Live from the headquarters of Ramsay Solutions, this is the Ramsay show. It's where we help you win in your life, specifically with your money, your relationships and in your work. Triple 8825-5225 is the phone number. That's triple 8825-5225 I'm Ken Coleman, joined by John Deloney, and we are here for you this hour. The good doctor is in. The sign is hanging on the door. So that means relationship. The mental health questions related to money are just in that category. And we have a lot of fun together. And we'll talk about your work as well. If you feel like I need a bigger shovel. I need more money to get through those baby steps. I feel like I'm overlooked. I don't know what I want to do. Whatever. So we're taking all those questions, your money, your relationships, your work. Triple 8825-5225 question for you before we take a quick call. When you check in at a hotel, do you drop the doctor on them?

No.

You've earned it.

No, I don't.

I appreciate that. I don't because we have a mutual friend, Dr. Les Parrott, and I'm outing him. He watches the show, so this is for him. He watches on TBN. When he checks in, he goes, Dr. Les.

No, he doesn't.

I promise you.

Oh, no.

And it irritates case.

My mom and my wife were Dr. Deloney long before I was.

You didn't feel like.

Well, by the time I got around to it, they're like, oh, that's cute. And they patted me on the head and we'd already done the celebrating.

So there you go. Sorry, Les. We love you.

My mom named me John.

There it is. I love it. All right, let's get to Ryan, who's joining us now in Orlando, Florida. Ryan, how can we help?

Yeah, good afternoon, guys, and thanks for taking the time to talk to me today.

Sure. What's going on?

Well, I would like to know my question outright is should I hire a CPA to help get my wife on board with budgeting?

Are you serious here?

Had said, I know avoidance cannot be a strategy and I think that's why I'm reaching out is because we are avoiding. We, we don't fight about money because the conversation never gets started. And we've been married eleven years.

Okay. Usually I seek out a professional when me trying to do it will a. I can't do the task. Whether it's changing the shocks on my car or reroofing my house or trimming trees. I don't know how to do it or me trying to do it is going to make it really bad. So have you tried to talk budgeting with your wife? I have.

And I would tell you that in the past she has shut down. She's had panic attacks. I usually get an I can't today or will defer to, I trust you, babe, and I take it as a compliment, but it leaves me nowhere.

Do you come at her with spreadsheets?

I have provided one I've never put in her face. But I said, when you're ready to talk about it, I have one made, and I've had one made for eleven years.

Let me ask a question here. So when she default, you said she gave you two answers. Not today, or I trust you, babe. So when she says, I trust you, babe, do you actually then create the budget and execute on it, or.

Absolutely.

Does she fight against it?

No.

So why do you need to hire a CPA when she's essentially following the budget? She just doesn't want to do it.

Here's the doozy. We keep separate accounts because she is paranoid of having any financial responsibility. All of the cars, the house, everything's in my name because she chooses to not have her name on it.

Do you budget?

She does not want that.

I get it. Do you budget money for her? Or is it, her income goes in her account? And so this budget we've been talking about is just your income in your account? Explain that to me.

Correct.

But I do track, and I know what her cyclicals are. I just don't influence them in any way.

Oh, man, John, the onion is unpeeling for us.

Trying. Here's the best way I can say this. This is just me as a guy who grew up living in Texas. I walk to you and I can say, hey, my name is John, what's your name? Or I can walk up to you, you're in Orlando, say, hola, may I'm a one. Como stop when you come at your wife with a spreadsheet and say, hey, I would like to talk budgets with you. She knows, a, she can't compete with you. B, somewhere along the line in her world, the fear of being left underneath the weight of a bunch of expenditures has set her body into Firefly. And solving that with insta data is almost never the right way to approach it. If you were to approach her with, hey, honey, I'm scared to death to do this by myself, or, I'm so lonely, would you please talk to me about this? Because I feel like I'm on an island now you're talking a different language. You're talking a language of somebody whose emotions feel like they're on fire, whose feelings feel hot. Now, I can understand that language. I understand what you're trying to say to me.

The spreadsheet we get to after we get through all of the layers.

Yeah, but John, I got to jump in. I think that's great advice. But the first issue is they have separate accounts and you're nailing the trauma issue.

For some reason, she doesn't trust this guy.

That's what I'm getting at. That's the bigger issue.

That's where I think he has to come in and say, hey, I haven't proven myself trustworthy to you yet for any number of reasons. And it might not be you, but laying it out that way and saying, I'm giving you an invitation here. Right? Hiring a CPA is just hiring a bigger spreadsheet and calculator.

By the way, the CPA is going to hate you because once he realizes what you've hired him for, he's going to be like, I'm out.

Yeah, you need a marriage counselor before you need a CPA brother. Because the roots of this thing, Ken's right. The roots of this thing are deeper than budgets.

Do you know, Ryan, specifically, what the roots are here? What's going on to where she is this way and doesn't want to have a joint account.

She had a financially controlling stepfather that kept them on the wrong side of. They were withheld from everything growing up.

Tada ding.

Cool.

And here's the thing. She had a tough childhood and it sucks. And the pain there is real. The trauma there is real. The nervous system wearing is real. And then she looked at you and said, I do. And so now she has a choice. Am I going to bury this marriage in memorial to the trauma I had? I'm going to recreate it here, or I'm going to do the terrifying, scary thing and I am going to seek healing. That's a choice she has to make. But you don't start it with that choice with a ten key, with a calculator.

Okay?

You start that choice with, I want to build a united marriage. Because I promise you that's not the only thing. You all are separate on fair.

I don't know. We get along great. We have regular talks. I feel like this is the only thing.

I would love to talk to her, I guarantee you.

How long you guys been married?

Eleven years. Eleven and a half years.

Yeah. John, I'm interested to see what you think of this. I want to recommend to Ryan that he pay for counseling sessions.

Yeah, absolutely.

Him lead here, nice dinners or whatever beforehand to where she feels super safe and supported. Not like, hey, I'm taking you here to get this fixed. But I do agree with you. This is a therapy.

This is the bigger issue. My promise. If you have everything in your life is on point. It's all together. You're connected. And it's just this weird thing over here that happens so, so rarely. There's something in her world that says she's not safe. I think that's where we start.

What do you think about a free copy for his wife? Own your past.

Absolutely. Own your past. And building an unexcited life that can give you a roadmap to creating something new in your house so you can talk about money.

Ryan, hang on the line. Austin will get you both books. It's a gift. But don't force them on her. Just bless her with it. This is the Ramsay show.

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Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me in studio here this hour. Triple 8825-5225 Triple 8825-5225 hey, if you've been listening to the show or watching the show for a while and you've got a question, but you're nervous, can I just tell you we're going to make you feel really comfortable. At least try. And we're not against you. We're for you. And we're not here to shame you. We're here to support you. So give us a call. Triple 8825-5225 money question, relationship question, mental health question, work related questions. We're here for you. Logan is up in Helena, Montana. Logan, how can we help?

Hi, guys. I just want to say thank you, first off, for taking the time to answer this question. So I purchased a vehicle a couple of years ago, took out a vehicle loan on it, and when I told one of my friends about this, we made a bet that I would have it paid off by the end of the year. Otherwise, I would have to call you guys. That was a year ago. And since then, I've not paid it off still and have also taken out a loan on a truck as well.

So you doubled down in some strange way.

You're like, hey, brother, hold my beer. I can make my situation way worse.

A little bit.

Hey, real quick, before we dive into this, what was the other side of the bet? What if you have paid it off? What would they have to.

Uh, just kind of be okay that I had taken out a loan for?

I was going to say really boring.

Now, Rachel Lee cook on, she's all that, like, I'm just a bet. All right, go ahead.

We're just a bet.

I think I got the poor end of this thing.

Well, you made the dumb. You did. Yeah. All right, so what can we do.

To help now that you have two loans?

Yes. So I guess my question is, is it better for me to sell both the vehicles, go out and buy a $5,000 car in cash, probably. I have the one give us the numbers up for sale. So the first car I owe about 7500 on, what's it worth? About 15. And then the truck I owe eleven five on, and it's worth about 14.

Yeah.

Well, the math on this is really simple.

How much do you make?

About before taxes year. So bring home 45.

Okay, well, okay, so we always try to answer these things based on what we would do. And if I'm looking at this right here, I'm going to sell. You got three. I mean, I'm trying to get to zero here. You only need one car anyway, right? Am I correct?

Right. I have no need for two vehicles.

I probably sell the car and take the equity and pay that other truck. Pay the truck right off.

That's what I'm thinking.

And then you've got a multi use vehicle.

You get 7500 on vehicle one is what I wrote down. And then you only owe.

But it's worth 15.

It's worth 15. So, yeah, that's what I would do.

I take that 7500, roll it into the eleven five, note that you have, and get that thing paid off in the next four months. And then don't be a knucklehead anymore.

That's what I would do. It's pretty simple stuff. I mean, you can do it whichever way you want to, but, yeah, I'm selling one and paying off the other, but I want to get it done quickly.

And, hey, we have kind of a Ramsey policy, if you will. If you will. Like, just some guidelines that the things that you own with wheels don't add up to more than half of your income. You're kind of right there.

Ish.

A little bit ish, sort of, but not quite right. Yeah.

If they were paid off, then I think I'd be okay. But they're.

And what I like about this conversation is it's one step beneath the principles. Do you need two cars? No. All right, we'll sell the car.

That's what I want to dive into. I'm just curious, Logan, not to criticize you, but I kind of want to get into what happened, John, in this situation so it doesn't happen again. Because the good news is you can get out of this. This is not a deep hole. But I'm just curious. You got some buddies who obviously believe like we believe, no debt. And they make this bet, and not only do you not pay it off, you go get another one. So what was going on in your head that led you to buy two vehicles when you only need one?

Yeah, that's a good question. So the idea all along was for me to buy a truck. The car has been for sale now for a little while. And the idea the entire time, let's pay that off and then take that equity, put it into this truck. But then the truck came up for sale before I had had the car sold. Then I ended up with car loan on the truck. Car loan on the car.

So you have trouble with self control.

At times. Yeah.

All right. So the only way this works long term is Ken's right. You're going to find yourself in this exact situation in a few months, because someone's going to say, hey, man, the gas prices are whatever. And you're going to think, yeah, I need to keep my eyes open for just a small car. And then one's going to pop up and you're going to be like, I'll get a loan. Same thing's going to happen again until you decide, I'm never going to borrow money on a car again, period.

Yeah.

Just never going to again. It becomes part of my identity. It's who I am. I don't do that. And I have an six truck right now that the locking mechanism doesn't work. So every time I open the car to close it again, I have to stick a pin or a key in there. I just haven't taken it to get it fixed. And, dude, I'm not going to go buy a new truck. See what I'm saying? Because I just don't do that. It's just not a thing.

Yeah.

All right, Logan.

Hey, listen, you can do this. First of all, you know what to do. You need to do it. But the bigger issue is, how did I get myself in this mess? And I'm lucky. I would say you're lucky here that you didn't get into a bigger hole. Because people do this with homes. People do this with crazy stuff.

Hundred solar power trucks.

I could go on and on and on.

How long have you had your car for sale?

Three or four months.

Yeah, lower the price, dude.

That's the other issue. Check the Kelly blue book and get underneath it. Attractive.

Yeah, make it attractive. Get underneath it. Get rid of the car. The burden is more important than I'm going to get that extra $500 or whatever. Who cares? Sell a car.

Yeah.

All right, Logan, let's do this. You lost a bet, so you had to call the Ramsay show. How familiar are you with our baby steps and that process?

Oh, completely. I've been listening to you guys for, oh, okay. I made some dumb decisions, and I knew it.

All right. Hey, listen, there's no shame in your game. I mean, that's not what we're getting at. I just was going to give you some resources, maybe kind of get you started on every dollar, something along those lines. Because if you begin to take control of this, we all have impulse control.

Right.

I have to be careful how many bags of nacho chips are in my house, John.

I've got to be careful about the.

When I walk into the pantry, if I see two or three bags or a bag, there's a real chance that I might get into one of them at night. Right. So the impulse control. So the idea is. So now I've got to set some disciplines in place to where I go. All right. I shouldn't eat after 07:00. Right.

Or whatever.

And so in this case, you know, you've got some impulse control. And so like John said, I'm never going to take out a loan again, like, ever. And you got to make that commitment. That's a big decision. John Maxwell said this years ago. John. I remember sitting there and listened to it before I ever met him. And I'm sitting there and he was talking to all these young guys, young leaders, and he says, make the big decisions in life early and then manage them the rest of your life.

I love that. Well, here.

And that's psychology.

It is. What do we said? It means go upstream. What's going upstream? In the Coleman house, I can't buy chips because I'm going to eat them, right? I could, but I don't want to fight that fight every day. I'm just going to buy them in my house. Don't bring candy into the house because.

You'Re going to eat all of it.

You just are. And yes, I could white knuckle it and I could figure it out. I get to the bottom of what I eat. Just don't bring in the house. Similar here. If I am Logan, I would go put a freeze on my credit report so that somebody can't just pull a report. I at least put a hurdle in front of me. The next time I get an impulse to go get the car right now, at least somebody's going to stop me and say, hey, we can't do this loan. You need to make a phone call and then that may be your moment.

Right.

But do some things upriver to put some hurdles in your. And that's. That's what John Maxwell's talking about. That's managing those big rocks.

It's so much easier, isn't it, when we go, I'm making this commitment and now what do I have to do to keep this commitment?

It's easy to not eat chips. You don't have any chips in the house, right?

True. Gosh, it's awesome chips.

I do, too. I could use some chips.

I'm telling you. We'll see what happens, folks, don't move. We got to do a couple quick commercial messages. You know how it works. But we're not going anywhere. Don't you either. This is the Ramsey show.

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Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me. Triple 8825-5225 this is your show, America, because we talk about your life specifically. Are you winning with your money? Are you winning in your work? Are you winning in your relationships? I can tell you this, if just one of those is a dumpster fire, it's going to affect the others. And many time, they're all interconnected. It's why we talk about it that way. And that's why we take calls on all of those topics. Would love to hear from you today. Triple 8825-5225 let's go to Detroit. The motor city, the rock city.

Detroit. Rock city.

Detroit rock. Well, it's the motor city technically, but I like it. Mary, how are you?

Hi. Thank you for taking my call. I am just wondering how to best support my husband in being the leader of our home, especially when it comes to finances. Because he would definitely prefer that I take the reins in pretty much everything in our life. And I know that's really unhealthy for him, and I just don't know where to start.

Are you somebody who would let the reins go?

I have to work really hard to always try and make him make the decision, if that makes sense.

Yeah, but I'm not sure that you answered. I don't think you answered John's question. Let's say that your hubs comes in today and go, hey, I haven't been leading like I ought to. I'm going to take over this, this, and this. What's your reaction? Do you really let go?

Yeah.

Or, hey, honey, we're going to eat here tonight. And you go, great. Yeah.

I don't say great, but I would say sure. Or I would say, like, hold on.

Mary, can I jump in? As a guy who's been married 25 years, if Stacy says sure to me, I have a follow up question every time, John, am I right?

Hey, can we eat here? Sure.

Then I go, well, my immediate reaction to that from Stacy, where do you want to eat? Where would you like to eat?

Yeah.

Am I right?

Okay, Mary. Yes.

Let me ask you this.

I would say, I would love to. If he's offering to take me out to eat, then I would say yes to whatever he wants.

Okay. I want you to step back a little bit. The word lead means something different to everybody. Paint me a picture of what leadership, what you want from him specifically. Give me two or three things. Very specifically. You would like him to take the lead on and let you fully exhale in your home. What is it?

Finances for sure.

Okay, what does that mean? Him go make more money or he pays the bill.

We are going shopping on Saturday. This is how much we have. Could you please maybe get a list together for me of what you think is missing or what we should be looking for?

So you want him to make the shopping list and go do the shopping?

He doesn't have to make the list, but just basically making a plan and committing to it. Or if he says that we're going to do something as a family, then being like, okay, this is what we need to budget for it. This is when I want it to happen.

Okay, what's the next thing? What's another picture of leadership that you have.

Knowing that, let's say I need to work so many hours in a week or he needs to work so many hours in a week and then making that happen. Or we need to sell these things in the house. Okay, this Saturday we're going to spend 4 hours just going through this room and putting stuff on.

You're not talking about leadership, you're talking about like, you want someone to be engaged in your marriage and in your life.

Yeah, I want to do a follow up. Let's go back to the second one. He tells me he knows how many hours he needs to work and he does it that to me. We got deep pretty quick there. That tells me, unless I misunderstood, that tells me he's not being proactive. Or at least you don't think he's being proactive in working as much I e. Making as much money as he could be. Is that correct or am I wrong?

No, he works a full time job and he was working an evening job because we really need the income. But we decided that I make more money per hour than he does and my work is pretty flexible. Like, I work at part time for an accounting firm, but I could work as many hours as I want in the evenings. So we had made the decision that he was going to put in his two weeks at his evening job and then I would work in the evenings. But it keeps turning into, oh, hey, can we do this first or oh, hey, this needs to be done. And I feel like I don't want to be like, okay, I'm ready to walk out the door as soon as he gets home and I just leave. I feel like that's rude.

Okay, and here's what you've said multiple times, I feel, and I'm speaking on his behalf. You haven't sat down and said, hey, you lied to me.

We have those conversations.

Okay.

All right. Or we do. I feel like you are completely unengaged in this marriage and in this house. Unintentional. Right. You're married to a child and you are tired of being his mom. Too fair.

Right? I don't want to be.

Yes. Okay.

I don't think that's my job.

You're exactly right.

And every time I try and step back, we are all of a sudden three months behind in rent. Or we have our accounts been overdrawn for days in a row. And it's like, where did the money go? Oh, you're supposed to be working. So I keep trying to work more. But we also have two young kids.

Yeah.

Have you sat down with him and said, honey, I am scared to my bones.

What does he say after the live stream?

What does he say?

He apologizes.

Okay.

And then we have the same conversation.

What do you know about his background? What do you think? Tell John what you think is going on.

His mom running his life.

Gotcha.

He grew up with his mom running his life.

So we could say, and I'm not trying to hang something on this guy, but we're talking to his wife. John, is it immaturity? This is an extremely immature situation.

Yes. And where I have no compassion for him, just as a guy who works really hard to be a good husband and be a good dad and to work really hard at my job, I get not having compassion there. On the other side, I have great compassion for a guy who simply opens up his toolkit to help out when he has a wife saying, I'm scared, I need your help. And he looks in his toolkit and there's no tools in there.

Yeah.

And that's why the reason I asked you to be very specific is this doesn't feel sexy. It doesn't feel romantic. It doesn't feel like Hollywood said it was. It doesn't feel like the notebook. But he may need some very clear guidance. I need you to do this. And if you've already done that and he looked at you and remember, behavior is a language. If he either said these words or acted these words, I don't really care. What makes you feel safe? I don't really care. I'm not going to do that. Then you have to stop doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. You have to choose reality. And reality is I am married to a guy that does not care about his wife or his kids. He cares about.

Yeah, he lives more by his emotions. So if we have a conversation or, like, I have a meltdown, a breakdown in front of him, and he has a conversation, then he apologizes, and he goes into what I call, like, the puppy dog stage, where he's, like, nervous about everything he said.

And that's why I started this whole call. I started this whole call. I started the whole call asking you, is he allowed to lead in his own home? Do you live by your emotions, too? And leadership for you means you never feel scared or uncomfortable or sad or tired? Because if that's what leadership is for you, it doesn't exist.

I don't understand what you're asking.

I'm saying if leadership means I want a man that I never feel sad or scared or worried about money or frustrated or tired, that's not leadership. That's fantasy. It's not real. If you want, I understand a co parent and a co partner. If you want that and you want him to take the lead on some things. Yeah, man, that's all in. You got to be very specific. If he looks at you and says, I can't do this, and tell him, I don't want a puppy dog. I don't want, oh, I'm okay. I'm asking you, I need you to do these things. And then if he chooses not to, then you have to live in that reality. And I'd go see a counselor ASAP.

Got to right away. Hey, Austin. Hook him up with one of our financial coaches to get this process started. This is the Ramsey show.

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Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me. We're here for you this hour. Triple 8825-5225 let's go to the city of Angels, Los Angeles, California. Christine joins us there. Christine, how can we help?

Hi. Oh, wow. How are you today?

Well, we're having a blast. How are you? You handle it. Deep breath. Ready to go. We're here to help.

I'm good. Hi. So I'm 31. I'm married. I have a daughter. Me and my husband have been listening for about, like, five months. Now we're on baby step number two with 14,000 in credit card debt. Now, my question isn't with that. My question is, actually, I decided to go back to school. Nursing school and private school will be around, like, $70,000, and it'll be done in two years. But also, there's another choice of, like, community college, but it'll be done with, like, three to five years, depending on how fast I do it.

How much will that cost?

It's going to be around, like, less than 15,000.

So it'd be 15,000. And tell me what the difference.

Five years.

Yeah, but three to five based on how much you can do. So do you know what the hours would be? Let's just say on a week or a month in order to get done in three years. At would that require of you time wise?

That's actually the good thing about the community college, is because they have night classes, so I can still work in the morning and do at least three to four classes every semester.

Well, and that gets you done in three years.

I bet, Christine, you can do it faster.

This is a no brainer.

Here's why. Private schools often will put you in what they call a cohort, and it's very prescribed. Every hour is written out for you. Everybody does the same class in the same order at the same time. And a community college feels more like it's like a buffet. Come get what you want when you want it, and they're going to tell you it's going to take about three to five years because that's the average. It takes somebody who's taken two classes at a time, maybe a third class, and then I got to drive back to one class because I got a kid that's sick. And so it takes about three to five years.

I started actually.

Do what?

That's how I started. I actually already started with community college with one class.

Okay, well, listen, the course load to licensure is the same.

Yeah.

Okay. So that means you can do this in two years. You just have to follow that level of curriculum that you would be doing in the private school. Just taking the right amount of classes at the right time. Or take it, do it in three years and get on with your life. Right.

Christine, I wonder if this is not about the money, because you just had already thought this through. As soon as I said, well, is it possible for you, for your family, for your day job to do this, you were like, oh, yeah, well, I could do this. So you've already run this through. Is there a deeper concern that you have as it relates to what?

It's more the time of it being three to five years or like two years. Just finish it. They already have the set schedule for you, but also the money that I'll be missing because I'll be part time at my work.

So you're going to have to be part time to do the private school option. Yeah, but my point is, I think.

That'S off the table.

And I think you know that when you called, I think you were leaning towards community college, except you were like, oh, is it going to take longer? My point is, do you remember the last time you saw a nurse yourself?

A nurse? I work in hospice.

Okay, but I'm saying I want you. The last time you were a patient and a nurse worked with you, do you remember that?

Yes.

Okay. Did you ask the nurse where she went to school?

Actually, yes.

Okay. What did she say?

She went to community college.

Did she kill you?

Did you all of a sudden judge her because of that?

Yeah, she started jabbing you with needles all willy nilly and crazy.

All right, that's my point.

No, she was amazing. She was amazing.

Let me tell you something, Christine. This is very simple. This is a conversation with your husband to look at what is life going to look like to knock this out in two to three years. To John's point, I got to take x amount of night classes to knock it out quickly. I'm saving a lot of money by doing this. It's just going to cost me time. Can we do this? Hubs is on board. Your child, your daughter, how old is she?

She's six.

Six.

She has no concept of time. She's going to be fine. This is a family meeting. About time and how our family is going to have to adjust to this.

We're going to count the.

Because from the money standpoint, this is not even a conversation.

Well, I get what you.

Community college all the way.

Well, hold on. But Christine, somebody told you this math. They said, hey, you're going to make 85,000 as a nurse here in Los Angeles, or 100. And if you get done one year faster, you're going to make about 55 or 60,000 more. Well, that's how much you're paying extra to go to private school. So why don't you just get it done? Where that falls on its head is you are paying the private school $60,000 to force you to get this done in two years. Just do it yourself.

Save $60,000, remove the stupid tax.

Everybody else buys exactly the story you knew.

Do what you knew.

The story that someone told me.

Of course they did. We've heard it lost wages. Yeah, that's fair. But that's not your case. Now, if you fart around and do, like, one class and then one class, and then your kid is suddenly eleven or twelve and you have two classes left and it's five years. Yeah, but that's on you. I'm not going to pay a school $60,000 to force me in to do something. I'm just going to go do it.

It's a marketing message. Christine, there's a reason why all those colleges have really big and nice buildings.

Because they charge lots and lots of.

Dollars and they know how to market it. They got a compelling conversation in their head that they've tested and it works on you. So we just deconstructed it. But use your common sense here. This is awesome. You're going to be a nurse quicker than you think. Fantastic.

You're going to save $60,000.

My gosh, it's mind blowing to me. It's mind blowing. Just absolutely crazy. All right, let's go to James in Cincinnati. James, how can we help?

Hey, guys, thanks for taking my call. Ken, John.

You bet.

Good to hear from you. So, like a lot of callers, I'm.

In a mountain of debt.

I'm 40 years old. I'm behind on my retirement goal that I hope to achieve someday, and I have an opportunity to double my income. I work remotely and currently have a job, and I have an opportunity to take a second job on top of that. So I'm looking for advice on do I do it? Do I pull the trigger and say yes to that?

What would be the reason why you wouldn't do it, knowing that you're in a lot of debt and behind on your retirement goals?

Right. I don't have one.

Then it's a pretty simple answer. It's called bigger shovel. Dave Ramsey's talked about that for a long time. More income, bigger shovel management and stress.

Calendar management and stress be the only kind of downfall.

Which is why I asked you what would be the reason not to do it. Is that a big fear or can that be managed?

I hope so.

Well, no, we don't hope so.

But you're stressed right now at how much you owe and how behind you are. So it's stress versus stress is three years of this is going to suck. Is that worth the rest of your life to back 45 years of your life to be free? If not cool.

Well, let me kind of paint a picture then.

I've got a seven year old.

I've got a baby on the way in April. My wife's not going to work when the baby comes, and I'm looking at probably 13 months and we'll be free.

It's a no brainer.

This is absolutely every day of the week and twice on Sunday, you say yes to this, your wife's going to be home to take care of the kids. You're fine. You'll be tired. You'll be okay. Is this is a no brainer? You have to do this.

Your seven year old will turn eight and not have any memory of this. And your newborn won't remember any of it. And your wife will say, thank God I have a man who went and did what we had to do so that I could stay home with this baby.

That's a breath of fresh air.

I appreciate you. And by the way, James, will this be fun? No. Will it be terrible? Yes. Will you be mad halfway through? Oh, it'll be furious. Do it anyway. Yeah, do it anyway.

You're going to exchange the stress of debt. I like how you put this for a stress of activity. For instance, I was working out last night. I'm in a new routine, John, and I'm not going to lie to you. I hate this part of it. Hate it. It sucked really bad. Felt great. An hour later, I'm sitting at home, told my wife I go. Feel pretty good. I did not feel that way in the middle of the routine of that workout. So it's what you're getting on the other side here, James. So buckle up. This is going to change your life forever.

Absolutely. Yes. Wow. Yes and yes.

Good man. Way to step up. Love it. Congrats, by the way, on the new one. A little one. That's going to be a lot of fun. And, boy, are you going to be setting that child up for a great future as a result of this 13 month grind. That's how you're looking at this. John Deloney, great hour. James Childs, our fearless leader. Thank you and the crew for keeping us on the air. And you, America, for listening. This is the Ramsay show. Live from the headquarters of Ramsay Solutions, this is the Ramsay show. It's where we help you win in your life, with your money, in your relationships, and in your work. Triple 8825-5225 Triple 8825-5225 that's the number to jump in on the conversation. Dr. John Deloney joins me. I'm Ken Coleman. We are with you taking you along on the ride the next hour. So how can we help? Jump in. I promise you there is hope and we're going to help you see it. Let's get to Lexington, South Carolina. Ken is there. Well, now, this is kentastic. We have a Ken on the line. Talking to a Ken. John, it's the year of Ken.

Wow. There's no way you went kentastic on us.

Well, James taught me that one. Ken, how are you?

I'm doing good.

How about yourselves?

A pleasure to be here.

Well, it's our pleasure to talk to you. How can we help today?

Well, you guys, my heart's pounding. I'm a huge fan of you guys, so I'm going to get right to it. I am in a relationship with a beautiful young woman. She is just absolutely amazing. Both of us, ever since she's been in my life, has been going to church with me. But I struggle a little bit with my own self worth. I feel like if I'm not able to do certain things for her, be able to do buy her the nice things and all that stuff, I feel like I'm failing as her significant other. This is a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I plan on making that happen at some point in time in our life. But I struggle a lot with not feeling like I'm enough as far as my income and stuff like that.

What do you do, Ken, and what do you make?

I'm a truck driver and I'm local to my area and I'm hourly now. So I make roughly about gross, probably about 75 a year.

Okay, well, let's start with this. $75,000 is a very good income. And if you look at. Well, let me put this way, I could hear the TikTokers. Now, it's not a great income. I understand inflation where it is, but $75,000 has been a threshold for many, many decades in research, where people say they achieve a certain level of happiness. So you're no dud. That's all I want to get to. I know John's going to dig in as to why you've got this worth issue, but let's just say that financially, you're no dud. 75,000 driving a truck locally. And I would also say that you are nowhere near, have you nowhere near reaching your potential as it relates to what you can make. You have more financial growth, so you're not a dud and you have more potential. And I want you to hear that. And that's the truth. That's not a rah ra speech. That's just based on the numbers and what you've done to this point and what that experience could allow you to do in the future. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Absolutely. I appreciate that.

But do you believe that? Because it's not a raw speech, do you believe that you can make more than 75 in the future?

I do believe that. I just think that with some things that happened in my past, sure. I struggle because I did have a digital marketing business that I tried to start, and then right after I got my llc back, Covid hit. And then it just completely tanked. So I pretty much just gave up on that, which I probably shouldn't have.

But maybe you should have, brother man, who told you when you were real little that you always did it wrong.

All right, so it was not my family. My family has always been very supportive. As a matter of fact, whenever I went through my extreme dark valley that I got into in 2022, they were there to support me. It was actually my previous marriage that made me feel like I was not.

There we go. So here's what I want you to do, and what I'm going to say is going to sound cheesy, and you're going to roll your eyes, and I want you to actually go do it. Do I have your word you'll do it?

Absolutely.

It's a lot of trust, Ken, I got to tell you, I don't know what he's going to say.

I want you to swing by Home Depot or Lowe's.

Oh, I like where this is going.

I want you to buy two brand new cinder blocks. Okay.

Okay.

I want you to take them home, and I want you to put some duct tape on them and get a magic marker, like a black sharpie. And I want you to write on that duct tape a few of the sentences that your ex wife used to stab you with. You're too fat. You're dear lazy. Are you? Seriously? This is what you think is dinner? I want you to write that stuff down on there, and then I want you to write down on the other one some of the things you said to you as your digital marketing business was falling apart and failing. I knew we couldn't do this. This sucks, man. She was right. I want you to write that stuff down.

Okay?

And then here's the exercise. I want you to set a stopwatch for about 20 minutes or 30 minutes, or you don't even have to set a watch. I want you to pick up those bricks, and I want you just to start making laps around your backyard like a crazy person until your forearms burn, until you can't physically hold them anymore, till your hands start to ache. And I want you to go in the back far corner of your backyard and throw them on the ground and literally say, I'm never carrying this again.

Okay.

Because what you're doing is you're allowing your ex wife to have access to your new relationship. You're allowing the fact that you got in the ring like all great boxers and got knocked down like all boxers do, you're allowing that knockdown to define your next fight, and you're just carrying these cinder blocks around with you. 24 7365. And you're not solving the past. The past happened. What you're doing is making sure you can't be successful moving forward. Enough is enough is enough. You're worth more than that, dude.

Absolutely. I appreciate that.

Is that fair?

That is fair.

Let me ask you this really quick. What do you want to do? What do you think about. Well, come on.

Funny that you asked that, because I kind of anticipated this question being asked, being that I've watched almost or listened to every episode, almost, on Apple Podcast, and that's just genuinely direction that you go. But I want to help men who went through stuff, like what I went through. I used to be a social media influencer. I actually had a half a million followers at one point in time. And when I separated, I got rid of it all. I didn't want to be a part of it no more. I felt like it was just another burden. My biggest platform was TikTok, so I know how the TikTok algorithm goes, and I now have a program that I actually started, and I want men to be able to get the help that they need and have that accountability that they're seeking so that they can be bigger and better for their family.

Hey, kid, before you. Before you pop in real quick, though.

I got to get out something. Okay.

Get it.

Go ahead.

Well, Ken. I'm talking to you, Ken, in Lexington, you have no business teaching men yet until you can walk the fair.

Absolutely.

Okay.

Okay.

Yes and no. Here's what I think. Wounded people help other wounded people in the battlefield. If you can drag somebody off, that's fair. And here's where I'm going with this. I'm not going to try to turn this into a business yet. I'm not putting that on you, Ken. I don't want you to feel it. But here's what I do want you to feel. If it's getting back on TikTok and just being transparent and bleeding and let people know what you've learned about yourself and what you have walked through and how you're getting on the other side. If that helps one man do that. And here's why I'm telling you that. John. Telling him that, John. I want Ken to get some victories. I want him to see some little wins, no matter how bad he's been hurt, damaged, whatever. You're useful. I think being useful is what he needs to do right now. This is the Ramsey show. This edict identifies Jesus of Nazareth as a heretic and a blasphemer.

This season on the chosen, there are those for whom this will set off a series of events my followers won't understand.

Lazarus, come out.

I guess you're not holding back anymore. I can't. I'm out of time. See season four of the chosen in theaters on February 1, starting with episodes one, two and three. Get your tickets now at the chosen riseup.com.

Welcome back to the Ramsay show. Dr. John Deloney joins me. I'm Ken Coleman. We're Ramsay personalities, and we are your co host today on the Ramsay show. Triple 8825-5225 is the number. It's time for our question of the day. The Ramsay show question of the day is brought to you by neighborly, your hub for home services, in case you're a new listener. What does that mean exactly? By the way, John, if I was a new listener and I had my lack of home handyman talent, I wouldn't know what home services. What is that? I have no idea. Thank God for neighborly. They're a family of locally operated home services providers who are dedicated to helping the Stacey Colemans of the world survive. Do you know what I mean?

Survive their marriages to the Ken Coleman.

Because, I mean, I can't fix anything. Thankfully, I can call and go check out neighborly. You could start your search today@neighborly.com. Slash Ramsey.

All right. I gotta say, I read through this question early. Oh, you did? I'm real excited about this question.

Okay.

I haven't read. Can we might even disagree on it.

But I think, oh, that's fun.

It has to burn my saddle.

All right.

Today's question comes from Alexa in Iowa. My husband and I are on baby step two and bring home around $120,000 a year. We have $230,000 in consumer, student loan and solar panel debt. Yes, a whole lot of stupid. My husband is a mechanic and has taken on side jobs in his home shop, which provides extra income. I am a CPA and would love to take on side bookkeeping and payroll work. However, my office has the policy that we can't do that kind of work outside the office for ourselves because they say that would take away from the other employees. I'm struggling to find something that I can do remotely in the financial space that wouldn't conflict with my office policy. Should I talk to my boss or HR department to see what options are available? Or. This is the magic question, is it none of their business what I do outside of my business hours?

Okay. I would talk to the boss or HR department to ask for more clarity on said policy and gently and respectfully keep asking questions as to why we have the policy and how the policy affects her situation and the reality of that. Because policies to me should always be guidelines and allow the leader flexibility. Or else we get stupid, crazy ideas like, you have to wear your mask until you sit at the table. And so my point is, meaning that no matter where you fall on that policy, you kind of have to go. That doesn't make sense. And I'm not taking a position on.

That, but it's like, what?

So that irritates me. And I don't know what you think about this. What I'm going to say, maybe you're surprised with this, but I would say it is a case by case basis on what a business can dictate to me outside of this place. I'm going to say case by.

That's probably fair because my knee jerk reaction is you hired me to do a job. I agreed to do that job. When I go home. That's my home.

I agree with that part.

Right.

I think she should be able to.

Do this and whatever I need to do to help out my family, per our situation. Right.

As long as you're not competing or you're in any way, and I'm not using resources company. Right? Yeah.

And I think, like, so if I'm a mechanic and I take your tools to my house to do work, you can't do that.

Not good.

Right.

I agree.

But if you say, hey, if you come work here and fix cars here, you're not allowed to fix any other car anywhere.

Right.

That feels like an overreach. It is.

You and I agree on that one. So when I said case by case.

But you and I, we can't go, like, I couldn't go take a gig. I can't go publish a book with another publisher. I signed a contract. That's right.

I think common sense has to rule the day. And I don't believe a company's own people.

Yes.

And that irritates me. So let me be clear on this. This pisses me off.

It makes me mad. Okay, I'm with you. Okay. Same team.

The way she worded it, if she worded it properly, it doesn't even make sense. We can't do work out that kind of work. Bookkeeping and payroll work outside the office for ourselves because they say it would take away from other employees. What are you talking about?

Here's what that means.

That makes no sense.

She is capped on how many clients she can get during the workday. So she goes and gets her other clients. And what the business is saying is, whoa, whoa, whoa. If you can go get other clients, you need to send them to us so we can give them to these other people.

Oh, yeah.

No, all clients are our clients.

Yeah. You know what that's called? Monopoly thinking. Do you know what the federal government thinks about monopolies?

They break them up. That's right.

And by the way, I agree.

Yeah.

So this is nonsensical.

This is.

Again, I don't want to go on a rant. It's just bad leadership. Policies shouldn't be laws.

Yes. So let me give you a good example. I was, having something delivered irritates me and to my house, and I live out in the country on a long gravel driveway, and they said, hey, we can't deliver to your house. And I said, okay, great. Can you bring to the office? And they said, well, the policy is we're not allowed to deviate from the delivery, the final destination. We wrote it in a contract. I said, well, what's the option then? It's like, well, you wait at the bottom, and it's about a quarter mile driveway. You wait at the bottom between the hours of one and five, and we'll drop it off. I said, so I have to just sit out there in my truck for 5 hours? And they're like.

Yeah, they don't think through that.

And I said, can you just drop it off? What's the policy? I said, can you just drop it at my house? Well, we can't because that's the policy. And I said, so you've created a world where you can't deliver the thing that you told the person. And it got real quiet. They said, we'll call you back. Right, right. Because we weren't able to think outside the policy towards what makes sense to get this guy the thing he ordered. Right.

But let's keep going. Beautiful example, but not only is the policy nonsensical, it keeps common sense from happening to where the person on the phone should have went. All right, here's the deal. I'll just call Herb when he comes back tomorrow.

He'll drive it in your truck at your office.

She or he, whoever's on the phone with you, doesn't even have the ability to solve the problem because of the policy.

And that's up Jocko talks about. That's decentralized leadership, right? Only this person up here can make the decision and all of y'all run up and make my decision for me, which turns your entire organization into a bunch of admins instead of a bunch of thinkers and leaders.

This is how common sense becomes uncommon. And that's where we are in today's world, because we are operating off of policies, not principles. Let me attack something you don't think I'm going to attack. This is going to be fun.

You ready?

Read an article today, James. I should have sent it to you, but here we go. The federal government, the amount of debt that each, the last two or three years, the Congressional Budget office, the amount of debt that we are accumulating as a country is an absolute runaway freight train that is on fire. And that is policy thinking, not principle thinking. So I'm attacking everybody in DC, so that way everyone's offended. And I don't get. But it's true when policy is, well, we got to do this piece of legislation here. We got to put this pork barrel, we got to give this money here, this money, and it's like the house is on fire. We don't balance our budget.

Can we all get out of the house? Well, we have to follow the exit plan.

We got to have a policy for this. Our policy says we got to do this. And both parties, both parties. And this is fiscal here. I'm talking about our nation is so crazy in debt. The dollar is in danger. You're talking about this is how nations crumble. And I'm not trying to freak people out, John.

I'm just saying it's wild.

We got a fiscal problem.

Yes.

This is a money show.

Yes. And all we talk about is, well, hold on. We got to do it the right way. We get to the policy. Yeah.

And so anyway, I'm making a greater point to. Oh, shove the policy. This lady needs to. Actually, I'm going to go back to the last part of it, John. Here's what I think. Tell me if I'm wrong and I mean this. I don't think she talks to HR. I think she just goes and starts doing it. I think she just starts offering the services. If it gets back to them, she goes, your policy was restricting my ability to go earn money. That's about as anti american and anti common sense as anything I've ever heard. Am I over the line?

If there is a clear. What I don't want to do is cash in her integrity, right?

I don't think that's an integrity issue.

But if she.

Civil disobedience is what? I'm crying. Am I wrong? I feel like I'm making you a little uncomfortable.

No, I like it. I'm thinking through it real fast because the music is coming up. I like the idea in principle. I think they would have a right to fire her if she violates the policy.

That's fair.

Fair?

I won't fight that.

Yeah. But I do think there has to be a group of people who say, hey, can we do the right thing by people outside of the policy, please?

I say, go make the money. And if they give you a hard time, I think it was a Johnny Paycheck song. Take this job and shove it. This is the Ramsay show. Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm kid Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me. Triple 8825-5225 is the phone number. Triple 8825-5225 let's go to Charlotte in Cleveland, Ohio. Charlote, how can we help?

Hi, it's an honor to talk to you guys.

Oh, thank you. What's our honor? What's going on?

So I'm having a good problem. So my husband just found out that he's going to be getting two substantial bonuses from his work. And I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed with what to do. We don't currently have a financial advisor, but I just am terrified to make a mistake. But I also feel uncomfortable in that realm. It just seems like sometimes it feels kind of like the car salesman attitude.

Yeah. You've seen too many movies, too many tv shows. And my guess is you haven't sat down with a real financial advisor and had a conversation with them where everything they said made sense, and you felt like, oh, I can make a decision. Is that fair?

Yeah. I go every two weeks to my local Charles Schwab to do my self 401K.

That's not what we're talking.

That's not what we're talking.

I'm talking about a real advisor. Okay, so answer John's question.

How much money is this? Yeah.

So this year it's like $150,000. And next year it's going to be like half a million dollars.

Okay. Did you grow up with much?

No.

Okay. So in your mind, and really we'll go all the way to your nervous system, in your body. Other people make that kind of money. Not us.

Yeah, we've done the Dave thing. We've been grinders is what we call it. And we're not bad now. We're worth probably like half a million now, but we've really worked. And all of a sudden it's just like plopping our laps and I don't know, it's amazing.

Do you have any debt?

Weird. No, we're four, five and six.

Okay, so how much do you have left on the house?

Probably about 250.

Okay, so you've been listening to Dave for a long time.

Yes.

Yeah. We got married at 22, and I am 29 now.

So you tell me what you think Dave would say to you if he knew you were going to come into $650,000 over the next two years above and beyond your normal income, if I understood you correctly. Is that correct?

Yeah.

Okay. What would he say to do with that money?

Pay the house off.

All right, so there's one thing, right? So we knocked the house out with this bonus money. And who's doing baby step four? Who's guiding you through baby step 415 percent of your income to the retirement? Who's doing that? You at Schwab on your own?

Yeah, we've just been kind of doing it ourselves. Just because I can't figure out the whole fee thing.

That's the problem. You shouldn't be figuring out how to do that. I don't want to figure out how to build a house. I want to hire a great contractor who's built lots of houses and has a great track record. So, Charlote, you've been around us enough to know what a smart investor pro is. These are men and women that have been vetted by our team. And in Cleveland, Ohio, there's probably more than a handful, a lot of them. And you can get to Ramsaysolutions.com. And let's just pick five, okay, or three and set up appointments with them. Have a meeting with them, look them in the eye. Do you like them? Was one a little bit weird? Was one a little aggressive? Was one really super amazing? Whatever the idea is. And Davis told people this for decades, you need to get someone that you feel like you got a good connection with. That's a b. Does a really good job of explaining all this stuff that you're scratching your head in the Schwab office and you get to the point where you understand, okay, this is the difference between a Roth, this is the backdoor Roth, this is an IrA.

This is what I'm going to do with my get to understand all of it. And they explain it to you until you get to the point where you go, okay, I want to do that and I want to do that. And you know why? And you have the common sense, you've got a lot of discipline. You guys can figure this out. But that's what you need to do so that you have a plan beyond paying off a house. What are we going to do with this windfall of income? When we look at baby step five, how much more will we need to put in there to the kids? We think the nest egg is where it needs to be. Over the next x amount of years, the smart vestor pro is going to walk through that with you, and all of a sudden you realize you're completely in control. And I think that's what you're scared of.

Yeah, that makes sense, John.

So you didn't like that answer. Why didn't you like that answer?

I don't know. I'm like a pretty plan, like follow the plan kind of person and I don't know what to do. Like baby step seven is just so wide open and it almost felt like something was taken away from me, like the plane.

I think you're a control freak.

Well, I think you've had to have control in your life to survive. Fair.

That's fair.

And so that same action that kept you alive all those years is going to choke the joy and life out of this amazing work you and your husband have put in to change your family tree.

Yeah.

And so there comes a moment when you stop being gazelle intense, when you stop running for your life. And then you start building something amazing. And listen, you're going to have to practice that because you've never done it before. What does that mean? You have to look in the mirror and go, we're going to have a paid off house and both of our kids college funded fully. And we're going to have a couple of hundred thousand dollars left over. And let's go to a really nice dinner. Right? You're going to be able to do some things and you're going to realize it didn't just solve your marriage. It didn't just fix everything. This is going to be a slow walk into a new kind of life. I'll tell you the things that have transformed my life. And these are conversations offline with Dave, just private. He's a buddy of mine and talking about coming from a East Tennessee kid without a lot. He said, dude, I still to this day, have to look at the ratios because the numbers are crazy. So I have to look at the ratios. Yes. This car that I can now afford with cash 1000 times over costs this much.

What is it in relationship to how much I gave? What is it relationship to my salary? So somebody old, you may have said $50,000 for a car.

Are you crazy?

New, you might say $50,000 is like me buying a $10,000 car five years ago. We're good. And we also increased our giving that much, too. See what I'm saying? You're going to have to practice this new identity. And it's okay.

Yeah, we definitely want to give. And I think it is like the whole lifestyle piece. We live very frugally.

Keep living frugally, but do something fun.

Yeah. Go on a trip with some of it, man.

Right. You have to get out of your head that only they are successful because now they is you.

Yeah.

You're successful, too. And you used to have some judgments about they, and now you're going to have to let some of that go because you know that y'all are a pretty good couple. Pretty amazing people.

Yeah. Grinders.

You know those little buckets that we had at Ramsey for a while for the kids. I don't know what the latest product is, but this is a give, like a little container. Give, save, spend. So what you do with this money is very simple. Give some, save a bunch. Spend some.

Tada.

Okay.

You get that? Okay.

Yeah.

You get to decide because you're debt free. Give safe.

Spin.

And yes, you've been holding onto the rope for your whole life. You're 29. You're about to be 30, and you're about to be a millionaire. And then you realize the rope runs out. Right. So you're going to have to practice that unsteady feeling for a while. It should feel weird for a while. That's all right. You're a millionaire.

You know what may be fun, John? And I don't know if this. Tell me if this makes sense psychologically. It's almost like she should pick something to give to first. Get her out of the. Before she even thinks about her and her husband and saving and spending. Like, just go bless somebody. Like, blow their mind, stranger. Some of this.

Go take care of somebody that you don't know that well or somebody's kind of on the periphery. Ask your pastor if they know of a family. Go give. And also put one nice thing out there that you're going to go get. Time for my husband to get a car that actually works right. It's time for me to get a new washing machine that doesn't leak all over, like, whatever the thing is. Put those things on paper and then call yourself a smartvestor pro. Go to ramsaysolutions.com slash smartvestor and they'll get you hooked up. They'll teach you, and they'll get you squared away.

Charlote, congratulations. You guys have lived like no one else, and now you're about ready to live and give like no one else. This is the Ramsay show.

All right, guys, we got to face some facts here. The holidays are right around the corner, and with the holidays comes more spending. Listen, folks, if you don't go into this season with a budget, you're going to end up swiping your way into a huge mess by the time January rolls around. Don't make that mistake. Our budgeting tool, everydollar, will help you make a plan for your spending. Now, don't wait. Create your free account@everydollar.com. Or download the app from the App Store today.

Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me. The phone number is triple 8825-5225 and we're going to take your calls, but we're going to do something a little bit different. This is fun. I want you to talk about it. John. I don't know how long ago it was now, because time is, like, the older I get. I don't know if it was yesterday or three years ago, but you came up with a great idea to take on this loneliness and disconnected society that we have. And you came up with a great idea that became a runaway hit. And now it's got 73 additions.

It's got 195 additions.

It keeps going. And this is really cool. And so we're going to play off of this, but I want you to just give us 30 seconds on what it is, and then we're going to do something we've never done on the show before.

The short of it is, I was talking to a budy of mine, asking him what people were struggling with out in the real world because I was working in education. And he said, I've been listening to you for a while, Deloney. Me and my wife, we put all our screens away, all our phones and iPads. And now me and my daughters are just sitting in the living room staring at each other. And I was like, well, we'll talk to them. And he goes, okay, I'll just talk to him. And then the light bulb went off, and I said, oh, you don't know how. Yeah, I need some prompts, a skill set. Right. And so it was as simple as, I'm going to give you some prompts. And the results, I'm getting credit, the halo credit of people actually talking again without phones, communicating with one another, having fun, laughing, crying, whatever. And it's the questions for humans, man.

Questions for humans. We're going to do a questions for.

Humans segment here, and he's going to surprise us.

Yeah. So, James, you're going to, I guess you take over. We're just. Now you're hosting.

Yeah. So I picked a few that are kind of fun and lighthearted and then some that are a little more serious.

Oh, boy.

We'll start with this.

Am I going to cry?

I don't know. All right, the first decks that you did were, like, real. What's your favorite poop joke? And now they've gotten real heartfelt and serious. I've had to grow up in this radio job.

So first question is for John.

Yeah, maybe John. And then you can answer it, too. So what is, hands down, the best book, movie, or show of last. Oh, of last year or this year? Like, just the past year? Oh, my goodness. I don't know, man. What's the best book of last year? I'm trying to think. I'm trying to think.

I'm going through all three categories. For what? Like, what am I passionate about?

It says book, album, and what book, movie, or show.

Book, movie, or show of the last year for you.

Or it could be one that you consumed last year. It didn't have to come out last year. This is some great radio we're putting on there for.

Okay, I'll jump in.

Okay, go for it.

For me, it's the Yellowstone spinoff series, 1883 and 1923. I can't remember the last time. Well, I can. Last time I enjoyed a television show that much was Friday night lights. I thought those two shows, fantastic. Loved them. Absolutely.

Loved only murders in the building my wife and I got hooked on. That show is a masterpiece.

There we go. We unlocked him there.

There you go. All right. I like all those. Those are great. All right, this one is for you guys. If you two had to buy a plane ticket right now for a guy's trip together, where would you go?

There's no way we'll ever come to consensus. Because I think we're wildly different in our.

Like, that's what makes it so me.

Okay, I'll say it's a tropical situation where there is spa, you know, ocean, sand. That's me.

Can I tell you where my heart went, Ken?

Where?

I want to go to Normandy. I want you to walk me through it. Like, if I could have Ken walk me through the history of these places I think every american should visit.

Wow.

And I don't know anything about it.

James has been with me in DC.

I got to experience Ken in DC. And I got to tell you, dormity, that would be epic.

That's really impressive. Boy, I feel really shallow after that exchange.

That's cool. I'd get a tropical massage with you, too. Caribbean pickleball versus dday. That's it.

Well, two very different trips, but both rewarding.

There you go. All right. What did you spend way too much money on in the last year?

Oh, easy. Pickleball paddle.

I went to a local lodge before a hunting trip, and I said, I need you to make sure I'm not cold. And I said, I'm giving you a blank check, dude. And he came back, and we went to the register. Easily the most expensive. You know what I've purchased I've ever made in my life by a hundred mile. Suits, dress, boots, everything.

Picturing Jim Carrey's character. And dumb. And dumber when they finally make it to Colorado.

I mean, dude, I've got hunting gear that hope my son gets married in it because it's going to be way more expensive than any tucks. But I overspent on that by a lot.

Now, see, I spent more than just that. I want to clarify my answer. But you said overspent. It's like, there's a reasonable number for said item, but there's some things I spent way more money on. But I went. I didn't overpay.

That was worth it. Oh, I. Way overpaid. Inquiring minds want to know what kind of pickleball.

Jula. Yeah.

I don't know, but Zach over here wants. And I bought Sitka the greatest hunting gear on planet Earth. Yeah, I love it. All right, what are one or two of your New Year's resolutions this year?

I don't do resolutions. I have a fundamental stance against them. I kid you not, because all the data behind it, John probably knows even more about this than I do from the psychology side of things, but they just miserably fail. And so I read that about five or six years ago, and so I have a plan. I have a year plan for myself and then my wife and I. It's not resolutions. They're just like, this is where we're trying to get to. We have some destination.

Are there any highlights of stuff that.

You want to share?

I know that's.

Highlights. Yeah. We want to do something really cool. I don't want to share it over the air, but there's a trip that we really, really want to do, and I know Stacey would not be comfortable with me describing that, but is it a pickleball trip?

Yes, it's tropical massages.

I will tell you that. I will look for a pickleball court at said trip. But, yeah, stuff like that. Financial goals. So we said, how much do we want to invest this year? What are we giving where? It's that kind of stuff. I don't get into the whole, I'm going to do dry January, and I'm the opposite. I've got, you have a bunch of resolutions.

Resolutions like, give us one in concrete.

Give me top two.

The two big ones are number one. And this is going to sound cheesy, James, and you're going to roll your eyes. I'm being dead serious because you'll know because you and I have worked together a lot.

Very nervous.

I want to become more likable, and I would say delightful. I want people, when I walk into the room, people don't go, oh, God, I want them to go, hey, I want everyone's disposition. And I know that I come around with a heavy energy. I'm always having heavy conversations. Did you read this, you know, about dopamine? And it wears people out. And so this year, I want to be a more joyful presence when I walk in a room. Number one, I want to be delightful. And number two, I want to be on time. It's been a tough January, which goes toward the number one. It helps with number one, people aren't instantly mad when I walk in nine minutes late.

Right. It's good.

There's an incredible woman out in the audience that we had a meeting with earlier, and I was late to that meeting. So there we go. That's how good we're doing.

That's probably a good resolution, I could add, but you get my point. I want bigger goals so that it requires a lot of inertia.

Well, and so for me to be more joyful, that means I got to pay attention to going to bed. I got to eat right. I got to quit eating so much junk food.

I would say yours are legit to the point that I don't even. That's way heavier and bigger than a resolution. And that's why I want to binge press 200.

Yeah, I see what you're saying.

A resolution is, to me, I hear it's always, I want to stop doing this. I like that yours was, I want to grow.

Yeah. The research says if you want to stop a thing, that's pretty limited because usually you want to stop a thing because you don't like you. And so you're stopping a thing out of dislike for yourself. It never works. If you want to become something new.

Now you're onto something, you got time for more.

Yeah, this one's maybe related, maybe not. So in what area of life do you think you'll need the most help over the next twelve months? Ken could use some hygiene help. I'm going to need help on being on time. I'm going to need help on being a joyful presence. I'm have to practice this because it's not my natural disposition. I'm just kind of some principles or help with that. Do you have something that's helping you become more likable or are you just kind of taking a stab at it? Yeah, I've got a couple of things. It's a little too personal for the air, but I do have asked a few people to just point it out. Just point it out when I have heavy energy in a room. Yeah. Are you open to the YouTube commenters helping you out? Nope. Yeah, youtubers all, come on, help out. That'd be great.

I'll tell you. I need help navigating this next season, in the next year when my oldest son goes away. I'm not trying to bring us down. I'm just saying that's new territory for me. And I know my heart's going to hurt really, really bad, but it's natural and healthy and it needs to happen. So anyway, I think I need to talk to some dudes who've been through that and it'll be good, but I think that's going to be weird.

That's going to be tough. Way to bring down a room, James. Thanks. No, that's good, guys. Excellent.

This is great stuff. Thank you, Dr. John Deloney, for that fabulous series. You can get it@ramsaysolutions.com. All 397 editions of conversations with humans. Live from the headquarters of Ramsay Solutions. This is the Ramsay show. It's where we help people win in their life, specifically with their money, their relationships and their work. Triple 8825-5225 is the phone number. You can jump in. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney joins me this hour. Triple 825-5225 let's get right to it. Mobile, Alabama, is where Anthony awaits. Anthony, how can we help?

Hey, Ken and John, how are you all today?

We're having a blast. What's going on with you?

I'm sitting at the apex of the seesaw, and I do not know which way to go.

I love that analogy.

Right? I'm right here, about six months away from being 62, and I cannot decide to retire or work another year or two.

Okay, so let's just start with where are you leaning right now? We're not holding you to this, but if you had to decide today or five minutes ago, did it change? Where are you leaning?

Leaning towards retirement.

All right. And so what is making you question that to the point that you would call us to get our take?

Been doing it since 14 and scared to death.

Scared to death to stop. Yeah, I hear it. How are you doing financially? Paint that picture for us.

There's about 1.31.4 cash total assets. About one, six. Just don't want to go home and twiddle my thumbs, which I wouldn't do that anyway. I'm a very energetic, outgoing person.

So let's stay right there.

I can only travel so much.

Now, hold on. Let's stay right there. Let's remove travel. Okay. I think you've allowed your mind to wander a good bit and maybe wonder, too. So we're not twiddling our thumbs. Twiddling your thumbs is not even an option for you. You just said it. So what's something that you would be intrigued by doing or learning? What would that look like? Something that kept you active. We're not talking about traveling, but what would that look like? What comes to mind when I throw that at you? Because I know there's something in there.

I've always been interested in working on airplanes and helicopters. I'm a mechanic by trade. That has always intrigued me as far as how helicopters and all work. So I haven't even thought about it that way.

All right. And I'm ideating here like, none of this. Do I want to hang on you as well? This is what you're going to do. But it's fascinating to me that you've been a mechanic for a long time. How long you been a mechanic?

Oh, I've been at this one job site 34 years.

34 years. And, you know, you're still fascinated by fixing something else or tinkering on something else. And it's that new challenge, the way your brain works. Let me throw an idea out at you, all right? I want John to jump in however he wants to jump in. But here's what I think. I think that the fear of the unknown is probably the greatest fear that humans face. That's just my take. Okay? Doesn't mean I'm right. And I think that what you're really afraid of is what does life look like? Because I have been largely in a very controlled conditioned schedule for 34 years. And on the other side of that is all of these unknowns. Most of them, I think, should be wonderful unknowns for you. And what's freaking you out is you haven't dug into some of these possibilities enough to go, oh, not only is this not scary, it's scintillating. And I think tinkering, fixing planes, helicopters, all of that's great. But let me throw an idea out for you. What if two or three days a week, your schedule, you start fixing cars for single moms or you get involved with a church program that maybe has a car donation program, or you just start finding people in your world, you start putting the word out and you say, you know what?

I'm pretty good with mechanics and I'm willing to come and I'm going to do this. And maybe you just gave yourself away doing different things, but now it wasn't for a paycheck, and it was just because you wanted to do it. It's because you wanted to see a smile. You wanted to see a sigh of relief on the other side of it. How does that hit you?

It's funny you say that because I'm already doing that somewhat. But that would free me up to do it a whole lot more.

How much joy do you get when you do it?

Oh, 100%.

That's just one thing, John, what do you think?

I just say you want to change your neighborhood, man, it'd be cool if you started a little program for young men to come over and learn how brakes worked and learn how that's a great. I don't know what a transmission was. And, man, what a cool thing that would do on Sunday afternoons at your local church just to teach young boys how to change their own oil and things like that. That could be amazing.

Hey, there might be a mechanical trade school locally where they need somebody. They need instructors. We could go all day.

Yeah.

Hey, let me ask you this, Anthony. 1.2 million in cash, 1.6 total. Tells me you got 400,000. Is that invested or is that in your house?

My house is not that much house, probably 100 and a quarter. But collapse of automobiles and just cash money in the safe for emergency.

Okay, I want you to please go sit down with the smartvestor pro. And you've got way too much cash. And with the way inflation is, your cash is becoming less and less valuable every day. It sits under your bed. I do hold a lot of cash personally, and so I'm not against it. But you're holding over a million dollars worth of it. Right. And I'm looking out for 81 year old Anthony, whose hands aren't going to let him get under a car, turn wrenches, or his knees aren't going to let him get under a car anymore. I want to make sure that guy is taken care of.

Well, I sure. I hope I make it to that 81 eight.

You will.

My family tree is usually around the 75 to 78 range.

But listen, you've bucked every trend your family's ever had, haven't you?

I sure have so far.

That's exactly right. Well, let's keep it going then. Let's live a long life. And, man, you got 20 years left to hang around. And by the way, you're not going to die at 81. I'm giving it 93. That's my guess. But hey, I think you can. Here's the truth. The data on retirement. America sold us a bill of goods that the goal is to do nothing. The goal is to get to the end of your day. The goal is to get the end of your job, the end of your career, so that you can have the privilege of doing nothing. And the fantasy of doing nothing is a lie will kill you. All the data says if you retire with nothing, your body falls apart. It doesn't have a purpose, it's got nothing to pull, and it just quits because its job is done. So before you quote unquote retire, go ahead and set up a schedule for yourself. Go ahead and get a group of men that you're going to have coffee with once a morning. Go ahead and get one day a week at a local community college to help out. Get that schedule somewhat built.

You can always back off of it. But go to a thing. Don't aim to do.

Think. I think the word retire should be retired.

Well done, Ken.

Yeah, I know. I worked really hard on that the last two minutes while you were talking.

No conception. That was conception.

That was a conception. As James says. Here's what I think. Anthony, I really want you to look at this next season, not as retiring. And John just set that up beautifully. But reinventing, reinvent yourself because you, I like that. Because you can. Right? Hey, I was this for 34 years. And now for the next six weeks, I'm going to be this. And then the next six weeks, I'm going to be this. And the next six weeks, I'm going to be this. Or if I want to go the next six months or the next six years. I think the reinvention really is the way to do this.

Anthony, can we look at the Anthony diagnostic code real quick, really fast? You've always been successful. You're a great teammate. You're a millionaire. What does that mean? You have built the tools. You're a person who succeeds. And so in the next season, you're going to get nervous. You're still going to do great, man. We're rooting for you, brother.

Way to go, Anthony. You're a stud. Go help people like you already are and watch opportunities present themselves for you to continue to reinvent yourself. You're doing great work, man. This is the Ramsey show.

Hey, you've been listening to the show. Now it's time to start doing no more excuses. Join me and the rest of the Ramsay personalities for the total money makeover weekend here in Nashville on May 10 and 11th. Get a crash course in everything we teach about money, including budgeting, beating, debt, investing, and more. In just one weekend, you'll leave with a plan to put it all into action. It's game on, baby. Early bird tickets start at $99, so don't wait. Go to ramsaysolutions.com weekend.

Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney is joining me this hour. Phone number is triple 8825-5225 let's go to San Bernardino. One of my favorite places to say, it's up there with Walla Walla, Washington.

And what was the other place?

Sheboygan?

No, it's not Piccadillo.

What's the now I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yeah, we got trouble on that one. We did.

That was fun. Serena joins us in San Bernardino. Serena, how can we help?

Hi. Thank you guys so much for taking my call.

You bet. What's going on?

Okay, so I found your guys'radio show or your podcast, like, two weeks ago, and my boyfriend and I have been listening to you guys religiously. And basically my question is, so I own a house that I have a very low mortgage on, and I'm getting ready to rent it out. I'm going to make about $2,300 a month on that rental.

How much do you have left on that mortgage?

$200,000.

Okay. And you're going to make how much?

I'll make 2300 a month on it.

Okay. Keep going. Sorry.

Okay. My boyfriend owns a house. His mortgage is significantly higher. He just bought it a year ago. It's on a very large property. He rents the back property out to his sister. But now we're talking about moving in together and he has a friend who's willing to rent his house out. But by the end of it, we would basically be breaking even on that house. I make about $120,000 a year. He makes about 80. So I think we could have both houses paid off in ten years. I just want to make sure that it's a good idea for us to keep both of those houses, rent them out as long as we're making money on one and breaking even on the other, if we can get it paid off in a short amount of time.

Well, you got a lot of stuff going on here. The we thing, like how long you guys been dating? Is this going to be a long term play? When are we getting married? What's the status here?

Yeah, so we are eventually going to get married. We've been dating for a little bit over a year. He has like 3000 debt that will be paid off in two weeks. And then I owe 12,000 on my car that I should have paid off in the next three months. Our plan is to eventually get married, but it's an eventual thing.

Here's my thing. If that's down the road, then this conversation shouldn't be framed the way you're framing it. It's your house, his house, and it's not a we decision. That's my take on this because I think it's very separate right now.

And here's the thing. We talk about being married when you're buying houses and people think we're talking religious stuff, which that's a component. But the big thing is, man, you and him are holding hands and walking into quicksand. You've got a giant home that he wants to rent. Part of it he's renting to a sister and to a brother, and then to you, and then you've got a home that you're. But you all going to both try to pay it off. We only have jobs, and this is the hardest part of my job, but it's being honest with you. We only have jobs because people have plans and the plans don't work out. People break up. And so if you get divorced, there is a clear legal process for splitting things up. If you break up, it all goes to crap. It's a mess. And so that's why I would tell you, you have a house that you can choose to do with what you want to with it, and it's your house. If I'm you, I would stay in my house and pay it off. You make 120 grand. You have a $200,000 mortgage.

You can be out of this thing in a couple of years and be done. He has chosen to dramatically overcomplicate his life by buying a huge property, having part of the mortgage, relying on a sister, and then plus this, and then his budy. What a mess. It's going to be a zoo, and it's a year in.

Right? He's not relying on his sister. He's owned this house for a long time, and she just happened to buy a trailer and is renting out the back part of the yard at this point.

I thought you said he just got a year ago.

Yeah. So he bought it a year ago. She just moved in two months ago into his backyard. So it's not anything that he needs. It's just.

You're missing the point. The point is, if you want to live with him, that's one thing. But do you want to be a landlord on your current house? Are you really up for being a landlord? Because to me, you're looking at. I'm rounding down. You're looking at $25,000 a year you're making off that house as opposed to just living in it. I agree with John. I think you need to take care of your business, and he takes care of his business on the house until there's a we. Don't act and talk like a we.

And I want you to understand, you're going to be the live in girlfriend on a property shared between a boy and his sister. Yeah. And I'm telling you right now, I've just done this too long. There's going to come a moment when he's going to have to choose. And you're like, oh, he would choose me. It's just going to get messy. And I know we're ruining your day. Completely, totally ruining your day, because this is even why you called. You want to know which one of these houses you want us to sell, and we're telling you neither of them. But we just do this so much and we see it happen all the time, where everyone's got great plans, everybody's on the same page, and then one thing goes sideways, and if you don't.

Have the legal protection, it gets messy.

Yeah, just because we love you. But I'd get that car paid off ASAP. I'm glad you're working on that. And by the way, I would not pay one penny of his debt.

None.

Not his credit card debt. And don't let him pay for your debt. Fair.

Right.

And by the way, we love your idea. Listen, John and I love your idea of paying your house off in a year.

Genius. Genius.

Now all of a sudden, it's great. And listen, it's none of our business who you live with, and we're not trying to get into that. What we're saying is that this isn't a we conversation. You got to stop with that.

Right?

If you want to sell either this house and move in with this guy.

Knock your lights out.

Yeah, go for it.

But you'll have sold your house. Take the equity. You'll have an account, you'll be debt.

Free, and it's your money. Everything needs to continue to be separate until there is a we. Does that make sense?

Yes, it does.

John and Ken at, how are you feeling about this?

So, honestly, I feel like there's a lot going on in my head. I understand exactly what you guys are saying, like, keeping everything separate. And we've had that conversation. My thing is, we want to rent a separate house and move in together and then keep these both as rentals and then eventually have a large rental.

Gotcha. Don't do that. Dave Ramsey went belly up doing that. You're leveraging debt. And if you remember, you're in California when just two years ago, they prohibited people from evicting people who didn't pay their rent, but the mortgages were still due.

Yeah.

And so if you do that, get a house and you've got a mortgage on it, and he's got a house. You got a mortgage on it. You all rent another house together, and you're trying to. Dude, you're playing a shell game. Serena will collapse on you, I promise.

Have you done this before? Have you rented your house before?

No, I have not.

Okay. Now I'm really going to ruin your day. Okay, so at 2300 a month, that is, what, about 28,000 ish? Quick math is what you would make. You said you'd clear that much per month on the rent, right?

Correct.

Okay.

Yeah.

So let's call it $28,000 ish. All right. I have been a homeowner for a long time, and I care about my house. I can tell you about renters. They don't care about your house. They may be the most nice, decent people in the world, but you're not going to see anywhere near $28,000 of profit. This I can take to the bank. So I need you to understand that. And John would tell you the same thing. You're not going to see anywhere near 28 grand or 2300 a month. Just bing, bing, bing. Adding up in your account, you're going to have to take care of that house. You're the owner of the house. You're the landlord. You got to deal with everything.

The roof, the air conditioner or the carpet when they flush too many things down the toilet.

That's why we don't want you to rent a house that you don't own and go rent some other house. It's just bad finances. Forget the relationship piece.

Do you get it right?

I do.

Serena.

I wanted to sell, and everybody keeps talking me into keeping it because everybody's.

Everybody's broke. Serena.

Yeah.

Hey, here's the most baller play. Have no mortgage at all.

Boom.

Nobody owns Serena. Serena can do whatever the crap she wants. She can move wherever she wants because she has a paid off house. That is actual financial security. Having four rental properties that the mortgage is being paid by the tenant, it's all a shell game. It's nonsense.

And by the way, this is not a moral statement, but I'm going to go this direction as your older brother. We're on team Serena here. Don't live with this dude. Y'all be in a relationship. Don't live with him. Make him commit to you. Okay, that's just my take. And it's not a moral imperative, but that's just relationship.

And don't move into a place where the sister is, too.

There you go. This is the Ramsey show.

All right, let's cut to the chase. It's easy to get discouraged about crazy house prices and interest rates. But when you have the right real estate agent to help you buy and sell the right way, you'll have confidence to make smart decisions. Ramsey trusted agents aren't just experts who guide you through buying or selling. They're someone you can trust to have your back from the first call to closing day. Find a Ramsay trusted agent near you@ramsaysolutions.com. Agent ramsaysolutions.com Agent.

Welcome back, America. You're listening to the Ramsay show. We're so excited to have you. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John deloney sitting next to me here. Triple 8825-5225 is the phone number. That's triple 825-5225 Boise, Idaho, is where we go now. Sarah's there. Sarah, how can we help?

Hi. Yeah, so, I'm 18 years old. I graduated high school about a year ago, and I am just really hesitant to start college or even trying to even think about going to college. I have no idea even if I should or what I even should do. I'm just really confused.

Okay, well, first of all, great news is you're 18. Okay.

Yeah.

And so being 18 is confusing, and it's been confusing for 18 year olds for every decade for a very long time, because you are still developing, you're still maturing, and there's this big, daunting thing called the future staring at you. And when you don't have a lot of mechanisms to try to navigate the future, it gets even more intimidating, and then you just shut down, and all your creativity kind of goes away. Does that sound about right?

Yeah. You got a spot on there. Yeah.

All right.

So I've been helping people figure this out for years and years and years, and I think what we have to do is simplify. Okay, so let's take on the first part of the question. We don't even consider college until we figure out direction. And I think direction is more important than destination. Destination can change, but if I'm heading in the right direction in my life, financially, relationally, spiritually, professionally, if I'm headed in the right direction, destination can change, and I'm not losing track. So I think I want to forget about destination and we start to go. What about direction? So, college right now is not even on the table, because unless the degree is the only way to go, the direction you want to go, or it's the best way, then we know there's another way. Does that make sense to you?

Yeah.

All right, so let's put that over here on the side. Okay. So, 18, you've been out of college for a year. I mean, out of high school for a year. Okay.

Yeah.

I want to know. I don't care if it goes back to nine year old Sarah, twelve year old Sarah, 14, whatever.

I don't care.

I want to know the things that you have allowed yourself when you felt safe, maybe in your room, driving a car, whatever, sitting in an assembly at high school or a boring class, and you wondered about, what would it be like to do this when I grow up? What are the things that maybe were pretty consistent, or maybe the things that you got most excited about when you allowed yourself to do that.

Well, all throughout high school, I kind of had a plan for myself to try to get into medical school. But recently, I don't know, I got cold feet a while ago. I work in a medical office now, and I've kind of realized. I kind of hesitated thinking if I don't think I could do that for the rest of my life.

Good.

With patients. I had a moment of really loving astronomy. I've always loved learning about all. Also, one of the biggest things was wanting to maybe try to teach English out in foreign nations, like maybe somewhere in Europe or maybe even somewhere on the east asian countries. I've always had an interest in that.

Okay, so, Sarah, I see a pattern here, and I want you to tell me if I'm not seeing this correctly. In those three different options, I see two very clear people, focused ideas, and then I see some learning. I think you're a learner, and I think you like knowledge and what knowledge does for people. Is that fair?

Yeah.

And I also think you really like people work, like taking care of people or doing something with people. I think that's the theme I see in the medical side of things or teaching a language. I think you're a people focused person. Is that true?

Yeah, I can see that.

Okay, so real quick, I don't want to get you stuck in the weeds, but I think you could take the entire world of work, every job in the world, and I think you can organize them to four buckets. People work, idea work, process work, and object work. What I mean by object is you're working with your hands and your head, but you're fixing something, building something. Does that make sense? Okay, so John and I are in people work and idea work.

Right.

Our work kind of is in both buckets, ideas in the form of content, John's books, his things that he creates to help people. So John and I are both people and ideas. That's where you would put us. So I think you're in the people side of things, but I think there may be a little bit of process there in that education piece. Now, I just want to know, how does that hit you? Or is there another bucket that you go? I identify with. I'm good at people stuff, and I'm good at process stuff. There's always a connection with those four. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

All right.

What are you feeling?

I feel like that is just kind of what I've always thought about doing.

So here's the deal.

So here's what I want you to do. Let's go okay. We know that medical work, at least the type of medical work you're seeing in this office, is not for you. You got up close, and I love that. But I want you to step back and go, what are all the different ways that I could take care of people? Because if you're in the healthcare world, you are caring for people. But there's a lot of ways to care for people. Teaching them a language is a form of caring for people. So I got a three part exercise that I'm not going to make you answer on the air. And I want to bring John into because I know he's got some great thoughts here. He's worked with college students for a long, long time. I want you to answer three questions in the near future. I want you to look at it almost every day. And I like a pencil because it allows me creative and I can erase and answer every day differently. Three questions. Can you write them down?

Yeah.

All right, here we go. First one is, who are the people that I most want to help? Get specific. Say students in Peru one day. The next day, say, people that are aging, and I want to help them in convalescent homes or whatever. I don't care every day if the answer changes, let it go and write it down. No, wrong answer. Who are the people I most want to help? Now, the second question is, after I answer the first one, those people describe them. Then I want you to answer, what problem or desire do those people have? And you write it down. No, wrong answer. Third question, what are the solutions to those people's problem or desire that I most get excited about? You got it?

Okay. Yeah.

Now, here's what's going on. This is a construct, John, for ideation. And I think that this is what we don't teach kids. This is as dumb of a plan as I've ever heard in my life, but it works. And the reason what it does is allows me to ideate from my heart, what moves my heart. It. And then I match it up with that last question is, where is my talent?

Yeah. What am I good at?

And what am I good at? That can actually be a part of the solution?

Or what can I go get training on to become good at?

To get better.

That's right.

I have some raw talent that with training, education, and experience becomes a skill.

That's right. So, Sarah, I want you to take everything he said, and I want you to lay it on top of this foundation here. Okay?

Okay.

When I was 18 years old, I went to college to be a youth minister. That lasted about three weeks. Evidently, you got to read the Bible all the time. So I'm out, right? I then went into become a journalism major. I did that for about a year. And then I realized how much journalists made. And so then I went over to be business. Then in business, evidently, you got to take math classes because you have to balance balance sheets. And I was lost at sea. And then I went and saw a movie in theater called Goodwill Hunting. And I went that next Monday and changed my major because I wanted to be Robin Williams. I wanted to be a counselor at a small college behind closed doors. And then they said, hey, we're out of majors. You've taken too many classes all over the campus. We can get you enough psychology classes so you can go to graduate school, but you have to have a humanities degree. So my degree is in humanities. Ended up being a great degree. History, writing, psychology. Then I went to grad school. For psychology, right? No, for education. And I got a master's in education, a PhD in education.

And then I went and got another phd in counseling. And you know what I do now? I'm a youtuber. I have a podcast. Podcasting. And YouTube did not exist when I was 18. All that to say is this. There is no wrong step for you moving forward. Follow the plan Ken mapped out for you, and then hold it all really loosely.

That's right.

Every step you take is going to be a step either, like, well, I'm not going to step there again, or, I like this. All that is data moving you forward.

It's a great story. It's back to what I said. Direction is more important than destination.

Yes.

What we can see is there was a theme, though, for all those things. It was people. I like to help people, and that's the key. Great call. Thank you, Sarah. This is the Ramsay show. Welcome back to the Ramsay show. I'm Ken Coleman. Dr. John Deloney is sitting alongside. Triple 8825-5225 is the number. Triple 8825-5225 time for our scripture and quote of the day. We start with hebrews 1023 and 24. Let us un. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Our quote of the day from Nick Saban. A little moment of silence for all Alabama fans. All right, that's enough. He's retired, not dead. But Bobby the engineer is in the control room. And that was for you, sir. It's going to be okay. I promise you'll still win some football games.

It's not going to be okay.

Listen to this guy. The Texas tech guy taking his shot. I get it. All right, Nick Saban's quote, mediocre people do not like high achievers, and high achievers do not like mediocre people. Wow.

That's as true a quote as quotes could be true.

I think that's true. I think there's an asterisk. I think some mediocre people like working for high achievers because they create a lot of paychecks.

They don't like the.

He's right. Completely.

But you're right. They like the halo.

They like what they get from the high achiever. But when it comes down to it, high achievers make mediocre people feel uncomfortable. Yeah, I think that's good.

High standards. I love it.

Boy, that's not 2024 woke approved that statement. That's a little too harsh, Nick. But hey, he can say whatever he wants. So you know why he's not on social media. And if he was, he doesn't care what you think anyway.

And he wins.

He does win a lot. Ashley is going to win. I just feel it. John, she's in Jacksonville, Florida. She is on the show. Oh, I like that. Ashley, how can we help?

Hi, Ken. Hi, Dr. John. Thanks so much for taking my call. It's an honor to. To get speak with you.

So thank you. What's going on?

So I'm in the advanced stages of interviewing for basically my dream job.

Wow.

Usually that would be on the back end of the phrase I'm in the advanced stages of.

I didn't expect that either. Now don't just fly by that. Are you comfortable telling us what this dream job is?

I'm not allowed to share the company, but, yeah, it's a graphic design position. I would be working on a lot of really cool projects and things that I've really been interested in for a long time.

Ashley, that's freaking congratulations. Can we just say, way to go? Okay, so you're almost there. We haven't landed it yet, but you're on your way. What's up?

Yeah, so I'm obviously really excited about that, but the only thing I'm nervous about is if I were to get the offer, I would clearly have to tell my current employer that I'm leaving. And I don't really know how to do that. I work for a really small, family run company, so it feels really personal when people leave and I don't want to come off as, like sneaky or dishonest in any way. So I want some good advice on how to bring up leaving or giving a two weeks notice in that situation.

Okay. It's really do that. Walk in the office with that plane, and if you can get a 90s era boombox on your shoulder, it will lighten the room for sure.

Ashley, say anything?

Yeah. I don't know what John's going to say. What I think is the most simple advice on this. I think you have to put yourself in almost a role play scenario. And I want you to be your Boss, and I want you to think about how you would want Ashley to tell you some really exciting news for Ashley. Pretty exciting. And I want you to think about how would you want you to tell the boss? I mean, that's the idea. It's like, if you're the boss, how would you want you to say it and what comes to mind? Just free flow. How would you want to be told this information?

Probably like, I've really enjoyed my time here. I've had a great experience, and you guys have really made me feel comfortable and loved here. But I feel like it's time for me to grow. And I found another opportunity that will possibly help me in that direction.

Well, let me say this. I put myself in your boss's shoes while you were talking. And if you said that to me, I would be sad, but I would not be mad. Now, I'm healthy. So you may not get that reaction, John, but I think that was pretty darn good.

So here's my two critiques of that. Oh, I've got two critiques.

Take it easy.

Break your heart here.

I will take them. I want feedback.

Anytime I'm using the word. But giving somebody hard news, it always gives them an opportunity to hang on to something heavy during a very scary moment, a sad moment, a heartbreaking moment, an emotional moment. So I really loved what you did for me here, but I need to grow. Which in some ways is an indictment of them. It's not, but they can take it as that. They can hang on to it. I've loved everything you've taught me, but I think I can get more over here. Think about it this way and flipping it around and saying, I have a really tough conversation I need to have with you. And you sit down, you look at them and say, for the rest of my life, I'm going to be grateful for the opportunity you gave me. I've recently selected another position at another company. It's an amazing opportunity for me. And so here's my two week notice. As I leave here, I want you to know I love you guys and forever. If I can do something to support you, I'm here for you. Okay, then there's a period. And listen, you need to know this.

On the front end, there's no words you can use to make this a little bit less hard. It's just going to be uncomfortable because you love them, they love you, and you're moving on. It's just hard.

Yeah, they may or may not. I really like that breakdown. That's next level analysis. She was off the cuff. She was. I want to build you up and say that it's about the spirit. It is not about the words. And let me just say, and I mentioned it a moment ago, there's no guarantee that you handling it the way that you're going to handle it.

Love that.

And very important is going to get the desired result that you want, which is them to go, oh, my gosh, Ashley, we're so excited for you.

We're going to be sad, but oh.

My gosh, that's what we want. And so I'm leading to something here. I cannot tell you how many times, Ashley, on the Ken Coleman show, I've had somebody call in and say this very thing and they're going, I'm dealing with guilt. And so I want to go ahead and get preemptive on this. You do everything the right way. John gave you great advice. I think that was fabulous. You do it that way. That's all you can control is how you do it. But let me tell you something. You cannot allow yourself to feel guilt about leaving people who have given you a great opportunity because you are leaving to another great opportunity. And one does not cancel out the other. In other words, you taking another great opportunity doesn't crap on people who gave you the first opportunity. That's really important. Guilt is something that I feel if I've done something wrong, something illegal, something unethical, whatever. And so it's natural because good people feel that way. And I think, John, I'm bringing you back in here because I think we are so worried about what people are going to say about us and think about us.

I am chief sinner here. So I'm speaking from a guy who is a people pleaser, off the charts. Bottom line is this is a great opportunity. Handle yourself well and move on.

Right.

I want you to speak to.

I think most of us have such, contrary to what the media would tell us, I think most people have really rich hearts.

I think so.

And they don't want to be the cause of somebody else's tears.

That's good.

And so I will end up squashing myself. I'll squash opportunities. I'll squash hard conversations because I don't want to cause you pain. And what we have to realize is that's kind of egotistical. That's not our job. Yeah.

By the way, they're going to be okay without you, actually.

And by the way, over the last few years, you've brought them a lot, too. I know you're good at what you do. Otherwise you wouldn't be being hired at this rad new company. And so it's been business and it's been relational. And you know from past experience how they're probably going to respond, lose their mind, talk crap about you, hug, you, cry, say, how dare you? Get out of here. You kind of know what's coming. And so the more you can keep that with an open hand and know I treated them with dignity. I gave them notice. I was honest. I didn't say, yeah, but I mean, if you had given or. I always, always had this, Ken, always have a number. What's the number when they go? What if we doubled your salary? What if we like. Because you find yourself in a situation.

I think that's great advice.

Just know. No, my time is done here. Thank you very much. With a period.

And I think, Ashley, you're taking this new gig for the latter. Not the money. The money's going to come. But you're excited about the work. Yeah.

Yes, of course.

Way to go, Ashley.

Proud of you, Ashley. It's amazing.

You're an absolute rock star. Really proud of you, Ashley. Thank you for the call, Dr. John. Always good to be in the scrubs with you here. The metaphorical scrubs. Not that kind of doctor. I know, just making bad jokes, but.

We both are wearing scrubs.

James Childs, our fearless leader, and all the guys in the booth keep us on the air. And you, America. Thank you. This is the Ramsey show.

Hey, guys, I'm Rachel.

And I'm George.

And you've probably heard our voices before on the Ramsey show.

And do we have a surprise for you.

Yep, we have our very own show, smart money happy hour, where we talk about pop culture, current events, and, of course, money George. It's a great show. And what else do we talk about?

So much, Rachel. Not enough. And yet too much.

We talk about guilt tipping.

Because tipping is out of control.

And I won't stand for it anymore, which is why I'm sitting.

I'm glad you're taking such a stand.

And we also talk about something else I'm passionate about.

Disney adults.

Why is it a thing?

Listen. Some adults still find the magic.

Sure. We also talk about toxic money rates and girl math.

And if you don't know what those are, you have to listen to the podcast.

Yeah, there's a lot there.

You guys.

It's pretty fun.

We keep you relevant, is what I'm trying to say.

We help you out.

So pull up a chair to the.

Happy hour you wish your friends were having.

We promise you won't regret it. And if you don't have friends, we'll be your friends.

We will. We're great friends. So make sure to check it out on Apple, Spotify, YouTube, or the Ramsey Network app.