to three x this?

Yeah, three x.

Okay.

And people are going to say, oh, just go make $90,000. No, we know there's not just. They're not handing out $90,000 jobs. This means you're just going to work seven days a week, 12 hours a.

Day, for a couple of years, piecing together some jobs.

Okay.

Because think about it. Right now, in your situation right now, you're paying off $13,000, $14,000 a year on the way you're going. Maybe that's maybe what you get. So if you two exit now, you're paying off $30,000 a year. And if you three exit now, you're paying off $45,000 a year. So $60,000 a year. So that's where we're getting to. And it's going to be a journey. But I think you can do this. I don't want this to mess around and take you seven years to pay this off.

Yeah.

And what's annoying for you, my friend, is Jade and I both had about this much or more, and both of us worked a whole bunch of jobs, did a bunch of wild things, and missed a lot of fun times with our families and our friends for an extended number of years to get this stuff knocked out. So we've been there. We know it's the worst.

It is.

And it's what's got to happen.

Yeah. How are you feeling? I feel like sometimes people call in and they're kind of hoping that we can pull out that big red button that kind of gives them the free path. I don't know. I feel like we just loaded you up. How are you feeling?

Yeah, it's just kind of relieving to hear somebody else say, get into another field or go get a different job because it's stressful to put all that time and work and realize this isn't going to be able to pay off anything.

Listen, I think you're finding the reality in the dream that we all believed. So many of us, we went into college with that thought of, listen, my degree is going to Roi. Like, I'm going to do this thing. I'm going to go out and get a job, and I'll be able to pay for it lickety split. And so many of us, you're not alone. When you wake up and realize, oh, my gosh. And you feel just so disenchanted by the whole system and realize this might be four or five years of your life spent kind of making up for it. And that's a very real feeling. But the hopeful part of it is you're definitely not alone. And there are millions of people who have walked through this before you and they can verify that the pathway is clear and it actually does work. If you can get your income up, if you can get on a budget, and you can start making those payments using the debt snowball. So that's the hopeful side of this. But it doesn't make it any more easy.

John, I like your idea, James. We got to get a red button, and once a year we just hit it and pay off somebody's everything. That would be awesome.

That is amazing. All right, James, get your bank account ready because that's going to take a lot of money. This is the Ramsay show. You were supposed to pop in there, James, and say something.

I'm speechless.

This is the Ramsay show.

Yo, yo.

Dr. John Deloney here with some big news. Money and marriage getaway is back. October 24 through 26th. Join Rachel Cruz and me for a weekend in Nashville, Tennessee, to focus on your marriage. You're going to get two and a half days of teaching, take part in a bunch of live Q and A's, and get the tools you need to win with money and intimacy together. Tickets start at $799, and you can pick up the limited vip tickets left and get all the perks, including meet and greets with me and Rachel. Go to ramsaysolutions.com events.

You're listening to the Ramsay show. I'm Jade Warshaw. Your co host. Today I'm joined by Dr. John Deloney and we are taking your calls all afternoon long. So give us a call. We'd love it. The number is triple 8825-5225 call in.

Hold on, hold on. We were just talking off air and I think it's fair to have this conversation.

Okay.

It's kind of a continuation of when we had earlier. I think it's important just to call out. Homes are outrageously expensive. Oh, yeah, the last I looked, and again, don't hold me to this statistic, but it's the lowest inventory is supply and demand. There's just not enough houses.

Yes.

And some of these big Wall street firms are coming in, just buying them, writing checks for them and buying up neighborhoods. There's new competition on the ground that has never existed before.

That's right.

Housing has just gotten insanely expensive. And that means for the young couple who's 26 and 27, and she's a teacher and he's a youth minister, she is a nurse practitioner. He is trying to get a small business going. You all going to be renting for a long time?

100%.

That's not because people hate you. It's because to get into a house, it's half a million dollars on the low end.

Yeah.

To get in a dream home or a really nice place. It used to be 500. Now it's a million dollars. It's just gotten bananas right? All across the country.

I mean, I think now more than ever, we're part of the debt free message. Like we're always telling folks to get debt free. And I think now more than ever, it's so important if you're at the cusp, right? Like you're just starting out, you're considering student loans, or you're talking to your kids about college. It is so important for those of us who got in debt, shoulda, coulda, woulda, like we're here now. But for everybody else who's right at that cusp, it's more important than ever. Because this journey that you're talking about, John, to home ownership is longer. It might take you seven years. It might take you however long to get there. You definitely don't need to make it longer by having to pay off debt. Right? So what I'm kind of likening that to is when Sam and I, when we first started out, of course, we had a bunch of debt. It took us seven and a half years to pay off that debt. Once we realized, hey, we need to pay it off. So really we were nine years in to marriage by the time our debt was paid off and we rented for ten years, because we were like, we're not going to buy a house when we still have this debt.

Our debt was our mortgage. Right. So I know that feeling to say, hey, you're not going to buy a house for ten years, but can we call this out?

This is important. I was at you and Sam's house, my wife and I, there was a whole group of us over there for a holiday party.

Yeah.

You have two little kids. Your house is extraordinary.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

Right?

It's amazing. And I think it's hard when you're 32, it's hard when you're 26. It's hard when you're 40 and the math isn't adding up. To not be able to just exhale and see the other side is if you'll wait and do it right.

Yeah.

There's a lot of laughter in that home. There wasn't a lot of angst.

That's right.

There's a lot of joy. There was a lot of fun. There's a lot of. I wonder what other house we could get. Right ethos than. I borrowed half of the 1% down because I got this special loan program from my brother and then this other guy, and then I got a bonus from my work, and I was able to get into this place. Nobody moved, nobody breathed. That home owns you. You don't own that home. Right. It's just a different way. But it's thinking through, like, because I was there, just, I remember walking around being like, I'll never have a family. I'm never going to have a home for our family. I'm always going to be this begging the place where I work for help with, and it's just different now. On the other side of it, the.

Temptation, I think, john, is when you are in that headspace of, like, is this ever going to happen? Like, feasibly, could this ever happen? And I think that's the way a lot of people feel right now, is the way these prices are and the way my income is and what it takes to even get a $400,000 house or $300,000 house is astronomical. And so you start to feel, like the gap getting wider and wider. And if you start feeling hopeless, then the reaction is, well, who cares? Like, whatever, I'm just going to live my life. And next thing I know, I'm seeing you out at Applebee's and at chili's, and you're buying up the bar, and I'm like, listen, you're just making it worse. Don't lose hope. Because when you lose hope, it's like you just widen the gap even further.

Or you make quick unthought through decisions when you feel right.

Yeah.

And that's when you just go buy the house.

That's right.

And then in seven years, when there's a market correction and your adjustable rate mortgage goes way up, a really wealthy person is going to buy it from you, from the bank at pennies on the dollar, and you just help that person get even richer than they already are.

Right.

It's heartbreaking to me. And sometimes it's one of those things like people ask me in interviews, like, what would you tell 22 year old you? And I just laugh and go, nothing. Because that guy was an idiot. He wouldn't listen. And so I feel like sometimes we're just talking to a wall because I remember being 27 and thinking, this is never going to happen.

Yeah.

And that's just simply because I didn't know what it was going to be like.

The time is going to pass, right? I feel like I'm on repeat saying that the time's going to pass anyway.

Put the work in.

Put the work in. It makes me think of that scripture. Dave quotes it all the time. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. And a lot of us, our heart is sick because we're like, man, I had this hope, but it feels like it's never going to happen. But if you can just strike up that desire, because it says when desire comes, it's a tree of life. So if you can have enough desire to go, I'm going to see this through. I don't exactly know what the path looks like. I'm just going to keep being smart with money. There's something to be said for staying the course. I'm going to keep budgeting. I'm going to keep being smart with money. I'm going to keep setting money aside, and you will look up and you will have a nice stack of money that you've saved up. Who knows how long it's going to take? But you will look up and what used to be a mountain turns into a hill, and what used to be a hill turns into a little, just a little swoop.

And you might be in a different state. You might have different friends in your house.

That's right.

You might have a different job. When I was 27, yes, YouTube didn't exist. Podcast wasn't a thing.

That's right, John.

And so who knows what's coming down the way.

Exactly.

Just take the next right step.

And that's such a good point. I'm a belabor this a little bit longer because I do think this is probably helping someone. Who among us can look ten years ago and say, I knew exactly where I was going to be ten years later? No one like you don't know where. You can guess and you can pontificate about it and say, well, in seven years, I will be here and I'll have this job and I'll live over here with this many kids. But you truly don't know, especially now.

If you're seeing the AI stuff coming out in our field, it's all going to be different in seven years, man.

But the point is, you make these plans, but you don't know what's on the other side of time. And all you can do is be consistent and do the things that you know to do. Don't grow weary and well doing, because at the right time, you'll reap a harvest of blessing. That's really what it is. And that's really what we're getting to, is just don't give up. Keep going. We know it's hard. We acknowledge it's difficult. I look at the numbers and sometimes I'm like just that. Like, I don't know what to tell you. It's tough. You just got to be.

There's nothing to say. But it's similar to the grief. Is similar to sitting with somebody who's just lost a loved one.

Yeah.

You had a dream. You had a dream that you were going to drive a car that you felt safe in, that you were going to live in a nice home and it was going to look like the HGTV generation homes that you grew up watching.

Right?

You had this picture of what your life was going to be, and now it's different. So I'll sit with you. It's the worst, but it doesn't change the math. Just as similar as I've told people who have lost a child or a parent or a loved one, they're gone. And so now what are we going to do, right? It's that heartbreaking month. Here was this dream I was going to be of this and this. It's gone because we're looking at the numbers. The numbers are what the numbers are. The interest rates are bananas, the houses are expensive. There's very few of them that are out there. And if there is a good one at a reasonable price, it's war. I'm in that war right now.

Right.

And so it just is what it is. What it is. I'm not going to give my integrity over. I'm not going to give over my frustration. I'm not going to make a rash decision that puts my family at risk.

Right.

I'm going to choose and own reality, and this is it. And then I'm going to make the next right step. I can. Given that set of truth.

Yeah. I love that. I keep thinking, like, tactically, we're feeling this, what can we do? And it just came in my mind. I love the social media handles that focus on everybody's home is not esthetic. Everybody's life is not esthetic. And I love following those accounts because it makes you realize, okay, I can be content where I am. Everybody's cabinets aren't bright white with white marble countertops.

Vermica won't kill you.

Exactly.

Linoleum won't kill you. Right.

And I'm like, at the very least, one of the things we can start doing is bringing more reality into our daily life and just finding ways to be content with where we're at and making sure that we're not comparing our current state with someone else's social media highlight real estate, because if that's what you're reaching for, you are going to come up short every single time. Let's be honest about that. So, anyway, John, this has been great chopping it up with you. Listen, I hope that conversation was helpful for you, and I'm so grateful that you're here. We're going to do our best to help guide you guys through this because it's not easy. The mortgage market is not easy right now. Thanks for hanging with us. This is the Ramsey show, live from the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions. It's the Ramsey show, where we help people build wealth, do work that they love, and create actual amazing relationships. I'm your host, Jade Warshaw. Your other host today is Dr. John Deloney. He is the author of building a non anxious life. And we're your host today, so give us a call. The number is triple 8825-5225 Dr.

John Deloney, let's just take a moment and also talk about what your show is doing.

It's pretty wild times, man.

Going bananas. I looked up and you were number one in your category.

Yeah, it was pretty wild. We had a wild week. Hit number one in the health and wellness, and then we hit number four on the big boy chart. So it's pretty cool.

Like number four of all of all.

Yeah.

It was fun week, man. It was fun.

That's crazy. I don't like the fact that you're very nonchalant about this right now. You're, like, too humble. I need you to be like, heck, yeah. I need you to go bananas, because.

As soon as I go bananas, I walk in my front door, and my daughter's like, can I have a snack? And I'm like, yes, you can have a snack. And my son's like, why did you. So it's awesome. It's cool. And, yeah, it's a pretty neat thing. We have a pretty amazing team that teaches me how to do all that stuff. So it's cool.

That's awesome. Well, I'll go hulk status for you because I think it's pretty awesome.

If it wasn't for the team, I'd be sitting in the basement still, mumbling into a microphone, telling stories. They pick the calls. They edit these shows. They take out my. And they make it sound right. They do the music. They master it. They mix it. Without them, this doesn't exist. I feel that it doesn't exist.

Yeah. Clearly, even on this show, there's a whole booth of people who are way better at their jobs than we are at our.

James isn't, but everybody else is pretty good. Actually, james is crushing. It's that Austin guy over there.

That man. Oh, my goodness. Well, let's take it to the phone lines. Let's take a call from Miles, who's in Boise, Idaho. What's going on, Miles?

Hello. Thank you both for taking my call. You're welcome. I've owned a business now for about three years. I'm 35 years old, and I have three boys. Oldest is seven, youngest is two. And starting the business, plus living the typical american way, I found myself now in $97,000 in debt. And right now, I pay myself about $72,000 a year. And I'm at a point where I feel like it's hard. I'm a single operator, llc, and so it's hard to manage the debt and everything else I got going on. That 97,000 doesn't include 395,000 on a mortgage.

Okay.

And your guys'segment or what you guys just talked about, the housing market was perfect because the position I'm in right now is, I'm like, should I sell my house to do, like, a debt reset? We have about $205,000 in equity, but that puts me in the housing market either in seven years or paying outrageous prices like we were talking about earlier. And you talk to some people and they're like, oh, man, you're crazy. That's 2.87. Five interest. There's no way. You shouldn't do that. So just looking for an opinion from you guys.

Well, when it comes to selling the house, unless you were in a situation where the payments were more than 25% of your take home pay every month, and if you're at 50%, then I would consider making that switch. But if you're comfortably making your payments and you're in the market and you're in at a good interest rate, and it technically is a home that you can afford, then I wouldn't sell it. So tell me more about your mortgage payment.

Our mortgage payment is. Yes.

And how much every month are you pulling out in payroll for yourself?

About 6000. 6500 usually, I guess.

6500, yeah, 65. And what about your wife?

She stays at home.

Okay. So, I mean, it's a little on the high side. It's a little on the high side. But at this point, I still think that there's some areas that we can exhaust to get it back where it needs to be and start making some headway on the debt in this market, I'm just really careful to tell people, go sell your house. That's not what I would do in this situation. I'm thinking, okay, $72,000, there's room to go up here. And I would rather explore that first before we do something massive. Unless you're sitting here telling me, listen, Jade, my wife, is all in, I'm all in. We're tired of this. Like, if you're telling me that, then we can talk about.

I think that. I think for us, it's a matter of, like, right now, I'm breaking even. So even getting to baby step one is difficult. And so then it's like, if I was able to sell the house and pay off even some of the stuff that the business carries, then I could afford to pay myself more, roughly about $2,000 more a month. And so I'm like, well, we could have money there. The leftover equity, plus I could pay myself more. That seems real appealing, but I don't think. We haven't rented a house since 2011. So it's like. I just don't know what it's like out there. And there's some fear in that.

It's wild in the street, brother. It's wild. How many kids do you have?

I have three kids, three boys.

Okay. One variable that you seem to have taken off the table that may just have to come back on the table, even if just for a short season is mama doing some kind of part time work at home, full time job, doing something?

It's a must.

But I don't see a way forward. And it's not forever. It's for two years, for two and a half years, for 18 months. But either you give away your home or you give away one of your core values, which is mom's going to stay with the three boys. And Jade and I both also know we pay for childcare and babysitters. It's the only thing crazier than a housing price is childcare cost. Right? But if she has an opportunity to make a couple of month on top of childcare, and you all could really get after this thing, man, you're talking 18 months, 24 months of really miserable living to change everything.

Right?

Okay.

Versus seven years of hoping the guy doesn't raise a rent on you.

Right. Oh, man. Yeah, that's good. Okay.

Yeah.

I appreciate that.

And you'll shed tears, you'll be sad, you'll be heartbroken. All those things. You'll have values. You got a vision. And the math doesn't work, right?

Yeah, I'm 100% with John. I think that it boils down to income and sacrifice your mortgage payment. You're probably feeling that because it's $500 more than it should be. And so you're feeling that every single month. And then you've got a wife that's staying home, and you're a single income family in that way. And you've got the stress of you're self employed. So it's like you got to get after it. So on the one hand, I think you're used to that pressure of, if I don't go out and get it, it ain't happening. Right? So I think on one side of it, you understand what that means. And I think you just have to tap into that. Self employed, I run my own business. In the words of Dave Ramsey, I go out, kill something, and drag it home. I think that's the part that you're going to have to tap into, and your wife, too. And I think that if you guys can really link arms and do this for a season, you'll come out on the other side and you will be debt free. But to John's point, there is going to be a sacrifice that's unavoidable.

100% unavoidable in this case. I wish I had something easier to say. The method is never easy. You've just got to go out and get after it. This is the Ramsay show.

It's way too easy to put off making a will. And believe me, I've heard every excuse in the book. But not having the time is one excuse we can kick to the curb right now. Because these days, most folks can make a legally binding will on their laptop between loads of laundry. If you're wondering if you can make your will online or if you need a lawyer, we have a quiz. To help you figure that out in less than five minutes, just go to ramsaysolutions.com slash willsquiz. Ramsaysolutions.com slash Willsquiz.

This is the Ramsey show. I am Jade Warshaw. He's Dr. John Deloney. We're taking your calls all hour long. The numbers triple, 8825-5225 let's face it, John, taxes are confusing. And if you buy into some of the tax service ads out there, you'll believe that you'll never get a grasp on taxes. And you shouldn't even try. Or maybe worse, they suck you into offers that won't help you win with money. But we think that you guys deserve the truth. So here's today's tax tip number one. A tax refund is not a bonus. I know, I know. You don't want to hear it. It's a refund. It was your money all along, and you earned that money. You loaned it to the government all year long, interest free.

And, man, they've made some great choices with your money.

Oh, man.

Golly.

Listen, I can go on a limb on that. And I know. Let me just talk to the folks that I know I'm talking to. I know you like getting that tax refund because that's your trip to Disney. That is a down payment on a new car every year. You figure that's the four wheeler. Like, every year you're like, this is my little Christmas present. This is how we get our stuff in our house. But you could probably take that money and add it back. Like change your withholding, add it back into your month to month budget, and be far more productive with it. And if you wanted to save it, you could save that money in a high yield savings account and actually get a rate of return on it. Just saying. So if you get a big tax refund, sure, you could have fun with it and spend it on stuff you don't need. But the smart thing to do is to put it to work on your current baby step, like I was just saying. Then adjust your paycheck withholdings so this doesn't happen again next year because that's money that you could use each month to pay off debt.

So if you haven't already filed, make sure that you work with a service that you can trust. If your taxes are complicated, you need to get a Ramsey trusted tax pro on your side. And if you're comfortable filing your own taxes, like, if you've got that nine to five job, both you and your husband, nobody's self employed, whatever that is, you could probably do it yourself. Using a Ramsey smart tax. That would be the way to go. It's got low upfront pricing with no hidden fees and no agendas. So if you want to get into this, go to ramseysolutions.com slash tax to see what's your best situation and get started again. It'solutions. Com slash tax. John, have you done your taxes yet?

I was just now texting the accountant over the phone during the break here. For the first couple of years, I did them on Ramsey tax, and it was amazing. Just walked me right through it. It's pretty simple.

That's good. Mine are a little too complex for that one, so I have to work.

With a pro that was a lo fi flex. If y'all didn't catch that. She actually runs businesses and is doing quite well for herself.

So are I.

Just.

You're over here looking like Scrooge Mcduck. I'm over here trying to like Huey, Dewey, or Louie. All right, let's take a call. We got Caitlin from Dallas, Texas. What's going on, Caitlin? Hi. Hey, what's up?

What up?

Oh, nothing much. Just on the show, trying to not let work, find out that I'm not working, but I feel like this is a good cause.

So are you, like, hiding out in a stall?

Are you working from home?

I have a pretty hybrid position, so I kind of can set my own schedule in terms of where.

Yeah, this is why hybrid work is going away. Caitlin, right?

Well, she's changed her name, so no one. Don't use your real name. No one will know you're here.

There you go. All right, so what's up?

I'm using my lunch break. Let's do that.

There you go.

How can we help?

So I have probably a pretty basic question, but I just hear so many conflicting opinions, and I would just love a more personalized approach to it, I guess. So. My car was totaled, and I got about $10,000 from the insurance settlement. So now I'm wondering, I guess, how much car I can afford. I have about $15,000 in savings, but I would like to not touch that because it's kind of my emergency fund down payment later on, and so I'm kind of in between. I don't really care about cars that much, but I have always wanted, probably the most impractical car that y'all could think of. Volkswagen Beetle convertible, which I hear all the stories about those, but I feel like if I'm going to have it at any point in my life, it would be most practical to have it while I'm young and don't have anyone, any other obligations.

Here's why you're awesome, Caitlin. Here's why you're awesome. You've called us, and you've been like, all right, here's the deal. I want to make, like, nine terrible decisions, and all of my friends and family are telling me that those are dumb, but will you two please sit with me and say, it's all good, Caitlin. All these choices are terrible.

Caitlin, if when it's said and done, you have $10,000, you have $10,000.

Okay.

An emergency is, I don't know, when you total your car. That's what your emergency fund is for. Near. That's what it's for.

But if she wants to keep that for her down payment, and she's got 10,000, I know a lot of great $10,000 cars out there that you can buy in cash.

I know, but this is important, Jade. Caitlin, hold on. I'll fight this fight for you. It has to be a Volkswagen convertible bug.

Thank you.

That starts with a rope pull.

How much do those cost, guy? I'm sure he loves that one.

We're all car people, but we also aren't into children's cars masquerading as adult cars. That's the thing.

What does the car cost? Like, what year were you trying to buy? What were you trying to spend on this?

Based on my little bit of research that I've done so far, the best years are 2014 and after, because supposedly they got rid of a lot of the complications that they're kind of known for with those years.

How much does a 2014 cost?

It depends on mileage. And that's the thing. I would want something with my previous car. I was planning on driving it until it just could not go any farther. I really didn't want it to be totaled. But now that I have this opportunity, I guess to get a new one.

It'S only an opportunity if you use it wisely.

Not an opportunity. You did not win anything.

You didn't win.

You didn't win what I needed, okay.

It's just not an opportunity. All an insurance money is supposed to do is make you whole, and they almost never do. But that's the goal here.

I know.

That was why I really didn't want it to be.

But you didn't win.

So, back to my question. If you get a 2014 bug, how many miles does it have to be for you to get it for $10,000 or $12,000?

Hard to find. I have not been able to find one that meet those circumstances. I think a more realistic number would be closer to 20. And so that would include financing?

No.

Okay.

In no world do we tell you to take a loan out on a 2014 bottomed out, depreciated asset.

Okay.

Yeah, absolutely.

It could be 2018, too.

Whatever is amazing.

Let me go back. Let's go back. Because foundationally, we have two different ways of thinking. You're still in a phase of life. How old are you?

I'm 24.

Okay. You're still in a fit. How long does your brain develop, John.

I was about to say, my son came in. He's like, dad, listen, I just want to jump off the roof. But listen, it's going to be fine. Just listen, dad, I was like, that's a terrible decision. Caitlin, this is the same conversation just with you.

Caitlin, listen, I want to try to meet you where you're at, but what I hope to get you to think about is just the philosophy behind it, because if I just stand here and say it, don't finance a car. Pay cash for a car. You're like, okay, jade, but why? There's always the but why there? And what I want to get you to understand is that we have a whole show here. This show has been going on for 30 years. Millions and millions of people have called in. And do you want to know what one of the number one things that trips people up, it's their biggest frustration in their budget. It's their car payment, because I don't want to be. And you're headed there because you get in a car payment and you go, oh, I got it. I'll pay it off. And then by the time you paid off, you're like, oh, it's time to get another car, or you total your car. You're like, this is my opportunity. And you get in another car loan, and then you drive that for a while, and because you feel guilty, you drive it into the ground.

And then you're like, oh, this one's driven into the ground. I guess I got to get another car note. And you start this cycle of, this is just what you do. This is how you pay for cars. And before you know it, you're 56 year old, 56 years old calling us. I'm in debt, and my car payment is this, and my student loans are this. And you create this cycle of debt. So what I want you to understand is if you can start now to change the way you pay for things and you just decide. I draw a line in the sand. I don't borrow money. I'm not going to give away my biggest wealth building tool, which is my income every single month in payments. I'm going to buy what I can afford. And what you can afford is a $10,000 vehicle. Caitlin Corolla, this is the Ramsay show.

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This is the Ramsay show. I'm Jade Warshaw. This is Dr. John Deloney. Hey, give us a call. The number is triple 882-5225 we'll talk about your life, your money, whatever it is that's going on in your life. We'd be happy to share our opinions with you. All right, let's go to the phone lines. We got Elizabeth in Santa Cruz, California. What's going on, Elizabeth?

Hi, Jaden. John. My question is, does it make sense to accept a gift of $1 million from my in laws to purchase a house? And I can dive into some more context?

I'm happy to accept it on your behalf if you don't want it. $1 million? Yeah.

Tell us more about it. I need to know more.

My husband and I are in our late twenty s. Our income is 194,000 per year. We have no debt, and we would like to start a family in a couple of years. We would anticipate our income dropping down to 120,000 if I reduce my hours to take care of a baby. If the gift didn't exist, we just keep renting and saving for five more years while my husband finishes a PhD. And then we would move somewhere more affordable because we really don't ever anticipate being able to buy a house in Cruz, California. However. Yeah. My in laws offered to give us this $1 million as a gift, specifically to buy a house here in Santa Cruz. And that money is coming from my husband's deceased grandmother's trust. I guess I'm just concerned that a $1 million house, in our financial context, is just a little out of proportion. And it really would be nearly 100% of our net worth. Even though it's just a normal house. Like a three bedroom. Nothing too crazy. It's just that it's Santa Cruz.

Right.

You're in a what's your take?

Market for sure. My question is. Okay, so this is from grandmother's trust. Was this money that was going to be his? They're just giving it to him early?

No.

Or it truly is a gift.

It is theirs and it would be a gift.

Go ahead, John.

What are the strings attached to this? Are they in Santa Cruz? Yeah. If my in laws said, hey.

We.

Would like to bless y'all with a million dollars to buy a house, my in laws are amazing. There'd be no strings attached to would. I would gladly accept that gift.

Yeah.

I know many who don't. Or like Jade said, I'm going to give you a million dollars by house. But you'll buy it in the zip code. I tell you, you're going to buy it in. And if you'll ever get transferred or moved, that's our money that we're going to extract from the sale of this. You see what I'm saying?

I wonder about that.

That's where it gets really messy. So I think it just depends.

Right?

How much of this trust is this? Million dollars? Is it a $50 million trust? And this is just one of the millions?

Yeah. I want to know that.

To be honest, I'm not sure the full amount, but I think it's less than a fifth.

Less than a fifth of it. So it's a lot of money.

So nobody's starving here?

No.

Okay.

Let me ask you this. Just level with us real quick. How does that make you feel? Because this is a little bit different from what John said. But I don't even know what that looks like. And I feel like I would be so overwhelmed by a gift like that. It might be hard to take. How do you feel? Does it make you be like, yes, we hit the jackpot, or are you like, oh, my. I don't know. What do you think I am intimidated.

Just imagining our net worth, like, ballooning and exploding, like, that overnight fills me with some anxiety. I would just want to take care of that money very well, be a.

Good steward of it. Can I ask you where that anxiety comes from? Is it because those people are the ones that have a million dollars, not people like us? Right.

Maybe a little bit of a feeling of ill gotten gain somehow.

Well, can I interject? Because there is part of this that. And you can tell me at any point, Elizabeth, if you're like, no, that's not what I mean. But there is something to be said for when you walk step by step and you're growing and you're gaining your net worth little by little.

It's like a toddler waking up and being 17 all of a sudden, right.

As opposed to we see folks who win the lottery and they're like, I just won the lottery and they're all excited. But then you talk to them 510 years later and it's busted. So I could see where there is some anxiety there. Why is this different from that, John?

Well, or is it different? I remember a great theologian once said that sometimes people can be as proud of the things that they don't have as people are of the things that they do. So there can be an ethos. I would never spend that kind of.

Money on a house.

I'd never buy that kind of car. Right. And if, like Davis uses example, if you have $200 million in your net worth and you gave away $20 million last year and you buy a $200,000 car, that ratio is very similar.

Sure.

Right. To somebody who gave somebody $20. Right. Or bought a $20 car. So all that to say is if your identity is, I don't do stuff like that, then I would tell you, maybe check that, and there's a pretty extraordinary gift and an opportunity to set your family up in a community where you're going to have family, et cetera. And also, if the thought of going to bed every night, here we are. And by the way, you all make 190 grand. You all are clearly smart and doing great. Right. But this idea that I just can't go from zero to 75 that fast, that's too much for me to wrap my head around, then gently decline and say, no, thank you.

What if you just said, hey, a million feels overwhelming. Is there a way that we could. We've been trying to save for a down payment. Can you help us get to the down payment that we've been trying to afford? Maybe there's somewhere in the middle, or.

Maybe they buy the house and you.

Rent from them oh, no, I don't like that.

You don't like that?

No.

All right.

I don't know why I feel like that's even more tangled. Because they're still renting?

Yeah. If you have a great relationship with them, I wouldn't lose sleep over taking the money, but I'd want everything clear. Like, if we decide to sell this house, is this a gift? Is this a loan? Is this a down payment? I want all that in writing. I want all that clear. I want everybody to have all hearts clear before we make a big decision like this. But if there's a second of hesitation when it comes to strings or I just feel gross about, then just say, no, thank you.

What's your husband think?

I think he's also a little bit anxious about being able to maintain and take care of a $1 million house on our income. Well, wouldn't you be paying cash for it?

So you wouldn't spend more than a million? Right.

And it's a Santa Cruz house, so it's probably 1700 bedrooms, one bath, right?

Yes.

So you're just mowing along. The roof is going to be the roof. Right. So you make 200 grand a year. You all could cover the repairs and things on a house like that.

Okay. I'm feeling better about it already.

Okay, good.

But listen to your husband's intuition. If he knows his mom and dad, and he knows, oh, man, if they give us a million dollars, we're going to hear about this every Christmas, every Thanksgiving for the rest of our lives. Basically, for a million dollars. They're buying our loyalty. They're buying their grandkids in proximity. I don't want to be on the hook to anybody.

Listen, you can look back on the track record. Let's play that out. Are they generous people? Are they always giving gifts, big or small? How have they been whenever they've offered a gift, or is this their first time? Because this is worth noting, if they are also receiving a windfall for a first time, they may not know how they're going to be as gift givers. Does that make it sense? Let's just pretend. If I won the lottery today, and I'm like, ooh, I won the lottery, I'm going to help my whole family out, and I start giving away a million dollars to each of them. I might go into it thinking that I won't have any strings attached, but because I've never tested that before, you might realize, dang, a million dollars, it does have an emotional hold on you, and you do have an expectation for what they'll do.

You're going to pick up the phone and be like, you're not buying that car.

Yeah.

Like, whoa. Yeah.

So there is part of this that you do need to consider. Like, were your in laws already wealthy people and they've already been generous, or is this new for them? So these are some. I like this conversation.

I do too. It's a fun conversation. And it's such an obnoxious amount of money.

Right.

For most of us, it might happen at 10,000 or 2000 or 500 or whatever, but I think that idea about strings and can you all sleep at night is good. And I also like, man, if it's your ego holding you back, check that. Check that.

If it were me, she can do what she wants. This is not a right or wrong answer. I feel like I'd be comfortable with taking the down payment on the house that we would have bought, that we would have been able to afford. Right. You're just getting there a little bit sooner. I feel like that's fair. And the. I'll take the million, Alex. This is the Ramsay show. You're listening to the Ramsay show. Scripture and quote of the day. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct your path. That's proverbs three, verse five through six. Then Maya Angelou said, forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know before you learned it. That's perfect for this show. So many folks call in John, and it's like, man, if I'd only known better. And we're kind of living that rear view mirror. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. It's like, you can't change what you did.

What are you going to do now?

What you do next? That's right, man. Let's go straight to the phone calls and the phone lines where we've got Nick in Salt Lake City. What's up, Nick?

Hey, so I just had a question for you guys. So me and my wife are looking to buy our first home. And it would be around 30% of our take home pay, but it has a base in apartment. So that's with the rental. So without the rental, it's, like, about 55% of our take home pay, but with the rental, it's only about 30. Is that, like, a risk willing to. A smart move to make, or is it not?

I would not.

I wouldn't.

The only way that this makes sense is if I can afford it both ways. Because if something happens and your renter is messed up, or you have a renter and they mess up the place and you've got to kick them out, and then you have to have repairs done and so no one can rent it for a while. You're up a creek and you do not want this to be at 55% of your income. Does that make sense?

Okay.

Go ahead.

Sorry. I was just going to say we could make it work for a couple of months if we didn't have renters, anything like that, and we'd have a decent amount of savings. So we'd still have around $50,000 left in savings. So if anything did happen, we'd be able to cover that. And then another thing is like, my income is going to double in about the next two years.

Okay?

So it's kind of like we die now and then be able to kind of afford it. Be a little house poor for a couple of years.

Two things, brother, listen. Number one, we would not have a show. We wouldn't exist. This 1000 person company would not exist if everybody's plans always worked out, whether it's marriage, who they're dating, the car is going to appreciate, the house is going to go up, my job is going to double. People make decisions based on things they think they project into the future that they think is going to happen. It doesn't. Here's the other thing. I'm just going to make up some wild story here. Okay? Let's pretend, I don't know, some mysterious illness just made its way across the globe and governments all over the world just went bananas and hit the brakes on everything and shut it all down. And then in a particular country across the nation, there was rules that went out overnight that said you can't evict anybody for one month, six months, a year, two years, and they don't have to pay. I mean, just imagine if that were to happen. Now, I know I'm being kind of crazy there, but Jade and I just took that call over and over and over and over and over again. And so, dude, I know you want it.

You've probably found the place. It probably feels so good. Partridge in a pear tree can't afford it, man. It just is what it is.

Yeah.

I mean, you used the word house poor. And I think that it's probably easy to say in your mind what you think that will feel like. And to say, oh, it's okay if we're house poor for a couple of months. I'm like, if you've never experienced that, you do not want to experience that. That is so stressful. It is such a negative impact on your relationships. And my thing is like, listen, if you're so sure that your income is going to double in the next two years, don't just wait two years.

Yeah.

Party, man. It's going to double. What do you do for a living?

It's kind of a niche job. I do automotive interior repairs.

Cool.

For used car dealerships. So I'm going to buy out. It's just a family business. I'm planning on buying that out in two years.

Are you going to borrow money to buy it out?

No, just kind of a slow payment over time kind of thing.

Just.

Good.

Cool, man. Good on you. That's awesome.

Yeah. To be clear, don't buy this house.

Yeah, don't buy this house. Can't afford it, man. I want you to have it, but you can't afford it.

And I love the idea. I think it's cool if you have a situation where you've bought the house and you've got the apartment rental, but I think what makes it even cooler is if you can afford it on your own. It's almost like having roommates, right? Like, you don't want to move into an apartment and say, I can only afford this apartment if I have a roommate, or I'll buy this house and I'll have a roommate, and you can only afford it with the roommate because you're up a creek if something happens. And so I'm standing on that.

That's a good way to put it. So thank you.

You're welcome. I hate to tell people that they can't.

I know he's going to have to go tell his wife. She's all excited. He'd be like, listen, honey, well, now.

We get to tell Bryce in Eugene, Oregon, that he might have to sell his car. What's going on, Bryce?

What's up, b money guys doing good?

How can we?

I just. I guess I'll give you a little backstory. I bought a truck a couple of years ago because I started my own business when I lived in Texas, and I totally was my first truck. Didn't really know what the heck I was doing, and I ended up on, like 30 grand on it. I was upside down on my previous car that I had bought for my mom, and it was kind of big mess. Anyway, I owe $14,000 on the truck currently, and the truck is only worth like $11,000. And so my wife and I are trying to get out of debt quick and are trying to figure out. It's a really reliable truck. We could start putting. My payments are, like, $520 a month, but we're trying to pay more. We're paying $800 a month right now and trying to see if we can maybe pay more to get it paid off.

Is it your smallest debt?

It is. So that's our smallest debt. Our other debt is my wife's student loans. She owes $26,000 in student loans. And then those are the only two. So all the credit cards are paid off.

Good.

So those are our only two.

What's your combined.

So I'm the only one working. She's trying to find a job. We live up in the boonies in Oregon, but it's 49,000. But our housing is paid for. But we don't pay for housing.

Okay. Housing is paid for, but $49,000. Okay. I still think that you've got to find a way to find more income here. You got $40,000 of debt. To your question, I wouldn't sell this truck. If you can pay it off, I think you can pay it off in a year. If you really get after it, it's $14,000, and it's not worth going through the Rigamaro of trying to sell an upside down vehicle and doing all that. I think that it's low enough, and it's not like you have a bunch of other debts that go along with it. And so for that reason, I'd say it's reliable. You've had it for a while. Just pay it off, and I think you're good. So the housing that's paid for, what does that amount to?

When you say, what's it worth? Dollar for dollar in this area, probably $1,400 a month just in rent, but we don't pay for electricity or water, so probably $1,500 a month.

So it's worth about 15. Okay. Yeah. Either way, I just think I would find ways to get your income up in order to do this quicker. I think that if you didn't have debt, you might be able to kind of rest on your laurels a little bit and be like, all right, we've got this cool deal through our work, but I want you in a situation that your income is sustainable, even if. Does that make sense? Even if that's not part of it. And I feel like 49,000 would not be sustainable in that situation. And even if it were 55,000, right. I'd still be saying, let's get that up to the national average. At the very least, is what I'd be looking to do. So, to your point, I think you're doing right. You're paying off your truck. It's the smallest debt. You're paying as much extra as possible. If you want to make that go faster, you got to increase that income. How's that land?

That's awesome. And I guess one other thing that I'd have a question is that.

My.

Heart is to buy houses and flip them and potentially rent them, and that eventually be my full time job. So, obviously, in my mind, we need to get completely paid off of our debt. And then, if I'm understanding everything correctly, I need to save 30% to buy.

The first house for your personal residence. For your personal residence, you're putting 20% down as much as you can. Honestly, 5% to 20% is usually where most people land. If you can put more, that's excellent. But just understand that moving forward, if you want to buy real estate after you've purchased your personal residence and paid it off, now you're buying real estate in cash. And that's a very different equation, which is all the more reason to pay off this debt and start getting your income up. Because if you're saving up to pay cash for real estate, you got to get some money. Coming in. This is the Ramsey show.

Hey, folks, Dave Ramsey here. You know, budgeting doesn't have to be boring. You just need a budgeting app that's made with you in mind, and that's everydollar. The everydollar app has helped millions of people work the baby steps and take the stress out of planning and managing their money. Start budgeting with everydollar for free. Right now. Just go to ramseysolutions.com, slash everydollar and download the app today. That's ramsaysolutions.com everydollar.