We have more theme song pitches, lets us get ready. For the show. The Sarah Silverman. I can tell you what, I'm so bad. That's the kind of music this is, it tells you one bad oh, but not that bad gentil bad. One man sneaks a smoke in the bathroom and she doesn't know she reeks of smoke and the bathroom. There's no ventilation there, Nana. You're making a fucking joke out of us. Sarah Silverman.

But Sarah Silverman. Sarah Silverman. Hot, sexy. Sexy, but gentle, gentle, sexy. Hi, everybody. Hi, hey.

We have more. Well, let's see. We were going through some more public domain. That means free theme song options. And Roj is going to play some for us. OK, yes, sir. OK, this first one is called Sail Through the Night, Sailing through the night. All right.

Sail through the night. Oh, boy. Come on. It's the Sarah Silverman podcast, and we're having a real good time. Oh, just some fun jazzy sounds to get you ready to get your ear holes open. Let's go. What? Turn your lava lamp on and let's go to a podcast. Somewhere you go. It's somewhere you are Mams. That's right. White jazz sound. You want to go like this hot, sexy dancing? Sexy, middle aged dancing music, and it gets you ready for a show.

All right, that's good.

OK, but there's like a flute in there, huh? OK, Sarah. OK, next one is called Barefoot in the grass.

Barefoot in the grass is a gas baby. Can you dig in? All right. This is going to be good. Barefoot in the grass. Can you imagine it? Oh, oh. When a very different way. Sounds a little bit like the corners of my mind. Maybe some music under a meet, cute. Hallmark movie montage laughing over coffee. Walking in the park, really connecting. I agree with what you just said. But it's also the theme to the Sarah Silverman, Sarah Silverman, Sarah Silverman, Paul Cale's.

OK, the next one is called Heading Home and I'm heading home. All right, heading home.

Will this be the theme song that works? The free whoa, what? This sounds like a lot of these are sound alikes. That's what makes them free. Hey ho. But not quite ho, hey, ho. Not quite the song by The Lumineers, but it's close and it's free, so use it and let's be free together for the Sarah Silverman Pod. Talking about the Sarah Silverman on. What of goddamn free guitar solo is happening? I can't believe it's free to buy.

By that's not what you do and some things. This can't go. I'm heading home. I could do this all day, I hope we never land on a theme song. This is probably indulgent. This is when you go no, not at all. Shall we continue on today is my would have been my mother's seventy ninth birthday.

So happy birthday, Mom. I shall look for you in nature. And feel you correcting me. When necessary. I just I don't like feeling hate in my soul. And I don't feel like talking about it. I know that I'm political, I guess, but I just don't want to talk about him.

It's it's it's what Mr. Rogers called bombardment.

It's un fucking believable just to list even begin to list the fucking atrocities of this mother fucker.

You're just going to leave important shit out because it's too much, it's so much, and it becomes dated with every moment that passes.

But I will say years ago. A friend of mine, a comedian, was on an airplane with Trump. Somehow must have been a private plane. I don't think he flies commercial with the. With the, you know. People. But anyway, my friend was on a plane with Trump years ago.

And Trump goes, let's talk comedy, and he goes, all right, and then he followed, let's talk comedy with our Sarah Silverman's tits real my friends like I don't know, she's like my sister, but he has first of all, obviously, they are real.

If they weren't, they'd be much higher and fuller and not just heavy weights.

Reaching for the ground. But he's obsessed with tents that Trump he's obsessed with and he likes I think he likes fake tits. I think he's disgusted by things that are real.

I think he feels safer with just fake things, you know, like how he eats McDonald's, because it's just it's not like doesn't feel like it came from the gross earth, you know, or anything.

It's just. Prepackaged, plastic coated. And this is not this is just a theory I have, but if you look at a vodka's fake tits and you look at Melania's fake tits. They're exactly the same, you know, like there's that New Jersey nose job with the to dance. It's like I don't know if it's a specific doctor or whatever, but it's like that. It's called like the New Jersey nose job or.

And that's what I've heard it. These tents are definitely like from one doctor, and they must be tents that Trump likes.

They don't look real and they're just a shelf, they're just a big fat round. Shelf of of boob and, you know. This is the last thing I'm going to Judge Mullen Eromanga on, I don't give a shit if they have fake tits, I couldn't care less, but I do think they are specific to his.

His needs, he likes big, fat, fake tits and. Yeah, I would say that if you were to judge by a pattern, that would be the case. I don't know what my point is. I don't give a fuck if they get plastic surgery. I don't care. I don't like. White supremacy, I don't like children in cages, I don't like making brown people as other. And dehumanising them so that we can do terrible things to them, Jews have experienced that before.

People of color have experienced that before. And as a Jew, it's weird because people of color look at Jews sometimes, although there are many Jews who are black and brown, certainly.

Those some people think of Jews as white, but I will tell you this, white people don't think of Jews as white. Thus, the. The nomadic nature of the Jew, I think there's a flower called the Wandering Jew, is that like JSW, like the Wandering Jew like or is it like JQ? And I'm just making everything. One time there was like construction marks. And listen, if you're on the watch for anti-Semitism, it looks a little like a swastika.

I took a picture. I go, doesn't look like a swastika.

And the crazy. Right, white, right. Wouldn't let that go for so long. Oh, she's she doesn't even know what a construction worker is. Yeah, I do.

I just it looks a lot it looked a lot like a swastika. But I see that I play words with friends and almost every board looks like swastikas to me.

So, you know, like the way if you're smart, you look in the mirror and you have a certain you account for your own cognitive distortion.

I need to do that. As a Jew in precarious times, and they all feel like precarious times, I don't know if I'm saying that word right, but I feel like I'm breezing by it enough to no one noticed.

But if I were to break it down, I'd go. Precarious per carious. Oh, no. Thoughts, but back to fake tits, you want your dad to think you're perfect just the way you are.

You don't want your dad to insist you have a boob job. Your dad is supposed to just think you're fucking so beautiful just the way you are. Oh, there's a scene in Cheers it makes me cry every time with Coach's daughter, played by Alice Beasley, as she just posted or something. It's just it makes you cry. Because he just thinks she's so beautiful. And he goes, you look like your mother, and she goes, Yeah, and mom wasn't.

Comfortable with her looks, you know, and then she realizes he sees her as so beautiful.

That's how your dad's supposed to see you. That's a good excuse not to be like get a chin job, get a lip job, get a boob job, get a fuck and make your hair blonde.

Whatever is Millennial's Harris Brown. These are all not verified, but I feel pretty certain, you know, certain about it and also who cares his atrocities.

This doesn't measure up to any of them and it's not worth talking about other than it feels gossipy. And that's fun. My dad did, actually, my dad thinks I'm beautiful, but there are a couple things that are funny now that I remember them.

One was in high school. He said, you know, if you want to spend the summer getting electrolysis on your arms, I'll pay for it. I was like, why would I do that? He was like, oh, I don't know. Never mind. And then there is something else I was just thinking of. Um, something my dad said or did that was funny like that. I just slipped my mind. Oh, I know what I know is I did a guest role on an episode of a show called JAG, which is kind of a precursor to like NCIS, like Naval.

Cops kind of crime solving naval. But on land judges or something, I don't know, is called JAG and. And there's a scene in it where I have like an orchid behind my ear, you know, usually I'm in my uniform.

My name was Tina Schiaparelli and the slicked back bun and the uniform.

And then at night, you know, we we play pool and there's like a shot of my ass, you know, playing pool.

And then we're in his car smoking a cigar. The main guy, he's like a three named handsome actor who.

If I were a guessing man, he's got a little. You know, one of the rare more right wing actors, I don't know that for sure, I don't know. I don't know. But it was very nice. David Elliott, David James Elliott, he was very nice. And also, who cares? That's his business anyway. Irrelevant.

I was feeling very juy around him. So we're I do this scene.

There's a scene in it where smoking a cigar, we just won our pool.

Billiards thing with some real jerks, you know, and there's like an orchid or some sort of flower behind my ear and my hair is down and I just.

I watched it and I just I was talking to my dad the next day. He was so excited.

I was on TV and then I go, oh God, that one scene, I just I, I looked so dewy and my dad jumped right out and he goes, no, you didn't.

And I was like, whoa, slow down.

That's that made me go like I mean, I think it's gross to look Jewish, but you're not supposed to. You're supposed to correct me.

Course, correct me. But he was right with me, God forbid. Let's kind of more horsey than Jewy.

And I will say that when the Internet first started and you could Google yourself maybe before Google, but you could, like, search yourself and I searched myself and then you just see the first few sentences of what the thing is, right.

And it said I was in a some kind of celebrity list, I was sixth on some kind of celebrity list. Did I say this already?

And I click on it. I'm so excited. And I was number six in horse faced celebrities.

Abraham Lincoln, number two. But it served me right. I try not to really I didn't really like Google myself only for very specific reasons, but I feel like I'm very helpful with my other.

Semi celebrity to full on celebrity friends that I know you start thinking like everyone's up to date on every little, like post about you, I don't tend to read a lot of it personally, and I don't Google myself.

But they'll freak out and go, go, did you see on the Daily Mail said this or whatever, and I'm just I'm very good at reassuring them because nobody else is Googling you but you.

And for sure, nobody's sorting it by date. Here we go.

Whitsun advertise, man and advertise. Man for green chef. That was a slogan that was just a jingle I made up, it's an advertising man, an advertising man for Green Chef.

Let me tell you a little bit about Green Chef, one of the sponsors of this show.

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My stepmother, Janice, we just had a backyard dinner.

And Janice like, what's that? Green kitchen? I'm going to try that. I'm going to I'm going to type in, slash 80 sahra and get 80 get get the the discount, which I interpret as get me some of this green chef stuff for free.

And Janice, I'm on it. I mean.

Right, maybe. And also it's not green kitchen. It's green chef. What can I tell you. Go to green chef dot com slash 80 Sarah and you know my name is with an H. This is in all deference to Sarah's without an H.

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Made such a good point, and I know it, you know, it's just all this Trump shit, all that's covered is Trump. All that's covered is Trump, CNN and all these news stations, they can't help themselves, and that's our fault because we're we want to read all the latest fucking shit about Trump so that they're putting that shit out. And then he's going to win again because he's just the familiarity of it, the constant coverage. Biden does a town hall who gives a fuck, what's he going to talk about people?

Policy. Stuff that matters for your everyday life, who cares, we want to see the latest racist thing, Trump said.

But that repetition, just like Hitler knew and Mussolini knew and all the fucking best of the best is just the repetition and all we hear is Trump, Trump, Trump, Trump. Did I just make you vote for Trump? What else are we going to talk about?

I have a theory, and I think it's genius, I made a mix tape, whatever mix Spotify mix for for Rory's mom, because I feel she is forgetting to have music in her life, which I think is so common.

And the thing about making mixes for parents and grandparents, I'm really into it because what I do is I figure out their age and then I figure out the year they were 12 and the year there were like 17. I put a bunch of hits from those errors in there.

And then I hear that kind of music and I think about what might be what they might like from today and, you know, the past, whatever, 30 years.

And I add those two and they go crazy for it. They love it. And, you know, because I feel like if you look at the top 10. Even the top 50, I don't know, songs from the year you were 12, you'll know every word. Should we listen to a voicemail? Do you think that something that could happen in Europe? Yeah, they have something like Trump in Europe. Myriad Trump types. They certainly did have something like Trump in Europe.

All right, what else are. Well. My grandpa is a lifelong Republican, so basically I don't agree with him on most things. Like, he's the kind of guy who wears a shirt that has, like, you know, like May style like text, which says I stand the like for the flag. But I don't know. I'm actually worried that he's not going to change his ideals after hearing. Trump being obviously racist, and that scares me.

Honestly, and I don't know if I can say anything to say about that, anything to say about our deal with that, because I'm worried I won't be able to. You know, even like. Associate with him. I'm being honest. I know this is easy for me to say. I don't know what your relationship with your grandpa is, but he's your grandpa and I mean, listen, I had a nana I was really close to and I had a grandma that, like, I fucking did not like.

And so I don't know what your story is, but it sounds like. You're loathe to want to. You know, have him live out these years without loving him, and I know that it's must be hard.

Listen, it's your grandpa. You have a couple choices. I say you hang out with him when he's taking a nap.

You disable the Fox News and then he ends up watching CNN or fuckin MSNBC, which is just liberal Fox News. And and he'll have new people that keep him company. He'll he'll say, oh, my.

Rachel said this like, it's all the same. You know. Bond with him on things you can bond with him about, you know, like procedural television or. Just don't you don't have to talk about politics with him, and if he does, bring it up. Just love him, you know, definitely make like an all day plan with him for November 3rd. Because that might be some something you can do is a little sneaky, but. And maybe be a nice, nice day to spend some some quality time.

You know, you're not going to change his mind. I mean, maybe you will maybe it's the kind of grandpa that he will just do anything to spend time with you. I mean, my nana, when she would see us walk into her door and she'd catch a glimpse of us, she would bite her lip.

She was so excited. Oh, she just couldn't believe it. Her heart was so full to see us, if it's like that.

You know, that's what the Great Schlep was, I did this video, The Great Schlep, in 2007 for Obama's first. Campaigning, it was basically it was like, you know, you're going to your grandparents in Florida and just saying, I'm not going to visit you unless you vote for this guy.

But I don't know if he's that guy, he sounds like someone who wears a T-shirt that says, like, these colors don't run or something, you know, it's all right.

He's your grandpa. He's you wouldn't be here without him.

Try to focus on the things that are that you can love about him, like. The way he shuffles when he walks and the the you know, the vulnerable, the vulnerable parts about him, ask him about his life.

I you know, whenever my friends say, like, I can't get along with my dad or I and, you know, listen, these are just pitches and I don't know how they'll work out, but I always feel like when you ask them about their lives, take an interest in that.

It's fucking interesting. What their dynamics were with their parents, with their grandparents, with that their day to day life was with the things that were important to them on a daily basis, the things that made them laugh. The you know, my dad lost. He loved this this radio show, baby Snooks, I don't know, like. Find out shit about them. How much do you know about your grandpa? How did he get to this place?

You know, fear. I talk about this like, you know, fear drives conservative choices, I've been that's why you're paralyzed by fear.

You're not progressive by fear.

You know, you want to stay the same. You don't want things to change. You don't want things that are unfamiliar. You're you don't want the unknown. It's not adventurous and it's not brave, but it's survival, and when you're in that state, you cannot thrive. This is something I learned from my shrink, who, by the way, turns out is a covid denier.

So, listen, we are not a monolith, any of us. It was horrifying, this this therapist of mine has changed my life so much for the better is opened my mind in so many ways. And I hadn't talked to him in half a year or so. And we'd have FaceTime session, he spent most of my 50 minutes telling me how covid isn't real. I have a friend. Dead. From covid. I moved to New York to produce a musical that we had written the past eight years together.

And. And everything got shut down, and two days after I was with him, he got sick, he was texting me.

I think I have this thing like a million degree temperature and I'm coughing.

Then he texted me again, you're not going to believe this, I'm in the fucking hospital with covid. And then I hear from him again because he was on a ventilator. And. And then he died, and I still can't believe it. I just can't believe it. But the president has told us we don't need to worry about covid. So. I guess everything's OK. I don't even know what we're talking about. Oh, you're great, Trump loving grandpa.

Yeah, fuck that guy. Shoot him in the face. I'm just getting love him. You know, I always think about it.

And I know this isn't really I don't you know, my brain is jumps from one thing to the next to the next.

And they're not they don't seem connected. But, you know, everything's connected. But it makes me think of and I never know if I'm repeating myself, because I.

I do that. When Charlie Sheen was all tiger blood crack fuckin bananas.

Martin Sheen was somewhere and the you know, TMZ caught him in there.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do about Charlie? He just, you know, locked a prostitute and whatever was the latest craziness, those were the days.

And anyway, they said, what are you going to do? And Martin Sheen just said, I'm going to love him more. I just thought that was fucking so cool. People change, they go towards where the love is and they change with that stuff, they don't change because they feel judged. They don't they're not.

That doesn't make people open. So what are you going to do, find a place where you can connect, it doesn't matter. There's always a place to connect and that that makes people open.

I don't know, I'm not a therapist, but I'm also not a covid Denyer. All right, what else we got, Sarah, who was the best sexual partner you've ever had?

Well, this isn't something I can answer, there's only one way this is a question I could answer, and it's if it's the person I'm with now and it is a robbery by a nose, by a perfect long Jewish Italian nose.

Diana said that's called a pizza bagel, a pizza bagel, a pizza bagel. Wow, that's hard to say. Bagel bagel is hard to say. I might be having a stroke. It's only a matter of time, and I understand this. Thank goodness it's it's the answer is the person I'm with now, I mean, because if that wasn't the case, I'd probably be like that isn't something I'm going to answer in public. And then, you know, it just wasn't the person I'm with now because I tell you everything.

But it is. Yes, Rory, by a nose. I cannot recommend the Jewish Italian combination enough. It's a Chalong, it's a chance. I don't know whether that's Italian for penis. Penis. All right, what else? Hey, Sarah, my name is Alan, and I'm from Israel, right? I read the things you write on Twitter about Israel and sometimes I really disagree with what you write. I feel like if you were to talk to someone from Israel, you'll get it.

You get to figure out what really happens here. I'm saying from the left center point of view, not even like an extreme rightist, like our government would like to answer any question you have. I can't speak real well on Israel. I will say a plan that my oldest sister, Susie, is a rabbi who lives in Jerusalem with four of her five kids living in Israel as well.

The oldest is in New York now.

But and I get it there, there your there. You know better. But sometimes when you're in the middle of something. It might be like I would be interested in knowing what people in other countries see from a distance, but, you know, I can only talk about it in terms of.

Very simple, there's a lot of nuance that I understand, Anthony, I mean, but I I'm against the occupation.

I don't know how you're for the occupation. I don't know enough. And so I can only speak. Unintelligently about it, but from what I see. You cannot have equality if there is an entire people who don't have freedom of movement, you know, and it's some real chicken and egg shit.

You know. But. And it's hard. But more than anything, the people. Palestinians, Jews, Israelis, Arabs, you know, all the people in that area.

Yeah, their government is supposed to represent them, but I don't think the government represents them, just like I don't think our government represents the heart and soul of America.

You know, it's it's very odd because a. You know, I posted I have a T-shirt that says Jews for Black Lives, and I posted I was wearing it in a picture that I posted.

And I got so many comments, you know, from the left, this is what cuts most. That is like what about Palestinian lives? I'm like, yeah, yeah, Palestinian lives do, yeah, I'll get send me a juice for Palestinian Lives T-shirt and I'll wear it. We're talking about Black Lives Matter. Can I be a Jew that talks about Black Lives Matter? I don't represent Israel. I'm from fucking New Hampshire. I've been to Israel twice, one for a gig and one to visit my family.

I mean, fuck, and I'm not trying to separate myself from Israel, but I'm not Israeli, I'm from New England and I'm godless. And I out to be honest, when I went there, you know, I try to see it through my sister's eyes, who she loves it so much, I guess the way I love America and I get so angry with America. But that fuckin T-shirt thing, Jews for Black Lives and all those comments, I was just like, what the fuck?

You know, it's like. As if every Jew. Is like for Netanyahu and the occupation. Are you fucking kidding me? That's like saying, oh, you're American, you're for putting children in cages at the border.

That's what that is saying. Do you think I'm for putting children in cages at the border? No, it's it it keeps me awake at night. Just like if I were Israeli, I would be protesting Netanyahu like my nieces are every day.

So shut the fuck up. What was the question? Oh, yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of perspective he could give me.

Same as my sister, too.

And it's so complicated. It's so fucked up.

And it's all leaders, leaders and their daddy issues. That's what war is. That's what whatever is not peace is. It's it's not us. It's the people who are supposed to be representing us, acting out. On their daddy issues, I know that sounds really specific, but I believe that it's true.

I could be wrong.

You could turn this off or maybe someone will enlighten me. You know, that the whole would about Palestinian lives, it's not that it makes me mad because I don't care about Palestinian lives. I do. I believe they deserve freedom of movement.

When I did a gig in Israel, I didn't know what it was going to be like.

I had never been there before. And the crowd was fucking so great.

And at the end of the show, I go. Can I ask a dumb question, because I'm just a dumb American. Are there Palestinian people here? Because the Israel my sister paints is the Israel she wishes it was, I think, more than anything. And. I mean, there's amazing things about Israel, but you know, where she's like, I have friends who are you know, she I didn't know what the reality was truly.

Anyway, I asked this question and the whole crowd boos and my heart sinks because I know. That's not how I would feel, I would not boo they also booed when I mentioned Obama, by the way.

I don't know what this crowd was, but they were great, you know, and then and then when I asked that question, I got so bummed out.

And then I I got off stage and I asked our tour manager, Yarra Yarra, who I loved, and she gave me her pants once and I still have them anyway.

I said, what?

Why did they boo? And why why could a Palestinian person not come to the show? I don't what don't I understand?

She said, well, technically, if you were Palestinian, you occupy, live and occupy, you could come.

But what would be a 20 minute drive would be an eight hour drive because of you would be detained.

And I said, oh, that fucking sucks. And then she there at the time, there was you know, she was like, well, and, you know, the terrorists.

Ba ba ba ba ba. And I go, well, what are the terrorists call themselves? And she said. Well, freedom fighters and I go, yeah, well, but, you know, terrorists like Osama bin Laden probably called themselves a freedom fighter, too.

So I'm not trying to make a point that I'm just trying to be open and understand that there are children who are born and grow up into adulthood and just become children plus time like all of us, in and out in an occupied territory where they can't leave, they can't lose their place and they can't.

It's very complicated, but it certainly does not sound righteous. And I know there are a lot of nuances that I don't understand like that.

You know, I think the the Palestinian Authority and Hamas, I'm not so sure they want an end to occupation. And and certainly that's not how the people there feel.

But I'm just saying administrations, the people meant to represent us so often they're here. Myriad other places do not represent the interests of the people.

So I think I said some smart stuff and I think I said some really fucking stupid stuff, but it's just that stuff.

And when people on the left and I'm not listen, criticizing Israel is not anti-Semitic. I would never say that.

I think that's like the pro Israel. Right. Who, by the way, is just as my sister says, the other side of the coin of Jews will not replace us. They pretend to be, you know, the friend of Israel and maybe they are politically.

But believe me, they just want Jews back in Israel for the end of time so they can go to heaven or whatever the fuck their Bible says.

But yeah, like that twenty seventeen Dyke March broke my heart because.

What happened was there were some Israeli dykes there with a flag or Jewish, maybe not Israeli, but Jewish, and they had a star of a rainbow star of David for four to to have for the march.

And they were not allowed. They were told they couldn't march with that flag. And it's just like, fuck, man, they probably march, you know, if they are in Israel, if they have anything to do with Israel, they probably march against the occupation.

You're calling Jews all one thing. You're making all Jews Netanyahu. And it's truly like making all Americans trump. It's not it makes me very sad. But anyway.

I you know, there's no way no one's figured out the Israel thing, I think, you know, you have water for adults and water for children and the water for adults should have a little bit of ecstasy in it.

Just recalibrate their souls. Join this podcast, get me in trouble. My friend Don Cheadle. That's right, I am friends with celebrity Don Cheadle. He texted me out of the blue, he just said, just send in your good energy and love and it fucking scared the shit out of me, I thought I was canceled. I started looking on Twitter. No. He was just sending me good energy and love because he knows.

He said, you know, sensitives, I go with my fucking canceled because no, I just know he said something beautiful, like, you know, porous souls like us.

Life can get hard and comics usually are that way with each other.

When we remember when there's a suicide, we remember to reach out, tell each other we love each other and stuff like that and nothing.

There was no inciting incident. He just reached out and I needed it. But it fucking scared the shit out of me, to be honest.

Oh, gosh, OK, let's listen to another voicemail. Sarah, I know you're into grape nuts and stuff like that, I just have discovered recently that dried blueberries make a nice alternative to raisins on my oatmeal. However, I still don't understand why dried blueberries didn't get a cool name like grapes got raisins when you drive them out. I think that blueberries should get a cool name, too, like Belizeans. What do you think?

I agree that's a funny blazoned. I don't know why raisins is the like from which every other dried fruit is born, but craziness.

Yeah, they look like raisins and then dried blueberries, I guess they kind of do too, but. Yeah, I'm for it. I'm for it, I've been putting some dried cranberries, a.k.a. raisins. And my grape nuts. I'm going to say it, I'd put blazoned in there. It is all about marketing. You know, because. I like prunes, but prunes are famous, we associate prunes with old people taking shits, I think, right.

Prunes are like. Help old people take shits. You know, it's not sexy, it's funny because they did remarket them, I don't know if prunes big prune did this, but some company.

And my best friend, Heidi, she goes, I can't stop having fuckin diarrhea, it's been days I go, that's so weird, you know, but not that weird because Jewish.

And then I look in her backpack, she reaches in her backpack.

We both have the same backpack and there she's eating prunes. I go, you're eating friends? And she goes, no, I'm not. They're dried plums.

Now. Prunes are dried plums, but we call them prunes, you know, the way dried grapes are called raisins.

You could probably remarket raisins if you know, because raisins don't have it so good, people like you or you can put raisins in it.

But if you go to put dried grapes in it, you know, maybe that would be a thing prunes, definitely whatever this company of prunes, they got wise, they go, let's call it, let's call them dried plums. It's what they are.

But my poor friend is eating dried plums. Doesn't know why she's got diarrhea three days running.

Breuning. But I don't know, go ahead and call them dried plums, but there should be a warning on the back that says, like warning, these are prunes. It's like the plums are dried plums, prunes are like the olestra of nature, they cause anal leakage like those wow chips. Which, by the way, 100 percent worth the A. the anal leakage, those wild chips, no fat, tasted fucking delicious and greasy, but like don't have plans tomorrow.

It's like taking a psychedelic. You want to buffer de. But, yeah, dried fruit wreaks havoc on the intestines, but there they are, nature's candy.

And nature's broom. Thank you. Good night. Yeah, I don't know figs, do you know about figs? I didn't know if this was dried figs. It's all figs, figs in order to be figs. And I love figs. Can't eat them anymore.

So trigger warning, if you don't want to not eat figs anymore. Figs become figs because of fucking. I don't mean to use swears, by the way, so gratuitously, I'm going to scale that back, but fucking Figgs. Become Figgs. Because a wasp. Goes inside it. I don't know why DYS. And the figure. Eats the wasp for nutrients. And they become Figgs. Figs are meat, I mean, they're not I guess they're a fruit, but they're like meat.

Well, insects aren't meat, but.

A fruit eats. A living, an animal. To become a fruit. And then I heard a fucking gross thing about strawberries, too. Maybe this is all being done by, you know, big carrot.

Maybe it's all untrue. These are things I've heard, I didn't verify it, I didn't check it out on Snopes.

But this is what I heard, and then I saw a thing on Instagram, not Instagram, the Internet. Where if you put I don't I don't want this to be true again, trigger warning, if strawberries aren't something you want to suddenly not ever eat again.

But they say if you soak strawberries in saltwater for just like five minutes. Worms come out. My friend Amy Zvi is listening to this right now, and she's angry with me. I don't need her to text me to know it. She's angry with me.

I ruined strawberries. I'm sorry. This is what I heard on the streets.

OK, blazoned. You know, this is why I stick with grape nuts. There are no bugs in grape nuts, it's just like I don't even know what it is. I don't know what it's made out of. But it's not bugs or maybe it is. Oh, my God, is if we come to the end. Well, we covered some vitally important things. What do we call Dryad Blueberry's? How do you solve Israel? Yada, yada, yada.

It's a little little Seinfeld. Ref. Well, Seinfeld ref Fauria, so subscribe, rate and review, I've gotten so good at this, and by the way, check us out on YouTube. These are all things I'm asking you to do. Do you have to do them?

Absolutely not. But you can do them. I don't know. Well. Have a good one. Thanks for listening. I hope you got dinner on the table or whatever you're doing while you listen.

And I know I always am doing tasks when I listen. And I hope you finished your task. I hope I. Made you think or I don't know, maybe you jerk off to this, I'd be proud of that, to have a great day. And Diana. Hello, we want to tell you about a podcast from head guy that we really think you're going to love. It's called Newcomer's The Lord of the Rings with me, Lauren Lackas and me, Nicole Byer.

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